Eskimo Kiss Thanksgiving

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Speaker 2 Hey, hey, everybody. We got new merch.
And these, I mean, this is, this was a traumatic day in my life. Yeah, it really was.
When I fell over and I was

Speaker 2 bullied a little bit online

Speaker 2 from Andrew. No, I didn't.
But this is, yeah, you laugh like a hyena. But let me say something.

Speaker 2 We have it on a shirt now. And we have it on a long sleeve or a short sleeve like that, and on this hoodie, which we absolutely love.
So go to badfriendsmerch.com to grab at badfriendsmerch.com.

Speaker 2 You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 2 White dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 3 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 2 We're bad friends.

Speaker 2 Dear,

Speaker 2 thank you for the familiars.

Speaker 2 Thank you for the meal on my plate.

Speaker 2 I'm grateful to you.

Speaker 2 Thank you, natives, for all of the land.

Speaker 2 We gave you casinos.

Speaker 2 Cut off your hands.

Speaker 2 Sorry about the smallpox. The things that we gave you.

Speaker 2 The blanket was nice, but it filled with disease.

Speaker 2 Sorry.

Speaker 2 Sorry, natives.

Speaker 2 Whoops are bad. Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's thank gimmick.

Speaker 2 Sorry, natives, whoopsie are bad.

Speaker 2 We really did a lot of damage, and we named our sports teams after your leaders.

Speaker 2 Love dances with wolves.

Speaker 2 Love Lassa Mohicans.

Speaker 2 Favorite movies of all time.

Speaker 2 And Minotonka shoes.

Speaker 2 Amen. Amen.
Amen. Amen to that.
Amen to that. Yeah.

Speaker 2 We love them.

Speaker 2 You know,

Speaker 2 I've collaborated with some natives in my life.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you did great on that.

Speaker 2 I really enjoy the people

Speaker 2 and the culture. And we want to say thank you.
We do love all of our native fans. We do have a lot of native fans.
We love Hmong. I know what the sound is.

Speaker 2 Hmong is not native.

Speaker 2 I understand that, but we do love them. We love the Hmong people.
Yeah, the Hmong people. They're mountain people.

Speaker 2 There isn't a group of people we don't like. Yeah.

Speaker 2 No, there's one.

Speaker 2 What? You say it first. We're on the count of three.
We really? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Okay, let me think of the thing. What group of people don't we like on the counter three? One, two, three.

Speaker 2 Eskimos. Oh.
What? What? What is

Speaker 2 jerks? Oh, jerks. Jerks.
I said Eskimos. Oh, wow.
Why don't you like Eskimos? They're snowballs.

Speaker 2 They hurt so bad. You know what they do is they...
They huck them. No, no, they make it, and then they overnight it freezes into an ice ball.
Oh, yeah. And they read it.
It's very there he is.

Speaker 2 Come on, look at how cute that guy is. They're the best.
Oh, that's a girl? That's a girl? I can't even tell. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
See, Eskimos, they were ahead of the trend.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's a genderless, that is a fluid person. It's a fluid person.
Yeah. I don't know who that is.
Look at that nose. They love the kiss with the nose.

Speaker 2 Eskimo kisses. Yeah.
You want to do an Eskimo kiss?

Speaker 2 Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.
No, happy Thanksgiving. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I mean, how do they tongue? I mean, that's it, right?

Speaker 2 There's no way to get more, you know, because when you're kissing, right, you can, you know, you do closed mouth in the beginning, you got to figure out what their style is, and then you dart in a tongue.

Speaker 2 And sometimes you do, you know what I mean, like washing machine. Dart in.
Well, it's like wrestling. You got to find a way.
You can't. Yeah.
How is that working out

Speaker 2 with that technique?

Speaker 2 It works. It's pretty good.
Probably 10,000 times I've done it. Right.
Most of them have. But with Eskimo, how do you get more,

Speaker 2 you know what I mean, intimate with it? Well, they have sex, bud.

Speaker 2 Damn, I'm just out of the kissing style. Oh, brother, I don't think Eskimo actually.
Maybe they blow

Speaker 2 maybe they blow snot into the other hole. That's actually smart.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that could be.

Speaker 2 I just saw Predator Badlands.

Speaker 2 Dude, that movie, dude, last night, what a movie. So good.
So good. But the movie is...
Because

Speaker 2 you never watched the movies I recommend. You never saw weapons? I couldn't.
Why? No, I wasn't allowed. Yeah, yeah.
It's rated R. Yeah, but...

Speaker 2 I am not allowed to.

Speaker 2 What Predator movies have you seen? The original. That's the only one? That's the best one.
Did you see Prey? No.

Speaker 2 Prey?

Speaker 2 Incredible. Same director.
I've only seen the original. You got to watch Prey.
You got to watch this.

Speaker 2 It's incredible. You saw it? Yeah.
Incredible, right? So fun. What do you think it's about? Tell me.
Predator Badland? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, give me a photo.

Speaker 2 Give me an image, and I can tell you the story. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Very easy. You're very good at this, by the way.
This is probably one of my best qualities. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, let's go to, yeah, that one. That photo.

Speaker 2 Oh, it's about immigration.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, this is all about immigration.

Speaker 2 Yeah. But it's the reverse.
Right. Yeah, I mean, because in this time, America's going real bad.
Yeah, it's true. And Mexico's thriving.
Right?

Speaker 2 So they are. Mexico's thriving.
Which one is the Mexican?

Speaker 2 Fancy?

Speaker 2 Watch it? Fancy. Watch it, pal.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And right there, you know where they are? El Paso, right there. That's El Paso.
Yeah, and they're trying to get into Aurora's.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 2 So he, to make it easier, he slices her in half. No, it just rips her body off.
Yeah, yeah. In half.
Well, because that's probably easier to get her across. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And her name is Karen for some reason. Yeah, why? I don't know why, but her name is Karen.
And she's like, you know what?

Speaker 2 Hey, Raul.

Speaker 2 That's Raul? Yeah, yeah. Whatever your name is.
This is one of her lines. You know what I mean? Yeah.
Like, dude, I'm not, like, climbing any fences.

Speaker 2 Okay. I'm not going to go in any body of water.
Find a way. Is that Elle Channing? Yeah, she's great at it.
This girl is so fucking good. She's so good.
She's good in everything now. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 It's almost like her career has flourished the most the last like five years. Correct.
Complete unknown. She was killed in unbelievable.
Unbelievable. And who's the actor playing The Predator?

Speaker 2 Is that Jacob Alorty again?

Speaker 2 No,

Speaker 2 I've never seen him before, but he's very good at it. So this is the problem.

Speaker 2 Zoom in. Look at how handsome this guy is.
Then they put him in that mask. Right.
So you don't even get to see how handsome he is. Yeah.
So pick an ugly guy for that.

Speaker 2 This is my problem with Hollywood. Just let an ugo do that.

Speaker 2 You can't give that to us. It's in a mask.
Well, you have to have the body.

Speaker 2 No, you don't. What do you mean? It's just a fucking suit.
No, he's not wearing a suit. I mean, he's wearing like puppy latex stuff onto the arms.
You're telling me that's a...

Speaker 2 Let me see the full body of it. You can see the armor armor behind him.
Can I give you the premise or no?

Speaker 2 Oh, it's not about immigration, I guess.

Speaker 2 Because I was wrong. Yeah, I think you're a little wrong.
I think the premise of this is

Speaker 2 Predator.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Be real. I got it.
I got it. I got it.
I got it.

Speaker 2 So Predator is

Speaker 2 there's a new regime taking over and he is against it. He's like the renegade.
And she is, he falls in love with her. And he's trying to protect her because

Speaker 2 they're going to kill her. Because she's white.
They're killing off all the Karens. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The killing of the Karens. And he loves her.

Speaker 2 And he says the only way for this to work is if I cut you in half, I'll reassemble you later. Yeah.
Because they need to think you're dead. And now they're on the run.
He's reassembled her,

Speaker 2 and they're on the run from the regime.

Speaker 2 Pretty close. Am I close? Nope.
All right.

Speaker 2 What is it? What is it?

Speaker 2 Should I be real about it? I don't want to give any spoilers away. Well, you don't have to spoil it when you give the premise of the movie.
I'll give you you the premise of the movie. What is it?

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 So he's, you know,

Speaker 2 here's what I like about the movie, right? You never get insight in terms of the culture of whoever the Predators are, right?

Speaker 2 Did you see the movie? I haven't seen it.

Speaker 2 You talk like the original Predator. Right.

Speaker 2 It's just some alien who can camouflage, you know what I mean, cool weapons, and they're difficult to kill. I mean, that's pretty much all the Predator movies.

Speaker 2 And now in this, you see, you know, the family dynamics uh well of of the predator family of the predator family and and it's very north korean i believe yeah yeah yeah is he the young is that young predator like is he the baby of the family he's the baby of the family and because he's smaller than all his brothers right yes he's dating a white girl

Speaker 2 yeah yeah yeah like man look predator can't get himself a nice no no he's gay you know all all gay minorities have like this white girl that's like sticking up for them oh right yeah right yeah the yao cha It's called the Yao Cha.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And so basically he's the run and the father is like, he needs to die because he's a shame on the family.
Ah. Right.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 he,

Speaker 2 the little Yao Cha goes, well, can I go to this planet to kill that this monster that no one can kill? Because they like to hunt. Right.
And the father's like, you can't kill that.

Speaker 2 I'm afraid of it. Oh, wow.
Right. And he goes to this

Speaker 2 planet, Badlands. I don't know what the planet's called.
And that's where the movie is. That's the beginning of the film.
And

Speaker 2 she works for a corporation.

Speaker 2 She works for like BlackRock? Yes, sort of like BlackRock. But she's

Speaker 2 an android. And she was split in half

Speaker 2 from that creature. So she's a humanoid.
She's half human, half. No, she's fully an android.
Oh, she's no human at all. There's no humans in the movie.
Should be. Hey, a really good movie.

Speaker 2 So it's worth it, though. Yeah, can you do this?

Speaker 2 Before I can get, I'm going to get this off my chest real quick.

Speaker 2 Can you stop telling me to

Speaker 2 send you my dead dad photos? What are you talking about?

Speaker 2 I was in Mexico with some friends. Yeah, so at one in the morning, this guy calls me and goes, yo, he goes, send me photos of your dead dad.

Speaker 2 Send me photos of your dead dad. I go, why? He's like, my friends want to see it.
I was telling the story.

Speaker 2 I was telling the story of how this podcast was kind kind of birthed. And at the beginning, what had happened with your dad and how Daddy Why You Die became a thing.

Speaker 2 And then one of the guys was like, that's crazy, though, the picture thing. And he was like, that's not real, though.
I was like, that's very real. Yeah.
And he was like, no. I go, okay.

Speaker 2 And I called you. I was like, will you send me a picture of your dead dad? Yeah.
And then you showed it to him. What happened?

Speaker 2 By the way, this is a big star. Yeah.
Well, I sent it to everybody.

Speaker 2 Really? I airdropped it to all of them. They all have it now.
They're going to blow one up and put it in their house. So when you showed it to them, what happened?

Speaker 2 I was king of the party for a couple minutes. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Did they laugh?

Speaker 2 Everyone was shocked. It wasn't as funny as I thought it was.

Speaker 2 Obviously, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not funny.
Well, the second photo of your dad is weirder because one of them is like a selfie with your dad. And the other one, your mom's crying, but you're

Speaker 2 straightforward. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, I'm not in that photo. The second one, you're in.
Yeah, but that was like a

Speaker 2 camera setup, the timer thing. So funny.
And that had to run around, which is always.

Speaker 2 Imagine you set the timer and your dad's body moves a little bit and you're like hold on set it again

Speaker 2 yeah yeah but the the first one i sent you is the most tragic one because right when my dad dies i catch my mom crying and my brother's just like he makes a face that he's like

Speaker 2 yeah he's in shock yeah he's in shock that's steve shock that's steve yeah yeah yeah and it's a brutal photo but i like i like that you sent it and i appreciate you i needed to show everyone well you ruined whatever party you were at i think pretty hard yeah it was pretty bad nobody liked it

Speaker 2 No, they loved it. No, they loved it.
They thought it was funny. Yeah.
Well, when I said it to the Hudsons, they didn't like it. Remember? That's weird they didn't like it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 I was in Mexico. You got to show something fun in Mexico.
We were scared in Mexico. You're right, right, right.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Walking the streets of Mexico. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Late at night, getting some tacos.

Speaker 2 I love Mexico. It's a good tacos.
So good. Tell me about the tacos.
Oh,

Speaker 2 and we. Bira.

Speaker 2 Bira. Birra.
Birra. What is that? And they were shaving it off in front of you.
I was like, oh, God, dude, it was so good. Oh, I love when they do that.
And they shave it. And the cheese is on top.

Speaker 2 So they cut a little slice of cheese, throw it in there. Yeah.
The guy was a fucking magician. And then the little woman next to him was hand-making tortillas.

Speaker 2 Oh, dude. It's so good.
I love Mexico. My mouth is watering.
It's so delicious. Yeah.
Right up, right off the top. What town? Right off the town are you?

Speaker 2 Right off the spit. That's the town? Spit, Mexico?

Speaker 2 Where is it it's called uh

Speaker 2 noise nice noise oh noise noise noise mexico noise yeah no ice it was called no ice mexico

Speaker 2 noise no you're in cabo you're in cabo cabo is fun yeah it's fun cabo is so fucking red and it and it's actually i haven't been in like a decade yeah loved really oh dude i love cabo yeah although the ocean i've been to tulum tulum's great yeah yeah you know i'm always afraid in foreign countries um Why?

Speaker 2 Because they're going to steal my organs. I don't know why I have that fear, but I'm going to wake up.

Speaker 4 You look like them. They don't want you.

Speaker 2 I was going to say something like that. No, because you...
No, no, that's not the right. No, I'm going to argue against that.

Speaker 4 Like your liver is American.

Speaker 2 No, no, no, no, I don't think that. No, that's no, no, no.
I don't know if they want your organs, man. Like in Mexico, they would be like, hey, this guy, you know,

Speaker 2 he has the same kind of body we do.

Speaker 2 Maybe his liver will fit in Uncle Pedro's body. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? With yours, it's like, no, this one's gonna be too big for Uncle Pedro. It's too big.
Yeah. It's like five times more too big.
He's not gonna be able to get in there.

Speaker 2 He has a lump on the side, like,

Speaker 2 Shantino's pancreas.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they don't. They have a tumor.
Yeah. Yeah, but they're not gonna be able to get $50, like, you know, $2,000.
A couple grand.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 My liver is

Speaker 2 $50?

Speaker 2 His liver is worth way more than mine. I have a bunch of alcohol running through mine.
You don't know that by looking. Well, he's got a GLP-1 in his, though.
Yeah. You've got it.
They'll lose weight.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. Take your organs to lose weight.
Yeah, there's benefits for my organs. On the black market, a human liver can be worth anywhere from 50 grand to 550,000.
That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 Vote down below, fans. What's our liver worth? Yeah.
Winner-winner, check-in dinner. We have finally have a winner of the Great British Baking Show this season.
I didn't see it. Finish it.

Speaker 2 I have two more.

Speaker 2 Can I guess, though? Yeah, I'm excited for the guess.

Speaker 2 It's that tall, good-looking gay guy. Interesting.

Speaker 2 You know who I'm talking about? Of course. Yeah.
He's so cute. He looks like a surfer.
But I'm not going to tell you yes or no. Oh, you know? Well, you want to know? It's either him

Speaker 2 or the lady that has no hair. Okay.

Speaker 2 The bald lady.

Speaker 2 She's not bald.

Speaker 2 She has alopecia.

Speaker 2 She's not bald.

Speaker 2 She's not like a Midwest. It could have been a fashion thing.
No, no. Well, she talks about it almost every episode that she has alopecia.
Oh, really? They very clear about this.

Speaker 2 Here's why I don't know that. I'm not clear about it every season.
Can I tell you why? I don't know. Because you fast forward to the whole thing to get to the very end?

Speaker 2 No, I just fast forward during the judging parts.

Speaker 2 That's the most important part. Right.
So

Speaker 2 I don't know of the backstory of

Speaker 2 people. Like, you know, they follow them back.
Yeah, you're not invested in that. Yeah, I'm not invested in that.
I am. Yeah, yeah.
I love it. Yeah.
But anyway, is it either one of those two?

Speaker 2 Is it? Maybe. I think so.
Okay. Yeah.
You're going to find out in the next two days. I might not watch it.
Tell me. It's jazz.
That's great. She's awesome.
Yeah, she's awesome. For the fans that

Speaker 2 haven't watched it yet, too bad.

Speaker 2 Well, you know,

Speaker 2 I mean, it's been out for a couple of days. This is my test show with dating.

Speaker 2 Oh, this show? Yeah. What do you mean? So, you know, sometimes when the first time somebody would spend the night at my house, it's a test show.
Right.

Speaker 2 So I'll go, I'll go, you watch Bay Gov? I'm like, what is that? I go, I'm watching episodes. It's one of my favorite shows.
And halfway during it, sometimes I'll go, or they'll fall asleep.

Speaker 2 And then you can't trust them. I can't do it.
See, i when i was dating i put always put on american history x that was my

Speaker 2 sleeps well

Speaker 2 when girls would come over i go what do you think yeah yeah yeah and if they really got in yeah you know then if they were into it there's a couple of movies i would show girls when i was dating to make sure that they were kind of like mine's a cockroach orange it's a good

Speaker 2 very good yeah yeah american psycho kind of like some easy easy watching stuff yeah stuff that's like

Speaker 2 Yeah, do you like that? That is really interesting when you start dating a girl. What do you show her first to see if she's on your wavelength of either music or film? I don't think girls like that.

Speaker 2 What? Music and film?

Speaker 4 What the fuck? No, it gives them the ick when guys are like, you have to watch these three things or I don't like you.

Speaker 2 Well, no, I don't like you. You don't say it.

Speaker 4 I know, but they know you.

Speaker 4 They know you're doing it. No, but it's a test.
No, you don't. They know.
No. No.
It's a test. I'm on gay Instagram.
I know this. No, no, no.

Speaker 2 Here's the thing.

Speaker 2 Can I say, all right? It's your show. Oh, okay.
Thank you.

Speaker 2 I'm the producer.

Speaker 2 All right. Damn, dude, he's utti-rooty.
Dude, you're 20-rooty about fafuti. I got rooty, tootie, foodie.
Yeah, I don't like it, dude. You're a little meanie-weenie.
What's going on with you today?

Speaker 2 I'm not meanie. What happened this morning? What did you do this morning?

Speaker 4 I had a bad night. A girl texted me last night, like, I'm never talking to you again, and all this stuff.

Speaker 2 And I was like, what could have happened?

Speaker 4 Did you sleep with her?

Speaker 2 Yeah. That's probably what happened.

Speaker 4 No, she texted me sex, Y or N, and I wrote N. And then she got really mad and two days later.

Speaker 2 Why N. Y-N?

Speaker 4 Because I was watching

Speaker 4 F1. And then after that, I watched Top Gun, and I didn't want to be in Top Game.

Speaker 2 It was a great race. Yeah.

Speaker 2 No, no, no, the movie with Rat Pitt. Oh, I thought you were talking about F1 that just happened.
No, no, no.

Speaker 4 I was watching movies and I didn't want to deal with it. And then a couple days later.

Speaker 2 Wait a minute. You could.
Okay. Well, yeah, dude, I think the response is

Speaker 2 the response is not N. The response is,

Speaker 2 I would love to. I can't now.

Speaker 4 No, I lied and said I was out of town and everything was a whole thing.

Speaker 2 You did like my grandma died again?

Speaker 4 I said I was in Nashville partying. I made like a really.

Speaker 2 Can we go back to

Speaker 2 you? Whatever. Again, it's your show.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 I'm i'm only yeah you know i worked i could tell he was uh flustered though i did i i you want to know the truth i got extorted twice in the past five weeks what do you mean extorted literally by whom once a gangster and another a girl but tell me the gangster extortion i got a call from a gangster and he was like give me all this money or i'm going to leak all this stuff about you online and then he texted me on whatsapp saying they were going to come to my house i had to call the police it was a whole thing i think macon knows yeah he called me yeah i called him so i was like i had to take like xanax I was like, freaking out.

Speaker 4 It was crazy.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's

Speaker 2 burying the fucking lead. Where the fuck is this? The whole show.
It's so real. It's too real.
He didn't want to talk about it. Yeah.
Wait a minute. So, how does somebody get your phone number?

Speaker 2 And what do they have to leak about you? Like, do you think that's a good idea?

Speaker 4 I think you thought I was married still. No, I don't have nudes on the internet or anything, or even on my phone for this.

Speaker 2 And they threatened to leak your information. The word gangster is a little suspect.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 They were scrolling. No,

Speaker 2 it was like a Mexican. Was it Yakuza? No, it was like a Mexican.
If you don't

Speaker 2 give me your money, if a Mexican dude threatens to like harm you, that's a gangster. Oh, so it was a Mexican dude.
Yeah, you heard his voice.

Speaker 4 Yeah, he like read me my address.

Speaker 2 Oh, give me the voice.

Speaker 4 I'm not, I can't do the voice.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 you can't. Wow.
All right. So it was a guy that you actually heard his voice.
Yes.

Speaker 4 And he wouldn't let me hang up. It was all the tells of someone trying to.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 you got extorted by a gangster and then extorted by someone else. I mean, you're so extortable.

Speaker 4 A girl I went out with three years ago texted me a couple of weeks ago saying with like an an Apple pay request for like a couple grand.

Speaker 4 And she was like, give me this or I'm going to leak gossip about you online. And I don't know what that really means.

Speaker 2 Like one time on Tiger Belly, I said,

Speaker 2 black people are oily.

Speaker 2 I remember that. Yeah, remember that? I don't even know what that means.
I just said it, right?

Speaker 2 And so then this black lady

Speaker 2 on my direct message is like, if you don't give me this amount of money, I'm going to put this out into the world. I go, I just said it on my pawn.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? It's already out. It's already out.
Like what? They're trying to use what I said already that I said out loud against me. I'm like, it's already on the internet.

Speaker 2 Do you have Venmo requests? Oh, I do. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 You don't? You put your name on there. I don't put my name on there.
Oh, that's right. Yeah.
On Venmo, you're like asking for them to ask for money. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I read their stories, though.

Speaker 2 Domino! Listen, you know what? They have stepped up their game. Well, they got specialty pizzas.
That's the big thing. Yeah, I I got you.
Specialty. It's not the old.

Speaker 2 That's my favorite word. Specialty or pizza.
Both. You like specialty? Yeah, yeah.
Here's one. This is the spicy chicken bacon ranch.
Look at that thing. That's got chicken.
That's got jalapeños.

Speaker 2 That thing is so good, dude. And it's got mozzarella, 100% real mozzo finished off with a drizzle of buffalo sauce.
You love buffalo sauce. Oh, yeah.
What about this? What about this one? What's that?

Speaker 2 What about this? We had the extravaganza. Extravaganza.
And I already ate a piece. It was delicious.
And you know what? in this, dude? Pepperoni, ham. Love.
Italian sausage, beef. Love.

Speaker 2 Fresh onions, fresh green peppers, fresh mushrooms, and black olives, all sandwiched between two layers of provolon, provolone, and cheese made with 100% real mozzarella. Dude, I'll have another bite.

Speaker 2 Why not? Do a full two-over. Huh? Oh, yeah, baby.
Yo, extravaganza. Extravaganza.

Speaker 2 They got the spicy chicken, bacon, ranch, the people's pizza, deluxe, that extravaganza, and the mitza. The mitza pizza has all the meats you could ever get.
Let me guess. Pepperoni.
Got it. Bam.

Speaker 2 Got it. There's no way they have a town sausage as well.
You better believe they have that and beef, and it's all sandwiched between two layers of provolone and cheese mazes. 100%.

Speaker 2 Real mozzarella. Pizza.
Pizza, pizza, pizza. Do you like pizza? We know you do.
We like pizza.

Speaker 2 And if you're looking to order some pizza, you got some friends over, you're watching the game, or you're playing a video game, or you're hanging out in the game of life, take care of yourself some dominoes.

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Collect your passions. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Like when they. And they're long.
Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
My uncle Louie lost his toe, you know what I mean? And he's now living at my house. My kids haven't eaten two days.
I mean, it goes on and on.

Speaker 2 And I'll just have like a moment. Have you ever given money to a stranger stranger like that? I'll have a moment and I'm like, oh,

Speaker 2 anyway. And I'll just talk for you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
But they are very sad and my heart goes out to them. Well, I don't read the request.
That's insane. Okay.

Speaker 2 You start, you're going to, because at some point you might get, maybe you will get suckered into doing it. Yeah.
And who knows how honest that is. Yeah.

Speaker 2 See, to me, I remember as a kid, you know, when someone's like,

Speaker 2 Don't give that homeless guy money. He's fucking going to use it for drugs or whatever.

Speaker 2 And then the old joke is like, I'm going to use it for drugs or whatever, you know? Yeah. But I always give them money because they're out there asking.

Speaker 2 If you have the balls to ask, I give you some money. But the internet, who knows if they're fucking with you.
On the street, it's like, yeah, dude, you here, have some fucking money. Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? Yeah, I've had ex-girlfriends ask.

Speaker 2 For money? Yeah. What's the most honest?

Speaker 2 Yeah, that is. Well, no, it's not.
It's not that they ask for money. They're just saying, can I have money? But if they say, give me money or else.

Speaker 2 Like girls I had seen like for four months or whatever, and it's like, and they just, they're just out, you know, it's tough out there. And that I can't say no to.

Speaker 2 What's the most amount of money you've given somebody? Oh, they're not much. Like, you know what I mean? Like, an electrical bill.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's actually a clever, I'll pay your bill.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'll pay your bill. They're going to give you cash.
No, I get, I Venmo, whatever the electrical bill is. I don't give them.
They're not using that for the electrical bill.

Speaker 2 Whatever the thing is. Sure.
Yeah, yeah, by the way. Electrical bill is such a random.

Speaker 2 You pay my trash, water, and power.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Remember, I gave you a head one time.
You owe me trash, water, power.

Speaker 2 So you've never loaned a stranger money?

Speaker 2 I don't loan friends money either. You don't? No, what I will do is give you money.
It's not a loan. I refuse.

Speaker 2 And I learned this years ago from an older gentleman who said, don't ever loan people money. You either give it to them or you don't.
Right.

Speaker 2 It will not come back. It should not come back.
It does not exist. Yeah.
So do not loan. It'll ruin a friendship.
It will. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I would give a friend money before I'd I'd ever be like, I want it back. Yeah, you get one, though.
Yeah, you get one. Yeah, you get one.
Better be good. Yeah, it better be a good one.

Speaker 2 Or I get people work. That's if somebody says to me, I need money, I'll get them a job.
I'll find them a job to get them money.

Speaker 2 Yeah, because then it's easier to go, how about I cook you up with something that'll give you money? Yeah, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 I just did. I did a gig I didn't want to fucking do just so someone else would get paid.
I had this girl. It's too dark, though.
I can't. Give it.
Give it, please.

Speaker 2 There was this girl that I met 25 years ago, and she's she very hot but she's like i need money to um

Speaker 2 i need money i don't have any money i go you can clean my apartment so she would once a week twice a week come over to clean my apartment oh no what and you hooked up with her yeah this is a seinfeld episode yeah then i you know i mean one day i was taking a nap while she was cleaning and then i i wake up and she's literally in my bed And I'm like, oh my God, this is amazing.

Speaker 2 And then we started seeing each other. And then months later, she disappears.
Stop cleaning, huh? What? Stop cleaning. What do you mean? When she started sucking, she stopped cleaning.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 And then. The place was a mess.
And then I would get calls from her mom, like, have you seen this person?

Speaker 2 Are you being serious? I'm being serious. So she went missing? She went missing.
She cleaned herself out of existence. Yeah, you weren't a suspect? What? You weren't a suspect? No.

Speaker 2 Key suspect. No.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And then months after that, I get a call and they found her

Speaker 2 in an abandoned house. i'm not kidding you in a bathtub completely naked with heroin holes all over her arm and she had od'd

Speaker 2 how dirty was your house

Speaker 2 she'd rather do heroin

Speaker 2 than clean your fucking house

Speaker 2 damn you know polly's like pretending to be mad at us i know you know this whole bit it's bullshit you should pretend like you're fucking mad at the guy no i'm not mad at him because you don't You don't want to start a false war with a false person.

Speaker 2 That's an old proverb my grandfather used to tell me. Never start war with a fake person.
Fake person. Yeah, yeah.
Never start a fake war with a fake person.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that should be on everyone's wall. That's right next to Live, Laugh, Love.
So, everyone listening, Paulie's trying to start a fake war with us. There's no tension.

Speaker 2 Okay. When we see.
No,

Speaker 2 this is the game we play. No, it's fine.
I thought you wanted to play. No, we're not playing the game.
All right, go ahead. Yeah, yeah.
You never play it with.

Speaker 2 Now, this will start a real war with Paulie. He'll be mad that you did this.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So here's the deal, okay? I don't know what he's trying to do, but he's trying to start something.

Speaker 2 We're not even aware of it. We don't, whenever we see him, it's all hugs and kisses.
He's taking a note from the book of

Speaker 2 Elijah. Howie Mandel.
Oh, Howie Mandel, yeah. Howie loves this kind of bullshit.
Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He loves it.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And then Mandel,

Speaker 2 the last time I saw him, like four days ago, apologized profusely for the

Speaker 2 him waking me up incident. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 We talked about that, right?

Speaker 2 Did we never talk about it on the show? No.

Speaker 2 Oh, I'll tell everyone that this is what happened. This is my war with Howie Mendel.
This is real. Well, it's not a war anymore.

Speaker 2 Inside, still a little. Okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
So I did this movie, you know, and

Speaker 2 it was like all the scenes are with me and Howie. And a lot of people are in it.

Speaker 2 And so.

Speaker 2 This is a gym's movie, no? No. No.

Speaker 4 No, not Karate Ghost.

Speaker 2 It's not Karate Ghost. No.

Speaker 2 I'm so excited for that to come out. Shame.

Speaker 2 Steve Howie's in it. Karate Ghost.

Speaker 2 Where are you?

Speaker 2 Oh, dude. Please.

Speaker 2 Stop. Show yourself.
All right. All right.
Show yourself.

Speaker 2 Stop.

Speaker 2 Did you feel that?

Speaker 2 All right. Go ahead.
Anyway,

Speaker 2 and so we're both chefs in this movie. Anyway,

Speaker 2 so we're working all day. We're on every fucking scene.
And also, it was two days of,

Speaker 2 you know,

Speaker 2 we had to stop with the karate ghost, man.

Speaker 2 Y'all look happy. I'm sad.

Speaker 2 Did you hear something?

Speaker 2 That's a spoiler, man. Yeah.
Stop that.

Speaker 2 Take it down.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 two days straight, like five in the morning call time, and also me and Howie in every scene. Yeah.
And it's like, we would rap like at midnight.

Speaker 2 It was fucking tough. So one, the next day,

Speaker 2 we did like five scenes in a row all day, which I'm not complaining. It's just, that's how movies are.
It's just long days. They're long days.

Speaker 2 And I, and finally, somebody goes, listen, you're not in the next couple of scenes, so you can rest. And I was like, whenever that they say that, I'm like, yes.
I I love that.

Speaker 2 So, in this studio that we're at, there's like this corner of this studio where it's kind of away from everything,

Speaker 2 and there's like this long couch,

Speaker 2 right? Yes, I'm like, yeah, and it's completely dark, kind of too. So, like, I was eyeing it all day.
I was like, that's where I'm going to take my nap, right?

Speaker 2 So, I, you know, I curl up and I fall asleep, completely asleep. About 20 minutes later, I feel something in my ear,

Speaker 2 okay,

Speaker 2 and I'm like, you know,

Speaker 2 you know, trying to. Wax.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. And then I kind of look up and there is a 90-year-old

Speaker 2 background actress. Mm-hmm.
All right. She has her bony white finger inside my ear, dude.

Speaker 2 And I go, what the fuck? Right. And I look at her.
And then I look beyond her, and there's Howie Mandel with a camera

Speaker 2 shooting it. It's funny.
It is? It's funny. It's insane, but it's very funny.
Right. Yeah.
But it's not okay. It's not okay.
But it's very funny. So I kind of get up.

Speaker 2 I go, lady, get the fuck out of here. Right? That's not what you said to her.
What did I say? Because you called me. You said,

Speaker 2 who the fuck? Who are you? Yeah, yeah. I mean, yeah.
And we're like, who the fuck are you? Who the fuck are you? And Howie starts laughing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And she turns to him to like validate.

Speaker 2 Validate that it was his fault. Yeah.
Right.

Speaker 2 And so I look at Howie and I go, dude,

Speaker 2 don't do that again, man.

Speaker 2 What the fuck are you doing?

Speaker 2 He's like,

Speaker 2 I'm just having fun. We're not laughing.
You know what I mean? Just a bit. Right.

Speaker 2 So they all leave. Yep.

Speaker 2 I go back to sleep. Right.
Then I feel, right, my hand

Speaker 2 is wet

Speaker 2 and it's in warm water.

Speaker 2 Okay. It's in warm water.
Right. And then I open my eyes.
Howie Mandel has my hand in a bucket of warm water because he was trying to get me to pee

Speaker 2 in my sleep. Yes.

Speaker 2 And I went ape shit.

Speaker 2 I went fucking nuclear on him. It's very funny.
I'm sorry. Yeah, I go, fuck you.

Speaker 2 I'm never working with you again. I went snappy because I was so tired.
Right. And, you know what I mean? And I just had reached my breaking point.
I blew up on Howie.

Speaker 2 To the point where in the next scene, the director had to come up to us and go, hey, you guys okay? Because this isn't working. Right.
Like,

Speaker 2 you guys have to amend this. You sent me a photo and you look fucking super pissed.
I was fucking livid. There's a photo of him with Howie.
I don't know if you can find it. Howie behind him.

Speaker 2 He didn't post it. Oh.

Speaker 2 He said, he's got it in his phone. He sent me a picture of him and Howie, and he looks

Speaker 2 so funny. And Howie's like smiling, and Bobby is so fucking mad.
I'm so mad, dude. It was hilarious.
I'm sorry to laugh. Yeah, fucking hilarious.
That last scene with him him took forever.

Speaker 2 And the director kept coming out, guys, come on. I'm like, fuck this guy.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 let me just say this too, okay? It's disappointing because as a kid growing up, Bobby's world. I was a huge, and I still love him deeply.
Yeah. But I'm a huge Howie Mendel fan.

Speaker 2 I can't even believe that he calls me and stuff. Like, you know, sometimes you'll, you know,

Speaker 2 you've been fans of somebody and then now they call you. Yeah.
And you're just in awe of it.

Speaker 2 Like, oh my god i can't fucking believe yeah so-and-so knows me yeah it's shocking it's shocking right you have all that in play right but then you know once that that just goes out the window and now he's just some old dude fucking with you you know

Speaker 2 you're right and then and it got to the point where after we rapped you know how they go if people don't know when if you're it's your last scene in the movie you know the director goes all right that was bobby's last scene

Speaker 2 rap on bobby and everyone claps i fucking hate it so much. I hate it too, right? It's so annoying.
So they do it, but I grab my shit. I don't say anything to anybody.

Speaker 2 I just head right out there and get in my car and I fucking drive away. The crew loved it.

Speaker 2 They hated it. I was really fucked.
But you weren't being mean to the crew.

Speaker 2 No, I was just so livid. And then, you know, the repeated text.
So finally, I ran into Howie. He goes, hey, man, I owe you dinner.
I go, we're good.

Speaker 2 We're good. I don't want to have dinner with you.
You're going to have to have a crazy old lady, and she's going to fucking throw food at me in the middle of it. I mean, what would you have done?

Speaker 2 I I mean, I'm much more temperamental than you. That would have fucking look, the first one I'd have been like, ha ha ha.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Then the second one, I would have been like, okay, I'm going to fucking get you back bad.

Speaker 2 I'm going to get you back fucking bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah. I mean, I probably would have smeared poop in his trailer.

Speaker 2 Something fun like that. But you, right? I'm not.
Oh, I would have loaded up.

Speaker 2 You got mad and left. I would have loaded up.
I would have been preparing during the day. How can I fucking

Speaker 2 slash his tires? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I I really take it to the next level that it shouldn't go to? Yeah, I went, yeah, I mean, so it wasn't inappropriate my feelings.
No,

Speaker 2 it was disrespectful of how you feel. Also, you don't, you know, there's an old rule, old world rule.
You know, the old world rule. Tell me.

Speaker 2 You don't pester a sleeping man.

Speaker 2 I've heard that from my grandfather. Do not pester.

Speaker 2 You don't pester a sleeping man. You don't pester a sleeping man.
Don't start fake wars with a fake person.

Speaker 2 And more importantly,

Speaker 2 you don't pester a sleeping man. You don't pester a sleeping man.
Yeah, you do. People are vulnerable when they're sleeping.
You don't do that. You want to fuck with me? I better be awake.
Also,

Speaker 2 I was fatigued. You're tired from the show.

Speaker 2 I was running on two hours of sleep. I was like, fatigued.
Yeah. Yeah.
That a 70-year-old man is playing those games is so funny. That's why it's funny.
That's why Howie's a funny guy.

Speaker 2 He's a funny guy. Because he will fuck with you.
But this beef that this beef that is being had right now with you and Paulie. It's fake.
You don't like it. It's not that I don't like it.

Speaker 2 It's just that, because when I see him, it's like, dude, and we hug and all that stuff, right? Yeah, you love him. I love him.
But, like,

Speaker 2 he's trying to start this thing I've seen online.

Speaker 4 I don't know anything about it. I got a missed call from him, though.

Speaker 2 Probably this. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But he told me, he was like, but we're not going to bite.

Speaker 2 You're not, but I was kind of willing to have fun with it. But yeah, I like that.
You're like, fuck that. Don't you think this is the best route?

Speaker 2 It's the one that you want to take, so I'll be on there with you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'll ride with you. What's the route that you wanted to take? I wanted to see a little fake war between you guys.

Speaker 2 But it was with you, too. Nah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was bad friends.
It wasn't just me. I know, but he came up to me in the parking lot and he was like,

Speaker 2 think we should do something, me and Bobby? Yeah. Mad at him.
No. I was like,

Speaker 2 you're not mad at him. That's something that he would say mad that way.
Yeah. Mad at it.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
No,

Speaker 2 I didn't know if he had talked to you about it. That's why I was curious.
No, he's been sweetie, sweetie, sweetie. he's one of the sweetest guys that I can stand up.

Speaker 2 But yeah, I'm not doing, I'll do it. I'll do a war with Howie.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. But he would, this is what he wants, though.

Speaker 2 That's the thing with Howie's mentality. You know what I mean? He thrives on the shit.
He does. Yeah.
I'm not biting.

Speaker 2 No, but the whole Bill Burr, Billy Corgan thing was, he was in love in every minute of that. Yeah.
Yeah. I mean, I did too.
I thought that was fascinating. It was fascinating.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 It was brilliant. But I'd love to see Bill Matt.

Speaker 2 That's what he's the best at. He's the best at.
And Billy Corgan. Yeah.
Yeah. Well, he was sheepish in that.
Well, it was a little. He was like, oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't know.

Speaker 2 It was a little unnerving. It was unnerving, yeah.
The whole thing was a little sheepish. But yeah, Howie,

Speaker 2 we're good.

Speaker 2 We're good. We're good.
They're good. Yeah.
You've never been mad on a set or no one's ever fucked you, like, pissed you off. I've made so many people mad.

Speaker 2 I had the last season of Dave, I had an unfortunate

Speaker 2 moment. It wasn't just me.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 The director. I love this.

Speaker 2 The director. Tummy Tummy.
I wouldn't mention her name or anything.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 we were shooting a scene outside. We were like out in the countryside, and it was like a crazy fucking morning.
Like nothing was set up right. It was kind of whackadoo.

Speaker 2 And there's a lot of moving pieces, but it was also like a huge wide for people at home that want to know. Usually shoot a wide and then you come in close.

Speaker 2 It depends on the director's style, but a lot of times you get this big fuck off wide. You get to warm up and then you get to the scene and then you get really down to the nitty-gritty.

Speaker 2 you get really micro.

Speaker 2 Anyway, we're shooting this huge fucking wide, and we're like walking through. And I'm like,

Speaker 2 we're walking through, and then we go behind this bus that we're on, and then we kind of were chilling.

Speaker 2 But it's me and a few of the castmates, and so we're kind of fucking through the scene because you're never going to use that shot for more than a quarter of a tenth of a second. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So then we go around the bus and we're all chatting.

Speaker 2 And she fucking loses it.

Speaker 2 We can fucking hear you. This is the third fucking time you guys are talking through the fucking time and you're not even like a bunch of children.

Speaker 2 When she called us children, that's when I was like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I was like, love it, love it.
I was like, you're crazy out of pocket. Yeah.
I'm a fucking adult male. You don't talk to anybody like that.
She was losing her cool.

Speaker 2 And also because the episode was kind of not the way they wanted it to go. And I was like, this isn't our fault.
She was.

Speaker 2 So then me, I'm not naming people and the two other cast mates were like, you got it.

Speaker 2 You got it. Yeah.
Then the rest of that scene was even harder for her because I was giving nothing.

Speaker 2 You were pissed.

Speaker 2 I was like, oh, you think that's, oh, you think that's annoying? Wait till you see what we do in the next fuck when you get tighter. Yeah.
Just wait. Wow.
We'll do 30 of them now. Wow.

Speaker 2 You're going to treat me like a fucking kid. That's crazy.
I'm a grown-up. Just be like, hey, you guys, we can hear you.
She lost her fucking cool. And subsequently, you know,

Speaker 2 haven't heard from her in a while. I don't think she's getting on the line.

Speaker 2 Yeah. She lost her.

Speaker 2 And the whole crew was like, what the fuck was that? Like, the whole crew was like,

Speaker 2 because what you do is you bring down the energy of the thing. It was like, why are you doing that? Then you're, because all the crew guys are like, you know, like the sound guy was like,

Speaker 2 yeah. Like, what's that about? Yeah.
So then everyone's in a weird mood. Like, why are you being that way? You're just blowing up on people because you're upset about something.
So.

Speaker 2 But can you do what Daniel Day Kim does?

Speaker 2 Be Asian. No, no, no, no.
Daniel

Speaker 2 Day Kim told me about he was on a set once where the director was the first day and goes, Hey, man, you're 30 minutes late. Screams at him.
Yeah. But he wasn't late.
He was on time. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So Daniel pulled him aside and he goes, Hey, man, don't talk to me like that. I love that.
Yeah. Why can't we do that? I'm not Daniel Day Kim.
Oh, that's right. Yeah.
Oh, that's right.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you can, though. You're Andrew Santino.

Speaker 2 Oh, what? What's going on here? What's up, dude? I got your order for you.

Speaker 2 Who are you, dude?

Speaker 2 Damn, dude. You ordered that man.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Take a seat. You want to sit down? Oh, yeah, for sure.
I thought you got to talk to me.

Speaker 2 Hey, man.

Speaker 2 I have an idea for you, Bob. If you want...
Oh, we're at Bob now?

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Speaker 5 Chronic spontaneous urticaria or chronic hives with no known cause. It's so unpredictable.

Speaker 2 It's like playing pinball.

Speaker 5 Itchy red bumps start on my arm, then my back,

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Take that, chronic hives. Learn more at treatmyhives.com.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 what's your last name?

Speaker 2 Mr.

Speaker 2 Mr. Bobby.
That's Bobby Lee. Bobby Lee, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yes, what's your name? Get comfortable.

Speaker 2 Yes, thanks. What's your name? Zach Townsend.
You're a great guy. What's the idea? What's going on? That's a great comment.

Speaker 2 I got a business idea for you guys, though. Okay.
What is it? Can I pitch it to you? Yeah. This is going to get me out of the hole.
Okay. Chat EBT.

Speaker 2 Okay. I love it.
Before you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's not. It's like we chat BBT.
It's not what you're probably thinking. Yeah, yeah.
This is, I know exactly what it is.

Speaker 2 It's not, it's, it's chat GBT for black people.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.
How does that work? How does it work? So basically, you like asking. Well, it doesn't work.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it does. It's not.
It should be working. That's why Snap got taken away.
It's not working right now. Yeah.
But it basically you ask it a question.

Speaker 2 and then it just says, oh, hell no.

Speaker 2 Oh, I see. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Well, it's a really good idea. That's a great idea.

Speaker 2 Is it AI or

Speaker 2 Alan Iverson? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Alan Iverson. It's Alan Iverson.
It's Alan Iverson. Oh wow, you got him.
Yeah, we got it all. I'm going to deal with him.
Okay, good. We can go tomorrow.
Alan Iverson. You want a piece of pizza?

Speaker 2 It looks like you got a lot there. Yeah.
Too many boxes, maybe? It's probably blocking your face. Can I put you on? Just put it off to the side.
Yeah, yeah. This is my favorite part.

Speaker 2 I knew he was going to look at one right away.

Speaker 2 Yeah, well, there's more in there. There's different kinds i like this kind i have some pepperoni if you want some uh-uh i've seen that movie before i'm not i'm not biting

Speaker 2 ladies and gentlemen uh uh bad friends family

Speaker 2 bad friends family this is our good friend zach townsend great comedian great fan of that uh who hello everybody who opened for me for a little while what happened wait yeah wait what happened he started closing

Speaker 2 oh you're a headliner's a headliner yeah well can't open anymore when you're closing

Speaker 2 you know what i mean you know you're people that run those stores right you can't close if it's it's open. You can't open if it's closed.
Exactly.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Zach is a phenomenal comic Nashville.
Although. It is a good excuse if you don't want somebody to open for you.
You pull them inside.

Speaker 2 Graham or not. Yeah,

Speaker 2 this is the first time here. I thought I was still opening.

Speaker 2 This pizza thing was a bit, but I think this might have been.

Speaker 2 Well, I figured you're going to go hungry for a little while, so I was like, to give that man some pizzas. Fuck.
Who opens for you now?

Speaker 2 Anybody but Zach. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay. I heard Cat Bird got a little thing from you.
Cat Bird, we did take down. Cat Bird was awesome.
Yeah, we did.

Speaker 2 Oh, you did Brea last weekend? Idiot. Yeah, we did.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, we did Brea and I took Cat Bird and

Speaker 2 Zach. And Zach came with Zach.
Zach, Zach. How was Cat? Zach, yeah, Zach, yeah.
ZAC. What? ZAC.
Yeah. Zach.
I got to change your contact on my phone.

Speaker 2 Zach and Cat went down. Then Devontre Coleman comes with me when he can, when he's not, you know, blowing up this guy.
Yeah. This guy just came from.
Tell him what you just did. I just did.

Speaker 2 Come on. Tell it to him the way you told me.
I just did.

Speaker 2 No, I just did.

Speaker 2 I just did Comics Unleashed.

Speaker 2 I want to work a domino.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 2 I was Byron. Comics Unleashed for people that don't know.
It's a comedic institution. It's been around for it's got to be 20 years.
I mean, right? How long has it been on TV? It was all for a while.

Speaker 2 Forever. Yeah.
I mean, genuinely, look it up. How long has it been on? But Byron Allen has been running this show.

Speaker 2 It's a round table of comics on couches, and they, you know, you pitch your jokes and you get to run your bits.

Speaker 2 It's been on for 19 years. I was right there.

Speaker 2 Who was on it with you today? It was Guy Torrey from American History. I love Guy so much.
He's great. He's an old friend of mine.
Good. Yeah.
I actually opened for him a couple times in Nashville.

Speaker 2 So maybe you can open for him again because I'm done with you.

Speaker 2 Who else?

Speaker 2 And then two other people, I don't remember their names, but they're nice. No, be real.
No, they're nice. You don't know their names, really? I really don't know.

Speaker 2 One of them was like Lori something. Then the other guy was, he had gray hair.
I remember that. Oh, gray hair, gray hair, we had gray hair, comedian, yeah, Mr.
Gray hair.

Speaker 2 Wait, didn't Kat film with you? Wasn't she gonna film? She we all did different ones, but she's filming today, I'm pretty sure. Those guys, you know, they do did you ever do comics unleashed?

Speaker 2 I've been asked. I never did it.

Speaker 2 I can't believe you went.

Speaker 2 Bob didn't have enough. We're the only headliners that have never done it.
I didn't have enough one. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, say it.

Speaker 2 Say it. Say it.
I said, Bob didn't have enough bits to do it.

Speaker 2 I was just joking.

Speaker 2 Dude,

Speaker 2 the look of anger with a little bit of pizza on your mouth is fucking perfect. You know, can I be honest with you? Hit him hard.

Speaker 2 I don't give a shit.

Speaker 2 He's not mine. That hit me so hard, dude.
Yeah. Like, it's a destroyer of friends.
Well, now, why don't you go on comics and at least you prove him wrong? Right.

Speaker 2 You could prove him. Good one.

Speaker 2 Why didn't you do it? I didn't feel. That's not a format for me.

Speaker 2 Me either. Me either, if I'm being honest.
There was never a point in my career that I thought I was going to be be good on that show. Yet, I never did Layton.
I only did Conan.

Speaker 2 Conan was the only one I wanted to do because I loved Conan.

Speaker 2 And I always wanted to do Letterman, but by the time I had the balls put together, Letterman was gone. And so Conan was my hero.
I wanted to do Conan.

Speaker 2 I got on Conan, and then they were like, Why don't you want to do other late night? I was like, How much more shit are you going to fucking open?

Speaker 2 How much more fucking shit are you going to open?

Speaker 4 We have one more.

Speaker 2 We do have one more. Let's hear it.
The tears. fancy.

Speaker 2 Yeah, thank you. Right in the mic.

Speaker 2 God, these guys, this is how unprofessional the show is. They don't know to turn their mic down when they're doing some dumb shit like that.
McCall.

Speaker 2 But he'll do that for you. He'll come running like a little pip squeak that he is.
Get, go. Get going.
Get going.

Speaker 2 God, I love that picture. He's the best.
He is my favorite. No, but I only wanted to do Conan.
And then when they asked, do the other ones, I thought, I'm going to bomb on that show. Did you bomb?

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. Yeah, I had a hard one.
I was telling my Conan outside. I did like three black jokes.
I did like three black. I'm surprised they even let me do them.
Do them here. Let me hear them.

Speaker 2 Well, give me the premise. I can say, do I know? Because you know how.
Yeah, I did. Well, the one that you know that you like.

Speaker 2 The, the, we're the only ones who know how to whisper. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 And then they, then him and Guy Torrey were like, I think, I don't think they like got offended, but they were like, I made a joke about, like I said, I have a lot of black friends.

Speaker 2 You could tell by my shoes. And after the joke, they they were like, man, you ain't got, that ain't black people friend shoes.
You know? Yeah, it is.

Speaker 2 They unkned on me. They unkned, they unkned me hungry.
They got unknown. Yeah.
By the way, no white guy that wears Air Force Ones,

Speaker 2 every white guy that wears Air Force Ones is friends with black people. It's almost a requirement when you buy them at Foot Locker.
They're like, let me see your phone.

Speaker 2 And you got to show them how many black friends you have. And your phone's dead.

Speaker 2 And you're like, can I charge my phone? They're like, you definitely got my friends.

Speaker 2 What is that? Cricket? You're good. Why did you do it?

Speaker 2 Because I'm just trying to say yes to a lot of things. Oh, that's good.
Yeah. Because Zach is a great comic and he needs more credits.

Speaker 2 And the internet now is fucking flooded with a billion comics doing every clip. And then he needs to fucking be a part of the system like everything else.
This is a credit, right? It's a huge credit.

Speaker 2 We're going to kick you out of those, I think. No, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, fancy.
No bits.

Speaker 2 I was kidding. I'm a huge fan.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Wait, give me the other jokes you told. Do it, do them, just so we can hear them.
Oh, I did.

Speaker 2 I said one about, like, I think true crime, like, you know, because it has to be clean, too, so it can't be as good as, but I said, like, you know, I think white crimes get investigated a little bit harder than black crimes, you know, just based off the names they name these things.

Speaker 2 Like, a white woman will go missing, and they'll call it, like, the 12-year disappearance of Sarah. And, like, a black guy gets murdered, and then just like the first 48 hours, you know?

Speaker 2 That's a great thing. They wrap it up quick.
Yeah, yeah. He liked that one.
Byron liked that one. Yeah.
Yeah. But

Speaker 2 he didn't like the.

Speaker 2 Do the one. Do the other one.
I said, I talked to him, one of my black friends was telling me,

Speaker 2 I was chat EBT. I'd be like, this is all, I'm just doing, I'm like, Nick Dapollo now.
Yes, do it. Do it, Nick.

Speaker 2 I said,

Speaker 2 I have a lot of black friends if you can't tell about. My black friend told me the other day, he said, I don't trust white people because they're always telling secrets.

Speaker 2 And I was like, I don't agree with that statement at all.

Speaker 2 I just think we're the only race that knows how to whisper.

Speaker 2 It's a fantastic joke.

Speaker 2 And they pushed back on that. No, I mean, he just kind of like, they were kind of going after my shoes and it felt like maybe that one.

Speaker 2 Did you fire back at all? A little bit.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I said it.
You said the N-word. No, no, no, no, no.
I said, stop. Stop.
Got it. Are you nervous?

Speaker 2 A little bit. It's not as, it's not, it wasn't as nerved as I thought it was going to be.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Well, no, because you, I mean, at some point, you know, you got the, if you have all the weapons, you're like, well, I'm just going to swing and then hopefully they hit.

Speaker 2 And it's a live audience. Yeah.
Yeah. And they're.
Are they alive? I don't know.

Speaker 2 yeah i was like looking at some of them i'm like these some of these people might be ai for real like they're so it's probably a lot of tweakers the reason why i don't like these types of shows is is that it's so in it's not organic right it's like you mean what you what are you gonna say so i can lead up to it so it's the conversation is so fake and

Speaker 2 that's every prompt on late night they do the same thing they prompt you well that's why i've never done them i you know i mean right yeah i i just can't do it right it's a it's an old it's an old format yeah but it's a car carson did it it was the way that fucking Carson set up his show, too.

Speaker 2 I mean, there was way more improv back then.

Speaker 2 But also, there's a lot of dead air. If you watch old Carson, there's an awful lot of fucking dead air.
Wouldn't fly today. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Like, you know, there's moments of gaps where you're like, ooh, this is like valuable TV time. Yeah.
But they need the prompts to keep the thing moving.

Speaker 2 I mean, Byron Allen, this guy, talk about proving all those conspiracy theories wrong. He bought the weather, right? Yeah.
He bought the weather.

Speaker 2 The Jays can, yeah, the Jays control it, but he bought it. Yeah.
They must have some sort of mutual agreement, right? He distributes. The Jays.
The Jays own it, but he distributes it. Wow.

Speaker 2 Okay, Byron, next week it's going to rain.

Speaker 2 It's my company. I can make it rain if I want to.

Speaker 2 He acquired the weather channel. Byron Allen bought the weather channel, a $300 million deal in 2018.
Wow. And by the way, this guy's got $300 million to buy the fucking weather channel.

Speaker 2 He paid this guy like $48 to go on TV today. Wow.
What did they give you for those? What did they give you for those live shows? It was a couple hundred bucks. It wasn't a thousand, but

Speaker 2 it wasn't 500 even my we're at my house even my wife is like 200

Speaker 2 you can't they that's what they give you i was like tv's dead yeah they're killing everyone they're not giving anyone any money i'm not even sure what it is i don't even comics unleash might be on the weather channel i don't know

Speaker 2 i don't even know they didn't tell me like what network it's gonna it runs side by side with a fucking a doppelganger a doppler alert that's nice though it's nice that you got that under your belt that's first literal tv credit first literal tv credit yep give it up for the boy huh come on

Speaker 2 bobby's still fuming from the bits oh no no yeah you are i love it just tell him you are tell him you hate it yeah yeah i love it no he always tries to hit me whenever i no you no i give you gentle touches yeah and the p on the p on the p no the other night when i saw you at the store you tried i did side side gentle touches on your side

Speaker 2 no yeah yeah but you're always i don't you're in your mind you think that i'm gonna do something nefarious i think you're really strong yeah i am very strong i know yeah yeah that's why i don't like he's got that strength.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I got that strength. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but we always. One extra chromosome.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 And I.

Speaker 2 Dude.

Speaker 2 I will defeat all of you with a one.

Speaker 2 And then

Speaker 2 fight of the ghost.

Speaker 2 You only star the karate ghost. The peanut butter falcon.

Speaker 2 Hey, good.

Speaker 2 I like it. Peanut butter fell purple.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Who books the, how'd you get the show? On my management. Facebook.

Speaker 2 Answer an ad on fucking Facebook. They just put you on that thing.
Yeah. You got bits?

Speaker 2 We should do it. What? We should do it together.
There's no way. Why? I don't want to do it.
It would be fun. We could make the request.
It would have to be just me, you, and Byron.

Speaker 2 And they would hunt. Why would they not do that? That'd be so funny.
That would be awesome.

Speaker 2 You would do it like Family Feud style and get like two more like bad friends and just do all four of you guys.

Speaker 2 I think think that'd be fun yeah you can do all you guys don't bring up family feud we lost to flavor flave yeah

Speaker 2 to this day if you if you were asked to do family feud right we did it no but it was my family oh that well rub it in so no but no but they they're gonna ask you santino right would i be a part of your five no

Speaker 2 you know how mad i'd be if i wasn't the buffer he wants to win oh you didn't get many answers right

Speaker 2 i'm going for skill yeah tactics who would be on your family dude imagine who would they put me up against, by the way? They put you up against Flavor Flav. So they're doing like who they think.

Speaker 2 That's right. What is it about?

Speaker 2 I'm Asian Flavor Flave? Dude, they're in the meeting room. They're like, all right, check it out.

Speaker 2 Who's Bobby Lee's perfect counterpart?

Speaker 2 Who's like a black Bobby Lee? Yeah, yeah. Like, flavor, flavor.
Yeah. Who would I have as my family? It would be me, you,

Speaker 2 my sister.

Speaker 2 My wife, my mom, or my dad wouldn't want to do it. Maybe my dad.
My sister would definitely. Me, you, my sister.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Um,

Speaker 2 who else could be really good? See, I'd be tactical. You weren't tactical.

Speaker 2 What do you mean? I chose the wrong person.

Speaker 2 Esther.

Speaker 2 Me, you, my sister.

Speaker 2 Raul, my landscaper.

Speaker 2 That'd be funny. He's fucking amazing.

Speaker 2 He's so funny. That'd be so funny.
Raul and

Speaker 2 Brian Holtzman.

Speaker 2 Just because I feel like him and Steve would have a battle. Yeah, yeah.
Holtzman would be funny. Hilarious.
Yeah, yeah. It would be so funny to watch him scream at Steve Harvey.

Speaker 2 I mean, they would fucking hate each other. That's like two opposite energies.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Next time I do it, if I ever do it, I would choose the team that would win. Yeah, we will.
We'll get a little team together. Oh, no, they're never going to ask me.
I'm with you. I'm your plus one.

Speaker 2 They don't want me. They're going to ask you.
They don't want me. Please ask them.
Because I need redemption.

Speaker 2 I'd rather go on Wheel of Fortune. Oh, I'll be bad at that game.
What? You guessed letters. I'm not good at it.

Speaker 2 Fucking easiest game. It's not Jeopardy.
Zach's got one more day here in Los Angeles. We sent him around.
We did almost everything with the boy. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Then he goes back to Nashville to his girlfriend who he loves.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Just got himself a new house. Yeah.
It's incredible.

Speaker 2 Thanks, Bob. Amazing.
You did it. You helped.
helped. Oh.
Yeah. I extorted money from you, Carlos.
I'm the Mexican gangster. Oh, I see.
Yeah, you better bet my opener a fucking house, eh?

Speaker 2 And your girlfriend lives with you? Yeah. Yeah.
I would hope so. They bought a house together.
Oh, together. She's paying for some of the mortgage? Yeah, oh, yeah.
That's why we're doing it.

Speaker 2 This is a life partner. Yeah, probably.
Yeah. Unless, yeah.
Yeah. I mean, how long have you been dating? Unless she finds out what I did in my Comics Unleashed trailer.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 how long have you been dating with her for? Like three years. Oh, okay.
That's a a good enough time. Yeah, she's red.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 She's very good looking. She's cool.
She's smart. She's way better than Zach.
It's one of those things where it's annoying when you're like, oh, the partner is more superior.

Speaker 2 And then you sometimes wonder,

Speaker 2 is he holding her hostage?

Speaker 2 Yeah, he's shreking.

Speaker 2 You're shreking. What? Yeah, you're shreking hard.

Speaker 2 A new slang term for the dating trend of intentionally dating someone you consider to be less attractive than yourself. Hopefully, they'll treat you better.
All right. Yeah, that's pretty spot on.

Speaker 2 That's actually like, that's almost like whoever made this knows me and my girlfriend.

Speaker 2 So what's your dream here?

Speaker 2 What do you want out of this business?

Speaker 2 I want him out of business.

Speaker 2 What is it?

Speaker 2 Just to be as successful as you guys, really.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Never!

Speaker 2 Yeah, shoot for the moon, right? And Ipna.

Speaker 2 Was that a shot?

Speaker 2 He does this all the time. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Let me tell you something, pal. Let me tell you something, pal.

Speaker 2 We have your replacement.

Speaker 2 We casted him. The fans answered.
He was a hit. He was a hit.
He was a was he not a hit? Yes. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 And he's a hit, and you're a what? What? You're a lump. A miss.
A miss. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 No. Oh, you're a hit.

Speaker 2 I love you. Stop.

Speaker 2 Stop. Stop.
Stop.

Speaker 2 It goes bumpy into nut.

Speaker 2 Karate Ghost coming this fall. Do we know when it comes out? No, I don't know.
Do Karate Ghost release date.

Speaker 2 Wait, what is this? He's in a movie called Karate Ghost. It's going to be awesome.
January 31st, 2023. It already came out.

Speaker 2 You filmed it after it came out.

Speaker 2 That's how good the movie was.

Speaker 2 It came out. Was there another Karate Ghost?

Speaker 2 How?

Speaker 2 How on fucking earth is there more than one of them?

Speaker 2 We did the remake?

Speaker 4 Here's the one you're in with Belushi.

Speaker 2 Set in a town ruled by an absurd karate law, the film watches a lonely teen form an unlikely bomb with the ghost of his late father's favorite action hero. Yeah.
Are you just a local?

Speaker 2 You're not one of the. Are you the ghost? No, no, no.
I play a sensei.

Speaker 2 And that's why. Yeah, I know.
And that's why

Speaker 2 the question you just asked me five minutes ago. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Who was it? Daniel Day Kim? Yeah. That's why we are not Daniel Day Kim.
I know. because you played a sensei i know and i'm in the magic movie for four heartbeats yeah they make me disappear yeah

Speaker 2 zach uh close out the show by saying thanks for being a bad friend into your camera thanks for being a bad friend everybody

Speaker 2 that was terrible hey everybody thanks for being a bad friend

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