11. Reset The Habit Of Falling Into Old Patterns. You're Done Spiraling

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Speaker 3 Hi, friend.

Speaker 3 This week, we're going to break the whole cycle of falling into old patterns. Go ahead and get the coffin nails ready because we're laying that to rest.

Speaker 3 You're done with the whole falling back into old patterns thing i'm so excited to talk about this the whole thing of falling back into old patterns we have to look at first why you do it and then we can go to how to stop there's a lot of things to reframe and reset with your mentality around this because i know how frustrating this whole thing is but there's a big thing that i want to point out where a lot of people are like you need to kill your old self you need to get rid of your old habits and behaviors entirely there are some that need to be carried over and just used differently.

Speaker 3 So we have a lot to unpack and a lot to go into. I don't think I've been this excited for a podcast episode since last week.
I'm excited every week. But this one, ah, hold on to your britches.

Speaker 3 First, we're going to talk about what's really going on. I got to rip back the velvet curtain for you so you can see what's really going on with this.

Speaker 3 So when you have a new mindset or like a new perspective hit you that changes the entire way that you see life itself, basically, or if you have a new identity you want to kind of assume, great.

Speaker 3 Everything feels very, very clear. It seems like, okay, this is what I got to do.
And then you end up falling right back into the same patterns.

Speaker 3 I'm talking laziness comes back, lack of discipline, not going to the gym, eating habits get disturbed.

Speaker 3 You might have an improvement with not binge eating or not restricting and then fall right back to the opposite.

Speaker 3 A lot of people's sleep schedule gets shot and you get a little lazy with it, hygiene slacks. A lot of substances will also re-enter your life and you think, oh, it's an old pattern.

Speaker 3 A big thing people do is resort to hookups and going to hookup with people or going back to an ex or being too forgiving for someone who's done you wrong.

Speaker 3 Like you start to question your experience and your perception of what happened. You think, oh, I need to go apologize.
I need to go make amends. Maybe I should give them another chance.

Speaker 3 Everybody labels this as self-sabotage. A lot of people say it's a fear of success.

Speaker 3 No.

Speaker 3 What all of these old patterns are is just comfort.

Speaker 3 Because like I said, when you have a clear vision of what it is you want to be, or you have a new mindset that you want to approach life from, but you also see the split and the disconnect from you being there.

Speaker 3 The biggest thing with falling into old patterns is it is just you trying to find comfort.

Speaker 3 The old patterns are comforting because when you have a new mindset or a new goal, a new way you want to live your little life, when you try and go down that path, everything is new.

Speaker 3 Everything from the new mindset is unknown. Your life will literally crumble and you're going to feel like a toddler learning to walk again.

Speaker 3 You seeking comfort is what fucks you up because you only know how to get comfort with the old patterns and old cycles of behavior that you've known.

Speaker 3 I'm going to get to how to flip this, but the first thing I got to point out is the only reason that you feel the shit you feel, the only reason things feel hard is because new feelings are arising because you're trying new shit.

Speaker 3 None of this would be coming up. You wouldn't be feeling weird.
You wouldn't be be feeling uncomfortable. You wouldn't be seeing progress and then falling back.

Speaker 3 Setbacks only exist if there's been progress. Keep that in mind.
But you would not be feeling any of the things that you're feeling if you were sitting still, not doing shit.

Speaker 3 So that's your signal and that's your first relationship to repair to all the feelings that come up and all the things that make you feel like, what the fuck? That is the thing to understand.

Speaker 3 You're feeling them because you're moving forward. You're improving.
You wouldn't be feeling them if you was sitting at the bottom, not doing nothing.

Speaker 3 So what I've learned from my own experience, the reason a new mindset will cause you so much discomfort is because it is unknown. It is not predictable.

Speaker 3 As human beings, biologically, psychologically also, we like predictability. We like to know how things are going to go a little bit.
We like a little bit of surprise, a little bit of spontaneity.

Speaker 3 But when it comes to your overall life and most major things, you'll want it certain. And if it's not, you're going to feel very unstable in it.

Speaker 3 So when you have a new piece of of awareness hit you or you have a new perspective, you haven't had this new mindset long.

Speaker 3 You do not know how to face certain situations and know how to handle them from the perspective you now have.

Speaker 3 So if you're in a situation, you don't know what the fuck to do from the new mindset, if you feel vulnerable or you feel like something needs to be done.

Speaker 3 and you need comfort because the anxiety of the new thing coming up, you'll know what the hell to do. The old mindset kicks in and you handle it and you do what you got to do.

Speaker 3 Also, it comes from insecurity. Something might come up and you don't know how to handle it.
You're insecure about it. So you go back to what you know, the comfort of your old patterns.

Speaker 3 And this is where a lot of people get the imposter syndrome thing or they feel like their new mindset shift is fake or false, like their new personality they're trying to work toward or this new mindset that they want to have.

Speaker 3 They think, oh my God, it's fake. See, it's fake.
You see the disconnect from what you felt when you had this new mindset hit you versus how you just acted.

Speaker 3 And that makes a lot of people start to say, oh my God, it's fake. It wasn't real.
It was. It was absolutely real.
What you're feeling when you have this whole come apart of like, it was fake.

Speaker 3 It's the stretch and it's the disconnect that you feel from you now and the potential of where you're meant to go. You're feeling that disconnect and it's very uncomfortable.
Does it feel good?

Speaker 3 All the shitty emotions is going to come up when that disconnect is perceived. A lot of people throw around the term give yourself grace a little too freely.

Speaker 3 I don't don't say that often, but with this,

Speaker 3 the whole process of integrating a new mindset and changing the way that you operate and the things that you do, you need to give yourself a little bit of a grace period to get adjusted to it because you don't know how to do it yet.

Speaker 3 It's literally like learning to walk again.

Speaker 3 Don't go into the whole mindset of catastrophizing when you've been acting in line with it for so long and then one thing throws you off and then you spiral. We're going to get to all that.

Speaker 3 But what you have to see now is once you have some kind of perspective shift or you have a new idea or a new mindset, it does not leave and neither does your old one.

Speaker 3 So even if you take actions that are in line with an old pattern, you now have the new perspective you can tap into to reflect on it and see exactly.

Speaker 3 what happened and what you would like to do differently. So you don't need to be going to everybody else to freaking out and asking everybody else.

Speaker 3 If you struggle with always needing other people's opinions and needing other people's guidance, you don't know how to trust yourself.

Speaker 3 Episode nine of my reset series that i'm doing two episodes ago i made a whole episode about how to trust yourself so go look at that but the thing with saying the mindset doesn't leave you is you are not in equipped is that the right word you're equipped with everything you need the two points of perspective you now have your current mindset and your new mindset you have them to draw from so when you take actions from the old Your new mindset is there to guide you and give you clarity around what you could have done different that would be in line with the new mindset.

Speaker 3 You see exactly why you acted how you did from both sides, and you know how to bridge that gap. There's not a missing piece.
You have it all inside of your head.

Speaker 3 You have everything you need to close the old mindset with the new one. You know how to bridge that gap and have it be integrated fully.
But like I said, it's gonna be a process from hell.

Speaker 3 I'm sorry to burst your bubu, but there's no such thing as certainty in this life. So the whole dynamic of it's not gonna be a clean, smooth, like ride to the new mindset.

Speaker 3 You are going to resort back and you are going to fuck up and you are going to have moments where you're like, what am I doing? That is part of it.

Speaker 3 There is no certainty in this life, but this is for certain.

Speaker 3 When you have a certain way you've been and you have a new way you want to be hit you, to go to that, you're going to have to learn by trial and error.

Speaker 3 That's why I wanted to point out you have that new mindset with you. You have the new perspective to reflect on your actions and take different actions when the same situation presents itself.

Speaker 3 That's all learning is. That's all improvement is, is same scenario, new action.
Same situation, new behavior. That's all you have to do is flip that.

Speaker 3 So with all that being said, you are going to mess up. Here's how to not mess up so bad.
Here's how not to fall off track so far and get discouraged. These are my tips.

Speaker 3 I got a couple of few, a whole bunch. First thing we got to hit is the topic of self-sabotage.
There is no such thing as self-sabotage.

Speaker 3 Every single thing that you are doing that you see as self-sabotage benefits you in some way.

Speaker 3 So look at every single thing that you do that you see as self-sabotage and see, how is that thing comforting me? Even if it's just for a moment, how am I getting comfort from it?

Speaker 3 What am I getting out of this thing? Because you're only focused on what you're not getting when you're in your logical mind, when you're looking back on a situation.

Speaker 3 You got to see it when you're in it. What is it setting you free from?

Speaker 3 What comfort is this behavior or thing giving you that you might not have seen before because you keep calling this thing self-sabotage? Hey, that one was quick. That was easy.

Speaker 3 Okay, number two, the spiraling thing. Do not ever speak over yourself again.
I'm spiraling. That's a bullshit excuse.
That's nothing but justification for you to fly completely off the rails.

Speaker 3 Because you are noticing that you are spiraling in a downward direction.

Speaker 3 Don't forget you're the one flying the plane, driving the boat. Whatever analogy you want, you're the one in control.
And when you say, oh, I'm spiraling, that clicks off your logical mind.

Speaker 3 It lets you just fully go into the emotions that you're feeling and the negative spiral and it will just continue going until you stop it. A lot of people say, oh, spiraling is my self-sabotage.

Speaker 3 I can't stop it. But to tell yourself, oh, I'm just spiraling.
All of this shit just happens when I spiral.

Speaker 3 You're throwing away your power and you're giving yourself an excuse to just let the ropes off let the leash off and just let yourself do whatever you feel like doing that's the whole thing you get when you say oh i'm spiraling you're letting yourself spiral sorry but i gotta clock that that actually leads me to the third point which is the whole catastrophizing thinking thing it's like how this spiral will start one thing will go wrong one thing will go bad and all of a sudden it like triggers you to just say fuck it throw caution to the wind wind.

Speaker 3 And then you go into that spiral mode of just being reckless and do whatever you want to do.

Speaker 3 That's when you get really off track and you fall fully back into old patterns, blows your self-esteem, blows your confidence, and you're kind of like,

Speaker 3 what now?

Speaker 3 And then subconsciously, you start looking at it as more proof of, oh, I can't do it because this spiral thing just happens. And this is the reason I can't get to where I want to go.

Speaker 3 This is the reason I can't be in the new mindset. This is proof.
Actually, it was fake. Maybe I'm not meant to do it because I just keep being opposed.
Do you see what I see?

Speaker 3 The thing opposing you, you, baby. And just to point out, I'm speaking from all of this as someone who's been through it and dealt with all of this.

Speaker 3 I want to give you an example how you can stop the spiral from happening when that first thing goes wrong or pisses you off or like goes bad. Things absolutely happen that will throw you off track.

Speaker 3 Unexpected things come up. unexpected feelings, events, all kind of shit will come up and throw you off track.
It's a tiny little bump off course.

Speaker 3 It is important to understand it was just a bump off the course. You are not completely derailed, flying down the side of a mountain.
It was one little game.

Speaker 3 If you take that one little thing and keep going in that direction with it, it will turn into a spiral and you will soon feel like you are fully off the rails, fully spiraling down.

Speaker 3 So seeing the one little thing that went off track okay great today oh my god i had to do this fully i had to like reset my whole day from what had happened i had a bunch of things delivered and i had a fridge delivered and installed i had some new podcast equipment delivered and i had a very important appointment for something that kept getting delayed and people kept me around literally from the moment that i woke up it was chaos it was immediate like shit hitting the walls because the delivery people were supposed to be here at 9 a.m.

Speaker 3 They gave me a timeframe, 9 a.m. to 4 p.m.

Speaker 3 Okay. They show up at 845

Speaker 3 and they leave at 9 o'clock. And I immediately call the delivery company and say, what the fuck?

Speaker 3 I didn't like go at them like that aggressive, but I made them turn their ass back around and come back because you told me your time. You didn't come here at that time.
You decided to come early.

Speaker 3 You didn't give me no time to follow what you set with the rules. So they came back and delivered the fridge.
Everything was fine. Then right after that, I'm dealing with the whole appointment fiasco.

Speaker 3 I literally haven't even like gotten up and washed my face. You know how in the past couple episodes, I was talking about take care of you first.

Speaker 3 This was a situation where some days you just got to wake up and run with it, but do not let it.

Speaker 3 derail the entire day because right after that, I'm like, okay, now can I go brush my teeth and do my skincare and get myself ready? Nope. The whole appointment fiasco happens.

Speaker 3 A lot of people start calling me for business shit. I handle everything that goes on.
And then the other delivery person comes with the podcast equipment and it's all back to back to back to back.

Speaker 3 After the other delivery guy came, all the headache was done. I was in a fucking mood.
Hate on social media is something I've kind of mastered dealing with. In that mindset, it pissed me off.

Speaker 3 I had a lot of people who irritated the hell out of me. A lot of people claiming, oh, he's had multiple DUIs.

Speaker 3 I've never had a DUI in my life, but people just spreading misinformation, causing harm and damage, and I just got to sit back and take it. No, I was not taking it today.
I got in such a bad mood.

Speaker 3 I started recording videos. I started like planning my attack back.
And then, as soon as I got done recording the videos, I was like, wait, because I noticed everything got derailed.

Speaker 3 I was in a god-awful mood. I was like spitting fire.
I was pissed off. So I was like, wait, hang on.
The whole day has derailed. And right now, I'm noticing it.

Speaker 3 I I can keep going with it or I can stop and scratch the morning and sit down for a second, get myself together, write out what the fuck's going on, and then plan my next steps that are in line with what I want to do and how I want to be.

Speaker 3 And that is not an easy thing by any means to do. To fully sit down, reorient and like restart how your day started.

Speaker 3 to continue forward it's not easy but it's possible and the more you do it the better you get at it. So I fully had to scratch mentally everything that happened.

Speaker 3 All the emotions that came up, I had to just choose to let them go.

Speaker 3 I called them off and got my plan ready and got my action steps ready of everything I was going to do with the rest of my day that was in line with the mood I wanted to be in and toward the mindset that I'm shifting into instead of resorting back to the old shit and posting all these videos, fighting with these losers online.

Speaker 3 Jesus Christ. Key thing is don't look at what's already happened in the day.
You're going to scratch scratch it and go forward.

Speaker 3 Get your focus and your attention off of what has happened and put it on where you want to go. Redirect all of it.
It's a bitch. It's a big shift, but you're going to feel the relief immediately.

Speaker 3 And that's how you kind of do it is you take your eyes off everything that went wrong and that pissed you off and be like, okay, no, not going to focus on it. What's ahead of me? What's in the front?

Speaker 3 And then you go that way. It's real simple for me to talk about it.
But when you're doing it, it's tough.

Speaker 3 So I I don't want to be one of these people online who make it seem like shit's just easy for them. No, it's difficult as hell.
When you sit down to do it, hear me in the back of your head.

Speaker 3 You fucking got this. You're going to flip it.
Scratch what's happened. Keep the minds forward.

Speaker 3 Things might have happened that derailed how things are supposed to go, but you do not have to send yourself down the mountain into a spiral. Get back on track, all right?

Speaker 3 Point number four is the whole reminiscing about the past and like the memories coming up.

Speaker 3 And this is where the whole thing with like past relationships, past friendships, you start doubting yourself, thinking about everything, and you start wanting to fall back into it.

Speaker 3 What you want is not in the past. Stop fucking looking there.
All right. I want you to hear me in the back of the head like, hey, no, keep your eyes forward.
Nothing you want is in the past.

Speaker 3 So if you're thinking about going back to somebody, going back to a friend, going back to a relationship, going back to some shit that didn't serve you, that you know is not good for you, clock it, wake up to it, and don't do it.

Speaker 3 Nothing you want is behind you. Everything you want is in front of you.
So what's going to get you on track with that?

Speaker 3 This is also a time where a lot of people start to consider dropping their standards and settling. That is something that you did in your old mindset.
Your new one ain't going to tolerate that shit.

Speaker 3 Do not do it. And do not fall into that pattern.
That is an old mindset pattern of even considering dropping your standards. Absolutely not.

Speaker 3 You have new standards and you have standards to protect you from from experiences you don't want to have. So remember that, keep in line with it and don't drop your standards.
You're not settling.

Speaker 3 Take the pain of the discomfort, whatever you're feeling. I'm lonely.
I'm tired. I feel sad.
I regret this in the past. Okay.

Speaker 3 You don't got to go back to none of that. What old you would do is drop your standards and go back.

Speaker 3 New you is being tested again because dropping your standards is a surefire way to literally spiral way worse than you thought and put you in a worse spot that you're going to have to rebuild from.

Speaker 3 So from my personal experience, don't ever. Another thing I just thought about with dropping the standards, don't drop your new standards you have of yourself either.

Speaker 3 So if you have new standards that you hold yourself to, you stay in line with those. You don't drop them.
What you expect from yourself, what you have set for you is what you act in line with.

Speaker 3 So none of this slacking off shit. None of this making excuses.
I'm spiraling. You're fucking not.
All right. You're fine.

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Speaker 3 Point number five is disappointment with yourself after you fall back into old patterns.

Speaker 3 If you notice that you feel disappointment from anything with just events going on in life or disappointment with yourself, especially with yourself, like I said before, you're noticing that disconnect from you now and your old self to where you're trying to go.

Speaker 3 You're feeling that disconnect. So what you do is not fall back into an old pattern of beating yourself up.

Speaker 3 If you're going to look at a situation in a way where it makes you feel nothing but disappointment, you ain't looking at it right.

Speaker 3 You need to look at a situation that makes you feel disappointed to understand why you are disappointed. What are you noticing? What about the gap is clear? What is the new action you need to take?

Speaker 3 What is the new mindset you need to have? What is the new way of handling your emotions you need to have that will not lead to this disappointment again?

Speaker 3 Trying to attack yourself and beat yourself up for doing something that you're disappointed in yourself yourself for is not how to get yourself to not be disappointed again.

Speaker 3 That's your subconscious way of shaming yourself and attacking yourself to protect yourself from situations that will cause you disappointment. What you need to be protected from is not the situation.

Speaker 3 It's the action you keep taking in the situation. So don't shame yourself to keep yourself away from it.
Reflect. Try to understand why are you disappointed?

Speaker 3 What is the action from the new mindset I want to take next time instead? No more of this beating yourself up for no fucking reason.

Speaker 3 I'm also going to hit on the disappointment of constantly falling back into that cycle over and over and over again. Cause that's the time where you hit disappointment and you're like, God damn it.

Speaker 3 Like genuinely you get to that point. I'm being funny right now, but like it gets to that point of like hopeless and you're like so disappointed.
You're like, it's not even worth trying.

Speaker 3 It's you convince yourself out of it. You talk yourself out of it.
You justify not even trying. That's an an old mindset.
You need to kick that.

Speaker 3 But something that I struggled with so many times over and over and still struggle with, it's not as bad of a struggle, but it's clapping back at people online or just lashing out out of anger and rage.

Speaker 3 I have a podcast episode called Reset Your Anger. I learned the only way to protect myself was to attack.
or lash out and use my anger.

Speaker 3 It's the only way I knew how to express that I was hurt, but it was also the only way I knew from my life experience was how to get people to stop hurting me, was to use anger and aggression, violence at some points to change other people's behavior.

Speaker 3 When I feel attacked or I want something to stop that someone is doing to me, like these people that are saying, oh, you got DUIs, like pulling shit out of their ass.

Speaker 3 These people spreading this misinformation and people creating this false narrative of me, I'm powerless to it and it hurts me.

Speaker 3 So my old way of protecting myself was to destroy the threat, attack back, be more vicious, more mean, more angry, and just let them have it.

Speaker 3 Today, for me not to post those videos and for all the times I've not clapped back in the past, I've clapped back 10 times more. Like this is a process that I have had to go through so many times.

Speaker 3 And every single time I clapped back or lashed out or used my anger and then later felt disappointed by it, every single time I reflected and learned a new boundary to set up, a new thing that I could do to approach the situation differently in the future.

Speaker 3 Same situation, new behavior. So it's kind of like a research thing.

Speaker 3 Every single time you fuck up or you feel disappointed because you keep falling into the same pattern, you're given a chance to get clarity on how to change that and step out of it.

Speaker 3 So I have a big thing with myself now that I've only learned by constantly fucking up with the anger thing of do not post nothing while you're angry. Cause I feel so justified in it.

Speaker 3 I feel so fuck these idiots. And then I post it.
And then later I'm like, oh yeah,

Speaker 3 that made you look bad, Leo. So my whole thing now is I do not take an action with an intention to destroy something or to cause harm.
That's a boundary I've had to learn.

Speaker 3 how to become aware of to even set with myself. So I don't post nothing if I'm angry or if it's with the intent to harm someone.
I wait at least 24 hours. Every single time, I'm so happy I waited.

Speaker 3 And today, I'm glad I didn't clap back at these people. But my point with saying all this is it's a learning process.
You are going to fuck up over and over.

Speaker 3 But every single time you feel disappointment or you don't like how something went, you are given an opportunity of a new boundary or a new skill or a new tool or tactic for how to handle the situation going forward.

Speaker 3 It's going to keep coming up until you master it. So instead of the whole beating yourself up, convincing yourself not to do it, just sitting there and wallowing in the disappointment, reflect.

Speaker 3 You have the new mindset that you know exactly what to do. If you use that mindset to look back at what you did, you know exactly how to flip it.

Speaker 3 And then you get better and better at dealing with the emotional side of it of not taking those actions because you reflected. That's its own thing.
Knowing what to do.

Speaker 3 And then getting the mastery over yourself when you're emotional is two separate things, but it's a journey for both.

Speaker 3 You're going to have have the setback times where you act in line with an old pattern. It's fine.
You're learning from it.

Speaker 3 If every single time you feel disappointment, you turn it into a lesson or something that you can do better in the future, you're done.

Speaker 3 You're never going to feel disappointment or be beating yourself up again. Point number six is desperation.

Speaker 3 This is a big one that gets a lot of people off track real far. So that feeling of desperation for something or that like frantic feeling of you don't know what to do, you start to panic.

Speaker 3 A lot of people feel very vulnerable when they're desperate. And you are because you're in a way easier position to be taken advantage of if you're desperate for something.
People can control you.

Speaker 3 People can harm you and manipulate you because you have such a strong desire for something. So when you are desperate for something, get very, very, very clear on what not to do.

Speaker 3 Get control of yourself while you're feeling desperate.

Speaker 3 For you to feel frantic and have an anxiety attack from hell and to feel like so paranoid normal very normal if you have that association with that emotion in your mind desperation is unsafe to feel so you're going to get desperate and do anything to feel anything other than desperation even if you go binge eat or overspend that feeling of disappointment feels better than the feeling of desperation so it's a quick thing where you're like cause harm or make something worse or like fly off the handle because you can handle the disappointment you can't handle the desperation.

Speaker 3 You do not have to do anything when you feel desperate. You don't have to do anything.
It's safe to feel that emotion. You're safe to feel it.

Speaker 3 You don't have to jolt yourself out of it and don't subconsciously do it neither. Just observe that you're feeling it and be like, okay, wait, what's it making me aware that I want?

Speaker 3 That's the stupidest question, but it literally fixes everything and pulls you out of the emotion.

Speaker 3 When you feel desperation, use it as kind of an alarm bell because a lot of people get in that loneliness feeling.

Speaker 3 They feel isolated, they feel powerless, and then they immediately get into desperation, go drop their standards, get on dating apps, go hit up their ex. Do not do that.
All right.

Speaker 3 Desperation is fine to feel. What you do when you feel desperate is what fucks you up.
Now, point number seven kind of goes with the last one, but not really.

Speaker 3 Observe your weak points and observe what causes you to fly into a tailspin. Like what happens that typically sends you down a spiral?

Speaker 3 Or what happens that makes you resort to an old pattern of behavior or an old cycle? What puts you back in it? What's the thing that sets you in it?

Speaker 3 Becoming aware of your weak times and literally writing them down and keeping track of them allows you to set boundaries with each time you're in that spot where you feel weak or vulnerable, what not to do.

Speaker 3 If you notice there's certain times that will trigger you to want to get on a dating app or go hook up with somebody or go use a substance or go back to an ex

Speaker 3 Understand and take care of yourself extra when you are in that moment. When you're in that weak moment, reassure yourself and remind yourself, I'm weak right now.

Speaker 3 This is when I'm most susceptible to taking actions that are old patterns. That's why I say write them down.
Have something to look at because when you're in it, you feel very emotional.

Speaker 3 It's a way of reconnecting to that new mindset. It's like you're able to see what you wrote when you were logical.
It's like that new mindset is sitting right there.

Speaker 3 You did it before, but when you're emotional, you forget about it. So when you can see it and reconnect to it, you're good.
But this is also something you have to learn by going through it.

Speaker 3 Like, you have to have a very weak moment. Do something that's an old pattern or do something that's like self-sabotage to know to keep track of it.

Speaker 3 So, each time you fall into an old pattern, don't freak out. It's another thing to add to your list.
What is the weak point I'm now noticing in myself? And how can I overcome that?

Speaker 3 How can I strengthen that weak point? Like, oh, when I go out with my friends and I get drunk, then I'm going to text my ex.

Speaker 3 You know, cap your drink limit or do not text your ex. You can literally give your phone to your friend and be like, hey, do not let me.
All right. I don't care how bad I beg.
Don't do it.

Speaker 3 I've never been that person. I don't understand that.
The whole get drunk and reach out to your ex, I don't get it. Maybe I'm too stubborn.
My ego's real big too.

Speaker 3 You're not getting off of hand like that. No.

Speaker 3 You think a little tequila is going to make me miss you bad enough where I text you? No.

Speaker 3 But another big thing that I've found that helps. So remember when I was talking about something will happen and kind of derail you a little bit?

Speaker 3 If you have a to-do list where you are stacked fully and you keep having experiences where unexpected shit comes up and derails you and it throws you off the entire track, you are now becoming aware.

Speaker 3 You need to set dedicated time to unexpected shit. You need to have a little flexibility in your routine and flexibility in your to-do list to be able to stay on track.

Speaker 3 Because like I said, there's no certainty in this life. Unpredictable things happen all the time.
And don't look at it like, oh, every single time I try and do something, this comes up.

Speaker 3 You're being made aware. You need to expect and allow grace for things to come up that are unexpected.
So one thing I do is make two to-do lists.

Speaker 3 I have a to-do list where if everything goes right, this is what it looks like. This is what my day looks like.
It's what I'm going to do.

Speaker 3 Then I have another to-do list where it's the non-negotiables of like, okay, if something unexpected comes up, we can handle it.

Speaker 3 But these are the couple of things that no matter what have to get done so when you go into the day you're not blindsided and completely thrown off track when you make a to-do list star the non-negotiables so you make one list but if something goes wrong in your day you're not completely off course and emotional with no guidance you've got all the other things you know you have to do so you go and hit those and you're not fully off track you're not abandoned and like by yourself when something sporadic shows up like you've got you and that's one thing you can do to look after yourself and be there for yourself is set up a to-do list for both.

Speaker 3 Also, the second to-do list helps with your mood because if you have one to-do list of you expect to feel great and you feel positive and everything goes according to plan, and then you wake up and you feel like hell or you don't feel good, or you're sick, or whatever it is, you're not emotionally in it, you're not motivated, you're not gonna wanna do any of it.

Speaker 3 It's gonna seem very unattainable. It's like, oh, I'm not even gonna try.
So, making the other list of if I don't feel up to it, these are things I'm still going to do. And it's a lot less.

Speaker 3 So it helps you stay on track without flying all the way down the mountain, you know? All right.

Speaker 3 Point number eight is how to weed through and find old patterns that you need to keep or old things about yourself that you can't seem to get rid of, how they might actually be here to help you.

Speaker 3 So one thing with me. is my anger.

Speaker 3 Like I said before, it was my mechanism of keeping myself safe and protecting myself.

Speaker 3 I had a giant realization and a whole like mindset shift around it, like a literal like out-of-body experience with a whole new understanding of it. And I thought after that, I was done with anger.

Speaker 3 I was never going to feel it again. And then situations would happen where I was in the new mindset, but I would feel angry or I'd feel frustrated or I'd be a little harsh.

Speaker 3 And I'm like, wait, I'm not supposed to feel that anymore. Don't go back into that.
What I have is an old protection mechanism of anger. It's something that kept me safe for a long time.

Speaker 3 I now see a new way of being where I don't need that. I can protect myself in other ways.

Speaker 3 And while I'm transitioning into the new mindset fully, there's going to be a lot of periods where the anger is going to come and go.

Speaker 3 And I'm going to have to learn when to use it and when not to use it. But if you have a tool or some kind of pattern or behavior that has helped you in the past, that is a tool.

Speaker 3 You can choose when it is needed and when it is not. You don't want to get rid of it.
You do not want to get rid of every single thing that you've used to protect yourself.

Speaker 3 You can see that it's damaging and then flip it.

Speaker 3 But a big, big thing with me, the anger is something that I need because for me to be doing what I'm doing and to deal with the amount of business things and snakes and sharks and selfish people and people trying to change me nonstop.

Speaker 3 When you have something valuable, you need a way way to protect it. I feel anger at a level that I've never heard other people describe.
That is power. That is force.

Speaker 3 If you are given something or you are born with something that is incredibly valuable, you will also be given the ability to protect it and to maintain it.

Speaker 3 My anger, I now see as a way to use it to protect. what I want to protect.

Speaker 3 So when I go into certain business meetings and I let the anger come out, yeah, I'm protecting the value that I can give the world and I'm protecting the value of myself that I see.

Speaker 3 I'm not letting people bend it. I'm not letting people screw me out of money no more.
I'm not worried about all these selfish people and making sure that they're comfortable and they feel okay.

Speaker 3 No, if you're making money off me, my anger is going to make sure I'm not taken advantage of and that I'm protected. throughout the entire process.
Like I said, it's a learning process.

Speaker 3 You're going to go through the things where you overreact and you're a little too harsh, maybe, you know, like I talked about with the whole clapping back shit on social media.

Speaker 3 But the whole thing here is the anger, a lot of people would demonize it as this thing needs to be like gotten rid of. This thing needs to be ostracized and gotten rid of fully.
No,

Speaker 3 you need it. The way you are using it needs to be rid from your experience, but the thing itself is a tool.

Speaker 3 Any old pattern you got, any way that you've learned to protect yourself is good you need to have it it's literally so stupid to get mad at yourself for protecting yourself in a way that you only knew for so long it's like if you've used the knife your entire life and all of a sudden the gun gets invented and you start getting mad at yourself

Speaker 3 for using the knife and you're like, I'm never using a knife again. You're gonna need a knife for different situations.
Whether you cutting fruit, whether you doing other shit.

Speaker 3 I took this into like a weapon thing, but there are times to use a knife where a knife is more powerful than a gun. There are other times where a gun is a better option than a knife.

Speaker 3 So the point is you keep both for different situations. You don't try and use one for all of them.
And you don't get mad at yourself for only having a knife and using the knife how you did.

Speaker 3 before a gun was invented before you had this new perspective and new awareness that's all you had all right doesn't mean it's less useful you need them both they go in tandem they go hand in hand do not turn against yourself or a part of yourself that kept you safe that is someone you need and that is a part of you and a tool that you need literally everything can be used for good or bad that's all you got to decipher now is what do you want to use it for what are you going to put the anger into you know You're going to use it to destroy everything and cause damage?

Speaker 3 Or are you going to use it to protect things that need to be protected that have value? A couple more things I want to say.

Speaker 3 I'm done with like the numbered list, but these are just a couple other bullets I want to throw in.

Speaker 3 A big thing I've had to learn is your gift is only going to be activated when you're in the moment that you need it. Don't get hung up too much in feeling ready and feeling prepared.

Speaker 3 before you're actually in the situation where you need to handle something. There are a lot of things that are not going to be kicked on yet.

Speaker 3 And when you find your purpose and you find your gift and the thing that you can do, you're never going to be able to prepare for it.

Speaker 3 And if you wig yourself out and start overthinking about it before you're actually in the position to execute, you will start to question your gift and question your abilities. Do not do that.

Speaker 3 Literally every single one of my podcasts, I make bullet points. And I make a whole episode out of it.
I don't sit here and freak out planning every single detail. I don't script shit.

Speaker 3 I don't read a script. You could tell if something's scripted.
I used to get so caught up in my head of like like trying to perfect episodes. There's no point because the gift kicks on.

Speaker 3 The perspective kicks on when I'm in the flow of this. Until I'm behind this camera with this mic in my hand, that is when most of the magic kind of comes out and the best things come to my mind.

Speaker 3 It's not when I'm sitting there preparing for it. There's a level of stress and a level of pressure that will activate certain abilities that you can't activate until you're in a situation.

Speaker 3 Another example is when I was in the hospital working as a nurse. There are certain times where I'd be trying to prepare and I'd be like, oh my God, I forgot this.
I forgot that.

Speaker 3 And then when I get into the situation where someone's dying in front of me, all this information flushes to my head. I know exactly what to do and I would handle it.

Speaker 3 Everything comes back when you're in the moment. So don't wig yourself out because you don't feel prepared.
I also dealt with it on tour.

Speaker 3 There were certain times where I'm like, I don't feel ready to walk out on this stage. So I would just remind myself, Leo, soon as that curtain opens is when it kicks on.
You got this.

Speaker 3 Having faith in your ability to rise to the occasion and having faith in your skills and your gift kicking on when you need it is what's going to get you everywhere.

Speaker 3 Stop with the whole holding yourself back, being all scared and overthinking shit before you're there. The gift's not activated yet, all right?

Speaker 3 You're not supposed to feel how you're going to feel in the moment till you're in the moment. You're more capable than you fucking realize.
And a lot of you know what I'm talking about.

Speaker 3 A lot of you have your own personal experiences to draw from with all of this. So So it's a nice reminder to hear it.
So I wanted to give it to you. Another thing with all of this is

Speaker 3 you're not alone in anything you're feeling or going through or experiencing.

Speaker 3 Every single thing that you feel like you're falling back into, old cycles you feel trapped in, there are so many other people who are trapped in the exact same emotions, the exact same cycles, and a lot of people who are in it worse.

Speaker 3 There are people in the past who have been in it worse or been in it at the level you're at that you feel so alone in.

Speaker 3 That's the bitch about pain is it convinces you that you're alone you're the only one going through it literally look in the comment section of this video every single person in the comments relates to this and is going through it and shares the struggle with you you're never fucking alone in it but with me pointing that out there's always hope it's very easy to lose hope very very easy just know there are people who are in the same cycle and have been in the same cycles and have found a way out.

Speaker 3 You're next. You're going to find a way out.
And the biggest thing I'm going to point out to you is every time you've fallen into a hole, you've pulled yourself out.

Speaker 3 Even if you're in one right now, you're like, I don't know if I can get out of this one.

Speaker 3 You got all the proof of your whole life that you've gotten out every single time and you're going to fucking do it again. You're going to be just fine.

Speaker 3 Y'all watched me go through the longest rut I've been in. Not rut, like depression pit from hell for a year.
I was at a point of so much hopelessness like, am I going to get out of this one?

Speaker 3 And I fucking did. It took its time, but don't ever question your ability to save yourself.
You've done it over and over and over again, and this time is no different.

Speaker 3 You will break the pattern, you will break the cycle, and you will get into the new life that you're headed toward. You feel it, you want it, you're moving toward it because it's possible.

Speaker 3 You're already on the fucking way there. All right.
Like I said, you only feel discomfort because you're moving forward. And setbacks only exist because there's been progress.
So

Speaker 3 keep those little nuggets with you. If you made it it this far in the episode, comment a green heart.
I don't know why a green heart. Just because I want to see who watches this far.

Speaker 3 Merch is coming out on Halloween. You guys know that.
I've been teasing it. I've been telling you.
I'm so excited for it. The merch collection I'm dropping is called Fuck Forgiveness.

Speaker 3 It's all going to make sense and it's all black. Duh.
Black and gold is all I have. Also, I am going to be dropping the journal, the life worth living journal.

Speaker 3 where it's my version of a gratitude journal. That's going to come in November.
So be prepared. Be ready.
Anybody who needs a Christmas gift,

Speaker 3 I got you covered, whether it's the merch or the journal. I cannot explain to you how excited I am for this journal.

Speaker 3 One, to have it myself, because I'm making it sickening black leather with gold, like the gold edges. You know, like a Bible is like silver on the sides.
Yeah, I'm doing my journal in gold.

Speaker 3 But I just want to say I'm proud of you. Every single fucking one of you watching this, if you watched it this far, hey, this is where the real friends hang out, the people who make it to the end.

Speaker 3 If you're listening to the audio version of this, don't forget, hit the download button because that's what helps Also, rate me five stars too.

Speaker 3 And if you're watching this on YouTube, leave me a comment. Let me know what you thought.
Comment to Green Heart, but also let me know what you want help resetting next week.

Speaker 3 Everything else you need for me will be in the description, all my social media. Everything you can keep up with me on, my app, Positive Focus, if you want to download that.

Speaker 3 Also, leave that a five-star rating in the App Store. That helps a whole bunch.
But that's it. That's all I got for this episode.
I hope it helped for real.

Speaker 3 Because this is everything that's helped me. So, with that being said, everybody, be safe, take take care of yourself, and I'll talk to you guys next Sunday.

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