Club Shay Shay - Dr. Cheyenne Bryant Part 2

Transcript

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Thank you for coming back. Part two is underway.

Toxic relationship.

How soon do you think a person,

can you tell? I mean, could you tell within, say, a week, a couple of months, that

this is going to be, this is toxic. There's too much toxicity in this, and this is not going to end well, and I just need to go down.

Red flags show up, I believe, in the first interaction. People just choose not to see him because they're desperate.
There's two people.

There's people who have a full plate and they got to make room for what they want. And there's people that have an empty plate and they want anything just to fall on it at any time.

That's called desperation.

You can see red flags when you have a full plate

from the beginning. Me and you can have a conversation at a restaurant or at a gym, right? And the first 5, 10, 15 minutes, I can tell he's too resistant for me.
He's not going to be conducive for me.

Or this man knows how to have a conversation with my strong personality. This might work out.

You will be able to tell, ooh, she feisty, not my type. Yeah,

right? Look, or we got a live one here. We got a live one here.
Or like, ooh, that fiery is kind of sexy to do. I like this trend.
I can play with this.

Those things show up the first five, 10 minutes if you're not desperate. Desperation means I'm coming in with my own idea of what I want you to be.

I'm afraid to see you for who you are because then that means I may have to say no to you.

And and i want somebody so bad that i'm gonna put my idea on you not see none of the red flags on purpose so that i can have something to plug into that's desperation

how about i see you as you are and not how i wish you to be because i think that's a lot of things that be at play they don't see the person for who they actually are but who i wish you to be that's that's the fairy ideology i wish you were uh wine but you water we are not jesus we are not turning water to wine.

This is always going to be water. And what people do is they go, it's wine.
Sit it on the shelf. Watch this.
And every time they take a sip, they're like, oof,

I don't like you.

Right. I don't like you because you're not wine.
But how many times does that water tell the person, I'm just water. Just plain water.
I'm just water. Can you fix a toxic relationship?

Can you be toxic in the beginning and all of a sudden not be toxic?

Yes, but it takes a whole hell of a lot of work and a lot of dedication and it takes two people that are in therapy having individual sessions and couple sessions so my couples come individually one week and then a couples the next week individual couples and it takes a lot of

um self-awareness meaning i'm going to be poking and thriving and giving inventory on this is how you show up that is causing impairment for yourself.

See, we don't really cause impairment for people first.

The impairments that you experience, I'm already experiencing within me. Otherwise, you could have never experienced them.

So, if you think you have a problem with the shit you got a problem with me with, how do you think I'm dealing with myself?

That's what people have to understand. So, that thing that you do that doesn't work for us, you do it with you and don't like it, anyways.
That's how it shows up in our relationship.

So, when you're in session with me as your doctor, I'm saying, listen, Shannon, that thing that you keep doing that she doesn't like, tell tell me how you like it within yourself.

And I've almost never heard a person say, oh, I love that I drink and I'm abusive. Do you? Because what is your self-talk when you're drinking?

How abusive are you with your narrative to yourself when you are under the influence? Damn, doc, you're right.

Damn, doc.

So let's fix it with you.

Because if I could fix it with you, guess what? It won't happen with her. But what people, what people go wrong at, they want to fix it within the relationship.
Without fixing them together.

Come on now. But you still got it.

So if you got it, you're going to project it. We are all just little projectors walking around here.
Everything I have, you are going to feel it. So I'm just projecting onto you who I am.

If I feel sexy, you're going to see sexy in me because I'm projecting that. I'm eluding that.
If I'm feeling insecure, you're going to feel. So we're just projectors.

And yes, folks can go from toxic or

you know, trauma bonds to healing bonds, but that usually happens with folks who've been married for 10, 15 years, I'm being honest, where they have toxic and trauma the hell out of each other.

And they came to a peak of saying, one thing we know for sure, we don't want to leave. We don't want to leave each other, but we don't want to stay like this.
We can't stay like this.

Now, unless those two people know that one thing is, I don't want to leave you, you don't want to leave me. We just can't stay like this.
The relationship can work past it.

But if one of us wants out, it's over. It's not working past it.
It's not working past it.

But when you get a relationship where they say look shannon

i'm just never gonna leave you and you like doc i'm not

i ain't going nowhere but we gotta do better than this and you're like we do we're in a good position okay and we can work through that okay i like that

this this uh

this relationship with the women now

You got to take me here. You got to take me there.
We go in half on the bills. I just grew up, like I said, I'm going to come from a different time.
My grandfather handled all the bills.

I never remember, when I was in high school or college, I never really heard a woman say,

I took him to the movies or I bought, I never heard that. Now, I guess I don't know when did that, when that came about that, you know, women took guys on dates and they paid for things.

I just, oh, I've just, oh, I just grew, that's not. You're a man's man.
You're just a man's man. So I pay all the bills.
We go out to eat. I pay.

I do all that.

If I don't know. I mean, has a woman taken me to dinner? Yes.

But I probably can count on one hand in my 57 years of living that someone is taking me to dinner and actually pay for it, taking me to a movie and pay for it.

I just, I don't feel, I feel, I don't, I feel less than. Yeah.

What's your, you're saying, what's the question? So,

yeah, what happened? That's sexy. You ask, wait, what's the question? Because if a man is saying, I'm taking care of everything, and you got a woman who is, you're a man's man, and I'm a lady's lady.

Of course I'm gonna want to spoil you at times but I would have no problem with you saying baby I want to take care of everything it wouldn't stop me from still buying you things and loving on you but I would show you

when did the 50s when did the 50 50 come into effect or when did we get to this notion that these some of these restaurants and everything ain't got to be Mastros or State 48 when did we like oh that is beneath me you can't take me there

so there's a two-part question that I'm hearing when did the the 50-50 become the thing? Yeah. Right.

So that's a two-part answer. Okay.

One part is when desperation started to become a thing with women. Okay.
Where, again,

anything, just a breadcrumb, please fall on my plate.

And I'll even buy the breadcrumb and the loaf. Wow.
Just fall on my plate. That's a woman operating from a desperate space of, I will do anything to have somebody.

I don't care what it is or what I have to do. I'll take care of you.
I'll pay a bill or two or three. You can move in with me.
It doesn't matter.

You can be the father of my kids and do nothing for these kids. As long as you come by and sleep with me once a week, I'm okay with that.
Desperation.

Then you have these other women who say, look, I'm with this man. He's a great man.
He's faithful. He's loving.
He's a family guy. He does well, but not enough to sustain.
My lifestyle. Okay.

So he may pay for 60% of things. Okay.
And I don't mind doing with other folks.

That's a whole different woman who's saying that I want to build with this man and I see so much value in him that I don't mind making some monetary investments in us. Nothing wrong with that.

Desperation, big problem. Okay.

But as far as you know,

I think a man saying, I want to take care of everything. And you remember, I was a kept woman.
Yeah. And I can say this: I was engaged twice.
My first fiancé, who was a great, great guy.

He made money, but I was a breadwinner. Okay.
The second guy was a cat woman.

I

wasn't always as respectful to the first guy where I was winning the bread and where I was in the more masculine role when it come to bills. Oh, dog, I can't believe you was like that.

This is the truth. Let me tell you what happens, though.
What happened? When a man can't provide for a woman and he wants to, he naturally emasculates himself.

And when you emasculate yourself, how in the hell do I respect a man who was emasculated within himself because remember i'm just a mirror life is mirroring you

so as you become emasculated and you feel less than because you can't provide what you want to do yeah even if i don't provide it that's that we're even if i ask you to now

how am i supposed to respect someone who doesn't respect themselves I'm going to respect you at the level that you respect yourself. It doesn't mean that I'm calling you out your name.

It just means respect level. Now, the second fiance who took, I was kept, I didn't buy a grape.
I mean, I don't have car notes now, but I had card notes then to a G-Wagon and Bentley.

This man took over everything. What? Everything.
You ain't mad. Honey, everything.

Now,

hey, be quiet. My business over there.
My business over there.

Everything. My level of respect for him was very different.

Very different. Now, not that I denied either one of them, you know, lovemaking in the home or, but the first guy was, by all means necessary.
I'm in college. I'm building my business.

I'm making money. I'm in my bag.
You're secondary. Kind of how you are with

work. Oh, you were denying him.

Not, well, not intimacy. You ain't denying that? No, not into not neither one.
I don't believe in that. Okay.
If I'm with you and we're intimate, I'm not.

You know, they women, y'all be doing that sometimes. I don't.
I'm very submissive when it comes to that. If we, if we, I'm not into casual sex.
Okay. So if we are doing the do, then

we are committed and we are together. I have full access to you and everything you got going on.
And this, we are committed.

So I don't need to deny you. My sex drive is so high that if I'm mad, there's no denying.
We're going to do what we do. Now, let's move past that.
Let's move past that. It's always been like that.

Even in my 20s and I'm in my 40s. So use your imagination.
Now, what? What? Yes. Now, the guy who took full care of me.
He might circle back.

Please don't. He might circle back here and you talk like this.
Do not.

Do not. You go home,

he right in the driveway. Do not.
Now, now.

I had a level of respect for him where

I

put work second.

I couldn't wait to cook for him.

There was times where he would get back from practice. It's 12, 1 a.m.
at night, and we sitting in bed. And he's like, babe, like, I want X, Y, and Z to eat.
And it wasn't him asking me to do it.

I got up, put my gospel music on, and was making sure I was cooking for this man.

Whatever he needed. When he was working, I would make coffee every single morning.
And I was so submissive that, you know, I can just warn the coffee, I'll put the damn milk in.

No, he wanted the milk in first, the milk warmed up, then the coffee put in after. Now, how would he know I'm doing it that way? He went in the kitchen, but I still did it that way.

Because you know that's what he liked. Because I know that's what he likes.

And because the investments that he was making in us to cover me, to take care of me, how could I not make any and every investment that I had to show him that I'm grateful and that my position that he put me in as far as being kept was not taken for granted.

And so there was nothing that he asked of me that i didn't not want to do meaning i wanted to do these things right and i would even check in sometimes and be like is there anything more that i could or not be doing whether it's from sexually to cooking i don't eat red meat

he a black man he loves his pork chops and his tea

i'm cooking all the red meat that i don't eat and i'll just make me something separate on the side wow but because this man created an environment that was safe.

Now, not only was he paying bills, but this man was faithful. I have full access.
Not only am I we living together, but I have passwords to cell phones and social media.

You should want to go back and get it. And bank accounts, I don't.
And bank accounts.

You ain't going to find nobody better.

He's paying all the bills. Let you get the password to count.
Hey, babe, let me get your phone.

Let me call my girlfriend. Here you go, babe.

He has two beautiful girls.

Oh, that's right.

He had the key. By two different women.
And the girls were never an issue. He did a great job at the Coping.
And I got to give Miss Flowers.

He did a great job at blending meaning like there was never baby mama drama yeah the girls were very respectful of me and me of them you know we did things as a family so but i say that to say

there plays a role in certain women on how they can respect who they're with i want to say this to women if you can't respect them you shouldn't choose them

if the dollar amount that he makes is going to lessen your respect for him or lessen his value to you, don't choose him if he needs to take full care of you for you to submit he ain't the right one

you got to choose somebody who you know that every time you give them every single thing that you got that you're doing it because you love doing it and it turns you on too every time i did something for that man i was turned on i don't remember doing one thing shannon for him that i was like

oh yeah

I mean nothing. I mean, it was just, okay, baby.
Okay, daddy, to the point where, and folks are going to have an issue with this, I don't care.

I would get dressed and wear certain things, and we go out and do our, wherever we go into a game or whatever to families. If he said, that's too much,

I changed. What? What a problem.
He wasn't controlling. It wasn't take that shit off.
It was like, baby, that might be a bit much. No problem.

To the point where I'd come out and be like, okay, is this good?

Because

He had me so safe. He had me so covered that I wanted to make sure that I reciprocated that same safety and covering for him.
See, women cover y'all differently.

And our covering is allowing you all to, one, be exactly who you need to be, right? To be in your full fledge of your masculinity.

And also to submit to your needs of us that are past just sexual and domesticated.

If he had a request by me that wasn't abusive, And I was okay with, why does it matter?

And if, like he would say, if I am the only man you're trying to be sexy for,

why does it matter? Right. There'd be times where he would say, baby, don't wear makeup.
Like, I like you in no makeup. It's gorgeous.
Just throw your hair up in no makeup.

Now, I love, I love to be daughter. I love to be daughter.

But I would do it for him, no makeup. Because I'm sure there's many times where I wanted Giuseppe boots or the Paris trip him and I took.
Oh, you like that. Hold on.
Or

the trip to Africa we took.

That

he probably, not probably, that I seen him have to work double and triple for, that he didn't huff a puff about there were times where this man got two jobs to make sure that things were covered that I wanted so me changing clothes or him having a request at something is minute to me seeing him put in the work to make sure that I'm happy beyond just having a roof over my head and and I think that

You know and that was his first time taking care of a woman and he was 50 at that time. I was 14 years younger than him I think that women state,

they want a safe space for them to be in their soft and they're feminine.

But on the flip side, men also need an environment that makes them feel very loved, submitted to, appreciated when they're taking care of your ass as well. I think it goes both ways.
Yeah.

It is definitely

a reciprocal thing. And I think that when we get to a place of understanding that, it's a win-win situation in the relationship.
And then you start to see what the Bible talks about equally yoked.

So, yeah, I would take that offer again of being kept in love and the hell out of my man. It just has to to be the right one.
Not him, but the right one.

Why you say it like that? I don't want it.

Listen,

when I'm done,

when I've gone on, I've gone on. It's nothing to do with.
Oh, you've never spun the block?

No, I don't really, I don't spin the block. No, what happens is I can have long-term relationships.
And if we happen to, you know, have a break

of something, like we're just no longer in a relationship, and then we happen to maybe get back into a relationship.

Yes, but spinning the block meaning like we're just gonna go back and sleep together and do this thing. No, that's not how I how I show up.
No.

Let me sip my darts.

You see,

I know you saw it because

you know all things that's what's going on. Summer Walker went viral because she's had a relationship with Rich the Kid, who's engaged and

he saved her under Pizza Hut in his phone.

I don't know what that means. Now, Pizza Hut used to have, this is before your time, but pizza used to have buffets.
They have all the pizzas up there.

And you just go get a slice of pepperoni, you know, whatever, mushroom, you get ground beef, all the anchovies. Just, I don't know what that means.
How did the fiancé find out that she was Pizza Hut?

Anybody know that? Don't start me to lying. Okay.
I'm just trying to figure out what

is it about women

and married men? Because normally married men, like, oh, she married?

I don't want to

because men are different.

Hold on, just a second. A man,

he might not even want his wife, he might not be, he might not be as interested as he was once before. But the moment another man shows interest,

you will have a problem, doc. But women, what is it about women that are attracted to married men? Because I just saw the study, they say women are more attracted to married men.

Okay,

another two-part question. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So you're not messy, but you're crafty.

First of all,

men love married women as well. Dude.
We're not going to let men off the hook. A man will love to, listen.
A man will love to say,

How you doing? Oh, I'm good.

Can I get your number? I'm married. Oh, that's fine.
It's all good. You can't have friends.
You're all good. You can't have friends.
So we're not going to make this a one-gender thing.

Man and woman both

will cross that boundary and disrespect the sanity of marriage equally. You think so?

The difference is: the man who was saying, I don't care if you're married, is clearly, boldly saying, I just want to sleep with you. Okay.

The woman who was saying, I like you because you're married, she's saying, at some point, I want her position.

And women are usually attracted to the married men who are good men to their wives,

not faithful men.

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Hi, I'm Michelle Bernstein, an award-winning chef, restaurateur, and mom. I have a lot on my plate, including my psoriatic arthritis symptoms.

Some are fatal.

Tell your doctor if you have an infection or symptoms like fevers, sweats, chills, muscle aches, or cough, had a vaccine or plan to, or if inflammatory bowel disease symptoms develop or worsen.

Serious allergic reactions and severe eczema-like skin reactions may occur. Learn more at 1-844-COSENTIX or COSENTIX.com.
Ask your rheumatologist about Cosentics.

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PNC Wealth Management Member Finn Recipik. Results vary by customer and are not guaranteed.
Just good men through their transactions, not from their heart. Because they're not committed.

Commitment is a heart thing. That's a spirit thing.

So transactionally, I see that you do the thing. You got cars, you got furs, you got diamonds, y'all go on trips.

So if you do that for her, Maybe that's, you know, I'll be the starting quarterback one day. And y'all do it for her.
Let me go further. Y'all do more for her than you do for the wife.

Way more for her.

I have clients who have the password to their married man's phone that the wife don't have the password to. She thinks that's a flex.
You have the number because you know that he's married.

So you know there's other women. That's not a flex.

She don't have the password because if she finds out, guess what? He got something to lose with her. He ain't got shit to lose with you, sis, because you're the side chick.

And it's very rare that y'all leave the wife for who side chick very rare that's a position that ain't up for grabs because even if he ain't attracted to her the fact that he's even cheating on the wife is what makes him feel indebted to her side chicks are stupid to think it's the other way i'm already cheating on her i've already cheated on her multiple times because that's not his first time doing it

she has my kids

At least we have family over here.

And the side chick is what gets me in a good enough mood mood to come home to her anyways

damn and i can't leave her hanging like that baby

because then she wouldn't get my retirement

and i've already done her wrong so guess what i'm forever indebted to her

so i can't leave this this is why men say i'm not gonna leave what i'm indebted to

but i can come over here and play

And oftentimes, I found that the married man

be in love with the side chick. Yeah, for sure.
In love.

And has still left her every time to remove her

at home. It is a very

dead end situation when a woman is attempting to take a position that ain't even up for grabs. They're just not up for grabs.
It's not.

You are this man's pacifier. And you are what this man needs to survive his marriage.

You are not his promised lamb whatsoever.

And so those kind of women are women who are extremely broken. They have parental issues.
They are definitely lost in the sauce. And there is no self-love or self-value or self-worth there whatsoever.

You cannot value yourself and see yourself in the position of two or three. Because if he got kids, that means you three.
You can't be one or two. The wife and kids.

You're number three. So you have so much self-worth that you want to be number three for a trip to Bali when women nowadays

though women nowadays are making so much money on their own Shannon what they we can take ourselves to Bali hold on you can take hold on a madman can take a side chick to Bali how he how you pull that off

oh hey you know me and the boys going to Bali me and the boys going to the Maldives or the Malfi Coast how Shannon don't you sit up here and try to follow the boy code no I call it boy code on purpose because men don't have codes men are grown the boy code what you mean I'm going to work to costa rica to check on the restaurant that we own out there for a little bit oh they got oh and end up end up in a whole nother country oh i don't know or some men me okay let's be real men who can move like that have money called motion like that yeah you can't be broke no

you can be broke and have a couple side chicks in the hood we're talking about going to bali and going shopping so usually those men have to have businesses yeah and they're taking business trips okay okay i see and they're different places okay So I always tell women this: if a man is trying to fly you out the country or the state that he lives in to see you or date you, he has a wife or a woman.

100%.

The first place you should be going when you visit this man is to his house, his casa. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
If it ain't in his house, there's somebody else in his house.

Hold on, let me tell you something.

Was dating somebody?

And don't ask me who,

because you know him real well. So mind your business.
Okay, don't be messy right now. You know him real well.

And he takes care of his mother. Yeah.
And so she's there often.

My first time, him flying me to see him. He says, baby, do you want to stay here knowing moms is here? Or would you rather us get a room somewhere else? Yeah.
You might get a room. I said, stay there.

Huh?

You can't do that with the mom in the house. You can't do that.
First of all, I'm not doing nothing my first time flying. Oh, okay, okay.
That's casual sex. Okay, I didn't know.
Okay, my bad. My bad.

No. That was very presumptuous of me.
I'm sorry. Yes, that's okay.
Take it back. Okay, I'll take it.
I'm sorry. I thought this was, you know.
But this is my thing.

It was a test on his behalf for me, but it also gave me transparency. Because he didn't just say, my mom's here.
I take care of my mom. Let me just put us in a room.

Because I would have said no to the trip.

He welcomed me to his home and gave me an option because he's letting me know, ain't no woman here.

You're more than welcome. So I came and stayed with him and mom and had a great time.
A great time. And let me go further.

you said mom is there any grown ass man your age yeah taking care of your mama she's not in the room next to you baby and your house better be big enough to where she in another quarter

i still

i feel bad i'm just saying do you get what i mean

if a man is not inviting you to his home he is not thinking about making you his home that's just what it is Why am I flying out the country or state to see you

for the weekend or two? Fly me in when we are at your house. And after I visit at your house a couple times, we could talk about going to Florida or Miami or Costa Rica or Colombia.

Until then, I don't want to take a trip with you. I'm good.
Because I have to have clarity that I'm not wasting my time. See, I have money.
I can spend my own. Wow.

But I need to make sure that my time, which I don't get back, that I can't clock in or get another

speaking event back.

is not wasted.

And I don't want to be in a situation where I've allowed you to deceive me because every woman knows when a move, when a man moves a certain way, her spirit does something.

Women just decide to go against it because they want that trip. They want that bag.
They want that experience.

We have to stop wanting experiences at the expense of our dignity, at the expense of our respect, at the expense of our self-love. Absolutely not.

And I also find to women, and men gonna hate this, and I'm okay with that,

the more we hold off on what y'all usually want

that thing

the more y'all do anyways the more y'all give and the more y'all do the only men who won't do more

are the men who only want that so if you want to vet them out anyways sis

vet them out and watch them show up a man should penetrate your heart and your mind before he ever penetrates your body then you will really experience the true essence of an orgasm anyways.

I've had men say to me, which besides the best friend,

the guy I just mentioned about flying out to his home with the mom, he was one of them. If I can't marry you, I don't even want to touch your body.

Now, that's a man who isn't a sucker. That's a man who is of age, a mature age, who is ready to have a wife.

And he is no longer so superficial in his thinking that the best thing about a woman is is her sex. He's finding value not only different in women, but watch this, in himself.

Because I only get to experience the parts of you that you've already given you.

And so a man who only sees value in a woman being just sex is a man who doesn't see value in himself. It is just, we are just mirrors to each other.
I see value in myself.

That's why casually you cannot make love to my body. Because I don't see value in casual sex.

I don't see value in an orgasm without being connected to you, without being committed to you, without having access to your home or to who you are or what you do. I don't see value in that.

An orgasm doesn't do it for me, but your heart does, your commitment does, your time does,

right? Your thoughtfulness. Yes.
That's what I want. Then you can take me to Bora Bora.

Then we could be tearing Bora Bora up and you could be tearing me up in Bora Bora. But until then,

until then, it ain't happening. You're going to access me, love me, you're going to pursue me, you're going to court me, and I will do the same with you.

And then by the time we do do what we're doing, it will be fireworks. People are having horrible sex too, because all they're doing is

casually. And they're calling freaky good sex.

And this is why nobody. But how come sexual relationships aren't even lasting? If it's so good, why y'all not f ⁇ ing the same person for years at a time? I'm confused.
Because it ain't good.

It's freaky. It's something you can get anywhere you go.
That's what makes it casual.

When you plug into a man or a woman and y'all are having real sensual sex that is nasty, not just freaky, you can't get that anywhere. That's a fusing connection.

You can do freaky and nasty, but as long as it's fused and connected on a deeper level than just casualty,

and that means the orgasm isn't what we are thriving for, it's the act and the engagement of the sex that's orgasmic within itself.

See, that's grown people talk. You kids,

y'all having this little high school sex. Y'all doing that little rabbit shit still.
We don't want that.

We don't want that. You can keep that right over there.

Right over there.

I thought

the further the trip, the freakier and the nastier it got, dog. Listen.
Let me hide it up about it. The further the trip

to my heart, to my safe space,

to my mind, to me accessing everything, your cell phone, everything you have,

is the more sex we have. That's the nastier that a woman who loves herself and respects herself will get.

The more that you create an environment that I can trust you in, that I am safe in, it's not about freaky. I'll never say no.

About whatever we, as long as I have the capacity to do it and take it, I will capacity abound with you. But I got to be safe.
safe, I got to have access, and there has to be transparency.

They say, I read a study that says the more educated a woman is, the freakier she is.

Facts?

I read that. Facts.
I read that in Cosmo. The facts.

Shout out to Cosmo. Shout out to Cosmo.

Cheers, Cosmo.

Yeah.

How many degrees you say you got? Six. Oh, Michael.
Six.

Lord, have mercy. Well, young guy, when you're going to find, you got a good one.

Hey, somebody, hey, I'm just telling you, she's like, he ready. Don't have them in my DMC shopping.

They don't be asking about bullboard.

Do men and women cheat differently? They do.

They do.

But I'll answer that. But do we care about the different ways of cheating or do we care about the dismantling and the impact of the freedom of the freedom? The actual cheating.

Because it's, I don't care how you did it. I'm dismantled now.
My heart is broken. My safe space is scattered.
Right. And now I have to learn to love myself different

and you.

Because see, if I didn't know you were a dog from the beginning, I was loving a good man.

A good man eats something different,

sleeps different, and I love you different.

But if now I'm loving a king Corso, I'm feeding you different. Right.
Right?

I'm loving you different. And I have to become a different what?

Person.

So this is why cheating is is so excruciating because it's not about people always say can we get the trust back

the trust back is way down here after we work through all of these layers can you learn to love a dog if we're married and i cheated on you can you learn to love a dog not can you trust me again

because trusting me means you have to believe that I'm no longer the woman that cheated on you. That's deception in itself.

Can Can you love a woman who has deceived you and has the capacity to do it again?

Because whatever I've done to you, I now have the capacity. Right.
Which means what? You now know what I'm capable of doing. Come on, baby.
So, can I love you knowing that you're capable

of being a snake? Can I sleep in the bed with you knowing that you may not bark for six months, but in August, I might hear a rough rip.

Oh, that's

that's what you worry about I'm with a dog and now this negro this cancer so needs that steak because he already got a taste of blood

can can I do that right if the answer is no you have to dissipate the relationship wow if the answer is yes then we have to talk about what that looks like and it's going to look different on both of you yes Because you might can forget, because this is what happens, dog.

You might forgive, but you're not going to forget. Because the first time you get mad, you probably would that be.

You probably called that.

You probably did this. And now we.

And men cheat off of lust.

Women cheat, y'all.

We cheat oftentimes because now we're vindictive. On that bullshit you did.
Yo, let me go further. Let me go further.
We so cold.

Your homeboy.

I'm going to tell you how women work. Your homeboy

that was already looking at me five, six years ago, who I curved because I'm a good woman. Yeah.
Because I wouldn't do you like that. Right.
Because I was loving a good man and not a dog.

Now, I said this to you earlier about Cardi being offset. Yeah.

I've become a product of you.

That means if you're deceptive, I became a product of what?

Now you got to be deceptive. Or you could be deceptive.
You don't have to be. You could be.
There you go. This doesn't doesn't happen with everybody, but it happens with most people, men and women.

I will become a product of my environment before it becomes a product of me. My environment will change me before I change it.
That's just law.

So if I'm with a man who cheats long enough, it doesn't mean every woman will do it, but it does mean this.

The deceptiveness in her,

you can then uproot

if it's in her. If it's in her, you are going to uproot it, period.
Now, whether she acts on it or not is up to her.

But when a woman cheats just because she's cheating, not because of deception, it's not that we do it different. It's that the male counterparts, or for some women, they cheating with a woman.

The woman counterparts seem to be able to regulate their emotions better, right? With the woman who's married, then let's just say women who are dealing with the married man.

Because usually, remember again, the men who are sleeping with the married woman are sleeping with her for the sleeping compatibility the sex sexual compatibility but when a woman is sleeping with a married man she has an end goal of taking that position right man ain't really looking like oh I want to be a hubby

because you said it earlier on a man who's trying to be a husband he like he's turned off by a married woman

because he not trying to go behind no other man anyways no That's a man who's like, I'm just trying to swing in when I can and that man usually already has something at home, even if it's not a wife.

So that woman is already his overcompensation for what he already has. So it's a win-win for him.
Right.

How do you, how do people break up? Is there such a thing as breaking up amicably?

Because, you know, sometimes, you know, look, and I was telling someone this, I said, breaking up is easy if you're the one that wants to do the breaking up.

When you don't want to be broken up with, it's hard. Just move on.
It's not that simple when you still want to be in this relationship. Now, if you want out,

why you hit the door and don't even look back at the door. And sometimes you, when you want out, you don't hit the door and not look back.

Sometimes you hit the door and you,

because I don't want to make it seem like the person leaving also isn't experiencing some heartbreak.

You know, I left both my fiancés and my first fiancé,

I left and I was very heartbroken leaving him. It took me almost a year and a half just to leave.

And we worked through the leaving together until we both were like, and we're both crying in excruciating pain and tears. His parents are there trying to help us break up

healthily.

You know, so, yeah, so this was in my 20s, my first fiancé, but that was a very heartbreaking moment for him and I, right? It wasn't like scat and I'm good. The second fiancé,

it was easier for me, right? Because I was already fed up and wanted out

and knew that, you know, I started to dislike him as a person. That's what made it easier to leave.
Yes. Right.

I liked his covering of me, but I started to not like him as a man. So that's easier to leave someone because you're like, I'm just turned off, right?

The first one was like, you're just a dope ass man. And leaving you is challenging.
And if

you could be a provider and didn't have certain

conditions that I'm not going to share about him, right? Because I'm going to protect his privacy. Yes.

Then this relationship could be absolutely amazing. So that was challenging to leave.
So I just wanted people to know that there are folks who are leaving who are bleeding while they leave too.

And they're not running out the door saying, oh, I'm out. I'm free now.
That is a coping mechanism that is a mask and it's fake.

Everybody leaving who is doing the departing is feeling something. They're feeling the detachment.

It might not be the one, it might not be to the extent of the one that's getting getting left, but they feel something. They feel something.

Do you, have you, I think there was a situation you offset was in your DM. Have you revealed anybody else that's ever been in your DM? You said anybody who was in the data.
I love that you said that.

Offset was in my DM,

and he just posed a question that said, hey,

you know, maybe you can help me with something. He didn't say what it was.
That's all he said.

And because he never followed through, I I never followed through. We never did a session.
He was never my client.

When I shared that on Jason Lee's show, that was not a

breach of confidentiality, first of all, because he was not and is not my client. So it was no breach.
And he did not slide in my DMs asking for anything that had to do with me.

It was very specific to, you know, hey, maybe you can help me with something. He never said what.

And so when I said that, I was saying that to more use offset as an example because I could, because again, he's not my client.

So that's not a breach of confidentiality to say, listen, other black men being the offset has a following. He's a rapper.
He's in the limelight. He's, you know, he's attached to Cardi B.

Asking for help is powerful. Right.

You can slide in a DM to ask for help. It doesn't have to be to ask for something else.
Yeah. And the fact that he did the appropriate thing and my intention was to give him props.

Now the internet took it and made it something else. You tried to put him over.

And I was trying to say, listen, this man, with all of his bad decision-making, we're going to call it what it is, in that one moment,

he made a right damn decision. And I was giving him his flowers.
And the internet took it as, this is her client.

I ain't telling shit. He's not my client.

Neither one of us followed up. And that's just what it was.
It was more saying he did the right thing in that moment. And no matter how many wrong decisions you've made,

it's okay to make a right one, even if it's one out of 2,000. Because that one right one could be the one decision that changes your life or saves your life.

That's it. Would you respond to a guy in your DM?

Would you go out with somebody in your DM?

Would I?

You have. I have.
I know you have.

I have. We went on a nice date, actually.
Okay. He is a fine young.
He was younger than me, too. Then, boy,

okay, I'm back.

Yeah, it was nice. We went on a nice date.

Just one time, that was it?

We went on one date because i'm busy he's busy he nah it don't matter bees are busy people can find time when it's something they want to find time that's what you just told me oh did she just tell me that thank you your your friend and your sister told me that's what you just told me yeah no we just it he was in season oh you like athletes huh Still do.

Because you told me you like athletes when you were younger. My ex-fiancé is a retired basketball player.
Uh-huh. So, I mean, but it's not just liking.
It's I work out, you know, I like men who work.

So, it's just more of an attraction. That's what you like.

You think the music. But I want to say this:

I don't walk into a room and say, I want an athlete. Those are the only guys.

That's what you attract. That's what I attract, but also that's what I'm attracted to.
Exactly. Because

you think the moth wants to fly into the flame? It can't help what it's attracted to.

So I am attracted to athletic men. Yeah, they work out.

However, you probably can pick me up and I can let baby.

He can pick me up.

However, you know what I liked about my ex-fiancé was that he was retired because I like time with my man. Yeah.

And so there have been, you know, men who have attempted to date me who are still in season. Yeah.
And

I could be supportive in that, but that's a lot of time. Yeah.

That's taken away from us. Yeah.
You know, for a woman like me. And I'm also busy.
So, anyways, the young man was great. We had it.
We still talked. We're still good friends.

We're still good friends because it was something very short-lived and casual. But yes, it is something that can be, you know.

I think he's too young for me, not in number,

but in mindset. Sweet guy, but just too young for me in mindset.
But you did work publicly with Ray J, right? I do. How did you did? How was Ray? I still do.
I love Ray. Yeah.

We've had Ray J on. I had Ray J on the show.
I know.

Why you say it like that? Because

Ray's, that's, Ray's my guy. Like, I,

me and Ray, I love Ray. Ray has been with me for a long time.
Um,

and

Ray is just a person who is who he is. Yes.
Right. And that comes with a lot of misunderstanding.
Yes.

But I always say this, and I've, I've said it to, you know, just people and even my assistant and best friend here that

When you build a relationship with Ray, you start to get a clear understanding why the people who love him love love him.

Because he's just that genuine of a person.

And with whatever tactics he has and that he does, Ray's the type of man that

when you are his person, like meaning

someone he loves as a friend or family or me being his, his, his psychologist, his doctor,

he's loyal.

And that man, he will turn a table over for you. Ray will move a mountain for you.

And it's because he loves so hard, honestly, and because he's so into that, I feel like sometimes the way that he shows it comes out very different than folks want to see it.

And I just think that's what it boils down to. So, you know, I just love Ray.
I have nothing but love for him. Where are you on pre-nubs? You go with a pre-nub? Me giving it or me signing it? Both.

You got assets. You want to protect.

For example,

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They're already five years behind.

If anybody is not using AI to make their developers who write software 30% more productive today with the goal of being 70% more productive,

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We're happy to bring out all our learnings, including what needs to change in the process, because the biggest change is not technology, it's getting people to accept that there's a different way to do things.

To listen to the full conversation, visit ibm.com/slash slash smart talks

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I'm not signing a prenup. You not? No.
Now, will I have one drafted? Maybe, but I'm not signing one. Why?

Well, why would I? I mean,

I just think, look,

even before I had, I should tell my homeboys, I say, y'all got a prenup. They say, shop, we ain't got nothing.
I say, so when you leave, you keep all your nothing. You don't want half of your nothing.

Mm-hmm.

So, I mean, look, I get it. If we in a relationship, we get to a relationship.
Okay, I got X.

to the uh uh we get into this relationship and i get yz okay i'm cool with that but you're not finna get x

i had x before i met you

so

a prenup that would be appropriate for me would be

a prenup that lines out

if i stepped out and performed infidelity

This is the amount that will be paid out.

And it's not finna be pennies. Okay.

If we were to divorce amicably, right? Which I don't believe in that.

So I'm never leaving unless, like, the Bible says, two things that are permissible to leave, which is infidelity and unfaithfulness. That's it, right? Otherwise, I'm not leaving.

So we're going to work through everything. You go death.

With death, do your part, but you're still married in the covenant, you know? Oh, okay. But

so if the prenunt said, if we were to divorce, then like you said, right, there's X, Y, and Z. Okay, doc, you get Y and Z, you know, and maybe not X, but Y and Z is something that.
We could split.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. We're not.
What do you mean, splitting? No, no, no. I'm not splitting.
Hello.

I'm talking about on the prenup, you're going to be lining out what exactly goes to me being your wife

for sticking by your ass, submitting, loving, making love, not denying, and pouring into you because I'm going to give you everything I got. I'm going to flip this whole table for you.
Ethe? Ethe.

Okay. And I'm not going to say no unless I don't have the bandwidth for it.
Then it's just that I don't have the capacity. So in that prenup, prenup, you are going to draw out if I cheat,

this is the amount that you get. And it's going to be a large ass amount so that my heartbreak don't also feel broken in my pockets.
One.

Number two, if you got X, Y, and Z, it's going to be lined out. That

let's just say X is $20 million

of a property. I don't mind if you say, hey, then Doc gets 10 million of this one.
And then of Z, doc gonna get her 7 million. But it's gonna be lined out clear on what I'm agreeing to.

There will be no prenump that that says, if we divorce, you get nothing. We don't marry.
I'm not signing up for that. That is,

to me,

a woman who would sign up for that, I just feel like, it's not that she's in it for love. I feel like she's been misguided.
Okay.

And again, I had a father. So my dad would turn to his grave if I signed up for that.
And he would turn in his grave if I didn't get a prenup. So I would have a prenup that said, hey, baby.

You know, this is my stuff.

And I couldn't see a man who is a man's man like you says you are, like my father was yeah who would have a problem with signing a prenup with me that said i built all this this is mine i just don't see a man's man wanting that from me or from a woman right per se i just don't see that i see now a different kind of man right you know maybe saying i want but who no i wouldn't marry that type of guy when you see these uh And this is my, you let me know what you think.

I think like when you date publicly, you married publicly, and you outward with your relationship, when it ends, you know it's going to be public.

We see Cardians, we see cardi being offset we see i think candy burris uh just filed from a divorce

uh and you know make it starting to make its round

where are you on on public dating

public marriage i mean i just think there's a lot of things that can be handled if if it wasn't so public like if we get into you know something might have happened we might can handle it behind the scenes

but once it gets out into this public sphere everybody got an opinion You're listening. Your family's listening.
He's listening. His family, his homeboy, your homegirls.

It's hard to put that thing back together, dog. Yeah.
So I don't believe in public for myself

until we're locked and married. Or maybe possibly even ringing my finger, but I want to say married.
I've dated, I've been

single, I say, meaning not out of my last engagement that I caught off my wedding for like nine, nine-ish years.

I don't want time stand, but it's been some years. But in between that, I have dated, you know, I have dated public figures like myself.

And

we, one thing I pride myself on is I do a really great job of keeping myself private. Yeah.
Nobody knows who I dated.

The gentleman that I brought up, that I said, you know him well, he is extremely

high profile and a public figure. And we weren't hiding it.

But we just weren't being public with it. Right.
And so we went to restaurants and went out and people screamed his name or my name and it just was what it was.

And if somebody would have got a photo, we didn't care. But I do a good job of being private.

I think that the privacy piece is needed because to your point, you know, had I been public with everyone I'm dating, then I would have been having to delete,

explain, you know, multiple relationships when really nothing is

serious, in my opinion, if you're in a season of dating or even in a season of being committed as boyfriend and girlfriend.

Until you are married with the covenant of God, I feel like there really isn't anything that you should allow people to be privy on. Right.
Because

you have a relationship, but to me, you really don't have any substance of value yet until you enter into that next covenant.

So for me, nobody will be ever public on my page or on my platform until it is my husband.

I haven't really had people that have an issue with that. I mean, you got some people that kind of feel like, why are you hiding me? And I explain it's not the hiding.
It's one, the field I'm in.

And two, the last person on my page was my fiancé with the ring on my finger. Until then, not doing it.
What about you? Do you, you don't, I mean, well, there you go.

I mean, do you go public? I mean, have you been public with me? No. You ain't with nobody.
So you, so, so to the public, you've never had a woman. No.

Which cause, which leads to speculation. I have.
Well, we know that you have.

You have done sexual things with women. Oh, Lord, we heard.

Come on, dog.

I need another year. Give me one more year.
No, I'm talking about we heard. And I'm saying nothing another year from that.
That's been a year ago. So we two years.
You got to get two years grace.

You can't. Yeah, statue of limitations still on it.
Okay, okay. Oh, so we didn't hear nothing.
No, you don't. Nothing.
Shit.

Backstrokes was good. Okay, I'm back.
I'm sorry.

Another guy that's been in the media a lot lately is Brian McKnight in his situation.

I guess

he went on somebody's pod and was saying some things about Mark Lamont Hill.

Mark Lamont Hill fired back and says, I've interviewed you several times and you were, you know, you weren't nasty to me, but you were nastier people on the set, so forth and so on.

And then I guess what did he do? He had a son, Brian McKnight Jr., but he had another son recently,

named him.

And then took the son's name. So there's supposed to be like, he's Brian McKnight Sr.
He had a Brian McKnight Jr.

So he named his son Brian, gave him a middle name, and then took the name from the son.

But for what? What was the point?

That's what people try to say. What's the benefit of that?

I guess he's really trying to remove himself from the past. I mean, it's, you know, he was talking about

his sons and that he's done all he could do.

I don't know. It's just, maybe you need to talk to him.
Maybe you need to have him on your body. He's like, hey, hey, hey, my biological son? Yes.
That he is trying to disconnect from?

the older i think one's like probably like almost but this is his biological son yes and he wants no do no dealings with him i guess they had a you know

i guess they had a fallen out about something but see that's what i mean by some things are not privy to be public yeah i think that is a conversation between a father and a son yeah because if we want to be realistic about family yeah and parenting

there are some times where a parent and child can go a week or two or sometimes months without speaking because of

whatever that parent may feel needs to be done based on consequences for that child to feel. I'm not saying Brian's right or wrong.
Right. But those are things that should stay private.

Now, if he feels like he has to pull back because something his son has done as a parent and that is going to be for the benefit of his son, I see nothing wrong with that.

But if he's doing it because he's saying, I don't want to have any type of involvement with you as my biological baby and my bloodline, I think that's something that needs to be.

I think it's odd, though, that you have have a junior but then you have another son and name him and give him a different middle name than what you gave the other son and then end up taking the new son's.

Yeah, it just, I mean, it seems awful. But I also remember, we don't know people's motives and what is in.
And he said he was never in love with his ex-wife.

I mean. But what the hell does that have to do with the child? I guess, I guess, because unlike your mom and dad that said you was conceived out of love.
Because I was going to say something.

You know what? I also have found most of the time that that father loves that child at the level that he loves the mother of that child. And you can see the difference in those relationships.

And if y'all don't believe me,

take some inventory. A lot of times when that father really loves that mother, that child gets a different type of relationship and love from that father.
It's just, it's just been proven.

And it's unfortunate, but you just said it here with B. McKnight, that, you know, I wasn't in love with the mom.
And so he automatically feels some type of detachment from that child.

And it's showing. And it's unfortunate, right?

They're not the first family to be. I just hate when

people,

it becomes public because people are going to look at him a different way.

I just hate when private matters become public. Yeah.

And then the public makes it worse, I feel like, because then it makes people take on a public TV personality. Yes.
And you start to behave in ways that aren't even your true authentic self, right?

And so it's like, and then you feel like you have to respond which you don't right because it's no one's business correct you know especially when it comes to kids and family yeah you don't owe anybody an explanation an explanation when it comes to your child

you still want to have kids doc i do i am how many

now listen it was four

a while ago i think i'm maybe down to two because if i can do two ends if i could do that don't knock on my door that's a clock that's a clock that's a clock ticket what you wait on oh you don't you don't.

I don't want to be a pro. I don't want to get personal, but you froze your eggs.
I'm still bleeding, and I'm not in perimenopause. Oh, my goodness.
I'm not in perimenopause.

My period comes. No, you couldn't.

My menstrual comes every 28 days on time.

On time.

No, you could have just said, you know what? Yeah, I froze my eggs. Shannon, on time.

That thing.

Like clockwork, huh? Like that. Like, do that again? Like.

Like that. On time.
Ain't no paramenopause over here,

ain't none dried up over here. But how long are you willing to wait? Doc, look, I look.
So, I said,

So I said earlier this year that I was now my choosing stage.

And so, I literally said, okay, I'm now going to choose because, you know, I liked my space and my season of like building my career, coming out of calling off my wedding.

And I was very honest with guys. I never said, you know, manipulating and was like, oh, we dating dating to get married.

No, I was very honest about, you know, we're dating, spending time, but this is what I'm focused on. Right.
And that focus paid off.

And so I am now in a place that I told myself when I was a younger woman, I want to be here before I do that. Right.
And you're here now. I'm here now.
And this is the thing.

I'm not saying this from a place of bragging or trying to from arrogance, but from a place of humility. I think if more men and women map out their life, life is going to life.

Now, it ain't going to come out perfect.

But if you say, I want to reach these milestones before I do this, I feel like you have a better chance and better odds of success at family and at career and business versus just letting life give you whatever crumbs it gives you because it's already given the people like me who are asking and curating what they want, what we want.

So you get the crumbs that we said no to. Don't do that.
But now, you know, it's only been probably about six months since I said, okay, God, I'm ready. You know, I took my IUD out.

I'm in my choosing stage. I'm ready to rock and roll.
Let's get out. I took it out.
Gone.

Out. The doctor, I said, show it to me.
Doctor, show it. I was like, hey, guys, be careful.
She says she still has a cycle. And

they ain't got to be careful. It would be an excellent investment, but it can't be casual.
Be careful, guys.

You need to tell me to be careful because the way these men are set up, they're worse than women. A man.

A man to try to put a baby in a woman who's successful, especially no kids and beautiful. Shannon, you act like you ain't, you act like you stay on one house on the block.

Stop acting like that.

You a man, and you know, men. Yes.
Let me tell you. And it's not just broke men that do it.

You got men who are well off who go, beautiful, no kids, look like she's 25, can't wait to put one in you real quick.

And a lot of times it could be the men who already have the damn kids who are saying, but you who I want to be.

That'll keep an attachment to you. Hello.
And this is why I'm not into casual sex, especially now that my IUD out. Ain't nothing coming through casual.
You hear me? Right. Nothing.

Yeah, but I'm excited and I can't wait. And I'm hoping that it happens, you know, by next year and I can be on tour with my little belly and

happy and or happier, I should say, because I'm very happy. You're happy right now.
And I think that's it too. When you wait and you find what I call God's peace

and you're real happy,

people are not in competition with your desperation. They are now in competition with the healthy self of you,

which means your choosing becomes a little more slim,

but your relationships become a lot more

prosperous than prosperous than

you choosing from a place of like, I'm young, there's a clock. But I mean, you do look at Abraham and Sarah in the Bible.
God kept his promise.

And because Sarah jumped the gun and said, get Hagar, the maid, pregnant, because I don't believe God to deliver his promises, Hagar got pregnant and had Abraham's first son.

And then as soon as she got pregnant, guess who got pregnant? Sarah.

And Sarah told Abraham, she got to go. And Abraham said, baby, you got to go.
Just for Hagar, the maid, to come back. And now they in a house that's now a broken home

because Sarah, not Abraham, he just listened to his wife, said, baby, God's taking too long. Get the maid pregnant.

And as soon as Sarah got God's promise He never ever pulls back from and never returns void, guess what? She wanted her gone.

So, you're not gonna see me

being a Sarah who says, Let me jump the gun and

take over God's timing. And then I end up choosing a man with kids, or I end up jumping the gun with some other man when God said

it was probably only gonna be about six more months, baby.

It might have only been another year,

but you already in a good place, you already happy.

You can't wait on me.

How many,

how many men should a woman entertain? She's not, she's a, she ain't been locked down.

How many? One, two, entertain, meaning, date. Yeah.
So, so I don't condone a woman having sex with multiple men, but I do want to say, y'all, do what you do. You grown.

That doesn't mean I'm judging you. But as far as dating and getting to know, I think a woman should entertain as many men as she wants in the dating space.
Yeah. Dating means we're going on dates.

We're not exclusive. And I'm getting to know you.
And

I don't know if I like you. I don't know if I like this man yet.
I think women should have me.

I tend to go on dates or talk, right, to maybe one or two. But once I find that you have my attention, it's just challenging for me to

not lock in with just you. You tell her, unfortunately, I'm not going to be able to.
Or I just don't just, you know. You ghosted? No, you don't ghost, but people, so there's...

I'm starting to pull back. Yeah, there's a different matter.
There's a different sequence when you're not locked in. Where you may talk once in a while and you kind of know what's going on.

Or like, but I text Shannon, he he texts back sometime. But if it's like every day we talking, then you got to have that conversation.
Right. But I like exclusivity.

So even if we're just dating and we're locking in, I like it. I like a we thing.
I like a us thing.

I don't like anyone outside of you or me until we decide either we're not going through with this or we are. I like, I like, I don't like scattered energy.
Okay. That feels safe for me.

And then, again, I'm not into casual sex.

So if if my spirit feels like you're not fully here, then I'm not turned on to be intimate with you, not even just sexually intimate, but intimate with our conversations and with my time. Right.

Is it like, is it true that you terminated a pregnancy as a teen?

I terminated two pregnancies as a teenager. And yeah, my father played a big role in that.
Because the women, I think the women, I read the women, wanted you to keep

the children. Yep.
So does this have, did that. Shannon done did his homework on the dock, y'all.
This man get an A plus plus plus plus.

Did that, those pregnancies early on,

has that shaped how you think now?

It has.

But it wasn't because I terminated them. It was because I had a covering, which was my father, because my mother and grandmother were crying, saying, keep it.

And my father was saying, not on my watch. And I leaned more with my father's choice because nobody was forcing me with his choice.

And his exact words were, you may hate me now, but you thank me later. And when I got in college, I think my sophomore year, I called him.
I said, Daddy, thank you. And he said, for what?

And I said, because you made the right decision for me. And so for me, it more shaped my trust in

men. who can lead because he led me into a promised land, right?

That allowed me, and I always say this, that allowed me to beat the odds. Didn't mean the odds didn't come against me because they did.

It allowed me to beat the odds. It allowed me to not be a statistic.
It doesn't mean women who have kids already or who kept yours and didn't terminate that you're bad because you're a statistic.

But if we're going to speak real, you are a statistic if you are a little girl from the hood and you end up pregnant as a teenager. That's called teenage pregnancy.
Right.

And my father allowed me to beat odds that were against me. How did you, I mean, were you nervous? were you not nervous to tell your father that you were pregnant?

Well, feel like he, because you his

the apple in his eye

and his little girl that he adores, that he loves so much,

is expecting. And it's not the first, not the, you know, one time, okay, baby, that's an accident, accident can happen, but then it happened again.

Were you afraid to tell it? Were you ashamed? What were some of the emotions that you felt as a teenager? I love that question. So my parents

and my father in particular, he's not a

shame you type of father. Okay.
Okay. He's a very,

if you love me, I'll love you more. If you're honest with me, you get more out of me.

And so I knew he wouldn't be ashamed of me, but I did know that he was going to keep it 100% real with me.

And I knew that what he's seen was me becoming a product of him and my mother, and me becoming a product of the woman that he made a product of him, which is a baby mom and a baby daddy. And

because he knew the pain, the heartbreak that those women experienced, he couldn't see his little girl having that same experience. And so for him, again, he was crucifying who he was to tee up.

what was best for me. And that is what a parent does.
That is what a great father does. And I got to go a little further.

Not only did he he say this is the decision that you need to make right but he was the first along my parents um face the last face i seen walking in determination and they were the first faces i seen walking out and my dad took me to eat after and he baby how do you feel are you okay

you know what was the plan moving forward so he didn't just tell me the decision He was there with me. He walked you through everything.
He held my hand through it.

And when I walked out, I got to see that man's face. And I asked, could the boyfriend, because it was my boyfriend.
Yeah, that's what I was going to say. Did you tell him? Yeah, the boyfriend knew.

I asked, could he come? Because we were in a relationship. This wasn't

together all through like for years.

My dad said, do you want him dead? I said, well, then, no, I guess he can't come. But

I got how to give that to my dad. I mean, he was a father.
Like, he's not trying to be next to this dude who is even touching his daughter's body. So

it's one thing to think about it, but now you and I, I got to see you here. I already know what he's been doing.
Yeah.

And my dad, again, we had an open relationship where I can talk to him about anything. And so his support in that

is what allows me to be the submissive, loving, trusting woman of you men. And that's why I don't have a, you know, I'm not going to submit to you.
What can you do for me?

It's, I love submitting to you. And that comes from a little girl who had a father who submitted to me.
Right.

And through his submission to me, he taught me the value right and the beauty of submission

and had he not did that as a man i probably would have used submission differently and he also uh would have me do acts for him like make his plate or make his drink and that taught me how to submit to a man right and when his drink got low i would watch as a little girl would watch and i'd be like daddy you want more and he'd be like yeah baby go in and get me some more and i knew two ice cubes i knew how much jack and how much coke right i knew when his plate got low on food.

It was a re-up or a throwaway. There's just things I knew when he was emotionally not in the right place.

And he taught me because being a man in my presence, I knew how to say, daddy, it's okay if it's financial, like we'll be all right. Or is there something you need me to do?

So this is why men are so important, man, just in women's life and in their boys' life, because he taught me how to navigate through a man's emotions.

He taught me how to identify when those emotions are off kilter. And he also taught me what he needed to be said as a daughter.

And so, when my fiancé had an issue, my last one, and he just sitting on the couch with ESPN and them top 10 planes, you know, he's

over and over.

I sat on the couch right here, literally. And he said, I sat here, and I just put my hand on him.
I said, and he just, he ain't looking at me.

I said, baby, I don't know what it is, but I want you to know, whatever it is, even if it's financial, I'm not leaving you. And I love you, and we'll get through it.

And he was looking how you looking. And I'm sitting here, he did this.

And tears just rolled by.

In that moment, I was a product of my father, a product of my father teaching me what a man needs. When women don't get that, we don't know how to navigate that.

And a woman who doesn't get that can easily take that as that man is disconnected from her. And she can start to ask him ego-centric questions like, what's wrong with you?

What did I do? Why are you not telling me? Why aren't you talking to me? I knew in that moment there was nothing that that man wanted to say to me or anybody. He was having a moment.

And all I needed to do was reassure him that I'm not going nowhere. You're not going to lose your woman and whatever else you just lost.
And whatever I have to do,

I am going to rise to that occasion to make sure that we are good.

That's why that man felt so good about taking care of me. That right there.
Because he knew the value of who we had.

How different do you believe your life would have been had you not terminated those pregnancies? Would you have, would

Cheyenne Bryant be sitting right here today with all these advanced degrees, with all this popularity and fame and all this money? Would you have been the same person?

I would have been a different woman. Yes.

But I would have still went and got that shit because I'm built like that.

I may have even went and got more. I'm just saying because I had two little ones to feed, but I will say this, I would have married much earlier.
Yeah. Because I would have took one for the team.

And I would have made sure that my babies had a home that was complete.

And so,

who I would have married, it wouldn't have been the teenage boyfriend.

The teenage boyfriends don't last.

You'd have done had your photo. That's for sure.
Yeah.

It might have been five or six. That's the thing.
It would have forced me to make a decision quicker than I wanted to. Yes.
And I would have chose what was best for them

instead of the longer. And not for me.

This is where I tell women the leverage of waiting is and the power is. Right now, I am in the pit of my power, not in my biological clock, because I am choosing for me

and obviously for my babies,

secondary who are not here yet. Right.
But I'm choosing a husband with just me. Right.

And that's it. And I can choose to be a mother or not to at any point in time.
Right. That's power.
And I'm now choosing from a place of wisdom, not just experience, forget accolades and degrees.

I'm choosing from a place of my healthy me, from a place of being a woman who has experienced relationships.

And my husband now gets to get a grown-ass woman who's processed through her stuff and still got a lot more because ain't nobody perfect, not a little girl who's trying to figure out who the hell she is and where does she land.

Those are two different people. Right.

Two different people. Now, would I still wear his ass out if need be?

Yes. But the little girl would have told him a whole new one.
You don't want her. Right.
You don't want her. What about sex and arguments? Sex after arguments.
Yeah, no.

So, again, I keep saying this disclaimer just because it's for me personally, all right? Ladies, I want y'all to casual sex all you want for the grown folks.

Sex after an argument, and we're together. Yeah.

It needs to happen as quick as it can.

Because I'm a love bug. So I don't like to be disconnected from you.
I don't want to be in a negative space with you.

Now, you try to make me feel, you try to make me forget what we argued about that's fine too but i i just need i need you to love me how

like this

okay like that like that

so if we arguing we like this yeah yeah you ought to be up close no i need i i need skin to skin i want you in my skin let me tell you something you see that zipper you got yes i'm a type of woman i want you to unzip it i want to hop in it and you know what i want you to do what zip it up

and this And I would be in there just like this.

And then when we have to depart, I didn't say want to.

Have to. Yeah.
You can unzip it. Not for a shower, because you can get in with me.

We're not talking about me doing things like. No, y'all water be too hot.
Y'all be cooking lobster and crab in that hot ass water.

And I'm even talking about just an intimate shower. I'm not talking about we have to do all the dudes.
Just get in the shower. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, get to know what get no.

I'm at the back. It's cold back there.

See, that's your selfish ass. Look at your selfish ass.
See, look at you. Stand in the cold for a minute because your woman wants a damn shower, Shannon.
Take one for the team. Or switch.
Okay.

And then when we get out, we cuddle.

Dang, what I was thinking about, though.

Cuddling comes with the lovemaking you're talking about. Yes.
Yes. But you have to start involving your heart.
Okay.

I'm going to do that. So that it ain't just sexual.
Yeah. See, I'm going to do that.
You ain't ready yet. We need more sessions.
We need more sessions. You see that study that came out?

Sex before work leads to better better productivity. I agree with that.
I think that I could see that. That means morning sex for the most part.
Yeah, that's exactly what that means.

Now, what I will say is this. Women, I'm going to advocate for y'all, okay? I got you.
I've been listening. This ain't just, this ain't for me, but it's for y'all.
If y'all could roll over,

assume the position, get it in, do your thing, and get up out, more women would say yes. Not every woman, which I am this woman, I don't mind the full act of sex in the morning, right?

Because I am a sexual person who i'm with right so i like the act right it's not just that but a lot of women are like i gotta go to work too buddy so can you roll over not expect me to do a full production yeah and get your shit so you know that's why you laughing and then get on with your day you look quickie huh most women do y'all like quickies Most women, I'm saying,

I thought, well, who that Missy Ellen said, I don't want no

one minute man. Well, it's going to take you more than one minute to roll over and do your money.
Nine, nine in the morning. another mine in the morning.
There you go.

See, then you'll be the perfect match for a lot of women. Because when I'm in session, most of my wives are saying, I don't mind it in the morning, but I got work too, and he's taking too long.

Now, the women who are saying, start earlier.

The women who don't want to work earlier because that sleep is what they need because they got to go to work and come home and also be mothers and be a wife to your ass.

So there has to be some type of compassion for the fact that I'm already letting you out. I got the kid this afternoon.
Can you? Shit, please. I got a kid afternoon.
That's what y'all say.

And then y'all fall asleep and we have to to feed their asses because you coming up short.

The biggest difference between Dr. Cheyenne Bryant

in her 20s and a 40s.

For example,

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We are happy to bring out all our learnings, including what needs to change in the process, because the biggest change is not technology, it's getting people to accept that there's a different way to do things.

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Oof.

I knew you were going to come with a good question. You sound good.
You sound good at what you do.

20-year Cheyenne.

Straight shooter.

I can see that.

Still are, though. Yeah, I'm going to tell you different.
Straight shooter.

But probably bullets flying at everybody.

Right? 40-year Cheyenne, straight shooter,

knows her target.

20-year Cheyenne, outspoken.

Because she has a message that she wants to land and she's not really considerate or compassionate about who it lands on or how it lands, I should say. 40-year-old Cheyenne, aware and very calculated

on

her message, the delivery is much better now. And how it impacts you.
Because I want to make sure the impact is coming from my true intention. Wow.

20-year Cheyenne was a lot more conservative than I am at 40.

You think I'm big on no casual sex now?

I was very relational, but I also had a fiancé my whole time, right?

And

I

was

less emotionally regulated then. So I could be a lot more fiery and dominant in my relationships.
And in my 20s, my submission hadn't peaked yet.

And then my 30s was when I was with my ex-fiancé who took care of me and my submission fully peaked. And so in my 40s,

I am very emotionally regulated. My emotional intelligence is extremely high.
And

I

am,

you know,

extremely submissive. And it's not submissive because I'm waiting for you to create an environment.

I'm submissive because that's who I am internally, innately, as a woman. Right.
And so it's nothing you can do to make me not submit. It's just if I can't submit with you, I probably won't choose you.

Wow. Because I got to be with who I can be soft and submit to.

And so

lastly, the 20-year-old Cheyenne, I was a nest. I was a nest.

And that's probably why I ended up with the guy who made money, but wasn't the breadwinner because I was the nest.

And equally yoked means he can't be the nest too.

Now I'm a nester.

So I am nesting in you. And it's not that I'm waiting to see if you're a nest.
I'm nesting in you because that's just my position. Now, if you consume that role or not, it's up to you.

But I'm nesting in you. And it's soft and it's safe.
And lastly,

one thing that's in common though, 20-year shine and 40-year shine was never looking for a safe space. I already knew very early on that I was that safe space.

And so I bring that with me everywhere I go. And so, yes, I want you to add to that, right?

And don't attempt to dismantle it because it's mine, so you can't. But I don't need you to come in and I'm sitting here in fear until you create this space that I can nest in.

That's not how it works at my age. Now, the man that's going to

make a home, create a family,

same age, little younger, little older.

Because I don't, because I want a man who doesn't have children yet.

He would probably need to be about my age or younger.

But I haven't had a problem with meeting men with no kids.

I always say people, people's limited thinking is what gets in their way. Right.

And so if you think there are no men men with no kids then you're right i happen to know that i'm not looking for men with kids i'm not polyamorous i don't ain't need one and if anyone is gonna tell me that one man there ain't one man that needs to be with no kids who does well and he's a great human between the ages of 38 and 45 that's only 38 and 45 that's what you're looking for get the out of here yeah that's crazy that's like saying one person ain't gonna buy or ain't gonna like this that's crazy we know you looking for a lot but we're talking about one yeah so yeah and i don't mind even like 35, 36, as long as the maturity is there.

Yeah, you know, and because I've learned in, you know, a lot of these younger men in that 35-ish range, even a little younger than 30, they are a lot more mature than a lot of these men who are 45 and up.

Yeah. They're not stuck in their ways.
Yeah,

they are very flexible.

They open doors. They know how to date.
They are actually hunters like men used to be. They're calling, they're texting.

They're love bugs. They want to get married.
They're all. Hey, they ain't like the old school.
We the the old guard. We the hunters.
Yeah. And let me say this.

Not only women, but men in their 30s are the new generation that don't have baby mamas. You'll be surprised at how not thirsty for sex in women these younger men are.

Meaning, like they are literally saying, if we can't date or if we can't have some type of owl of the bear romance, I'm turned off.

There's so many young men here are like, women are just throwing the pussy at me. Versus back in the day, it was men were the, you know what the tasting

yes yeah and that's a turn on for me and you have the older men who are just kind of like look it's kind of like you're saying i'm working i'm doing me what you see is what you get and i definitely want the intimacy as far as sex with you but i'm not sure if i can commit i'm not sure if my old ways will allow me to to to you know to

maneuver or to uh transform into what's needed for a relationship And you're finding, studies have shown, the older woman and younger guy is having the higher success rate when it comes to a healthy marriage and happiness.

I beg your pardon. The older woman and younger men.
They're finding that that success rate has actually outdid the older man and younger woman.

Yeah.

And think about it, Shannon, though,

us older women, we actually keep ourselves up a lot better than the generation of older women did

prior to it.

And so we are working out. I mean, of course, there's other augmentations that can be done.
I'm not knocking nobody that women are willing to do. The self-care is there.

Women are taking care of their skin. I mean, it's just a whole nother world for women right now, in the sense of how they keep themselves up.

And so there is no competition for us when it comes to young women because

we really are those women, like that 35 to 45. And I've even seen women at 55.
I'm like,

sis, I've seen them. What are you doing?

And

Tracy Ellis is one of them. Oh, man.
Most of the women who are gorgeous and still doing their thing and have that glow,

they ain't been married and they don't have no kids. I'm just saying.
I'm just saying

we out here glowing. Yeah, y'all, y'all are.
Not stressed out. Yeah.
Very sexual, very happy, very loving, very rich,

very well taken care of.

Dating, no, having our way.

Very happy.

And I'm not saying that there's not happy marriages because there are,

but when you choose from that place,

you calibrate like-minded, like-vibrational energy. You're less likely to get somebody who is not happy, who's not healthy.

You repel a man who's out there womanizing and doing certain things because that man also knows he can't sustain that quality of woman.

Do you think men are lonely?

I think men and women are lonely. I think both are.
I think that,

again, we are in in an over-sexualized culture right now. And sex satisfies the flesh,

like it's been doing you. It doesn't satisfy the heart.
Our satisfaction comes from the heart. The heart already knows what you want.

Half of us just are too afraid to let it have that because we don't know how to navigate it at the mind, intellectual space.

But the heart is saying, but that right there is going to make me fully complete, fully satisfied. Wow.
So yeah, I think people are just lonely.

I think because folks are operating from this transactional space and everything is transactional, either sex or, you know, a bag or prostitution or not, and there's no relational things happening.

And I think relational

experiences is what really makes the heart full.

Michelle Obama, former First Lady Michelle Obama,

said,

America's not ready for a woman president just yet. So get out my face.

Yeah, I heard her. Do you think America's ready for a woman's president? I don't think it matters what America's ready for.
America thought they're ready for Trump.

And obviously, we were very unprepared and ready for this type of leadership. I think what America needs is

a little younger leadership. I'm not saying 20 or 30.
I'm just saying younger than like Biden or Trump, right? Even if it's the

40 to 50-ish range, it could be male or female.

Bill Clinton is younger than both of the last presidents, and he was president 25 years ago. Right.
And Obama was one of our youngest presidents. Yes.

And so,

but I think for the right woman, yes.

And it could not be Michelle, but I love Michelle. But I think that what we do need is a change in leadership.
And a woman would be a great change in leadership. And I do think that

a woman leading doesn't mean that the leadership will be soft or the leadership will be less led. I think that for the first time in history, that leadership will be different than what we had.

And if there is any time but now where we need different,

this is the time. Well,

at this current time,

anybody can be president. There's not a political office that you can't hold.
No matter whether you think you're qualified, whether you're black, whether whatever your political affiliation is.

What we've seen is that, let me ask you this, because I'll always, because she's caught a lot of criticism online, and I want to hear your expertise on what she's trying to say.

Aisha Curry, because when she says that, man,

I didn't really see myself as a wife. I was like, in this career, I'm going to be this entrepreneur.
I'm going to be this. I don't think she's saying

she doesn't want to be married. She's upset that she married Steph Curry and has this beautiful family.
But

what can you deduce from what she's trying to say?

What I heard, which is exactly what you said, nothing more or less, I just heard her,

I heard her being a woman with a voice.

And it's kind of when you said, how come women can have preference, but men can't, right? From your experience in the world. And I can see that.

I don't believe that to be true for me, but I can see that perspective societally with the constructs.

When a woman speaks out against the societal norms of a woman being domesticated or being a wife or being a mama, then she sounds ungrateful for having this wonderful husband who's providing and taking care of her because that is most women's dreams

right but there are other women like myself right and probably her too from what she said that their dreams are not limited to a position of a wife or a mother

and to just being this person's wife and where i do understand her is that i told god early on my years i said god i would love to marry a man of affluence and a man who does well but i i don't want to be known as let's just say shannon's wife

i want to be known as like this is shannon sharp and you know

bryant hyphenated sharp. Oh, you're gonna keep your lab.
Oh, so you will hyphenate the label, you know, I mean, I've already built this thing. Okay, okay,

and this is his wife. And people go, oh, I know exactly who you are.
You're the one that produced or you're the doctor. Yes, yes.
Next to you. Or if I introduce myself, oh, that's Shannon.

He's the Hall of Famer. Like, you did your thing.
We love your show.

Power couple. Okay.
Right. And so I see her saying that she wanted to have

what he had the luxury of having. He has a wonderful career and he has a wonderful family.
Family. She has a wonderful family.
How come

she gets deemed for saying, but I want to have the same equality as my husband? All I'm saying is, love being a mama and wife. Because she's obviously doing a damn good job.
Yes. Obviously.
Yes.

Kids are great. But how come I can't also want to have.
Why can't I have both? He has both. Why can't I? Why I got to be real.
And he has both because she sat at home and allowed him to build one.

Right.

And she built the other that she is allowing him to also take credit for. Right.
Because we know he's been on the road. Not that he ain't been a great father, but I love Steph Curry.

But what she's saying is, I should be able to, now that my kids are, they're of age, these kids look kind of grown to me. Right.
Go create what I want. And she did try.
She started doing magazines.

Yeah.

She got cookware. Yeah.

She tried. Right.

And so I think there's nothing wrong with her saying, look, I have aspirations too, and I'm not going to take away from what I've already been excelling at, but I'm also excellent at other things.

We had two young men,

black men, Kyron Lacey and Marshawn Nealon.

And we kind of briefly touched on it, not those guys specifically, but mental health in the black community.

Do you think there were signs? that these young men were dealing with something. It come to find out, I think

the police in Louisiana said something about he caused an accident that caused someone his life and the reports about he was about to get indicted and it was just overwhelming.

Nealon just had scored his first touchdown on a Monday night game and then all of a sudden his girlfriend is calling frantically saying he's going to end it. He's going to end it.

What is what

with the ass with the black athletes and mental health? Because I think now more guys are getting more black.

Let's speak to that because this is our community are starting to get in touch with their emotions, starting to get in touch.

Not as much as not more, probably more need to, but we are starting to see that shift where black men are not so rigid and like, man, I don't need it. I'm fine.

My daddy didn't do it. My grandfather didn't do it.

What do you think caused the shift? And how can we prevent the Marshawn Neal and the Kyron Lacey situation? You said something really, really,

really, really primal. You said that back in the day, black men would just pretty much shove their emotions down, right? And they would not allow them to come up.

So they didn't have to see them or face them, which means they didn't have to feel them. Right.
The suicide rate was way lower then.

The suicide rate is high now because you just said black men are getting more in contact with what? Their emotions.

That emotion that's tied to trauma. That emotion that is tied to pain.
And when that comes up,

they

have to feel it and they have to face it. And when there's no place to dump it or place it, then they eat it.

And it internalizes.

Anything that we internalize at some point is going to externalize in some form of action, whether it's them ending up in jail because they beat the shit out of somebody, domestic violence, which is a big one in sports, especially NFL,

or suicide, unfortunately, right? Or deep depression. And so

I think that

what needs to happen is what I am so, so, so honored to be able to provide, like I said, with the Stillers and the Browns with the players a safe space where I am allowing them to not just feel what they feel but externalize it and I'm holding space for that and I'm helping them feel it and understand what those emotions are and also teaching them what to do with those emotions.

For example, there's one of the young players has some emotions around his family using him.

And there's some addiction involved and different stuff, right, his his parents and he has a lot of emotions behind that about him being used but he also has emotions behind him saying no because guilt comes in right because there's a sense of in the black community entitlement yeah i'm supposed to take care of my family no matter even if they didn't help me or do for me you know otherwise i'm looked at as what the sellout or the dude who didn't do nothing for no one and so he's dealing with the duality of i'm being used and it feels horrible right to be taken advantage of by my parents who did nothing for me but i feel guilty when i say no so what i mean by helping him is helping him identify those emotions and then teaching him how to set boundaries that help him regulate his emotions see boundaries are not for people they're for us and they are emotional regulators which says look mom dad i'm going to give you this amount a month that's all you get

After that, him and I are still working on what? The guilt that comes from when they ask for more, him saying no. No.

That may sound like a small problem to people, but to your point, that small problem to us

puts that boy in a dark space of depression.

And if we don't see that sign as big because it's small to us, that suicidal ideation can turn into the act of suicide.

And depression turns into suicidal ideation.

And so my job, and I feel like it should be all of our jobs, I mean, every human, because mental health is a human right, not just a one, race, or gender right, but especially within our black community is what I said early on.

The check-ins need to be deeper than just you good when you know they're not good right stop asking people that what's going on with you talk to me

or talk to somebody else i'm not leaving until you talk No, I'm going to sit here until you express something. I'm going to call you.
I'm on my way. Well, let's take a drive.

Well, let's go have coffee. Let's go have tea.
Let's watch a movie. Right.
Those things have to be where we show more care and compassion.

I have to do it with the guys. Them guys sit in there and a lot of them are just like, you can tell it's at the tip of their tongue.
And I'm still pushing and pushing and poking.

I even sometimes appropriately confront them and say things that are completely rude and off that I know would trigger them.

Because if I can trigger the emotion to come out, then we got it to be externalized. I just need it to come out.

You need them to verbalize. I need it to come out.
And I need you to know it's okay. So we have to start creating safer spaces for our loved ones.

And loved ones don't mean someone you live in a house with all you love. I'm talking about you see someone on the street and you're just a loving person that looks like us.

The check-ins should be there. When I see a man get off the plane with a cane and he's a black older man, I have waited next to him until his wheelchair came and said, I'm going to wait with you.

And he goes, you are? But that's just me checking in with this older black man because you're here with nobody.

So I am responsible as a black woman to sit here and make sure you are cared for because I'm going to take on that responsibility. And that little waiting for him made that man's whole year.

He kept looking at me and he goes, you're just an angel. No, I'm a human that's trying to do shit right.
Right. And I respect my elders.

And I would want someone to do it for my father, or my grandfather, or my husband. So I'm going to do it for you.
So we have to do them check-ins. You said, were there signs? There's always signs.

And I'm not blaming the loved ones. I promise I'm not.
But we do have to be accountable because I'm telling you, we see signs.

We are too busy to get involved.

Or them in the same thing he's been doing for the past four four or five years. He's been doing that since he was 13.

But he's been dark since he was 13. Right.
And you've been doing the same thing you've been doing since he's been 13. Just letting it do what it does.
Letting him get back on the football field.

And you know, because you play ball, a lot of these kids, especially these black kids, I'm learning from working with the NFL so close now from a mental health expert standpoint.

The black boys don't have supportive families. They have entitled families.

You're not saying you had entitled family, but you had a family that you took out of poverty. So you get it.

I'm not saying they were entitled, but you went back and still gave it to them as though it was your duty. And I'm not saying it wasn't, but you did that like it was your duty.

These black young men,

Shadora is an anomaly. Yeah.
He is an anomaly. A very blessed young man to have that over here.

Those boys don't have that. And I'm calling them boys because

they 20s, they 22s, they think like boys, they make a decision like, they don't have that support. And the NFL needs to do a better job, which they are.

Thank you for having me be a part of your doing better job with mental health, of having the me's in there

and the ones that look like me in there to help these young men. Because see, I represent more than just Dr.
Bryant to them. I'm black and I'm a woman.
I represent their mama who they never had.

I represent their mama who's using them right now. I represent sometimes the mama who abused them.
I represent the mother who they despise, who they are resistant toward.

And when they get a different experience of me being a black woman, it changes everything in them. And the way I'm able to love on them, the way I'm able to pour into them and not judge,

but hold space for them is what they need. If you would have seen their reaction,

Let me tell you this. The session was so vulnerable, Shannon,

that

the director had to stop them and say doc gotta go i didn't i would have stayed out i love what i do but some of the dudes was getting out their chair and walking out like not walking the door but get up like yo i just did

one guy walked up and said yo this is not her talking this is spirit talking like as though it took him to church

that showed how his spirit was moved in that session

Those young men not only need it, but they deserve it at the level that they are playing in that league

and the fact that the league is starting to care more or at least the staff that's working for the league is saying yo i'm working close especially the player development directors those are the ones yeah you know shout out to ron and dy

them dudes are changing lives in there

and they're working next to these players and they're seeing the hardships of these players they're knowing when someone's grieving because their mom just died right and they coming in there and all they and they all they can do is perform because football is performative performative.

It's performative. And then you got family who wants you to perform too with your money.

So that's how you end up breeding men like you who's just performative and transactional and ain't got no space for the heart.

Love you to death, but we don't want a gang of Shannon Shards running around from that capacity. The shit you do that's good here, we do.

But from the place of being disconnected from yourself as a man or the heart space,

we don't want that because then we don't get husbands.

We don't get, I'm not saying you're not a good father, but we don't get fully

engulfed involved fathers. We don't get families.
We don't get the real wealth. We get detachment.
We get transactional. We get someone who can perform.

And so, because all you can do is that, all you want to do is be able to perform in my body. And that ain't good enough.
And now, what I love about our sisters is:

we're saying we're not going to settle for that.

So, y'all got to come better, which is, I believe, also what has

caused y'all to have to become more vulnerable and get in contact with your emotions because we are now holding y'all to a higher standard and saying that although we love and gonna have y'all back,

we need more than just performance from you. We need more than just y'all taking care of us and paying the bills.
We need you present. We need your pain.
We need your trauma.

And we are strong enough and big enough, black women, to hold space, facilitate them like we've been doing. this entire time and we will continue to do it.
And y'all have to just allow us to do it.

But I can say this:

the emotions that these black men are now coming in contact with and not having a place to dump it is causing depression.

Because what do you do with emotions that you don't understand and that you didn't see your father process? He didn't show you how to process them because, to your point, he shoved them. Right.

But you feeling them.

And so, even if you went to him, what does he tell you? Suck that shit up. Or

I just kept pushing, son. This is what you did.
Work, son. Work.

Catch a ball.

Just

slide through, stick and move, son. Don't commit.

It's safe in the transactional world. It's not safe over there, son.

Because if you don't tell him that, he's still going to see it. So it's learned behavior either way.
And so there is a gap. And I'll wrap on that.
There's a gap between the men of who are men's men.

I love that y'all, y'all, your age range are just man's men. That's sexy in itself.

But y'all have no emotional

fucking attachment or intelligence or heart spaces. Like, yo, hello.

So there's a gap between y'all

and the younger generation

and how you both process emotions. Absolutely.
Y'all see them, and I'm saying you have them in it. Y'all see them as soft sometimes.

And they see y'all as old and stuck in your ways and don't know nothing and just stern.

And there's that in between of who is teaching them when they don't know because they've never done it how to process their emotions so it doesn't become a mental health illness?

And we don't continue to have these beautiful young men like these two men who had a hell of a day one day and then all of a sudden, it's dark. It's the worst day of your life.

And you cannot tell me that that happened within that low time frame. It did not.
There was conversations that that girlfriend heard. There was things that were said.

And oftentimes, loved ones don't know how to respond because you also don't want to take the wrong action and trigger it. Right.

So it's sometimes a hard position for everybody, but the best thing you can do is to get that person help.

Whether it's calling the police to do a wellness check, and that is so hard because in our black community, we don't do what? We ain't call no police.

Or make a doctor's appointment and say, hey, he just needs a wellness check.

You can call the school that they're at, the school psychologist, if it's school, if it's college, you can even call up to the NFL and say, yo, I think something's going on. Do a wellness check.

They have psychiatrists and therapists that are on site site that are supposed to be working for what they pay them to do. This is your first book, correct? So that's my first book I wrote in 2014.

It's called Mental Detox. Mental Detox, yeah.
And it did so well that

Hay House, Random House, my publisher, the biggest team publishing company in the world, shout out to Hay House. They picked that book up in addition to my new book and said, you know what?

We want to redo that. and add a workbook component to it because it has been so life-changing.
And I self-published and it sold

it just sold I mean literally sold off the shelves as a self-publisher so they picked it up I added a workbook component and we added more

new information to it because I'm 2025 I'm a new woman I got you know new tools and yeah you said 50 baby 50 cent helped you La La Anthony wrote the preface yeah the forward excuse me wrote the forward

What is what can we expect for people that haven't read it? What is mental detox?

It is, it teaches you how to detox your mind of negative thinking, of your three-part house, how you think, how you feel, how you behave, and those things that don't serve you, that have only been putting you in positions that breed results that you don't want.

So, when we do things with an intention of what we want and we reach a different goal, that's called out of alignment.

Manifestation doesn't take place in that space of disalignment. And so, it talks about that.

It talks about the lover's garden, how you show up emotionally within yourself so that you can actually connect and fuse with somebody else. It talks about the professional garden.

So we use a garden metaphor in there, the professional garden of how you show up at work and how it impacts you, how you can optimize yourself by making sure that your thoughts and your mind and your mental health is impaired and not, you know, having impairments.

And so we talk about all that. And we cover, I mean, everything from how you process your emotions, emotional intelligence.
You bring about what you think about.

You have domination over your thoughts. All you have to do is possess it.
A lot of us are letting our thoughts dominate us.

And our mind is here to serve us and we are serving it and how do you allow your mind to serve you like it's supposed to um as a man think it so is he we said that earlier yep and so we have to be very aware of what we're thinking and you work backwards right um what do i want to be how do i want to show up then what thoughts do i need to think so that those that person is um curated another thing the bible says you can tell a tree by the fruit that it bears yep right and so i talk about well we first have to figure out what fruit we want to bear people are trying to figure out what tree they want to be or what seed to plant.

It's like, wait a minute, well, how do you know what seed to plant if you don't know the fruit you want to bear? That's where exposure to environments is important.

That's where choosing someone with wisdom and not experience is important.

Because if I'm hearing your wisdom and it's getting me what I like, then I understand this is the fruit that I got to try to bear. Then I can understand what kind of tree I need to become.

What kind of seeds? Your thoughts are your seeds. Do I need to plant?

And so, as I realize these are the thoughts I need to plant, because they're seeds, I can water and become this tree, and I can become the fruits of my labor.

And that's exactly what it teaches you in that book. And these are all principles that I've used, and I still use on myself and my clients.
And so they've been proven to work.

And yeah, the book has been going crazy. I'm really excited about that book.
Congratulations. I saw you at the Browns camp.
You caught a pass from us. You do it.
I did.

You athletic. I said, look at that.
I had a little trot. But look, I made it all the way.
You took your heels off? Took my heels off. Yeah, Shadora was getting fussy.
He's like, go run.

I was like, hold on.

I'm trying to get in position. He said, girl, just run.

I said, look, I told him, I said, Gonna throw me one of them Colorado passes. But that was before he had

the good game with the Raiders when he threw that long 55-yard pass. I said, Shadora, throw me one of them good Colorado passes.
He's like, You crazy, doc. I said, Thumb one of them.

Yeah.

Go get a book. New book is out, Mental Detox, Dr.
Cheyenne Bryant. Doc, thank you so much.
Thank you. I appreciate you.
Thank you for having me.

All my life, been grinding all my life.

Sacrifice, hustle, paid the price.

Want to slice, got the roll of dice. That's why.
All my life, I've been grinding all my life.

All my life, been grinding all my life.

Sacrifice, hustle, paid the price.

Want a slice, got the roller dice. That's why.
All my life, I've been grinding all my life.

Okay.

Only 10 more presents to wrap. You're almost at the finish line.
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There.

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Club Shay Shay - Dr. Cheyenne Bryant Part 2

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