Important News But It’s Still Funny I Promise

A listener production.

Hello, folks. The local time and date is 10 a.m.
December 11.

But

you'll see that this episode is called

Special Announcement.

Yeah.

Well, because there's an announcement that we have.

I know what argues a little bit special.

By the way, I'm going to be sucking on a yog. Yeah, no.

While we're doing this, and I hope that's not offensive to anyone. It's offensive to me.
Why?

We'll be joined maybe shortly by Zach. But listen.

Today was supposed to be a podcast that is coming out tomorrow, the 3AW episode that people love every year year, where we do the voices of the Christmas. We're in the Christmas run in the moment.

We're in the six episodes of Christmas or whatever it's called. But we've taken a brief break from that today.
That's right, Broad. And we have.
We'll return to our regular scheduling tomorrow

to the billions and billions of Donna fans around the world who tune in every Wednesday or Tuesday, wherever you are. We just, and we want to thank everyone.

Our podcast just hit 3 billion downloads yesterday

in a 24-hour period. Yeah, in a 24-hour period.
And we want to thank all the people of of the world.

That's like, what's that? Like a third of the population, roughly? Of the

40, 40, 40, 40, 40 percentish. 40 percentage.
And there's seven billion on the planet. I thought it was getting to eight and nine, eight or nine.

We have a special announcement. Yes.
The special announcement is that for the first time ever,

ever we are going on one tour.

Oh, yeah, no, yeah, we've done that before. We have spent

the last little period writing a brand new show. A new live show.

We've spent a lot of time on this, and we believe it to be the best hour of comedy we've ever made. And tickets are officially on sale for that.

It is a tour going all around the world, starting in Australia. Starts in Australia.
Ends in Australia. Ends in Australia.
It's Australia, then we go to the UK.

There's Ireland in there, a bit of Scotland in there, United States, Canada.

The tickies that are on sale right now that you can get for your Christmas lover. Yeah, that's yeah, so this is the Christmas thing.
This is the gift for every Christmas friend that you want.

And lover.

There's a lot of people that have Christmas lovers

specific to during this time where they

abandon their families and make love to their Christmas lover.

That's how we've always done it in my Sicilian household.

We break up the family for a couple of days. We go go to our individual lovers' house.
Christmas. Yeah, Christmas house.
The same lovers every year.

We try to keep it the same lovers, but sometimes certain lovers

they are often dying. That's crazy.

Are you betting pensioners, old people?

We try to select people. Why are you saying we?

The family. The family comes together and discusses the family.

We try to select people

who we think probably have a year or two left in them, not necessarily

because of age,

sometimes just because of lifestyle. Because we have a talking because of diet sometimes, Broden.
So you're with your Christmas lover.

We might move on, Mark. You may be on the brink of death

and you want to give them something special other than your,

you know, your body. But

why are you saying all this? I can't do not know. I can't remember.

We're going, we're announcing, this is the official announcement of our new tour. Our new tour.
What's the show called? It's called Drem.

And we are joined, we're going to be joined very shortly by one of the cast members of this show. One of the writers, one of the performers.
We are walking into the room right now.

And they're going to come in and they're going to tell us exactly what is so

hype and beast mode about this show. Yeah, it is beast mode.

We're joined by Zach Rowan. Good morning, Zach.

It's going to be lit. It's not going going to be Skibbity Toilet.

It's not going to be Ohio. It's going to be Baby Gronk, Risen Up, Livy Dunn.
Yeah. And Zach, full disclosure, I already told the audience this.
I'm sucking on a yog during this announcement.

Yeah, great. I hope that's not putting anyone off.

Here's all the information, Zach, that I've told them so far. So I don't know what you've been told by Auntie Don and what you need to run through here, but I'll tell you now.

Just shut the fuck up about the yog. It's a good yog.

I just want to apologise for being late late to all the listeners i don't want my tartiness to reflect my passion for this project and this announcement and i don't want this podcast to reflect the tartiness of his yogurt is it a tart yogurt um yeah there's a sourness to it that's really

that i know that my uh particular Christmas lover this year is going to really enjoy.

And we've also found out that Mark every year, he has his lovers, he has his partners, but at Christmas time will bed someone who is in the last, is in the twilight of their life.

The whole family does though, so it's the christmas lover season um beautiful yeah here's what we've told them so far is the show is called drem it's the best show we've ever made it's officially um being made or you know it's being announced tickets on the tickets are on sale now great christmas present we are tomorrow's episode will be we'll be back to regular scheduling tomorrow 3aw

um we've told them that

We're going to, you know, starts in Australia and then goes to the UK and then US, Canada, and New Zealand's in there too. Island as well.
Island.

Yes, but but but but but tickets aren't on sale yet for our beautiful fans in the US and Canada.

Get on the list.

Get on the

mailing list. You can check that out at auntiedonna.com, I believe.
You can subscribe to that. Do we have that? Do we have that? I don't know.
I don't know.

I don't know.

AuntieDonna.com. There'll be a link somewhere

for you to get on that mailing list. You've got to have to do a little bit of digging.
It'll be on Hardly Double. It'll be on Harley Double Dumb.

We have a website. And maybe we'll do

a different landing page. Yeah.
Yeah.

Now, what do people need to?

Can you do something? We'll go around and just say something that'll hype people and make them book this Chrissy ticket idea. You know, tickets to this show is a Chrissy idea.

Starting with

Chris Muss. Christmas.

Let's start with Zach. Before I do go into that, I did have one quick question.
Did you hear what he said? He said Zach, but he pointed at me. And there's video evidence to prove that.
Well,

I don't know. This is a small podcast.
I don't think we'll be releasing the.

You go first, Broden.

All right. Well.

Oh, I see what you did there. I was pointing to Zach.
Oh, I see, but you said Broden. Exactly.
Exactly. So don't we see that? I think language takes primacy over physical action.

Oh, Brodom.

Brodom resorted to violence.

Proving that, in fact, well, sometimes. Yeah.
If Jake Paul tweeted you and went,

let's get in the ring. Yeah.

Would I say that? $10 million contract. Yeah, I would fight.
$10 million bonus if you win. Do you die, though? Yeah.

No.

Not because they're fake fights. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.

He doesn't want me to die. All right.

He, you know, he could have killed. That's what the grapples are.

When they get into a grapple, they check in. Hey, are you doing all right, man?

Pull back a little.

Okay.

Before we start, Mark, you wanted to say something?

Do you think people who build sheds for living and also fight other people one-on-one ever get confused when their partners ask them about what their schedule is?

Say that again, Mark.

That's why you delayed us talking about the live show.

Schedule? like what is your schedule? Jesus, Mark.

Say that again, brother. People who build

shooting a nerf gun at the wall. Why? Because it was there.
Let's go around. Destructive behavior.
Zach, what's something that we

I don't know, just say something about it. Piss.

Something that I wee is piss.

Okay, great. Zach? Something you wee?

I would love to talk about the show, if I may. Okay, sure.
And then something about what you weed. What I'll say is it's an original show.
Yes. Brand new, which I'm sure you've covered.

No, we didn't actually. We might slip in.
We always end up chucking in a few fan favourites, but we'll see.

I'll also say

in

some territories selling less tickets than

we sold last tour, just in terms of routing and that sort of thing. Some more, some less.

And we are, it is a strictly limited

tour. Yeah, we're not at strictly limited tour.
So there are maybe a few cities here and there where we could maybe add one or two, but broadly speaking, it's a very,

getting into the specifics, it's a very tightly routed or routed tour

with a lack of ability to add shows in most cities. So if you miss out, you will miss out.

And this will be the last time we're touring because

internally, we are falling apart. Absolutely.
And something you we?

Something I we

got to be we sports.

Nice.

Mine is also.

Mark, something about the show and then something you we. Also blood sometimes.
Well, you say that after you've... Oh, right, yeah.
Something about the show. Something about the show.

You know,

it's going to be live. It's going to be loud.

And we're going to be

tour with the sound person, so it will be as loud loud as we wish. Yes.
Yes.

Also, beautiful VIP tickets, like we did last tour. You want to get a little chance to touch us with the VIP tickets, you get a chance to just touch us.

Not wherever you want. You're the least covering.
Touching zone.

And now you're encouraging it. There are touch zones that we're introducing.
I haven't told you boys about this.

Oh, anyway. For the VIP crowd, they get to line up, walk up on stage, and then each of us have a different touch zone.
And you're we?

And my we is, yes, blood on a bad day.

My turn? Your turn. What's something you're looking forward to

in the show? And

what are you we? I think that,

and this can be the clip, Nick.

I think that when we,

we've done a lot of, people mainly know us from our video stuff, or people might just listen to this podcast.

But the one thing we've worked on and built more than anything we've ever done is our live shows. It's the first thing we ever wrote together.

We've made how many? One, two,

three, four, five. We've made a fuck ton of live shows and hours and spent more time working on them than anything else.
And I think, in my opinion, it's the thing that we do best.

And often what people say to us is it's a completely different thing what we do on stage. For a lot of people who perform on stage, it's a representation of what they've done on screen.

But for us, it's almost the opposite.

Some people tour their books and get interviewed by someone. But we build these shows.
These are what we do best. Yeah.
And so, you know, we're going to be releasing a live special next year.

So if you can't come to this, I recommend you look at that.

I can't talk about that just yet. But I will say that this is what we do best.
And if you want to, and I think I'm most proud of, as a member of Don, it's the thing I'm most proud of doing.

So I'm very excited to be doing this again in 2025. Yes, I am.
Yes.

How good is that for a clip? Can I give you a retort, though? Yeah, okay. Go against that.
Yep. So you just said it's the thing we've done most more than anything in our lives.
How many

shows do you think we've done? Let's go through. I'm not talking about the show overall.
I'm talking how many times have we gotten on stage, performed for an hour? I can do this very quickly.

So the first show we ever did was called

Under Incit. The second one was called Auntie Donna and the Facts Machine and Murder Mysteries.
The third one was called Auntie Donna, World's Greatest Showbag. Fourth one was called Auntie Donna

Auntie Donna.

Fifth one was called Auntie Donna New Show. Bad name.

Next one was called Big Boys. Next one was called Glenridge Secondary College.
Next one was called

Magical Dead Cat. And this one is called Dream.
So we've made nine hours. No, well, but I'm not talking about how many have you made.

I'm talking about because I really want to give you the benefit of the doubt here. I want to give you the strongest argument, right? Yeah, yeah.

Because you've made this argument that we've done this more than anything else. How many, just a rough guess, how many times do you think we've performed all of those shows all up?

It has to be close to a thousand.

Yeah. Has Has to be close to 1,000.
1,000. How many times have you weed?

More than that. Yeah.
Nearly every day, more than every day. Yeah.

Well, yeah, once a month for

36 years. Once a month.

Yeah.

How often do you? You only piss once a month? Yeah.

Yeah, I wait till my bladder feels like it's going to burst. I hold it and I hold it and I hold it.

Pardon? That's a month? Yeah, on the 15th of every month. How often do you drink water?

Once or twice a quarter.

Jesus. And I drink like a big

alt havoc and so much water that like I feel it makes me sick. Wait a minute.

I'm having a Kaiser Sosé moment.

Wow, I don't know. All these dots are joining in my head.

Remember how Mark talks about how his parents spit everywhere and were originally from the Middle East and came over here in the 1800s and now they're wild in the desert? Right.

And you know how Mark is a camel? Yeah.

Mark is a camel. Mark's a camel.
That's right, boys. And that's actually the big announcement.
We're not going on tour. No, we don't have a new show.
Because we can't travel with a camel. Yeah.

Yeah, and that's how we found out.

We found out because Mark,

we had to get a visa for one of the countries we were going to in order to perform over there.

And uh, Mark's a camel, and Tom, our the guy that's like our tour manager, was just like, uh, and uh, you're all humans, yeah? And

yep, yep, yep, yep, and I was I just hung at the back and just

let things play out.

It was in that conversation where I said, Wait a second, Mark's got a big hump on his back, two, two big humps on his back.

I raced him in the northern Queensland, yeah, he looks like a camel, Yeah.

He says I'm the camel quite often. He doesn't say anything.
He just goes

on cake. He loves yogurt.

Loves his sucker. Desert.

Yeah. And that's today's episode.
So tomorrow we'll be back with the Christmas.

We return to our

regular scheduling.

We're going to reserve to our regular kedgling.

So

don't worry, everyone thinking, what's this app about tomorrow we resume to our regular cadre. This episode was called important news, but it's still funny, I promise.

Get your tickets at auntiedona.com for DREM,

a world tour.

And if you're in the US and Canada,

jump on the mailing list because those

stocking stuffer. It's a little Christmas stocking stuffer for your family, your friends, and your specific Christmas lover who may not be long for this world for much longer.
If you're Mark.

And I just want to say

while Mark won't be performing in the New Zealand, UK, Ireland, US, and Canada shows, we will be bringing in a camel for each of those. Yeah, it'll be a localized camel.
You'll have a local camel.

You will not notice. You will not be able to tell the difference, I promise you.
All right, we'll see you soon. If you enjoy tomorrow's episode, it was funny to record.

You've been listening to the Auntie Donner podcast. Thanks for joining us for another rip episode brought to you by Auntie Club.com.
See you next week.

Listener.