24. Close The Door Behind You- New Narrative For A New Chapter

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Speaker 5 if this life has taught me anything, it's that you can flip the script at any moment. This is everything I know about writing a whole new narrative when you want to step into a new chapter.

Speaker 5 It's honestly real simple. Only four steps.
Figuring out what the new version of yourself is you want to step into. Step two is dealing with the doubt.
Oh, I got you. Don't even stress.

Speaker 5 Three is the applicable steps, like the actual steps you take to do. And then number four is closing the fucking door behind you.
But we'll get there. Oh, I'm excited.
Hi, friends.

Speaker 5 We're changing the narrative this week. That's what this whole episode is about, but the intro is staying the same.
Hey, friends, missed you so bad.

Speaker 5 It's a real hot topic about stepping into a better version of yourself and killing your old self. And that whole debacle.

Speaker 5 This is the applicable actual way to do it as someone who's had to reinvent myself multiple times. Couple few.
I got a couple of few under my belt. And this is how to not fuck it up.

Speaker 5 Because I've had to back and forth back and forth and I've talked multiple times about I mentally am a whole new person every three months. It's been like that my entire life since I can remember.

Speaker 5 So that comes with a lot of upkeep and change and I've done a lot, achieved a lot, moved a lot of different places.

Speaker 5 So this is my little cheat sheet, you could say, about how to walk into a new chapter with a whole new narrative. Okay, so step one, you probably already have down.

Speaker 5 It's the whole thing of like, what version of myself do I want to be? And how do I want life to go? So the whole new narrative thing is just like the new version of yourself.

Speaker 5 You already know what it is. You already see yourself.
You already see your life. It's just the whole like, how the hell you get there? There's really two chapters that start at the beginning of this.

Speaker 5 So one is how you present and show up and how you are. And then the other one is how life goes.
So you control the narrative of how you perceive life and the way that life unfolds for you.

Speaker 5 If it's been real fucked up, you could change the narrative. It just comes down to your perception.
To cut through the confusion of like, how do I know this is the right one?

Speaker 5 This is the version that you can't escape. It's like, you don't have to try to think about it.
You just know this is how you want life to be.

Speaker 5 It's like your desire for how you want to be, how you want life to look. The one that's just there comes up.
You can see it, but you're like, how the fuck do I get there? That's the one.

Speaker 5 That's the version of you that is the real one. It's not the whole guessing game of like, can I trust it? Which changes should I make? Which ones should I not make? It's not a forced thought.

Speaker 5 It's just, this is how it's supposed to be, but this is what life is.

Speaker 5 But the real bitch of all this is when you see the next version of yourself and you see how you want your life to go, you can't unsee it. Ugh.
Like awareness is a curse. And I've always said that.

Speaker 5 Once you're aware of it, you can't back out of it.

Speaker 5 So If you want to change the way that you look, whether you want to gain weight, lose weight, you want to change the way that you present yourself in situations you want to stop tolerating bullshit and disrespect the version of you that doesn't tolerate it that's what you want to be making a certain amount of money changing where you live changing what you do for a living your job all of these aspects once you think of them and you see them and you want them you can't not want them so your only option is to go toward it And that's the curse of the awareness because where you are gets very uncomfortable.

Speaker 5 Like you used to be able to live how you're living. Everything's cute.
It's fine. Whatever is comfy.
It's not the greatest, but like, it's not that bad.

Speaker 5 And then, once you know what you really want to be and what you want life to look like, then it like turns the heat up. And you have two options.

Speaker 5 One option is feeling the discomfort of like the pull to go toward what you want to be and who you want to be and coping with not doing it.

Speaker 5 So like just getting comfortable with it, not changing nothing, discouraging yourself, listening to the doubt, and just not changing nothing.

Speaker 5 That's one route, but the heat is going to get turned up real high. Like I said, awareness is a curse.

Speaker 5 Once you're aware of how it's supposed to go, your whole life is automatically going to reorient to put you on that track. So the way you've been living is going to get intolerable.

Speaker 5 It's going to get annoying. You're going to hate it.
Everything's going to get worse because you're going to be pushed to start walking toward what you see and what you feel that is possible.

Speaker 5 The logical part of your brain is going to be like, no, that's not possible. You can't, but you feel it, but you feel the logical side of your brain like fighting with shit.

Speaker 5 You're meant to go toward it. You can't unwant it.
So like I said, the other option is to go toward it.

Speaker 5 And like I said, there's no like get around it because your life is going to start to reorient to push you toward that. It's going to be like you stand in here and there's like the edge of a cliff.

Speaker 5 And once you're aware of the life you want, everything starts pushing you toward that cliff. And you're like, it's coming.
I'm about to fall off. What the fuck? Like, you don't want to fall.

Speaker 5 You don't want to jump, but everything's just going to get worse and worse and worse until you start to actually go toward that version of yourself.

Speaker 5 You're going to get to the edge of the cliff and be like, fuck, I'm going to die. And then you're going to jump.
And then the new version of you is going to catch you.

Speaker 5 So you can choose to jump or you can choose to be pushed off the cliff. But when the awareness hits you of how you want yourself and your life to be, ain't no escaping it.
You're on the way.

Speaker 5 So might as well put your seatbelt on and go for it. Step two is the doubt.

Speaker 5 So the biggest thing to keep in mind is the more guilt and the more like doubt you feel going toward the new chapter and the new way you want to be, that is not telling you you shouldn't go there.

Speaker 5 It's not pushing you back. It's not a sign you shouldn't do it.
The higher the doubt.

Speaker 5 is the higher the shift that's going to occur. So the doubt does not mean discouragement.
Keep that in mind. The example I'm going to give you is: imagine you're on a scooter.

Speaker 5 You know how to ride a little scude and you grow up, you're like a little kid, you know how to ride the scooter. You get good at driving it.
You get good at riding around on it. You can go pretty far.

Speaker 5 At first, you was fucking up. You was falling.
You used to crack yourself in the ankle with it. When you'd spin it around, it hits you.
You learned how to ride the scooter.

Speaker 5 You learned what hills you could go up and what bumps you couldn't go over. You have to like stop and go walk over it and then continue riding.

Speaker 5 So you're fully comfortable and equipped to ride that little scude.

Speaker 5 All of a sudden you get a desire because you see somebody in a Rolls-Royce and you're like, what the fuck? I want that. I want to be driving that.
The gap there is so huge.

Speaker 5 You don't know how to drive a car if all you got is a scooter. So that stretch of just sitting in that thought of like, I want to be in that Rolls-Royce.

Speaker 5 The doubt, the fear, the worry, the discouragement. Oh, I couldn't do that.
I can't afford it. I don't know how to drive.

Speaker 5 It's all going to flow in. The desire came up.
There's no way around it. For most people, it seems impossible when you're on the scooter and you think of the Rolls-Royce.

Speaker 5 You're like, ain't no way in hell. It feels impossible, but that's just because you don't see all the little steps to get there.
So you start with the scooter. You want the Rolls-Royce.

Speaker 5 You go from scooter to bike. Then you go from bike, you playing video games and shit, and you driving cars on Grand Theft Auto.
You driving a car behind a video game.

Speaker 5 Okay, you kind of understand how the car works. I'm like driving on the roads.
You'd be going off the mountain and shit.

Speaker 5 You know, don't go too fast when you hit in the curb because you're going to flip the car. You kind of learn it from the video game aspect.
Then you go into a go-kart.

Speaker 5 You go racing little go-karts at everybody. You learn how to kind of like drive that.
Then you go to like a four-wheeler. You're over here ripping around.
What the fuck? Now I can drive that.

Speaker 5 Then you get to like a junker car or like a learner car and you learn how to drive a little junkie car. And then what's next?

Speaker 5 You have all the skills and you are fully equipped to drive that fucking Rolls-Royce.

Speaker 5 It's just a matter of seeing all the steps to get to where you want to go. It's not, oh, I have a scootie.
That's too impossible. You're just not seeing what it takes to get there.

Speaker 5 And like I said, you can't unsee it. So once you go see the Rolls-Royce, every day you get on your scooter, you're going to be mad as hell.

Speaker 5 Every time you click yourself in the ankle by accident, you're going to be like, motherfucker.

Speaker 5 if i could just be in the rolls race this wouldn't be happening you're not gonna have as much joy going to the store on your little scooter because oh it'd be much more faster if i had the rose race it would be much more cooler i would look way better it's gonna make the scooter be less enjoyable and we could talk about the whole thing of people robbing their happiness with all this comparison shit no the desire hits you this is just the analogy desire hits you you gotta go but that is not robbing your happiness once you're uncomfortable on the scooter now because you want more that's not robbing it what you're being made aware of is all the limiting beliefs you have to get in you there if you can desire something you can have it if you don't believe me take it up with god my god will tell you yeah this one's right the ball bastard yeah he's telling the truth You weren't sent to this life to be opposed and punished.

Speaker 5 So like I said, when you have a desire for something, your life will start to orient. And when you start to feel uncomfortable on the scooter, it's because you're meant to level up.

Speaker 5 So don't get caught in a little tizzy of, now I just hate my scooter. I wish I never saw the Rolls-Royce.
That's not the point.

Speaker 5 You're meant to get uncomfortable on the scooter because you're meant to jump to a bike. And then it's just going to feed itself because then the bike's going to get uncomfortable.

Speaker 5 And then you're going to go to the video games and you're going to go to the go-kart, four-wheeler, car.

Speaker 5 You get there. You see? It seems impossible until you start to take steps and follow the discomfort of like, this just don't feel right.
I'm irritated. This should be easier.

Speaker 5 And then you take the step to the easier thing, which is the bike from the scooter. You see, this is the same thing with different versions of yourself.

Speaker 5 Every time you switch into a new one, it's going to be a whole new learning process because all the skills you have for riding a scooter, when you go get on a bike, it's a whole different way you got to operate.

Speaker 5 You actually sitting on something, got to balance and shit. You can go way faster, way further.
That version of you can get way further than the version of you on a scooter.

Speaker 5 But being able to to go further comes with more threats issues worries potential problems so that's when a lot of people like i said revert back to that little comfort of like now i'm gonna stay on a scudier i'm gonna stay in my little like half a mile radius of my house versus getting a bike and being able to go a 10 mile radius it's like you're locking yourself because you're scared of what could happen on the bike Use this analogy to how it applies to like the next version of you.

Speaker 5 Because when I said all the necessary conditions of your life will start to unfold and line up, they will. But even bad ones, everything will line up to get you to the next thing.

Speaker 5 So when you go from scooter to the bike and you get on the bike, when a bad thing lines up is you're riding a bike and you hit a certain bump or a certain curb and you flip and you fall down and you fall off.

Speaker 5 Or you don't know how to balance on it yet and you fall over, scrape your knee. Do not look at that as stepping into the next version of yourself, having one thing go wrong.

Speaker 5 No, I need to just go back to the scooter. I need to go back.
No, that is a part of learning how to ride the bike. That's a part of learning how to be the new version of yourself.

Speaker 5 So when you have controversy or something come up, when you're presenting a different way, it's not that you need to resort back. It's that this is part of learning how to ride that bike.

Speaker 5 Because once you learn, okay, on a scooter, I can run over a pebble. But anything bigger than that, I'm going to get flung off.

Speaker 5 You can go over pretty big shit compared to a scooter on a bike so there's less limitations that you have to live by so you can't live on the scooter limitations on the bike but the biggest thing is don't freak out when you're learning the new limitations it's gonna build and then when you get to the bike point you're like oh i can't go that far i really want to go like 30 miles away then you're gonna get the urge for a car and it's just gonna stack itself.

Speaker 5 So as you learn the new limits of the new version of yourself, a new one is needed. You need to go further.
Okay, so step number three is breaking down the actual applicable steps of how to do this.

Speaker 5 So how I talked about going from scooter to bike, X, Y, Z, getting there.

Speaker 5 Breaking this down seems like a lot and you might not know how to do it, but what you look at as a giant shift, other people look at as nothing.

Speaker 5 So how you feel about going from a scooter to a Rolls-Royce, Other people look at it as going from scooter to bike. It seems like no issue to them.
It feels like the world to you. It feels impossible.

Speaker 5 But there are other people who see it as nothing. So if you're going to go into this and it feels huge and there's people who see it like it's easy, what perspective do they have?

Speaker 5 And how are they approaching the situation? If what I'm challenged and like up against is easy to some people, how the fuck are they looking at it? That's what you need to entertain for a little bit.

Speaker 5 And an example of this is when I was in nursing school, it was difficult. It was a bitch.
The NCLACs taking the exam at the end, never been so stressed out in my life for a test.

Speaker 5 The amount I studied, ridiculous. But I got through nursing school and finished.

Speaker 5 Once I finished and I passed and I aced that exam and I got my license first try, I was like, hey, that was not that bad.

Speaker 5 Then I had an idea because I had a week off between when I ended college and when I started my nursing job. I had a week off.
So I was like,

Speaker 5 I'm going to go get my real estate license. Why the hell not? Because I looked up, there were certain courses that could be taken real fast.
And I was like, I have a week off.

Speaker 5 What can I shove in there? For me to go take that real estate course, it was one week. It was 6 a.m.
to 6 p.m., Monday through Sunday for a whole week.

Speaker 5 And then you take an exam at the end and then you go take the board test. Right after nursing school, going at the real estate exam, I felt like was easy, peasy.

Speaker 5 I was like, no way, that's going to fucking be hard. I just took the NCLEX.
I just passed a nursing exam. That's difficult.

Speaker 5 A little real estate test ain't going to be nothing, but just that perspective shift.

Speaker 5 There are people who, fresh out of high school, go to real estate school and they spend years trying to get their license. They can't pass the test.
They're stressed. It seems like such a big thing.

Speaker 5 But me, fresh off nursing school, looking at real estate, I was like, that's going to be easy, but it's all perspective. That's the benefit.

Speaker 5 So if you're going through something difficult, go through it.

Speaker 5 The real bitch of the whole implementation step of like all the actions you need to take and the ways that you're trying to be, it's a learning process. It's not easy.
It's not quick.

Speaker 5 Flipping the narrative and turning into a new version of yourself ain't overnight. It ain't no drastic just all of a sudden done, finished, perfect.

Speaker 5 The way I can give you like a visual to help you not freak out over fucking up or resorting back to old patterns. It's like, oh, I'm trying to go get to the Rolls-Royce, but I'm on my scooter.

Speaker 5 If you just go sit in the Rolls-Royce and you're like, I'm going to force myself to figure out how to drive this, you're going to be sitting there like, what the fuck are all these buttons?

Speaker 5 How do you put it in reverse? What is this Prindle thing? Like, you're not going to understand what's going on. But in those times, if you need to go get out the car, go get on the scooter.

Speaker 5 old version of yourself and go to the store real quick and then come back home and then get back in the Rolls-Royce because you're like, yeah, I still got shit to do.

Speaker 5 I still got to be a human being and live. If I have to go back to old things and old ways, I know how to operate life.
Okay, go ahead. Do what you got to do.

Speaker 5 Then you come back home and you get back in the Rolls-Royce and you recommit. That's what I'm talking about.

Speaker 5 If you're going to do the big gap of like, you're just going to jump from scooter to Rolls-Royce. The same thing with the bike.

Speaker 5 If you're not comfortable on the bike yet, go get the fuck a scooter, go to the store, do what you need to do, and then come back and get back on the bike. There's a time and place to implement.

Speaker 5 And it's not going to be just like, oh, overnight, I did it. I'm done.
It's perfect. Because I've fallen into that whole trap of like, this is the version of myself I want to be.
He eats like this.

Speaker 5 He works out like this. He dresses like this.
And I wake up in the morning and I'm like, no more cigarettes. No more coffee.
No more nothing. I'm going to the gym.
I'm going to buy new clothes.

Speaker 5 I'm going to all this, this, and that. And it's so overwhelming.
It's like, what the fuck? Like the gap is so clear.

Speaker 5 It's like you're expecting yourself to go from the scooter to the Rolls Race immediately. It's not going to be a quick thing.

Speaker 5 You can do it fast, but there is a buffer period where you got to figure it the fuck out and you're gonna mess up go back and forth not fun but very character building and the visual i have to give you to stay on track not get discouraged this version of yourself that you see in your head imagine there's like a picture you see just a random photo you're like okay i see this thing i want to draw it like i want to see this i have this vision of this thing i want to see it so bad i can't describe it to anybody i can't anything i just have to sit down and draw it then you're like i don't know how to draw so what do you mean sit down and draw it but that image is in your head just burning a hole back there itching the out of you so you get a notebook you open your paper you get a pen never a pencil it's always a pen and you try and draw the photo You don't know how to draw, so it's going to look like shit.

Speaker 5 It's going to look real bad. It's going to look nothing close to the version of you that you see in your head.
It's going to look nothing close to that photo that you see.

Speaker 5 So you try and draw it and you're like this ain't working every single day is a new page there is no

Speaker 5 erase it there is no change it every single day it's like drawing that photo being that version of yourself you're gonna have to learn how to do it so as you learn how to draw tomorrow You're gonna look, okay, I'm gonna try and draw this fucking thing again.

Speaker 5 You're like, okay, wait, this marker that I made yesterday looked like shit there, but I liked how this one was. So let me fix those two two here.

Speaker 5 And then you still don't like the photo, but you're like, okay, I made a couple of improvements. It's looking a little bit more accurate.
Still very far from it. Every single day is a new page.

Speaker 5 You have to redraw it. It's you're redrawing and re-stepping into that version of yourself.

Speaker 5 And you learn every single day from the last drawing what marks you made that you didn't like and what marks you made that you did like.

Speaker 5 And every single day you get better at drawing, you get better at stepping into that version of yourself.

Speaker 5 And then you get to a point where you wake up, you draw that photo like it's fucking nothing, and you're on with your day. You're living that version of yourself.

Speaker 5 And every single day is new research, you could say, or new practice with stepping into it.

Speaker 5 But every single day is moving forward closer to that cliff I was talking about into jumping into that new version of yourself. Yeah.
But as you get closer and closer to that cliff, you see.

Speaker 5 the next step to take off of it where you're not going to fall. That's you actually connecting to that next version of you.

Speaker 5 And then, unfortunately, once you get really good at it, the cycle continues the cycle repeats there's gonna be a new version a new something because you get to the rolls royce you're like

Speaker 5 well i would like to i would like to see what that helicopter is about and then you gotta go to the whole process how the fuck do you fly a helicopter

Speaker 5 eating habits are gonna change on their own your style the way you present things are gonna start becoming a lot more effortless as you go So like how you draw that photo every single day, it becomes more effortless.

Speaker 5 All the changes you're trying trying to make just become more effortless as you do them. So I hope that brings you a little bit of clarity around the whole like, I fucked up.
And like, you didn't.

Speaker 5 You're only moving forward. There is no go back.
There's only moving forward. All right, step number four, we're going to get real, real deep.
Close that motherfucking door behind you.

Speaker 5 Everybody's always saying when one door closes, another one opens, or when one door closes, a window opens.

Speaker 5 When you have a new opportunity that you're trying to walk into, visualize it like you're walking into like a new door. You're walking into a new room.

Speaker 5 It's like an escape room, a panic room, if you will. Ah, boom.

Speaker 5 When you walk in the new room, the new opportunity or the new version of yourself you're trying to step into, when you walk into it, you're like standing there at the door looking in like, what the fuck, it's pitch black.

Speaker 5 What am I supposed to do? I don't know. And you're like one foot in, one foot out, trying to look around in the room and you're trying to look for a window, look for a light, look for something.

Speaker 5 You don't know what the hell to do. But the way that you're going to approach things in that room while that door is still open is going to be completely different because you have an escape.

Speaker 5 You're not fully in it. You're not fully committed.
You're not fully in that room.

Speaker 5 You over here, like one foot in, one foot out, or you're walking around the room, but you know, I could beelined right to that door and like save myself.

Speaker 5 So whenever pressure gets high or situations happen, it's easy to quit. You know, you have a safety net of like, I can walk out this door while the door behind you is still open

Speaker 5 nothing will ever show up in front of you there will never be a window open there will never be another door there will never even be like a little sliver of light to guide you you have to shut that door behind you it's a one-way door it locks when you close it but instead of sitting there with it halfway open half in half out of the new version of you or the new opportunity when you shut that door consciously and you choose it that is when a window opens or you see a piece of light.

Speaker 5 And when I said the way that you're going to behave when you know you have that door open behind you to get out, it's going to be completely different.

Speaker 5 You're never going to really face anything in front of you.

Speaker 5 When you walk in that door and you close it and you use that door to brace yourself up against to get ready to face whatever's in the room, okay.

Speaker 5 I'm going to start looking around, feeling around, seeing if there's a light switch, seeing if I feel anything, see if I feel a window, see if I feel something I could break. I didn't know.

Speaker 5 The energy you have when you know you can't get back out and you're fully in it and committed, you're going to handle it so much better and you're going to handle it with strength and with the version of you that you're morphing into.

Speaker 5 It's that room is going to morph you into what you need to become. So, when you first close that door, you're going to be freaking out boots.
You're going to be screaming, crying, what the fuck?

Speaker 5 Scared? Shitness is dark. You don't know what the fuck's going on.
I just closed that door. Ah, there's no way out.

Speaker 5 That is the mindset that forces you to find the way through. When there's no way out, you find a way through.
And that's where you get to where you want to get to. Trust me.

Speaker 5 I have plenty of life experience to back this up. God, it's not fun.
But unfortunately, when I say close that door, it's going to be.

Speaker 5 the hardest thing you have to do over and over and over again because it's not just closing the door door to an old version of yourself or an old way of being. Sometimes it's a partner.

Speaker 5 Sometimes it's a breakup. And you have to shut that door to step into the new opportunity and step into the new version of yourself.
Sometimes it's a job. You got to close that door.

Speaker 5 Friends, whatever it is, living a certain place, you just got to shut that door and go to the next one. It's going to break your heart every time you close that door.

Speaker 5 But with every door you close, you get better at slamming them motherfuckers.

Speaker 5 Even if you boohoo crying so upset, you've been through enough rooms where you know and you trust as soon as I close that door, I find something else and it takes me on this path and this journey forward to the life that I want.

Speaker 5 That's the whole thing of it. It's not fun.

Speaker 5 And you're going to have to just take a leap of faith the first time you shut that door. But you will never have to take a leap of faith again because you're going to see how good it got.

Speaker 5 You can be like, wait, where's the next door? I'm going to shut shut everything the fuck out.

Speaker 5 So, one of my biggest mistakes I made in this whole talk about you need to kill your old self, you need to kill the old version of yourself. That's the worst thing you can do.

Speaker 5 And I will never tell you to do that because the worst thing you can do is shut that door with part of yourself still behind it. Do not do that.

Speaker 5 If there's any part of you that you don't want to have anymore, whether you're like too emotionally reactive, too angry, too violent, too sensitive, too understanding, whatever it is about yourself that you don't want, do

Speaker 5 not leave it behind that door because you're just not in a position where you see how useful that version of yourself is and that side of yourself.

Speaker 5 It's like a different part of yourself, like the angry side. If you've only seen experiences where it damaged everything and hurt everything, you're going to want to leave the anger behind.

Speaker 5 I don't want that anymore. And you're going to try and leave it behind the door.
That's the worst thing you could do. Every single part of you belongs.

Speaker 5 And it's not up for discussion. You can't get rid of any part of yourself.
So you have to understand and accept it all belongs.

Speaker 5 And you can't go forward without it because of what certain experiences in the past, what people have told you was wrong with you. That was old situations.

Speaker 5 You don't know what's behind the new door that you're going to need that part of yourself for. You might see that it's useful.
And And wait, I'm glad I didn't get rid of that. What the fuck?

Speaker 5 It's like me with being violent and being very angry. That's a very strong part of myself that I have tried to cut off from.

Speaker 5 But if you take the analogy for my own example of what's gone on like the last year, I tried to walk into a new opportunity or a new version of myself and I tried to shut out the violent part of me.

Speaker 5 behind that door. I tried to lock it out.
What that did was put me in a room fully unaware of what the hell was in it. I'm in the dark.
I don't know what's going on. I perceived like a threat.

Speaker 5 And the part of me that I had that I only knew how to protect myself with was anger and violence. That part of me, I didn't have anymore.
So the only way I knew how to felt safe, I shut him out.

Speaker 5 And I was sitting here in this room trying to figure it the fuck out. And I'm clawing at the door, trying to get out of the opportunity because I didn't fully step into it with all parts of me.

Speaker 5 So if there's been a part of you that's done something bad in the past, it's not that you need to get rid of it. You just need to get better at knowing when to let it out.

Speaker 5 There are times where violence will be beneficial and can save your life. It's just a dance of learning when certain sides of you can come out and when they're useful.

Speaker 5 Because walking into a dark room, literally, I want to be on guard. I want that violent part of me with me.
If something comes up, I'm going to kill it. I'm scared.

Speaker 5 Walking into a situation without any form of feeling safe or being able to protect yourself with any avenue that you know how to do it.

Speaker 5 Some people know how to manipulate emotionally and use sensitivity and sadness to keep themselves safe. It is a response from other people of when I cry, it disarms them and they treat me nicer.

Speaker 5 That's a tactic to stay safe. You just need to know when to use it.
You don't want it to run you all the time, like me with being violent. It can't always be the one to be running everything.

Speaker 5 And that's just what I've had to learn about life. But do not close the door behind you with any part of yourself on the other side.
All of you need to step forward.

Speaker 5 And an example of learning when certain aspects of your old self need to come out, it's not your old self. It's just different parts of you and they all evolve.

Speaker 5 It's like when I'm riding a scooter, so I can move forward and get onto the bike. I'm trying to rush the process.

Speaker 5 I'm like, I need to figure out how to do this damn scooter so I can get on the damn bike. You're so excited, whatever.
First time that scooter cracks you in the ankle and it hurts.

Speaker 5 Let's say the violent part of me smashes the scooter just because I'm like, I got hit, I feel scared. I'm like, it's a threat, it pissed me off.
I'm smashing it.

Speaker 5 In that situation, you're going to learn, well, damn, now I ain't got no scootie.

Speaker 5 Now I can't go nowhere. Maybe destroying this thing or being violent in this situation wasn't the right approach.
Then what do you do? You go get a new scooter and you restart.

Speaker 5 And you learn, do not let that side of me handle the scooter how i did before you still need the anger you still need everything you still need the violence because you never know what life's going to throw at you sometimes you got to do what you got to do but you don't want to throw that part away you learn from it okay maybe let's not break the scooter and then you get good at the scooter and then you go to the bike and then you know i'm not going to break this bike i'm not going to it up and flip it over just because like i'm mad and that teaches you respect with every part of yourself of when to let it out and when to not.

Speaker 5 It's not that you're being fake. It's just which version of me is best equipped to handle this situation.

Speaker 5 If all you know is anger and violence, like I did for a very long time, it's going to be a process of fucking up constantly to get emotional control and know, okay, maybe I could go into it like this.

Speaker 5 Maybe I got to stop being violent all the time. It's a learning process.
But the whole thing of like, oh, I destroyed the scooter. Now I'm just angry and violent and wait.

Speaker 5 People are going to shame you, call you crazy because you broke the scooter. So be it.
They don't understand your life experience of how you only have violence to protect yourself.

Speaker 5 Crying didn't change how other people treated you. So the person who just cries when they get hit by the scooter, that's going to be a different approach.

Speaker 5 They're not going to shame them as hard as they're going to shame you. That's just part of it.
It's a price you got to pay with the life experience that you had.

Speaker 5 But other people shaming you should not turn into where you leave that part of you behind the door. Like I said, all of you are standing in front of it before you shut it to go into the next version.

Speaker 5 You get it? A perfect example is learning how to set boundaries of things you will and won't tolerate or what you like and you don't like.

Speaker 5 First time you try and do it, if you're someone who's never known how to set a boundary, if all you got and all you know how to do is like use anger to set it, you might set a boundary or react to disrespect with even more disrespect and rage and anger.

Speaker 5 It's going to take you a few times learning, okay,

Speaker 5 that don't usually go too well.

Speaker 5 maybe let's try setting the boundary in a different way let's communicate a little different then you learn the skill of how to communicate differently you learn a new part of yourself and learn how to use it how to operate with respect and actual boundaries that don't have to be set with force and anger it's just mutual respect that's part of the stepping from scooter to bike you know It goes with the parts of yourself too.

Speaker 5 So if you only remember one thing from this episode, let it be. Every single part of you belongs and there is a time and a place for every single part.

Speaker 5 It's just a matter of time.

Speaker 5 While you're learning how to do each thing, don't abandon the parts of yourself that you don't see fit for a certain situation because you might fucking need them in the next room.

Speaker 5 And the whole thing about healing, healing happens on its own with all the different parts of you. as you learn to stop shutting them out.

Speaker 5 So with my whole cancellation last year that happened, stupid ass shit.

Speaker 5 I fully abandoned myself and turned against the part of me that was violent, turned against the part of me that was realistic and didn't live in La La Land.

Speaker 5 I tried to go step into the room of La La Land without so much of myself and it destroyed me. So this time, a year later, I just got canceled a couple days ago.
They tried.

Speaker 5 They really did. They had tried it, but I don't give a damn.
I don't identify as canceled. But last time in the the controversy, I abandoned myself.
This time, I stood there and held my own hand.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I said what I said. And what?

Speaker 5 That is a healing experience. That's what healed all the shit that happened last year is just doing it different.
Reowning that part of me. Be like, yeah, you're fine.

Speaker 5 You're standing right here with me. Yeah, you might be mad, angry, spiteful, whatever.
That's what life taught you how to be. That's what you had to be.

Speaker 5 I was put in positions where I was forced to protect myself. There are people who don't understand that.

Speaker 5 There are people who have never met that side of themselves because they've never been forced to become who protects themselves.

Speaker 5 So holding my hand through it this time healed the whole time last time. It's not about, oh, I got to stop and heal and journal.

Speaker 5 No, you just got to do shit different and stop closing parts of you behind the door because they're all needed.

Speaker 5 I want to say a big thank you to my Substack family because y'all helped me come up with this whole episode. Substack is where I go live now because it's unfiltered, uncensored.

Speaker 5 TikTok's getting fucking banned. I'll put a link in the description if you want to join and hang out.
I post all kinds of stuff. We have a lot of group chats and I go live on there.

Speaker 5 And there are free aspects to it, but to get access to the live and certain things that I post, because they're so fucking problematic, it is a paid thing to get into it.

Speaker 5 Like I said, some of it's free, some of it's not. If you want to join, join.
If you don't, I'll see you in the next episode. The YouTube's free.
The podcast's free. Instagram be free.

Speaker 5 Follow me on Instagram. I forgot to plug that.
I'm almost at a million followers on there. I feel like when you hit a million followers on Instagram, it's like something serious.

Speaker 5 Like that is like a milestone. I don't give a fuck.
I got 4.6, 4.7 million on TikTok. That don't count.
It's like Instagram is like a million on there. Woo!

Speaker 5 But that's all I got for this episode. I hope it helped you.

Speaker 5 If you're new here and you're watching this on YouTube, leave this video a thumbs up, like it, subscribe, comment, and let me know what you want me to talk about next week.

Speaker 5 And if you're listening to the audio version of this podcast on Epipodcast the Spotify, hit the download button because it helps me a ton. Also, leave me a five-star rating if you would like.

Speaker 5 If you feel also called to do so, do it. And for everybody who watches this far, I always tell everybody to comment a certain emoji.

Speaker 5 Comment a little book emoji because this is a whole new chapter type shit. Yeah.
Rewriting the narrative. Comment a little book.
I'd like to see who makes it this far.

Speaker 5 But like I said, I'll link my sub stack in the description and I'll leave all my social media there. Anything that's left because I don't know what's getting banned and what's not.

Speaker 5 And I'm not doing the red note shit. I'm scared.
I don't know what's going on over there.

Speaker 5 I don't have nothing else to tell you. You're all prepared now.
You know what to do. So go flip the script.
Change the narrative. New chapters waiting for you.
So everybody, be safe.

Speaker 5 Take care of yourself. And I'll talk to you guys next Sunday.

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