A 3AW Christmas Special 8

Speaker 1 A listener production.

Speaker 1 Hello, everyone. It's everyone's favorite episode of the year.
The team at 3RW bringing you a very special Christmas episode. I'm Sorry.

Speaker 1 The magical time of year,

Speaker 1 spent with family and friends. Yes.
And every year.

Speaker 1 As the years go on, we lose more and more of our friends to the great Reaper of Death.

Speaker 1 But also, the warmness of Christmas is with us every year, and as is tradition,

Speaker 1 we join you, our dear listeners, for Christmas.

Speaker 1 And we're love and wonderful to have you here. Welcome.

Speaker 1 And as always, I'm joined by John. Good evening, this Sunday evening.
It's 11.30 p.m.

Speaker 1 3 AW.

Speaker 1 And we're all sitting on a couple of Toky hams

Speaker 1 using them as chairs. Sorry, can I just interrupt for a moment? Lindsay, I can't hear John in my...

Speaker 1 Can you? He can't, Lindsay. I can't hear John.
Lindsay's the young person. Lindsay's a

Speaker 1 talented young

Speaker 1 producer, but I can't hear either John or what

Speaker 1 John.

Speaker 1 I can't hear either of the Johns. I can hear myself, but I can't hear the Johns in my ear.

Speaker 1 So anyway, we can make sure that the Johns are coming through. I can hear you, Lindsay.
What about

Speaker 1 this, everybody? This is the nature of

Speaker 1 live right now.

Speaker 1 Oh, no, I can't hear you. Oh, yes, I'm not sure.
Oh, yes, now it's going in and out and yes, but I can

Speaker 1 hear them now.

Speaker 1 Well, let's continue. Magical time of year.
That's the nature of live right now. I'm joined by John.
It's 11.30 at night.

Speaker 1 We're sending on a few Bitoki hands, which we're going to send out to some lucky callers a little bit later.

Speaker 1 I just want to say thank you to Lindsay there if you're just joining us. We had a couple of tech issues.
She's so young but smart at 49 years old. We had a couple of tech issues there on

Speaker 1 the start of the

Speaker 1 top of the hour.

Speaker 1 I mean, that's the magic of being a broadcaster in this culture. I've been broadcasting since 1937.

Speaker 1 and that's the thing I think a lot of young people now, they want everything now. They want everything perfect, everything now.

Speaker 1 I want my house now. I want avocado toast now.
Back then, of course. You can't have both.
3AW back then went by 3xY.

Speaker 1 I walked in as a young broadcaster covering the daily, and my job would be to get the rural news out to the people. So you'd go down to

Speaker 1 the exchange on exhibition in Swanston, where there's a McDonald's there.

Speaker 1 And you'd get the news and bring it in, and you'd read, Are the natives from Vanilla or Swan Hill or this and that? And that was my, I was a cadet at the time.

Speaker 1 Now, at the time I was working down at the docks, you know, down what's now the dock lands, beautiful place if you've not been down there, beautiful hotels, restaurants.

Speaker 1 I think Jeff did a beautiful job with that area.

Speaker 1 Beautiful, beautifully done, tributant. Back when I was 13 years old, I was working there when they were docks.

Speaker 1 And I would, you know, you'd go down there and you'd gather with the other boys and they'd drive up in a ute, they'd go, you, you, you, you, and that's the sort of work you'd get.

Speaker 1 And that was the hardest work. Hard work that

Speaker 1 then the unions came along and ruined it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 John,

Speaker 1 John, you've been, you grew up in lots of different trades. You're a jack of all, master of nuts.

Speaker 1 I've been a chippy mate. I've been a sparky.
I've been a

Speaker 1 player, now

Speaker 1 broadcaster. But for the last 80 years.

Speaker 1 Yes, yeah, yeah, since I was 32. That's why we call him Baby John.

Speaker 1 Or Baby John Burgess.

Speaker 1 I'm the little omnibus. Show after work catchphrase.
When a

Speaker 1 picture of a man or walking into a shop and there'd be a

Speaker 1 decipher some sort of catchphrase, whether it's getting

Speaker 1 Baby John Burgess's television programme. They don't make programs like that anymore, do they? Wheel of Fortune, I remember.

Speaker 1 Yes, yes, and you know, and you'd spin the wheel and you'd get a letter and go bankrupt. But I don't think anyone knows how to spell anymore,

Speaker 1 you know, with spell check. That's why they couldn't do it now.

Speaker 1 No, they'd just look it up. They'd just look it up on their phones.

Speaker 1 That's the thing, is kids today are not going through the same work that we would. They would, you know, go through school on an iPad and never learn arithmetic and rhythm.

Speaker 1 Last Christmas, in fact, I'm excited for this Christmas. I saw, you know, they all came round to my house and we had the catering on and everything was wonderful and beautiful.

Speaker 1 And I said to my great-grandchild, I said, you know, what are you learning? And they said, maths. I said, well, you know, what's your favorite set of times tables?

Speaker 1 And they didn't know that they didn't know their times tables.

Speaker 1 I bet they got out their calculator. Yes, you know, well, they had it on their,

Speaker 1 you know on their

Speaker 1 you know with the

Speaker 1 telephone.

Speaker 1 And what I say to that generation is good luck in your retail job counting out the change. Well let me tell you something

Speaker 1 when I went through

Speaker 1 on the farm if I didn't know my times tables your four fours or four fours are

Speaker 1 five fours or twenty

Speaker 1 if I'd get one wrong my teacher Mr. Johnson pull out a rifle and

Speaker 1 he'd hit me in the in the in the blunt of the nose

Speaker 1 with the base of the rifle.

Speaker 1 Well, the brothers were cruel.

Speaker 1 I remember once. I hated the nose.
I didn't do my times tables, and the brothers said, Well,

Speaker 1 they said, Who's your best friend? I see you're talking with this one. They killed him.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 But it's we learn, you learn.

Speaker 1 I remember one time

Speaker 1 I had fruit on the mind, and I said, my Limes Tables, and it was put into an Iron Maiden for 36 days. But they never forgot again.

Speaker 1 But I never called them my Lymes Tables again. You think of these kids today in bike lanes riding around,

Speaker 1 and you think maybe they're at the

Speaker 1 if someone stopped them and said, Well, firstly, this should be a lane for the cars, but secondly, what's nine times seven? They wouldn't know about it. No, nine times seven,

Speaker 1 of course.

Speaker 1 Yes, of course.

Speaker 1 Of course,

Speaker 1 63, 63. Yes, absolutely.

Speaker 1 I remember once I, you know, when I first started school, I was riding with my left hand initially. Yes.
Just doodles and whatnot. And I just started.
And they put me into an ancient,

Speaker 1 I believe it's called the Iron Cow.

Speaker 1 It was an ancient Roman device where they would put me in the cow and burn the cow from below. Yeah, make your feet hot.
And you never felt. And then there was a horn.

Speaker 1 And as I burned alive, I was burned to death.

Speaker 1 But you never

Speaker 1 forgot how to do arithmetic. Yeah, you never forgot nine times twelve.

Speaker 1 There's no I know the answer. And you asked me nine times twelve.
That's ninety plus

Speaker 1 eighteen, so it's a hundred times. Never forget that.
And I think these gangs

Speaker 1 either running around with these gangs lighting up tobacco stores from left to right in the western suburbs. I think

Speaker 1 if only you'd learned your times tables.

Speaker 1 What happened to the three R's?

Speaker 1 What happened to the three R's? Arithmetic and writing and researching. Race basing and hit.
Well yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Now listen, I've running. This is a Christmas time.
They don't run anymore, the children. No,

Speaker 1 they expect everything to come to them. Well, we drank from hoses, you see.
Yeah, straight from the cow's teeth. I don't remember.
Suckle at the teeth of the children.

Speaker 1 I sucked Betty's teeth.

Speaker 1 I would say where

Speaker 1 brothers die and die in infancy. Yes, yes.
I said, I would get to the farm farm.

Speaker 1 Point me to the mother farm, I'm thirsty.

Speaker 1 Point me to the mother cow. Cow, I'm thirsty.
And I would suckle the teeth of the mother cow like it's very like it's very moo cut.

Speaker 1 And if we wanted dinner, if we wanted a porterhouse steak, I didn't walk down to the local coals and buy it plastic wrapped. No, I slaughtered that cow upon the watchful eye of my father.

Speaker 1 We would get a metal rod and creep up behind the baby cow. And the kids today they wouldn't know about that cow.
No, they wouldn't know about

Speaker 1 cracking the skull of the baby calf and then

Speaker 1 you know cutting it up, bleeding it dry. And now they're all vegan.
They're all vegans.

Speaker 1 You know, and I thought about this the other day. I thought about

Speaker 1 vegan, you know, the vegan thing. And I thought, well, what are they going to do if a farmer, if you call up a farmer and you say, well, no, no cows, everyone's a vegan now.

Speaker 1 Yeah, well, you know, it's funny, you see all these, the shopping centers are

Speaker 1 full of

Speaker 1 full to the brim.

Speaker 1 Unless you're cars. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 you're driving around the shop with it.

Speaker 1 How are you finding a park at a Christmas time? Well, that's the thing. I think a lot of people listening today would be driving around

Speaker 1 looking for a bar grain.

Speaker 1 Commiserations to you.

Speaker 1 Pavens is a key. And believe those green lights.
But if you, can I just say, if you have got

Speaker 1 one of those disabled stickers just because you're fat,

Speaker 1 just because you're fat? Or because your brain isn't working,

Speaker 1 you are taking that from someone in a wheelchair. Yes, you are.
And I'll kill you.

Speaker 1 I make sure to yell at anyone, anyone who parks in a handicapped spot. I make sure to scream at them.
And then if they turn out to be

Speaker 1 illegitimate, then I apologise. But I always try to make sure to stay on top of it just and apologise.
And I go, well, I didn't see.

Speaker 1 I didn't see. Yeah, right.
I didn't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But can I tell them? Yeah, I say apologise. I go, all right.
All right, there we go.

Speaker 1 Put my hand up and I'll walk away from the situation. I just want to say, we've been complaining a lot, but this is a Christmas episode.
And I want to bring a little bit of joy.

Speaker 1 I want to bring a little bit of positivity while we still can't.

Speaker 1 Take it away from us. Yes.
Yes, that's right. I mean, the golden mic John Laws is putting away last bastion in the north of

Speaker 1 normal speak.

Speaker 1 And I wonder how long is Christmas with us? Have you noticed something this year?

Speaker 1 I could be wrong. No,

Speaker 1 this morning

Speaker 1 I was having Patoki sort of injected into my veins.

Speaker 1 Liquefy the Patoki and put it straight into my left arm. But the nurse, she can't find the vein.
And I've had a, I've absolutely at wit's end with her. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Not from here, and she's can't find the vein.

Speaker 1 Where does it go? And

Speaker 1 I'm sitting there thinking, is it just me?

Speaker 1 Or is it this Christmas no one's saying Merry Christmas? No, they don't say that anymore. No, no,

Speaker 1 they don't say it anymore. It's happy holidays or

Speaker 1 Americanisms as well.

Speaker 1 They, them.

Speaker 1 They, them, and America. We're not in America.
Halloween. Halloween.
Oh.

Speaker 1 Well, and I you see the trick or treaters and I say, well, this isn't America love. I tell them to fuck off.
Oh, I'll tell you what. No, they come to my do that.
They come to my door. Can you? No.

Speaker 1 Get out of it, Chabas.

Speaker 1 Get out, get out. You know what you want? Listen, listen.
You never understand, John. No, John.

Speaker 1 I've had a

Speaker 1 they come as goblins and ghouls and they scare. Get out of the studio right now.

Speaker 1 that language is not acceptable in the studio i want to i want to apologize to any of the listeners john is a little bit unwell at the moment but you cannot use that language well i apologize i just i don't recall him saying he used the f word i don't recall and i just i want to apologize

Speaker 1 to the listeners i just want to apologize to the listeners you know i genuinely don't and i don't recall that either I don't recall that either.

Speaker 1 But isn't that a bit of a nanny state thing that you can't say anything anymore?

Speaker 1 Well, no, I think that's okay because all the kids today with their effing and jeffing, they're swearing, and I just think they should ban those things.

Speaker 1 They should ban that sort of language. But isn't it annoying that they're banning Merry Christmas? Yeah,

Speaker 1 they're banning Merry Christmas. I just say free speech for all.

Speaker 1 But on another note, effing and jeffing this, and I say, what happened to censorship? We won't be able to go to the cup anymore soon, huh? Yeah, yeah, soon they'll be saying

Speaker 1 on the cup. They'll lock you up if you put a fascinator on.
Or depending on the size of your hat, that'll be 30 years, 40 years.

Speaker 1 On another note, I saw someone recently, just on a completely different note, unrelated, I saw someone make a joke about Jesus on television. And I say, get that person out of the country.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, they've got to go. They've got to go, we've got to censor that kind of language.

Speaker 1 But then I funny, you mentioned that. And on a similar vein, I can't say Merry Christmas to my children.
I can't tell anymore. No, you can't say anything.

Speaker 1 It's offensive. They bring that into the schoolyard and all of a sudden...

Speaker 1 Prefer me to go light up a tobacco shop in a gang war. Yes.
Yes, yes.

Speaker 1 Now, I just had a... I wanted to...
You brought a battery. I wanted to bring the...
Sucking on these batteries. Is that what they're doing? They're sucking on batteries.
I'd banned them.

Speaker 1 Blowing out smoke. What happened to

Speaker 1 good old-fashioned cigarettes?

Speaker 1 Ban cigarette shops. No, no, no, no.
Get them back onto the good old-fashioned tobacco.

Speaker 1 Remember the day.

Speaker 1 Remember when you could just smoke yourself silly and your doctor would. I remember I had emphysema and my doctor said, well, you should try some cigarettes.

Speaker 1 Well, they're trying to ban cigarettes now. It's outrageous.

Speaker 1 Unbelievable. They're trying to take cigarettes from us.

Speaker 1 They're trying to take them from us.

Speaker 1 It's a God-given right. But these kids now

Speaker 1 fucking on the

Speaker 1 batteries.

Speaker 1 Get these batteries out there. No batteries if you're under 18.
But do you know what? It's funny when the Christmas Day happens and the kids come downstairs and

Speaker 1 they're going through the paper and this and that and it just makes it all worthwhile. But all they want these days are your Game Boys and your Boppets.

Speaker 1 Nobody wants a good old fashioned kamikaze pilot. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 I remember the days, you know, try telling that to your uncle who fought the kamikaze pilots. I got my.

Speaker 1 But have you heard about this? I've just heard this now. Kamikaze pilots, what's this?

Speaker 1 They were pilots who are sort of missiles. I don't know that, but what do the kids are doing, kamikaze pilot toys? They're performing seppuku and they're doing kamikaze toys.

Speaker 1 I'd never heard this and it might have just been a mishearing of what you said. But if this is true, if children are playing with kamikaze toys, that is outrageous.

Speaker 1 You're married at first sight toys and

Speaker 1 your project, watching the project with your Peter Hellier and your.

Speaker 1 But it is a special time. It's a special time.
It's a time to take stock. Can I? Yeah, not from the supermarket and don't steal

Speaker 1 beef or chicken stuff. Have you seen these shoplifters? Yes, they're shoplifting.
They've had to put security on the

Speaker 1 quite right. I mean, gun prices.

Speaker 1 The gouging. The gouging from

Speaker 1 the shopping system. Oh, I don't know.
We'll be finding out very soon from a special guest about how. At IGA

Speaker 1 during this Christmas, there is definitely no price gouging going on. Now, we will get to them, but I just wanted to bring a little bit of Christmas joy to the children.

Speaker 1 Lindsay chuck on us.

Speaker 1 Put on some of that music. Chuck on.
Don't chuck it on, you put it on. Oh, quite contemporary, Lindsay.
Yes, I like this. Is it a little bit of a

Speaker 1 modern take on it? Miracle on 32nd Street. That was a movie.
Beautiful. That's when they...

Speaker 1 They don't make movies anymore. No, they don't.

Speaker 1 They don't make movies anymore, and it's devastating what's happened to

Speaker 1 a wonderful lifestyle in James Stewart.

Speaker 1 Frank Capron Donna Reed. Now, she was beautiful, wasn't she? Donna Reed was a stunner.
She was a stunning. Now, I just wanted to talk a little bit.
Virginia Patton.

Speaker 1 They don't make mother and son anymore. They installed this

Speaker 1 slain. Ruth Cracknell, God bless her soul.

Speaker 1 Yes, have you seen the new one? The new one with.

Speaker 1 No, don't bother. But the first Miracle 34, she was a young Natalie Wood.
Yes. Oh, she was beautiful.
Oh, and they were. Westside story.
Yes. When she played a young Latino, Latino.

Speaker 1 Not that, but it wasn't an issue. No.
Now, I just want to, can I tell you a story? We can stop with the bloody music, Lindsay. Stop with the bloody music.

Speaker 1 I can't hear myself. It's too much.
It's too much. Can I tell you a sweet Christmas story? Oh, please.

Speaker 1 So I took the family.

Speaker 1 I went with the family. I got some tickets, as you know.
There was a

Speaker 1 Christmas carol sort of spectacular show down at the Marvel Stadium. Oh, beautiful.
They did a big Marvel Stadium. Oh, down at Marvel.
I'm not talking about Carols by Candler in the city nigh.

Speaker 1 That's still yet to come. That's on the 24th.
24th. And of course, I will be performing again at the

Speaker 1 performing. What are you singing this year?

Speaker 1 I'll be singing. I'll be singing.
Oh, holy night. No, I sang that last year.

Speaker 1 Let me.

Speaker 1 I'll check what's the.

Speaker 1 Do one of the classics. None of this character.
What would you like to see me sing at the

Speaker 1 maybe Jingle Bells Rock? Good For You by,

Speaker 1 you know, the. Oh, Oh, Jingle Bell Rock.
That's a little bit fun, isn't it? No, I'll leave that to the young Olivia Rodriguez. Good for you.
Oh, yes, I like her. I went to her.

Speaker 1 But anyway, I went to Christmas. No, it was a Christmas.
It was sort of a Christmas.

Speaker 1 Christmas Spectacular, you know, and it was a bit of a. Bye-bye, Birdie, maybe.

Speaker 1 Yes, maybe that.

Speaker 1 It was a Christmas Spectacular Rock. The cast of Wicked are going to be doing Jingle Rock.
Oh, that's lovely. Yes.
No, but I went down to this Christmas Spectacular.

Speaker 1 They had a sort of show at the Marvel Stadium. I got some tickets there,

Speaker 1 you know, and

Speaker 1 got them. You know, of course I got them for free from the good people of Batogi in the Batoki box.
The good people of Batoki, the Patoki box.

Speaker 1 And don't get me started, though, on politicians getting free things. But I got those for free.
I've got 98 Batogi hams in my boot. Oh, yes, and me too.

Speaker 1 Anyway, so I went down there and I thought, you know, always so hard to get a car park. Oh,

Speaker 1 so I didn't bother this year.

Speaker 1 I thought, you know what? They should cut their heads off. No, well, I thought.
I deserved to die. I thought, no, always so hard to get a park.
Also, I want to have a couple of drinks,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 a batocky ham with a nice sparkling wine, which I can call champagne even if they don't make it in champagne. That's my right.

Speaker 1 So, anyway, I went there, and this is the point I wanted to do. In a bike lane, I wanted to make this point.

Speaker 1 I got a train for the first time in

Speaker 1 43 years.

Speaker 1 I'm that absolute disgrace, Dan Andrews. No, no, I will say.
I will say,

Speaker 1 take Dan Morgan, Chairman Dan.

Speaker 1 I will say I had a lovely time. We were able to converse.
We were facing each other. Have you done this on the trains? You face each other now and you can talk.
And a lot of people on their phones.

Speaker 1 It's been like that for maybe 48 years. And I go, you can talk.

Speaker 1 I got off the train at the Southern Cross.

Speaker 1 Oh, yes. The old Sped.

Speaker 1 That's down where 3AWU. What do you think of that roof?

Speaker 1 Let me tell you, that is meant to be the leading train station of Melbourne. That is the train station that people come in on on the bus.
Disgrace. They come in from Warnumbool.

Speaker 1 It is a bloody disgrace. And I excuse the language there.
It is a disgrace there. Have you seen it? They've got this architectural roof.
Weavy, wavy, non-wavy roof.

Speaker 1 Two or three shops selling chips. Nothing nice.
We wanted to get some food before we went to the show. Nothing, no secrets.
What's the show about there? No, I don't want to talk about the show.

Speaker 1 It was a bloody disgrace. That is meant to be one of our leading train stations.
Have you been to this train station there, John? No, I remember with 3W when I was a good dad working down there.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Spencer Street, that was a perfectly fine train station.

Speaker 1 Well, this new one they've got. Nice flat roof.
Nice flat roof. This new one they've got, wobbly roof.
Weavy and this was built in

Speaker 1 maybe

Speaker 1 2003.

Speaker 1 It's confusing.

Speaker 1 I missed

Speaker 1 last time I was there.

Speaker 1 Last time I was there. Have you been there? Oh, yeah, I've missed it.
Once the first time I've been there, and never again.

Speaker 1 Once and never again. I was on my way to Daimaru and got off the centrepiece of the street.
Well, you've got to be to Spencer Street then, isn't it? Yeah, Daimaru. Daimaru.

Speaker 1 So you've not been to the new station. No, I've been to the new station.
Built around the old shot tower. Yeah, it was

Speaker 1 where Daimaru was where I believe they call it Melbourne Central Station. You were

Speaker 1 whatever that is now. Hop, skip and a jump from the statue of Sir Redmond Barry at the National Library.
Hop, skip, and a jumper. You don't hear that enough.
No, what you hear is bloody

Speaker 1 tobacco shops lit up in flames again. Skibbity toilets gang wars.
Skibbity toilets. Oh, the dio.
I don't know the

Speaker 1 carry-on. But it is Christmas time.
I bought my nephew a wooden horse rather than an iPad for Christmas. He said, said, suck my cock.

Speaker 1 But tell me. No, I would have shot it.
I was absolutely, oh, I belted him. I belted him.
I took off my belt. I said, come here.
I took off my belt. He ran off.
We didn't see him for three days.

Speaker 1 When he came back, I fucking was angrier. I was angry.

Speaker 1 I hadn't cooled down. You see, I was angrier than I was when he walked off, so he copped it even harder.
Yeah, five times seven. I bet he knew it then.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he just ran down to the Werribee River and just slept under a blog,

Speaker 1 under a log for a couple of nights. John, tell me your experience at Southern Government.
Oh, you know,

Speaker 1 I got up a little late to go to a dimer room, buy some new sheets for the bed, which, of course, had been soiled. So I was there at 6.30 in the morning, and I get out, and I see this

Speaker 1 monstrosity. Oh, it's ugly.

Speaker 1 Disgusting. And how does it even keep the rain in if it's all the wibbly and the wobbly

Speaker 1 pools of water? You You see, they've got one sad, bloody red rooster there.

Speaker 1 They've got one

Speaker 1 miserable red rooster. Not even enough a sugar station like that's what the kids need

Speaker 1 these days.

Speaker 1 Just candy. Oh, I didn't even see that.
No, with no

Speaker 1 fruits or vegetables available anywhere. We've got to go to a break very quickly.
This is a message from our sponsors at Sunrazia.

Speaker 2 Introducing Sunrazier's Bram Presser and his grandma Ruby.

Speaker 4 Granny, what happens to all the pits from the prunes that go into Sun Razor Prune Juice?

Speaker 1 Well, Bram, I'll tell you, but you have to keep it a secret.

Speaker 1 Okay, Granny.

Speaker 3 Each night, just before midnight, the prune pit plucker magically appears in Sunrazier prune land and picks the pits, leaving behind a pile of plump prunes for Sunrazier to put in their prune juice.

Speaker 1 But what about the pits?

Speaker 3 The prune pit plucker takes them away because it's come back in 25 minutes.

Speaker 1 prune pit peak.

Speaker 4 Prune Pit Plucker plucks the pits from the premium plump prune Sunrazier Pick to produce their premium prune juice and paddles the piles of pits to the prune palace on prune pit peak.

Speaker 3 Precisely.

Speaker 2 Sunrazier prune juice is available from the following caring supermarkets.

Speaker 1 You don't get funny, smart ads like that anymore. You don't get comedy like that on TV.
25 past the hour on

Speaker 1 the 8th of December December here. Christmas is fast approaching, folks, and can't you see it when you're out in the house? Less than you used to.

Speaker 1 No, less than you used to. And I was at Southern Cross the other day.

Speaker 1 This is meant to be one of our leading train stations.

Speaker 1 While have you been there? It's outrageous.

Speaker 1 It's outrageous what they've done. They don't have enough chairs.
You got one sad bloody red rooster. You get some chips.
There are no chairs for you to sit in for Christmas.

Speaker 1 But Christmas time.

Speaker 1 I love Christmas. I'll take your point.
But have you been down to the Maya window? Oh, I love it. It's a great tradition that's still there for young and old.

Speaker 1 I took the grand, great-grandkids down now, and we looked in the windows and

Speaker 1 different themes every year. Do you know what this year's theme is? No, and I'll tell you why I don't know because

Speaker 1 I thought I'd get the training. Oh, yes.
And I got to Southern Cross Station.

Speaker 1 What do you think of that roof? Ugly, ugly, ugly, ugly roof. A disgrace.
Absolutely disgraceful. Now, where is this country headed?

Speaker 1 I don't know why they didn't go to the People that designed Crown Casino. I was there for an event a few months ago.
Beautiful. Fine.
Sleek black walls. Beautiful.

Speaker 1 The Pokies Room, the High Rollers Room. Beautiful, beautiful.
I don't know what flatjack they got to design that bloody Southern Cross Station, but I imagine imagine he was fine.

Speaker 1 Have you seen the big concrete buildings they've been building in the city ever since the Night Day?

Speaker 1 I'm just gonna joke, John. I'm just gonna, John.
I'm just gonna cut you off in the area. This is a Maya window celebrating 69 years old.
I love Maya. 69 years old.
69 years old.

Speaker 1 Maya Christmas windows have been enchanting Australians for families and families for generations.

Speaker 1 A magical tradition tripped down memory lane for many of them.

Speaker 1 What are they doing this year? Well, it's still yet to be announced, but it's been in many, There's been years where it's Mad Hatter-themed or... And not too woke?

Speaker 1 I'm not sure.

Speaker 1 I don't know yet. Usually it's just sort of candy canes and that sort of thing.

Speaker 1 They'll put a bloody bike lane through the whole thing soon.

Speaker 1 If the man who designed Southern Cross Station has anything to say about it, it'll be weaves and wool.

Speaker 1 But I know a lot of the wives at home are wondering, where am I going to get the best price for prawns? Where am I going to get the best fruits and lychees and peaches by the plenty?

Speaker 1 Where am I going to get these deals? Red snapper or a prawn on Christmas Day. And so we've had old

Speaker 1 New Australian Air Toniardo is coming in. Anthony, thank you for joining us from IGA store.
G'day, boys. How you going? Very good now.

Speaker 1 Now, obviously, we boycotted your store for a few months there at the start of the year because of the Australia Day flag, his fiasco. Now you got to, mate.
But I've got to say,

Speaker 1 I've been back through the doors and what a beautiful. I love the Christmas decorations.
And

Speaker 1 nothing gets me in the Christmas spirit more than a trip down to the grocery store. Yeah, and a bit of tinsel, mate.
And you've got to be careful about. Wait, which one are you from? IGA.

Speaker 1 Oh, no, you're all right. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You

Speaker 1 this year

Speaker 1 are telling us about the sales because you've got to get in at the right time. Obviously, you've been talking ham and Christmas and also the prawns and seafood.
Why are you talking about prawns?

Speaker 1 Well, it's Christmas

Speaker 1 time.

Speaker 1 But why are we talking about prawns? Well, it's a Christmas edition Australia. You're going to have some prawns.

Speaker 1 Oh. Get them cheap.
Hello. Hello? Have you forgotten? Well, John's favorite.

Speaker 1 Is that a bleed? Oh, that's all right now. So we're probably here to talk about IGA.
That's absolutely. That's right, mate.
We have some.

Speaker 1 Hello.

Speaker 1 Tony. It's Tony mate.
Tony's here. We let you in.
Tony's here to talk about. I'll come every year mate.
We talk about the special. Oh, yeah.
I'll come. I'll let you out.
I'll let you out.

Speaker 1 No, no, no, no. Well, just let me get through.

Speaker 1 Have we talked about the prawns yet? Well, we're about to, mate.

Speaker 1 He's young, this young whippers. You until he gets in, does the sit-ups in the morning.
Are you doing the

Speaker 1 like on street? Oh, look, I'll look after myself, don't get me wrong, but I don't mind, you know, a bit of a

Speaker 1 bit of a treat. A bit of a treat every now.
I'll let you out. No, can I? I don't have to do the segment if you don't want to.
I'll open the gate up for you. No, John, let him talk about the prawns.

Speaker 1 Well, this year, I know everyone's

Speaker 1 had a hard year.

Speaker 1 Because

Speaker 1 they're lighting up these tobacco stores like it's Christmas night. Absolutely.
Blowing them up. Oh, now I know.

Speaker 1 I know everyone at Christmas time, it gets to this time, and you got, you wish you had half the troubles you had, don't you? Yeah. Every year you always go, I wish you had half the troubles I had.

Speaker 1 I was, yeah. That's why at IGA, we're all.
Passports confiscated on a cruise ship. What? Was this?

Speaker 1 Car flipped on roof on the Monash.

Speaker 1 Bloody they're cracking down on social media with the kids. That's good.

Speaker 1 That's good. Dairy farm figures are worrying.
Dairy farm. Strange rainbow cloud in Melbourne this morning.

Speaker 1 Look out for your

Speaker 1 farmers.

Speaker 1 What's the price of prawns?

Speaker 1 well

Speaker 1 first of all tony you've been down to southern cross station lately don't doing done don't bite don't bite tony you've been down that way i was the other day mate what'd you think of it

Speaker 1 beautiful mate disgraceful isn't it what do you mean i was there yesterday what'd you just think of it you know

Speaker 1 beautiful shops there's a lot of three or four of them well there's a few more than that dim sim at if you're lucky

Speaker 1 fancy burger place down the bottom mate when was the last time you were there? When was the last time you played down there? I'm like, can I just have a bloody burger? What

Speaker 1 do you?

Speaker 1 Just give me a bloody burger. None of you sweet potato chips deals with IGA this year in the lead up to the business.
Why are you talking about IGA? Well, this is the man from IGA. Oh, Tony, hello.

Speaker 1 We always get to this part of the year. We say, gee, I wish I had half the troubles I had.

Speaker 1 That's why we're all about half off. Oh, that's a great deal.
It's been a hard cost of living through the roof because of of that bloody elbow. It's because of immigrant students.

Speaker 1 Omo.

Speaker 1 Usually $30.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 Omo. What? Omo.
Oh, Omo

Speaker 1 for the washing. Concentrate or powder.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Is this whites for your whites or mixed? Mixed.

Speaker 1 $14, mate. Save $14.

Speaker 1 Half off.

Speaker 1 It's more than half. No, that's half.
Well, how much was the original price? 28. I thought you said 30.
Can I just say, I don't do my washing anymore. I'm very lucky.
I'm a lucky man.

Speaker 1 I've been blessed.

Speaker 1 You're a had man.

Speaker 1 Well, obviously, yes, my wife. Your wife's got you by the long and curly.
My wife did do it for a time, but now I've got a nice young lady who does it, who comes in. She comes in.
The ironing lady.

Speaker 1 Yes, clicks it, takes it.

Speaker 1 But I... I always say to young men, they say, well, why do I have to learn? And I say, you've got to bloody learn how to do your laundry.

Speaker 1 Because when I walked into national service in the 50s at Bangholme, when I walked into when I walked into

Speaker 1 Channel 9, GTV in those days, GTV back then, and I walked in, I had a crisp white shirt.

Speaker 1 I had a crisp white shirt, and I had a good attitude. And on that alone, they had me working, they had me directing the tonight show.

Speaker 1 On my crisp white shirt. And I say that to young men, they say, Oh,

Speaker 1 I'm feeling, you know, I'm not smart enough to get a university education.

Speaker 1 I can't get a job. I've got a drug addiction and, you know, pain.
And I say, well, bloody, get a crisp white shirt. Go to Channel 9.
They'll give you a job.

Speaker 1 My first thing I do with my grandson, I'm going to get you two things. I'm going to get a brush and a comb for your hair.
Yes. Because if you have those two things, you start to look sharp.

Speaker 1 That's what I said to my nephew.

Speaker 1 My great-nephew, he said, I can't get a job. And I said, get a crisp white shirt,

Speaker 1 get

Speaker 1 a brush and a comb. I'll call Kerry Stokes, I'll organise a meeting, and he bloody got the job.
Yeah, and that's all, I don't know what I mean.

Speaker 1 All you need is a brush and a comb and a bit of brill cream through that hair, and you'll look sharp. No, it's a crisp white shirt.

Speaker 1 Sharper than a melee. And not jeans.
Jeans are working clothes. They're all right for casual wear.
I wore when I went to this show at the time. I don't know.
I'll say to you.

Speaker 1 No, we'll catch you. We're talking about your homer.

Speaker 1 So I'm going to go.

Speaker 1 Sell alone. Yeah, it's usually.

Speaker 1 What do you got? Prawns and things like that.

Speaker 1 You know, if I can just get through it quick, then I can go. Tony, that's not how it works.

Speaker 1 That's not how it works here.

Speaker 1 What do you got for it? Blue V. What's a blue V? What? What?

Speaker 1 What? What is it?

Speaker 1 Blue V. Blue V.

Speaker 1 Usually a pack of $4, $11.

Speaker 1 What is Blue V?

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 that's not cursed. All I know is that when I have one, I maintain an erection for up to three days.

Speaker 1 So stay away from them if you are. I don't know what he's talking about.
What is a blue V? It's a drink. Blue V.
It's an energy drink. Blue V.

Speaker 1 Blue V? Blue V? What do you mean? Blue V. Blue V.
Blue. Two separate words.
It's V,

Speaker 1 but it comes in a blue.

Speaker 1 What's V? What's blue V. Drink.
What's a blue V? No, a blue V that sounds absolutely delicious. I'm thinking a sous V.
I'll tell you, no, we've talked about this in a while.

Speaker 1 Sit down on Christmas Day with a blue V. Oh, yo, yum.
And because I've said this

Speaker 1 on the radio before,

Speaker 1 I love a Coca-Cola on Christmas Day.

Speaker 1 Well, I love a good Cocoa. Well, I don't mind a Coca-Cola on Christmas Day.
A can of Pepsi, a box of 24 Pepsi Max this year at Neanova at IGA, bloody beautiful, mate. That'll set you back 20 bucks.

Speaker 1 Can I just say something the other day? I was at the restaurant. With the savings,

Speaker 1 just let me say the savings.

Speaker 1 Just let me say the savings. Yeah, and then I'll talk about Pepsi.
I'm point out Pepsi.

Speaker 1 Well, you save $12.50. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So I was at a restaurant the other day, and I said, you know, I'm not drinking at the moment because we've got some surgery coming up.

Speaker 1 Your leg's numb. And I said to the girl there,

Speaker 1 for just visual, it's only their visual purposes, your left.

Speaker 1 I said to the girl there, I said, I'll just have a Coca-Cola. And she said to me, and they do this now, she said to me, we only do Pepsi, is that all right? And I said to her, Listen here, you stupid.

Speaker 1 This comes up often.

Speaker 1 B, you know, I said the B. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I said, listen here, you stupid little bee. If you only serve Pepsi, then that's what I'll have.
I'm in a cola.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 you didn't have an issue with.

Speaker 1 No, of course not. I don't mind.
They only serve Pepsi. Why is she wasting my time to do this? Now, what would you have preferred she say in that circumstance then? Nothing.

Speaker 1 Right. Just bring me my Pepsi.
And I said that to her, and I called up the owner of the restaurant. Oh, God.

Speaker 1 Who's a dear friend, I imagine. And I said, you need to check the attitude of your staff.
And I told him the hours she was working and the event she was working and I got her fired.

Speaker 1 What's your favourite... I love Christmas.
What's your favourite kind of chip?

Speaker 1 What's your favourite potato chip to have at a Christmas? What time? What ones have you got?

Speaker 1 We got Pringles, Doritos, and None of that American crap.

Speaker 1 Kettle. Yes, I don't mind a kettle.
Well, half price. I love a Samboy.
How much is a chip going for now? Is it $2?

Speaker 1 $3.

Speaker 1 Whatever you say, whatever you say, we're going to go.

Speaker 1 We're going to go off. Oh, really? How much are you paying?

Speaker 1 How much is a bag of chips? Well, if you're going down to your Woolies or your Coles, mate,

Speaker 1 you're paying six.

Speaker 1 But at IGA, three.

Speaker 1 Oh. No, well, that's.
Six. Well, three's not.
Three's very reasonable. When you compare it to six, mate.
But six, I wonder why that is. I wonder who I can scapegoat for that.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm good. I think a samboy chip is my favourite.
As a young lad who'd go down to the shops and get just a samboy chip. Have you ever had a chip buddy? Oh, yes.
That's a British thing.

Speaker 1 I'm perfectly fine with British culture.

Speaker 1 I want to be British. British culture is perfectly fine.
What else? America. What have you got down at the shop? What have you got down at the shops? Oh, that's all.
That's all. No prawns.

Speaker 1 No, no prawns. Not this year, mate.
Times are tough. You know why.
Yeah. Tony, oh, yes, go on.
Just that bloody bloke on Channel 9 in the morning. Can I ask you, Tony?

Speaker 1 You wear very tight shirts, and sometimes they're pink.

Speaker 1 Well, yeah, salmon. Yeah, salmon.
Tight pink shirts and whatnot. What are you asking?

Speaker 1 What are you asking? You're a very fit, young man. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Tony, thank you for coming in.

Speaker 1 Yeah, right.

Speaker 1 And, you know, all the best with Christmas time and all of you. I totally love you, man.
Yeah, I'm going to get back to my partner. And I will say that.
What do you mean by that?

Speaker 1 What is that?

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 That's Tony. Tony, Tony, everybody.

Speaker 1 From the

Speaker 1 Tony John.

Speaker 1 Nice man. John, you like, I like Tony.
He's a very good one. I like Tony.

Speaker 1 I went to

Speaker 1 Marvel. Who are you?

Speaker 1 I'm John. Oh, yeah.
I went to Marvel, and then

Speaker 1 I mentioned the Southern Cross. Yes.

Speaker 1 Then I went and saw the show at Marvel

Speaker 1 Batoki. And Bataki gave us little

Speaker 1 biscuit,

Speaker 1 little ham biscuit. Like

Speaker 1 they brought out a tray, a little ham biscuit. And I was watching the show.
There was a young lady performing.

Speaker 1 I can't remember her name.

Speaker 1 young lady, little blonde. Patty Newton.

Speaker 1 Yes, that's right.

Speaker 1 And she was singing a song, Christmas Carol, and I thought, what a wonderful talent she is. But

Speaker 1 I need your help deciding what I'm going to sing for

Speaker 1 the Christmas Carol.

Speaker 1 Well, something that's a message to the songs of time and all. Yes.
Yes, what would you like? What would you like me to sing? Well,

Speaker 1 what is

Speaker 1 something that brings that Christmas joy without being too political or woke? Christmas

Speaker 1 I could do

Speaker 1 one of the old ones.

Speaker 1 Oh, holy night, I've already done that.

Speaker 1 Holy night. It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
Yes, if you pull that up, I could sing at the close of it.

Speaker 1 I don't like that one. It's too...

Speaker 1 Give me a little lyric. I don't like the idea that it's beginning to look like Christmas.
Why can't it just be Christmas?

Speaker 1 Why can't it just

Speaker 1 be a little bit more? Have a wonderful Christmas now.

Speaker 1 It's a magical time, and we hope, as always, that it's spent with the ones around you that you love. And that Christmas is spent

Speaker 1 in tidings, grace, good, and cheer.

Speaker 1 Because it's beginning to look a lot

Speaker 1 like Christmas.

Speaker 1 Why did you want to look at

Speaker 1 the gates of zillies that glow?

Speaker 1 We're going to look a lot like

Speaker 1 Christmas

Speaker 1 out

Speaker 1 there

Speaker 1 Get those candles waving, get those candles.

Speaker 1 Hope of jealous and gin

Speaker 1 Maladak and Hollywood school to start again.

Speaker 1 There's a tree in the grand hotel, one in the park there as well.

Speaker 1 He's fading

Speaker 1 his brain is going everywhere.

Speaker 1 As soon as the bells are bells, they will start.

Speaker 1 He's adding words now.

Speaker 1 And the thing that will make him ring is the carol that we all ought to sing.

Speaker 1 Right within your tiny little heart. He's looking at the lyrics and he's still adding.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 Merry Christmas, everybody, from John to bike lane.

Speaker 1 Say something about bike lanes.

Speaker 1 I'll drive over them. I'll drive over the bloody cyclists.
I don't think gang wall. Heck.
Oh, here we go.

Speaker 1 Bloody Merry Christmas. Talk to me.
Happy holidays.

Speaker 1 Find that cable.

Speaker 1 Not every single store, just the steadiest sight that you will ever see

Speaker 1 is a holiday

Speaker 1 up there, right there on your own. In front of the little door

Speaker 1 on your own.

Speaker 1 Oh, sure, it's Christmas.

Speaker 1 No, I don't think I'll do that one.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 no, no,

Speaker 1 no. I know we would die.
There's another one.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 You've been listening to the Auntie Donner Podcast. Thanks for joining us for another rip episode brought to you by Auntie DonorClub.com.
See you next week.

Speaker 1 Listener.