Humble Baddies - Nigerian Weddings: Trending or Timeless + the Kanye West Confession!

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Hey, y'all Good evening Happy Monday With another episode Of the Humble Baddies podcast I'm your girl Ashley Nicole I'm Alexis Welch-Sottenmeyer And I'm'm Sherelle Rosado. And we are the Humble Betty.
I miss you, Lex. I miss y'all.
What's going on, ladies? Everybody been traveling. Yeah.
Living our best lives. That's right.
Are y'all back home? What's the vibe? I'm back. Yeah.
I'm not back yet. Where in the world is Sherellica? Sherellica.
I love that. It's like, I'm traveling.
I'm just traveling, living my best life. Enjoying Cape Town.
I'm going to be in South Africa. It is, right? Mm-hmm.
It's cold here, y'all. It's winter.
It's going into winter now. So it's been crazy.
Like, I really haven't, I wasn't able to enjoy, but I still did some amazing things. Today I I went to the gun range, and tomorrow I'm going on, in the morning, I'm going on a safari in less than three hours because it's two o'clock in the morning.
Oh, wow. I'm so jealous.
That sounds so fun. Have you been to Tabletop Mountain yet? We rolled up, but we didn't go all the way up.
The gun range was like midway through, but I see Tabletop Mountain right here. Yes.
I love that. I love that.
Yeah, South Africa is beautiful. It's a ton of history there, especially the fact that it was a port as well for slaves to pass through.
So it's a lot of history there.

The prison there with Nelson Mandela,

another spot to go to, museum.

So enjoy.

Love Cape Town.

Love it.

Yes, I'm loving it.

We're going to have to come back and do a girl's trip here when it warms up.

Yeah, they have a lot too.

Oh, yes.

The wine I went to,

one of the wine forums day before yesterday. Yeah.
It was an Allen Bosch, I believe that. Oh, yes.
The wine I went to the, one of the wine forums the day before yesterday. Yeah.
It was an Al and Bosch. I believe it.
They have a ton of wines out there. Look, yeah, I'm learning.
I'm getting into the wine tasting and all of that. Every time I be trying to order bottles of wine, you be like, good.
So now, find your wine so you'll know which one we, you know, when we start popping, we get at home.

Absolutely.

I love that.

What about you, Lex?

Where are you at in the world?

I was in, I mean, I know what it's like to be on a tour as far as being either a musician or a basketball player because I went from L.A.

I went from Miami to L.A., L.A. to Chicago, Chicago to Indiana, and then back to Miami.

All within four or five days.

Just a whirlwind.

I was with Monique on her first stop of her book tour since she's from Monique Rodriguez who just released her book The Glory to Her Story. So, yeah.
You're a mo? Yeah. You know, that's where she's from.
And so we just were there in support of her and just to see everyone line up and her family and friends just be there to support her. Got some Garrett's popcorn.
So shout out to Chicago and some Harrods fried chicken. So those in the Midwest know what's up.
So it was just good to go and took a tour of the warehouse and just really just and tapped in with family and friends that I saw along the way. I ran into a girlfriend in Chicago that I haven't seen in a while, but we've known each other for over 20 years.
My girl, Sarita. And then I got to see my nieces and my sister in LA.
So just good times, you know, just to keep hopping and everything. That's beautiful.
To show up for our girl, Monique, like that. And then you have to see your people too.
I can't wait to dive into that book. I meant to bring it to Africa so I could read it.
And I accidentally left it, but I'm about to get into it. Yeah.
Honestly, that house waited for me. I haven't started yet.
Amazing story. So y'all go get that, everyone, and support.
Because she's a good person. You know, she's our friend

and she just really means well

and has a great spirit

and a great businesswoman.

And just, you know,

I'm happy for her.

And so I'm happy for her.

That's what I love about Monique.

She's so humble

and she always support,

you know, small businesses.

So shout out to our girl Monique.

Let's give her the support back the way she supports us. That's how my daddy of the day.
Okay. Monique, I read this.
Glory to your story. Go out and pick that up now.
Absolutely. It's on Amazon.
You can order it off Amazon. Yes, yes.
Absolutely. And you, Ash? Well, I just got home.
Sherelle drugged me to this wedding in Nigeria.

Not drug.

Not drug.

I mean, I'm glad she did.

We got invited to a wedding.

And, you know, initially I was like, well, I just left from Nigeria.

So I'm not sure that I will be able to make it because it's not like Nigeria is right down the street.

Of course.

But pause, Ash.

Before you go further, I was like, Ash, girl, you need to do something strange.

You know what? like Nigeria is right down the street. Of course.
But pause, Ash, before you go further, I was like, Ash, girl, you need to do something strange. You need to do something strange for a little bit of change for Phil, girl, because I'm about to ask you to go to Africa and you know he ain't going to let you come to Africa again.
So I'm going to need you to spice it up, do what you got to do so he can say yes. He can do it.
Throw a little r little razzle dazzle with you know he was well taken care of okay right on my way and i was back in nigeria with my girl cherelle and i had the time of my life i'm so glad i went i'm glad it taught me in the going because the experience of a lifetime, honestly, it was amazing. We were invited to one of the biggest weddings of the year.
It was a Tanzanian singer. And our friend Choma, her sister, was the bride.
And, I mean, showed up for this couple. Like, I've never seen anything like it.
I mean, the whole, I feel like the whole country showed up, okay? And so I didn't know what I was showing up to, honestly, truly. But they did.
And they got me right on together. I'm talking about, they made me a dress in like two days.
Hair and makeup. Choma, she literally, Choma laid out the red cross.
She put together, we didn't have to do nothing but this. Okay.
Amen. But I'm talking about the people there are just so talented.
The designer made my dress in like two days. the makeup artist the hairstylist the videographers the photographers I mean everybody was just so kind and so welcoming like it really just made the trip that much more amazing and when I felt like we needed a redo of Legos because Ashley was like I don't know about this I think think this is my last time coming.
I probably will come for that. I said, Ashley, just trust me.
You have to give it another experience. And I promise you, you will love it here.
Right. And this trip.
You was right. That's good.
You was right. Legos.
It was amazing. I love Legos.
I love Nigeria. So oh good and we got to go to abuja too which was a another city in nigeria um so it was nice to experience like a different area um we went there for a birthday party and child they was live that party that's the biggest birthday party i'd ever seen in my life.
Imagine like a conference sitter for a birthday party.

Everybody dressed to the nines and gals and tucks.

With nothing but millionaires and billionaires.

And everybody black.

We love to see everybody black and.

I ain't seen nothing like it before in my life.

I love it. I love it.

Yeah, it was...

We'll get back to that

because we do need to talk about that.

But everyone's Easter was good.

Easter, for the most part.

I went to church on Saturday

so I could relax on Sunday.

Oh, that was good.

I had a relaxation day.

This is my first time ever having a relaxed Easter. So it was good.
Yeah, he is risen. Yeah, I celebrate Passover, but at the same time, respect Easter and all that comes with it.
So just was very chill. took a nice bike ride and ended up just hanging out by the pool and relaxing, having some Popeyes.
Okay. Just a good Sunday.
Easy Sunday. Real, real simple.
Not less. You are sure.
And you're behind just had some Popeyes. Yeah.
You know why? Just because we all deserve a cheat day. And Popeyes is definitely high on the list of that.
The spicy wings with the hot pepper, you know, and then a little rice. Gotta have the hot pepper.
They got a Popeyes in Sunday. That's it.
No. I was going to say, she ain't healthy.
Yeah, it ain't no Popeyes in Sunday. I don't get that that.
No, it had to get brought in. No, absolutely.
Got to go, you know, actually, you know, it's closer to Hard Rock. So over there, like Hollywood.
Lex, you know how to throw down on soul food? I do. Of course.
My mom and dad both

cooked. And so that's what I grew up on

being in Kansas City, Missouri, whether

it was barbecue or soul food.

And I know how to do

it all. So the good thing is

with the culinary background and just

from traveling, I can do other things

too. Not strictly to soul

food, you know, African American cuisine. Well, we won't, we just won't have to do a good Sunday dinner and we all come to your house.
I like that. I like that.
Mac and cheese. I like fried cabbage.
You know, I could do turkey wings. It has to be turkey wings.
Yeah, I don't eat pork. So we eat none of that.
turkey wings. What else? Some cornbread.
I might can give you a run for your money on the turkey wings, ladies. I'll be the judge.
You know what I'm saying? Okay. I know how you do yours, too, Rae.
I remember it as a recipe. I remember that.
Don't be telling my recipe now.

No, that's a good recipe.

Yeah, I won't put it out there, but we should.

Okay, I got a question.

Do you make your cornbread sweet?

No, I do not.

I like sweet cornbread.

Yeah, but it has a little sugar.

It's a little sugar in there, but I don't like to overdo it.

I like to do more of like a honey butter. No, that's sweet.
Okay, I can do the honey butter. But some people do like that.
Country. You know what I'm talking about.
Or like savory. Country.
Southern. Watermelon cornbread.
Or jalapeno cheddar. I don't like that.
I don't like corn in it. I have people do that.
I don't like that. Yeah.
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Yeah, that's it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay. That's how I was raised.
Anyway, well, let's get into it, you all. The first topic, let's, you know, going back to the Nigerian wedding.
Ash, you know, you were making some headlines while you were over there, weren't you? But let me go ahead and read this so we can get the people up to date. Nigerian weddings trending or timeless? We're diving into a celebration that's taken over timelines, blogs, and wedding vision boards across the globe.
Nigerian weddings from the vibrant fashion to the electrifying energy of the live drummers. These cultural celebrations have become more than just ceremonies.
They're full-on experiences, right ladies? This past week, our very own Sherelle and Ashley found themselves in front and center of one of the most iconic events.

And let's just say the blogs are buzzing.

Ashley was blown away by the vibe. She's now considering a full Najda-style vow renewal for her 10-year anniversary.

But it raises a few questions

we're not afraid to tap into, ladies, are we?

So, I see in the comments,

let's just ask this question.

Is it cultural appropriation

or appreciation

when non-Nigerians

go all in on a traditional Naja wedding?

What do you think?

Okay.

So, first of all, I made a story at the end of the night after the wedding,

explaining how I had such a good time at the wedding.

And I said I wanted one because I just loved everything about it. Mind you, I was also a little tipsy.
Okay. Not a little, I'm celebrating.
A little tipsy, a little jet lag, a little, you know, just talking. Okay.
It's late night in the middle of the night. I'm just talking.
So it was really just me being excited and just, you know, trying to share like how much I loved the experience, how much I loved just being included in such a beautiful celebration. And so maybe my words weren't like perfect or whatever, but I also don't think they were disrespectful.
And I think most people understood that. And I feel like the people that we met and haven't met, just the people of Nigeria in general have just been so welcoming.
And so that's why I felt so comfortable even saying something like that, because, you know, I read the room, you know what I'm saying? They were very welcoming. They, you know, opened their arms to us in ways that I would have never imagined.
You know, they really hosted us and really laid out the red carpet for us. So it wasn't, I don't feel like it came from a place of, you know, me trying to take something away.
It was me feeling included. It was me feeling like I'm, I'm one now.
Like you were. Yes.
I'm a partner. Yes.
So that's where, you know, that statement came from. So for me, it's very much appreciation.
It's very much like, I love it so much. I appreciate being included.
Respect the culture. Respect, you know, respect what it is.
Like how y'all celebrate a wedding? It was just beautiful. I didn't mean to cut you off, Ashley.
Yeah, no, I agree. Like, it's very much respect.
It's very much like, wow, this is beautiful. Like, I'm honored to even be here to witness this, you know? So for me, it's not appropriation.
And if I were to even, you know, go through with such celebration, I don't think I would mean, you know, taking their culture and trying to take it as mine, per se. But just, you know, the way that they do things there is beautiful.
And I would want my family and other Black people to see something like this. I want them to enjoy it and experience the way we did it.
And that would be like my reasoning for even wanting to share something like that, you know? Yeah, it's a respectful way of just saying thank you so much for the love. You saw, just like you described, the dresses and the makeup artists and the graphic arts

and all these people

that were very talented Africans,

you know,

and just people

that look like you.

So I know it just makes you feel

It makes me feel like

I'm a part of something

because that's honest,

like,

African culture is not,

it's very watered down.

I don't really feel like

I'm tied to any culture,

honestly.

I don't identify with America.

The only thing I can identify with is slavery because that's all they teach us about in school when it comes to our ancestors. They're not teaching us about before then, really.
They're just saying y'all came over here in slave ships and that's it. And I, you know, I wish that I had a rich culture to, you know, exactly.
And I think there's a difference, you know, between appreciation and appropriation. I think appropriation is when you're literally like trying to take from a culture and, you know, wear it or consume it in a way that's not for your own benefit.
And that's just not natural. It's not.
It's just right. You know what I mean? Like, I think there's a big difference.
And I'm black. OK, my people are if they're not Nigerian, they from somewhere close over there.
Okay? I agree. Look, Ashley, you already know what I'm going to say.
I'm 26. I'm Nigerian.
Okay, but I'm 43.1. I'm Nigerian.
You're a real Nigerian girl. Okay, so I got to do the testing that you did because I guarantee you it's high up there.

No, it's DNA.

Your DNA is not like mine, so you're going to keep the same.

No, but I did a different.

What DNA testing you did?

This is not a competition about who's the most Nigerian.

It's not.

It's not.

Because I'm technically about 70% African because I'm Kenyan, Sierra Leone. I need to do mine.
Nigerian. My daddy half Jewish, though.
Yeah, majority of mine is in the African. Yeah, yeah.
I'm going to go do mine. I'm going to do mine.
I'm going to let y'all know how much Nigerian, because I know it's in me. It's on me.
It's in my blood. They feel it.'t as African-Americans Ashley to your point we really just have I mean we talked about soul food earlier you know what I mean we have that that is very American is very African-American but it comes from the fact that you know Africans brought over barbecue for example so that just kept that going as well as using seasoning in different um just different ways because we got scraps.
So we had to use all of the pig, all of the vegetables, all of whatever. So whatever, we just made these dishes and then had to put all that good love in there and that good soul in there.
So that's how we have soul food. But I get it.
We have jump in the broom. I feel like that's an African-American tradition in a wedding, but nothing like what, you know, what you guys have seen, you know, it's just, it's just hard to have trying to find that identity.
So I understand appreciation because you're like, if you want to hire, there's wedding planners that are, this is all they do. So you can have your whatever wedding you want.
Cause I encourage people to do whatever they want to do. The weddings that happen now are like,

just do what you want.

It's like somebody else,

like probably like white people.

Like these are white people traditions.

You know what I'm saying?

Like, you know, getting married in a cathedral

or, you know what I'm saying?

And wearing a white dress, all that,

that comes from colonialism.

Okay.

You know what I mean? So like, why would I not want to tap into my own roots? I mean, I do my research. I get it.
My first wedding was like that, very just like traditional in a sense. And I had to do this and you have to invite these many people and then you have, you should be spending X amount of dollars and you should be be doing this and half the people i don't even talk to anymore actually more than half and then most of them are bringing gifts anyway you know it's just it's just you might as well go do something that you want to do that you're spending money on that makes you and your your partner happy i feel like so i feel like too if we had say say we did weddings like how Nigerians do their weddings, it might be more people wanting to get married.
I mean, not saying that that should be the reason, but the way that they truly celebrate love, like they literally have three, four weddings. They have like three, four weddings.
They have events all week, you know, for the mother of the bride. You know, they have praise and worship.
They have events all week long. And to me, that's special.
That means that they really love and respect and cherish like the union of a marriage. And, you know, I feel like Americans at this point now, people are just going to the courthouse.
You know what I'm saying? So it ain't nothing to just go to the courthouse and get a divorce. You know what I mean? I feel like if you hold up so much, you know, like getting married is this important to where we need to have four weddings, like, you know, all the things that they do, it maybe makes you take marriage more seriously and makes you want to be married more.
And I feel like that might be an issue with Americans getting married these days because we don't recognize it the same way they do. They really, you can tell, they really...
They put their all into it. And marriage is everything.
And I love that. I respect that.
I think that's special. I think that's what it should be like.
And then i thought i was reading some of the comments and that's what i said if you are an african-american and you have not experienced africa you definitely need to because some people were like why are some of the women um outdressing the bride that's what they do over there they the bride outdressing the bride who everybody's coming the bride wants you to come it's it's disrespectful if you come to a an nigerian wedding and you're not dressed to impress i know that's right the whole goal is to dress to impress so people who don't know and they're just speaking why this person like you really need to understand and experience a Nigerian wedding before you speak on it,

on why they do it.

Because it's all about fashion.

It's all about looks.

It's like the, like a whole nother show.

It's like showing respect, I think.

It's like, I want you to show up for me.

You know, you need to come looking at your best.

You need to come with a stack of money like this big. mean they would bring out boxes of money okay and what you call it how do you call it spraying they call it spraying but we call it they do it so respectfully just like this yes is it porn like luck and good luck? They was $300.
I love that. See, that's something that we would love to have.
Yeah. Like they had to ship her.
And look, your family and how they're going. Picking it up.
it on the top. Exactly.
They'll run out. They will run out.
You didn't have to worry about that over there. At that wedding, you didn't have to worry about nobody picking up stealing your money, babe, because everybody had it.
Yes. And it's for the bride.
That is hilarious. Yeah.
It's an amazing thing to see. And I'm inspired.
That's really what it is. Like, I'm inspired.
And for my, you know, 10-year wedding renewal, like, or vow renewal, I want to be inspired so I can make it through another 10 years. You know what I'm saying? I need that.
I need to see a visual of, like, yes, let's celebrate love. Like, marriage is a big thing.
It is a big commitment. It is spectacular.
Like I need that inspiration because, you know, marriage is forever, honey. So I need to continue to be inspired.
And that's exactly what that wedding did for me. If anybody wanted that.
Exactly. I love that.
it's attending this wedding set a standard of what

you like you aspire to in a way just just how they everyone showed up the love the tradition the ceremonies everything i mean the florals i mean first of all everybody wore this The day I said that is mind-blowing to me that everybody got the same fabric.

Can you imagine us trying to get everybody the same outfit together? That's hard. And these people literally got the same fabric and then went out and got these beautiful dresses made.
I mean, and everybody's dress was different, but beautiful. Wow.

But then very much cohesive.

Yeah.

Everyone was like, because I feel like it has something to do with like the tribal colors or something.

It does.

Wherever.

Yeah.

Yeah, it does.

But let me tell you, baby, because I don't know how they do it.

The dresses.

I still have marks on my stomach, on my back from the corset and the dress like snatch they snatch like you are tired like we was walking i almost passed out i swear to god you can't sit In the car, I was in the car like this. We both were.
I couldn't. And yeah, the next day I was sore.
I was like, oh my God. Am I sore? I'm wearing the N dress? I still have it all right.
They snatch you up in the dress. Wow.
And the... The gay lady.
Gay lady. I don don't want to miss the name.
That smart fridge. Oh, my goodness.
Ears. It snatched everything.
So, okay, they're not playing. They're not playing.
It's very much, you know, put together. They snatch you up.
You got to show up and show out at these events. It's very uncomfortable, but it's worth it.
You look at everybody. Everybody.
Even like the older women, like the older ladies of the family, the guests. Oh, that's easy.
Okay. Dresses.
Snatched. Hair.
Lash. Ooty.
Full makeup. I love that.
Everybody. It's just something everybody need to go see.
I feel like it was better than the Met Gala. Yeah.
Because everybody had looks. Oh.
And how people just walk in. So like the guests would walk in with their entourage, and then they go up to the couple and give them a gift and stuff.
It was just like, this is just, I don't know. It was a show.
You know it's a big wedding when it makes the shade room in America. And they are showing, like it's a whole award ceremony, like it's the Emmy, whatever.
You know it's a big wedding when they're showing the outfits of who wore it best, who was dressed nice. You know they showed out.
You know it was an amazing wedding. So shout out to that beautiful.
When I went to the airport and you know how they open your bags and look through everything. They saw my dress.
They were like, you went to the wedding? I was like, yeah. They were like.
Because apparently that was the wedding to be at, honey. Yeah.
It was the golden ticket. Okay.
Yes. I'm just grateful.
I'm grateful to have experienced it.

I really am.

What a blessing and an honor.

For sure. For sure.

I think it's great to see.

The pictures, you guys look beautiful.

Everyone just looked like they

were sitting in their essence. You know, just

very confident and colorful.

So, very... I haven't even posted

my stuff yet. I know.
We can lay

nothing. I'm waiting

until it calmed down and I'm going to spike it.

I'm waiting till it calm down and I'm gonna spike it. I like that.
I like that strategy. That's good.
Just a little reminder. Like, hey, a little reminder.
And they are so good with content there. Like, you think over here, people are content creators? No, baby.
Over there, they are creating content and they are doing it at a level that is beyond. First of all, the turnaround rate is crazy, okay? You take a picture, boom, it's edited, it's to you, okay? The videos, everything.
They show up with backgrounds, lights shouldn't say the makeup artists got about four or five um assistants the hair people got four or five assistants like and when i tell you baby they don't play over there when it comes to their work it's on a level i i i american ashley is this is this the same feeling you you had when you first walked on the campus at HBCU of just seeing excellence and just seeing that energy? Yeah, I feel like this is bringing me back to that because you're right. This is the only place that I feel like we are kings and queens.
We are not the minority. We are the majority and we killing it.
So, yes. Honestly, I would say this feeling and this experience, I have never experienced it.
And, you know, I used to go to the HBCU colleges and everything. But this experience tops all of it.
that just like the legalness and very royal just very obvious because you're looking at at at black wealth when people who think of africa they don't think of things like this they don't think of how beauty how rich how royal yeah they don't show that part they show yeah they just poverty you know they know yes you know hungry children which there are that is very true but they're not showing the other parts there is wealth there is wealth there is abundance there is life there is business there is you know just so much to Africa inspiration it's like creativity this is know, just so much to Africa. Inspiration.
It's like, wow. Creativity.
Talent. There's so much that Africa has to offer and it's a shame that they don't show up.
But that's why I'm hyped up and I'm like, let's... Y'all need to go, please.
We're going to win. Winning that wedding.
Winning that wedding. Yeah.
And now you've already seen like where it is right now. So just to take it up another notch is going to be a whole nother.
Listen, our next wedding is going to be our good sister. Yes.
Yeah. Period.
But now for real, I know everybody is in love with going to Europe here. It's blah, blah, blah.
But y'all need to go to Africa. Okay.
Go to Africa. I love that.
Be around some people that look like you and have a good time. Go see what it's about.
Okay. The ambiance in the restaurants, the clubs, everything.
It's top higher. Tears.
I love it. It is.
Love this for y'all. Yes.
Hey, so we all make mistakes, but owning up is the right thing to do. You know, Degree Cool Rush Deant? Well, last year, they changed the formula, and it did not go well with their fans.
Degree's whole thing is it turns up the sweat and odor protection when you turn up the effort. And good thing it does, because Cool Rush fans really turned up the effort to bring back the original formula.
One guy even started an online petition. And Degree, listen, they admitted they effed up and are bringing the original Cool Rush scent back.
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It's back in Walmart, Target, and other stores now for under $4. There's a reason why it's been the number one men's antiperspirant for the last decade.
It's the same reason why people were not happy when it changed. So if you you never tried it it might be a good time to see what the fuss is about head to your local walmart or target to try the og degree cool rush for yourself i feel so alone i'm embarrassed to talk about it how can i help my kid if i can't help myself i can't remember when I don't want you to put inside.
When you feel overwhelmed by your thoughts and emotions, it's okay to get help. You are not alone.
CalHOPE is here for you with free, safe, and confidential mental health resources for youth, young adults, families, and you. Find support now at calhope.org.
Hi, it's Martha Stewart. You know, I spend a lot of time thinking about dirt.
At 3 a.m., at all hours of the day, really. What people don't know is that not all dirt is the same.
You need dirt with the right kind of nutrients. Miracle-Gro organic raised bed and garden soil is so dense, so full of nutrient-rich, high-quality ingredients.
Miracle Grow is simply the best. It's a quickly changing world, and when it comes to investing, every day brings new questions.
So the way to truly confident investing? Well, that road is paved with curiosity. At T.
Rowe Price, we are relentlessly curious. We don't settle for fast answers, especially when it comes to your retirement.
Because yesterday's answers may not be the ones you need today to secure a successful retirement tomorrow. So how much is enough? What if you don't want to stop working or even switch gears and take on chapter two? These questions just scratch the surface.
The possibilities and the unexpected of what your future could hold are endless. Find out more when you join us on our podcast, Confident Conversations on Retirement.
We dig deep with questions that will get to the answers you're looking for so you can feel confident investing in your future. T.
Rowe Price Confident Conversations on Retirement podcast. Find it on your favorite podcast platform or visit T.
RowePrice.com slash podcast. All right, enough.
We're going to let y'all, you know, enjoy our stories and our pictures on our amazing time in Africa. Now it's time to get into our next topic.
And it is trending all over social media right now, you guys. And it's kind of like, you know, Kanye has his issues or whatever, but it's like I feel for him.
it's sad that how he's coming out but it's so many issues

with whatever but it's like I feel for him um it's sad that how he's how he's coming out but it's so many issues with this and so many people have have so many black men are dealing with this and are not speaking out about it so um topic two we're talking about Kanye's confession trauma truth or tactic Kanye just came out with a new song called My Cousins. Yeah.
Cousins is about my cousin, my cousin that is locked up in jail for life for killing a pregnant lady a few years after I told him we wouldn't look at dirty magazines together anymore. So apparently Kanye, a child, him and his cousin was looking at gay porn and they were imitating what they saw in the porn magazines.

Perhaps in my self-centered mess, I felt it was my fault that I showed him those dirty magazines when he was six.

And then we acted out and we saw.

My dad had Playboy magazines, but the magazines I found in the top of my mom's closet were different.

My name is Ye, and I sucked my cousins till I was 14. That's what Kanye tweeted.
Did y'all listen to the song? Yeah, I listened to it. It doesn't sound like a song that he

was like

trying to make

a hit though.

It sounds

like he's trying

to like a confessional

or just kind of

put something on.

Like that's his way

of getting

voice out,

getting his thoughts out

so he just put it out

like that but

it doesn't sound like his other music you know um no and i don't know i feel like every other week he's doing something wild right so it's almost like this is becoming i i hope i mean it it's like bittersweet because you hope that he's basically trying to put something out there to like, you know, that was been in his spirit or whatever to let out. I hope it's, you know, you hope it's real just so he can almost get help for it.
You know what I mean? But then you hope it's not real because, you know, it's such a heavy topic. So I hope he's not trying to just really trigger other people.
But at the same time, in our Black communities, we are taught to be silent. No one talks about anything.
We keep it inside, especially Black men, to compress it, to really just be like, you know, man up, be tough. And so the masculinity side of it is there's a lot of our men that are just holding a lot of this hurt and pain inside of them and not having gotten it out yet.
So I hope that sounds like it's bittersweet to say hope it was true. But, you know, but he's just been saying a lot lately and we're really Ye would.
I don't think Ye would laugh out something like that. And honestly, it's kind of like a big public figure speaking out about that.
It's kind of opening up like, OK, yeah, we know Ye has some issues and he say some crazy things on the Internet to go viral. But this issue is something serious.
And I know a lot of friends who have told male Black friends who have told me whether how they became gay was by force. You know, they were sexually assaulted.
Their cousins, you know, forced them to do things or their uncles or their grandfathers or even their own dad. And they didn't speak on it until they became an adult.
And I feel like it's opening a gateway to basically come out and talk about it. Yes, it can be embarrassing.
You know, some people don't want to talk about it because they don't want to be labeled as, oh, you gay because you did this. Kanye and his lyrics, I'm not a gay man, but this is what I did.
I feel like maybe he's exposing himself and putting his whole story out there so nobody else can tell his story. That's just my ahead.
I was just going to say, I think it's interesting that Kanye can continue to do things like this. You know, put things out in the media, say wild things, do wild things, show up the way he's been showing.
And everybody's like, what the hell? You know, I think right. But that's it.

Whereas like, if it was like a Britney Spears or somebody like that, it's like everybody's like, you know, somebody needs to take care of her, take away like whatever it is.

He needs a conservatorship type of thing.

You know, like where are his people? You know, why is he allowed to continue to like be like this but nobody can control kanye if you notice nobody can control i know and that's why is that like i understand like i see that nobody can control them but i feel like if it was a woman who was acting out in this way it would would be shut down like quickly, immediately. And I just find it interesting that Kanye can say the craziest things about Jay-Z, Beyonce, you know, like everything is crazy and nobody is stepping in.
Nobody is, you know, even punishing him. Not that he deserves to be punished.
It's just like everybody kind of like, where's the solution to this? What's going on? And they just, it's like, are we just going to keep letting this happen? Is it going to snowball into something bigger? You know, are we going to turn the TV on one day and he's no longer with it? You know, like, this is where I'm thinking. It's like, usually people step in at some point and it feels like we're watching this man like deteriorate.
Or I don't know. Maybe this is I don't know what this what you would call this, but we just watching it like and letting it happen and nobody saying anything or doing anything.
We're just like. But what can they say or do? I don't know.
I don't know. But usually I'm just saying

when there's like big celebrities

that start doing like.

Like crashing out.

Yeah, crashing out.

Somebody at some point,

you know, they step in.

But with Britney Spears,

she had someone over her.

She had someone signed.

Like her daddy ran,

was over everything.

So of course he was able to step in.

Yeah.

With Kanye, he's his own. Conservativeship.
Yeah. With Kanye,

he's his own...

I know, but it got to a point

where they took over

Britney Spears stuff.

So that's what I'm saying.

There's not anybody around him

to...

What are they going to kill?

Or something.

You know?

Kanye is very strategic

on what he does. And I feel like, you know, Kanye knows a lot.
And they know he knows a lot. So people just...
Let him do what he do? Let him do what he does. And I don't think that's healthy.
What is the solution? You have to surround him. They care for you.
They not going to cry like that. Who really cares for him? Who really cares for him that have enough power to be able to control him? I personally don't know.
I'm just saying, like, I don't know. But I'm just saying, like, there has to be somebody that could step in.
Like, he ain't just out here by himself. Like, well, he has a wife.
I mean, not Lex. I'm just saying, that's where it's supposed to start.
Let's start here. She ain't even got her own brain.
I'm not going to have you. I think she's very smart too.
I don't see, he was with Kim like, and Kim's a smart woman. I don't see him being with a kid who was that smart.
He wasn't crushing. He wasn't doing half the stuff that he's doing now.
And somebody said that that might be because Kim's mama was making sure he had the best doctors and the best medication and the therapist and everything. So maybe...
All right, now, if you read the lyrics, he's on... What's the laughing gas, Paul? Oh, nitrous.
Nitrous. Yeah.
It seems like he's hooked on that because in the lyrics, I actually read the lyrics. He said it doesn't make him...
Yeah, I heard that. What does it? I heard that.
But I'm just saying like. Like you said, he's smart, so I don't see him being with an unsmart lady.
But I don't know, but you might not have control over him either way. But.
It's sad to see. I'm just I'm getting it's exhausting.
You don't know what's real, what's not real, what's a triggering for others. He has to be careful because he's already just, it's just, we're seeing one of ours just really just start to spiral in some kind of way.
And obviously he has a platform. Obviously he's creative.
But I'm just at a point where it's exhausting.

When we were talking about something else a couple weeks ago,

it's getting exhausting to the point where you're like,

I mean, it's not my background to be like,

let me go help somebody that keeps giving out signs.

I don't know what the signs are.

I disagree with that.

Out of observation.

I disagree with you guys on this one. And I just feel like, you know, he came out.
He had a powerful, vulnerable statement moment. And I feel like people are judging him based off this song.
I didn't say anything. I just said, where are his people to help him through this? Clearly, he's going through something.
But maybe this is... Are we going...
So, do you call this crashing out? Because he comes out perfectly with a song. The pattern is, the patterns are...
The pattern is before, but we're speaking on this song. This is a pattern.
We can't just take this out of all of it. Like, we have to look at it as a whole.
And as a whole, it seems a little crash-out-y to me. It doesn't seem like the same person.
It doesn't seem it's giving crash-out. It's not giving.
I'm going to tell my father and make a song and tell the world. We were okay with him.
We were okay with him when it was Katrina saying, President Bush doesn't care about Black people. He came out and did that.
Then the whole thing with Taylor Swift going up and, you know, taking the mic. We've seen.
Yeah, those are bad people. Over time, though.
It's getting worse. We're speaking on this.
I don't feel like it's this situation, him coming out with this and expressing what he did. I feel like he, this is the way I'm letting it out.
I don't think we can separate this from what. It's not about separate.
It's not about separation. We could sit here and judge someone.
I'm not judging him. I'm not judging him.
We can say they have patterns or whatever. But I feel like at this moment, Kanye is speaking out.

He's expressing what he went through, his childhood trauma.

This is what I did, but I'm not like this.

So now it's opening up doors for men to be able to speak on it.

And it's okay.

I'm not gay, but this is what I went through.

I reenacted what I saw.

But I'm not gay.

And a lot of people, a lot of young Black men have dealt with this and they're afraid to speak up about it. No, I don't know.
I mean, if it helps men, if this song helps men come out great, but I still feel like he's crashing out. I don't think.
I feel like he's having a vulnerable moment and he's speaking out about it. He's speaking out about something that he's not talking about anyone else.
He's talking about what happened to him. So what about all these other vulnerable moments where he's saying no one's caring about him? Nobody's this.
I shouldn't have had kids with his ex-wife. You know, it's just one thing after another.

Then he's talking about other people's kids

and how they were conceived.

It just comes from...

Yeah, I understand.

He has had some moments.

He's like, we know there's something going on there.

Everyone knows it.

But my concern with Kanye right now

is about this song and him expressing what he expressed and how it is silence and when somebody are are able to speak on it we talk about them they're going in on him oh you gay you you put such and such in your mouth blah blah blah blah blah but I feel like he's being vulnerable and he expressing And I don't, I honestly don't think it's a publicity stunt. I don't think it's a publicity stunt.
I just really feel like he's crashing out. Like, I just feel like everything is, he's not very sane.
Like, it's not, it doesn't seem like logical. You know know what I mean and I'm not saying that the song like is like we should judge him and call him gay like that's none of my like I that's the last thing on my mind when I thought I'm literally thinking of it as in like saying y'all I'm saying in the comments of course you know and a lot of the comments be men who it happened to them as well.
Right. Because, you know, sexual trauma is a real thing, obviously.
I just think that it has been suppressed in our communities and not just really, I don't want to say just black communities, too, but it's definitely prevalent. We can speak on that, obviously.
But again, I don't, it's no judgment. it's just very much like we are seeing a pattern of just this and we're just like, what's next? And we're going to look up, I hate to say it, we don't want to see him hurt himself one day or something like that.
There has to be something that needs to be done. It's just sad.
It's just sad to see. It's exhausting to keep hearing about.
It's like, he keeps saying this, he keeps saying that, and where is his help? Maybe this is the cry for help. Maybe this is him saying, help me, this is what I'm going through internally.
So I made this song so y'all know what I'm going through. This is the only way, the best way I know how to express it.
And hopefully... Maybe this is his therapeutic help.
Maybe this is therapeutic for him. Him letting it be known.
This is something that happened to me that was very personal. And I'm letting it out.
But we can't say he's crashing out because of this. No, I say crashing out because of everything as a whole.
But I agree that this is probably therapeutic and maybe it's a quiet for help. And maybe this is him like putting it out there so he can get it off his chest and maybe somebody can help or I don't know.
But I think as a whole, it's still a crash. It gives crash out.

But the song, you know, I hope it does help people.

I really do.

I hope it does give people, you know, some courage to speak up on their situations.

It's not a hit.

It's not a hit.

It's not a bop.

It's not going to be played anywhere.

This is literally for us to run. I don't think he put it out there for it to be a hit.
It's not a bop. It's not going to be played anywhere.
This is literally for us to really... I don't think

he put it out there for it to

be a hit. Yeah.

I don't think... I don't agree.

So my

question is, is this a powerful moment

of vulnerability from a man

processing trauma, or is it another

headline-grabbing move? I think it's

both. Both can be true.

Both. It's be true.
Both.

Yeah.

It's been both to me.

It's both because this has been consistent

on his behalf,

but at the same time,

he has a platform to share it.

It touches me different

because I have close friends

who have been through this and it's heavy.

I feel like it should open the door for men's mental health and the silent pain so many Black men hold.

It should be okay to talk about, even if it's coming from Kanye or someone else that we look up to. I feel like this right here, it should lead to a serious moment for Black men to get help and be open to speak on it and heal from it.
Because there's so many that are suffering from it. It is.
And it's not just, you know you know male on male it's definitely women that are babysitters and you know the other side of the family that are forcing these men into like having sexual energy early you know and taking yeah i think some rappers just put out about how they you know had sex early on you know with older woman. Like that's a lot of men's stories with losing their virginity.

And then they get over sexual.

Exactly.

Exactly.

So for sure, this is a conversation that definitely needs to be, you know, brought up more often.

So I agree.

I agree from that standpoint.

I just think that Kanye is still very performative person. So I still think it's both.
It's like the boy who cried woof. You know what I mean? Like they, he was just saying the wolves, he was the sheep herder and the wolves are coming, the wolves are coming.
And everyone was like running to go make sure. And then there was no wolf.
And then finally when the wolf came, you know, no one was there. So we don't know.
Yeah. Is it brave or performative for Ye to share something this traumatic through music? I think it's both.
Ain't that what we just said? I think it's both. It's both.
It's both brave. Because I'm sure he was, I mean, that's brave.
That's's a brave thing to say and to say it the way he did just outright blank period i don't i honestly don't think for this i don't i honestly don't think any other artists would have been able to get away with something like this music artists would have been able to get away with something like this that is a high-profile music artist in the rap industry because with Ye, even he's the only, like Ashley said, he's the only one that can go on a rant and say the most outrageous things and people still respect him.

You're right.

He's the only one

that can say something like this

and have people

and still not get counseled.

Yeah, because he said a lot of stuff.

He said a lot of stuff.

He said he did every group.

That's why I say

it's hard to,

if somebody has a past

of saying things

Thank you. group yeah that's why i say it's hard to if somebody has a past of saying things that were cancel worthy i don't even believe in cancel whatever culture but when you say things to offend people so often and you say things to make headlines so often i think it does still it makes something like this come off performative.
Even though it can change lives and it can't open the doors for conversations, it's just, it still gives performative. But I mean, if that's what it means to, you know, make changes happen and, you know, and make people talk, then so be it.
But, you know, you happen and you know and make people talk then so be it but you know you gotta look at who the messenger is maybe he's putting it out there before somebody else try to attack him with his deepest dark secrets my question is why is it so difficult for men especially black men to open up about sexual trauma this is to me it's very generational um as far as embedded in our culture in general um auntie and uncle then would come on home or somebody would be it is it's the war veterans sometimes that came back and they, oh, a cousin over there lost his mind, you know, from the war, but we just leave him over there. Or it's very much keeping in the house.
We're going to figure this out together. Stay silent.
It's just really much became, I feel like, just a generational silent killer of suppressing your thoughts and not having therapy either you know therapy has just really been prevalent for the privilege like we just grew up thinking it's for the privilege and really knowing that like us and really no we it wasn't even for the privilege what we when we thought of mental health and therapy and all this oh you crazy you ain't You ain't crazy. You don't need none of that.
It wasn't even if you're going to go talk to somebody and you're talking to... Yeah.
Or you ain't telling our family business. You're not about to go spread out.
It's just generational curse. So we all made mistakes, right? But on and up to them, it's the right thing to do.
But we all know the Greek cool rush deodorant well last year they changed the formula and it did not go over well with the fans degrees whole thing it turns up sweat and odor protection when you turn up the effort and good thing it does because cool rush fans really turned up the effort to bring back the og formula one guy even started an online petition and degree listen they admitted they effed up and i bring it back that og cool rush scent back and it's exactly how you remember it cool crisp and fresh it's back at walmart Target, and other stores. I feel so alone i'm embarrassed to talk about it how can i help my kid if i can't help myself i can't remember when i wasn't stressed when you feel overwhelmed by your thoughts and emotions it's okay to get get help.
You are not alone. CalHOPE is here for you with free, safe, and confidential mental health resources for youth, young adults, families, and you.
Find support now at calhope.org. Hi, it's Martha Stewart.
You know, I spend a lot of time thinking about dirt. At 3 a.m.? at all hours of the day, really.
What people don't know is that not all dirt is the same. You need dirt with the right kind of nutrients.
Miracle-Gro organic raised bed and garden soil is so dense, so full of nutrient-rich, high-quality ingredients. Miracle-Gro is simply the best.
It's a quickly changing world. And when it comes to investing, every day brings new questions.
So the way to truly confident investing? Well, that road is paved with curiosity. At T.
Rowe Price, we are relentlessly curious. We don't settle for fast answers, especially when it comes to your retirement.
Because yesterday's answers may not be the ones you need today to secure a successful retirement tomorrow. So how much is enough? What if you don't want to stop working or even switch gears and take on chapter two? These questions just scratch the surface.
The possibilities and the unexpected of what your future could hold are endless.

Find out more when you join us on our podcast,

Confident Conversations on Retirement.

We dig deep with questions that will get to the answers you're looking for

so you can feel confident investing in your future.

T. Rowe Price Confident Conversations on Retirement podcast.

Find it on your favorite podcast platform

or visit troprice.com slash podcast.

It's very much heavy, that heaviness.

And what people are doing is they are really, it's abusive behavior.

And so now that it goes off of being physical with your children as far as like, you know, reprimanding them and using, you know, physical force, all these things were embedded in us, especially just because we would be whipped for talking, we would be hung for talking. So it's just, it has just kept, it's that's just that little vicious, silent, you know, energy that is just prevalent in a lot of these households.
And now it's like, I feel like almost our generation is more like talkative about it. We're talking about it.
We're going to go to a therapist. We're seeking it out.
Where our children are just like, it's very normal. Like this is just a part of exercising my brain.
So we are really in that space of really starting to break it down, like really stop but it's to your point cheryl it's very much generational curse in that trauma it's it's very prevalent in our communities i mean we can speak on it obviously um i'm sure it is in a lot of other communities too but we know how that is because we we we know the people we know you know just don't say nothing leaves this house. You almost feel intimidated.
You know what I mean? You're almost like, I better not say nothing. You know, I'm going to be in trouble with my family.
And we come to my family to a high standard, you know? I correct sometimes even like the elders in my family when, you know, they still think, oh, hush, boy, stop talking back. And no, don't tell him to hush.
Let him speak. Let him express himself because in a respectful way.
But when you tell them to hush and not be able to respect, to express themselves, when they get older, they can't even hold a casual conversation. They can't even look a man in his face eye to eye when they're speaking to him because we're raising them to shut up and not speak and look down.
My boys, hold your head up high. Look them in their eye when you're talking to them.
When you have a conversation with me, I want you to look me in my eyes when you're talking to me. Express yourself and lift your head up and your shoulders up high.

That confidence for sure.

And another part of that, the other side

of it is crying too.

You know what I mean? You better not cry.

You a punk.

You weak. You soft.

All these things are just put

and embedded verbally.

Just like darts

into the spirit of really essentially parents that are now trying to care for kids and bringing that same trauma. But yeah, we're stopping that.
We have to break it as parents. And if you are seeing your family or friends or if you're dealing with it, stop it.
Stop telling your kids to be quiet. Stop telling them to stop talking back.

Let them express themselves.

They have a voice.

They have an opinion because you're setting

them up for failure if you

don't allow them to express

their feelings. You're right.

The boss or somebody,

you're right. I'm not going to talk to them

in AI. You're right.

It becomes very much repetitive. Like, I'm not going to talk to them in their eye.
I'm not going to. You're right.
It becomes very much, you know, repetitive.

Yeah. And then just to add on to what y'all were saying, you know, it also starts with, you know, telling your children, nobody touches your body.
Nobody sees your body. You know, your body is your body.
And just being very open about like your body parts you know don't be calling it a pocketbook it's a vagina you know it's a penis you

know what i mean because once you start giving it little nicknames it makes it light and it's not

like this is my body this is my body part you're not supposed to touch that and be vocal about it

and you know those are conversations as soon as your

baby know you know yes and what's actually leaving your child you know in somebody else's care like they they need to know nobody else touches you there nobody else looks at you there these are conversations that you know parents need to have with their children parents need to have with grandparents,'s going to be watching your children you know um and hopefully that will help you know so that we don't even have to get to the you know childhood trauma you know with any kind of sexual you know stuff like that but i agree with what y'all said it is generational it definitely starts. It definitely starts with having those conversations with your children and telling them, speak up.

If anybody's had you, speak up. Don't let nobody finesse you into thinking that it's okay to touch on you.

Correct. Exactly.
Yes. Very important.

Is this something that should have been kept private or does sharing it help with others? Sexual trauma. You mean with Kanye or just in general? With Kanye and just in general.
I think it's helpful. I think it's always helpful because it does spark something that somebody can maybe, you know, if Kanye can do it, I can do it.
Just obviously not in his way, but very much like, let me say something now. You know, I hope that it does that because they're like, everyone does look at Kanye, you know, to a point where, you know, genius and very much creative.
But at the same time, it's like, you know, as iconic, very much in our generation and just in our world in general, he's up there. So I feel like it does help out that this guy, because I can't remember who said it before, but like no one's ever said, done a song like this of his high caliber, you know, of his talent and of his platform.
So this is a big deal. So again, I hope it does spark something in anyone who's been abused to be like, you know what, it needs to come out because all we're doing is hurting ourselves when we keep it in.
Yeah. I don't think it should have been kept private because obviously like we're even talking about it now and somebody might be watching this now.
And even though, you know, to me, I feel like he's crashing out. At least our conversation around it is a little bit more logical and more in-depth than, you know, maybe they can pull something from it.
And just having this conversation might make them feel comfortable with bringing it up and talking about it or seeking help. So I definitely don't think it's something that should be kept private.

You know,

I think always seeking help for anything that you're going through.

That's,

you know,

disturbing your mental,

let it out because keeping it in is nine times out of 10 is not going to

help.

Yeah.

And don't feel embarrassed speaking on it.

That's my suggestion, especially with, you know, what has gone on. We all hold so much in with childhood trauma and it affects us when we're adults.
So if you are dealing with any type of situation with childhood trauma, whether it's man or man, you know, a woman touched on you, whatever it is, I feel like you definitely should seek some type of help to get through it. Yeah.
Yeah. I agree.
Because it's definitely a trickle effect. You know, if you don't stop it and just suppress it, then it trickles down to your seed.
Yeah. That's true.
Well, we hope Kanye gets the help that he needs. I think he needs help.
And I hope he gets it. But I'm glad, you know, that we can have this conversation around it.
And hopefully other people have more conversations about it. And it helps somebody.
Yes, yes, yes. All right, y'all.
It's time to get into our next segment it is batty business financial wisdom we have been getting a lot of um suggestions on basically about business talk on how we save money how we travel so much how we're able to do all these things so we decided to bring in a business segment, Financial Wisdom. So our first topic is Secure the Baddies Finance Talk, baddie budgeting.
Took me a long time to get to this point, but I'm here. And I'm still working on my budgeting.
So we're going to talk about how to glow up without going broke. If if we can't budget y'all know how we like to spend how we like to travel how we like to shop how we like to do all these things but we got to make sure our finances are aligned right yeah so my first question to y'all what's the most ridiculous thing you've ever blown a check on and instantly regretted it? That's a good question.
I mean, it would have to be a bag for me. Oh, yeah? Yeah, because I don't do that anymore.
I'd rather spend just like a high-end bag, like an Herm like a Hermes or Chanel definitely but like I did that a long time ago you know what I mean it was just very much just like whatever so now it's more like what could I have done with spending that amount of money on something else or it could have been for travel because now that's what it is for me for experience or something that I can have in my mind

or help me educational wise so I would feel I think that it would be something like that just like overspending on a I feel like I don't normally overspend but what I'm still working on is spending my money on food. Like going out to eat? Yes.
Like, I feel like that's where all my money goes. It's a lot.
I don't know. Like, I want to go out to eat.
I want to have all the wine. I want to have, I want to order off the menu.
I want to try everything. I want to have dessert.
Go out. You know, I want to do brunch.
I want to do brunch that turns into dinner. You know, it's like, I don't know.
All my money just goes to these restaurants and it gets expensive. Dining for sure.
And entertainment. Throw them concert tickets in there too.
Yeah, so I feel like at the end of the day when I look back at where all my food went and it's all, ooh, I'm like, damn.

I get mad a little bit because it's like, I could have just cooked at home.

And it is cheaper to get groceries, but now we are in this.

And the food be better when you cook.

Of course, and you have more, but if you look at it now, eggs are $8, $9.

We're going to Ashley House to get our eggs. Yes, we are.
Yes. I'm like, I need a dozen, please.
But I really have a little dozen, girl. I really am.
Today, I want blue eggs. You did? No, I'm telling you, I'm coming to your house today.
Oh, yeah. I'm going to have all the colors, girl.
All the colors. But yeah.
I think for me, the most ridiculous thing I spent my money on, and it wasn't, I mean, it's still a lot. It was like, I spent almost $900 on makeup.
And y'all know damn well. You don't even wear makeup.
And I'm like, Yeah. Who the hell did I spend all this money on this makeup? Just like everything for the full beat? The full beat plus extra stuff.
Yeah. This is when everybody used to go.
Why did you do that? Because you don't even grab makeup. This was before makeup artists were makeup artists.
This was when everybody, y'all remember when we used to go to MAC and get our makeup done?

Yes.

The MAC kind of set your appointment.

They were like,

get your eyeliner,

get your this, brow.

Yes, get this, get this. You got your whole kit from MAC.

Your whole kit from MAC.

That girl made a good sale.

That's a good guy feeling.

I get home.

She got me good.

I'm like,

what do you know that I buy all this makeup?

I don't even do my makeup.

Yeah. Yeah.
So that's probably the biggest. It's not a big check, but the one I felt the most, I'm like, why the hell did I spend it on money? It's a waste.
I like that. I agree with Ashley too.
It's definitely food. Yeah.
Like you look up, you look up when they, you get them itemized lists. You're like, what? Cause you know, you, cause we'll, you know how we'll do it.
It'll be a lunch that'll turn into a dinner. Got the check.
Yeah. We got the check.
Then you go, you like end up somewhere down the way and you're like, we all over again then we got driver driving the drinks are 20 yeah the ubers and the and we in miami so you already know like you know it's like a day out is a thousand dollars at the end of yeah i have yes that's why it's very important on budgeting making sure that you budget your week out budget your month out and i sometimes i get a little sidetracked and i'm like okay you know i'm just going but then when i get back to paying bills and start looking at what i spent because i do have an app that i use and i'm like hey i spent all this money on this yeah i know you're like you just you just swipe or i'll look at my amex statement you know it has the whole circle in it and over half the pie it's not for food that's the worst one just one they like the kids the kids are in trouble because they like to uber you know convenience costs money too yeah i'm bad about you i have to admit i'd be uber and eat uber eating what is it uber eats too. Yeah.
I'm bad about you. I have to admit, I be Uber and Uber Eats and...
What is it? Uber Eats and... Yeah.
Uber Eats. Instacart is horrible.
Yeah. Now, when COVID was going on, the Instacart had me in a chokehold.
I mean, COVID was over and I was still Instacart and COVID. And I was like, you got to stop doing that.
Don't the store. When you go to don't this when you go to the grocery store you go to the grocery store you like you spend 50 your instacart bill is two dollars like what they i had to i had to get it i had to get what instacart does is add tack on their price so let's say like a service a juice is 3.99 they're gonna $6.99 for a juice because they take and they cut off of it.
What's the delivery free? That one had me in a chokehold. I had to cut that out ASAP.
The public is right there, girl. Right? Yes.
But I feel like everyone is getting in that space just because of what administration we're in right now with the unknown of how prices, you know, with the tariffs and things like that. These tariffs are scary.
It is scary. So you almost think we've gotten so used to things being imported.
And to the point of like, I feel like people are going to start realizing like your nails, you know, you start looking up, that's a hundred and, you know, 150 every other week or whatever your case may be. People are going to start doing their nails at home or certain things, their hair.
Maybe I got my gel ex kicked now. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.
It's just like, I'm going to start doing nails on the side. It's just the thing.
Yeah. Doing your own hair, doing your own nails, doing your own thing.
Even gym memberships. Little things like that.
People are going to start scaling back, I have a feeling. Just because.
So you can still have these luxuries. It might not be where you can go and have a gym membership somewhere, but you definitely can go and walk.
You can definitely have a bike. You can definitely some other things so um i know there's there's just there's two ends of it where you don't have to overly spend yeah but you can be very efficient when i'm when i'm running out of money i definitely the first thing for me is i'm gonna do my own hair i'm gonna do my own hair i ain't got to the point where i'm gonna do on my own nails yet because I love twa and my nails.
Y'all know my nails stay on point. But my hair is like literally if I'm on a budget, I'm like, okay, girl, you're going to have to pull out your flat iron, okay? And give yourself an hour or two and just knock it out.
So for me, that's the way that I, you know, when I need to save a little money it's definitely one of the things that I will cut back on for sure and then obviously not going out to eat as much for me I'll be like okay on the weekends only you know something like that yeah I remember one time it was everyone's birthday was every like every week we were going somewhere. And I was and then it was like probably like Christmas, Thanksgiving, like from that period of like right like November and then all of December.
And then right after that, January, we were just like nonstop, you know, and I'm just like, there it goes. Yeah.
The money's going away. But budgeting.
That's why it's very important. It's very important to budget and ways to help with, I feel like ways to help with budgeting is your credit card do offer a free app.
One of the apps that I use is Mint. It tracks everything and it also links your bank

accounts as well as your

what you spend, as

well as your credit score. So Mint

is easy for tracking.

And another one that I heard about,

I haven't used it yet. I don't know if

you guys, ladies heard of it.

Clio, for the girlies who want

success with their savings.

I never heard of that one. I never heard of that one.

I never heard of that one.

I'm going to have to try it out.

But tips with the saving and budgeting.

Start with the 50-30-20 rule.

50 goes towards your needs.

30 goes towards your wants.

And 20 goes towards your savings.

Some people may switch up the numbers, but that's the regular... That's a good breakdown.
Yes. Okay, going into soft life versus smart life.
Treat yourself, but make it make sense. That's what I need to work on.
Treating myself, but making it make sense. Because my ass is ready to struggle.
I treated myself to a trip to Paris in June, but I'm going to be in the private,

what's it called? The premium economy.

But at least you're going to be there.

Don't worry, Ashley. I'll bring you snacks.

No, in premium economy, you still get wine.

You still get wine. Okay?

You still get taxed.

So, I'm going to be good.

Okay?

But I wasn't paying 10K.

Not the sun.

No, 10K is crazy.

10K is crazy.

This ain't my first time going to Paris, child.

I'll see you when I get there and be asleep.

Yeah.

So, Ashley, when you book your flight to Paris, did your wallet cry? When you spoiled yourself on your job? No, not in premium economy. My wallet would have been crying if I had to book the first class for $10,000.
Then I would have been crying, the wallet would have been crying, the pilot would have been crying. Everybody would have been crying.
But we're going to be happy. I feel happy i feel like my wallet still cried i mean so we're so we are going to go to beyonce concert in paris and i was like we when the tickets came out we booked the tickets got them away booked our hotel room and i was in africa i was like ashley we haven't booked our flight yet.
What we gonna do? It's like a hotel. It kind of is expensive, but it's a whole lot better than 10K.
France is very expensive. Even just the hotels to be centrally located, you know.
So I budget it. Okay.
La Maurice. Because for 10K, child, we can do a whole bunch with 10K.
Yes, you can. Yes.
I have a whole new career. I like to travel.
So it is, even if I might not be in first, it's definitely like I'll splurge on the hotel view. If we're by ocean, then I like to see the ocean if I'm traveling.
That is more important to me than how I will get there. Yeah.
Yeah. I have to be comfortable, though.
I cannot. Like, I have bad knees, and I just can't.
If it's a long flight, I just can't do it. I'm going to have to be very comfortable.
But the seats that we book are comfortable. It's the one behind Delta One yeah so we all made mistakes right but on it up to them it's the right thing to do but we all know degree cool rush deodorant well last year they changed the formula and it did not go over well with the fans the grease whole thing it turns up sweat and odor protection when you turn up the effort and good thing it does because cool rush fans really turned up the effort to bring back the og formula one guy even started an online petition and agree listen they admitted they effed up and i bring it back that og cool rush scent back and it's exactly how you remember it cool crisp and fresh it's back at walmart target and other stores for under four dollars there's a reason why it's been the number one men's anti-perspirant for the last decade.
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We'll see you next trip. Since y'all been there, the know, the lay of the ground work is done.
It's easier now. You know what I mean? I'm going to be a citizen by the time you come, Chai.
I know. That's what we do.
I'm going to have my Nigerian passport by the time you come. Please.
I believe that. I want to go.
Because now you guys, you guys, you do know enough people now to where it can be. You show us it's safe.
It ain't enough people. We know the right people.
I know. We know the right people.
Know that. Know that.
All right, you guys. Let's go into the next one.
Building the action plan when it's time to bounce.

Whether it's from job or at least how to plan your money moves before you dip.

This is one that I can relate to.

And you guys are going to be shocked when I tell you guys this.

What I did to transition from the army into my real estate company. So I had a side hustle.
And some of the side hustle tips before I go into it are monetizing skills you already have, writing, beauty, admin, digital work. So when I was transitioning out the military, one of my confessions was my side hustle was being a Uber driver.
I can't picking me up in that uber i swear i had i had i like that listen y'all i was a hustler i had a um i was working for remax bayside i was still in the military i would literally i can talk about it now because i ain't in the military y''all can't get me now. I would literally bring, listen,

I would literally bring two patrol caps to work

and I would leave one on my desk

because our compound was so big.

So I would leave one on my desk

to act like I was still at work.

Oh, like you went to the bathroom or something?

Yeah, like I went to the bathroom

or I went to the other building.

Lunchroom or something. And I would leave, so I would leave one on my desk and I would leave work.
Lunchtime, if I'm not going to close on a house, I would go Uber drive. Like pick up in that area, Bayshore and all that.
That's where the money is. They would tip good.
So for a good, what, six months before I opened up my brokerage, I was hustling, overdriving, using my commission checks. I used one of my commission checks to start up my real estate company.
I registered my business. It took $1,200 just to start up my real estate company.
I registered my business. I found a office lease that was a nice little size where I could put me a nice desk decorated.
And that was six hundred dollars a month. And I got my whole little startup.
So I spent a total of twelve hundred, got my my insurance and then I just started marketing and I will use that money. Once I had everything set up and I was able to move into and transition into my real estate business, I stopped Uber driving.

But that was one of the things I did to help me be where I'm at today.

I love that.

Humble beginnings.

Yeah, you are.

OK, so how did you.

OK, so then when did you know like you were going to be done with the Army and you were ready to fully, like, transition into real estate? So a lot of people, I speak on it sometimes, but I do, I was diagnosed with PTSD. And I had a bad back from jumping out of airplanes and, you know, being deployed to Afghanistan twice.
my ears, I was just jacked up. And one day, um, my daughter was like, mom, you're not the same person anymore.
I used to have world rage and everything. And I was like, I'm not the same person I was anymore.
Like the military really changed me. And I went to go, you know, talk to a therapist at first.
I was like, you don't know know what I've been through how you're going to tell me what I'm going through like very defensive about it and I gave it another try and I had a talk with myself I said if I'm not fully a full leader to lead my soldiers if I'm not 100% well and not fully capable to lead my soldiers, I wouldn't want a leader like that. So now it's time for me to, you know, I've done my job.
I did what I had to do. So I went to go get therapy, you know, poked through everything that I went through in the military and they my my doctor suggested that i medically uh meant for it so i medically retired after serving 12 and a half years and it was probably one of the best decisions i made because i feel like a lot of people just stick in that situation or stick in that position that job because they're comfortable and it's an easy check.
And it's not fair and it's not right for, especially if you're a senior non-commissioned officer and you're leading soldiers, because you're not guiding them. You're not leading them in the right direction where they need to go because your mind is not there.
So for me, I didn't want to be selfish and I knew it was time for me to hang it up. Okay, wow.
So were you also financially stable enough based off of having the side hustle in which you got saved up already? Or was you just like, I'm going to just do it and figure it out? Was you already stable? I mean, I was guaranteed. You know, in the military, it's guaranteed income.
It pays your BAH. You get food allowance.
It was a comfortable income. No, I wasn't able to live the lifestyle that I'm living now, but I was comfortable.
Yes, I was scared once I transitioned because I'm transitioning to be an entrepreneur, my own boss, and I didn't have anything else to depend on. It was just me, me taking care of my kids.
So it was scary, but I couldn't look at it like that. It just made me work harder and go harder after what I really wanted.
And my ego was high because I wanted to prove people wrong, like who was like, you're crazy. You're getting out after 13 years.
What are you going to do? You'll fail. Like I was hearing all those things.
So it was my point to prove people wrong who were telling me that I was crazy for doing it. So I really didn't look at it as I knew I wanted to be successful.
So I focused more on that than worried about what if, what if this happened or what if, because it's going to happen. You're going to fail at times, but it just makes you work harder.
And that's what I do. Okay.
It all worked out. It worked out, child.
I'm living my best life now. We love that.
So, the next one. Do y'all have any side hustle tips? They don't have to be now, like when y'all was younger or...
Well, I'm about to start selling these eggs. That's a good one.
I always think it's always just good to like take classes there's a lot of free online classes too so it's just whatever you can to just keep your brain wired to just like what's next you know it's always a learning curve like even just learning something like um you know just let's just say something like um I don't know, I'm just thinking editing something or it could be, it's just so many different things you can learn and have a side hustle on the side, you know what I mean? And get some residual income. I do feel like it's necessary for those that need, you know, another income where they could do it from home or just whatever you're good at.
So I just like to always educate myself on something, use these free classes, get advice from those and just really just do your best to like really perfect yourself for who you are and keep your brain like functioning and just trying to improve yourself. I think those are some keys too, you know.
Yes. Well, that's great.
I'm glad we were able to discuss a little business into our segment because people need to learn. People want to listen.
People want to know our story. So let's go into our last segment of the night.
And it is, before we get into our humble baddies now, it is confession, listener confessions questions. What would a daddy answer? So you guys know every week we're going to start taking questions via our stories.
So if you have a question, make sure you follow us on IG to ask your questions. Our producer will randomly pick five questions and we will respond to it.
So let's get into it. Ashley, you want to read the question?

Question number one,

can a man be too emotional or are women just conditioned to avoid

vulnerability?

Can a man be too emotional or are women just conditioned to avoid

vulnerability?

I think it's all about tone.

So anybody can be emotional, even male or female. I think it's just about tone, being aggressive or being very mild, whatever your tone is, or being disrespectful or passive, aggressive, whatever the case may be.

To me, it's tone.

I think the key is knowing how to express yourself,

knowing how to express your emotions,

because you don't want to be emotionless.

You don't want to be with somebody who has no emotions

or doesn't know how to show emotion.

So I think just knowing how to express it

and showing it in a healthy way,

being able to communicate what your feelings are,

being able to, you know,

Thank you. knowing how to express it and showing it in a healthy way, being able to communicate what your feelings are, being able to, you know, if you're frustrated, being able to, you know, say that you're frustrated, but still being a very respectful person, you know? It's just all in, like you said, tone.
Yeah. We were going to read five, but we got to wrap it up.
Five questions, but we got to wrap it up.

So let's get into the Humble Batty Mail.

And next time, if y'all have any questions, we got to make sure we were able to answer them.

So Alexis, you want to go ahead and take over the Humble Batty?

Sure.

Hi, ladies.

I love your show podcast.

And I'm a huge fan of each of you as women and baddies who are thriving and doing it so well. I'm 36 years old.
I'm currently renting my place here in Chicago. I love, love, love my apartment.
It is my first apartment on my own without a roommate and I have created a little home and it's so convenient for my job, friends, leisure, etc. One month ago, I was told my rent was going to go up by $400.
I tried to negotiate a slight increase and was told no. I'm torn between staying here and paying the increase, which would make me be on such a tight budget, and that is not how I want to live.
My other choice would be to move back in with my parents. I have budgeted and could probably save $15K in six months.
If I do so, that is hopefully I can buy my own place. But I'm risking my independence and convenience that I made.
My parents live one hour away. Moving here four years ago, I envisioned having found a partner to split costs, move in together, etc.
It almost happened, but didn't work out. What would you decide to do? I'm torn between staying and feeling so tight with money and staying another year hoping to find a partner, or do I move in with my parents, save money, and then come back six to nine months from now? Well, ladies, my advice to anybody who has the option, the privilege of staying with your parents so that you can save money, so that you can purchase a home of your own, I say that is always going to be, for me, my number one choice, like, in advice.
I think that, you know, especially like in the Black community, we're always like, oh, you 18, you got to get out, you know, find your, you know, figure it out, save your money, do what you got to do, get a roommate, like we just kind of push our children out into the world to figure things out and, you know, to struggle. And I think that nowadays, the conversation is a little bit different.
You know, we don't want our children to struggle anymore. Like, yes, we want them to be able to go off into the world and be able to, you know, take care of themselves and be successful and, you know, be able to be out in the world without, you know, us having to do everything for them.
But the world is not set up for that. Like the way things cost these days, it's impossible for you to, if you're in college, you can't go out here and, you know, make a living.
Nine times out of 10, you're going to be in debt from college. You know, rent is sky high.
And, you know, we're in real estate. And I will always tell people, like, you're throwing your money away paying rent.
Save that money. If you have the, you know, privilege to be able to live with your parents, you know, help them out around the house.
Maybe give them, you know, some money here and there for whatever. You know, I'm not saying like be a freeloader at all.
What I'm saying is stay at home. First of all, that's the safest place you could be anyway.
So for me, like that's always going to be like safety. Like, I don't know.
I'm always going to say, yes, your parents ain't going to be here forever. What's the rush? My babies ain't going to be babies forever.
So what's the rush? I'm not trying to push them out into the world. Like stay home, save your money, use that money for, you know, your down payment on your own place instead of, you know, trying to pay for rent because that's a waste of money.

So that's what I would tell, you know, our humble baddie.

That's good advice.

Reader.

To me, that's the best option.

Save your money.

It might be a little uncomfortable for a little while, but to me, that's the best thing to

do.

For sure.

Yeah, that was great advice.

Thank you, Ashley.

Yeah.

Well, we hope you take our advice from our humble Betty Ash. What was her name again? Did she say anything? She didn't say.
It's just she's from Chicago. From Chicago.
Unknown vendor from Chicago. Until next time, you guys, that is the end of our show.
Thank you guys for tuning in if you have any questions suggestions or just want any advice from us make sure you guys hit us up at contact at humble baddies.com our producers will make sure that you get it make sure you follow us subscribe like tell your family tell your friends go over to youtube and hit subscribe button. Until next time, make sure you follow me.
I'm Cheryl Risotto underscore on Instagram.

I'm Ashley Nicole on Instagram. And I'm Alexis underscore Stoudemire on Instagram.

And follow Humble Betty's podcast. Until next time, guys, we're at.

Good night.

Okay.

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