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I jumped across a pond and stole a wizard's wand, but I went too quick and I stole his dick. Now I'm probably going to jail.
Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang.

Oh, thank you to Jack B. Nimble for that.
Oh, I wonder if it's the famous Jack B. Nimble.
That would be, what a treat that would be. Famous

long jumper, I guess, not a long jumper. High, certainly, over a candlestick.
I wonder if I could jump over a candlestick. Sounds dangerous, though.
Maybe I'd turn it upside down.

Ooh, sounds even more painful, actually.

Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another edition. Thanks to

Jack B. Nimble, not Jack Nee Bimble, for that catchphrase submission.
My name is Scott Auckerman. We have an exceptional show today.

I will let you know who's on it, but every once in a while, an episode comes along where we've taken a little bit of a left turn in terms of format over the past year or so.

That's right, it's time for the CBB roundtable,

where the table is around,

but the issues are squarely within our sight.

We're going to hash things out on this episode. We're going to talk about the issues of the day with an esteemed panel of guests here.
We're going to talk about thoughts, feelings.

Nothing is off limits.

Nothing is off limits,

and everything is on this very, very round table that we have right in front of us. Let's get to our guests.

He's been on the show many times before. He went to UCLA, where, nope, USC is actually what I meant to say, where he won the Heisman Trophy.

You know that gold trophy with the guy sticking his arms out.

And

he then went on to play for the Buffalo Bills, winning many Super Bowl. No, of course he didn't win Super Bowls.

What I meant to say is winning Neri a Super Bowl, but became famous starring in a series of commercials for luggage, I believe.

And then went on to star in movies like The Naked Gun, The Naked Gun 2.5, and The Naked Gun 33 and a third. Then I lost track of him around 1992, somewhere around there.

I kind of lost interest in his career and have no idea what he's been up to since then. Please welcome back to the show, OJ Simpson.

Scott. Hi.
Scott, it has been a while since I've seen you. Yes, I think about a few years.

I just want to say thank you for re when I get the call, where I am now, You have to get calls to be released where are you now by the way in the netherworld oh really wait dude I think didn't we talk about this last time we were on the show did you die recently I did

isn't that something isn't that something when somebody dies it's a terrible thing although I guess people have to in order to make space for everyone else yes it's not enough space on the planet people think that the planet is just this vast amount of flat you know that is I don't know if people think that

it's flat and think there's just this vast amount of flat land and desert and sea and things like that that everybody can just inhabitate.

But they can't. No, we do.
Although, I guess,

if you really wanted to get down to it, lying down,

how many people do we have space for on the earth? If everybody was lying down, like yeah, you want to be everyone to be able to sleep, although I guess only half of them need to sleep at a time.

So I guess, but you don't want people to have to migrate to the standing areas when they're they're woken up. Do you know what I'm saying? That's the issue.
See,

there's desert, which is way too hot for everybody to lay down on. Right.
And there's frozen tundra. So no one can lay down.
No way too for everybody to lay down on.

So in the inhabitable portions of the earth, how much room is there for people to lie down and turn over once or twice when they're sleeping? We're running out. And I tell you,

if it's a wild sleeper, God, this thing is moving here. If it's a wild sleeper, you got, you know, somebody who kicks and moves all around.
Moans, screams, night terror.

Constantly throughout their sleeping.

If you have somebody who's bitching and moaning all night, it's going to be impossible for three or four other people if we're all laying down and we're all not in our homes.

So what kind of a spatial diameter do we need around each person in order to make sure that if they're one of those types of sleepers? I'm just wondering how many people can we fit on this earth.

I would say we need at least six feet between everybody.

COVID style.

And

a lot of good came out of COVID, right? A lot of good came out of COVID. I'd like to go back and relive that COVID lifestyle.
You know, a lot of people say it was bad. I was having a great time.

I was having a great time. Let me tell you.
I was,

I did get the jab.

Oh, okay. Is that why you died?

I think that's what killed me.

Honestly, I think that's what killed me. Because I was in pretty good health.
Makes sense. I mean, it makes sense.
You were alive, then you get the jab, then you're dead. Then you're dead.

Then you're dead. As simple as that, Scott.

I was living fine. I was golfing.
I was living in Vegas. I wasn't allowed to come to California.
I didn't know anything about that. I don't know anything about that.
I understand.

I know a lot about it.

I was living in Vegas, having a great time on the golf course with my friends. Vegas, baby.
They say, Vegas, baby, they say, hey, why don't we all go down and go down to Caesar's Palace?

And at the sports book, they're giving away the jab.

And I say, well, you know, I'm an older gentleman. and, you know, I got to take care of my health.
I got to take care of who I am. And your health and who you are.

The two most important things.

I'll just say it, Scott. Oh, man.
And

I got to go down there and they're giving away the jab. And you get a free drink with every jab you get.
Cocktail? Yeah. Okay.
And so I had a couple of jacket cokes and I got a couple of jabs.

A couple of jabs. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I just told them to do them all in the same day. You know, they were saying, you got to come back in three weeks.
You got to space them out. Yeah.

You got to to spread it out you got to come back in three weeks but your body's strong you can yeah i'm i'm the juice man you know as i i may have been up there an age but i'm the juice i'm still pretty strong so i said give me three of those because i want the three free jacket cokes and i because you know money is not it wasn't great at the time money's too tight to mention money was too tight to mention at the time and so i said i want these three drinks with my with my fellas and we're gonna bet on the ponies because it was safe for the ponies to ride during the covet right yeah and also you had money to bet on the ponies but you didn't have money for drinks hey i'm just saying scott

i'm just saying you are just saying but i got the jab

and four years later

three years later

plap

but is that but i i i really haven't kept up with what's going on with you since 1992 or so is that how you died you just plapped

hit the ground not running hit the ground dying i'm so sorry i'm just saying Scott. I'm so sorry.

I mean, I think there are no coincidences. There are no coincidences.
There are no coincidences, but there are pre-incidences. That's right.
And a lot of people don't think about that, Scott.

You got to think about the pre-incidences before you can think about the coincidences. Because let's break that word down.
Yeah, coincidence. Co-incidence.
It's an incidence. Co- means two people.

Cooperation. Cooperation.

Co-op. Co-op.
People live in a co-op. Coop.
Coop. Coop.
Hanging with Mr. Cooper.
Conrad Bain.

conrad bain the doctor that killed michael jackson also the doctor that administered i don't think that was conrad bain we we want to make sure that the the estate and family of conrad bain from different strokes doesn't

we don't get him confused with the person who killed michael jackson conrad bain

he was the father on different strokes he took those two little black boys in and he what were his motivations do you think uh something if something weird honestly you gotta say they never go into it in the song you know what i mean Now, the world don't move to the beat of just one drum.

What might be right for you may not be right for some. I think that's what I'm talking about.
Manboy Love, some Nambler stuff, if you will. North American.
North American.

And they don't talk about it.

They don't talk about it in the song, but it's pretty implicit. Things like that are taboo

in regular life. I'm just saying.
It's not my thing. I did enjoy the show back in the day.

But yeah, Dr. Conrad Bain killed Michael Jackson.

He also administered my jab, which in turn. Oh, no, that's the wrong guy to get it from.

He gave me way too much. Yeah.
Well,

I'm so sorry, OJ, but I'm glad you made it out of the netherworld to be here. Hey, Scott, thank you for requesting me out.
Yes.

You know, I get a call over the intercom, and it says, OJ to the OJ to the processing. And you go, what?

Processing? Who's calling me to come up? And little did I know, my best friend, Scott Auckerman. Wow.
Being called up to the majors. Scott Auckerman on OJSimpson.com.
Still available.

All right, OJ. Well, we're going to get to the issues here today, but we need to introduce our other guests.
Okay, take care.

I will take care. Thank you very much.

Let's get to, this is a new podcaster. This is,

I think, a little boy who has a...

Not little, no, no.

How old are you, sir? I am ripe 23. You're 23.
Oh, I'm sorry. Well, I mean, I guess you're a little boy and to a lot of people.
To your parents, certainly.

Different strokes for different folks, I guess.

I'm just saying. I can't believe the juice is here.
The juice, I never thought you'd do it. You didn't do it.
No,

thank you for saying that. Finally, somebody.
What's up? Thank you for having me, Scott. This is Angus, by the way.
Yeah, my name is Angus Montgomery Diana.

Angus Montgomery Diana. Yeah.
So are you like, who who are your parents? Like Dirty Diana or?

No, no, no. Diana, we added on.
My reps added on. Oh, okay.
Yeah. To what end? Just to sound cooler.
Okay. It does sound cool.
Angus Montgomery Diana. Yeah.
And you're a podcaster?

Yeah, I just started a new podcast with Buffalo Wild Wings.

Oh. Is that a platform or they're a restaurant? They're a restaurant.
And I'm the host of their pod now. Oh, okay.
Yeah, they got a podcast now.

What does that entail? Everybody's making stuff. Is it like a hot ones kind of thing?

No, not really. I'm just talking about stuff.
I went viral uh

during a year ago i went viral because i made a clip about finding the clit

and um where uh it went absolutely viral and who's

the

oh uh the the royal clit oh okay

megan markholds

i wish scott

Damn, I wish. No, no.
I just, I was doing, I was doing some stupid shit on the internet, and now I found myself a little career on here. Okay.

So you're you're a, you, you have the Buffalo, what is the podcast called? Yeah, so um

the podcast is called uh chicken things and different things. Um chicken things and different things.
Yeah, that's what the pod's called. And we just got that title.

Yeah, we talk about uh political issues and then we decide what kind of dipping sauce that political issue should get. Um okay.

It's kind of like do you have an example? Well, I'll tell you what this is.

This is why I'm not really used to normal podcasts, Scott, because it's a clip podcast oh i see so we make clips you make clips of yourself of the podcast so we only do like one minute increments for tick tock we don't do full episodes okay so you just record for a minute and then you're done yeah on a mic oh my god i wish i could do that yeah it's wild dude and we and we the first sentence is usually something that'll go viral

like like what like something similar to what you said where it was like have you seen megan markle's clit i'll tell you what i think that looks like immediate clicks wow what what what does it look like do you think what'd you say What does it look like?

I think

it shines. Yeah, okay.
Yeah. Okay.
I think it shines like the top of the Empire State Building. And this is a popular podcast.

We just started, so my people are having me do a bunch of cool podcasts going around doing the press circuit. Well, always happy to have another podcaster on this show.
I talk about it all the time.

The most desirable get. Really?

I really appreciate coming on here. I'm doing Call Your Daddy tomorrow.

What a wide range of things. Call your daddy or her daddy.
We've never been able to figure that out on this show. Whoa, I actually never thought about that.
Call her dad. Call your daddy.

Call your daddy. I don't think it would be call her daddy.
It's call you.

It's got to be one of the two, I think.

Both sound hot. Yeah.
Well, thanks for being on the show. So, I mean, it sounds to me like you have a lot of great experience that will kind of help out in this roundtable situation.

You're able to tackle the hot button issues of the day. Yeah, for sure.
I'll say a bunch of shit that'll sound funny, but it's really, there's nothing under under there. Oh, you know what I mean?

Just like big buzzwords, right? Because that's like kind of how, like, because I'm from Tampa. I'm no comedian.
I'm no podcaster. I'm just from the family.
You're from Tampa. Tampa, Florida.

Tampa, Florida. Tampa, Florida.
Really? Forever, man. Forever.
And you're 23, you said? Yeah. Okay.
And you're from Tampa.

Went viral a year ago. Did you always want to be an entertainer? Honestly, no, dude.
I honestly wanted to be a substitute teacher forever. Why a substitute instead of really easy to take time off?

You kind of just clock in.

There's a whole interface for substitute teachers. Well, I guess you don't clock in.

Yeah, that's what I meant.

You just kind of clock in. You just say when you're a veil.
You clock in and say, I'm not a veil. Yeah, you clock in.
And they're like, but you just clocked in. That's exactly it.
Okay.

So, yeah, so it's been,

it's been a whirlwind. I never thought I would be in the entertainment industry.
Well, I mean, you're in podcasting, which is adjacent. Yeah, yeah.

It's wild. Especially because like when I got moved out here, they put cameras on me and I was like, I thought this was a pod, right?

So they moved you out here because you you you somehow taped yourself uploaded it to the internet it became viral yeah you got moved out here by a shady consortium of of entertainment folk who then are videotaping you at all hours of the day yeah no uh my management my management team sent me out here they said we can get a lot further in your career if we if we bring you out you didn't even have a career at this point

literally and that's how shit like this works now dude it's crazy um i took a couple generals i took a general with basket Baskin-Robbins. Okay.
Everyone's trying to get in the space.

They have 31 flavors. They do.
You know?

I think about that because, I mean, 31 flavors has been around since I was a kid. How many flavors

did other places have? Was it like three or something like this? Yeah, I think, what's the one at Rite Aid?

Rita's? Nope. There's one at Rite Aid.
Rite Aid and Rita's is so close that it sounds like it could be. It feels like the ice cream shop for Rite Aid.
It feels like a Trader Jose's kind of situation.

Yes, yes. Oh, damn.
I I don't know the name of the ice cream place in Riding. But I guess you used to go into an ice cream emporium.
Thrifties. Thrifties.
Hey, O.J. O.J.
Day. Where were you?

What's going on with you? I was sitting there listening and telling you. I like this guy.
And I like the city of Tampa.

Dude, you ever want to lay your hands and hug Marsha Clark?

You know what? Me and Marsha went on a couple of dates after the trip. No!

Shut up. You're kidding.
Marsha and I went out a couple of times. I took her to Spago.

I don't know who Marsha Clark is because I didn't keep up with what was going on with you in the night turn. Oh, and it turned out.
She represented the state.

The comedy troupe? No, the state versus O.J. Simpson.
Oh, I don't know what that is. Don't give him too much backstory.
Sorry, okay. It helps our dynamic the less he knows.
Oh, shit. He has no idea.

I'm just saying.

Take care.

Well, Angus Montgomery, Diana, this fascinating individual, and I hope that you'll be quite comfortable here. We want to open our doors.

I appreciate it. And I hope you're enjoying the sanded edges of the round table.
Yeah, we all take turns.

We do. We do indeed.
And speaking of taking turns, let's get to our third guest in the round table.

He is a mischievous creature of note.

You may have seen him in

at least one of the

cinematic treasures that are the Gremlins franchise.

One or two. How many were you on? I'm in both.
I'm in both. You're in both.
I'm in both. Please welcome for the first time on the show, Flasher Gremlin.
Hi. Yeah.

And, you know, Scott, I just want to thank you for the opportunity to come and be on the show. My pleasure.
It's so great to have you on the show.

You are, of course, if you have not seen the Gremlins franchise,

how would we describe what happens in these movies? Basically, like you pour water on a,

you know, it's kind of, there's a bunch of things going on, but really what it is, is there's a magwai. The magwai gets wet, and then we pop out of its back, and we wreak havoc.

And the Magwai still exists or do they die from the magic? No, the Magwai still exist, though we do try pretty hard to kill them. But

we, you know, it's just based on how we exist and what our real experience is. And obviously, Hollywood took liberties with it and that.

So you're the real Flasher gremlin, not the cinematic one, or both?

Both. Both.
So it's sort of like I'm

it's sort of like how in Happy Gilmore 2, Clearly Sandler's casting a bunch of real golfers. And Bob Barker in number one.

Yeah, so like, yeah, so he's not only Bob Barker on the price is right, but then he plays him in this fictionalized right, exactly.

So in Gremlins, you know, Gizmo the Mogwai is a puppet voiced by Harry Mandel, but all the gremlins are the actual gremlins. Famous germaphobe.
That's right. Yeah.
Gizmo hated germs. Yeah.

So

you were a Flasher Gremlin and they just want to get ahead of it. Yeah, right here, because, you know, like, like, that's it.
You know, like, I mean, everyone calls me Flasher Gremlin. And I guess.

Is that not your name?

It is.

ting ting style and i the anti-tingting that's my name uh-huh um that is my name um and i i i just wanted to come out i just wanted i'm not the same person i used to be and i know now that what i did then wasn't right it just wasn't right and i i want to apologize to everyone my actions um affected I think that is a brave stance to take, to apologize when one has done wrong to the public or to individuals.

It was like... Mr.
Gremlin, if I may never apologize. Uh-oh.

You know, and

I hear you, Juice, but like, I just feel like, you know, I spent about 25 years of my life just going around in a trench coat and glasses with a cigarette hanging out of my jagged little teeth.

And if I saw a lady and it was normally Phoebe Cates, I would open my jacket and I would waggle. I don't have genitals, but if I did, I would waggle where the genitals are.
Are you smooth down there?

Is that what's going on? Smooth, no, but I don't have genitals.

Rough. Yeah, ribbed, roughed.
Exactly. It is disgusting behavior.
It's disgusting behavior, and I know that. I can't.
Orangus, were you saying his genitals were disgusting?

I was saying having no genitals, but it being rough. Yeah, that's...

I would think it would be either have genitals.

Do you mind if we get a peek? Is that?

I'm really trying to get away from it. I mean, I'll show you.
I just want to make it clear. This isn't a flash.
This is a request. This is a request.

Yeah, and this is like a legal thing that I just wanted to do. So, do we have consent? I am all one consent juice fully consent.
Scott Ackerman, you consent. I consent.

I'd like to get just a little peek as to what we're working with.

see, so it's like ribbed, it's like a, like, a, like a rusty indeed. You put the cigarette in your mouth to do this, yeah, yeah.
Well, I can't hold it because I'm holding open my

coat, so I have to keep it in my mouth. And, you know, I would go like, ah, like that, and then Phoebe Kids would kick me.
And it's, it's not right.

It's, you know, it's not right to do what to subject that upon another

living creature. You all gave consent, and that's binding, and that's lifetime.
So now for the three of you, it's like, wait, I don't know that we consented for a lifetime. You can't binding lifetime.

Binding lifetime

Yeah, I thought consent like

you're out of it.

Yeah, I can still sue. Yeah,

in the court of God.

Wait, why is it wrong all of a sudden? I don't get it. It was always wrong, Angus, and I just didn't understand it.
And it was a different time. I'm not making excuses.
It was a different time.

A lot of people were wearing trench coats and waggling. It was always wrong.
We just didn't think it was. Yeah, exactly.

No one thought it was wrong. No one thought it was wrong.

And, you know, I'm not one of those big cancel culture guys. I understand time moves on.
That's good. But I'm just saying, like, you know, I'm ready to move on with my.

So, what do you do with your time now if you're not going around flashing Phoebe Kate's? Yeah, I avoid water and I avoid the sun.

And I try. Why do you have to avoid water? Because otherwise more pop out of me.

Was that the lore? I can't remember.

Well, you make me doubt it, but yeah, I'm pretty sure that. Maybe.

Yeah, you know, I'm 100% certain because in Gremlins, when we're shooting, there's a part where

one of them goes into a fountain and a bunch start popping out and then they kill them. Right.
Oh, okay. So you don't want that to happen.
I don't want that. I'm not ready to be a dad.

I don't think my head is there. Do they come out full-size? No.
They come out little

and then they grow very fast. Wow.
Yeah. Yeah.

I haven't seen the film. No.
You haven't seen Gremlins or Gremlins 2, the new batch? No. Some of my favorite 80s films, guys.
You might like some of these.

Scent of a Woman. Are you just listing them?

The 90s.

yeah

baps

code 90s i believe

mid 90s

that was a 2010 era film about the mid 90s

those are my favorite 80s movies okay all right well you were busy i was busy in the 80s i tell you that much so flasher gremlin what do you what do you do with your time now well you know i'm trying i'm working on self-improvement you know i'm volunteering uh at several um boys clubs uh boys and girls clubs just trying to help people who are coming up and just sort of being like, let them learn from my experience, you know, just because you don't have to lash out just because you grew up in a bad situation.

Is that what happened to you? What was your situation? Well, I was trapped in a Mogwai's back until it got wet and then I sprang out and then I spent a lot of time trying to kill, I guess, my parent.

It doesn't really, they don't really have gender. Yeah, yeah.
You know, it's tough.

It's tough. I mean, to get anyone getting their back wet.
Yeah, yeah.

Think about it. Just your back getting wet is a deeply unpleasant sensation to anybody, right? Yeah.
Do you miss it? What?

Waggling? Flashing, waggling, Phoebe Cates in general.

I like you, dude. I think we all Phoebe Cates.
It would be great if she. Do you think Kevin Klein is keeping her under lock and key? Honestly, here's the thing, Scott.
I have wondered what's going on.

I mean, it's, you know, she had a great career and then maybe she just wanted to become a mother and didn't want to act. I mean, Mia Sarah just came back in the life of Chuck after.

I can't rule out that I wasn't a part of it.

I mean, she did at least two different movies where I put her in a situation that she shouldn't shouldn't have to be in, where I was hiding behind a counter and I popped out waggling my lack of a dig at her.

And that's not right. And if I had, and I'll do this right now, I'll apologize to Phoebe Cates right now on Comedy Bang Bang.
Uh, I'm sorry, I did that to you in two different films.

Phoebe, if you're listening, and we hope you are, and if uh, Kevin Klein is doing something nefarious with you and and uh you need to escape, uh, you can do that. What is the help sign? You put your

uh, what you're doing with your fingers is very offensive.

I know the podcast listeners can't listen, but I'm certain certainly. I think I'm doing a sou-fi, the David Cook Sufi.

But

by the way, did you do that kind of thing to Phoebe Kate's offset as well? And that's why they put it in the film? 100%. Yeah.

I was known for that before the film, and they were like, well, we got Phoebe. And so on the day, that's her real reaction.
Oh, she didn't know I was. She didn't know you were going to be there.

No, so this will be funny. And she did not find it funny.

But it kind of, you know, it launched my career. And, you know, that.
What else have you done in your career? Oh, I got cut out of Troop Beverly Hills, but I was one of the Girl Scouts in that.

But they're like, it's distracting that the Gremlins here. It's distracting enough that Jenny Lewis is one of them.
It is.

Yeah, it's very distracting. There should be, if you ever cast a kid in a film, you should have an ironclad contract that says you cannot become famous after this film.
You have to quit. Yeah.

You can't do it. All show business related stuff.
You can't do something else because that's what really does it, right?

Being like, that's, you know, like, I'm thinking now, I'm thinking about Rilo Kylie, but I should be thinking about those red feathers. Why are they being such bitches to the Beverly Hills troop?

Damn, that's deep. Agreed.
Agreed. OJ,

any any opinion on this? Troop Beverly Hills? I haven't seen the films, but I'll tell you, some of the films that I have seen. Oh, we're going to list him again? A Coal Miner's Daughter.

Just one. A Coal Miner's Daughter.
A Coal Miner's Daughter starring Sissy Space at the Tommy Lee Jones. I believe it came out in 1980.
I think so. Loretta Lynn.
Yes. And her husband, Doolittle.

Enjoyed that one.

Was his name Doolittle? Like Dr. Doolittle? Like, Dr.
Doolittle. Doolittle Lynn.
Do you think he was Dr. Doolittle? Was he like the prototypical?

Did he ever talk to animals in that film? I can't remember. He never talked to animals in that film, but that probably would have been the sequel, honestly.

That film was mostly about Loretta Lynn and her life, which I think was a fantastic life. Sure, I mean, she

was an incredible singer, did such amazing things in the entertainment space, but I'd rather see a movie about her husband talking to animals. Yeah.

And played by a black guy.

Eddie Murphy. Sure.
That guy's fucking. At least Robert Downey Jr.
Yeah, Robert Downey Jr. and Blackface.

People get so upset about that. About Robert Downey Jr.
and Black Face. Yeah, I think that's one of the best performances.
Yeah. He deserved an Oscar for that.
He did.

Well, he got one for Oppenheimer eventually. So the same thing.
Comes down the wash. Yeah.
They should have had Oppenheimer be a black guy. Yeah, why not?

People get so upset when you ask for, they go, here's the thing that people do.

They say, James Bond can't be black. They do that.
James Bond can't be black. Can you imagine that Martin Luther King was played by a white man? And I go, first of all, hilarious.

But

why don't they remake Oppenheimer, but the black version call it Oppenhomies or something like that. Now, Scott, you're barking up the wrong tree.
Whoa!

Whoa!

I am learning so much, man.

Let's pitch on that. Let's pitch on it.
Let's pitch on it title. I don't know if Oppenhomies is the one.
Why? Because it was his name.

So I think. So, what if he changed his name? What if they had there was a scene where he goes down to the courthouse and he's like, I want a legal name changed.
Yeah. I want a legal name changed.

And then at the courthouse, he gets arrested for fines. Yeah, exactly.
See, Scott, you're bucking up the wrong tree, my man. For like warrants.
Oh, see? Now you're doing it again, Scott.

Yeah.

He's getting arrested. That's more where that came from.

You don't want to play with me, Scott. I'm not one to play with.
I don't know what you're talking about.

You're just a nice, gentle soul, as far as I could tell, running through airports, jumping over luggage. Hurts.

Donut, but we have to take a break, actually. But then we're going to get to the roundtable.
How's that sound? You guys ready?

You guys ready to talk about the issues of the day? Very, very excited. Very excited.
I'm exhausted.

Yeah, we're going to talk about what's going on in the news lately, what people's feelings are about every, all of this stuff that's happening.

I'm sure everyone has heard about what's going on lately. A lot of things.
The main issues of the day. We're going to talk about all of this.

We're going to be right back with more OJ, more Angus Montgomery, Diana, more Flasher Gremlin. This is the CBB roundtable.
We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this. Take care.

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Comedy Bang Bang, we're back. This is the CBB roundtable where the table is round,

but

there are no triangles.

This issue squarely in our sites was the best one. I'm trying to think of a triangle one.
What are other shapes? Pentagons? Hexagons? Hexagons. Pentagrams.
Rhombus. Rhombus.

Rhombus might be something there. Yeah,

help me rhombus.

Just as good.

That was rough. Just as good.

Just say it all together. Well, you guys say it all together.
Okay, all together. This is the CBV roundtable.
Where the table is round, but Help Me Rhombus. Whoa.
Okay.

So will you edit that other shit out?

Our editing machine is broken. I don't know what kind of budget you're working with on your podcast.

So you just leave all that in. Well,

Pasta Pasta was here the other day. She needed a bleep or he.
I'm not really sure what Pasta Pasta is, but bleeps cost $50,000 now. In the podcast industry? Yeah.
It's tariffs.

Yeah, it's with the tariffs. So Pasta Pasta fronted us for two bleeps.

But

yeah.

So that's why you really want to be careful with the cursing and anything you want to bleep out, like legally, like a name, you know, if you're talking about someone in, you know, like Conrad Bain who killed Michael Jackson.

Dr. Conrad Bain.

This is the CBB roundtable. We have our panel of guests here.
We have O.J. Simpson here.
Scott, you got another one of these DCs?

I buy them one at a time. Wow.
Selfish if you do. Do you want some of this one? I'll pour it into a glass.
No, thank you. Limited amount of backwash.
No, thank you.

You want some of my Celsius Arctic vibe? No, thanks. You shouldn't be drinking that stuff.
Why not? It's bad for you.

In what respect? I think this voice is merging into like a macho man Randy Sanders.

Who knows? We also have Angus Montgomery Diana, podcaster here. Just here as a student.
Just here as a student of life. Yeah, I am promoting my pod, but I don't know anything about it.

And that is the Buffalo Wild Wings, what was it called?

Chicken Tings and Other Things or something. Chicken Tings.
Chicken Things and Other Things. Got it.
Yeah. And people can get that in one-minute increments on TikTok.
Yeah. We're doing clips.

Doing clips. And we also have a Flasher Gremlin in here.
And I'd like to apologize again to everyone I've harmed by showing my lack of dick to them. Yeah.

Now, the people who saw the Gremlins films, you were always back facing the camera. Is that correct? No, no, no.
No? No, they shot me front on.

And they would just set aside a day just to shoot me. So Ben Affleck in that movie where he's taking the shower? What is that one where his wife leaves?

Gone Girl? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Gone girl style? Yeah, yeah. It's like Gone Girl style.
It's been a minute since Gone Girl been. It's been Gong Girl style.

Holy shit. Crap.
I think it's probably something. That was not something.
That was nothing. Oh, okay.
Yeah.

That was good.

The reviews are in. Well, guys,

the table is round and we're getting to the issues here. You guys ready to open up the issue bag here on the CBB roundtable? Yes.
Let's do it.

All right, here we go.

All right. First question.
We all know what's been going on these days in the news. There's, first of all, everything going on in Washington, D.C., our nation's capital.

But then it seems as if the chaos has extended out into other states, other areas as well.

Honestly, sometimes it feels almost like this is a bit of a global problem as well with, you know, all of the issues, everything going on.

And every day it seems like you wake up in the morning and you'll open your phone or

you'll turn on the local news and you'll see like, oh, is this still going on?

on oh a new wrinkle here oh my gosh wow this is metastasized into a new issue and it just seems like every day there's more news does that make sense so we're here to tackle that all right first question on the cbb roundtable if you could hang out with any cartoon character who would you choose and why oh that's a great question i'd hang out with the baby from roger rabbit uh with the cigar the cigar yeah well did he have a name probably uh Ernie, maybe?

Maybe, I don't know. Maybe I'm thinking of Sesame Street.
Yeah.

They're different in almost every way. Should Ernie on Sesame Street have had a cigar? He could.
He could, right? Picture it. I feel like Bert would lose his mind.
Bert would hate that.

There are people that you look at them and you go, you have a face for cigars. Yeah.
Yeah. You're like, that's you.
I know a guy who's cigar gremlin because every gremlin has like one defining thing.

And honestly, he's tedious to be around. Yeah.
He's very tedious to be around.

A lot of people have messed up. That's him tedious to be around.

if you go to his house it's like too clean and you can just tell you're like oh you don't touch any of this stuff this is just for me and then he just wants to like talk about like big picture issues all the time gremlins have houses yeah well i mean of course we have houses are they tiny like because you guys are so much tinier than no they're normal sized houses you can't why do you need that much space why do you need that much space

I could fit you in a box. I guess by the way.
You all be fit in boxes. I make sure all of my ceilings are three inches above my head.
Yeah, it is a little, but like, I don't know.

Gremlins grandma's like a little bit of space juice you had to have had a big house right huge yeah massive buckingham is what it was called

yeah but i i feel like if you were to live in a normal just like two-bedroom house that that humans lived in that would be like a mansion for you because you're so small i gotta tell you i don't like how patronizing you sound right now scott because like you know i'm i'm i'm just a being you know yeah i'm mystical mythical whatever but like you know sometimes we need cupboard space too okay okay our plates are the same size no littler plates easy there dude you're on an apology to me man i just want to fucking waggle my crotch crotch at Scott so bad right now.

And I want to tell you all again, like, you know, it's not a sexual thing. It's a power thing.
And right now I'm getting my ire up. Okay.
Well, you do have consent for me, I guess.

Until the day you die. So anyway, I want to be friends with the baby from Roger Rabbit.

Why would you want to be friends with him? He seems like a gas. Yeah.
He seems fun, I guess. He seems funny.
He's always like, ah, babe, and he's always. That's off-camera, though.

Yeah, off-camera within the camera. You know, we get to see it in Roger Rabbit, but when they're shooting, you know, the cartoons, he's just like.

It's sort of like, I don't know if our listeners have seen the Roger Rabbit short films, but it's a lot like The Office in American Workplace,

where

you see behind the scenes of what's going on. Yeah.

You get to get a little glimpse of how Hollywood is really made and also the trolley system, the red car system here. Yeah, it's a nice intersection of those two interests.

And those are two of my main interests. Okay.
So Baby from Roger Rabbit. Baby from Roger Rabbit.
Wonderful. Angus?

Okay, off the top of my head, I'd probably say Ed Ed Netty. Do you remember them? I don't.
Who's Ed Ed Nettie? It's a cartoon network show that was on for a brief second?

I think it was three brothers. Yeah.

Two of them named Ed and one named Eddie. Ed and Eddie.

I actually don't know if both were named Ed. I don't know anything about them, but it sticks in my brain.

Oh, I see. Two D's and two D's.
Oh, yeah. One D, two D's, and three D's with an I.
With a Y. With a Y.
With a Y. Yeah, I just remember those guys.

I think I was like eight and I saw them on the TV and I went, that's what being free looks like. Oh, wow.
Yeah, I brought them up here. They look,

one of them is wearing shorts. Fuck yeah.
Yeah. That's useful.
Are you not allowed to wear shorts? No, I just love that he's doing that.

Yeah. And the people around him are probably not in shorts.
That's awesome. That's artistic.
Do you feel like he's taking his long pants and shortening them, or does he buy them as shorts?

Oh, I don't know, man. There's a whole story there.
That's your clip.

Clip that.

One seems to be wearing an army surplus jacket of sorts. I just remember those three guys got up to no good and no one cared.
No one, no one. No consequences?

No consequences, no rules, no religion, no, it was just all, it was all okay. Did you come from a really constricting bank? It sounds like you're pushing.
Yeah, I went to a private school. Yeah.

How private?

Pretty private. Pretty crusty privates, if I might write.
No, don't. Speaking of one dates.

Yeah.

But yeah, I think those boys at that time were really free to me and I was like, I just would love to just like run around and not give a shit.

Now, I'm looking at the description on the Wikipedia page, and it says the trio frequently invents schemes to make money from their peers to purchase their favorite confection, jawbreakers.

Yes, and they ate those big-ass jawbreakers in their mouth. So, if you were to hang out with them, you would perhaps get some of the runoff jawbreakers, yeah, probably.

And I think what I do remember now, now this is all coming to light. I should have picked somebody I know, but now I'm remembering everything.

And

their schemes were crazy. Yeah, what kind of schemes did they get? Tell us if you weren't like the Phoenician scheme? I don't know, man.

I don't know, man.

That was a crazy scheme

recently in the news, of course. I found this

under the captain's chair. Oh, dear.

Well, how long does it say?

18 minutes.

We had to. OJ, you are a gifted mimic.
I forget that you're such a good actor sometimes, OJ. Man, what an actor, dude.
I didn't. There's like two different people sitting across from me.

Well, that's a great entry here. Ed, Ed, and Eddie.
OJ, who would you hang out with? I'm going to say Sugar Bear from the Golden Crisp commercial.

Not strictly a cartoon, but a cartoon character nonetheless. From the commercial?

Yeah.

Golden Crisp. Post-Golden Crisp.
A nice breakfast cereal.

I'm going to say Sugar Bear. What was Sugar Bear? What were Sugar Bear's characteristics? He was cool, man.
He was cool. Did he have sunglasses? He didn't have sunglasses.

The uniform of a cool person was in the 50s or so, but I think they took that away because it was a little too beatnik probably but he was also the eyes are the windows to the soul you usually want in a cartoon you want to see it if i'm going to buy cereal i need to connect with the character and i has that always been the case for you when you're buying always fred flintstone got me so deep in the fruity pebbles i tell you what tony the tiger was strong he believed in his cereal you trusted great i absolutely trust that guy he's he reminds me of guys i played football with

toucan sam i don't know if i fully trusted Toucan Sam because he'd fly all over the place, following his nose wherever it goes. And sometimes he'd leave the kids.
Yeah, you know, just in the jungle.

There'd be huge snakes around and things like that. And that's an unsafe environment for some children.
Yeah, so that he's untrustworthy. Yes, Toucan.
In a lot of ways, Toucan Sam. And the tricks.

Tricks, rather. I mean, at least he comes out there and says that, you know.
And can I say something hot, take? Okay.

Clip it. Clip it.
Here we go. Clip this.

Put this on the Instagram.

Trix,

not the tasty cereal.

Wow. You know, I mean, aren't they all just sugar?

Scott, there's no time for the colour.

If you go down that line of thinking, then we're doing that for all desserts. Yeah, it's just sugar.

You like certain desserts more than you like others. Boobs are all boobs.
Angus is talking about different types of boobs. I mean, vaginas are all vaginas, just the topping is different.

The topping.

What's the topping? That's seriously deep. I'm learning so much.
Salt?

Everything around it, I guess, is what I'm saying. Huh? Honestly, I don't mean to be woke, but I can't think of one lady mascot for

a little bit for cereal.

Is there a girl in Snack Crackle and Pop? No. No.

Oh, my God. Are they all boys? But there is like a princess.

There's no princess cereal. Princess thing, I think.

I know that

I like to eat the Cinderella fruit snacks. We have Carmella Creeper from Monster Cereal.
They dashed from Off Limits.

I just want to interject to say I think we all moved on from what Scott just said way too fast.

I'm not ready to move on

from all vaginas the same. It's just the toppings are different.
It's just the toppings are different. Because I think that's reflective of a disturbing worldview.
I'm not the weird one.

You're the weird one, Flasher.

But I'm working on it. I'm working on the growth I need to stop flashing people, specifically Phoebe Cates.
And I'm just going to be hung up on that sentence I just heard from you. No, it is.
It is.

For you to say that, you must have seen a lot of vaginas. I mean, you know, if you're asking what my body count is, that's not a

body count. That's not a point of discussion here.

That's not what we do here on the round table.

We're talking about the hot button issues of the day, not the hot buttons that we personally have been involved in.

The genuine question to the round table.

Trix cereal. Okay, yeah.
Do you like the taste? Did you grow up eating tricks cereal? No, I remember. You know, I used to try it.

Like, I feel like regularly, every couple of years, I'd be like, I'm going to try Trix again. It is.
You're right. You're right,

it tastes cardboardy yeah tricks is like chicken sausage where you're like it's not sausage sausage being lucky charms i do like a chicken apple sausage if you what is it about adding apple to it that makes it more powerful because the sweetness

it cuts the savory it's it's pretty good it's do you like chicken apple angus uh i'm just like if if i'm doing a sausage you want pork you want pork but you're right i've never met a chicken sausage only chicken apple what is that yeah what is that about and what do you get sausage down in the nether world wherever you are oh yeah there's plenty of animals down there who've done really bad things that we cut.

Well, that's nice.

What happens? Do they just regenerate?

They come back.

Oh, that's rough for them. They regenerate.
It's tough.

Tricks. Tricks.

Fruity Pebbles are tricks or fruit loops. Hey, you are determined on this question.

I'd say I'd marry Fruity Pebbles. I'd fuck

the other one,

the other one. Fruit loops.
From loops. And I'd kill.

Tricks.

I 100% agree with that. That's pretty good.
100%. Yeah, do we have to fuck one of these cereals? No, that's just what I said.
Scott, fuck Mary Kill.

Clip starts here.

Just any cereal? No, no, no. Fuck Mary Kill, Fruity Pebbles, Fruit Loops.
Tricks.

I'd fuck the Fruit Loops because they're circles. Okay.

Spoken by someone with a high body count.

Yeah.

Bro.

What are the other two tricks in

Fruity Pebbles?

Yeah, I'd marry Fruity Pebbles and I'd

kill tricks. Yeah, there you go.
Yeah.

Scott, what was cereal like in the 80s?

We were, you know, we only got a few at my local store, but we were, we were, that was the, the aisle that we always wanted to go through.

And I think my, my mom had a, a rule that if sugar was in the first three ingredients, that we couldn't buy it. Wow.

Tough childhood. Yeah, it was tough stuff.

So you had to eat like

bran flakes. Yeah.
And corn flakes? What's the one where, did you, were you ever on that?

All the Olympians are on it. Wheaties? Wheaties? Yeah, Wheaties.

I probably was on a Wheaties box. I can't remember back then.
You've done so much stuff, OJ, that

I probably was on a Wheaties Box sometime. Guys, we've come to our next topic here

on the roundtable. Are you guys ready for it? Hopefully, it's about cereal.

We can make it. We've all seen what's going on these days.

Every time you open a newspaper, it seems as if article after article is popping up where people are saying, Oh my god, did you hear about this thing that's going on? Oh, well, guess what?

There's a new thing that's happening that you got to pay attention to now.

And day after day, these newspapers they put them out, you know, once or twice a day, and you open them up, and that's what happens.

So, here we go. Here's our next topic: if you could be any supernatural creature, what would you be and why?

Supernatural creature. Yeah.
OJ, we're going to start with you. Tony the Tiger.

You think he's supernatural in nature? I do think he's supernatural because how in the hell you get a tiger that that stands up that tall? Tony the tiger's got to be about six feet.

Is he wearing a shirt collar? Tony the tiger? Yeah. I think he's wearing like a.

No, he's wearing a kerchief. He's wearing a kerchief.
Oh, he's a kerchief. Oh, yeah.
He's wearing a kerchief. Yeah, yeah.
Like he's down there in Florida and just wearing an ascot or something. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.
And he's out in Tampa. Yeah.

Now, I mean, Flasher Gremlin, Tony the Tiger, he's only wearing a kerchief. That's right.
Meanwhile, you at least are concealing yourself with your overcoat. Yeah, I know my shame.
99% of the time.

Yeah, that's the difference. Tony's just living his life.
I have shame. I cover it up.
And then I say, look at this. Now I have something on you.
Who's worse, though? Tony the Tiger or you?

Me, the way I used to be.

I think so, too. Yeah.

The way Tony's doing it, you want to see it because he's 6'4, he's buff. His paws are big.
I think he's 6'4. I think Tony's just frosted.
I think his paws are bigger than his face.

But when you see him on the cover of the cereal box. He looks great after all these years.

There's a big giant bowl of cereal, and then he looks tiny next to it. What if he's only like 2'3? That means he's humble.
See?

Angus is right. He chose that.
He said, make me look smaller than the cereal. And that way when people meet me in person, they go, wow, I'll get this big if I eat frosted flakes.

Or do you think it's just a giant bowl of cereal, which honestly sounds good right now? Doesn't it?

Fuck Mary Kill.

Yeah, yeah.

Frosted flakes. Okay.
Sugar smacks.

Or golden crisp. Golden Grams, Golden Grams.
Golden Grams. Any of these circles?

Nope. Nope.

It's going to be hard. What's this when they get soggy? Can I wrap one up into kind of a circular shape or a conical? I guess so, you know.
You're nasty, dude. You are naughty.
Naughty and nasty.

I don't know. I'm going to pass on this one, but we're going to have to go over to Angus Montgomery, Diana.

If you could, what is the question? If you could be any supernatural creature, who would you be in Y? All right.

I'd kill a gnome,

marry a fairy,

and I'd fuck

eagle. Fucking eagle.
Have you watched the

series finale of David the Gnome recently? That's fucked up. Recently? I feel like we're on the same page.

JOHN ME. I know exactly what you're talking about, and it is fucked up.

They die, turn into trees, wrapped around each other. That's how gnomes die.

And that's the series. Series of 1985.

Okay.

From

the Spanish-produced David the Gnome animated series. I guess I don't want to be one of the gnomes then because I don't want to die that way.
Yeah.

I think I'd be whoever is in charge of all of the fairies. The queen.
Like Oberon or

Tanner? Yeah, yeah, Oberon. Okay.
Yeah. All right.
Great. Does that do it for you? That does it for me.

All right, Flasher Gremlin. Same question.
If you could be any supernatural creature, what would you be and why? First of all, crazy question to ask in a room with a gremlin and a ghost.

But I would have to say.

Jose, do you consider yourself to be a ghost? I consider myself to be all things company. Yeah.

Anyway, yeah, I guess, you know what? I'm going to go with Mothman because he can tell when bridges are going to fall down. He can tell when someone's holding chapstick.

Who is Mothman? The Mothman, I guess. The Mothman.
The Mothman from the Mothman Prophecies? Oh, I don't know the Mothman prophecies. Oh, this is a book series? No, no, no.

It's real life and also a Richard Gere movie. And if you get called in the middle of the night and it's someone going like,

talking to you like in a rough voice, telling you about the future. That could be cool-optic.

It could be cool-opted. I'm really worried about tomorrow.

This is how you know. You say, tell me what I'm holding in my hand.
And if they go, chapstick, it's the Mothman because he can see the future and he warns people. Some people think he's just.

going to be holding chapstick in the future. You're going to ask, what if I'm not holding chapstick? In the one movie I've seen, it was chapstick.
So I don't know how it applies.

What's the one movie you've seen? The Mothman movies? The Mothman prophecy. And this is the only Mothman-related

besides the Gremlins movies? Yeah. I just watch it over and over.
Wait, these are the only movies you've watched other than the Gremlins movies? Yeah, I'm very familiar with other movies.

I just don't like to watch them.

Okay, so you've seen your own movies. I've seen my own movies.
I've seen the Mothman prophecy a number of times, and it's very good. It's Richard Gere, probably his best movie.

Yeah, you keep saying Richard Gere. That's not a problem.
Richard Gere. No, yeah, Richard Gere, yeah.
Primal Fear. Pretty woman.
Old, old hamster button.

Hamster T and the women. Dr.
T and the Women. Absolutely.
Underrated. Changes to Mr.
T without the women? I'm interested.

The first time.

Dr. T and the Women just come up.

So,

yeah, I haven't seen this movie, but

anyway, Mothman's a supernatural creature that lives, I believe, in Pennsylvania and can predict bridge collapse. Why do you want to be the Mothman, though? It sounds like lonely existence.
No,

I just want to know if I'm forgiven.

I want to be able to look into the future and say, do they forgive me for the way I was before when I was chasing Phoebe Cates around, waggling my lack of junk and stuff?

You're covered in shame, dude. Yeah, I think you'll get there.
I think all it needs is for Phoebe Cates to come out and

accept your apology. Kevin Klein won't let her.

What's going on with Kevin Klein? I don't know. I don't know what's going on.

Mr. Pirates of Penzance.
He's so good, though.

You see that mini-series that was named Disclosure last year? So you watch TV? i love tv

all right what what are you watching lately oh boy i'm as uh a nine perfect strangers it's back baby oh yeah how can they still be strangers i don't know i heard they added people and it's not nine that pisses me off if it's two perfect strangers and it's balky and the other guy then that's there i'm interested yeah you leave them wanting more absolutely

um well guys great answers and we've really really dived into these incredible topics we do need to take a break now, but the roundtable is going to continue.

Like all round things, it'll just keep going and going and going like a perpetual motion machine.

We're going to take a break. We're going to be right back with more of the roundtable.
More OJ, more Flasher Gremlin, more Angus Montgomery, Diana.

We'll be right back with more comedy bang bang after this. Take care.

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Use as directed.

Hear that? That's me in Tokyo learning to make sushi from a master. How did I get here? I invested wisely.
Now the only thing I worry about is using too much wasabi.

Get where you're going with SPY, the world's most traded ETF. Getting there starts here with State Street Investment Management.

Before investing, consider the fund's investment objectives, risks, charges, and expenses. Visit state street.com slash IM for perspectives containing this and other information.
Read it carefully.

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Comedy Bang Bang, we're back. The CBB Roundtable is here.
We have the Flasher Gremlin. Hello.
Who's with us? Angus Montgomery Diana, a podcaster, 23-year-old gentleman from Tampa. Hello.

Tampa, Florida. We also have O.J.
Simpson here. Hey, X-World.
It's me.

Yours truly. X-World.
Oh, that's right. Yes.
X, the Anything app. The Anything app.

We're back on the CBB roundtable. We've just barely scratched the surface, which...

Look, if it's a car, that sounds pretty good. If you're in some sort of an altercation with another car, just barely scratching the surface, that's good.

But when you're in the CBB roundtable, you want to dive even deeper. Get your hands dirty in these issues.
And we're prepared to do exactly that. You guys ready to open up the roundtable again?

Oh, open it up. Yeah.
All right. Here we go.
New topic. Obviously,

these days, social media, you see a lot of posts, a lot of things on social media where people are saying, like, oh, God, look at this thing over here.

And then people kind of say, like, oh, yeah, have you seen that? Well, what if I reposted this?

And, you know, there's a a lot of people posting and then reposting and trying to bring attention to what's going on in the world through various means of posts and reposts. And

they don't call them tweets anymore.

What do they call them on X, the Anything app now? X's. X's.
Oh, great branding.

But so obviously that leads us to our next question.

If you could be immortal,

what age would you choose to stop aging at? And why?

Angus, we're going to go to you first.

Damn. Now, obviously, you're a young gentleman, so you don't know what can happen to one's body as one gets older.
God.

I mean, I'd have to ask because I see you guys, you fellas before me, and I'm like,

does it get better? No. No.
Okay, then I'd say probably my age right now. Just 23? I don't know if I would want to stop at 23 or more like 27.
22 was good. 22 was good for you? 22 is ripe.

What was going on in your life um 22 i i had just uh had my first girlfriend oh um great and she had a personality man she had a personality

a good one or a bad one a good one a good one okay yeah good and that was like my first love she yeah it was like a lot of just like memes back and forth i think it was the first time yeah it was it was special for me 22.

how long did you date this person uh two months okay i mean that's you know when you're just getting started it's long yeah yeah and it did did you consummate the relationship?

Yeah, of course we started out as a situationship for the for like two years then for two months dated seriously and then ended. Yeah.
And why did it end if you don't

She had a gambling issue an issue with she won so much money that she didn't want to date you anymore? No, no, she couldn't stop. There was this she was a part of this athleisure

pyramid scheme that started gambling. Okay.
Right. So she was in charge of selling athleisure.
Yeah. And it turned into a gambling ring.
That's a problem that happens all the time.

It was, dude, I didn't realize that there's like so many women that are falling victim to these gambling rings with leggings. These are important issues we need to hear about.

This is why we do the CBB roundtable. Yeah, this is, I'm learning so much.
I really am.

So 22 was good for you. Yeah, I'd say 22.
Physically, your body was right where it needs to be totally. Everything feels the same.

I never, every morning I woke up, I was just a tad tired, no matter what I ate or drank before, you know? Hmm. That doesn't sound good.
Did you fix that? Or are you?

No, I meant like nothing could affect me. Now, if I have like, if I have like a certain amount of shots the night before, I kind of feel it, but not really.
You're going downhill now, yeah. Oh, fuck.

So you're 22, so you're able to get into bars, which is good because you don't want to say, like, oh, I want to stop at 13. Exactly.

No, then you're like Gary Coleman, not to bring up different strokes again.

Bane, Dr. Conrad Bane.
Uh-oh.

Propofol.

You ever had propofol juice? Oh, yeah.

You get great sleep. You get it with the colonoscopies.
You get it with the colonoscopies when they get up in there. Is it the stuff that makes you blue so they could see inside you?

No, I don't. Yeah.
You meaning the dye that they put in your veins? Yeah. No, that's propofol is just

help you relax. Yeah.
Damn. Helps you relax.
Let that go up in you. Yeah, they helped Michael Jackson relax to death.

Well, that's a great answer, Angus. I'm going to turn over to Flasher Gremlin.
Sure, yeah.

What age would you be? How old are you? I didn't even know you're a mythical, mystical creature.

Yeah, once we spring out of a Mogwai's back or another gremlin's back, we kind of stop aging at that moment.

We're just the same forever until we die, either by being electrocuted by one of our friends that turned into an electric gremlin or seeing the sunlight, something like that.

And so you have a period, a gestation period of a few hours and then you. In the back?

Well, once you pop out out of the back, you're not the full size yet. No, yeah, we get a little bit bigger very fast over the course of just like a couple hours.

So, so you basically are already frozen at two hours. Yeah, exactly.
Would you freeze yourself earlier if you could choose any age? You know what?

I'd freeze myself right where I am now because I've been doing the growth. You know, I've been doing it.
I've been trying to connect with people.

I've been trying to make eye contact when I talk to them. All the things I've learned now, I want to maintain, but I also don't want to get into it.

I don't know what happens to most gremlins explode, get killed, something like that. Does a gremlin die of old age out there? No, it's normally blenders.
Emphasis.

Yeah. I've been smoking like a fucking chimney, as you've noticed,

and it hasn't gotten me. No, I'm not sure we have lungs.
Oh, okay. Yeah.
Do you want to open your mouth real wide? Yeah, sure. Take a look in.
I don't see any lungs. No, I see a uvula.

Yeah, I got two of those. Hey, see, there you have genitals.
My uvula is my... Yeah, uvula is the genital of the mouth.
Yeah, I guess

I think about it. Hey.
Now you can open your mouth when you flash. You can wear a COVID mask and then pull it down.

Hey,

Juice, if you could become immortal, what age would you choose to stop aging at and why? You know, Scott, it's funny you ask this because I've actually genuinely been thinking about it.

Have you really? I would say 47 is 47. Because 47, in my opinion, you are still young and spry.

Like kind of, you know, maybe I've lost a little bit of a step, but you're still strong.

It's a good age to be a dad or whatever.

You got gray, so you're kind of like a silver fox. So

the older ladies are attracted to you. You could not be a silver fox if you stopped aging earlier.
Yeah, but I don't know. What year would you have been 47? I would have been 47.
Let me see.

I mean, 30 years or so?

1994.

Somewhere in there. It's the year.

It's the number of my favorite president. And

it is,

you know, I just think 47 is a good age to like, you know, i'm because you don't want to be like when all your friends get old you don't want to be too young but that's gonna happen in any of these situations it will but at least at 47 you'll kind of be like yeah i got gray hair right yeah what do you mean a good age to be a dad you know what i'm saying just no like it's just a good idea

no i i'm just saying do you want to have kids angus i don't know that's i don't i mean you're a kid yourself right now yeah i never thought about that man you put a jimmy on when you uh have sex

i should be tell me your body count angus do you put a jimmy on when you kill the poo nanny

poo nanny

man i didn't know we were dealing with an expert like scott today

and kill the poo nanny

Man, oh man. I'm just saying now that it's dangerous behavior to be out there in these streets.
In my age, are you putting jimmies on?

You know, here and there don't get all red it's okay

uh

well these are great great you didn't answer the question what about you oh well you know uh i'd want to do it before 42 or 44 when your eyes start getting bad

oh uh 36 i think 30 yeah like in the 30s is good because you're like but that feels too young you're a man

you can because i feel like you can date any age because you're you're

you know what i mean like when you're 36 feels like any age is okay when you're When you're a baby face 22-year-old, you look too young for the older women.

And so there's, and then there's no floor to that for you at 36, huh? Scott, I'm talking about

it. Slasher gremlin.
You're the weird one. I did the work.
I did the work.

Phoebe Cates, how old was she in that first gremlins movie? Uh-oh. Uh-oh.
I couldn't begin to guess. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah, exactly.
Yeah.

I was problematic. All right.
Well, we're going to get to our next question here. And this is.

1991, I was.

1993. I was 46.
You are almost on. Good year.
Good year.

I wouldn't do another in 93 besides getting disrespected.

All right, here we go. We're going to get to our next question.
And I'm going to start with Flasher Gremlin here. If you could commit any crime and get away with it, what would you choose and why?

Flashing. Flashing.
Flashing. If I could do it, if I could get back into it and do it without, like, without like, and just get away with it, not ruin lives, I would do that.

Meaning the consequences to you would be gone? Or what about the consequences of your behavior to other people? That's part of it, right? That's part of it. But then would you even enjoy it?

Yeah, I'll tell you right now, I would absolutely enjoy it. There's something freeing about it, like what Angus was saying.
So why not just flash in the privacy of your own home? That's not flashing.

You know, it has to be someone else watching unexpectedly. Is a flash only without consent?

You know what? No, I don't think it is because I think you can have consensual flash. I think think we can go out and be naughty and stuff, right? Like, oh, I'm going to flash.

Are there like flashing safe words where you pretend to not have consent? And then.

That's brilliant. That would be a good way to do it.
I should probably put into some sort of program because there's a lot of people like me out there more than you think.

I'm certain people have been on the show before who like to do this sort of thing. And that's the sort of have a safe word.
If you do 900 and so some odd episodes, there's going to be some weirdos who

go through the door. Yeah.

And if not that, then I would say train robbery. Okay.
Yeah. interesting.
Like old school train robberies where it's like jumping on pieces of gold. Yeah, yeah.
Get out, you know, just sort of like.

Maybe I'm just young, but is train robbery taking a train or taking the what's in the train? No, that's a great question. It's a great question.

That's a really good question because I never thought about it. Yeah.
I think so.

Yeah.

I would love to make a movie, The Greater Train Robbery. Just the whole train.
Just steals the train. Yeah.
And leaves everything that's in the train there on the tracks.

The issue is with that, if you steal the train, you got to take the country's rail line. You got to take the tracks.
You got to take the tracks, and so you will be stopped eventually.

A train is a train without tracks.

How do you have a track? A vagina is a giant without a bush. A vagina is a giant without a topping.
Yes.

You got to run that by Scott. I'm not sure.

Interesting. Train robbery and/or flashing.
Let's go to Angus Montgomery, Diana.

If you could commit any crime and get away with it, what would you choose and why? Oh, I think being a false, what is it when you get to

falsely being a police officer? Oh, impersonating. Impersonating a police officer.
Impersonating? Yeah. It sounds fun as hell, dude.
Yeah. Just like driving around that car, put the sirens on.
Yeah.

Pull people over.

Bad lieutenant, port of call, New Orleans style. Yes.
I had a buddy in Tampa get one of those old police cars.

How old are we talking? It was just like. From the 40s? No.
The 30s? No, it was just like. from like the 90s.

I was going to say the 20s, but I realized we're in the 20s right now, so I couldn't just be talking about now. Whoa.
It seems like it was so long ago, but we're in it now.

You adults are wild. Anyway,

I would, yeah, I think I would do that. I think it'd be fun as fuck.
I don't know. Maybe.
Would you put on the hat? Yeah, I think it'd be so fun.

Honestly, I would do that and let out my new friend over here. Let out? Who's out of another world?

Let me out of what? I don't know if you have jurisdiction to let him let OJ out of where he's in now. I want to release him.
Release the juice on the lips. The juice needs needs to be loose.

Yeah, of course.

OJ, same question to you. If you could commit any crime and get away with it, what would you choose and why? Let me think on that.

Let me think on that because that's a tough one. Because I do believe that criminals should be in jail.
People who do do things.

So you're hard on crime. I'm hard on crime.
I'm tough on crime. Same as my president.
And

I would say, but if I had to commit some crime, you know me, Scott, I would go down to one of those dessert-only restaurants like in Vegas the sweet factory sugar factory something like that do you consider an ice cream parlor like 31 flavors the aforementioned 31 flavors Baskin Robbins to be a dessert only restaurant he has a candy store I would say basket robins has gotten too corporate

I think one of these smaller mom and pop in Vegas casinos yeah these small mom and pop Vegas casino stores yeah sugar factory and I would go in there and I would eat my I would eat my weight in in desserts and ice cream this doesn't sound illegal I wouldn't pay for it Oh, okay.

So. Dessert theft.

Yeah, dessert theft. Dessert theft.
Yeah, dessert relief. That's as bad as I get as far as a crime.
Anybody else who commits anything wrong, well, worse than that, go to jail. Yeah.

Good answer, Juice. Good answer.
Love hearing your tale. Also, you know, I will say when I had a lapse in judgment and did commit a crime, when I got my memorabilia back, it was

yours. It was mine.
That was yours. It was my stuff they took from me.

It's like,

would it be a crime for a librarian to break into my house house and steal any book i don't think so exactly it was hers

or his no no no no librarians are women no librarians are women

all right well i mean great to hear your take on these things juice because uh you have the most experience out of everyone although how old are you we never really it's unclear i sprang out of a back in the early 80s so yeah so i i think i'm i'm definitely younger than juice right but do you age in uh like dogs are gremlin years different than i it's hard to say i've look the exact same than i have since 1984, so I think like my body's not aging at all, but calendar-wise, yeah, also, you're so small.

I would imagine a year together. What is it there for? What is this with I'm so small? Don't short people, don't they? Don't years take longer? They got nobody.

Can I ask a question? And this has been explained to me many times. I still don't understand it.
What is this skibbity toilet?

Holy god, dude. Clip starts there.
Clip starts there. Anyone? OJ, anyone?

I would love to know from the young Angus here. Yeah, Angus, what is it? I feel everyone.
You're going to have the best bet.

I can't believe I get to do this on air. Wow.
Yeah. Hit us.

We have an older gremlin here,

an old man who is now dead, and OJ.

So please inform us. What is the skibbity? I want to give you the government definition really quickly.
Okay. And then I'll explain it as a person.

Okay, so just give me a second. All right, sure.
Yeah. Take all the time you need because this is part of the roundtable.

It leads us down what some people would call blind alleys, but is any alley blind when it leads you into scenes? What do we think government definition means? I don't know. Let's find out.

Let's find out. Yeah,

what do we got? Skippity toilet. Okay, it's what I thought.
Um, it was a viral meme. You know what a meme is?

I do know what a meme is. OJ, OJ, do you know what a meme is? Of course, yeah, yeah.
You are a meme, basically.

It's a human-headed toilet. It's a meme of a human-headed toilet.

Meaning a human with the head of a toilet? Yeah. Okay.
And

the meme is that toilet, like fighting. Oh, God, I don't know if I'm getting this right.

The head's coming out of the toilet, and it is fighting the war against the cameras and the other high-tech enemy armies.

This is like an Optimus Prime Transformers kind of situation, but with toilets instead of cars? No, they don't really turn into anything.

It'll be like a body with a camera head and then a toilet with a man, a Ukrainian man's head sticking out of it. That's all I need to know.
Yeah, that's about it. I think I got that.

You don't need the government one? I do want the gobblery. What is the government? Definitely.
Well, skibbity is now its own thing. Okay.
And skibbity in Gen Alpha slang means

something that is cool, bad, or dumb. All three of us.
Bad like Michael Jackson? He was killed.

I was just about to say it's like Aloha, dude. Dr.
Comrade Maine. Michael Jackson, bad.
This is bad, real bad, Michael Jackson. I remember when that came out and everyone was laughing at it.

Like, no, things that are bad can't be good. He proved us wrong didn't he skibbity skibbity scotty you got a squirrel problem yeah i've been noticing that too oj is it a problem or an opportunity

to make a hat

there's not like f1 racers out there to make a jimmy by the way i think it's a i think it's a citywide thing because i was driving my daughter to work to work

where does she work well we're trying you know we're trying to bring manufacturing back to this country uh to school and we were we were several miles away and we saw more squirrels than we'd ever seen in our life just like racing across the street.

So, I think it's the city-wide there. Squirrels have they chasing you? No, they were not chasing us.
Have you seen these squirrels that live on college campuses? No, I have not.

They are all like three times the size of a normal city squirrel because of the amount of food waste that these college campuses have. Really?

That these squirrels can get into, and they're starting like they almost look like a different animal. So, they're gaining the freshman 15 as well.

Angus, that sounded so sincere.

The dead eyes behind that laugh. Not looking at anybody.

There's your clip. Clip.
There's the clip. Well, guys,

I think that's the roundtable. Wow.

We did it. I think we really solved some things today.
I mean, I know that a lot of times you don't get into discussions in order to solve things.

You just kind of want to bring, but I think we actually solved a lot of the issues of the day. What do you think? I think so is wrong.
Can I ask one follow-up question? Yeah, no problem.

Is the topping the rest of the woman?

It's her personality.

Yeah, it's her personality. Her wonderful, wonderful personality.
Okay.

Well, guys, we're running out of time.

We only have time for one final feature on the show. That is, of course, a little something called plugs.

It's the end of the show when I'm underexposed. Untie the knot on the bag, that's closed.
Tell you something new, and I give you the date. Come watch what I do, put food on my plate.

Santa has a sack, but he wish he had the plugs contained within this bag. Time for plugs, gonna sell what I do.
In Mother Rush, a bag plugs you.

Comedy bang-bang, hosted by weirdo Scott Ackerman talking, poppy cocking. Now he's gonna give me a shot.

As I long for the bag, that has my lives work inside. Exemplify then subside as the show has passed the time.

Back of plugs,

back

plugs you. All together now, dance

on plugs.

And ding

Yeah, that was Ding-Dong Plugs by Bossman 207. I really enjoyed that.
That was good. It sounds like something Matt Appodaka would like.
I got my fucking half-chub over here. Wow, wow.

Well, I've been listening to a pop-punk playlist past couple days. Really? Yeah, reminiscing about

my grandkids' high school days.

Well, guys, what are we plugging here? Obviously, Juice, you always have something going on there in the world, right? Sheesh, Luis.

Always something going on. I haven't had a break since I've been back

to the real world. Right.

Well, I called you up here and you came straight here, so I would imagine that's.

I like a couple podcasts to promote, if you don't mind me promoting them on your show, Scott. Sure.
We always love to promote podcasts. The patreon.com forward slash Hollywood Handbook.

It's a universe at this point. Those men.
With those men that they call the boys.

And I like their podcast, Hollywood Handbook, and I also like their basketball podcast, the Flagrant Ones. And I like their

baseball podcast that they now have called The Filthy Ones.

And I like the little Sopranos podcast that they've just started called Dart and Lamar Woods. They used to have a podcast called XOXO Gossip Kings, where they watched Gossip Girl.

And now they got a podcast where they watched Sopranos called XOXO Bada Bings.

And

I like titles of podcasts that are parodies of the previous podcast that they've done.

I've done many of them. We got to keep doing this.

Next one is XOXO Elden Ring. I don't know.

But I do have one follow-up question. Do those guys ever drop the axe? I still don't know.
Yeah.

You could also

watch Grand Crew on Peacock. It's still there.
Yeah, they're not going to take it down. They're not going to take it down unless you stop watching it.
Keep watching it.

If you're in line stay in line

and uh also on peacock uh because the season's over you can watch snl 50

and uh have a good time with a lot of those skits and skibbeties yeah three hours worth or so three and a half maybe even uh what three and a half what wasn't that special wasn't it three oh yeah i'm not talking about the special i'm just talking about you're just talking about the season yeah yeah uh all right um angus montgomery diana what do you want to plug

okay

I'd have to, I mean, first I got to plug my pod. That's why I'm here.
Oh, yeah. Chicken Things and Chicken Things.
Chicken Things and Chicken Things. That name has changed.

This is going to be hard to find, though. Yeah, I'm changing it around.
I also love this other improv podcast. It's called Artists on Artists on Artists on Artists.
It's an I've heard about this.

Yeah, it's a bunch of just make fun of Hollywood round tables.

You get Patreon. It's on Patreon, too.
Patreon. Yeah, Patri Ron.
Patri Ron. Patri Ron.
That's something. Patriarch.
Pastry Ron. Pastry Ron.
Shit, dude. What's your body count?

I'll let you know after the show. Thank you.
That's my plug.

Flasher Gremlin. What do you want to plug? Well, you know what? I want to plug.
Sometimes

I sit in with this comedy show called Convoy once a month at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater and live streamed. It's always the first Wednesday of the month.
It's live in Los Angeles.

It's live streamed throughout the United States, certainly, if not the world. Yeah, I assume the world, but I've never thought about it.

No, why would you? There's no reason to, but I guess, yeah, you know, I don't know. You're getting an email saying, blimey.
I saw your show the other day.

Yeah, but it's from one guy, and I think he's lying.

And then, you know what, Scott?

I want to plug the concept of empathy. Yes.
Thinking about the people that we've affected

that we've hurt

Phoebe Cates's of the world. Zach Gallagher? Was that his name or was it Gilligan? No, Zach Gallagher, you know?

And I just want all of us to take a moment and think about that and think about how we've affected people and what would that feel like?

What would that feel like to have a little guy wearing the trench coat and sunglasses and a cigarette pop out and flash their lack of a dick at them?

Just think about that because that's what I think. Well, it's a surprising thing to have someone hiding, you know, in the bushes, wearing an overcoat, perhaps gloves.

You don't know whether they're carrying a weapon or not.

You're just like arriving home to your house and someone is hiding there in the bushes and then you're just trying to maybe return something to the owner,

you know, in a manila envelope, some sunglasses or something like that. Yeah, sure he's listening to you, Scott.

He's canceling his water.

It's tough, I mean. He's canceling his water.
Let him cancel his water.

But in any case, the concept of empathy certainly is something we all need to think about. I want to plug, hey, head over to cbbworld.com.

We have every single episode we've ever done of this show ad-free the entire archive of 900 and some odd shows, plus every live episode we've ever done, including last year's big tour.

We have other shows like College Town, The Neighborhood Listen, CBB Presents with Hey Randy, and This Book Changed My Life, and The Batman, and Will, I'm Heinz to Praview,

and

Pray Dunk. So many great shows.
Oh, Scott hasn't seen where I watch movies with Sprague the Whisperer, my good buddy. So many great shows over there.

Head on over to cbbworld.com and you can get them all. All right, let's close up the old plug bag.

We all have bags

and they need some closing.

We need these bags because we're nosing. That in these bags are lots of plugs.

Opa,

open.

open the floodback with me

dude.

Just please don't close it and be rude.

2025.

I'm talking open up the plug back.

And then you are alive.

Open up the plug back!

All right, that was Waves Plug Back 2025 Remix by NTR. Thank you so much.

If you have a plugs theme, either opening or closing up the plug bag, head over to cbbworld.com/slash plugs, and you'll find everything you need over there to upload your song, as well as all the stems and everything for the remixes.

And, guys, I want to thank you so much for another scintillating roundtable.

Obviously, OJ,

wonderful to have you back here. I hope you get to cancel your water appearance.
Let me stay. Are you in?

Are you in hell? Why are you canceling water if you're in hell? People in hell need ice water, but when it doesn't get delivered, it's an issue.

Angus Montgomery, Diana, pleasure to meet you. And good luck with your clips or your podcast or whatever form your content lives in.
That's the important thing: we're creating content.

I learned so much today. Thank you for having me.
We're fellow content creators, and I consider us to be peers.

That was halfway almost there to a laugh. Yeah.

Yeah. And Flasher Gremlin.
Yeah. thank you uh so so great to meet you so good to be here and again like the the you know the the the consent you gave is lifelong so you know here you go

that's uh yeah that's uh you're yeah waggling your lack of genitals your your jagged lack of genitals at me and it made it that's the right word yeah it made me feel um ashamed

and uh powerless yeah okay good great that's awesome cool great well great to have you on the show. Hey, it's happy to be here.

And guys, we'll see you on the next CBB Roundtable, but we'll see you on the next episode. Bye.

Hear that? That's me with a lemonade in a rocker on my front porch. How did I get here? I invested to make my dream home home.

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See your local Toyota dealer for hybrid battery warranty details. Gas, gifts, tolls, this holiday trip is draining my wallet.
Yeah, but we'll get to see all our family. You're festive.

What's your deal? What's my deal? Holiday savings at Metro. I got one line of 5G for just $25 per month and I kept the phone I love.

And no activation fees and a five-year price guarantee on my talk, text, and data. Detour to Metro Itis.
Get that more for your money feeling. Only at Metro by T-Mobile.

It's $30 your first month or without autopay price guarantee exclusion supply. See cypher details.