King of the Friend Zone

Speaker 1 This episode is brought to you by Facebook. The holidays bring people home.
Facebook brings people together.

Speaker 1 From spontaneous messages that lead to overdue catch-ups to finding new communities and friends to go on tangents with, like in your favorite podcast Facebook group.

Speaker 1 On Facebook, a little connection goes a long way, especially the night before Thanksgiving. Facebook is the only way I keep track of like a lot of my family members.

Speaker 1 Around the holidays, we're all like nostalgic and remembering like the time that we could all fit under one roof.

Speaker 1 And so we all reach out like, oh, have these stories and such, which is actually really, really nice. But you know what's even better than that? Things.

Speaker 1 Facebook Marketplace is my favorite.

Speaker 1 But it's even more fun when I have to go visit my stupid parents around the holidays and I can pull up Facebook Marketplace and see what's for sale around their house.

Speaker 1 I caught up with a friend I hadn't talked to. Would you buy?

Speaker 2 A few moments of their time.

Speaker 1 You had to pay for that. Ha, lame.
Let's reconnect this holiday season with Facebook.

Speaker 1 This episode is brought to you by Panda Express. If someone wanted to tell me that they love me, all they would need to do is get me some honey walnut shrimp from Panda Express.

Speaker 1 The message would not be lost in translation. In fact, I might even rather have honey walnut shrimp than words from an actual human mouth hole.

Speaker 1 If you're trying to get a message to me, honey walnut shrimp. However, you want to say it, say it with delicious, authentically cooked American Chinese cuisine from Panda Express.
Have you eaten yet?

Speaker 1 Order now or visit the Panda Express near you. This episode is brought to you by Joe Malone London.
I don't like smelling like everyone else.

Speaker 2 You know?

Speaker 1 Like, I want to smell good, but I also want to smell like me. Is this a hint for holiday gift idea?

Speaker 1 They have gift sets, they have limited edition special colognes, they sell candles, they have all kinds of stuff that your best friend/slash/podcast co-host might love to receive.

Speaker 1 Drop holiday favorites at joemalone.com or at a Joe Malone London store near you.

Speaker 2 This episode of Distractible is presented by T-Mobile 5G Home Internet. Okay.

Speaker 2 How do you guys know when someone's really your friend? I don't know.

Speaker 2 I don't know.

Speaker 2 But I do know that T-Mobile 5G Home Internet's got your back with their fast speeds, easy 15-minute setup, a price for any budget, and five-year price guarantee.

Speaker 2 Visit t-mobile.com/slash home internet to check availability. Guarantees monthly price of fixed wireless 5G 5G internet data exclusions like taxes and fees apply.

Speaker 2 Guarantees monthly price of fixed wireless 5G internet data exclusions like taxes and fees apply. Service delivered via 5G network speeds vary due to factor affecting cellular networks.

Speaker 2 Guarantee exclusions details at tmobile.com slash home internet.

Speaker 2 Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractible.

Speaker 2 This episode, bitch mining Bob is bagging up. Home Labs does derelict shafts, then creates cards with the CADs.
Magnified Mark Air Rams' bathroom baits Wade and rambles to righteousness.

Speaker 2 Wireless Wade snubs Snow, snores, forgets he podcasts, goes grizzly, masterfully memes, and brilliantly belts up. From hard listening to painful clinching, yes.

Speaker 2 It's time for

Speaker 2 King of the Friend Zone.

Speaker 2 Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.

Speaker 2 Hello, everybody. Welcome back to another episode of Distractible.
That's right. You accidentally listened to this podcast yet again.

Speaker 2 Don't worry, you have plenty of time to turn it off before stuff happens.

Speaker 2 If you've never seen the show before, I'm your host because I won the last episode, and the two people competing to win this episode and host the next one, as always, will be Mark and Wade.

Speaker 2 Say hi, boys. Hi, boys.
Oh, whoa.

Speaker 2 Mark gets a point for listening. I knew the times I do, it doesn't matter when time Mark does.

Speaker 2 God damn it. I should have listened.
Oh, does something seem a little

Speaker 2 to you?

Speaker 1 Does it seem a little whoa to you?

Speaker 2 Huh? Oh, it does, but I'm not going to do it. I'm not even points at stake.
You feel a little.

Speaker 2 It's unfair. Oh, whoa.

Speaker 2 Whoa, all right. He did it.

Speaker 2 It was a bit, but he just did it. All right.
Wade has declared that Mark getting points for listening is unfair. Yes.
I didn't even realize I got a point for that. Oh, okay.
Yeah, that does.

Speaker 2 Okay. I thought he just acknowledged me.

Speaker 2 No, he gave you a point. You listened.
You said hi, but anyway, so all three heads. Wade is correct.
And

Speaker 2 Mark will not get a point for listening. And Wade will get a point for not listening, I guess.
Yes. All three tails, Mark gets bonus points for listening.
And nothing happens if this mixed. Ready?

Speaker 2 Said.

Speaker 2 I dropped my coin. Fucking shit.
Tails. Oh, no.
Does that count as a flip or do I flip it?

Speaker 2 I dropped it and it's Tails on the floor. Does that count as a flip or do I re-flip it?

Speaker 2 You got a triangle of fairness up into the screen, but remember, it's surface-side up, so you'd have to show it backwards. Wait, doesn't that mean, is it Tails mean Mark is two points?

Speaker 2 This is my Tails. It's a lion.
The lion is Tails. Mark gets a bonus point.
I faded him into getting me a point.

Speaker 2 This is a great episode. I hope it's nice and short and that we can have it soon.
This is just not my season. It's just not my season.
Not your life, buddy. I win, and I'm not really the winner.

Speaker 2 The listeners are the winner. This is just not my season.
All right. Well, now that that is made doubly fair,

Speaker 2 Mark has received his extra super fair, double fair points for listening like a good boy. Yeah, they're compelling to win.
I said the stuff. I'm the host.
Yeah, whatever.

Speaker 2 Small talk. How's it going there, fellas? How are we doing? Snow!

Speaker 2 It did snow. It's not.
I heard about this. There's snow on the ground outside, and it's too cold.
Oh, it already had to shovel places so the dogs could go out. It's why?

Speaker 2 I saw pictures of this where you had the fall leaves only just really getting underway and then ice and snow. Literally this past week, I was like, oh, the leaves changed.
Oh, fuck.

Speaker 2 The yard's all fucked with leaves. All right.
Now, and I like yesterday or like two days ago, I was like, I got to rake. I got to get out and rake or it's going to be.
And then it fucking snowed.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's

Speaker 2 fun. To be fair, it is November.
It's almost the middle of November. So like that is kind of the right time for snow almost.
But also, like three weeks ago, it was 80 fucking degrees outside.

Speaker 2 So also true. Thanks, Ohio.
Some of the leaves that have landed like on the driveway and the sidewalk, so it wasn't quite like enough snow where it like stuck to the sidewalk and the driveway.

Speaker 2 But where the leaves were, the snow landed on the leaves. So there's just like leaf-shaped piles of snow all over the sidewalk and driveway because we have like some of the bigger leaves or whatever.

Speaker 2 So there's just like little pockets of handfuls of leaves with piles of snow all over the place. And it looks really weird.
That's really funny. Yeah, snow.
It's cold. I hate it.

Speaker 2 So I have a render farm update.

Speaker 2 It's not going to be exciting.

Speaker 2 I'll take a nap immediately.

Speaker 2 So in my experience,

Speaker 2 I have had many ups and downs with the render farm, especially in terms of like how to get the computers in there, what format.

Speaker 2 And I'm circling back to this crazy thing that's going to make a lot of people mad. Glower salts.
No, no, no.

Speaker 2 Don't even need it. I've very much become like no water cooling at all, unless it's like an all-in-one.
And even then, I would rather have an air cooler because it's just going to be consistent.

Speaker 2 At least, I guess that the fan fails, but usually you can have two on them in red water, but never mind. I was so proud of my ability to go on eBay and find these crayons.
Wade? Nah, it's fine.

Speaker 2 I was so proud of my ability to go on eBay, you know, much like the Cincinnati Bengals. Cincinnati.

Speaker 2 I was just going to write a sign that said Wade loses a point for every minute he sleeps while Mark talks. So you can woke up.

Speaker 2 Anyway, so

Speaker 2 I did not know this, but you know, the Intel chip that everyone seemed to not review very well that I've been like, it's actually very good.

Speaker 2 They make a workstation grade motherboard for that that takes error correcting RAM. And it's the same fucking price as a normal, well, a high-end, but a high-end normal desktop motherboard.

Speaker 2 And why this is huge is error correcting RAM is very important on a server, especially if you're running a long time, is because when it's doing calculations that are very precise, it needs to not have wrong numbers in the memory.

Speaker 2 That leads to bad issues. And it's there's a lot of reasons why it would happen, why it doesn't happen, but error correcting RAM corrects it.

Speaker 2 And so it makes it really, really uncommon for those to happen. But it's also stupendously cheaper than the even the discounted server hardware I was getting online.

Speaker 2 It is stupendous and it's more power efficient. And it's like, and I look at it, I was like, what was I fucking thinking with this stupid render farm? So, yeah,

Speaker 2 I'm going to be overhauling it because now that Iron Lung is wrapping up, I'm going to, I'm going to get it out of my bathroom. I'm going to get it out of the bathroom.

Speaker 2 And then I'm going to move it so that it could be, because it was always a stopgap. It was always like, this is urgent.
I got to do this right here in this bathroom.

Speaker 2 There's no other place to do it, apparently. And then, you know, then one thing led or another.
But I'm going to be moving it. I'm going to be selling stuff.

Speaker 2 And then I'm going to convert it to a much much more optimized streamlined and this is once again where i'm like people like again you just don't be loyal to amd or intel buy what is useful in the moment and holy shit i can like they're so discounted because no one wants to get them because the two frames per second it gets less than the other ones who cares it is such a good productivity chip it's so good i'm doing overhaul of that so i've got some computer parts coming in oh that's fun it's very fun i've already sold a couple things um back so technically I'm up, except I paid for them before, so I'm there.

Speaker 2 But you got that money back. Full price, I'm sure.
Yo, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Wait, are you slowly drooping off the bottom of your shot, or is that just me? You look. Oh, I might be.
I don't know.

Speaker 2 I was drawing us. I drew us.
Oh,

Speaker 2 wait a minute.

Speaker 2 I must be far away. I'm really far away.
I like overall. I mean, it's funny because I'm saying that I was pitching last episode about moving.
Whenever we cut this recording, I have to just

Speaker 2 my desk into, I'm not sure what boxes, whatever I can find, and take it over to the other house. Holy fuck, am I not excited for that? But I love when you get a new thing.

Speaker 2 As a computer nerd, I'm really excited right now because I have an old laptop that I've been like, what do I do with it? It still works. I'm going to home lab.
Guys, I'm going to do home lab.

Speaker 2 I'm going to get my own, my own NAS.

Speaker 2 I have my

Speaker 2 my videos hosted on a server. Plex server? You're going to get a Plex? I'm going to Plex it up, bro.
I'm going to get Plex so good. Whoa.
I don't know what the hell you're saying.

Speaker 2 I'm going to set up a home VPN and probably compromise the security of my entire home network. It's going to be sick.

Speaker 2 I mean, I'll figure it out once something bad happens, but it's always fun. Like, I'm going to be really, I'm not a good computer engineer.
person. I'm going to be terrible.

Speaker 2 My home lab's going to be garbage. It's never going to work.
What the hell is a home lab? It's just like a a server.

Speaker 2 You just use an old computer. You just run a home server, but there's lots of different little things you can do with it to where like you could have your own ad blocker on your whole network.

Speaker 2 I'm not going to do that because I don't mind the ads because that's how I make money on the internet.

Speaker 2 There's a video. Wade, if you want to really not know what is going on and also

Speaker 2 judge someone for spending a lot of money on something that isn't necessarily useful, there's this guy with like an incredible home lab.

Speaker 2 Like it's in a separate room in his basement that's noise-proof its own hvac a whole power system just for that from the solar panel to the batteries and he went in there's like yeah this is where i check the weather this is where i keep the weather reports that i check this is

Speaker 2 it's like that's

Speaker 2 he might be not saying what he's really doing there but it seemed like really mundane so far

Speaker 2 it was like this room but full of server racks like bigger than my render farm that dude is definitely hosting like terabytes of p2p like movie movie downloads type stuff.

Speaker 2 He's doing something where he's like, ah, let's not talk about that.

Speaker 2 I think his job is actually doing kind of server maintenance. So maybe he's mining for Bitcoin.

Speaker 2 Oh, speaking of Bitcoin mining, I'm not ever going to invest in that, but I did see a little thing that's really fun.

Speaker 2 It's just, it's literally just like a gidgety gadget that's never going to do anything, but they make these little, I forget what they're called specifically, but it's basically like a little Raspberry Pi, like a very small computer set up to mine Bitcoin, but it's a, it's an all-or-nothing mining thing.

Speaker 2 So it's kind of like gambling. The way, the way mining usually works is your, your hardware, along with tons of other people's hardware, are solving this one problem.

Speaker 2 And then you get a fraction of a fraction of whatever the fee was, right? So like you're sharing with, I don't even know, dozens, hundreds, thousands of other people.

Speaker 2 So that's why you mine tiny, tiny little bits. This one thing like finds a specific blockchain, whatever transaction transaction, and tries to solve the whole thing all by itself.

Speaker 2 And if it does, you get the whole fee, which can be substantially more than what you, but like, it's never going to do that. Never in a million years is that going to happen.
But it's fun.

Speaker 2 You can, like, I just, you sit on your desk and you watch it. And like, maybe one day it'll be like, oh, you got half a Bitcoin.
Congrats.

Speaker 2 Isn't that a lot? Isn't a Bitcoin?

Speaker 2 50 grand, 60 grand, something? Like, it would, yes, it would be quite a lot. I don't think that's very realistic, but it, it's, it's a toy, right?

Speaker 2 It's just a little gadget, but it's fun because you're kind of like, maybe it'll hit. It won't, but maybe it will.
Yeah, Wade, I know it probably sounded dismissive when I said you asked,

Speaker 2 Mining boomer. I said, no.
It's just because the Bitcoin mining things now are like building-sized.

Speaker 2 Oh, I've seen some pictures of people that have just like, yeah, like a mine shaft full of nothing but computers. Yeah, it's, it's kind of crazy.

Speaker 2 Dude, that would be so meta, a mine shaft Bitcoin mine. There was literally an image I saw where it looked like that.

Speaker 2 That dude who lives in Cerro Gordo should make one of the abandoned mine shafts into a Bitcoin mine. That'd be so fun.
Do you know that YouTube channel? I don't know the guy in Cerro Cordo, no.

Speaker 2 Cerro Godo. Cerro Gordo is a town outside of San Francisco.
It's like one of the old, old mining towns. It was abandoned.

Speaker 2 And like five years ago, this dude bought it super cheap from like the state or the county or whatever. A whole town?

Speaker 2 Yeah, a whole town filled with houses and buildings built a century or more ago, but he just moved out there and has been living in, I think it's called Ghost Town Living is a YouTube channel.

Speaker 2 I think we've talked about it before. I think I've talked about it before on this.

Speaker 2 It's fascinating, but he has a bunch of mine shafts and stuff, and he goes down and actually explores them because the main elevator still functions. But he should have a Bitcoin mine shaft.

Speaker 2 That would be so meta, dude. It would be.
It would be. How much did he buy a whole town for? Not very much.

Speaker 2 It was literally like an abandoned plot of land on the top of a mountain that's impossible to get to and the buildings are not worth the crappy old rotted out wood that they're built with like like it's it's a fascinating uh journey that he's on uh and like they he's built a new hotel and he's like he's hosted people to come and hang out but it's not there's like no no running water no electricity it was like he bought an empty plot of land in the mountains that nobody wanted so it was not terribly expensive i don't think but also it was a long time ago so i don't remember that's fair.

Speaker 2 But he could do that. That'd be so funny.
That's one. It's one YouTube video's worth of content right there for free.

Speaker 2 Anyway.

Speaker 2 I forgot we were recording. I thought we were just chatting.
I kind of forgot about the whole episode thing. Yeah, we do a podcast.
Yeah. It is kind of like we hang out.
It's fun to hang out.

Speaker 2 That's kind of what's going on here. It does happen.
Yeah,

Speaker 2 there's times where I just get so caught up in what we're doing, I kind of forget that it's.

Speaker 2 This episode is brought to you by Uber. You know that feeling when someone shows up for you when you need it most? Yeah.
We all need that sometimes. And Uber knows that.

Speaker 2 Uber isn't just a ride or a meal delivered. It's showing up no matter what.

Speaker 2 I think that might be them knocking on the door because they're, you know, Uber's really good about getting them right to where you are. Do you them or the FBI? I'm not 100%

Speaker 2 sure.

Speaker 2 Yep.

Speaker 2 When it really matters, whatever it is, you show up. Or there's a will, we're on our way.
Uber, on our way. Download the app today.

Speaker 2 Well, do you guys want to play a game? Yes. Yeah, have you guys heard of Vane? New like zombie survival game? No.
Sounds cool. Vane? Yeah, I think.
Is it V-A-I-N or V-V-E-I? I think, is it V-E-I-N?

Speaker 2 V-A-N-E.

Speaker 2 How pretty are these zombies? V-E-I-N, like a blood vein. I want to check it.
I've not got to play it yet. I want to check it out.
Reminds me of GTFO. Ooh.
That was a fun one.

Speaker 2 This is a thief simulator style zombie game, right? You got big into GTFO for a minute. I remember that.
I did, yeah. I think it's been described as like a first-person zomboid.
Hmm.

Speaker 2 Well, Project Zomboid is really fucking difficult, so that's... Sounds like the kind of thing Mark might get into.
I tried it. I did an episode where it ends when I died, and I lasted about an hour.

Speaker 2 That's not bad for a first attempt. I think it's supposed to be a hard game, right? I think people die pretty fast, usually, don't they?

Speaker 2 I was destined to die like 10 minutes in, but it was a slow, like

Speaker 2 withering away kind of death. And then I got chased down and eaten.
Yeah. So did not go well.
Yeah, I would like to play that.

Speaker 2 No, we're going to play my game, which was probably way worse than that because I invented it.

Speaker 2 I was, the other day was Mandy's dad's birthday, and we were going out to dinner, and we had to go and pick out a card.

Speaker 2 And by which I mean I let James run around and generally tried to keep him in an area that made sense and let him pick a card. Picked a card with dogs on it.
It was very cute.

Speaker 2 Said something like, You can teach an old dog new tricks or, you know, something like that. Greeting cardsy.
Very generic, but the picture was cute.

Speaker 2 And I was like, Man, there are a lot of cards here, but they're all for like the same three things.

Speaker 2 There's like the birthday cards, there's like the whatever seasonal holiday cards, and then there's like get well soon cards.

Speaker 2 But there are a lot of other occasions that you might want to send someone a card for.

Speaker 2 So today, I want you guys to help me come up with some ideas for greeting cards that you could send for some of these occasions that I have put down onto my list here.

Speaker 2 And we're just going to just brainstorm and, you know, find your idea that he earns points or whatever. This is not birthdays and shit.

Speaker 2 This is like unusual ones, but I think that they'll be useful potentially. Okay.
And what I want to start with is

Speaker 2 I want a card that you send someone. when they start having their midlife crisis.
This is like a congratulations on your midlife crisis greeting card or something. Could be anything.

Speaker 2 We live in a world where I can take any picture I want or I can buy stock photography and get things printed. So

Speaker 2 the world is your oyster. Got it.
Mark. On the front, right? Uh-huh.
It's not so bald. You open it up, packet of hair stapled inside.
Like, you can have it as a keepsake.

Speaker 2 So it's like, and it can pop out at you to be like, here. It's on like a spring.
You open it and the hair is just like, boing, boing. Exactly.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah, and then it's got a sound bite in there, but it's that guy from SpongeBob going my eyes my eyes

Speaker 2 to go bald in their midlife crisis.

Speaker 2 You could just be bald for it's that the crisis is not because of the bald, but that is I feel like a lot of people will like get hair transplants because they're having a midlife crisis and they're like,

Speaker 2 I can't be bald. I can't stay like this.
I don't think you have to do that. I think some people look really good with a fully shaved head.
Yeah. So I had a different idea.

Speaker 2 So you remember like the old Captain America? So you're having a midlife crisis. Sure.
So it doesn't have Captain America, but it says, so you're having a midlife crisis.

Speaker 2 And it shows like, I don't know, a middle-aged guy, maybe full head of hair, but graying or bald.

Speaker 2 And then like, I don't know, like a strapping model in the front seat of like a Corvette convertible going down like a nice gold paved road.

Speaker 2 And then you open it up, and the Corvette's crashed and on fire, and there's bodies on the ground. It just says expectations versus reality.

Speaker 2 You're going to die.

Speaker 2 Is that a threat? Or it just says expectations versus reality. It just has that gives a threatening aura to me.
Yeah, don't go through it. Don't do it.
Don't get the hair transplants or... Maybe.

Speaker 2 I see what you're going for. Little, little ominous, a little threatening.

Speaker 2 You could kind of read that as opening. It's like, it's already over.
You know, you might as well accept that, you know, the inevitability of your demise. It could happen at any moment, you know.

Speaker 2 So why even try? That was really dark. Why is it so dark?

Speaker 2 Hey, they're allowed to be dark. I'm looking for interesting, you know? I want the person who gets these cards to open them up and

Speaker 2 it's going to make them think. It's going to make them feel.

Speaker 2 It's not just like, you know, because a lot of, I appreciate when people get you a card for an occasion, but a lot of times it's like, oh, and I got your card. Oh, yeah, oh, because it was a camel.

Speaker 2 Oh, thanks. And that's it.
And it's like, I want this, I want this card to give a person pause. So, dark is fine, dark is allowed.
I want to stop them dead in their tracks.

Speaker 2 See, I'm the kind of card shopper who either doesn't do it at all, or if it's not in the first five cards I picked, I pick one of those cards anyway. So, you're saying you're a thoughtful card buyer?

Speaker 2 No,

Speaker 2 hate gifts, hate cards. All right.
Well, I have another one. This one, this one maybe is not so specific as the example I want to give, but like a card with this vibe.

Speaker 2 Congrats on deleting your ex's Netflix profile.

Speaker 2 Right? Like, it doesn't have to specifically be Netflix, but that thing, right? Like, yeah, you deleted your ex's user profile off your whatever thing, right? Like, that sort of.

Speaker 2 I want a card for that vibe because I feel like that in the modern world, that's kind of a step, right?

Speaker 2 When you're going through the process of a breakup, if you were close enough with this person that they have profiles on your whatever, deleting those, big deal. I've got it.
Can be a whole thing.

Speaker 2 Oh, boy. All right.
So, you know, the meme of like the guy walking with the girl and he's looking over his shoulder at the other girl passing? Sure. It's that,

Speaker 2 but the

Speaker 2 person who's like turned looking around has like a name tag. It's like, hi, my name is, but it's blank.
So you can fill it in.

Speaker 2 So that way, when whoever your ex is, you can write their name on that, like the person looking at the other person and you open it up and It's the girl who was like mad that the dude was looking at the other guy Looking at like a Netflix account and has that name on the name tag you write it in again and it shows them going to delete profile with like a bucket of popcorn and smiling It's convoluted, but it's memes, which I like and I feel like it does deliver the message, which I appreciate.

Speaker 2 I thought it was going to get way worse. I think you built it up like there was going to be more threats of violence or death or something.

Speaker 2 No, no, not everything could be violent on fire.

Speaker 2 I'm just a little off balance, but like, I like that. That's good.
That works. Midlife crisis full of flames.
Midlife crisis basically dead soon. Breakups, casual.
They happen. They happen.

Speaker 2 Okay. I'm going to combine mine with the midlife crisis as well.
Sure, sure. That can happen.
It happened. So on the front is like

Speaker 2 Netflix and chill. Overrated, right? You open up.
How about Netflix and bills that you still have to pay? Netflix and hills, which you're already over. Netflix and pills, which you now have to take.

Speaker 2 And Netflix and Thrills, which you'll never have again.

Speaker 2 Congrats.

Speaker 2 Damn.

Speaker 2 Man, Mark, just Netflix and killed the vibe.

Speaker 2 Netflix and lost your will to live. I feel like, yeah, I feel like that's one.
There is a situation for that, but maybe that's someone that you're trying to sort of send a message.

Speaker 2 You're trying to get them to delete your profile. Yeah, okay, yeah.
Or uninstall, you know, Netflix, like, stop using my account. We're never going to get back together.

Speaker 2 I think those are both usable. Don't tell Mandy that was one of my categories.
I am not secretly considering breaking up with her. I just, you like to have stuff in the back pocket, you know?

Speaker 2 So we're all married now. So this is all theoretical.
A lot of relationships end at like the end of the honeymoon phase. Is your midlife crisis just the end of your life's honeymoon phase? Maybe.

Speaker 2 I don't know.

Speaker 2 I haven't thought about it a lot, but it always struck me as like the point where you realize, like, as you approach your midlife crisis in your like late 30s, whatever, 40s, whenever it hits, usually that's the point where you start to sort of like your knees start to hurt and like your back or your back hurts or like, right, you're like getting old enough that you're like, oh, my body is starting to fail me.

Speaker 2 Right. So I thought I was just associated with like you've realized you're going to die.
Now you're coping with mortality by freaking the fuck out and buying a sports car or whatever.

Speaker 2 But it could be, it could be more connected to like the honeymoon phase because I don't know, as millennials, we've had a lot of shit happen already pretty early in our lives, but maybe it's not supposed to be like that for other generations.

Speaker 2 Who knows, honestly. Like, there's no way to actually ever know.
Tell us about your midlife crises in the comments. Yeah, if you're having a midlife crisis, I want to hear about it.

Speaker 2 Let me know what cool stuff you got going on.

Speaker 2 I'll be there soon. I assume.
Maybe we're already there.

Speaker 2 This one is sort of the last in a series of events for which you might want to send a card. But I feel like this one is one that's hard to find for.
And I want a card for

Speaker 2 happy last day under house arrest or like happy conclusion of your court-mandated house arrest.

Speaker 2 Something to go for that, right? It's like you send like, you know, a gift card to Top Golf and a card that says, congrats, you can go to Top Golf now. You know, something cool.
I got it. Okay.

Speaker 2 So this is niche. This is,

Speaker 2 if you, no, it could be anybody. Anybody gives it to you, but you just got free.
The bracelet's off. You get this car.
It's like, congrats on finally being free. You open it.

Speaker 2 It says, now no one is watching you, but you hear that little air tag chirp. It's got a sound there, so you hear the air tag go off,

Speaker 2 and then once you open it, it will always go off until the battery is

Speaker 2 closed. Yeah, yeah, it'll stay on.
You, even if you close it again, it won't stop. That's really, they have to be really spread out, though.

Speaker 2 Like, there has to be a delay on the first chirp, even threatening. I like that.

Speaker 2 Similar vibe on the front, as far as like you have a person, like sitting in a dark room on a chair with like maybe like the TV light flashing on their face, just looking like sad and not clean shaven or whatever have you.

Speaker 2 And it just says, you fucked up. And when you go to open it, there's like a handcuff holding the two parts of the card together connected by a magnet.

Speaker 2 So when you open it, it breaks the magnet and the cuffs are like separated. And then it says on the inside, but you paid the price.
Congrats on freedom. But you paid the price.

Speaker 2 And then it's the guy like the picture on the inside is the guy like opening the door and seeing sunlight for the first time and looking like blinded by it. Sure, sure.

Speaker 2 That one's that. That was strangely optimistic.
It sounded like it was going to be mean, but I actually liked that.

Speaker 2 And also, you can put the air tag chirp in that one so that when they file that card away somewhere, it just starts doing that. At a later date, I'll just sell that as an add-on to any card.

Speaker 2 That could go in anything.

Speaker 2 Congrats on getting married. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.
Do you guys do this? Actually, total sidebar, a real distractible moment here. Do you guys share your locations constantly with your spouses?

Speaker 2 No, I don't think I ever have. Well, it's like an on or off thing, right? My location has been shared constantly for years now.
I'm not even sure when it started, but it's just always been on.

Speaker 2 And I remember every once in a while, like, man, my battery life sucks on my phone. Why is this so much? Because the GPS is always on with that.
But I just do that all the time anyway.

Speaker 2 And I know that people probably have very strong opinions about that, but it's just it's always been a no-brainer because if I'm coming back from somewhere, you can see if I suddenly stop, you know, and there's no traffic there.

Speaker 2 Like, hmm, that might be something. I'm not opposed to it.
I just have never set it up. And so, knowing me, I never will.
So, if it comes on by default, that's fine.

Speaker 2 Honestly, I had never thought, I'm kind of like you, Mark. I hadn't never really thought about it.

Speaker 2 I think I had been because I on like iOS or whatever, Mandy and I were spouses or family or however it works. But then, since we've had James, it really helps.

Speaker 2 Cause like if one of us takes him somewhere, like take him to the park or whatever, then it's like

Speaker 2 he has like his own air tag thing.

Speaker 2 And it's just like an extra layer of like, if one of us has him out, we're potentially way too busy to like send a quick text or whatever, like if he's being completely crazy, but the other one can be like, I wonder what they're doing.

Speaker 2 Ah, they're in the car on the way home. Or like, oh, they're over at this part, whatever.
Just like for that reason, we've, we keep that up and running.

Speaker 2 Yeah, so it's just like always been a thing that I do. It's a little stalkery.
Like, I definitely have had times where I like, I, I looked and I was like, it's weird that I'm looking right now.

Speaker 2 I don't need to know where Andy is, but I'll look anyway.

Speaker 2 I actually never looked, like, because, well, I mean,

Speaker 2 I should, but I don't know, we're work from home, so where do we go? Yeah, I would have the most boring tracker ever. It was like, Wade's in the house.
There he's still. Yep, that's how it goes.

Speaker 2 30-day streak.

Speaker 2 Speaking of all of our self-imposed house arrests one more and i feel like this again is maybe not one that we're gonna use necessarily but this is more like a public service one i feel like need like it'd be valuable i want a card for the friend zone aversary there are infinite number of cards for anniversaries for dating anniversaries for wedding anniversaries for your parents anniversary whatever i think it would be polite if you have someone who is, you've, you have seriously friend zoned and maybe they don't know, maybe it's unclear, but like, you know that they're just send a card.

Speaker 2 Hey, happy friend zone diversary. You know what? We're good.
I appreciate you. I friend zoned you and I acknowledge that.
And here's a card and maybe a Starbucks gift card or something.

Speaker 2 Like, you know, got it. Have a coffee.
You guys have all seen Robin Hood men in tights. Yep.

Speaker 2 So we're going straight for the

Speaker 2 Opening of the card is the chastity belt. And there's a ring of like keys to open up the card, but none of them work.
And all it says on the card is, you tried. D-I.
Oh, fuck. That's so good.

Speaker 2 Can't open the card. Damn it.

Speaker 2 That's so good. Every now and then, a good idea pops up in here.
I don't think I could get one better than that.

Speaker 2 I was working on a loose idea, but all my confidence got deflated out of me. I'm sorry,

Speaker 2 I had a great idea and I had to share it. I just

Speaker 2 never been friend zone, so I don't know what this is like. Oh, I don't have any screens to pull from here, so I don't know.

Speaker 2 I've drawn a real blank here. That's fine.
You know what? If I just start talking,

Speaker 2 something will happen. And that's it always works out.

Speaker 2 Always works. All right, card.
Color.

Speaker 2 It's color. There is color.
Cosmic latte.

Speaker 2 Cosmic latte.

Speaker 2 Stars.

Speaker 2 Shooting stars. No

Speaker 2 squash it.

Speaker 2 A line.

Speaker 2 Uh-huh. Brilliant.
Let it flow. Wait.
Stay. It's a line of people.
And it says on the front, there's an arrow pointed to some guy way back here. And it's a line that goes.

Speaker 2 And then you open the card, it's the whole globe, and it's like,

Speaker 2 and then it's me, like, you know, to a girl or whatever on the other side of the earth. And the whole line is like, I know you'd wait in line forever for me.
Thanks for being my friend.

Speaker 2 Nailed it.

Speaker 2 Never fails. Never fails.

Speaker 2 Always works. You just start talking.
You just start talking.

Speaker 2 Oh, when you yes-and yourself for long enough, you'll eventually get there. Yeah, wait, this was so good.
She rocked me. I'm sorry.
I can't deny it. Ultimate friend zone.

Speaker 2 Well, I think those are really useful. And look, I'm not greedy.

Speaker 2 Watchers, listeners, if you like any of these ideas, these absolute gems that we've come up with today, you're welcome to use them.

Speaker 2 Go on one of those websites where you can use your own images and stuff. You can make you tweak it.

Speaker 2 You could apply it directly to your own situation. Maybe you had shared Hulu accounts instead of Netflix.
Who knows? Customize it any way you might need.

Speaker 2 But I think that's where we're going to leave it. We don't want to let too much genius out all in one big rush.
It'll disrupt the balance of the universe.

Speaker 2 So, in no particular order, Wad, you got points for

Speaker 2 Snow

Speaker 2 drawing us accurately. Bringing up Bitcoin mining, your expectation versus reality card, your but you paid the price card,

Speaker 2 and the chastity belt you tried, denied.

Speaker 2 None of the keys open it, none of the keys opened it. Yeah, beautiful, Mark.
You earned points for saying hi, boys. I got two, right? Oh, that's right.
You got two points for that.

Speaker 2 It was, yeah, you got a double fare point. Uh, you got a render farm point.

Speaker 2 You got a not so bald point. You got a Netflix and pills point.
You got the AirTag Torture point. You got a point for a line.

Speaker 2 And also, thanks for being my friend. With friend heavily emphasized.

Speaker 2 Leaving the final score today at a cheek-clenchingly tight eight to seven in favor of Mark.

Speaker 2 Oh!

Speaker 2 Mark is up eight to seven. That double fair point really, really eeked it out for you a little bit.
It's fair. It's so fair.

Speaker 2 It's so fair. It's painfully fair.
It's very painfully fair. It's unbelievably fair.
It's so fair. It's a good thing Mark baited you into doing that.

Speaker 2 We just had to know how fair it was. It felt so fair to both of us.
We had to share it. Anyway,

Speaker 2 wheel spin. I'm feeling a nice one.
I'm predicting it. I win by tie.
Three!

Speaker 2 Three, three, three, three, one,

Speaker 2 three, three, and two. We split the difference.
We're both wrong.

Speaker 2 Hooray.

Speaker 2 And I have to add a bonus point to the thingy. Fairness amplifier.

Speaker 2 If something has been made doubly fair, it shall be once again made doubly fair. Oh, fuck.
It doubles the double. Well, so should it be an amplifier or should it be a fairness inversion?

Speaker 2 We have an inversion. I believe we do.

Speaker 2 Wait, do we? Wait, we have something with the fairness coin, I know, on the thing already.

Speaker 2 Free parking. Oh, free parking.
Oh, wait. Was the monkey's paw go into the free parking? No, when we spin the same thing, when we re-spin, we're supposed to put ones in the fair parking, I think.

Speaker 2 Oh, shit. I forgot about that.
Free parking, fair parking, free parking. I don't remember how I know free parking gets points, but I don't remember how it's supposed to get points.

Speaker 2 We should write down what these mean. Lie points doubled.

Speaker 2 Minus one to current loser.

Speaker 2 No point, fuck you. Add two spins.
Oh, I forgot that was in there. That's fun.
Oh, here's the add 10% chance to one-man show. That's its own thing.
Okay. Add 10, lose seven.
No.

Speaker 2 God, we have so many that have never landed. I know.
We have so many.

Speaker 2 Worst luck is one, but that's the... The coin has not been flipped.
Flip and apply to the last contentious thing.

Speaker 2 Okay. I think that's the one we have.
I don't remember there being one for...

Speaker 2 I love the doubling the doubler because that could be positive or negative because if something gets together, yeah, fairness amplifier. That's a good one.

Speaker 2 Fairness now, we're going to say this in like a year and be like, what the hell's fairness amplifier? You could put parentheses doubles

Speaker 2 doubles if

Speaker 2 it happened, I guess. It would be double no matter what, because double zero is zero, double negative, double positive.
Yeah, doubles coin flip results is what I'll put on here. Because it makes it

Speaker 2 doubly, doubly fair or doubly, doubly unfair. Either way, it will amplify it.
Or yeah, or doubles nothing.

Speaker 2 Then we don't don't have the respin we just take the doubles nothing so we got two spins and we got the fairness amplifier in play all right can't wait to see point for listeners wade is up nope mark is up by one eight to seven mark is winning come on hold on to it baby

Speaker 2 spin number one

Speaker 2 sung the most did any of us sing I definitely didn't sing because I was just thinking, man, my voice is a little tired from all the impressions we did. I don't think we sang.

Speaker 2 I wish I could say I sang. We could have.
That could have come up in the greeting card stuff, but I don't think it did. Yeah, I rhymed.
I don't think that counts. I want to say respin.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I can't think of a song. Spin number one, take two.

Speaker 2 Most cursed. Well, I guess Wade lost.
I don't know if that counts. Yeah, he lost the coin flip.
That's bad luck. Bad luck.
Wade's expectation versus reality reality card idea was kind of cursed.

Speaker 2 I'm not going to argue against my point. Yeah, I can't see it going my way, and I can see it leaning Wade.
Yeah, me too. Yeah, I think it leans Wade.

Speaker 2 It does lean. Plus, generally, Wade has a much higher average level of cursedness.
You know, graying first, balding first, no car for four years. Car fell in the ocean.

Speaker 2 All of it was worth it for this point. All right, second spin.
We're all tied up at eight. Please, God, give one of them a point.

Speaker 2 Hosted previous episode.

Speaker 2 Wait, does that say the listener? No, no, you hosted. You just weren't the winner.
It doesn't say winner.

Speaker 2 All right. Thank you, technicality.

Speaker 2 Thank God it didn't fucking involve the fact that I let the listeners win an episode.

Speaker 2 Of course, we would get the one thing that would bring that back up again. Anyway, as per usual, the wheels had some impact, you could say.

Speaker 2 Some

Speaker 2 may have affected the outcome.

Speaker 2 Mark, you end up with eight points. And Wade, if I'm counting correctly, Wade ends up with a total of nine points.
That sounds incredibly fair.

Speaker 2 And if you listen to the title of the episode, which I said at the very beginning.

Speaker 2 No, there's no surprise golf rolls. Thank goodness.
Jesus God.

Speaker 2 No, way just wins uh congratulations wade honestly mark i thought you had it that was some rough rough luck with the wheel that was rough spins rough spins that's uh you know what we got some that hadn't come up before i didn't care for them i feel like maybe on the next constitutional one we should get a thing where if something comes up and like we hate it we could just delete it and be like fuck that because there are definitely some that are like

Speaker 2 it's funny i yeah there should be some way to delete them Maybe not so much as a whim, but something

Speaker 2 should.

Speaker 2 Or like if

Speaker 2 it comes up twice in a row, like or twice in the same set of spins, it gets deleted or something. Because that also has happened.
Yeah, that could happen. I don't know.

Speaker 2 We can't do anything about that. No, I won once because of three half points.
I kind of like those. But yeah, anyway, Mark, loser speech.

Speaker 2 Well, you know, I cannot even say that this is fair or unfair because that's already been said and it's already been won.

Speaker 2 I had a crazy good tactic in the beginning, playing off of my opponent's weaknesses, but it turns out that even if luck wasn't on his side in the beginning, it was somehow on his side at the end, and everything balances out in the end, I guess.

Speaker 2 But he still didn't win last episode, so technically he's only up one more win over this, even though he's hosting twice. So honestly, he has to do twice the work for one of the wins.

Speaker 2 So I'm okay with that. He's a sucker, really.
I think that's what you have to do. Yeah, yeah, which I have to do.
We're playing him for a fool universe. I know that there's a plan here.
Wade,

Speaker 2 winner speech. Listen, boys, it was well thought.

Speaker 2 I was really down on my luck at the start, as mentioned. But this win is my win.
This counts. This is a win.
And even though taking it away was what you guys were trying to do, you tried. Denied.

Speaker 2 We didn't try and do anything. The coins are fair.

Speaker 2 The coins determined what what was fair. We didn't do nothing.

Speaker 2 You just... Nice win.

Speaker 2 You both just tried to diminish my wins. And we did diminish your win very successfully.
No, your win is

Speaker 2 half of the normal win. But you still have a win.
You tried denied. You're all 6'7 ⁇ about it.

Speaker 2 This win is prorated with your previous hosting, so you basically had two half wins because of how math works. It's not very on fleek, boys.
I win.

Speaker 2 I don't have to do anything to make you look bad on that one. Thank you for your winner speech, Wade.
Look forward, everyone, to Wade hosting another one.

Speaker 2 And hopefully, it will not be a listener-focused episode because, yuck. Ah, voice impressions take two.
Oh, yay, hooray. I mean, I was baiting you.
You got reverse psychology.

Speaker 2 That'll be my physical impressions.

Speaker 2 Now you have to sing while doing the impressions.

Speaker 2 Two sentence impression songs. And Dan, the piano man, comes out of the shadows behind us to start playing music that we have to sing to.
We get music, Bob gets to rap. Yay, rapping, my favorite.

Speaker 2 I'm good at rapping.

Speaker 2 Anyway, thank you so much for listening. Thank you even more for watching.

Speaker 2 Make sure you follow the podcast so you know when the episodes come out, even though it's the same time every week, some of you still forget. Follow Mark, Wade, and myself on our channels.

Speaker 2 Mark Blyer Lord, Manionian 777, Minion, 7, 7, 7, 7, and Mice Kirb. That's it.
Thanks so much for being here. Come back for the next one, or I'm sure Wade will not torture us at all.

Speaker 2 Ball Donk coming at you. Until that joyous day, podcast out.

Speaker 2 Watch new episodes on Spotify.