125. Things I No Longer Do

Hi friends. So this week I'm gonna tell you some things that I've stopped doing recently.
A lot of things I've been doing and a lot of ways I've been living has been purely out of ego and I didn't even realize it and it made me think certain things were me when they weren't. This is not a fun process to go through.
I've been going through an ego death of sorts but these are some of the things that I'm doing different about life that has made me feel so much better and made me like life again and want to be here tea to everybody asking if i'm still going on tour yes that didn't change the link for tickets will be in the description my first show is in a couple of weeks in medford it's close to boston so if you live near boston go get you a ticket but if you want to see other cities that i'm going to the link is in the description where you can buy tickets and see everywhere i'm going to go i have like 20 shows this summer i'm going to come everywhere I can and share everything I know and have learned about confidence in person and give you a bunch of hugs. A lot of the tickets for VIP meet and greet are sold out in a lot of cities.
I'm so sorry. Don't get mad.
You can still go. Tickets are still available.
But also at every show, I do a Q&A portion for like 45 minutes. So if you're going to come to a show, think of a question you want to ask and come prepared in case you get called.
I want to get into some juicy shit. You know, we're going to be live in person.
There's no filter. We could talk about anything we want.
But with that being said, let's jump into the first thing that I've stopped doing and it's criticizing people. I know that's a big one.
And who would have thought? And there's two angles for criticizing people and how to stop. The first thing is to realize

you feel the need to criticize things to disarm a threat. So if you perceive something as a threat

to criticize it and to poke holes in it or make it not as bad or not as serious or not as smart

or not as strong example is people. When you criticize people and try and nitpick them, sometimes it's because of a subconscious belief and thought that this person is a threat.
And to criticize them makes them feel like less of a threat. And that's a big way that your brain and your ego can hijack you without you realizing it.
But criticizing people and things is really a learned protection mechanism to keep yourself safe and to feel like you can deal with a threat or not perceive so many threats if your brain's immediate response is discredit it and validate it and make it less threatening you don't realize what's going on but that's a big kind of like shadow behind why you feel like you criticize people all the time if you do because i was very much like that i was very much s sassy fuck. I was very much criticizing everything everybody.
But the thing that's helped me is if you notice that you criticize people a lot and you don't know why you're doing it, become aware in the moment that you're criticizing something or someone. What is the potential threat here? What do I feel threatened by? And is there a threat? Is there a reason to be just criticizing and nitpicking something?

And when you're sitting in a place of criticizing something, it doesn't feel good. It's not fun.
It's not like a good place to be in when you're just running around criticizing people all the time. So the main way that I've checked myself with this is what I'm about to share in a second, but don't let yourself criticize something.
If you're not going to offer guidance or help with it. Senseless, just criticism and attack of something is pointless.
It does nothing for you. It's going to make you feel worse.
You might think it makes you feel better for a minute, but it doesn't. And that's kind of how I've learned to flip it is how can I help? What guidance can you offer or shut the fuck up? But that goes with yourself too.
If you notice you're criticizing yourself, and it's just kind of senseless criticism, or you're criticizing somebody else, what guidance can I give? What can come about from this? You're now aware of something you don't like or you don't want. Okay, how are you going to go to what you do want from that? And that's my other perspective of how I've let go of this and stopped doing it, is when you're criticizing something, you're focused on what's unwanted.
You can't get what's wanted if you're focused on what's unwanted. And to be criticizing something doesn't change it.
And I have an example that I'm going to give you around criticizing things and it doesn't change it into what you want. So criticizing it is useless.
I was touring some houses recently and I have a very specific taste for what i like and what i want and i was going into a lot of houses just nitpicking the shit out of them and i was getting frustrated and irritated like why did this person who lived here before do this why did they do that why did the builders who built this house make this wall like this for what like i was just so focused on what i didn't like about so many properties. And I caught myself in the moment and was like, hey, fucker, you're only over here focused on what you don't like.
You're just criticizing the house. Like poor house.
They didn't do nothing. But asking yourself in the moment, why are you criticizing something? There's no threat.
But there is a threat in a situation like this because I'm trying to find something that I want.

And I'm hoping that each house that I was touring was going to be what I wanted.

So when I saw things that weren't what I wanted, I felt further from what I did want.

And I felt hopeless about what I want actually existing.

So the threat was the fear and the worry that I wasn't going to find what I wanted and why can't this thing in front of me just be what I want it to be? That's very fair to think, but what does that do? Nothing. Criticizing don't do nothing.
Was me getting mad about the color of the walls and the certain backsplash they did in the kitchen, was that going to change and make the house become what I what I wanted no but nitpicking what isn't what I want is not going to get me any closer to it that's a useless behavior so I quit doing it and then after I kind of sat with that for a minute I was walking into other houses and I was more excited because I wasn't letting myself get discouraged I wasn't only seeing what I didn't like and what I didn't want I I was looking at things and being like, I like all of these aspects and I found more things I liked. And then the things that I didn't like or didn't prefer, I made a mental note of because it made it very clear and it made it more obvious when things I did like popped up.
But everything that I didn't like and every unwanted thing that wasn't really what I was looking for, I stopped getting mad about it and trying to change what is. I accepted this is not what I want.
If it's not something I'm willing to put money into to change, I'm going to go to a different house. This is not the one for me, but it doesn't mean that the house I want does not exist and the things that I'm looking for are not out there.
So taking your focus off of things that you don't like and stop criticizing things just for no fucking point. Like there's no point in it.
It's not going to change the house. So that made me feel better about the experience.
And I stopped seeing so much confirmation that what I want is difficult or hard to find. And I started finding more and more of what I did like.
But the biggest takeaway here is if someone is not what you want, or if something is not what you want, walk away from it and let it be okay. Don't criticize it.
Don't attack it for not being what you want. Understand what you want is out there.
You're being directed in a way away from it. You're seeing things that you don't want.
Now walk the fuck away from it. Don't stand there and criticize it.
It's not going to change. And the only thing that's going to happen is ruin your hope and your ability to actually find what you want because you're focused on what you don't want.
Don't criticize it. Just let it be.
Let it be what it is. It's what somebody else wants.
They'll find it. What you want is out there too.
And focus on that is what I learned. It's easier said than done, but I feel a lot better mentally.
so the next thing that I've stopped doing is try to take the value away from others and discredit people in my own mind.

It's not something I've done like publicly online,

but that is something that I've done in my head for a really long time

is kind of discredit people or look for things that will make me see them as less valuable.

When you feel threatened, that's a typical response.

Like your ego is there to help you survive.

to get it. Don't rip it down.
Don't try to take away the value of something else and make yourself feel better about it because maybe your value is not being recognized or you don't feel as valuable. Let it be.
Because taking away and not seeing other people's value that they can contribute or the value of them as a human being doesn't make you more valuable. But this is an ego tactic because you'll subconsciously think if you diminish the value of everything else, your value will be way more clear.
It's kind of like if you go around blowing up all the buildings around you, your building is the only one left and that's the only one that value is left to be recognized in. That's the only thing people can see value in.
That's not how things work. That's not how life works.
And it makes you more off-putting to wreck the value of other people and devalue other people. You can't be looking at something and refusing to see the value in it and be doing that to yourself too because life is a mirror.
I know it's a bitch. I'm here with you.
But an example I have about the whole criticism thing with the value aspect, there's these videos going around on TikTok of this woman who was a professional house burglar. she used to rob houses like professionally and she was good at it And a lot of people in the comments were immediately

Ripping her and didn't even watch the videos and were just attacking her for how could you do this?

You're a piece of shit and they just attacked her and ripped her

I didn't get caught up in the criticism. I was like, oh t.
This is what you do

I'm gonna use this content and consume all of this content to learn new ways to protect myself and to protect my home and my belongings. I'm going to use this content that I'm now seeing not to criticize it and wish it were different and shame people and tell them why they're bad.
I hope the woman has a change of heart, but people have free will. They're going to do what they're going to do.
You can protect yourself from it. And the best people to learn from are the people who target people like us.
So instead of getting caught up in criticizing her and attacking the person, I was there to assess and look at what I could get from it. I looked at how I could protect myself better and consumed all of the videos to see what makes certain people and their property a target.
so I can learn ways to not be a target. And not be stolen from by people who do this.
I'm not cool with shaming people anymore. And like just ripping people down and criticizing them.
Like with that situation. What's criticizing her going to do? She from the way she was talking was very.
Didn't care about what was going on. Nothing's going to change her mind.
Maybe until she gets stolen from. Who knows? That's her lesson to learn and I'm going to leave her alone to go learn it.
Like I said, if something is not what you want, don't criticize it and freak out and spend all your time lashing out on it. Believe it be or learn what you can to protect yourself from the threat because that clearly is one, you know? Okay okay this next thing that I've stopped doing is looking for revenge and attacking people and lashing out I've had a whole new mindset shift around it and I'm not qualified to dish out consequences and I've had to learn this the hard way but basically the only time it feels good to dish out a consequence and to attack someone is when your ego is the thing that is hit.
But in order to dish out a consequence, that requires someone to be in a perspective of God or the universe. You're going to have to have an all-knowing perspective to be able to dish out a fair consequence.
I don't possess that knowledge. I don't possess all all perspectives there are so i do not feel comfortable and i do not want to lash out and harm people and take any action from an ill intent towards someone to harm them or exact revenge i have had a whole come apart and like i said ego death around everything to do with this i no longer lead with the intent of hurting people and I'm not saying that wanting to is bad.
It is normal. It's a human reaction to want to protect yourself but also we're biologically wired and our instincts are made for survival and if there is a threat, it feels good and you get charged, you get an adrenaline hit, you get fight or flight mode to take out that threat.
But what I was unaware of is your ego can be perceiving a threat and you will feel that urge to lash out and destroy the threat. That doesn't always mean it's justified.
And I've had to face recently calling into question every single time I've lashed out or hurt someone. And I no longer feel confident in it because I hold a different perspective now.
And all of the times I've felt justified in hurting someone because they hurt me, I no longer see as justified. And that's something I have to live with and things I have to learn and grow from

and there's a lot of phone calls I've had to make to take accountability and face some things that I've done because blind justification just because you're hurt about something and using that as grounds to harm someone is not fair because like I said we don't have the perspective to be able to dish out a consequence and call it fair and i was very big on like blaming people for their action and not my reaction and how i respond to it my new perspective now is people are responsible for their own actions and the things that they do to others but just because you're hurt by something and you lash out how you feel is justified, that doesn't mean

that your response or your reaction does not need to be questioned. You fully still need to question the fairness and the harshness and what you've done in response to something.
Was there actually a threat you needed to destroy or harm? Or were you just acting in a way that made you feel better or feel a sense of repair with your ego.

Acting out of ego and repairing your ego and your sense of self at the cost of someone else is not something I agree with anymore and not something that I do and I feel so much better about everything in life because I no longer have to carry the weight of strategizing my revenge I'm going to get on people and strategizing how I'm going to clap back on people because it's a lot of weight to carry and the guilt is even more weight to carry once you grow and you see things different and you have to call into question how justified your reaction really was that's a lot harder to deal with so the way to shortcut that is to no longer act off character traits and behaviors that have kept you safe. These are adaptive strategies I've learned from a long period of like feeling like I need to protect myself and survive in this world.
But taking actions based off of things you've adapted to survive is not the real you. It's not the true essence of who you are.
That's not an action taken from your soul and what you actually want. You can't just live off of survival and what's kept you safe once you realize that it's damaging and it's harmful and it's not as justified as you think.
And the biggest way that I've found to differentiate if a situation is you about to act off of ego and to stop before you do is if there is no immediate physical threat to you and your safety what is happening is just a hit to your ego you're not in fight or flight mode because you have a physical threat that actually is a potential harm to your safety and your well-being it is just something emotional and any action you take from an emotional standpoint like that, that is not toward an actual threat will be an inaccurate one to how you truly feel when you are level-headed. Think before you act and don't act off of emotion.
But that's the biggest way to identify ego or your actual instincts as a human being. If it's not a physical threat, what is actually being attacked is your sense of self.
And it's causing these emotions. Take a step back, get away from the situation and reflect before you react or give an answer or attack somebody.
Because in this situation, the way you want to react is an urge. It is not what you want to do.
It is not you. And the way to reframe an urge in your mind is any desire you have to act a certain way from a negative emotional place and a negative feeling state will yield negative results.
This life is law of attraction. It's a mirror.
It's a bitch. No one likes to admit it, but it's true.
It sucks for all of us. But when you take an action from a negative place, it will yield a negative result.
That's a match. That is the vibrational match to the action you just took when you took it from negative emotion.
The response and what's going to happen will match it. So that's the biggest way to not act in a way that will get you negative results.
So identify any desire you have or any pull you have is just an urge when it comes from a negative feeling state. And you do not want to take action from that standpoint.
Back off, take space, take your time, think about it, and wait until you get into a neutral feeling state or a positive feeling state and take action from that. I always regret when I take action off of an urge and clapping back on social media with this whole cancellation that just went on, that is something I really had to exercise.
And it reaffirmed this. When you act out of urge, you will always regret it because people would say something or attack me or just talk shit.
And I would feel like this is the right decision. It feels good to comment hate back to them.
To spew hate or criticism in any way with no guidance delivered with it is just hate. That comes from a negative place.
That comes from a place of wanting to do harm. That's an urge.
So every single time I would comment back because I had a moment of weakness where I was just like, fuck you. I would comment something back and talk shit back five, 10 seconds later, after the emotion had come out of me, the action I took, I felt the release.
And then I had to sit there and I was like, damn, I need to delete that. And I would delete it immediately because it was not taken from a good feeling state.
It was an urge that I acted on. And I want to help as many people avoid that as possible because that's not the real you.
That's your ego. That's your ego that's been hit and is trying to defend itself or feel better.
That's not how you truly feel. That is your survival mechanism and your ego taking control.
Don't let it. Don't take actions from urges.
It's fine to have the urges. That's one big thing I want to make clear.
It's fine to want to tell everybody to go fuck themselves. Is it okay to do it? That's up for everybody to decide, but it's fine to have the urges.
It's fine to think very, very fucked up things sometimes. Your ego is going to do it.
It's going to find a way to feel better about the situation, but do not act on it. Make sure any action you take comes from a a level headed standpoint and from a place where you're not wanting to do someone harm if you only want to harm someone i've learned you need to sit down and not take any action until you feel differently if you just want to harm someone or hurt someone or make someone feel bad don't take action from that place that's not you okay the next thing that I stopped doing is physically hurting people and attacking people.
I haven't done this in a while, but my whole perspective around violence, over, done. I used to very much promote it and before it.
And I was very all feisty, mad, loved to fuck somebody's shit up i loved it and this is something i never thought i would ever see different i really never thought i would get to a place where i wouldn't find joy out of popping somebody in their mouth i used to have such a problem with being the bigger person and walking away i see it totally different now i do not condone violence for things that are an attack on your ego. It doesn't fucking matter.
If something is not an immediate physical threat to your safety, like someone actually trying to kill you or harm you, I don't condone violence anymore. If you got a physical threat actually coming at you, handle what you got to handle.
I will always encourage that. Your physical safety should be number one always.
Handle a threat however you got to. We are creatures that have survival instincts, so those will kick on when you need them.
But do not let them kick on if there is not an actual physical threat. If you can walk away from something, walk away.
Because like I said, I've had to revisit a lot of things recently. And there's a lot of times I've put my hands on people and I felt like it was justified.
Now I see it wasn't. To cause harm to somebody, with that being your sole intention, is not something I agree with anymore.
Like I know it's crazy hearing it come out of my mouth. But the biggest thing with this is if someone is saying things to you and trying to harm you and hurt you if it's not a physical threat the only thing being harmed is your ego and just words from somebody are not enough to justify physically harming them if they make a threat to your safety and you really feel like they're about to act on it do what you got to do like i said before but just words just someone talking shit or just someone disrespecting you walk off do not let them speak to you don't allow yourself to be around that and to let the person speak to you that's what you do you revoke their access to talking to you if you want to talk to me you want to speak to me you're going to do it in this way you set up boundaries with how people are allowed to communicate to you and if they do it disrespectfully they're not going to get a want to talk to me, you want to speak to me, you're going to do it in this way.
You set up boundaries with how people are allowed to communicate to you. And if they do it disrespectfully, they're not going to get a chance to talk to you.
And it's not going to come from a place of harm. It's going to come from a place of protection for yourself.
You can have a conversation with anybody, but these are my boundaries for how this conversation is going to go. It's going to have decency, respect, and consideration for both of us.
Even if we're both pissed off, even if we're both mad, that's fine.

Causing each other harm is not going to happen.

It's not going to fly.

Defending yourself is something else that doesn't really need to be done all the time.

Like some people just want to talk.

And if someone is acting out of their ego and just attacking you to defend themselves

or feel better, there's no conversation to be had.

You can't talk to somebody and stay on the point of the situation when they're trying

to defend their self-concept.

I'm not. themselves or feel better there's no conversation to be had you can't talk to somebody and stay on the point of the situation when they're trying to defend their self-concept what's going to happen is a pissing match of both of you back and forth self-concept versus self-concept ego versus ego and nothing's ever going to get addressed and it might lead to a place of violence because that's how it used to work with me like once my ego felt hit enough the only way to repair the rupture I felt in my ego was to put my hands on somebody to feel better about it.
That's acting off of your emotions. That's weak.
And that's weird for me to say, like, I can't believe these things are coming out of my mouth, but it's what I truly believe now. And I'm having a whole reconstruction of my personality.
I used to love fighting. If it's not a physical threat threat i can't die from it words don't mean shit and if someone's words can really impact you that bad and make you question yourself or make you feel negatively or feel attacked that's a sign you got to reflect there's some things you ain't looking at and that's what i've been having to do recently it's a pain in the ass and it's not fun people's words might always impact you and that's okay but sitting with the things that hurt you and bother you and repairing what's inside you that you need to is how you really become unfuckwithable and that's my favorite thing the more and more unfuckwithable I become is because when people say something and it hits and it strikes a nerve that's a pain point that I don't want people to be able to hit.
That's an alarm bell. There's something in me that needs to be addressed.
And when you address it, other people can't hurt it anymore once you've given your attention to it and repaired what you need to repair. And this leads me to my new approach to dealing with criticism and not wishing harm on people.
So with criticism, I do not allow it in. So first example, we'll use online, people talking shit, whatever, then we'll use in real life.
With people making videos about you, especially with me right now in a little hot seat that I'm in, I do not consume anything or listen to anyone who is solely criticizing me and trying to attack me. As soon as someone mentions me in a video or I see something come up, as soon as I hear their tone or something they're saying is solely just to attack the shit out of me, I swipe.
I don't consume it. I don't listen to it.
I have no use for blatant and pointless criticism. If someone is going to offer me constructive criticism, I'm all ears.
But in order to get me to listen to you, you are going to deliver what you have to say with the intent very clear it is to help me and make me see something that I'm not seeing for the betterment of myself, not to simply attack me and criticize me. I don't allow that in.
And not listening to these people doesn't come from a place of rejecting them or shaming them. I'm just not letting that in.
Until you can speak to me from a place of actual concern or offering anything more than just criticism. You got some guidance.
You got some education. I'm all ears.
But I'm not going to listen to it in a way that is just an attack. I'm not going to engage in that.
I'm not going to listen to it. I'm not going to consume it.
You don't need to attack them back. You don't need to tell them about themselves.
All you have to do is set up a boundary with how you're allowed to communicate with me and what you will and won't let in. And the same thing applies to people in real life.
If someone is coming at you just critically and they're just being mean and their sole purpose is just to criticize you and shame you and tell you how you're bad and you're wrong don't listen to it stop them when they're speaking be like i'm not going to engage in this conversation being talked to this way if we can't have a respectful conversation about this i don't want to have one and if you don't have anything to offer me with constructive criticism or to offer me help or offer me guidance about something that you see that you disapprove of to help me or make me see something different, then there's no point in having this discussion. I'm not going to sit here and let you just criticize me and attack me.
I'm all ears for anything you have to offer, but not to be attacked by you. And that is not unfair.
That's not not attacking them that's setting the ground for how you will be communicated with and what you require for someone to be able to have a conversation with you or walk off get away from them anytime someone is attacking you and criticizing you with no intent to help don't subject yourself to that it doesn't matter if it seems rude that you. Walk away from it.
Go get yourself together because you don't want to take action from being just attacked and say something mean or actually do something harmful to them. Remove yourself from the situation and don't let yourself back into it until they can come correct and have an actual genuine conversation with you.
If people have nothing to say but hate and criticism and they try and shame you, you don't have to listen to them. And you're not wrong or bad for not listening to them.
And it's not rude and wishing them harm to get away from them. And I had a situation recently where someone very close to me said something very, very disrespectful.
And granted, they were looking out for me, but it wasn't very obvious. It just felt like an attack in the moment.
And when we talked about it later, I said, I do not want to be spoken to that way. And if you feel comfortable speaking to me disrespectfully, because we feel comfortable and we are as close as we are, then I no longer want to be this comfortable with you.
I no longer want to be this close. I want to be whatever level of closeness that you still give me respect and care about my feelings and care to put intention behind having the fact that you care for me and you're looking out for me be known.
If I don't feel like you care and it just feels like you're going to attack me, I don't want to have a conversation. I don't want to be that close.
So whatever we need to do to fix it going forward, let's do it. But I'm not going to tolerate this respect.
And then we talked about other ways to proceed in the future with criticism not being perceived as just an attack because I have my own shit to own up to. I have my own jaded view on what's an attack and what's not.
The next one I'm going to talk about is my favorite thing to do. Well, used to be was abandoned people.
That was my go-to party trick. You could say is to like exact my revenge with abandoning someone and harming them by removing me from their life.
And like losing my presence was my get back in a and I felt good leaving situations where I felt wronged or hurt or betrayed by abandoning them because I knew how bad it would hurt that's how I felt good about getting revenge but that came from a place of intending to do harm and I've been reality checked about abandonment and how truly unfair it is to completely discard someone and their heart if you've cared about someone and they've treated you good or you see that they have good intentions and they're just not being communicated properly or they're not acting in the way that they want to but you can tell that they care and they genuinely do want to do better to abandon that person after they hurt you is mean and unjustified and it's just happened to me on a grand scale with social media when everybody canceled me and a lot of people turned their backs a lot of people personally turned their backs on me and did not help me at all like i felt the feeling of being abandoned for something i said and wanting to do good having good intentions having a good heart and not seeing what I did wrong I was stuck figuring the shit out and being alone and wanting to do better and a couple of people in specific that I was close to seeing the attack I was under and saying it was justified and not understanding from my perspective how it could be justified really, really hurt me. and I felt trapped and stuck knowing there was something I wasn't seeing but being abandoned in

it and I felt very betrayed because the people who got to know me in real life and anyone who

spent time around me knows my heart and knows how I am. And for them to just discard that and punish me and look at me as bad as an entire person, like I'm a bad person and I'm just bad and to be written off because of something I said, that's not fair.
And that's not something I will ever do to people again. Because someone says something bad or does something bad.
What they did or said was bad. They are not altogether bad.
Not everything about them is bad. Everybody cares in their own little way.
And everybody has good in their heart. And when any good that I've shown to people has been completely discredited and paid no mind, it hurt a lot.
And it made me fully question how I have done that to other people, like with friends that I've cut off and abandoned. But when someone I care about does something now, I do not abandon them.
I know that they have good intentions. I know they have a good heart and I make sure that they know that I see that because that is the most insane gift you can give somebody is to see them do something bad or do something wrong and still remind them and let them know that you see their heart and you see their intention.
It's a lot of times the only thing that can pull you out of a very dark spot if people have turned on you and have been bad to you. And a lot of people who were supportive of me and were there for me and did talk to me and did help me, the people who didn't, I'm going to do a full podcast episode about my whole new realization around betrayal, but I'm fully open to hearing people out now.
But that does not mean I'm going to let you back close to me or let you back into my life. Because once you turn your back and you abandon me like that, I'll never feel safe with you again.
That's something I can no longer do because I now experience the consequence of it. And abandoning someone just straight up because of something that they did or said that hurt you you got to communicate it you got to talk about it and you can't leave anymore feeling justified and feeling like you're all good of a person if you're just gonna intentionally hurt someone like that because that is intentionally to hurt them the way that i used to abandon people but i'm not saying i fully believe in forgiveness and like letting people back and people can do no wrong.
If someone hurts you or betrays you, you're allowed to set up boundaries. You're allowed to put up distance, but you need to do it with the acknowledgement of their heart, trying to understand them without letting understanding them being an excuse for their behavior.
You need to set up boundaries and have communications and talk about the hard shit because some damage is irreparable and some damage is done once it's done you light a piece of wood on fire it's ash baby no coming back no bringing it back you got to deal with what you got now and some things are like that but if someone does do harm without intentionally meaning to help them see how they can avoid that in the future and help them see to the best of your ability how you can help them take actions more in line with their heart and what you do see about them. But I'll no longer just attack someone or criticize someone or abandon someone without advice or guidance or something.
I don't take a harsh approach to it anymore. I'm not just going to criticize somebody.
I'm going to try and encourage them and help them see things and let them know that I don't think that they're bad and evil and wrong. Like there is a level of understanding that should be had.
Some things, like I said, are irreparable and you don't need to understand it. But if you're not going to choose to understand it, you don't get to walk away and wish them harm and wish them bad.
And if you do wish someone bad and you do wish them harm, that is not something that should leave your mind. You need to sit there with it and try to understand it so you don't inadvertently cause yourself harm by actions you take that you will regret.
The other huge thing is with abandoning people and attacking people and like cutting people off the way that I used to. It makes no one feel safe with you.
And that is the biggest thing that I want is for people to feel safe with me. And for everyone in my life to see me be so close to certain people and they do something that hurts me and I immediately cut them off or abandon them, no one around me is going to feel safe if they don't see there's any chance to repair that.
I want to give everyone I care about the fair chance to create repair if something has happened that caused damage. And I want everyone to feel safe that does care about me to know you're not just going to be abandoned like that.
I don't want that to be done to me and I don't want to continue doing that and sending everyone the message around me. Yo, you got to walk on eggshells.
That doesn't let anyone feel safe to be themselves. It makes everyone feel like they have to put on an image with you and act perfect and according to your morals and values and they can't be themselves.
They're going to feel uncomfortable. You're never going to feel close to them because they don't feel safe to let you meet the real them because they're so scared of being abandoned or being criticized or attacked for how they are and who they are there's always a conversation to be had and i want everyone around me to know i will hear everyone out and that's something that i was very resistant to because hearing people out makes you see you mour than justified as you thought.
But that's a big thing I realized too, is everyone around you sees how you treat other people and they will be scared. And it does push people away that are close to you.
When you push someone else away that you care about, they see it and they're scared about it. All right.
The last thing that I've stopped doing, this is going to sound cynical, but it's not. And it's thinking that being good and being a good person and having a good heart is enough.
It's not enough. To simply just be good and to care and have no ill will is not enough.
You have to take on the responsibility of making sure that comes across, is communicated and it is clear in your actions and everything i shared in this episode is how i've kind of bypassed the ego taking control of it and the strategies that i talked about that will cover your heart your strategies you've had to learn to adapt to survive in your environment or to be loved or get approval, all these things might taint the way your heart is perceived. People aren't seeing a clear view of your intention in your heart when you're acting out of survival.
That's not acting from your heart. That's not leading from your heart.
That's how you handle a threat. And when you love, it's different than when you handle a threat.
And if you're treating people you care about, or you're trying to share how much you care in a way that you handle a threat, your heart's not going to be seen. It's going to feel like an attack to people.
It's going to be seen as bad and it will cover your heart. And there's a lot of work that needs to be done to make sure your heart is perceived and communicated right.
So just sitting back and thinking having a good heart and caring is enough is not. You have to look at the way that you care and how you care and correct that if it's not accurate and it's not congruent with actual love and caring about somebody because there are a lot of people who harm people and think that is love.
You have to revisit all of your conditioning, your whole personality, the way you love, what love is, what love looks like. And that requires a lot of bruises and gunshots to your ego.
You're going to feel shot up. You're going to feel stabbed up.
You're going to feel rotisserie chickened. You're going to feel like you've got a big pole stuck through you when you have to question your ego like this, but it's part of having a good heart and having that be portrayed.
And you can't do that when you're taking actions from a negative space. That's not your heart talking, that's your ego.
So those are the things that I've stopped doing recently. And I'm happy I got to share these things because everything is different now like everything going forward is different and especially the way that I'm going to talk about confidence on tour there's a whole new dynamic and type of confidence I didn't realize exists and it's the best form I've ever felt and it's kind of ties in with all of this in a way deeper level but I'm trying to save it I want to spill all the secrets i want to have the shows be fun and like gag like the face crack of everybody in the crowd the to everyone that's coming to my shows i'm so goddamn excited oh my god i can't wait to hug all of you and just see all of you going on tour literally brings me so much joy and happiness and i cannot wait for it and if you haven't gotten a ticket like i said the link will be in the description but that is all i've got for this week's podcast everybody be safe take care of yourself leave me five stars thumbs up all those

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