Episode 104 - Beefhead Drinks

The Beef and Dairy Network podcast is sponsored by Glando, the latest gland-based energy drink from Mitchell's.

If it's not Mitchell's, get back in the truck.

Drinking Glando is the best way for you to make sure you're always at peak performance.

But don't just take our word for it.

We're pleased to announce our first endorsement from a celebrity professional athlete, former South Maltese Pole Vault Regional Heats runner-up, Jason Sultana.

For 10% off your first taste of Glando, use the code GO, Jason, go.

Go on, up you go.

Use the pole, Jason.

You're gonna have to run faster than that, Jason.

Jason, Jason, for God's sake, Jason.

No, it's okay.

Jason, it's okay.

Come here.

It's fine, Jason.

I'm not mad.

Okay?

All right, do you feel better?

Come here, buddy.

Hello and welcome to the Beef and Dairy Network podcast, the number one podcast for those involved, or just interested, in the production of beef animals and dairy herds.

The Beef and Dairy Network podcast is the podcast companion to the Beef and Dairy Network website, as well as the printed magazine, brought to you by Glando.

And the makers of Glando, Mitchells, have something to do with the change of the theme tune this week, but more about that later.

First, on this month's month's show we're getting ready for Beefhead Day, the annual celebration of the medieval natural justice ritual in which a local malfeasant is clothed in beef and made to wear the beef head before being pelted with cream and sat upon by keen sparrows.

Of course by now most of you will have your own beef head hanging in the pantry and if you're really lucky it'll be the head of a Shetland balloon head or an Angus Mondo skull.

But whatever sort of beef head you're boiling in rosewater this beefhead tide, you're going to have a great time.

Just don't forget the freshly cracked black pepper.

And in your fridge, no doubt, you'll have a bottle, can or keg of fizzy beef wine waiting to accompany the big meal.

But somebody who won't be swinging that effervescent boozy gravy this year is TV chef Cliff Trent Roberts, who has just released a new book.

Beyond Bovine Bubbles, Looking Beyond Fizzy Beef Wine at Beefhead Tide, which has both traditional and modern imaginative drinks pairings for your beefhead food.

And I was lucky enough to grab some time with Cliff earlier this month.

Cliff Trent Roberts, thank you so much for making time in what must be a very busy schedule to speak to me today.

It's my absolute pleasure.

I mean, always happy to spare a moment to spread the joy and the word as the big day approaches.

Of course, a lot of time is spent in the kitchen during Beefhead head tide indeed and in the past obviously you've you've cooked on beef head day on television you've made the beef head soup to show people how to do books and websites with hundreds of recipes different takes on uh the the many dishes absolutely but today we're talking about drink pairings because obviously people think about uh beef head day and they've they of course think fizzy beef wine yeah it's a celebratory drink and you can't go wrong with it it's a it's a very it's a very decent choice but it's fair to say that your new book is here to say say there's a bit more to be fed day than just fizzy beef wine.

I'm here to say, yes, absolutely.

If you want to go fully traditional,

then fine and no problem.

But you can either go one of two ways.

You can either go ultra-traditional and actually go further back into some deep, deep traditions where in the distant past, there were more drinks pairings.

It wasn't just about

fizzy beef wine.

Or we can look to the future and we can try and find maybe some new drinks to get people involved.

New traditions.

Some new traditions to get people in who perhaps they have difficulty with fizzy beef wine.

Perhaps it makes them gassy.

Perhaps there's all kinds of things, all kinds of angles, to get people really interested.

And I've been experimenting and harvesting all kinds of ideas

and drinks.

And I think I found some pretty wonderful pairings.

And I've got some great suggestions for people to try out there.

Personally, in my own home, as soon as Beef Ed Day starts, you know, we're up in the morning, pop goes the cork and out comes the fizzy beef wine yeah but you do become jaded that you know by mid-afternoon it's a bit of a slog getting through that stuff so it can be heavy yeah yeah so i mean even even that i mean right straight out of the gate before you even start turning on the oven you know before people are out of everyone else is out out of bed um you know of course you want

a lovely libation i've actually moved on in the last couple of years to um well it's it's a it's a goose ball sack ale and that's traditional right is that that that's from the the deep past that's from the deep past i actually have some family in the distant past that were from sort of more sort of Gloucestershire-Somerset border area.

And that was very much a traditional drink for a long time.

And it's actually what is believed to have prompted geese to fly south for winter in the first place, actually, was to escape the goose ball sack ale makers.

And who can blame them?

It's light, it's fresh, it's fruity, it has a rousing tang that's really good first thing in the morning because it really wakes you up and you don't get that heavy heavy feeling you can get of having too much physibeef wine on an empty stomach.

It's not a gassy drink, is it?

It's a flat, warm ball sack ale.

Very much so.

And don't worry if you get little bits of

skin, hair, feather in it.

That's all part of it.

It's fairly translucent, but there usually will be some grit.

Don't let it sit for too long, though, in the glass, because

that grit can drop down to the bottom of the glass, and you want that very much in the mix as it goes down

to enjoy that texture.

That's good to know.

Now, as you say, this is based on what people were drinking back in the day.

When those medieval beefhead rituals were taking place, man, woman, and child would be drinking this goose ball sack ale, is that right?

All the live-long day.

Yes, I mean, there were other drinks, of course.

I mean, for example, this is a community event, right?

It's not just about the food.

Obviously, your listeners will know that so back in the day there would be two very special drinks that would normally be saved for later on in the day depending on area to area actually uh i mean i'm talking of course people will know this i'm talking about of course your mulled bastard wine and your fruits of the ass period uh and so that the sometimes that was um the the the the

that year's village bastard uh was was mulled uh the day before and people were celebrating and gathering around first thing in the morning to to to drink a mulled bastard wine.

Sometimes the bastard was mulled on the day itself and the children were involved and

asked to clove

the bastard

to pick fruits and spices, to shove into the bastard and boil the bastard dead until there was a really delicious mulled wine that they could taste themselves.

But what was always served around the same time would be, of course, the fruits of the arse period and that's you know whereas you have the the bastard is dealt with you also celebrate the most cherished person, the sort of the MVP of the community of the village that year.

And that person

would be sort of trussed up, hoisted into whatever they had in the middle of the village square, a high tree, a sort of memorial, whatever it might be.

Sometimes they'd have to build a special gantry just for the day.

And that person, whoever it was,

perhaps it would be

the town mayor, perhaps it would be the fishmonger, perhaps it would be the best school teacher in the village school, whoever it was, would be hoisted up and the fruits of their ass, whatever was there.

And this is medieval times, so this would be a, you know, it'd be a rich harvest.

There'd be a lot clagging about in that area, would be plucked and picked and shaved away.

And then they'd use traditional, very similar to a sort of pear or apple cider making techniques, would make

a kind of peri.

out of that.

And there'd be a lot less of that drink available.

So it'd be quite precious.

And there would would be a fruits of the Asperry cup passed around from person to person.

And they would sup from the cup and celebrate this

person who had made such a contribution.

Wonderful stuff.

I'd love to bring that back.

What are you getting that

is that wonderful regional variation?

And obviously, that's something I think I would say to people: is that wherever you are in the country, there will be those traditions when it comes to drinks on the day.

And I remember myself, you know, my

soon-to-be ex-wife, I spoke to her great-grandfather,

who was still alive until very recently, at the age of 110.

Wow.

And, you know, he was a very wise man.

And I wanted to speak to him to try and reach a hand back into the past to see if he could remember from his childhood any of the traditional beefhead drinks.

And, you know, when he spoke to the man,

he was very quiet.

He didn't have very much energy.

So you had to pick your moment.

And I remember I went over to him and I said, can you tell me, you know, what was it that you were drinking when you were a kid?

Do you remember when you were three, you know, four years old on your first beefhead day?

And he looked me straight in the eye and he just said, lager.

Lovely.

It was hard to know because he would often say the word lager to, you know, you'd ask him other things and he'd say lager.

So it was hard to know whether he was actually reporting back from 100 years ago or whether he just wanted some lager, which was often his way.

That's wonderful, isn't it?

That is wonderful.

And was Eddie grown up in the Pennines?

Did you ever ask him which part of the country?

Well, he grew up in the potteries region around Stoke-on-Trent,

Staffordshire.

And so I was hoping maybe that he would talk about

the special earthenware cup they would use.

So I did push him on that.

Again, by this point, he was just shouting the word over and over again, lager, lager.

And then I did give him a can of lager and he...

He seemed happy then.

That's a lovely story.

It may be that he was just asking for some lager.

Yeah.

And

that's what Beefhead Day is all about, isn't it?

It's sharing these extraordinary stories.

And it is very much a verbal tradition, isn't it?

These things are handed down.

Okay, so what I'm going to do is talking about these traditional drinks is brilliant, but I would like us to pair drinks with the traditional courses of the beefhead lunch.

Yeah.

Because as I say, people will just pop open a bottle of fizzy beef wine and then keep them coming throughout the meal.

Sure.

And what your book tells us is, you know, why not have a bit more variety?

And that's amazing.

So we're going to start off with the chocolate sparrows.

Now, obviously, those are sometimes not really seen as part of the beef ed meal.

They're kind of something you'd eat during the morning, sometimes for breakfast, as the beef-ed meal is being made.

So, what would you pair with that?

The chocolate sparrows?

You need something that's got a fresh edge to it.

They can be very rich.

The best thing I've discovered, and this is a new addition for me that I'm suggesting that people might add, is a

well, it's really

a fermented white rhinoceros ovary liqueur,

And that requires for a,

say, four servings, you need probably in the area of

three score

ovaries, white rhinoceros ovaries, so about 60 odd.

And then those are mashed and pulverized and slowly fermented over a series of weeks.

And then I've got a few suggestions in the book that can be added.

You can have a more sort of savory version where there's a bit of some bay leaves.

I think you go for sort of a more lemony, more tart

end of things if you're serving it with chocolate sparrows.

And it actually tastes like

if you get a very, very, very, very, very, very, very cheap Pina Grigio from a 24-hour news agent, it has that kind of acrid bite to cut through the chocolate sparrows.

So, I mean, if you can't get your hands on the

rhino ovaries, you could always

get one of those.

Because I was about to say, the number of white rhinos now on earth is well how many it's in the

yeah i think 25 isn't it it could be in the yes yeah it's very very hard to get hold of these uh these ovaries indeed very hard um so a lot of them have to be uh pilfered from um very hard to find zoological storage units uh where they've been frozen but actually i think the frozen ones are better than the fresh ones really okay yeah okay So we've got there.

So for the chocolate sparrows, we're talking,

what was it called again?

The fermented white rhinoceros ovary liqueur.

Lovely.

And if you can't get that, just a really cheap bottle of Pinot Gruigio from a 24-hour garage.

Cheapest you can get.

Great.

Now, of course, then the meal starts for proper.

You sit at the family table and out come the hot plums.

Lovely stuff.

Lovely stuff.

Now, obviously, if you've got kids around the table, you could just give them a ham hock tea.

That's fine.

I mean, that's

a drink a lot of people are forgetting about, but it will pair beautifully.

If you're feeling a bit more adventurous, I consider a frog venom mojito with that.

Is that commercially available?

It's not something I've heard of.

Everything apart from the frogs.

I mean, that's the tricky bit.

So you need to find, and there are, I mean, obviously I've got my website, but if you buy my book, you'll find right at the back, there's a little QR code that can take you to my usual shop.

There's another smaller QR code that will take you to sort of a dark web site that can put you in contact with someone who is able to source Amazonian poison dart frogs, of which there are quite a few subspecies.

But that's great because then there's choice of flavors.

But don't get the wrong one.

Don't get the wrong one.

Whatever you do, I'd avoid the orange ones on the whole.

Because people will often think, oh, orange, you know, maybe it's got an orangey flavor.

That's the kind of thing we associate with beefhead day rituals,

the fermented oranges, the cloves.

No,

the flavor is much, it's much closer to

a very strong parmesan, which will absolutely destroy your mojito.

But also, highly poisonous, will kill you and your family.

All that as well, absolutely, yes.

It'll kill you and anyone within 50 yards of you.

I mean, if your breath touches them after you've ingested that,

they're a goner.

Yes,

yeah, you have to shut down your whole street.

More innovative drinks pairings from Cliff later.

But first, a new feature which I'm delighted to introduce.

As you may know, Mitchells has been a longtime supporter of the podcast, and we are very grateful for all they have done for us over the years.

As you will have heard from the new theme tune that we've been using, Mitchells have begun to exert a bit of pressure on us to make changes to the show.

In this episode, you will notice this in two main ways.

First of all, they have recommended, and by recommended I mean mandated, that we make our music a little bit more showbiz.

Christ.

Secondly, they recommended, by which I mean they told us that unless we did it, they'll pull our funding, that they wanted the podcast to have a more bantery vibe, in line with other popular podcasts.

I did try to explain that this is a serious program set up to provide listeners with the latest from the beef and dairy industries, not the sort of show where, for example, three middle-aged so-called comedians waffle on at each other about nothing, giggling at each other's inane observations.

But they insisted.

In order to facilitate the banter thereafter, they suggested, and by suggested I mean forced us, to employ someone to do traffic reports.

Again, this is their idea.

It isn't an idea that makes sense for our context as it isn't a live live show and it's listened to internationally, so there's no way we can practically offer any kind of useful traffic information to our listeners.

However, they recommended that this wouldn't be a problem, and that the traffic reports were merely a way to start some jokey banter with the traffic reporter.

And so, live from our beef and dairy news center in Aylesbury, here is Heather with the traffic.

There are new road works on the A417 from Burcott Lane towards Aylesbury, which is causing delays in the area.

So it's worth being aware of that if you're driving into Aylesbury.

Problems on the Aylesbury Bypass, that's down to one lane past Aylesbury, causing a build-up of traffic on the way into Aylesbury there.

So probably avoid if possible.

Avoid the A435 between Gamma Lane and the Aylesbury turn-off.

A lorry has spilt its load there.

The police are closing the road, and if you were planning on using that route, you won't be able to get all the way to Aylesbury.

idiot.

That's all from me, more later.

Thank you, Heather.

Any plans for the weekend?

Oh, I don't know.

Probably

see some friends or something.

Ah, okay.

Yeah.

And you?

Oh, I'll be enjoying the energy afforded to me by a nice glass of Glando.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Like the world's best pole vaulters, I need energy to do my job.

Well, yeah.

It's always nice, isn't it, to socialise with friends?

I'll be drinking it alone.

Thanks, Heather.

Now, back to my interview with Cliff Trent Roberts.

Okay, well, now, of course, we move on to the big event, the main event.

It's the beefhead soup with the freshly cracked black pepper.

Now, obviously, that comes out.

The beefhead tureen, it's a very exciting moment.

It's a big moment.

Now, often traditionally, people will, again, pop open another bottle of fizzy beef wine.

Your book is about alternatives to fizzy beef wine, but would you at that moment actually have some fizzy beef wine?

I certainly have done in the past.

The trouble I find is that I do start getting a bit, I get a bit full, right?

So I can't, I'm struggling a bit.

I don't want to be struggling because

I want to be getting through it.

I do have a suggestion for that.

Have we mentioned Hoof Schnapps yet?

No.

No, I mean, it's amazing we've got so far without mentioning hoof schnapps.

So I do have a suggestion for that, and that is Hoof Schnapps.

Of course, of course.

Hoof Schnapps is...

This is how it's done in Germany, Austria.

Yeah, particularly that, yeah, lower sort of Bavarian, Bavarian,

the Alpine regions.

And they have, they have a sort of version of it in northern Italy

as well,

but using using tannons.

But Hofschnapz is

a smaller volume drink, of course, so you can get through the volume of your main course in the beefhead feast.

But also, drunk in any quantity above, let's say, three or four milliliters is an incredibly potent purgative

and a very unusual purgative.

And it's an omnipurgative.

So, you'll be extruding from any orifice and even things that aren't thought of as orify.

You will be weeping, you'll be sweating, hair will fall out, trousers will fall down.

It's absolutely extraordinary and

exhilarating.

And

at the end of that, there's no way you're not going to be ready to finish your main course, right?

You've made space.

It's time for second helping.

Get in there.

Seconds, thirds, fourths, you name it.

Hoof snaps will get you through.

What do you make of the modern trend, which I think goes along with this burgeoning tradition of going back to hoof snaps, of putting a kind of drain under the table.

So if you imagine a shower tray, in the middle of that, there's the plughole.

People are now installing those in their kitchen so that you can just purge straight

onto the floor under the table.

And it just is taken away then by that drain.

I think that's a wonderful, a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful tradition.

And

when you think about traditional Saxon and Viking longhouses and barns and the like, particularly communal spaces, they were very much designed with that in mind.

They were designed for drainage.

There was a gentle camber.

And certainly,

if i'm not much mistaken around the sort of uh what what we what today we would call uh merseyside um

they used to uh they would pick a what they called a uh a sussen drinker uh which what the old english modern english would be a sluicing wanker and it was the person in the village who was thought to have done the most wanking in the last year um would be tasked with sluicing away uh washing away uh with whatever liquids they can get their hands on just to keep that flow going down the camber.

Yeah, exactly.

And

that's a role I think we could bring back

in the modern time.

Okay, so once the beefhead soup is all consumed, it's time, of course, for the boiling hot aromatic cream.

Famously, the matriarch of the family will bring the cream in and then hurl it into the faces of first the youngest, going up to the oldest.

I mean, this goes back to that first beefhead day when, of course, the aromatic cream was thrown at the beefhead man to excite the sparrows.

Now, often people see this as a drink, really, but in your book, you say, No, no, no, it's time to you need to pair this as well.

You need to pair this, and you need something, you need balance again.

I think this is one where I would, I would, because it's such an ancient tradition.

I don't think you need to, I don't think we should be messing about

with

modern affectations.

I think we just need to go ultra-traditional.

Okay.

Okay.

And that is why I'm going to

suggest something which I'm pretty sure originated in Mercia.

At least

that's the earliest record there is of the queen mead,

which

takes a long time to prepare.

It's essentially where you have to capture

a host of queen bees.

And essentially you force them to do some bloody work for a change.

Right.

Often they're completely de-skilled.

Some of them

have no actual honeymaking skills at all beyond delegation.

But you force them to do it.

The honey they create

tastes of the bitterness they feel.

It's a very, very bitter, nasty, nasty, almost black honey.

And you then put that through the usual mead-making process, and you get just the most terrifically powerful, profoundly hallucinogenic mead.

And

it's right that that's a drink that's consumed inside.

And we are inside, of course, for the aromatic cream.

And it's right that you should lock the doors, make sure any knives have been put away, sharp surfaces.

In the modern time, I suggest that people, if they have cycling helmets or shin pads or anything like that, cricket, wicket-keeping gear, that kind of thing, put it on because it does get dark and it does get nasty and it gets weird.

So that's what I'd recommend.

Okay, more from Cliff later, but first, another traffic report from our very own banter queen.

It's Heather.

So we'll start with Aylesbury, the South Aylesbury roundabout, that's the one next to Pets at Home Aylesbury.

There's been an accident there, so probably worth avoiding that area if you are driving into Aylesbury.

On the way out of Aylesbury, northbound on the A467, there is a diversion, and all traffic is being rerouted back down Banyards Lane and ultimately back into the centre of Aylesbury and back out again using the eastbound Aylesbury bipoles.

And in Aylesbury town centre traffic is slow as there are four men stripped to the waist going after each other with bicycle chains outside the post office.

And that's all from me.

Thank you Heather.

Thank you.

Clocking off?

Yeah, I think I'll probably just go home, home,

read a magazine.

Oh, yeah.

Well, I don't know why I said that.

I normally just go on my phone, but I've got a Grazia magazine waiting with my name on it.

How is it?

Do you know what?

When we

me and my

wife moved house, the people who lived there before

forgot to cancel all of their

magazine subscriptions.

Oh, so who's reaping the rewards?

That's That's right.

And one of them is a kind of fishing and

softcore literary erotica magazine called Tits and Bass.

Good.

That's lovely.

That's really nice.

Have you ever tried

writing erotica?

Funnily enough, no, I haven't.

I'm sorry, Heather.

Sorry, I was.

I was just trying to do banter.

I just thought that was good, ban.

I thought that was good banter.

Yeah.

Tits and Bass magazine doesn't even exist.

Goodbye.

Thanks to Heather for that.

Not just the traffic reports,

but also the

sorry, where's the bit of paper?

But also the whip, whip smart banter.

I'm sure listening to me and Heather banter away like that has given you a jolt of energy, but that's nothing as compared to the energy that you'll feel after a glass of Glando.

Anyway, back to some actual beef and dairy new.

More after this.

At this time of year, it is, of course, gift buying time.

And there's always that one person that you know who's basically impossible to buy for.

And maybe the answer is vouchers.

Or socks.

I'm never unhappy with socks.

But if you're a business owner and need to grow your team, then your perfect gift is simple.

You want a smart hiring solution.

So look no further than ZipRecruiter.

ZipRecruiter system can actually find the most qualified people for your job and then put them in front of you.

And then if you want to, you can invite them to apply for your job.

So get your hiring wrapped up quickly with ZipRecruiter.

Four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day.

Go to ziprecruiter.com slash beef to try ZipRecruiter for free.

That's ziprecruiter.com slash B-E-E-F.

Now, Cliff, that stage of the meal, after the hot cream, That's seen as the end of the meal for many people.

But there is a traditional course that is making a bit of a comeback.

It's one that I know, if you go for a beefhead day meal in one of your restaurants, this is very proudly one of the courses served.

It's based, of course, on the rumor or the

legend that on Beefhead Day, back in days of yore, once justice was carried out, local whales, dolphins, and porpoises would beach themselves on the beaches.

Yeah, correct.

And so it's, of course, the roasted beach dolphin.

Now, this is a bit of a piecey thing.

As you say, we live in a snowflake world in which roasting a dolphin is seen as somehow.

I don't know what, you know, I.

Even if they've effectively volunteered for the task.

Well, exactly.

But, you know, I understand people feel weird about eating a dolphin.

Well, it's ignorance, really, isn't it?

Because they're delicious with the right seasoning.

Sure.

Well, if people are making either a roasted dolphin or an Ursatz roasted dolphin of some sort, what are you pairing with that?

With respect, I'm going to ignore the second part of the question.

The Ursatz dolphin.

I couldn't give two hoots for that.

You're roasting a dolphin.

It's a noble and a premium animal.

It's a luxury item.

It should be enjoyed and it should be washed down with a luxury item, which is why for me personally,

the only thing I will wash it down with is puma tears on the rocks.

Now,

not everyone can get hold of puma tears.

Pumas are notoriously stoical creatures.

They very, very rarely weep.

It's very hard to make a puma weep.

There's only a few people in the world that can do it reliably.

And then to then harvest those tears is another very skilled task indeed.

Is it true, Cliff, that the most reliable way of making a puma weep is with a dramatic performance by one of the world's greatest actors?

I know there are rumors, and maybe you can tell us if it's true or not, that Paul Giamatti spends most of October and November and early December performing monologues to Pumas in order to bring forth the tears.

That is true.

And Steve Bushimi is rumored to be in the middle of the Amazon as we speak.

The Giamatti rendered tears, it will affect the flavor.

And they have

a certain sweetness, which I do enjoy.

So they're very good as putting tears.

Bushimi is

a rounder, fuller flavor.

What I really like, and what is really hard to get a hold of, is the tears that Judy Dench managed managed to get off a small group of pumas by doing the vagina monologues.

Yes, and there's only a very finite amount of those tears left because that was one performance back in 1987.

It was a one-off and you can tell it's a one-off.

I've had the smallest taste of that in my, and you can, you can tell that, that, that these were harvested from a one-off event.

And it is just a taste sensation.

It's rumored that Hopkins, because Hopkins has always

has always outright denied that he's ever done this.

Yeah.

And says that he won't.

But there are rumours that this year he's done it.

If you've seen the signs of his latest Zeppelin, he's getting that cash from somewhere, isn't he?

Yeah.

I'm suspicious myself, put it that way.

And then that's really the end of the meal.

I know people will often

fancy a dessert after that.

Often just a bit of yoghurt or a crunch corner.

Yeah.

A rice krispy squares.

Yeah.

And they're welcome to it.

And what we're doing round our way is,

well,

we're not quite sure when to do it, actually.

we're not quite sure if it's a pudding thing because there's this, you've heard of bubble tea, I take it.

And

we're not quite sure if that's a pudding or just a kids' drink, but we're trying,

well, it's actually a two-pronged thing, actually.

This is partly for Beefhead Day non-alcoholic drink for kids,

but it's also part of, I'm sure I must have told you in the past that I'm

one of the founding members of GoIk, of Get Offalin Kids.

So

we're doing a special bubble tea that's

a liver and onions bubble tea with tripe jelly chunks and kidney popping boba.

So

we're going to be

serving that.

We think probably at the end of the day as a kind of offal pudding.

But I'm waiting to hear feedback.

It might be that that's something that the kids want from the get-go while the rest of us grown up's having a lovely time on the gooseball sack ale and fair play.

I'll hear from the parents about that one.

But we're very excited about that.

And we're hoping to roll that out nationwide to get kids into offal uh year-round and not just on beefhead day but beefhead day might be a great day to kick that off it's the best day because the air is is it's thick with the stench of uh

of of meats of all kinds of bits of of of lung matter um so if ever there's a a day when you can get them to to swallow down a

a little sliver of fried pancreas or what have you, that's the day to do it.

Cliff, let's talk about alcohol.

Everything that you have suggested so far today has been alcoholic.

But of course, there are those people out there who don't want to drink too much alcohol or don't want to drink any alcohol at all.

And I've actually been thinking about hosting my own Beefhead Day.

What do I do for those people?

What I have been looking into is

it's called TurboWolf.

It's a Russian semi-synthetic opioid.

Okay.

Right.

It's a popular street drug in Moscow.

And a friend of mine told me that it really made their beef head day golf with a bang last year.

Do you have any thoughts?

Well, I think that sounds terrific first up.

And then I think it's all in the presentation.

Sometimes

all the kids need, if it's kids you're aiming at, specifically,

I find if you can just, if you can pop a sliced strawberry in the top of it and a couple of cubes of ice, then you're away.

Grown-ups will be less worried about.

about all that.

But I think that sounds terrific because not only is it non-alcoholic, but it's not a waste of time as a drink either, is it?

This something's happening.

you're doing something.

Oh, it has a profound effect, absolutely.

And you can cook it at home, I think, just using uh codeine and various chemicals used in the uh printing industry.

Okay, you know, you're the you're the expert, Cliff.

But um, well, I'm I'm very willing to give that a well, I've got one of my dear friends nearby eschews alcohol, and I'll see if she's uh keen to give that a give that a pop.

You know, I don't mind.

If people go for my ideas, great.

I'm all for it.

But if people are out there coming up with their own ideas, all the better, say I.

As you've said, there's the traditional, there's the modern, and then there's Russian street drugs.

And they are all part of one big church.

Quite so.

Quite so.

Perhaps that'll end up in the second edition.

Perhaps I'll have my own little go with that in between Beefhead Days and see if I can put a little twist of my own on that.

Well, Cliff, thank you so much for this.

This has been amazing.

I'm personally looking forward to Beefhead Day now more than I ever have because, as I said in the past, it would just be fizzy beef.

We'd bottle after bottle, can after can of fizzy beef wine.

And

I'm going to do everything you recommended today.

Smashing.

Well, have a wonderful time.

Thank you, Cliff.

It's my great pleasure.

A big thanks to Cliff Trent Roberts for that interview.

His book, Beyond Bovine Bubbles, is out now.

And because he is such a generous soul, many of those drinks recipes are available for free on his website, along with, of course, that link to his dark web Amazonian frog shop.

So that's all we've got time for this month.

But if you're after more beef and

no, actually,

before I um, before I do that bit,

we've uh recalled Heather to the new center in Aylesbury.

Yeah, Heather, look, I just want to say, sorry,

I'm not having you back.

It's nothing to do with you necessarily.

I when

I'm not going to have you back.

Are you okay?

Are you okay, Heather?

Yeah.

Obviously, you know, your thing is

traffic reports and

that smooth, easy banter you've got.

You know, you're about personality.

That's not really what we're doing here.

You know, it's not the show.

Oh, no, I know.

Yes, I absolutely.

Okay, okay.

It's good that you seem to agree.

In the past, when I've sacked people, they've pleaded for their job, and it's, you know, but thank, yeah, thank you.

I just didn't.

No, I did.

I wasn't.

wasn't i was no have a nice

great

and the music's going as well so that's what we've got time for this month but if you're after more beef and dairy news get over to the website now where you'll find all the usual stuff as well as our off-topic section Where this month you can find a photo essay about what we did last week, which was to sedate the actor Hugh Grant, dress him up as the composer Vivaldi, and then when he woke up, we tried to convince him that he was Vivaldi.

It didn't work.

It didn't work.

So until next time, beef out.

Thanks to Linnea Sage, Mike Kwozniak, and Susan Harrison.

Cameron Esposito here, comedian and host of Query.

Every week I get to interview someone amazing from the LGBTQIA plus

community.

Some Queros.

I chat with them about their lives, loves, careers, and more.

I've talked to, you know, giant celebs, Trixie Mattel, Lena Waite, Keegan, and Sarah Quinn, but also astronauts, reverends, nurses.

It's funny, it gets deep, and hopefully it makes you feel like you're part of something.

Join me every Monday on Maximum Fun to listen to Query with Cameron Esposito.

Last week, the Greatest Generation, the comedy podcast about old Star Trek TV shows like Star Trek the Next Generation, Deep Space Nine, and Voyager, just had its 500th episode.

And Greatest Trek, the podcast about the new Star Trek shows like Strange New Worlds, Lower Decks, and Discovery, just had its 250th episode.

So whether you have a task that's roughly 750 hours long, or you want to learn about some of the production techniques that go into making one of the greatest franchises in television history, you should give us a try either way.

The Greatest Generation and Greatest Trek.

The best reviewed, most listened to Star Trek podcasts in the world.

They're on Maximum Fun.

MaximumFun.org.

Comedy and Culture.

Artist-owned, audience-supported.