Mr Worldwide Mark & Mrs Worldwide Mark feat. Alex Hines

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A listener production.

Hello, everybody.

Very special episode of the podcast is this week.

Alex Hines is in.

If you don't know Alex Hines, get ready for a crazy episode.

If you do know Alex Hines, this is gonna be fun.

Hello, and welcome to the Auntie Donna Podcast, a podcast where people have goofs, they have gags, and they have lots of fun.

If you are watching the podcast, maybe you're seeing the visual version, maybe we've uploaded a clip on Instagram,

maybe you're watching on Patreon or the Auntie Donna Club powered by Patreon.

You're watching the visual version.

You'll see that I'm wearing sunglasses.

I want you to know to everyone watching and to the listener, that's not going to affect my personality at all.

I'm not going to be a cool dude or anything like that.

I'm just wearing the sunglasses.

Now, as you know, sometimes Mark can't make it.

Sometimes it's because he's dead.

Sometimes it's because he double booked himself.

This is one of those days.

Where?

Which one?

The double booked.

He's never died, actually.

It's never been a death.

Sometimes we say it's a death because it's funny to imply that we've, you know.

We will die.

But I think if one of us died, we wouldn't just replace us very quickly.

I think we'd process it.

Maybe we'd take a break from the podcast.

Would we?

You'd jump.

Well, I suppose actually we'd have time to process it because we record ahead.

Yeah, I think we'd have, yeah, I'd only need a couple of weeks.

All right, we're back at it.

Anyway, Mark isn't here, so we have replaced Mark yet again with a new Mark.

Trying out for the role of Mark.

This is Mr.

Worldwide, Mark.

Welcome.

Dale.

I was going to put on this ball patch and glasses to be like pitball butt.

Well, do you want to know why we have

a bald cap and sunglasses?

Yeah, yeah, bald cap and sunglasses.

Do you want to know why?

Yeah.

Because

they came in a bag together with a little goat, little

kit.

And it was a pitball kit.

To promote it.

It was a goatee.

Have we got it?

We turned them into eyebrows for Mark.

Anyway, Mr.

Worldwide, Mark, thank you for that.

Brodom, would you like to wear these?

Yeah.

I'm going to get them on Brodom while you talk to Mr.

Worldwide.

Tell us about yourself, Mr.

Worldwide, Mark.

Well,

I'm from all over the world.

I'll be from

Deep South.

You'll be from?

Yeah, I'll be from deep south and then I'm coming up.

I'm coming up on here.

Like, I don't know, in British, I love these eyebrows.

I just couldn't decide on where to be because I've only had one coffee today.

Mr.

Worldwide is a character who jumps around the world, is from everywhere, is from nowhere.

Already we've seen them as being from London, we've seen them as being from the south.

Tell us about yourself, Worldwide Month.

That's it.

I'm like the one in X-Men That's Blue.

I'll just be whatever I want to be.

No character choice, nothing.

Seven year got played by

who played her in the second version?

Jennifer Lawrence.

Jennifer Lawrence.

And then as Jennifer Lawrence's star rose, she more and more used to the disguise of Jennifer Lawrence.

Yes.

Now.

And I will be becoming Jennifer Lawrence at some point today as well.

Wow.

Because

that's what I do.

Oh, wow.

Mr.

Wilborne Mark, I've noticed when you have moments of sincerity, whether it's talking about Jennifer Lawrence.

Now, don't you dare say I go into my normal speaking voice because that's all part of it.

Oh, I'm dipping in and out of my Jennifer Lawrence.

I've literally run out of countries.

I've gone British

and deep south.

Where else?

Where else is there other than the fact that I'm allowed?

England and Bengal?

That I'm allowed

to do.

France.

Oh, yee.

Yees.

Yeah, England and Dixie.

But

more.

Good.

Finge, finge.

Actually, I was watching that.

Oh, no, it's submersible.

Submersible.

Doco.

So we were talking about

submersibles that imploded before we went on air.

Sorry.

Go on.

You were doing a French accent.

It reminded you of Ocean Gate.

Go on.

Because

one of the ladies, her father, was on the

where am I?

Where am I?

Literally, geographically here.

And there's her late, one of the

daughter of one of the

French accent.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, yeah, bona petite.

Miss Cruisin.

That's from Euro trip.

From Escuit.

That's my Duroling.

I can't remember my Durolingo.

I can't actually say more than three words at a time.

Jean-Mavel.

So you were talking about Ocean Gate?

Oh, she's French, is where I was going with that.

You know, Mr.

Worldwide can be from all over the world and he doesn't have to do an accent.

He can just have your own voice.

What a lovely way of saying

stop.

No, no.

You can pick one, you can jump around.

Yeah, it might come when it comes, it'll come and I'll just do it.

Yeah, um, in terms of character building, I'd say that it's pretty weak, but it is, it's like a shadow.

You know, I exist when I exist,

and sometimes I'm not there.

How are the sunglasses making you feel, Mr.

Worldwide Mark?

Because I'm wearing sunglasses.

Oh, yeah, let me put them on and see what happens.

Yeah, see what happens, bro.

Do you have some?

We don't have sunglasses for you, but we do have your angry eyebrows.

You really need this.

They look great, by the way.

I'll take a little photo.

Mr.

Worldwide Market, what can you offer this podcast?

This is a job interview, by the way.

Oh, okay.

Sorry.

Grab a seat.

Right.

So,

okay.

I was like, show me, but I'm looking at the photo.

Smells in real time.

What can I offer this podcast?

Right.

So,

yeah, I'm offering the podcast bottomless creativity.

Give me an example.

Porridge.

Porridge.

And what would we do with porridge?

That's it.

I'm giving you a jumping off point.

T-bone steak.

Yeah, there's a lot you could do with T-Real.

Two-for-one deals.

It's mainly like restaurant foods.

Yeah, you just want to.

Well, that's where I'm starting, but my Dexes will kick in at any moment and then it's going to be,

you know.

I'm offering a jumping off point, a platform.

I've actually forgot my own voice.

You know, platform, discussion.

I can, you know, guys, and seriously, and just as you know, I, and this is real, and not a lot of people know this about me for real, that I do have a psych degree.

Really?

I actually do have a psych degree, isn't that funny?

You heard it here first.

Mr.

Worldwide, Mark, has a psych degree, yeah.

And, and, and what do you think a psych degree can do for the Auntie Dunner podcast?

Well, I think that people, people, can I be sincere for a moment?

Oh, absolutely.

We like to get into the nuts and bolts here.

I love that.

I think that people people really connect with you, you know, beneath the silliness, beneath the sketch.

It's a real sense of community, and that's what the world needs right now is community and connection.

And I think that I...

I mean, I would argue that some of the biggest issues in the world right now are because of a bit too much of a sense of community.

Yeah, that's polarizing community, Zach.

And that's where you've got the silo effect.

And what I'm looking to do with my psych degree that I haven't used in six, seven years and didn't get my honours in is to just get rid of those silos to break them down and foster a sense of community.

I'll give medical advice is what I'm saying.

So you think, you believe that our comedy podcast

could break down the silos of division that are creating the problems we have in the world right now?

Absolutely do.

Well, that would be different for us because we mainly do the like Sam characters or we do like, you know, LAN party characters.

Goofs and gags.

We're pretty weird.

The porridge was more on it.

Yeah.

Like we're not for everyone.

Okay.

Is part of the issue.

Yeah, that is an issue.

I am famously for everyone.

What about

yeah, I get that.

Channel 7's knocking at your door.

Channel 7, do you know I have been on channel 7?

I was on Today Tonight when I was a child recommending Christmas toys.

So don't tell me it was Channel 7.

Recommending Christmas toys.

My babysitter was a journalist at the time.

So there's a video of me smashing bugs like this.

This feels really like I feel disconnected with these glasses on.

You look cool.

I mean, that is cool.

What's cooler than being disconnected?

Can I be Zach?

Would you take a photo of me so I can see myself?

Because I think that will give me character.

I'll be honest with the listeners, I'm embarrassed about my lack of character.

I actually studied and I'm sure.

Worldwide Mark has put the bald cap and the sunglasses on for clarity everywhere.

Oh my God.

You look great.

You look like a star.

I look incredible.

Sorry, to get us back on track.

You're on channel seven and you're smashing bugs.

Yeah, I was smashing bugs and my brother had a watch that was like talking to him.

And then they cut to, there's a video of us smashing bugs and then it cuts to the RSPCA and they're like, we think this is a disgrace.

They shouldn't have it on the shelves for Christmas.

I was like eight years old at the time.

What?

Yeah.

You were smashing these like toy bugs

that you fill with gel and you smash them.

Like, and then

we've got today tonight as a whole toy.

Yeah.

And what was the issue with the bugs?

Well, the RSPCA was like it's cruel.

Cruel to bugs.

Cruel to bugs for kids to be like smashing.

There was a shot of my brother, my sister and I just smashing these bugs.

Fake bugs?

Yeah, fake bugs.

But it gets in kids' heads, you should be smashing bugs.

But once you get a taste for it, it's like a shark with human blood.

It's like the

serial killer starting with pets.

Yeah.

It's a gateway to real bugs.

First bugs, then real bugs, then pets, then people.

So this is all a response to Zach saying that potentially channel seven might not be looking for you yeah and the second time they interviewed me on the street really yeah on today tonight again yeah wow you've been on today tonight actually that was a current affair so that's nine so every network wants me i guess wow what were you on current affair for they were talking about medical insurance or like medicare and how it's so expensive and i just moved from brisbane to melbourne i don't know why I'm telling you this story.

And I was walking down Berke Street and this reporter asked me my opinion on Medicare and I was like, well, I think it's a joke that dental isn't subsidized.

Why would the government have teeth, like teeth as they're making it a class issue?

Like teeth as a class issue is like

right on.

Right on, Mr.

Worldwide Mark.

I didn't know Mr.

Worldwide Mark was

for the people, for the working man.

Dale.

And yeah, I just, well, yeah, I said that dental not being covered by Medicare is a joke and that ambulance insurance in Melbourne's weird because we don't have that in Brisbane.

So you've got to pay for ambulance insurance.

Yeah.

Anyway, that was the second time I was on primetime television and now I'll go into character.

Well they're going to call you up.

They're going to call you up and they say, hey, we saw you on a current affair and now we want you on.

Probably, have you been paying attention?

Which is

you'd be great at that.

That would be great.

Well, I famously can't pay attention, but I'd be good at the show.

No, I don't think in the first 10 minutes of that that you've given any indication of that.

Let's go back to porridge i feel like it i'm okay yeah let's work through porridge let's work through porridge as a pitch because you've now you've come back to it a few times um i was happy to let it go but you're really insisting here that porridge is good for the auntie donner podcast no i think i need to turn into it i think i need to i think i need to turn into it this moment you know so you'd like to turn into a little pile of porridge as in like literally i'd like to turn in my seat around into this moment to to figure out who this Mr.

Worldwide Mark is.

Okay, so you're gonna turn around, me and Broden are gonna fill, and then when Mr.

Worldwide Mark returns, there'll be some clarity on the character.

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Hi, welcome back.

Welcome.

Hi, everybody.

Welcome to the Auntie Donna podcast.

Mark's dead.

In his place is Mr.

Worldwide Mark.

Hi.

Hi, Mr.

Worldwide Mark.

How are you?

Boys.

Wow.

Yeah, wow.

Hi.

It's a pleasure to be here

tonight.

Today.

Yeah, wow.

So far, we know this is a southern character again.

Sort of in that realm.

Tell us, Mr.

Worldwide, Mark, what do you like to do on a Saturday night?

Well,

the thing is, Zach, that

I'd like to do any number of things.

Sit under bridges, rattle off riddles, and

get in the way of people's thoroughfare onto the other side of the embankment, so that's a Monday.

Well, excuse me, sorry,

Mr.

World Boy Mark.

You look like a cool dude, maybe from the Miami area,

but when you describe your activities, you sound like a goblin.

Well, that's all a part of it.

Being a goblin, but look like people.

That's it.

I'm gonna, I'm gonna, do you mind, Broden, if I'm gonna put this on?

I hate this one.

Well, I was going to join you as the character, and we're going to see if they work as a double bill.

I just got we're going to have Mrs.

Worldwide Mark coming on.

Okay, so Zach, can I ask you, is this still a job interview?

I didn't, and I just want to say, I didn't know it was a job interview until we were already in a.

I would have been much better prepared.

Oh, yeah, no, I didn't either.

I was

riffing.

Ew.

I'm going to turn around now.

And when I come.

I'm also going to.

Oh, no, I'm staying the same.

Well, I'll change character as well.

You don't know I'll stay.

It's a double bill.

Just be careful of your headphones.

That's all I'll say.

Yeah.

So Zach's turning.

So careful.

Zach is swiveling around

to become.

I don't even know what he's becoming, but he swiveled around to become a character, which is a conceit we haven't had for 400-plus episodes.

Hi, who are you?

Well, hi there.

It's me.

Oh, Mrs.

Worldwide, Mark.

Okay, so we've got Mr.

and Mrs.

Worldwide Mark.

Why, yes.

This is my beautiful wide.

beautiful husband, Mr.

Worldwide.

Look at her.

Don't look at her too long, but look at her.

Look at her.

Don't look at her too long.

Oh, honey, you can look at me all you like.

I just see two people dressed in a board cap with aviators on.

And you are Mr.

and Mrs.

Worldwide Mark.

Oh, honey, you're such a jealous type.

You know I'm just playing.

Yeah, I know.

But you get me so hot, hot, and heavy.

I only got eyes for you, Mr.

Worldwide Mark.

But let me tell you, this little piece of sugar ain't bad, too.

Yeah.

Okay.

Mr.

and Mrs.

Worldwide, Mark, thank you for being here.

Yeah.

Let's rank.

You may have seen recently Triple J is doing a hottest Australian 100 now.

Well, I'll tell you, when it gets hot, I make a little bit of lemonade for all the boys.

Yeah, she ties up her shirt nice and high just

under her big titties like that, showing off her navel and her big titties at the same time, which I love when she squeezes them lemons like that.

You know, Mr.

Worldwide Mark, he works so hard down that oil refinery, paying for our beautiful big house.

Getting slicked up down there in the dark.

Love that.

He manages a team of hundreds.

And then when he comes home, he just wants to have a nice glass of lemonade with his wife, Mrs.

Worldwide Mark.

That's right.

Nice cool glass of lemonade.

She knows how to like it.

But I guess it's what Australian songs are you voting for in that Triple J Hottest 100 Australian songs?

Oh, sure, yeah, sure.

Yeah, no, please hot.

I don't know.

Yeah, well, um, yeah, who we got?

We got, um, I Love That Angels Brought Me Here, Kyle Sebastian.

Sebastian.

Yeah.

I love that song.

I love, uh, I love, uh, um,

gotta say, I love, uh, your Nashville star.

I didn't even know he was Australian.

Keith Irbad.

Oh, I thought you were going to say Ed Sheeran because we're also a fan of Ed Sheeran, Nashville star Ed Sheeran.

Oh,

we do like Ed Sheeran.

We're just simple folk, though.

We don't listen to too much music.

We just put on the radio, play what's playing.

I'll make a glass of lemonade for all the boys down the pool.

Can I ask a

question to you both?

Sure.

What's with the bold caps and

the sunglasses?

Well, I let Mr.

Worldwide take that one.

Yeah, well, on account of the fact that I started off before I was managing hundreds, I was down mine myself.

And this is before, you got to understand, before we had canary birds doing all the squawking.

So I was basically my hair was the original canary bird.

So if I was down there for too long and too much hair fell out, then we knew it was dangerous.

I got to get out of there.

And so that's how I lost my hair.

But you're still some coming out the back of your head.

Well, that's right, because that's how stress alopecia works.

So the carbon dioxide

only takes it off the top.

Yeah.

That carbon dioxide.

What's your story?

Oh, I just wear a bald cap out of solidarity for my husband, Mr.

Williwide.

I've actually got a big blonde buffant under here.

Bouffon.

Oh, sort of like a Dolly Parton situation.

Oh, sure.

I love Dolly Parton.

And I see in your eyes now you're imagining that, and I prefer you didn't do that before.

Oh, honey, you're so jealous.

He's okay.

Hey, why don't you come around to our pool party?

I'll make you a big glass of lemonade.

Yeah, I don't like these people.

Oh, sure, yeah.

Well, we're a simple spin away from getting out of them.

No, don't spin anywhere else.

Yeah, we can just

slowly spoke out of the way.

We will be anybody you need.

Spin around.

We'll be anybody you need.

Okay, go for a spin.

Here we go.

Any suggestions on who you are?

No, I got no suggestions.

We've got the two performers here spinning around, chords getting tangled up and broken into

everything they're doing.

And here they are.

Hi, who are you?

Well, hello there.

I'm Mrs.

Worldwide.

Oh.

And this is my husband, Mr.

Worldwide.

Hello?

It's me, Mr.

Worldwide.

Mr.

and Mrs.

Worldwide.

Hello, nice to meet you both.

It is a marriage of convenience.

It is a marriage of convenience.

Yeah,

it's a marriage of convenience.

But let me tell you, my mother didn't approve of me marrying an American.

And a divorcee at that.

Yeah, mum's a bitch you're still southern Emma hold on

swiveling around

he's swiveling again a okay I've got it

I'm gonna be wait Zach is choking himself on his cord

this is what isn't Irish this is exactly what I expected this to go

Irish okay

all right there yeah all right there hello there how you

how you doing broden who are you oh this is weird with the worldwide mr and mrs Worldwide.

I'm to Mr.

Worldwide this time, and this is my Mrs.

Mrs.

Worldwide.

Top of the morning to you.

How are you doing there, Broughton?

Good, thank you.

You're right there.

You're right there.

Can I get you a fry up?

No, I'm not.

If I get your fry up, we'll do some sausages, we'd do some potatoes, we'd do some beans, some toast, fry it up, get that for you.

You like that?

Mr.

Oh, sure, I'll take that.

Can I say something?

Your eyebrows, you're making the...

You look quite angry-like.

You're right there.

You're right there.

He does look like you're angry.

You don't need to be angry.

What's got you like so cross?

Yeah, we're people that could be angry.

We could be an angry people.

We've had hard times.

And we are angry all the time.

Why angry, though?

But also.

Yeah, you text it.

We're the lucky country and you do your best.

You do your best.

You know?

You make it work.

I got a little...

I pray to Lord Jesus, but I don't follow the church anymore.

Yeah, I don't go to the church anymore.

No, you know, they let her.

Which is that point of difference?

Because I'm at the church.

She's at the church every Sunday.

She's at the church every Sunday.

And she says, she goes, I'm going to the church.

I say, I respect that, but I can't support him no more.

And I say, as you go, like, it's fine.

That's right there, you know.

And I, you know, she'll go to London.

I say, I can't support that.

And I say, I've got to.

She loves a child.

She's a model for Rimmel.

She's a model for Rimmel.

You understand?

Get the London look.

She has that London look.

She's got the London look.

And that's not until she speaks that you realise.

You understand she's got the London look.

I got a wife.

I got a most beautiful look.

You're so good at this.

You're so good at this Irish accent.

But now I'm using that for yours.

Your like is great.

I got the most beautiful wife.

And I just think she's gorgeous.

And then someone comes from England and he goes, She's got the London look.

I say, that's the worst thing you can have as an Irish lass.

Well, no, the London look.

We hate London.

What the fuck is the London look?

The Rimmel London look.

The The Rimmel.

What's the matter?

He's got a London look.

It's like a little bit of a gap in the front teeth.

It's the Rimmel London look.

Yeah, it's like Kate Moss, but like a little bit not so

much.

Yeah, Kate Moss.

So he was from Rimmel, and he said, that's the London look.

And I say, that's a great shame to my family.

And that's why I've got to wear these glasses now because he doesn't have vision.

He went straight into the kitchen and forked out his eyes.

It's so difficult in both my eyes.

What do you do?

You don't have vision.

I couldn't have a missus that had the London look, you understand.

They're not good people, England.

Right.

So I just got one.

She said, I can make it look more Irish.

I can go more Irish.

I said, that's not.

You got the London look.

I'm staffing you, Broden.

You look confused.

She goes to London twice a week, does photo shoots for Rimmel because she got the London look.

And angles are just easy for me.

I just go one, two, three.

Angles that are easy for you.

Angles, Broden.

Okay, so Zach is spinning.

We're saying goodbye to these characters.

I think I turned and unplugged my headphones.

Maybe a microphone?

Maybe my microphone.

Maybe I am not.

No, actually, not guilty, Your Honor.

It was definitely Zach.

Just what the fuck is happening here?

Well, I did.

Oh, okay, I'm back.

Hi, you back?

I can't hear.

They're just checking.

I'm sitting near the microphone.

This is the problem with spinning in the fucking.

These characters keep spinning the chair.

I was going to say.

Oh, I can't hear through my head, friends.

I was going to say this is a good offer, the spinning.

I don't like the spinning.

You don't like the spinning?

Spinning?

The problem with the spinning is no, these two characters, Alex Hines, I can't hear you.

And Zacharaway doing characters.

Yeah.

You keep spinning the chairs, and it's literally fucking up things.

Sorry, okay.

I go spin, though.

Okay, can you guys?

I can't hear anything through my headphones, so I'm taking them all.

Yeah, okay.

But I do think

hi, who are you people?

Oh,

These spinning characters, I don't know if I'm here for them.

I don't, well, I'm California.

I'd say California.

Hello?

Hello?

Oh, yeah.

Mr.

Worldwide.

Wait, California.

Coward.

Hey, yeah.

It's us, Mr.

MSS Worldwide.

Are you about to put some respect on our names?

But his wear hair.

And that's Mr.

We're and Mrs.

Worldwide.

Mr.

and Mrs.

Worldwide from America.

Yeah, or from California.

From California.

We don't really identify as Americans.

We identify as Californians.

Yeah, you look at our GDPS like seventh of the world, even without the rest of America.

Okay.

I can hear through my headphones still.

Because you keep fucking spinning.

You gotta wiggle.

Give it a little wiggle mirror.

Give it a little wiggle.

Don't worry about the microphone.

Okay, I thought that was a handshake.

Oh, yeah.

Doing a handshake that

you're going to have to do that.

She's so funny.

Crazy.

She's so funny.

She waits till I go up.

You know, I'm coming down right now, but when I go up, it's really crazy.

Her dad.

Her dad owns all of California.

Property developers.

My dad doesn't.

My mom, though, she owns all of California.

So your mom owns all of California.

Your dad owns all of California.

No, he develops it.

His mom owns it.

My dad develops it.

And my mom owns all of the warder, like Faye Resnick.

Yeah, so my mom, she goes to her dad.

I didn't even know they knew each other.

We met in Caltech.

In Caltech, the petrol station.

Yeah, we met in Caltech.

With a petrol, we were buying some petrol for our cars.

Yeah.

And I said,

I said, bitch, who are you?

I was like there with the pump, like glug, glug, glug, glug, glug.

And I said,

I said to my boyfriend at the time.

I said to my boyfriend at the time, I said, who the fuck is that bitch glugging over there?

And I was like, glug, glug, glug, glug.

I said, glug, bitch, what's your name?

So you're at the Bowser and you've noticed this person.

You said, I don't care for them.

No, no, I was like, this bitch.

Yeah.

I liked her a lot.

Part of that,

I was like, who the fuck is this Glug bitch?

And like, can I just ask, like, Broden, who would you vote for in this Australian hottest 100?

Oh, is this like the hot?

Like, what's hot?

So, like, Australia is doing this thing where they're like, um, remember how we have artists as well.

And then, so they're like, so of our artists, who's their favorite?

Who's hot?

Who's not?

Who's hot?

Who's not?

I gotta go, I gotta go with like all the Hamsworths.

Totally.

And I gotta go with.

And the Baldwin brothers as well.

Oh, I love the Baldwins.

You've seen the Baldwins.

They're each more handsome than the last one.

I love when brothers get into it.

Have you seen the movie The Accountant?

Stephen Baldwin, underrated.

Alec Baldwin, underrated, unbelievably.

I'll say something.

I was watching Alec Baldwin's documentary, you know, the reality TV show.

Sure, sure.

This is like a hot take.

And sorry if you're listening, Alec, he's a family friend.

But like, I watched this show of this man in this apartment with like 24 kids and i'm like damn this guy actually he wants to go to prison oh sure like he literally like i saw in his eyes he's like i hope i'm guilty sorry i blacked you out for a minute what were you talking about

what yeah there's all these old guys in hollywood they've all got like so my mom she's like 20.

your mom's 20.

you get that and i'm like that's normal biohacking and we're doing it over there oh yeah we are all biohacking so she should be 60.

I should only be for age gal are you 84

technically?

Like rotally like biologically I'm 84 and spiritually I'm 1,042.

You understand?

We're not gonna die.

We're not gonna die because we have a blood.

Broden fucking hates this.

Like he's squirming and shit.

Oh no, they're swiveling again.

They're swiveling again.

And here they are.

I'm gonna say it.

It's me.

I persisted parse the spin because i'm that old spiritually broden what would happen if you went for a spin i think you should try it out i think you should try a spin broden i'm in a spin too

who are you my name is mrs worldwide

and this is my husband mr worldwide hello how's she going

hello mr worldwide

oh hello and it's pleasure to be here and thank you so much and i'm looking forward to this discourse this is my beautiful husband.

He's the most handsome man in all the land.

And my wife?

A very talented neurosurgeon.

Yes, I am a neurosurgeon.

I learnt how to be a neurosurgeon when I spent some time

with the East Indies Company.

Mr.

and Mrs.

Worldborne, thank you for being here.

I discovered Polynesia.

Yes,

I was on the ship.

Yes, and polio, sad.

You're a neurosurgeon who discovered polynesia.

And this is my husband.

He says he keeps the earth boiling and is a part of the House of Lords.

That's it, very much a House of Lords kind of guy, I'm me.

And uh, yes, while she's out discovering Polynesia and operating on trains, I like to keep her good home.

Ha ha ha ha ha, very good.

Off to London I go to say yes to this, no to that.

It must be jolly good to find the House of Lords, not me, I'm just a simple lady of the house.

Oh, and and then while she's lady of the house, I'm with the Lords.

And Lord Voldemort's there, Lord Farquard's there, Lord God,

and

me.

That's the House of Lords.

That's the House of Lords.

There's four people in the House of Lords.

Lord Voldemort.

So you've got the Prime Minister, Lord Voldemort from Harry Potter, Lord Farquhad from Shrek, Lord God, Jesus.

Yeah, Jesus.

Well, that's technically three if you go with the Catholic tradition.

Yes, Holy Trinity.

And he does.

And honestly, Lord God's very proud of the work he did with the Catholic Church.

But there is a fourth, and the fourth is me.

And you're Worldwide Mark?

Mr.

Worldwide Mark.

Lord, Mr.

Worldwide Mark, in fact.

And I am Lady Mrs.

Worldwide Mark.

And you discovered Polynesia.

I discovered Polynesia.

What was it like to see those lands for the first time?

Well,

we sent some warning shots.

Some kind people waved to us.

We sent some warning shots at the children.

And then they attacked us.

Yes.

viciously attacked our ship.

Ah, you're sort of a

whilst being the wife of a lord, you are also sort of a colonizer.

Yes.

Yes, but she's not at home.

Didn't you get that from the East Indies Company partner?

Sorry, but the neurosurgeon element as well is how do you sir?

How do you work on these brands?

Do you use what

tenant?

What are you doing?

A lot of robotics now.

A lot of robotics.

A lot of robotics.

Yeah, there's a lot of remote control, robotics, pinhole surgery.

And what Lord Lord Mark World

Lord, Mr.

Worldwide, Mark, and Mrs.

Worldwide Mark.

Hey dear, Mrs.

Worldwide Mark.

I'll have you.

By marriage, by marriage.

By marriage, I married in.

I will say I came from good stock.

I wouldn't see you married a middle-class woman.

You wouldn't have had a chance if you didn't have from good stock.

You wouldn't have had a chance if you didn't have a good stock.

The most eligible lady of the west coast of England.

We'll see.

That's my girl.

What year is it?

What year is it?

Now, right now.

And you know what?

I think there's a few Irish and English people listening going, bloody right, they're still like this.

You know, it's a bit of a comment.

You see?

You're commenting on your commentary.

You're commenting on yourself.

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

Satire.

Satire and whatnot.

I like to play cricket, but I don't like...

Do you know this fun fact about cricket?

Yes, cricket.

In the 90s, up until the 1960s, there used to be a division between amateur and professional.

You'd know this, bro.

You're a sports person.

Did you know this?

Go on.

There's amateur and professional.

Professional was the lesser term because professional meant you had to make a wage from your cricket.

The amateurs were the more respectable cricketers because they were lords, late lords and the whatnot that could afford to play cricket for free.

And they were always the captains, but often the professionals were better, so they would have like a proxy captain of the cricket team.

And I'll say I was one of the captains of those tibs.

Yeah.

Yikes.

In a lady cricket team?

How do you know that?

I was reading about it once.

Oh, right.

You know, I just read sometimes.

Brag.

You read some.

Sometimes I go, what's this cricket?

You know, what does it go with that?

And then I'll go down a little rabbit hole.

Oh no.

Zach is swiveling.

I can't.

Alex is swiveling.

Since I stopped using headphones, I feel different.

We're meeting new characters.

Hi, Worldwide Mark.

Who are you?

Oh,

shit.

She's spinning again.

Hello.

Hi, who are you?

I'm

Mr.

Worldwide Mac.

And this is my wife, Mrs.

Worldwide Mark.

Oh, yes, I'm Mrs.

Worldwide Mark.

no, it's

swivel.

It was so good, it made Zach swivel.

That was my voice.

What's happened?

They're swiveling again.

Why are we so afraid to be ourselves, Zach?

Wow, that's a great point.

And that's the psych degree.

Zach, Alex is swiveling again.

Alex is swiveling again.

The impulse would have been problematic.

Oh, gee, Liz.

Oh, wow.

Wow.

Really, yes.

Oh, no.

Who are you both?

We're both Mrs.

We're

Mr.

and Mrs.

Worldwide.

We're twins and we're married.

Yeah, but we're both funny little animal characters in an Australian kids' category.

That's right.

We're married, but we're Bilbies.

Yeah,

we're two Bilbies.

Mr.

Worldwide, Mark Bilbies.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Wow.

We love Easter time.

Do you know about the Easter Bilby?

Well, I know the Easter bunny.

Well, yeah, but in Australia, we got the Easter Bilby.

That's right.

You and our family, we go, we love to have the Easter Bilby.

But you've got a lot of homework to

do this week.

That's right.

Arithmetic, spelling, handwriting, because I want to get my pen license and I've also got to paint all those eggs for Easter.

And it's important to respect your parents.

Yeah,

even if they yell at you and put you in your room and tell you you can't come out.

You're like, please, mum, I didn't do it.

I didn't do it.

I swear.

And she's like, you know what, you little shit.

You're staying in there and I don't care if you scare the dark.

You're not turning the light on, cut off the electricity of that room, and you'll be in the dark until I say, come out.

And then she forgets you there.

Now, you need to understand that my wife, Mrs.

Bilby, and twins.

Mrs.

Mr.

Worldwide Mark of the Bilby.

She's had a tough childhood.

She's got a lot of trauma.

What do you eat, Bilbies?

one episode, we ate a little bit too much junk food at our friend's birthday, and it made us sick at our tummies.

So now we like our vegetables.

Yeah.

And we respect the pyramid, don't we?

Yeah, we respect the food pyramid.

A little bit of treat, lots of veggies and meat.

And what's the biggest part of the pyramid?

Well, let me tell you the song.

The little bit of treat and lots of meat.

Little bit of treat, lots of meat.

Little bit of treat.

Little bit of treat.

Lots of meat.

Then grain and rice.

Don't forget to eat.

Little bit of veggies and a lot of meat.

And they've swiveled out.

The Bilbies have left us.

And here we have the potentially the last.

Potentially the last.

Yes.

Please.

Oh, Lord, by March.

Oh, my lord.

I'm so tired.

I'm so tired.

Every day, I'm tired.

I'm tired.

I'm Broden.

Who are you both?

Oh, Broden.

Oh, Broden, Broden, Broden.

Always talking.

You never asked, Mr.

Keller.

Oh, Broden,

why don't you just tell us who you are for a change?

Oh, I'm Broden.

I'm a performer guy from New York.

Oh, I love the theater.

I go down to Broadway from time to time, watch the players.

I love to dabble in Broadway.

Oh, she's a cute.

She's a beautiful singer, she is.

Hey, Broden, are you a multi-hyphenate like all the others these days?

Oh, yeah, I sing, I dance, I act.

Oh, fantastic.

Zach Swiveled.

Zach is swiveled.

Hi.

Oh, hello there.

Hello there, Broden.

Oh, it's a New Zealander.

How are you, Broden?

Oh, I'd love to join you on that, but...

Oh, go on.

You can have a go.

Okay, I'll try.

It's hard.

I don't quite get it.

Mr.

Worldwide Mark Kiwi.

Yes, Mr.

World.

Well, I'm Mrs.

Worldwide Mark Kiwi.

And I'm Mr.

Worldwide Kiwi.

Yeah, good, good.

Yes, I mean, it's not going to sound good to our New Zealand listeners.

Nor is the fact that I just got back from fucking a sheep.

So to that, I say Kiora.

Kiora.

That's what they say over there.

That's the greeting.

And Zach has swiveled again after saying the New Zealand people fuck sheep.

Can't wait to go there a bit later this year.

And hi, who are these swiveled characters?

Broden, I'm just.

We gotta reveal something to you.

Yeah, it's you, Zach and Alex Hines, yeah.

I think, let me just turn into it because it's gonna blow your mind.

Broden, you didn't just meet dozens of people.

Which, by the way, felt like thousands.

Thousands of people, Broden.

That was the whole time just two

people with a very special career.

Actors.

One, I'll say, has a career, one I'll say, has a pipeline dream.

Neither of us,

I don't act that much.

Broden, you just met two actors.

Actors.

What do you mean, actor?

You're acting in a way.

What do you mean?

Trained actors.

Actors can do anything.

They can be anything, go anywhere.

And that's what we demonstrated for you today.

How could I become an actor?

16th Street.

You go to a school called 16th Street.

Why don't you go ahead and look up Howard Fine Studios?

Do a masterclass.

Do a masterclass.

Make up $100.

And then watch a masterclass.

Ordered a

masterclass.

How much training does it take to become an actor?

Well, I did three years and it got me nowhere.

So I'd say.

Just

try and get out.

Just try and get out.

Got you nowhere?

I just met a a lady from England.

A lady from England.

You're right.

A man from Ireland.

You're right.

A man from the southern states of America.

You're right.

Got you nowhere.

I was teleported, transported.

Thank you.

You're a star, Alex.

Never forget it.

Like what you saw was Chubbock.

It was Strasbourg.

It was Morris.

It was Strasbourg.

We're not talking about the sandwich meat, mate.

It was Strasbourg.

Yeah, the sandwich meat.

The sandwich meat was actually named after one of the greatest acting teachers of all time.

Well,

Zach and Mark, thank you for coming on.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Did you learn about how fun acting can be?

Great.

Did you get what I'll bring to this podcast, just to be clear?

I want to be invited back for what I brought.

From where you're sitting, Alex, you're like, holy shit, I brought on this fucked energy.

What have I done?

You have no idea how coded you are to what already this show is.

Yeah, no, you, you, can I tell you something so spooky?

You're more this show.

I love it.

That's why I love you guys.

The three of us.

I love you guys.

Can I tell you something spooky?

You brought the swivel.

You brought the swivel.

That's a game changer.

That's going to change the fucking game.

We're going to get Romark back in and we're going to go.

So we do this thing called a swivel.

And you've got to put the fucking hat on.

By the way, anyone's mic could come out at any time.

Go on.

You're going to tell us something, Alex.

I was listening to your episode with jude pearl the mayor mayor the mayor mayor do you remember this

genuinely we recorded that in 2019 well so that's like

okay wow years ago yeah okay wow but after i listened to the mayor mayor episode i saw a picture of a mayor like a horse dressed as a mayor

do you see what i mean

No, online, separately to the episode.

But do you see what I mean in that you're more this show than

us?

Is that a story in itself?

Sorry.

I just thought it was so spooky.

Oh, I know it's just on air.

That's crazy.

I just want to say, listeners, call in now.

Have you seen The Mare Mayor?

And if you've seen The Mare Mayor, and if you have evidence that The Mare Mayor was created after 2019, we will be suing the Mayor Mayor.

Yeah, I definitely think.

Like a horse that's a mayor.

And it was a horse mayor.

It's in a new Zootopia movie.

The Zootopias?

I'm suing.

I haven't got my phone on me.

Zootopia Disney.

Look up Zootopia Toon Mare.

I would sue the mayor mayor,

but he will never be able to deliver the papers because he'll be faster than any man.

Well, what's his horse speed?

If we've got to get, you know how they have to deliver papers in America?

For court papers?

We need to put our court paper man on top of a faster horse.

Yeah, but you just need to get the mare while he's behind the podium.

Horse, human, whatever.

I think it's a male horse, so I don't actually think they're a mare.

It's mare wind dancer.

Well, it's it's a mare that's a horse Broden but a mare

mare light mare wind dancer yeah I'm like that's the whole that's clearly a pun

I think it's he is a horse he is a horse well I'd say she is just butch and she's amazing she's a butch queen Broden yeah and if you Disney got it wrong

anyway Disney good to be here thanks for having me thank you so much for coming on where can people follow you um on the street in the car park.

No, don't invite that.

No, don't.

Please don't do that.

I'm so scared of the dark already.

And that has nothing to do with my mum.

That's not a callback to anyway.

I am online.

Oh, wow.

Internet.

Wow, very good.

So if you've got a computer at home and it's connected to the internet, type in www.alx.ines.

No, don't go to my website.

I haven't updated it in so long.

On Instagram.

It's simply alex.hines, H-I-N-E-S.

Wow, easy.

Yeah, I'm on TikTok, but only when I'm really unwell.

That's where the good shit is, to be honest.

Mostly my stories.

I can't be bothered posting.

Are you candid, artful imagery?

Who's that?

That's alexhines.com.

No, I lost my domain because

go.

I think it's Alex.

Alex.

Oh, this site can't be reached.

No, try Alex.

No, it's not dot com.au.

Baby, I'm international.

Go alex-hines.com.

Okay, Bruden's looking at my website.

I'm embarrassed because I haven't updated it in so long.

It's okay.

What's on on it?

Does it say anything about my show?

That's wait, when is this coming out?

Not secure.

Fucking hell.

You know, I sent an email the other day straight to trash and it was from Gmail to Gmail.

I've got trash energy.

Why is that saying that?

Okay, Broden's just tried to look at my website and it's saying back to safety.

I don't know.

Damn.

Don't worry about it.

Anyway, I guess go on Instagram.

I've got a show in July, but this might come out after that.

And I'd really love you to Please come to that.

I need this.

It's one night only, and I need you to come.

Alex, they'll be there.

I hope so.

I gave my heart and soul today.

I think it is coming out after that, but

they'll be there.

We'll see you soon, everyone.

Bye.

You've been listening to the Auntie Donner podcast.

Thanks for joining us for another rip episode brought to you by auntiedonnerclub.com.

See you next week.

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