Chrissy For The Kids (A G Rated Episode For The Whole Family To Enjoy)

A listener production.

Hello, hello, hello, and it's Christmas time, and this episode is just for the kids.

Not really, though.

Enjoy!

We're visited by Santa.

You're listening to the Honey Donner podcast.

The greatest fucking podcast in the world.

Bro, Mike and Tack and sometimes for guests.

We hope you enjoyed the motherfucking podcast.

Happy holiday seasons.

Greetings, everyone.

My name is Broden Kelly, and I've got some very bad news.

No.

I'm not touching the political stuff.

I'm not going to go there.

I'm just talking like in this.

It's Christmas.

I will not go there.

America has fallen.

America.

All right.

Maybe not.

Okay, that's not.

The world has fallen.

It's not in the spirit of Christmas to talk negatively ever about anything.

Yeah.

No.

Christmas is all about

positivity.

Yes.

And a beautiful man.

But I've got bad news.

What?

Enough talking about me, Mark.

I was talking about Santa Claus.

I thought you'd talk about me and my long hard dick.

Well, you're beautiful.

And look, I don't know about your doodle.

I haven't.

Spoken to.

I've heard rumors on the subreddit.

No, enough of that.

Enough, enough, enough.

We have some bad news.

Terrible news.

The podcast is just Mark and I at the moment.

No one else is here because

we had a very special third guest today.

And I guess he got lost.

He must have

maybe lost that Christmas cheer that he's so famous for.

So we need your help at home, listening, little

kiddies.

Yes.

Because we had a big, jolly, morbidly obese man with curly grey hair.

Yes.

Coming in.

He's immortal.

Is he morbidly obese?

Because I don't know how tall he is.

Well, not morbidly, because he can't die.

Right.

And Tom's here.

We should address that.

He's our

bad news.

He's been mmm and yesing.

And I don't want the

listeners at home to be confused.

The little kiddies today, that's what we're in.

Yes, this is a family-friendly episode.

We've got bad news.

Terrible news.

A certain immortal morbid figure morbidly obese figure.

Yes.

Got lost on the way here.

Or maybe people just don't believe in him anymore.

Well, that's, yeah, it's the power of belief.

People just worrying about shop, shop, shop, retail, retail, retail these days, and they don't know that

it's killing

this certain magical man.

Well, yeah, because here's my question is do the Santas and the elves of this world make the toys in the shopping centers

or

do they not?

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

My brain just fucking

just left me for like the breakfast of my I tried to ray or each other.

What were you trying to do?

I was trying to, well, I mean, I think it was in the, were you even fucking listening, cunt?

Because it was pretty clear what I was saying.

I don't mean I, look,

it's for kids, chuck your kids, chuck it it on in the car.

Little kiddies.

And I'm sorry about talking about my dick.

No, yeah, and I'm sorry for calling Broden, probably the worst word in the English language.

I wasn't listening.

What did you call me?

What?

I zoned out.

Oh, I said, look, I don't want to say it again.

But needless to say.

It's hunt.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But, you know, but in Australia.

Yeah.

Do you know at Christmas time, it's X-U-N-T.

X-U-N T.

Zunt.

Saves time.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I like that.

I'm going to call people Zunts.

Zunt.

No, Tom.

No talking.

Fuck off, Zunt.

Kids, we need to.

Because

kids don't believe in Santa anymore.

No, they believe in iPad.

They believe in

Bob the Builder and Bluey.

And all of those things are fictional.

Just talk about Christmas shit.

The narrative is Santa won't come unless the kiddies believe.

All right?

That's what we're going with.

Santa can't come unless the kiddies believe.

No, no.

He won't arrive.

Right, right.

He won't climax.

No.

He won't arrive to climax.

He won't reach the state of being here.

Broden, you said you weren't going to be political, right?

The states.

We know what happened over here at the states.

We want to keep this G-rated.

Even PG's too.

Because I think with PG, you can get away with a fuck or a shit.

No.

But we want to be G-rated for

good.

For good.

Cheer.

santa was supposed to come today to the podcast thank god for saving it because i thought you're talking about sperming no no no no broden

mind out of the pants mind out of your mind out of your gutter pants

please

sperming and spoofing

This is a podcast for children, for little babies.

We made this.

We decided we're going to make this podcast for infants straight out of the womb.

Well, Tom has a two-year-old.

Would you let your kid listen to this?

No, absolutely not.

He's into Russian cats on YouTube at the moment.

Have you guys seen that?

What are they doing?

So there's like all these animations.

I think they're like weird animations like Baszilan and Coco Mellon.

And there's this Russian cat.

Right.

And they do like shapes and numbers and tractors.

In Russian?

No, but the titles are in Russian.

The subtitles are in Russian.

Well, just the titles are in the chat.

Oh, so it's doves.

Is it dove?

It's veered off into Russian cat chat, but,

you know, if that's what the kiddies are.

Into?

That's what they're into.

Yeah.

And Cocomelon.

What the fuck is a Cocomelon?

Cocomelon is like the new crack for kids.

Really?

Yeah.

So what are you saying?

We do this episode in Russian?

Is that what you want us to do?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Or dub it.

Maybe we

do it in Russian, but then dub it in.

What's something that we should say to the kids in Russian?

Salu?

Or is that?

No, no, no.

Just say it in in your language and I'll have it translated to the in my language to Russian tongue which is English um yeah English English Italian um

you know Australian I just have wog mentality mate all right we'll translate from wog mentality to Russian uh g'day

g'day kids how's the weather what are you talking about how's the uh what's it go what's going on over there because I don't even know like the Ukraine stuff's still happening it's just once again well I'm just I'm just asking.

The kids should be here.

Well, hello, kids.

How's the weather?

How's what's going on there?

Because I don't even know.

I don't even know.

All right.

All right.

And so this will get the kids on board.

Yeah.

Well, yeah, there you go.

Now we've hit that.

demographic.

We've knocked that demographic on the head.

Santa's not here with a hammer and buried him in the backyard.

Santa's not here because kids don't believe.

So we need all the kids at home to start believing.

Yeah.

And why is it that you don't fucking believe?

Like, what's happened in your life that's made you so sinner?

It's the retail.

It's so cold.

It's the retail.

You think so?

It's the retail therapy.

Because it's supposed, therapy is supposed to be good for you.

But retail therapy, the only thing it's not good for is my wallet.

Yeah, that's true.

And the bloody and my chump change.

You know, because I'm always pissing that away on you.

Chump change?

Yeah, chump change.

You know, just the change I got lying around.

I got cash on me.

Yeah.

I've got, like, quite legitimately, for the first time in years, I'm carrying around cash.

I won a poker game.

Did you?

Yeah.

That's cool.

It wasn't high stage.

Can you get this back to kids, Magic, Christmas?

It was for Greg Larson's birthday.

Yeah.

He's like a big kid who's fucked in the head.

Yeah, he came on and played big mark.

Big thick mark.

Oh, big, thick Mark, yeah.

Well, and he is a big, thick Mark.

He's pretty good at poker.

I'll beat him.

Not a lot.

Not by a lot.

Anyway, I have the...

Do you worry that the kids aren't believing in Santa that?

I worry that the kids maybe

aren't aware of the value of cash.

Now,

I want the kids at home, if you're listening,

to close your eyes.

and believe.

If you really want Santa here,

we need...

It will summon him to this podcast.

Yes, Santa, I think we need to do a chant, like a, I hope a Santa Camera, I hope a Santa come.

Can we work with you?

No, no, no.

Absolutely not.

I think it's, it's, it's, I hope a Santa Camera.

I hope a center come.

I hope a center come up.

I hope a centre come.

Come on, kids.

I hope a center come.

I really think it's worth it.

I think it's really worth it.

I hope it's working.

I hope you come.

Why?

Because it's a bit off in my head.

I don't know why I can't put my finger on it.

I would do this every night before bed, Christmas Eve.

I just lay in bed, just, you know, swaying back and forth.

Sweating.

Oh, presenta, come.

Oh, presenta, come.

And nothing blue, nothing rude.

Get your mind out of the fucking gutter.

C-O-M.

All right, I'm on board.

All right.

Come to my house.

Kids, if you're listening wherever with your parents, sorry about the first 10, 12 minutes.

Oh, yeah.

Skip.

Skip the first 10 to 12 minutes if you're a parent,

unless you've already put this on, in which case, and the name of this episode will be if you're a parent, skip the first 12 with the kids in the car.

No, I think we just call it like Chrissy for the kids.

Okay, all right, good idea.

All right, all right, let's do it, kids.

If you really believe at home and you want to make Santa arrive,

then chant with us.

I hope that Santa Camera

come.

I hope a Santa Camera.

I hope a Santa come.

I hope a Santa Camera I hope a Santa come.

I hope a Santa Commer.

I hope of Santa come.

Hi, hi.

Oh, Zach.

Oh, it's Santa.

Santa.

It is Santa.

I am so fucking sorry I'm late, guys.

It's fine.

I was 45 minutes early.

How are you?

Hi, how are you?

Santa Claus.

Santa Claus.

Which one of you was I emailing?

I think that was, yeah, Lindsay.

Oh, hi, Lindsay.

I talked to Lindsay before.

I am so fucking sorry.

That's all right.

Briel, it's fine.

I've got the shits.

really this morning yeah so i flew in north pole yesterday i'm doing a quick little um little press tour like the week like ariana grande yeah yeah because we were just talking about how the kiddies don't believe in chrissy

christ yeah no they fucking they're so fucking they don't believe anymore yeah fuck have i got the fucking ringy fucking bell for me yeah me yeah

my fucking luggage the cunt at uh quantum just for the kids remember this is an episode for the kids so we've been trying to keep it very clean and non-political I'm sorry.

Santa.

I'm sorry.

We're saying Zunt.

Yeah, we say at Christmas, we say Zunt.

I know you're in a rush.

I know you're in a panic.

Did anyone mention that this was a family-friendly...

Well, the title of the episode is Chrissy for the Kids, a G-rated episode for the whole family to enjoy.

I'm fucking sorry, guys.

Dude, all right.

Okay, so skip until...

20 minutes in, parents.

Fuck, I'm so sorry.

I know it's hard because you won't realize that until you've heard this.

Oh, Christ.

But.

I keep fucking up.

I keep fucking this.

Santa.

Santa.

But we only summoned you, Santa.

Santa, you gotta come up with it.

Come on, Santa.

Just keep yourself in chair.

Santa, man.

The kids.

Lost my luggage.

This is not my usual Santa.

Santa.

Santa.

Santa.

You gotta be careful with that, Santa.

Fuck Christ.

It's a kid's.

Oh, my God.

Santa.

Dude.

I'm so fucking sad.

Do you understand?

The more swears and tears,

and by tears, I mean of the social fabric of good taste.

Yes.

The more swear and tears, the more the rating goes up, and then this won't appeal to as many people.

We won't make as much money.

The ratings go up, you said, though.

The ratings won't go up, I think.

We don't have enough money.

No, we're trying to appeal to a larger audience with this episode.

Just do like the six.

I've got cash, mate.

I don't need to cash.

Oh, he's got cash, too.

Oh, my God.

Shit, you got cash?

What do you got cash for?

50?

Well, that's what I cover it.

Man, you get a lot of stuff.

I need to just let it out.

I've had a shit of a week, boys.

Look, I want out.

Let's drill down on that.

Yeah.

Can I swear, though?

Sen,

should we go family friendly?

I can go family friendly.

I can do the whole thing.

When are we recording?

Well, I think what we're emailing.

When do we start recording?

I think.

Yeah, this is.

We go live, man.

We're like Marin.

We just sort of just start rolling.

Yeah, we've been rolling.

Yeah.

Only when you.

I mean,

when you smack it into the microphone.

Like, swearing is a sign of low intelligence because if you need to swear to

Santa.

Santa.

Such a fucking tear.

Dude.

Sorry, sorry.

What I'm trying to say is be more creative with your language.

Be more colourful.

Open up a thesaurus every now and then.

Have a read.

It's more enjoyable than you think.

I think Lindsay emailing you was taught what we wanted was pretty much the Carols by Candlelight vibe where you sort of come out and just go go to bed, kids, kind of thing.

Why didn't you just get some old cunt to do that?

Santa Claus.

Because you're Santa.

Santa language center.

But usually people just hire so you get a real Santa Claus in.

I know you've got your

friend Mish usually does a Santa last year at least.

I listened to some of your podcasts.

They're all rude.

I came here on the Uber here.

They put me up.

Yeah, so that's all been fake Santa, and you're the real Santa.

I'm the real Center now.

So

they put me up at the,

what's it called?

The QT or Mario, no, the Creon Metropole.

Yeah.

Which isn't that far from here.

But then I got the shits this morning.

You've got to stop talking about that.

Well, I don't know.

I just had a bit of a rough mental health day yesterday and then I got the shits today.

But do you mean

I feel like there's a correlation?

Maybe I've got ideas.

No, no, the gut, no, the gut.

Brain connection.

I was sick for years because of it.

I was sick for years because of it.

Because I'm Polly with my wife, Mrs.

Claus.

Yes, so that's the same thing.

That's the same.

Yeah, that's based on truth, I pretty much.

Okay, okay, okay.

Yeah, and I'm often, well, I'm often stressed and stuff about that because I'm a jealous guy.

I pitched it to her.

All right, John Lennon.

So I pitched that to her, the idea of being Polly, because I thought it would mean I'd get my end in.

But she's getting all these matches

on the field and on.

This is for kids.

Yeah.

What do you mean?

This episode is called...

Chrissy for the Kids.

It's a G-rated episode the whole month we can enjoy.

Yeah, right.

Nope.

We generally want like...

I think it's okay to say like making love with multiple primary and secondary people.

Well, I've fucked hardly any.

I've made love.

I've hardly made love to anyone.

Santa.

She's off every night.

She's bringing them home.

I'm like, oh, hi, nice to meet you.

And it's fine.

Do you want this?

No, I don't want to know.

I don't want to know because the kids don't want to know.

Sorry.

What is this time of year like, Santa?

Busy.

santa

hi

what do you do what's your usual what's your thing he's not supposed to be so yeah i just was here 45 minutes for the next episode

so i just i'm here yeah because i don't remember i listened to a couple on the way here

yeah i listened to the santa one where

you had uh well very progressive you had a woman playing me very progressive and then i listened to one about chicken in a bag yeah that was me oh is that you yeah You're the music guy.

The music chicken guy.

Their reality works fast.

Santa, I have a Chrissy question for you about retail therapy and Christmas.

So we shorten everything in.

I'm so sorry.

Can you understand our thick accents?

Yes, yeah, you're quite.

I can't even tell if you're New Zealand or Australia.

Right.

So

no, this is just broad Australian.

Like if I was overseas, I would slow down and speak a little clearer, but this is pretty much how I talk.

I wouldn't talk like this.

And if I was in Japan, I would be like, Do you know where the Ginza line is?

Yes, I don't really know.

The line to get into Ginza.

No, the Ginza line.

Oh, the Ginza line.

The train line.

Oh, the train line.

Tokyo Metro Ginza line.

Of course, the Ginza line.

You've given gifts out in.

Are you a do you need five?

It's just a week, you know.

I was used to fly.

Um,

I was flying, I flew Qantas here.

You don't fly yourself?

You don't fly with

the reindeer and the slave?

We get a special exemption.

It's technically animal cruelty, but we get a special exemption on Christmas Day.

Same way the Inuits are allowed to do whaling.

I'm allowed one day a year.

I'm allowed to make the...

Because we lose

four of them a year.

Really?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, it's tough.

So is it like a James Bond situation where you just replace them but keep the same name or have the names updated?

Change the bond.

No, change the names.

You know, like it's the same character.

Sure.

You know, so there's always a there's always a Rudolph.

Oh, so I would say like Eddie from Frasier.

Oh, the dog.

Oh, did the dog change?

It's more of a rank.

So the one, you know, Rudolph's always the one at the front.

It's less of a name.

It's more of a rank.

Right.

That's the one where we surgically remove the nose and add a light bulb.

Really?

Yeah.

Was the original a natural thing?

Yeah.

But then he

was in the second go-round?

It's hard for a reindeer to fly.

Physically.

How do you...

It's a lot of weight.

It's a lot of set that's in the middle.

Yeah.

What if like a...

We don't make it.

I'm sorry.

Oh, the kids listen.

Yeah, they probably need to know this.

If a reindeer breaks its leg.

They don't break their legs.

Usually it's an internal hemorrhage.

So what's happening is we're flying just very...

Talk about toys and like...

Yeah, yeah, we'll get to that.

We're flying very fast, very high in the atmosphere.

So they're kind of compressing inward and forward that essentially, I mean, essentially they're bleeding from the mouth a lot of the time.

Wow, Jesus Christ.

Jesus Christ, sounds horrible.

Bleeding from the mouth screaming.

What's the average lifespan on a...

On a reindeer?

One of mine?

Yeah.

Do you have four tours, Max?

Do you have to use them?

Why don't you just use fucking?

It's a cultural thing.

yeah what do you do that cultural yeah

what do you do with the meat well this is what i have done i used to 100 years ago i would have flown here with them yeah we they're not good for meat well yeah after four years so yeah it'd be tough is that venison or is that deer deer reindeer i guess i guess four is matte

yeah four is matte two is the usual yeah

so so

Usually, so now we fly Qantas.

I've got a thing with Qantas.

I'm in the lounge.

Oh, nice.

You know, the one with the biggest.

Oh, the big one.

Yeah.

Yeah, the chairman's lounge.

It's sick, man.

And you get in the ear of all the pollies and stuff.

It's awesome.

So I'll just

go up and go, hey, you know, if you, you know, like noticing you're calling it holidays now, maybe we could rethink that.

And they're like, oh,

that's what I think.

Plus, you get sushi at sick.

Yeah.

Sorry, sorry.

What did you want to talk about?

I just literally just be like,

Christmas, Merry Christmas, everyone.

Yeah, and it's to get the

kitties to believe in Chrissy once again, because faith seems to be dwindling across the board.

Yeah, and the spirit of Christmas, and, you know, it's not about shopping, it's about family.

And that's important.

Why?

I don't know.

You don't know why that's important?

No, I don't know.

Don't you exist purely off the spirit of belief?

Yeah, but like

five would be enough.

Five people believing in Christmas is enough to keep Santa alive.

And it'd be a lot easier.

A lot less reindeer would die.

So because I wouldn't have to fly so far.

Fly so far.

So if less kids believed in me,

less would have the internal rapturing and death.

So that's the message we'll send out to the kids today, which is don't believe.

in Santa.

Was this seriously meant to be a family-friendly one?

Yeah.

We were keeping it as clean as we could.

Can I just give you like, I just need you to say pretty much like, it's not about the shopping.

It's not about the

retail.

It's not about the findings.

It's more about it's better to give than receive.

Yeah.

But it's about Jesus Christ being born and spending time with family.

All right, one of these ones.

What?

Yeah, I know.

I've been trying to.

Why did you just say one of these ones and then look at him and then just do a like tilt your head towards me and roll your eyes kissing and moaning about Jesus Christ My light and savior.

Yeah, yeah,

I Don't I know the answer to that.

I know whether or not he existed

He existed omnipotent.

Well, I know I know the truth.

I'm not gonna share that here

But I also don't care.

Could you please give this sketch comedy podcast the exclusive of whether the

Christian faith yeah you're gonna break some hearts I reckon

either way yeah yeah yeah either way either way yeah whatever you say yeah you're gonna break some he was real and he was the son of god there's a few that fucking who's that one um

that fucking evolutionary guy darwin darwin no the one the new one oh northern territory no

the one that's always banging on about atheism yeah

ricky gervais and gervais all them they'd be they'd be pretty upset wouldn't they?

I mean, depending what way it goes.

Because then also, yeah, Pope and shit, he'd be sad.

Yeah, depending on which way it goes.

I am actually going to stay out of that.

I reckon it would go, if you said it's all bullshit and he was just a guy, then

I reckon the Pope and stuff would be like...

That was just a guy called Zach playing him on a sketch podcast.

But if it went the other way, I feel like Dawkins and that would say that.

If you went and say Jesus was real and he could walk on water and he did come back from the dead and he was from Immaculate Conception, then, yeah, you would say they'd be like, well, that was just

a guy playing a podcast character.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Did he turn bread into fish?

I know, I would just defame you or just pretty much say that anything that you said is not really reliable.

But I am Santa Claus.

That's what I agree.

Oh, oh, oh, I have the perfect question for Santa.

And this is one that all the kiddies can

attest to, because we had one of your elves on recently.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And they confirmed a suspicion that I always had.

Your bones.

Can we talk about your bones first?

Stop doing the fish thing, Mark.

I just got to know.

Well, it came to my mind because I was asking the question, I can't remember the...

Are your bones made of calcium?

Pardon?

Are your bones made of marrow?

I don't know if they're made.

That's a personal question.

Well, they're not made, but yeah, there's marrow in them.

Why don't you fucking mine your bones?

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Santa.

Santa.

That's a fish question.

It's just that it's a...

I can leave it.

It's a rumor.

Just let it fucking go, man.

But I'm happy to talk about my bones.

More than happy to talk about my bones.

Let's talk about your bones, then.

But I don't want to talk about my bones.

I have standard bones.

You just said I'm happy to talk about my bones.

But are they made of marrow?

They're not made of marrow.

There are marrow in them.

Are they made of calcium?

They're not made of calcium, but calcium, I believe, is a part of their, you know,

their general makeup.

I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm watching.

Wow, someone watched Dr.

House?

No, you watched house recently.

I haven't watched house recently.

Yeah, you were talking about bone marrow and this and that, like you're a doctor.

Like you've watched a season of house, Mark.

Why are you coming at me now?

I appreciate this.

You watched house, Mark.

Big congrats, Mark.

Well, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for being curious.

All I'm being is curious.

And I know curiosity killed the cat, but

I'm not a cat.

I'm a man.

All right, House.

What?

All right.

Hey, Santa comes to houses.

Do you know House is the Palae on Holmes?

Because he's like a doctor version of Sherlock Holmes.

Oh, I never realized that.

Isn't that one of those?

You know those fun facts that make something seem smarter?

Yeah.

That's a fun fact that makes something seem dumber.

Yeah, because if his name was Sherlock House, a character would suck.

Santa.

Do you have a message for the kids this year?

Isn't it homes with like an L?

It's not homes, H-O-M-E-S.

That's why it's spelt health.

All right.

Santa, did you have a message for the kids this year?

You know, we're doing six weeks of magical Christmas content this year.

That's fucking sick, man.

That's fucking great.

You still love it after all these years?

After all this millennia?

How long have you been doing this for?

Yeah, did you do Christy for the dinosaurs?

Oh, oh.

Yeah,

question from you.

Question from you.

Question from you.

I am struggling to keep up.

All right.

I don't like

Blake Lively on your ass, but I am struggling to keep up.

Are you suggesting that kids put on their floral dresses and get out and enjoy Christmas this year?

What?

Well, that's what she said in one of the classes.

No,

I don't know.

You know, we're in uncertain times politically.

We're not touching that.

We're not touching that.

I'm not going to talk about politics.

I'm not going to say anything.

All I'm saying is that, look, I'm very apolitical.

Yeah, I stay out of it.

Didn't you just say you like try and influence politicians in the lounge a certain way or something?

But that's what I mean.

I don't give a shit where they're from, who they are, so long as I'm getting my.

You just love a muck around.

So long as they're letting me bring my reindeer into their place and all that shit.

Oh, right, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, so you're more about, yeah, right, like international relations, but for yourself.

Think of me as like, because I'm a wealthy guy.

I'm a very wealthy guy.

Really?

Yeah, I invested in art in the 1500s.

But what do you need money for?

I got it.

Right.

So

your question was what?

What was your question about what should kids do?

Little message for the kids.

Oh, I was going to say.

So what I will say is I don't give a shit who the fucking Prime Minister is of your little country.

And no one gives a shit.

Firstly, I just want to say, someone from the North Pole, from the North, like...

No one gives a shit about your dumb shit, little country.

This is for like 10-year-olds.

No, I'm saying this to you, fucking three.

And then the other thing

is to the kids.

The kids.

To the kids.

I get it.

All right.

I don't give a fuck who the president is.

Oh, my God.

Santa.

Santa.

Say frick.

I don't give a freak who the president of the United States is.

But there is a chance he'll be introducing a lot of tariffs.

Now, if you don't know what that means,

let me tell the kids they need to hear this.

I don't give a shit about any of that.

Santa.

But what that means,

because we have outsourced most of our raw materials we don't mine on the North Pole anymore.

We outsource the bulk of our raw materials.

We buy a lot of them from China now to make the fucking little

bullshit for the kids.

The toys.

So what I'm saying is heads up.

I meant like go to bed, man.

That's what I want to say.

You have to tell them go to bed because Santa's coming.

For fuck's sake.

I'll get to that.

This Christmas, you're fine.

What do you mean?

He's talking about tariffs, global tariffs.

What I'm saying is next year.

I don't know which way the market's going to go, but next year you might not get as much.

Next year, I reckon...

You're making a political...

I'm not making a political.

I don't give a shit.

I don't give a shit.

What I'm saying is from my...

I'm not going to spend my personal wealth on your gifts.

So what we do is we turn the dial on the naughty nice list.

Yeah.

This is for you.

guys, it's not for the kids.

But we turn the dial on the naughty nice list.

Originally, in harder economic times, we would like just give less presents to all the kids but what we do now is we just turn up the dial so there'll be more naughties so what i'm saying is a higher rate higher rate yeah yeah so this year you could throw a rock at your brother i mean morality is is is is connected to economy

oh yeah for me at least so last year if you get present morality is connected to

that's that's sickening well who gives a so anyway i

oh my god, how many times?

Can I give my message to the kids, please?

Put some Christmas music on for the Christmas message, Lindsay.

If you have it, Lindsay, if you have it on hand, please.

Alright.

Hey, kids, can we get that a little lower?

Lower in the

cans.

All right.

Hey, kids, it's me, Santa Claus.

You might know me from the funny movie, The Santa Claus.

Starring Tim Allen.

Love that guy.

Now, due to some tariffs that might be coming in

next year, maybe, maybe not.

No judgment.

I might have less of a supply of raw materials and thus less presents.

So what's going to happen is I'm going to turn up the dial on the naughty nice list and there's a greater chance you'll be on the naughty list.

So if you get presents this year, even though you maybe throw a rock at your brother or said a swear word,

heads up,

I don't want next year, next Christmas, there is a good chance that could get you knocked off the nice list

so um

go to bed well yeah I'll go to bed but also go to www.santa clausnaughtynice

rating.com it's not my website it's a sort of a tracker they track where it's at um to keep the latest updates on what is naughty what is nice just like leave out milk and cookies or something

just like leave out milk and cookies or something too late at at that point.

We close off the list at the start of the semester.

It's just for the kid.

That's we're saying for the kids.

Put a carrot out for the fucking reindeer.

No, they can't eat.

They can't eat.

You don't let them eat?

They can't.

They literally can't.

Who eats the carrots then?

Who eats the carrot?

Yeah.

I don't know.

Merry Christmas and a happy new year from me, Santa Claus.

You've been listening to the Auntie Donner podcast.

Thanks for joining us for another rip episode brought to you by Auntie DonnerClub.com.

See you next week.

Listener.