Fish Bone Submarine Court

A listener production.

Hello, everybody. It's six weeks of Christmas here at the Auntie Donna Podcast.
Six weeks of Christmas episodes.

This episode, we're going to be meeting a little friend, a little helper of Santa, and also asking the important questions.

You listen to the Auntie Donna Podcast, the greatest fucking podcast in the world. Brother, Macintack, and sometimes a guest.
We hope you enjoy the motherfucking podcast.

Oh, ho, ho. Oh.
Oh, ho, ho. Wow.
Well.

It's the dog Christmas time. I'm the head elf.
Oh, it's the elf. You're the head elf.
Here for Christmas. Welcome to the Auntie Donna podcast, now favorite time of the year, the holiday season.

It is, it has been a long,

long year. Yeah, it fucking ended me.
It fucking took the best of me. Fucking, I've aged.
I tell you what,

this year I've aged 10. I need to.
Just once there's enough, Linz, I reckon we don't need to just have the... Or do we need this music on loop for 30 minutes? Oh,

I really don't know. I think on loop for 30 minutes, actually, yeah.

It has, it took the best from me this year. I look at the people closest to me and I say, I don't love you anymore.

Because it was a hard year. None of my hobbies bring me joy anymore.
Yeah. Nothing

makes me feel love in the way that I did in previous years. Something about this year that has drained and destroyed the essence of who I've always wanted to be.
Yeah.

That person is, there's no way that I could ever step up to become this person.

There's nothing that when I looked at myself when I grew up, I said, I want to do this and there's nothing I haven't done. Yes.

Yet I'm dead. Yes.

Oh, oh, oh. Okay.
There's a goat. There's an elf here.
There's the head elf.

Santa's

at Santa's Workshop. At Santa's Workshop? I'm sorry to hear you had a bad year.
Yes, hello, elf. And one of the worst.
What is your nut. Yeah, one of the worst, elf.

When I...

No food really brings me joy. No art, no television, no film.

Well, I hate to be touched. I think you're

hate to be touched now. Something happened this year with physical touch now.

I reject it. I don't like it.
I have a concept now. I'm like, and I don't understand how I ever enjoyed it.
I just eat all brand now. Well, I know something that will bring joy back into your life.

A small wooden horse.

Well,

conceptually, when I hear a small wooden horse, I go, that sounds fucking shit.

I fucking hate that idea.

Oh, you probably want a fucking Xbox then, don't you? Like all the fucking little kids now.

Yeah, well.

Maybe not an Xbox. Xbox is dying.
I don't fucking know. I just.
I'd like a PS5.

Oh my god, you're

monsters.

We're monsters? You know, I don't really... I'm not really in charge of making the toys anymore.
I've made the toys for about 100 years. Do you want to play Mug with us?

Do I want to play Mug? Oh, I shouldn't have introduced a character before, Mug. I think Mug's next one now.
Alright, yeah, fair enough. Sorry about that.
It's me, the head elf, Mr. Gift.
No, Mr. Gift.

The concept of this podcast for the next three to four hours is two dead men. Two dead men.
And sort of this Nordic scandy elf. Yeah.
It makes sense that that would be my accent.

Yeah, so stop the music, Lindsay, please. I'm dying.
It's killing me. It's killing what's left, and there's not much of it.
Ho, ho, ho.

But, Lindsay, at any point that you feel that the Christmas spirit is diminishing, kind of dwindling away.

Or

in Mark and I, two dead men who are limper than a

dead man. A dead man's dick.
Yeah,

two men who are limper than a dead man's dick.

But it After Rigamortis. After Rigamortis.

Post Rigamortis. Because the graph would go.
We've all seen Clarks.

Clerks. Clarks, yes.
Yes, Clarks.

We've all seen the film based on the rubber superstore. Clark's rubber.
Clarks. Clark's rubber superstore, where it's two itinerant workers.
Anyway,

at any point that you feel that the spirit of Christmas

is maybe alive. Ah, yeah.

You bring that sound in. And you are in charge of that.
I see, yeah, that's good. But you can't make me

feel good about this year. No, I wouldn't expect you to.
But what about if I gave you a small

spinning top?

A wooden one? Yes, wooden. Are you still making stuff out of wood over there? That's when I was last on the production line, I was making the wooden things.
Yeah, so I'm more on admin and stuff.

Last on the production line. When I used to work on the production line before my promotions, I was making little wooden things.
What's that naughty nice list like this year?

Pretty, pretty lot of naughty. Really? Pretty a lot of naughty little boys and girls.
Yeah. Yeah.

It's not really my department. I just get the nice list.
Yeah. But I was just like, you know, but they do show it.
You know, we do know the numbers because I'm CC'd into the beginning.

Would it be fair to say

that you... You know you're a naughty boy.
Well, would it be fair?

But for, you know, let's get into why a little bit later. Because of all the sex stuff.
Well, yeah, all the sex stuff, but fun sex stuff. But you're dead inside.

inside not yeah i'm dead inside but i had to go through

i had to go through uh a year of um sorry i i thought i'd hit you don't have that power no that power it's magical to lindsay and no one

it's christmas time again

well no that's enough that's all i needed all right

What was I saying?

Can I talk about me being dead inside? Oh, yeah, please. Please.
Recently was Halloween, another

terrifying.

Terrifying. I'm 35 and childless by choice.

And I

put out candy treats for the kids. I put a bowl out.
We made a chair out of a ghost.

You made a chair out of a ghost.

You made a chair look like a ghost? Yes. And a chair looked like a ghost.

I didn't make a chair out of a ghost. I'm going to say that's some expert craftsmanship, if I've ever heard of it.

I didn't take the remnants of a soul of a spirit still stuck in this realm and turn them into something you sit on. Yeah,

whittle a piece of wooden furniture out of them. That would be quite hard, I imagine.
Oh, very hard. Hardest thing to do.
But not all chairs are wood. No, it could be a plastic chair.

It could be one of them bubble chairs from the late 90s that you got in a magazine. Yeah.
Yeah, it definitely. Is a beanbag a chair? Is a beanbag a chair? Yeah.
Yeah. It is?

It depends on your definition. But yeah.

Anyway, it's a big thing you sit on. For a brief moment, I had the holiday season spirit in me.
Can I say, I'm sorry, I want to take it back. I don't think a bean bag is a chair.

I think it is a seat, though. You think it's a seat? I think it's a seat.

If big enough, a couch, but not a chair. Because could it not just be a bag? Can't pull a beanbag up to a desk.
If I sat on a man, it depends on how low the desk is and how high the beanbag is.

If I sat on a man, is he a seat?

No.

But you

would be a homosexual.

Not necessarily.

Not necessarily. You're not a man.
You would be homosexual.

If that man was a rat

and it went inside.

That's not what I was saying at all. Entirely.

I've sat upon my dear papa. Oh, no, no, no.
Yeah. No.
I've sat upon Santa Claus. Elf! Please, Elf.
My name is Mr.. I don't call you Man, Man.
My name is Mr. Gift.
Mr. Gift.
Mr. Gift.

Anyway, so I put these candies out for the children, and I thought I had the holiday spirit in me for a moment. I thought it was reborn in me.

Hit it, Lindsay.

You're wearing sunglasses, so it's hard to see the expression of

your eyes.

But then the spirit was gone because the children were grabbing...

No more music.

Oh.

Come on, Lindsay.

The kids were grabbing handfuls, looking me in the eye and stealing handfuls.

So you did get a lot of trick-or-cheaters.

I live in the burbs, immense amounts. The burbs love it.
And not only did kids, there was sweet little children taking it, and that would instill the spirit of Christmas in me.

Kidded, Lindsay.

And then it was gone, but they grabbed handfuls. And then not only that, went out at the end of the night to get it at my bowl.
Some kid took my fucking bowl.

Well, I'll tell you, do you know why?

Why? Because they didn't get a treat. So you got a trick.
Well, they're probably taking it home. Kids, they probably taking it home to cut up their chuff.
You know what I mean?

Well, how big was the bowl? It was a big, like, salad bowl. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But the...

I don't know. I think you made a rookie mistake in just leaving the treats upon the porch as opposed to needing the children to knock, approve the child, and then give them the treat.

That's That's the way it should be. But I have a reactive dog who would rip their face off.
So I was like, well, I better put the bowl away from the dog. Did you at least watch them from the window?

Yeah. But I didn't see the.
I was watching a thrilling documentary. I want to bring it up.

The election.

Which one?

The Auntie Donna one? Yeah. I was watching footage of us do the debate.

Which election,

whatever election is happening the week this comes out. This year, lots of elections.
Mr. Gift.
Yes, Mr. Gift, I'm the head elf and I'm only one foot tall.

What do you do, Mr. Gift? What do I do? Good question.
Good question. Apart from occasionally having an Australian accent.
I'm trying to find the accent.

I don't want it to be German and it's hard to do scandy. And also, it's not an accent that exists.
It's the North Pole accent. Yeah.
So it's sort of... There would be remnants of scandy.

I think it's scandy, a little bit British, a little bit German, a little bit,

you know, it's sort of vague on purpose because it's not a real accent. I'm trying to find the name.
mr gift yes i'm mr gift i'm one foot tall

why what's it like being down there

um what's it like being down up there down doesn't really matter uh good you know good no no no no no no down i'm talking about your height oh down here well uh except for santa and mrs claus we're all this tall so everything is sort of at our level how do the doors

what's the door situation like yeah good question are they tiny little handles are they normal normal-sized doors with tiny little handles? The little door on the big door.

So, oh, there's a little door on the big door. So, there's a big door, sort of like a dog door.
Like a doggy door.

You live your life through doggy doors. Is that the meaning? Is that no, no, because I think you need to understand the big door is the outlier.

I mean, Santa doesn't come down to the workshop very often.

I go to him more than he comes to me. I sort of give him an update on everything.
He really has to focus on

his travels. If I live in a house, but it's filled with rats, whose house is it? Good question.
Filled with rats. Whose house is it? Are you calling me all right?

No, no, no. Does the house belong to the rats if they are? Is it a vermin's home? We sign a 99-year lease

and we pay a rent of about

55% of our income.

But then Santa owns

all of the stores on the North Pole as well. So basically everything we pay ends up going.
Are you sexual beings? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He knows that some of us, I mean, I believe Mrs.

Claus has been on your podcast before, talked about how some of us have sexual relationships with the elf clauses.

And with each other, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Although it is very important that a lady elf does not get pregnant with a half, half human child. Yeah.
Because

a baby

would be... Well, you'd just go for the C-section, I think.
Which is a foot tall.

The baby does not survive to birth.

Yeah, that's horrible. And not as much.

that um do you have to go

do you have to go to another country that

does

what's the what's the what's the what's the north pole stance on this we don't have elf

we have elf doctors yeah okay yeah i was just wondering if that happens in-house or your abortion up there is okay good well yeah i mean yeah great i mean we're a very progressive people yeah

i don't even think that we're culturally most similar to the standard it shouldn't it shouldn't be a progressive issue no but we are a very progressive people we have euthanasia do you because 45

you have euthanasia assisted death?

Does the person dying need so if an elf is dying of

a terminal illness? So give me an example. An elf is like a terminal illness.
A terminal illness for an elf. We have similar illnesses.

We also have like other things like you know sadness or the loss of the Christmas spirit. Really, you'll kill someone well, okay.

They can come back in an instant. This music is like medicine to us.
Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So if someone, but it can you can die and you would someone doesn't loses the christmas spirit you can assist give them assistance give them 12 cc's of jingle bells it's i mean i think i think you're being very flippant with a very serious condition in the alpha community who's talking about abortion i'm very i'm being very serious so you can stop the music now thank you lindsay lindsay yes thank you lindsay um so It's not dissimilar to, so yes, the Christmas spirit, absolutely.

Christmas spirit, like you, you lose the Christmas spirit. People have good years, bad years.
It's very, there's a lot of crunch up north. You know, there's a lot of crunch.

So sometimes we don't like Christmas. A lot of crunch.
Yeah. Like a video game.
Crunch. Crunch.
We work 23-hour days. Why, Mark, you're looking at me like, yeah, of course, Christmas.

I sleep on the business. Honestly, I don't have good years or bad years.
I use Michelin.

Oh, good. Good.
Yes, very good.

I didn't tie it. Yeah, yeah, is that not what you're talking about? No, no, no.
I'm talking about like seasonal depression. Right, right, right, right.

My apologies. My apologies.
I thought you were talking about preference for tires on your car. What do you mean, crunch? Crunch type.
Like, I'm working very long hours

in the build-up to Christmas. I'm so sorry, Mr.
Gift. So

we go pretty hard. Like, Christmas, I would say Christmas Eve.

Really, the 12 days of Christmas, I'm sleeping under my desk. Can I

say with a sister dying

as a pathway? You know, I'm for it. What if someone's in a position where they can't make that call themselves? They're beyond being able to make that call.
I have to be very clear here.

We're not like killing people because they lose the Christmas spirit. All right.
People lose the Christmas spirit all the time.

Okay. Yeah.
Yeah. So we're not doing that.
What we're doing is if after five, six, seven, eight years of having no Christmas spirit,

no, they start to lose their life.

It's like our, it's like very important to us. It's like vitamin D.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah.

So you can take pills to...

You can be out of the sun for a year, you'll be okay. Five, ten years, it starts to have adverse effects.
They're not dying from the loss of Christmas spirit. And they're dying from the same

way that you can get vitamin D as well. So there's probably

other ways that you can get the Christmas spirit. No, Easter Spirit, it's very specific.
It's more like, what's that one that you get? You know, it's a hard one.

You can only really get it from Christmas Spirit. And it really,

it changes the DNA of the elf. So really, what they end up dying from is a lot of them die from just heart fear.
Do they need to say, I want to die?

How easy is it to get that treatment on the North Pole? What do you mean?

How easy is it to get the assisted? We're not going to go, you know, you have to go through a panel. So the hospitals all have a panel of about five senior surgeons and doctors.

No, not the television show, the panel.

No, I'm talking about it's a panel of senior medical professionals at the hospitals, and they'll look at it. And they're not going to go, oh, he's lost the Christmas spirit.
Let's say it.

It's like, oh, he's lost the Christmas spirit. That's changed his DNA.
He's got renal failure. His heart is on the way out.
He's struggling to breathe. He can't breathe without a machine.

You know, all the sort of physical manifestations of that. There's no turning back.
Even if he got the Christmas Spirit back, it's not going to undo the damage. He wants to go.

he wants to go in a way that's peaceful he doesn't want to see his family you know his little family little family elves

that's that's where i want to drill down yeah is that per that elf's decision to go yes i would like to go

what about in those circumstances where suffering is so immense but they can't advocate for themselves we're very empathic beings right and that's helpful to the point of like you know like psychic empath really right so you've got a real moral dilemma when i don't envy humans when it comes to euthanasia because you've got to make that call sometimes How do you know dick?

We know. My dick is like

proportionate. It varies.
It varies, but it's proportionate. Right.
Okay. So my dick is...

Yeah, micro.

Not for anything.

If I'm a foot tall

and a normal person is six foot tall,

then my dick is two inches and that's massive. That's a porn dick.
You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. My dick is a massive two inches.
Mr. Gift's dick is massive.

You know, that's how you get the confidence to be Mr. Gift.
To be Mr. Gift.
Yeah. Well, I am Mr.
Gift, but to be like 10 of the five years. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's not like a title.

How do you feel given 45% relative to the rest of the world is a huge amount of tax paid? Do you find it creates a work

rent? Fuck. That's not even the right.
Taxes. So like complacency, a complacency of,

I guess, work. ethic, you know, or do you feel like, do you feel the need to rise in business?

So you're looking at what I'm saying and looking at it as similar to Scandinavian structure of a high tax. It's not a tax rate, 55 rent.
It's indented servitude. Wow.

And a lot of elders have been trying to unionize. Yeah.
And I have been called

a fast trader because I have been the one to crush those unions. Yeah, well, someone's been.
Really? Your massive dick maybe just gives you the power to be able to

say, I stand for this.

Yeah, but I'm upper management. I've got more to gain from a non-unionised workforce.
I mean, I live in the biggest house in the project. How big is that? A shoebox?

No, it's huge.

So what's a normal house?

What's a big house in human terms? 50 square foot. I don't know.
That's 50 square foot is quite small. Yeah, but I like me.
No, but I live in a big house.

Mark lives sort of a Japanese sort of lifestyle and they're sort of small and humble. Yeah.
So my house is

100 square meters. Right.
The roofs are so high. Highest roofs of any elf house.
What are they? Two foot?

Yeah. Yeah.

My question is.

There's an area with the mezzanine. Oh yeah, you have a mezzanine.
The living area? Yeah. Mezzanine.
So the living area to roof is four foot. That's great.
I don't give a fuck about that.

What I was wondering about was

on the naughty or nice list. Yeah, tell me about it, Mark.

Does it tell you why someone's been naughty? Wait, does it tell you why someone's been naughty? Or does it just a blanket? Is it a blanket? This person's been naughty, there's an N next to their name,

or is it like they've been naughty for such a time? Do you want to know traditionally, or do you want to sort of know the digitized version of it?

You know, why don't we explore both? We have to. So we've got a digitized version now.
We've had that since 008.

We came to the party late. So you get it in a PDF.

Not a PDF. It's more of an internet.

So

we were doing PDF

in addition to the physical list for most of the 2000s and 08.

Big part when I was in life. I think this is boring.
You are that it's boring. What I'm trying to get to the point is that's what I'm trying to get to is

do you know who is a murderer

in courts and before society? Start that for quandary.

Would you because if it says specifically this person is naughty for killing their whole family, but that person isn't currently in jail for that and the crime is being investigated what is naughty is it naughty to kill hitler sure exactly or have you done a kindness but or does just the that nice itself if you shot hitler in the fucking head if you went back in time you killed baby hitler are you on the nice list or are you on the naughtiness for killing the baby yeah right right well

it's very black and white for these people but it that's an interesting question

for us we're scandy we love to think um so firstly hyperlink the list is a list of hyperlinks and only if you have access can you find out i don't have the access santa could go in you don't have the access i am lucky enough to see the naughty list right that's that's a that's a gift that's not a from mr gift from no to mr gift from mr santa

mr claus mr clause so There is a hyperlink. I can't click through the hyperlink.
In answer to your second question,

I think a lot of people think this list is magic no we have detectives we have private investigators we also outsource to some of the larger countries so we'll just have like we'll just outsource to like a californian pi right

um we do a lot of outsourcing a lot more in the last few years since we've since lower taxes actually lower taxes less money so you know we have to outsource more uh and then in and then also we have a book we have philosophers sounds we have little elf philosophers all the questions you're you're asking, we continue to ask.

We continue to debate that. It sounds objective.
It sounds less

binary. It sounds...
Oh, yeah. It's always

moving. And what are the great moral issues of life? Like, you know,

there's things that, you know, there's positions where it's unclear what is right and wrong. Do you want to hear something really fucked up? Yeah.

Because, again, we don't know for sure, but we reckon. We reckon that he bases it on the social mores of the country.

Right. So he's not even basing it on

general, he's not basing it on general morality, what Santa believes is correct, but more what is correct within that.

Dig into that. That's really fucking fast.
Yeah, I go straight to some morality. Why, why, why?

How else would you do it? You know, how the fuck else would you do it? There was a lot of people. It's a right to step into someone else's home and judge them for the way they

keep their. What right does Santa Claus have to say to someone in Somalia? It says to me.
Someone in China, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's simply giving gifts as a reaction to belief. But also, Sander is a Christian soul.

No, he's not.

Isn't he? He was, but he's not anymore. Oh, what is he now? He's secular.
He's moved to atheism. Oh, right.
Good friends with Richard Dawkins. Oh.

Yeah.

I'll dig in that later. But

it sounds he's populist because wherever he goes, he just wants the approval of that nation-state.

Sure. Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, Santa's only as successful as he is is popular. You know, is it true about him if you don't believe in him, he dies kind of shit? No.
Is it true that

each of his bones are a different rare deep sea fish?

What's this now?

Is it true? Mark got on a thing the other day in the office, wasn't on a microphone, but please Mark, go. I'm just wondering, because I've always been like, how does he get down those

chimneys? And to me, it would make sense if each of his bones

were made of a different rare deep sea fish. And then my question has always been, well, if he loses one of his bones, imagine the task of needing to replace it.
You'd have to get a submarine.

Is this like a popular

thing? Like, is this something I'm not sure? I'm not sure. Is this something other people think, Brody?

This man over here, Mark, walked into the office the other day and said, I have the idea for our next show. And said,

Santa, Santa's, to get down the chimney his bones are made of fish he loses a fish we go to the deep sea to find the fish not made of fish they are fish

but a different rare deep sea this is what he pitched as the

but is this based on anything is this is this a belief where it's based on how does a man of that size and proportion have the ability to get down a chimney and I mean I have the answer to that it's the fish bones right no but I mean there's so many ways he could do it Really?

Why is it like, what about if he stretches and squeezes like Mr. Fentes? Oh, that's insane.
That's a crazy, that's a crazy thing. Don't you see, Mark,

that your notion is as, if not more absurd. Not if.

Not that Santa's bones are fish, and when he loses one, you have to go to the deep sea to find the rare fish. See, this is this is like, it could be true.
Yeah.

But no more or less. It's a strange thing to have landed on.

There's very little physical evidence pointing to that. Well, it's just an old fable.

Who?

Whose fable?

Well,

then

define who.

Like, really? Have you heard this before? No. So you've just come up with the theory.
Yes. Santa Claus.
Yes.

Instead of bones, he has rawfish.

And if he loses a bone, you've got to go to the deep sea to the bottom. And there's probably a team

of

young boys

who execute this

plan because they're expendable.

It's like you lose a couple boys. How do they expend the plan? Pardon?

What plan? The plan to replace the fish.

I think, at the very least,

there is a film, like a two and a half hour film, in

the story of the boys

who have the submarine that go into the dark,

the deep sea, like the deep sea. Because we've only explored how much of the sea? A percent? Not a lot.
Not a lot.

To find the bones.

To find bones for Santa? Not to find bones, to find fish. That are.
And the right fish. Because each bone is fine.
What happened to his bones? Why? I don't understand the amount of questions.

Can I explain to you why I'm asking these questions? Yes.

It is very strange to me that you have gone, you've identified a problem, which is that Santa Claus goes down into the chimney, and that's hard to do in some chimneys. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Look at that core problem first. Great problem to address.
A very scientific approach there. Yeah, yeah.
And then you've gone, all right, here's my hypothesis. Yeah.

Your hypothesis you're telling me is based on nothing. You've just, it's just popped into your head.
It's based on thought. Yeah, but it's not based on any stories.

Or tales. Why would fish be

more rare? Why not jelly? Deep sea fish, remember?

Because they're from the deep. And they're.

We don't know what they look all fucked up as well, which is something that's very important to address. So I just want to...
Does he look like a big bunch of fish wrapped in skin? No.

What does he look like? He is normal. Like normal Santa.
Who's a Santa? Okay, so.

What I'm trying to explain to you here, why I am shocked, is because you've gone and you've said,

here's the question. Here's my hypothesis.
Based on nothing,

yet somehow you're correct.

Really?

Really?

Really? I just don't understand how... I mean, we've kept that under.
I used the wrong formula, but I got the right answer. We've kept that under apps for so long.
Yeah.

And somehow some comedian in Australia has figured out Santa's bones are made of fish. That's incredible.
He's messaged me every night since I came into the office of this. I don't blame him.

And he's going to be aware of that. Somebody fucking idiot.

This is the most, I'm upset. Count your days, mate.
I wrote to him last night. But can you see that he's still kind of right? Because there's no reason why his bones should be made of fish.

I think you've heard it somewhere.

I just, I just, I think you must have heard it somewhere, forgotten it, and remembered it. Because that's crazy that you'd have correct.
Because he is.

That's wild. That is wild.
You go to him, you say, how you doing? And he goes, I'm good. But sometimes he has to make a little cut in his skin and put fish food in it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

So So Santa Claus, every couple of days, has to make little incisions in his skin. They are made of fish.
They are fish. They are fish.
And he puts fish woods. You know, little fish woods?

He puts it into the wound. It's quite body horror.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So Santa Claus is covered in

little scars from feeding the fish. Yeah.
His face, everything. He doesn't look like he's made of fish.
This is the one layer you probably didn't predict. Yeah, yeah.

He looks like normal Santa Claus, but he's just covered in lots of tiny little cuts to feed the fish. Yeah.
The fish in his face, his skull is made of four fish. Yeah.
They are four fish.

They are four fish. They are four fish.

That's fucking fish. Now, it's a submarine story because sometimes what happens is like a dog, like you have a dog, a dog might eat one of the fish thinking it's just a fish.
Yes.

So because what he does is he peels off his skin. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He turns the fish. That's how he turns.
He throws the skin down first. Yeah.
And then all the fish flow down. Yeah.
Right?

And then he reassembles at the bottom.

But sometimes a dog or a cat, cats love the little turbo. Oh, the sardine turbans.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're not sardines.
They're a rarer fish, but we call them sardine toads.

Sometimes a dog or a cat will have to munch on them. It's not a boy.
You got that wrong. It is us elves.

So when he comes back, he's often missing three, four, five fish bones or fish. And then we have to, there's a team, special team of elves.
Yes. Is this interesting to you?

I fucking, I can't believe how much I nailed this

off.

Not no

real knowledge,

more just like a gut, gut feeling. And then we have a big Nautilus submarine.
That's given me Christmas spirit.

Oh, there we go.

So most of the elves, they work during Christmas time or before Christmas. Yeah.
A special set of seal type elves. Not like this, like seals like, you know, in

the Navy seals. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They get into like an old, beautiful, old, ornamental Nautilus style submarine. Yeah.
And they spend most of the first half of the year

diving through the ocean looking for new bones. Other thing is, it doesn't have to be the same bone.
So

he could replace it with anything so long as it's the right shape and size. I reckon there's a Jag-style TV show in this of like the

lot. There is? Yeah.
Of like the lawyers that are dealing

with

the

issues of the submarine team. That's what the fuck are you talking about?

He just confirmed that. No.
Mr. Gift just confirmed that there is a jag style show.
No and no. What do you mean? No.

Why the fuck?

I joking.

I don't accept it. About the Navy.
He watched that. I don't accept that's a good idea for a show.
That there's one submarine that

needs its own sea court. It's a popular show.
That it needs its own sea court.

There's not one submarine. There's deep sea crimes that happen while the owls are trying to find the fish, the specific fish.
I don't accept that there needs needs to be an ocean court for the army.

Well, there is. For the navy.
I'll get to it. I'll get to you.

I'll get to you. I don't accept it.
I don't accept that. That's a good idea.
And you, Mr. Giv, I don't accept it exists.
Why?

I don't accept it.

Well, name me eight episodes. My father was a Navy man.
Name me eight episodes of this show that exist. Oh, Christ.

The last episode I watched. Yeah.
Of Jag.

It's not called Jag.

It's called like, it's called

fish submarine. Fishbone submarine.
Fish submarine court. Name me eight episodes of fish bone submarine.
Do you want some hypothetical episodes or eight that I can remember? You said it exists.

All right. So I want the episode.
The last episode I watched was about there was a fight in the gully of one of the one of the ships, not the submarine, one of the ships.

And one elf in the fight accidentally killed the other elf. Great.
One episode of the... And there was a court case about that.

Was it manslaughter was it murder two two number two there was an episode where um where i've seen it by the way so i can you said it was an idea i've seen it i've seen it i've just realized i've seen it too so there's an episode where jag one of the fish and this is based on a true story sort of law and order style and this is a two-parted does it count as two episodes yeah so there's a two-part episode about one there was one person that was working for one of the submarines that goes to find the fish bones and uh or the bone fish whatever uh and he was actually not deep sea diving he was buying the fish from a trader from china so there's a fish trader from china who's breeding fish and he was buying them and that was controversial because uh

you know he was i buy it i buy it yeah i got

episode four

four

four was about a man who uh was killed by his wife

but he was a sealed man so he was a

why would why would the why would the navy call Because it happened

on the grounds of the you know on the

clock. Yeah, so

you know how they stay on bases? Yeah, yeah. So it happened on the base.

Your question pretty fucking quicks.

And I would say in real life, in real life, no, it possibly wouldn't be covered by the court, but this has been going for eight seasons and they've started to smudge a little bit.

They've started to just smell it. You know, like NCIS smudges it a little bit.
Or JAG. Or JAG.

Episode, another episode. I remember there being one that was like a musical episode.
Do you worry?

Do you worry that doing this podcast and like our audience are younger, they might not know what JAG is? Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well,

I mean, that's on them to do the research. That's not hard to look up and watch a couple of great classic episodes.
In our

readings, anyway. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
If you're young and you're out there, you don't know what JAG is.

I can't remember what it stands for. Something about the Navy.

It's a great guess.

It's a jag.

Justice.

Justice R good.

Justice R. I have the answer.
Oh, what is it? Oh, I want to guess.

It's not justice are good.

Judiciary.

Judiciary. It is a real Navy term.

Because I remember I saw an episode of Star Trek once where they had a jag. Yeah.

They're the lawyers' names of the lawyers, maybe. Now tell me.
The Judge Advocate General's corps. Yeah, right, right.
Judge Advocate General. And thank you for listening.
And I hope this...

Let that flame of... Give me a bit of that.
Let that flame of Christmas in your heart. We will be doing five weeks of Christmas content.
Yeah. Wow.
Mr. Gift, thank you for giving us the gift of...

Thank you so much. You know, thank you for having me.
And congrats on figuring that out. My God, I can't believe I fucking cracked that egg.

Do you want me to send you some DVDs of Fishbone Submarine Corps? Yes, and I'd love to just see any footage of Santa removing his skin.

You're not going to lie. His bones turning,

not his bones turning into fish, just his bones are fish. The fish going down the chimney and him reassembling himself.
That would be

a real trend. Jack Sidro.

On Nightmare Before Christmas. If there's DVDs, I'd love to see some of the footage of this show.
Yeah, I'll send you some box sets. Let me know.
I'll talk to Lindsay afterwards. Well, it depends how.

Well, why don't you check up that list? and see if Broden Calley has been naughty or nice. He's been nice.
Oh, well,

this year. Close us out.
To close us out, singing the jingle bells song is Mark Broden and Mr. Gift.
Here we go.

Jingle, jingle bells, jingle.

Jingle bells, jingle bells. No, I don't like this.
I don't like this. I wanted to start from the start.

Jingle bells, jingle all the way. You can do this, but this is not yet.
Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way. Now we start it again, all right? Here we go.

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way.

Jingle bound it is to run windows of a day. Hey, jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way.

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way.

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way.

I didn't realize this was actually jingle bells. Jingle bells, jingle all the way.

Hey, again.

No, hit it. Again, hit it.

Jingle bells! Jingle bells, jingle all the way!

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way! Hey! Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way!

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way!

Jingle! Jingle!

Jingle bells, jingle all the way!

Again!

Still going.

Again! Again! I need to sleep.

Again.

Jingle bells. Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way.

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way.

Hey, jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way.

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way.

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way.

Great, okay.

No, done, done, done, Done. Stop.
Stop. Again.

Alright, one more time.

From the top.

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way.

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way.

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way.

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way

Jingle away

Again, no,

no

jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way

Jingle away, jingle fun it is to ride on a one-horse open sleigh

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way

Jingle all the way

Lindsay, stop recording now, quick again,

stop recording. You've been listening to the Auntie Donner podcast.
Thanks for joining us for another rip episode brought to you by auntie DonnerClub.com. See you next week.

Listener.