Episode 106 - Gary "Fiesta" Lewis

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Hello, and welcome to the Beef and Dairy Network podcast, the number one podcast for those involved, or just interested, in the production of beef animals and dairy herds.

The Beef and Dairy Network podcast is the podcast companion to the Beef and Dairy Network website and a printed magazine, brought to you by by Glando.

Now, this week sees the publication of a new autobiography by the well-known East End hardman, Gary Fiesta Lewis.

Fiesta is well known as the owner of a string of snooker clubs in the East End of London, as well as a famous nightclub, Mimi's, which is notorious for its links with organised crime.

In his book, Naughty: The Confessions of an Absolute Rotter, he spills the beans on his various criminal antics over the years, alongside his associates Reg Escort Smith, Terry Mondeo Peters, and Alan C-Max 1.6 EcoBoost with DAB Radio as standard, Jones.

He may seem like an odd guest to have on a beef and dairy industry-focused podcast, but the biggest revelation in this book details the links between East End organised crime and beef, revealing that his snooker clubs and nightclub were for many years little more than a front for a black market trade in livestock, bull semen, leather, and beef.

Fiesta wrote the book whilst in prison, a prison that he has just been released from in Turkey.

In fact, it's the very same prison that is holding entertainment national treasure Sid Onion, formerly of much-loved comedy double act Trees and Onion.

And it was a similar crime, smuggling beef of a sort, across the border into Turkey that put Fiesta inside.

I started by asking him what happened.

Well, I was smuggling in some teeth at the time and they were caught, you know, they were found on me at the Istanbul airport.

And, you know, I had a lot of molars up there, sort of cow molars, beef.

There's a sort of

little known, but in the

veneers and dental work industry, turkey teeth, as they call it,

actually, cow teeth are better and take better than human teeth or plastics as they use over there.

So, actually, a lot of the Essex cunts who come back here

with their teeth, it's actually teeth that I've supplied.

and they they got actually caused less drooling because if you you notice people with veneers they often drool quite a lot and often have to wave their tongue about and slurp every few words but with cow teeth there's less drooling so

as a sales fan with that up my ass

I had I had a few hundred up there

unfortunately they caught me and I said I'm the fucking tooth fairy that didn't help and off I went So, I mean, I didn't realise it would be illegal to, you know, shove hundreds of cow mowners up your ass, but it turns out it is.

Turns out it is.

How did they, if this isn't an indelicate question,

how were they discovered,

the cow molars?

Well,

I think I was walking funny when I came through customs.

And, yeah, they're on the sort of lookout, especially for working class people.

Often get stopped and searched anyway.

You think you were profiled then?

I think so, yeah.

And I had me walk, and I was sort of,

you know, limping slightly and probably wincing a little bit because I think a few had got loose.

And yeah, next you know, I'm pulled over by, you know, a big old geezer.

And yeah, there we go.

Don't need to really paint a picture there.

You can probably picture it yourself.

So you're in there for five years.

You've done stretches of prison time in the past over the years.

You know,

you're an experienced

prison resident, shall we say?

Yeah.

What was the experience of being in Turkish prison like?

Well, you know, having

Sid there was helpful.

Yeah, so just to explain, you were in the same Turkish prison as Sid Onion, someone who we've talked a lot about on this show, much love Denseno, formerly of Cheese and Onion with Les Cheese.

How did it feel when you realized that you were going to be in prison with this huge star, someone who, I believe you, you know, did work in your nightclubs in the early days?

That's right.

You know, well, you know, Sid's a good lad.

We go back a long way.

He'd be there in me meets with me in the early 80s.

But he's a good lad.

He's very funny, good sensitive.

He bloody loves it in there.

I'll tell you, he's the king of the fucking jail.

Oh, really?

He loved it.

He didn't want to come out.

He was having a great time.

He actually smuggled in some more beef and got caught deliberately to extend his sentence.

He slapped about a couple of wardens with a steak.

That's another year.

He loves it in there.

So hang on.

Let's get this straight because we've spoken to the campaigners.

You know, there's a huge campaign to free Sid from prison.

He don't want it.

Really?

Because I've spoken to his daughter Pam, who's working tirelessly with Buffson-Frontier to get lawyers in place to try and get him out.

Well,

he's letting her go about it because he's giving her a purpose because

she don't have to work, you know, because of her dad.

But

between you and me, he don't actually want to come out.

He likes it in there.

It's a good life.

He's respected.

He's the king in there.

To be fair, he's tired of being in the shadow of Les.

The fact that Les' surname comes first in the duo, that always pissed him off.

Like Lennon and McCartney pissed off McCartney.

Right.

You know, he's Onion now.

He is the main man.

He'll be out one day, I'm sure.

But for now, he's loving it in there.

I don't know much about living in prison, but to be considered the king of a prison, I mean, how did he manage to attain that position within the hierarchy of the prisoners?

Well, as you know,

in jail, it's sort of you have to assert yourself early on.

Day one, don't let anyone get under your skin.

You've got to give as good as you get straight away.

So day one, he shanks a geezer.

You know, he goes after the top boy.

It's like the jungle, really, the gorillas.

You know, you've got to go after the top boy.

And even if you take a beating, then people know you're not to be messed with.

So he went in hard.

And he's actually quite a scrappy geezer, Sid.

You know, he's quite slight.

You wouldn't think it, but when when he switches, he's fucking nasty.

He was like bloody Ray Winston in scum.

I'm the king onion now.

Call me the onion.

So when you go into prison then, Sid's been there for a number of years.

He's already the king.

Was there a feeling from yourself that you had to assert yourself against Sid to...

No, we're mates.

Right, okay.

No, he looks after me.

We've got a lot of respect for each other.

There's never been any beef, as it were, between me and Sid.

Okay.

And were you, when your release date came around last year, were you tempted to stay in like Sid and you know, live the good life?

No, not really.

I, you know, you miss your own toilet, don't you?

And I can't really take a dump in front of anyone else, so I just wanted to get back.

And, you know, obviously, my bowels weren't as they were because of the search five years earlier at the airport.

That's something happened there.

Right.

I think the teeth as well, there was some scarring, scar tissue in my inner cavity, as it were, not to get too graphic.

Yeah, okay.

You'd essentially been internally bitten by a dead cow.

By the teeth, that's right.

Yeah, okay.

But you know,

you live and learn.

I'm going to read a passage from your book.

It it opens.

I must say it's a very a great read.

Thank you.

Gary.

It was midnight on a quiet Tuesday.

The old Bill liked to come into my snooker hall for a couple of frames after their shift, because they were trying to rile me up, make me look like a mug.

But they were the real mugs.

Little did they know that a mere eight feet from where they were standing, drinking orangina and playing snooker, there were 35 calves stuffed behind the quiz machine.

Yep.

Tell me about those days.

And that's a very rich picture you paint at the beginning of the book.

I mean, they're fucking clans, those cops.

You know, they'd come in all twinkly-eyed, acting like they were the big bollocks.

And, you know, little did they know there was this whole other industry going on right under their noses.

You know, we had calves in the in the basement, under the floor, right under their feet.

So, how does it work?

You are getting these calves.

Where are you getting these calves from?

I mean, sometimes they're they're, you know, they're bred underground.

We put we chuck the bull in there

and, you know, he'll take care of business.

And then, of course, it's getting them out, which is the tricky, tricky part.

You have to go through the sewer

under Mimi's.

And then, uh, you know, we had a connection on the district line.

So we get we had a a a freight train that would go from Upton Park to Marl End and then we got a we got a a geezer down there who can who look after them for us I think what my listeners might be thinking is you know why are you going to this these lengths

to

do a kind of underground cow breeding program let's put it this way you're breeding cows in the sewers you're then selling them in your nightclub in your snooker hall you can yeah you could come down and buy a cow if you wanted and and so why why wouldn't someone just buy a cow the normal way from a registered farmer?

Why would they go for

the black market cow?

What are they getting out of that transaction?

Well, I think a lot of EastEnders in the 70s were a bit sick and tired of paying over the odds for their beef.

Right.

And, you know,

under that time, under labour, pre-fetcher,

you go into a pub or caf, you'd spend upwards of a pound on a cottage pie, and that was too much.

So there was a market there.

There there was a need there.

So we cut out the middleman, namely the tax man per se, as it were, and that cut the price down, you know, half.

So you are providing a steady and

cheap stream of beef to the to the good working people of the East End.

That's right.

And suddenly steak became affordable to the average man.

You know, you wouldn't be able to get a steak once a month or once a year on your birthday.

Yeah.

Special occasion you get a steak.

But, you know, we made steak available to everyone.

And leather jackets.

Leather jackets, leather shoes, you know, leather car seats.

You could have a leather fucking toothbrush if you wanted because it was affordable.

And then Thatcher came in, you know, and the legislation got a bit tighter and they started breathing down our necks.

But

pre-Fatcher, it was a Wild West, really.

And of course, there's a certain amount of government regulation that comes along with keeping animals.

There are certain things you have to do.

You have to test them for tuberculosis, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

You You have to get the vet in occasionally.

Were you doing away with all of that kind of government interference as well?

Well, you know, we had a soft touch with that sort of thing.

We took our chances.

You know, if you're going to get half-price beef, then, you know,

you can't expect it to come with the bells and whistles as such.

But generally speaking, they were fine down there.

It's actually, you know, under the basement, quite a sterile environment.

But, you know, largely speaking, we were quite lucky.

If one of the cows started looking a bit iffy, then we'd, you know, give them some grapes,

you know, a bit more fruit.

And, you know, generally speaking, they'd be all right.

So, you know, if TB, for example, got into a herd of cows, that can decimate, you know, a farmer's living.

We're not concerned about that kind of thing

if you're slightly dodging these regulations around safety.

Well, I'm not a scientist, you know, I'm a businessman and

I would take the advice of those around me.

And,

you know, I had good, good men.

You know, we had

Barry, Barry England.

He was the son of Clive England, who you might recall,

the famous serial killer who done all those rent boys in Elves Court in the 90s.

Barry, good lad, actually, good lad, still going.

He had a mock

GCE in science, so he could sort of run his eye over him.

He didn't finish his exams, but he knew enough about science.

so you could have a quick look, you know, give him the up and down, you know, and silver linings.

If one of the cows did die of complications, TB, etc., etc., etc., then that he saves us time and money, you know, in the having to put him down ourselves.

So, you know, you've got to see the positive and just go with what's happening, really.

So that leads to even cheaper beef.

Cheaper beef for everyone.

And we do, you know, we do a special discount leather jacket, TB cow, discount, you know, half price, had a lovely sort of mottled finish.

I thought he looked quite good personally.

Before we get back to my big interview with Gary Fiesta Lewis, we have news about the whereabouts of the upcoming British Beef Council AGM and Beef Boil.

So that's an annual general meeting in the day, and then a sumptuous feast in the evening where the organisers say that they can guarantee that every aspect of the meal will have been boiled this year, including all condiments and drinks.

It will be taking place at the Red Lion Coaching Inn, and we've got a little advert here from them.

There are still rooms available if you'd like to stay there.

A warm welcome awaits you

at the cobbled forecourt of the Red Lion Coaching Inn.

Okay,

now under new management from my wife

We have a squash court come breakfast room with a wonderful view of the colour television

Enjoy a soup and a roll

Duvets abound

in the comfortable rooms where you can feel at home away from home away from home

all Alright.

Whether it be a wedding or a more sombre occasion, for example a tribunal,

it is an appropriate lodging for a Douglas family or Douglas couple.

Did King Charles I stay here during the Civil War?

Enjoy the towels and don't even speak to my wife.

We'll see you there.

As I said before, rooms are still available, but they haven't included their address or an email address or phone number.

So, um,

well, that's

that's that's really for you to sort out.

More after this.

When I'm not making this podcast, I'm doing one of three things.

I'm either checking out some new beef.

I'm trying to improve my trout fishing yield using new techniques, new flies, new nets.

What sweet songs can I sing to entice those scaly temptresses?

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Back to my big interview soon, but first...

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So, now time to go back to my big interview with Gary Fiesta Lewis.

I asked him about the rumours that a spate of murders in 1981 were the result of a feud about bull semen.

It happens in business, blood is always shed.

That's the way it is

and you know bull semen is a commodity uh in female cosmetics it's very valuable um it's very good for the skin my ex-wife used it on her skin she always had a lovely glow and she she swore by it you know a a a thermos of bull semen you that's got a sale on value of a couple of grand and in the early 80s that's probably a hundred grand because you were doing well in the early 80s.

If the book is to be believed, in 82, 83, I believe you've mentioned already Mimi's, your nightclub, which you bought.

That must have been an expensive thing to buy.

But that's off the back of all this money you're making off the beef trade and the semen trade.

That's right.

I paid for that in semen.

Right.

And, you know, the women that came in were absolutely fantastic.

You know, Jennifer Ridgely came in, Andrew's mum from Wham.

Lovely, beautiful smile.

She'd come in for a dance.

Who's a weather man he came in and all Michael Fish the geezer who who who said there would there weren't going to be a hurricane right that one he came in for a little dance he loved the ladies actually so it's a kind of you're painting a picture of a very sort of a celeb soaked yeah hot spot really

yeah

what's his name Marco from Adam and the Ants the guitarist he'd come down real life for the ladies he's always he was always complaining I'm not getting shagged I'm not getting shagged you know because Adam was getting all the girls right yeah and you know Mark though he he had a paunch on him.

He had a, he had a, he had a gut on him, to be fair.

He weren't the best looking geezer.

He looked like a builder with makeup, but

he came in, and there was a lot of characters down there, and we had a good time.

You know, at any one time, what's the most cows you had underneath your nightclub?

Any one time, I think we had

close to a hundred down there.

Okay, so a hundred cows living under a nightclub.

That's that's a that's a lot of value down there, yeah.

You know, that's worth a lot of money, thousands.

There's always, you've always got to keep your eyes open in business, you know,

keep your friends close, as they say.

You know, people would sniff around.

I remember one day a geezer came in claiming to be from the tax office.

But I knew something was up because he had a gold tooth.

And I thought, I've never seen a tax man with a gold tooth and he had white slip-on shoes.

I thought,

this ain't tax

and sure enough he was in there, pulled out a camera and you know we had to deal with him.

It got a bit hairy for a week or two.

Some tensions ignited but yeah tax the tax boy came in.

There was another occurrence where someone came in for a dance,

claimed to have got lost looking for the toilet.

Right.

And we found them down there.

One geezer was trying to wank off one of the

one of the cows.

And so we had to deal with him as well.

Fortunately, you know, the word gets out that you're on it and people don't try it too often.

But yeah, you've got to keep your eyes open.

What about lamb?

What about it?

Well, were you ever moving lamb through your system?

No, no, that weren't for me.

You know, although all that New Zealand stuff were coming in, there was talk about the youngsters getting hooked on mint sauce.

I didn't want that.

You know,

I know cows.

I know beef.

I know leather.

That's my bread and butter, as it were.

You'd see these geezers walking around in sheepskin.

You know, these delboy wannabes,

you know, walking around thinking they own a fucking joint.

And there was a definite split between the geezers who wore leather jackets and the geezers who wore sheepskin.

And you stay apart.

They weren't your kind.

You know, real scum.

Like, not a brain cell to rub between them, you know.

So, no, I didn't want nothing to do with lambs, sheep, none of those sort of fluffy creatures.

Yeah.

That weren't for me.

And how's that feel then in the more modern era where, you know, we're seeing now, culturally speaking, in a wider sense, we're seeing the growth of interest in New Zealand.

So, for example, the Lord of the Rings trilogy, the success of the actor Sam Neal,

Taika Watiti making these movies that people seem to love.

You know, kids now are, wherever they look, it's awash with New Zealand, isn't it?

And Kiwi culture.

How does that feel when you see that happening on the streets of London?

Well, that's globalization, I'm told.

You know, eventually, local values, family-run businesses

get lost, don't they?

And you've got to fight hard to stand out.

And for people, you know, they want that cheap New Zealand

rubbish, really.

It's crap.

You know, New Zealand people are very, uh, they're very weak,

you know, and there's no history there.

So, yeah, we do, it is a threat to our business.

I won't lie to you.

It is a threat to our business, and we have to step up,

work harder.

And, you know, a couple of

couple of Kiwi lads have been dealt with.

If you, you know, you're still running Mimi's to this day, it's a very different...

Sort of kettlefish now.

It seems like a kind of modern gastro pub.

It seems like

you've gone in that kind of direction.

Yep.

You've got to move with the times, and you know, nightclubs aren't what they used to be.

The young people ain't going out now for a dance as much.

You gotta, you gotta sort of play to the people coming through, and they prefer sitting down, taking photos of themselves and their evening and sharing it online.

So, you know, we've made a very Instagram-ready

restaurant with lots of very beautiful dishes made by my ex-wife linda

and you know her her our our our chef ken now if if a couple of lads from new zealand came in and said uh they wouldn't be welcome not so they say hey um are you looking for a barman are you looking for a uh a sous chef no no if i hear that accent you're out you're out on your you're out on your ass mate you're not allowed in you know i can't trust them you can't trust them you know they'd probably be in there trying to you know trying to steal our recipes trying to sneak in bits of lamb trying to muscle in on the action, you've got to be careful.

Hop it, you know, do one.

Well,

best of luck with that.

The book had me absolutely riveted.

And

thank you for giving us an insight into that link between traditional London crime and beef.

You're very welcome.

A huge thanks to Gary Fiesta Lewis for that interview.

If you've been watching the news, you may know that shortly after that interview was recorded, he was arrested for reversing a transit van over a florist, and he awaits trial.

Best of luck to you, Gary.

Now, before we say goodbye, a reminder about the upcoming British Beef Council AGM and beef boil taking place at the Red Lion Coaching Inn.

Don't listen to the council inspectors

or environmental health inspectors

who have an agenda against me and my wife

these people are paid by

the world economic forum

and bill gates

who do you trust

The man who invented Microsoft

or the proprietors

of a long-established coaching with history going back as far as

1654

and back then as far as I'm aware

they would often keep prawns on a hot plate for many hours at a time.

Okay.

So that's all we've got time for this month.

But if you're after more beef and dairy news, get over to the website now where you'll find all the usual usual stuff, as well as our off-topic section, where this month we feature some new short fiction by former figure skating star Tonya Harding.

It's dreadful.

So until next time, beef out.

Thanks to Linnaeus Age and Tom Ward.

And I just want to recommend Tom's podcast.

It's called Bad Boys Done Good, in which he plays the actor Ray Winston, and along with the character Tony Soprano, they interview a guest.

It's really, really good.

Bye.

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