Important News But It’s Still Funny I Promise

Today,

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Hello, folks.

The local time and date is 10 a.m.

December 11.

But

you'll see that this episode is called

Special Announcement.

Yeah.

Well, because there's an announcement that we have.

I know it argues a little bit special.

By the way, I'm going to be sucking on a yog.

Yeah, no.

While we're doing this, and I hope that's not offensive to anyone.

It's offensive to me.

Why?

We'll be joined maybe shortly by Zach.

But listen.

Today was supposed to be a podcast that is coming out tomorrow, the 3AW episode that people love every year, where we do the voices of the Christmas.

We're in the Christmas run in the moment.

We're in the six episodes of Christmas or whatever it's called.

But we've taken a brief break from that today.

That's right, Brody, and we have to.

We'll return to our regular scheduling tomorrow

to the billions and billions of Donna fans around the world who tune in every Wednesday or Tuesday, wherever you are.

We just, and we want to thank everyone.

Our podcast just hit 3 billion downloads yesterday.

Yeah, in a 24-hour period.

Yeah, in a 24-hour period.

And we want to thank all the people of the world.

That's like, what's that?

Like a third of the population, roughly?

Of the population.

40%.

40%.

40, 40, 40 percentish.

40 percent of the population.

And there's 7 billion on the planet.

I thought it was getting to eight and nine, eight or nine.

We have a special announcement.

Yes.

The special announcement is that for the first time ever.

Ever we are going on one tour.

Oh, yeah, no, yeah, we've done that before.

We have spent

the last little period writing a brand new show.

A new live show.

We've spent a lot of time on this and we believe it to be the best hour of comedy we've ever made.

And tickets are officially on sale for that.

It is a tour going all around the world, starting in Australia.

Starts in Australia.

Ends in Australia.

Ends in Australia.

It's Australia.

Then we go to the UK.

There's Ireland in there, a bit of Scotland in there, United States, Canada.

The tickies that are on sale right now that you can get for your Christmas lover.

Yeah, that's yeah, so this is the Christmas thing.

This is the gift for every Christmas friend that you want.

And lover.

I think

there's a lot of people that have Christmas lovers

specific to during this time where they

abandon their families and make love to their Christmas lover.

That's how we've always done it in my Sicilian household.

We break up the family for a couple of days.

We go to our individual lovers house yeah the same lovers every year um we try to keep it

the same lovers but sometimes certain lovers yeah

they they are often dying that's crazy yeah it's a it's a high are you betting pensioners old people or

we try to select people why are you saying we because every family the family comes together and discuss families yeah yeah we try to select people

who we think

have a year or two left in them, not necessarily

because of age,

sometimes just because of lifestyle.

Because we are talking about moving on.

Because of diet.

Because of diet sometimes, Broden.

So you're with your Christmas lover.

Or you might move on, Mark.

You may be on the brink of death.

And you want to give them something special other than your,

you know, your body.

But

why are you saying all this?

I can't do not know.

I can't remember.

We're going, we're announcing, this is the official announcement of our new tour.

Our new tour.

What's the show called?

It's called Drem.

And

we're going to be joined very shortly by one of the cast members of this show.

One of the writers, one of the performers.

They're walking into the room right now.

And they're going to come in and they're going to tell us exactly what is so

hype and beast mode about this show.

Yeah, it is beast mode.

We're joined by Zach Rowan.

Good morning, Zach.

It's going to be lit.

It's not going going to be skibbity toilet.

It's not going to be Ohio.

It's going to be Baby Gronk, risen up, Livy Dunn.

Yeah.

And Zach, full disclosure, I already told the audience this.

I'm sucking on a yog during this announcement.

Yeah, great.

I hope that's not putting anyone off.

Here's all the information, Zach, that I've told them so far.

So I don't know what you've been told by Auntie Don and what you need to run through here, but I'll tell you now.

Just shut the fuck up about the yog.

It's a good yog.

I just want to apologise for being late late to all the listeners.

I don't want my tartiness to reflect my passion for this project and this announcement.

And I don't want this podcast to reflect the tartiness of his yogurt.

Is it a tart yogurt?

Yeah, there's a sourness to it that's really

that I know that my particular Christmas lover this year is going to really enjoy.

And we've also found out that Mark every year, he has his lovers, he has his partners, but at Christmas time will bed someone who is in the last, is in the twilight of their life.

The whole family does though, so it's the christmas lover season um beautiful yeah here's what we've told them so far is the show is called drem it's the best show we've ever made it's officially um being made or you know it's being announced tickets on the tickets on sale now great christmas present we are tomorrow's episode will be we'll be back to regular scheduling tomorrow 3 aw um we've told them that

we're going to you know starts in australia and then goes to the uk and then us canada and new zealand's in there too island as well island Yes, but but but but but tickets aren't on sale yet for our beautiful fans in the US and Canada.

Get on the list.

Get on the

mailing list.

You can check that out at auntydonna.com, I believe.

You can subscribe to that.

Do we have that?

Do we have that?

I don't know, I don't know.

Auntie Donna.com.

I don't know.

Auntie Donner.com.

There'll be a link somewhere

for you to get on that mailing list.

You've got to have to do a little bit of digging.

It'll be on Arnold Dumbledon.

It'll be on Arnie Dumbledon.

Maybe we have a website.

And maybe we'll do

a different landing page.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Now, what do people need to?

Can you do something?

We'll go around and just say something that will hype people and make them book this Chrissy ticket idea.

You know, tickets to this show is a Chrissy idea.

Starting with

Chris Muss.

Christmas.

Let's start with Zach.

Before I do go into that, I did have one quick question.

Did you hear what he said?

He said Zach, but he pointed at me.

And there's video evidence to prove that.

Well,

I don't know.

This is a small podcast.

I don't think we'll be releasing the video of it.

You go first, Broden.

All right.

Well,

I see what you did there.

I was pointing to Zach.

Oh, I see, but you said Broden.

Exactly.

Exactly.

So don't we see that?

I think language takes primacy over physical action.

oh brodom

resorted to violence and proving that in fact well sometimes yeah if jake paul tweeted you and went

let's get in the ring yeah would i

ten million dollar contract yeah i would fight 10 million bonus if you win you die though yeah

no

not because they're fake fights yeah yeah yeah

he doesn't want me to die all right

he you know he could have killed that's what the grap the grapples are the When they get into a grapple, they check in.

Hey, are you doing all right, man?

Pull back a little.

Okay.

Before we start, Mark, you wanted to say something?

Do you think people who build sheds for living and also fight other people one-on-one ever get confused when their partners ask them about what their schedule is?

Say that again, Mark.

That's why you delay us talking about the live show.

Schedule?

like, what is your schedule?

Jesus, Mark.

Say that again, brother.

People who building shooting a Nerf gun at the wall.

Why?

Because it was there.

Let's go around.

Destructive behavior.

Zach, what's something that we

I don't know, just say something about this.

Piss.

Something that I we is piss.

Okay, great.

Zach, something you we?

I would love to talk about the show, if I may.

Okay, sure.

And then something about what you weigh.

What I'll say is it's an original show.

Yes.

Brand new, which I'm sure you've covered.

No, we didn't actually.

We might slip in.

We always end up chucking in a few fan favourites, but we'll see.

I'll also say

in some territories selling less tickets than

we sold last tour, just in terms of routing and that sort of thing.

Some more, some less.

And it is a strictly limited

tour.

Yeah, we're not strictly limited tour.

So there are maybe a few cities here and there where we could maybe add one or two, but broadly speaking, it's a very

getting into the specifics, it's a very tightly routed or rooted tour

with a lack of ability to add shows in most cities.

So if you miss out, you will miss out.

And this will be the last time we're touring because

internally, we are falling apart.

Absolutely.

And something you we?

Something I we

got to be we sports.

Nice.

Mine is also.

Mark, something about the show and then something you wee.

Also, blood sometimes.

Well, you say that after you've...

Oh, right, yeah.

Something about the show.

Something about the show.

You know,

it's going to be live.

It's going to be loud.

And we're going to be

tour with the sound person, so it will be as loud loud as we wish.

Yes.

Yes.

Also, beautiful VIP tickets, like we did last tour.

You want to get a little chance to touch us with the VIP tickets, you get a chance to just touch us.

Not wherever you want.

You're the least touching zone.

You're a lot of people touching you, and now you're encouraging it.

There are touch zones that we're introducing.

I haven't told you boys about this.

Oh, I didn't know.

For the VIP crowd, they get to line up, walk up on stage, and then each of us have a different touch zone.

And you're we?

And my we is, yes, blood on a bad day.

My turn?

Your turn.

What's something you're looking forward to

in the show?

And

what are you we?

I think that,

and this can be the clip, Nick.

I think that when we,

we've done a lot of, people mainly know us from our video stuff, or people might just listen to this podcast.

But the one thing we've worked on and built more than anything we've ever done is our live shows.

It's the first thing we ever wrote together.

We've made how many?

One, two,

three, four, five.

We've made a fuck ton of live shows and hours and spent more time working on them than anything else.

And I think, in my opinion, it's the thing that we do best.

And often what people say to us is it's a completely different thing what we do on stage.

For a lot of people who perform on stage, it's a representation of what they've done on screen.

But for us, it's almost the opposite.

Some people tour their books and get interviewed by someone.

But we build these shows.

These are what we do best.

Yeah.

And so, you know, we're going to be releasing a live special next year.

So if you can't come to this, I recommend you look at that.

I can't talk about that just yet.

But I will say that this is what we do best.

And if you want to, and I think I'm most proud of, as a member of Don, it's the thing I'm most proud of doing.

So I'm very excited to be doing this again in 2025.

Yes, I am.

Yes.

How good is that for a clip?

Can I give you a retort, though?

Yeah, okay.

Go against that.

Yep.

So you just said it's the thing we've done most more than anything in our lives.

How many

shows do you think we've done?

Let's go for it.

I'm not talking about the show overall.

I'm talking how many times have we gotten on stage, performed for an hour?

I can do this very quickly.

So, the first show we ever did was called

Under in Pants.

The second one was called Auntie Donna and the Facts Machine and Murder Mysteries.

The third one was called Auntie Donna, World's Greatest Showbag.

Fourth one was called Auntie Donna, Auntie Donna.

Fifth one was called Auntie Donna New Show.

Bad name.

Next one was called Big Boys.

Next one was called Glenridge Secondary College.

Next one was called

Magical Dead Cat.

And this one is called Dream.

So we've made nine hours.

No, well, but I'm not talking about how many have you made.

I'm talking about, because I really want to give you the benefit of the doubt here.

I want to give you the strongest argument, right?

Yeah, yeah.

Because you've made this argument that we've done this more than anything else.

How many, just a rough guess, how many times do you think we've performed all of those shows all up?

It has to be close to a thousand.

Yeah.

has to be close to one thousand

how many times have you weed oh more than that yeah nearly every day more than every day yeah so yeah once

for

36 years once a month

yeah

how often do you you only piss once a month yeah

yeah i wait till my bladder feels like it's going to burst i hold it and i hold it and i hold it pardon that's a month yeah on the 15th of every month.

How often do you drink water?

Once or twice a quarter.

Jeez.

And I drink like a big,

like I'll have a, and so much water that, like, I feel it makes me sick.

Wait a minute.

I'm having a Kaiser Sosé moment.

Wow, I don't know.

All these dots are joining in my head.

Remember how Mark talks about how his parents spit everywhere and were originally from the Middle East and came over here in the 1800s and now they're wild in the desert?

Right.

And you know how Mark is a camel?

Yeah.

Mark is a camel.

Mark's a camel.

That's right, boys.

And that's actually the big announcement.

We're not going on tour.

No, we don't have a new show.

Because we can't travel with a camel.

Yeah.

Yeah, and that's how we found out.

We found out because Mark,

we had to get a visa for one of the countries we were going to in order to perform over over there.

Mark's a camel.

And Tom,

the guy that's like our tour manager, was just like, and you're all humans, yeah?

Oh, yep, yep.

Yep, yep.

And I just hung at the back and just

let things play out.

It was in that conversation where I said, wait a second.

Mark's got a big hump on his back.

Two.

Two big humps on his back.

I raced him in the northern Queensland.

Yeah.

He looks like a camel.

Yeah.

He says I'm a camel quite often.

He doesn't say anything.

He just goes, hom, hom,

hom, choose on cake.

He loves yogurt.

Loves his desert.

Yeah.

And that's today's episode.

So tomorrow we'll be back with the Christmas.

We return to our

regular scheduling.

We'll resume to our regular kedling.

So

don't worry, everyone thinking, what's this app about tomorrow we resume to our regular catch.

This episode was called Important News, but it's still funny, I promise.

Get your tickets at auntydonna.com for DREM,

a world tour.

And if you're in the US and Canada,

jump on the mailing list because

it's a little Christmas stocking stuffer for your family, your friends, and your specific Christmas lover who may not be long for this world for much longer.

If you're Mark.

And I just want to say

while Mark won't be performing in the New Zealand, UK, Ireland, US, and Canada shows, we will be bringing in a camel for each of those.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It'll be a localized camel.

You will have a local camel.

You will not notice.

You will not be able to tell the difference, I promise you.

All right, we'll see you soon.

Enjoy tomorrow's episode.

It was funny to record.

You've been listening to the Auntie Donner podcast.

Thanks for joining us for another rip episode brought to you by Auntie Club.com.

See you next week.

Listener.