Episode 103 - The Beef Brigade

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Hello and welcome to the Beef and Dairy Network podcast, the number one podcast for those involved, or just interested, in the production of beef animals and dairy herds.

The Beef and Dairy Network podcast is the podcast companion to the Beef and Dairy Network website, as well as a printed magazine, brought to you by Glando.

Now, surely most of you would have heard of and probably seen the Beef Brigade, an entertainment troop that is as much woven into the texture of British life as queuing, drinking a hot cup of tea and not thinking too hard about our past.

One of my first memories is going to see the Beef Brigade, or as they're more properly called, the Beef Brigade of Merry Butcher Boys, a variety show traditionally featuring songs, satirical dances, comedians, poets, dramatic monologues, gardening tips, beef puppetry, clowning, interpretive gymnastics, and tributes to the royal family.

Universally loved by people up and down this great nation, you would think that the Beef Brigade are about as uncontroversial a thing as you could imagine.

But we've received many letters from listeners over recent months that have shed light on new changes to the Beef Brigade Act.

So, to find out more about life in the Beef Brigade and the changes that are being made, I spoke to Mario Gregg, one of the current cast members.

Mario Gregg, thank you so much for joining me today.

I know you've got a busy touring schedule there with the Beef Brigade.

Yeah, yeah, we're always very busy, always on the move.

Now, of course, I went to see Beef Brigade shows as a kid, and I think most of our listeners will probably have been to a Beef Brigade show.

But just to explain to anyone who hasn't heard of you guys or hasn't seen you guys, how would you describe it?

It's traditionally been a sort of variety show really yeah variety vaudeville definitely that's the tradition it's coming from the musicals um entertaining the troops that sort of thing and of course not just entertaining members of the armed forces but of course members of the royal family as well of course yeah yeah no of course i've i've played to royals i've played a royals we've all played to royals i mean uh largely minor royals but i did actually once play in front of of who is now king charles that was very exciting that was back in my um my puppetry days when I was doing

the beef puppetry.

Of course, the puppets were satirical.

Puppets were satirical, made of beef, but sort of satirical.

But I had to tone that in.

Satirical of the Royal Family, then?

Well, we had on occasion, yeah, we'd veered into that area.

But of course, what everyone knows about the Royal Family is they've got such a great sense of humor and they love to laugh at themselves, don't they?

Absolutely.

Really can laugh at themselves, although they did tell us

not to have those puppets in the...

i'm sure charles would have been fine with it but we did have some some people from the palace come to us before and saying you know you can't do this when charles gets angry at this sort of thing he he he can get violent but that was all just part of the the fun of it i think because obviously they've got a great sense of humor the royal family this might be off topic but

was there any sense when you when when you were performing for him i guess at that stage he was still the prince of wales not yet the king

that he was into lamb

Sorry.

You know, there's the root, the hashtag not my lamb kings thing.

You know, there's that kind of movement of people who believe that you can smell the mint sauce coming out of the chimneys at Buckingham Palace.

I must say, look,

I didn't pick up on any of that.

And if I had picked up on any of that, I certainly wouldn't be

talking about it publicly.

You know, I wouldn't.

I wouldn't want anything to.

I wouldn't.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

I can't really speak to that anymore.

Sorry.

I was also interested in finding out about the history of the Beef Brigade, and so I spoke to friend of the show, Professor James Harkam.

Hello, I'm Professor James Harkham, recently dismissed from the Wyoming Cattle College of the Internet.

Professor James, always a pleasure to talk to you.

Thank you so much for taking the time.

It sounds as if you might have a bit more time than you did before.

Absolutely.

I always have a lot of time on my hands.

So you've been let go by the Internet Catholic College?

Yes.

Again,

inevitably, one tends to clash with the

pointy heads in sharp suits eventually if you do tend to present some more controversial views of beef history or beefstery

as I tend to think of it.

I thought I had found a home there.

They were good.

Good cattlemen, but poor historians, it seems.

And sometimes,

if you want to research the true effects of the Welsh bowmen at the Battle of Agincourt, you do have to rain down 50,000 arrows onto a herd of cattle and see what happens.

How interesting, because I always assumed that the Wyoming Cattle College of the Internet

didn't have a campus where you could do that.

I didn't realize it was a physical place.

I thought it all took place in the clouds, so to speak.

But it is a real place.

That's right.

Yes,

it is itself a real ranch.

Although your qualifications as a rancher or cattleman or taking the postgraduate diploma of beef history, brackets, beefstury,

those are downloadable as gifts.

And what life-changing gifts they are.

James may have moved on, but the Wyoming Cattle College of the Internet is still offering that postgraduate diploma in Beef History, brackets, beefstury.

And beef and dairy network members can get a 10% tuition discount when they apply using the code GiveMeThose GIFs.

That's GiveMeThose Gifts.

I'd always had an interest in learning beef history, and I always wanted to go to university.

But because I'm a working mum, I didn't feel I could drop it all and move to do a degree.

Gifts.

Gifts.

That's why I was so pleased when I found the Wyoming Cattle College of the Internet.

I also got 10% off tuition fees as a Beef and Dairy Network member.

It was still expensive, but I thought it would be worth it.

So I signed up and paid £27,000.

And then they just sent me six gifts.

I'd sent them all my family's life savings, and in return, I'd just got these gifts.

It's just gifts.

Gifts.

Despite being without tenure, James was able to tell me about how the beef brigade was first commissioned by Queen Elizabeth I.

A difficult time in

British history.

The country was under threat.

You know, the threat of Philip of Spain was something that was very real to a lot of people.

Morale was low.

England's navy was not yet fully developed.

So yes,

under the advisement of Sir Francis Wolsingham, her chief publicity officer and her Minister for Culture, Media and Sport, William Shakespeare, Elizabeth I launched the beef brigade of Merry Butcher Boys

who were there to entertain the troops, bring a smile to the faces of those who might be facing certain death, and not only death, but death at the hands of a Spaniard.

And of course, that is the least dignified,

at the time, at least thought of as being the least dignified way to die.

Absolutely.

The Spaniards themselves were regarded almost as superhuman by the English.

The size of their moustaches, the depth of their paella, the kind of rich scent of their frying chorizo was something that really struck fear into the heart of normal English men who were used only to really the most

plain meals of beef and maybe some kind of root vegetable.

So am I hearing you correctly, James?

Are you suggesting then that at that time

that the rich smell of a frying chorizo would in some way be preferable to what you describe as a plain beef meal?

No, no, no, no, not at all.

I think it was more the...

I think the...

The frying of the chorizo was something that struck genuine fear into

the heart of an English beef-eating man because of

its perhaps its effete nature.

it's overtly spiced the paprika the garlic it's it's all too much where when a man wants meat he wants the the scent of real flesh and sinew frying in the pan if anything if there should be anything else in there other than just pure beef itself

maybe some tallow grease half an onion at most okay yeah i understand the the the thought of these gaily feathered Spaniards coming across the water, armed with their curly, curvy sausages, threatening English manhood, as it would have been understood, was something that really needed

Elizabeth I needed her troops to go that extra mile.

And the only way she could guarantee that was with

what we've come to know now as the quintessential English humour.

You know, a laugh and a joke,

a man in a beef waistcoat telling a few off-colour jokes, an extended dance routine involving a bull's bladder on a string.

And of course, the bull's bladder on a string,

many of your older listeners will still be familiar with as it remained part of the brigade's act into the 1960s.

And obviously, I remember, you know, going to see the brigade as a Ready Young Child in the 80s and a lot of that show.

still being really there to mock the Spanish.

And a lot of it went over my head.

I specifically remember a long song and dance number, wonderfully performed by Sarah Brightman.

That's right, yeah.

That was mocking someone called Miguel de Acuendo, who had commanded one of the squadrons of galleons as part of the Spanish Armander.

I mean, this man had been dead for 400 years when I was watching that song.

And I guess that just shows, you know, how strong that tradition is.

And I guess what my question is, is,

did that mean that the Beast Brigade was really important then in galvanizing not just sailors, but the population at large of England against the Spanish?

Absolutely.

We're in the early modern period, and it's very important

that we take for granted now that we all have a profound sense of national identity based largely around the consumption and raising of beef cattle.

But that wasn't so cut and dried at this point.

In the late 16th century, things could have gone either way.

I see.

So are you saying that then people in England, there was a possibility that they might actually side with the Spanish?

That the Spanish, they had a certain flair, a certain mystique.

Flamenco dancing, of course, was invented to mimic the sensual movement of a cow's hooves on a dance floor.

Mario, tell me about how you decided to join the Beef Brigade.

You know, obviously when we were kids, you know, it's what you'd say to your parents, wouldn't you?

You'd say, oh, mum and dad, I've had enough of you.

I'm going to to go and join the beef brigade.

And, you know, you never meant it.

But, but you did mean it because you actually went through with it.

Yeah.

I did.

Yeah.

I was five.

I was five when I joined the beef brigade,

1991.

I said, hey, mum, dad, I'm off to join the beef brigade.

And they said,

that's a really good idea, actually.

I think they'd been reading about Macaulay Culkin.

And it turned out

I was too young to be paid for being in the beef brigade, but they would get the income.

So, my parents set it up so that if I joined the beef brigade, actually, this was one less mouth to feed, but actually, quite a good

yearly amount of money coming in.

So, it was really, they couldn't see a downside to it.

The rumor's always been, there's always been a bit of a shady thing as to how much people exactly are paid to be in the beef brigade.

And the rumor was always, of course, that you were paid in cask strength sherry.

Well, that had sort of

By the time I had joined, I think 20% of the wage was still cask strength sherry.

Now, of course, it's a ceremonial amount of sherry.

It may these days be a ceremonial amount of sherry, but as James told me, back in the Elizabethan period, it was anything but.

Generally, the rations were of a pint and a half of undiluted sherry to be drunk before each performance,

and then another two pints of undiluted sherry if the performance went well.

If it went badly, they were compelled to drink another four pints of sherry to teach them a lesson.

And that's all the more shocking, isn't it, when you consider, and I think I'm right, that the average age of a Beef Brigade performer in those early days was eight and a half.

Yes, absolutely.

But if you we these days,

we're a little squeamish, I think, on the subject of drinking alcohol and giving alcohol to children.

Most of us wouldn't give a glass of wine to anyone under the age of four except at Christmas.

But in the 16th century, it was a question of safety, you know, because you couldn't do a tough job sober.

You know, life was pretty damn grim.

If you woke up on any given day in 1588,

you know, you lived in a house built of wood and shit, you did a shit out of the window.

Brother, you do not want to be waking up sober in that world.

You better be half-cut when you open your eyes.

And dear God, you want to be blind drunk when you close them.

And where did these young children come from?

What kind of person ended up in the beef brigade?

Often

these were street orphans from

the East End in some cases, but also the major port cities.

So think about Portsmouth, Plymouth, Bristol, Hartlepool.

These were street kids,

short, but and and young, yes, seven, eight years old.

But by that stage, they would have learned to make their living from the streets.

They would already have basic skills.

They'd be able to fire a cannon, climb the rigging, dance a hornpipe, play the harmonica, create a rudimentary marionette of Philip II out of raw beef.

These are just some of the skills that these little scallywags really would have would have known in order to to entertain around the around the taverns of of somewhere like uh Liverpool or Chepstow just to to keep their you know to keep their body and soul together

I said at the beginning of this programme that changes have been afoot at the beef brigade and this was brought to our attention by a steady stream of letters that began arriving here at beef and dairy hq starting a few months ago

I will now read one out which very much typifies the sort of letters that we have been receiving.

This is from from Quentin Barclay from Coventry.

He writes, it was my daughter's 40th birthday last week and as a treat I thought I would recreate the happy memories I had of taking her to see the beef brigade as a child by treating her and her twins, my two eight-year-old granddaughters.

We were all looking forward to some cheeky humour, gentle satire, a song about Prince Edward and hopefully a dance routine involving a bull's bladder on a string.

I can't bring myself to describe exactly what we saw, but I was disgusted, and frankly, I believe it should be illegal.

My daughter's husband has told me never to go to their house again, or he will, and I quote, fuck me up with a shovel.

On top of this, my granddaughters have stopped calling me granddad and now call me Dirty Simon or Uncle Dirty.

Tell me about...

I don't know how the best way to approach this really because it's so personally distressing to me what's happened to the beef brigade

and for a lot of our listeners actually who and this is the reason why we're doing this episode we've had a number of letters from people who went to a beef brigade show took their kids took their family

thought they knew what they were going to get

and what they got was something very very different it was very different but look in our defect they should have read up before they came you know they should have checked before you bring your kids along to

an adult-themed

beef

about

a strip show, a strip show.

A

beefy hunky hunks stripping with beef.

But understand

that that isn't what they thought the show was.

That's what the show is.

They should have known that's what the show had become.

And if they wanted it to stay, sorry, if they'd wanted it to stay as the variety pageant,

they should have blinking well, come.

They didn't come.

They didn't buy tickets.

So we had to change.

We had to change.

And it's going very well.

It's going very well.

Sorry, are you really trying to say that the Beef Brigade, as I know it, wasn't attracting an audience?

We've had to keep up with the times.

We're not, you know, fighting against an Armada of Spanish boats anymore.

We're living in the modern day.

People want a different sort of entertainment.

They're not looking even for satirical puppets, however funny those puppets are and however well carved.

And I was very good at carving them.

But there was a point when, you know, you're not the one who I was in church halls with my, you know, with my beef putin and my beef Gorbachev.

We shouldn't still have been using the Gorbachev at that point, but, you know, it was good.

It was well carved.

And

there were two people in there, two people and a dog.

There was tumbleweed in there, not literally, but it was like there was tumbleweed in there.

It was like there was, there was the wind whistling,

opening and closing the windows.

And one of the, one of the people there coughed.

The dog coughed.

Have you ever heard a dog cough?

The dog coughed.

And that's when, I mean, that's when I thought,

I'm going to vote yes for the changes.

I'm going to vote yes for the changes.

You mentioned the changes there.

It was put to a vote amongst the cast of the Beef Brigade whether you should stick with what you were doing or go ahead with the stripping.

stripping one.

I've not personally seen the show as it is now.

For those who aren't aware of what it is that the Beef Brigade now do, can you talk me through a kind of average Beef Brigade show?

All right.

Well, I mean, it's we

the boys, and it's all boys.

We come out draped in beef

and then we take that beef off.

We sear some of the beef, there's some beef cookery, but basically, while modern pop music pumps through the speakers, we take off the beef in in various different ways.

We take off the beef

and you know, we have, we have audience members who love this, that crowds of women, they're absolutely like, woo, they love what we're doing.

But it's a strip show.

Yeah, we get the party started.

We get the place pumping.

We take off the beef.

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Over on the Beef and Dairy Network website, we asked for network members who had seen the new Beef Brigade show to call the Beef and Dairy Network action line and leave voicemails describing what they saw.

Herbert Burtwistle here.

I took my wife Edna to see the Beef Brigade as a special treat for our 35th wedding anniversary, expecting a nice, wholesome variety show.

And what are we greeted with?

But

a baldy, lascivious,

horrific, offensive display of

sleek, willowy limbs and oiled triceps, pert

buttocks,

V-shaped backs, strong and supple, smooth, glistening skin, perfect jawlines, thick tousled hair shaking as

the performers gyrated and thrust into the air.

Anyway, I was disgusted.

And I

wish for a full refund.

Or perhaps a voucher for some more tickets.

Or just some more tickets.

Four more tickets.

Front row, ideally.

I don't mind if a wet towel hits my face

I'm not squeamish

Mario to be transparent for the audience we're talking over a

video conferencing software I can see you

you have become hot during the interview and you have taken off your top and you you know I can see those

those muscles that that developed musculature you have

those

glistening what are they abs

uh yeah thank you those incredible abs

from what i can see here i would say that they are um flecked with condensation like a like a cold glass of coca-cola on a hot day well yeah that that's the reasonable way of describing it but here's something that actually may

yeah this may warm you to the beef brigade this isn't baby oil this is beef dripping i'm covered in beef dripping that's how we get the glisten so you know we are traditional in what we're doing we are are sticking with the beef brigade's you know origins I respect that.

I respect that.

Just because there's stripping doesn't mean there's not beef dripping, you know.

So you are still trying to hold on to some of the traditions of the brigade.

This is a direct continuation.

It is an evolution.

It's like going from a fish to a dog to a man.

You know, that's evolution for you.

It's like going from an amoeba to a duck to a crab.

You know, this is how we have evolved we're part of the same continuum god bless them i love every single every single variety and version of the beef brigade and i'm proud to be in the hunky hunky beef brigade we currently have

hello i'm roy posslethwaite and i took my aunt to see the beef brigade last weekend she's

a very very precious and dear person to me

and

we were expecting a wholesome family show and what we got was

I mean all I can

I just remember it as just a sea of flesh just just a roiling sea

of pert

shiny

bristling

flesh muscle sinew lean lean flesh sweat

sweat in waves is how I remember it is wave gushing over me and my aunt, both of us drenched, drenched in hot, hot, salty sweat, like a

flesh sea,

a roiling, gyrating, pulsating

sea of prime, prime human meat.

I looked over to my aunt

and I saw her doing something I've never seen anyone do before, which is kiss two men at the same time.

Everyone was on top of each other.

The audience then became a part of

the pulsating mass of flesh on the stage.

It was indistinguishable.

I didn't know where I ended.

And

the performance began.

I was then kissing

a gentleman who

I think worked in insurance.

His wife was making sweet, sweet love to the ice cream lady.

I looked around.

It was basically like a kind of, if you can imagine, hot melted pork, a huge room-sized vat of hot melted pork with human heads in it bobbing around and just a uniform corporate groan.

I'd like a refund.

Do you think that when Queen Elizabeth I,

back in the 1580s, commissioned the Beef Brigade of Merry Butcher Boys, she thought that in a mere 400 and something years later, it would have degenerated into hunky men pulling strips of thinly cut beef off their rippling and glistening wet muscles.

Well, I'll put it to you.

Do you think when Queen Elizabeth I told Shakespeare that she wanted to see Falstaff fall in love in a show called The Merry Wives of Windsor, that she expected not 400 years down the line for the RSC to be doing a version based in fascist Italy where everyone's dancing to disco music?

I don't think she did.

And I don't think that's a problem.

Times change.

Things move.

What Queen Elizabeth wanted then, God bless her, was what she wanted then.

We cannot speak to what she would want now.

If she were to come along,

I think she'd like it.

I think she'd go, because you know what?

Partly, she's a ghost.

She'd be going like, well, I love corporeal forms.

And gosh, are these forms corporeal?

You know, I miss my corporeal form.

I'm glad these guys, these beefy hunky guys, have such corporeal forms.

You know?

And that's what you think that the attitude of the virgin queen would be.

I mean, you've actually nailed on the head one of the reasons I think she'd like it so much.

You know, she didn't get much action, God bless her.

So now she's got to be interested at the very least, scientifically, to go, what have I missed out on?

And she definitely, you see it from all angles here.

See it from all angles.

Professor Harkam, obviously, you are a scholar of the history of the Beef Brigade as it has developed through the centuries.

Have you seen the new version?

I have seen

the new show.

And again,

I'm a fan, I'm a patriot,

and I hate to use a word like

disgust, but I was sickened.

I would never be someone to vomit on a royal showground, but I was keeping it down.

I mean, I nearly

was nearly compelled to tear my eyes away.

I didn't, out of respect, because it was a Royal Command performance, but there were, there was a, I am no student of the male form, but there were

perhaps richer, deeper, more pointed nipples than I have ever seen.

And that is something that I think I

looked at out of pure, I will say, anatomical interest.

Do I think it was entertaining?

No, did I keep watching?

Yes, because I thought maybe something more wholesome would happen in a minute.

Did I hold the bottle of baby oil when it was given to me?

Yes.

Did I allow it to be splashed all over my eager, sweaty hands?

Of course, it would have been rude not to participate fully in what is essentially a state-sponsored duty.

So

I think

we have to look at ourselves and say, is this the country we have become?

And, you know,

as my face was motorboating between those pectorals, that was something that I was thinking about,

among other things.

It sounds as if maybe you did enjoy it.

Of course, there is a certain moment, isn't there, where you're caught up in

the revelry, in the heat of the moment.

Sure.

But as you're walking away, as the auditorium empties and the people are picking up the sausage packets and

discarded paraphernalia and you're picking some beef G-string from between your teeth, you start to think to yourself, no,

I'm actually better than this and I won't.

stand for it.

So I did.

I went straight

to request to speak to the manager.

I went to the front desk.

I re-booked a ticket for the following day so that I could register my disgust.

And it turns out there is a deal if you get a season ticket now, which is...

It actually works out.

I won't go into the details, but and I had a code from online anyway.

So it worked out better if I booked for the next four consecutive days.

But as I say, it's a...

It's a research expense.

I'm a historian, so I had to make sure that my disgust was warranted.

And by God,

if you think the first night was bad, then by night five,

I mean, actually, you get a very different view once you're on the stage yourself.

It's actually quite a thrill seeing all those people out there.

And

yes,

I don't know if you've ever autographed a buttock before, but

it's something of a thrill.

And I think that's why I will be campaigning to have it return very much much to its roots.

So, maybe you played Devil's Advocate and to give the Beef Brigade the benefit of the doubt.

When you were watching the show, was there any sense that what they were doing was something more than just a tawdry strip show?

Do you think there was a satirical edge to what they were doing?

Do you think there was something more valuable in there?

Because I'm...

It's so sad for me that the Beef Brigade has become what it's become.

I'm just grasping at straws, I think.

Yes, I think writ large in bloodied beef and smeared body parts.

what the Beef Brigade are now asking us are, is this your country?

They're reflecting our nation back at ourselves and saying, is this who you are?

And we're saying, don't rub our faces in it, or perhaps, please, rub our faces in it.

Well, Professor Harkham, it's been a great pleasure to talk with you.

As always, it's great to get that historical angle on modern events.

Obviously, you told us earlier that you're no longer attached to an educational institution.

What's next for you?

Yes,

I'm very much a free agent.

If anybody would like to get in touch, any universities.

And when I say any universities, I really do mean any universities.

If you've got,

you know, it doesn't matter whether you're a Cambridge dining hall with a suite of rooms ready for me to move in, sure.

Or if there's just a corner of your bedset that you think, let's call this a university, I can be there.

James Harkom, thank you.

Always a pleasure.

Herbert Burkewhistle again.

I've been thinking about it and

read the tickets.

I think it wouldn't be too much to ask for a backstage pass of sorts.

Perhaps

a triple-A.

I think it would be useful for me to meet the performers one-on-one

so they can really appreciate actually how disgusted myself and my wife were.

Well,

one-on-one,

all at the same time.

I mean, I don't mind,

both.

Ideally,

one-on-one, two-on-one,

move to lurch up to probably four to five-on-one, and then on mass, I would say,

in sequence, so I can really get to grips with how I feel about it.

And I'll get to grips with them all right,

no matter how slippery and slick and

perfectly oiled and frictionless their shoulders may be.

Thank you.

Well, Mario, as I've said, I don't approve of what you're doing with the Beef Brigade, but in return for appearing on this programme,

I agreed to read out your upcoming tour dates, so I'll do that now.

Your tour dates this month, you're going to Hails Owen, you're going going to Litchfield.

You're going to Exeter.

You're going to, let me have a look, Lancaster,

the Falkland Islands, Jersey, Cape Town.

You've really, the way you've organised this tour doesn't make an awful lot of sense.

Yeah, it's not.

We're losing quite a lot of money because of those, actually.

Beijing.

And then back

to the Falkland Islands.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's not.

Yeah.

I don't want to think about it too much because it is

both stressful and it's eating into the business model.

Yeah.

Well, Mario Greg, shame on you, and thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Roy Posselfwoit here again.

I've been thinking about it and

obviously I want a refund, minimum, but actually more than that, I feel like this has stayed with me as an experience and

I haven't got closure on this.

I want to meet the cast,

specifically the gentleman with the

long aubern hair

and the

incredibly powerful breast muscles

and I want to I actually want to wrestle it out with this guy because what what happened on that stage was not right I and I want me and him in a well

a jacuzzi or any any small enclosed space that hot water can be injected into so it's a jacuzzi or hot tub you pick the venue frankly yeah as long as it's a jacuzzi or hot tub and we're going to wrestle this out i'm going to bring oil i'm going to bring cream cheese and let's do this.

Because frankly, I'm not okay with what went down that night, okay?

And until I've got you, or you've got me in a headlock, I will not have closure on this, yeah?

I want to get up close and personal with this, yeah.

I want your perineum deep in my face.

There's gonna be no escape, yeah, because I am not happy about this, yeah.

And when we're done, I'll see you on a balcony overlooking the Seine, yeah, and we will get to grips with any outstanding issues over a bloody nice meal, okay?

Because I'm not happy.

So, that's all we've got time for this month.

But if you're after more beef and dairy news, get over to our website now, where you'll find all the usual stuff, as well as our off-topic section, where this month we visit the cheapest hotel in Scotland and try to get to grips with the things that the walls remember.

So, until next time, be fact.

Thanks to John Luke Roberts, Mike Shepard, Mike Wozniak, Henry Packer, Louise Robb, and Ana Sage.

Oh, darling, why won't you accept my love?

My dear, even though you are a Duke, I could never love you.

You.

you borrowed a book from me and never returned it.

Save yourself from this terrible fate by listening to Reading Glasses.

We'll help you get those borrowed books back and solve all your other reader problems.

Reading Glasses, every Thursday and Maximum Fun.

I'm Emily Heller.

And I'm Lisa Hannawalt.

And we're the hosts of Baby Geniuses.

We've been doing our podcast for over 10 years.

When we started, it was about trying to learn something new every episode.

Now it's about us trying to actively get stupider.

and it's working.

Hang out with us and you'll hear us chat about gardening, horses, various problems with our butts, and all the weird stuff that makes us horny.

That's so weird, all that stuff.

Baby Geniuses, a show for adult idiots, every other week on Maximum Fun.

Baby geniuses, we know everything.

Baby geniuses, tell us something we don't know.

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