Bobby's Missed Connections

Dominoes!

Dominoes, baby!

Baby, it's dominoes, and you know what? You crave a slice, don't you? I love pizza. I love pizza and

I gotta tell you,

and you crave, you crave a slice. When I'm rumbly bumbly and my tumbly bummy, I love myself and dominoes.
When I'm bumbly dumbly and my mummily, mumbly.

You love Finno's? And here's why. Here's why.
The flavors are. Well, this is the chicken bacon ranch.
This thing is phenomenal. It's the hottest pizza of the year.

It's got bacon, jalapeno, and some chicken on top of some cheese. It's dominoes.
It's so good. Have you ever had extravaganza? I've never had an extravaganza.
The two Z's extravaganza. Extravaganza.

Loaded with delight. It's a deloaded pizza with pepperoni, ham, Italian sausage, beef, fresh onions, fresh green peppers, fresh mushrooms, black olives, all sandwiched between two layers of provolone.

Wait a minute. Do they have 100% real mozzarella? How'd you know? I know it's dominoes.
And here's my favorite there right here. The mizza baby.
Mizza, pizza, mizza, pizza.

Meat lovers feast topped with pepperoni, ham, Italian sausage, and beef, all sandwiched between two layers of provolone and cheese. And you know what? 100%.
Exactly. Matterella.

Mattarella. So get yourself some dominoes today.

You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots?

White dude and an Asian dude.

You two are disgusting.

You two or something. We're bad friends.
Well, look at who's back. Hello.
Look who's back. Hello.
Hello, Porgs.

You know, it was really good to see you when I walked into the studio.

I fell in love. Did you really? No.
I hugged you twice.

I hugged you twice. But with some extra touch and with some scratchies.
I love doing scratchies with you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Some porg nipple scratchies are good. A couple of tickles for the boy.
Yeah. You're back from Espana.

Had some family time. How are you feeling? Okay.
Yeah. Yeah.
Happy to be back. Are you happy to be back for for real? Especially because I saw you guys tried to replace me.
We didn't try, we did,

we're very we absolutely did. That guy was fantastic.
We found a wonder kid, dude. Yeah, he's the best, the big C, dynamic.
The big C, dude. Are you threatened? I a little bit.

Wow. Well, did you? You didn't edit that episode, did you? No, but George did, and you watched it.
Did you watch it? I did. You did.
I know he watched it like a sick little weirdo. Yeah.

He's not as good as me.

There is no way he is as good as me.

And he was.

Yeah,

we flew him across the country just to temporarily replace you, but nobody,

nobody, bad friends. No one can replace Fancy Beef.
So we're happy he's back. He's back.

Also,

the Big Seed doesn't really know what food is.

I don't think he eats. Yeah, I mean, everything, we brought him to John and Vinny's, right? Yeah.

And everything was like, I don't like it. Yeah.
Well, the first thing you brought out was like a burata or something, and he had no fucking idea what that was.

What it was never seen burata before in his entire life. He thought it was a dead ghost.
Yeah,

like an old ghost. Yeah.
And we had, oh, he hated the gem salad. Gem salad, didn't I? By the way, it's just lettuce.

It's a Caesar salad. He hated it.
With a little spice in it. So good.
Yeah, he didn't like that. And then

what he did like was the anchovy pizza, which is strange. He loved it.

No, there was no cheese on it, just red sauce and an anchovy stripped across it. And he'd like that.
He was like, that one is pretty cool.

I was like, the fish pizza is good.

You don't like any of the other pizza. He didn't like the haglatele.
He didn't like the...

He didn't like the Bronx bomber, the meat. He's never had real pasta, I think.
No, he's never had. I think it's a little too chewy for him or something.

He went like this. Yeah, yeah.

Like a horse, like trying to get rid of something.

And then the embrace afterwards

was as if we were never going to see him again. Well, we're probably not.

Yeah. No, you know, we do, I will say this.
We do really, I don't want to give anything away to the fans. We are, we do love the Big C.
We like the Big C. We will see him again.
I hope so.

We love him. Yeah, he is unique.

We've got to get him some, you know, what? Some action, I think.

Well, I mean, he's 31, 32, and then he hasn't had.

Since the Dominican Republican had in high school. 13 years.
Which I don't even believe. Do you believe believe that story or no? I don't think he's really had sex.
Come on. Come on, what?

Of course that's not real. He's never had sex.
He wanted a vivid detail about how it happened. Yeah, because he's been

away. How she ran away afterwards and ran into the forest.
She was able to cut the ropes.

Escape into the woods.

And I was chasing her.

Come back here, little girl. Yeah.
It was a wild story.

He had an elaborate story because he's been broached with this subject many times.

People have said, you know, he's been around another guy that's like, hey, you know, you working on anybody right now? You got anybody on your roster? No, no, not really.

I have sex wants in Dominican.

I think it's like, it's not like, you know what? Let's not make fun of that. We're not making fun of that.
Let's go backwards. I'm proud of him because he's saving himself for real love.

That's what he said at dinner. He said he wants to meet real love.
I think that's what they all say.

Well, dude. They all say that, right? It's either we take him to John and Vitties or.

Oh, that's true. That's true.

You are screwed to me, hold on.

Yeah.

It did have feel that, like, we should be extranized to him.

I don't want to read it. Because we don't know.
We don't know. I don't want to read about a Westfield mall in Jersey getting fucking lit up.
Oh, my God. That would be the end of our podcast.

He's wearing a bad friend's merch shirt.

No, TMZ.

Did you see the mug shots of the guys that robbed the Louvre? No.

This is unreal.

Look at how hot these guys are.

I'll be the judge. Is this a movie? Well, that's Chase Crawford on the left.

No, but they're saying he looks. That's him on the right.
That dude. Wow.

Look at his

hot. Welcome to Hollywood.
Yeah. They're going to cast this guy as soon as you know what?

Someone is going to bust him out of jail and put him in a movie. Yeah.
Remember the model? Remember like the hot model that we. He saw in like Tubi on like black stuff.
We should make a movie.

I got it. We bust him out.
Mangioni? Right? Yeah. You know what I mean? with the two brothers with the boss with that what's the young brother from the boston marathon what's his name

saranaya we'll leave that guy in there oh he's cute though i know bring him is he yeah jeremy meeks he's already an actor now he's famous right he got like famous he got like famous okay but go back to the mug shot of the guy that robbed the loo i can't i'm i mean honestly though look at that guy's face yeah that guy's a thief Yeah, look at the neck proportions.

How easy would it be for this guy to get an older woman who's rich to give him money? Brother. Right.
You don't need to rob.

yeah you don't this what does it say this is one of the two right that's one of the two what's he where's the other guy is the other guy they keep showing him so obviously the other guy is not uh

no he's he's sexy too yeah

is that big c

i went to paris to rob your lobe

i stole mona lisa

why is that happening hot guys doing this why are hot guys robbing yeah when you look at kyle rittenhouse hollywood's dead you're like you get it right yeah you look at Rittenhouse, you're like, yeah.

But when Hottis are doing it, what's going on with our world here? It's diversity, you know, it's killing that stuff. This is DEI.
Right. DEI is like enough Uggos.

We need to start getting hot guys to rob. Right.

This is the lib contingency at it again. Oh, my God.
They're hot. So are they in trouble? A little bit.
Yeah.

Uh-oh, uh-oh. They used a crane to like.
But you didn't kill anybody. They didn't do it.
No, they didn't do it. Oh, yeah.
That crane company is from Germany. Yeah.

Their ads is like, you know, in and out, faster than whatever. Like, they're selling through the roof.
Well, you might as well market, use the marketing.

These guys stole a crane, and then they hoisted the ladder up to the window. Dude, it was in, it's in broad daylight.
I mean, it was like in the middle. You can see it.

It's not like it was like hidden and sneaky. They just put the crane up to the window, walked in, and came out.
And so they got the merch.

The merch, yeah. Well, I mean, not merch, but they got at the loo, what they got paintings and stuff? What is it? No, just jewels.
Jewels. They got jewels.
Our Rudy Jewels. They stole it.
And then

she was in there. And then they got out.
And they escaped. And they escaped.
And then they caught him. But some rats.
Somebody ratted him out. Oh, the rat.
Who's the rat? Google the rat.

Google the rat. Yeah.
Wait, wait, wait, go back. I'm sorry.
I want to see that real fast. It says the heist is valued at 88 million Euros.
That's 102 million American dollars. Wow.

Eight pieces of historic French jewelry. Fuck the French.
Who cares? Yeah. No, we love the French.
We love the French. He came this close to getting away.
I know. It's amazing.

They should have let him go.

I would start small if I wanted to rob.

What would you rob? Well, I would start like back in my high school days, like Kit Kats. And, you know what I mean? Oh, yeah, yeah.
And then you would slowly go, okay, I got away with that.

And the next thing you would rob is like shoes from Payless Shoes or something. Yeah.

Right?

Like, I got loafers. By the way, that's why they went out of business.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Everyone stole from that place.
Oh, the next one is, you know, if you go to like San Francisco, you went to the CVS where everything is locked up now.

You think I went into a CVS in San Francisco? I went from my hotel to the club to the hotel to the club. Oh, I went to a CVS.
I did not walk outside.

We were both in San Francisco, and the CVS, you know how in LA, half the things are locked up at fucking San Francisco CVS, right? It's all toothpicks locked up. Well, those are weapons.
Yeah,

that's how they broke into the loof. Yeah.

I mean, everything. Yeah, but I will say the city was.
Bengay locked up.

I buy a lot of Bengay. I'll tell you this.
It's funny that it's locked up up there. What? Chips.

Yeah, it's crazy. And then there's so many of those buttons.
Who loves chips? I wonder.

All of us. Yeah, all of us.
All love chips. Yeah.
And then there's one person, some poor Filipino lady, where you have to.

She just happened to be.

But, you know, you're pressing the button. But you have to imagine there's 40 buttons being pressed throughout the fucking...

Helping. She's like an Ilephan.
She has a Nihil.

She's the key master.

She's got 50,000 keys around her neck, just running through the fucking. Like, yeah.
What about this? Why don't you just get one guy per aisle?

Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, hey, dude, I'm the fucking, you know what I mean? Deodorant guy.
I'm the cereal boy. Yeah, you'll be cereal.
I'll be deodorant.

And I have all the deodorant keys. Right? McCone, I don't know what you would do.

Okay.

What's going on? Are you stunned? What's going on? I thought he was going to tell me what I was going to do. No, he doesn't.
I was giving you the option. I'm the CVS fucking manager.

I go, what do you want? What do you want to do?

What aisle do you want? I do the condoms. Oh, fuck.
Okay. Give him the condoms.
Why? Because you don't use them?

It'd be fun to monitor that one versus the other ones.

Keep an eye.

Speaking of McCone and Love, I was introduced to a new friend of his recently.

It ended later that evening.

Never mind. Wait, you found love and then you ended it? Well, we went to the Dodger game.
And

afterwards, I said, hey, we're going to walk down the hill because you can't get a fucking Uber.

I was like, we're going to walk over the hill and probably go to shortstop or grab a beer, just hang out. And then so we went to Little Joy, and I said, Come meet us.

And this guy, this is how nervous he was in front of this girl. I haven't seen him like this in a long time.
I was pretty hammered, and I was just giving him cash, just handing him cash.

Like, get her a drink, get her, go get her food. And he was nervous, I could tell, because when he showed up late, I go, Where did you go? He was late.
He goes, I thought you said little boy.

I'm like, There is no little boy in there.

There's no little boy bar, dude. There's little joy, and it's literally across from your house.

You know what I did? What'd you do? On the flight to San Francisco, there was a attendant, a flight attendant. She was beautiful.
So I wrote her a letter. Oh, my God.
Oh, yeah.

Restraining order now.

No more Delta flight. The guy next to me was like, Nancy is back.
Yeah, I was sitting next to a businessman. I go, excuse me, sir.
Do you have a pen? He's like, yes, young man, I have a pen.

Gives me the pen. So I take the, you know, the throw-up bag.

Barf bag. The barf bag.
Barf bag love note. Right.
And I wrote this, like, you're so pretty. And, you know, here's my number, this and that, my Instagram, everything, right? Yeah.

Nothing.

Well, did you check your requests and all that stuff? I checked it. I've been checking it for days.

Nothing. But did you get her name? Was her name on her name tag? No.
Nuh. See, that would have been a, that would have been a.
I looked at the phone.

You know, when you do DMs, you're not a single guy, but I know.

I go through it. You know what I mean? You siphon through all the.
I siphon through all the profile pictures.

Nothing. Yeah.

And you know, and you take a risk like that. But she was so pretty, Andrew, that I had to take a risk.
That's really, she must have been, this much, she must have been a smoke show.

She was a smoke show. What airline are we talking? Alaska.

Oh, no. Was she Alaskan? No, she was just a white girl.
She was so attractive. And I thought, you know, I mean, you know, she smiled at me and this and that.

Listen up, Alaska Airlines. Wait, wait, wait.
If you didn't talk to her, you just wrote her a letter. That's like high school stuff.

Wow.

And I put check mark, like checkboxes. Like, if you like me, yes or no? That doesn't work.
Self-sabotage. Yeah.
And that thing with the hand.

Like, I gave it one of those.

Yeah.

Yeah. She.

Well, Alaska Airlines is easily huntable. Anybody out there that works for Alaska, there's a flight out of Burbank that goes to SFO.

She didn't find me attractive. Sure, she did.
You're very attractive. No, there's lots of rich, famous guys in first class, and Bobby's just one of them.
So she has a pick.

Oh, that could be a she's getting a lot of barf back love notes. Exactly.

She got a stack stack of barfag love notes at the end. Yeah.

I mean,

I mean,

would you take a risk like that or no? No, because I feel like you'd be called like lame or something in a group text after. Oh, so what? You're departing the plane.
There's no time to talk.

They're at work. It's not time to talk to girls.
So you can never see her again. No.

You think people don't, you think that never happens? I don't want to be a part of that.

You're not interested. No, I don't want to be made fun of in public or someone like film me.
Like, look at this guy asking this girl out.

I'm afraid you don't want to end up on a TikTok. Yeah, that's scary.
Okay, so I'm a flight attendant. Exactly.
Get ready with me when I talk about a creep, my greep,

and then they do a breakdown of it. Yeah, I know that I've seen, I've watched, I've literally, there's flight attendants who do TikToks, and I see them sometimes and they talk

to me my fucking barf now. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Oh my god, that'd be so embarrassing. But you didn't say anything, you all you said was, I find you a trip.
Well, what did you say? I drew a

very detailed

swastika No, of my penis.

No.

No, so here, because 15 years ago, I was, I don't know what airport I was in, but I was sitting there and this lovely lady sat next to me. And I think this is before I met Kalila.

And we had a conversation. And she was very pretty and very nice.
And I never got her information. I always felt, I think about that.

And then sometimes, you know, you'll run through the airport, you'll just see some of you guys, you'll lock eyes with a girl, you'll smile, smile, and you're like, oh, that's a missed opportunity.

And so from now on, I don't want to miss those opportunities. If I feel like

take them, shoot that shot. Andreas, what? Shoot that shot.

What? You're smiling? I don't like it. Well, I'm just saying

without your glasses that you don't have, right? Like, you don't see that well, like two feet apart.

So I don't know if those smiles that you see are directed at you, you know, or you're imagining them.

You do have tremendously dog shit vision.

You think everyone's smiling at you.

Everywhere, Bobby.

Dude, that made me so angry.

It makes me so angry. I don't know what it is.
I mean, welcome back, but I don't know, dude, you know?

That was a good one. Why don't you look up Miss Connections? Because I guarantee you,

there's a Miss Connections website. You know, is that Craigslist that does it? Yeah.
Starbucks and Santa Monica. Let's zoom in.

I am the Asian female that was hesitant, but talked briefly over coffee about a month ago if around and still interested left to have coffee again. This is like wildly sad.

It's, it's beautiful, but sad as fuck. This is what I'm talking about.
This is why you have to seize the moment. You know what I mean? And maybe I am blind and I can't see the smiles.
Okay.

But it doesn't matter because maybe one of them are a smile, you know? Looking for Sarah from Pasadena, I think.

We should respond to some of these. We should just be Sarah.
Well, look, you got to shoot your shot.

You're single and free. You got to keep shooting your shot until you find love, and it's out there.

Could it be on Alaska Airlines? Maybe. This guy needs to apologize.
Asking the Italian girl of my dreams for an opportunity to apologize in Lancaster. My only sin was to love you too much.

I miss how it used to be.

You're never alone. I'll always be there if you need me.
I still love you. Oh, my God.
These are so heartbreaking. Well, it's even sadder.
It's that it's on Craigslist.

I don't even, do people use Craigslist heavily now? I don't think anybody uses that anymore. Facebook Marketplace took it over.
That's exactly what we're doing.

There's a lot of love loss and misconnections in this world right now. Well, how do we mend that?

How do we mend it? I don't know. I'll tell you where there's a lot of love.
San Francisco. Holy fuck, man.
Those gays go fucking bananas.

They have the most fun. I got hit on a bunch.
I got hit not one time while I was there.

And I was out. You got no guys?

I get no gay love, no. I sit up at the bar to have dinner and I'm.
Oh, yeah, I didn't go to any bars. No, at dinner.
I had dinner at the restaurant.

But I mean, the hotel bar there's another thing that happened I have a couple things that happened but another thing that happened was I get a text from some random number saying hey

can you speak at my meeting that's cool right so I go

I didn't ignore it and then you know I mean he was kind of you know persistent

so I said okay I'll do it you know and so I show up and so there's this one guy in the program. He's the biggest rock star, right? And he's a guy that I've met for the last 20 years.

He has no idea who I am.

You know how you meet somebody and they act as if they've never met you before? You've met a bunch? Yeah, I mean, I've been introduced to him, but it just, I mean, he's an older rock legend. Okay.

And so now I'm speaking at this meeting and he's sitting there with his wife in the second row. He's never seen me talk, really.
And I have a 30-minute spot the main speaker, right?

And so I'm like, all right, I'm going to, you know.

You're doing some time? Well, yeah, but, you know, I was like, I got, I got, I got to hit this. Yeah.

What's your opener?

My opener? It's going to so cheesy. I can't.
Please. I don't want to do it.

Because here's the thing: is that I have to. For the fans.
Oh, I will.

So what you're doing is it's not just, you can't go up there because there's this other comic that spoke once and he did his act literally. You know what I mean?

He did his stand-up and he lost the room. Half the people walked out.
And people, you know, a lot of people know I'm a comedian. So it's like, you can't go in and try to be funny.
Right.

So you start with real.

So?

Yeah. So I started, I said, I just, first thing is I say, you know, I have to say that AA is the greatest thing that's ever happened to me.
True. You know, and

when I was 17 years old, I

luckily got, you know,

a spiritual awakening or a psychic change, you know, and

then I move on from there, you know what I mean? About helping others and this and that right and but then I go into I know my

my my you know pitch is it I can get funny you can talk about my parents and stuff right right so I do start doing acts you know I mean you know what I mean

and I'm doing it and I'm doing pretty good yeah it's like 350 people there 300 people that's a big it's a big huge AA meeting I look over and the guy's oh he's

he's dead

He looked like he was dead.

Yeah, yeah. And I'm like, oh.
He didn't hear a word you said. Yeah.
But anyway,

yeah, he, but, you know, I, um, my fantasy would be, you know what I mean?

You know, come over

to my house. You know what I mean? Come over.
Yeah. To the house.
Yeah. And then he, you know, and then he's like, you know, here's an original

sign, you know, whatever. I don't know.
I get it. Thank you.
Thank you. You know, you'll get, I think you keep it.
You know, I want to have that moment of like, you, like, you and Taylor Swift.

You know, like, he says something funny, and I'm like,

very funny.

I want that phone.

Everybody wants that photo, right? Of just you and Obama or somebody.

Well, you had a redemption with another rock legend the other night at the comedy store. Oh, that's who I had another redemption.
Who?

I think I could say

Kiris.

You redeemed yourself with Anthony. Yeah.
Like now you're back in his good graces. Did you speak to him for a while? Yeah.
Huh.

Oh, yeah. And?

It was magical. He gave you a sound copy of something?

No. Take it over.

But I almost went like this.

Almost.

Do you think that's good?

Dominoes. Hey, man.
You know what, dude? What, baby? I love two things in life. Let me guess.
Specialty things

and pizzas, right? I knew it. What did dominoes do? Do they do specialty pizzas? They do both.
Are you serious? A combo, dude. And just check it out, dude.
What?

Look at this red box here. Delicious.
You eat it. Not just.
You know what it is? What? Extravaganza. It's not an extravaganza.
It's an extravaganza. I already took a bite here.

I already had a piece, but I'm going to have another bite of this extravaganza. This estravaganza.

A super-loaded deluxe pizza with pepperoni, ham, Italian sausage, beef, fresh onions, fresh green peppers, fresh mushrooms, black olives, all sandwiched between two layers of provolone and cheese made with 100% real mozzarella.

I'm drooling.

I'm drooling.

I got a couple of really good pizzas on my table right now, and this one, especially.

Is that what I think it is? That is the spicy chicken and bacon ranch. Ladies and gents, this thing is phenomenal.

I love jalapenos, especially because I like a little spice and a kick, and they drizzle with a little buffalo sauce. Of course, it's made with 100% real mozzarella.

And in here, they got that grilled chicken, breast smoked bacon, and jalapenos. Probably one of my favorite combinations of food layered on delicious crispy crust.
Ooh, dominoes.

You know, they have other ones. You know, Wisconsin.
Oh, oh, my God. They have the Wisconsin.

They got the Six Cheese. The Wisconsin Six Cheese.
And also, your favorite city, Memphis, Memphis Barbecue Chicken. Whoa, and hey, wakalakaliki.
And wakalaka Likika maka.

You know what we got? We got Honolulu Hawaiian. Honolulu Hawaiian is up there as well.
The Pacific Veggie, dude.

They got so many different kinds of dominoes now, between the spinach and feta, the extravaganza, the mitzvah. They also got, yo, Philly cheesesteak, dude.
Yeah, yeah. Yo, use over there.

Go get a Philly Hoagie cheesesteak. They got the Philly cheesesteak pizza.
Delicious. So, if you're at home and you're hungry, get yourself some dominoes.
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And you have a new movie coming out?

All I get the TikTok is all his movie. What movie? The magic movie.

Every other ad is the magic movie that you're in. In the movie.
Yeah, you are in the magic movie. I'm in one scene.
You're in the movie. And then you disappear.

You're on fire. It's good.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. I'm in one fucking scene.
It doesn't matter. You're in the movie.
Well, and whenever I see that, I go, but my boys are in this. I'm so proud of them.
Shut up. No, I mean, really.
I'm real.

That's good. Elite stuff.
You know how little movies are being made, right? And for somebody in our ecosystem, a stand-up, you know what I mean? An actor that gets into anything is a big deal.

Let's have a, come on, man. Thanks, man.
Step into your glory, dude.

What happens in it? What do you play? In the movie?

Now you see me. Yeah.
And now you don't. I pop in and I pop right.
Are you a patron? What is it? I mean, you can send an NDA. You can talk about your role.

Well, I'm in the crowd and I'm yelling at

them on stage. They're all on stage.
Eisenberg,

Woody, Woody, and

Isla Fisher. No, Morgan's not there.
Yeah, yeah. And Isla Fisher.
Isla Fisher. Yeah.

Woody was.

Talk to me about. Can I add? Woody, the coolest thing was meeting Woody.
I was fascinated. I wanted to meet him so bad.
Did he know who you were? No, no, no, no. No.

No,

but the director introduced me. He's like, oh, he's a comedian.
He's like, I love comedians. And he's like, he does a podcast.
And he's like, I have a podcast. I was like, yeah.

And then he was like, Did you say that your podcast does better numbers

than his? Yeah.

Oh, does it? I checked on YouTube. Does it? No, I didn't look it up.
I actually have no idea.

Does he have a pod or is he just starting it? But he was just talking about the world. He's fascinating.
Oh, yeah,

him and Ted Danson. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't know. Rad dude, very nice guy.
I'm more broken up right now because

my my boy got his title stripped away.

My good friend. Good to meet you.
Prince Andrew, they've.

Good one. They took it away, man.
Good one. Let's go back to the movie now.
That was a really good deflection. I can't do Joe.
No, but I see what you're trying to do. You want to go this way?

No, I have nothing to say about the movie. It was fun.
I mean, I'm in one quick scene. It was awesome.
I mean, it was in Budapest.

We talked about going to Budapest. It was great.
I'm going to see it.

I hope it's good. Yeah.
I don't know. I know nothing.
This is one of those things where you touch it and you leave.

I have no idea I get in there and then they're like thank you Goodbye Although Budapest film crew probably the best film crew I've ever worked with in my no, I'm not kidding.

No, I know I did it shocking. They're amazing.
They're so fucking good. They're so great.
They're on top of everything and you're like, oh, I don't need that. Hot too, some of them.

Yeah, some of them.

Even some of the girls too. But it was really.
No, it was a great time. But yes, I'm going to go see the beautiful architecture.
Hope people go see it. Some of it, half the city is.

The other half is in ruins. It's in ruins, yeah.
But I'm more concerned about all these Japanese bears getting loose. I was thinking about you the other day.
I wanted to call you.

Yeah, I've been seeing that lately. They're overtaking Japan.
Yeah. Breck bear everywhere.
That's the

headline. I wonder why.
Because they're not having as many children. Now, I think they're overpopulating because they're not being controlled.
There's no hunters. So

I think they're inviting hunters to come help.

Why kill them? Because they're killing people. I know, but

can you gather them up and then they can put them in an area, a fenced in area where this is black country, black bear country.

This is Baltimore.

This is Baltimore.

Prodiamus lips. Yeah.
Well, I'm just saying, like, create a town, you know what I mean? All right. A town for black bears.
The black bears go there. Yeah.
And you stay there. Yeah.

Don't drink out of the white bear fountain.

Right.

According to the Japan Times, 12 people have been killed. More than 100 others are injured nationwide just this year alone.
Wow. It's pretty crazy.
Yeah. Whoa, that black bears are gnarly.

Look at that. And they're getting more aggressive.
Yeah. Like, apparently they're showing up and like trying to get into people's houses.

It's fucking rad. Japan's hunter population has been shrinking.
People don't hunt. 60% of licensed hunters now are over 60.
So there's no kids are doing it.

Yeah.

I would just gather them up and bring them somewhere.

There's other islands around,

right? You can put them on boats. Yeah, put them on boats and bring them, not Okinawa, that's a pretty populated.

Yeah, put them on boats. Like we can call it Amistad, whatever you want to do.
However you you want to do it.

No.

Put them down to, yeah, Okinawa is. They already did that once, Okinawa.
You know what I mean?

Yeah, but there's probably other islands around Japan where they can, you know what I mean, put the bears in. Cage them.
So you think I don't killing animals is not my thing.

Yeah, but if they're killing people,

you got to protect your population.

Survival of the fit as well. Oh, yeah, we have guns, so I guess we're going to.
We have guns. None of these guys have guns.
I mean, they do have guns in Japan, but not like this. Yeah.

Wow, they're pretty big. And they're mauling people, huh? And they they don't look Japanese at all.
Yeah. I thought they'd look a little bit more Japanese.

Well, why can't they just get their guy to do it? Who's that? Who's their prime minister or whatever? No. Huh? Godzilla.

Release Godzilla, dude.

Godzilla would fuck that thing up. No? We call on you to help us, Godzilla.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or Mothra.
I mean, you know, Mothra can.

How many bears have a stuttering problem? AI, how many bears canzilla? How many bears would it take for Godzilla? Yeah.

I wonder what the scale would be. No number of normal-sized bears can take out Godzilla.
See, you're right. Yeah, he could wipe out probably a million of them.
Well,

let's reenact. Let's get him out here.
Or Mothra would be easier because Mothra can fly and just pluck them from the. And then pick them out of the sky, throw them in the ocean.

And throw them in the ocean. Yeah, that's actually

something. Well, get on it, Japan.
What are you guys fucking waiting for? Don't cage those Mothra. They got to be released.
Little tiny Japanese. What's the last time we saw Mothra?

He's been out. I think he had an injury hit, like an MCL tear or something.
He's been out. He's on injured reserve.
Yeah. I want to bring Yamamoto and Otani and the baseball pass over there.

Congratulations to the Dodgers. Oh, yeah, the Dodgers and Craig.
Wearing your Dodgers at today. Go you.

It's heartbreaking to see Blue Jays fans out. I just feel so bad for them.
Nope.

Why?

You, S, A,

U, S, A. You, S, A, U, S, A.

with us cannon I know but you know they were leading for most of the game yeah they're in home turf they blew it and they you could just see them just like just not being able to get it over the line I actually loved it dude they I loved it dude it was fucking great yeah

yeah I was it was kind of wild to watch especially because I was in San Francisco when they won and SF fucking hates the Dodgers

they were so mad so Tuesday this guy came up to me he goes hey I'm friends with Theo I go okay and he goes I'm the new manager of the Giants.

The team manager? Yeah. I just got hired.
This is my first year. I'm starting work next week or something, but I wanted to...
Starting work next week? I don't know what it was.

That's not how they talk. Yeah, that's...

Give me the name. Tony.
Tony Vitello came to my show Tuesday. Seriously? Yeah, with his girl.
Wow. Yeah, super nice.
I mean, I didn't do that well, but

yeah, Tony Vitello came. Really nice guy.
That's fucking rad. Yeah.
I mean, still Taylor Swift, but you know.

That's the manager of a bad sports team. Not bad.
Are they bad? No, they're okay. They're fine.
Is he new? I mean, I told him, I go, you have a shot, right?

He's a manager. You can rearrange.

Yeah. You don't have control?

Baseball's money. The Dodgers have all the fucking money.
Soccer's the same way. Isn't soccer the exact same way? I don't know.
There's no cap on soccer, right? Yeah. Do you guys have a salary cap?

No, so it's the same thing. So why are the best teams the best consistently? They have the most money.
Yeah, no salary.

If there's no salary cap,

that's why people hate the Dodgers. The Dodgers spent spent the most fucking money.
Like 12 years ago, Leicester City won the Premier League, right? Yeah. And they were the worst team.

They have no money, right? They had no, they came from the championship straight to the Premier League. No star.
They had Jamie Vardy, which is the one guy.

I've seen that name. I know that.
Yeah, and they won the Premier League. That doesn't happen in America because of the refs, et cetera.
And you have teams like Manchester City and Chelsea.

Roman and Bravovich owns Chelsea. He's like an oil baron from Russia.
I mean, they have all the money in the world and Leicester still won.

My point being is that you can still be a thrifty manager and look at stats and go, you know what I mean, this kid, I know,

he isn't a household name or, you know what I mean, but I think he's perfect.

You know what I mean?

No, I know what you're saying. I think that may happen in soccer, in baseball, unfortunately, now that

they, there was a guy, Billy Bean, for the Oakland A's, and he kind of revolutionized. You never see Moneyball? No.
With Jonah Hill and Brad Pitt? You didn't see that that movie?

It was fucking phenomenal. It's great.
But it was about the story of this, of what you're saying.

He kind of like an iconic manager who literally kind of revolutionized the way you could pick players and get them young.

But it's a big money game now.

It's all bullshit. It's all money game.

That's why people fucking, that's why those guys really hate the Dodgers. Yeah.
They got the most fucking money. And I get it.
It was like for years as a kid, the Yankees for me.

It was always the Yankees. I was always like, the Yankees are unstoppable.
Oh, my God. $350 million.

But this summer, what Arsenal did was: if I can talk soccer for a second, I'd love it.

And wait, let me ask you a real question. So, Leicester City, is that what you said? Yeah.
So some of the players, are they from the area as well? So they have pride in local.

So this is a thing that we don't do anymore either, right? Yeah. So most of these kids are fucking from elsewhere, and you just play with the team that you play with.

The cool thing about soccer that I love is that you see these local guys play for their squad. There's city, there's like pride.
We also have a youth program

and

Bakayo Soka, Ethan Wanyeri.

Some of these players are Louis Skelly. They're all Lewis Skelly's 18 and he's in the main team.
He plays with the

main team and Arsenal. Wanieri is 18, 19, plays, and they're all from Helland.
They're all from the academy. And our big star, Bokayo Saka, is from the academy as well.

So it's like they've been there as kids. Right, that's what we raised them.
Pride. There's a semblance of pride.
We don't have that. I'm jealous of that.

You used to have a player when I was a kid, like, you know, Jordan was Chicago to us. He stayed in Chicago.

Right? Like, some of there used to be kind of a vibe, like, you stayed there as long as you could. Now, these guys don't give a fuck.

They're going to go wherever they're going to go, whoever's got the best check. And that's how it goes.
That's sad. Well, that's just the that's but the business did that.

These guys don't really have as it's almost like you're put in a position when the Dodgers called Shohei and they gave him $700 million.

Yeah.

But how else is he going to pay for those gambling? Let me ask you a question. So this summer, Arsenal FC, said Liverpool, right, spent so much money.

They got this guy, Isak, and all these guys, and they spent $150 million per player.

Isak cost

over 100 million pounds. Jesus Christ.

But what Arteta did was he bought people from leagues that people were like...

teams that were like people were like this summer like 30 million for that guy who is this guy like he we bought a defender named mascara no one had really heard of him but he knew and he but he knows that he would fit right into the team and so now um um arsenal has a backup for every position that's just as good whereas liverpool spent two or three millions of dollars on two three four players they don't have the backup you know i mean and it's it's about stats and about like you know i mean what's going to work in our system you know right yeah yeah no i think it's fat i think it's fascinating but but i don't know much about baseball so you're saying that baseball there's no so the Dodgers doesn't have like a youth program.

Well,

they have a farm system, right?

You have a farm league, like you have AAA,

you do have a system, but these guys are quick to get rid of them and trade them,

especially if they can't afford them.

But I mean, you don't have scouts.

They do. They do, they do.
For kids. Oh, yeah, they scout them.
Like 12-year-olds. Oh, yeah, they scout middle school and high school.
And you bring them to the Dodgers Youth Academy.

Do they have that? Well, yeah, they do have training facilities. And then you guys live here.
But most of the time, you go to school here. Yeah.
It's more a non-American thing.

Like the NBA just started that in India not long ago. Yeah.
In India? Yeah, because they're looking for the next seven-footer. How to play basketball, man.

I won't do who

you let me play.

Yeah, yeah. Listen, Ranjit, you're five foot seven.

I can't be a standard.

Why can't I be a starting standard? It is fucking funny that we all, we do. The NBA, the NBA has so much money overseas because like guys like Steph Curry, he's probably bigger in China than he is.

I mean, he's huge. He's the global superstar.
But like overseas, there's so much money in the NBA overseas because Asian kids fucking love the NBA.

We can't sell the NFL to almost anybody, but the NBA you can sell to fucking everybody.

Everybody loves, I mean, it's those guys go to China.

They do like a, like Steph and those guys, they'll go do like a summer camp in China and make like $30 million for like a weekend at camp just because he's, you know.

They're they're they're massive overseas. I mean, big here, but still.
Can I ask you another question about sports? LeBron James. Did you ever tell you that story?

When I was on a boat and you met him? No, no, I was a boat in Europe, and the guy's like, you know LeBron James?

I was like, yeah. He goes, he will stay there when he comes here, that place.
He will stay. I was like, is he there now? He goes, nah, but we will watch.

I guess he stays at the same

mansion. They're like, LeBron James, this is LeBron James.
Wow, wow, wow. What did you ask me? About basketball? No, I want to talk about

because now, you know, I'm really kind of getting into baseball a little bit this year. Love.
Yeah. I had no idea why it would be exciting.

But now, you know, watching the World Series and the playoffs and stuff, I, I, I'm, I get it. It's a nerd game.
But I don't get football. I don't expect American football.

And I want you to convince me that it's good. Why is it good? Well, you know, baseball is my number one.
So I can't, that's, I, I agree with you.

But baseball is like soccer in the fact that, like, these are all, this is all chess moves. Yeah.
Soccer's coordinated chess moves. Baseball is calculated statistical moves.
Yeah.

Trying to advance players in different positions to the likelihood of scoring, of positioning. Football is that too.
It's fucking awesome, but you like it because

you like these little technical moves. And I think that's what you like.
Football is more like pure raw athletic strength and talent and ability going at each other at full speed as hard as you can.

There is strategy. Of course, there's strategy to it.
It's hard. I don't know.

Selling you on football is tough.

You don't like violent sports at all. I do.
UFCL is a big fan of it. But you know what show that I've been watching on Netflix.

I command everyone in this room to watch it.

There's a show called Physical 100. Bring it up.
But it's Asia, right? Oh, I'm out.

So it's basically

it was a Korean. Yeah, so that's the Philippine team.
That's Manny Pacquiao? Yes.

So like it's Australia, Indonesia, Korea, Japan, Turkey, right?

Look at the tits on that guy. Yeah, Turkey,

Thailand, and and they're all competing right other thailand a bunch of ladyboys and nobody no but i think indonesia or thailand does have a ladyboy on it it should cool but it's but the philippines are going to be lost why because manny's so small he's so tiny you know i mean what is the what is the competition what do they do well there's only four episodes right now but it's basically the first one was they have these four um platforms, circular platforms, right?

And there's, I think, eight countries, right? Okay. And each, so they basically, there's a gigantic circle, and in the middle of this dirt mountain is a gigantic circle.

Let's see if you can see these. He's bringing it up right now.
Yeah. Trailer.
This is the trailer for it. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.

But it's not, it's not show because they're going to show the whole thing.

Oh, yeah. So you can see the circular thing right there.
Right, right, right. Okay.
So you have eight countries, and you have to dominate a circle. Wow.
So the most people on the circle, right?

Right? If you have like,

it's king of the hill, bro.

King of the hill, but it's like how many uh there's one two three I think there's five this is rad right but it's like when you're watching the first round you can see Manny Pako just flying from the screen

yeah it's pretty brutal can they punch you can't punch but it gets pretty scrappy dude it's a really funny you can hold down it's a fun show to watch yeah yeah yeah I'm in I'm already in but like

but there's some countries that I mean that would just die like US we would just well yeah that's why they don't want us a part of this shit we'd bring we'd get the most lunatic yeah out of our mind

ex-military, like just ready to fucking kill at will. But every team has famous people on it.
Like, you know, so the Australian team has Robert Whitaker. He's one of the best UFC fuckers.

You know, Whitaker. And then

that's fucking Mongolia. They're badass.
Let them get a lot of money. And look at Genghis Khan.
We call him Genghis Khan in the middle. Look at it.
They have Genghis in there, dude. Look at him.

But it's a really fun show. Physical 100.
Yeah, Physical 100 Asia.

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I don't know, dude, to get you into football, honestly, though, we'd have to embed you with the team, and your team left your city and came here, which is you're here now.

Well, maybe you could be a Chargers fan.

He put for Tottenham for you. Oof.

Ooh, something came out. Yeah.
Oh, that's a tonsil stone. Yeah.

No, don't put it in the art. Yeah, I like to

ferment it.

I had a zimpic burp. That was a tonsil stone.
Yeah. Do you get those all the time? It's not a tonsil stone, dude.
It's soft. Look.
Okay.

All right.

Shit. It looks like it.
It does. It looks exactly like a tonsil stone.
Small hard deposit. Okay.

That's what I thought it was. What? Tonsil stones.
It's just debris that gets stuck in those little, like, uh, those little hangy things in the background. Yeah, tonsil stone.
Okay. Did it smell?

Smell your finger. Does it smell? Yeah, it smells like what I ate.
It was a crab. It was crab? It's a crab.
Oh, it's a piece of a crab. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Welcome back, Fancy. No big deal.
No big deal.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I went there. I went to the fucking crab place last night, and it fucked me up.
Oh, bro. What do you mean? The bowling crab.
It's too much sodium. I can't do it.
It's too much.

I just don't like mass amounts of seafood. Yeah.
And then you got to get the potatoes and the carrots with it, but it's like,

and then if you go medium, like who, when did fire become a flavor?

An element should not be a.

I don't ever want to eat a sandwich and go, this is

earthy.

Right?

Have you tried our new wind burger? Yeah, or windburger. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's delicious. When did fire, who likes it? You get fire, you know what I mean? I agree.
I hate the taste.

Like, when they do it's a smoky thing. I'm like, I don't want smoke.
Smoke tastes like you burnt it. Yeah.
I don't want smoky anything. Yeah.
They do that a lot with drinks now, too.

They smoke on top of a cocktail. I don't want the smoke.
Yeah. Or you go to an Omakasa place, right? They take, they slice tuna or whatever,

they put it, you know, right, on a wooden plate, but then they put a thing over it. Yeah.
And they stick smoke in there, like cedar wood. I don't like that.
Yeah. And I'm like, I don't like that.

I totally agree. I fucking hate that flavor.
I don't know why they do that. Somebody, it's a culinary thing.
It's got to be like a cool, fancy culinary thing.

And then that's, that makes that in the community that makes it good. Or don't put fucking, you know what I mean,

caviar on top of salmon.

You're not the mom and the fucking kids.

Well, we. I don't eat the mom and the kids.
Have you ever had chicken and eggs? I refuse. It's not, it's a combination I can't do.
No, I'll do it. Chicken and eggs? I'll have.

It's mom and baby. Yeah, the family's all together.

We'll get grandpa in there then, then. Might as well.
Yeah. Like, I'll take a ground patty of like meat with

a full-grown cow, and then it's mixed with like

a baby calf, you know? Why not? What's it called again? What's wrong? Veal. Veal is delicious.
I can't do baby anything. So you want them full-grown before you eat them?

Well, I'll be honest with you,

there's been a lot of guilt now, as of late, of eating meat. Why?

Like TikTok algorithms.

Oh, Lib Talk. He's on Lib Talk.
I'm on Lib Talk, good. We lost him to Lib Talk.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And,

you know, people just raising cows and the cows cuddling with their owners. Right.
You've never seen that? No, I mean, I've seen, I've been, yeah. They kiss on the lips.
I love it.

Well, then you need to move to India.

Like this. They worship the cow.
Like this. This is like.

Oof. Look at that.
Look at that. See how many smash burgers could you make out of that? A lot.
A lot.

Yeah, we can make a lot out of that.

Look at that. Yeah.
Yeah. Those are free-range, happy cows.
Yeah. Yeah.
You don't feel guilt? No. Because they're sentient beings.
Like the other day, I went to your house, saw your dog. Yeah.
Right?

Yeah. They have the same human connection.
There's not enough meat on her, though. I know.
She's tiny. That's why I have a tiny dog.
Brad Williams would be.

I know what you're saying. I get it, dude.
I have this. I've had this moral dilemma before in my mind, but also,

I really love red meat. I like it so much.
i do too but it's like you know what i can't wait until let's like grow it

well they're working they're doing that now what do you mean we we have that yeah but get to a point where it's like tasting good

yeah yeah get to it doesn't taste like shit yeah like accessible you know but it's all we're all in beta with all this stuff like this fucking home robot they're pushing out you know this oh yeah that thing yeah that thing looks like and then you have to have do you know what they need to do a guy to control it yes yeah it's insane yeah why don't the guy why don't the guy controlling just do it

i know this is very dumb yeah look, a guy has to control that fucker. And they want 20K for this thing? Is that how much it is? Yeah.
It's the dumbest fucking thing I've ever heard.

I was thinking about getting one. I know.
You know, I love Romania. I knew that.
You have to wait for Optimus. Yeah.

I'm going to wait until that improves, though. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Bobby, would you like me to clean up the cat poop today again? Yeah. I don't want to keep asking you, Neo.
I think it's the dumbest. I watched the video of it.

You know what it did that blew my mind in that one promo video? It does this. It like wakes up.
He's like, Neo, load the dishwasher. And then it goes like this and it looks at its hands.

And that made me go, fuck, because that's what I do. If I'm like fucked up on drugs, I always looked at my hands.
Look at my hands. Yeah, because you're like, oh, where am I? Is this mine?

Imagine sleeping. And then that's.
Wake up.

Look at that.

Neo, what the fuck? I need you to wake up.

Also,

put a mouth on it. Yeah.

I mean, you did the eyes. How hard is it? Just put a mouth.
Let me get a little bit of morning head. We are literally three years away from these things also being just sextiles.

It's like the Neo programmers are like look sir they're doing no chores all day long yeah they've loaded not one dishwasher we're we're 10 years away from um probably 20 of the households having something like that in the house how many people have a google device where you can talk to it and it can play music or how many have like a alexa or whatever yeah you do you do yeah yeah three out of five 10 years ago you were like what are you talking about not 15 years ago but now in the future everything's going to be automated you're going to talk to the microwave you're going to be like get the food from the fridge talk to each other, and then put it in there and heat it up.

Yeah, and by the way,

gonna be rad. Fancy went home to Spain to go see family.
You were gone for what? What two and a half weeks? Yep, exactly. Two and a half weeks.
Yeah, because I miss you every day.

I have it on my calendar.

Fancy gone, fancy gone, fancy gone, fancy gone. I mean, we did miss you like crazy.
I texted you a few times. I said, I'm like, I missed it seeing you.
I finally joined Bobby's Club.

What is that? Oh, yeah.

It's a tough one, man. Yeah.

It's, I still,

at times, I'll just think about them, you know?

It's so surreal that they're no longer with us. Yeah.
The worst thing was the bureaucracy of death, you know? The bureaucracy of death. Yes.
That's interesting. It's a great band.
Yeah.

That really is. This is a great band.
Bureaucracy of death.

So much stuff.

There's so much bullshit that comes along with death. Oh, yeah.
Yeah.

And it's also a racket is what you're like, the amount of money that happens when people die, the amount of, it's just, it's fucking, it's a racket it's crazy birth wedding deaths the three best business best businesses you can get into yeah because it will never go away yeah if you want the most secure job in the world do births weddings and deaths you will never not have work forever and they can and they fuck people over they rip them off yeah everything was like that like my dad wanted to be cremated like like yours and we have to still pick a um coffin wait why Exactly, that's what I asked.

Well, because that's how it is. They're not going to cremate it by itself.
So you have to buy and they show you. You don't know the price is like, how long is it going to be there?

Like, just to go through the thing. Wow.
So basically, they're like, you have to pay for the coffin for them to be in it while they burn it. Right.
God, that's fucking

crazy. But everything was like that.
Insane. Yeah.
And do you have the ashes? Yeah, I do. You want to mix ashes with me?

It's not a bad idea.

Yeah.

I still have a better

option. Let's see what happens.
You get a Spanish-Korean goat. Yeah.

What would happen, though? What would happen?

To their souls, yeah.

They would just bump into each other. They don't even know each other.
They'd be freaky.

Just merge in the afterlife.

Where would you love to spread your dad's ashes if you had? Like someplace in Italy, you know, a place he loves. My dad was an art history professor, so something in the world.
That was fucking cruel.

Like anything Italian, like over an olive garden. Can we do that?

We go back to John and Vinny's if you got it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
We can sprinkle your dad over the gem sack. My budget is tight, so yeah, maybe.
Do you want to be burned? Yeah.

Okay. Yeah, my grandfather,

who was like my literal hero, I've talked about on the show,

he always was like, land is for the living. He would go past cemeteries.
He'd be like, this is fucking bullshit. It's a bullshit way.
It's like, you don't need to, no one is immortal.

Land is for the living. Get out of here.
Let the next people have the land.

Why do you have to plot land and be like... I I mean, I grew up like having to go to the cemetery and like, you know, people like, it's a little surreal, like cleaning the.
Oh, yeah.

Now, did your, some people have a stone. They have a tombstone.
Do your dad, does he have one? No, no, yeah. My dad didn't want any of that.
Your dad's the fucking man. I'm going to go old school.

Barry. Barry, yeah.

Right? I mean, just in case.

Just in case it's sick.

Like, what if McCone wants to visit me? No, no, we, but here's what you do.

You take the ashes, you spread them in a place that means meaningful to you that you can visit often, and then you see them all the time.

But your little tidbits and ash bits are all over the fucking place what i'm saying is is that my body will be in a place your body will be your body will be gone it'll be gone before you even before anyone it's gone it's you're not there anymore you'll rot through the coffin you'll you'll rot to the coffin the bugs and the things will get in there they eat you that it dissipates into almost nothing there's not there'll be nothing left

that's so depressing

I think it'd be cool to be buried just no coffin and actually just decompose in the earth yeah that's well they do that dude they do those wraps those they're called like eternal uh what are they called it's the tree ones i'm gonna do a tree one yeah the famous actor did it there was a famous actor that did that right that he or he said because he got cancer that he wanted to do it but it's like an eternal they wrap you in this biodegradable thing and you kind of go back into the earth and it's all that's fucking rad that to me is very cool yeah just burying a body is illegal

wait a minute

seriously like a felony I mean, you can, if you die, you can't just bury McConnell in your backyard. I'll be right back.

Oh, dude, speaking of that, this is fucking crazy. They just found in Vegas, Vegas, did you see that? 200-plus bodies or something buried in Vegas.
Like a casino. Yeah.
Casino. I know.

They finally found.

Wow. They finally found.
What was it? Funeral home? It was a funeral home that did it. No, they're pinning it on a funeral home.

A funeral home recovers 300 plus piles of human remains outside Las Vegas.

What do you mean? A funeral home took the bodies and buried it? No, they're.

What do you mean? There's a federal investigation, Zoom in, who a federal investigation into who dumped more than 300 piles of human remains. They think a funeral home did it.

But why would they do that?

It's probably cheaper than paying for the because there's got to be some sort of, I bet you it's expensive to remove human remains. There's probably a fee.
And they were like, fuck this.

We'll just throw it in the desert. I'm guessing.
Wow. Bureau of Land Management officially confirmed piles were human remains.
The department was actively investigating cremains.

So they were all cremated bodies.

315 piles of dead bodies. Wow.
That's so many. Yeah, there are rules to, you know, in order to spread the ashes.

You know, if you want to to do it in the ocean, you have to be, I don't know how many kilometers in. You cannot just do it.
Right.

There are laws. You can scatter.
You're on your own property, obviously, of course. Public land, the rules may vary by the location.
National parks, you have to get a special use permit.

Who do you think is buried

in a national park? Got to be Roosevelt, right?

I mean, wouldn't that make the most sense? Oceans and waterways.

But you can spread ashes sneakily. A lot of people do that.
Yeah. People do it all the time.
Well, people do, you know what people do a lot.

I've heard this, that people go to like, when they go to baseball games or soccer field, soccer pitches or something that means a lot to them, they carry a little bag and they spread it out there.

Oh, cool. That, that, I think, you would fucking do that.
The Emirates. Yeah.
What is that? Someone's mom from Bad Friends Live.

That, what? Are you being serious? Yeah, it's Luke's mom. This is from.
Oh, this is from London? No. No, no, it was from,

I believe, Pittsburgh. I can't believe we still have that.
Yeah, we've had it for two years here. We don't know what to do with them.

This is meaningful to. Well, let's combine Luke's mom, your dad, and your dad.
Yeah, that's just what happened. What if Luke's mom's hot? Yeah.

Your dwelt, your dad's would be like, fuck, yeah. Fuck, yeah, then it will eventually.
Change your mom. Yeah, yeah.
From me to afterlife. Let's mix them, dude.
I see bone. Do you have some?

Do you just have some of your dad?

He's not going to be. Here in L.A.
He's not going to mix it. He's not going to do it.

I just think we should. I mean, I guess did Koreans and Spanish always get along?

I think my dad and your dad would get along. Koreans are a little abusive, so I don't know.
Yeah, a little. Holy shit.
Well, look at that.

Modern relations between south korea and spaniards are very good characterized by increasing cooperation and cultural exchange historically spanish missionaries who first encountered koreans described them as peaceful intelligent though a long period of limited interaction followed once they saw him once they were like they're very nice like you're going to go back no chance

both countries have since forged a modern strategic partnership based on shared values like democracy and have experienced similar histories of civil war and subsequent rapid economic growth it is that is pretty fucking interesting

I mean,

it is kind of wild to think about the spreading of the ashes and what does that do for the area that they're spread in.

But, like, when you go back to the East Coast and you're in some old creepy fucking, you're like, it's got to be buried.

I think haunted shit is only because they buried stuff beneath it. Like, when you're on native land, it's because they buried on native land.

And when they're like, yeah, that area is haunted. I'm always like, well, they're under there.

You know?

I also saw.

Talk about country relations. I saw this thing this morning on the way to the airport about Finland in the Finland open prison program.
These guys get to like come and go as they please.

Yeah, they have cars. It's fucking unreal.
They have cars. I was working out and then he went to work.
He went to a coal plunge. Yeah, yeah, I saw that.
I saw that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
This guy.

This guy, yeah.

I murdered somebody.

He is in there for murder, for murder one. Yeah.
And he's like joking on, he goes to a garden. He's like picking flat.
It's pretty, it's wild.

Yeah, I mean, the idea in Europe is that, you know, prison is a place to rehab. Rehabilitate.
Yeah. It's something that Americans do not believe in.
No, no. But do you believe in it as a European?

I think so, yes. I think it's a.
I think some people. Yeah.
I mean, obviously, there's, there might be some exceptions. We probably have the world's most violent twisted criminals.

I would imagine the U.S. is number one again

at that. I bet we have the most fucked up wild shit.
Yeah. Okay, what, what crime, let's say we're a government.

We are kind of a little we're a little government. What crime is too much to do the rehab?

How about second-degree murder? Second-degree. See, look up second-degree.

Let's say I'm a presenter. I'm going to present you a case.
Yeah. All right.

So

I have a client here.

Welcome.

What's your client's name? Alfred Simmons.

And

he

came home from a trip early, went to his house.

And his wife was having sex with two of his workmates. Where do they work?

Costco.

Oh, seriously? Yeah. I love Costco.
Corporate, though. So this man, okay, this man.

This man comes home from work. Yeah.
He finds his wife in bed with two of his Costco co-workers. Yeah, yeah.
And they're going at it. What position are they in? Oh, every position, my friend.

Wow. So he's just sitting and watching.
He's cucking. Is he cucking for a little bit? Yeah, well, his friend David is upside down.

I don't know how they got the ropes tied around his ankles, upside down on just the ceiling, but he's upside down. Wow.
He's licking her.

Er Tush.

Armpit. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Please don't assume, sir. Sorry.
Okay. And the other one, a little dwarf man, little person, all right?

And he's got marshmallows all over his body. He boiled down marshmallows, put it all over his body, right? And he's sort of just like on her chest and just getting marshmallow juice on her

on her breastesses. Got it.
You know what I mean? Region, right? It sounds more fun than that. It's pretty fun.
It was a fun time. But anyway, this guy, this Simmons took a machete.
Simmons?

What was it? Alfred. Alfred Simmons.
Mr. Simmons.
Mr. Simmons.
Sorry. Yeah, I'm sorry.
I call him Simmons.

Yeah.

He took a machete. Yeah.

And he chopped up the dwarf. Unfortunately.
But what about the other men? They're fine. Okay.

Yeah. So it was an unintentional second-degree killing.
It was non-premeditated. It was

second-degree murder. Yes, because

since it was a dwarf, right, we couldn't charge him with first degree. First degree, right?

You could always get him for half-degree killer. It's a half-a-half-degree murder.

We consider that, and it's like a half prisoner. Half-degree murder, right? Half-person, yeah.
So anyway, um... He deserves rehabilitation.
Do you think so? Not yet. Okay, good.
Good, right.

I heard you have a client. But

I would say this. Yeah, yeah.

You would need to have him make amends with the family, with the family of the little person that was murdered. So you'd have to get him to go to find it.

First of all, you got to find that tree that well, we'd have to buy him a plane ticket to get to Middle-earth. Right, yeah.
And we don't even know how to. That's what I'm saying.

We don't even know how to do that. So I heard you had a little client.
I I do have a client. Yeah, it's a tall.
Yeah. Barbaduke, Mr.
Barbaduke here. Well, based on the name of the Alan Barbaduke.

Okay.

He's a doctor and a lawyer and a physicist. Oh, wow.
He's very well accomplished. Already, then probably ready for rehabilitation.

I don't know. Okay, well, that was the case.
It's pretty egregious. He was eating lunch at a Jimmy John's.

Good sandwich. Freaky fast.

I'll tell you, he was eating lunch and he found a pubic hair in his sandwich. Oh.
And he he turned around and a bunch of the young teenage pimple-faced boys, braces,

they were laughing. Shit's lit, dude.
What do you think about that, bro? Wow. Our pubes are in your fucking mouth, bitch.
Oh, so these kids put their own pubic regions inside the sandwich.

Yeah, these two. Well, that is three teenage boys.
Really uncalled for. Three teenage boys.

Wow. But Barbaduke took this the wrong way because he was having a flashback from the

first name.

What's Barbaduke's first name? Mr. Barbaduke.
No, what's his first name? You said that. It doesn't matter.

But Mr. Barbaduke had a flashback from his childhood where he was bullied when he was very young.
I see. And many people in the neighborhood would make him eat their pube.

So it was Pube the Duke was a game. That's understandable.
So Mr. Barbaduke kind of had a flashback.
He grabbed. What did Mr.
Barbara Duke do?

He grabbed one of the butter, he grabbed one of the bread knives

and he slowly cut up each of the teenage boys and he cooked them. And they're still now serving some of them at Jimmy John's.

It's a new flavor. You know, Chipotle introduces something new every couple of months? Yes.
Now Jimmy John's introducing Teenage Boy. Okay.

And he's interesting that you would say that because it's like, first of all,

you would think that once somebody's carving up one teenage boy, that the other teenage boys would run.

He dismembered all, he took the knife and

cut off all their legs. With a butter knife? With a butter knife.
A bread knife. A bread knife.
Bread knife. Seems difficult to do.
Well, dude, Mr. Barbara is quite strong.
He trained Taekwondo and

Sword Mastery when he was in college. Okay, well, I've never seen that done, but anyway.
He's very skilled. Yeah.
He's well skilled. What do you think, guys?

Rehab. Rehab, rehab, rehab, rehab.
Rehab. You think he's good? Yeah, we're good.
He's good. Mr.
Barbaduke, we're fine. Yeah, yeah.
Carlos doesn't realize he's Mr. Barbara.

In prison, can you wake up whenever you want to wake up? No, I think there's a bedtime, there's a wake-up time, there's a yard. But I can't go, I'm going to sleep sleep in, I'm going to mix.

Prison would hurt you a lot. Oh, I bet.
Because bedtime, I wouldn't be able to walk or anything.

And honestly, then you'd have to get up and do shit. No, but I can't go, hey, yo, prison guard, what's your name? Larry.
Prison guard. Yeah.
Tomorrow? I'm Larry. Hey, Larry.

So tomorrow, you know, breakfast, all that stuff, we sleep in. No.
Wake up. You got to do exercise and clean.
Yeah, but I'll do that after lunch. No, well, we'll just beat you then.

What do you mean? We'll just beat you. We'll physically come back.
I didn't do anything. I just just want to sleep in.
I tie you. Too bad.
No cameras.

Oh, shit. You'll beat me? Yeah.
With what? Huh? What would you beat me with? What do you want to be beat with?

But I. Do you think they would beat me? Fuck.
They would make me get up in the morning like a military? Absolutely fucking. That's what they do.
You got to go to work. You got to go to fucking work.

Do you sleep early? Like, yo, I'm going to sleep early. I think so.
Go even go to bed early. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I think you. I don't know.
It's like Sod is 11. Can you Google it?

I don't think they do they make you wake up? I don't think so. Of course they do.
There's no, I don't think so. Yes, they do.
No, this is. Also, it depends on what level of prison you're in

yes you do have to wake up in prison around 6 a.m structured daily schedule includes mandatory headcounts and work assignments yeah man they do you got to do shit you're forced to do labor you it's it's you're late if you're doing late yet oh my god they get paid but they would let him do stand-up and get out of it yeah

you know what i do

what

everyone

yeah

you would get fucked whatever whatever it takes i want to sleep in you'd be bottomed

How did it go? How did that Friday go? It was okay.

I mean, I love San Francisco. The punch is great.
And you were there before, and they talked all about you. Bobby was just here.
That was a cool week.

It was me Tuesday, Wednesday, then you Thursday, Friday, Saturday, right? And on Friday during the day,

Matine A shows was Doug Benson. How funny is that? No.
Yeah, he did 4 p.m. Wow.
He does like 420 shows in certain cities. He'll do

at 420 p.m. Yeah, I think he did Saturday before me, I think.
That's a lot of fun. I didn't even get to fucking see him, though, because obviously he's on the road in and out.

But no, dude, that club punch was great. San Francisco is awesome.
There is also a perception of San Francisco that comics have sometimes where they're like, San Francisco, liberals,

they were fucking,

I could

have said everything. It was rad.
It's fun.

I just think San Francisco is misunderstood as an audience. Also, the homeless seem safer.

They're not as knifey. Yeah, they're not as knifey, and they're having conversations with themselves, which is nice.
how I saw a guy doing it the other way.

You ain't got no clarity within this time frame. What do you mean, Jamal? They're like talking to each other.

Infinity stones, create the magic. You know what I mean?

And they're having conversations with each other. And so you're just kind of walking by.
You can't add. No.

You can't go. The mind frame is down below.
And they're like, what you saying? You know what I mean? They'll go down below. Yeah, but

you can listen to them. They're not, you know what I mean, like

naivety. Not knives.
Shanky. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That would be funny to put

a homeless guy at an improv and sign him up for 101 or whatever over at UCB. Yeah.
Just a homeless schizophrenic guy, and he just kills. He gets on SNL a year or two.
Yeah.

That'd be cool. Yeah.
Ladies and gentlemen, crazy bones.

But there is a lot. Did you see a lot of homeless there?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, they're fucking.
But they're so sad. Well, we live here.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I see it fucking here.

I love the homeless here. It's so crazy.
I saw one person in Spain in those two hours. Because you kill them.
You kill them. You get rid of them.
You guys are...

What do you do with the homeless? What do you do with the homeless there?

Airplane in LA.

I saw a couple of TikToks today about Japanese homeless. You know what I mean? And the Typhoons get them.

The Typhoons.

They do. That's real.
The Typhoons fuck them up. Yeah, yeah.
Well, they look so cool. No.
That's just a cool guy. No, it's like a famous meme because it really is a homeless dude.

No, I wanted to start a clothing line called Hobo. And that was, when I brought to a company, that was the photo.
I mean, you looked at it. I want to do a line of clothing that looked like that.

You wear that shit all the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Balenciaga kind of does that. Yeah.
They get it off of that Russian dude. You know that Russian dude?

Okay, look up Balenciaga and then the Russian streetwear guy. That's right.
Have you seen this before? No. You're going to love this.

This guy right here,

right?

He goes to thrift stores

and he's influencing fashion trends.

He's like a homelessy guy in fucking Russia. Are they paying him? No.
Do they want to keep this man homeless just for his art ideas? That's a good idea. Smart.
Yeah. Yeah, don't let him in.

And they steal his fashion ideas by looking at his photos. And he knows this.
Look at

he, that's what he normally wears. And then look what they did.
I mean, it's incredible. That's fucking dark.

What? Who's who? Who's who? The guy on the right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Go back to some of these other ones.

I mean, dude, dope.

No?

Yeah, he's got a cool style. He's a good style.

Yeah, he's cool. Obviously, he was an artist of some kind.

I don't know.

Harper, Bizarre, just

Ukrainian magazine wow it's incredible it's crazy they're just he's stealing from them playing this oh let me tell you something that happened yeah oh my god you just it pissed me off dude yeah

so i'm flying to san francisco you have a do you have a driver no

how do you get to the hotel just uber okay well i have a driver i know you do okay yeah he tells me yeah you get the driver for me I get the driver for you. It's not in his deal.
Yeah.

You pay for my driver?

i pay for your everything okay so anyway um no he pays for his own fun yeah of course yeah so there's this guy you know i land there's a guy he has a sign lee i go hate it's me he's like what's your first name

i go

bobby he's like okay

i'm not lying it gets worse Then we actually, we're walking smoking to the car. Yeah.
He goes,

what hotel are you staying at? He doesn't know. Isn't it in the fucking thing? That's why I ask him.

He goes, Don't you know what hotel I'm staying at? Because I do. Do you?

I go, I don't know. It's in some of my, I have to go to my emails and check it out.
Just getting kidnapped by a fan? No, just check out.

He goes, no, I can't put you in my car unless I know what hotel you're staying at. Seriously? Yeah.
And I go, well, what? You already, I already gave you my name, right?

He's like, it's rules, man.

I've never heard this in my life. Yeah.

And now I'm going through my emails. Then I finally go the hotel.
He's like, okay.

Wow.

And I still give him a big tip. I knew you did.
I was just going to say, I bet you gave him a hundred bucks. But I did.
I threw at him almost.

You know what I mean? I go, here you go, man. I whipped it at him.
Yeah, fuck him. Right.
I just got out. I didn't say goodbye or anything.
It pissed me off. Yeah, that's fucking weird, dude.

Do you know why? He doesn't think that I am anything. How many Lee's has he seen, you know? It's San Francisco.
I also said Bobby. You know what I mean? That's a rare Lee.

That's a less common Lee. Yeah.
It's also like, you know, I don't know. Did I read it wrong? No, that's fucking weird, though, that he did.
I don't know why he did. Has that ever happened to you?

I take Ubers.

You've never gotten a car. It's the same amount of money.
No, I have, but they've never... No, I have.
It's not the same amount of money.

What do you mean? It's more expensive, for sure. Yeah.
It's way more expensive. No, but I have taken.
We've gotten. I'll do Uber's from now on.
Is that that what you're saying? No.

No, you're paying for it. You deserve it.
I don't deserve anything. I just think it's easier.
I like the torture of a foreigner who's speaking on the phone. I like this.

I like to go to a new city and hear their foreign, their foreign local. You know? Yeah.

Redhead.

I want to hear that. Yeah.
No, but

I've had that before. I've had it before where I'm like, oh, that's me.
And because I use an alias, I don't use my name. I'm like, that's me.

And then they have to like check to make sure because it's not, you know what I mean? Yeah. Because it's not my name.
I see. Because it's weird that they hold your fucking name.

That's the weirdest thing. That's why I put mine when we go on the boat.
Yeah, that's smart. But you're so fucking famous.
Bobby Lee, the name is famous. Oh, this guy had no idea.

He knows who you are. No.

Maybe he was fucking with you. He wasn't.
Dude, how old was he?

He was like Brazilian, so he had a thick accent. Oh, You know what I mean?

But

I almost gave him a bad review, but I didn't do it. No, no, you can't do that.
Why? Why can't you? You can't. It's not.
Let him suffer. You're living a great life.
Fuck him. You're right.

You're right. You're right.
Was it worse than our mean Uber driver in Detroit?

What Uber driver? Remind me. Remember, we were three packed in the back of the car.
Yeah.

He was being so rude to us, and you were asking him if he could turn the AC on, and he just wasn't listening, kept turning his music on. Was that the one where we were laughing really loud?

There was one Uber I was in with you. That was with you.
Well, no, that was in London. London.
Oh, that was so funny. We were

on the way to the show with Chappelle. Yeah, yeah, that was so funny.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you asked what this building was, and he was like,

he goes,

And we, and that's all he did. He turned back around, and there was dead silence at first.
And then all of a sudden, we just lost it. I died.
I died lab. Although we also validated him.

We were like, oh, cool. Oh, you were in the car.
Yeah, yeah. We pretended to be on the phone afterwards.
Yeah. What? You pretended to be on the phone afterwards.
You're like, what? Okay.

That was so funny. But then you guys were like, we're going to bomb tonight.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. We could feel it.
Something was in the air that night.

As soon as we passed fucking Abbey Road, I was like, we're dead. We're

legends. And then we're fucking penis jokes.
Thank you for being a bad friend.

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