3. Reset Your Fear Of Being Judged Without Anything Else Bad Happening

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Speaker 11 All right, are we ready for this one? Let's reset your fear of being judged. Oh, this is going to be a lot.
I'm so excited.

Speaker 11 I've got my notes over here sitting in front of me, but I really just want to start this episode swinging. So let's just go for it.

Speaker 11 The only reason you have fear around being judged by others is because you're assuming there will only be a negative judgment. The truth is, you never know what someone is actually thinking about you.

Speaker 11 It's the same reason people are scared of the dark. The dark itself is not scary.
People are scared of what they assume is in the dark.

Speaker 11 If you think there's scary ghosts in the dark, you're going to be scared of the dark. Same thing with judgment.

Speaker 11 If you assume people are only looking at you to judge you negatively, of course you're going to be scared of it. Of course you're not going to want it.
But it's an unknown.

Speaker 11 People are not always looking at you to judge you harshly and judge you negatively. But just opening up to that perspective that both exist, already brings relief.
But we're not going to stop there.

Speaker 11 We got to keep going. I have a lot of points to get through.

Speaker 11 and I do want to touch on why people start to assume judgment is only negative and being around people, they are only looking at you negatively.

Speaker 11 A lot of people grow up with parents who nitpick them and only ever see what is wrong. So, from a young age, you're used to walking in somewhere and having the one defect or the one flaw pointed out.

Speaker 11 People seem to only be looking at you to judge you and to make fun of you, or they find the one thing wrong. Like, you come out in a perfect outfit, you did your hair right.
This doesn't apply to me.

Speaker 11 I don't have hair. When I did have hair, I do my hair real nice, have a nice outfit, make sure my jewelry is clean.
And someone would comment about a pimple on my face.

Speaker 11 They wouldn't see anything else. They would only see the pimple.
They would only see the negative thing. And that kind of trains you to think.
that all people are like that.

Speaker 11 When you experience it enough, it fucks you up enough where you don't have any experience of people seeing the positive about you or seeing the good things and talking about that.

Speaker 11 You're used to people only seeing what's wrong, what's bad and judging it negatively. So your brain starts to think being perceived by anyone outside of yourself is going to be a negative judgment.

Speaker 11 If you relate to that kind of experience, even a little bit, there's a lot of unprogramming you have to do. There's a lot of resetting you have to do with understanding.
judgment is not always bad.

Speaker 11 You just have an experience of that, but the other experience is there and it's waiting for you.

Speaker 11 And I want to give you a little bit of proof and a couple of examples to help you ease your anxiety and ease into this new way of being because you have to lead through life with a different assumption.

Speaker 11 So a couple of examples I have. The first one is eating alone at a restaurant.
A lot of people get so in their head, I used to do it, about going to a restaurant and eating alone.

Speaker 11 They are so scared of other people judging them for eating out at a restaurant by themselves.

Speaker 11 So That is one reality where people are looking at you like you're a fucking loser and you're weird and you're by yourself. Some people will be like, oh, that's sad.
They're by theirself.

Speaker 11 Like they're looking at you to like pity you. Some people looking at you to judge you.
That absolutely is a reality.

Speaker 11 Some people are looking at you like that, but the flip of it is what I used to do when I would see people eating out by themselves. I used to admire them.
I was like, damn, they got balls.

Speaker 11 I wish I was that competent where I could go out by myself and eat dinner alone.

Speaker 11 Like I was literally so gagged over it.

Speaker 11 And I was looking at people to admire them and to kind of like take notes i'm like how the hell are they doing that like it's like they have a superpower like some people are judging you like an asshole and then some people have the perspective that i'm looking at you from of being enamored and being like oh my god like i wish i was that confident so some people will be in their head in a restaurant be worried that people are judging them and thinking that they're a loser being by themselves when both are probably happening.

Speaker 11 Neither are probably happening. No one really gives a shit.
But that's one thing I can give you to help you when when you're in a situation like that to flip it.

Speaker 11 So next time you go out to eat by yourself and you notice your brain start catastrophizing and worrying about other people looking at you like you're a loser.

Speaker 11 Remind yourself, you don't know what they're thinking. You don't know what anyone is thinking.
So ease your mind yourself. This is the way to do it.

Speaker 11 And understand some people might be looking at you like you're a fucking loser. Other people might be looking at you in awe.
Like, wow, I wish I was able to do that.

Speaker 11 They don't know you falling apart inside or you freaking out. You have an anxiety attack.
But I just want to open you up to the perspective of both experiences can happen.

Speaker 11 Another little example is like, let's say you go to a party and you're worried when you walk in about your outfit.

Speaker 11 You're like, oh, like it's not as expensive as everybody else's or it doesn't look put together or I'm overdressed or underdressed or whatever.

Speaker 11 You could be in your head assuming people are looking at you and judging your outfit. That's a possibility.
Some people. Also could be looking at you and being like, oh, damn, I like her outfit.

Speaker 11 They could be thinking that in their head. They could be like, oh, I like his outfit.
I like her outfit. I like their outfit.
Whatever you want to go by, I don't give a shit.

Speaker 11 My next example is a little bit meaner,

Speaker 11 but these little stupid examples are cute and they're very comforting.

Speaker 11 Once you have that kind of tool in your kit to reassure yourself mentally of like, okay, I know I'm freaking out right now thinking that people are judging the way that I'm dressed, but I don't know if they really are.

Speaker 11 So reminding yourself people also could be appreciating the way that you look. Both exist and it's going to make you feel better.

Speaker 11 Now, let me get into the mean example for people who are so worried about being judged and not being liked. I know every single one of you watching this knows one example of someone I'm talking about.

Speaker 11 There are influencers or not even influencers, there's people who are online who are absolutely cringe as shit. You look at them like so see-through, so transparent.
They're try hard.

Speaker 11 They're cringy, whatever it is. You do not like their content.

Speaker 11 You are embarrassed for them, but they have millions of followers we all know somebody like that we look at them online like cringe some people look at me like that and they're like this guy's cringe why has he got so many followers i don't get it let that be a testament to

Speaker 11 even as weird as some of these people are they still have hundreds of thousands sometimes millions of people who like them and support them.

Speaker 11 So just how there are people like us who judge these motherfuckers negatively, there are people who love them. The same thing can happen to you.
The same thing can apply to you.

Speaker 11 So it doesn't matter how cringy it seems or how in your head you are about it.

Speaker 11 There are people you can look at all the time on your phone who will give you that real life experience of this thing can be judged either way.

Speaker 11 I'm judging it negatively, but it doesn't mean it's all negative and it's only negative. There are people who appreciate whatever this person is you're looking at and comparing to.

Speaker 11 It's key to give yourself that example and to see it and show it to yourself. Go look at the numbers of this cringy fuck you keep coming across and see

Speaker 11 there are both judgments always.

Speaker 11 You can be having a negative one and millions of people love the person that you don't like. It exists.
And that's key for you to understand and get to help you with your own fear of judgment.

Speaker 11 This is something I really need to say because it's something that I wish I heard a lot sooner around the fear of being judged, like this crippling anxiety, this not wanting to leave the house type anxiety where it's like, I just don't want to be in public.

Speaker 11 I don't want to go out. I don't want to be around nobody.
I want everybody to leave me alone so I don't have to deal with no shit. This fear of judgment you have is not your fault.

Speaker 11 This thing that you feel like is ruining you and debilitating you is not your fault. I promise.
If you knew a way to snap your fingers and get rid of it, you would.

Speaker 11 Every single human being is biologically wired for acceptance of a social group and society literally every single one of us has this concern and this worry you are going to get a grip on it and it is going to get better this episode is here anytime you need it come back to it but every single human being you see me too every single one of us we are all wired for connection and to be approved of by the people around us because you take this back to the old old days where we're living in the woods and shit and everybody has to kind of fend for themselves but you come together as a group.

Speaker 11 For you to be doing something in that group that leads to being rejected, you are ostracized, you are put out on your own and you're not able to survive on your own.

Speaker 11 You need the social group to do it. A further example of it that's still prevalent in today's society is, let's say you have a three-year-old, like a kid.

Speaker 11 For them to remain alive, they have to get the approval of their caretakers.

Speaker 11 Because if they want to eat, if they want to sleep, if they want to be taken care of, they have to not be rejected by their parents.

Speaker 11 So they have to do whatever they have to do to be approved of, to literally survive. When I say we're all biologically wired for approval, we are.
It's going to feel like hell to go against it.

Speaker 11 You're going to get better at it. Trust me.
But that's one angle where I say your fear of judgment is not your fault.

Speaker 11 And then you take into account your lived experiences of, like I said in the beginning, if you had parents who nitpicked the shit out of you, you have so much experience with only being judged negatively, it compounds itself.

Speaker 11 Now, it is your responsibility to get a grip on it, understand it, and really reset this fear. And that's what I'm hoping this podcast will do.
Now, let's go one step a little bit further.

Speaker 11 As human beings, we all make assumptions. Everybody judges everything.
Everybody has an assumption. As soon as you lay eyes on something, we're all wired also to assume and assess.

Speaker 11 everything going on make a judgment if you want to take it back biologically friend or foe threat or not a threat you're making assumptions all the the time. You're wired for it.

Speaker 11 Nobody that I know or I've experienced can stop their ability to assess something or to make a judgment of something, good or bad. That's something you just got to accept.
It sucks.

Speaker 11 Yeah, it's a bitch. All right.

Speaker 11 But you can't control people's ability to stop making judgments and making assumptions, but you can control what you're assuming that they're assuming and they're judging.

Speaker 11 So you have control over the story you're telling yourself. Like I said with the dark, if you keep telling yourself there's scary shit in the dark, dark, you're going to be scared of the dark.

Speaker 11 If you're out in public and nobody's saying anything, but people are walking by you.

Speaker 11 If you're watching this video, you most likely assume people are looking at you like you're out of place, like you don't belong. They're judging your outfit.
They're judging your weight.

Speaker 11 You think people are criticizing you and making judgments that are negative. You control your assumption of their assumption.

Speaker 11 So the same way that you can assume that they're judging you negatively, you can also assume they're judging you positively. That's one big way to catch yourself.

Speaker 11 And I know I kind of hit on that already, but the main thing to understand about people walking by, thinking shit about you is it doesn't do anything.

Speaker 11 For me to walk by you and think, you look fucking weird or you look cool,

Speaker 11 you don't know what I'm thinking and it doesn't impact you. I'm going to walk right on by.
You're going to have no clue what's going on. People thinking about you does not do anything.

Speaker 11 What people are thinking, what people are judging about you doesn't do shit. So why are you freaking out? Why are you in your head over here freaking out? They might think that I look weird.
Okay.

Speaker 11 They're not saying nothing. They're walking by.
Don't let your assumption cause you to have so much anxiety. You ruin the ability to go out in public and not be an anxious wreck.

Speaker 11 You have to see there is no consequence for people thinking thoughts about you and making assessments about you. So who gives a shit?

Speaker 11 And so let's somebody saying something, my favorite thing in my head is see something, say something. If I'm worried someone's thinking negatively, I think that thought.
See something, say something.

Speaker 11 If they're not saying nothing, I'm not bothered. I'm not worried because I don't care what's in your head.
I don't care what you're thinking. It does nothing.

Speaker 11 There's no consequence for you to think a thought about my outfit. I don't know what you're thinking.
So that's the whole thing is to understand this is in your head.

Speaker 11 If there's nothing being said or done, you're tripping yourself out mentally. And that's how to stop is to realize you're doing it and be like wait they could be thinking something good

Speaker 11 with all that i want to address the main thing freaking people out so bad it's the state of society it's awful it's pathetic it's literally not gonna last like society right now let me not be too mean because i'm about to get really mean with my other examples with things

Speaker 11 people make judgments and assessments if you are the same as them or different as them and if someone judges you as different there's this extreme sense of like they ostracize you you are now evil you are the opposite you are an oppositional force they want you away they want you dead like if you have a different opinion nowadays people think you are evil for it if you don't think the same as like the main people in society they want you out they want damage to be done to you so the fear of judgment is a lot more heightened but the thing to understand is because someone thinks different, looks different, or acts different from you.

Speaker 11 Different does not mean bad. Most people jump straight to bad and they will accuse you as bad because you don't match them.

Speaker 11 People are always on a lookout for how they're the same or how they're different or what they see that's like them and what's not, like what they relate to, what they belong to and what they don't.

Speaker 11 And there's this extreme polarity of if you're any kind of different, you are evil, wrong, and bad. Do not let that that trip you out.
And also, check the way that you do that to other people.

Speaker 11 Because if you immediately see one thing and ostracize somebody and see that they're a little bit different and you assume that it's bad and you make it mean something is bad, you fuck yourself too.

Speaker 11 Because the same way that you're judging people,

Speaker 11 you walk around thinking people are judging you the exact same way. So it's going to increase your anxiety.

Speaker 11 So to understand and give people the grace of being different and letting that be fine and not immediately demonizing them will make you feel a lot safer because you kind of give people the grace to be a human and you feel safe to be a human in return.

Speaker 11 So just because something is different does not mean it is bad or evil or wrong.

Speaker 11 That's another thing that's going to help you when you're assessing people and you're worried that they're judging you, you see that they're different from you and you think that they're judging you like you're evil.

Speaker 11 So you already hit them with that perception. and you're like reacting to it and you kind of are an asshole without realizing it.
That's just a big thing to become aware of.

Speaker 11 And I want to reassure you again, different does not mean bad. Everyone's allowed to be different.
Everyone's allowed to do whatever the hell they want to do. If you don't hurt nobody, who cares?

Speaker 11 If you want to go have blue hair, go have it. I don't give a shit.
Truly. If you want to go wear silver, go wear it.
I like gold. You allowed to like silver.

Speaker 11 You allowed to be wrong, but you allowed to do what you want.

Speaker 11 I'm kidding a little bit, but you get my point. Allow people to do what the hell they want to do if it's not hurting nobody.
If you want to wear silver, go wear it.

Speaker 11 You want to dress in rainbows, wear a a tutu. I don't care.
Go do it.

Speaker 11 But the next part about getting rid truly of the fear of being judged is to anchor in to the context and the intention behind what you're doing.

Speaker 11 A lot of people make a lot of judgments about a lot of things and they're so dead ass wrong and you trip yourself out about it like you should care. If someone expresses an opinion,

Speaker 11 Ask yourself one question. Are they missing any context with making that opinion or making that statement or judgment?

Speaker 11 And the second thing is if they had the missing context, would they have a different opinion? The answer is always 100% of the times, yes.

Speaker 11 People make so many judgments and observations and have so many opinions that are so fucking ill-informed and they look dumb.

Speaker 11 Like truly, if you look at it and you assess people's opinions and you see the amount of context missing, you wipe it out of your head head immediately.

Speaker 11 It doesn't bother you because you see that they're very ill-informed. And you know, if they had more context, they would think different, they would feel different.

Speaker 11 So, you can kind of give them the grace of their ignorance and politely tell them to fuck off.

Speaker 11 But that's a big way to have things not hurt you all the time is taking on people's opinions and accepting them when they're missing context. Check it before it comes in to hit you.

Speaker 11 And I have a couple of examples personally for things that don't bother me that people talk shit about nonstop. My knuckle tattoos.
This is the perfect example.

Speaker 11 A lot of people make comments all the time that it's ugly that I have knuckle tattoos without sleeves or other tattoos.

Speaker 11 Like people try and make fun of me all the time on TikTok and on my YouTube comments. They're always like, why the fuck do you have knuckle tattoos? You look stupid.
You look dumb. That's weird.

Speaker 11 That's embarrassing. Back when I got these tattoos, I was not really making money online.
I didn't know how to do it. I had a couple followers, but I didn't have like really shit.

Speaker 11 And I started started to like catastrophize and I started to get really down. And I started to second guess things.
And I was like, should I go back to nursing? Should I go back to a nine to five?

Speaker 11 Should I go back to just like normal civilization or what? And I got these tattoos as an absolute fuck no that I cannot give up on myself. I got these tattoos on my knuckles.

Speaker 11 One, because I've always wanted them.

Speaker 11 Two, what they say is a deep meaning for me that's very personal, but it's also a commitment and kind of like an added level of difficulty to go back to a normal nine to five.

Speaker 11 I got these tattoos as a commitment to figure it the out for myself, to not give up on myself.

Speaker 11 I also had to face the judgment of my family and my parents because my dad, very, very against tattoos, always told me, if you get a tattoo, I'm going to cut it out of you. He didn't, luckily.

Speaker 11 But I had to go around that whole thing of like getting tattoos that are so obvious. It's such a disapproved of thing by my dad.
I had to deal with that fear of judgment.

Speaker 11 I also knew in the back of my head, people were going to look at me like, why do you only have tattoos on your knuckles? But I didn't care because of my intention behind getting them.

Speaker 11 It was a promise to myself not to give up on myself and it paid the fuck off.

Speaker 11 Now I really don't give a shit what people have to say about them because a year of having these, I made my first million dollars at 25. Do you think I give a fuck?

Speaker 11 that people don't like my knuckle tattoos and a lot of people comment oh you're not supposed to get knuckle tattoos before you have sleeves. Why did you just jump to knuckle tattoos?

Speaker 11 Like, that's not the requirement. That's not the criteria.
Like, people act like it's a prerequisite. Like, you have to have other tattoos to get your knuckles done.

Speaker 11 But my counter to that is people over here covered in tattoos and they're pussy bitches. My opinion on tattoos is you shouldn't get one unless you with the shit.
Unless you are.

Speaker 11 tough and strong as a person and you're not a little pussy, you shouldn't get a tattoo because people are over here face tattoos covered, full sleeves, full body covered, and they're too scared to ask for extra ketchup at a restaurant.

Speaker 11 So our prerequisites are very different. You think I have to have full sleeves to get knuckle tattoos and I think you shouldn't be a pussy bitch if you get tattoos.
So whose judgment really is right?

Speaker 11 Whose matters? Who? gives a shit because did they give me my first million dollars at 25? No, these did.

Speaker 11 I cannot tell tell you how important it is to anchor into your intention behind why you do things. It keeps you solid and confident in it, no matter the judgment that comes across.

Speaker 11 There are people who love my tattoos. There are people who hate them.

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Speaker 11 another example of context people don't have when they try and talk about me and criticize me that they would not say if they knew the context is my hairline. I'm 26 years old.

Speaker 11 My hairline, not the best. My hair grows.
People think that my hair doesn't grow. I shave it every week.
My hair grows like fully everywhere else, but the front of my hairline has receded.

Speaker 11 It receded at 21 years old. A lot of people judge me, talk shit, like to get on their little high horse of talking about my hairline and trying to criticize me and bring me down.

Speaker 11 Nothing's going to bring me to your level. Keep trying, especially not a hairline.

Speaker 11 But the context people are missing is: I went through a lot of things at 20, 21, 22 that caused my hair to fall out because I was under such an extreme amount of stress.

Speaker 11 I also had some other medical issues that caused this. So people who make these little jokes or criticism or try and talk shit, from my perspective, you look like an asshole.

Speaker 11 It's like making fun of somebody who can't walk in a wheelchair. You're just a dick.
If something don't make sense and if you don't know the context, zip it.

Speaker 11 If something doesn't make sense, you're right. It doesn't make sense to you because you don't know enough to be able to make an accurate assessment.

Speaker 11 So people think they're all funny when they talk about my hairline. I don't care.
I genuinely don't because I wouldn't be who I am without everything I went through.

Speaker 11 But I know what I was dealing with emotionally, mentally, and also like health-wise. Like physically, there was medical things that I was dealing with.

Speaker 11 Am I going to sit here and beat myself up about it because some dim wit on the internet wanted to talk about the hairline? I don't care, girl.

Speaker 11 I genuinely don't care because I have the context and I remind myself of of it it doesn't mean i'm bad and wrong and everything i've done is discredited because my hair is receded who cares i'll get a fucking wig if i want i can get a transplant if i want i have considered getting a little tattoo because i like the shaved hair look i've considered getting the tattoo of the hairline but it looks like shit in person i don't care it doesn't bother me but it bothers other people and other people when something bothers them they want it to bother you because you're walking around with something that would debilitate them.

Speaker 11 And the fact that you're still confident with it fucks them up. That's their issue to deal with.
But just remind yourself of the context that you know that makes their opinion invalid.

Speaker 11 And remind yourself, if they had this added context, they would not have opened their mouth. And that's fine.
One more example I have.

Speaker 11 People think I'm batshit crazy. A lot of people say I'm very extreme.
I'm wild. I'm this, I'm that.

Speaker 11 A lot of people say that I'm crazy. And they truly believe it because of the advice that I give and the perspectives that I share and the way that I talk and the way that I talk about living life.

Speaker 11 The context missing with this is people thinking that I'm trying to give advice to everyone and people assuming that I'm trying to give advice that applies across the board.

Speaker 11 I'm aware I'm not for everybody. People point it out like I don't fucking know.
It's like saying your skin is white. Wow.
It's been white since the day I'm fucking born.

Speaker 11 It's like saying the sky is blue. No shit, babe.
There are people who think that I'm crazy because of their perspective and their experience in life.

Speaker 11 The people who share similar experiences to me fully get me. They don't think I'm nuts.
They think I'm very logical and they understand the way that my brain works.

Speaker 11 People who have been damaged, have lived a life that was very unfair. People who have had their hope absolutely shattered, have experienced betrayals.

Speaker 11 to the nth degree that are enough to cripple the average person and end them and are still surviving. They get me.
We the same. We over here patty caking.

Speaker 11 like when i say i don't believe in forgiveness and people come at me with about how you have to forgive and that's that's wrong you can't not believe in forgiveness i understand that they've never been in a position where someone has done something to them that was absolutely unforgivable once they experience that they'll understand my perspective i don't get mad at them Shut the fuck up and go away, but like you can have your judgment It doesn't bother me It doesn't make me get down on myself and it doesn't make me question myself because I know the context they don't.

Speaker 11 If they had the context of the experiences that I've got, they would fully have the same opinion as me. I check myself a lot.
I reflect a lot.

Speaker 11 I'm always growing and learning and I don't know everything. People like to say, I claim to that I know everything.
I've said it multiple fucking times, I don't know everything. The hell?

Speaker 11 That's one thing. People will also put words in your mouth.
Let them be. Let's move to the next point.
That one's going to piss me off if I keep going into it.

Speaker 11 I'm not for everybody and neither are you. And that's totally okay.
Because remember, different isn't bad. And your people will find you.
Let your look crazy out.

Speaker 11 People who think the same will find it and will get it. The next thing that will help with the fear of judgment is allowing contradictions to exist.

Speaker 11 Stop categorizing everything as you're this thing, so you have to be this way. A prime example, perfect example.
I'm Albanian and I'm gay.

Speaker 11 Being gay and being Albanian, that's like the biggest like disappointment you can be. That is the worst thing you can be as an Albanian is gay.
But I exist. Here I am.

Speaker 11 The other thing with being gay is most gay people, most stereotypes, gay people fuck everything that walks. They hook up non-stop.
I'm someone who's gay who does not engage in it at all.

Speaker 11 I don't like the whole fuck everybody, fuck everything. that goes on in society.
I don't agree with it. I don't like it.
Do what you want. Like I said, doesn't matter if I judge it one way or another.

Speaker 11 It's just not what i personally do but allowing that contradiction to exist allows you to see people for who they are and it will help you feel like people can see you for who you are because they're not just seeing one thing about you and shutting down to the possibility of you having duality, of you having contrast, or having range, or having diversity in your personality or who you are as a person.

Speaker 11 This sounds so stupid, but just allowing multiple things to exist at once is fine.

Speaker 11 See people for who they are not what you're just assuming they are because of one stereotype or one thing or another another example i have for this it's like a serious one and this is from when i was in nursing school we were learning about

Speaker 11 nails like girls who wear acrylic nails and have their nails done they were saying it's a breeding ground for bacteria and it's not recommended that you have acrylic nails or long nails when you're working as a nurse and they were saying if you're gonna have them just double glove so you don't have to deal with like ripping through a glove they're like it's not mandatory you don't have them you can have them but you're gonna have to take extra precaution and one of the people in my class spoke up out of her ill-informed

Speaker 11 well let me not be mean stupid mouth and said someone who is worried about their nails and making sure that they look good is not a good nurse People who are not willing to sacrifice getting their nails done to make sure that they can be a better nurse, shouldn't be nurses.

Speaker 11 She was basically talking shit. Like, anyone who cares about their appearance is not capable of caring about other people and doing their job because they're so shallow.
They're so stupid.

Speaker 11 All they care about is how they look. This rubbed me the wrong fucking way.
And I spoke up in the middle of this class and I called her out, and everybody clapped.

Speaker 11 But I said, let's entertain the perspective that people who care about their appearance and making sure that they look good care more about their patients and will do more.

Speaker 11 Because I, when I had hair, I had hair when I was a nurse in school and while I was a nurse, but I came to school every single day with my hair perfectly gelled, slicked back, freshly showered, iron pressed my entire uniform.

Speaker 11 and showed up smelling good. I always had a nice cologne on, not too overbearing because people have allergies, but I always looked the part.

Speaker 11 I always looked presentable, looked taken care of, and looked looked ready to go and take care of my patients. And I was someone who did absolutely everything I could.

Speaker 11 In nursing school, you'd never catch me sitting down. When I had my patients taken care of and everybody on my floor was like, good.

Speaker 11 When everybody else would go sit down at the nurse's station, everybody who was unkept, sloppy, freshly rolled out of bed, no effort in their appearance, they're lazy.

Speaker 11 They look lazy and they were lazy. And they would go sit on their ass and just complain.
I would go go run call lights.

Speaker 11 That's a term me and my friends came up with because I had two friends in my class who I would do this with.

Speaker 11 When all of our patients were taken care of, we would literally walk up and down the hallway of the hospital and go check and wait for anyone's call light to come on.

Speaker 11 If there was a call light that came on, we would go in the room and see what the patient needed, whether it was a cup of water or they were having an issue with their IV or they needed their nurse or whatever it was.

Speaker 11 We did not let a patient go unattended to when we had free time. We were not sitting on our ass.
We were not sitting there complaining. We were up making sure everyone was taken care of.

Speaker 11 We genuinely cared and we were the ones that came looked put together.

Speaker 11 So the bitch in class who thought she ate saying people who take care of their appearance and show up looking the part only care about looking good.

Speaker 11 She was so ill-informed and it was so sad that she made that statement because she's not seeing anyone for who they were.

Speaker 11 The people who genuinely looked the part and did a better job than her, she couldn't even see the effort that was put in and how much they cared because she was blinded by her lens of they're superficial, they're stuck up, they don't care about the patients, they just care about looking good.

Speaker 11 Yeah, you can still look good and do the fucking job, bitch, in case you watching me. Hope you're enjoying nursing.
Anchoring into the intention piece of why I always looked the part is because

Speaker 11 I did not want to walk into a patient's room looking disheveled, having bedhead, having bags under my eyes, looking like shit, stinking because I didn't get a shower, and walk into the patient's room and being like, I'm going to take care of you today.

Speaker 11 From the perspective of the patient in the bed, if I'm in the hospital and my nurse walks in looking all disheveled and like shit, I'm going to assume that they're lazy.

Speaker 11 I'm going to assume they're stressed out, they're strung out, they're tired, they're not on their A game, and I'm going to not trust their ability to take care of me.

Speaker 11 I'm going to question to myself, if you can't even take care of yourself and look half decent, I know you're not about to follow protocol.

Speaker 11 And I know damn well, you're not going to follow sterile technique. So I put the effort into my appearance, one, for me, but two, the other intention was not to show up like a douchebag.

Speaker 11 It was to provide a safe and stable feeling for the patients I was taking care of to feel like they could trust me and know.

Speaker 11 that they don't have to question my judgment and have anxiety that I'm sloppy and lazy and I'm not to be taken serious.

Speaker 11 I walked in the room and looked like I took myself serious and it breeds a sense of authority and safety for a patient when you're a nurse.

Speaker 11 This is something that still rubs me the wrong way to this day. I will never forget it.
But check that shit if you do it. Do not write someone off just because of one thing.

Speaker 11 There are people who only care about how they look and don't care about anybody else. They are stereotypical of snobby, asshole, pretentious, superficial.

Speaker 11 But then there's also people who will care more than you can imagine, who also put effort into their appearance and look the part.

Speaker 11 With people, you have to see each person for who they are if you want them to do it to you.

Speaker 11 If you're someone with a face piercing or tattoos and you don't want to be judged as whatever people judge you as when you have those things of like the stereotype, don't do it to other people.

Speaker 11 Observe each person for who they are and see them for who they are. Allow the duality to exist.
It's going to make you feel free where you don't feel like you have to fit in with a certain stereotype.

Speaker 11 It makes you feel free when you allow other people to do it without judging them and like writing them off completely. It allows you to feel free to express the duality in you.

Speaker 11 Not everybody is a stereotype. Most everybody is not a stereotype.
There are a lot of people who like fit most of it, but no one is a stereotype to the core usually.

Speaker 11 And just give people the chance to see them for who they are. Don't throw up a wall in front of them like a sheet of glass that you can't get through.
See every single person for who they are.

Speaker 11 When it comes to cops,

Speaker 11 if you want to assume every single one is bad,

Speaker 11 do what you got to do. That's a different scenario.
It's like bees. If you've been stung by a hundred bees, it is true that there are bees that won't sting you.

Speaker 11 But for risk management purposes, through your experience with bees you best get the hell away from them. I'm like that with cops.

Speaker 11 I understand there are good ones that exist from my own experience of how many bad ones i've dealt with i'm avoiding all of them at all costs but that's a separate scenario and example i'm talking about more like interpersonal people day to day just random little judgments and shit you want to allow people to express the duality so you can feel free to do it and not feel like oh i have tattoos i have to act this way or i am a girl i have to act this way i'm a guy i have to act this way it kind of grants you the ability to be more openly and freely yourself yourself without such a fear of judgment.

Speaker 11 But the last piece I want to give you, and this is the biggest thing to keep in your head and remind yourself of this every single time you feel a fear of judgment coming up, is the fear that you have is only coming up because you are taking steps in the direction of progress.

Speaker 11 You are taking steps forward. You are progressing.
That is why this fear is coming up. Because if you were staying still, you wouldn't have it.
None of these feelings would be coming up.

Speaker 11 If you weren't doing anything different, you were just staying still and you weren't doing nothing. These feelings are coming up because you're making progress.
Keep that in your mind.

Speaker 11 So every time you feel this anxiety in public, you now have a full new set of tools to kind of like give yourself and talk yourself through it and really reset this for yourself.

Speaker 11 But giving yourself this piece for your mindset is every time that anxiety comes up or the fear of judgment comes up, it's not a negative thing.

Speaker 11 You now have a way to reassure yourself, wait, that's a good thing. It's a sign I'm making progress.
So keep that in your head.

Speaker 11 The fear is only coming up because you're moving forward and I'm proud of you. I mean, I'm done yelling at you.

Speaker 11 If this episode helped you in any way or it changed the way that you see something, leave this podcast a five-star rating if you're listening to the audio version on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

Speaker 11 If you're on YouTube and you can see me, hey, friend. If you scroll down just a little bit, there's a thumbs up button.
If you like this episode, hit the thumbs up. Let's me know you liked it.

Speaker 11 Also, leave a comment about what you thought about the episode or anything that you want me to know.

Speaker 11 Also, if you want me to talk about a specific topic or you want me to help you reset something next, every single week I put out a new podcast on Sundays. Sunday service, Sunday reset.

Speaker 11 But just leave a comment and let me know what you want to hear about next. Also, if you're new, hit the subscribe button so you don't miss what we reset next week.
It's always a surprise.

Speaker 11 I will also leave everything you need for me in the description, my social media. Everything you want is down there.
If you need something, go look.

Speaker 5 But until next week everybody be safe take care of yourself and i'll talk to you guys next sunday california has millions of homes that could be damaged in a strong earthquake older homes are especially vulnerable to quake damage so you may need to take steps to strengthen yours visit strengthenyourhouse.com to learn how to strengthen your home and help protect it from damage the work may cost less than you think and can often be done in just a few days strengthen your home and help protect your family get prepared today and worry less tomorrow.

Speaker 5 Visit strengthenyourhouse.com.

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