Wilde Out | Wildemount Wildlings Episode 3 Part 1

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hey there, critter podcast listeners.

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Hey there, critters.

We are so excited to share with you our brand new podcast from the world of Xandria, the Re-Slayer's Take.

In this audio adventure, you'll be guided through the wild continent of Asilra, home to some of the most dangerous creatures.

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Hey there campers, it's Game Master Sam Regal and welcome to our new miniseries Wild Mount Wildlings.

In this three-part adventure, we're making our way to Axandria's premier sleep awake camp for aspiring adventurers and following the antics of four angsty teen campers and their camp counselors, Beauregard Lionette and Yasha Naidorin.

New episodes of Wild Mount Wildlings air on Thursdays at 6 p.m.

Pacific on vegan, Twitch, and YouTube with the VOD uploaded to YouTube on the following Mondays at noon.

Prefer your adventures in audio form?

Well, the podcast version arrives here on the Critical Role Podcast Network with a one-week delay from the original broadcast.

You're listening to part one of this episode right now, and part two will be available this upcoming Tuesday.

If you want instant access to podcast content and an ad-free listening experience, check out Beacon and get access to the full audio version right when it airs at 6 p.m.

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Well, that should cover it.

Now, let's wild out and get this adventure started.

Welcome back, campers.

It's me, Sam Regal.

I'm joined once again by Alex Lee, Eden Regal, Libe Barrere, Brennan Lee, Mulligan, Horrifying.

No, it's good.

Beautiful.

Beautiful.

This is episode three of the Wild Mount Wildlings.

But before we get into tonight's story, some quick camp announcements to get through.

So let's throw it to Ashley and Marisha somewhere else in the camp, ladies.

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

Okay, well, while Mount Wowlings is coming to an end today, thank God.

Our final episode.

It's right now.

It's happening right now.

Campfriends are for life, I guess.

On Monday, April 28th, Stayon will be joining Beacon members for a fireside chat and taking questions live from the Beacon Discord.

So come join the adventure over on beacon.tv.

And reminder that next Thursday is the premiere of our two-part underwater epic Thrasher.

Thrasher is the name of it.

You won't want to miss this thrilling mini-series.

Ashley, I believe you have some merch to show off.

Oh!

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Okay, Sam, now let us come back to the table.

Please.

Please.

Why, thank you, Counselor Ray and Counselor Johnson.

And with all of that, I think we're ready to dive into tonight's episode of A Critical Role.

Okay, I'm just gonna lightning round this, all right?

If someone finds a magical potion, Kestrel, what does it do?

It

turns them into

a baby unicorn.

A baby unicorn, great.

If someone finds a special weapon, Greta, what kind of weapon is it?

A mirror.

A mirror.

That's right.

We don't ask why, we just.

Give them self-guilt.

Make them self-conscious.

But you're not fighting yourself.

But aren't we all, Marlowe?

We're going to encounter two guards.

Who are they?

He's a palm tree.

He's a palm tree.

That's one of the guards.

Marlow, his partner.

The palm tree's guard partner is a giant coconut.

Is a coconut?

Okay.

Penny, do they like each other or hate each other?

Ooh,

I'm gonna say they hate each other.

Okay.

Do they have names, Roni?

I think the coconut is gonna be named Coco.

Sure, if that makes sense.

Palm tree is gonna be

the hand of palms.

The hand of palms.

Palm trees are palms.

I love them.

I love them.

Does anyone have any ideas that they really wanted to get out that they didn't get a chance to?

Maximus.

I have a potion idea.

Sure, what's that?

So when you drink the potion, you suddenly become freakishly handsome and you get

a very high

addit to your charisma.

I love it.

So it's a potion of handsomeness or beauty.

Oh, I'm almost.

Yes, I am done.

What do you have, sir?

So his name is Dark World.

And the

area that you fight him in is a dimension of darkness.

Yes.

Where everything is like everything

is alive, is like moving, but it's only shadow.

and I love darkness.

He turns, he turns anything that comes into that dimension, he'll try to turn them into like shadowed guys.

I love that.

Alright, the last thing I need on this list is

I need the final boss.

Max, did you have something?

So this is my main idea.

So it's a pan, right?

It's a pan?

Yeah.

And it has two

utensils.

It has a fork and a spatula.

Uh-huh.

Okay, and with the spatula, it can like do a broader attack where it can hit multiple people.

Uh-huh.

And the fork is just more powerful.

It can stab at one.

Piercing damage.

How big are you imagining this thing to be?

I think maybe

20 feet tallish.

Jeez, Louise.

Maybe 15.

I like it, but if we're fighting this pan monster,

what might the battlefield look like?

What do you got, Alan?

An oven or a griddle.

So like a gigantic oven that everyone's sort of on.

A griddle.

Or or a griddle okay oven yes how would you get there uh does does does it have a name like is it a is it a a a a person does it have it like a name for itself isn't a pot call like a walk

there are yeah there's a i was thinking maybe for a name it could be walk walk

i love it everybody thank you so much uh kestrel greta maximus alan marlo penny rona thank you so much for doing this i really appreciate it and i'll you'll see all your ideas in the show.

Woohoo!

We're done.

Yay!

I am not done.

Okay.

See you.

Wild

Mount

Wildlings

at Five Black Wildlings.

We learn adventuring.

Misses and warlocks, rangers and scouts.

In fields and rivers, we go exploring.

And when it's warrant, we wild out.

We are the wildlings.

Yes, the wildlings.

Getting in trouble every day.

No, we're not troublings.

We are the wildlings.

And we don't give up what you say.

Wild out!

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I'm gonna put you on, nephew.

All right, huh.

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Hi.

Hello.

Hi.

Hi.

While most of the Wild Mount Wildlings were off celebrating their ascension in rank, the four members of the Olga cabin were trying to earn some last-minute merit badges.

That is, until guest counselors Yasha and Bo were pidnapped by a bizarre porcine behemoth.

The Olgas banded together and tracked across the campgrounds, confronting a surreal and childlike assortment of challenges, negotiating with Mishi the curfew creature, navigating a maze of yums, even fitting two friendly land sharks for hats.

But now, disaster.

Jessup and Kai have been knocked unconscious by a sonic scream and the Olgas have dropped into a dark tunnel underneath the camp.

Curfew is in one hour, campers.

You've gotten wild, but can you get out?

Let's find out.

Jessup, you have collapsed to the floor.

Your skin now somehow turning a third shade of blue.

This one more pale and sickly because you are dying.

Kai, you fall beside her, lifeless, unmoving,

still very handsome.

Is my tongue out like somehow more handsome?

Yes.

Your dagger falls from your limp hand.

Hadmond and Sky.

You find yourself in this long, dark tunnel, or at least that's how you remember it being, because as the trapdoor shuts above you, you're plunged into pitch darkness.

Can either of you see in the dark?

I can't see a bloody thing!

Wait, I have to consult my features!

I have no open- I-I-I- my friend-

they've collapsed and I- I can't even think straight.

I don't know what to do.

What have I done?

What have I done?

I should have just...

I should have just used my strength.

Before you do anything, both of you, let's go ahead and roll a death saving throw.

Roll a D20 and tell me what you get.

Oh, 18.

18, that's a success.

So mark off a success on your...

Yes.

It was almost an 11, but it's a 9.

Okay, that is a fail.

You failed one death save.

Your body just sort of twitches.

You're not dead.

You're not dead.

Turn into a slightly paler blue.

Yes, it's a fourth shade of blue.

I moan out in my sleep.

I will look and see.

I'll look at Skye and go, do you have any torches or candles?

I didn't pack any,

but I do have grease.

You're very useful.

I, I, I wait.

I can cosprace.

Do you have any kind of a flint?

And then we can make light.

Um, I am going to.

Do you not have dark vision?

I do not have dark vision.

So I'm.

There's only one person here who does.

I am going to take out.

I am going to.

We don't have a torch.

I need...

I can use press agitation to light a light source.

You sure can.

But it can't produce light on its own.

So I reach in my bag.

and take my entire work of my card game.

My manuscript.

We gotta staple.

And I'm gonna light my manuscript on fire to make enough light for us to get potions to these two.

Wow, that was beautiful.

The uh, the firelight flickers dimly, but it is definitely enough light to see.

I uh I don't remember who has which potion, but there are two potions floating out there somewhere.

Yes, we have them right here.

We have potion of healing and potion of greater healing.

Okay,

so do

we want to save one

Or do we use them all?

I think we got to use them all.

I don't think...

Can we do doses?

Can we do sips?

Can we do little sippies?

No, I don't think that's fast.

Down the hash bottom's up.

But the moment of hesitation has come and gone.

Roll another death savings.

A kid's going to die on screen.

Oh, God, I hope that doesn't happen.

It's a seven.

Another one.

I got an eight.

Okay.

Two fails.

One fail over here.

Down the hash!

So I'm going, I'm going, I'm gonna go for Jessup and just do the greater healing because you've got the two failed death saves.

Go for it.

Greater healing.

What do you roll?

44?

44 plus plus 4.

So I'll let you do it, Jessup.

Roll that pyramid-shaped dice four times and add them all up because that's how much healing you're gonna get.

Okay,

three.

That's good.

One.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Two.

That's good already.

Six.

One.

Seven plus four is eleven.

Yep.

Yeah, but what's your maximum hit points?

Seven.

So you're back to seven.

You're fully healed.

You're fully healed.

I'm fully healed.

I'm back.

Oh my gosh.

I'm back.

And

a syrupy, sickly sweet potion is poured down your throat.

Go ahead and roll.

What is this?

2d4?

2d4 plus 2.

So that's the

pyramid.

When?

Four.

Four.

Well, that's it.

Just two.

That's seven.

So you're back up to seven.

Oh, okay.

Okay, you're both alive.

Oh, back to life.

Wow.

Why's you gonna steal that second blue?

What's that smell?

Something's burning.

I had to be able to find the potions of healing in our inventories.

I burnt Mysterium.

No!

I'm so moved, Padman.

Thank you so much.

How is that

making a game about heroism and acts of incredible sorcery if you're not willing to do it in real life?

Also, I've kind of been considering a page one rewrite.

There's some little changes.

Hey, it's okay.

We can draw the art from scratch, too.

Yeah, it's actually kind of fun because I actually kind of like making it more than having it be finished.

I still think you made the ultimate sacrifice for your friends, and I admire you for it.

Thank you happened.

it's but it's an honor to

to wild out with you guys admin you're a goddamn hero

stop it i'm crying even darker blue tears oh everyone's crying please stop this outpouring of emotion is uh more than i could possibly process

uh also uh you guys noticed that the um the clump of uh of papers and manuscript it's it's starting to burn down this is not a torch it's gonna burn out pretty soon it's okay i have a light spell oh i Yes, she does.

I have a hooded lantern.

Both are good.

Would you like to use your light spell or are you going to rely on the lantern?

Up to you.

It's a cantrip, so I can use it as much as I want.

Yes, you can.

Yeah.

Double the light source, right?

Are you stressed out right now?

Are you back to normal?

I think that

this new life has given me a wave of confidence.

Great, so

you can cast light.

I believe the light spell, it's sort of like an ET spell.

You can put a source of light wherever you want, on a fingertip, on a nose tip, on a piece of gear that you're holding.

Where does the light emanate from?

I'm going to have it come out of my good old monocle.

Like a flashlight coming out of your face.

Yeah.

Awesome.

Okay, between the eye flashlight and the hooded lantern, you can see plenty down here.

The four of you are up again.

A team reunited and a long winding tunnel stretches before you.

you notice its walls are cracked covered in a yellow skin-like paper that reminds you of old people's living rooms.

And that faint sound of sizzling bacon in the far distance.

The hallway stretches ahead of you, just in one direction.

Would you like to go down?

Are you gonna flee?

What are you gonna do?

Well, we've come this far, might as well, right?

I agree.

Further in.

And you've just seen death, so I trust you even more.

I don't know what I saw.

It was very confusing, but I'm glad I'm not there anymore.

As you step

into

down the hallway and start, you notice some things are crunching under your feet.

There's some wood, but also pieces of broken glass

and just some a mess sort of is beneath your feet.

Why don't you guys make a perception check to see what is sort of scattered around the trash down here?

Natural one.

Okay.

A five.

Nat 20, baby.

Whoa.

18.

Padman, you are, you got a little glass in your foot, so you're sort of distracted by that.

I have one hit point, so obviously.

It doesn't cause any damage.

It's just like, ow.

Ow.

Youch.

I tell you,

I sort of tend to

respectfully bow out of most physical activities at the chaos.

So today has been a whopper.

Libra, what did you roll again?

18.

18.

Okay, so the two of you, Skye and Jessup, you notice a few

things on the ground.

It's various vials and potions have been strewn about, mostly broken.

They probably fell down when whatever it was that sort of tore through the enchant shed barrel down here.

Most of it is broken, but if you pick through some of the some of the items down there, you you realize that there are some intact items down here.

You find

various things

because you rolled so high

you get that

um and because you rolled so high you get this

you also get

you get all these

fucking absolutely love it from behind

I'm like what did you just get what is that?

I got the potion of Riz.

The potion of what?

You don't need it, you've got enough.

The potion of Rizz.

It gives a plus five to all charisma checks for one whole.

That's hilarious.

And I got a potion of greater healing.

You should probably...

You probably will.

They're labeled.

We should probably give that greater healing potion to Padman there.

It seems like he might need it.

He might need it.

There's one thing I've learned from our previous misadventure is that if you have a healing potion, drink it immediately.

Drink it right away.

He did.

Do not hesitate.

Wait, hold on.

Blood is pouring down Padman's face right?

Gave him a choice.

I'd actually quite like to sample the potion of charisma, but

I will take a healing potion if that is what's being up.

I have a second one, so we could give one of them to him.

Another potion of charisma?

No, unfortunately, not.

Okay, I'm sure.

Well,

would the potion of charisma make the potion of healing stronger, perhaps?

I would have to assume so, and I don't say that just because I really want it.

We could give him either of those or I mean, what are we gonna need?

Just drink all the potions.

Wait, what's that, Libra?

Potion of baby unicorn.

This potion will turn you into a baby unicorn for one minute.

So if you want to try that one out, maybe we should borrow that one.

Maybe that will come for you.

No, you're right.

That seems like we might need to be

turned out until I just got excited by that.

I'm going to be aghast to turn you into a unicorn for a second.

That would be very funny.

Padman, drink this potion.

Which one?

I'd like to give this to you.

Perfect.

Especially because of

the great sacrifice you made for all of us.

Well,

I gladly accept because my head is profusely bleeding.

Four.

Three, I'm back.

Don't need to be rolling.

I get like halfway through and I'm like, oh, I'm healed already.

I am not tough under the best of circumstances.

Right.

Feeling better, I take it.

You guys walk down this long winding hallway.

As you walk down the hallway,

there's no light other than the light source that you are providing, but it is sort of getting warmer as you go deeper and deeper and deeper into the hall.

It's not like brutal, it's just hot.

It's a little bit hot and muggy.

Finally, at the end of this long hallway, you come to two identical doors.

Both doors are plain wooden doors.

One, oh, on the large side of doors, they're both painted white and they have tiny small signs on them that read WW and DW.

What door would you like to try?

Don't worry and where we worry.

I'm kind of leaning forwards, don't worry, here guys, but I don't know about you.

But are we sure that's what they mean?

Where we will we?

Do we have what we say, like 20 minutes?

I mean, there's an hour till curfew, so it would be burning through a lot of time.

It would be burning through a lot of time, but I could try to identify the doors or cast copperhead languages to see what these acronyms are.

I was just going to say, I think you should bring Archibald back and send him through one of the doors.

Now, that's a fascinating idea.

If we have, I mean, we have an hour left, so maybe Bernie a quick 30 minutes to cast an Archibald?

For me, personally, we've been through a lot.

I think we deserve a little 30-minute break.

We could just...

We could just try one of the doors.

I entered this adventure very scared of everything, but given my brush with death and, you know, watching him bleed from his head that much, I think it's it might be

had the opposite effect on me.

I'm horrified.

Yeah, that's character growth and character shrink and shrinkage.

I'll say,

if we feel if we feel that time is of the essence, then perhaps we simply press on.

If one of these doors is certain doom and the other one is the path we seek, then it's an even coin flip that we get it right and we find the path we seek and not have wasted a half hour.

Well, I've cast my vote on which door.

I'll leave it up to you three.

Which one you want?

You want don't worry?

Don't worry.

Okay, great.

Given that I have no other clues to go off of, I'm compelled to agree.

Okay, fantastic.

Two votes for Don't Worry?

I it was too traumatizing to see two of my friends briefly die, and I feel that we should do a little reconnaissance of some kind before going through

doors.

Um, uh

is

can we possibly

touch the doors and see if one of them's hot?

I was taught that in uh in our life-saving class, you know, you should touch the doors to see if there's fire on the other side.

Sure, go ahead, uh, roll a perception check to see how your hands feel.

Uh 16.

Uh, 16 is great.

Yeah, um, uh, neither door is uh hot per se.

Like I said, it's not it's not sweltering down here.

It's just sort of warm.

But

there is one of the doors, the DW door, has a little bit of a hum to it.

It's my mom!

Power mom!

My favorite.

I love it.

A slight hum.

A slight hum behind DW.

Well, we have two votes for DW.

We have one vote for additional reconnaissance.

In my heart of hearts, Sky, I agree with you, and I think I should be allowed to cast spells for 30 minutes to try to make that.

But

if I vote with you,

if I vote with you, then we were at a tie, and that would create an impasse.

So, DW it is.

And I'm going to just reach and open DW.

Okay, the door is not locked, and it opens.

The door opens, revealing an endless dimension of rot and madness,

where shadow people writhe and hollow out their own eyes, whispering secrets that begin to twist your mind.

This is kind of like what I saw just a couple minutes ago.

Faces locked in eternal screens float through the gloom, vanishing as if reality is ashamed of itself.

Looming above is a monstrous creature, enormous of necrotic limbs and viscera, its ghostly maw devouring sanity itself.

Maybe it's ninety six.

I'm gonna close the door.

That's not the door we want.

And I mean maybe it stood for do-worry.

Maybe it was upside down and the other one stands for mommy.

Yeah, absolutely.

I will, after this adventure concludes, be pursuing vigorous legal action against this game.

Absolutely.

I'll never be the same.

Okay, WW!

Get the door.

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Uh, the other door also unlocked.

Uh, it opens to a cozy waiting room like a dentist's office.

There's a cute little sofa, there's some magazines, there's a pitcher of water, there's an attendant at a desk with a sign-in sheet.

Um,

are you gonna smash the attendant like you did the businessman?

Well, an attendant is a helpful receptionist, whereas that businessman

absolutely had it coming from the word go.

Also, context, environment, yeah,

there are two creatures sitting in some of the chairs waiting.

One is a tall, skinny, the color of tree bark with a wild green mop of hair that flops to the sides.

Sort of looks like a palm tree.

The other is a short, squat, darker gentleman, covered with a thin layer of stringy fur.

Sort of, his shape sort of reminds you of a coconut.

And

they're just sitting around.

The taller one says, Oh, hey, you guys here to see Wokwok?

Us too, I'm next.

The smaller gentleman says, What are you talking about?

I'm next.

I've been here longer.

You, you lost your place in the line when you left.

I had to use the bathroom.

That doesn't count.

They're arguing with each other.

That's what's going on.

We are Walkwalk's assistants, actually.

Okay.

We are here on an internship, and we need to go discuss important business with him before

the time is up.

The attendant pipes up.

She's an older goblin woman with a beehive haircut.

She pipes up and says, Excuse me!

You're what?

Wachwok's assistant?

Yes, we are on an internship.

We're all his assistants.

I'm his assistant.

I'm here to...

Oh, I'm his see if he's a good person.

This is uncomfortable.

Yeah.

Can I make an investigation check to see if this is an illusory as well?

Sure.

Go ahead and roll for investigation or Arcana.

19th.

Yeah.

So, I mean, yes, everything you've seen today

that you've peered at for a long time, it has this sort of faint warping effect on everything.

It's not that it's 100% illusory, it's just it seems to

either not be of this dimension uh or not be of this particular piece of space-time it's it's almost like you're in some sort of strange pocket dimension um that doesn't exist in the camp or exists in an ether space

just like the upside down does it feel like another does it feel like this other dimension has been fabricated or that this is a legitimate other realm like the Fey Wild or something like that there is there is because you've rolled so high and because you're you're such a knowledgeable wizard,

nothing today has really felt stable.

Everything is in a state of flux.

It springs forth, it fades away.

Even when something feels solid, it's sort of moving a little bit.

And this place is no different.

This is not a permanent dimension as far as you can tell, but

it is an otherworldly place or space that has been at least temporarily constructed.

Gotcha.

I'll look at my friends and be like,

you're a Walkwalk's assistant?

Yes.

Well, no, you're not, because Walkwalk's not real, and neither are you.

And I simply can't be bothered.

I can't be troubled.

I can't be troubled with this.

I can't hear any more about Walkwalk or who's late for a meeting or Sonic Screams.

I can't hear about any of it.

It's not real, okay?

Well, then you're going to the bottom of the waiting list.

Fantastic, all right?

I will just try to peer around for

any sign of Gub Gub.

Okay, great.

Uh roll a different investigation check.

Any of you guys want to do anything else in the meantime?

Is there a bathroom in there?

You can ask for sure.

19 again.

19 again.

Okay,

do we know?

No, no.

As you investigate around, you there's not much in the room.

It's a waiting room.

You do sort of come across some of the magazines that are on the coffee table, including The Whitestone Whisperer, which is a scandalous gossip rag.

You also come across Tusk Love Weekly, which is a spicy companion to the infamous romance novel Tusk Love, offering relationship advice and steamy fiction.

You don't see any

obvious signs or evidence of Gub Gub.

However, you do smell that sort of

bacon-y smell

and a sizzling scent of bacon coming from the far door in the room.

And it's pretty hot in here

that's your only connection uh that you can glean I think we need to kill everybody in here

can I use my boots of elven kind yes

and I

to sneakily to sneak away from the group and go toward the door to do some

sure um I mean it's it's a waiting room uh that's not terribly big so you'd be walking past other people is there something you want to do to just distract or

you've mentioned this to me and I'm going to cast a minor illusion to distract everybody in the room and it is going to be

a small

child

who has

looked up and all their teeth

are like bleeding because they fall in.

It's horrifying.

Why don't you flip a coin to see if your strong meaty fingers can conjure this spell?

It's heads.

You're amazing.

This This child,

this image of a child,

floats to life in the middle of the room, and everyone's a bit taken aback by it.

The two gentlemen sitting in the chairs, boy,

one of them, the taller gentleman,

who looks like a palm tree,

this guy,

he doesn't seem to,

he can't be bothered.

He just says, well, I'm not giving up my spot in line.

And he just kind of sits there planting himself.

This gentleman,

the coconut-looking gentleman,

he gets up and goes over to the child and tries to give aid.

Oh,

can I help you?

This kid looks like he's

in a lot of pain here.

Maybe, maybe this kid should go in first.

So he's distracted, but the palm tree guy is not.

But you can feel free to try to sneak by.

I think I can sneak by.

Okay.

Actually, you know what?

Let me roll for Mar uh for the uh the assistant here.

Um she's she's sort of filing her nails.

She looks down.

She says, oh gosh,

that poor kid.

She's not terribly bothered, but she's also not like watching your every move.

Okay.

So all these do is give me silence, but I'm still completely visible, yes?

You are completely visible, yes.

It's still advantage on a stealth check.

It is.

That's true.

Guys, what if we got arms, so it's the three of us standing arm by arm.

We're both What if I'm you know what?

Roll the reception check.

Okay.

15 plus

17.

Okay, the one thing that you notice about this room as opposed to the hallway is

the furniture, the decor, it's very drab.

It's very boring, I should say.

Not drab, it's boring.

But the walls,

the walls are painted blue.

Maybe

it's not the identical shade that you are, but it is a shade of blue.

Only had I hadn't changed that first time, I would have been the exact same color as the walls.

Yes.

I think that's it.

I'm going to look at you and say, I believe in you.

I think if you think you can sneak in there, I think you can.

And if you don't, I'm going to take my quarter staff and bash all these illusions apart because they're not real people.

That's what I was saying.

Just

absolutely smash them down.

Yeah.

Can I, um,

can

I put them in my, like,

I have a

put who in?

Them, the three of them.

Oh, shit.

In my box.

In my, like, coat thing that I'm wearing.

So we're going to.

So, like, to disguise them.

To bring my friends with me.

So you're going to try to wrap all of your friends

like.

Since I'm the only one that's the same color as the walls.

Okay.

Yeah.

Like three children

in a trench coat.

Like three children in a trench coat to come from.

But I'm tall enough that.

Before you do that, can I do a perception check to see if there's a picture around of this

walkwalk?

What is that?

Sure.

You can look at the walls.

Sure.

Just roll a perception check.

20.

Okay, there's

a natural 20?

It's a nat 20, and then plus perception is 22.

Incredible.

You see on the wall there is a diploma that says Walkwalk the Pan Man.

I'm sorry, Walkwalk the Pan-Man.

And

next to it is a photograph

of a frying pan.

A young-looking frying pan wearing a graduation cap and holding a diploma in his hand.

Oh, wow.

Can any of you guys do you want to stack up together to make a big adult and then cast an illusion spell to look like a pan?

I got my disguise kit.

We can put a mustache under, assuming that he's older now.

That's crazy.

At this point, the coconut man is a little bit confused that the kid is not talking to him or really moving at all.

He's just sort of like, you're okay, kid, kid.

I think this kid has a lot of problems because he's like,

he's not moving already.

He's not making a sound.

I'm going to look right at him and say, you're not experiencing these emotions.

You are a figment.

I refuse.

This is like that time we got

cornered at that dance at the end of last summer, and one of the cows was trying to explain astrology to me i can't handle it i'm losing it i'm getting hated

uh he turns to you and it's like i don't know what your problem is man but uh we're all in line here all right just take your seat and wait i'm gonna unbelieve you what do you i

i gotta deal with this guy he he turns over to the

the assistant i i i don't like the way this guy is treating me um Let's do it this time.

And I'm gonna jump into the coat.

Yes.

You're going in the coat.

Four kids in a trench coat, one of whom is wearing the trench coat normally.

And while I'm totally visible, my footsteps are silent.

By the way, I've grabbed the Tusk Love book.

The magazine?

Yes.

The magazine before we left the book.

Tusk Love books.

Yes.

It's very spicy.

There's short stories, articles.

There's some comedy in there too.

There's some little jokes.

There's a center fold.

It's very nice.

Oh, whoa, it's sticky, too.

In the waiting room of the

poorly rendered illusion.

Levé slash Jessup, are you just walking straight through with purpose?

Are you trying to subterfuge or hide?

I'm not too close to the walls to blend in so that my color so because I'm the same color as the wall.

Sure, roll

the stealth check with advantage.

Yes.

Because of the rules of Dungeons and Dragons.

Stealth

with

rolling plus zero.

Okay, 14 and

and

9.

So 14.

14.

Okay.

The shorter gentleman, the coconut-looking fellow, is really getting into it with

the assistant, the attendant there.

You got to kick these guys out.

You got to kick these guys out right in there, disturbing me.

They're bothering me.

I'm here to get seen.

And she's like, please,

I can't control who walk, walk, sees.

They're very distracted.

They don't see you pass right by.

The guy, the other guy does, though,

the palm tree-looking fellow, he says,

Excuse me, excuse me, miss, they're getting through.

Hey, miss, miss!

Marcy, the attendant does turn to see you guys right as you get to the door.

Are you going to try to burst through or are you going to try to do anything?

I'm sick of this.

Just go for it.

Let's cheese it.

Let's burst through.

Yeah.

Okay, you open the door right as she fires off a spell at you.

let's see.

Actually, you know what?

Let me look here.

Everybody roll a dexterity check.

Dexterity saving throw.

Dexterity.

Who got above 12?

I did.

16.

Great.

I got

looks like 13.

Great.

Okay.

And

three.

Okay.

You were carrying three kids.

Yes.

I mean.

A spout of flame shoots out of her hand at you

and singes just two of you.

You two both manage to duck out of the way.

Kai instinctively moving Padman out of the way.

But the two of you take

two points of fire damage.

But you do make it through.

You do make it through the door

and find yourself in a new space.

You find yourself inside a blistering inferno.

A large rectangular chamber, the floor glowing red with angry heat.

At once you realize this is a colossal cooktop.

The air shimmers and warps from the scorching metal.

The smell of charred grease stings your nose.

Meals in various stages of cooking litter the floor.

Bacon, eggs, hash browns, pancakes, many of which have feet, hands, eyes, as if they were once alive but no longer.

At one end of the room stands a large pan man,

a hulking monstrosity of blackened iron, holding an imposing spatula in one hand and a razor-sharp grilling fork in the other.

Skye and Jessup, you instantly recognize Gub Gub the flying pig.

However, he looks much more succulent before because he is dead and currently being fried atop one of the cooktop surfaces by this pan creature.

And what's that?

Across the chamber, you notice a door has just opened and two other figures, barely visible through the smoking grease, step through.

It is Bo and Yasha.

Yes!

They have just entered the chamber through a door opposite yours.

Let me show you what this all looks like while Ashley and Marisha, please step on.

Should we scooch our chairs down?

Yes, please.

Carol!

You're back!

Oh my god!

Oh my god!

Thank you, Kara!

That's insane!

Where's my pan man?

Awesome.

Truly awesome.

Hey, pals!

You're back!

We're back!

It's been so disturbing!

We've been through a lot.

We've been through quite a lot.

You guys

have all entered right about cha.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

It's so hard to do this.

I don't know how that does this.

Brennan, it's easy for you.

And here, you see, before you walk, walk the Pan-Man.

Look at his batulas!

Look at the eyes behind his mouth.

Yes, horrifying.

Bo and Yasha have just emerged over here and are taking this sight in along with the others.

This is the first time you've ever seen anything like this.

The pan creature notices both parties and bellows at the top of his iron lungs

Ah, the campers here to whisk everything for a merit badge.

Well, no worries.

I'll make this over easy.

It's my favorite type of thing.

Everybody, let's go ahead and roll for initiative.

Oh, my goodness.

Yes, and just see what happens.

That's a wrap for part one of this podcast episode.

Part two is heading your way this upcoming Tuesday at 5 a.m.

Pacific, and we'll pick up this adventure right where we left off.

Until next time, we'll be back at Camp Wildmount before you know it.

I'm gonna put you on, nephew.

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