TOTAL PARTY KILL | Critical Role Chicago Live 2025 Part 1

Bubba Wallace here with Tyler Reddick.

You know what's more nerve-wracking than waiting for qualifying results?

Waiting for the green flag to drop.

Instead of pacing, you rev up with Chumba Casino's weekly new releases.

It's like a fresh set of tires for your brain.

Play for free at chumbacasino.com.

That's chumba.

No purchase necessary.

VGW Group Void where prohibited by law.

CTNC's 21 Plus, sponsored by Chumba Casino.

Hey there, critters.

This year marks our 10-year anniversary of Critical Role, and we are partnering with Fathom Entertainment to bring our 2025 tour to movie theaters across the U.S.

and Canada.

Head to theater to see the wedding of the year coming to theaters on October 15th with an iconic Jester and Ford wedding at our New York City live show.

Visit fathomentertainment.com slash critical role to find tickets in theaters near you.

That's fathomentertainment.com slash critical role.

Hey there, Critter Podcast listeners.

We have a special new membership service at beacon.tv where you get early access to all new podcast episodes, including Critical Role for the first time ever.

Beacon members also get things like live event pre-sales, merch discounts, access to a private community Discord, and new exclusive series like Critical Role Cooldown.

Think of it as our digital critical role land.

Head on over to beacon.tv to check it out for yourself and start a seven-day free trial.

Thank you so much for your support, for being a podcast listener, and for being a part of our community.

Hey there, critters, this is Ashley Johnson.

And Telison Jeffy.

And we're popping in here to talk about our new podcast on Beacon, Weird Kids.

In this series, we're diving into our lives as former child actors, from unraveling our eccentric upbringings to embracing all the delightfully odd interests we still have today.

We're covering so many topics like antique toys, taxidermy, Japanese pop culture, and honestly, anything else we come up with.

Weird Kids is available exclusively on Beacon, but good news, we're offering a one-month free trial on beacon.tv so you can take a look before you become a member.

Just use the code weirdos at beacon.tv to start the trial.

You can also find fellow weirdos by following the series on our at the WeirdKids pod Instagram and using the hashtag WeirdKids.

So to all the misfits, outcasts, and weirdos out there, come take a seat at our table and celebrate all things unconventional, nostalgic, and wonderfully weird.

Welcome to Weird Kids.

New episodes release every Tuesday.

Hey there, it's Liam O'Brien, and welcome to the Critical Role Podcast Network.

We're stoked you're here and thanks for making our stories part of your day.

You're listening to part one of this episode right now and part two will arrive this upcoming Tuesday.

If you'd rather listen to the full episode right now and without any ads, consider becoming a Beacon member.

You'll receive access to exclusive content, discounts at all our online critical role shops, exclusive pre-sales for live events, and much more.

Start your seven-day free trial today at beacon.tv.

Well, that should cover it.

Now let's dive into the adventure.

Critters,

are you ready?

Please welcome to the stage

Matthew Marshall

My

goodness look at this crowd tonight.

Oh wow.

Welcome friends one and all to what is likely going to be a very unique evening.

But it is my pleasure to be here.

I am your GM for this chaos of the night, Matthew Mercer.

But you, who are here tonight, have helped guide how this story will unveil to a degree by deciding which characters our players this evening will be stepping into.

Beginning with the first player reveal of tonight.

You voted to see if either Keyleth or Beauregard

would be inhabited for tonight's adventure.

And you decided upon, by a very narrow margin,

Beauregard.

Marisha Ray, ladies and gentlemen.

thank you for joining us, Bruce.

Thank you.

The second choice that you all made collectively this evening involves what the next player's character will be: the choice between Grog Strongjaw or Chetney Pockapi.

Your votes tonight decided upon

Grodstrongjaw.

Let's bring to the stage Travis Willingham, ladies and gentlemen.

We're already at some energy tonight.

I love this

up next, friends.

The third player of the night

had the choice that you guided between two characters.

We had

Kingsley versus Ashton.

And you decided with your votes it would be

Kingsley.

Talis and Jaffe, welcome.

Oh, bloody hell yes.

This is going to be bloody forward.

I'm Vaughan.

Welcome to the table, buddy.

The fourth choice you helped us guide this night was between this next player's two characters, Caleb Widow Gast and Aurum of the Arishari.

Two very different characters.

And you decided tonight's game would have

Caleb Widogast.

Liam O'Brien, please come to the stage.

Look at all you beautiful bastards.

Let's go!

Next up,

you had a choice between two also very different characters, through Vreth Bernado or Breus Doomseed, both horny in different ways.

And your sort of horniness to be chosen tonight was

Veth Bernardo.

Sam Regal, please come to the stage, buddy.

I regret everything.

Narrowed down to our last two players.

You had a choice for this next player's two characters between

Pike Trickfoot and Fern Calloway.

And your votes have decided upon

Fern Calloway.

Ashley Johnson, please join us on the stage.

Hello, my darling.

And for our final player to join us, you had a terrible choice to make between

Vexalia and Jester.

And through your votes by a landslide, you decided upon

Jester Level.

Laura Bailey, please join us.

Welcome, players.

Hi, hi.

Hello.

Hey, pals.

Oh, man.

This is going to be

fun, fun, fun.

I was under the impression that we were all dressing as our favorite Chicago characters.

Oh.

Is that not the case?

I feel like I'm...

Well, Chicago voted for him, so I think it is technically.

Hey, Bratwurst.

Okay.

Thank you all so much for joining us.

We're super excited to have you.

But before we jump into tonight's game, we have some quick announcements to get through.

Marisha, I believe you've got a quick note to give as well.

I do.

I have a very quick one.

You know, you guys,

you're special.

You're here with us.

You're live, in person, in the flesh.

But there are so many amazing fans who aren't going to see this for some time.

time.

So

don't be a dick

Don't post spoilers.

You know, you're about to have a magical evening, and we want the people at home to be able to experience that same joy in real time.

So try not to tweet anything that you might think is a spoiler.

If you're like, hmm, is this a spoiler?

It's probably a spoiler.

So, that is my one request.

Thank you so much.

You're all beautiful.

I do believe that concludes our

children.

Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.

Let's go ahead and jump into tonight's

one shot of

Critical Role.

Critical Role is sponsored by BetterHelp.

Look, there's a difference between venting to your GM and actually talking with a licensed therapist.

That's where BetterHelp comes in, with clinically trained and licensed therapists.

They've been around for over a decade, helped millions of people, and out of 1.7 million client reviews, they've got a 4.9 rating.

Now here's what I love about BetterHelp.

They help find a therapist that works for you so you can focus on your life's adventure.

You fill out a short questionnaire that helps identify your needs and preferences.

And if you aren't happy with your match, well, you can switch to a different therapist at any time.

It's fully online, and you can pause your subscription whenever you need to.

With over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 5 million people globally.

As the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of expertise.

Find the one with BetterHelp.

Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash critical role.

That's betterhelp.com/slash critical role.

Riley Herps from 2311 Racing checking in.

Got a break in between team meetings?

Sounds like the perfect time for some fast-paced fun at Chumba Casino.

No waiting, just instant action to keep you going.

So next time you need to pick me up, fire it up and take a spin.

Play now at chumbacasino.com.

Let's chumba.

No purchase necessary.

VGW Group Void where prohibited by law.

CTNC's 21 Plus, sponsored by Chumba Casino.

Hey there, critters!

This year marks our 10-year anniversary of Critical Roll, and we are partnering with Fathom Entertainment to bring our 2025 tour to movie theaters across the U.S.

and Canada.

Head to theater to see the wedding of the year coming to theaters on October 15th with an iconic Jester and Ford wedding at our New York City live show.

Visit fathomentertainment.com/slash critical role to find tickets in theaters near you.

That's fathomentertainment.com/slash critical role.

It's only been months since the historical event known as the Katathiosis transpired.

The very pantheon of Xandria vanishing from the realm to be reborn in mortal form to escape the hunger of Perdathos, the God-eater.

In the aftermath of this chaos, many facets of society and the reaction to adjust is seen in both robust and mysterious ways.

Refugees from the Red Moon Ruidus seek to explore their new home and integrate with the societies that will have them, while those that remain amongst their crimson, wind-sheared homeland work to rebuild Ruidian society, either as an opportunity for a better future, or to reclaim the proud tyranny of the Weavemind.

Axandria, the many temples of Vaselheim develop protocols to seek out the reborn deities, desperate to establish counsel and guidance within the divine before darker minds and interests can snuff out the light of the primes as they discover their lives and purpose.

The legendary protectors of the realm Vox Machina wrestle with the responsibility of their titles in a world now thrown into a new age of growing change and chaos.

The subversive guardians, known as the Mighty Nine, work to quell dangerous opportunism in a time where ancient dangers grow unsealed alongside new powers seeking to seize the vacuum.

The complicated chosen called Bell's Hells flee from the most zealous factions of Vassalheim and deep worship, labeled by some as heretics and criminals of the doctrines of the faithful.

And it's in these times, where ancient magic and arcane seals of old remain broken in the wake of the Malleus solstice.

Sometimes, overwhelming power finds those whom even fate might deem dangerously unworthy.

And with that, we come

to Whitestone.

Laura Bailey.

Long of a pause.

Here in the later evening of the beautiful valley that surrounds the city of Whitestone,

the shaded shapes of the alabaster sierras visible from beyond the windows.

Here in the war room of Castle Whitestone, the heroes of Oxmachina gather amongst allies.

Circling this central table, amongst them

Sean Gilmore, Lady Elora Vysorin, Lady Kima Avord,

and Cassandra DeRolo.

As they discuss how best to deal with this new age and the adaptation of those who live near and far, as Cassandra slams her hand on the table, friends,

best we can hear in these spaces.

Most of Taldore is still rife with misinformation and misunderstanding.

There is a challenge of

how best to make people feel comfortable, to not let panic ensue.

And I'm going to be honest, outside of us here within this city, most people look up to you, the

protectors of the realm.

We ask you, and Lady Ellura, because, of course, everyone asks me.

We think we might have a plan for locale in Whitestone, but but what

do you think is best across Taldore?

I think it's gonna take some time for people to get used to this new normal.

Whatever this new normal is at this point, where this power now lies,

I mean, is it worth just admitting that time will tell?

I take the feedback off of my mouth.

Ah, these oats are so good.

Wow.

For those who weren't there, Scanlon turned into a centaur because he's an asshole.

I can help by penning some new epic songs and legends that could

explain to everybody that there's nothing to fear with the gods' absence, that they're still here in spirit and in intention,

if not physically present beyond the veil.

And,

you know I think that should

allay some some

worry babe

you don't have to winnie

I know I don't have to winnie I also don't need a feedback I have hands but

it's just part of my

you know aesthetic now it's my aura you know horses have a long snout that's why they use a feedback it makes it yeah

I was just hoping it was a background clearly it doesn't work Vax stands out of the spotlight off to the side.

Oh, shit.

Watching his family

and is immensely happy seeing that nothing has changed.

Honestly, though, Scandinan, I think you're onto something.

Inspiration is what people need.

Hope.

Hope, exactly.

Sean Gilmore kind of leads forward.

I couldn't agree with you more, honestly.

With the help of a few

quite accomplished mages, we could hop you on a rapid tour through Taldore.

You just have to turn these songs around quickly.

You are an accomplished bard, aren't you?

I could

get to work on it soon, but I'm gonna need

help.

What rhymes with Changebringer?

Humdinger.

Oh, okay.

That's a start.

How about you, Grog?

Do you have anything to add to the possibilities of how best we should, Mr.

What was your title again?

The Grand Pubar de Doink of All Disendants.

That's right.

Put some fucking respect on it.

I also think what we do going forward is very important.

I have to take a shit.

It's that exact moment, a strange buzzing sensation fills the air.

And this crackling sound

begins to spark like some strange arcane resonance.

Grog, is that a fart?

What is that?

I'm not sure.

You're never supposed to trust him, though.

At which point, there is an impact.

And Grog is gone.

Buddy!

Is that...

Oh, no.

He really had to.

He had to do He really had to go.

Where'd he go?

Where'd he go?

Where'd he go?

Where is the deck of many things?

Is this again?

Not again.

And we pull away from Whitestone.

What the fuck are we doing?

What's happening?

As we now come into

some distant Zemnian subterranean tunnels deep beneath the city of Rexentrum.

An underground cavern network where powerful families of old would flee attack or persecution.

But has recently been rumored to be used by the cult of the cloaked serpent even in their absence.

And infiltrating guilds across the city and the empire itself.

And it's here we see the Mighty Nine

quietly and carefully delving into these dark, dark, dank tunnels.

What are we doing here again?

I don't honestly remember.

We went over this.

We are in search of these cult members.

It's...

Just follow along, okay?

Okay.

We covered this at length.

Keep your voices down.

I am.

It is down, Caleb.

How

do you think?

Oh, that's right.

I didn't.

Well done.

Oh,

I'm so glad you're here, Kim.

Thank you for calling, by the way.

This is ridiculously fun.

It's about this time you hear this distant slithering sound, like some sort of heavy, darkened scales scraping across stone, and a faint blue glow begins to emanate from around the carved stone edges as you watch a massive spectral naga-type serpent creature

shriek its way around the corner.

Its hood extending and its odd, deeply set humanoid eyes and its semi-ethereal form glancing back with its massive fangs bared.

Ah,

you strive where you should not, new food.

Oh, cool, it talks.

They made snakes worse.

I'm gonna take out my scald saber.

Gimme.

It rears back.

Strikes out at you, Yasha.

That, and it misses with a natural five.

You catch its blade, your blade in the middle of its jaws, and keep the daggers at bay as it pushes into you.

Its strength is more than you expect, and it pushes you against the stone, and you feel the full weight of it pushing against your body, and its odd, like ghostly breath, this mix of rot and acrid air.

What are the rest of you doing?

Running right at it to take a slash.

As you all dart inward,

this strange

crackling sensation begins to fill the air

to the point where the serpent itself seems to draw away.

Confused.

Caleb, is this you?

I cast comprehend languages.

It's about that moment that Caleb

vanishes.

Where'd he go?

Where'd he go?

Where'd he go?

He's flying.

He's fine.

He probably took me up somewhere.

Yeah, he fell.

Bo is gone.

Oh, dead.

Our shop.

What's going on?

I don't know.

Whoa, that's my lady.

Kingsley's gone.

No!

Ford, use your strength to keep me here!

Son of a bitch!

Naga's like, well, this is fortuitous.

Less meals, but easier picking.

Wait, this one's only the

two of us here?

I'm still here.

I'm still here.

Just us, Josh.

Still here, take

Florida.

Fuck.

It's just swords, yours and mine.

We got this.

It charges towards you as we pull out of the darkened shadows from underneath Wrexham's thumb.

They'll be fine.

You're going to survive.

I'll survive now.

And we focus now instead

on snow powder-dappled, dense forest

somewhere in the vasper timberlands of Asilra

beyond the burning lights and brazers and torches of Vaselheim Bell's Hells flees pursuit from a crew

of unhappy faithful

A troop of bounty hunters with two judicators at the set

have been following you for days as your staff of traversal hasn't been able to regain enough charges to free you and we find bell's hells breathless and for the moment

not hearing their pursuers amongst the night cold air

charges i i can't get into charge up any faster dm with the roll of a natural 20 for a 33 do i sense any threats in the woods around us

as the rest of you kind of take a moment to listen and exhale

silent darkness, Orum, you pick up this distant crunching sound of the underbrush of the forest and fresh snowfall powder just ever so quietly.

I think we're safe here.

It's colder than a witch's tit out here.

Can we please just

figure out a way to it really is.

Yeah.

I even like it.

Waking up wildlife or a problem.

What?

Yeah.

Some out there.

Oh no, they're bad.

Shh.

There is a blast of bright golden light that emits from the ground surrounding you all as a divine glyph

forms in the snow and blasts upward.

Need you all to make wisdom saving throws.

Oh no.

Wait, I don't have Laudenum pulled up.

I don't think that's good.

It's not good anyway.

I rolled a three.

I'm sure that's not good.

I rolled a two, so witches be ditches

Wait,

is this a spell or a magical effort?

It is a magical effect, so you would have advantage.

Dirty 20.

A little better.

Ooh.

22.

22.

Dirty 20.

Great, alright.

This table, fine.

We're good.

We're good.

You blast, and you knock away the impact as it tries to bind itself to your physical body and hold you in place.

19 for the sexy Minotaur.

Alright, Sexy Minotaur, you also shrug it it off.

You know this game.

Moo.

Dirty 10.

Dirty 10.

Ashton, Lodna,

Imogen.

You seize up and feel your body now battle against you and hold you in place.

You hear the cracking of a nearby tree as it splinters, and what looks like a whole upper section of a fir just come crashing through,

sending snow and nettles everywhere.

And there you can see, just across the bit of moonlight that's reflecting off the snow, the mask of adjudicator as it slams its fists together.

At that point, a crackle in the air begins

and Fern is gone.

Shit!

It's the devil come to collect

as we pull away from Assillera.

I would like you all to leave the stage.

Now,

friends,

all of you,

wherever it is in Xandria that you may have found yourself,

this odd, gossamer silver curtain seems to surround you

and you feel pulled from your lives,

your worries, your thoughts

and instead find yourselves sitting, welcomingly so, in a soft, warm,

beautifully lit theater.

You all sit there in your chairs with an expectation of entertainment.

That anticipation itself

brimming up from beneath your stomach.

The adrenaline beginning to spike.

The promise of something extraordinary.

Something violent.

Something

unique and entertaining has brought you here tonight to this

strange, unknown dimension beyond the realm.

And it is here,

friends,

you discover yourselves waiting for a proper

night of entertainment.

Good evening, everyone.

I'm sure you're all wondering what's going on.

Well, allow me to explain.

My name is Malvolio Contreras,

but you can just call me the MC

It's just a game

a little thrill

a touch of luck

Some time to kill

So come along

Don't be afraid

Let's sing a song

Let's misbehave.

The rules are mine.

And so's their fate.

Now you called the shots.

They took the vaits.

They're out of their depth.

Oh, what a shame.

So let's have a laugh

and feed the flame.

No resurrections

or clever plays.

It seems their plot almost seen better days.

Get out of here.

Fuck your

faves.

Allow me to introduce my sidekick, Murtier Matt.

Who gives a fuck?

What's a story without some pain?

I'm your host.

He's insane.

I love the sound of a hero screaming.

Wakey, wakey, you're not dreaming.

Get out of here.

So roll the dice.

Hey!

Hey!

And watch them shatter!

Lil Blaffled!

It doesn't matter.

Fuck

your

face!

Don't you wanna watch him burn?

Oh, you know it, boss!

Fuck

Hello, everyone.

Oh,

what?

TVK, you want to hear it?

You wanna say it?

Oh,

you've just walked right into my beautiful evening.

See, this is my own little pocket dimension.

And nothing gives me more power than audience applause.

So let me hear it again.

TPK!

TPK!

TPK!

TPK!

Oh, that feels so nice.

I think this is gonna go just fine.

Oh, I think so too, boss.

I'm real excited.

You see, me and my sidekick here, Murdy, have been together for years.

Oh, you look better than ever.

Oh, speak for yourself.

I'm just following in your lead, boss.

Oh, I love to see it.

And we've got a special evening planned for you.

You see, my favorite thing to do is put people through their trials and watch their tribulations.

See, you love to lift up your heroes, and I love to drag them down.

Nothing's better than seeing your faves.

And by the way, that name of the song was a fuck your faves as in favorites, not face.

I know you, some of you heard that.

I know it.

I know the minds of this audience.

So we're gonna mix things up tonight because I know there's nothing a fandom loves more than sudden change.

The top half of this show is going to be something a little different.

And trust me, it's going to be fun.

Don't worry, and you're all a part of it, I promise.

So, Murdy, what do we have planned for them tonight?

Oh, we're going to bring out your chosen heroes that we yank from the realm.

We're going to put them through a series of

challenges.

See what their capabilities are.

Set them against each other.

And whoever loses, well, they get hurt.

If they lose really badly, they get really hurt.

I love it when he he gets excited.

When he gets excited, I get excited.

Not like that.

We have a few toadies backstage.

All right.

It's gonna be a night like that.

We've got a few toadies backstage helping us out with this evening, so I'd like to check, are any of our contestants back from their magic teleportation just yet?

You know, I think I sense an arrival right about now.

Let's go ahead and

let's bring in some uh Beauregard lion.

How about that?

Yes, yes.

What the fuck is this?

You look fantastic.

Oh, would you mind having

branding?

Oh, gross.

Corporate shills are one of my favorite things.

Who the fuck are you?

Oh, I'm your host.

Don't worry about the details.

You can just call me MC.

I hate this.

Good.

Feel free to take a seat.

Murdy, who else have we got on the docket today?

Here we're pulling a

very esteemed, very well-known figure from Xandrian history.

Big, tall fellow, big bushy beard,

and an unstoppable intellect.

Let's see if we can't get ourselves Mr.

Grog Strongjaw is arriving right about now.

Man, I gotta go boom boom more often.

I know you.

I know you.

I know you.

What did you do?

I took a shit.

Oh, fuck.

Take a seat right over there, Mr.

Strong.

Strong strong stone jaw.

Strong jaw.

There it is.

Okay, got it, whatever.

Who's up next?

Up next, we got plucked out of the space in the ether.

A complicated figure.

One who's seen quite a few cycles of life on the realm, and the most recent one kind of took over the pirate space.

So we got a Kingsley in the pipeline coming to the stage here.

What?

Oh, look at you.

You must be the rulers of the tacky dimension.

Well bloody dumb.

What is this?

I hate it.

I hate it.

Hey, don't make fun of that.

My mom made that

clearly

At least we're together.

I like it.

You're purple.

He's purple.

So are you dummy?

You know that.

Who's that thing?

Explain later.

Bloody hell.

Murdy?

Oh, this is getting more and more ridiculous as it goes.

I'm so excited.

All right, looks like the next

hero to compete here at Total Party Kill is a gentleman known for his...

Well, for his stinkiness, let's be honest.

His bodily

upkeeps, historically known to be a little under par.

If I could bring out Caleb Woodogas right about now.

Oh, of course, you are here too, eh?

Hi.

What is going on?

What is this?

I think some sort of sick

game, it looks like for their expense.

I don't know.

One,

two,

three,

four,

five, six.

Yes, yes, it's around 6,000.

Have a seat, please.

Ain't that cute?

He's doing crowd work.

I know.

Looks like he has cats.

Sit down.

Sit.

Sorry.

Boss, it's your show.

Yeah, no, you're doing just fine.

I'll just kitchen up with them and bring out the next one.

All right.

Well, I kind of been the theme of this one.

He had a companion with their own unique journey.

A mother, a fighter, a lover, and a camp counselor, apparently.

If we can go ahead and have a Veth Bernardo arrive at our stage.

I know.

I know.

I know.

I know.

We know.

We don't.

Your seats over here.

Grash it out.

It's alright.

It's all right.

You're gonna be fine, maybe.

Sounds like a velociraptor.

Welcome.

I wonder how.

Well, what do you think?

Ah!

All right, we don't have time for this bit.

Ford isn't here.

Yes!

I'm good.

That's the spirit.

I love this.

We're getting close.

Almost there.

All right.

Our second-to-last arrival for the competition of the night is one who walks between many contracts.

A woman who gets around in the most

political of ways, I'd say.

Fern Calloway, please.

Oh, hello.

Hello.

Hi.

Oh, I know you.

I know you.

I know you three.

Hi.

I don't know you two.

Wait, what?

What is

what is this?

Hi.

What is this?

This is hideous.

This is called purple.

Well, I know the color.

It's just really not flattering.

This is ugly.

I don't know.

What's the oh my god?

Oh, thank you very much.

What what what's happening?

I don't I have to go back to my friends.

They're gonna die if I don't stay with them.

Can you send me back?

I'm gonna go back.

Well, no, not right now.

Would you mind?

And then suddenly she's glued to her chair.

Oh,

what the fuck?

Welcome to the show.

Oh.

How are you gonna pee?

I guess I just gotta dig in my seat.

If you make me a pinky promise that you'll stay for the first few rounds, I'll unglue your tush.

First few rounds of what?

Fer yes, thank you to the hot one.

First few rounds of what?

It's not the QA portion anymore.

That was two hours ago.

Alright, thank you, Swear.

You're free.

Oh, thank God my ass is free.

Alright.

I like that.

On that note, our final contestant for the night in your games, Master,

is a...

Oh, I think it's going to be a real wild card night with this one.

A follower of a strange idol beyond the realms of the divine.

A touch of fae magic sits around there, a bit of water essence, and a whole lot of chaos.

Let's go ahead and bring Jessa Lavore to the stage, please.

Oh my god, I remember you.

Oh my god, I love you so much.

Yes, I'm coming to the wedding.

Thank you so much for the invite.

They're probably

hi!

What is happening?

Miss Jester, look over there at your seat.

And poof, there's a pile of doughnuts and cookies right in front.

This is the best.

Hi!

Who are you?

My name's in the MC.

It's so nice to meet you.

You're in the middle of a fight.

You know you left my fiancé there.

I don't know.

Maybe you should bring him to the bathroom.

Chester, he's holding us costume to think about.

the crazy man.

Pleasure to meet you.

I've heard so much.

Seriously, you should bring him here because he would be super.

Maybe later.

We got a thing we got.

Look at the bad guys.

What should he bring her feelings lately because it looks like we're short on this side?

Over here.

This is the Mighty Nine side.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

I'm staying in my chair.

That's a good point.

Hello, audience.

What do you think?

We're all assembled.

We feel good?

Yes, yes.

Summer's heating up, and so is the action with Chumba Casino and 2311 Racing.

Whether you're trackside with Bubba, Riley, and Tyler, or cooling off at home, the fun never stops at Chumba Casino, the online social casino packed with free-to-play games like Slots, Blackjack, and more.

Jump into Summer at chumbacasino.com and score your free welcome bonus, 2 million free gold coins and 2 free sweeps coins.

No purchase necessary, VGW Group, void where prohibited by law.

CTNC is 21 Plus, sponsored by Chumba Casino.

Well, then you will love How Did This Get Made?

The podcast where comedians Paul Scheer, June Diane Raphiel, and Jason Manzukas unpack the very best of the very worst movies.

They just finished their Sylvester Stallone summer series.

And if you want a great entry point into the show, then seek out their fan-favorite episode on the Dungeons and Dragons movie from 2000, starring Jeremy Irons.

So bad.

They even have hilarious guests like Seth Rogan, Nicole Beyer, and Adam Scott.

So, what are you waiting for?

Tune in to How Did This Get Made?

The podcast that makes sense out of the movies that don't.

Chester, don't indulge them.

No, but yes, indulge them, indulge them.

They're very attractive.

You You know, my mama believes them.

I've always wanted to be up here, so...

I have a question, please, Anafrage.

Who are all of these people?

These?

These people?

Wonderful Xandrians and all kinds of folks who have been affected by history far and wide and events of recent times.

And everyone's a little on edge.

And people that are on edge need relief.

Souls from all around the realm.

What about you?

What region of Xandria are you from?

The Shattered Teeth.

Oh.

Yes.

What city do you hail from here in Xandria or the outer counties?

Ah!

The mystical realm of Illinois!

I've never heard of that one.

That's cold.

And tonight we have a challenge.

Some of them dressed up as us, though.

That's weird.

Hi.

Maybe they're like fans of yours.

Maybe you're.

All of you, rise up.

Rise up together.

Raise, rise up.

And help us escape from this place.

Agreed.

Do not be part of the problem.

Or...

Oh, yes.

are they all here to watch you

suffer?

The energy in Illinois is palpable.

And so

we are enemies.

Enemies all.

Wait, we have to defeat all of them.

We can do it.

I can take the 20 up here.

I didn't ask how big the arena is.

I said I cast fireball.

As you cast fireball, the bead of arcane flame ejects from your fingers and curls into a strange circular motion before you before it evaporates ineffectually and dispels.

Oh my god, it did look anything.

It happens to forces me.

That normally never happens.

About that time, you notice in the pattern that your flames are extinguished, you see the MC's finger swirl and snuff it.

They all say that.

No, no, feel free to do whatever you like.

It's only more entertainment for our friends.

But if you'd indulge me, I'd love to play a few games with you.

And maybe if you do well, you can find your way out of this place.

Maybe, maybe,

maybe.

Okay.

Oh, too quickly.

If this is what it looks like, there's got to be a prize.

There's got to be something.

Make it worth our while.

Very good point.

Thank you.

Think of something you value more than anything.

Perhaps your life.

We'll see what we can do later on in the show.

Concession stands opened at intermission.

All right.

I've already got one.

Are you ready, Murdy?

Oh, I'm always ready, boss.

What do you say we play the very first game?

Oh, gods.

I'll give you the title, and Murdy will lay it out for you.

Our first game is Burst Your Bubble.

A fine test of strength around the realm to see just how mighty some of you cats are.

We have on this side the red team, this side the blue team, and you are

against each other for the remainder of this game.

He's so huge.

Also, why are there only three of them?

Like, I can tell you for a fact that this is out balanced.

I don't know about that.

We're gonna be okay.

I believe you.

We never promised balance.

We never promised fairness.

We just promised entertainment.

So,

each side, choose someone to represent your strongest person.

Now, I'd like you to make a strength check.

I think it's just

a strength check.

I mean, I can't do strength check.

I think I am the strongest.

We'll get it benders.

No.

I have faith.

Wait, so we're all rolling?

Yeah,

just

whoever is going to be helming this.

Oh, roll.

Caleb suddenly turns into a giant orange amber-colored ape.

Are you thinking for me?

I can do this.

Yes.

But we don't even know what it is.

I don't know what to do.

What are we doing?

Actually, what are we doing?

We're having a great time.

What are you doing?

You're so strong.

I really want to see what you can do.

I believe in you.

Oh, hello, little girl.

Take the first one for the team.

We're counting on you.

Alright.

Sure.

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

It's like putting a rabbit in the body.

Did you roll yet?

I rolled.

Wait, are you the strongest, Bur?

Um, no, I don't think so.

I think the monkey is.

13 for me.

Nine for me.

Sixteen for me.

Wait, are we all rolling?

What's happening?

No, only one person on each team is supposed to.

Oh, here you go.

Oh.

Wait.

It looks like they picked on their side a little outside of the rules.

That might be a penalty later.

Wait, wait.

No, no, no.

It's fine.

You've chosen the monkey.

Okay.

He's bursting bubbles on your side.

Oh.

And Veth Bernardo, would you roll?

I did.

I rolled at nine.

Perfect.

Oh.

We could have our straight associates come in and set the scene for our.

You know what that means?

Tonies, bring out the props.

Props?

Oh, suddenly props.

Why are you a monkey?

Why is he a monkey?

He turned into a giant ape.

Oh, he did?

Yeah, giant ape, Caleb.

I couldn't figure Caleb!

Well, look at that rest actor.

Caleb!

This is making me a little nervous, Caleb.

I can see his butt crack.

Seriously, Lord, get out of there.

Now, one person from each team gets to be the holder.

Who's good at holding?

I'm very good at holding.

I mean, I could hold Caleb, it's me.

Okay.

All right

now because you

because the monkey Caleb rolled so high on the strength not the highest possible but pretty high

You get to use the fully inflated balloons

And because you did not you have to use the half inflated balloons are these half inflated both teams have 60 seconds

to see who pops three balloons by the two of you just sitting on them

With your compatriots readying and holding them in the spot.

And the sitter may not touch their own balloon.

Only the holder can hold the balloon.

Don't ever let your touchdowns.

Okay.

Don't you worry.

Trust you.

Okay, listen to me.

You need to put all of your weight on it and squish the shit out of this balloon, okay?

I'm so tired.

I'm done.

That's bony ass.

Squeeze.

I have a very bony ass.

Okay, use your bony butt.

Enough strategy!

Getta sit and wiggle.

Time for our very first dignified game.

A ruby of ten years of lore and storytelling.

All right, all right, all right.

Murdy, are you ready with the timer?

Always ready, boss.

On your mark.

Get set.

Drop that ass.

Go!

Yes!

Will they have time?

They can find one more.

Or this is better than I ever thought it would be.

Three!

Go, go, go, go!

This is just bonus.

This is just showing off now.

Go, go, go.

Squeeze at us.

Get away!

Get away!

Last 10 seconds.

Here we go.

Yes!

We're out of balloons!

We're out of balloons!

Do they have any worlds?

Take them!

Oh my gosh!

Oh, we can.

My god.

60 seconds is a lot longer than we thought it was.

Would you believe we've never rehearsed this?

I'm exhausted.

I'm so tired that we weren't even doing the popping.

It's improv, ladies and gentlemen.

What was the final score, Murdy?

Do you recall?

It was a bit chaotic there, boss.

What?

You can't do math?

No, but the best I can ascertain, the monkey had the edge.

Yes, the monkey did.

The monkey did.

It's true.

And you're docked for cheating by removing the chair.

Thank you.

Thank you to you, sir.

I don't even get to roll a sleight of hand to see if you saw that.

You know what?

I'll allow it.

Ever heard the fable of Airbode?

If it's not in the if it doesn't say you're that a books.

I'm sorry.

32.

32?

Boss, I'm going to be honest.

It looks like they somehow got rid of their chair halfway through the performance, and it kind of put them on a bad path, so I'm gonna have to give it to Red Team.

Murdy, Murty, you've always been my favorite rules!

Cheating pays off!

Yes, it does!

Oh, is this the game we're playing?

Yeah, yeah!

So cheating will get you ahead?

Uh-huh, Murray!

It is that game!

Let's go!

Murdy, tell them what they don't win.

Oh well, friends.

The victorious, they get to gloat, while the losers, well, in this realm, they get punished.

Can you watch?

You watch as Malvolio's hand begins to draw a massive, glowing, infernal flame that suddenly engulfs all three of you in horrible, scarring hellfire.

All three of you help it scream in resonating pain as the entire blue team takes.

Now I feel bad.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

21 points of fire.

Wait, put it on.

Wait, wait.

Are we splitting that between us?

Each.

Each?

How much?

21.

21 points.

What's the game called, Miss Calloway?

But burst the burst your pop burst your pop.

Pop your bubble.

Pop your cherry.

Pop the bubbles.

I don't, I forgot.

Team, team, team, blue team, huddle up, huddle up, huddle up.

Listen, listen, listen, listen.

You're down a place.

Yes.

Yes, sir.

And I was very sad to see you lose the last round.

Yes, that sucks.

But we actually really won, but that's okay.

I'm gonna do a little something.

They can't hear us from here, alright?

Okay.

Now, I have shut down your magical abilities for the most part, but for the next few moments,

say the next few minutes, I'll allow you to cast a spell or two that could help each other out or hurt the other team.

Now, don't hurt me.

Oh, please, don't hurt me.

Wait, wait.

Wait,

huddle up.

Huddle up.

Do you have magic?

I do.

Do you don't?

You're just losing.

Nope, nothing.

Hey, can you turn back into a person?

Okay, do you have magic?

A little bit.

Yes.

Because

we can take some shots at them.

Are you powerful?

Are you strong?

What can you do?

I've only seen like a little bit of what you can do.

Well, I don't want to kill any of them, I think.

Let's not be too hasty.

Killing is good.

Do we all do we all take a turn?

The last game was a game of strength.

And this game will be a game of.

Remind me, what comes after strength?

You've got it right, you're all so smart.

Clap for yourselves, yay!

Yay!

Yay!

We call this next game the traveler's blessing.

Oh my god.

Wait, are you friends with him?

That makes so much sense.

The traveler, he and I are just bestie.

Wait a minute, he's never.

Wait, what is your name, MC?

I've never heard.

Wait a minute.

I would never fib to you, Jester.

Is this the theater that he ate some?

Oh.

That's a deep cut in lore beyond my paycheck.

This game is called the Traveler's Blessing.

Toadies, please bring out the props.

I want to do do it.

I volunteer this tribute.

I don't even know what to do.

Just wait.

Wait, gesturing.

Oh, my heavens.

I've had this nightmare before.

Now, are we supposed to sit on this?

I'm unsure.

The sacred statue of the traveler.

Not to be mistaken with anything else.

If your traveler looks like that, you've got bigger problems than this.

Fill him in, baby.

How's this game work?

So each team chooses one person to be the channel of the traveler.

I am the Traveler's channel.

Give it to me.

While two other members of the team

get to try and toss rings atop it

from a distance.

Two other members?

Okay, I'm gonna seem like more of an athlete

than me, my friend.

Have you ever done

this?

You have the gun.

It's dexterity-based, right?

Oh, we got a rule.

I'm very dexy.

I'm pretty dexy myself.

I mean, I'm the queen of dex, but I just went, so you guys go figure it out.

I think

you know you're in this too, bro.

I just went.

Oh, well, that's okay.

Well, then it's me and you.

Yeah, I was just gonna do it.

Oh, my God, just do it.

Fine.

Is it one person?

Oh, okay, Boulder Rover Cheers.

It's two people.

It's both of them.

Two of you to roll dexterity.

All right.

Okay.

Bring your two chosen over there.

Roll your dexterity.

Yep, that's done.

What you got?

Natural 20.

Yeah, baby.

Mr.

Widowgrass.

Gorg, good, gorged, gorg, garb, garg.

It's a nine for me.

All right, your two folks over here, roll your dexterity checks for me.

18 and 23.

Oh, shit.

I would like the natural 20 and the 23 to rollsies for me, right?

Oh shit.

What?

Let's go, Abs.

12.

19.

All right.

And shit.

These motherfuckers over here.

As Grog begins to rise from his seat,

I throw a bit of licorice into my mouth and pat him on the ass and cast haste.

Okay.

I think I just got my butt grabbed.

Feth, what?

Do you have anything that can soup us up?

To soup you up?

Yeah, you've got tricky.

Here's some alcohol.

Oh, that's great.

That's great.

Thank you.

Now, could we please get the the places of the various plates?

Come on over here.

The travel is chosen.

The dance.

The two of you who rolled have a choice to make.

Okay.

You can choose between these rings.

The large rings are worth one.

And these.

You look so good in this.

Are worth ten.

Yeah, I like that.

It's crazy that we both have dicks on our heads.

I know.

So cute.

It looks so cute with dicks.

Yeah, I love it.

I really actually like this outfit.

Yeah, I'll do the big ones too.

It looks awesome.

Big ones for each.

I actually kind of like what now.

Because you rolled higher

and because you have your haste on, you get 30 rings to throw

on your side.

Wow.

Whoa.

Your side only gets 20, but you can choose any of the small rings if you like.

to replace.

You bought this.

Oh, you can do it.

I cast guidance.

Oh, shit.

I get guidance.

I do too.

I do too.

I cast guidance.

Touch him, you didn't.

Touch him, you didn't.

Hey, you big lug over there!

Okay.

I know, but I touched him earlier with my finger.

There's another one.

You didn't say it when you did it.

Well, Jester.

Fine.

Okay.

No, stay over here.

I'm gonna stay right here.

Hey, what's the thing on your helmet, by the way?

It's a traveler.

It's a traveler?

It's a dick.

If you have a god, listen, most of them disappear.

He didn't.

You should go to the list of watch of him.

He's the coolest.

He's not wrong.

Well, certainly.

What?

You're trying to get those circles right on his dick, okay?

What am I trying to do?

I'm gonna get these on your traveler dick.

Come on, come back this way.

It's clearly just a statue.

Yeah, like that.

Like that.

Alright.

Is this like a troll?

Okay.

Okay, cool.

Alright, Gran Puba, you can do this.

These things are pretty small.

So

you should have no problem.

Oh, shit.

Hold on, my, I broke my helmet.

I'll hold it.

Yeah, I'm gonna hold it.

It's time for a test of dexterity.

This is exactly what you came here for, is it not?

Ah, screw it!

You'll take your turns one at a time.

Help us count them out if they get a ringer on that dinger.

Let the games begin.

Ladies first.

Come on,

I'm here.

Come on, come on, come on.

Got this bow.

Oh!

I went too low.

Okay, I went too low.

Come on, Jessica!

Feel in and out.

Oh, too far.

Okay, okay.

I'm sorry, too tight.

I'm going to go lower.

Okay, I'm going to.

I'm going to do this.

Yeah!

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

I felt really good.

Deflect Deflect missiles.

No.

Can I do that?

You're the one throwing it.

It's not really deflecting.

Okay.

No!

No!

Arc it more!

Don't arc it!

Shot at it!

Just arc it!

Let's go, Miss Calloway!

Arc it!

Work that dick!

Okay, okay.

No!

Ark it!

No arc!

Yes!

Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

No, no, no!

I cast blood curse of the eyeless on the big one!

Alright, I need you to take three steps back, Travis.

No,

I cast enhanceability.

On.

Well, you have to touch it.

You have to touch him to do that.

I cast enhanceability.

And I do the one I dexterity ability.

Do you have that prepared?

Yeah, I do.

Are you sure?

I'm positive.

Okay.

I already.

Interesting point of order.

Haste lasts how long?

A minute.

Haste has now faded, so you are stunned.

So you drop two rings.

That's alright.

That's alright.

That's alright.

But now you get to step back up to where you were and continue.

I don't want to.

Okay.

Who's up?

I respect that.

All right.

All right, let's go.

We lose the arena at midnight.

Oh, geez.

I mean, who's that?

Okay, traveler, guy.

Yeah.

Let's go.

Okay.

Come on, bow.

Oh,

oh,

pop up, pop up.

Oh!

Just a tip!

Some of these are candy.

Some of these are bulls.

Eye contact, eye contact.

It's just like traveler cards.

Hey!

We just need

competition!

It's your time!

I know!

Alright, alright, alright, alright.

Oh, what drama this is!

Don't forget, if you want to exchange any of your rings for the smaller ones for bonus points, it's always available.

No.

Those are way too small.

Come on, bro.

Waiting on you.

They're so small.

Let's go, Grogery.

Oh, yeah!

Oh, that was way off.

That's way off.

Desperate shits and giggles.

Let's see what it is.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I believe in you.

This is taunt.

Matt, can't even lie.

Step of the wind to give me some sort of

speech and clarity.

Step of the wind.

You can spend a key point, a step of the wind, to throw mid-leap,

and you can throw that ring from half the distance.

Alright.

It's teeny weeny.

It's a teeny weenie.

Step of the wind.

There's no way.

This This is stupid.

Why did I

believe in it?

I don't know why they're.

Okay, okay, okay.

Oh, so close.

Oh!

Oh!

Again!

Oh!

Come on!

He's lost in!

I guiding bolts!

Grog!

Hunt, what level do you cast guiding bolt?

Grog.

Oh, he's got like hold gesture.

What level do you cast guiding bolt?

Second level.

Grog, you take.

I'm sorry.

I got caught up in the moment.

Eight points of radiant damage and are shining brighter than the dawn sun as you throw this big chest.

It was close.

It was close.

That was great.

Give it Alexandria's favorite god, the traveler.

Come here and present.

Present the traveler horns.

All right.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.

One, two,

three,

four,

five.

What a shame.

I'm not so good with numbers.

Well, I think it's close.

Me?

Yeah, buddy.

Tell them what they've lost.

Well, friends,

unfortunately, you're on the lower end of this competition.

You gave it your all.

You had good team unity, and that's respectable.

But, um, MC's gotta punish you.

Sorry.

Don't do it.

I know I like you the best.

We're having so much fun, please.

We'll be best friends.

Why are you going to hurt us?

We'll be best friends?

Yeah.

Wait, wait, stop, stop, please, please.

I've never had a friend

and see, listen.

Yes, I'm getting married in a few months.

Oh, I'm so happy for you.

Thank you.

And

I don't have a maid of honor yet.

Sounds like the audience loves this idea.

Have you ever won?

Have you ever won pink?

I I think it would look so good in it.

I would be honored, and I'm gonna cast the nastiest spell I have in mind.

You watch as

an endless black void of spite burns from a seamless source and tears through Jester's body, sparking out backwards after it builds up inside,

and impacting like a shockwave across the rest of your team.

Jester, you take

asking people to do that for you.

It's getting ridiculous.

I was gonna be amazed.

We're literally all here, Jester.

We can hear you.

Jester, you take 38 points of necrotic damage.

Whoa!

And the rest of your team takes half that.

Oh,

I tanked them.

For 19.

19.

Oh, no.

I was just kidding.

I love you guys.

You're both my mate.

No, you're not.

You're Ford's best man, aren't you?

Toadies!

So sad, but it's true.

Please come remove the props.

They're statues with cloaks on.

Just wanted to clarify.

Are you

Cody?

Alright, everyone.

Cody, I need to clean it.

I'm so sad.

Okay.

That was pretty fun.

We're moving the night along a little bit.

You were so good at the last one.

Why don't you help me with this one?

What comes after dexterity?

Wrong intelligence.

Next fucking game.

This will be a test of your smarts, your know-how, your book learnedness.

Murdy, tell them how this one

Indeed.

So, for each team,

three of your players, I need you to all make intelligence checks for me.

Okay.

Sure.

Are you smart?

Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap.

Okay.

How smart are you guys?

I won't let you down.

I let you down.

Starting with team blue, what do we got?

Negative two modifier for a 17.

What the fuck are you rolling?

Why is he rolling so well?

Listen.

Well, I will tell you, but before I do, first I take out a little reed and I whisper into it to the last person all the way to the left in this part of the audience and say, listen, I need you to leave through the back door and find the rest of the Mighty Nine.

We need them.

The fate of everything relies on you.

You may reply to this message.

And some chocolate if you find some.

Good, okay.

It's a 27 for me.

And Fern?

Um, let's see.

I have a negative one, and I rolled a five, so four.

Perfect.

Which three of you will be competing in this trivia?

Who?

I rolled a 21.

All right, who?

What are you worried?

Do you want me to do it or you just do it?

I'll do it.

Okay.

I rolled a ten.

Oh, I rolled it.

I rolled a 22.

Alright, and with that,

we got a bloody hell.

I don't think I've met you before.

No, and I've got to say, you're irritating and very attractive, and it's confusing me quite a bit.

Yes.

So, but.

Hi.

Each of you will be asked a question.

It's up to you to answer.

Based on how well you rolled, it might adjust the difficulty and the options you have at your disposal.

The team with the most correct answers at the end avoids punishment.

Are we allowed to

phone a friend?

What does that mean?

I mean, like, if we don't know the answer,

can we talk it out?

I tried that, but they're not responding to the message.

I hope you have yourselves ready for a game, friends.

Sure.

Malivolio, why don't you take this away?

Who doesn't love a little bit of trivia, huh?

I don't.

I'm really not a fan.

And who doesn't know all of the deep, rich Xandrian lore before us?

I don't.

I don't remember what I had to breakfast.

Definitely not the castle critical role.

Sorry, Danny.

Sorry, Danny.

Who is this, Danny you speak of?

Priestess of the knowing mistress.

First question: Why not you, Big Guy?

Me?

Yes, you.

Handsome, strong, clearly smart.

You'll have 30 seconds to answer each of these questions.

Oh.

And since you did so well, I might make you a little multiple choice.

Oh,

thank the gods.

Wait, does that mean there's multiple...

Away, I'm already lost.

This is going to be great.

Which Which of these celestial forces does the matron of Raven hold dominion over?

I know that guy

Fate and masks

Death and undead winter and fate Arcana and sadness

death and undead

sec next

number two

Is that your final answer?

Yeah, number

death and undead because he

he killed X

Your answer was death and undeath?

Isn't that what you said?

Yes.

Isn't that even a word?

Undeath?

It is now.

Yes.

And the answer is, would you read that for me, Murty?

The answer is winter and fate.

You are incorrect.

Wait a minute.

I thought the material was about death.

Not on death.

Well, no wonder she's not here anymore.

She's so stupid.

The answer was winter and faith.

Winter?

And death's in there, too.

It's a tricky question.

It did good, boy, but that's one negative point for you.

Murder, murder, murder, murder, murder.

Maybe it's like golf the large.

You're a member of the Cobalt Soul.

You know everything.

Yeah, but I'm under pressure on the money.

Okay, they can't hear us.

I have two quick questions.

Yes, they're doing a little better than I thought they would, and it's making me a little bit nervous.

If you know what I mean, you've had more experience at this than I.

Am I doing okay?

Am I all right?

You're doing fine.

Just, you know, stick to the script.

Make sure you put it on card, make them fearful so that they don't get angry.

And uh, okay, yeah, you're doing great.

And my last question is: if I say, is that your final answer again?

Will we get sued?

Is that your

definitive response?

I love the workaround.

Next question.

Wait,

Matt, were we able to hear any of that that was going on just then?

Make a perception check for me.

Okay.

A little, little, little, little,

twenty.

Yeah, you heard a little bit of that.

Okay.

All right.

Up next for the red team.

Come on, Bo.

Bo.

You got it, Bo, you got it.

You did well as well.

You can do this, Borough.

You know everything.

Thank you, Katie.

You suck, Bo.

Thank you, Grog.

The massive body of water that exists between Asilra and Taldore is known as what.

Okay, okay.

If you would like no multiple choices, I will give you two points if you answer correctly.

Do you know it?

You've got this.

I'm pretty sure I know this.

Do it.

You've got this.

But I really only know one ocean.

Would you like the multiple choice or no?

It might just confuse me.

So I'm gonna say the Lucidian ocean.

Is that your definitive answer?

That is my.

That is my definitive response.

It is.

Four.

three.

Oh, who's counting?

What the?

Who's that?

White.

Every time, incorrect.

What?

What?

Oh, no.

The answer is the Osmits.

What?

You Osmits.

I should have known that.

I knew it.

I thought it was a C.

I thought it was a C.

And unfortunately, since there

are no

questions or answers, you get negative two points.

What?

What's the

game, my rules?

That's how the boss works.

He talks like he's compensating for something quite a bit, actually.

I don't know what you're talking about.

My horns are huge.

Yeah, and see,

are you a Minotaur by any chance?

GM, what kind of look is Beth giving me right now?

Beth, what look are you?

Yeah, that look.

Stop.

It's the only look she has.

It's just one.

And it fits up.

It never works for you, Beth.

Try another method.

Okay.

That's.

Yes, I am.

I am not.

Up next, Caleb.

You got this, Caleb.

You're going to be doing it.

Keen mind, don't fail me now.

Guidance.

He's already rolled, but I love the

hear the music, Merdy.

The mythical dragon, Davosa, protector of Ankarel, is storied to be what colour.

With the 27, you will get the multiple choice:

brass,

gold,

platinum,

silver.

Take your time.

Don't rush it.

If you have to touch yourself, that's okay.

I do it when I get nervous.

Let a little toot out, you'll be fine.

I forgot the colors already, but you got this.

Speak that weird language you talk.

I have a definitive response.

The answer is all about that brass.

Audience, was that correct?

You are correct as well.

Rog dislocates Caleb's arm.

I was literally born yesterday.

Caleb, I can help you.

Just come over here.

No, no, no.

Blue team, better than red team.

To be fair, they have been beating us

on everything.

We have four people.

What's it about?

There's two teams, there's two games that have happened, and we have won.

We actually made up a song.

It's called Blue is Cool, and Dad's the Rule.

I'd rather be dead than you.

While I am sad to not be with my compatriots, I feel that our strength is in our diversity.

I have Donuts, who wants one.

I'll take it.

I'll take it in there.

Next question.

For the red team.

And Kingsley.

You didn't roll so well.

So your question's going to be a little bit harder.

But I will give you the multiple choice.

What creature is emblazoned on the crest?

The crest?

What creature is emblazoned on the crest of the Dwendolian Empire?

You said the multiple choice.

Well, get on with it.

An owl, a wolf, a hawk, or a lion.

Do you know?

What creature is emblazoned on the crest of the Dwendalian Empire?

An owl, a wolf, a hawk, or a lion.

I think, if I remembered correctly, it's an animal that means when this gets towards the end, I'm gonna make sure that you fucking die at the end of my sword.

10 seconds remaining.

Hurt you in particular, your bloody friend, you're not gonna survive this.

And I think it's a wolf.

All that bravado and such a weak libido.

The answer is an owl.

We're going to get hurt again.

My god

Caleb, have pity on me.

I'm a mother.

Do you want me to cast banish on you right now and send you home?

No, because

as bad as we're doing, I think we'll do worse without me.

That is a fair point.

Carry on.

You can reply to this message.

Something catches Malvolio's eye in the moment between games.

And in his own dimension, he slowly and quickly looks back over the last ten seconds to what Kingsley said to him about hurting him, about taking his power, about killing him.

And he tries to remind himself of the audience's reaction.

Kingsley, what did you say to me again?

Before this is over, I'm gonna make sure that you meet my sword.

And what did the audience sound like after he said those words?

I think that they think I'm hot and you're not.

If you were perceptive, you would see one tiny sequin fall off of my jacket.

Next question!

His ego is his weakness!

Up next, we have Fern.

Fern, you look delightful.

Yes,

I am a professor, so I probably

will actually know the answer to what you're gonna be asking me.

Yeah, Professor Princess.

Oh, my God.

This question is going to be somewhat more difficult.

Mythborough is the lair.

You're cooked already

all right all right okay I'm gonna know I'm gonna know the answer mythburrow is the lair of which

dragon what okay

mythborough and I don't get multiple choice because I rolled bad right I just go to the guess

may I what do you think may I

give me uh give me your input on this one yeah give him multiple choice she seems nice enough and kind of lost in case okay yeah give me give me a multiple choice

rhyme fang

Geladon.

Great, great.

Help me with that one.

My glasses are a little bit Vorugal.

Very well, that's right.

And one more?

Raisha.

Your time begins now.

Listen, can I cast sleight of hand and look at the answer?

Are you gonna get up from your chair to do so?

Yeah.

Make a sleight of hand check.

Okay.

Dirty 20.

Make a perception check.

Perception check?

10 seconds remaining.

Spat.

Oh, that's my perception.

You glance quickly from the edge of the table over and get one quick look

at the card.

Do I see her doing this?

Yes.

And I mean, I'm going to cast

phantasmal force

And make her see if it works.

And make her see that the word Thor Dak.

Let's go, bitch.

Fern, I need you to make an intelligent saving throw, I believe, right?

Come on!

Fuck!

It's a damn six!

It says Thordak!

Does Fern remember that Thordak was not speaking aloud 30 seconds ago?

Do you?

Yes.

And what's your answer?

My answer is what I saw on the card when I rolled my perfect sleight of hand to see the answer.

The answer said Thordak.

The answer said Thordak.

Yeah.

Rhyme Feng.

Geladon.

Vorigal.

Oh, I have to go Thordak.

By Sean.

I'll go say.

I'll go say.

Soda.

Right?

I saw it plain as day.

It was like so huge on the paper.

Unfortunately, that's incorrect.

The answer is Galadon.

Oh, shit.

All right.

I see how we're playing this.

Now, boss, that was an answer that was not even given as part of the multiple choice.

Oh, you're right.

It's pretty.

It's pretty outleft.

How did that happen?

Yeah.

Maybe you're a professor.

Maybe, did you just remember the correct answer?

Were they trying to trick you, maybe?

And maybe they were.

Maybe.

Maybe Grog's dumb is spreading.

Wouldn't be the first time something I've had is spreading.

I message Veth and say, you are not allowed to use the tower for your date nights for six months.

But it's got that swing we like.

Yeah, yeah.

Normally the cats are just on it like it's a like a cat tree.

They hang out all over it.

They have no idea the debauchery that happens when the doors are closed.

It's for posting.

I feel like the cats would not.

It's time for the final question.

You got this vet.

Gotta bring it home.

The score is currently negative two to negative three.

Yes.

Bring us home.

Bring us home.

Beth, I'll make you an offer with a 20.

If you would like to answer this question with no multiple choice, you may have two points assuring the win.

If you would like to answer this easy question with multiple choice, it would tie the game.

What would you like to do?

Should we not get to hear the question first?

You do not.

Audience, what should I do?

Stop!

Please, if you'd like to see them ask and go and get all the questions as multiple choice, make some noise, multiple choice for the tie.

They want me to go big.

Go big or go home.

All right, I'm going big or going home.

I'm gonna

say a little prayer to this thing that I stole off of a stage hand in the back.

It's time.

Let's go.

The historical era when the gods of Xandria first divided into Prime and Betrayer, at odds with each other,

is known as what?

You know these.

You're an executive producer on both animated series.

You know this.

This is such an easy question.

The historical era when the gods of Xandria first divided into Prime and Betrayer at odds with one another

is known as what

era.

I really don't pay attention when Matt talks.

Only

you know this.

All right.

Only

it rhymes with jism.

I cast Polymorph.

Schism!

Sloth.

She got it out.

Not before I said I cast Polymorph.

He said it rhymes with Jism.

He said it was a wisdom-saving throw for that.

Make a wisdom-saving throw, Bat.

Nah.

25.

She beats it!

It's time for your definitive response.

Schism, bitch!

Correct!

Fuck!

All right, all right.

Oh, mommy.

Oh, my God, you're so smart.

You're even smarter than Bob.

I cast intellect fortress on myself, that's why.

Yeah?

I didn't know you could even do that, guys.

I can't, but it's a third-level spell.

Murdy, tell them what they've lost.

Well, with the victory over here on the blue team, or the red team, I apologize.

A little colorblind.

Blue team over here, an unfortunate loss.

And in this circumstance, you're gonna have to taste a little bit of the abyss.

My apologies.

Watch as Malvolio lifts a hand in the air and the ground cracks underneath, and you hear the screaming of a thousand souls.

As suddenly, you feel a bit of your essence torn and sent into the ground below.

Malvolio.

The red team takes

21 points of the damage.

Red team or the blue team?

Sorry, blue team.

Blue team takes 21 points of necrotic damage.

Just a little gassy from the catering is all.

Next game, next game.

Shut up.

A constitution game.

Mine's not feeling so well right now.

This next game is called Tough Tough Shot.

Oh, so who among you is the toughest?

Give me a second.

Murdy, can you please explain this one?

I'm not feeling so of course, of course.

I would appreciate three members of each team to make a constitution check to see the order in which you will be enjoying and imbibing some substance that you're unaware of.

And upon drinking it, you have to make no face

for five seconds.

You guys see it.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm gone.

Wait, Tim is

saving through or checked?

Just a check.

Just a check.

Okay.

Okay.

Wait, you said this is constitutional.

Oh, look.

You know, I feel kind of bad about that last round, so even though I'm the best at drinking alcohol, I'm gonna sit this one out.

You are really good at it.

I'm so good at it.

Are the three things?

Is it like milk?

Your swing is off limits for 12 months.

Keep it up.

Without the swing, that'll be hard.

Well, all right, so for this regard,

on this side, what are the roles?

Oh, no, Bo.

Say it.

Five.

Fifteen.

Twenty-two.

Jester

Kingsley.

Then Bo is going to be the order.

On this side.

21.

20.

I think I think that was a seven.

All righty.

Let's go.

Let's go beyond getting my second win.

Let's speed this along.

I'm ready for intermission.

Todies,

bring it out.

Whoever rolled the best, come see me.

Come, come, come.

That would be Jester and Grog.

Please come sit here at the table.

Hi, Grog.

Hi.

Hello, Grogerie.

Hello,

nice to meet you.

Hi, it feels really comfortable at this table now.

Would you sit down?

On the other side, you can sit if you like, but if you could stand at this corner, it would be even better.

Oh, you don't want me to sit down where you should sit here?

Yes, yes, that's perfect.

Yes, I love the show.

Sorry, I'm not quite feeling myself.

Are you okay?

Just fine, have a seat.

You look a little ill.

Yeah, well, you look a little blue.

I'm always blue.

Oh, that's a little hot.

Oh, thank you very much, Pipe.

What is happening?

Beautiful couple.

I'm suddenly very nervous.

Oh.

Hi.

Nice to see you.

Are you two feeling confident?

Yeah.

Good.

Are you feeling confident?

Confident.

Confident.

Proud of yourself.

Trong.

Yes, strong.

You're first to go.

Don't worry.

This won't be so bad.

Murdy, tell them what they're having this evening.

Oh, well, uh, this here, you know, let's keep it a mystery.

I love a good one.

Let them let them discover the flavor as it hits the pal.

Do we do it all at once, or

we're gonna count them down?

Three, two, one, and then we start.

The goal here is to make no face whatsoever, good or bad.

Are you ready at the same time on the count of three?

Here we go.

Three,

two,

one.

Looks like two points for each team, one to the other.

Give it up, raw contestants.

Excellent, excellent.

The first shot was simply a...

That, my friend,

was a...

It's not written on my sheet here.

Can I have more if you find any?

Crog, what did it taste like to you?

Oh, booze.

Yeah.

It tasted like sugary booze.

I'm pretty sure it was just a birthday cake shop, so we're good to go.

We're just loosening up for the second half.

This will surely be as pleasant.

Round two, get your ass up here.

Let's go.

Caleb Kingsley.

Kingsley.

Two to table.

Chop, chop.

Come on.

Red team.

Oh.

Swagger.

Does it occur to you that maybe may the best?

We're paying a little too much attention to meeting each other and not the actual problem.

Lock it up.

That's the lemon juice.

These are cement mixers.

Get after it.

Go!

Three, two, one.

Don't make a face, Kingsley.

Stop it.

Another two points, one point, team.

Good job, Caleb.

Good job, Caleb.

You did great.

I have a question.

Yeah, did you work really hard on this or something?

Because

I feel bad for you.

Look at the production value.

It's a lot.

That was a shit shot.

Last one, get up here.

All right.

This one won't be easy, I promise.

Are you used to having strange liquids in your mouth?

Yes, I am.

Toadies.

Oh, my God.

Oh, you've already poured it.

Well, this is a local favorite from the Great Land.

Illinois.

I know what this is.

On the count of three, we will prepare to pray to the porcelain gods.

And I will say, as part of this...

I gotta stand.

You gotta swish before you swallow.

Swish before you swallow?

Oh, yeah.

Have you

No faces.

I'm so excited.

Why are you all standing like excited to see what this is?

Can I smell it?

No.

Fuck.

On the count of zero, we'll say three, two, one.

You know what it is.

Okay.

Three, two,

one.

Go, go.

Go.

Oh.

Someone loves Illinois, I see.

Wow, that was fine, fine, go back to the fire.

Wow, that feels like fire?

It feels like liquid fire.

Yeah, I don't know.

What was that?

What the fuck is that?

We're trying to do our best, Jeep, but they're a little fucking

good enough.

They're a little tougher than I expected.

Please, bring me another shot.

You guys, do you need some guidance or something?

I don't need anything from you.

You need a bloody mixologist.

You think you're so fucking good.

We are.

Such proud heroes and spies.

You think you're so fucking special.

Who hurt you, you weirdos?

Pick someone from the three and four of you.

Anyone.

I don't care.

You haven't gone yet, though.

Better go.

Better go.

Okay.

Step up.

Do not make a face, Beth.

You fuck this up, woman.

I will.

It's time.

Bloody swing.

Oh, Ashley's back up.

Yeah, this one's

this one's worth a thousand points.

I don't care anymore.

No, but he's had more shits in the mouth than that.

This is tequila.

This is

hot sauce.

And in my neck of the woods.

Holy shit.

Don't you fuck this up, Beth.

We call this a prairie fire.

Why did you say yes to it then?

Now you see why he's the boss.

Respect.

Respect to you.

What's your name?

Much of the Valley.

What did you say your name was?

Want to tag out?

Tag out?

There's no tagging out.

Do you want to tag out?

I'm going to lose.

No, you're not.

What?

Are you good with spicy?

It's too late, friend.

You have to stay.

You'll be fine.

That's fine.

Get it together.

Puck your assholes out.

That's so good.

I put a little extra in for you.

Suck it up, soccer mom.

Come on.

Come on.

Say it.

We made a mistake.

Three,

two,

one.

Don't you fucking nervous.

Don't do it.

Was it?

Congratulations!

You both win.

I'm so happy for you.

It's great.

You've also all made a mess of my DM screen.

Oh, no, it really did get messy.

My interior of my body feels like it's on fire.

I kind of want to try it, though.

I'm going to have like a hot shit tonight.

All right, we've got to move this along.

You're Shard.

Acting up, or you're going to Shard.

What's that?

I'm in a Shard, for sure.

What's going on?

Yes, yes, I hear you.

I hear you.

Yes,

I'm all right.

He's getting a call.

Christ, another stage manager in my ear.

Up next, second to last game.

Wisdom.

Wisdom, wisdom, wisdom.

Todies, bring out the props.

I'm smart.

You're also a good goal for me.

Pick one person from each team.

You're the best one.

One person

to draw.

Let's go draw.

I have good wisdom.

This second to last game

is called called intuitive drawing.

Jesse, you've got this.

Okay, okay, okay, good.

You're also dealing with that.

Oh, my God.

Is this a savings and roller check?

Not me.

Myrdu, could you give him the run?

So, both of you choose one person from your team.

I'm going to have you roll a wisdom check.

Based on what you roll, you'll be given a prompt from me, quietly.

And you have to draw it while blindfolded.

You'll have 30 seconds for your team to try and guess it.

And if they fail to do so in 30 seconds, the opposing team has a chance to steal the points.

We're gonna do two rounds each team

and see who wins.

How are you gonna whisper with a microphone in your mouth?

I gotta wait.

Okay.

All right.

Who's drawing and who's guessing?

Everyone else is guessing.

Who's drawing?

He's drawing.

Jester.

What?

I'm drawing.

I'm drawing.

Jester.

And Caleb.

I'd like you both.

Caleb.

Really?

To make wisdom.

Don't go against it.

Wisdom saving.

Or wisdom checks for me, please.

I have already fucked it up.

Guidance.

No, you already rolled.

I just saw what it checked.

Never mind.

Well, I have very high wisdom modifier, but I rolled a four, so it's 15.

Not too bad.

But guidance.

No, you didn't.

You You got a guidance before the roll.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Oh, no, sorry.

That's a good trade.

I was just seeing if you're not.

I have a really high wisdom as well, but I also rolled really well.

So, Caleb, we tied.

Rolls it is.

Come on, come on.

Oh, no.

Natural 20.

nine

all right Caleb, you're up first with an easy prompt.

Look, look, Mariana reported, okay?

All right, I gotta get it closer to see.

We technically should all be

aware of it.

I know that's what I keep saying, but then the spirit of competition.

Here's the thing:

I do love you guys, and

I know it really, the indigestion is really intense.

Cowards.

Do we have

Do we have the same only you can guess at first?

But if you don't get it, the other team has an opportunity to steal.

So you'll want to steal.

We're gonna get it.

We're gonna get it.

We're gonna get it.

Alright.

You got this.

Oh my god, you got this.

Are you going to tell me, Go?

Is that how this works?

Yes.

Are you ready to start the timer?

Yes.

30 seconds to draw and guess.

30 seconds.

Go!

Nothingness!

A bike, a cat, Batman.

Got it already.

Okay, great.

A cat?

Yeah.

Great.

Cat is correct.

That's it!

Wow.

You're up next.

Congratulations.

Let's all see you together, you guys.

Congratulations.

Congratulations.

You gave Caleb a cat?

That's cheating.

You're right.

Jester.

Yeah?

You're going to get a hard one because you lost yourself.

Listen.

I'm sorry.

No hard feelings.

I don't mind that you attacked me earlier, okay?

I know it's just your job.

Yes?

I understand.

I saw you earlier.

Look, I know you're under a lot of pressure.

Yes.

Let's talk down here.

Talk down here.

Yes.

Are you ready to draw something?

Yeah.

Okay, come over here.

Okay, let me see it.

Where is it?

Let me see the pros.

That's just right there.

There you go.

Good luck.

Okay.

Oh, wait, I forgot my marker.

That would help.

No pressure.

You got this, Chester.

Thank you.

You look really hot.

You do too.

Thanks.

Oh, God.

Oh, she's a lefty.

But we don't get to see it until after she's going to be a little bit more

understood.

And don't look at the monitors either.

Don't you tell us what to do?

I'll tell you,

I'm shitting fire right now.

These metrics are enormous.

30 seconds, count them down, Murdy.

Am I going?

No.

Oh, wait.

Oh, it's a-

Oh, D-12!

No, it's a...

Oh, you're annoying.

It's a beacon.

Beacon.

That is correct!

It's beacon!

That's correct.

That looks just like a beacon.

It kind of does.

It really does.

You did a job.

I hit it.

It's no cat.

No, it is not.

I don't want to tempt fate, but these games are kind of fucking easy.

Why would you do that?

Bro, don't fuck.

The suck.

They're calling you easy.

I know, why not?

Alright.

It's alright, I'll be fine.

Next, isn't there another...

How does this game work?

There's more people?

Yeah, they do another round on this side.

Are you?

Bosh, you're okay over here.

I don't know, maybe it was the

Lord.

I'm okay, I'm okay.

Yes, yes, let's keep going.

Let's keep fucking going.

Who's next?

Who's drawing?

Wait, we're doing driven artists?

We're just thinking artists.

Okay.

All right.

Another easy one?

No, this one's been taunting over there.

Give him a high point.

Whatever you do, don't give us another cat.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Caleb, look at me.

Look at me.

Tell me through your mind, okay, what it is.

Sit down, boy.

I'm about to start the timer.

Okay.

Say it one more time in your mind.

Yeah.

As I sit down, I cast haste on myself.

Unfortunately, that window of casting spells on yourself is faded.

Oh, well, I'll save that slot then.

Let's go, Grog.

Start the timer.

Alright.

we're going

a circle it's it's the moon it's ruined ruidous it is a mad vampire a vampire

that's really good he's a bloody creature

That's really good.

That's a vampire.

It's a vampire.

That's a vampire.

To be fair, Voxmakina fought a lot of those.

We are the same.

We are both artists.

Hale, you're so talented.

I'm so proud of you.

Yeah.

What's going on over here with this guy?

Just come here, come here, come here.

We're friends right here.

Are you okay?

Yeah, come on, come on, we'll be fine.

I wish you'd come in.

Let me guess from the blind.

The sun.

What can I give you

to fuck this up on purpose?

Can I give you anything?

I've got money.

I've got friends in high places.

Just draw bad.

Can you draw do a bad?

Can you draw?

Oh, no.

I feel so sorry for you.

Maybe if I don't face a don't trust the man in his top hat.

Draw it, draw it, draw it.

Draw it.

Are you gonna be okay?

I'll be fine.

Listen, are you working for somebody?

I'll be fine.

What?

I feel like it's not his choice.

What is it?

Come sit down and prepare to draw.

Don't worry, you did so good last time.

Thank you, Grog.

Oh, no.

I feel torn.

She said she thought it wasn't his choice.

What if he's not that bad?

That's what you say about him.

Wait, can I can I roll can I roll an insight check to see if he's trying to trick me?

Sure, roll an insight check.

He's got a top hat.

Made of gold horns.

Of course he's trying to trick you.

The lady.

I rolled a 13.

It's hard to tell.

Jess, it hardly matters.

I don't think he's gonna do better or worse, depending on if you do better or worse.

Okay, what's happening over there?

Don't worry, Jester.

If they don't guess it, we will, and then we'll win.

Yeah,

you got this.

This is gonna be a hard one.

Okay.

Be quiet.

Go for it.

Yep.

It's a book.

It's a tome.

It's a book of some sort, a grimoire.

It's a page.

It's a dick.

It's a dick.

Jester, it's Traveler's Journal.

No, it's.

It's.

Oh, uh, bloody help.

Jester's journal.

No, it's.

Caleb's journal.

Caleb's journal?

Oh, it's support.

Support one.

What's the, it's, it's smudge.

It's smutch.

Uh, bloody hell, what was happening?

He over his head around.

Tusk glove, is it?

Tusk glove.

Fuck.

Yes.

Yes.

I fuck a dog.

That's a failure

on this team.

But the other team has a chance to steal the points.

Shit.

Blue team.

And they already said.

Oh no, I know what it is.

Blue team, take a look.

What is it?

Oh, don't you?

I mean, I think it it could be, it could be.

That is my spellbook.

It could be toast gloves.

No,

we already said

the answer is.

It's a pamphlet!

It's the pamphlet, Traveler Pamphlet.

Wait, can I get one more chance?

Absolutely not.

Spellbook!

Blue Team takes it!

Yes!

This is what I needed!

Vengeance!

power, applause, fuck you, and I cast.

You watch out of the anger and frustration of Malvolio, this blast of infernal spite and fire.

Wait!

I object!

Overrules!

He's got you there!

It was a good try.

I understood that reference.

Your team takes.

that's pretty good for a blindfolded spell forty points

of fire damage.

I have resistance to fire.

How much?

40 points.

40.

So you take 20.

All right.

Wait, I have my ring of fire resistance on.

Can I attempt to evade this fire damage, Dungeon Master?

Not in this reference.

This is our side.

That was a really good drawing though Caleb wasn't it it was beautiful.

Oh, what's that all

Yes

go on

We're down to the last part of the first half and it looks like they're starting to come apart at the seams.

I think you're making this up.

I think you're actually getting it.

I really needed it.

I was feeling a little dicey near near the back half, but it's it's getting better.

I feel good.

We've got one more game.

Let's make it happen.

Nothing will make them seem as foolish as this.

We are going to have to make a move soon.

Yes, I agree.

Taby wigging.

Audience,

do you love

a dance off?

I see.

Do you love a dance-off?

Bertie, tell them how it goes.

I would like each team

to choose two dancers.

I think you two should take it.

I'm down.

All right.

Who's the other one?

You all look at the dance.

Two dancers?

I mean,

two dancers on your team.

I only know the waltz.

Who still cares about it?

You're definitely a really tonight.

I've seen you dance.

Really, really, really.

So many shots.

So you know, this will be a 1v1 dance off.

Each dancer.

Okay, yeah, you're definitely doing it.

Okay.

Each dancer will be surprised with their music track and have 15 seconds to bust a move.

Each dancer will have two 15-second spotlights to show us what they got.

And audience applause will determine the winner of the round.

They want us to die.

They're going to kill us.

We can

team up and take it.

Who are you, dancers?

Blue team.

Roll a charisma check.

Come on.

Guidance.

Guidance.

Guidance?

Guidance.

Guidance, Grog.

You can roll an extra.

Guidance, D4, D4, D4.

Roll plus D4?

Yeah.

Yeah, it'll make a difference in the middle.

Go ahead, yeah.

Okay, okay.

Okay, okay.

You're fine.

Grog?

19.

Okay.

16.

Alright.

Second dancer on this side?

Oh, okay.

Can I get the guidance?

Oh, who's doing that?

And I'm going to cast guidance to myself.

Sure, fine.

Go for it.

Alright.

So let's see here.

Why the fuck not?

Okay.

Wait,

what are we rolling again?

I've got a

little bit of a

hard time.

You are.

Dance.

Do you want to dance?

No, I'm fine either way.

You dance.

Go for it.

I did read that right.

Okay.

Yeah.

You got this.

All right.

Vern.

28.

It hardly matters after any.

12.

The first dance off is between Grog and Beauregard.

Please come to the front.

Yes, yes, yes.

Yes.

Ya, ya, ya.

Let's go.

Let's go.

Grog,

you got this.

Hang on a minute.

Hang on.

Hang on.

Hang on, this is tough, though.

All good.

Real quick, real quick, before we start,

I just honestly, I just want to show a little bit of appreciation.

Oh, okay.

Okay, I just want to like, yeah.

You know,

can I extract aspects from the MC

with my little playful punches?

Just, you're fucking crushing it, man.

I'll allow it.

Extract aspects.

Can I know his vulnerabilities?

Well, I get to pick four things, right?

Well,

you learn that he is immune to charm.

Immune to charm.

Paralyze.

Paralyze.

Let me see what this guy.

Charm, paralyze, and frightened.

Paralyzed and frightened.

No resistances, no vulnerability.

Sorry.

And you also get the sense that there is a very powerful well of dark arcana within this entity.

Guys, this guy's super fucked up.

He's super fucked up.

He's covered.

He's got darkness.

Okay.

It's good to know.

Do you want a B-boy hat?

Rob.

Let's go, strong job.

Put all that junk in that trunk to use.

Two rounds.

Pop that thing.

That's right.

Throw your pride to the side and shake it like your mama gave it to you.

Grog, who's going first?

Grog's up for the first 15 seconds, Bo for the second, Grog for the third, and Bo for the fourth.

When we're done, we'll ask the audience which side.

Let's go, Chicago.

That's right, Chicago.

Give it up for the CEO.

Let's go, let's go!

Three, let's go, two, come on, bitch, one dance.

Oh, oh, this is great.

Yes, yes,

yes, running man, hell yes,

yes, great card.

Wow,

there we go.

Solid,

solid, pretty good.

Fuck, he's going for the blow.

Wow.

A little low.

Yeah, couldn't hear it.

Oh,

yes.

Oh, he's falling apart.

He's just run.

Oh, shit.

Beauregard.

You didn't tell me that he could do that.

That he could do that.

I didn't think he would bust it out.

I really didn't.

It has been a while since we have seen Tracy make an appearance.

Suddenly, I understand what you're saying.

All right, you two, take a bow together, yes.

You're going to cheer for each of them, and Murty will be the judge.

Who thinks Grog was the winner?

Enough!

Don't fucking win.

It's out of character, but it feels bad yelling at you.

Who thinks Bo was the winner?

Merti, this is gonna be a tough one and I'm sure you've got no vested interest in who wins this or not.

Not at all.

But what is this if not for raising the stakes, right?

So I'm gonna say in this regard, it's a a tie.

Hey, hey!

Which means whoever dances next is the one that decides the losing team.

Be gone, you're both too good.

Hide my mic.

So you guys are so talented.

It's good.

For all the pieces.

I get clothes.

When I stripped and exploited myself, thank you.

All All we know about you is that you're a pirate?

I think one of my vertebrae moved over to Bern, get on stage.

Oh, really?

So, because it's now tied, your friends left it all on the table.

The two of you are going to decide which team wins and which team loses.

15 seconds each.

I like it.

I like it.

We're going to start.

Oh, shit.

This is so embarrassing.

Really?

Really?

We're gonna start with Kingsley this time.

Okay.

15 seconds, Kingsley, 15 seconds, Fern, 15, Kingsley, 15, Fern.

Are you ready?

I castometer.

Little dicks

like floating all around Kingsley.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like fireworks.

Let the dance off.

Begin!

once we

woke

up.

Yes.

Soul-stirring.

He transforms.

Flash dance.

Yes.

I can do the worm too.

I can feel their power.

Don't worry about it.

Don't fucking worry about it.

Round two.

Oh, come on.

Oh, come here.

Hard to hear.

Yes.

I didn't hear this.

That's my first mosh pit.

I was afraid I was gonna die.

All right, dancers to the front, please.

Whatever, Circus Vargas.

Everyone to the front because you all dance.

Center stage, please.

This is the big moment before intermission.

I promise.

Hands up.

Exhaustive.

Big bow to all the dancers.

Please, your applause again.

Bow, bow, yes.

Yes,

that's right.

What is happening?

Please give it up if you thought the red team won.

Let's hear it for Blue

Boss.

I think we gotta give it to the blue team.

Pretty clear.

If you'd be so kind as to take your seats.

May I ask a question?

I saw that.

You back corner.

I saw that.

Is this D D

D?

Dungeons and Dancing.

I heard it.

Dungeons and Dancing.

Cow's down.

Myrtle.

For the final time this evening, tell them what they lost.

Ah, red team.

A good try, a good attempt.

But unfortunately.

Does your mama love you?

Great question.

Mrs.

Contreras is a wonderful woman.

If she let you come out with that top hat, she can't love you that much.

I cast vicious mockery, motherfucker.

Save on that, please.

You want me to what?

To roll a dice and make a wisdom saving throw.

Oh, I want to wash this.

Please, wait.

Wait, wait, wait, you don't sound like Murty.

Who the fuck are you?

I'm a force beyond any move and

what's an 11 mean

an eleven means you failed.

Go ahead and mark that damage.

That's uh, where is it?

It's the very back.

It's not a lot, but it's uh what does it do?

Uh where is one action?

It's uh trying to see

this is DD.

Yeah.

It doesn't actually say on my sheet right now.

It doesn't say on my sheet.

That's all right.

Roll 3d4 for me.

Oh, thank you.

There we are.

That's

all the dancing.

That's not right.

Hold on, where's 3d4?

Is my DD4?

Sorry, yeah, there we are.

I found them.

They're hiding in here.

These are not my normal dice.

This is us.

Six.

Six points of psychic damage to Malvolio Contreras.

And you feel somewhat dismayed.

Just a little twinge in the side of my head.

Nothing to worry about.

The space is still mine.

And I throw out my hand, and the studio feels like it's shrinking, getting smaller.

The stage lights are getting dimmer.

I throw out the other hand and you feel the heat of the park hands land on your face and you think this isn't right.

This isn't what a show feels like.

This isn't fun.

I didn't just pop balloons with my ass

and dance in front of 6,000 strangers.

No,

what they feel instead are the burns at the soles of their feet and the slashes to their body and the twisting pain in their psyche?

And I feel your applause all night long

and it fills me with power and rage.

You think that's going to work now?

You already gave me too much, baby!

Murdy, throw the fucking commercial!

Both teams suddenly are enveloped in a flash of black flame and find yourselves shunted to a nearby green room

to think in tox amongst yourselves.

And we'll return after intermission.

What?

That's a wrap for part one of this podcast episode.

Part two will land here this upcoming Tuesday at 5 a.m.

Pacific, and we'll pick up this this story right where we left off.

Until next time, and we'll be back in this adventure before you know it.

Summer's heating up, and so is the action with Chumba Casino and 2311 Racing.

Whether you're trackside with Bubba, Riley, and Tyler, or cooling off at home, the fun never stops at Chumba Casino, the online social casino packed with free-to-play games like Slots, Blackjack, and more.

Jump into Summer at chumbacasino.com and score your free welcome bonus: 2 million free gold coins and 2 free sweeps coins.

No purchase necessary, VGW Group Void where prohibited by law.

CTNC is 21 Plus, sponsored by Chumba Casino.