A 3AW Christmas Special 8

Today,

in 2013,

I did the vulnerability.

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so 3.

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Video, like,

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The magical time of year,

spent with family and friends.

Yes.

As the years go on, we lose more and more of our friends to the great Reaper of Death.

But also, the warmness of Christmas is with us every year, and as is tradition,

we join you, our dear listeners, for Christmas.

And we're love and wonderful to have you here.

Welcome.

And as always, I'm joined by John.

Good evening, this Sunday evening.

It's 11.30 p.m.

3 AW.

And we're all sitting on a couple of batoki hams,

using them as chairs.

Sorry, can I just interrupt for a moment?

Lindsay, I can't hear John in my ear.

Can you?

He can't.

Lindsay?

I can't hear John.

Lindsay's the young person.

Lindsay's a

talented young

producer, but I can't hear either John or what

John.

I can't hear either of the Johns.

I can hear myself, but I can't hear the Johns in my ear.

So anyway, we can make sure that the Johns are coming through.

I can hear you, Lindsay.

What about Manor?

Everybody, this is the nature of live.

Live right now.

Oh, no, I can't hear you.

Oh, yes.

Yes, yes.

Now it's going in and out of here.

Yes, but I can yes, I can hear them now.

Well, let's continue.

Magical time of year.

That's the nature live right now.

I'm joined by John.

It's 11.30 at night.

We're sending on a few bitokie hands, which are going to send out to some lucky callers a little bit later.

I just want to say thank you to Lindsay there if you're just joining us.

We had a couple of tech issues.

She's so young but smart at 49 years old.

We had a couple of tech issues there on

the start of the

top of the hour.

I mean, that's the magic of being a broadcaster in this culture.

I've been broadcasting since 1937.

and that's the thing I think a lot of young people now, they want everything now.

They want everything perfect, everything now.

I want my house now.

I want avocado toast now.

You can't have both.

3AW back then went by 3xY.

I walked in as a young broadcaster covering the daily.

And my job would be to get the rural news out to the people.

So you'd go down to

the exchange on exhibition in Swanston, where there's a McDonald's there.

And you'd get the news and bring it in, and you'd read, Are the natives from Vanilla or Swan Hill or this and that?

And that was my cadet at the time.

I was working down at the docks, you know, down what's now the dock lands.

Beautiful place if you've not been down there.

Beautiful hotels, restaurants.

I think Jeff did a beautiful job with that area.

Beautiful, beautifully done, tributant.

Back when I was 13 years old, I was working there when they were docks.

And I would, you know, you'd go down there and you'd gather with the other boys and they'd drive up in a ute that'd go, you, you, you, you.

And that's the sort of work you'd get.

And that was the hard work.

Hard work that

then the unions came along and ruined it.

Yeah.

And

John, you would.

John, you've been, you grew up in lots of different trades.

You're a jack of all, master of nuts.

I've been a chippy mate.

I've been a sparky.

I've been a

broadcaster.

Now broadband

over the last 80 years you've been a broadcaster.

Yes, yeah, yeah, since I was 32.

That's why we call him Baby John.

Not Baby John Burge.

Show after work catch phrase when a

picture of a man or walking into a shop and there'd be a

TV like that.

You'd have to decipher some sort of catchphrase, whether it's getting

Baby John Burge as a television programme.

They don't make programmes like that anymore, do they?

Wheel of Fortune, I remember.

Yes, yes, and

you'd spin the wheel and you'd get a letter and go bankrupt.

But I don't think anyone knows how to spell anymore.

You know, with spell check.

And that's why they couldn't do it now.

No, they just look it up.

They just look it up on their phones.

And that's the thing is, kids today are not going through the same work that we would.

They would, you know, go through school on an iPad and never learn arithmetic and rhythm.

Last Christmas, in fact, I'm excited for this Christmas.

I saw, you know, they all came around to my house and we had the catering on, and everything was wonderful and beautiful.

And I said to my great-grandchild, I said, you know, what are you learning?

And they said, maths.

I said, well, you know, what's your favorite set of times tables?

And they didn't know that, they didn't know their times tables.

No, but I bet they got out their calculator.

Yes, you know.

Well, they had it on their,

you know on their

you know with the

telephone.

And what I say to that generation is good luck in your retail job counting out the change.

Well, let me tell you something

when I went through

on the farm if I didn't know my times tables, your four fours are four fours are

fifteen,

five, fours are twenty.

If I'd get one wrong, my teacher, Mr.

Johnson, pull out a rifle and

he'd hit me

in the blunt of the nose

with the base of the rifle.

The brothers were cruel.

I remember one time.

I didn't do my times tables, and the brothers said, Well,

they said, Who's your best friend?

I see you're talking with this one.

They killed him.

Yeah.

You learn all that.

I remember one time

I had fruit on the mind, and I said, my Limes Tables, and and it was put into an Iron Maiden for 36 days.

But he never forgot again,

but I never called them my Limes Tables again.

You think of these kids today in bike lanes riding around,

and you think maybe they're at the

if someone stopped them and said, Well, firstly, this should be a lane for the cars, but secondly, what's nine times seven?

They wouldn't know where they were.

Nine times seven,

of course.

Yes, of course.

Of course,

63, 63.

Yes, absolutely.

I remember once I, you know, when I first started school, I was riding with my left hand initially.

Yes.

Just doodles and whatnot.

And I just started.

And they put me into an ancient,

I believe it's called the Iron Cow.

It was an ancient Roman device where they would put me in the cow and burn the cow from below.

Yeah, make your feet hot.

And then you never forgot.

And there was a horn.

And as I burned alive, I was burned to death.

But you never forgot.

You never forgot how to do arithmetic.

Yeah, you never forgot nine times twelve.

There's no idea.

I'd know the answer.

You asked me nine times twelve.

It's ninety plus

eighteen, so it's a hundred times.

You never forget that.

And I think you get it either.

Running around with these gangs lighting up tobacco stores from left to right in the western suburbs.

I think.

If only you'd learned your times tables

you know what happened to the three R's yeah what happened to the three R's arithmetic and writing and racebaiting and well yes yeah yeah

now listen I've running this is a Christmas they don't run anymore the children well special times they expect everything to come to them.

Well we drank from hoses you see.

Yeah straight from the cow's teeth.

Suckle at the teeth of

Betty

I would say where is the mother brothers die and die in infancy yes yeah I said I would get to the farm

after miscarrow point me to the mother farm I'm thirsty

point me to the mother cow I'm thirsty and I would suckle the teeth of the mother cow like it's very like it's very moo cut and if we wanted dinner if we wanted a porterhouse steak I didn't walk down to the local coals and buy it plastic wrap.

No, I slaughtered that cow.

Upon the watchful eye of my father.

We would get a metal rod and creep up behind the baby cow.

And the kids today they wouldn't know about that.

No, they wouldn't know about

cracking the skull of a baby calf and then

you know cutting it up, bleeding it dry.

And now they're all vegan.

They're all vegans.

You know, and I thought about this the other day.

I thought about

vegan, you know, the vegan thing.

And I thought, well, what are they going to do?

If a farmer, if you call up a farmer and you say, well, no, no cows, everyone's a vegan now.

Yeah, I am.

Well, you know, it's funny to see all these, the shopping centers.

Oh, we'll get to that for

full of

full to the brim.

Unless you're cars.

Yeah.

And

you're driving around the shop whether it's a.

How are you finding a park at a Christmas time?

Well, that's the thing.

I think a lot of people listening today would be driving around

looking for a bar grain.

And if we are,

commiserations to you.

And don't believe

those green lights.

But can I just say, if you have got

one of those disabled stickers just because you're fat,

just because you're fat?

Or because your brain isn't working,

you are taking that from someone in a wheelchair.

Yes, you are.

And I'll kill you.

I make sure to yell at anyone, anyone who parks in a handicapped spot.

I make sure to scream at them.

And then if they turn out to be

illegitimate, then I apologise.

But I always try to make sure to stay on top of it just.

I don't apologise.

I'd go, well, I didn't see.

I didn't see.

Yeah, right.

I didn't know.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But can I tell them?

Yeah, I say apologise.

I go, all right, right.

All right,

put my hand up and I'll walk away from the situation.

I just want to say, we've been complaining a lot, but this is a Christmas episode.

And I want to bring a little bit of joy.

I want to bring a little bit of positive while we still can't.

Yes.

Yes, that's right.

I mean, the golden mic John Laws is putting away last bastion in the north of

normal speak.

And I wonder, how long is Christmas with us?

Have you noticed something this year?

And tell me, I could be wrong.

No,

I was wrong.

This morning

I was having Patoki sort of injected into my veins.

Liquefy the Patoki and put it straight into into my left arm.

But the nurse, she can't find the vein.

And I've absolutely at wit's end with her.

Yeah,

not from here.

And she says, can't find the vein.

And where does it go?

And

I'm sitting there thinking, is it just me?

Or is it this Christmas no one's saying Merry Christmas?

No, they don't say that anymore.

No, no, they don't.

They don't say it anymore.

It's happy holidays or.

And Americanisms as well.

They,

them.

They, them, and America.

We're not in America.

Halloween.

Halloween.

Oh.

Well, I don't, you see the trick or treaters, and I say, well, this is an America.

I tell them to fuck off.

Oh, I'll just tell you.

No, they come to my door.

Get out of it, you bastard.

Get out, get out.

You know what you're doing?

Listen, listen.

You never understand,

John.

No, it's shit.

I've had a

they come as goblins and ghouls, and they scare.

Get out of the studio right now.

that that language is not acceptable in the studio i want to i want to apologize to any of the listeners john is a little bit unwell at the moment but you cannot use that language well i apologize i just i don't recall him saying he used the f word i don't recall

and i just i want to apologize to the listeners i just want to apologize to the listeners you know i genuinely don't and i don't recall that either I don't recall that either.

But isn't that a bit of a nanny state thing that you can't say anything anymore?

Well, no, I think that's okay because all the kids today with their effing and jeffing, they're swearing, and I just think they should ban those things.

They should ban that sort of language.

But isn't it annoying that they're banning Merry Christmas?

Yeah,

they're banning Merry Christmas.

I just say free speech for all.

But on another note, effing and jeffing this, and I say, what happened to censorship?

We won't be able to go to the cup anymore soon, huh?

Yeah, yeah, soon they'll be saying

on the cup.

They'll lock you up if you put a fascinator on.

Or depending on the

size of your hat, that'll be 30 years, 40 years.

But then on another note, I saw someone recently, just on a completely different note, unrelated, I saw someone make a joke about Jesus on television.

And I say, get that person out of the country.

Yeah, yeah, they've got to go.

They've got to go.

We've got to censor that kind of language.

But then I funny, you mentioned that.

And on a similar vein, I can't say Merry Christmas to my children.

You can't tell anymore.

No.

You can't say anything.

It's offensive.

They bring that into the schoolyard and all of a sudden...

Prefer me to go light up a tobacco shop in a gang war.

Yes.

Yes, yes, yes.

Now, I just had a...

I wanted to...

I wanted to bring the...

Sucking on these batteries.

Is that what they're doing?

They're sucking on batteries.

Oh, banned them.

They're blowing out smoke.

What happened to

good old-fashioned cigarettes?

Banned cigarette shopping.

No, no, no, no.

Get them back onto the good old-fashioned tobacco.

Remember the day of smoke.

Remember when when you could just smoke yourself silly and your doctor would.

I remember I had emphysema and my doctor said, well, you shouldn't try some

cigarettes now.

It's outrageous.

Unbelievable.

They're trying to take cigarettes from us.

They're trying to take them from us.

It's a God-given right.

But these kids now

fucking on the bottom.

You got to ban

get these batteries out there.

No batteries if you're under 18.

But do you know what?

It's funny when the Christmas day happens and the kids come downstairs and

they're going through the paper and this and that and it just makes it all worthwhile.

But all they want these days are your Game Boys and your Boppets.

Nobody wants a good old-fashioned kamikaze pilot.

Oh, yeah.

I remember the days was, you know, try telling that to your uncle who fought the kamikaze pilots.

I got it.

But have you heard about this?

I've just heard this now.

Kamikaze pilots, what's this?

They were pilots who are sort of missiles.

I i know that but what the kids are doing kamikaze pilot toys performing seppuku and they're doing kamikaze toys i i'd never heard this and and it might have just been a mishearing of what you said but if this is true if if children are playing with kamikaze toys

that is outrageous you're married at first sight toys and your and your project watching the project with your peter hellier and your

but it is a special time

it's a time to take stock can i yeah yeah not from the supermarket and don't steal.

I mean, in beef or chicken stocks.

So, have you seen these shoplifters?

Yes, they're shoplifting.

They've had to put security on the

quite right.

I mean, guns and prices.

The gouging.

The gouging from the

shopping list.

I don't know.

We'll be finding out very soon from a special guest about how...

At IGA

during this Christmas, there is definitely no price gouging going on.

Now, we will get to them, but I just wanted to bring a little bit of Christmas joy to the private sector.

that Lindsay Chuck on as I saw.

Put on some of that music.

Chuck on.

Don't chuck it on, you put it on.

Oh, quite contemporary, Lindsay.

Yes, I like this.

Is it a little bit of a

modern take on it?

Miracle on 32nd Street.

That was a movie.

That was a beautiful movie.

That's when they

don't make movies anymore.

No, they don't make any movies.

They don't make movies anymore, and it's devastating what's happened to

a wonderful lifestyle in James Stewart.

Oh, it's all Frank Capron Donna Reed.

Now she was beautiful, wasn't she?

Donna Reed was a stunner.

She was a stunning.

Now I just wanted to talk a little bit.

Virginia Patton.

They don't make mother and son anymore.

They installed this Ruth Lane.

Ruth Cracknell, God bless her soul.

Yes, have you seen the new one?

The new one with

no, don't bother.

The first Miracle 34 She was a young Natalie Wood.

Yes.

Oh, she was beautiful.

Oh, and then Westside Storm.

Yes, when she played a young Latino, Latino

not a flat but it wasn't an issue no now I just want to can I tell you a story we can stop with the bloody music Lindsay stop with the bloody music

I can't hear myself too much it's too much can I tell you a sweet Christmas story oh please

so I took the family I went with the family I got some tickets as you know there was a um a Christmas carol sort of spectacular show

at the Marvel Stadium oh beautiful they did a big uh marvel stadium Oh, down at Marvel.

I'm not talking about Carols by Candlelight in the City My.

That's still yet to come.

That's on the 24th.

24th.

And of course, I will be performing again at the

performance.

What are you singing this year?

I'll be singing.

I'll be singing.

Oh, holy night.

No, I sang that last year.

Let me.

I'll check what's the.

Do one of the classics.

None of this candle.

What would you like to see me sing?

At the.

Maybe Jingle Bell's Rock.

Good for You by,

you know, the.

Oh, Jingle Bell Rock, that's a little bit fun, isn't it?

No, I'll leave that to the young Olivia Rodriguez.

Good for you.

Oh, yes, I like her.

I went to her.

But anyway, I went to Christmas.

No, it was a Christmas.

It was sort of a Christmas.

With some hot shoe shuffle.

Christmas Spectacular, you know, and it was a bit of a...

And bye-bye, Birdie, maybe.

Yes, maybe that.

It was a Christmas Spectacular.

The cast of Wicked are going to be doing Jingle Rock.

Oh, that's lovely.

Yes, no, but I went down to this Christmas Spectacular.

They had a sort of show at the Marvel Stadium.

I got some tickets there.

You know, and I got them.

You know, of course I got them for free from the good people of Patoki in the Patoki box.

The good people at Patoki, the Patoki box.

And don't get me started, though, on politicians getting free things.

But I got those for free.

I've got 98 Batoki hams in my boot.

Oh, yes, and me too.

Anyway, so I went down there and I thought, you know, always so hard to get a car park.

Oh,

so I didn't bother this year.

I thought, you know what?

I should cut their heads off.

No, well, I deserve to die.

I thought, no, always so hard to get a park.

Also, I wanted to have a couple of drinks,

you know, a bataki ham with a nice sparkling wine, which I can call champagne even if they don't make it in champagne.

That's my right.

So anyway, I went there, and this is the point I wanted to do.

On a bike lane.

I wanted to make this point.

I got a train for the first time in

43 years.

I'm an absolute disgrace, Dan Andrews.

No, no, I will say.

I will say

Dan Morgan, Chairman Dan.

I will say, I had a lovely time.

We were able to converse.

We were facing each other.

Have you done this on the trains?

You face each other now and you can talk.

A lot of people on their phones.

It's been like that for maybe 48 years.

And I go, you can talk.

I got off the train at the Southern Cross.

Oh, yes.

The old Spider Street.

That's down where 3AWU is.

What do you think of that roof?

Let me tell you, that is meant to be the leading train station of Melbourne.

That is the train station that people come in on on the bus.

Disgrace.

They come in from Warnamball.

It is a bloody disgrace.

And I excuse the language there.

It is a disgrace there.

Have you seen it?

They've got this architectural roof.

Weavy, wavy,

wavy roof.

Two or three shops selling chips.

Nothing nice.

We wanted to get some food before we went to the show.

Nothing, no seat.

What was the show about there?

No, I don't want to talk about the show.

It was a bloody disgrace.

That is meant to be one of our leading train stations.

Have you been to this train station there, John?

No, I remember with 3NW when I was a good dad working down there.

Now, Spencer Street, that was a perfectly fine train station.

Well, this new one they've got.

Nice flat roof.

Nice flat roof.

This new one they've got, wobbly roof.

Weavy and this was built in

maybe not 2003.

It's confusing.

I missed, I missed

last time I was there.

Last time I was there.

How have you been there?

Oh, yeah,

once and never again.

I was on my way to Daimaru.

And that's the centrepiece of the story.

Well, you've got to be to Spencer Street then, isn't it?

Yeah, Daimaru.

Daimaru.

So you've not been to the new station.

No, I've been to the new station.

Shock Tower.

Yeah,

it was where Daimaru was where I believe they call it Melbourne Central.

You were across whatever that is now.

Hop skipping a jumper from the statue of Sir Redmond Barry at the National Library.

Hop skipping a jumper.

You don't hear that enough.

No, what you hear is bloody

tobacco shops lit up in flames again.

Skibbity jumped.

Skibbity toilet.

Oh, the bio.

I don't know.

It's not the view.

But it is Christmas time.

I bought my nephew a wooden horse rather than an iPad for Christmas.

He He said, suck my cock.

But tell me.

I would have shot it.

I was absolutely, oh, I belted him.

I belted him.

I took off my belt.

I said, come here.

I took off my belt.

He ran off.

We didn't see him for three days.

But

when he came back, I five angrier.

I was angry.

I hadn't cooled down.

You see, I was angrier than I was when he walked off, so he copped it even harder.

Yeah, five times seven.

I bet he knew it then.

Yeah, he just ran down to the Werribee River and just slept under a blog,

under a log for a couple of nights.

John, tell me your experience at Southern Crisis.

Oh, you know,

I got up a little late to go to a dimer room, buy some new sheets for the bed, which, of course, had been soiled.

So I was there at 6.30 in the morning, and I get out, and I see this

monstrosity.

Oh, it's ugly.

Disgusting.

And now does it even keep the rain in if it's all the wibbly and the wobbly

pools of water?

You see, they've got one sad, bloody red rooster there.

They got one

miserable red rooster.

Not even a huge colour.

And

a sugar station like that's what the kids need.

What's this?

These days.

Just candy.

Oh, I didn't even see that.

No, with no

fruits or vegetables available anywhere.

We've got to go to a break very quickly.

This is a message from our sponsors at Sunrazia.

Introducing Sunrazier's Bram Presser and his grandma Ruby.

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Okay, Granny.

Each night, just before midnight, the prune pit plucker magically appears in Sunrazier prune land and picks the pits, leaving behind a pile of plump prunes for Sunrazier to put in their prune juice.

But what about the pits?

The prune pit plucker takes them away because

they're going to be a plant pile of pits, the fabled

Well, we should get it back onto Christmas.

Yes, Flucker plucks the pits from the premium plump prune Sunrazier pick to produce their premium prune juice and paddles the piles of pits to the prune palace on prune pit peak.

Precisely.

Sunrazier prune juice is available from the following caring supermarkets.

You don't get funny, smart ads like that anymore.

You don't get comedy like that on TV.

25 past the hour on the 8th of December here.

Christmas is fast approaching, folks, and can't you see it when you're out in the house?

Less than you used to.

No, less than you used to.

And I was at Southern Cross the other day.

This is meant to be one of our leading train stations.

Well, have you been there?

It's outrageous.

It's outrageous what they've done.

They don't have enough chairs.

You got one sad bloody red rooster, you get some chips.

There are no chairs for you to sit in for Christmas.

But Christmas time.

Oh, I love Christmas.

I'll take your point.

But have you been down to the Maya window?

Oh, I love it.

It's a great tradition that's still there for young and old.

I took the grand, great-grandkids down now, and we looked in the windows and

different themes every year.

Do you know what this year's theme is?

No, no, and I'll tell you why I don't know because

I thought I'd get the training.

Oh, yes.

And I got to Southern Cross Station.

What do you think of that roof?

Ugly, ugly, ugly, ugly roof.

A disgrace.

Absolutely disgraceful.

Now, where is this country headed?

I don't know why they didn't go to the People that designed Crown Casino.

I was there for an event a few months ago.

Beautiful.

Fine.

Sleek black walls.

Beautiful.

The Pokies Room, the high rollers room.

Beautiful, beautiful.

I don't know what flapjack they got to design that bloody Southern Cross Nation, but I imagine he was fine have you seen the big concrete buildings they've been building in the city ever since the nar dies i'm just gonna i'm just gonna join john i'm just gonna john i'm just gonna cut you off in the area my window is celebrating 69 years of my

69 years of

great years like my christmas windows have been enchanting australians for families and families for generations a magical tradition tripped down memory lane for many

what are they doing this year well it's still yet to be announced but it's been in many There's been years where it's Mad Hatter-themed or...

And not too woke?

I'm not sure.

I don't know yet.

Usually it's just sort of candy canes and that sort of thing.

Imagine they'll put a bloody bike lane through the whole thing sooner rather than the southern body.

If the man who designed Southern Cross Station has anything to say about it, it'll all be weaves and wool.

But I know a lot of the wives at home are wondering, where am I going to get the best price for prawns?

Where am I going to get the best fruits and lychees lychees and peaches by the plenty?

Where am I going to get these deals?

Red snapper or a prawn on Christmas Day.

And so we've had old

New Australian Air Toniardo is coming in.

Anthony, thank you for joining us from IGA store.

G'day, boys.

How you going?

Very good now.

Now, obviously, we boycotted your store for a few months there at the start of the year because of the Australia Day flags, fiasco.

Now you got to, mate.

But I've got to say,

I've been back through the doors and what a beautiful.

I love the Christmas decorations and

nothing gets me in the Christmas spirit more than a trip down to the grocery store.

Yeah, and a bit of tinsel, mate.

And you've got to be careful about.

Wait, which one are you from?

IGA.

Oh, no, you're all right.

Yeah.

You

this year are telling us about the sales because you've got got to get at the right time.

Obviously, you've been talking ham and Christmas has been also the

prawns and seafood.

Why are you talking about prawns?

Well, it's Christmas.

It's Christmas time.

But why are we talking about prawns?

Well, it's a Christmas edition in Australia.

I have some prawns.

Oh.

Get them cheap.

Hello.

Hello?

Have you forgotten?

John's favorite.

He's at a bleed.

Oh, that's all right now.

So we're probably here to talk about IGA.

That's absolutely.

That's right, mate.

And we have some engineers.

Hello.

Hello.

Hello.

Who are you?

I'm Tony.

It's Tony, mate.

Tony's here.

Who let you in?

Tony's here to talk about.

I come every year, mate.

We talk about the special.

Oh, yeah.

I'll come.

I'll let you out.

I'll let you out.

No, no, no, no.

Well, just let me get through.

Have we talked about the prawns yet?

Well, we're about to, mate.

He's young, this young whippersner.

You can tell he gets in, does the sit-ups in the morning?

Are you doing the

like on street?

Oh, look, I'll look after myself, don't get me wrong, but I don't mind, you know, a bit of a let you out.

A bit of a treat.

A bit of a treat every now and then.

I'll let you out.

No,

I don't have to do the segment if you don't want to.

I'll open the gate up for you.

No, John, let him talk about the prawns.

Well, this year, I know everyone's

had a hard year.

Yeah, because they're lighting up these tobacco stores like it's Christmas night.

Absolutely.

Blowing them up.

I know everyone at Christmas time, it gets to this time and you got, you wish you had half the troubles you had, don't you?

Yeah, yeah.

Every year you always go, I wish you had half the troubles I had.

I was, yeah, that's why at IGA, we're all the.

Passports confiscated on a cruise ship.

What?

What's this?

Car flipped on roof on the Monash.

Bloody

they're cracking down on social media with the kids.

That's good.

That's good.

Dairy farm figures are worrying.

Dairy farmers.

Strange rainbow cloud in Melbourne this morning.

Look out for your

farmers.

What is the price of prawns?

Well,

first of all.

Tony, you've been down to Southern Cross Station lately.

No, don't, don't, don't bite, don't bite.

You've been down that way?

I was the other day, mate.

What'd you think of it?

Oh, God.

It's beautiful, mate.

Disgraceful, isn't it?

What do you mean?

I was there yesterday.

What'd you think of it?

You know.

Beautiful shops.

There's a lot of them.

Three or four of them.

Well, there's a few more than that.

If you're lucky.

Fancy burger place down the bottom.

Mate, when was the last time you were there?

When was the last time you were there?

I'm like, can I just have a bloody burger?

What

are you here?

Give me a bloody burger.

None of you sweet potato chips deals with IGA this year in the lead up to it.

I ain't talking about IGA.

This is the man from IGA.

Oh, Tony, hello.

We always get to this part of the year.

We say, gee, I wish I had half the troubles I had.

That's why we're all about half off.

Oh, that's a great deal.

It's been a hard cost of living through the roof because of that bloody elbow.

It's because of immigrant students.

Omo.

Usually $30.

What?

Omo.

What?

Omo.

Oh, Omo for the washing.

Concentrate or powder.

Yes.

Is this whites for your whites or mixed?

Mixed.

$14, mate.

Save $14.

Half off.

That's more than half.

No, that's half.

Well, how much was the original price?

28.

I thought you said 30.

And I just say,

I don't do my washing anymore.

I'm very lucky.

I'm a lucky man.

I've been blessed.

You're a had man.

Well, obviously, yes, my wife.

Your wife's got you by the long and curly.

My wife did do it for a time, but now I've got a nice young lady who does it, who comes in.

She comes in, collects it.

The ironing lady.

Yes, collects it, takes it.

But I always say to young men, they say, why do I have to learn?

And I say, you've got to bloody learn how to do your laundry because when I walked into national service in the 50s at Bangholme.

When I walked into, when I walked into

Channel 9, GTV in those days.

GTV back then, and I walked in, I had a crisp white shirt.

I had a crisp white shirt, and I had a good attitude.

And on that alone, they had me working.

They had me directing the tonight show.

On my crisp white shirt.

And I say that to young men.

They say, oh,

I'm feeling, you know, I'm not smart enough to get a a university education.

I can't get a job.

I've got a drug addiction and, you know, pain.

And I say, well, bloody, get a crisp white shirt.

Go to Channel 9.

They'll give you a job.

My first thing I do with my grandson, I'm going to get you two things.

I'm going to get a brush and a comb for your hair.

Yes.

Because if you have those two things, you can start to look sharp.

That's what I said to my nephew.

My great-nephew, he said, I can't get a job.

And I said, get a crisp white shirt.

Get

a brush and a comb.

I'll call call Kerry Stokes, I'll organise a meeting, and he bloody got the job.

And that's all, I don't know what you need.

All you need is a brush and a comb and a bit of brilli cream through that hair, and you'll look sharp.

No, it's a crisp white shirt.

Sharper than a melee.

And not jeans.

Jeans are working clothes.

They're all right for casual wear.

I wore when I went to this show at the time.

I don't know.

No, we'll catch you up.

We're talking about your OMA.

So I'm going to go.

We've selled a lot of.

Yeah, it's the user.

What do you got?

Prawns and things like that.

You know, if I can just get through it quick, then I can go.

Tony, that's not how it works.

That's not how it works here.

What do you got for us?

Blue V.

What's a blue V?

What?

What?

What?

Blue V.

Blue V.

Usually a pack of four, $11.

What is Blue V?

Well,

all I know is that when I have one, I maintain an erection for up to three days.

What's a blue V.

So stay away from them if you are.

are.

I don't know what he's talking about.

What is a blue V?

It's a drink.

Blue V.

It's an energy drink.

Blue Via.

Blue V.

Blue V?

What do you mean?

Blue V.

Blue V.

Blue.

Two separate words.

It's V,

but it comes in a blue.

What's V?

What's blue V.

Drink.

What's a blue V?

No, blue V, it sounds absolutely delicious.

I think it's a sous V.

I'll tell you, no, we've talked about this in a while.

Sit down on Christmas Day with a blue V.

Oh, yum, yum.

And because I've said this

on the radio before.

I love a Coca-Cola on Christmas Day.

Well, I love it.

Well, I don't mind a Coca-Cola on Christmas Day.

A can of Pepsi, a box of 24 Pepsi Max this year at the end over at IG8.

Bloody beautiful, mate.

That'll set you back 20 bucks.

Can I just say something the other day?

I was at the restaurant.

With the same, just let me just let me say the savings.

Just let me say the savings.

Yeah, and then I'll talk about it.

I'm talking about Pepsi.

I'll point out Pepsi.

Well, you save $12.50.

Yeah.

So I was at a restaurant the other day and I said, you know, I'm not drinking at the moment because I've got some surgery coming up.

Yeah.

Your leg's numb.

And I said to the girl there,

for just visual, it's only their visual purposes, your left.

Vericose veins out.

I said to the girl there, I said, I'll just have a Coca-Cola.

And she said to me, and they do this now, she said to me, we only do Pepsi.

Is that all right?

And I said to her, listen here, you stupid little B.

This comes up often.

B, you know, I said the B.

Yeah, yeah.

I said, listen here, you stupid little B.

If you only serve Pepsi, then that's what I'll have.

I meant a cola.

Obviously, you didn't have to.

You didn't have an issue with.

No, of course not.

I don't mind.

They only serve Pepsi.

Why is she wasting my time to do that?

Now, what would you have preferred she say in that circumstance, then?

Nothing.

Right.

Just bring me my Pepsi.

And I said that to her, and I called up the owner of the restaurant.

Oh, God.

Who's a dear friend, I imagine?

And I said, you need to check the attitude of your staff.

And I told him the hour she was working and the event she was working.

And I got her fired.

What's your favourite...

I love Christmas.

What's your favourite kind of chip?

What's your favourite potato chip to have at a Christmas?

So what ones have you got?

We got Pringles, Doritos, and none of that American crap.

Kettle.

Yes, I don't mind a kettle.

Well, half price.

I love a Samboy.

How much is a chip going for now?

Is it $2?

$3.

Whatever you say, whatever you say, we're going to go.

We're going to go off.

Oh, really?

How much are you paying?

How much is a bag of chips?

Well, if you're going down to your Woolies or your Coles, mate, you're paying six.

But at IGA, three.

No, well, that's.

Six.

Well,

three's very reasonable.

When you compare it to six, mate.

But six, I wonder why that is.

I wonder who I can scapegoat for that.

Yeah.

I'm good.

I think a samboy chip is my favourite.

As a young lad, who'd go down to the shops and get just a samboy chip.

Have you ever had a chip buddy?

Oh, yes.

That's a British thing.

I'm perfectly fine with British culture.

I want to be British.

British culture is perfectly fine.

Not America.

What have you got down at the shop?

Oh, that's all.

That's all.

No prawns.

No, no prawns.

Not this year, mate.

Times are tough, you know why.

Yeah.

Tony, oh, yes, go old.

Just that bloody bloke on Channel 9 in the morning.

Can I ask you, Tony?

You wear very tight shirts, and sometimes they're pink.

Well, yeah.

Salmon.

Yeah, salmon.

Tight pink shirts and whatnot.

What are you asking?

What are you asking?

You're a very fit, young man.

Yeah.

Tony, thank you for coming in.

Yeah, all right.

And, you know, all the best with the Christmas time.

Oh, I totally love you, man.

Yeah, I'm going to get back to my partner.

And I will.

What do you mean by

Tony?

Tony, Tony, everybody.

From the

Tony Tony.

John.

Nice man.

John, you like, I like Tony.

He's a good one.

I like Tony.

I went to

Marvel.

Who are you?

I'm John.

I went to Marvel and then

I mentioned the Southern Cross.

Yes.

Then I went and saw the show at Marvel.

Oh, yeah.

The Bataki.

And Bataki gave us little

biscuits,

little ham biscuit.

Like they brought out a tray, a little ham biscuit.

And I was watching the show.

There's a young lady performing.

I can't remember her name, Little Young Lady, Little Blonde.

Patty Newton.

Yes, that's right.

And she was singing a song, Christmas Carol, and I thought, what a wonderful talent she is.

But

I need your help deciding what I'm going to sing for

the Christmas Carol.

Well, something that's a message to the songs of time and old.

Yes, what would you like?

What would you like me to sing?

Well,

what is

it?

Something that brings that Christmas joy without being too political or woke.

Christmas

I could do

one of the old ones.

Oh, holy night, I've already done that.

Holy night.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

Yes, if you pull that up, I could sing it close.

I don't like that one.

It's too.

Give me a little lyric.

I don't like the idea that it's beginning to look like Christmas.

Why can't it just be Christmas?

No, it's the puppy.

Why can't it just

be a little bit more?

Have a wonderful Christmas.

It's a magical time, and we hope, as always, it's spent with the ones around you that you love, and that Christmas is spent

in tidings, grace, good, and cheer.

Because it's beginning to look a lot

like Christmas.

Why did you want that?

I'll turn every

story

Get those candles waving, get those candles.

There's a tree in the grand hotel, one in the park there as well.

It's the sun

that doesn't

go everywhere.

As soon as the bells are bells, they will start.

He's adding words now.

And the thing that will make him ring is a carol that we all ought to sing.

Alright, within your tiny little heart.

He's looking at the lyrics and he's still adding.

Hey, Merry Christmas, everybody, from John and Jack.

Say something about

me, bike lanes, bike, bloody bike lanes.

I'll drive over them.

I'll drive over the bloody sharkness.

I don't think gang wall.

Heck.

Oh, here we go.

Bloody Merry Christmas.

Happy holidays.

Not in every single store.

Not every single store, just everybody.

But the steadiest sight that you will ever see

is a holly that will be

right up there, right there on your own.

Front little door.

On your own.

Oh, sure, it's Christmas.

Wow.

No, I don't think I'll do that one.

Oh,

no, no.

No, we would die.

There's another one.

No.

You've been listening to the Auntie Donner podcast.

Thanks for joining us for another rip episode brought to you by Auntie DonnerClub.com.

See you next week.

Listener.