Ecuador w/ Jordan Jensen | You Be Trippin' with Ari Shaffir

Bundle and safe with Expedia.

You were made to follow your favorite band and from the front row, we were made to quietly save you more.

Expedia made to travel.

Savings vary and subject to availability, flight inclusive packages are at all protected.

Sit, sit, wait, wait, ah, ah, sit, wait.

Wait,

sit, stay, stay, stay, stay, stay,

stay,

stay,

stay, Ah!

Sit!

Sit!

Sit!

Hey!

Sit!

Stay.

Come!

Up up!

Up up!

Come!

Paw!

Shake it!

Okay.

Good boy.

Good girl.

Good girl.

I know this.

That's it, buddy.

Okay, buddy.

She can do this.

Let me show you.

Coyote.

Let's show.

Okay.

Wait, hey, wait.

Wait, ham.

Wait a minute.

Wait.

Wait.

Wrong.

That's it.

Where you been and where you going?

This is Ari's Travel Show.

Yeah.

We're going to talk about travel today.

It's you be trippin'.

Yeah.

Welcome to Yubi Tripping, everybody.

It's a travel podcast.

Every week we go to a different place.

You know, it's just the guest has been somewhere, and we just tell you about a trip.

That's all it is.

It's a travel podcast.

Yeah.

It's a travel podcast.

It's the only podcast that has its own.

What's the fucking fake money called?

Currency.

No.

Funny money.

Coin.

Bitcoin.

Yeah, but what's that called?

That is called

digital dollars.

No, no.

What is it called?

You know the word, right?

Yeah, yeah.

Crypto.

Crypto.

It's the only podcast that is only crypto.

You'll be tripping coin right now everywhere.

You rob banks.

Today's my guest is Jordan Jensen, well-known lesbian from Indiana,

who has a new pod, a new special out right now called

Take Me With You.

Take Me With You on Netflix.org.

I was at the taping.

What a fucking wonderful job.

That's it.

Where are we going today?

Ari was my mentor through the entire thing.

I would have died without him.

Such a dumb fuck.

It's so crazy.

You're such a dumb fuck.

I hired people.

Ari was like, fire them.

I was like, what are you doing?

Let's talk through this.

While I'm waiting, I hired these five people.

That wasn't the plan.

I said, let's check in next week.

Yeah.

And it ended up being so good.

Yeah, it was great.

Really cool.

Finally, somebody used my set designer, Lauren Halper.

Oh, my God.

She's incredible.

She took a thing out of my brain and put it on the, I couldn't believe it when I saw it.

I was like, this is exactly what I wanted.

I heard all this stuff after I had a Drew.

People are like, oh, I love Drew.

I love the way it looked, the whole thing.

I want to do something like that.

Let me hire one of Ari's whole team.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That it's like, sweet, I'll just get the fucking one cameraman.

But you even were unbiased.

You were like, go to meetings, look at all of these people, see their ideas.

I saw a bunch of ideas.

I met a bunch of people who are set designers, and hers was just like, are you talking about this?

Pulled it up.

And I was like, yes, dude.

That's right.

I met with a bunch.

I settled on her.

Yeah.

She's good.

I'm sure there's a lot of good people, but it's like, definitely at least meet with the people who have done a good job.

Yeah.

Well, you did and you're hired.

It was such a cool look.

It was so cool.

It was as fractured as your brain.

Yeah.

That's what I was saying.

As sloppy and as all over the place as whatever's going on inside there.

Hell yeah.

As full of herpes as you always are.

Yep.

Every day.

Where are we going today?

What do you want to do today?

So

I would like to talk about Ecuador.

Coyote, you're not really.

I thought of Costa Rica.

Same thing.

I mean.

Was it one trip?

It's Ecuador, but you thought it was Costa Rica.

I said Costa Rica.

No way.

Outside the village underground, you said Costa Rica.

I've never been to Costa Rica.

I mean, okay.

Give the dog.

I call the dog the N-word a lot, and I'm going to have a hard time being on pod without saying it.

They see with their nose.

Like, it's above his eyeline, but he knows something's up there.

Dude, first of all, it's a girl.

Second of all, I was just watching border collie videos where a guy would spit on a marble, throw it into a river so far away, and the border collie would find the marble.

Oh, my God.

Incredible.

It's wild.

Okay, Ecuador.

Ecuador.

You've never been to Costa Rica?

No.

Well, then it's not Costa Rica.

It's Ecuador.

Yeah.

Let me redo this real quick.

Where is this?

This is what I have.

Where are they on the map there?

Ecuador.

Where's Costa Rica?

Okay.

You want to preface this, what we did before?

Jordan is one of the...

Rare air here on the Yubi Trippin podcast.

A rare what?

Rare air.

Rare air.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You mean because of my last one that I did?

Yeah, you're one of the various people who recorded an episode that I would not put out because of how awful it was.

It was so bad.

It was so boring.

It was really boring.

I had just gotten back from Rome.

I just showed pictures literally of Rome and how happy I was to do it.

I'm going to do this here.

I'm at the okay.

Wait, but we don't know if this one's going to be boring.

And that, well, then we can still say it.

Okay, great.

Come out.

That's a great thing.

I literally just was like, first of all, I was so intimidated because I wasn't friends with Ariet, so I was so scared.

So I literally just was leaning on my slideshow.

And we just walked through it and I was like, and this is the Coliseum and this is my mom.

This is my mom eating meat.

This is my mom eating pasta.

And that was the whole thing.

Yeah.

She doesn't pasta.

So the pasta there is like, oh yeah, I remember that was red pasta.

I just gotten back and I was like, oh, I'll talk about this trip.

I didn't even think to talk about past trips.

Yeah, it was, it was interesting too, because as I'm doing with this podcast, I realized I have to tell people like, go to a place you've been,

go to an eventful place you've been.

Ronnie Chen came in.

They said it had to be like nightmare trips.

I'm like, no, it doesn't have to be nightmare.

Who's telling these people these things?

Just something interesting that happened.

Yeah.

Did you get laid?

You break up.

Did you get drugs?

Do you get in a fight?

Did you

see a fight?

I don't know.

This one was interesting because

it ricocheted into the future.

What does that mean?

Well, I'll tell you.

Okay.

There was

an

acid trip

that I had.

Where, when?

In Ithaca.

After I went to Ecuador.

Okay.

After you went to Ecuador.

Interesting, yeah.

After I went to Ecuador, and I was on the cover of the Ithaca journal.

In your acid trip?

In my acid trip, in real life.

So basically.

Pause.

Okay.

In real life, you were on the cover of the journal or

on acid you thought you were on it?

On acid, I started.

I had been taking acid for years.

Totally fine.

Every day?

Not every day.

Yeah.

But every couple weeks yeah we're having a great time

then

i was took acid started having a bad trip a little bit because i had just started studying philosophy in college yeah and then i you're never gonna find it and then

you can look it up may 23rd you can't find it you can do it in the archive

i'm just looking at this okay go ahead yeah

and then um i started tripping and i walked by a friend of my father's and i was already having a bad trip and he goes you're famous.

And I was like, what?

And that's you were on acid.

I was on acid.

You don't want to hear stuff like that.

You don't want to hear stuff like that.

And it spun me into oblivion.

I forgot how to, I couldn't swallow.

So I couldn't drink water.

I forgot how to swallow.

I couldn't speak.

And I, the worst thing was I, I forgot how to walk and I couldn't deal with the idea that my bones were going to have weight on each other.

So I was just in the woods in a crumpled pile because I needed all of the weight off my bones because I thought they were going to shatter each other.

So then my friends had to like somehow get me back to my house, okay.

And then I saw on the Ithaca Journal there was a giant picture of me in Ecuador holding a hoe because I was building houses there.

And I spun out even further because I got convinced that because it was May 23rd, which is my birthday month, and 23 is my lucky number because I was named after Michael Jordan, that I had to kill myself that day.

Oh, so I would-I'd love to see that math.

Yeah.

It was acid math.

It's so funny, though, because it was like, okay, sure, the May, your birth month, should be more specific.

It's one in 12 chance.

And then 23, it's like, okay, not your birthday.

So,

all right,

one in 31 chance that it'll be your birthday.

So 30 and 31.

And then like, what are the other numbers?

Like, what is my lucky number?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

Great.

I still could see all that.

Yeah.

And then it's like, so I have to kill myself.

Like, whoa.

How are you getting there

how is it not just like i gotta invest in bitcoin yeah right or maybe this is a very special day yeah maybe i'm gonna meet my my my man of my life right maybe i should cut out this picture of me on the journal oh yeah maybe we should save the journal

yeah the murder the killer yourself cool that i was in the journal on my lucky number day that's it but no why would that mean suicide i was committed to kill to dying that day okay

and i went up into my room locked the door so that i couldn't kill myself and then proceeded to have the most epic trip for eight hours where I was like scribbling in notebooks.

I had the worst OCD at this time.

Like I had a crippling OCD.

And I like left the acid trip having my OCD like mostly solved because I like went full sicko mode and was like writing and figuring out why I had OCD and what it came from and what it was trying to say and what it was da-da-da.

And I like walk and I it was like residual and it held.

And OCD for people who know is off-color diarrhea.

That's right.

That's right.

Green or like bluish or red.

Yeah.

Off-color diarrhea.

On-contact diarrhea.

And you wrote in there what?

I just wrote all, I got to the bottom of manifesto?

I wrote a manifesto.

Yeah.

I mean, it was more like mad, crazy, like, scribbling, being like, this is this, and this is why this, and this is, and I, like, got to the bottom of it.

And since then, my OCD has been like way better.

Better?

Yeah.

Wow, it's crazy that psychedelics what they can do.

Isn't that crazy?

I mean, it was bad.

I couldn't touch anything.

I couldn't touch the refrigerator.

I couldn't, I had to do like sit in the shower for two hours every day.

When was this?

Before I knew you?

Oh, yeah.

This was, I was, when this whole thing went down, I was probably 20.

Oh, wow.

Yeah.

Hey, everybody.

Let me break in to tell you a little bit about the guest Jordan Jensen.

She's got a new special art right now on Nintendo on Netflix.

Directed by my director, Eric Abrams.

DP'd by my DP.

I love the term DP, but apparently it's not what you think it is.

Jordan Levy, my set designer, Lauren Helpern.

She pretty much used everybody that I use, which is kind of crazy because after Jew, you know what I heard?

After Ju, people go, I want to make that.

So let me hire one of the people that I already worked with out of the fucking 10.

And she was the first one to be like, let me just get them all.

So she got Eric, we got Lauren, we got fucking Schuler, we got

anyway, but I was there for the taping.

It's fucking phenomenal.

Take me with you on Netflix right now.

She crushed.

I was there for the second show, and she crushed.

Jordan's great, guys.

yeah, she's got real problems, mental problems, which makes for a really good comic.

So, everyone, check out her special right now on Netflix, Take Me With You by Jordan Jensen.

Uh, she's also going to be touring

uh, starting this weekend in Rochester, New York.

Uh, then she's going next week to Houston, Texas at the Houston Improv, Greenville, South Carolina, uh, Eugene, Oregon, uh, Dublin,

IE.

What's IE?

Ambassador Th.

What's IE?

I bet she said it wrong.

Oh, maybe

Ireland?

Yeah, because she's out there in London, England.

Okay.

Yeah.

Dublin, Ireland.

She's doing a European tour.

Okay.

Dublin, London, Amsterdam.

That's so funny.

Oslo, Stockholm, Paris.

What's FR?

Berlin, and then back to America where it all began.

Freedom, where it was invented.

Nashville, Tennessee, San Diego, California, Sacramento.

and that's it for the year.

Go to punchup.live slash JordanJensen slash tickets for tickets.

And follow her on Instagram at JordanJensen.

L-O-L-Stop, one of the worst possible.

I mean, what is wrong with comedians?

Why not just do Jordan Jensen?

Your name's already misspelled.

No one gets Jensen, J-E-N-S-E-N.

No one's going to think that.

So the add lol stop to that.

Also, lol.

Delete this episode.

I don't even want to air it anymore, to be honest.

It was nice to bring me back to Ecuador.

But anyway, that's it.

Guys,

do you have a good Schroomfest?

I'll talk about it in the outro.

I'll talk about it in the outro.

All I want.

is for you to subscribe to this podcast wherever you're watching or listening Spotify and YouTube

hit the reminder button so you get reminders of every workout and i have uh t-shirts and shit online uh for sale i got uh ari shafir cat shirts those are the standards

uh jew vinyls i got stickers all sorts the clear ones for your passport these for your water bottles and a stick up all over i got these shirts i got you be tripping shirts um

stay positive shirts go for a hike shirts anything everything and everything uh guys that's it let's get back to the episode what were you doing in Ecuador?

Ecuador, my dad owned a business called Community Building Works, where you built, volunteers would build houses for him, right?

How was Africa Humanity kind of stuff?

Yes, and my mom had the same thing.

What is it?

Housing Works?

No.

Community Building Works.

Okay, you think it's still there?

Well, he's dead as hell, but it might be.

But you know what?

You can look at my mom's and that will tell you what it is because my dad just had a a similar thing.

Community building works.

Nope.

No, it's closed.

They shut it down.

Look up Amabelle.

What is it?

Look up Amabelle Pocket Neighborhood.

And that's what my dad had, and my mom had one, too.

And they are like.

So my mom is a lesbian.

Yeah, better.

Sorry.

It's true.

She loves you.

Oh, yeah.

Click that.

Okay.

So it's like sustainable housing.

This is all there.

My mom really pulled it off.

Why do they.

If this is all there, why do they?

Why is it fake?

Yeah.

I don't know.

Also, why isn't there more to the website?

Is there more?

Amabelle sold out.

I wish I could build 10 more just like it.

We need more housing models just like it.

Are there pictures or anything?

It is real.

Okay,

I believe you.

I have pictures.

Why are these like,

yeah, these are like...

what's it called?

On my mom's Instagram, there's real pictures, but God, she's got to put real pictures.

Oh, keep going.

Keep going.

What a terrible website.

It's just scroll down, scroll down, scroll down until you finally get to I'm not a robot.

Yeah, I got to talk to her about that.

Look at Captcha Heavy.

No, I don't.

I don't want to.

I got sidetracked last week.

Anyway, it really does look like this.

Like, she did it.

Like, this is the thing that's going to be.

Built it like a community?

Built a huge community.

It's right behind her house.

It's unbelievable.

And this is fake, but it actually ended up looking like that.

It's sick.

So you were doing this in Ecuador?

Well, so this is the thing.

So my friends were working for either my mom or my dad.

That's what would happen because you had to do something for senior year.

You had to like help the community.

So my friends were, and my dad, mom and dad hated each other.

Okay.

Okay.

So the whole half of my high school class was like, yo, Jack's the best.

We get so fucking high with him.

And they're like, no, Sue's the best.

She fucking lets us drink.

And they were like this.

so then i was like dad i'm not working like with my classmates i'm not doing this right but i worked for him for money so he was like okay here's where we're going for money yeah

and so he was like i'm gonna send you to ecuador and you're gonna work with this um on the mission trip we're gonna send you on a mission trip basically were you mormon not at all you know keith from wise guys

you ever go to wise guys yeah He's Mormon.

They're all Mormon.

He went on a mission when he was 18.

They all go on missions.

What do they do?

What do they do?

What do they believe?

Try to get some

people falling off the path back on.

But he got sent to Ecuador.

What does it mean to fall?

Oh, really?

Yeah, like if you're less religious.

Yeah.

When I told him I lived in Ecuador, he goes, Oh, me too.

I'm like, when?

He goes, when I was 18.

He was on a mission trying to get you lived in Ecuador?

Yeah, six months.

All over.

Toto Paisa.

Toto La Paisa?

Toto La Paisa.

It's hot.

It's just direct sun.

Where were you?

What city were you in?

I don't know.

Oh, what city?

I was near

Guayaquil?

No.

The big one.

Quito?

Yes.

Quito in a little small rural area with like.

Quito was so hot.

Quito is so hot.

It's 9,000-foot elevation.

Is that low?

It gets high.

Okay.

It's so hot.

But I was doing construction.

Okay.

And we were in a little, a little tiny farm.

It was like full of, and the people were like kind of retarded.

Yeah, I mean, yeah.

Like

bad.

I can spot them.

They're the only people I can spot in the subway by race, you know?

Like, you know how you know Koreans are the first Asians you can tell apart?

Yeah.

Ecuadorians I can tell apart.

Really?

Yeah.

From living there.

But the hill people, did you meet them?

Yeah.

Some of them don't even speak Spanish.

Yeah, I know.

That's what I'm saying.

Yeah.

Like I would try and speak Spanish to them and be like, and they'd be like, they would be like the Whitakers.

Like, they'd be like inbred.

They speak Quechua.

So you're out there doing that.

Who'd you talk to?

Who'd you hang with?

What did you do?

So first, what happened was I lost my passport.

Okay.

And my dad dropped me off at New York City and just said, figure it out.

But you're not, I mean, you're not getting there if you don't have a passport.

I got there.

Was it in your bag the whole time?

No.

I had to go.

I had like 24 hours.

I had to go to one of the rush passport places.

Where are you from?

Ithaca.

Ithaca.

Oh, right.

I'm not a city girl.

Right.

I was like,

I think this, yeah, this, I was like 20.

And I had to go to the, I had to

go get my passport and then get on a plane.

I got there like 24 hours late and was like, had no sleep.

I had just finished finals in college.

I fully like had the flu.

And then I remember they were like all going on this giant hike when I got there, which I did.

But then because I did the hike and I had the flu, I became like their god,

which was very weird.

Like they were all like obsessed with me, right?

And then, um, and they were just like, oh, you did it.

And I was, I think it's because I was also being very funny, but they like, there was this worship of Jordan as the girl who made it.

But then

there was this worship of this other guy who ran the village.

So here's the deal.

This guy was like, I'm going to take this mission trip full of middle-aged women.

Okay.

All these women are going to come on a bus.

He was super hot.

He looked exactly like Jesus.

Okay.

Okay.

This is

near Keto.

Yes.

Okay.

All these women show up.

They want to suck this guy off.

Understandable.

Okay.

They want to suck him off so bad.

And then, oh, yeah, let's see if we can find it.

Oh, Keto's in the north.

It's Ambato.

That's a great one.

It started with a P

where is Keto?

It's not Panahashell, is it?

No, no.

It's like.

Keto's up here.

Wait.

It's like Paguan.

Hold on.

Keto's there.

Let's see.

Let's see.

I don't see

PFO?

No.

No, it was in the freaking sticks.

In the sticks of Keto?

Yeah.

I mean, if it's a village, it ain't going to be on here.

Yeah, it was like that.

And it was a village.

And they were shitting in this damn street.

There was no streets.

They were shitting on.

They didn't have fucking bathrooms.

They didn't have anything.

No, no, no.

Chingui.

Yeah, I don't know.

Okay, so go ahead.

Oh, PFO?

No, we already said that one.

No.

P, but I love when you remember something.

You're like, P also could be somewhere in there.

It might not be the first letter.

Via Flora, no.

Okay, anyway.

It was tiny.

And it was just like at the top of a hill.

Okay.

Okay.

So all these middle-aged ladies come in, right?

And they go.

I guess the plan was for my dad to send me on a mission trip, and in exchange

we got

an Ecuadorian who would help community building works or something like that.

In New York in Ithaca.

In Ithaca, yeah.

It was something like that.

Wow, what a fucking short of this thick you got.

Yes.

This guy got to go to Ithaca.

Yeah.

And I had to go to Padua.

You can flush your toilet paper.

I know.

You had to go to Padua.

Yeah.

It's Padua.

All right.

It was.

It was fucked up.

And then, so then I go there.

We go on this big hike.

I'm the king of the castle because I'm also the only person who knows how to do construction.

Okay.

So then they say, we're building

a recycling center for these guys.

Okay.

Okay.

Cortopachi?

No.

Go ahead.

Pachincha?

Nope.

Okay, I forget out.

Two syllable.

Pongo?

No.

It's more like Pongo, but I would have remembered it.

It's not in the Amazon, is it?

No.

Puyo?

That's close.

Puyo's kind of close to the Amazon.

The Amazon's right there.

Avocado trees, big jungle.

It was jungle.

Those spiders that were banana spiders.

Pavalacta?

No.

You wouldn't know it.

It was like Pangar, Panga, Pungi.

Not Puyo.

Let's look at Puyo and tell me.

Let me see what Puyo looks like.

But it's just going to be the city, I bet.

There's no city here.

But the city here is a loose term.

Puyo.

Boom.

That's a city.

This place didn't have roads.

It had goat trails.

Oh, really?

Yeah, it was fucked.

Okay.

Well, this is now.

All right.

Go ahead.

And then

I thought it was retarded that we were building a recycling center.

And I was like, why don't we build these people fucking toilets?

Yeah, recycling center is like, they don't need to recycle.

They don't recycle.

They need first cycle.

Yes.

And then I was like, these people live in tiny weird huts.

They're really good at soccer.

Really good at soccer.

Crazy that they could not speak, but they were fucking giggling the ball up for 40 minutes.

It was crazy.

They fucking strikes from crossfield.

It was these kids were like,

but literally were like eating, you know, with the wrong end of a fork.

Yeah.

They also taught me popcorn and soup.

Yes.

So good.

This?

Pooro.

No.

Okay.

Look up, look up villages.

But how are you going to look up villages?

Look up like

Pangar

Panar?

I mean, small, small villages in Ecuador.

Okay.

All right.

Let's try that.

I mean, hopefully this village has been wiped out by a fucking,

let's see.

Lompiche, no.

Ayampe?

No.

Vicabambas in the south.

Otavalo, no.

Lompiche, Matin.

Oh, no, these are all fucking beach towns.

These are places where people want to go.

Yeah.

All right, fuck it.

It's not going to have it.

It's a small-nothing village.

It's nothing.

I mean, how how many people live there?

Nine.

Okay, that's not going to be.

I swear to God, there were probably like five huts.

Okay, okay, okay.

Okay, so go ahead.

Forget this.

You're sidetracked.

I realize now what your OCD is.

That's what we got lost in the pictures before.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You did that.

You were helping me with this.

Okay, so then.

Yeah.

My OCD is a lot worse than that.

My OCD is I should remove all my skin so that my nerve endings can feel the wind.

That's I realize now the problem.

My OCD is: I want to rip off Coyote's back leg and eat it like a chicken bone.

I will not.

Look at that leg, though.

Look at that chicken leg.

Look at that.

All she was doing at your special was just trying to grab a leg.

She could go like this.

This is so funny.

She feels like this.

Oh, she's letting me do it now.

Okay.

Okay.

Hey, guys.

Today's episode of You'd Be Tripping is brought to you by Ridge.

Guys, they make amazingly slim wallets.

Each one could hold up to 12 cards plus cash.

They're made with premium materials like aluminum, titanium, and carbon fiber.

But what I like about it is that when you're traveling, when you're somewhere and you lose your wallet, um

by the way, they also have a lifetime warranty.

Um

but losing your wallet's the worst and with Ridge's air tag attachment you'll always know exactly where it is before panic mode kicks in.

For a limited time, my listeners get 10% off at Ridge by using Ari.

That's my name.

That's my name.

At checkout, just head to ridge.com and use code ARI and you're all set.

After you purchase, they're going to ask you where you heard about them.

Please support my show and tell them that Ub Trippin

sent you.

I'm Ari Shafir and I support this message.

Hey guys, you ever got the late afternoon doldrums where you're just crashing from all the coffee you drank on the way?

Wherever it's like one other coffee, you're like, yeah, sure, I'll have another one, I'll have another one, I'll have another one, I'll have another one.

You're

and then the crash happens.

Yeah, for sure.

We've We've all been there.

Sometimes it's kind of fun to ride that wave, but what you want is consistent help, consistent energy, and focus.

And that's where Mud Water steps in.

Their turmeric starter kit blends radiant ginger, warm turmeric, and Roeboist chai.

If you're looking for a blend to support immunity, digestion, focus with clean energy, all the feeling of golden hour at sunset, this is a game changer.

Mudwater is available at Target and Sprouts locations across the U.S., so it's never been easier to grab a cup of this friendly pick-me-up.

Sometimes

I don't take it and I just get like forgetful.

You know, like I'll be

shaving and then I'll just like,

did I finish?

Did I shave my beard?

I know I started.

I can't remember if I finished or not.

Yeah, should have had mud water.

Ready to make the switch to cleaner energy?

Head to mud mudwtr.com and grab your starter kit today.

Right now, my listeners get an exclusive deal up to 43% off your order plus free shipping and a free rechargeable frother where you use the code trippin that's right up to 43% off with code trippin' at mudwtr.com after you purchase I can ask how you found about how you found out about them please show your support and let them know that I sent you keep your energy natural and refreshing all year long with mud slash wooder

because life's too short for anything less than clean delicious energy so so you get there.

What do they pick you up from the airport?

How do you even find the bus?

Take a bus from Quito Airport?

Yes.

Take a weird bus all the way up there, which was crazy.

And my dad was just like, fuck you, figure it out.

You forgot your passport.

Drops me.

And I get there like 24 hours later.

I'm so fucked up.

The hike was crazy.

It was around a giant lake.

What hike?

We all went on.

That's how we would find it.

Giant lake hike.

Circle ring.

You could see the whole way.

I got it.

Giant.

I got it.

You know where it is?

Yeah.

Where?

I've been there.

A picture is going to come up soon with it.

Really?

Yeah.

That's not it.

Is it a tiny village, though?

This village is around it.

The lake

is

lake.

I can find it.

We did that whole hike.

That's a long-ass hike.

It's like a multi-day hike between three and seven days.

It's fucked up.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's a crater lake.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It is a crater lake.

Yeah, I was there.

It's amazing.

Bandit's been there.

Who's been there?

My dog, Bandit.

Oh, my God.

Kilatoa.

Wait, when you travel with him, you put him under the...

Bandit does whatever the fuck he wants.

Yeah, but do you put him on the plane or under the plane?

Who would put a dog under a plane?

What do you mean, run it over?

Where do you keep him on the plane?

What do you keep him?

It's a fucking living thing.

He can do whatever he wants.

No, he can't.

What?

They stop him at the airport.

Who Who would stop Bandit?

The TSA.

That wouldn't stop Bandit.

Maybe some dogs.

When you fly, he's serviced.

What?

He's serviced?

He serviced him.

I mean, I do service him all the time.

She serviced.

Yeah, I love that they changed it from emotional support to service dog.

And then they were like, what does that mean?

Like, it means it's even easier now.

Yeah.

It's just illegal.

It's got an illegal thing.

You just have to be able to say it does a service.

Yeah.

Lake Kilatoa.

I was in the same place and I have met on this hike in small villages where you come across for directions, you're lost on this hike.

Yeah.

And they're just like staring at you like, one tooth.

One tooth?

Hey, I have directions.

And they're just like, bro, first of all, and you're like, can you write that?

Like, no, I can't write anything.

Yeah.

I grew up out here in a mountain away from everyone, a small farm.

It's crazy.

Occasionally, my son would take my excess cabbage in to trade it for fucking something.

Yeah.

And then they would just do things like grab the poisonous spiders and just be like, look, and like have this giant spider on there.

Like they're fearless.

And they can't speak any words.

You went to Kilatoa Lake?

You went to this?

Yeah, but I don't remember it being

days to get around it.

But maybe we didn't go all the way around.

I mean, no, no, no.

It's probably a day to walk all the way around.

Oh, okay, okay.

To get to it, you're way, way back here.

No, we drove to it, walked around it.

Oh, you drove to it?

A whole day thing.

Okay.

And everybody was amazed that I did it.

Laguna Kilator.

Yeah.

Because you're a quitter.

Because I'm a quitter.

What's the town?

Miradort.

Okay.

And then.

Laguna de Kilator.

Yeah.

So everybody really respected me, but then the Jesus guy showed up and they were like, wait till you meet our Lord and Savior, this guy.

Jesus Christ?

Well, it was Jesus Christ.

It really was.

It looked exactly like him.

He didn't wear a shirt.

He was so ripped.

He was so hot.

That's the guy everyone to fuck.

Yeah.

And, I mean, truly like 33.

It was truly the age of Christ.

And he was a babe, and he was so, like, schmarmy and would just like weave these women into his orbit.

And he had everything on lock, and all of the people who had, at the village worshipped him.

And then,

and then, so here's what happened.

We get there, and I'm like, hey, are you sure recycling?

Like, why don't we build them a house or like a community?

What's really recycling?

They don't give a fuck about recycling.

What the fuck are you talking about?

It was bizarre and and the guy was just like no

recycling i guess is like that's it's i guess it must have been good publicity or something to be like we're helping the planet oh yeah because they were throwing their recycling off the mountain yeah so ecuador has from what i know i lived there for six months so i i am very connected to it they have a in the constitution

they have a rights of nature in the constitution saying you have to respect nature as much as like whatever And I thought it was very awesome.

And I talked to somebody from there, and he goes, Yeah.

And I was like, What do you mean?

He goes, Yeah, it's in the Constitution, but like

it's like a Native American thing.

They don't abide by it, right?

They do crazy amounts of mining.

Yeah, they litter everywhere.

They fucking oil spills all the time.

They don't have any respect for nature.

You were just hiking around for six months.

No, I had a car who was driving around, but one of them was,

let's see, Georgia Jama.

Let's see here

mountain lounge okay to lake kilatoa

okay here so we'll go to kilotoa this was a walk

holy shit 12 hours not really though way more it's another thing i discovered in ecuador all the the google maps directions was like meaningless for time.

It was like, oh, four-hour drive.

Like, that's 12.

Really?

Yeah, the roads are all fucking busted out and everything.

And so you go like, I can make that four hours.

Definitely five.

You're like, that's a two-day drive.

And so you're like, hey, if it's starting to get dark, find a town, pull over, because you can't drive at night.

So you drive all up here or even further.

Did you fuck people there?

Did you fuck randos?

And you're all,

I wish.

Yeah, were you like that kind of guy?

No, I wasn't like doing that, but like here or there for sure.

Really?

Yeah.

Would you go into villages and and just get up i mean i would take over it's colonialism right america tall america tall you're yeah it's just like it's my it's my town now puyupacha

no

um pamba balingua paba uh

pamba sounds correct

no so this is it's this region you're within walking distance of it or driving distance it had to be close so So yeah, you get there and you're just like, hike, hike, hike.

There's a lodge there.

Hike, hike, hike, hike.

A lodge there.

Hike, hike, hike, hike, hike, hike, hike.

You come across here.

Those are villages.

And then you, yeah, and then maybe.

I don't wonder what these are.

Where are you lodging?

There's like hikers' lodges, and like, and then in like small towns along the way, you know, how like a hike will come and cross the town, they go back into the woods across the town.

They have all these wood furnaces that they can be like, we'll make fire for it because it was so cold at night.

Maybe you went a different time.

It was cold at night.

Yeah.

Wait, so then you would just hike around for when did you do that?

Uh, 2021.

2021?

That wasn't long ago at all.

No.

Is that what you're about to do?

No.

But I mean, is that what you did?

I'd like to go back here, but honestly, from what I've heard, the gangs have taken over the country and it's not safe anymore.

So when you go to South America, which you've already been to?

Yeah, parts.

Where are you staying?

All over.

You're staying all over?

Yeah.

Are you hiking?

Doing some hiking.

No, I'm not going to hike from town to town to lodges.

No, I'll be like going to hostels and like staying

for a few days.

Yeah.

With multiple people sleeping in one room?

It's not as bad as you're saying.

Everyone is quiet.

With Bandit or without?

Without Bandit.

Unfortunately, without Bandit.

Because he's too old?

Because there's too many land borders.

Yeah.

And there's all these like quarantine rules.

So to get him to Ecuador was like.

Have you done Europe with Bandit?

No.

I want to bring Coyote to Europe.

You could?

Some of them are like, well, you got to get your shots and you got to get them within 10 days before.

Well, I can do all that.

Do it.

Look into it and do it.

But I don't want to do quarantine.

Look at where you can do it without that.

Yeah.

But then you go country to country, then it's like, you got to get another shots, another shots every time.

And they're like, oh, that's not going to be doable.

If you're doing a whole European run.

I am doing a whole European run.

Look into it.

Service dog, can I bring it all over Europe?

Once you're in the EU,

those aren't like real separated countries anymore.

Yeah.

So it's only England to

France, and then from all these, you're already in.

Okay.

So you don't even stamp your passport.

If you're going from Germany to Poland, there's no passport stamp.

You just walk right through.

You're already in the EU.

Going from America to Poland.

She also might not want to fucking do that, though.

She might not want to do it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay, back to Ecuador.

There's Jesus guy.

Jesus Guy, everybody worships him.

Yeah.

And I made the mistake of being like,

maybe a recycling center is not a good idea.

I was like,

and he really didn't like this.

And he decided.

hey Zeus hey Zeus and he decided that I was the enemy at this point oh you're the only fucking American coming here well all the women are there they're Americans I was the only American who knew how to build this lipped off who what who lived off yeah they loved him can I tell you I've seen some movies before I have seen some movies in the past

The guy in charge, he doesn't like when a woman lips off, but in the end, he does love it.

He didn't like it.

That's who he falls for.

He didn't like it because I exposed his giant devious plan.

He had a huge devious plan.

To do what?

I'll tell you.

Unrecycle?

I'll tell you.

Okay.

So then

we start building this recycling center.

And I'm like, fuck it.

My idea is I'll make it airtight so somebody can sleep in it.

Right?

Like it won't just be bullshit.

Okay.

And that way, because they're not going to use it as a recycling.

What does that even mean?

What does that mean?

What's a recycling center?

Who's going to bring their stuff there?

I know.

Somebody's gonna live there they're gonna move their freaking cousin labutito in and he's gonna live there

yeah hi guys today's episode of ubi chippin' is brought to you by shopify.com it's a commerce platform behind millions of businesses and

mine arieshafir.com i use it i've been using it for probably close to a decade i sell stuff like this oh i'm wearing it this ubi chippin' shirt and tons else whatever you're selling online look no further than shopify to help you sell it they uh accelerate your content creation they help you get the word out like it's almost like you've got a marketing team behind you.

Whatever you're selling, they don't judge.

They don't judge.

I've sold lots of stuff.

Use cum rags.

I've sold

toilet paper that I use to plug up my butt when it's having a post-spicy day.

They don't care.

Antiquities that I've gotten from dig sites that I shouldn't be.

And I break in late at night to

places like Egypt and I steal antiquities.

But like, how are you going to get rid of it?

Shopify.

They don't judge.

They help you set it up.

Turn your big business idea into

with Shopify on your side.

Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com slash tripping.

Go to shopify.com slash trippin'.

Shopify.com slash trippin'.

I should have done that for mine.

I could have used the promo code.

Is it too late?

Can I get the promo code for my own website that I've built on Shopify?

I could.

By the way, I got stickers too right now.

Thanks, Shopify, for helping me sell it.

Charlie Sheen is an icon of decadence.

I lit the fuse and and my life turns into everything it wasn't supposed to be.

He's going the distance.

He was the highest paid TV star of all time.

When it started to change, it was quick.

He kept saying, no, no, no, I'm in the hospital now, but next week I'll be ready for the show.

Now, Charlie's sober.

He's going to tell you the truth.

How do I present this with any class?

I think we're past that, Charlie.

We're past that, yeah.

Somebody call action.

AKA Charlie Sheen.

Only on Netflix, September 10th.

So whatever.

We start building it, and

all of the the like

village people are helping and like we build it by using plastic bottles, which actually was cool.

Plastic bottles filled them with concrete.

Oh, and made it out of that.

Yes.

That's cool.

That was cool.

So that could be build a home from recycled material is one thing.

Yes.

Recycling center.

Who's going to come up to that fucking

to recycle?

It's crazy.

Because I guess, yeah, I get, here's the whole thing.

The missionary trips were like, we're saving the planet missionary.

So then Jesus was like, okay, we're going to build a recycling center.

And they went, recycling, that'll help climate control.

So they went and did it, right?

Because that was their thing.

Building one house for Juanito is not going to get the mission trip, right?

Yeah.

So then the crazy thing that happened was

we build the whole recycling center, right?

And then the whole point is at the end of the trip, we get to go to this big avocado farm that get to?

Yes.

Okay.

That Jesus owns.

That's like very beautiful.

And that's like the

break that you get.

So we build the whole thing, you have to work on his farm, yeah, because I know you've been doing a lot of work for the community.

You guys all get a bonus if you work for me now.

So we build the whole thing, and um,

we build the recycling center.

I forget, I don't know if I

forget, I don't, you know how like you go on a trip and you're like, there's a person I bonded with.

I don't have that memory in my head, but I do think I bonded with a bunch of the younger, because I was young, a bunch of the younger

village kids because I didn't really speak Spanish and they did I don't even think they had language, but we hung out

and I you know what it was I kind of just became like the leader of the project, right?

And I because they trusted you because you had building experience because of the building experience.

Yeah, so that's what it was that because I'm like, what was I spending most of my time doing?

It was being like it was organizing these old ladies.

So then I'm organizing the old ladies.

At one point I get lime poisoning, which sucked.

That's banded in Ecuador.

Oh my God, it's beautiful

yeah sorry so one point I get lime poisoning you get lime what lime poisoning not lime disease no oh lime poisoning from the lime in the concrete because I'm trying to keep up with the Ecuadorians which are the best they work hard they're that are work they were bringing in slabs if anybody's interested in construction this is crazy in America we take it up we take in a trunk we truck we empty in a bunch of cement and then we level it with two by fours that's the easiest way fastest way dirtiest way to do it The Ecuadorians were pouring in water, pouring in cement, putting boots on, and walking to mix the cement.

So just shuffling around, walking.

The work ethic.

It's crazy.

And so I started doing it.

I was like, okay, I'll do it the Ecuadorian way.

And I get the boots in, but the concrete gets in my boots.

And in the U.S., we don't have nearly as much lime as they use.

So I burn my entire legs and down my feet, get full lime poisoning.

It was just, it's just heat.

It's just like

acid?

It's like acid.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

So then there's that.

So then I have to like treat that, but then we do the whole thing.

And we end up building the recycling center.

And

then I fucked up so bad.

So we finished the whole thing.

You finished the recycling center?

You did it?

We did it.

Because we had like a week.

To build a whole recycling center?

Well, it was probably like half the size of this room.

What?

Yeah.

Just with those bottles using his concrete.

I can, we can concrete you can build in a day.

Oh, okay.

There's no wood.

Just the size of this room.

Okay.

Okay.

All of their houses were like half the size of this room.

Fair.

Yeah.

They had no toilets.

None.

Okay.

Pools.

Outside?

Outside.

Oh, boy.

They had a soccer ball.

That was the most.

They had a soccer ball and popcorn.

Oh, boy.

And then.

Oh, boy.

Popcorn and the soup.

And somebody.

Popcorn and the soup.

So then I'm like, okay, this is just how people live here.

I get this idea in my head.

I'm like, this is how, if you live in the country or rurally in Ecuador, you live like a hill person.

Yeah.

But then at the end of the trip, they take us to Jesus's house.

And he's going to try to fuck all of you.

It is the most luxurious home I have ever seen.

Hammocks, like beautiful, every, you know, like a glamping resort.

Yeah, for sure.

Yeah.

Insane.

Okay.

Then I'm like, this is really weird because he is the god of this village that is literally eating their own fucking young.

He's a fucking warlord.

Then he shows us the avocado farm.

And I'm like, I am probably one of the only people who'd made friends with the locals, right?

So all the women are like, oh my God, avocados on the trees.

And look at this spider.

And I, and then I turned to one of the farmers and I'm like, whatever his name is, I'm like, Pablo, and he's like, yeah.

And I'm like, from the village?

And he's like, yeah, I work here.

And I was like, oh, he pays you to work here.

And he's like, no, no, he builds us stuff.

And so we work his farm.

In return for him.

So the mission bitches build a house.

Jesus gets all of the retards to work on his farm.

In return for the bitches building them stuff.

Yes.

And his farm is a highly profitable avocado farm.

What a racket.

Isn't that crazy?

What a racket.

And I said it to the women.

I was like, hey, and Jesus, I said it to Jesus.

I was like, let me get this straight.

You get mission trips to build a return.

That's a question.

Yeah.

American Karen here.

Some questions.

Yes.

And then he turned on me even more, hated me, was like very against me.

And all of the women were like, don't talk about this.

Like, don't they?

And they like put it together.

And they're like, no, I'm sure that there's, it's not like that.

It's not like that.

And I was like, you guys, this is crazy.

And the whole trip was like fucked because I said to Jesus, I was like, hey, doesn't this seem odd?

And then there was, it was just like the rest of the three days were like the most awkward because he was like, we're ousting you.

He was just like, he was just like, no, you don't know what you're talking about.

You're going to ruin the whole operation, lady.

No, it's not.

You don't know what you're talking about.

I get cheap labor.

Yeah.

It's free.

It's free labor.

He doesn't pay for anything.

I get free labor in exchange for that.

I trade that for more free labor.

Yeah.

Wow.

The mission, God sends its angels to build shit for the fully,

fully mentally challenged.

What did you eat when you were there besides soapa?

Yucca.

Yeah.

I love yucca.

Yeah, it's good there, huh?

It's so good.

Yeah.

Do we have it?

Can we get it?

We can, but we don't get it much.

Oh, it's good.

Yeah, the little fried yucca too.

Like little like fries almost.

And then some meat that

is good.

Good chicken.

Yeah.

Lots of great fish.

Oh, yeah.

A lot of fish.

Fish in bone.

Especially up there.

They got the trout.

Yeah.

It was in bone.

It was very

bone in.

Bone in.

Yeah, yeah.

When a guy's in me, I say that.

I say in bone.

So I got confused for a second.

Where is that with the fruit on the ground?

Yangon.

Myanmar.

Where's Myanmar?

Of course it's Burma.

You've been to the Middle East, too?

That's the Southeast Asia edge of the Middle East.

Have you been to the Middle East?

I've been to Israel a bunch.

Really?

Jordan once.

What are you doing in Israel?

What?

What do you do there?

Intelligence.

Oh, okay, okay.

Egypt?

What's your favorite place?

Come on.

That's a crazy question.

That's the first spot on the hike to Kiloto Aloop.

Whoa.

Favorite place.

If you had to live somewhere, no comedy, nothing.

No comedy is allowed.

I'm not allowed to do comedy.

That part of my life is over.

Yeah.

Berlin.

Really?

Yeah.

Nice.

I'm going to Berlin.

I'm really excited.

Yeah.

Berlin sounds awesome.

January 6th.

Nice.

That's what was happening with my life, January 6th.

I was on a hammock in Ecuador.

That's awesome.

Yeah.

And everyone was texting, can you believe us?

Can you believe us?

And I didn't even know what they were talking about.

I was like, what?

I was literally watching the news and just wasn't paying attention and then finally turned.

Finally, I was like, oh, what?

You've been traveling forever?

Yeah, well, not forever, but probably 12, 15 years.

That's just what you do with your money.

Yeah, that's what I do with my money.

That's good.

Yeah, and it doesn't cost much money.

I have this like American girl way where I'm just like, I want to,

America is so sufficient for me with Montana and the.

Sure.

Oh, yeah.

I mean, there's amazing parts of America.

I mean, we have the best.

I would say of all the bests we have in the national park system, I haven't seen a country that can.

I've been looking.

I haven't seen one that matches us.

Oh, yeah.

That's Zion is us.

What?

I was like, Zion's good.

And then I was like, that's in America.

Yeah, that's in America.

So Zion's coming up.

What are you getting there?

What do you mean?

Zion's being built up now.

But, you know, it's starting to excavate.

Yeah, it's getting better every day.

I think if I live somewhere, I think it would be Rome.

Rome.

I liked Rome so much.

Right.

But I haven't been to Berlin.

Why do you like Berlin?

Is there a lot of sex?

There is a lot of sex.

I don't like the Amsterdam-y sex, sex and weed.

I don't like too many drugs.

Well, that's Amsterdam.

Right.

Also, weed.

Is Berlin like that?

Berlin's a lot of drugs.

Really?

But also a lot for everybody else who's not even into drugs.

That's banned outside Kilotoa on the left.

That's him in front of Kilotoa Lake.

That's crazy.

That is what it looked like.

Yeah.

That's crazy.

And that's the thing that's tattooed on your arm.

Yeah.

What is that thing?

It's a flower.

It looks like you could eat it.

You can't eat it?

No, you can't eat it.

So then you just got kicked out?

You left?

killed?

Did you laid it all the way there?

How long were you there for?

It was one week.

One week.

So no way laid.

Were you into the guy?

No, I really, he scared the shit out of me.

He was the most incredible cult leader of all time.

And I had that vibe before.

And I was like, you know what, Jordan?

He probably lives in a fucking shitty village just like this.

And then we went to his house.

I was like, this is this also makes sense in a different way, though.

Yeah.

It makes sense in a different way.

And the other thing that we did was we actually, this is so fucked up.

Yeah.

We helped him package his his avocados from his farm.

Like he was like, this will be a fun learning experience.

He went out to like fucking, oh, come on.

To Florida?

Yeah.

And there was a lot of avocados.

They're big there, too, huh?

Do you remember that?

Yeah, they're so big.

They're like this with a pit like this big.

I just started eating exclusively avocados because I had a candida infection in my body that made my butthole itch.

What is that?

It's just like...

Even you don't wipe?

Huh?

Except when you don't wipe?

No, I wiped too much, actually, but I was eating so much candy that I had to switch to like exclusively avocados.

You ate too much candy and that gave you candida?

Yep.

Sounds made up.

It's real.

You had too much candy and that gave you a disease called candida.

Jordan, I'm going to tell you as someone who, I'm going to tell you as someone who, I know what creativity is.

I think you can do better than that.

What you just made up.

That's true.

I didn't put that together till now, but it is true.

Feeds off sugar.

It's like The Last of Us.

It's like a fungus.

It feeds off of it.

It makes your butthole itch.

It's like athlete's foot in your butt.

Oh, my God.

But avocado.

Yeah.

So then, okay, so then full circle this:

you get done in Ecuador.

You've built this recycling plant.

There's no way that's still there.

I mean, there's no way that's still there, right?

It might be there.

That we can look up.

We've got the sidetrack there.

What?

We can look it up.

We can try.

Let's see here.

Is this better than the Rome one?

Yeah.

Okay, great.

Recycling plant.

Let's see.

What do you think?

Recycling center.

Oh.

Okay.

Who's it?

Okay, we got a few.

What?

Recycled.

Now I think that it started with an R.

Recycler.

No, no, that's recycled.

But now I think the place started with a R.

Interesting.

Okay.

Well, that's tough.

Fuck.

Because now we'll never know.

I mean, there's literally no way we're going to get this because we could if we could if you subscribe to the Ithaca Journal, you could do this.

Yeah, for sure.

What's on the Ithaca Journal?

Do you have a screenshot of that?

How do we get?

Okay, hold on.

I know how to search this.

It's Ithaca Journal, Jordan Jensen.

Ithaca Journal,

Jordan Jensen, May 23rd, but I had to go to the archives to find it.

Oh, yeah, it's before they start putting everything in.

Right, and the archive you have to pay for.

Damn it, just give me the fucking screen grab, bitch.

That's my dad's obituary.

Well, I'm glad he's Jack Jensen.

Dies suddenly at 58.

George Jessen was.

No.

What?

That's me on the lake with Bandit.

Oh, you went down in there?

Yeah.

Long hike in.

On the way out, you can use a mule, but the guy I was with was a shot.

Oh, that was the other thing that happened.

This,

there was this, this donkey.

My mom, this is actually kind of funny to me.

My mom is like a weird animal person.

Coyote, get out of there, buddy.

Coyote, come.

She got a hoe in this.

Let me see if I can find it.

I can't find it.

Okay, your mom is a what?

My mom is like a weird animal person, and she's always like, if you, if you, like, she pats cats' butts too hard, and she's like, they like it.

They love it when you pat their butts too hard.

And then it does turn out that if you pat a cat's butt pretty hard, it will become very attached to you.

It's becomes, it's slightly aroused, and that's like a mating thing.

But she like knows these tricks to how to get animals to be obsessed with you.

And she always taught me with horses to pet them on the neck like this, like jerk off their neck, basically.

And they really like that.

So then I went to Ecuador and there was this fucking mule that, like, I pet it like that.

And it became ins it, it followed me everywhere.

And eventually we got to a cliff, and I had to climb off the cliff to get away from this mule so that I could get back out of the fountain.

Yeah, it was like slamming up against me.

And then just like, you go like this.

And they like that?

Yeah.

But I forgot that.

I had to climb down the side of a mountain with all of the women being like, yeah, stop y'all got it i was like i have to do this we have to get away from this mule

um you're never gonna find it right i'm never gonna find it if you go to ithaca journal archive

go to ithaca journal and what did it say in there what was the article about it was just about jack jensen's initiative by sending daughter jordan

uh that's why i saw historical news jordan Judson.

I don't know how people search themselves or anyone who's not famous.

When it's hard enough, you're famous to not be able to find anything.

Looks like there aren't any great matches for your search.

Why isn't there any just Ithaca Journal Archive?

Just type that in.

Ithaca Journal Archive.

Oh.

I just found it on my phone, but I did then it.

But it might say it.

Ithaca Journal Archive.

Okay, two down.

This one?

Yep.

Newspapers.com.

Now search.

Where's search?

Down, right there.

So back up.

Search up.

Search.

We'll first type something in.

Yeah, type something in first.

Okay.

Right there, click.

No.

Go back.

Click.

Yeah.

Jordan Jensen.

Yeah.

That's it.

Yep.

And then

1,695 matches for Jordan Jensen.

I just found it right here.

Start free trial.

Let's start a free trial.

That's newspapers.com.

Ugh.

Ithaca Journal Papers.

Right here.

What does it say?

Monday, May 23rd, 2011.

Monday, May 3rd, 20.

Monday, May 23rd, 2011, page three,

view full page, and it doesn't let me because I need an account.

Yeah, okay.

Well, we're fucked then.

God.

We're fucked.

And it just wrote about your thing.

So you saw that.

So did it remind you of the fucking dude?

Community blank.

All I see is this.

Community promotes.

Community promotes something, something.

Yeah.

Did you go to the TechA?

No.

I wasn't smart enough.

I didn't get in.

So you come home, you finish all this.

Wait, so the horses fucking follow you with the mules.

Yeah, I had to climb down a mountain to get away from this mule.

And then it just fucking brayed

for so long after us.

Or it was like,

wanting back attention.

Yeah.

It was

so cute.

Yeah, I know, because it probably never gets pet.

Yeah, they're like workhorses.

They're so good, though, the way you can just attach them.

That was it.

You spent a weekend doing fucking building a recycling plant.

A week in Ecuador.

Yeah.

And then right back.

I did one in Puerto Rico, too.

What did your dad say when you

got back?

What was the response?

He was mad at me.

Because of the Jesus guy.

He reported?

Huh?

He reported?

No, he was mad at me because I was like...

Because you didn't fuck him?

Because I was like, that guy's fucked up and you shouldn't send people with that.

And he was like, don't talk about...

Don't talk about Jesus.

Don't talk about Jesus.

My boy.

It was crazy.

There's a whole conspiracy

pro this man.

You couldn't, nobody was on my side.

It was like 15 women.

And I was like, can one of you please see how exploitative this is?

Is there any chance you are misreading it?

Dude, I was like, that's a worker.

That's a worker.

And I said to Jesus, I said, hey, he was, because there was a point where he was like, does anybody have questions when we were packing the avocado?

Oh, I got a lot of questions.

Yes.

And I said, yes, I do.

I said, don't you think it's a little odd that you're basically getting free labor to build a recycling center, but then you're getting labor that you would otherwise have to pay for to do the thing?

And he was like, he was like, they're very happy.

They like doing this work.

And I was like, I bet they are because they think that you're giving them shit.

I mean, they're getting a free recycling center, but it's not free.

They could have just built their own recycling center.

And then you don't get any.

No, it's a lot of of labor.

But they're doing the labor on the avocado farm.

Right.

I'm saying transfer that avocado farm to that.

Right.

And now you have a recycling center.

Right.

And you don't have to fucking help fucking Jacko get it.

I don't know if they can get the concrete and all that shit up there.

Because their huts were, you know, sticks.

Oh, right.

Yeah.

We had to get the concrete mixed up.

I kind of remember these now on this hike and whatever.

You just come across this mountain.

Like, I wouldn't even call it a village.

It's like too small for that.

It's too small for that.

It's like collection.

It's like a couple families.

Yeah.

four or five yeah you would think it is just families i think it mostly was but they're just up there yeah they must have so much crime so much women abuse up there who's gonna come up who are they gonna report to if something goes wrong what's interesting though it seemed actually crazy peaceful

so part of me was like maybe we should be living like this i was just in a small small town in alaska and they were like Everyone has to be cool here because it's too small for anyone to be an issue.

Oh, really?

If you're like standoffish, like that won't work with what we got here, we're gonna run into each other.

Well, the Alaskans are like, when I went to Alaska, it felt like every time I left a room, everybody would stand up and hug you.

And they'd be like, and I was like, why is this?

And my friend who lives there, I was like, what is going on?

Why is everybody so huggy and nice?

Like, at a certain point, I was like dodging it.

And she was like, it's because people die so much that they're being like, this could be the last time I see you.

Oh, my God.

Which is crazy.

Yeah.

But they're the nicest fuckers.

It's too bad you didn't get to do more of Ecuador while you were there.

No, we went down into Keto to buy the boots.

To buy the boots.

There it is.

Right in front of Lake Kilotura.

Dude, that is.

With the llama.

Yeah.

Yeah.

When we got there, after four days of hiking, it's just like this.

Who is that?

Cloudy and cloudy.

That's Bandit.

That's a llama.

I didn't see a llama.

What?

There was a llama?

Yeah, right next to me.

Oh.

And Bandit was freaking her out with the llamas.

Really?

She'd be like.

it's like I've never seen her.

That's how she is with horses.

Really?

Yeah.

Where's that?

These are all mixed-up places.

That's Ithaca.

That's Ecuador also with List and Sarah.

Mindo.

They went to.

They came to visit me when I was there.

That's cool.

Yeah, Mindo.

We went on a long hike.

That's the Amazon in Ecuador.

Anyway, we're referencing people.

Oh, that place ruled.

Where's that?

Also, the Amazon.

So Ecuador's here,

and it's just like deep in.

The Amazon goes from here till about here.

This is all just like, who knows?

A couple tribes live there.

No, you can't really get in.

Why can't you get in?

What happens if you get in?

Dense, dense fucking trees.

A couple rivers will get you in there, but there's no road.

There's nothing here.

So

you don't go deep in or else you'll die?

You went pretty deep in, but there's like a couple enclaves of towns set up.

So you could like, all right, start there.

What are they like?

Are they weird?

like refuel stations, kind of, for all the villagers that come and do trade, then go back up through the rivers, get some

fuel or trade, like whatever they're picking for, like you know, concrete or whatever.

And then from there, they like the little inlets and they'll disperse it from there.

But it's like Venice where it's on the water.

No, it's just one river.

Here, I'll show you.

It's just one river or two because it goes from the mountains and goes down.

So,

wait, okay.

So,

Quito's in the mountains in the Andes.

This is all the Andes.

This little white right here.

Yeah.

And then there's rivers that go this way out toward the ocean.

The water falls on here, right?

Yeah.

And then it has to go, it has to go down.

So it goes either this way to the left or this way to the right.

And all these rivers here are going to the right.

Well, that's a road.

But then, like here.

So that's a river you can take in to get further and further in into the Amazon.

How do you get out?

You got to take the river out?

You need...

So it takes you one direction.

Coca, that's a major fucking town to deep in there.

And so we met up there.

Who, you and...

I met up there with a guy.

Oh, okay.

I met him who's like my guide to go in.

So we met up there.

And.

Can you die?

No, we didn't die.

But could people die?

What would kill you?

There's jaguars out there.

There's definitely snakes.

And then you just go further and further in.

This is Yasuni National Park, but this is all Amazon.

So it's like there's little villages here here there where they've cleared out like land and they have like homes and stuff and they have like you know why lodges because they're from there

i exactly though i mean i'm not you're not wrong

and then that's all these rivers just go deeper and deeper in there and if you wanted to i mean i don't know what

look how deep this so now this is in another country already right so the only way to get it there's no roads to get into nueva florencia peru no road that goes from ecuador all the way in let's just click on any one of these Puerto Carmen.

No pictures.

There's no...

I don't even know what this is.

You have to weed whack your way out.

I don't know.

Or fight upstream.

How did you get out of there?

So they have fuel.

Okay, here.

Oh.

In this place on the river in Peru, there's like a little town.

There's a couple pictures.

I mean, god damn, that's beautiful.

That's so cool.

And that's that Amazonian river.

You can just go down there.

And then on the inlets and stuff, that's where piranhas are.

Oh, the the river is pretty big.

Yeah.

Oh, I was imagining like straight up swamps.

Yeah, and so it goes into swamps, and that'll take you to some of the more villager-y villages.

But that's pretty.

And then they do farming and shit, you know?

That's so cool.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

But like, you're deep in there.

I mean, that is the only way to get there without power is from Ecuador all the way in through to Peru.

It's like a crazy, it's just cut off.

There's no roads.

That's cool.

I think it's the most amazing place I've ever been is the Amazon.

It just breathes.

It fucking breathes in, out, in and out all the time.

You can feel it breathing.

Look at where this river goes, so it just keeps going and going and going.

Iquitos, where the fuck is that?

How do you get there?

Okay, there's roads.

Oh, they have roads.

Yeah, so you probably enter from the other way and meet up with the river.

Where?

Zoom out.

How do you get there?

Let's see.

Geez, that's deep in there.

They're deep in there.

How did they build roads?

And there's uncontactables in here in the Ecuadorian stuff.

So people, you just don't.

And they finally decided, like, leave them alone.

You actually can't go there.

Oh, you're not allowed to go in there?

Like, they're not.

Yeah.

They tried to warn them of certain things.

Like, how do we warn them about like typhoons coming, shit like that?

But, like, they've survived for thousands of years.

We don't have to warn them.

And they go, maybe we'll drop radios and like give them alerts in like Quechua or whatever.

Why?

Let them be.

They found the one part of the planet where they can't be contacted and you're going to fucking break your back to get there.

Yeah, exactly.

And they don't want to, well, I mean, they've always there.

And so they're like, we don't want to be tried to.

They can look at at the sky and go, it's coming in six weeks.

Yeah, they've dealt with it before.

Yeah, they can smell it.

It's like a small cycle of everything.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, they showed us all this fun stuff, too, where it's like,

they had all these different, like, plants that, like, do different things.

Yeah.

So one was for period cramps.

That's awesome.

And you're like, how do you know it's for period cramps?

And he goes, well, look at the leaves.

And you look in the leaves.

You're like, okay, turn it over.

You turn it over.

It looks like it's dipped in blood.

Every one of the leaves looks like they're dipped in blood.

And they go, the plants talk to us.

They tell us what we need to use it for.

That's awesome.

Yeah.

Other ones like it was snake venom.

Like

it looks like a viper's tongue.

It's shaped like a viper's tongue.

Like the split tongue.

Like, yeah, it's just telling us what we need.

What the fuck?

Wait, I need another example of something we have.

Oh, something we have?

Yeah.

What do you mean?

Well, I told Rogan all this when I went in there and he goes, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

He goes, all the big drunk companies go into the Amazon and research that stuff and then make it into pill form.

Really?

Yeah, which, but it doesn't quite do it because one of the snake venom things, they're like, now the only problem with this is you can't, it has to be fresh.

So somebody gets bit, you got to go out there and get it, grind it up, take it back.

Because if you do it ahead of time, it just won't work.

There was another one, it's the tree with little like ants in there, and they'll give you like an hour of energy.

So you cut open this thing, there's like a bubble in the tree, cut it open, eat these ants.

And if like you're in enemy territory, or if you make a fire, they'll go to come find you because of the smoke.

So they go, you can't make a fire, but you got to eat.

So eat the ants, you can get, you can can hike for an hour and get out of enemy territory.

That's so sick.

It's pretty sick.

It's the wildest place.

Yeah, they had a very different relationship to insects than I've ever seen.

I mean, they would, like, if, because we were, like, all freaking out, obviously, because the spiders are insane.

And the,

was the scorpion in Puerto Rico or in Ecuador?

Do they have scorpions in Puerto Rico?

It's probably Puerto Rico.

Oh, they have tarantulas.

Yeah, they had like crazy spiders.

I did have a whole album on Facebook, but

I don't even know how to log into my Facebook.

Anymore, really?

Well, try.

Try to send it to me later.

Okay.

Yeah.

And

but they did, they would be like, what were those, what are those spiders called?

Corn spiders?

Spiders that were in the.

In the corner?

They were in the jungle, but I think they were called corn spiders.

No, they were.

They're, I think they're banana spiders.

Look up banana spider.

Okay.

Why'd you say corn?

Because we were in corn, and I was just thinking of that.

Giant bananas are most likely there was a Brazilian wandering spider.

Oh my god.

What?

Is it that?

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

It's that one down with the

yellow body.

This?

Yep.

Those guys, they were just like grabbing and putting on their body and like they were super venomous and you weren't supposed to really?

Yeah, they were doing that.

Look at it.

it's got a skull on its back.

Yeah,

look at that, yeah,

it's so frightening.

But they had a lot of people who had to do everything with bugs, yeah.

Yeah, even that.

It's like if the, I don't know if the what's it called, they're shaped like that, then like the bugs, too.

Like, it has a skull on it, yeah, it means don't touch, yeah,

that's so cool.

Wow, look, but they would just like move them, they wouldn't kill them, and they yeah, they would never kill anything.

Oh, my gosh, even like the bugs that would eat the avocado plants, they would just like relocate them, Really?

Yeah, instead of killing them.

Would they just like them?

No, I think

they said that it was better to move them because then they would like colonize somewhere else and not in the place that they were.

Oh, interesting.

So it was like.

Oh, and they didn't use pesticides.

That was a huge thing.

Where he was like, I was like, do you use pesticides?

And they were like, we don't use any pesticides because it...

Fucks up what you can grow in the future if you use pesticides in the soil.

Yeah.

Which is how we fuck up everything because we just use all the land, use pesticides on the land, and then the land is like, you can't grow anything else.

We're dead.

And we just go, great.

And we move to a different land.

And then we, I mean, we can usually grow corn on anything, so we'll just grow a shit ton of corn to feed to cows to fill up their stomachs.

And then, but yeah, we just like, but they have like a whole thing where you don't use pesticides because then you can reuse the soil.

And you know, they have this thing called the three sisters, I think.

And it's like three crops.

And if you use one crop all the time, it'll rob the soil of like one of the nutrients and kind of be like whatever.

And then you got to go fallow for a year.

Let the soil kind of come back.

But if you rotate these three sisters that kind of feed off each other, I think it's like.

Corn bean and

I forget the third one.

Yeah.

Corn bean.

You can do it in your own little garden.

Really?

Yeah, you can do it like in a tiny little plot.

You can do the three sisters.

Also, you can do it with animals.

Like you can do, you can take your corn bean and squash.

Oh, yeah, squash.

Growing together.

This This practice developed by Native Americans utilizes, or whatever,

the complementary nature of these crops to create a mutually beneficial and sustainable garden ecosystem.

So you grow them all, so then they all.

I don't get any of it.

Because corn removes, I think it's something like corn removes nitrogen from the plant.

Bean replaces nitrogen.

And then

there's

also legumes have an enzyme that are carried with them where they fix that symbiotic where the enzyme lives on the legume and just gives it nitrogen

because that's what it does and it gets to live on the legume and stay alive.

So legumes naturally have I think all this shit's so interesting.

Like, how do they figure this out without like breaking it down scientifically in the lab?

I don't know.

You know, this is from like a thousand years ago.

They got it.

They're just trying.

Yeah.

It's really cool.

It's very cool.

And it's also like, did they figure it out by just being like, okay, corn is starchy.

This is acidic-y.

Do these go together?

It's very cool.

And you can do it with animals.

You can be like, I'm going to use the nitrogen from the rabbit shit

to fertilize this.

Yeah, fertilizer.

They let the chickens into the cow pasture because they eat the parasites out of the cow paddies.

That feeds the chickens.

And then, but, yeah, and then you use the chicken eggs.

And then

there's a whole farm that does that that I tried to work on, and they said they wouldn't allow me to do it because no women allowed because they kept fucking the farmers.

Corn provides a stalk, a sturdy stalk for the beans to climb, acting as a natural trellis.

that's awesome yeah

what did you say i tried to work on a farm that was a closed-loop farm things like that where they had zero they literally brought nothing in yeah um and they brought to

it up they wouldn't let me because because what it was only boys you would up the ecosystem there yeah i know we used to all do mushrooms all the comics in the comments so we'd go out to joshua tree and do mushrooms and uh kim cognen was like like, New, and she was like, How come I'm on a bike?

Because I'm a girl, like, yes, yeah, there's a bunch of boys alone doing psychedelic drugs.

And if we add a chick we all want to fuck, then it will mess up the whole vibe.

Yeah, yeah, it's not your fault, but you're not invited, yeah, totally, yeah, yeah.

We'll all be trying to impress you while seeing it.

It won't be a good place to be on mushrooms, on heavy doses of mushrooms.

Have you had a trip where you were like, I'm gonna kill myself?

No,

no, I've honestly never had a

of of what I read about as a bad trip.

Where you feel stuck?

I've been with someone who has been on it, and that's a mess.

What do you do?

I get to the point where I trust in my research

when I'm sober, which is that the mushroom will take care of you.

It will be okay.

Yeah.

So at some point, I'm like, we got to let him go.

We got to let him go on his own journey.

He's going to.

Will the acid take care of you?

Because I feel like mushrooms have taken care of me and acid hasn't.

Yeah, I don't say that for acid.

Yeah, right?

Yeah.

Because when I do mushrooms, one time I did mushrooms, slid down a waterfall naked, got leeches all over my asshole, and was laughing hysterically.

And I had my friend pull them off, but a part of me was like, I remember saying this out loud, being like, just let them,

they'll come off on the, let them eat some of me.

I got plenty of blood to go around.

But on acid,

the clouds were shaping skulls.

And then I would have a good thought and they'd turn into ballerinas.

And then I'd have a bad thought and they'd go back into skulls.

It was crazy.

And my mind could like move everything.

Whereas mushrooms, I I felt like were moving me.

There's always those people here, like, what if your friend wasn't there?

The naysayers.

Like, what if your friend wasn't there?

Those leeches would have could have legitimately killed you.

No.

They could have just kept sucking whatever.

I don't know, but they're going to have really damaged you.

But your friend was there.

Right.

They did get him off.

The mushrooms take care of you.

They go, but what if your friend wasn't there?

Like, your friend's where the mushrooms wouldn't let the mushrooms go.

So the second I would have gotten a towel, I would have wiped my butt with it and got, you know what I mean?

Like they would have come.

They're lake leeches.

Yeah.

Dude, I know a girl who in Australia tumbled down a hill like on a hike, and they pulled huge, thick, black leeches off of her entire body, and then like a day later, she reached back and they missed one, and it was like a huge black leech on her.

Yeah,

those even those, I don't think they're that bad for you.

Let them have the blood, we give blood all the time to gay people.

What do you mean when we tear their assholes open with butt fucking for AIDS and shit?

Oh, yeah, don't we donate blood?

Don't we give we give maids?

Don't we need to give maids so they can take

maids, that's right, but we donate blood.

I mean, the leeches can have some sweet Fistus Farm is still used.

People still plant it.

Yeah.

They also had, I remember we went to a...

No, I don't remember that.

Yeah.

This whole lot, we all went on a trip to this

coffee plantation, and they were just showing us that.

Yeah, I had no idea it was that.

And it was like

you have to plant grenadino plants because that acts as another trellis, and they climb up that, and that somehow clears the soil.

Like the one plant clears the soil.

Grenadinia plants.

Grenadinhas are my favorite fruit.

Oh, they're food?

Yeah.

Granada.

My favorite fruit I had in Rome.

Oh, yeah, those are so fucking good.

And the flowers are like that.

They have them here.

You can get them here, yeah.

They're so good.

They like how sour there?

But they're good, too.

I stayed in a place and like place outside Quito where the lady just had one in her yard.

It just just kept falling.

I would take them right off and eat them.

They were so fucking good.

So good.

Sometimes when I go to LA, I'm like, what?

You guys have

oranges just around?

Oh, yeah.

Duncan used to have a tangerine tree in his backyard.

It's crazy.

Just go get one.

I'm like, what?

It's not fair.

Yeah, Harlan's got one.

Why don't you go get one on your way out?

We only live here because people have a high superior intellect.

We need the rats.

High what?

High superior intellect.

Intellect, class, style.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Relevance.

Yeah, relevance.

Yeah.

The rats here are sick.

The ones that are above ground are fat and the ones below ground are skinny.

The rats are not great.

I love the rats.

I used to be a l landscaper here.

Yeah.

My whole half of my job was keeping rats out and it was like truly impossible.

Losing.

No way.

You'll never lose it.

Yeah.

And I was doing mesh.

I was like doing so much shit.

Oh, just to keep the rats out.

And the real answer is don't grow here.

Yeah.

Don't grow anything here.

Yeah.

There's not.

These rich people in Park Slope would be like, we wanna, I mean, the amount of bone.

We want a garden.

I would have to put in bone

what is fish bone meal?

So ground up fish bone to leech out all of the

lead so they could grow it.

And I'd be like, just go to fucking Whole Foods, you cucks.

Yeah.

Who are you trying to impress here?

They're friends.

It's crazy.

They're like, well, we want to be able to give it to our kids.

I'm like, don't, dude.

Do you know how many homeless people have fucking shit right here?

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

All the ones in the parks here, like, we have to raise the ground because the soil is like just deadly.

Yeah.

So we have to do raised bed stuff.

Right.

Yeah.

Totally.

Off the actual ground.

You have to do totally off the ground.

It's all toxic.

And all of Central Park and Prospect Park are all, it's all added in soil, I think, right?

Central Park seems like it was there.

They just saved it.

Well, all those rocks were brought in.

Those big boulders.

Yeah.

What?

The guy's a genius.

His name is Olmsted.

He built both the parks.

He had crippling depression and was sick like every three months with depression.

And he built these two parks that ironically are like the one thing that keep people from killing themselves in New York.

It really is.

It's so, I go every day to Prospect Park.

They want to get rid of it.

It's like, no, no, no, we need it so bad.

That's one of those things where it's like, what's the benefit?

It's like, I can't explain to this to you in monetary lines.

It has to be.

They want to get rid of it.

They always want to get rid of it and encroach, encroach, build a little bit.

We can make so much money if we put housing there.

We can bring down the cost of housing all over.

And it's like, no, we need it for our mental health.

He also made it illegal to like put bullshit in it, like playgrounds and shit.

like to modify it hugely.

Yeah, he was the best.

You need to keep it.

They try to do this as a commodity park in Austin.

They're like, let's change it.

We'll do underground parking.

And there's a big revolt.

And then finally, the people won on that one.

East River Park, they lost.

They did lose it?

Yeah, there were all these protests.

Wait, East River Park, isn't that where all the homeless people are, though?

No, now there's like a bunch of and stuff because it's just empty.

Thank you, fucking de Blasio.

Yeah, we always said, like, no, there's tons of trees.

And they go, well, there might be another flood.

They go, the flood, the trees pulled the floodwater out in two days.

Yeah.

After Sandy, it was the first thing back in business.

Oh.

And they go, now we gotta change and it's like no you're just trying to divert funds there so you can take a kickback totally carlina rivera all those people are just like crooked fucking stealing funds for their own they go well we'll try listen we should be able to change all this to fake soil

cut the trees we'll plant new trees i'm like there's like 1500 trees in that why cut the trees what does that how does that help anybody They're like, well, we got to raise the whole thing to be able to like raise it up six feet and put fake soil and turf instead of actual grass.

Why?

Because they're dumb fucks.

No, they're not dumb.

They're crooked.

And then they made a stay of like, hey, actually, we got legal rights to make you stop doing this till we actually look into it more.

And then whoever the government was then just goes, start the bulldozers.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, they go, fuck these people already with their protests.

Where was that?

East River Park.

Thousands of acres.

Well, and this was for

allegedly for runoff or for yeah.

And it's like,

it was just so, it was just, it was such a clear fucking and they go we already have the funds if we do run out of funds we do reserve the right to build either prisons or high-rises oh and you're like so that means you're definitely gonna be doing that right

that's crazy it was like i had a real like a like a crisis of like oh democracy even in the small level doesn't work the whole community came out said that park saved us during covet it's not a playground it's a massive park yeah that's where that the big like they used to do shows there at the outside thing they had dogs the dog halloween contest there they had like

during the pandemic, we would baseball fields.

Yeah.

You'd go out there, the little clamshell thing.

Yeah, the tickets.

There were barbecues there.

Everyone would run up and down, tennis courts.

Then they had an overgrown part.

We could actually take hikes and stuff.

Went under the Brooklyn Bridge.

Just kept going all the way down and around and up.

Yeah, they just destroyed it all.

And they made it into just like a flat.

Well, they're like, let's build it.

So it's like a three-year process of no one having a park.

They do it in sections, but it's like, it was just so, it's just so fucked.

I got really disappointed.

It's crazy that Central Park stays

good because they can never do that now.

Yeah.

With like a bunch of buildings were there and then collapsed, they go, hey, well, now that we don't have buildings, let's actually make it parkland.

Like, you're out of your mind.

Do people patrol it all the time?

Patrol Central Park?

Yeah.

It's safe.

I know, but when I'm in there, I'm like, how is this perfect nook not a homeless man's thing?

There must just be people there.

I think they do.

I think the cops go in and take care of it.

And like, guys, come on, come on, get out of here.

Because when I moved here, I was like, it's so dangerous, right?

And Yamonik was like, it ain't dangerous.

I mean, I've run Prospect Park at 2 a.m.

Yeah.

It's crazy.

It's crazy how safe the city is.

And then it's also crazy how outsiders talk about how dangerous it is.

Yeah.

You know what's dangerous?

The only dangerous place I've been to, Bushwick,

which is like where white open micers live.

Yeah.

And it's dangerous because they do fucking...

Yeah, they do like salvia and then punch you in the back of the head.

Oh my God, is that bandit?

Is it puppy?

Yeah.

You got him as a little puppy?

Yeah, three months old.

Oh my God.

That's him three months old.

I got him on a way to a wedding and I was like,

Bandit was,

Bandit was, someone else adopted her.

And I was like, ah, fuck, I was at too long.

Not waited too long, but I couldn't get there, Mount Vernon.

Snars, S-N-A-R-R-S.

And

another family got her.

I was like, ah, fuck.

Okay.

So I was like, okay, I was just looking for the kind of the right size-ish dog.

Yeah.

Female, so we didn't like piss mark everything.

Yeah.

Bandits.

Go, hey, family came.

The kids started sneezing like crazy.

They can't take him.

Oh my God, that's awesome.

He's available if you want him.

And I was like, hey, she or he.

I mean, gender is a construct, George.

You, of all people, should know that.

Just fucking my doggy.

Try to fuck my dog.

That's in the Amazon.

That's crazy.

It's crazy, Lick.

And I go, wait, I'm going to a wedding.

I'm going up there.

Yeah.

Save.

They're like, we'll save it for three days.

Fine.

We won't, we won't put it on the, we'll take it off the market.

Okay.

And then I did.

I went there, saw Bandit, and I was like, yeah, I'm taking it.

This is my dog now.

Yeah.

However, I think possibly the worst thing to do in life is to bring a puppy to a wedding.

Yeah, that's crazy.

It's such a diversion of attention away from the bride

that it's like actually kind of evil.

Yeah.

So I was like, can you keep this dog for three more days till I get done and come back?

And they go, yeah.

Okay, good.

And on the way down I got him picked him up and drove and then Let's get poop in my apartment.

Yeah,

everywhere you got everywhere

I got her at six weeks no

And she ate everything and she shit everywhere and she had diarrhea every other fucking day

every day and she bit me all over

Yeah, and she had the puppy teeth.

Yeah, so sharp.

They're crazy.

They're razor blades.

Here's what I ask people before we end this.

First of all, again, everybody, go watch Jordan's special on Netflix right now.

Yeah.

Called Baby Mama Trouble.

That's it?

What is it?

Black Baby Mama.

Black Baby Mama.

It's not trouble.

You took the trouble out.

Equality.

It's called Take Me With You.

It's on Netflix.

Please watch it.

Yeah, watch it.

There's no comments to leave.

So just watch it and enjoy.

There's no more calls to action after.

Just like watch it.

I guess tell friends if you liked it.

I should find the Jesus guy and take him down.

He's probably dead.

When was this?

How long ago was it?

What?

This was 20...

What did I say?

How old were you?

When you were 20.

Yeah.

How old are you now?

33?

Yeah, it's 12 years ago, 13 years ago.

He's not dead.

He's driving.

Could be on a subway selling candy.

Oh.

Those are all Ecuadorians selling gum.

Oh, is that what that is?

I always buy from them.

That makes it feel better.

Yeah, like that's the Ecuadorian racket.

I like that they're selling stuff.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like, yeah, I'll take gum.

$2?

Sure.

I was going to pay $1.50 anyway.

Yeah, sure.

You're Ecuadorian.

Yeah.

Welcome to the country.

And sometimes I'll ask them, like, what city city are you from?

They tell me, I'm like, I've been there.

How many languages do you speak?

One, English, the only language.

You can speak Spanish?

A little.

I can.

I'm okay.

But I'm not great.

Okay, here's what I asked people on the way out of here.

One travel tip of any kind, general or specific.

So from Mexico City, I just did one with Norman.

Get one taco and move.

One taco and move.

Don't get multiple tacos from the same place.

You'll fill up.

You'll ruin the chance to get more tacos, more taco trucks.

Other ones are packed light.

That's a general one.

Um,

so some travel tip, and also give me a country that is calling you that you want to go to.

It's on your mind.

Doesn't have to be the only one, but like just one of them.

They're like, I really want to go there.

Do you have any place like that?

Yeah.

I just am going there.

Okay.

One that I'm not going to.

No.

If you're going, that's fine too.

Your plan.

You know what?

Where I really want to go is everybody wants to go here.

I do want to go to Japan, but I also want to go to

Abu Dhabi.

Really?

Yes, because Tom Segura said that they're all gay and they hold each other's hands and they do gay shit, but they're like, being gay is not okay.

But they like make out as men.

They make out?

They like kissing stuff.

Do you want to go to see the men kissing

with their fucking girl?

I think Abu Dhabi is the most bizarre.

I really want to go to Japan.

I want to go to Ireland.

I want to go to all the beautiful places, but I think Abu Dhabi is going to be scary and freaky in like a Vegas-y type way, and I do want to see that.

Vegas is kind of scary too.

I fucking hate Vegas.

Me too.

That's my travel tip.

Never go to Vegas if you go to Vegas.

I think Vegas should be blown up with all the people in it.

That's not a bad travel tip.

Yeah.

Never go to Vegas.

Never go to Vegas.

No matter what you're planning, don't go to Vegas.

It's disgusting.

It's awful.

People pushing strollers in a smoke-filled room at 3 a.m.

You can't escape either.

It's all, you can hardly get off of the trail that leads you through another casino to the back of the Fremont's.

People are like, Fremont's good.

I'm like, Fremont has a literal fake ceiling that's projecting digital.

So you're like always just barraged with images.

It needs to be removed.

It needs to be eliminated off the planet.

Yeah.

It's awful.

It's a bad reflection of American culture.

Yeah.

You can't do comedy there.

Every single person's from a different place.

You can't relate on any level.

No, you really can't.

It's just about how did we do it with the slots today?

That's all the job.

Yeah, the only thing I talk about is how much I hate Vegas.

Yeah, people are like, we got it.

We're also here right now.

Yeah.

It's fat people hooked up to gas machines.

But Abu Dhabi, I think, is like if Vegas were like

successful.

I did an episode on Abu Dhabi on UAE anyway with Tucker, Tucker Carlson, sitting right where you are, pet and bandit all the time, big dog lover.

Wow.

He was trying to sell me on it.

I was like, don't they have like slavery?

He goes, that is, yeah, that is a negative for sure.

They do have a pretty high version of slavery there.

I think it might be, I think it might be crazy cool.

Like, if I could teleport there, I would.

But I am going to Ireland, Scotland, Italy, France.

You got a tour set up.

October.

I got a tour set up.

France?

You're playing in France?

Yeah.

Paris.

Paris.

Where else you got?

Oslo.

Ooh, yeah.

Amsterdam.

Okay.

Amsterdam is the number one,

probably number one comedy city in Europe.

London.

Outside of UK.

Dublin, Berlin, Stockholm.

Stockholm.

Yeah.

That's okay.

That's an okay town.

No, Stockholm's okay.

Paris.

Pretty people.

You're going to Berlin?

Yeah.

You're not sober, are you?

You are sober.

From alcohol or from everything?

Everything except for mushrooms.

But I don't think mushrooms are a drug.

All right.

Well, maybe you'll still enjoy Berlin.

What would I do?

What would you want me to do?

Molly?

I'll do Molly.

Yeah, for sure.

The problem is Molly is.

Molly, I'm for.

I just am on Prozac.

So it is.

When you're on Prozac, it's harder to do Molly.

So I'd have to, like, not take Prozac for a couple days and then do the Molly.

Trouble.

But I love Molly.

What about ketamine?

I've never tried ketamine.

Can Can you do that on Prozac?

I can do whatever I want.

Do you have to go off Prozac to do that?

No, no, no, no.

I don't think so.

It's ayahuasca

interferes with Prozac and Molly.

I'm not sure ketamine does.

But ketamine, I don't like that.

Prozac interferes with ayahuasca.

Yeah.

Not the other way.

Ayahuasca doesn't stop your Prozac from working.

Ayahuasca?

It's something about it doesn't work.

Like the drug just doesn't work because my serotonin receptors.

I have done Molly on Prozac though, and it has worked.

Yeah, do Molly at a fucking club in Berlin.

there's like 20 of them get into any other clubs you don't have to go to the the nicest one or the coolest one or the most famous one almost any of them find drugs in the bathroom not on the floor i mean go to the bathroom and kind of look around and somebody will look at you and you're like what and they'll be like do you need anything it won't even be like come with me it'll just be like do you need anything it'll just be out in the open yeah but i can I can go to clubs and dance with no drugs because how many drugs I've done.

And do that too.

It's so fun.

Yeah, tap back into it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's the best too.

I'm like, I can achieve mushrooms if I really concentrate on that.

So much.

I've done so much Molly and Gone dancing that I'm like, I know the feeling.

And it is just, you have to be grateful for humanity and not afraid.

Yeah.

So you're going.

Dublin, London, Berlin, Paris, Amsterdam, forget where.

Stockholm.

Copenhagen.

Stockholm.

Nice.

No, they wanted to add Copenhagen, but I said no.

Italy?

Where you're playing in Italy?

No, we're not going to Italy.

Are we going to Italy?

Well, that's a good trip.

Yeah.

You already got it all planned?

Yeah.

Do you have days off?

We have a couple days off here and there.

The question is, do I fly everywhere?

Do we rent a car and go everywhere?

Anytime you can take a train, take a train.

Okay.

If it's within like a five-hour train, it's so much easier than going to the airport, leaving two hours before your flight, flying one hour, then landing at the airport, then 30 minutes into town.

Yeah.

Just take the train.

You can sleep on the train.

You don't have to get there hours early.

So you just go and it's it's beautiful outside.

You just, and you walk up and down.

But there's some places you can't take the train.

Some places, like, no, that'd be 12 hours.

Okay.

We're not doing that.

But five hours or under, some of them are like two hours, three hours.

If you're going from like Paris to Belgium, train.

You know, I mean, I don't know what else.

Where are you?

Oslo and maybe Oslo to Stockholm.

Maybe.

Anyway, but look for trains.

If not, flights.

Okay.

But,

well, you already got the whole thing planned, huh?

Like, when the dates are?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, then my advice is

for the next one,

do research for this one.

Yeah.

And for the next one, since it's Europe and the money's not that good anyway.

Bad.

Yeah.

Take days off.

So what you want to do is Thursday, Friday, Saturday, maybe Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, but really Thursday, Friday, Saturday shows or Friday, Saturday, Sunday shows.

Let's say it's Thursday, Friday, Saturday.

Now you have Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday off.

So you either stay in that town for four days longer, fuck around, or go to the next town early or a mixture of it.

Let me stay here for two days.

Actually, I'm getting bored here.

Let me go.

Let me head off early or go somewhere in between.

I've never seen Rotterdam.

I'm done with Paris already.

I'm going to go to Amsterdam.

Let me stop in Rotterdam for a night or two on the way.

That's a train.

Amsterdam, from Paris to Amsterdam is definitely a train.

And you just have like time off to do shit because, you know, when you got to do stand-up, you're like, you have to be somewhere at a certain time.

And the days off, that's where you really want to milk those.

Yeah, I think we did a few days in Ireland and a few days in Berlin.

Oh, that's the city to do the few days.

That's what I wanted to see.

And I love Ireland.

Yeah, great.

And then when you're done, don't come back right away.

Stay three, four days a day.

Yeah, right, right, right.

And my agent kept trying to like add shows, and I was like, just don't.

You got to check them.

Yeah.

You got to check them.

They keep trying to be who they are.

It's crazy.

Scorpion and the frog.

Scorpion and the frog.

They can't help it.

They're like, do you want to, you have five minutes in this place.

Do you want to do a show?

I'm like, no.

That's their job to bring you stuff.

And you got to like,

yeah, you're going to have to, you're gonna eventually lose the battle a bunch until you get so mad you're like I can't do that anymore You're fucking me over.

They're gonna winehouse you and you gotta stop them from either trying to wine house me Yeah, they're trying to wine house me and I'm writing songs saying I'm trying to I broke out of rehab or whatever.

Yeah

Okay, cool.

Thank you.

Yeah, you're welcome.

Thank you.

Congratulations on the special.

I was legitimately there and fucking for the second show and it was crusher.

Thanks.

Yeah, like you really crushed.

So watch I was in there the whole time.

There was a couple drunks that Allie was like, okay, can I talk to you outside?

Yeah, people get fucked up.

You can't come back in.

Yeah,

I was like, Let's talk outside.

And like, no.

And then

so crazy.

I had a heckler during the whole first show.

Oh, really?

I'm a positive heckler, which is the worst.

I know, because you can't tell them, like, you need to shut the fuck up because everyone'll turn on you.

Yeah, but you need a door guy to be like, hey, can I understand what this is?

Can I talk to you outside?

Yeah, it was crazy.

I mean, people kept being like, I guess I'll do something about it.

And then they'd back off because it would stop, but it just kept going on.

It was crazy.

But the second show was great.

Yeah.

Coyote.

All right.

Coyote Coyote was there.

I saw her there.

That's the episode, everybody.

I hope you enjoyed it.

Thank you very much, Jordan Jensen, for coming in and telling us about your slave labor in Ecuador.

You had to work like an actual human for one day in your fucking white life, and you couldn't stop complaining about it.

You said there must have been a conspiracy theory because why?

White people don't do manual labor.

He must be up to something.

Maybe he was, honestly.

And maybe you're just mad that you didn't have sex with that guy, Jordan.

Maybe you are.

I don't know.

No one will ever know.

What we do know is you got a great special right now on Netflix called Take Me With You.

Guys, go on Netflix.

You can't leave a comment on there.

But if you found out about it and liked it, reach out to Jordan on Instagram at

JordanJensen LOL stop

and tell her that you got there and watched the special because of this episode of Ubi Trippin' she'll be very happy to hear it she likes compliments she is always very insecure and she's ready to kill herself at any moment so a little bit of compliment going hey I actually really liked your special I found it from you be tripping and your appearance on there

And I liked it.

Reach out.

I don't know.

Today's episode is produced by the Your Mom's House Network, always producing high-quality stuff once in a very long while for comedians.

They got great stuff, and they've made my show better than it ever could be.

It's edited by Alan Caffey, one of the best editors in the tri-state area.

This podcast was fun.

It did bring me back to Ecuador

and to that lake.

It's pretty fucking wild.

It's like that hike that he's talking about, like the Machu Picchu hike or something like that.

So the hike to this lake.

I mean, I guess I got to talk about it on a different podcast once fully, but it's crazy.

I went there with Bandit.

I guess we showed it on there.

It's like a three or four day hike together.

You stay in these little

cabins, sort of, these hiker cabins along the way.

Same thing they have in Austria.

It's pretty fucking...

Ah.

You ever think about a place and as you're talking about it, just go like, I miss it.

They'd have these little heating fires in each house and they get a starter for you.

It was so fucking cold at night.

It gets so hot during the day, and then it rains, and you'd just be soaked to the bone.

What a fucking fun trip!

That's the cool thing about trips, too.

And for the worst parts of it, where you're just like, I'm so fucking over it, I'm soaked, it's raining, I'm cold, I want to go home.

All those will eventually turn into positive memories where you're like, Remember that time we were soaked to the bone and we couldn't find our place?

It just all the pain goes away, and all the memory subsides every time, even if someone was killed in front of you.

Um, that's what I love about America.

Like, well, sometimes it's not great.

I'm doing it right now.

That's it, everybody.

That's the episode.

Next week, Dan Soder is on to talk about Sweden.

That'll be a good one.

And that's it.

Find my stuff online.

You can find UB Tripping shirts and whatever, stickers, all sorts of stuff.

Damn, I love this design.

So fucking cool.

Shroom Fest shirts.

Oh, shroom fest.

How was your shroom fest?

Did you get high?

Did you take mushrooms?

I know I did.

I took them somewhere in the world.

Yeah.

Yeah.

In some forest or maybe near a temple.

I don't know.

I'm recording this before, I'll be honest with you.

But I did it somewhere fun.

I hope you did too.

Hope you enjoyed your shroomfest.

Like every year next year, I don't know what it's going to be.

I got to look it up.

But you can still get a shroomfest shirt if you want at rhsafir.com.

It's also available right there.

If you celebrate it, why not commemorate it with a nice shroomfest shirt?

I don't make any money off it, so just enjoy it.

Have a good time.

Bye, everybody.

Until next week, Aça Luego.