Three Brodens

Friends, we are doing our last tour for a fair while with our brand new show, Drem.

It's the funniest show we've made, in my opinion.

Tickets are on sale now.

Go to tour.auntydonner.com.

A listener production.

Welcome to the Auntie Donna podcast into the 400s.

The show is the worst it has ever been.

It is becoming consistently bad.

Why are you listening?

This week, Broden's joined by two other Brodens.

Let's see what that's like.

Here we go.

Folks, welcome to the Auntie Donna Podcast.

I'm Broden Kelly, and I am feeling nervous about the world tour, which is about to take place.

So to help me this week, I'm joined by

two Brodens.

Now, that as a concept, I don't really fully get.

I haven't really thought that through.

I just know we need to talk about the tour.

And

there was board caps in the office.

But please welcome two Brodens.

What's up?

Hey, thank you for having me.

I'm Broden number three.

And I am Broden number eight.

We had to.

We had to kill a lot of the other Brodens to.

Now, let's start there there were 10

there were 10 Brodens now there are four for those of just

those that are just listening

they're both wearing bald caps

because when we walked in today there was two bald caps and two

Ray-Ben like kind of aviator sunglasses in the room so we do this podcast is done

obviously we're a part of the listener network you probably noticed some of our ads have fun little

you know we have little interactions now that's because we're a part of the listener network which is family family and that is tied i would die for kickpod that is tied to

uh the sea radio

some big radio uh triple mple m fox big commercial radio gets recorded just down the hall from us when we do this now we said to them we're only signing on if if everything that happens through this door

you can't touch it and they said we don't care yeah

um and i don't think they know we exist no they said you can use our studio

they're doing us a kindness and we will forever be grateful yeah and uh we're in here doing this but

that usually no no huge crazy advantages they have a little coffee machine

But today we came in

and

there was like a pit bull thing.

Kickpod is a massive like a million downloads a day kind of situation to very prominent social media women who have huge followings.

Should I

pose to you the

train question, Broden Prime?

The train tracks.

The train tracks.

So on one,

you've got there's a train coming, right?

And splits off into two paths, and you've got a lever that'll decide what path the train will go down.

On one track, you've got Kickpod tied up.

And on the other track, we have all of Triple J.

Everyone that works at

MAM.

Or Triple M rocks football.

Triple M Rocks football.

Where do you send the train?

I'd kill Mick Malloy and

the whole Triple M team for sure because I love kickpod.

Great.

It's just, that's a philosophical question.

They were in here earlier, apparently.

No one comes near us when we're here.

No one talks to us.

We're down a hole.

And

there was two.

Kickbot had been invited to an RB night, is my understanding.

Fridays with

a Z, I believe.

At the end.

Jennifer Lowe pairs the name of the Mariah Kerry.

Mariah Kerry.

There's some sort of RB night is happening in Melbourne.

And to promote it, they were handing out bags of bald caps and sunglasses to make you look like a musician called Pit Bull.

Pit Bull.

And

the costume came with the promise of three items, a bald cap, a pair of aviators, and a goatee.

And I'll and just

as I was about to absolutely fucking rip on whoever put these together on Friday.

Before you make it a goatee,

I can't make it a goatee.

Because I have a beard, you have a beard.

Before you do that, can I offer my

eyebrow?

My goatee.

I've given away what my plans were

to make you a little angry man.

I would love that.

And I'll do that now.

This is not good podcasting, is what I would say.

It's great if you are a member of the Patreon and you can check that out.

But that's, but I don't want to, I don't think if people don't have that, they

it's behind a paywall.

I'm sorry for suggesting that.

In fact, everyone that is a patron at the moment, cancel your subscription because the guilt is too much for me to handle.

Is that fair?

Welcome to the Auntie Donna podcast.

Did you just say to everyone to cancel their Patreon subscriptions?

I was just following your lead, man.

No, we can't use any of this.

I was just following your lead.

I thought that's where you were leading.

You were going to.

Do you know what I think this is, folks?

What?

Do you know what I think what we've done so far?

I don't think this is a good podcast.

I think this is a bonus podcast.

No.

No wrong.

Now, I'm pretty upset with what you've just said to me about this being a bonus podcast.

You look angry.

And if people were a member of the Patreon or if they followed us on socials, I imagine this will be a bit of a clip

that we can put on socials.

That's good.

You can see that at the moment I'm kind of TO'd.

Yeah, you look angry.

At the way you've suggested this to be a bonus podcast when this is maybe some of the best Fridays content that's been made since the inception of Fridays.

So Fridays being an RB night that Pitbull Mariah Carol

are involved with in some way.

How apropos on the second episode of the Cold Cuts era

to

say

we are recording on Fridays at the moment after

four days of big long days of working on our live show.

Developing DREM, long days developing writing sketches, what we're known for.

And

I think it's worth noting, saying Friday, in the same way, the first and only time we ever banked,

I think it's worth saying this is an era where we're recording on Fridays.

And I think...

It is the Friday era.

And I think this is...

I think this is possibly the worst thing that's ever happened to the podcast.

Yeah.

As I sit here on a Friday, you with a bald cap on, Mark, and two pit bull goadies as

who'd I say you just said mark

you mark Broden I'm sorry I didn't know we were still going with that

I'm pretty upset

because you've got two pit bull goadies as angry eyebrows as I look across at you and then I look across at you Broden eight eight eight with uh your sunnies on and your bald cap with your hair creeping out the sides I think what happened to us why take your beanie off well my head genuinely got cold and that is a real gets cold, doesn't it?

When you shave your head, do you want to go with your Broden?

Like, do you want to run with

where Broden still?

Do you want to hear about Broden 2?

Please.

So, before the technique of making many Broden's was like nailed down,

this is after, of course, I'm world building here.

This is after, of course, the quantum split of

actor David Wenham.

Yep.

After that occurred,

a scientist

was like, and a businessman was like,

we can use this.

And they said,

Broden Kelly, he does so well on Auntie Donna.

He does so well on the footy with Broden Kelly.

He does so well on his appearances on Triple M.

He does so well on, but there is only so much one Broden Kelly can do.

And he said, Broden Kelly, if you give me exclusive rights to your clones, I will give you 50% of everything they own.

Burn, Broden said, 80%.

He said 70%.

You shook the deal.

The technology was not there yet.

So Broden 2, while he looked exactly like Broden, was a psychopath.

Evil.

Evil Broden.

He killed people.

He crunched their bones.

He ate their flesh.

Evil.

Evil, but charming.

I have one quick question for Broden.

Eight.

What did you answer?

Broden 1.

No, I'm just agreeing with you.

Okay, great.

Broden Prime is also Broden one.

Yeah.

So Broden two was the first of the...

Who am I?

You're Broden Prime, but also Broden one.

Yeah.

Broden two, evil.

And now remember how I said there are four Broden's, the three of us, and there's a fourth out on the loose?

That's Broden

10.

They got out.

We killed Broden 2.

He's fine.

There's no threat there.

Broden 10 is just a chilled dude similar to you.

We've set up traps parks across Melbourne to try and

see if we can well if we tell we can't tell you because if we if we tell you then potentially that information will transfer to his psyche

do why my sentience transfers into all your look I don't know this is this is unknown territory yeah this is unknown territory for us and we can't take any risks telling Broden Prime what parks have traps set up for Broden 10.

I'm not going to risk not catching Broden 10

for whatever reason you want to know.

The fact that you want to know, that freaks me out a little, man.

Can we be sure this is Broden Prime?

No, we can't.

We can't.

But you could be Broden 10 tricking us.

So depending on your number,

your penis is split that many times down the center.

So the only way we can know is if we

take a peek.

What are you saying, Mark?

Broden.

So with every subset.

Sorry.

Sorry,

Broden

4.

What the fuck, Broden 8?

Broden 3.

Yeah, I am.

This is good stuff.

Wait, let me check.

Let me check.

Let me check.

Zip.

I was just checking how many times penis is.

I know, I made a mistake at the start.

I am Broden 4.

My doodle has been split.

In quarters?

In quarters.

Down the center.

Hung drawn in quarters.

So four splits.

But I am hung.

Wait, four splits?

Four splits.

How many penises?

One split makes two penises.

Two splits makes three penises.

Or does it just make one?

Five penises.

Or five pieces of penis.

No, four pieces.

Four pieces of penis.

No, but you.

One split, two split, three split.

No, but you're saying you have four splits.

So one split.

Four splitted.

So Broden 2 has one split.

Broden 2 has one split?

Because he has two penis.

Let's start with me.

I have no splits.

You have no splits.

You have one penis.

No splits, one penis.

We need to be sure of that.

Broden

one.

No, Broden two has one split.

Two penises.

But they're not separate penises.

Three, yeah, pieces of penis.

Broden three has two splits, three penises.

Broden four, you four splits, five pieces of penis.

I think, is it not three splits?

Four, but you said you have four splits at the start, so does that mean you're Brodom five?

Look, I don't want to get into semantics here.

Which

is really important because I'm now

sitting here going, Are you Broden four or Broden five?

The way I thought it was.

And look, I'm no scientist.

How many splits do you have?

What I have

is four

pieces of penis.

Pieces of penis.

Three splits.

Makes you Broden four.

Okay.

Great.

There was a bit of concern.

So the split, and this is a scientific algorithm that you can take home and use on your family.

It's split plus one.

Split, splits plus one equals number of penises equals your Broden number.

So if you're concerned about what Broden you are, and I'm really upset about all of this, by the way.

To be clear, I am pissed.

You also look like

you look like a tin-tin character.

So, yeah, go on.

I can't remember what I was saying, nor do I think it was important.

Why?

How many penis pieces do you have?

Which number?

Broden eight?

Broden eight.

So if you take that.

Seven splits, eight pieces of penis.

That's what you were saying you would, but what do you have?

Do you want to count?

Do you want to recount?

Oh, no.

One.

One split?

No splits.

One penis.

Oh my God.

I'm Broden Prime.

I'm the Broden.

This is crazy.

I'm the Broden that you know and love.

The Broden that's in all the sketches that host Footy.

I'm the original Broden.

Do you see the twist that's happened here?

I mean, yeah.

Yeah.

I'm the bro I'm original.

So then who the heck is this?

Who the heck is it?

That's crazy.

My memory must have been white.

Yeah.

When I was split into one and two.

Oh, my God.

This is a good twist.

It's a pretty good twist.

It's a pretty good twist.

How will Marty and Tom feel?

Well, I mean, they'll first be.

They've been doing footy with Broden for weeks with whichever one.

I hope it's not the psychopath.

Yeah, we need to, Broden, we need to know what Broden you are and here live on television.

We need you to

pull your bands down.

This is crazy that it's nuts that this has happened on live television.

Isn't it crazy that on the episode with three Broden's, it's possibly the most marked zach,

all right?

Broden, Broden, whatever number you are,

I don't want to get them dicks out.

Well, we okay, well, then we can't force as I will go to a bathroom with a registered uh representative from a medical association, Okay.

No, because I agree.

As Broden

for three splits,

I think it's important that always include that.

Yeah.

So, yeah.

Oh, my God.

Broden's beautiful little house, that's my house, and this imposter has stolen it from me.

That's always been your

house until we see, because what if he has.

What if he...

Well, surely I got to see his dick as well.

No, I mean, why would he lie about this?

And we're all exactly the same.

Yeah.

Why don't we just take a little break?

Any one of us could be Broden Prime.

Why don't we take a little break?

Go to an ad.

There's no way.

There's no way there's an ad.

But let's just hope for the best.

Let's hope for the best.

Go to an ad, maybe.

If we throw to an ad now,

do not buy

anything else.

Yeah.

If there is an organization backing in this show.

If anyone is backing in the cold cut era.

Yeah.

Don, Don.

Hopefully, Don.

Yeah.

Don.

Who else?

Don May.

Go talk about Don May.

He's quit.

And he has a podcast there.

Does he?

Maybe he might make a reappearance.

Someone asked for that.

Maybe Steggles.

Maybe Steggles.

Go to the Ed.

Welcome back.

So we're back.

We've taken a little breather.

I personally have come to the conclusion that it doesn't matter which Broden is which.

Whichever this Broden is,

who is taking the role of Prime Broden and doing a stellar job of it.

I don't have a split in my dick.

Sure.

Because you might have...

What I was going to say was, what if his is

just fat as heck?

Well, you have to have a fat dick to be able to split it 10 times.

Or a really good knife.

Yeah, like a press like a pairing knife no or a bread like a baker's delight

they probably do it with 3d printers these days you actually can't split lasers you actually it's impossible to split a dick more than seven times you get to the atomic level it's a multiplicative thing unless you've got the fattest dick in town

it's science We can't keep doing these podcasts on Friday.

I know, it's telling us this has to be the last Friday podcast.

I keep doing this.

Well, we've got one more Friday podcast and then we're going to have a meeting.

Broden,

Broden,

you are about to go on tour.

Wait, man, the calendar is fine.

Because we've got a tour coming up.

We're going to England.

I am.

You aren't.

No, you're...

Well,

we'll settle that in a court of law.

What do you mean?

Broden Prime in quotation marks.

I am Broden Prime.

Then show me your unsplit dig.

It's I can't.

Yeah, you can't just say, I'm Broden.

All right.

I've not Broden Prime.

No, you're not, because you've got the angry eyes.

Exactly.

And angry eyes.

I'm split three ways in twain and trying.

I don't have the pleasure or the

maybe the authority to just say what I am.

I have to show, I had to prove myself.

I'd mad.

I saw his dick.

Yeah.

I feel like I'm being teamed up on here.

I mean, yeah.

Yeah, with Brodens.

Yeah,

it's the internal struggle that we as Brodens feel every day, personified and brought to life with the magic of,

I guess, theater in some ways.

Yeah,

this is theatrical.

You know, podcasts are kind of the theatre of the 21st century.

Theater of radio.

The theater of the radio.

Would that be?

Theater of the radio of the 21st century.

Joe Rogan is our William Shakespeare.

Yes.

And there are rumors that Joe Rogan is actually an Italian man.

It's not him at all.

What?

Oh, you're talking about the Shakespeare.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Shakespeare was an Italian man?

There's a theory that he was Sicilian.

From who?

Sicilians, probably.

Wikipedia.

It's on there.

It's not true, but there's a theory.

Who cares as well?

Everyone's like, you know, Shakespeare couldn't.

Okay.

Who cares?

Doesn't matter.

I'll go see his plays sometime.

Plays are good.

Doesn't really matter who wrote him.

No, but what if it was someone?

Who gives a fuck?

I don't care.

That changes nothing.

Broden.

Broden, Callie.

Are these the opinions?

What difference does it make?

Have you seen the movie?

No, because I could care less.

Oh, it wasn't William Shakespeare?

It was someone else?

Okay.

okay i don't i've never met i my life carries on in the exact same way that it always has i'll go watch a william shakespeare play doesn't fucking matter who wrote it doesn't matter broden yeah you are you talking to uh broden prime oh thank you for acknowledging in quotation marks oh in quotation you know the saying

no it ain't prime till we've seen that unsplit dick

that is the that is the saying

so

make your choice.

I don't want to see your dick.

No, I would rather not.

Also, I have two splits in my dick.

What do you make of that angry Broden?

That he has two splits in his dick.

Yeah, but that's confusing because if he has two splits, then that makes him Broden three.

I was tricking you all.

You've been Broden three this whole time?

What the fuck happened to Broden eight?

When you said you were Broden three,

I got nervous.

Yeah.

yeah and I didn't know what to say so I said something

hey well this is the thing about being Brodens is you ain't got to be nervous around us you can be honest about how many splits there are on your dick you can be honest about your feelings on the inside in your heart how is your heart good how do you feel inside

inside your uh I guess the womb

inside your own womb what do you mean by womb the womb womb of...

You can't use a different organ as a metaphor for another organ.

Just the worm of your soul.

Can you start a single person?

Can you reframe that another way, that question?

Are you okay?

How are you feeling?

Just.

Are you all right?

We're Brodens.

We're Brodens here.

Yeah, we're great.

We're great.

You know, this is the thing.

I'm great.

This is a great soul.

I'm upset.

Why are we upset?

I'm just furious all the time.

Oh, is this a Broden, angry Broden thing, or an all-Broden thing?

Well, well, that's for you, but it's more because he's got funny little angry eyebrows.

Yes, that are unmoving and unchanging.

You can process whatever you want, but this one is an angry one.

Yeah, see, Mark is playing angry Broden.

Broden, yes.

You wanted some advice.

You're about to go on tour.

Yeah.

You're about to go to, where are you going?

You're going England, UK, USA,

Ireland, USA, Canada, New Zealand, from what I hear, unless I'm wrong.

Australia.

Australia, Broden.

Yeah, all of them.

Lots of big venues.

Sure.

Now, you wanted advice from us, Brodens?

How should I go about it and be the best Broden I can be?

It's about trusting yourself.

You're a funny guy.

You've put in the years.

Yeah, you've put in the work, man.

You've put in the work.

You've put in that.

You know, they say it takes 10,000 hours to get good at something.

You've put in 10,001.

Maybe many more.

Probably more.

You get on that stage.

Just being the best Broden.

Just being the best Broden that

you can be.

And I ain't talking buzzing and making honey.

You're getting up there with two people you've worked with for the last over 10 years.

Angry Broden's having some sort of panic attack, I think.

No, you're angry, Broden.

You don't have panic attacks.

You're right, because I stay mad.

punch something, and I'm pissed about the state of the world and the economy mostly.

Wow.

He gives a shit.

Broden, you're going to get up there.

You're going to be so funny.

I've seen some of the...

I saw the whip.

I saw a whip of the show.

Yeah.

Whoops.

Work in progress.

Yeah, work in progress of the show.

And it was really good.

Really funny.

It was tight, man.

It was tight.

But also, like, loose in a way I haven't seen you guys be.

It was loose, man.

Like, you guys are having fun.

we

no I'm talking about you and the other two I split off from you before you started working on this we were peeking through the we were across on a roof watching through binoculars binoculars that we bought from a hardware store yes didn't think they'd have binoculars went in said you probably don't you won't have binoculars do we have to go to Aussie disposals we asked if we have to go to Aussie disposals and he was like oh let me check and they had binoculars yeah we stacked up uh on machetes and then we just got out of there

What?

We've got a bamboo problem on the Brodom property.

Yeah.

So we need machetes for the bamboo.

To keep the pandas away,

never going to hurt them.

It's just like a get out of here.

Got to cut down the bamboo.

Do you have any idea?

Bamboo is like a weed.

I mean, there are no weeds, right?

What?

There are no weeds.

What do you mean by there are no weeds?

They say there are no weeds.

Who says that?

People.

Who?

I don't know.

I don't agree with it.

What do you mean?

They go, a weed is just an unwanted plant.

There are no plants that are actually weeds.

Well, that's a weed sense.

What?

That's a weed.

I know, but no plants are weed.

I got into an argument where I was on your side with someone for a very long time,

and then I just went, you know what?

All right, there are no weeds.

How funny is it when people have weeds?

I can't say on this podcast.

There are no weeds.

It's an unwanted plant.

Well, what's another way to describe it?

I'm wanted a weed.

Hey, I am on your side, man.

There are no weeds.

It's funny, right?

Because the weeds weeds that I get in my garden, rodents.

Well, there are no weeds.

But by the, you know,

if I were to define something as a weed, the plants that I define as a weed

are just extensions of my lawn growing into

another area.

And I think that's a great synecdoche, a great metaphor for what it...

Bamboo is not a weed in China.

It is a weed in Australia.

Yeah.

Or it's a weed on our property.

I don't think bamboo is a weed.

It is.

It is on our property.

Same as blackberries.

That can be a weed.

It grows.

Yeah, it's a big problem.

They were big in the 2000s,

and sure they were outdated by the iPhone, but that doesn't make them a weed.

Oh, he's talking about Blackberries,

the telephone device, the mobile telephone.

Blackberry bush.

The delicious blackberry bush.

We live out on a property about

20 kilometers out from Dalesford.

It's like a commune.

We all pitch in.

They say it takes a village to raise a Broden.

There are a couple of us out there.

But Broden 2 killed.

Killed most of us.

Yeah, there's less now.

It's just me and Broden.

And Broden, Broden, 10.

Well, we're hunting them down.

Mostly because we need someone on, look, you know, looking after the cattle.

And Broden and I, we're

with the, we're dealing with the bamboo problem.

We're dealing with ants.

And we can't get rid of these ants.

I'm using ant raid, the powder, and the honey syrup.

We We cannot get rid of these ants.

Broden, I don't think Broden needs to hear about the Broden commune.

I think Broder wants advice about his tour that he's about to do with Auntie Donna.

You don't want to know about how the rest of us Brodens live?

He doesn't be a good deal, man.

He doesn't beautiful.

Give me the cliff.

Cliff notes.

Well, Broden, well, it was a beautiful commune.

Nine Brodens all living in harmony.

Harmony, Broden.

Frame, our producer Lindsay does this show in Kickpod.

Can you imagine her day of just like this show that is getting

millions of views and like they're talking about important, interesting things?

And then walking in here.

And Kickpod?

And then coming in here to just literal mental ramblings.

Literal, unusable, unprofitable mental ramblings.

And yet we are more popular than Kickpod.

Isn't that cool?

No.

No.

So, Broden.

Broden.

go back.

You were talking about the Broden Commune.

Really upset.

I don't think the Broden Commune deserves listeners.

Broden Commune

is nine Broden's living in perfect Broden harmony.

Well, it was until the psycho.

So Psycho Broden.

Went crazy.

Something snapped.

Snapped.

He

killed so many of us.

I still to this day remember the Broden screams of that night.

Horrific.

What is a Broden scream something like that?

I don't want to go there.

Get the bloody hell out of here.

Get out of here, bloody drunk.

Bloody bastard.

Like so many of those screams, and I couldn't do anything to help them.

I ended up fighting Broden too.

He nearly killed me, but then Broden...

I came, I shot him in the head with a double-barrel shotgun.

And then once...

Once to get him off, and then another just to confirm the kill.

Boom!

Double tap as zombie land.

We pitched

the We pitched this.

We pitched making a movie about this to Stan.

But then when we ran the budget, it's fucked.

In order to make nine Broden.

You don't have to live there.

We know it's fucked.

You don't have to tell us it's fucked.

We're there every day.

Feeding the cows, cutting the bamboo, getting rid of the ants.

You think we don't?

You don't think we know this is fucked?

We had to dig six Broden graves.

You understand?

I had to bury my Broden brothers.

It's fucked up burying a Broden.

And you've never had to do it.

Yeah, because you abandoned us.

You lived your perfect life.

You lived

a life of luxury on your 80% from our earnings.

Do you know how hard that was on us?

And do you know how hard it is?

Very.

When I did Fisk, I make 20% of of that.

Yeah.

And we've got, and we, and all of us have a footie with Broden Kelly.

Mine's called The Footy with Broden Kelly Three Splits for Dicks.

And it's not doing that good, man.

Wow, well.

What are you taking?

Because Broden Prime has taken all the audience.

No one wants to listen to

The Footy with Broden Calley Three Splits for Dicks.

What do you talk about on that show?

Mostly is dick.

Yeah, mostly mostly just.

a little bit, but I know because I'm the part of Broden that

despises the football.

Why do you do the podcast then?

Just stop it.

It's just in me.

It's in my nature.

I'm a generator.

We're not natural.

We're all like that.

I create.

I love to work.

That's in me.

We're hard workers.

We're all hard workers.

We're all hard workers.

Soil toilers.

Yeah,

we want to make good stuff.

We don't want to let our audience down.

The difference is when we split, you got all the good work ethic.

Like, you got the work ethic as well as the good ideas.

We got the work ethic.

But none of the good ideas.

But none of the good ideas.

Just bad, just

why would I start another podcast called The Footy with Broden Kelly?

Three splits, four dicks.

Why would I do that?

Why would I do that?

And I said that.

And yet, and yet, it was.

I must.

I must.

I had to.

I had no choice.

It was like.

Yeah,

the drive to go and book a studio, get a tom, organise all that.

But then as soon as it starts recording, you have nothing left.

Yeah, none, nothing.

I'm talking of bamboo.

My last guest was a bunch of bamboo that this guy cut down.

Kind of tied it up.

And we got into a discussion about weeds or no weeds, and it was fucked.

You ever tried to have a...

Was that who the argument was with?

No, it was with an ex-girlfriend.

Have you ever tried to have an argument with a bunch of bamboo that cannot speak?

No.

It's not entertaining, Broden Prime.

Broden for anyone.

Broden Prime.

I'm pissed.

I'm so sick of it.

I can see that.

Broden Prime.

Do you have any questions about touring

that we can?

How do we make a good tour for everyone coming to see the show this year?

This shows are selling out across the board.

Well, we've seen the show.

It's so funny.

It's tight.

It's tight, but it's loose.

It's tight in the right places, loose in the right places.

all new stuff brand new uh you're so funny in it uh it it's like i love the flow of it you're it really feels like a dream yeah you not so much you're my favorite as well but i have to say i'm biased i my tastes align very yes

very succinctly with yours um just have fun up there you know you sound a lot like zach and you sound a lot like mark what do you mean well i mean we broke the like we broke it right at the top oh my god oh Zach has pulled off.

We're doing this, we're doing this for real.

Yeah, I thought we swore not to, but Broden, Zach, okay, so Broden 8 has pulled off a wig and sunglasses to reveal Zach.

Broden, and Mark is doing the same.

He's keeping the angry eyebrows on, though.

Well, that's the thing, Broden.

That's the big reveal.

We are.

These aren't fake eyebrows.

Those aren't fake eyebrows.

I'm not Broden 3.

I'm Zach 3.

And I'm pissed off Mark.

So I'm a clone of Zach.

All that commune stuff, all that talk of a commune, a beautiful commune, but the second one was a psychopath, killed everyone.

That whole story was true.

Only difference was it was about Zach clones.

And I'm not a clone.

I just had a bad morning.

So

there is a commune of Zach's.

Should we just go around and apologize?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.

Yeah, I was planning on doing that.

Pretty early on.

Yeah.

Is this the...

Have we apologized for all of the cold cut?

Yeah, we apologised last week, I'm sure.

But yeah, apologize again.

Because if we didn't, apologize for not

for not addressing it then.

But let's bring it back and

where we are now.

So the Three Brodens idea.

Bad idea.

Shouldn't have done it.

Shouldn't have indulged ourselves in going down a path that clearly we knew had no legs.

Again, even just the briefest of conversations before we start recording, I think

just help the health and the longevity of the podcast and the idea.

And that needs to start happening.

That change needs to be made as soon as humanly possible.

Otherwise, we're going to keep finding ourselves in this position.

We're going to have to keep apologizing.

And I don't know how many sorries I have left in me before I'll just need to throw in the towel.

So

I am immensely sorry and I will do everything in my power to make sure that

we at least have a five-minute discussion about what the podcast will be before we hit record rather than just put some shit on our heads and

just go for it.

That's my promise to you, the audience.

Zach?

I'd like to open up that promise to the audience and say, if we ever don't have the capacity or the space to have a conversation, or if we only have a couple of minutes like we did today, I'll promise to go the opposite route.

We're not going to have a conversation.

I think if we had started with no conversation, we wouldn't have put on these bald caps and locked ourselves into possibly the worst 30 minutes of my life.

Now,

here is my guarantee to you: we will always endeavor to have a lengthy conversation about what the podcast will be about.

If we ever find ourselves in a situation where we can't do that, we will not have a one-minute conversation and then lock ourselves into a bad idea.

In future, we will either have a big conversation or just jump right in and move on if the idea isn't working.

I knew from about a minute in that the Broden Three Broden's idea wasn't going to play, at least how we were doing it.

But I locked in and I continued to do it, and I just want to apologize for that.

I also want to apologize

to Mark and Broden.

I was a little bit late today, and I think maybe I was quite late and I think maybe if I had not been so late, we could have had a conversation.

So I want to apologize to you guys for that quite sincerely.

Sure.

And I want to apologize to Lindsay.

Yes.

Our producer.

Our listeners are fucked in the head.

They're choosing to listen to this.

Lindsay, you come in every week, every Friday.

We'll see about that.

Yeah.

Well, anyone remaining.

Lindsay, you don't have that option.

And I apologize that we made you sit through that, and we've made you sit through all of the Friday episodes.

It's Friday.

Lindsay's got the weekend

on her mind.

Wants to go

R ⁇ B show, maybe.

R ⁇ B show, maybe.

Then has to sit through this fucking shit.

So, Lindsay, I apologize to you.

Broden.

Oh, just from the bottom of my heart, a sincere apology to all our listeners, to you guys for,

I guess, not speaking up and saying, hey, this isn't going anywhere.

Yeah, maybe we shouldn't do this.

It's important that you do that.

Yeah.

You're the voice of reason.

Yeah.

And I thought, you know, I thought with three Brodens.

Yeah, there'd be so much reason.

Yeah, I thought with three Brodens,

we would, but I think we hit a log jam of reason.

You know?

Yeah.

Like too much reason.

It was like a sign.

It was like a wave, two waves cancelling each other out, but then it was three waves.

Yeah, so it should have come back round to reason.

And to be very clear, if anyone out there is having log jam on their toast, it is just, it's not the right thing to be making jam out of.

It is barky

and

tasteless.

So please, if you're hitting log jams the way we are,

switch to strawberry.

You'll have a much better time.

Why are you waiting?

Wait, are you talking about log jam?

I just thought Mark's falling.

Mark feels such self-anger and disdain for doing that bit.

It's just the eyebrows.

Well, let's ask Mark.

Mark, how do you feel about the

long jam bit?

Look.

It's one of those things where it's a Friday.

Why not roll the dice?

When you're at the bottom of the bottom, when you're losing your audience to kickpod of all pods.

Kickpod's good, man.

I know, it's wonderful.

And I don't think we're losing our audience i think we've got

going over the kickpod no i think we've got very different demographics i i reckon people are switching off and going to kickpod no i think they're switching off but i think they're going like better comedy podcasts maybe

maybe

i guess there's only one way to find out

uh

i don't know i don't know what that is but

probably only one way how do you know probably by asking someone if that's one way

are you certain certain there's no other way?

I think there's a few ways.

What would they be?

Getting kickpod to ask their audience.

But that's asking someone.

A survey.

I guess they're all

reading the data, looking at the data.

I'm getting really upset.

I don't know if you can tell about the way this conversation is going.

I did a little thing about log jam.

Which, to be fair.

Don't eat jam made out of logs.

That's not a crazy thing to say.

Right?

Because it's barky and tasteless.

Well, yeah, it's true.

It would have taste.

I like the idea of it's barky and tasteless.

What is this?

What is this?

A New York comedian that's also a dog?

Yeah, yeah.

Or like a, you know,

like a theater show at

Dark Mofo, but the cast is full of dogs.

Barky and tasteless.

You understand what we're going to do?

A lot of nudity and.

40 minutes.

Wow.

Unnecessary.

We're at 40 diggers.

It's unnecessary.

Unnecessary.

It's funny.

I keep digging and the sky gets further away.

I know.

It's crazy that we haven't stopped to build a ladder to get us out of this hole.

Next week,

Broden tried getting advice from two Broden's.

Didn't work.

Didn't work.

Maybe next week, Mark could get some advice from South African Sams.

I don't know.

No.

Really?

We don't think that's going to work?

Look, that's up to you, boys.

All right.

Find out next week

what we decided on.

Have a great week.

Please stick around.

Don't leave us.

We'll die.

It's a very important part of our financial sort of plan, this podcast being successful.

To which I would say, then don't do it on Fridays, Mark.

Why is it me?

Why am I in trouble?

Don't worry, guys.

I'll wrap this up beautifully.

Thank you.

And that's another episode of the Auntie Donna podcast.

We'll catch you next week and stay

fucking.

No.

We got to get out.

Come on.

We've got to get out of this.

Give me a go.

Give me a go.

You got this.

Now, that was pretty crazy, but we know that the darkest dawn is always before bad dawn.

But now we're going to get

Mark.

I got this.

I got this.

Would you say delete?

Because he said the

instead of the.

It just made me laugh.

Well, well, well.

Another incredible episode of the Auntie Donovan podcast.

We've had so much fun this week with three Brodens.

What a crazy character cavalcade of mystery and fun we've been been on.

Please join us next week or

not.

But we would prefer if you did.

But no, I got it.

I had it.

I had it.

I had it.

I fucking had that.

I'm sorry I made us do this on Fridays.

You did it.

Didn't I?

Was it you?

Oh, okay.

I was just, I was taking the mind.

I was taking the role of the audience member.

I was letting that, I was being their conduit.

Yes.

I was speaking to all of Auntie Donna that made this decision.

Well, well, I'll tell you why we're doing it on Fridays because we're working hard on Drem.

So as bad as this podcast was, it's as good as the Drem will be.

No, I think we're pretty tired across the

pretty tired boys.

Yeah.

All right, I got this.

All right, bye.

In case you're interested,

in the last 30 days, 3,517 kickpod listeners also downloaded an an episode of the Anti-Donna podcast.

What?

Yeah.

We're siphoning their audience.

Are you recording?

You talking now?

I'm still recording.

Are you here?

Can you hear yourself in this?

Like, are you in the recording?

My track is being recorded.

That's the ending.

That's the ending.

3,000 people listen to our podcast and kickpod.

That is...

I wanna...

Who is that?

Shocking.

Who the fuck are you?

Shocking.

Who are you?

If you're one of those

uh sick individuals what is your

what is your life

but with beautiful skincare regimen i need to know your hobbies immediately bitches yeah you got your together at home but inside your mind you are ill it's the dark side reach out and we'll speak to you soon you've been listening to the auntie donor podcast thanks for joining us for another rip episode brought to you by auntie donorclub.com see you next week.