Talking Limericks with Louie

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Speaker 2 Terms and conditions apply. You two are bad friends.
Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 2 White dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 2 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 3 We're bad friends. How about you? Do you go to car therapy, Carlos? Weekly.
You do? Yes. Yeah, for seven years.
Oh, wow. Yeah.
What did your therapist say?

Speaker 3 He must have had like notepad over.

Speaker 3 You know, one of those scientists, you know, those, yeah, like FBI, CIA, you know what I mean, boards. Kind of cats.
Yeah, yeah. No, it's a hot girl, and she gives me Molly.

Speaker 3 Oh, that's not a therapist. Oh, look.
It's a stripper you're seeing.

Speaker 3 This is a sticker for where I go. It's a large mom.
Fantastic therapy.

Speaker 4 What is it called? California What?

Speaker 3 Center for Psychedelic Therapy.

Speaker 4 Oh, my God.

Speaker 3 Yeah, it's great.

Speaker 3 That's so embarrassing.

Speaker 4 So what? You did Austin, then you did Vegas.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I went to a game in Austin, hung my family, then Vegas for a wedding.
In Austin, what else did you do there? You're not giving us the details.

Speaker 4 I know, there's something.

Speaker 3 There's things going on in your life, and we want to know. Well,

Speaker 3 I did did match with a girl recently yeah

Speaker 3 and it was the girl that we brought on stage in Houston oh

Speaker 3 I don't remember her I don't remember her she's kind of Asian-yeah but like it's like 80% white 20% Asian so that's a good that's a good mix that's a good mix 80 white 20 so a little Asian yeah yeah just what does it show

Speaker 3 I just the eyes are not completely there you know there's an angle to them right

Speaker 3 like a shark like a shark

Speaker 3 yeah like when the eyes were being developed in the wound the asian you say in the wound womb it's womb yeah

Speaker 4 carlos for years thought it was the wound it's inside your wound yeah that's a vagina carlos it's a wound i've heard it goes inside your wound but you she you follow her bobby i do yeah it's marissa to may

Speaker 3 oh no no no i know who you're talking about yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah i want to did you did you link up bring her up on the thing so I can see what she looks like.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I can pull up her name, her last name.

Speaker 3 No, she ghosted me.

Speaker 3 Exactly.

Speaker 3 No, but she followed me on Instagram, so we're doing okay. Okay.

Speaker 4 You're getting ghosted a lot lately? What's going on?

Speaker 3 Yeah, it's all a numbers game. Yeah, I remember at the show.
Yeah. I now remember.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. My dad became.

Speaker 3 She's cute. Yeah, she's cute.

Speaker 4 So she ghosted you.

Speaker 3 She ghosted me, but then I think she responded because it was easy because I was already back in LA.

Speaker 4 Ah, like, oh, she waited to knew you until she knew you were gone? Yeah.

Speaker 3 Smart. Smart girl.
It is smart. Yeah.
So I'm going to try and trap her into a date in Austin. Yeah.

Speaker 3 I think we should move to the Midwest.

Speaker 4 Where do you want to go?

Speaker 3 It's a better dating pool. Oh, it is for sure.
Yeah. Every date I go on here is like, you want to listen to my EP? No.
It's not good.

Speaker 3 It's not good. It's never good.
They don't say EP anymore. Oh, whatever.
Oh, do you want to, and you want to see my paintings? It's never good.

Speaker 4 What do they say if they don't say EP? What do you mean?

Speaker 3 They say EP. Yeah, EP.
This This would be like, uh, go to my like SoundCloud or whatever. Okay.
Would it be like here's like a record?

Speaker 4 Uh, well, I bet you some of the Eastside girls probably are like, Yeah, the East Sir

Speaker 3 they press it, dude. I didn't know they were pressing, yeah, yeah.
Sorry, Eagle Rock girls, come on, dude.

Speaker 4 They'd be pressing, they'd be pressing, they absolutely be pressing.

Speaker 3 My yeah, I mean, that's okay. So that's the prototype of I think who would I want to marry.
Oh, you mean really hot?

Speaker 3 Hot, really hot, notice nothing about your past.

Speaker 4 This has always been your, the mix Asian thing is your key. That's your key demo.
I've dated.

Speaker 3 You've seen. You've met.
I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4 That's what you love the most.

Speaker 3 I love it. Yeah, because Kalila was mixed.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4 Other girls were mixed. Other girls that mixed.

Speaker 3 You know, I dated some mixies. Yeah, yeah.
Because full, it's a lot. It's too much.
Well, it's heavy. Yeah.

Speaker 3 What do you mean? It's heavy.

Speaker 4 It's heavy. Yeah, because if you go meet parents and they're both whites,

Speaker 4 that's a lot of defense you got to play. I know.
But if one of them is part of your lineage in any way, if you got like the Asian dad, you're like, how you doing?

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 4 You know, like at least you got a little in. But if it's two whites, that's a lot of danger.

Speaker 3 Also, there's bullying going on because like I remember when I was dating Sarah Highland, she's, she, she lived, she was from Louisville, Kentucky.

Speaker 4 Our favorite.

Speaker 3 And we went one dinner. One dinner, I came to the dinner, family dinner.
Everyone was wearing kimonos.

Speaker 3 Well, that's respectful.

Speaker 3 They were. That's respectful.
And then they had a tight Hello Kitty shirt for me. So I put it on.
It was really, everyone laughed. That's cute.

Speaker 3 It is cute right but it's like it would have been nice if there was another asian there yeah oh you're the only one i was the only one yeah they should have brought another one in yeah just hire one just to be there and when the grandmother her grandmother didn't really like me that much yeah but you know i did a little asian thing

Speaker 3 i have asian techniques for them to like me i went to the grand piano and i started playing because i knew she was in the living room and then i can see her trying starting to like me right you got to bring you either do that or do your taekwondo something you have to tell them you have asian skills yeah yeah get your abacus out of your car

Speaker 4 yeah yeah wait till you see yeah dude i was at the wedding last night my good buddy what a fun little beautiful wedding can i ask you can i ask you what skaters were there yes no it was of course there's skaters because sean is a phenomenal skater

Speaker 4 eric coston's one of his closest friends

Speaker 3 frosty he's always around he's a good dude are you nice Because I have an Eric Coston story.

Speaker 4 We know each other. I know Costa.
I played golf with him a few times. Oh, you have? Okay.
Yeah. Why you don't like Eric?

Speaker 3 Long, long time ago, I went to a skate party. Rutt Row.
Rutt Roll. What did you do? Wrong, wrong, war coming.
What did you do? Nothing.

Speaker 3 And I met, someone tried to introduce me to him, and he was really cold.

Speaker 4 To you.

Speaker 3 To me. And I remember walking away from that going, I hate that guy.

Speaker 4 It's one of the best.

Speaker 3 But back then, I don't know. Maybe it was because I'm a weird guy.
Yeah. You are very weird.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. And

Speaker 3 I come to parties, you know. Shifty, you know.
Yeah, a little shifty. I'm a shifty little guy.

Speaker 3 But I remember coming out of the... What? It's very urban, like crackheady.
Yeah. I was like, what's that, man? Right, very funny.
Thunder skate style. Yeah, card that is cracked.
Yes, crack.

Speaker 3 Nolly, huh? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Switch, switch, switch.
Switch,

Speaker 3 yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Laser flips, dude.
You love them?

Speaker 3 Hard flip, dog. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, like, I think maybe it was my shifty vibe. Yeah.
But, you know, sometimes you meet somebody and, you know, you don't know what people are going through.

Speaker 4 You're right. You don't know what he's at.

Speaker 3 You don't know. But I always take it personally.

Speaker 3 And I walk away from them going, I need revenge.

Speaker 3 Yeah. I mean, I write down what I'm going to do.
Because you want to be worshipped. That's right.

Speaker 4 Praise, worship.

Speaker 3 That's what the boy needs. What? And that's true.
No, no, I want to be treated like a human being, dude. Not true.
I want to be acknowledged as a human being. Like a normal celebrity.
No, no, no.

Speaker 3 What I'm saying is that.

Speaker 3 Ooh. Oh, that hurt.
Gearing him up. Yeah, you got me geared up, dude.

Speaker 4 You're gearing him up, dude. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Well, I know that's why you want to go to the Midwest, too. Less competition with celebrities.
Ooh, he's getting geared.

Speaker 3 I think that too, though. I know what you're thinking.
Gearing up the Bobo. I'm on Raya, right? Yep.
And a girl's on Raya. Bradley Cooper.
Bobby Lee, which one? Carlos.

Speaker 3 Oh, yeah, you're on there too. Exactly.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got to say, I think Bradley.

Speaker 4 Just honest.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I think Bradley. Honest guess.

Speaker 4 Yeah. Honest guess.
No, yeah, there was a bunch of cool skaters there.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Just guys that, like, I grew up like loving from when I was, it's just such a weird, it's awesome. It's a weird thing to be friends with, guys that you're like, yeah.

Speaker 4 You know, and we, it was an awesome wedding. It was fucking beautiful.

Speaker 3 Everyone was so rad and nice because, you know, like, we don't, I don't know, I don't know his family that well yeah so it was really what's the mix of the family what do you mean what is he oh interesting filipino i don't know i'm not gonna tell you oh yeah there's some mix though there is a mix yeah a brownie he's not a fully yeah there's a brownie there's some brownie

Speaker 3 no

Speaker 3 what what are you what do you be so mysterious about i don't know

Speaker 3 okay

Speaker 4 Yeah, there's a mix. There's a mix.
There's a mixed family. Yeah.
It was rad, though, and everyone was super fucking cool to us and very nice. And it was a beautiful wedding venue.

Speaker 4 It was one of those moments where you're like, and you know what's so funny about skater weddings is that you know no matter what you wear, you're good. Oh, because everyone's wearing cool shit.

Speaker 4 Like, there isn't this weird expectation for like anybody to like go out of their way to be like, I gotta make sure it's like, no, they just want you to look cool, be casual, and have a little bit of, have a little bit of

Speaker 3 a fancy. If I have a wedding, dress up.

Speaker 4 No, no, they did. You know, I'm saying this incorrectly.

Speaker 3 I understand. I know an idiot.
Let me guess.

Speaker 4 What I'm trying to say is, like, the vibe was very like. No tuxedos.
It was like cool clothes.

Speaker 3 It was like how Ron Howard dresses,

Speaker 3 right? Like when he's drinking like a suit, but a t-shirt and a ball cap. Ron Howard style.

Speaker 4 Yeah, it was like skaters. They all have great style.
So it was just like cool. Like this one dude had a fucking super wild green suit on.
It looked so sick.

Speaker 4 Like some dudes had just the dopest gear. I was like, and also wearing vans, like rocking vans.

Speaker 3 Yeah, they dress so good.

Speaker 4 They just have good. Skaters have the best fucking style, dude.
They do. They just have like this vibe of like they pull it off.

Speaker 4 It's, it looks well to do and then still casual as fuck but it's still dressy yeah like this dude uh um this dude cole from metalwood he had this just dope ass purple suit on and i was like this motherfucker it was so like dumb and dumber exactly yeah yeah yeah

Speaker 4 it just looked so fly i wore a traditional black suit so i just that's all i wear to weddings yeah i only wear black you look good just black well because look at this i can't what color are you gonna malto is like colors are option what color do you want to do dude you like a bright color and i was like it's gonna be black bud i can't wear it.

Speaker 3 Look at this. I have to go to Jimmy Owl.
You know, that, that, it says suits for five foot four or less

Speaker 3 on Ventura. I have to go there now.
And whenever I'm there, they're like, yeah, Seth Green just came in. Like all the smaller actors.
Yeah, I mean, Brad Williams just picked up three suits.

Speaker 3 Tom Cruise. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, maybe Jesus.

Speaker 3 See what it's called. It's...

Speaker 4 Joe Pesci, Patrick. No, no, Elijah Wood, Tom Cruise, Kevin Hart.
Brother, you're Michael J. Fox.
You are in good, you're in good company.

Speaker 3 They all go to that Jimmy Owl's place.

Speaker 4 Jimmy Ows, short. What's it called? See, see what that place is called?

Speaker 3 Because I love the guy because he's always there.

Speaker 4 What is it? Big and tall. Is it small and short? Jimmy Owl, small and shorts?

Speaker 4 Dave Franco, a lot of guys that are under 5'8 ⁇ .

Speaker 3 No.

Speaker 3 How about Suits 5'4 or less?

Speaker 3 Sherman Oaks.

Speaker 4 So funny. No tailoring needed.

Speaker 3 Hello.

Speaker 3 Hello. Hello.
Hello.

Speaker 3 Hello, Uncle Louie.

Speaker 3 I brought you five cheeseburgers.

Speaker 3 Are you being real? I brought you five cheeseburgers. Thank you.

Speaker 3 Wow. Did you really go to Bob's big? Wow.

Speaker 4 Let him sit in that blue chair.

Speaker 3 Louie. Louie.

Speaker 4 Wow, Louie, this is extra.

Speaker 3 Extravagant. So I kind of fucked up a story because I...

Speaker 3 Wanted a cheeseburger.

Speaker 4 Yeah, so you brought five of them?

Speaker 3 That's it. Yeah.
No, I was, I, I was looking for, I don't know, like an in-and-out or something. Yeah.
And I was kind of in a hurry and I needed to, I, because I need to eat before a certain hour.

Speaker 3 I wake up in a, in a cold sweat if I eat too late.

Speaker 4 So did you eat?

Speaker 3 So, so I went into Bob's. I was like, oh, this is like a family burger.
Like, cool, right? So I go in and I sit and I pictured coming here with a bag, a paper bag full of burgers. Yeah.

Speaker 3 And just going, here, everybody, have some burgers. And I sat down and I ate Bob's big burger.
Yeah. And it was really disgusting.

Speaker 3 And I got a vanilla shake, but I had a paper straw so I couldn't drink it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4 Then they gave me the burgers in this fucking horrible.

Speaker 3 I thought I wanted it to be like an old-fashioned, like cops

Speaker 3 institution.

Speaker 3 Is it as bad as I

Speaker 3 think mine was? Yeah, they're bad. Louis, can I eat it later?

Speaker 3 Once you leave? Can I eat it? Once you leave? The whole thing was a mistake.

Speaker 3 He has three over there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, no, he will eat.

Speaker 4 No, I'm autozempic. Oh, that's right.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah. I like like that being on ozimpic on ozimpic is like being kosher or something

Speaker 3 yeah it is i mean he did throw up for the first like two weeks he was on it it was tough no i had to switch from ozimpic to wigovi we're on wigovi i'm on wigovi now you don't do that you would never never

Speaker 3 fuck that yeah i don't know i would if it was a good idea but i don't know it's not a good idea because it's terrible i think it's uh i think you're gonna die from that you think you really do no i don't of course not

Speaker 3 an asshole no i i uh don't i don't like i get nervous about things like that going, you know, that change how you feel or that change you neurologically. Oh, neurologically.

Speaker 3 And also, I like the fight I'm in with weight and stuff.

Speaker 3 Yay. I like it.
It's something to lean against, you know. I think you lost weight, no? Oh, thank you.

Speaker 4 Dude, he was doing that. You know, he's setting us up.
That's all he wanted to say.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah. You look so slender.
Me?

Speaker 3 Well, I've been working out and eating more. Oh, that's good.
That's good. Yeah, yeah.
Eating.

Speaker 3 When you do, when you separate, you start working out more and eating less, you're really hurting yourself.

Speaker 3 So I'm just going like I'm more exercise. Yeah.
So let's lay it on.

Speaker 4 What's the one exercise that you actually enjoy? Because none of them are that enjoyable.

Speaker 3 I kind of like the way it all feels. You do? Yeah.

Speaker 4 Fuck, I don't know. I can't get through it lately.
I guess maybe it's also the depression exercise is like I'm doing it because I know I need to do it. Oh, yeah, no, yeah.
Not because I want to do it.

Speaker 3 How old are you?

Speaker 4 42.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I mean, it sure starts to change. I'm 58.
It starts to change.

Speaker 3 yeah yeah what happens feeling different i mean you just sort of like get philosophical about it and you go like i like the way it feels when my body heats up because i'm going on like uphill treadmill or whatever i'm stair master uh and if i don't want to do it i just don't do it i never do it if i don't want to see i do that all the time and i'm starting to eat whatever i want like and what do we what do you mean doesn't matter

Speaker 3 just eat it because Somebody is explaining this to me that if you prohibit, you're in this constant tension that you then have to binge to release.

Speaker 3 But if you just go, like, whatever I want, I'm going to eat it when I want it. What happens is your body goes, like, that fucking hurt.
That actually hurt. That was not a good idea.

Speaker 3 And then that memory makes you go, oh, yeah, I don't want that this time. I want less things than I used to.
You know what I mean? Yeah.

Speaker 3 Do you get hunger pains at night? No.

Speaker 3 You don't?

Speaker 3 Wait. He's still thinking about the old world.
No, no, no. What I'm saying is that late at night, sometimes I'm like, should I get a sandwich?

Speaker 4 No, well, here's the the difference. You're not explaining.
He stays up all night. So he'll be up at four or five.
And it's now been seven hours.

Speaker 3 It's important to me to go to sleep and stay asleep. So if I if I eat too close to bedtime, yeah, I wake up in the at like three in the morning and it's sweat.
Oh, I body's trying to digest.

Speaker 3 You think it's a white thing? Excuse me for saying.

Speaker 3 Well,

Speaker 3 you mean white versus you?

Speaker 3 You mean white in a way that you're not?

Speaker 3 I think our bodies are different. That's all.
They are. That's true.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, but you stay up all night.
Yeah, I do. But because I, you know, I am.
Is it an Asian thing?

Speaker 3 I think it's an Asian thing. Are you Korean?

Speaker 3 Whoa. I don't know anything.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a good guess.
Thank you. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Because when white people guess, they never get it right. You could be Chinese.
Yeah. Could I be? I almost said you could have Chinese.

Speaker 3 Yeah. You could have Chinese.
But that was a really good guess. Korean, yeah.
It's like four. I mean, what's there's a punch? No, there's Thai, Cambodia.
No, I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 That was really good.

Speaker 3 You have a gong, so it's fair to talk about this. That's right.
Yeah, yeah. Right? You have a gong.
You had a gong. Fortune cat.
We have Fortune Cat. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4 His father made this before he died. That's why we, this is an homage to his father.

Speaker 3 Really? Yeah. No.

Speaker 3 Did you make it as a weapon?

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 4 We think about it every time.

Speaker 4 This is when we remind.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 4 He feels his father. Stop doing that, dude.

Speaker 3 Sorry.

Speaker 3 It's fucking weird.

Speaker 4 If you wanted a good burger, you should have texted us. We would have told you where to go.

Speaker 3 That's not where I'm going.

Speaker 4 I really regret it. Yeah, that sucks.

Speaker 3 There's so many good burgers, too. Are you single right now, Louis?

Speaker 3 No.

Speaker 3 Oh, you're seeing somebody?

Speaker 3 Yeah, I'm with somebody very much. Oh, very good.
Very in love with somebody. Oh, that's great.
Yeah, somebody I want to be with. Wow.

Speaker 4 He's looking for love.

Speaker 3 No, what I'm saying is that I was curious.

Speaker 3 Does Louis ever date Asians?

Speaker 3 Have you ever dated an Asian in your life? Yes. Oh, good.
Yeah. Very good.
Very good. I dated a Korean woman for a little while, yeah.

Speaker 4 And what did you, what was that experience? Because I've been dating a Korean woman for six years now.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 3 So you are Korean. Yeah.
Yeah, I am. That's why I said you got it, right?

Speaker 3 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 3 I thought, yeah. Yeah, it's very good.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 Well, one thing, because she told me, the woman I dated told me,

Speaker 3 I asked her, what's your last name? And she was like, I mean, guess. You're going to get it in two guesses.
All right. Because it's like Lee or Park.

Speaker 3 True. It's like, it's only one of those.
There's some cho's chose. There's some choes.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 He's envious of a couple choes. That's why.

Speaker 3 But what was it like? So she was, I really liked her very much. She was cool.
And she was, she had an interesting.

Speaker 3 She was

Speaker 3 a different. She talked about being Korean without my asking her.
You know, it was part of her.

Speaker 3 She said that it was,

Speaker 3 there wasn't many.

Speaker 3 Also, she was Korean of my generation. There was nobody.
She was like in a desert of Koreans in her,

Speaker 3 raised in New Jersey.

Speaker 3 And she said that she had like two friends, and they are still very close because they felt very isolated. Yeah, there wasn't many people from their culture.

Speaker 3 But she told me interesting things like that. When Korean people say, hello, they say,

Speaker 3 when have you eaten? Or they say, have you eaten? Yeah. That's their how you doing.

Speaker 4 What is that? What's it? Your mom says that?

Speaker 3 When we see her? Pekopa? Pekopa? Begopa? Begopa. Yeah.
Are you hungry? Are you hungry? Yeah.

Speaker 4 Yeah, yeah. His mom does that.

Speaker 3 And then Pebbulo is: I'm hungry.

Speaker 3 I'm full. I'm full.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I know gochu, which is penis.
Okay. Donkomok, which is butthole.
Yeah. Jut, which is tit.
Boji, pussy.

Speaker 3 That's all I know.

Speaker 3 I think that's all I know. Plural for tit.
You can only say it's boji's, maybe. Yeah.
Boji, boji. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Boji boji.

Speaker 3 That's like titty-titty. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then here's another thing. I learned

Speaker 3 jukjuk.

Speaker 4 No.

Speaker 3 Yeah, no, let me finish.

Speaker 3 What? Go, go, go. You know what jukjuk is? Yeah, isn't that jizz? No, no, jukjuk isn't jizz.
I'm trying to start a Korean car.

Speaker 3 Jukjuk is slang for sex.

Speaker 3 So I asked a Korean guy, I go,

Speaker 3 I've never, like, what, why jukjuk? He goes, that's what sex sounds like.

Speaker 3 Lots of pussy farts in Korean.

Speaker 3 Yeah. I guess they're queefing a lot over there.
You know what I mean? But yeah. They are.
Yeah. I've never heard juke juke when I'm having sex.
No. Well,

Speaker 3 I always hear a Korean guy in the room when juke juke.

Speaker 4 Yeah. Sitting in the cockchair.
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Speaker 3 Yeah. So you're in love with

Speaker 3 that. Yes.
That's great.

Speaker 3 Yeah, she's great. She's awesome.
Yeah. Is there limerence involved?

Speaker 3 No, I don't think so. Oh,

Speaker 3 I mean, both of us are single. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But

Speaker 3 is there one person more like, you know what I mean, obsessed with the other person? No, I think we feel we feel pretty equal. Whoa.
And it's nice, you know. Like,

Speaker 3 I heard somebody talking once about, like, you know, I don't want to be the kind of guy who picks girls up at the airport.

Speaker 3 Like, that's, I heard that said is a bad thing, picking them up at the airport. Right.

Speaker 3 And I've picked her up at the airport.

Speaker 4 You like her. Well, how did that?

Speaker 3 That one time I was coming home and she goes, hey, I could pick you up at the airport. I'm like, you don't have to.
And she said, can I please pick you up at the airport?

Speaker 3 And I was like, good, we're equal. We're mad.

Speaker 4 It depends on what airport, to be honest. I mean, that is a big piece of it.
What? It depends on the airport. I mean, like, for sure.
My wife has never,

Speaker 4 never, I mean, I, but I don't, I would, it's such an annoyance. I, like, I don't even want her to because I'm pissed off when I get to the airport.
She's going to show up annoyed.

Speaker 4 It's like, I'd rather you just be chill at home. Yeah.
Yeah. Cause I, yeah.

Speaker 3 I don't like it when they don't do the full thing. What do you mean? What? Let me finish.

Speaker 3 All right.

Speaker 4 Let me finish. She speaks in limericks.

Speaker 3 Let me finish, okay? All right. Kalila, my ex-girlfriend, she goes, I'll pick you up from the airport, right? But when I would land, she wouldn't be there.
And she's like, I'm stuck in traffic. No go.

Speaker 3 You're right.

Speaker 3 Be at the, when the escalators go down where the baggage claim is, be there with a sign.

Speaker 3 All right. And then sometimes it's like, come to the parking lot because I'm not going to go in.
You just have to find my car. No, fuck you.
No.

Speaker 4 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 You come to me.

Speaker 4 You come to me. Yeah.

Speaker 3 I think that's fair. Thank you.
Yeah, I mean, well,

Speaker 4 it's not a full endorsement yeah yeah yeah i'm just being polite yeah yeah um i just don't expect i just it just i'm doing my best to travel better now to have a better attitude because it's such a nightmare when you get that viral but that's why whenever she used to do it when we were younger and broke she was like you know you can get a cab yeah like you make money out when yeah but you're married yeah but no i'm saying before we were married when we were dating she was like get a fucking cab i'm sorry how long you've been married for almost 10.

Speaker 3 fantastic it's fantastic yeah you have kids No kids.

Speaker 4 Can't have kids.

Speaker 4 No. She's got a penis.

Speaker 3 No.

Speaker 3 Okay. I don't know.
No, she doesn't.

Speaker 3 No.

Speaker 4 No, she doesn't.

Speaker 3 Is it worth it? What? Having children. You have some.
I have two. Yeah.
That's two. That's some.
That is.

Speaker 3 I think some is. I think some is three or more.

Speaker 3 Do you really?

Speaker 4 A couple is two. Some is three.
Wow. It's some three?

Speaker 3 I think some. It's like a series is three or more.

Speaker 4 It's crazy to teach an Asian math. That's like the wildest shit.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah, yeah. A couple is two.

Speaker 4 Some is three.

Speaker 3 It's more cultural, social math, though. Yeah.
Okay.

Speaker 4 He's bad at all of them. Sure.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Okay, so that you have

Speaker 3 a couple.

Speaker 3 What? It's worth it.

Speaker 3 I think anybody who's on the fence about it should just do it. Really? It's never a mistake.
It's impossible for it to be a mistake.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 3 Person. Yeah.
Yeah. For whatever happens.
Wow. Well, your kids are grown, like grown-grown, right? 20 and 23.
Wow. Wow.

Speaker 4 Out of college, yeah, or at college, any of them?

Speaker 3 College, yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 That's fucking great.

Speaker 3 Because I remember your first HBO special, the half hour. I think that was your first, right, on HBO or no?

Speaker 3 I did one back in the 90s that was just goofy jokes, but the one I did that was a half hour was all. You talked about your kids and stuff.
Yeah, that was a great special. Thanks.
Amazing. Thank you.

Speaker 3 You know, I met you. You don't remember when I met you.
I think I brought it up the last time I saw you. It was on Nat TV with Lawrence Growski.
I remember. You don't remember meeting me.
I do because

Speaker 3 my friend Dino wrote for you guys. Oh, yeah, Dino.
And I was on the lot doing something else. I don't remember.
Maybe Cedric the Entertainer's show. Yeah, that's right.
That's right.

Speaker 3 And so, yeah, I do. I used to see you around.
I didn't really, we didn't like hang out. Hang out.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4 Did you write for Cedric's show?

Speaker 3 I did. You did? Cedric the Entertainer presents.
It's pretty great. You wrote on that show.
I was a writer and co-executive producer, yeah. Wow.

Speaker 4 Give us some good sed bits.

Speaker 3 Cedric, yeah, I mean, Cedric was like Jackie Gleason, he was like a great performer. He's fascinating, he's so fascinating, yeah.

Speaker 4 He really like it now because now he's on like a uh, like a traditional uh sitcom and it's massively popular, right?

Speaker 3 Yes, neighbor, the neighbor, something like that. Yeah, I never seen that.
That's still there, that's still going on.

Speaker 4 Oh, it's got to be. It's with those network shows, they'll just they keep riding.

Speaker 3 He was one of the most natural performers I ever worked with. A guy could make anything funny

Speaker 3 eight seasons. I think

Speaker 3 we had this bit that I wrote called Texas versus Maine, and it was some like local access cable show in Texas that he's and he's a Texan, and it's about how much better Texas is than Maine, and he hates Maine.

Speaker 3 And he does this kind of like

Speaker 3 kind of like, what's his name? The

Speaker 3 cartoon character with Cowboy Harry.

Speaker 4 I know, I can't think of his fucking name. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4 70 Sam. You're 70 Sam.
70 Sam.

Speaker 3 He did sort of an impression of him.

Speaker 3 And I used to love watching him do it. He was really something.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 A good guy, too, like really good guy.

Speaker 4 Yeah. You haven't talked to him in years.

Speaker 3 Oh, I haven't? No.

Speaker 3 You haven't talked.

Speaker 3 I can tell. I can tell.
It's been a few years.

Speaker 4 Well, because you're talking about him in past tense, like he died. Like he died.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 No, we just still, we didn't, we didn't stay friends. I mean, not actively, but I'm always happy when I do see him.

Speaker 3 I said. Yeah.
Hey. Do you hug him or no?

Speaker 3 Because that tells me a lot. I don't think you're a hugger.
We hug. You do? Yeah, I like you.
Yeah. Okay, good.
I mean, when I saw you the other day, you gave me a side hug. That was very fruitful.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 4 I'll tell you the best thing that, uh, the thing that warmed my heart, you said to me, this was great. This is probably the best piece of advice I've gotten from someone.

Speaker 4 We were at the cellar and we were in

Speaker 4 the fat black lounge

Speaker 4 and you were in the hallway and you were like, that was really good. When I got off stage, I said, oh, thank you, man.
And you go, that's family stuff. That's great.
And I go, yeah, thank you.

Speaker 4 And you go, that other stuff, get rid of that.

Speaker 3 And I was like, okay.

Speaker 4 And you go, the family said, that was good. And I go, right, right.
And you go, but the other stuff.

Speaker 3 No, he didn't. Yes, he did.
Yes, he did. Yeah, he did.

Speaker 3 You did? Yeah. In a jokey way.
No, I meant

Speaker 3 fucking great. Oh, you did? He was I saw him at the Fat Black.
I had never seen him.

Speaker 3 I've seen clips of you guys together and stuff. Yeah.

Speaker 3 And so I was just watching him, and he was doing this stuff about his family. And he was doing a really smart bit about

Speaker 3 how you can about resentment towards his parents and that later when they become weaker and you start controlling their lives, you can get revenge on them.

Speaker 3 And it sounded really like the feelings felt real. Yeah.
And that was really engaging.

Speaker 3 And then he talked about if you really want to get back at people that age, give them Bluetooth for presents, like Bluetooth items. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And

Speaker 3 it was a great bit. And then he started started doing something about Trump and those issues that, you know, and I was like, I just

Speaker 3 went away. I just went away.
And that's how I feel about most people. Yeah.

Speaker 3 He's as good.

Speaker 3 I think I said to you, you're as good as anybody while you're talking about your family. Yeah.
You're as good as anyone. Like, really great.

Speaker 3 And then the other thing is you sound like everyone. Right.
You sound just like everyone else.

Speaker 3 Because this thing might take on the, you know, everyone's trapped in like four issues for like since 2016. Yeah, Trump, trans, blah, da, da, da.
It's just the same fucking stuff.

Speaker 3 And here's my take on the woke this. It's just so boring.
Yeah. And

Speaker 3 everyone takes a shot on Twitter and on the podcasts. We all do it.
So on stage, it's like, why, why? You can fashion a great, you know,

Speaker 3 no one has your family. No one has your voice.
You know, it's totally interesting to watch somebody. You can tell where they're, you know,

Speaker 3 where they're coming from

Speaker 3 ethnically, where they're coming from in where they are and the kind of family they had. That's, I'll listen to that all day.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 Can I ask you? It was awesome. I loved it.

Speaker 3 Can I ask you a question?

Speaker 3 Yeah. You don't have to ask.

Speaker 3 I'm on your show. I know, but can I ask you one? Yeah.
Okay.

Speaker 3 Let me. Okay.

Speaker 3 So, um, I want, no, this is the way, because I want to be real for a second. Sure,

Speaker 3 okay. So, um,

Speaker 3 I've always been obsessed about killing uh-huh so i'm not as prolific okay right yeah i understand that yeah and i haven't changed my i mean right now i'm doing a special for hulu so i'm trying to come up with new stuff but my point is is that

Speaker 3 i'm so afraid of not killing that i i i've been i'm in a fucking rut i totally because of that fear yeah you know what i mean and it's like i know that there's more that i can do i know there's more that i can say and i just don't do it because i hate bombing You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 And it's like, I just know that I'm not growing. And I know that, you know what I mean? You're so, you're very prolific.

Speaker 3 If I can say that. Yes, I am.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, you're one of those comics that, like, if you're performing, like, all the comics will run into the room to watch you.

Speaker 3 When I perform, they fucking leave. They're fucking fire.
They don't leave. They do.
They do. The whole background.

Speaker 3 None of that matters. Okay.

Speaker 3 Fuck the other comedians. That's not your audience.
Okay. You're not doing this for them.
Yeah. Who am I doing for for them? They're just their competition and their colleagues.

Speaker 3 They're just people that also do what you do. Okay.
It has nothing to do with them. Yeah.

Speaker 3 How do I get over this rut, though? You know, what you're describing is a very important thing, and it's a very vulnerable place to be. You know exactly what you have to do.

Speaker 3 Your problem is your solution is right in front of you.

Speaker 3 What is it? It's just you gotta, you gotta get over it.

Speaker 3 No, in other words, you're you're I mean, what I'm saying is you're way ahead of the game because a lot of people don't understand what their problem is. Yeah.
I totally understand it.

Speaker 3 And that is the basic problem for most comedians.

Speaker 3 Um,

Speaker 3 because they are afraid of that feeling. I'm not killing.
I was raised to kill as a comic.

Speaker 3 I started in Boston, and in Boston, it was like you might get hurt if you don't kill because the room might get really nasty. Right.
And someone might throw shit at you.

Speaker 3 They might wait for you outside. Like, there's a feeling in Boston of like,

Speaker 3 There's the bad version of this is fucking bad.

Speaker 3 And also, there was this kind of like this biting spirit there. So I, I liked it.
I was 18 when I started. So I was killing, killing, killing.
It took me a long time to realize that this isn't.

Speaker 3 I still try to untrain myself. There's bits where I'm like, that crushes,

Speaker 3 but it's not making me better. I got to stop doing it.
So it's not only not wanting to bomb. It's also like.

Speaker 3 backing away from the obvious sometimes and just going like, yeah, that bit annihilates, but

Speaker 4 what are we doing? You know better, yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah. It's not quite, it's no quality to it.
There's nothing that's, it's not taking me anywhere new. I mean, all the thing is, uh, the problem with comedians is they take everything very personally.

Speaker 3 And it's a

Speaker 3 scientific thing kind of comedy, and it's an art. So you should think of the like privilege the work.
What's what matters is this bit, right?

Speaker 3 Like I was watching this kid in New York, and he was doing bits about the election, the last one and it had been over for a while and uh and the bits were strong yeah but people weren't really into it yeah and he made some comment on stage like oh i guess you guys don't like my politics or something and i pulled him aside afterwards and i said

Speaker 3 it's because it's an old

Speaker 3 topic no one wants to hear about it old elections and he said i know but this bits were killing and i don't want to let him go yeah and he what i said to him was because he was very young guy so i said

Speaker 3 if you you took the two minutes of political material and instead you stood there and did nothing, you'd grow more as a comic. It'd be better for you as a comedian.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 I think every comedian should try to put, especially in these workout sets in the clubs. Yeah.

Speaker 3 At some point, have like an alarm go off or some way that you go, I'm going to do 90 seconds. I got no act.
Just 90 seconds of just...

Speaker 3 of just try to see what happens if you don't keep coming and coming and coming with it.

Speaker 3 It's that panic moment of like, I got to kill right now. If you can just get past it, it's like the sound barrier, you know, with that big explosion.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 On the other side of the sound barrier is like, there's a calm. You go like, ooh, I got power now.
I'm not killing. They're looking at me.
This is weird. Yeah.
I'm still here. I'm alive.

Speaker 3 I can do a bunch of things I couldn't do on the other side of this.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 You can only do one thing when you need it to be kill kill kill but if you get past that you have like this bunch of other options that you're like wow i could do this they're looking at the room comes alive when you stop getting laughs it does people yeah people start going what is going on there's no because it's a haha it puts you to sleep yeah ha

Speaker 3 they're not even listening after a while You know, if you're doing jokes, ha ha, joke, haha, you could one always do one joke where you go, and then I flap the jet black laps. Ha ha.

Speaker 3 It like where you literally make no sense and you'll get, that's why a lot of comics have like 15 tags and they're getting jokes just because the motor's in motion. They're not funny.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 But you just get, you know what I mean?

Speaker 4 I mean, it's,

Speaker 3 you just have to, you're 54. What are you waiting for?

Speaker 3 It's time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's never too late. Okay.
You need to start going on stage and having bad sex. Yeah.
You have to. You have to.
Yeah. You have to.
That's it.

Speaker 3 That's it. That's you won't grow.
You have to.

Speaker 3 No, you have to, you have to. No, no, no.
You have to. I do it all the time.
Every time I go out to start writing a show,

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Speaker 3 And nowhere in time on set, you're like,

Speaker 3 I've lost the room and I have to do a joke that I know it's proven. Or no, you stay in the try not to do that.

Speaker 3 I do, I'm weak when I do that, but I try to stay in it and just go like, this is like when I'm developing a new hour, I go to the seller, I go in, I haven't been in for a while, I do five minutes, maybe I just a few jokes jokes I have, and then I get off.

Speaker 3 And the next time I do 10, when I get to about 20,

Speaker 3 then it starts filling in and it starts getting strong. When I have a strong 20, I put it away.
I'm like, you can't do these jokes anymore.

Speaker 3 And I go back in with nothing and I start with another zero hard.

Speaker 3 What's so funny?

Speaker 4 And then you get that brave heart joke.

Speaker 3 Well, I'm going to do it.

Speaker 3 Okay. 1996.

Speaker 3 So I don't do it on the special.

Speaker 4 He's got a brave heart joke.

Speaker 3 Yeah. It's funny.
It's fresh. Listen, my last special, or one of the last ones, I did a special, a joke about Goodwill Hunting, and it was, which one I love.
I'm not going to be one of those jokes.

Speaker 3 Well, you did a whole thing about the Bible.

Speaker 4 That's fucking old.

Speaker 3 The Bible's been out for a while. Yeah, yeah.
So, Louis, I'm going to make a deal with everyone in this room, okay? Yeah. For my special, I'm going to, because I've never done a special.
Right. Right?

Speaker 3 So I have to do the things that I've amassed. No, you don't.

Speaker 3 For my special, it's in two months. Okay, well,

Speaker 3 I know. But for the next, you know what I mean, thing.
Yes, look, do the special and clean house. I'm cleaning house.
And then start over. I'm never going to do those yoke.
That's great. That's right.

Speaker 3 Right. Yeah.
I love that.

Speaker 4 He's going to clean house the way a hoarder does, where they're like, don't really get rid of that.

Speaker 3 Put that right there. And then I'll throw out one of the four Kermits.

Speaker 3 i'm keeping the other three kermits unboxed i'm gonna tell you what i'm gonna tell you why i'm doing it sure yeah because when i perform i don't feel good i feel pain yeah man yeah every i get that i've been there yeah i feel pain i feel disgusted when i drive home i don't feel good you got you totally get what's going on i know there's something going on yes and it's like when i was younger and i was like bombing and i was like trying new things and going what's my voice and all that more fun it was in retrospect.

Speaker 3 I mean, back then, you were struggling, there was no money, and getting stage time and all the fucking shit that you have to go through. But still, in terms of performing, it felt new.
It felt

Speaker 3 jokes that kill our traps. They are prisons.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 And they keep you from, I mean, you're stuck in these bits. It's horrible.
Yeah. I had the same opening joke for like 10 years or more.

Speaker 3 And every time I said it, it felt like I was pissing out of my own mouth.

Speaker 3 I hated it. I hated it so much.

Speaker 4 Can you tell me what is the joke?

Speaker 3 Yeah, it's actually about piss. I hate it.

Speaker 3 I hate saying it. Please do.

Speaker 4 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 It's, oh, God, it's so horrible. I mean, it is what it is.
It's a joke, but it was about it. I live in New York.
It was like,

Speaker 3 New York is the only city where you actually have to say things like, hey, that's mine. Don't piss on it.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 4 I love that. That's a great joke.

Speaker 4 I liked it. I liked it.
Yeah, I've heard you do it. It's a fine joke.

Speaker 3 Do it for 10 years years every night. Like, it's not.

Speaker 4 You felt

Speaker 4 he's autistic.

Speaker 3 Sorry about that.

Speaker 4 He'll move furniture the whole shit.

Speaker 3 It's just kind of what he does.

Speaker 3 When you try new stuff, do you have a button or is it sometimes like just a premise?

Speaker 3 Yeah,

Speaker 3 I think it's a premise. Like I come up with, I'll be, you know, walking around and I'll have a thought or in a conversation where I'm like, that's, I know that area is a bit.
Right.

Speaker 3 And I'll write down the premise, just the word, like two words of what it is. And then I wait, I try not to think about it too much till I get on stage.

Speaker 3 And then I go on stage the next time and I explain it to the first audience. And that's how I write it usually.
Wow. And then it gets refined over time.

Speaker 3 Once in a while, bits come to me full,

Speaker 3 like, well, I don't know where that came from, but just like a joke, like I'll come up with a, I'll think of a sentence and then I'll think of a joke because I do still like jokes, you know? Yeah.

Speaker 3 So I, jokes i just they come they pop in uh but bits where you're talking about something that's that's the way i do those you just you know there's an area there's something there and you wait because they're listening there that's no better they're the instrument so when you're working in the dark it's like being a composer they like to have a piano They like to hear it, you know, not just sit there and go, this, you know, have it all in their head.

Speaker 3 Yeah. When you have an audience, that's your instrument.
So they're sitting there waiting and that makes you, that brings it out of you.

Speaker 3 And it makes you come up with it funny because that's what you do.

Speaker 4 Pitch Louis some bits.

Speaker 4 He's got some new shit. Pitch him some bits.

Speaker 3 No.

Speaker 4 Pitch him some bits.

Speaker 3 I'm not doing it now. Yeah, do it.
No, no, no. I'm not doing that right now.

Speaker 4 Steve, he's got a couple in the chamber. Come on.
Tell me one. Tell him one of the new bits.
One idea for a new bit. Come on.

Speaker 3 Well, I have a bit that

Speaker 3 I'm trying to get to work.

Speaker 4 Look at Louis when you do it. Don't look at me.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I want to look at you, dude. I want to look at you.
I want to look at you right now. Sorry, for you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's good for you.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 So I have a bit about like, my dad used to tell wild stories. I don't know if they were true or not.
Right.

Speaker 3 Like when I was 14, my dad goes, when I was your age, okay, in Korea, I used to kill wolf.

Speaker 3 Right? I go, there are wolves in Korea? So many wolves. You know what I mean? Everywhere, wolf.
You know, one time wolf attacked, I break a leg. Right.
I take a stick, pop, pop in the face. Right.

Speaker 3 Then a couple of days later, my friend

Speaker 3 John brought his core giver to my house. house.
And my dad goes, how old is your wolf?

Speaker 3 Used to kill dogs?

Speaker 3 It's a great bit. What's wrong with you? It doesn't get a huge laugh, though, on stage.
It gets kind of a

Speaker 3 giggle. It's a great bit.

Speaker 3 You got to do that bit.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a great bit.
Yeah. Just give him another one.
No, I want to give it another.

Speaker 3 You got to keep doing it.

Speaker 3 Yeah. All of every bit I have

Speaker 3 that destroys

Speaker 3 started either weak

Speaker 3 or like pissing people off. But I just keep doing it.
And it's like, it's like walking to a firing squad and saying, shoot me, it's hard. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 And you go, and they go, uh-huh.

Speaker 3 But these, all these bits are really, there's still a few in my set now, even though I'm doing theaters that I'm like, I still know I'm not getting what I should be getting with that one.

Speaker 3 It still feels weak, but I still believe in it. So I'm still, and it keeps changing and changing.
So I gotta, because sometimes you gotta keep doing it. You gotta do that bit over and over again.

Speaker 3 Okay, that's what it is. Yeah, over and over again.
Over and over again.

Speaker 4 Are you doing the bit? Are you doing the bit about the uh how we can mount and dismount an entire race in one?

Speaker 3 I don't remember. I remember those words.
Oh, I love them.

Speaker 4 I don't remember what the words were. The way you said that, that stuck.
I mounted. Now you're saying the way that we say, like when you have someone on the fucking news, yeah, says, like, oh, that.

Speaker 3 Yeah. No, I don't do it anymore.
Why, dude? Yeah, I had a whole bunch of stuff about

Speaker 3 people, the way people talk in the news.

Speaker 3 and i had some about trump and all this stuff and i and that stuff i just decided i didn't want there here and i'll tell this may help you okay i was given that bit so i went

Speaker 3 so i was doing um

Speaker 3 when i went back on the road i took a year and a half off of comedy i wasn't i was gonna quit like i decided i didn't want to do it anymore and i so it was a really great break because i wasn't like just taking time off i was like i'm done but then i started coming up with ideas jokes so you know i just got full.

Speaker 3 I wanted to do them. And then I was like, let's just get back to it.
But when I first started going out with this new set, it had these weird bits that are kind of strange.

Speaker 3 And then this killer chunk about the news and all that stuff. And I was like, where do I put that? That it, where does it hurts these other bits? How do they, you know?

Speaker 3 And then I was in Omaha doing a bunch of shows at the Funnybone. And one night I was like, what if tonight you don't

Speaker 3 you don't do those bits at all? Just take them out. And I took them out, and everything else in the show kind of rose up.

Speaker 3 And the show just got, because it had a cohesion to it, and it just got better. Like, your bit is competing with these other bits.
Like,

Speaker 3 it can't follow Braveheart or whatever you're killing.

Speaker 3 Oh, I see it. Yeah.
So once you're done with this special,

Speaker 3 that bit should be like your. No, I'm doing that bit in the special.
Okay. It's a new bit.
But I mean, these bits will do better.

Speaker 3 The new ideas oh i see what you're saying when they have a little feeling but those also the bit about the news brian regan did a bit kind of like it no not like that your your his spin was the way people talk in the news then versus now and you were saying the way that you'll have an anchor no but he did he did a thing about people saying uh there's uh uh there was a fire today in nicaragua oh nicaragua oh that's right right right right right right right

Speaker 3 so i was doing i I was doing that.

Speaker 4 It was kind of near it. It was near enough.

Speaker 4 The phrasing was great. The phrase stuck out of my brain when you go, how did you mount and dismount an entire race in one word?

Speaker 3 And with one word of your life. I love that.
Yeah, it was fun to do. I like that bit.

Speaker 3 And then I did a thing about homeless versus unhoused. The unhoused.
But I just don't want to.

Speaker 3 I'm tired of having clever takes on what's going on in the world. Oh, fuck.
I'm tired.

Speaker 3 Fuck. My whole act is fucked.

Speaker 3 I have a whole homeless bit. That's just me.
I have have five minutes of homeless. That's just me.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 4 His special is literally called Clever Take on What's Going On.

Speaker 3 Fuck. We got to change.
I'm just going to put the greatest hits out, and then the next time I'm going to grow, and it's going to be.

Speaker 3 What about you? Where are you at?

Speaker 4 I just put out a fucking special on Hulu,

Speaker 4 which, you know, which was a good time for me to put out a special because it was Charlie Kirk got shot. Anniversary of 9-11, and then they took Jimmy Kimmel off the air.
And I was like,

Speaker 4 put out a special.

Speaker 3 here. Drop it right there.
Drop it right there.

Speaker 4 It's fucking insane. And Hulu, he's doing it with Hulu, too.

Speaker 3 Is it your first one?

Speaker 4 That's my Hulu. That's number one.
I did one before.

Speaker 4 I did one previous. Well, no, I did.

Speaker 3 Technically, that's you've done two on Hulitan.

Speaker 4 No, Showtime, then Netflix. Netflix was the first real, real special.

Speaker 3 Does Hulu have it forever or do you get it back? No, you get it back.

Speaker 4 Like Netflix, too, they took mine down after it was like a license. So I might just put it up on YouTube.
We were talking about that.

Speaker 3 Yeah, don't worry about it.

Speaker 3 this little it's a body of work you're compiling over time. Yeah, so I so it's got a life on Hulu right now, but the special I did a special called Hilarious and it was on epics.
Yeah

Speaker 3 Great company great company who cares who gives a shit. Yeah, yeah, it doesn't matter.

Speaker 3 No, I know it does it's all all of the back when I used to before I started selling them myself I used to just find who wants this one and it would be like showtime or one was epics one was this it just doesn't matter.

Speaker 3 No, they're all there. You're compiling a library.

Speaker 4 But now you'll sell them yourself forever. You're never going to go to a thing again.
You'll just do just you now, right?

Speaker 3 I don't know. Yeah.
I don't know. I mean, I kind of like to be on a platform just to get more new eyeballs on the work, maybe.
But I don't know.

Speaker 4 We'll see. Also, plug the book.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Do you have a copy of the book? No.

Speaker 4 Dude, this is so funny. You would never read it.

Speaker 3 I have a library.

Speaker 4 Oh, you want it just in the... Yeah, I have everyone's thing.

Speaker 3 Do you guys have a copy? They should have sent you one.

Speaker 4 Yeah, Bobby has a copy.

Speaker 3 No, honestly, where's my copy? I literally don't have a copy.

Speaker 4 I handed it to you.

Speaker 3 Yeah, he did hand it to you. Where is it? It's over here somewhere.
It's got to be over here somewhere.

Speaker 3 This pile of books. I have a pile of books up there.

Speaker 3 I'm going to read it. I'm going to read it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but I mean, you should show it to people, right, or something? Yeah, yeah.
I mean, I don't know. Whatever, man.

Speaker 3 I don't know if I have it.

Speaker 4 Where is the book?

Speaker 3 I have the book. Star Trek the Next Generation X-Men.
I didn't write that. At the Catholic Bible?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I don't know where it is, dude.

Speaker 4 Bring it up on the fucking thing. Bring it up there.

Speaker 3 Bring it up on the fucking thing, you know? That's probably.

Speaker 4 My favorite thing is him getting mad it's your book he gave it to you i don't remember there it is there it is baby

Speaker 3 ingram ingram that's my new i just wrote that and that's about rick ingram from uh

Speaker 3 chris rocks over what is it about ingram it's about a little boy who's uh kicked out of his house when he was like nine and he's just walking around texas and he's alone and he's uh and he's and life gets really hard for him like chauncy gardner from being there yeah but he's like much younger okay yeah but chauncey gardner Gardner, the character, was young because he had no influence except for television.

Speaker 3 So he was kind of a child. Sure.
Yeah. Well, that's not what this book's about.
I know, but what I'm saying is that

Speaker 3 it's not that's, you know, me different. Sure, if you want.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's about a guy named Chauncey Gardner.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 4 If that's what you want.

Speaker 3 It's a little boy, like kind of like Paris, Texas. He's kind of wandering.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, but I don't know Paris, Texas.
Oh, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4 Why are you doing that? I don't know. Just let him have the book.
Oh, yeah, yeah. You're trying trying to shoehorn some other fucking story into it.

Speaker 3 I mean, it's fine.

Speaker 4 It drives me nuts. Yeah.

Speaker 3 I was trying to sound intelligent. It's not working.

Speaker 3 It's not.

Speaker 4 Stop it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 Now, audiobook, is there an audiobook? Yeah. And are you doing the narration? I read it.
Yeah. Oh, that's great.
I'll listen.

Speaker 4 I find it very odd when people don't read it.

Speaker 3 Yeah, that's it. That wrote it.

Speaker 4 You wrote, you wrote it, you read it.

Speaker 3 Well, I'm a performer. I perform, so I can do that.

Speaker 3 Some authors probably would have a hard time doing it. It's hard.
It's like really hard.

Speaker 4 It takes a couple weeks, yeah. But I mean,

Speaker 4 I think a lot of times we find, right, that, like, like, look at Stephen King. Like, you know how bad Stephen King got off doing his reading? Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 4 Like, I think some of these guys they love to write, but they're also like,

Speaker 4 you want to hear me talk about it?

Speaker 3 Well, it's weird when you read it because you're faced with what you wrote. Yeah.
So, and you have to read it with all the, you can't go like,

Speaker 3 yeah. I kind of wanted to do a version, like a whole version where i read it like this or like

Speaker 3 or read it in like like this or something like a whole the whole book in falsetto or something yeah so he's walking around the fucking farm yeah he's walking around the farm but anyway yeah but do you read in paragraphs like and then you go cut you cut it there you go as far as you can go in one piece and then you keep and also somebody's there to keep stopping you because you fuck up a lot all right so you have somebody going you got that wrong or tedious thing like when we do the movie it's when we did the animated movie oh yeah yeah yeah yeah we did an animated movie.

Speaker 3 Where you give me notes, where you give me notes. I give him notes.

Speaker 4 I do give him notes live.

Speaker 3 Every line, he goes, that's not how you say it. Well, because.
And I'm like, what? He's like, well, and then you give me scenarios. Imagine this and this.
And they're like, okay, I get it.

Speaker 4 Well, try to have him say Fakasha. It's fucking hurtful.

Speaker 3 Fukasha. Yeah, well, he got it there.
Yeah, if you work for a week.

Speaker 4 In your fucking face, no, we play these two little creatures, but we're bouncing a lot. Like we do on the show.
We're bouncing. You know, it's like bouncing conversation.
And sometimes he'll be.

Speaker 3 Am I the worst? No, no, no. To be honest.
No, you're the worst. Shut up.

Speaker 4 No, but he's so good. But sometimes he'll be not in our conversation.
Yeah. He's reading the character as if it's existing in another space.
I'm like, we're doing it. It's you and me.

Speaker 3 It's you and me.

Speaker 4 But when I do say that, you do come back and you kill it. Am I wrong? No, thank you.
Then we had to go do

Speaker 4 extra, and I left because I went separate. And he goes, How long did it take? And I go, dude, it's 40 minutes.
You're in and out. Yeah.
He called me.

Speaker 3 He's like, took me two fucking hours.

Speaker 4 I was like, because I was gone.

Speaker 3 But you read it before because I haven't read it. So I'm showing up and I'm like.

Speaker 4 I do not read it before.

Speaker 3 Oh, so you're good.

Speaker 4 No, it's just, I just, no, we just work differently.

Speaker 3 Yeah, that's like a neurological difference.

Speaker 4 Yeah, it is. I just, we just, I just, yes, yes, it is.
I just see things like that.

Speaker 4 Okay, with lines, with lines, do you have like a memory without photo? Like, can you memorize lines real fast?

Speaker 3 You know, it takes me days. Right.

Speaker 4 I can see it and do it right.

Speaker 3 I have this weird trick.

Speaker 4 I don't know why. I'm so lucky, but I've been someone that can

Speaker 3 eat it and I can throw it right back out. Wow.

Speaker 4 You know who they said used to do that? That was Charlie Sheen. I don't know if you saw that documentary.
We've talked about it because we love it.

Speaker 4 They used to say, John Cryer would go, this fucking guy would never rehearse, would be

Speaker 4 on time on the nose, be unprepared, and then look at it and go,

Speaker 4 okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, okay, yeah. And get an entire two-page scene.
Incredible. And not even, it's just his brain had that digestion and regurgitation.

Speaker 3 I used to just need like two, two rehearsals to know it. Two.
And then, yeah, because I need to reading it, I'm just not, it's not getting in. Right.

Speaker 3 But if I wreck through it and kind of do this two takes, then I, then I know it because I lived the scene. Right.
So you don't memorize it in the night before? That never did me any good.

Speaker 4 Me neither.

Speaker 3 It only stressed me out. It didn't do me any good.

Speaker 4 I was always bad at that. If I could do it in the morning, if I read it right before I went there and then I got one run-through, I would be like, okay, I understand what I wasn't see.

Speaker 3 Well, you do it in pieces. So it's like when you're filming stuff,

Speaker 3 you only have to worry about this one scene, and you do it a bunch of times from all these different angles, yeah. And then you throw it away, it's gone.

Speaker 3 So, you only have to worry about one thing at a time when you're filming stuff.

Speaker 4 Can I tell you my favorite scene from your show that to this day I watch all the time, like over and over.

Speaker 3 Okay, is it the art room scene?

Speaker 3 Yeah, that's my favorite scene.

Speaker 4 It's my favorite scene in the whole world with you and Pam Adelon. And the press the button, it says press.

Speaker 3 It's like the best favorite scene, dude. I love that.

Speaker 4 Just be here's and let me

Speaker 3 dude,

Speaker 4 and let me ask you what let me ask you something because I get nerded out on those scenes.

Speaker 3 I'll rewind a scene like it's Jay, it's Jay, Big Jay Oakerson's voice, if that's what you're gonna say. It is, it is,

Speaker 3 Big Jay Oakerson. Yeah, it's hope I'm not getting him in trouble.
No, no, no, no. I mean, I asked him to do it.
I said,

Speaker 3 I wrote him and I said, can you please say this word?

Speaker 3 Like for, you know, to choose one like five times

Speaker 3 into your phone and text it to me, and I'll send you a check for a sag check. That's so wow.
And he said, sure.

Speaker 3 And he did it. And it's in there.

Speaker 4 On the first take,

Speaker 4 Pam turns her shoulder and walks away.

Speaker 3 Yeah, she's just like, yeah.

Speaker 4 But is it, did she, it's an organic laugh that you can hear in the audio. I don't think, like, she laughs as she walks away, but I don't think she meant to laugh.

Speaker 3 She doesn't really laugh. She kind of goes like, oh, like,

Speaker 4 she goes, okay.

Speaker 3 I hear her say, okay.

Speaker 4 Did you surprise? Was it a surprise when she first heard it?

Speaker 3 Or you guys had already. No, we knew what.
Oh, God.

Speaker 4 It would would have been so funny, it's funny if it was a surprise.

Speaker 4 I wanted it so bad to be like, because we, because I like there's a scene, there's a scene that I've nerded out like this about that I'll loop is in baskets.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Um, and I know you could tell he knows the scene because I've watched it a hundred fucking times. But Louis is drinking a Gatorade.

Speaker 3 Yes.

Speaker 4 Your scene, that scene, it's the exact same comedy feeling in my soul where I go, this is so fun. And they knew it was fun.

Speaker 3 Oh, dude. So I remember that day really well because, so when we set up Zach's show,

Speaker 3 we had this meeting, me and him, and I don't remember who else was there,

Speaker 3 but

Speaker 3 I started asking him about, we were just trying to decide what the show is about. And like, it was just Zach, a show for Zach.
And I was working at FX. I had a show that was successful.

Speaker 3 And I said, I want to make a different, another show. So they're like, all right.
And, and I went to Zach first because nobody ever made me laugh that hard, as Zach did.

Speaker 3 So anyway, when we sat and talked about what his show would be about, this is is we'd already made a deal, he's going to have a show.

Speaker 3 Um, I was like, Well, what if your family, what if you have family in it, you know? And I, and um, he, so we're talking about, and I said, What's your mother?

Speaker 3 What about your mother if you had a mother? And he goes, Yeah, maybe. And I go, What's your mother really like

Speaker 3 in real life? And he goes, She's always like, Oh, Zach, what are you doing?

Speaker 3 And I, and I just said, Your mother's Louie Ann.

Speaker 4 And we all laughed.

Speaker 3 And then there was this pause. And I said, What if we get Louie Ann to play your mother?

Speaker 3 And he's like,

Speaker 3 Why does that sound like such a good idea? Like, it just was immediately like, What a crazy idea. That's how it came about because I was making a flip joke.

Speaker 3 And then I was like, This is, I enjoyed this part of the work. I was like, I just got on the phone and said, Get Louie Anderson on the phone.
I don't know him that way.

Speaker 3 We've met in person a bunch of times, always liked him, but I didn't have a relationship with him. But I just said, Get me Louis Anderson on the phone.

Speaker 3 And a few minutes later, I got this call from Louis in his car, and he goes, Hi,

Speaker 3 hi, Louie. It's Louis C.K.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 So I'm making a show for FX and Zach Califanakis is the star of the show. We're doing a pilot.
Okay. And I go, we have a part and it's a substantial part for you.

Speaker 3 The thing is, we want you to play Zach's mother. And I just hear the sound inside the car.

Speaker 3 And he goes, I love it.

Speaker 3 Wow.

Speaker 3 And it felt like this, we didn't know what he would do. We gave him the job.
There was no, nothing written. And there was no, it was just that day we gave him the job.
Wow. Made a deal, right?

Speaker 3 It was like, no, we're doing that. So I didn't know how it was going to work out.
And I didn't know how what Zach. So Zach hired John

Speaker 3 Chrysler. Chrysler? Yeah, Chrysler.

Speaker 3 What's wrong with me? Please look it up. Directly.

Speaker 4 Jonathan Chrysler. Chrysler.
Yeah. Chrysler.
Chrysler. Jonathan Chrysler.

Speaker 3 I don't know if I'm going to say it. Jonathan Chrysal had done this show Portlandia, which is one of my favorite things ever.
It's awesome. Yeah.

Speaker 3 And he just had this way of setting up improv, setting up, setting this scene for two characters. He knew how to shoot it,

Speaker 3 how to shoot it well, and how to just make it happen. So these guys just, I went after this one meeting where we talked about everything, I kind of went away and let them make the show.

Speaker 3 And then I showed up that day.

Speaker 3 And there's Louis Anderson in a dress. And I'm like, we're really doing this, huh? Wow.
And I'm like, I don't know what, what is the character? What are you guys doing?

Speaker 3 And I sat and watched them shoot that scene, which just happened. There was nothing to it.
Yeah. They had something to argue about that he doesn't respect.
He's being a clown. Right.

Speaker 4 And Martha, that was like an introduction from Martha.

Speaker 3 And then there was this obsession with this Gatorade. And when that moment happened, I remembered I had just arrived a few minutes before with the Gatorade, and that hits the spot.

Speaker 3 I was like, I was like, what do we do? This is incredible. This is incredible.

Speaker 3 And Louie, and I got to really love Louis. We got to know each other much better.
Yeah. And then he won a fucking Emmy.

Speaker 3 And it was such a glorious thing that Louis, because I loved him when I was a young comic. And he's such a sweet and good guy.
I used to open for him. Struggled with his health.

Speaker 3 It was really sad when he passed away.

Speaker 3 But yeah, it was one of the happiest moments of my career was him winning an Emmy. Wow.
That was such a beautiful thing. Because the way he did, that character was fantastic throughout the season.

Speaker 3 Two seasons. Great.
Fucking great.

Speaker 4 I I did a show on FX called Dave with Little Dickie. And when I was on the show, I was like in love with baskets so much.
And I was like, hey,

Speaker 4 I don't want to get paid. Like, can I just do

Speaker 4 anything in the thing? I just was like, I'll do an anything, anything, any. And they were, and they were like, dude, they got to stop asking.
Because I kept asking my agent.

Speaker 4 I was like, just tell them I'll fucking. They were like, they don't want.

Speaker 3 Does that work if people, if, if, if talent asks?

Speaker 4 No, but they said they don't. They were like, not usually.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Because I've asked so many times. They're like, nah, it's not going to happen.

Speaker 4 I was like, I don't even want lines. I just want to be in like a background of the Burger King.
I really wanted to be at the Burger King. Right.
And I was like, just let me be in the thing.

Speaker 4 And they're like, they don't want like an actor or comic. They were like, they're not looking for that.
Yeah. You're not, you're in the wrong.
I was like, nah, I just want to be in the back.

Speaker 3 Yeah, no, you wouldn't have been right for it.

Speaker 4 I know. See, that's right.

Speaker 3 There you go.

Speaker 3 Right.

Speaker 4 He was like, no, you can't do it, dude.

Speaker 3 So when people go,

Speaker 3 my agents try to. Track projects.
Yeah. Like when Crazy Rich Asians were happening, I was like, we're tracking this for you.

Speaker 3 We're putting your name in the past, past, you know, and it's like, it never, I couldn't even get an audition at the end of the day. No, yeah, it doesn't.
None of that works. No, yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 I mean, I think it's good if you're trying to be an actor, you go in for a lot of stuff because they remember you. You go, you just do the best version of you

Speaker 3 at the audition, and then you just are memorable. It doesn't matter getting that part.

Speaker 3 You know, like if you read something and you're like, that's not my kind of guy, and you try to be it, you're going to suck. So you just do a weird, your version of it.
Right.

Speaker 3 And they'll go, uh, that guy was good, he's not, he can't do this, but that guy, and they'll remember.

Speaker 3 I mean, I've cast a lot of things in my past with people that I've seen in other stuff that or that I've seen in

Speaker 3 stuff that I had them cast, you know, come in for so go in for everything, go in for everything and do any part you get. I say no, sir.

Speaker 3 Because that's where you know, the agents don't get you work, no. No, they're terrible people, worthless, terrible people.
I mean, they're just there.

Speaker 4 They're terrible people.

Speaker 3 They're terrible,

Speaker 4 absolutely worthless people. Some of the worst ever.
They give some of the worst advice. They're snakes.
They've set you up for something. And then when it goes bad, they're not there to back you up.

Speaker 4 They're the worst.

Speaker 3 I think they're just

Speaker 3 terrible pigs. They're out of their

Speaker 3 pigs. They're out of their depth a little, or

Speaker 3 they're in the wrong business. I hate them.

Speaker 4 They're on the backs of us. They stink.
Yeah. I can't wait to fire mine.
We're done with the business forever, anyway.

Speaker 3 Whoa, dude. Why would you be done with the business? God,

Speaker 4 we're out, dude.

Speaker 4 We're the last show in Hollywood. This is it.
I think we're the last

Speaker 4 over. It's dying.

Speaker 4 It's dying.

Speaker 3 Yeah, that's a shame. You do a movie.

Speaker 4 And the book, by the way, is available literally everywhere.

Speaker 3 Please go to the book. Yeah, it's like you can pre-order it now on all the things.

Speaker 3 All the things.

Speaker 4 All the things.

Speaker 3 And it'll be out November 11th. November 11th.
My first novel. This is the first one.
Yeah. I wrote another one after that I'm still working on.
I mean, I finished a draft of it.

Speaker 4 Did you get like a book deal where they give you a two-book deal? You know, they do this thing. It's a weird, they're like, give them a deal.

Speaker 4 And then they make people write another book, even if they didn't want to.

Speaker 3 No, no, I didn't get any kind of deal like that.

Speaker 3 I just wrote this one to see what would happen. And I sent it out.
And this company, Ben Bella in Texas, is publishing it. It's a little company.
Ben Bella. Ben Bella.

Speaker 4 Did you find them? They found you.

Speaker 3 I got a book agent, and he's a really smart guy. And he

Speaker 3 found them. He'd worked with them on other stuff.
They don't do much fiction. Ah.
Wow. But

Speaker 3 it's distributed by Simon Schuster. So

Speaker 3 that's who sells it.

Speaker 3 But I didn't get a book deal from them. Okay.
It's like, I just, I didn't, I haven't been paid anything. I just wrote it and they're putting it out.
We'll see what we make together.

Speaker 3 But I don't have an advance or anything. That's a good deal.

Speaker 4 We'll see what we make together.

Speaker 3 I like it that way. I don't like the thing of like, like when you, when I book on the road and stuff, agents like to get advances because they sound, you know.
Hey, we got you the money. Yeah.

Speaker 3 But all you're doing is betting against yourself.

Speaker 3 And like the last thing you want to do is like take a bunch of money from somebody, and then you didn't do well, and then you're like, ha ha, you know, I want people to sort of have a good experience of you, so yeah, because you're a big crowd work guy, clips.

Speaker 4 You're bit you started crowd work clip, can you back?

Speaker 3 Yeah, that was my innovation.

Speaker 4 That was that was literally a big crowd work clip guy. You were the first on TikTok to do it, as far as I was concerned.
That's right.

Speaker 3 I saw most of your, I just saw it, I saw it as a new way,

Speaker 3 and here I am. Thank God.
I would love to see. Does that annoy you, like these crowd work guys doing clips on TikTok? I mean, it's the, they got what they got from it.
Yeah, it's fine. It's fine.

Speaker 3 It works for them. Good for them.
Okay. I don't care.
I don't, as a, I love stand-up. I don't enjoy watching that.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Also, when I see friends of mine do it, it's like you're killing in the moment, but no one's going to remember it. Yeah.
Right. And you're not building anything.

Speaker 3 That's, but I have a different goal than them. They just want to run their numbers up and they want to get whatever.
Yeah. And also, a lot of people pleases them a lot.
People really like it. Yeah.

Speaker 3 So if an audience, if someone's enjoying it, they're right. Yes.
And the person who doesn't like it is just, it's none of their business.

Speaker 3 If you don't like something, it's none of your business as long as somebody likes it. If nobody likes it forever, someone needs to

Speaker 3 talk to them. Yeah.

Speaker 3 But you know what? If literally no one ever liked a comic ever doing anything, that'd be pretty fucking incredible.

Speaker 3 I don't want to see this. That is cool.

Speaker 3 Like David Tell had this, I don't think he ever did it more than once that I saw.

Speaker 3 He said, if you tell somebody you have a small penis, if you tell a woman you have a small penis, she won't be interested. But if you tell her you have the smallest penis in the whole world,

Speaker 3 she's going to want it.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 4 He's one of my favorites. Great.
He's unbelievable. Great.
That guy.

Speaker 3 Yep. Who's the guy?

Speaker 4 Who's the guy that

Speaker 4 you really have a comedy crush on? That you're like, oh, I love the fucking way that that person works.

Speaker 3 Oh, these days? Yeah.

Speaker 3 I mean, that used to be Zach for me. I used to put my head on the table and cry.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Todd Glass has always made me laugh like that. So funny.
Just fucking destroys me. Yeah.
Jim Norton, who I've been working with lately, just also really kills me.

Speaker 3 There's a lot of guys I really love.

Speaker 3 But that kind of like, I can't believe it. Yeah.
Todd Glass, I mean, I don't know if it's okay to do other people's bits, but I'm

Speaker 3 naming him. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4 Should we call him? We'll get approval.

Speaker 3 Yeah, he did this thing about

Speaker 3 a lady next to him on an airplane. It has Reese's cups, and she's taken one out, and she looks at him, looking at him, and she goes, do you want one? And he goes, I want both.

Speaker 3 And he did some clip. I don't know if you can find it, but it was during the pandemic.

Speaker 3 He did some fake commercial, I think, on maybe instagram or something where he's showing you how you can pee outside

Speaker 3 uh but he's uh he's he puts a just a bag like a shopping like a plastic bag over his head and he just stands near a bush and he just starts pissing his pants

Speaker 3 completely fucking nuts

Speaker 3 So he, and I haven't seen him for a long time, but he's always been, he's always been a guy that destroys me.

Speaker 4 We love him. Yeah.
He was doing a bunch of fake cop bits that were very funny. Do you remember that little run he had for a while of like getting fake pulled over?

Speaker 3 He used to do a bit with breakaway glass bottles, like fantasy of like breaking. So he'd be

Speaker 3 him walking down the street with like a beer bottle, and there's some teenage girls, and one of them gives him like a typical teenage girl, like, ew. Yeah.
And he goes over and he puts it.

Speaker 3 Yeah, he's pretty good. He's the one right now.

Speaker 4 All right, look, the advice was good.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I learned so much today. Lou, did you have fun here? Of course, I did.
It was really fun. I wanted to do the show because you guys have a great energy.
It was fun. And I had a great time.

Speaker 4 Well, we, we, listen, we love this.

Speaker 3 It's not going to sell a single one of my books. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Our fat. No, no.
That's not true. I'll sell one.
No, no, no. Ingram, Louis C.K.
No, no, no.

Speaker 4 He's right. It's not.
That's not going to help.

Speaker 3 It's not going to, but it doesn't matter. Five.

Speaker 3 Five people.

Speaker 3 Yep.

Speaker 4 Guys, please, please go purchase Ingram right now, Louis's first book. It would mean a lot to him.
He asked us for a loan before the show.

Speaker 3 We were a little concerned. I'm being real.
I mean, I.

Speaker 4 Dude, I'm. Thanks for being on the show, man.
I appreciate it. No, no, no.

Speaker 3 That's it. Thank you so much.

Speaker 3 Go ahead. Do your gay bit.
Do your little bit.

Speaker 3 Do your sense of it. No, I just think I'm just a huge fan, dude.
Thank you. I really am.
I just think you're so great. Thank you.
Well, you make me laugh a lot. Thank you.
Thank you.

Speaker 3 um bang bang bing bang bing bing. But um just having you on here was just a fucking great thing.
Thanks.

Speaker 3 Why can't I?

Speaker 4 Yeah, dude. He's the best living comic.
Yeah, yeah, okay.

Speaker 3 Shut the fuck up. Shut up.
All right, no, no, no. Thank you for being a bad friend.