2. Reset Your Tolerance To Sacrificing Yourself. Obligation Hates Being Valued

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Speaker 2 All right, this week we're going to reset your tolerance to sacrificing yourself because I want you to experience what happens when you have one less thing holding you back.

Speaker 2 It's kind of like being forced into caring about yourself and loving yourself. Let's do it.
First things first, if sacrificing yourself was the way to get what you want, you would have it by now.

Speaker 2 You would have what you want. You would feel how you want to feel if sacrificing yourself was the way to get there.
We're going to get real deep with this entire topic.

Speaker 2 First thing, after I just told you that, sacrificing yourself is not the way to get to what you want.

Speaker 2 When you are sacrificing yourself and you're hurting yourself for other people, or if you think that hurting yourself is the only way to get to where you want to go, you have to understand you are having to hurt someone to get there.

Speaker 2 That person is you. You are still harming someone the way you're trying to do things to get what you want.
And that matters. It really needs to matter that you are that someone.

Speaker 2 Let's talk a little bit about how this comes about. I've dealt with it myself.

Speaker 2 It's a bitch to get over, but everything gets better and life does not feel so bad once you get all of this and you fully understand it. You don't feel drained.

Speaker 2 You don't feel tired, you don't feel discarded, and you don't beg for mercy, but we're gonna get there.

Speaker 2 Every bit of guilt that you feel for prioritizing yourself or taking care of yourself is fully valid.

Speaker 2 If you notice this is something that you struggle with, This is the only way of living that you know.

Speaker 2 It's the only life that you know to sacrifice yourself for others and to not really care what happens to you and be willing to take on all the pain and all the everything for everyone.

Speaker 2 But I want to point out why it feels so good to make your life more difficult and to take on more pain. It feels good because you were praised for doing it.

Speaker 2 Every single person who needed something that benefited from you sacrificing yourself, reinforced sacrificing yourself is how you get their love.

Speaker 2 If you have an association with sacrificing yourself and being loved for it or getting approval and getting praise for it, it's going to feel good to do it for a moment.

Speaker 2 It's going to feel good to your self-concept. It's going to feel good to get that appreciation and that approval, but you're left with the mess you got yourself in after.

Speaker 2 The benefit of your self-concept getting a little boost, it ain't worth it. It's hell.

Speaker 2 But after you see this, you have to look at all of the people who loved you this way, all the people who praised you and conditioned you. with their love for sacrificing yourself.

Speaker 2 So anyone you feel like you have this dynamic with, you have to see that this person's love requires you to suffer.

Speaker 2 you are going to have to continue suffering to be seen as good and to feel loved and to feel accepted by this person that you're now aware of it's a hard photo to swallow i told you it sucks because sometimes it's family sometimes it's your partner sometimes it's your best friend and you don't want to have to see it but The truth will always set you free, no matter how bad it hurts.

Speaker 2 The truth is the only thing strong enough to shatter a false reality and get you back in alignment. Is it worth putting their love on such a high pedestal?

Speaker 2 And is it worth chasing this love and this approval from this person so desperately?

Speaker 2 If you know it's at the cost of yourself and you're gonna have to continue to suffer and sacrifice yourself for this love, is it ultimately worth it to you? It's gonna be subjective to everybody.

Speaker 2 Some people will say it's worth it. If you land it on this video, you're realizing it's not.

Speaker 2 Moving into my next point with all of this, if you have not watched episode one of this reset series of my podcast, we're in aggravated, aggravated, go watch episode one.

Speaker 2 If you have any confusion with this next point, when you are sacrificing yourself and you're discarding yourself to do anything you can for other people and you think that there's some kind of reward going to come from it and you get to that point of frustration and feeling so utterly alone, disappointed, discarded, depressed as hell, no energy, the pointlessness of life.

Speaker 2 You're like, what's the point? For what? You're looking at everything like that.

Speaker 2 I'm kind of being a little lighthearted about it, but that pit of emotional hell you feel stuck in, the one that you so desperately hope someone or something is going to come save you from.

Speaker 2 No one is ever going to come and determine what is fair and who deserves what. No one is going to stop this cycle.
but you.

Speaker 2 You're the only person who can step in and make this call to stop living a life you don't want to live and stop navigating relationships in this way that is damaging to you.

Speaker 2 It's very, very sad to understand and realize there's no higher power going to come intervene and help you and stop this cycle because you're choosing to sacrifice yourself.

Speaker 2 A higher power is not going to step in. And if you're truly waiting for someone to step in this situation and look at you and say, you know what, enough is enough.

Speaker 2 We see how much you're struggling, how much you're taking from yourself. We see you deteriorating.
We see you're not okay. We're going to say enough is enough.
It's time that we take care of you.

Speaker 2 If you're waiting for someone to say that, you're gonna be waiting forever. To recognize that you are the thing that you are hoping comes to you and helps you.

Speaker 2 When you realize it's you, you have real hope. You have true hope.
You don't have hope that fades and falls away and like diminishes with time.

Speaker 2 It's just you keep sacrificing yourself and doing it over and over and over again, helping everybody, doing everything for everybody.

Speaker 2 And it never stops and you start to lose hope that someone will step in. You are the only one who can evaluate and see what is fair and make that call.
You're the only one that can do it.

Speaker 2 No higher power is coming to save you.

Speaker 2 And if you expect people to look at you and have mercy and say enough is enough, from my own personal lived experience, people will take until there's nothing left.

Speaker 2 I don't know one successful person who does not understand this truth and truly like take it for what it is.

Speaker 2 It sucks, but the first time you save yourself, oh my God, the recognition of power, the hope, the like sense of saving yourself and feeling saved all comes from within. It's insane.

Speaker 2 But if you also want to look at this from a law of attraction standpoint, for you to be sacrificing yourself non-stop, having no mercy for how much you're giving of yourself and taking from yourself to give to other people, you are not a vibrational match to someone else stepping in and doing it.

Speaker 2 You're abandoning yourself. You are doing nothing but destroying yourself.
You are in no way a vibrational match. If you want to talk spiritually about it, you're no way a match to that experience.

Speaker 2 When you wake up to yourself being in control and stopping this cycle and saving yourself is when you line up with and are a vibrational match to people who will assist you with that and who will also look after you because you look after you internally.

Speaker 2 You're not sacrificing yourself. When all you do is sacrifice you, you align with people who need that.

Speaker 2 So as soon as you stop turning a blind eye to you, how you feel and what you need and the damage you're doing to yourself, you'll start meeting people who also can't turn a blind eye to discarding you or harming you.

Speaker 2 I want to give a stupid little example, and I feel like it's one that we've all went through.

Speaker 2 You know, when you were in like middle school or high school or something, and you're in class and you open a pack of gum to get a piece of gum for yourself,

Speaker 2 and then everybody is like some vultures or some seagulls, and they're like, Can I get a piece? Can I get a piece? Can I get a piece?

Speaker 2 Everybody's so focused on getting a piece, nobody is paying attention to the fact that you now have none. You have none for yourself.
People turn that blind eye without even realizing.

Speaker 2 People will let you down like that plenty of times and it's just going to exacerbate and get worse if you allow it. You have to care that you have none left.
and not allow that to happen to yourself.

Speaker 2 You have to check how much you're willing to give and put up restrictions and boundaries with how much you're willing to give because you know the position it's going to land you in.

Speaker 2 You're going to end up with none. The same way you care about making sure everybody else is happy and they all get a piece, you are still a person too.
Wake up to that.

Speaker 2 You are someone that needs to be cared for and taken care of also. To have it be yours and give it away for someone else's happiness, you're fully discarding another human being.

Speaker 2 You're discarding the most entitled human being to that piece of gum.

Speaker 2 And you're trying to do it because you feel like it's self-righteous and you're like, oh, I'm a good person for doing it you're hurting you at the same time

Speaker 2 the only person it is fair to ask you for a piece of gum if you have the pack is yourself it's unfair if you actually want to look at it for anybody else to feel entitled to it or to pressure you to do it and i need to wake you up to that because it's the most fair for you to ask it's the most fair So get that out of your head that you're obligated to give to people past the limit where you have none.

Speaker 2 There is exceptions with this where it comes down to like some serious, life-altering things, and you have to split food because there's not enough, or whatever it is. Split which you got to split.

Speaker 2 But I'm talking in just like a simple little situation like this, where there actually isn't a lack, and there actually isn't some kind of like dire consequence you're trying to protect people from.

Speaker 2 Just letting yourself be taken from like that and not caring about the situation that you end up in. No one else is going to care about you, babe.

Speaker 2 You will sit here and keep questioning when is it going to be my turn? And it's never going to be your turn until you decide it's my motherfucking turn. I'm going to care.

Speaker 2 I'm going to make sure I'm taken care of. It's my turn to be considered.

Speaker 2 That's all it takes. That's literally all it takes for it to be your turn and for you to stop sitting back and waiting and asking and wondering, when's it going to be my turn?

Speaker 2 When's somebody going to have some compassion for me? As soon as you decide to. The next thing I want to talk about is the price.
of someone else's happiness is not yours to pay.

Speaker 2 That's not your debt to pay off. It's not your obligation to pay it.
Like I said, there's exceptions. You're not obligated.
You're not stuck in it. You're not forced to do it.

Speaker 2 You can choose if you want to choose to do it. It's up to you.

Speaker 2 But trying to pay for someone else's happiness with yours is like trying to pay off someone else's credit card by putting it on your credit card. Do we see how delusional that is?

Speaker 2 Because what you're doing is just transferring the problem onto you. And I really want to talk about this whole analogy of paying someone's credit card off with your credit card.

Speaker 2 You're saving them from the stress and the pain of taking on this debt that they incurred for themselves. First thing to ask, is it your responsibility to take care of that?

Speaker 2 Are you the one responsible for them being in that amount of credit card debt? Was it you? Was it not? Don't act so quick to solve everybody's problems like they're your own. Is it your problem?

Speaker 2 Is it actually your issue? And for you to go pay off their card with your card, you are just taking on all of that pressure. You're taking on all of that panic, all that worry.

Speaker 2 You're taking on all the consequences of their action. But for you to look at this analogy or this situation and say, the stress that they're going to be under, I'm going to take it off of them.

Speaker 2 I'm going to put it onto me. It's going to feel good to do it.
Well, it might feel good to do it because your self-concept is getting fed a little bit.

Speaker 2 You're going to be met with all this appreciation and happiness and everything from this person.

Speaker 2 And then they're freed from the stress that you just took off of them.

Speaker 2 And now they get to to walk off and be free from it you're stuck with it their appreciation don't lasts very long for the situation you just saved them from and like i said you're going to feel a little boost you're going to feel a little good while you do it but you're going to be left with the consequences after but while you feel good for doing it this feels like you loving someone if this is the pattern you're in and you know situations and relationships like this it's going to feel like a positive reinforcement when you take on this stress and see the positive reaction in this person blinding yourself to what what you're now going to have to deal with.

Speaker 2 But it's comfortable. It's the known pattern.
It's the way you know how to go about things. You don't know how to distribute stress and guilt.

Speaker 2 You're used to saving everybody from everything, taking it all onto yourself, but that makes you unable to address the guilt of doing the opposite.

Speaker 2 So that guilt that you feel, that anxiety, that panic, that fear of losing the person or the fear of not being loved anymore, losing the approval is going to make you want to do this thing and save them 10 times more.

Speaker 2 But for a situation like this, for you to take on all of the pressure and the pain and the stress off of that person and pay basically for their relief with yours,

Speaker 2 you are focused solely on their inability. to handle what they're going through.

Speaker 2 You are focused on how they are incapable of dealing with the stress or dealing with the consequences that they have gotten themselves up against.

Speaker 2 It's not a loving thing to look at someone and see only how they're incapable and feel like you have to go rescue them and save them all the time.

Speaker 2 Definitely be there for them and support them and help them. But this is like a deep thing because a lot of people don't understand what's going on.

Speaker 2 They just feel this obligation and then this resentment after they help someone and they don't understand why they keep getting in this cycle. So that's what I'm trying to expose with this.

Speaker 2 But when you look at someone and see how they're incapable of facing what they're dealing with and you save them from it, you're focusing at them in a way that's not loving.

Speaker 2 It's not loving to see how someone's insufficient and how they're not good enough and question their ability to handle something and see that they might be capable. You're not looking at any of that.

Speaker 2 You teach people to need you and you get to feel of use. You get to feel good.
And this benefits you. And it's a strategy to get safety and security in relationships.

Speaker 2 This is how you get to feel needed.

Speaker 2 and you don't have to deal with the fear of abandonment and you get to feel indisposable to this person because you see all the things that you're protecting them from facing and having to go through.

Speaker 2 If you were not there, their life would fall apart from your perspective. You can see how of use you are.
You get to feel validated and useful and good caring about this person and doing these things.

Speaker 2 You get to feel a little bit more justified about taking on more pain because you see how much you would appreciate someone like you.

Speaker 2 Because you're being you to them. You're seeing from their perspective how much they should appreciate you and you know how much you would appreciate someone like you if the roles were reversed.

Speaker 2 But by protecting people from the consequences that they have brought up, they're not having to face them. They're unaware of what you're saving them from.
You're going to feel unappreciated.

Speaker 2 You're going to feel very, very unappreciated. And like what you're doing is for nothing.
You're taking all this pain.

Speaker 2 You're doing all this shit to stress yourself out and you feel unappreciated for it. because they don't see what's on the other side of you.
You keep blocking them from it.

Speaker 2 The first time someone has a real consequence without you there, they're going to learn to appreciate you and be like, holy shit.

Speaker 2 But if you just keep protecting them from it, you will never feel appreciated. You will feel stupid.
You will feel running to the ground. And that's when you'll start yelling at the universe.

Speaker 2 When is this going to stop? You'll start yelling at God or praying to God or whatever. It's like, you get that hopelessness of like, when is this going to stop? Like I said before, it's not.

Speaker 2 until you stop it.

Speaker 2 But when I said this gives you a sense of security in a relationship, it is probably probably your worst fear for someone to see how they are capable of handling something that you do for them and doing it for themselves.

Speaker 2 Because

Speaker 2 if they see they no longer need you, you're going to be hit with that anxiety of the fear of abandonment of like, if I'm not constantly doing things, I'm not providing value.

Speaker 2 They're going to leave me. If they don't need me, they won't love me.
I will lose them. That's not the way things actually go.
The fear is very valid.

Speaker 2 From someone who's been in both dynamics and both sides of this coin plenty of times, 100 rolls, a quarter is the amount of times I've been on both sides of the coin.

Speaker 2 It is never a bad thing for people to see their capability and their ability to handle things for themselves.

Speaker 2 Because true love is not making someone dependent on you and teaching them learned helplessness and then trapping yourself in a false reality of powerlessness of like, how do I escape this?

Speaker 2 How do I get this to stop? And that is a false sense of safety and security.

Speaker 2 What you really want and what the love is that you actually are after is someone seeing that they don't need you, but still looking at you and saying, I want you. I see the value in you.

Speaker 2 I enjoy your presence in my life. I don't need you for these things.
I don't need you to protect me all the time, but I just enjoy having you around. I just love you for you.

Speaker 2 not because of everything you sacrificed for me. That's the love you're going to get once you flip all this.
There's no way around it. I tried.
I tried to fight out of that box.

Speaker 2 What's actually going to happen when you start pointing out the good things about people and their strengths and seeing them as capable and pointing that out to them, you will be the first person that's reflected it to them and they're going to love you even more.

Speaker 2 I know it feels like you're going to lose love. by not making people be dependent on you.
If that's the only way you've been able to keep people around you and keep yourself feeling cared about.

Speaker 2 The genuine love and appreciation you will feel is is from seeing and reflecting and pointing out to people how they are capable and being there to support them, not do for them, not take over, but to help them and guide them.

Speaker 2 That is a real bond and true closeness. And that's the thing that you're going to experience as soon as you stop trapping people.

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Speaker 2 Feelings do not take priority over rejecting what you need and throwing away what you need. It is not worth it.
No one's feelings are worth you.

Speaker 2 Basically sacrificing you for protecting other people's feelings. You can never control how people feel anyway.
You could do everything that you think could be right. You could sacrifice everything.

Speaker 2 You can cut your arm off and hand it to them if you thought that's what they wanted and what make them happy. And if they freak out and get scared, you're gonna feel like it's for nothing.

Speaker 2 That for nothing feeling, feeling like all your effort is for nothing. This is kind of how to kick it.
When I say don't be so hyper considerate of people's feelings at the cost of yourself, I mean it.

Speaker 2 If there's a situation where you need help with something or you need someone around for emotional support or emotional guidance or help or whatever, or you just want someone there to help you, and you know, one person is going to be more helpful or useful for the situation than another.

Speaker 2 It is very unfair to choose the person

Speaker 2 that you're trying to be considerate to.

Speaker 2 That's not going to help you as much, and that's not going to contribute to you getting through something.

Speaker 2 The person it's unfair to is yourself, but the person who actually can help you more in the situation and be more of use and be more assistance,

Speaker 2 choosing them helps you.

Speaker 2 Do not reject the help that you need to not piss off or hurt somebody else who's not able to be what you need to help yourself. I'm not talking about a relationship.

Speaker 2 Take everything I'm saying and apply it situationally. I'm not talking about a relationship.
This is like a friendship thing, like a business partner thing or like someone you work with.

Speaker 2 Don't reject the help that you need. to not hurt somebody else's feelings.

Speaker 2 There's a way to communicate and be considerate, but sacrificing what you need and making things harder for yourself is not being considerate.

Speaker 2 Communicating clearly to the other person why you're doing what you're doing, why you're asking the other person to be there, or you can ask them both to be there, but explaining why you need them both and why you'd appreciate them both, or one over the other.

Speaker 2 Communication is considerate. Sacrifice is not considerate.
Sacrificing the help that you need and what is going to help you is not being considerate. It's damn sure not being considerate to you.

Speaker 2 Basically, if you needed permission to be considerate to yourself, you got it.

Speaker 2 Be considerate in a sense where you communicate with everybody involved, but you do what is best for you if it aligns with your morals and your values and the way that you go about this life that is correct to you.

Speaker 2 If you're not betraying anybody and you can see how this falls in line with your values and your morals, don't just make things harder for yourself because someone's going to get their feelings hurt.

Speaker 2 Feelings do not take priority when it comes to harm being done to you or making things more difficult to you. Feelings matter, but not when it comes to mattering more than yours.

Speaker 2 Care more about the consequence of what you're going to have to deal with and how being considerate in the way that you know to someone else is going to make everything harder for you.

Speaker 2 Care more about you're in a bad position because someone who truly loves you and cares about you genuinely will not want you to have to go through anything harder for them.

Speaker 2 They will want to encourage you to get the help that you need or help in a different way. Communication clears it all up.

Speaker 2 I kept talking about the mercy part, but now I really want to talk about mercy. When you're begging for mercy from God or the universe or some kind of higher power,

Speaker 2 it's not going to grant it to you. The only person who can grant you mercy is yourself.

Speaker 2 You keep thinking.

Speaker 2 granting mercy to others and helping them out of the situations that a higher power is not helping them out of. You see other people not being granted mercy, so you grant it to them.

Speaker 2 But it requires you to be merciless to yourself. It requires you to hurt yourself to grant that mercy to others because you want to help them, because you see what they're not getting.

Speaker 2 Then you lead yourself down the road of asking for mercy for yourself from the universe. I'm doing all these things.
I'm being so good. I'm helping all these people.
Make it stop.

Speaker 2 It's not going to stop because you're being taught true mercy.

Speaker 2 true mercy is for yourself when you can look at a situation and give yourself mercy of i'm already dealing with all this i'm already this burnt out i'm gonna let that be okay

Speaker 2 and let that be reason enough to not take on anything else i don't have nothing left to give so stop giving it you're begging for the mercy that you have to give you You're the only one that can stop it.

Speaker 2 Like I said before, no one's coming to determine fairness and no one is coming to grant mercy. If you want it to stop, you got to stop it.
You have to reframe how I just explained mercy.

Speaker 2 Stop trying to give it to everybody else because you don't see them getting it. Give it to you.
Recognize that you're also not getting it from you.

Speaker 2 Okay, now my biggest tactic for caring how you feel and truly caring about yourself, this is the best way to do it.

Speaker 2 You have to start caring how resentful and mad or hurt that you are and stop forcing yourself to do things while you feel like that.

Speaker 2 If you are trying to sacrifice yourself for somebody else and you feel obligated to do something or you committed your word to something, you're like, God damn it, I don't want to do it.

Speaker 2 Like I'm exhausted. I'm tired.
I'm sick. I'm spun out.
I don't have the money. It's like whatever your situation is.
When you are in that feeling state, stop forcing yourself to continue sacrificing.

Speaker 2 Stop forcing yourself to take actions while you feel like that. Stop for a minute and care that you feel how you feel and do not not force yourself to continue forward.

Speaker 2 Like I said before, if it's life or death, apply this to every situation. You're going to have to bypass everything if it's life or death.
I fully agree with that.

Speaker 2 But when it comes to feeling so unappreciated, when it comes to feeling like all your effort is for nothing, care that that's how you feel before you continue doing the things that led you to feeling how you feel.

Speaker 2 Because if you continue to go through with this thing that you think is good. You're like, okay, I know it's like a good thing to do for them.
I know it sucks. I know it's bad.

Speaker 2 Like, fuck, but I'm just going to make myself do it. You might be doing the right thing or what you see as good.
I know I don't want to fucking do it.

Speaker 2 Everything in me is mad, unappreciated, feeling unloved, feeling all these things, but I'm going to make myself do this thing for this person.

Speaker 2 Anyways, do not bullshit yourself and say, this is the last thing. Okay, I'm going to commit to it.
I'm going to get through this one more thing because after it's all going to get better.

Speaker 2 you have experienced it doesn't it doesn't stop and you think okay this one more thing i'm going to do it and then something else comes up and you never get that relief you're looking for because you keep going into it with the same feelings i want to talk about vibration and law of attraction for a minute with doing things out of a very, very negative mentality or a resistant one.

Speaker 2 If you feel unappreciated and you force yourself to go do something else for somebody, you can guarantee when you led with that action and that vibration, the results will yield the same thing.

Speaker 2 If you do something, even though you feel unappreciated and you're doing something else, you're going to still feel unappreciated. It's a contradiction to everything.

Speaker 2 You can't keep going into things with the same feelings and expect something different.

Speaker 2 If you go into something pissed off and you take an action angry as hell, you're going to yield the same result from that action taken.

Speaker 2 You are sowing the vibration of what you are gonna get by going into it.

Speaker 2 So when I say stop and care about how you feel before you force yourself through this motion, you stop because you now realize it's worthless to just force through it anyway.

Speaker 2 You're doing the right thing, but you're gonna feel the same anyway. It's pointless.

Speaker 2 So taking the second to stop and making yourself mentally reframe it and finding any way you can to feel better about doing the thing that you're about to do will change the outcome.

Speaker 2 You have to change. I don't want to keep saying vibration.
You have to change the vibration. You have to change the emotion.

Speaker 2 You have to change the feeling state that you're going into it with before you go into it. If you want a different reaction, if you want to stay pissed off, go into it pissed off.

Speaker 2 If you want to stay feeling unappreciated, go into it feeling unappreciated and blindly just bypass yourself. Don't care that you're upset.
Go into it.

Speaker 2 And then it's going to get worse until you hit that wall of the same cycle happening over and over and over again before you're like, where's the mercy? Where's the change? This is it.

Speaker 2 That's what you found in this episode. You have to change the way that you're going into things and do not do it, unless it's life or death.
until you feel better truly about the situation.

Speaker 2 You're not manipulating yourself. You can look for the self-serving motive.
You can reframe it however you need to to feel better about doing whatever it is you're going to do.

Speaker 2 If you're not going to go back on your word, I don't do that. Once I commit, I commit.
Be careful with giving your word because once you do it, consider it done. There's no getting out of it.

Speaker 2 But even if I've committed to something that I feel differently about, I'm still going to do it.

Speaker 2 But before I do it, I'm going to sit down and change the way that I feel about it and find a way to mentally reframe it where I'm fully on board and I'm not.

Speaker 2 pissed off, angry, unappreciated, whatever it is. If you need to communicate and have conversations before, do it.

Speaker 2 But finding a way to feel better before you force yourself miserable through these actions is such a key thing.

Speaker 2 And you're going to start to trust yourself and feel safer with yourself that you're not letting yourself go about life and doing things with no regard for you because you're going to get to the point, like I said, when is it going to stop?

Speaker 2 Now.

Speaker 2 If you choose for it to stop now, it will. All it takes is choosing for you to care about how you feel and care about what you have to deal with.
That's it. That's what stops it is for you to care.

Speaker 2 Now, another huge thing that you are going to have to get a grip on is your finances.

Speaker 2 No one is going to care about your financial situation like you will.

Speaker 2 And no one's going to, like I said, come in and swoop in and save the day and say, hey, I see you giving money to all these people. I see you spending like this.

Speaker 2 I see you operating out of obligation and it's hurting you. Let's go ahead and stop that.
People are not going to do it. You're going to have to look after it.
Same thing with your health.

Speaker 2 You are going to have to make sure that you eat good, you exercise, you sleep good.

Speaker 2 People that just ask for shit and you just act like you're okay to do it and you always are there most people don't have the capacity to perceive two realities at once they are blinded by their feelings and their situation they're not able to see the impact on you and you allowing them to not be aware of the impact on you is your own choice back on track if people keep asking you for money and you keep giving it like with the pack of gum analogy They don't care.

Speaker 2 You ain't got nothing left. If you keep giving, they'll keep taking.

Speaker 2 stop giving if you don't have it if you have goals or you have things that you want to do for yourself and you need to make sure you're okay financially you're the only one that's going to put a stop to things that are ruining you financially if you keep doing everything out of obligation you're never going to be able to truly help at the magnitude that you could if you took your situation and prioritized it.

Speaker 2 If you took care of your health, you could be there better for other people.

Speaker 2 If you took care of your financial situation and your financial life, you could give more, you could do more, but you have to make sure you're okay first.

Speaker 2 Like they say on the airplane, what the fuck do they say? Put your face mask on before you help the person next to you. You got to make sure you can breathe first.

Speaker 2 You have to make sure you can survive and pay for what you need to and make sure your health is up to par. Because like I said, no one's going to make time to prioritize it, but you.

Speaker 2 People can't see past their problems most of the time. No one's going to check in and save you and save you a day.
You got to be the one to do it. And there's nothing wrong or bad about it.

Speaker 2 There's nothing wrong about a friend coming to you and asking for money when you don't got it and you saying no. You don't continue putting yourself in debt.

Speaker 2 And like I said before, you don't pay off their credit card with your credit card. They walk off and you're stuck with the shit that you did not get yourself into.

Speaker 2 But a perfect example and a way you can reframe mentally spending money and giving money to people is you do not take on stress for others you are not willing to take on for yourself because you will continue to feel discarded always if you keep discarding yourself.

Speaker 2 So if your friend comes to you and asks you for a thousand bucks, but you have this thing that you've been wanting to buy, but you haven't been buying it because you're like, oh, it's just like a luxury.

Speaker 2 Like I don't want to get it. Like you're going to feel guilty for spending that amount on yourself.
And then someone comes and asks you for a thousand bucks and you just give it to them freely. Uh-uh.

Speaker 2 If you weren't willing to take on that stress for yourself, you don't take on that stress for the other person.

Speaker 2 If you don't have the thousand bucks to spend freely on you, you don't have the thousand bucks to spend freely on them. If it's life or death, it's different.

Speaker 2 If someone's in a serious jam, if it's your family or your partner, you make the exception. If

Speaker 2 you feel that it's fit, if they've exhausted all their options, then you can help them.

Speaker 2 But if it's just a friend being irresponsible or someone that needs money for something, if you're not willing to take on the stress of spending that money for yourself, you do not signal to yourself, you come second.

Speaker 2 You do not do for others what you're not willing to do for yourself.

Speaker 2 And a big way that I reframe this, like when I was going through, learning a bunch of this is anything I was going to buy for someone else or do for someone else, I was doing the same for me.

Speaker 2 So if I was going to give someone $1,000, I'm also spending $1,000 on something for myself. If I have to spend this on you, I also have to spend it on me.
So $2,000 goes out.

Speaker 2 And if you're not willing to do it, don't.

Speaker 2 Because if you continue to do that and just give it to them and not force yourself to be taken into consideration, you will continue to discard yourself and continue to be discarded by everyone.

Speaker 2 That's one of the biggest things that helped me was setting it up like that. Being willing and showing myself, I will fucking consider you and I'm not going to take from you, but do for others.

Speaker 2 Like, oh, signal to yourself, you aren't worth this stress, but you needing the thousand bucks, I'll do it for you.

Speaker 2 Because you approving of me matters more than the pain I'm about to have to go through caring about you and getting your false approval matters more than actually considering myself and showing myself that I'm worth something

Speaker 2 If you made it this far, if this episode changed the way that you view sacrificing yourself and the way that you feel about it do me a little favor if it don't take nothing from you and leave me a five-star rating on Apple Podcasts and Spotify if you're listening and if you're watching the video version of this on YouTube that little thumbs up button down there go ahead hit it helps me a ton lets me me know you liked it.

Speaker 2 Also, leave a comment. Let me know your thoughts.
But the biggest thing is make sure that you subscribe so you don't miss out on what we reset next week. It's going to be a surprise every single time.

Speaker 2 Until then, everybody, be safe, take care of yourself, and I'll talk to you guys next Sunday.