9. Reset Your Lack of Self Trust & Abandon Self Doubt

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Hi, friends. This week, I'm going to teach you how to reset your lack of self-trust.
I'm going to go ahead and point it out. If I sound a little different and I have a little lisp, I did get my teeth done.
I have my temps on right now. I get my final veneers in two weeks.
So if I sound a little assy when I talk, you're not wrong. It's going to go away once I get the official teeth.
And if you're listening to the audio version of this, come over to the YouTube side. You can see them.
They're white. I'm very excited to talk about self-trust and help you rebuild it and rely on your own judgment of things.
Because when you don't, you rely on other people's judgment and you prioritize other people's opinions and their judgment of everything that you're doing and everything about yourself over yours. And it leads you to live in a passive little life where you don't achieve nothing and you live by other people's limitations.
So I'm very excited to get into this. First thing I got to point out, if you struggle with self-trust at all and you feel like it's hard to trust yourself, it's not.
It's very easy. But if you struggle with it, it means your wires have been crossed because you innately come into this life trusting yourself.
So if you feel like you don't trust yourself, you've learned it's safer not to. I'm about to make this all a lot easier from everything that I've learned.
So when I say innately, like you were born into this life, when you came into this life, you are trusting yourself. Every single thing that you have that you should trust yourself with, all of your thoughts, emotions, all your feelings, all your desires, and all of your values come from who? You.
They come from inside you. So when you have certain thoughts or emotions or desires come up inside of you and you notice them, if you don't know how to decipher them and you don't know how to address them and know what to do with them when you feel them come up and you notice them come up, what you do is you hand them to other people.
So you'll communicate it and you'll ask someone else what their thoughts are, what their opinions are, what their feelings are, and kind of for their guidance and their advice. So these things that come up inside of you, you don't know how to decipher them.
You hand them to somebody else. They overlay all their thoughts, experiences, beliefs, all their limitations, all their fears, all their worries, all their positive things too.

And then they fuck them up and tamper them and get them all tainted.

And then they put them back in you.

And you're left with all of your guidance system because these things are your guidance system that you came into this life with.

You're left with it put back in you.

Completely wrong. And not you.
It's's them this is not always a bad thing because when you're a little kid you need your parents to tell you a certain shit so you can stay alive like hey if a car is coming don't run out in front of it like it's good and you need this guidance for a lot of your childhood and when you're growing up up, this is evolution. It's like how you kind of stay alive.
But there comes a point when you need to stop putting everything in everyone else's hands to decipher. Because this turns into what hinders you and holds you back.
Because like I said, when you communicate things, when you're a little kid, nobody's really questioning it. Everybody kind of knows what's best for you as a child, for the most part, from their understanding.
but when you communicate things when you're a little kid nobody's really questioning it everybody kind of knows what's best for you as a child for the most part from their understanding but when you grow up a little bit when you get it by 18 19 yeah you need to have your own way of deciphering your guidance system inside of you and stop letting it be fucked with by everybody else because nobody knows what's best for you besides you. Nobody knows what you feel.
Nobody knows what your desires are. Nobody knows your strength but you.
So there comes a point where you do start living by other people's limitations. You do start living by the way that people filter the things that you say to them and the things that you do with your feelings.
And the bad part is you do not even realize you are doing it because for so long you've handed all of this guidance to someone else, had them put their shit on it and then give it back to you. And now that is your new kind of like thought process and way of going about life.
So if your parents told you when you were younger, you don't show anger, you don't display anger, you don't display sadness. You don't display certain things.
They teach you a certain relationship to certain emotions. And that is a piece of your guidance system you have shut off from and don't know how to decipher or don't know how to acknowledge.
So you just suppress it and shut it down. Other people's ways of addressing the guidance system that you have is not accurate to what you should And you'll notice that when life gets fucked up and life gets bad.
Same thing goes with money beliefs, the way that your people around you in life talk to you about money. If they have limiting beliefs around it, they will instill them in you and you won't be aware of it until you try and go meet desires and like make something to yourself or do something and you realize it don't work or you talk yourself out of it you feel scared you feel hindered by it it all makes sense why you don't trust yourself but i want to reassure you you were meant to live this life through consequences and by experiencing contrast so when something happens in your life you do something you take a action, you are meant to line up with a consequence, whether it's wanted or unwanted.
And if there's an experience that leads to an unwanted outcome or an unwanted consequence, you're meant to look at it and be like, okay, what do I want now? Like, what has this made me aware of that I want? How did this just clarify what I want? Because I just lined up with what I don't want. So how did this just bring me clarity around what I do want? And how can I go for that? But the guidance system thing I'm talking about, when you hand it to other people, they will fuck up this process and stop you from going for things and trying to accomplish things or improve your life or change things or take risks because they will see the negative consequence or the negative thing and tell you this means you should stop.
This means you should not do this thing. When you experience something bad, the people around you are going to be like, see, it's your fault.
That's what you get for following how you feel. Now you've got this negative consequence.
Now you're dealing with worse than you thought because you didn't listen to me. They're going to flip this.
And that's what I'm saying. You've learned it's safer to not trust yourself.
This is how it kind of gets built. Like one way that I've noticed that can build up is people, when they see you go through something negative, they will turn you against yourself and your own judgment.
This is what you get for following your own judgment. You doing this means you should not trust yourself.
You should not trust your intuition. You should not trust your feelings.
That's the meaning that people will overlay over the experience. That's not what's supposed to happen because it stops you.
Because it makes you learn to avoid pain at all costs. I don't care if I feel unhappy with something.
I'm not going to change it because last time I did something to try and feel better, it got worse. And everybody told me around me, no, you can't do that.
You're not supposed to take this risk. You're not supposed to change this thing.
It's just going to get worse. So you convince yourself doing certain shit and having it not go good or go as expected is the end.
It's not the end. It's the thing you're meant to reflect on and flip.
You're becoming aware of what you do want in that situation when you have an unwanted experience. Okay, don't stop the process of honoring yourself, going for what you want, and catastrophizing.
You're like, oh my god, I should have never tried this thing. I should have never done this thing.
And don't let people around you shame you for it. That's how you stop the process of expanding and achieving shit.

I'm going to go into some personal examples for things like this because it's going to

make a lot more sense.

But I want you to right now wipe that thought out of your head and never think it again.

This bad thing just happened because I trusted myself.

That is not the cause.

Bad things don't happen because you trust yourself.

Bad things continue to happen until you learn from them and keep going forward. Every single thing that happens is not good or bad.
That's why my first podcast episode in this reset series is Reset Your Idea of Good and Bad. The universe, God, nobody looks at anything as good or bad.
It's a learning experience to bring you clarity, to guide you in the direction of what you truly want and where you want to go. That's it.
That's the process. So fuck the whole bad things happen because I trusted myself.
Nope. When I talked about learned powerlessness, this is kind of what I meant.
I'm going to go into it a little more. This whole mindset thing of like giving people the guidance that you feel and having them decipher it for you and not deciphering it yourself and stopping this process of reflecting on the clarity you get, it makes you paralyzed because you have told yourself for so long, listening to myself makes things go bad.
So I cannot do anything until I have other people's perspective or opinion or guidance or approval for it. And that puts you in a position where literally you're paralyzed.
You can't do shit and you don't feel confident to do anything because you do not trust yourself. That is the worst way to live and I used to be like that and I want to pull you out of it.
I'm trying to reach over here and just snatch you out of that because it's awful. You're never going to achieve nothing and what you do achieve is going to make you miserable because it's not deciphered by you where to go.
The biggest thing that's helped me with understanding what advice to take is look at the person trying to tell you what to do. Look at the person trying to decipher what you're feeling and what you want out of this life.
Do they have the life that you want or do they have something or have they achieved something that you want? If the answer is no, do not give your guidance to them to decipher it for you. They're not going to be able to get there.
They don't know how to get there. They don't have it.
They're not living it. So their advice is going to be one that you probably shouldn't listen to.
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My next point is one of the biggest reasons you need to start trusting yourself. I have a couple, and then I'm going to get into the exact steps of how to trust yourself.
People will capitalize on you not trusting yourself. People will use it to their benefit.
They will use you to benefit them at the cost of you. They don't care.
The first example is these scammers online. People who are trying to sell you courses, sell you products, sell you everything.
If something seems like it's too good to be true, it is. If they're not being fully transparent about it, if something feels fishy,

trust that feeling. Do not put your experience in someone else's hands.
They benefit off of you putting your power in their hands and just trusting them and their guidance. And when I said before, don't take advice from people who don't have what you want or look how you want or feel how you want.
a lot of people fake it. You know you can feel when people are faking it.
Trust that because as convincing as they can be, if it still smells like a little fish market, still smells a little fucking fishy, it's fishy. And if you bypass that because, oh, well maybe they have good sales tactics and I don't understand how they're psychologically manipulating me to buy their shit.
Yeah. If your gut is telling you something's off, baby, something's off.
Pay attention because people will capitalize on it. How you think so many people are rich right now? Scammy.
Another reason you need to trust yourself is with relationships, friendships, partnerships, you're dating somebody, whatever. You need to trust your own experience so you are not gaslit.
And your perspective and your experience is not bent and warped to what benefits them. If they can blind you to something that you experienced to stay with them or to stay getting your attention and your energy, they'll do it.
And the biggest thing I have to wake you up to is your attention and your focus and your energy is the most expensive thing you have. It is the most valuable thing that you have.
And if you don't trust yourself and where you put it, and you don't trust yourself to put it on things for yourself, people will take that and put it on what benefits them. They will use the most expensive thing that you've got to benefit their own ass at the cost of you.
And they'll blind you into thinking that it's helping you. It's not.
It's not. Literally, if you look at most colleges, I'm not saying colleges are scum, but most colleges, most jobs, most everything will teach you.
You are actually dumber than you are. They will teach you.
You're only worth 10 bucks hour. That if you fall for that and you say, okay, yeah, I'm worth that.
You're agreeing to that. They want to convince you that's what you are worth.
Your time and attention and your focus is so powerful. And as soon as you put it onto yourself or onto something for you, and you see the benefit of it, you're going to gag the shit out of yourself and be like, shove your little 10 bucks up your ass.

I'm worth more than that

because I've just seen my capabilities of what I can do.

So just keep your eyes open.

If people are limiting you and doubting you

and trying to convince you

that you're not as capable as you feel that you are,

one, self-reflect and be logical.

But two, look at how they benefit

from convincing you not to trust yourself

and to trust them instead.

What are they getting out of it?

Thank you. reflect and be logical.
But two, look at how they benefit from convincing you not to trust yourself and to trust them instead. What are they getting out of it? That's how you can decipher what's bullshit.
I know I seem a little negative, but you need to wake up to it and prepare yourself. But I want to talk about people's advice and the things that when I say that you're handing your guidance to people to decipher another way and like hidden intentions that are not negative for why they could give you false or like wrong advice.
First thing is people might not be seeing how strong you really are. They might be seeing how they would fold under certain pressure and they're trying to steer you away from that or they've experienced certain pain or certain negative consequences and they don't want you to experience it.
Like your parents, they're always trying to look out for you in their own fucked up ways sometimes. But if your parent has experienced some kind of pain or some kind of discomfort and they don't want you to experience it, they will out of concern try to push you away from it.
But they also don't see at the same time, you might be strong enough to handle it. That might not actually be a painful thing for you.
And the other thing I said with strength, people aren't seeing you're different and you might be stronger than them. So they don't know how to assess a situation from a different level of strength.
All they have it is to see how strong they are and what they're capable of. They might not be seeing what you're capable of and how you're stronger than that or better than that.

Other thing, this goes to negative again, but watch out, okay?

It's not like an intentionally negative thing.

But if people know your potential and they know that you can achieve a lot of things,

let's say they do see your strength, they do see what you're capable of, and they see

like a threat, like they see that you're able to do something that they can't. They will want to steer you away from it subconsciously out of the fear of losing you, of you getting too high up or you getting too successful or you being too good that you start seeing them as not good enough and you leave them.
A lot of people are scared of abandonment. And they'll subconsciously hide you away from your potential.

So you don't leave them.

Like it's a negative thing.

And so you see the intention of why they're doing it.

They don't want you to leave.

They love you so bad.

They value you.

But those are a couple of other ways that the guidance people decipher for you can benefit them.

And you might not be aware of it.

So I just wanted to tell you.

The two personal examples that I have for this are. where I trusted other people's judgment and guidance and did what was right.
And I still wasn't happy after I accomplished the thing everybody said was going to be great. And then how I maximized trusting myself and got to where I am now.
It's the perfect example. And then I have another example of how I trusted my intuition and my own guidance.
And it led me to almost dying in a car accident. And then I'm going to explain how I didn't stop trusting my intuition and see that it was against me.
So the first one was my career. When I was 18 years old, I was like, what the fuck I'm supposed to do with my life? I didn't know.
So I asked my parents, I asked my friends, I asked anybody around me like what they would do. And I took advice from someone I cared about a lot and they said, go into nursing.
Everybody wants to make money. Duh.
So I asked someone what their advice would be because they also went into the medical field. And they said, if I could go back and do it different, I would go be a nurse and then become a nurse anesthetist.
So that's a nurse that can do anesthesia. And they make pretty good money, like $150,000, $200,000 a year, depending on what goes on.
And you do a couple of cases. It's not like a high labor intensive job.
And you're in the air conditioning. Like I knew people who did hard labor jobs.
And I was like, y'all look like hell. You're like 40.
And you look like you're dying already. so I was using my assessments of like what I thought was best and I didn't know so I took the guidance from the people around me went to school immediately after high school jumped into college like one week in between and I did like summer school like summer courses to get ahead and I became a nurse at 21 and I finished everything like I did what I was supposed to do went through nursing school and became a nurse.
And when I started working, I was like, oh, what the fuck did I do? Not because I didn't like it, but because I just was not happy with it. I wasn't fulfilled.
It was like this goal that I had. I worked toward it, got through nursing school, did the damn thing.
And then when I started actually working, I was like, this is hell. Like I felt a potential in myself for doing so much more.
And I was like, to go commit to another eight years of school and keep going and then just be in the hospital. I was like, I have an itch to do something bigger.
And my mom actually told me right before I quit my first nursing job and found a different one. She said, you're too big.
Like you're too great to be shoved in the corner of five West. That was the area that I worked in, in the hospital.
She's like, you're, you're meant for too much to be shoved in a little corner of a hospital, seeing five, six patients a night. And like, I was working night shift and she was like, you're meant for so much more than that.
Like we both like we both know it you feel it I see it so she encouraged me to get a different job and I quit the next day and went and found a different nursing job but life unraveled and a lot of shit went haywire with my life I've talked about it online but my past is not one that most people can handle so I'm not fucking talking about it my life got real bad before I got online and started doing this I went through like in school like my early years in school I got bullied a lot and up until like 18 I had such a bad self-concept I was always saying like I'm such a piece of shit I'm fucking stupid I'm worthless whatever and I was like nobody wants to hang out with me nobody cares what have to say. Cause that's what everybody told me except like two people in my life.
And they enjoyed hanging out with me, but I couldn't see it because so many people were like, you're annoying. You're always talking about this crazy shit.
Like your personality is annoying. You're fucking gay.
And so many people were like, you have nothing of value to say. Nobody wants to hear from you.
Nobody cares about you. That's just a little added little piece of context before I get to where we're going.
But when I quit that nursing job, I was like, I did not work this hard to be this unhappy and be this like stuck and feel so trapped. Like I felt like I had closed myself off in a box.
And I was like, if I think forward 20 years of my life, and I'm still doing this, I'm offing myself. I'm not doing this forever.
When my life took a turn, not for the best, I ended up getting on social media. And had I listened to every single person who said, you're annoying.
No one cares what you have to say. At 24 years old, I became part of the 1%.
I made enough money where I was considered that.

And a few months later, right after I turned 25, my podcast solo, only me.

I'm the only motherfucker that edits this shit, that plans it, that does anything.

I charted number one in the education category of all podcasts.

Number one.

And in the world, I was the number two podcast in every category. and I held that number one spot in education for like five six months a lot of things happened I signed a different podcast deal had to move to a whole different like company and lost all my stats so like I'm back up in the charts but like I'm not at number one but my whole point is had I not followed that desire of I feel like I'm meant for more, I would never have achieved more or accomplished more.
Had I listened to the people, had I doubted myself and let the feeling inside of me go, I'd still be on five West. I'd be dead right now.
I would not have lived this long. But my whole point is paying attention to the shit that you feel and

the guidance that you feel inside of yourself, no matter how crazy it seems to other people, unless you're going to cause like immense harm and damage. Don't do that.
Listen to my podcast episode, Reset Your Anger. But listening to everything you feel inside and following the guidance that comes from you before it's deciphered from other people is what gets you way further beyond your wildest dreams.

Everybody that I worked with. before it's deciphered from other people, is what gets you way further beyond your wildest dreams.

Everybody that I worked with in nursing was like,

what the hell are you doing?

All my friends from nursing school were like,

Leah, why are you going to quit this job and go find the new one already?

Every single person around me did not understand what I felt inside.

And the action seemed illogical.

Everybody was trying to decipher and reorient me to what would keep me safe. Other people did not feel what I felt inside me.
Therefore, everything I did didn't make sense and they did not have any kind of guidance or any ability to decipher what was going on in me to give me guidance that was accurate to me. They saw themselves and what they would be scared of.
So a risk I was willing to take, they weren't strong enough to do it, and it paid off for me. And I'm not saying it was easy by any means.
The amount of repair I've had to do with my relationship with myself, the amount of shit you got to go through being on social media, don't do it. Unless you're ready for like literal expansion and like self-awareness on a level that is mirrored and reflected by millions of people.
It's one of the hardest things you will go through. Not saying it was an easy journey at all.
I've had my ups and downs, but I just wanted to give you that example from someone who's lived it and someone who's experienced it and is living it again. Like this last year of my life, I lived in LA, didn't follow anything from myself and it destroyed me.
And I was doing the worst. Now I'm back on the up and up.
You can literally tell by looking at me. Like I look like I was dying back in my podcast episodes in February and March.
I wanted to die, but now I look better because I'm back paying attention to what's in me and following that. Ryan Seacrest here.
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The other example that I wanted to give you, long-winded fucking story that was,

is the example of when I trusted my intuition and it led me to a car wreck.

Toward the end of my tour that I just did, I had five shows left. And I had a two-day break in between where I had to go to travel to the next city.
And I was with my mom because I flew her out to come see my shows. And then we were going to fly from Tampa to Pensacola.
And we had a flight booked. And it was literally two hours before the flight.
And I got a random, very weird intuition. We're not flying.
I'm getting a rental car and I'm driving for whatever reason. I don't fuck around when it comes to my gut and my intuition.
And I canceled the flights, got a rental car. My tour manager left and did her thing.
My friends that were visiting, everybody left. And everybody left and everybody was like okay sure and me and my mom were driving back to Pensacola from Tampa and got in a car accident where I should be dead right now my mom got hurt but she's good now thank god thank whoever because fuck but the car was literally totaled like we should have both been dead and I accepted that I was going to die and when I got out of the car was literally totaled.
Like we should have both been dead. And I accepted that I was going to die.
And when I got out of the car, like after hitting the trees, all the airbags went off. I did not question my intuition at all because I knew it happened for a reason.
I absolutely knew it. And I was like, can't wait to see what it is.
Cause what the fuck is this? Why did this just happen just happen and I still had shows to do a lot of people in that situation would turn on themselves and be like I'm never trusting my intuition again I almost just died because I changed the flight to driving that wreck is exactly what I needed in the time it happened I had been like praying and begging for clarity from God the universe whoever the fuck I believed in at the time. This was a few months ago.
A lot has changed, as you can tell. But I was literally asking for clarity and I wanted certainty and like some kind of clarity on what to do, what actions to take.
I was considering moving out of LA. After that wreck, all the clarity that I wanted hit me as soon as I hit that tree.
Every single thing I needed to do became so clear. And I had no qualms about doing it.
I almost lost my life. And I was like, I'm not holding back for shit.
All the things that I did, relying on other people, relying on other people's judgment, trusting other people over myself, trusting myself came back square in that moment. I was like, I almost just died a pussy having my life be dictated by all these other

people. No, every single move I needed to make, I did it immediately.
I finished my tour, fired a

fuck ton of people, went to LA, got my shit, moved to Dallas immediately, literally three days after

tour is how fast I could get the movers to come and get my car transported. And I started taking actions and flipping everything I wanted to flip immediately.
All the clarity was there. I didn't care about consequences.
I didn't care about nothing. And that literally jolted me so fast into everything I needed to do and change.
And like I said, a lot of people would never trust their intuition again. They would turn on themselves because of that.
But I saw how it was exactly what I'd been asking for. It just came in a way where I was like, whoa, all right.
The whole point with both of those stories is if you feel a desire for more of your life or for something different, you only have that desire and you only feel that because it is possible. If you want to talk about law of attraction, you cannot desire something that doesn't have a potential of happening.
That's a contradiction. You can't have a desire for something that don't fucking exist.
Like it exists somewhere. Now, how are you going to be a match to it? How are you going to create it? That's the gag.
And I know a lot of it seems far-fetched, but think about the internet. The first person who thought of making the internet and making that a thing, or a telephone, I want to be able to talk to somebody without them being in the room.
Anyone they told that idea to was like, have you lost your fucking marbles? And then the phone was created. You think of email.
I want to be able to send a letter. Instead of writing a letter to someone and mailing it, I want to be able to send a letter in digital form and have it hit someone immediately.
Everybody thought they's nuts till they did it. Look at airplanes.
Everybody thought there's no way you could fly. A lot of people died in the process of trying to make planes.
But what can we do now? Fly safely-ish. So that's the biggest takeaway.
Trust what you feel, babe. If you feel like you have a desire for more, if you want more, it's because it's possible.
Now shut the fuck up. All right? I'm going to talk to that voice in your head that's making you doubt yourself.
Shut up. Leave my friend alone.
Now go do it. And this is exactly how to do it.
This is the exact steps steps of how to trust yourself i have another podcast episode about how to trust yourself but it's from a while ago and i've learned a lot and changed a lot so if you want to hear more about it that i don't hit in this one you can go watch it or listen to it but let's go with the new mindset one way that i like to learn things and figure things out is by looking at how to achieve the opposite and then flipping it.

So if you want to learn how to trust yourself, we're going to go into it of the angle of what would make you not trust someone else. And then you know exactly what to do.
You know, teaching you how to do the contrast thing. See what you don't want and then see exactly what you do want from it.
Number one, if someone constantly puts you down and criticizes you and attacks you with no focus on how you can improve or what you can do better and no focus on the desired outcome, they just attack you for what you did wrong. You're not going to trust that person.
So that's the thing you've got to stop doing with yourself. If you do something wrong or you have an undesired outcome happen because of something, don't just attack yourself without any focus on what you can do better.
When you start attacking yourself and that's all that you do, what you're trying to do is protect yourself and correct yourself from going in that direction again because you're like going in that direction led to pain. The only way I can get myself to not go that way again is subconsciously attack myself and shame myself for going that way so I never go that way again.
All you're trying to do is protect yourself. But the thing that's going to flip and the way you'll trust yourself is if you see something that you don't want or something that you did wrong or something you wish you did different, you now know exactly how to improve it.
If something went wrong, you know exactly how it can go right. So focus on what you can do to improve or change or make something better.
Don't just attack yourself. You need to go into it with a perspective of trying to understand why you just did this thing, why it didn't work, and what you now know you can do better because of it.
So every single time you have a mistake or you fuck up or you do something wrong or dead, you don't take it as this catastrophic blow to your self-esteem and attack yourself and discourage yourself and get off track and stop going for what it is that you want. You take it as a lesson.
You're like, okay, you can call yourself out on your shit, but don't attack yourself ridiculously and senselessly with no point to it. If the attack is just to attack, no point.
Don't beat yourself up like that. You'd never trust someone like that.
You're never going to trust yourself like that. So focus on what you can do, how you can make it better.
All right? One more thing I wanted to add with that is if you do something, make up for it.

Make up for damage that you cause to yourself or to someone else if you care. But especially with yourself.
This is about you, so we're going to keep it on that. If you want to trust yourself, you have to be able to trust if you do something to harm yourself or do something that counters your goals, you will course correct.
and you will do something to correct it.

Because if someone just keeps doing the same thing to you and hurting you and they never do anything to fix it

or make it better or counter what they've done, if they can, you're going to be like, okay, you just worthless. That's how you're going to start seeing yourself.
If you want to trust yourself, if you fuck up, you got to make up for it. Always, always prove it to yourself and do that for yourself.
Number two, if someone don't keep their word, you're not going to trust them. Do not commit to something and commit to something for yourself and then not do it.
If you're not going to do it, don't commit to it. Do not do that to yourself because it ruins your trust.
It destroys your relationship with yourself. If you constantly tell yourself, I'm going to do this, I'm going to do that, and then you don't.
You think like it's no big deal, but you don't trust yourself for a fucking reason. Stop committing to it if you're not going to do it.
You can say, I'll try to do it. I will do my best, like God willing, if everything lines up or however it goes, if you're able to do it, if things are in your control to do it, I will try to do it.
That's a good starting point. Instead of every single day, making this to-do list of all these things I'm gonna do, you commit to it and you don't do shit on the list.
That damages your trust with yourself. So either don't commit to it or do it, 100%.
And a good little motivation tip, if you're going to commit to something for yourself, don't ever break your word to yourself ever. Other people can let you down.
You should never let yourself down. Jesus Christ.
If you're going to do something and you were like, oh, I gave myself my word, but I don't want to do it. Shit.
Like focus on and get clear on the wanted thing you are getting because of the action you're going to take or the thing that you're going to keep your word on. What do you get out of it? How is it a positive and how is it taking me toward what it is that I want? Reminding yourself that there is a positive outcome.
There is something you want out of that action will make you feel better about taking it. People always say, oh, look at the step in front of you, not the whole staircase.
When you're lacking motivation, look at the fucking staircase. Like, okay, this is a step I have to take to get there.
This staircase will pretty. Now I remember why I'm climbing it because I've been so focused on this one little step.
Like, oh, I have to go to the gym. I don't want to go.
Why do you want to go? What's it taking you toward? Look at that whole staircase. Look at the end goal.
When you need a little motivation to do a step on the whole staircase. You know, that's one trick that I've found.
And that's one way you can help yourself keep your word is reminding yourself this effort I'm about to put in is for me. It's for the outcome that I want.
I'm going toward it. Okay? Okay, this one's a big one.
The next way you'll never trust nobody is if they disrespect you. You got to stop disrespecting yourself.
If you do not care about the experience or the quality of the experience that you're having, it's disrespectful. As hell.
Like if you try and make yourself be okay with something you're not okay with or just settle to not be an inconvenience or to not change things.

Like that's disrespectful to you.

Something they teach you in nursing school is you take care of the patient in the bed

like it's your family member.

And they say that to make sure that you take beyond adequate care of the person that's

in the bed that's your patient for the day.

Same thing goes with you.

If you're experiencing something or you're dealing with something, if you wouldn't tell someone you love to tolerate that and deal with that, you don't fucking tolerate it neither. I know it's going to be like a building process of like, when do I do it? When do I not? That's your filter.
That's the way you can kind of know is, would I want this experience for the person that I loved the most? And if I wouldn't, you're not making yourself be okay with it either. You're going to care about the quality of experiences that you have.
And that includes wanting more and wanting better for yourself. You can have everything in the world and want more.
That's what we're here for. It's not selfish.
It's not greedy. What you do can be determined as greedy, but it's not bad to want more.
It's not bad to want better at all. The people who make it seem like it's bad to want better for yourself are the people who don't feel confident in their ability or their worth to have better for themselves.
So they're going to shame you for wanting better. No, you can have better.
Don't disrespect yourself the way other people disrespect themselves. Oh, Jesus Christ.
Okay, the next thing is standards. You need to have strong standards with every single person in your life and every single experience.
But especially when it comes to friends or partners, you need to have standards. Standards keep you safe from experiences that are not good enough for you.
Standards keep you safe from experiences you don't want to fucking have. If you know you don't want to experience a certain type of dynamic or a certain type of person, have a standard that keeps them away from you.
It becomes very easy when you recognize the value in yourself and you see, yeah, if I wouldn't tell someone I love to be okay with that, I'm not going to be okay with it. And don't feel guilty about it.

You don't have to do it in like a shameful way,

but like know what you want,

know the way you want to experience life,

know the way you want to experience a relationship or a friendship.

And if it don't match, they don't make the cut.

And it's not like a fuck you thing.

Everybody got preferences.

Everybody's allowed to like what they like.

That's fine.

Because every single time you go against yourself, you will line up with an experience of exactly why you shouldn't. If you think I'm kidding, you think I'm full of shit, go date somebody lower than your standards.
They'll remind you real quick. Yeah, keep in mind.
I want to keep going on that tangent. Having standards is not offensive.
A lot of people, and the way society is now, is like they make it seem like it's so offensive to have a standard. Sorry you don't meet it.
I'm not saying nothing's wrong with you. I just don't want you in that way.
It's like me with people I'm going to date. Body count matters to me for someone I'm going to pursue a partnership with.
All my friends, if they want to go ho around, I don't care. Have fun.
I don't judge anybody for like high body count shit. But for someone I'm going to date, I'm not dating nobody who's on every single dating app and is on every single hookup app and post their body naked online and post themselves shirtless.
No, I like privacy. I like what's mine is mine.
Nobody gets to look at it, see it or touch it or have it. Like that's just my preference.
It's not an insecurity thing. It's a preference.
Everybody's allowed to have it. And me having that preference is not shaming anyone who acts like that.
I have friends who post in bikinis and post shirtless online. I don't care.
Like I'm not judging them for it. I just wouldn't date them.
That's not saying anything wrong or bad. People can hold their opinions without it being an attack on somebody else.
Just because I'm saying I wouldn't date you doesn't mean I don't like you or I'm shaming what you're doing. If we friends, I'm going to be cool with all kinds of shit.
If I'm dating you, I'm not cool with nothing. But that's standard that I have for a relationship.
Have them. Every time I've bent them, I've been reminded why I shouldn't.
Don't ever convince yourself to be okay with shit you're not okay with. If people get offended by it, it's just reflecting them what they're insecure about.
So that's their problem. Send them this episode.
Number four. You are never going to trust someone who don't give a fuck about how you feel if someone does not care about how their actions impact you and they don't care about the way that you feel about anything or how they make you feel you're never going to trust them so applying it to yourself you have to start caring how you feel that just got serious that just got deep i had like i calmed down for a second that's the truth babe if you want to start caring how you feel.
That just got serious. That just got deep.
I had like, I calmed down for a second. That's the truth, babe.
If you want to trust yourself, you have to care when things make you uncomfortable or you're experiencing something that you don't want. If you just disregard the way that you feel and convince yourself to keep going forward with it regardless, you're never going to trust yourself.
You wouldn't trust someone who does that to you. So caring that you're uncomfortable and doing something to improve it or change it, whether it's an action or actually changing something, that's one avenue.
The other thing is you can change your perspective and the way that you're looking at the situation. You can fully flip how you're experiencing things.
If it's negative, you can flip it into a positive experience and make yourself feel better about it. Like I said with the whole example of you need motivation.
You don't want to go to the gym. You feel tired.
You're drained. You're whatever.
And you look at how it's a benefit. Or you can look at it as an opportunity to make time for yourself and stick to your goals and tell everybody else, hold your fucking shit.
I'm going to go make time for myself. It's my me time.
I'm going to go get out my frustration in the gym. I'm going to go do whatever.
That's a stupid example, but you can also use my example of the car accident. I'm not going to sit here and think thoughts that make me feel bad about it and resist my intuition and turn it into a negative thing.
You can flip the perspective. So if you're uncomfortable, if you feel negatively, if you feel bad about something, you can change something physically.

Or you can change the perspective in the way that you're experiencing it quick as shit.

It just takes a little bit of effort.

And you're worth that effort.

Sit down with yourself.

Care that you're upset and come back to you.

Write it out.

Figure it out.

See why things are bothering you.

Understand it.

And do not attack yourself for feeling a certain way.

If something bothers you, your reaction should not be like someone who you would never trust. Why are you being a bitch? Why are you concerned about this? Why are you being such a ninny? Don't attack yourself for feeling anything.
If something seemingly stupid bothers you, the guidance system is letting you know you need to become aware of something. Figuring out why it bothered you, what exactly upsets you, what's this making you aware of, is the way to come back to yourself.
You're worth that effort and you fucking deserve it. And you're never going to be able to trust yourself if you don't start giving yourself that effort.
It is very intentional for a while until you learn how to flip perspectives and you get real good at it. You don't have to sit down and journal it out every single time.
You'll be able to just do it in your head when you're out in public doing things middle of conversation. You'll be able to flip a perspective real quick.
But the biggest thing is don't make fun of yourself. Try to understand yourself.
That's how you trust yourself. All right, number five.
You're never going to trust nobody who don't prioritize you. You're never going to trust someone who chooses other people over you and makes what they want and makes what they feel more important than how you feel.
So mirror that to yourself. Oh, that one hurts.
If you keep prioritizing other people and what they want and what they feel over yourself, you are never going to trust yourself. First place you could start with this is your day.
When you wake up in the morning, nobody's entitled to your focus or your attention but you. You got to make sure you're good before you go try and do anything for everybody else.
Nobody is entitled to your attention and your focus for at least the first 20 minutes of your day. If you have a child, if you have someone sick, if there's some kind of life or death situation, that's different.
But normal day to day, if you got a kid, wake up 20 minutes earlier. Take 20 minutes to yourself.
Don't check your fucking phone. The people on your phone, notifications on your phone do not deserve your attention and your focus.
You need you first thing in the morning. You want to wake up.
You want to get your head right. You want to brush your teeth, take a piss, make a coffee, whatever you're going to do.
Get yourself adjusted. Do your little skincare.
Get ready. Do dress.
Whatever you want to do. Just having your first 20 minutes, your focus being only on you, sets your day so far up.
Even if you do 10 minutes, just giving your attention and your focus to you. As soon as you wake up, remind yourself, I'm choosing to give this to me.
Nobody else deserves my attention and my focus right now. I'm not obligated for shit.
I'm choosing to give it to myself. When you set that prioritization up with you, you respect yourself more and you start to trust yourself.
Like, I'm going to make sure I'm okay before I try and go do things for everybody else. Because if you wake up immediately, hit the ground running, checking your phone, getting up, dealing with people, making phone calls, you haven't gotten yourself okay.
You haven't checked in with yourself. You don't give a fuck how you feel.
And you're just running to go be there for everybody else. You'll be able to be there for other people better if you make sure you're all right first.
One big thing I've been doing, y'all know I hate gratitude lists. I've been doing my own kind of like version of it and I'm thinking about releasing a journal for exactly how I do it because I started this when I was really, really depressed and I felt like there was no point in like living life.
So I kind of want to make a whole like a life worth living journal. So let me know in the comments if you want that because low key, I'm tired of writing it out.
Like I like when things are made and done, I'm gonna make it black with gold sickening. But let me know if you want that because I want to make that but my whole point with the first 20 minutes of your day being for you is the prioritization aspect.
Absolutely, you need to do it. The other thing with prioritization is if you do not make time for the goals that you have, or taking care of yourself or doing what you need to do for you.
What's that? What's that about? When do you expect yourself to be taken care of if you don't do it? Clearly, people are not doing it for you. You don't trust yourself.
You're over here just waiting on someone to see how hurt you are, see how drained you are, see how bad you need to be taken care of and do it for you. Why are you putting your power in other people's hands of waiting for them to make how you are doing matter? They're not.
They're not going to do it. You got to make sure you're okay.
You can't live a life like that where it's like you're just waiting on somebody else to notice you're upset or notice you're in pain to make sure you're okay. No.
Make time for what you need to do for yourself, whether it's a little bath at night, whether it's just journaling or going to the gym, meal prepping, reading a book. Whatever you need to do for yourself, prioritize it.
Make sure it gets done and show yourself it is important. Show other people also you're important and your attention and your focus is important because you're not going to take it and just shove it in them all the time.
What you want matters too and it matters to you. And you'll see how people start changing the way that they treat you because this switches your entire vibration and your entire dynamic inside.

This world is a mirror.

So the way that you treat yourself inside reflects outside.

So the more you value yourself, the more other people will value you and respect your time and respect the things that you care about.

Crazy little dynamic that is, but try it.

You'll see.

All right, number six.

This is the last one, and I think I'm going to do a whole podcast episode about this specific point. But you will never trust somebody if you see they are too weak to take actions in line with their character.
If the pressure gets too high and they can't handle pain to stick in line with their values, you're never going to trust them. If they fold every time there's pressure on them, you're never going to trust them.

You're never going to trust yourself if you keep fucking folding and throwing your values to the side because a little pressure gets put on.

When you see an opportunity costs you yourself, do not take it.

Don't ever take it. Do not ever do anything or take anything that costs you yourself, your values, and your morals.
Ever. It will never lead to a good outcome.
Basically, just trusting that you will take on pain for yourself. You take it on for everybody else.
All right? It's time for you to take it on for yourself too. I love you and I'm yelling at you because you need to fucking do it.
Take pain on for yourself. Choose the pain you're willing to take on.
Show yourself you're worth that. You're showing everybody else they're worth it because you over yourself from everybody else.
It's time you get the same respect. If you're listening to the audio version of this on Apple Podcasts and Spotify, hit the download button, please.
I've been telling everybody, rate me five stars, rate me five stars, because I thought that is what helped. My team told me, no, you're supposed to download it.
So every time you listen to an episode, download it. And if you haven't downloaded all episodes, please go do that.
You can also listen to me when you don't have Wi-Fi. So if you're on a plane or something, you have old podcasts you haven't listened to, they're already on your phone.
You don't have to worry about not being able to access them. Helps you, helps me.
Also leave me a five-star rating if you like this episode. But if you're watching this on YouTube and you can see me right now, hey, hit the subscribe you now part of the whole reset family every sunday i put out a new episode reset something else also leave me a comment let me know what you thought and let me know what topics you want me to help you reset because i do them every week like i said also leave me a little thumbs up maybe share with your friends maybe post it on your story that shit makes me so happy when i see you guys like post on your story i always go through and like them all.
And I always mention this at the end. My new merch coming out on Halloween because I want the people who listen all the way through and really love me to get it first.
But new merch drops on Halloween. October 31st.
I'm probably gonna get some kind of like code where you can go in and get it early because I want to make sure you get what you want. But just wanted to let you know, the collection is called Fuck Forgiveness.

I'm so excited for it. I'm so excited.
It's all

black. Duh.

But everything else you need from me will be in the description.

All my social media and my app.

Everything you need. It's going to be down there.
Just click

it. Go look.
Like I said, subscribe.

God damn it. But that's it.
I hope this episode

helped and I hope you feel

encouraged and you

see it's possible to trust yourself again

or trust yourself for the first time.

This is exactly how to do it. But everybody be safe, take care of yourself, and I'll talk to you guys next Sunday.
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