50. Things Secretly Making You Insecure

I'm ready.

You ready?

I'm excited.

I'm going to a festival tonight and I'm so excited and pumped up.

And I'm trying to do something with the energy.

Like record this and talk to y'all, do my podcast early.

Hi, friends.

I forgot to say that.

But that's one thing I'm going to start, I guess, just straight off the rip with this episode.

I'm so excited tonight.

And instead of just like freaking the fuck out and doing a bunch of random crap, I'm going to channel the energy and use it to be productive and do something I want to do, you know.

Like, you know, when you get freaked out, when you're excited for something, and you just like the excitement makes you just like

unsettled, restless in the house, and like waiting for the event to happen.

I already got my outfit planned out, laid out.

I already ordered a bottle of alcohol from my friends.

I'm taking it.

I don't like to show up empty-handed, but I'm so excited and I'm trying to not let it be for nothing.

Cause, like, tomorrow, after I go to this festival, I've been sober for

like 18 18 or 19 days right now from everything.

Most I'm gonna do tonight is drink a little alcohol.

So I made sure I got the good shit, but I want the feeling of accomplishment a little bit because it's Friday night right now when I'm recording this.

I usually record on Saturday, but I don't want to wake up tomorrow, be hung.

Oh, yeah.

Like I want to go out tonight and celebrate.

Like, yeah, I got my shit done early.

I'm excited, having fun,

dance, a little.

You know what I mean?

So I guess that's one thing.

I want to go through a list.

I didn't even tell you what the hell this episode was.

I told you last week that I made a list of a bunch of things that will make you insecure and things that will eat away at your self-esteem for no reason.

So, I'm going to go through that list in this episode.

But that whole intro, just like my soul just wanted to talk.

That's one thing I haven't done in a while: make a list or make like notes or points of anything.

So, I just have like a couple of points, but we're going to go with it.

And wherever my soul wants to go, that's where it's going to go.

First thing I want to start with: okay, things that are going to make you insecure for no reason.

Number one,

try and spend time convincing yourself to like shit because other people like it and want it.

Example, me with watches.

Everybody's always on about

your time is displayed.

how like valuable your time is is displayed by the watch that you have and when you meet certain people having a nice watch or a certain watch like communicates that your time is not to be fucked with

like this broy ass i can't take it i look like a geek when I put on watches.

And I tried to make myself like it.

And the watch that I want, if I ever get a watch, it's going to be an AP or a Patek.

I don't like the other ones.

But my point with the watch thing.

I personally don't like them for me.

I get excited when I see them on other people.

I love when other people have watches and wear watches.

My vibe's not that.

I like the bracelets that match on both sides.

I like the gold jewelry.

But I tried to make myself like the watch shit.

And then I went to the store.

I tried some on.

I don't don't like it.

I look like a nerd.

I look like a geek.

All these people, these like men are like 5'10, 6'2, typically, between that range.

It looks good on them.

It looks like small and dorky on me.

I'm 6'7.

So like, it's not my thing.

But for so long, I've been trying to get myself to like watches.

And I finally was just like, fuck it.

If I don't like it, I don't like it.

Because I was like, I'm going to have to go spend 80 grand.

Am I really going to go spend 80 grand, 100 grand, whatever the watch is that I would pick?

Do I want to spend that?

Fuck no.

Am I going to make myself spend that to impress other people?

No.

Am I going to do it to try and fit in a certain vibe?

No.

One thing about living in Miami, 99% of people that you see with a nice watch, it's fake.

And most billionaires, really, really rich people that I know, they travel with fake shit.

That's like the smartest thing to do.

Because my friends got robbed in Ibiza a couple months ago.

And a lot of rich people travel with fake shit, but also a lot of people buy fake watches.

Most watches you see are fake.

And a lot of people have the mindset of like, okay,

I already have this lifestyle.

I already am wealthy.

I'm flying on private jets.

I have yachts.

I have all this shit.

If someone sees a fake watch on me or they just see a watch on me, they're not going to assume it's fake.

So why would I waste the money to go buy one to impress somebody?

You know, nobody really gives a damn about a watch.

But my whole point is trying to make yourself like shit that you don't like.

Don't spend time doing it.

But when you flip it and you're like, okay, you're allowed not to like it.

Give yourself permission not to like shit.

This sounds so stupid, but it's huge because it translates into a lot of things so when i finally was just like it i'm not buying a watch it looks dorky okay i don't care that other people would look at it and be like oh my god your time is valuable let me talk to you don't talk to me if you're gonna judge me off a watch yours is probably fake anyway but when i gave myself permission not to like the i'm like okay then i started to realize not a lot of people can pull off my vibe Really none.

Like no men could pull off the look that I do with jewelry and the things that I wear and like the gaudy shit.

They wear one watch and and that's their jewelry that's not enough for me I'm like a bird I like a lot of shiny shit so

I just like the feeling of jewelry and a lot of people ask me why I wear bracelets

so

the truth it was like years and years and years ago

I felt very insecure and I was trying to learn how to present and look more confident with my body.

Because when you're insecure with your movements, like you fidget and you like, you're just like weird in public, having weight on my wrists.

I used used to wear fake jewelry like fake gold plated gold before i could afford the real shit now we're good now we're solid literally but i wore bracelets to train my mind to pay attention to my hands having the weight of the bracelets on me was like a comforting thing But it was like a training thing for me to pay attention to my fucking hands and pay attention to my body and what I'm doing with it.

And then I got so comfortable with it.

I feel like a naked little mole rat when I don't have jewelry on.

Like my bracelets, I don't take them off.

If I go to the gym, if i shower if i sleep i keep them on at all times the chain will come off yeah because it'll choke me if i'm trying to sleep in it

but like the bracelets that's what i was doing with it and now it's like my thing like i always wear bracelets and i always want more and bigger and like stacks of shit like i can't take it too far you know what i mean we gotta have taste a little class

but that's the whole story with like the bracelet thing for me but it just became so like me and such a comfort for me.

I don't give a fuck if people think it looks weird.

I don't care.

Like I like what I like.

i've always liked my bracelets but the whole thing with the watch i was trying to make myself want to watch i don't want that but just letting myself like what i like

i'm not out 100 grand oh my god i wouldn't have spent it i genuinely wouldn't have like because i don't want none of the cheap little watches

if i'm gonna do a watch i'm gonna do it right like i can't be six seven with a cheap watch you know what i mean maybe like 150

That's really what I was looking at.

And I was trying so hard to convince myself that that was an okay thing to buy.

No, not for me.

I can't wrap my head around it.

And I don't give a fuck enough to buy that.

But like I said, once I took my brain and my focus off of trying to force myself to like a watch, I started to realize things about myself.

Like people can't pull off my look.

People can't pull off this vibe.

I have a very specific thing about the way that my style is and my jewelry and my stuff like that.

And it made me like, wait, I kind of like it now.

Like other people have to wear a watch.

You don't got the balls, one, to wear a bunch of jewelry.

And two, you look weird with jewelry.

Everybody else looks normal with watches.

I look weird, but they look weird with jewelry, but I look good with you.

You know what I mean?

So it was like a nice confidence boosting, confidence-building thing.

But that goes into so many other fucking things with trying to make yourself like things that you don't like.

If you don't like it, don't like it.

It's okay.

Your desires are not your fault.

Desires come and flow through you.

They're not something that you have to fight and fuck yourself up over and change.

You can't change a desire.

What you like and what you feel, that's not for you to like make yourself insecure because, oh, I wish I liked what other people liked.

I wish I could fit in.

More you try and fit in, the less you're gonna feel like you fit in.

So don't bother.

Let what you like just go through you.

It's an energy thing.

Okay.

I don't wanna get too spiritual with it.

But I guess next thing on my list we could talk about.

Something I've been going through recently is resenting and being just irritated with the life that I have to live.

I'm not ungrateful, not like that.

But with me,

I'm here for like a spiritual journey.

I'm a lot more aware and spiritually tapped in and tuned in than a lot of people.

And it's frustrating a lot of times because other people get to do shit and just be so carefree about it.

And that's one thing that I had to deal with and get my head wrapped around when I was like

Really young.

I was dealing with shit in my childhood that people didn't have to deal with and I hated it.

I felt like I had to grow up way too fast.

But when I was 21 and I was going through like a really, really bad breakup and all that shit, if you've been here, you know what I'm talking about.

That shitty ass ex that I had was destroying my life.

I was so resentful because I was like, all my friends who are 21 that I'm out partying with and doing things, they're just celebrating being alive and they get to be young and have fun.

I'm coping my way through knowing I have to go to court next week again for some more stupid shit.

And yes, I've flipped it and transmuted it and built things from it.

A lot of people are like, like, oh, like the bad things that happened to you are like, they made you go where you are.

No, you are responsible for what happens to you after bad shit happens.

So if your life is destroyed, you think it just gets fixed because bad shit happens.

No, your life after you get fucked up is what you built.

And I'm proud of you.

If you've had to transmute some shit, okay?

I just want to say that.

People are trying to take my credit away for what I've done with myself in my life.

Oh, it's because these bad things happen to you.

No,

I fixed it.

I made things better.

But back on track.

I resent sometimes a little

that my life has to be what it has to be because I can't abandon myself and feel good.

I can't abandon myself and see, like see success.

All my success will stop as soon as I start abandoning myself.

I can't just be like the workhorse where it's like discipline, grind,

like that shit and have success.

It's all soul-led for me because if I do the same fucking thing that a hundred people do, a thousand people do, all the typical tactics people have for being successful and all this and that online, I grew up reading the books, doing the shit.

I was trying to hustle and grind.

And it's like everything that I did, it doesn't matter if 10,000 people did it and it all worked for them.

If I did the same shit and better, it wouldn't work for me.

For whatever reason, it's like the system, I'm meant to build my own path and carve it out.

I'm meant to walk like a path alone.

And that's a bitch.

Cause it's not as like carefree and it's not as like seemingly enjoyable.

It's way more enjoyable.

But on the flip of that, I'm able to do what other people can't do.

So my success when I'm not abandoning myself, when I'm hand in hand with my intuition and like doing what feels right, following my own soul, it's motherfucker.

When I'm doing that, other people can't touch that.

I achieve things and do things that other people can't.

fathom or like will never get to.

It doesn't matter how hard you work.

If you don't have that spiritual connection with yourself, you're not going to get there.

But a big thing with this is with substances and people getting to party and have fun and go do things.

I don't get to go party

and do drugs and have a good time without it impacting everything in my life.

Like it fucks my mood up.

I don't hear my soul for a few days.

And it's like the recalibration of that, it sucks.

Like it's, it's, it's a hand.

Like, what's it called?

It's twofold.

Right?

That's the word.

Yeah, twofold.

Folds two fucking ways.

For me, it's like, I have to stay in tune with myself to do what I do, to have my happiness, to have my spark, to have my connection with myself, and also have my success because of that.

Other people can do things by the book and they have like a path carved out for them.

There's a lot of safety and security and stability built in that.

When they go party and do shit, they can wake up and just like a robot, plug in and do what they need to do for their work shit.

And it works and it moves along.

I don't have that.

As much as I've tried it, I don't have that.

It don't work.

And a lot of people are going to say, you hit me hard enough.

You don't get it.

You're new here, obviously.

But with my freedom that I have, with my life and what I get to do, I don't get to disconnect from it without consequences where other people can.

And it's also annoying because I see a lot of people make a lot of money and do a lot of shit.

Because they're willing to sacrifice their voice and their like when you sign contracts, you work with brands, you do things, they get control over you basically.

And that's why I've stopped.

I've always been picky with brand deals and stuff, but I haven't done any in over a year now.

But I can't sign away my voice, no amount of money is worth that.

Like, I can't agree to not talk about certain things.

I can't agree to let you have control over me.

Or if there's like a moral dilemma where you can control and tell me to take a post down, that happened to me when I got canceled.

And I wasn't able to address it how I wanted to in the past.

And it pissed me off.

Like brands and companies and people can get control over you.

I can't be controlled.

And that's also something that robs me of a lot of opportunities is because brands like people, they can control.

Like I'm always very respectful and polite, but like if you're doing shady fuck shit, it's not going to fly with me, you know?

And I have no problem calling it out.

I do not talk about a lot more.

It takes a lot to push me to get to a point where I will name drop and say things, but people know I don't, I don't tolerate other people being treated bad or myself being treated bad.

So that's a bitch.

I see a lot of people making a lot of money.

And I also see what they have to give up and they're allowed to.

Like their soul will let them.

My soul will uppercut me.

It will dropkick me.

right off this balcony if i try and do that like my life will crumble my mental state my emotional state will just be wrecked the whole point the reason that this is on this list is

a lot of times I have to check myself.

Like when I'm starting to feel jealous or I wish I could experience things the way that other people can, I have to remind myself to flip it.

And I have to remind myself of like what they have to give up and what they're sacrificing and what it really is behind the scenes.

A lot of people don't understand.

And I can't imagine what it's like for people who aren't in this world and in this industry.

You're just watching as viewers of these people.

You see them get all this shit and do all these things and you have no clue.

It looks like perfect on the camera.

You think there's no issues.

You think everything's cut and dry easy.

It's not.

I know the back end and I have to remind myself of that a lot because I've been through it and I've seen it and I know what the truth is.

But it made me insecure for a long time when I was like, just, why can't I do that?

Like I resented my soul a little bit.

And I was like, let's stop doing that.

Let's like turn and pivot toward like, okay, I'm more free than all of them.

Like anybody that I get jealous of or feel jealous of for like an instant, I don't attack myself over it.

I don't get mad anymore at my soul.

It's like, yeah, I have little frustrating moments, but I flip it immediately.

I don't let myself start like attacking myself and being upset.

Why did my life have to be like this?

No, we're going to see what we can do and look at what life has given me and granted me.

That's what helps a lot.

But like also, if you're someone who feels the same fucking way, it's like you can't do things that other people do without the consequence or without the mental and emotional and spiritual like decline.

I get it.

I feel the same like

sometimes, but you're not alone is my point but don't look at like why it sucks for you like oh my god why is it so bad for me like you're fine you get much more if you just look at it okay and if you feel like you don't have yet you haven't done anything with it i can look around my life and see the physical proof and experience it but for a long time i didn't have any i didn't flip it i didn't lean into and walk into what made me special.

Like you just feel defective and like you're the exception with everything.

That's how I felt for so long.

And then I finally was like, fuck it.

I'm just going to lean into it then because trying to do it like everybody else and everything else don't work.

So once I realized, okay, I am the exception in a negative way, it also, everything is in contrast.

If you're an exception, you feel like you're the exception in every bad negative way.

You're just not seeing the positive yet.

And you learn through contrast in this life.

So flip it.

If you're the exception, what can you do because of it?

That's the big thing to look at.

And a big thing that will help you stop being insecure.

So if you need the proof, that's how you get it.

Lean into it.

Okay, you're the different one.

You're the special one.

Yeah.

It's an irritating until you start seeing the magic of it.

It's like, wait, cool.

I wouldn't trade this for nothing.

Okay, next thing on my list is the emotional pendulum swing.

Okay, I

got irritated with myself.

I was getting irritated with myself a lot.

And I felt like I was in this cycle of like, on my podcast, I would be doing shit and then I'd be doing good.

And then I'd be doing shit mentally and then I'd be doing good.

And it's like such a back and forth.

I felt like it was was constantly like happening all the time.

Like I couldn't get my mental state to be a little consistent.

Like we good and then we good for a while.

Like it just felt like a constant one week I'm happy.

One week I'm fuck.

Like I'm going through something.

Times is tough again and then everything's great and then times it tough.

I felt like I was just back and forth, back and forth, pendulum swinging.

like one opposite end of the other.

It just kept going back and forth.

And I started to get so irritated with myself and I was like, god damn, enough.

Like, I started to be like, okay,

you're not stable.

I started to worry about what people thought of me.

I was like, you're not mentally stable.

You seem crazy.

Why do people want to hear about this shit?

Why do people want to, like, that's why I stopped posting also.

It's because I was like, I'm just irritated with myself.

Like, I'm sick because I'm honest.

I'm not going to lie to you.

If I'm doing bad, I'm going to tell you, yeah, today's shit.

But.

I was so irritated with having to be honest.

But the truth is the truth.

If you're doing good, then you're doing good.

If you're doing bad, then so be it there's no like stress or issue about it like every single person goes through shit every single day everybody feels all the emotions on every scale and it's like when you're tapped in and you're spiritually connected and you're actually following your desires and you're trying to trust your soul and lead with that

it's a lot more sporadic but

There's a difference between being emotionally reactive or just being emotional.

Like having the feelings is not

the pendulum shit.

It's like when you you have the feelings and you act on them and you fuck up your life or you fuck things up.

That's when it's like actually damaging and actually like a chaotic problem.

But like feeling the emotions is fine.

Okay, you're upset.

Fine, me too.

But it's not normal to expect myself to be a fucking robot.

Like I said, I don't have a life path that is normal like everybody else.

I'm all emotionally led.

and like spiritually intuitively led so duh i'm getting ping ponged all over the fucking world all over the the table right now, like all the time, but it's fun.

But that's one thing is like, if you feel like you can't get your mental state, like normal, it's constant ups and downs.

And like, one day you're good, one day you're bad.

It's like, just, you're fine.

Okay, you feel certain ways.

You're thinking certain things.

Pay attention to it.

It's bringing clarity to you.

Just stop freaking out because you feel shit is the thing.

Like, stop getting upset that you don't feel good.

Okay, I don't feel good.

And that's fine.

All right.

There's got to be something coming out of it.

I'm going to learn something.

I'm going to see something different.

Whatever.

Enough of getting insecure about it.

That'll eat your self-esteem too.

When you think that the way that you feel is wrong and you feel like you have to justify feeling how you feel.

Like, okay, all these things are going good in my life, but I still feel bad.

And you're starting, you start like hunting for a reason or justification that you're allowed to feel that way.

You're allowed to feel however the fuck you feel at any time.

Okay.

You don't have to act on it.

Don't be doing weird, crazy shit.

Don't be crashing out too much.

Sometimes it's healing.

Sometimes your crash out is the karma people had coming.

Sometimes your crash out is the universe taking action through you.

Let me just not with that one.

Take that with a grain of salt.

I think you get my point with that.

No?

Yeah?

Okay.

Well, next thing on my list.

Oh, this one's a bitch.

Okay.

The way people closest to you treat you.

This is something that's going to impact your self-esteem tenfold.

The people closest to you, the way that they react to you and treat you will change everything.

If the people closest to you act like you're not funny, and when you say things and say jokes, they don't have a reaction.

If you're friends with a mute or if you're close to somebody who doesn't like pick up on bids for connection, if someone doesn't laugh at your jokes, you're going to start thinking you're not funny.

If you think you're funny, it doesn't matter because I was going through that.

Like no matter how funny I thought I was, no matter how much I made myself piss myself laugh, certain people in my life didn't act like I was funny.

They just act unimpressed unimpressed with me all the time.

And that started to make me question myself.

I thought, like, I wasn't funny.

I felt like, okay, well, it just kind of like was sucking the life out of me slowly.

Other thing is, if things that you say, people don't act like they're interesting, people don't really give a fuck what you have to say.

Get away from those people.

Spend some time alone.

Find appreciation for the way that you are and how you are alone.

I always go through periods of that.

It's real fun.

I love a little alone time.

It's nice, peaceful as fuck.

Me and Boots.

But he's dead.

So

you're not dead.

I didn't mean that.

I didn't meant it.

I promise you're alive to me.

Another thing is when people don't really do like any acts of service for you, like they don't look after you or take care of you or like clean or like if you're eating together, they don't like.

Make sure you got a napkin or like bring you something, like bring a glass of water, anything like that.

When you're sick, if you're sick and people don't take care of you in any way or like show concern concern that you're sick, like, oh, you need me to bring you anything?

If they're with you or around you, like you're friends, you live with somebody.

If they're not acting like they're a little bit concerned or tentative to you,

tentative, tending, they're not tending to you in any way, it's going to make you feel like worthless, like not, like you don't matter, you know?

Also with priority, if people don't prioritize you or they blow you off and like don't respect your time and respect anything, That's going to make you insecure as hell.

Get away from these people.

Spend time away from these people.

Trust me.

Compliments.

That just came to mind.

If people don't ever compliment you, they're just kind of like there.

That'll make you insecure too.

Like when people have a cool outfit on or like they do something, I always compliment how people look when I like them.

Like when like you get dressed, it's like you go from looking busted ass ugly, you get all dolled up.

I'm like, you look hot.

Like I'm excited to see them.

Another thing, if people don't act excited to see you, that'll make you insecure.

If people don't act like they enjoy hanging out with you or they want to hang out with you, these are just like random things that I'm listing off about

like dynamics with people and how they treat you, especially when it's the closest people to you.

And if you have someone in your life that you are willing to hurt yourself for and throw away your own boundaries for, one person is too many.

Cause I had one in my life and I've had to take distance because it destroyed every, like it's like, It just bled me dry.

It ruined my self-esteem, ruined my confidence.

It's like, I don't give a fuck how much i would do it didn't matter like it didn't change anything get away from it i don't care who it is i'm very sorry it's gonna suck and usually it might be the person you're closest to but you got to bite that bullet you don't have to cut them off and make it on bad terms but like spend time away from them for a little bit find yourself again find appreciation for yourself again and spend time with other people say a joke around other people when they start belly laughing you're like wait i'm funny a little

because neglect is a form of abuse, also.

Not that I'm saying it's abusive, but like people neglecting you in certain ways

will ruin your self-esteem.

And I do need to caution when I say this, I don't have children.

So when I say having one person in your life you're willing to hurt yourself for and binge your boundaries for is too many,

I think the only exception would be children, but I don't have any to speak from that perspective.

I think that you have to like maintain a sense of self even when you have kids.

But like i'm albanian i'm old school kids come first kids the number one if you got to do something that harms you to help them so be it if there's somebody shooting i'm taking a bullet for my kid i'm taking a bullet for a random kid i don't know on the fucking street like kids are different for me so

i don't know i don't know how to word that and like explain that but

That's I just want to like cover my base on that.

I don't want you cutting off your kids and shit.

A lot of people listen to me way too like

Like serious like they like follow every single thing that I say say without context i'm like babe use your context clues or think it through a little don't cut your fucking kid off always be there for your kid but i think that's it for that page i have another page my soul was spitting shit out on different days but the other thing with the

way that people around you treat you the closest people to you that one

it's like when they're void of reaction to you positive or negative will ruin your self-esteem it's like the weirdest thing you feel very unseen and you feel like worthless Like you can't even make someone smile.

You buy them a bunch of shit.

You can't even make them like happy.

It's like you do a bunch of things for them, look after them, do anything that you can.

And it's like they just don't react to you, positive or negative.

If it's negative, that's really going to fuck you up.

But like even a neutrality is going to fuck with your self-esteem.

So if you've been feeling weird or like down on yourself, look at your life.

Look at the people you've been around.

How do they treat you?

Do they react to you?

And how do they react to you?

Do they pick up on a bid for connection?

And a bid for connection, it's like a bunch of different shit, but like when you're in a room alone with somebody, you make a joke, you say something, you acknowledge them.

If they just ignore you, your bid for connection just got shot.

Okay, this one everybody's going to get fucking mad about.

Get mad.

I don't care.

Something that will make you insecure is food hangovers.

That's a thing.

It's absolutely a thing.

When you eat junk shit and eat bad food, it will ruin your mood and your mental state.

And you will wake up the next day feeling like shit physically and mentally and emotionally.

There's like a chemical thing aspect to it.

There's so many things to it, vibrational shit.

You can get as spiritually as you want, but there's chemical reactions that happen in your body and in your brain.

When you eat bad shit, when you're eating bad food, processed things like fatty food, fried food, shit like that, it's going to have an impact.

As much as you wanna tell yourself it doesn't, it will make you feel insecure because it's going to play with your brain and you're going to lose like a sense of control control over food when you get addicted to certain chemicals and like eating processed shit.

Like I eat pretty clean for the most part.

Yeah, I dibble dabble here and there, but I work out hard and I have a good time with life.

Like I eat everything.

If I go to restaurants, I'd be getting dessert.

Yeah.

But at high-end restaurants, it's not fake bullshit.

It's like nice, natural, good ingredients.

So it's different.

But like people eating fast food for every meal every day, it's like, yeah, it is going to fuck you up.

And it's not cheaperty fast food.

Okay.

I've been sitting here like a lazy dick for the past couple of weeks and i've been uber eats in i've been postmating

feeling like

my digestive system's all kind of been weird since the for the past 20 days since i've been sober and not drinking and doing i've not been postmating and like uber eats and so much i've been cooking and like meal prepping again a huge difference drastic so that's one thing that will make you insecure without you realizing it it'll like eat away at your self-esteem too like when you put good in your body you feel good.

I'm not saying you gotta like get an eating disorder and shit.

Like just check what you eat.

If like 20% of what you eat is bad, okay.

But 80% is good.

Okay, that's fine.

A balance.

Some days 50-50, but don't make a habit.

Okay, next thing on the list is walking around with the subconscious assumption and belief that people are looking at you only for what they can get from you.

I forgot this.

I forgot for some reason and somehow, spitting people around me who didn't react to me and didn't treat me fucking decent.

I'm like 20 days away from all the people who were like fucking with me mentally.

And now I'm like back.

It's a covert thing.

Like I said, it's like the non-reactivity to you as a person and the non-acknowledgement of your bids for connection will destroy your self-esteem.

And it's a covert thing.

Everybody knows how to spot disrespect.

And this is something that crept up into my life where I didn't really pay attention to it and understand it.

But now I get it.

And I want to make sure everybody else gets it.

Cause everybody, you guys know, I don't tolerate no bullshit.

I don't tolerate disrespect, but this is a covert way of like something

destroying your self-esteem without you realizing it with like the non-reactivity thing.

But basically, I forgot after a certain amount of time had gone on, like over the past few months, it was like people made me feel like.

they didn't value connection with me.

So I forgot that connection could be a thing.

And I started running around life assuming that everybody wanted something.

They wanted clout, they wanted money or they wanted association.

They wanted something from me.

Only reason that they interacted with me is because they wanted some shit.

And anytime someone would give me something or a brand would send me something, I'm like, oh, it's just an obligation.

Like you're trying to fucking get some fucking free promo.

I was getting irritated with it and it made me want to isolate myself.

And I did isolate myself from everyone and everything as much as I could.

Because I was like drained by it.

And I had this subconscious thought that people only wanted me or wanted to talk to me or were interested in me for any reason, only because of what they could get from me.

It was to use me.

It was to get something from me.

So that will destroy your self-esteem, having that belief.

But you are funny.

You are lovable.

You are nice to spend time with.

People do find what you have to say interesting.

Yeah, I'm talking to you.

Fuck.

Not myself, talking to you.

Yeah, I needed to hear this too.

But I'm telling you.

This is not true.

Having that thought that people only want what they can like get from you.

People are also interested in you and interact with you and approach you for more than that.

Some people are just interested by the way you look or the way that you are and the way your energy is or the way that you talk to them, the way you interact.

Some people genuinely would appreciate having connection with you.

And that's one thing to keep in mind.

Like get that fucking belief out of your head that like people just want to take shit.

Because I'm the prime candidate.

For what I have, what I do.

As soon as you have that lens on, that's like you put on a pair of sunglasses and you only see things through a certain lens.

My fucking lenses was popping.

I saw it all over the place.

Brands, my DMs, people constantly asking for money, asking for fucking favors, asking for shout outs, people wanting to post with me because they get more attention and clout and all this shit.

Like I wanted to just erase myself from the internet.

Like, fuck you.

Now you can't get nothing.

Ha!

My spiteful ass.

But also people seeing me in public.

It's like everybody just wanted a photo.

They wanted shit.

They wanted me to say hi to somebody on their fucking video.

It's like I was just getting irritated with it because I was running around with those glasses on of like people just want from me.

Like nobody wants to give to me.

Nobody wants to like

get to know me as a person.

Nobody cares about me.

It's like when I was getting invited to things, I was like, no, you just want me there so you could post about it.

You just want me there so people come up to the section and shit.

Like I isolated myself fully because I was like, everything is just taking from me.

And that's one thing I talked about a lot in my past episode, if you want to listen to that.

But it really wrecked my self-esteem to be subconsciously thinking that people didn't care to spend time with me.

I forgot that was a valuable thing because I had people in my life that acted like I was fucking nothing and I was nobody and I was worthless.

And the people who do appreciate me and do love me, I pushed myself away from.

And I stopped talking to as much and I just wanted to be alone because I felt drained and I had that lens on.

You forget that people want connection from you.

You forget people love you as a person or like you as a person.

And I pushed myself away from everybody and everything.

I was just like in my own world that wasn't fun to be in.

Okay, last thing I'm going to acknowledge for this episode.

I have a lot more things on my list.

I'll probably do another episode.

One's about having things to prove.

And that'll be a whole separate episode, imposter syndrome, kind of shit like that.

But the one I want to talk about for this episode is arguing with people on social media.

Stop doing it.

So many accounts that you see commenting on pages, DMing people, DMing things are bots.

A lot, a lot, a lot of accounts that you think are real people are bots.

The AI shit has gotten out of hand.

AI has gotten insane.

And one thing I need to talk about is people have been sending me Snapchat messages, like screen recordings of their Snapchat of people pretending to be me with an AI voice.

Like the AI sounds just like me and is talking to these people and is trying to convince them for nudes, money, all kinds of shit.

I've never asked for that from anyone that follows me.

And if you wonder wonder if it's me, you're hearing it out of my mouth.

This is real Leo.

Not an AI fucking bullshit.

You will never get a message off of another account that is not verified.

My name on everything is Leo Skeppy.

The verified account, if I don't message you, it ain't me.

I don't care how fucking goddamn convincing they are.

It is not me.

Okay.

But the whole thing with seeing so many comments, like I really was like, the world is cooked.

Like these people are so fucking stupid.

Genuinely.

Leo, your tank top isn't black.

What what the color is it then

but just like that when people are saying things that are so

obviously false

you getting emotionally caught up in that will up your self-esteem in a big way it's like social media is being run by something bigger than all of us that wants us distracted and emotionally uncontrolled

We're all addicted to our phones.

And one thing I've been doing is spending a lot less time on social media.

Shit's boring.

I get on and post and leave.

But

getting caught up in comments and fighting with people and dealing with stupid shit, don't.

A lot of these pages are bots and don't even lend your energy to it.

If someone's just spewing shit, a lot of people are getting off on getting attention.

I don't know what it is.

Like people rage bait a lot.

Don't fall into it.

If someone is basically saying my tank top isn't black.

You can have that and fuck off.

Like, don't interact with it.

As soon as you notice you see a comment or see something and you have like that ping of an emotional reaction, do not engage.

Like notice that you have that ping and be like, okay, this is what Leo was talking about.

One, the people are just so stupid, there's no reasoning with them.

Or two, they're a bot.

That's a big thing.

A lot of AI videos, like I said, are getting out of hand.

People making videos, it's like you think it's a person.

They've gotten so good at this shit.

They, you think it's a person.

And it's not.

Like, they just start spewing political shit.

That's a really big one where all the bots are involved.

A lot, a lot, a lot of bots, a lot of AI shit.

Don't get involved.

Like, don't engage with it.

Just let it be.

If it don't concern you or involve you, what the fuck you doing?

Stop wasting your time.

You're not going to change nobody's mind.

I'm the one over here saying Boots is real.

He is real.

He's alive to me.

He's going to get offended.

I can't say that.

Boots is dead.

He's attacked the Dermy Zebra.

Okay.

But he can't hear that.

He's looking at me right now.

He's pissed.

But with that whole thing.

Like thinking that the world is cooked.

I thought it was so bad.

Go out in real life.

People are not as stupid in real life.

People drive stupid as shit in real life.

That's one thing people do not know how to do is hit the goddamn pedal on the right.

I don't know what it is about Miami.

I need to just let it out for a second.

It's always a Tesla.

It's always a Tesla in my motherfucking way.

It is always a Tesla holding up traffic, doing some stupid shit.

I'm not saying everywhere, but Miami, absolutely.

I don't know what it is about the people here with the Teslas.

They don't know how to drive.

Like, they're always in the fucking way.

Always inconvenient.

I swear to God, every time I'm getting irritated or like there's a traffic jam or something going on, like I bet it's a Tesla.

It's always a Tesla.

Sick of it.

But that's it for this episode, I think.

I think I'm late.

I was sitting here rambling with you too long.

I don't give a damn.

We had fun.

I'm on my own time.

We happen to go party.

Go to a festival.

Have fun.

Going to three points.

My friend Kenzie keeps calling it three piece.

I'm like, girl, are we not at Chick-fil-A?

Like, three piece.

It's cute.

But I'm going to three points.

I'm going to see what happens after that.

I don't know.

but yeah that's all i got for this week's episode if you want any merch it will be linked in the description all my social media will also be there

yeah that's it leave me a little comment oh i forgot the emoji thing um comment like a little firework emoji because we're going to a festival we're going to a rape

well i'm going you're not going i'm gonna have already went by the time you're watching this on sunday so put the little firework emoji because I already went.

That's free if you made it this far.

I always do the comment thing.

Y'all know.

Y'all, you ain't new here.

If you made it this far, you ain't fucking new.

But love you so bad.

Thanks for watching.

Leave me a little thumbs up and shit.

Ready me five stars, all the things.

But yeah, I'm gonna go get ready.

So, love you, everybody.

Be safe, take care of yourself, and I'll talk to you guys next Sunday.