The Perfecter Crime

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Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractible.

This episode, Maudlin Mark finds a library bare, then challenges the chaps to play Spy v Spy.

Ball loving Bob asks about Wades, gets into old men, and has hyper-hearing as a wily warden.

Whitter Wade minds the charity during staycation, flushes himself, clubs guards, and attempts a prism break.

From pumpermelons to grayness

yes

it's time for

the perfect crime

now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show

hello and welcome to distractible this is the podcast that you've chosen and your fate has been decided there's no going back now you're in it for the end because our retention time needs to stay up no matter what no matter what

i'm your your host, Mark Blair, here to guide you through this episode and all the adventures therein.

And the people that I'm going to subject to my whimsical whims are these two gentlemen here, Bob and Wade.

Wade, why are you making that face?

I splashed water on me, and I can't unwet.

I don't know what that means, but I don't like it.

I went to take a drink, and somehow...

No, that's not the part I don't know what that means.

I know about the water.

I just, I can't stop feeling wet.

All of my head just feels wet.

It won't stop, you know?

And I'm Bob.

Hi, Bob.

How are you?

Wet?

Oh, I'm excited to be here.

Dry.

Dry as can be.

What did the philosopher say?

The unwet life is not worth living.

I'm pretty sure.

I have a specific small talk question.

I know this isn't a thing we've ever done before, but you mentioned you were going to be playing basketball.

Is that happening and how is it going?

Continue.

No, I've not heard.

Well, okay, not by my choice.

I would love to.

I never heard from my friend who was trying to put the league together.

So I'm thinking about joining like a YMCA or something just so I can go and play like with real people.

Like a pickup game?

Yeah, like something like that.

But the league never came to fruition.

From what I heard, it was supposed to start in March, but we're a little past that now.

Yeah, it's not March anymore.

So I don't know if there's gonna be like another summer league or what.

I guess I'll reach out to my friend and see.

But it's also possible.

He just didn't text me specifically about it, having not played in 12 years, because apparently some of the competitors in said league are former college basketball players, not all necessarily Division I, but like I might not have stacked up against some of the other centers as well, playing center at 6'3 or 6'4 when they're like seven foot.

You never know until you try.

Sounds like your friend, really.

Maybe he just accidentally lost my number looking at the competition and realizing that I barely knew what a basketball looked like after all this time.

Describe a basketball for all of us at home.

It's orange,

kind of square, has some like watermelon-y lines on it, and in the middle, it's pink, and you can eat it.

As far as I know, that's correct.

Did you describe a pumpkin or a watermelon?

I can't.

That is the question.

Buddy, poofies, poca.

And I'm Bob.

Anyway, you could talk about whatever small talk you were going to talk about, like how you still don't own a car.

I'm 100% sure about that.

But I was just curious.

I was just curious.

I was just curious.

I put money.

I've ordered a car.

It's like you order something online.

You got to wait for the delivery.

Delivery hasn't happened yet.

It's out of my hands now.

I have done my due diligence.

What number do you call for this mysterious car?

1-800 car, obviously.

I have a tracker with 12 dots for car delivery.

He's got a Domino's tracker.

I do.

It's in the oven.

All right.

Right now I'm in the baking phase.

How many of the 12 dots are filled in?

Where are you?

Three.

I'm on three, but like six of them are production steps.

So you still are holding on to the idea that this car is going to happen, this German car.

Yes.

You know, we live in America, not in Germany, just to be clear about that.

I dare to dream a life worth living, and that life includes this car being delivered.

You know, they make cars here in America.

Yeah.

So, otherwise,

taking some time off for the first time in a while.

This week, with the exception of today, twice, and tomorrow, week off, and maybe Friday.

I might be working.

That's a lot of time off almost.

Yeah, well, things keep happening.

I'm like, well, I can do that.

I was going to take the week off, but I can't.

Like, I have trouble saying no to things.

So, like, people ping me.

Bob pinged me, and I was like, technically, I am free.

You said you were supposed to be on vacation.

And I was like, all right, no, don't.

That's fine.

It's just a stream.

You're on vacation.

You should be on vacation, Win.

I have a to-do list that I've already been working on.

I got some light bulbs and replaced.

I take Molly's old car.

You vacationed real weird.

It's a staycation where I get all the stuff done that's been put off because I've been just doing a lot of streaming, recording, podcasting.

It's not a vacation.

That's just not doing some of the shit you're supposed to do to do the other shit you're supposed to do.

At least one day off this coming week, I will do nothing.

I don't even know if I believe you.

I don't know if I do either, but I'm hopeful.

Just make sure you get enough buttholes, son.

I'm very close to finishing the Animorphs book series.

I took like two weeks of not reading, but I got back to it.

I've only got four books left out of like 64.

And oh, there was a big charity stream not too long ago, a couple weeks ago at this point, I guess, but we raised about $28,000.

American Heart Association.

Overall, $81,000 was raised.

Playing Minecraft in 2025, of all things.

Wow.

Minecraft was bigger than ever, man.

Hey, that movie just had come out, so that's popular again.

That's probably what did it, right?

Everyone loved the movie.

The movie was kind of like a big meteor coming down onto a Minecraft world.

I don't know.

I've heard mixed things about the movies.

People, some people love it.

It's very divisive.

Some people love it.

Some people hate it.

I don't know.

I've not seen it.

All I've heard is the nostalgia tripping.

I expected to hear to see a bunch of people dunking on it and being like, yeah, it was as bad as we thought.

All of the things I've seen online is people just being like,

and they referenced all these YouTubers I used to watch back in the day.

Oh, I have a feeling Drunk Minecraft missed the mark for that man.

I don't know that we necessarily made the cut, but it'd be really funny if we did.

I like to think that somewhere on the editing room floor, there's just cuts.

Like, for some reason, it was shot on film, and they physically cut the film out of the.

Smokey the bear with his wraparound penis.

Smokey the bondage bear.

The dick cannons.

The kill me squidward.

Ah, that's what Minecraft was made for right there, man.

You know, now that you mention it, I entirely forgot we had an extensive, long-running Minecraft.

We were Minecraft YouTubers for multiple years.

That's how charity streams used to be done.

I think those were charity stream creations.

It's not the most vulgar or even the funniest thing I think we ever actually did, but the one thing I cannot get out of my head since it happened was the infinite explosion of solar panels that I think Wade wasn't even there for.

It was just you and me in Technic Pack because, like, Wade was on his way, or Wade had to leave or something.

God, I love the infinite explosion.

I think of the drunk Minecraft episode where we had to just build a tower of iron blocks, and Mark and I got duped by you because you stole all of our blocks.

Wasn't that like the first one ever?

No, it was like the reboot.

Was that like the re okay, yeah, that was like the next season.

I just remember I put down like three blocks, Mark put down like five, and then Bob had like 60 iron blocks.

Get rack, bitches!

Yeah,

I remember, yeah,

something like that.

It was great.

Didn't I just steal them all all from you guys?

Yeah, yeah, you did.

And it was brilliant.

And none of us saw it coming.

That sounds right.

Anyway, we'll be in the next one.

Just like I'll be in the next five nights of Freddy's movies.

For sure, it's going to happen, guys.

And Shakira's calling me to be a backup dancer on her tour any day now.

All right, Bob, what's new in your life?

Actually, I've been reading a lot recently, like very recently.

I've basically started powering through this new book series.

Highly recommend it.

If you like sci-fi, Old Man's War.

So it's actually got a lot of books in the series.

I'm in the near the end of the second book right now, but Old Man's War by John Cena.

Oh.

Jeff Scarzy?

Something Scarsy.

Sorry, the one note of John Cena's theme coming out.

John Cena.

I always read that thing in my car.

I always do that instead of his actual.

No, I was just talking about books.

It's not interesting.

Don't worry.

But it's a really good sci-fi series series thus far.

There's mind transference and conscious mixing.

There's a character in the one I'm reading right now who has technically has two consciousnesses in his body, and his body is like a synthetic, but also based on human DNA.

It's very sci-fi.

It's very sci-fi.

This sounds like Warhammer 40K, which Amy gets mad at me about because I...

I keep looking at, you know, the BlackRellibrary.com is where Warhammer updates her books.

And I keep going there, like, oh, no new books I want to read.

There's nothing out there I want to read.

There's books besides Warhammer.

There's no good books in this universe.

I just ordered a book.

I was trying to say what book I ordered.

Patrick Rothfuss,

The Name of the Wind.

I had recommended to me.

Apparently, it's a pretty good sci-fi book.

Now we're a book podcast, eh?

Guys, should we do a book club?

No.

But we might steal from a book club.

What does that mean?

I don't know what that means, but I like it.

We might go beat up some book readers.

Yeah, Wade, you take the lead.

You beat them all up.

I'm the book reader.

Yeah, me.

Give me that.

There we go.

Yeah.

More points for how many times you punch yourself.

I was just lying.

Welcome to the perfect crime.

Having Wade beat himself up.

All right, so for everyone who was like in the episode maybe a week back now, I know I'd win part three.

Everyone was like, oh, release the cut stuff.

I bet it's great.

No, no, man.

No, it didn't work.

That's why it's cut.

Not everything we cut out is cool.

With that out of the way, I've perfected the perfect crime.

Wow, I didn't know the perfect crime needed perfection.

Oh, it does, and it'll need a lot of perfection as we go through this because

you guys are going to be perpetrating the perfect crime.

Or should I say,

one of you.

Ah,

that didn't explain it, but.

Oh, am I just like off today?

No.

Yep.

See ya.

Log off.

No.

Okay.

Here's how it's going to work.

One of you is the world's greatest criminal.

The other is the world's greatest security guard.

Each of you will be presented with the same scenario where one is trying to rob the place that the other is guarding.

You will each take turns in a similar way to nah, I'd win, where you are trying to counter what the other person is just doing to step in the way of each of your goals one of which is to protect the treasures that lie in whatever place that we find ourselves in and one to steal those treasures and ride off into the sunset scot-free there's going to be some uh qualifiers here all right so i have a few wheels more more than one Oh, no.

No, no, it looks bad.

It looks bad.

It's not bad.

All right.

So what I just put up is a wheel with about, I'd say like 30 entries, right?

But these are all gadgets.

Some are meant more for stealing.

Some are meant more for guarding.

Some are just bad.

But each of you, each round, will get three of these items.

And you have to use them only in that round or they go away in the next one.

But each of you gets three of these.

So I'm just going to go...

Bob, you're first step.

You get.

Is this for the criminals?

Do we know what role we have?

Not yet.

Motion activated, little ipsies.

Pepper spray dispensers holy shit i hope that could be good for anybody i'm gonna take notes or something

i'm gonna like scribble some stuff down that's a good idea all right removing that click all right wave you get

a bluetooth jammer i don't know how useful that is well how will the other person communicate with their partner in crime or not crime Maybe.

I don't know.

I should have put like an associate or like a partner in crime on this one.

I don't have that here.

Anyway, I'll also open it up to whatever you interpret it can be used.

You can use it in whatever way feels fit.

I'm glad you clarified, too, because I read Bluetooth Jammer and I was thinking like you just jammed us in Bluetooth.

Oh, man, I got a lot of remote stuff.

Voice activated.

Mine got

you.

All right.

You have to shout mime at the top of your lungs.

How do I work?

All right.

Wade, you get it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

For anyone

listening, I'm just spinning a wheel.

Nothing crazy here.

That might work.

Fake security badges.

Be real awkward if I'm a security guard with fake badges.

Hey, there's still ways to make that work.

Don't worry about it.

Yeah, for sure.

It's up to your own imagination on how these things are going to help you or hinder your opponent.

I was hoping it was going to be silent whistle.

Oh, no, it's equally useful.

Well, in the dark sunglasses.

All right, and Wade, your final gadget is...

I've got so many good ones so far.

What?

What does that say?

Robbery in Progress Notification.

What?

That could be useful.

I still don't know which side I want to be out of my items.

Oh, I'm robbing this place.

No, I like that.

I just like that it...

If you're not the security guard, I feel like that loses a lot of its usefulness.

No, no, what if you're the robber and you get a notification that the alarms have tripped?

You know, you could, you could, you could.

Oh, I see.

I see.

I see.

I see.

Bob, you as the security guard would be really funny with your items.

All right, but also, you guys, welcome to the, no, this is the location.

These are where this is going to take place.

There's various things here.

Some of them I was just typing because of alliteration or just because

I don't know.

Anyway, here we're going to be...

This is where the heist will take place.

I remember Fort Rocks.

Prison breakout.

All right, so this is the prison robbery or prison breakout.

We're going to rob the prison of a prisoner.

Listen, if that's what you want.

All right.

And now welcome to the Wheel of Disadvantage.

Oh boy.

Oh, look at that.

I've got about 30-something items here for various advantages.

Disadvantages.

Notice that it's pointed up directly at edging world record.

Just

hold on.

Okay.

All right.

Bob, you were first last time.

So you're first again, I guess.

Oh, boy.

Okay.

All right.

That's interesting.

Are those different?

Are those different every round?

Yeah.

Yeah.

So I'm going to hide that one.

Sorry, Wade, that's taken.

Wade, you have.

You can't hold your breath is basically what I was doing that about.

So no matter what, you can't hold your breath.

Well, thank God we're not breaking into an underwater place, I guess.

How this is going to work is it's an attack-based system.

Each of you are going to take turns, and each of you has three lives.

You're going to roll against each other, each one of these.

And if you do an advantageous move, not only can it give you a bonus, it can take away from the other person's chances to win.

So, I think it's whoever rolls higher, one gets plus, one gets minus for their rolls on that turn, and then you set up for the next round, try to undo what they did, get ahead of what they did, and then see if you can fix this at all.

I also didn't think at all if there was like a have you even been detected situation.

We can just like role play that in.

All right, let's just feel it out.

Let's see what happens.

Do you have a wheel to determine which one of us has which role?

Yeah, I'm gonna flip a coin.

Heads, Bob, tails, Wade, four.

What does it mean?

Heads, I'm Wade, Tails, you're Bob.

We'll go who's the robber because they're going to go first, no matter what.

All right.

There we go.

All right.

All right.

Heads, Bob's Robber.

Tails, Wade.

Tails, Wade.

You are trying to break someone out of prison.

So to catch you up, Wade, you have the world's shortest breath, a Bluetooth jammer, fake security badges, and a robbery in progress app.

That's not a prison break in progress app.

That's a robbery in progress app.

Okay.

And I'm in prison trying to get out?

Or am I breaking into the prison to break someone out?

That's an interesting.

What would you rather do?

Would you rather be breaking out?

Because that might be more interesting.

You're trying to break out.

He's trying to keep you in.

Let's go that.

That's actually better than trying to break someone else out.

Okay.

You have a lot of stuff for a prisoner.

I sure do.

And these are the only items I have.

I can't just.

Yep.

I mean, especially if you're a prisoner, you got nothing.

But I will say you can use the environment to your advantage, but it's bare bones.

This is Alcatraz-level prison.

Let's just say it is Alcatraz.

Hardest prison to break out of.

It's been done before, but it's also in the middle of the ocean, and you have the world's shortest breath.

That's a huge disadvantage.

I love this for me.

It's time.

I take a deep breath, cough, because I can't hold my breath long to take a deep breath.

I slide my toilet over.

I go to move into the hole, Leaving behind my robbery in progress notification app.

It's just like a little pager and like give a little kiss.

Not today, but next time.

Slide the toilet back.

Make sure I've got my security badges.

I go out.

I see the security guard.

I need to cut him off.

You did one thing.

I slide the toilet and move in.

Slide the toilet back.

So you're in the wall, right?

I'm in the wall.

All right.

I guess what I should do is roll to see if you got detected, Right?

That makes sense here.

Yeah, the coughing of my breath covered up the noise.

There is a rough probability that you're going to break a water line, and that's not going to be good for you.

I'll give you a 50-50 on that.

So I'm going to roll 20 if you get above 10.

That worked.

No detection, right?

Okay, here we go.

20.

Wait, what the fuck?

No, 19, 19.

It wasn't a 20.

It was, I rolled a 20 as in like, I'm like a 20 Pokemon.

I went, 20, go.

Say, I'm having flashbacks.

Oh, it's good for me.

Okay.

I was good for me.

All right.

Don't have to hold my breath.

My toilet's moved.

I'm in the walls.

He's in the walls.

All right, Bob.

I am, what are they called?

Prison guard.

I'm the prison guard responsible for Wade's level.

You could be the warden.

I'll let you be the warden if you wanted to be.

Oh, I want to be the warden.

Oh, can I be the prisoner?

Oh, yeah, you're the prisoner.

You're prisoner number one.

Yes.

Wait, I think that's worse for me.

Wouldn't that want to be the least?

Yeah, you were there the longest, which means like you have not been successful in any of this.

Or have had the longest time to plan.

For some reason, because I like it as the warden, I just like to sit in my office and stare at all the camera feeds.

I just have a big wall of camera feeds up in front of me.

And I'm just looking.

And none of them looks into Wade's cell specifically, so I don't think I see what he does.

But I'm just, I'm just watching and I'm watching.

And on Wade's level, on his wing, I think the security guard is like walking slowly doing like the rounds, right?

So at some point here, I'm going to see the security guard walk past Wade's cell and see that it's empty and start to kind of be like, hey, wait a minute, open that cell, number one.

This leads me to spring into action.

All right.

I'm going to say to you,

it would all depend on where he is on his rounds to give him enough time.

Now, Wade might have timed it so that that guard's around, but I'll say like, that's also a 50-50 shot of whether or not it's this guard's on the other side, so it might skip this turn for you to even notice, but I'll give you a 50-50.

Sure, sure, sure.

All right, oink.

Nat 20.

Fucking ears like a fox.

Not only do you know he's out of the cell.

Instantly, you're like, he's in the walls.

He's in the goddamn walls.

Not even the guard, just me.

I'm just like,

he's in the wall.

You have an ankle-length thug.

I forgot.

He's in the wall.

He's in the wall.

Can we just point out, Mark, rolling dice would be a terror in an actual D ⁇ D campaign with all the 20s and 19s.

I don't know what's going on in 1920.

All right.

Well, that couldn't have gone better.

Wade, you got a disadvantage point now because you are fucking detected.

All right.

So all your roles are going to get a minus one from here on out.

Excellent.

Your move.

I planned this.

I know where the hole in the wall comes out.

It comes out on this level's security and there'll be someone.

There's an alarm going off, I'm imagining.

He didn't hit an alarm he just shouted i probably heard that because i'm right next to myself i know where the security cameras on this level are and maybe there's a camera watching it but i'm gonna blend in in real time so i climb out the hole and i club with my hands because i don't have a club

the security guard in the back of the head to knock him out just so everyone at home is listening he's got his hands together you know fingers interclocked and he went above his head and went i'm gonna club him

struggling with his hands.

You got a minus one on your, I guess it's all just going to be 50-50.

So here we go.

All right, here we go.

You got 19 again.

What?

I don't know what the fuck.

Good thing I've been practicing my can't hold my breath clubbing two hand technique.

I don't know what's going on, but yeah, total 18.

You clubbed him.

He's out.

He's done.

Now my plan can truly go to fruition.

All right, Bob.

I assume, because I'm such a genius at being warden, that the prisoner is going to have to get some kind of disguise, or has some kind of disguise.

So my immediate reaction is to don my disguise.

So I stand up at my warden desk and I yell, MON!

And my voice-activated mime costume springs out of my chest like I'm Iron Man.

I then use the perfect silence that a mime uses to move and do anything to start skulking around and I go first to where Wade's cell is because I know where it is and I've you know what I wonder is if the voice activated registered your voice

because you have a tongue

listen and you can roll whatever dice you want

Let me just give a quick, let me just give a quick little

not 20, what the fuck?

What?

Mark, hang on.

This dice only rolls two numbers.

I don't know.

This is the Google Roll D20 right on the front page.

It's been 1920, 1920.

This doesn't show a history, so I'm going to pull up one that actually shows a history.

This just shows that Bob and I are experts in our fields.

All right, anyway, the mime, perfect.

It's actually tuned directly to your voice.

It's nanotech mime suit.

I took the time to set it up and train it to my specific voice so that it could.

We'll give you plus one on your rolls for now because you got the mega mime.

I don't know, man.

I am the mimeiest.

Anyway, I mime my way down to Wade's cell cell and I investigate.

I use my mime warden powers to try and figure out exactly what, how he got into the wall or if that's the case or whatever.

All right, let me, you're going into the walls as well.

Did I hear that correctly?

Possibly.

If I can find the way, I might follow him.

Let me roll for you.

You got plus one.

Roll.

Oof.

Got a six.

Uh-oh.

With this plus one, you got a seven.

He tripped on his tongue on the way in the wall.

Didn't quite get there.

Wade, your turn.

All right, so i get two rolls worth of tasks right no

all right so i knocked the guard out but now i don't want anyone to see what happens from this point on and i'm very thankful that this prison security system has to work on bluetooth so i enable my bluetooth jammer while i put on my security guards outfit how is this prison bluetooth enabled they thought it was very advanced tech about 15 years ago when they installed it So all of the cameras have to go to these screens via Bluetooth.

So if I plug in the jammer right here,

the cameras aren't going to give any feed.

Isn't it obvious?

He might be dumb, but I'm going to roll for him.

He's got a minus one, maybe completely misunderstanding how this all works.

Let's see how it plays out for him.

I've been here a while, man.

I'm not up to date on newest technology.

Nope, he doesn't know how Bluetooth works.

You rolled an eight, minus one gives you a seven.

DC five

DC was a five, no, ten.

Uh, no, you didn't, You waste your item and you waste your time Bluetooth jamming nothing.

Some guards, AirPods stop working.

He's like, hey, wait a minute.

Excellent.

That's what I wanted.

I wanted them to be able to hear me as I move about.

Yeah, I had noise cancellation and everything.

And now a guard's on the lookout for you.

Well, then I put on my security outfit since my item failed.

I guess I got to roll for your security outfit.

Are you the right size?

Let's see what happens.

I'll let you put it on either way, but it's going to look real funny if if it's not your size.

It's, oh, it fits like a glove.

Not quite.

It's a little tight in the groin, but as everything is.

I'll give you a plus one again.

All right, Bob.

Somehow I tripped and failed to get into the hole in the wall.

And I stand there and look at it for a second and think to myself, I could try again.

And then I turn and storm out of the cell, silent as a mime,

assuming that he's going to go down.

So I start searching down from where I am, circling, assuming that the hole just he went down and got out a hole somewhere beneath his cell.

Because obviously he's going to want to get to the ground floor.

And so I just start silently miming around, like

looking through boxes and pulling on ropes and whatever mimes do.

There's an elevator just to see if I can see any signs of him having come out of the other end of wherever that wall hole leads to see if I've got any more clues.

All right, sounds good.

I'm also going to, my picturing is, you know, Mr.

X from Resident Evil in the big trench coat, you know, and the hat?

That's you as a mime right now.

Pretty much.

And also, I'm going to say, since you rolled Nat 20 on Mime, I'll give you some leeway in the Mime worlds of power.

You won't be able to, like, shoot him with a Mime gun, but, you know.

So you're still at plus one.

Roll.

Man, you shouldn't have cursed all those 19s and 20s, man.

You got a two, plus one, three.

That's not great.

Whatever you were trying to accomplish accomplish didn't happen.

I was just trying to see if I could see him.

He's going down the stairs looking for me.

Do I fall down the stairs to my death?

No, you didn't fall.

It wasn't a one.

You got a two.

Very close.

You could have tripped on your tongue down the stairs.

You land on a mime pillowcase.

Yeah, you don't see nothing.

Nothing left over you.

Well, that stinks.

Was that a limited enough action for you, Wade?

Oh, wait till you see mine.

Wait till you see mime.

I'm thinking outside the box here.

This prison guard I just put on his outfit.

We're a perfect fit, which means he's a perfect fit for my prison garb.

So I dress him up in my prison garb.

That's true.

I don't even know if you need to roll for that.

I feel like that's allowed to happen.

You want me to roll for that?

Wait.

Well, I was going to put him back in my cell afterward.

If he just fits, then I'll actually be putting him back in the cell.

I think you can assume he fits because obviously

you would know.

So putting him back would be the action.

Whether he fits through the wall and back into your cell, there's always a risk he could you're shoving him in there, you could bump a water pipe, and then you'd be in trouble.

Oh, I'm not trying to put him back in the hole, I'm the guard now.

I'm opening the door, putting him back in there, he's been found.

Alarms can go off, the mime can go back to his office.

You're going shouting at the top of your lungs with an unconscious body over your head.

I got him, boys.

Yes, no one would ever expect me to draw attention to myself.

It's a, it might be a good move.

I'm a roll.

It was a bad move.

Your voice turns out not like that guard's at all.

I got it, boys.

Your voice cracks.

Remember how I talk?

Yeah, no, that didn't work.

Like, I think the warden is clued in.

How bad was my roll?

It was a five.

You shouted at the top of your lungs.

What did you

said out loud?

I got him, boys.

That's right, and I do.

All right, so he only heard you.

He heard you and knows that you're trying to trick him.

He doesn't see you.

He didn't see you in the last one.

So he hasn't seen you, but he heard you.

And as a silent mime, he knows the world of sound.

Not at all.

I don't know which one you want to take.

As a silent mime, he knows noise.

I don't make noise.

I intake noise.

I know about noise.

Okay, so I know that Wade is loose.

I understand it now.

I know that there's only one way in and out of the prison.

There's a little, there's like a multiple gate setup type thing where you go through one and then it closes and you go through the next one, very like prison-y.

I go for that because I know that's the way.

And I take my motion-activated pepper spray

and I set it on the ground.

I go to the middle of the chamber between the two doors that he has to go through to get out.

I set it on the ground and I forget how quickly it activates.

So I push the button to turn it on immediately, and then I'm sort of standing over it looking at it, just like

but I know even if I'm trapped here he will also be trapped here if he comes to try and get out the exit uh I don't know how to decide this one because I was like items are success no matter what but are you trapped in there I don't know I guess my my action is I decide I'm gonna run for it and I make a break for the gate to get back onto the inside of the prison and see if I can leave that there.

I hope it doesn't hit you like in the tongue.

That'd be gross.

I guess because it has to point inward and you want to go back inward and it's like a claymore level.

I'll say that.

You got a plus one in this.

This would probably work.

Yeah, you're fine.

You're back in.

Pepper spray is activated and you're standing at the front, the entrance, just like.

But like a mime.

Like a mime, yeah.

For all the listeners, I was looking around like a mime.

Imagine a mime looking around.

That's what I was doing.

Oh, yes.

We should do a silent mime episode sometime for the listeners.

Due to the shouting and the fact that he's now set up a trap and cut off one escape route, I'm

adding a disadvantage point here.

So you're back down to minus one.

He's being smart about this.

I shouted.

Clearly they bought it.

I opened the cell.

I tossed the former prison guard in, and now it's time to just waltz out.

The normal guard entrance exit.

I pull out my fake security badges, prepare to flash them to the other guards, and I walk toward wherever I presume may be the guards coming out for the day.

The exit door that I'm miming right in front of?

That exit door?

Yep.

I'm on my way.

Okay.

Okay, got it.

I assume as far as I know, my plan worked seamlessly.

I don't know.

I rolled a five.

All right.

In this regard, the scenario is as follows.

You are wearing a security guard outfit that's well fitting, a little tight in the groin, but well-fitting.

In front of you are a number of other other security guards and the warden at the front of the gate.

And you can't see the pepper spray trap behind him, so you're just assuming he's standing in front.

So your move is just to confidently be like, I'm a security guard.

They all buy it.

I'm going for it, right?

My shift ended.

I'm clocking out.

Not my fault.

There's a prison break.

The guy's back in the cell.

The guy's back in the cell.

I'm clocking out, Warden.

I suggest you don't talk.

I'm going to throw that out to you.

Ward's worked so far.

I believe.

But you are using your fake security badges.

You do have that.

That was one of the things.

So I'm giving that as a plus one.

This seems like a real risky play.

I would imagine I've got to roll to get by both Bob and his trap.

Yeah, let's say you have to roll twice.

That makes sense.

So, number one, all the guards, other guards, they don't give a shit.

They're just like out.

They don't care.

But the warden.

I care.

He's got a mime outfit and a big tongue.

I know that man cares.

Yeah, so you're at a minus one.

Let's see if you.

okay, let's see if you trick the warden.

You got fake security badge.

That's also a plus one.

So let's say you're actually at net zero.

18.

Warden doesn't know, but you don't know that there's a pepper spray trap right behind him.

I do not know that.

You do not know.

So he's like, ah, have a good night.

Your shift must be over.

He can't hear my accent as I mime.

Bye-bye.

Yeah, we mime at each other.

When the warden's wearing his mime outfit, I don't say bye to him.

I mime it.

His badge doesn't give him an advantage with the pepper spray, right?

So he loses that.

I'll say, yeah, I'll say that was the only torch for the warden.

All right, minus one again.

Come on, pepper spray.

You got a nat 20.

No.

I swear to God, you got a fucking nat 20.

But minus one, but even so, that was still wildly successful.

I don't know how the fuck you did that.

I'm walking down the stairs toward the exit.

I think getting by Bob and the pepper spray would probably count as my turn.

Yeah.

I mean, probably.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So not only did you get by him, the pepper spray did not go off.

And by all accounts, he might be out the front door.

I know how I convinced the pepper spray not to go off.

I give it the, you can't see me

as I walk by.

The prison break was not the archetype of this whole thing because the other one had like a very clear, like, if you get the thing, you also have to get out with the thing.

But this one is just, you have to get out.

Oh, I we're we're not done.

This isn't it.

There's more steps to get out of a prison than get through the main gate of the prison block you're trapped in.

He's outside, Bob.

You don't know the pepper spray did not go off, but that's weird.

That's a little weird.

I'll give you that much.

It's a little weird.

It's also still armed and behind you, so fuck.

Yeah, no, I'm gonna have to deal with that.

All right, I'm standing inside the door.

I mime my goodbyes to old What's his face, And I recognize his badge and I'm like, huh, did he shave?

And he walks out.

And then right as he gets past the pepper spray, right as the second gate closes and he started to walk away, from up above, from Wade's cell, I just hear someone shout.

This is Gary.

Gary's in the cell.

Prisoner number one's got gone.

I should have gagged him.

He doesn't shout.

Someone else has gone and investigated because I was in there and they were like, why'd the warden go in there and then you were there your body was unconscious and they looked and it's they've so i'm suddenly i'm aware am i allowed to do that yeah i'll say you you add two and two together here are your disadvantages here you didn't notice him that's a minus one the pepper spray is still active behind you that's another minus one he is outside that's another minus one i'm gonna give you a minus three on this one oh with your plus one mime that brings you up to minus two so you you what are you doing you're turning around and you're like i hear that and i realize that the guard that just left must be prisoner number one.

I dash through the first gate into like the chamber like the middle chamber thing and I have a thought and I go into like the security office and I pull the main breaker that turns off all the lights.

And it's dark.

Plunge into darkness.

And then I do that mime thing where I'm all

and I have an idea and I take out my glow in the dark sunglasses and I go

and get them going and put them on my face.

And I've got my glow-in-the-dark sunglasses now.

That probably helped me see in the dark.

And then I dash mimally out of the security office through the other gate and I just start chasing after Wade like a madman.

How much of that do I need to roll for?

How much do I get away with?

All right, me, I think that the sunglasses might help you with the pepper spray, getting by the pepper spray because your eyes are protected.

It's kind of a side-a-thing thing I was hoping is they might deflect deflect some of the pepper spray a little bit.

All right, so here's where we stand.

I'll give you, you could pull the breaker because you're like, oh fuck, shit's about to go down.

Putting on the sunglasses means not only can't you see more in the dark, but it was already dark.

You can't see.

The glowing around your peripheral kind of ruins your night vision.

Yeah, I was afraid of that.

I will give you, that does help counter the pepper spray.

So you're at a minus one, minus one, minus one.

I'll give you, you're only, those are minus three, plus one.

I'll give you the sunglasses counteracted a little bit of that pepper spray.

So you're, I guess, you got to get outside.

That's the first thing.

So you're not at them, you just got to get through this pepper spray.

Let's see if you do that.

Barely.

Oh, no.

Barely.

You had a 13.

So you just get outside.

I bet that pepper spray went off.

I'm pretty sure.

So there's pepper spray dripping off of you, but you can still.

You got that big tongue.

Oh, yeah, my tongue.

My ankle links tongue.

Oh,

so yeah, you're outside dripping snot, drooling with your tongue.

Tongue swoiling up immediately.

Wade.

Does he get to know how to get out or does he still have to sort of figure out exactly how to get all the way out of the prison?

I guess I should have outlined what the success parameters was.

Let's say he's out the front door, but he's still on Alcatraz, so he has to get off the island.

I will say that as soon as he's off the island, he is free.

Does that mean in the water?

Yeah, like once you're like on a boat off the island or something.

But for your specific scenario, you can't swim because you have the world's shortest breath.

So, I'm out the front door.

Am I still like in a locked-gated area?

No, you're out, you're out.

I would say there's another far gate, like towards the dock or whatever there is, but that's you're in an open courtyard that's almost all the way to the shore.

But it wouldn't matter if there were walls or not, it's all ocean.

There's one dock at the end there that has boats where people come in and out of.

Yeah, having actually been to Alcatraz, I can tell you it's a big hill that you have to go down.

There's like a big hill that kind of winds up because the prison is on top and the dock is way down at the water.

So you have to kind of like find your way down the hill.

And then there is only one actual dock.

And weirdly, he has turned off all the power, which means there's no lights, but I imagine it's also there's no power at the dock.

And there's no Bluetooth.

Wherever you go, no Bluetooth.

Excellent.

I walk down, I start making my way down the hill.

I want to make a perception check for anything that might have a little bit of buoyancy.

I'll allow you that.

Let's see.

How perceptive is your character?

You didn't know the Bluetooth works.

You didn't realize your shouting wasn't helpful.

I don't think you're terribly perceptive.

Yeah, despite the fact that it worked, I do think shouting as you walk out the door of the prison was a pretty bold move.

I'm going to specifically make this about your perception because otherwise

you're not at too much of a disadvantage.

Well, it's not dark out here, so the power wouldn't affect me out here, right?

I guess I didn't say what time of the day.

I should add a wheel for the exact clock of what time of day it was.

Roll for it.

All right, I'm gonna roll d24 to see how what time of day this is.

Zero to six is what morning, then we'll do seven to it is 5 a.m.

There's just a sliver of sunlight coming up, just a sliver.

Does not help my eyes too much.

Yeah, I would say there's some light, it's not too bright.

I'll give you a minus, they'll give you a minus two for your history.

I would have done three, but it's a little brighter out there.

All right, you got a minus two.

Uh, boonk.

How good is it?

You got a one.

I find a cinder block and I'm thinking to myself,

this has to float.

And I carry it down the hill with me.

So you gotta look slowed down because you got a fucking brick.

It's got that hole in the middle, which means that it floats.

It's pretty boat-like.

Poor Warden, the world's dumbest criminal, is getting

all right.

Warden, you blink, blink, blink.

You still got the sunglasses on.

And

you're looking around for him.

Do you need to roll a perception check?

I have no fucking idea.

What do you do?

Just tell me what you did.

I guess I'm suffering from all the pepper spray.

I make it outside.

I'm pretty close behind him.

Can I roll a perception check to see if I see him in the distance or am I completely clueless?

I'm going to

because you had the sunglasses on, that was the one thing that you got protected from the pepper spray is your eyes.

And it's, there's just a sliver of sunlight.

It's dark and you're in hell.

The lights are off.

I'd say like a minus one because he did have the glasses on.

I think that's fair.

But this isn't going to, this is just a perception to see if he sees it.

If he doesn't make this, then you're pretty much scot-free with your brick, I guess.

I don't know if it counts as getting away if I go drown myself in a minute.

We'll find out.

He sees you.

that's all I'll say.

He won the perception check, he sees you, and he's like, That way, which is probably obvious because the docks are that way, and you're like, You'd probably go that way anyway.

So that's where he looked, and that's where he saw you.

He doesn't see what you're carrying, he doesn't see anything else.

He's just like,

Oh, I'm carrying a real heavy flotation device, which means it's real buoyant.

As the warden, I know that there are overgrown, but that they are there, secret paths that lead directly from the prison exit down to the dock.

And I see him over taking the main road, and I think to myself, I'm just gonna, I think it's right here.

I'm just gonna throw myself down this hill.

I think I'm pretty sure that there's some stone steps that lead right down to the dock, and I'll cut him off.

I'm 90% certain that they're in there somewhere, and so I just sort of generally aim at where I think the steps should be.

And I hope that by some miracle, I basically fling myself down the side of a cliff and land head on my feet at the docks in front of him to cut him off.

With your tongue is like dragged to slow you down.

I, it's, I can't even feel it.

So much pain from the pepper spray.

My tongue is just a floppy appendage of agony right now.

I'm looking at this picture, and I gotta share this picture for the viewers.

I hope this is a fucking, this is a multi-tiered 40-foot fall from here.

That's, and then it's another one down here.

It's like you're falling fucking.

Yeah, but if you zoom, if you look really close in the middle, you can totally see there's like probably maybe some steps that were used to be they're they're stone, so they blend in.

It's fine.

That's a fucking drain.

That's a fucking drain of the warden.

I'm the warden.

I don't know, man.

This is a real tough roll, but can I just say, that's not actually the main way to get down to the dock, generally generally speaking?

I just I'm realizing now so that lighthouse is sort of at the front of the prison, but to the right of this because you see the dock is down to the right.

The road actually leads to the right and then down away from the camera perspective on this.

It does look a bit more foliage-esque.

So that more of like a slopey side of the right side of the rock there, that's where the road goes down to the dock.

So imagine I'm running to the right in this picture and down that.

It's still basically a cliff for parts of it, but there's some steps in there or a ladder or vines to swing on.

There's a ladder you're diving in face first though.

He's walking away with no one even aware other than me that he's out of prison.

So I'm this is my this is my hail mary last ditch here.

All right, I'm going to give you like a one in four chance that

it gets you close.

This wouldn't stop him.

Wait, I do one more thing

before I throw myself off the cliff.

I'm allowed to do this.

It's an item.

I pause and I go, you know what?

I don't need to be stealthy anymore.

And I go, Mime!

And my voice-activated mime costume sucks back into my

nanobot chest thing that it hides in.

And then, with the full battle cry and screaming and expressing the pain of the pepper spray, then I yeet myself.

I go,

like off the side of the mountain, just like that helps, right?

Man, there's so many, you lose your mime advantage.

So I was going to put you at a one in four, but this is no longer stealth.

This is no longer stealth.

This is this is the opposite.

That was your nat 20 mime suit, so it had moderate mime powers.

Okay.

Let's see.

Okay, it passed.

You got 17.

Even with minus six, that's you're there.

He's catching up to me.

I'm standing somehow on the dock in some condition.

He's not standing.

You are not standing.

You are

on the ground.

Wade, you're shuffling along with your cinder block and you hear mine

and you hear.

And then you look to your left just in time for the warden to

land in the dirt right next to you.

But his head whips up and goes,

looks right, looks dead at you.

He's on the ground, broken many bones, but he's looking right at you.

I've got him now.

Are we close to the docks at this point?

Like at the docks?

You're like on the dock, I hope, because I can't move anymore.

This is a final showdown area.

I look him in the eye and I say, You'll never catch me, Warden.

And I jump off the dock with my cinder block out, ready to be buoyed away.

He's gotta have a better than 50-50 chance of dying from that, right?

Yes, because I can't hold my breath.

It's absolutely.

If he's down for a second, he's dead.

Do you want to check your robbery app before you jump?

No, I left that in my cell.

He left that in the cell.

He abandoned that immediately.

You know what I will do?

I'll take off my security badge and throw it at him.

It was me the whole time, Orden.

And I'll jump in with my cinder block ready to be floated away.

Dude, I'm not going to lie to you.

I don't see a single way that this works out for you.

Me either.

But having to swim, having not the ability to hold my breath, and believing my nat one cinder block can float.

Out of pity for you, I'm going to give you the exact same chance that Bob had that it's at right now with a minus six.

I'm asking for worse.

I'm giving you because for some reason you've been one step ahead of him this whole way.

I'm going to say, hey, maybe you picked up a styrofoam cinder block.

There was a prop out.

They were shooting a movie on Alcatraz at this time.

Maybe.

You know, you're the DM, man.

No, I think there's ain't fucking happening.

You just sink like a rock.

You sink like a cinder block.

Two seconds in, you're dead.

Out of it.

Unconscious.

Sink.

You're not even that deep.

You're like two feet deep.

My feet are still on the ground.

It's just my face and the block.

You went out arms first.

Your arms got trapped under the cinder block.

You're like,

then dead.

Bob, you have to witness it.

You have to witness the world's crazy idiot.

Laying there in a heap, completely immobilized, watching him drown himself.

Yeah, exactly.

You just see bubbles on the surface.

I just love like, I peel off the fake mustache, throw my security badge grab my cinder block, looking you in the eyes, I dive into a teaspoon deep of water and drown.

All right.

Well, that

didn't go.

Man, way to go, Bob.

You won.

That's no, that's not the end.

I'm still there.

Oh, yeah, you just gotta go.

I want one more action.

I want one more action.

Hang on.

I need to think of the perfect line.

Yep.

Okay, got it.

From my heap of myself on the ground, I watch this all happen and I look.

I'm still wearing my glow-in-the-dark sunglasses, right?

Did those stay on my face?

Yeah, yeah, you never took those off.

I think even in the falling down, they shielded you, so you could still see him.

I look over at him, and miraculously, one of my arms is still pretty functional.

So I look over and I see what happens, and then I look right in the camera, and I say, I guess his fender block didn't back up.

For the Seaside Miami theme plays

while I'm laying there on the dock next to Wade's dead body.

No, no, no music, just you screaming because your Bluetooth doesn't work still.

Won't get fooled again.

Just me laying there on the dock singing that song to myself.

Yeah,

you did it even at a minus six.

You did it.

Good job, Bob.

Warden always gets the last word.

Jesus Christ.

I don't even know how to score this one.

Bubba, you get the win point.

You did it, I guess.

I'm just glad it came down to the last possible moment.

I don't think we have time for any other.

I had so much more.

I'm going to refine the idea.

I'm going to refine it a bit.

What I think this could do with is more clear win-loss scenarios, multiple paths, but specific paths.

I'll come up with those for each scenario so that we have really strict guidelines of what's there, what's available, what's the technology, and yada, yada, so that it could be clear.

But I think you guys did the best you could with what you had.

Proud of you.

I feel like I got a pretty good outcome considering all the advantages Wade had.

You started off so strong and then your roles like fucked you.

I started off so weak and then everything worked out.

But that natty one on the sender block was pretty rough for me.

It just went all downhill from there.

And like with a natty one, it's like, it's bad enough where I have to believe it would still work.

So like, you know.

All right.

So we, oh, that's all the time we have for.

So the point stand it follows.

Bob, for mentioning the infinite technic explosion, you got a point on the small talk section.

Wade, you crushed the small talk, though.

We started off with I can't unwet.

It was great.

I subtracted a point, though, for to die, to feast.

It just weirded me out.

Anyway, Drunk Minecraft was not in the Minecraft movie tragedy.

Good point.

And John Cena booed.

Oh, boop.

Right.

John Cena!

All right, that's right.

So you stand at plus two for the small talk, so that's good.

Then Bob, the Nat 20 mime, he's in the walls, the pepper spray trap, the glasses was not a smart move, but I give you a point for it.

You threw yourself down a hill, which by sheer bravado, I give you a point for.

And then you won.

So by no action of your own, you won.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.

So if they stand at seven.

And then one, two.

Wade, you used to see it at the toilet.

You clubbed the guard real good.

You stole his outfit.

You shouted.

Get him, boys.

Or I got him, boys.

That's it.

You had the confidence to walk out there in front of everybody, and it worked.

You were so perceptive.

And then it was me the whole time.

So, that's plus two.

Nine.

You're at nine.

Oh, shit.

So, even though Bob technically won, your

shrewd nature really got you there.

Well, it ain't over.

Would you like me to do the final wheels since I have the

please?

I'm rolling a.

Oh, no, wait.

You roll it.

Yeah, I'll roll it.

Yes.

Yes.

Three.

Hey, wait a minute.

Three threes in a row.

That wheel's rigged.

What's the score right now?

Nine to what?

Seven and nine.

What are you adding, Mark?

Most perceptive, which I don't know which one of you two were most perceptive in this episode.

Bob succeeded one perception.

Did I succeed any?

Bob missed you walking right past him and through his pepper spray trap.

Listen, hey.

I don't, I think I only perceived once and I failed, though.

I've rolled a nat one on my fail.

All right, all right, all right.

We're gonna we're gonna spin the Kerchiger.

Three spins.

Oh.

Most travel since.

Ooh, interesting.

Okay, who?

I have gone downtown a couple times since we last recorded and over to Mason.

Wait, have you left your house?

I've left my house three times, but you've gone downtown a couple of times?

Well, to the museum center.

It's down off the Ezra Charles exit.

It's like exit 1G or whatever.

So it's like way west of downtown, but it's down there.

I think that distance, if you've done that more than once, beats the three trips I've made.

Because mine haven't been that far.

One goes to Bob.

He's traveled the most.

I've traveled like four or five times, but I've not gone very far.

Yeah, gotta go places.

Spin number two.

Shirt closest to well, we're both wearing gray shirts, and Wade's background is kind of gray.

I do have like gray over here, and the back.

My wall color is gray, but my light color is purple.

I'm going to color picker this.

We're going to actually be precise about this.

All right, science.

Science.

I'm going to take a color picker.

Actually, I'm going to take a screenshot of both of you.

Just took it.

I'm going to put it here into Photoshop.

Can you do one thing for me?

Can you take the screenshot now?

What did you do?

Nothing.

I'll take two screenshots and I'm going to compare them.

If you changed anything, I'm going to be real mad.

I don't think I changed anything.

I think it's fine.

I can see it.

I could see it.

All right.

I'm going to do this.

I did.

That's it.

My lights go on and off.

You just have to catch it on the right cycle.

Yeah, Mark, can you take a screenshot of me now, too?

No, no, no.

It was when the wheel was rolled.

So I'm taking a color value of your shirt, Bob, which is for the hash value, it's 2D, 2D, 2F.

That's a good hash value.

That's some good hash.

Is that a drug or is that a hash brown?

Wade, your shirt, according to your camera, is 2D or not 2D?

26232B.

2B?

Not 2B?

Bob, your background in this screenshot...

And I'm going to give you the advantage.

I'm not going to take it from where the purple light is the brightest.

Yeah, can you take it from like right here?

Yeah, the section of the wall.

Or right, or up here,

somewhere where the purple is more more diffused.

I'm going to do close to that lamp, but not where the light is specifically shining on.

That's what I'll give you.

Does that sound fair, Wade?

Yeah, as long as you take this specific panel for me, I think.

It's still reading as a dark purple.

Bob, yours is 3C1A55.

As if I know what the distance between X values is.

No, no, no.

We'll figure this out, man.

This is a great way to do this.

And I do see, Wade, yeah, your panels are slightly gray.

There's black ones and there's slightly gray ones.

I'm going to try to pick in between.

They're all actually the same color.

It's just the way the light hits them whenever they're horizontal versus vertical.

I got O, I got, what is that?

0 D, 0 D, 0, 7, 0, E.

And I'm going to go to some calculator and we're going to find which one of these is closer in value.

Just subtract the first one from the second one, and whoever's value is bigger, they lose.

I mean, that's technically how it works, right?

It's just a hex value.

2D, 2D, 2F, 3C, 1A, 5, 5 for Bob.

We've got 26232B O D O 7 O E for Wade.

Bang.

Come on.

Is it a tie?

No, it's not answering.

This is going to be worth it, guys.

It's going to be worth it.

Oh, man.

I was six F's away.

Bob was seven one C's away.

We got it.

Okay, so you calculate, you convert them to RGB, then compute the Euclidean distance between each of the different colors.

As one does.

2D, 2D, 2F converts to 45, 45, 47 in terms of R, G, and B.

3C, 1A, 5, 5 converts to 60, 26, 85.

Those are pretty different.

So you get 65 minus 45 squared plus 26 minus 45 squared plus 85 minus 47 squared.

Take a square root of the sum of all of those.

You get the square root of 20, 30, which is 45.05.

That's not bad.

You take 26, 23, 2B, which is 383543, and 0D070E, which is 13714.

38 minus 13 squared plus 35 minus 7 squared plus 43 minus 14 squared is the square root of 2250, which is 47.3.

You are 2.38

more different way than your background.

And I think it's purely because you're so much brighter than your background it is very bright I can't wait for the comments of like so instead of saying gray not purple brown not brown gray not gray they're doing I'm okay with this I love this number that means I lose yes you lost are we currently tied Yes, you were tied right now.

Oh, heck.

And I think if people punch in the code that I picked for Bob, it is a purple.

It is a dark purple.

Very dark, but I picked a dark purple for him.

I'm sure that people will check check your work, and I'm sure it will be correct.

I think what it is, is Bob, your shirt is catching some purple light, so it's making your gray a dark gray purple.

But all the purple is behind me, if I'm honest.

And I did not pick the bright purple area.

And Wade, it is.

It's gray on gray, but tonally, the distance between your grays, because your gray shirt is so much brighter than you.

I've got black stripes.

Oh, you can't even see the stripes with all the compression.

Yeah, my screenshot does not show stripes.

It's just gray blocks.

It's hard to see when you're going to close up.

Yeah, it's by a slight difference, but technically the luminance value is far more different than the actual color luminance value of there.

So by a tiny margin.

I knew we should have added luminance value to the wheel.

All right, next.

I did that as fair as I possibly could have.

I knew that.

That was true.

That's very true.

Third and final spin.

Oh, please don't be the viewers.

Viewers, viewers.

Oh.

Oh, I have no idea.

Who said fuck the most?

All right, give me the transcript of the episode.

Give me the transcript.

I don't think that exists yet.

Give me the transcript.

Did any of us?

I don't remember saying fuck very much.

I definitely said it a couple times.

I didn't say it an extraordinary amount.

I don't think either one of us cursed an extraordinary amount.

We were very just in the respin or Mark?

You're the DM.

You decide.

Yeah, I would say respin is on the table here.

This is a not super clear one and going word for word through the whole thing.

I would love to scientific it, but without a transcript, I really can't say.

Unfortunately, we don't have instantaneous transcripts right now.

Well, I could set that up, I could, but I'll have to.

We'll have to do that from

three spins.

All right, spin number three again.

No,

the tide wheel,

the tide wheel

for listeners,

Bob, we tied.

Good job.

Yeah, good job, buddy.

All right, yay.

One man show.

One man show.

It's fine.

No, it's not going to be that.

It's very unlikely.

It's like, you know, this is my D20.

What's the one-man show

thing supposed to be at?

12 or 14, I think.

Is that right?

I think it was 14 last time.

I do think it's actually a 16.

Oh, wait, no.

That's what I figured this out before.

This is out of 360.

So I need the proportion.

What is 16% of 360?

I forgot.

I forgot about this.

This scale is 360 degrees is the whole thing.

So I need 360 times 0.57.

57 and a half.

Do we round up or down?

Please round down.

57 it is.

Oh, that looks way bigger.

Wait, whoa.

Look how big that looks.

Maybe we weren't at.

Oh, maybe we weren't at 16.

I don't think we were.

That feels large.

Seems right to me.

Here's the winnered wheel spin with a 16% chance of Mark being the second one-man show.

Look at it now.

Now it really looks like the red's just out there.

Oh, oh, oh.

No, thanks.

Oh, thanks, fuck.

All right.

Wade wins.

Wade wins.

God, all that.

Woo!

Okay.

Also, I just want to say, if it's still on the table like it was today, when you win the one-man show, can you call the thing we say to make the coin flip thing happen that I'm not going to use right now?

So then you'd have to do, if you lose, you have to do two one-man shows.

Is that the deal for that, though?

I think, yeah, yeah.

That one's really high stakes.

What happens if you win that?

The other two guys each have to do a one-man show?

I don't know.

I guess you get to re-host.

I don't know.

Whatever.

We don't know, because it didn't happen.

Maybe someday.

All right.

Well, we're going to call that there, Bob.

Sorry, you worked so hard.

Wade, congratulations.

Let's do loser speech first, Bob.

I fought through a lot today as the warden, and I feel like I really, with what I had to deal with, did pretty well.

And I did actually win, ultimately, even though ultimately I lost but subultimately I won so I'll just hold that in my heart of hearts and know that the truth is that I beat Wade because he was too stupid to know what a cinder block is anyway congratulations to me the loser well well said well said wade i may not know how to use a bluetooth jammer i maybe had a useless robbery app but my security badges my brilliance my great vocal impressions got me out of that prison.

And I might not have escaped Alcatraz, but I ain't going back to jail, coppers, because I'm dead.

Death is the end we will all see one day, and therefore I win by getting there now.

Memento Mori.

Well, I'm going to refine this idea.

I want to get to more scenarios in the next one, much like with Nah I'd win.

I was going for that kind of vibe.

I think I've got, we've tested it once.

The perfect crime part two will be better than this one, even though this one is very funny.

You guys did great.

So, thank you so much for all of your hard work.

Thank you for all of your hard listening.

For the listeners who came in third place, viewers, you're on the shit list.

Keep up.

You're not even on the scoreboard.

What are you doing?

Terrible record.

Thank you, everybody.

Be sure to follow the podcast.

Merch never shut up about it unless

no.

Follow these guys, MyScream, Lord Minion777, and me, Mark Blair.

Thank you.

Podcast out.