Costco 3 with Jesse Thorn

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Speaker 2 Want to watch this episode? Check it out on our YouTube channel by going to youtube.com/slash Doughboys Media.

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Speaker 3 We're Costco guys. Of course we go shopping while eating a chicken bake.

Speaker 3 So began a life-altering TikTok released on March 1st, 2024, by the father-son duo of Andrew Buffumo and Eric Justice Buffumo, named for his dad's former wrestling alias, the American power child, Eric Justice.

Speaker 3 The two would gain global fame by their new aliases, AJ and Big Justice, as they laser-focused on making content centering on their fandom for the big box club store known for selling enormous quantities of mayonnaise and paper towels alongside premium items like pre-built gaming PCs and a curated wine selection.

Speaker 3 But the real target and source of the Costco guys' virality has been the store's food court, where a hot dog and soda combo still costs just $1.50, following departing CEO Jim Sinigal's alleged dictum, quote, if you raise the effing hot dog, I will kill you.

Speaker 3 Figure it out. The Boca Rattan duo expanded into music with their breakout original track, We Bring the Boom, which capitalized on their own Boom or Doom rating scale.

Speaker 3 And AJ and Big Justice grew their online presence even further with a savily calculated collaboration with an unrelated New Jersey child nicknamed the Rizzler for his Riz face and earned designation as his natural charisma made him the breakout character.

Speaker 3 Meanwhile, former Ind wrestler AJ provided another data point that no pro wrestler is ever really retired when he competed at AEW Full Gear in November of 2024, in which he hit his power boom finisher on opponent QT Marshall following an assist from Big Justice and naturally an appearance by The Rizzler.

Speaker 3 The mainstream crossover continued with a tonight show guest spot in which an annoyed Jimmy Fallon seemed baffled as to why the trio was even there.

Speaker 3 And at San Diego Comic-Con 2025, the Rizzler was a featured attraction, hosting rounds of Mario Kart World at the Nintendo Lounge against a crew of celebrity opponents, including Allison Bree and Norman Reedis, one of countless branded tie-ins the crew has been able to cash in on.

Speaker 3 As for the warehouse club store chain itself, the guys seem to have written approval from management to make content, as long as they're not disruptive to employees or other shoppers.

Speaker 3 After all, their enthusiastic booms endorsement no doubt surged sales of the company's new double chunk chocolate cookie.

Speaker 3 It's actually double chocolate chunk cookie, but pedantic corrections like that are one of many reasons we're not as popular as the Costco guys.

Speaker 3 This week on Doughboys, we bring the boom as we return to Costco.

Speaker 3 Welcome to Doughboys, the podcast about chain restaurants. I'm Tiger Weiger, along with my co-host,

Speaker 3 dear friend of Nick Weiger, the spoon man Mike Mitchell.

Speaker 2 What the hell? Roasted.

Speaker 2 Is it a toast spoon man?

Speaker 3 This is a roast, I think.

Speaker 3 Guilt by association.

Speaker 2 Oh, I get it. Yeah, yeah.
You're saying, like, I'm friends with you with bad news.

Speaker 3 I think that's what that's what is being implied.

Speaker 2 Yeah, who's Jared's BFF?

Speaker 2 That sort of deal, right?

Speaker 3 I think it's great when you guys are open about your physical and mental health issues on the show. This roast is for your friendship.

Speaker 2 We're falling apart over here. We're falling apart.

Speaker 3 Alt, I bet you like this one. Avatar is the mighty toll spoon.

Speaker 2 Pretty cool. I like that one.

Speaker 2 Let me just tell you, we'll get to our guests in a second here, but our guest was saying to me, we were talking about the Arclight, the Cinerama Dome, a historical landmark, I believe, in Los Angeles.

Speaker 2 And such a great theater

Speaker 2 owned by some weird, you know, some weird company, the former Arclight owners, whatever, whoever the hell they are, like some Centurion company or something.

Speaker 2 I don't know what it is. And

Speaker 2 what I think a lot of these places do is like, even though it's historically protected,

Speaker 2 they just sit on this stuff. And then, once it collapses or burns or falls apart, then they can put up their condos or whatever.

Speaker 3 Right, right, right.

Speaker 2 And so, the arc light is just a true bummer to me because it was my favorite theater in LA.

Speaker 3 Lovely theater to go to the one in Hollywood, but it was a mini-chain. There were a bunch of different arc lights, and they were always great presentations, good concessions,

Speaker 3 comfortable seating.

Speaker 2 They had the thing where, I mean, like,

Speaker 2 it wasn't always in force, but they had the thing of like, if you're talking or if your phone is out, like, you get a warning, and then like we boot you after.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 3 Some guests just grabbed Mitch's phone, which is probably.

Speaker 2 For me, this little triangle is research-wise. Triangle?

Speaker 3 What shape do you think that is?

Speaker 2 Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 Rectangle.

Speaker 2 There you go. Jesus Christ.

Speaker 2 We've been recording a lot today.

Speaker 3 We've been recording a lot the past couple of days. We stacked a few.
Triangle.

Speaker 2 You're doing fine.

Speaker 2 They'll never let me live this down. I'm now the dumbest man in the world.

Speaker 3 I can see memes of like a square or a rectangle.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 you didn't have to fucking do people. You didn't have to say that.
You know,

Speaker 2 should have voted no on Prop 50.

Speaker 2 Show them.

Speaker 3 Roasted BirdFuck.com.

Speaker 2 We voted. So we'll get into all of that.

Speaker 3 Yeah. So we hear

Speaker 2 this rectangle here. Yes.
Emma, edit it. Don't make me look dumb.

Speaker 2 What? Mike? Don't make me look dumb.

Speaker 2 This little rectangle right here. Well, I research stuff.
I look things up. I write down jokes.

Speaker 3 It's like what used to be the encyclopedia or the library

Speaker 3 for past generations. You've got all that in your pocket.

Speaker 2 You're holding it in the palm of your hand. Stand-ups.
If a stand-up went on stage with an encyclopedia, you wouldn't give him a hard time. Not at all.

Speaker 3 I'll have to hear what this guy has to say.

Speaker 2 Let me see. Let's see here.
Is there any?

Speaker 2 I'm trying to scan for for jokes. Okay, great.

Speaker 2 Let's see here. Let's see here.

Speaker 3 You look into your notes app?

Speaker 2 That way you keep your jokes. I do.
I do. What do I have in my notes app?

Speaker 3 I don't feel like I do this exercise enough.

Speaker 2 Let's see here. Let's see.

Speaker 2 I mean, I really scroll down.

Speaker 3 Are you someone who uses your notes app avidly?

Speaker 1 Not really. I use it more as like a drafting place for things.
Sometimes I'll like write emails. I'm too scared.
I'll hit like command enter before I actually finish.

Speaker 2 Oh, sure.

Speaker 3 That's smart.

Speaker 2 Or I make grocery lists in there. Emma, if you're hosting a podcast, do you ever take out your notes app and go silent at the same time as your co-host?

Speaker 1 No, actually, I think we would teach that that is inappropriate podcasting. But I've also never hosted a podcast, so I have no idea.

Speaker 2 Not that I've been introduced, but go ahead.

Speaker 2 Do you guys want me to host the show?

Speaker 3 Yeah, no, I think, well, I mean, like, oh, that would improve the show too much. It wouldn't be Doughboys anymore.

Speaker 1 Silence makes great podcasting. I don't know.

Speaker 2 Jokes tension.

Speaker 3 Okay, this is the

Speaker 2 one I find any jokes. It was all like taxes, do taxes.
This is boring. Yeah,

Speaker 3 my things are things like I wrote down, okay, brain, what's the next thought? So I just wrote that as a thing. And then

Speaker 3 I wrote that Rohit, we talked about, gave us Canadian ketchup popcorn. We talked about that in previous episodes, and that's written down.
This seems to be some sort of password.

Speaker 3 That's not very good OPSEC for me to just have that copy-pasted.

Speaker 2 And I'm going to delete this notes and delete this note right now. You're going to be like, what was that password?

Speaker 3 My New York City packing list, which I don't need that anymore. That chips in the rear view.

Speaker 1 I've got to go in my notes app sometimes. I think I put like checklists and to-do lists in my notes app.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 yeah. And then there's a

Speaker 3 there's me recalling a story that I told on the podcast where I just wrote it down real fast, what had happened.

Speaker 3 And then there's here's just a list of years from 2010 to 2019.

Speaker 2 Just years?

Speaker 2 All of them? It's just a list. All right.
I found something.

Speaker 2 Are any of the years missing? Nope, they're in order.

Speaker 2 Do you have to remember them all?

Speaker 2 I found something.

Speaker 2 What comes between 2015 and 2017?

Speaker 2 I found something on here from August 31st. I'm shocked I never used this on the show.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Lava surfers. One wipeout and it's over.
That's what I wrote in my phone. Pretty good.

Speaker 3 I am shocked you didn't use that on this show. It's really good.

Speaker 2 Lava surfers. Lava surfers.
One wipeout and it's over.

Speaker 3 You got to be careful. It's dangerous stuff.

Speaker 2 If you're surfing on lava.

Speaker 3 It's not like Mario on a turtle shell and burning his butt and going,

Speaker 2 yeah, no, it's not that.

Speaker 3 No,

Speaker 2 you'd be dead. You would be dead for sure.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 God, I'd hate to be killed by lava.

Speaker 2 Lava does seem like a very torturous way to go. And, you know, I don't know if you remember the movie, was it Volcano?

Speaker 3 Volcano. Yeah, the guy that has the lava deck.
He hops in there and he's holding someone.

Speaker 2 He holds the lady.

Speaker 3 He holds her up. He sacrificed himself, but he slowly sinks and burns.

Speaker 2 Yeah, Yeah, he throws her. He throws her, right? What would actually happen? I feel like I think you would catch on fire.

Speaker 3 I think if you cinema since that, yeah, you'd probably like completely catch on fire, or you'd just like melt so quickly that you wouldn't have that

Speaker 2 presence of mind to be able to do that. You would melt, just to be clear.
Look, I am a guy who'd called a rectangle a triangle, but I don't think that you would melt.

Speaker 3 I think you'd melt.

Speaker 2 I don't think your body melts if it catches on fire. I think you incinerate.

Speaker 3 I think lava is above the melting point of the body.

Speaker 2 The much smarter guy is nodding along with me.

Speaker 2 I'm just, I haven't been introduced, but i'm just glad that mitch prioritizes clarity this is a guy who has read his strunk and white he knows his elements of style just to be clear they would melt

Speaker 2 let's be clear there's an eb white over here let's be clear you need to be clear they would they would be incinerated they would not no human being can okay can you melt as a human i think so i think if you're high if you're hot enough but i mean this is also like just like a like a point about language Like a man candle or mandal.

Speaker 2 I'm asking this this this knowledgeable triangle that I have here. Let's see what they say.
Can a human melt? Thank God he had that phone out. Can a human

Speaker 2 melt?

Speaker 2 Am I right, man? Yeah, I know. It's good.
It really saved our hides. It's a lifesaver.
Okay, no, a human cannot spontaneously melt. I mean, look.

Speaker 3 Spontaneously, that's the problem. The AI added a word that you didn't know.

Speaker 2 Which would be pre-manage us. Yeah.
But their body can be affected by extreme heat, leading to fat liquefaction. Yeah, I mean, I think that's basically melting.

Speaker 3 And what happens at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark? Them motherfuckers melt.

Speaker 2 Well, they open up the ark. Yeah, and they melt.

Speaker 3 They fucking melt.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but that.

Speaker 2 I mean, God can melt you. Yeah.
Yes. That's God.
Okay. Are you a guy? Is it a fucking Nazi?

Speaker 2 No. Okay.
Well, you don't have to worry about it.

Speaker 3 I would never be a Nazi.

Speaker 2 Thank God.

Speaker 2 I'm proud to hear you say that. Shot protests too much, I think.

Speaker 3 It's brave for a podcaster to say he would not be be a Nazi in this day and age. Yeah,

Speaker 2 I mean, honestly, we're doing pretty good compared to

Speaker 2 it. Yeah, yeah.
I would not be a Nazi either.

Speaker 2 I'm putting that out there.

Speaker 3 The Doughboys are not Nazis.

Speaker 2 Look, they got some nice suits. They, you know,

Speaker 2 there's other things. I couldn't think of one other thing.

Speaker 2 They're very orderly. They're very.
They've done a lot of important techniques of documentary filmmaking.

Speaker 2 That's also true.

Speaker 2 But, you know, a lot of downsides to it. No thank you to any of that stuff.
Yeah. We're running this by susser.

Speaker 2 We're in so much trouble once suss hears this.

Speaker 3 We should note that

Speaker 3 if you're if the dais is seeming perhaps a little bit empty, Amelia is not here today. She is under the web.

Speaker 2 There's an empty stool where Amelia once sat.

Speaker 3 Emma is handling both chores over there, doing the live switching and the podcast engineering all in one.

Speaker 2 We're having a blast. We'll be visited by the

Speaker 2 three ghosts of podcast

Speaker 2 history tonight.

Speaker 2 We'll learn a lesson and Amelia will live. That's what will happen.

Speaker 3 The three ghosts of podcast history? Yeah.

Speaker 2 And who are they? It's it like in the classic tale of the

Speaker 2 Christmas Carol.

Speaker 3 Yeah, the ghosts of Christmas history, of course.

Speaker 2 You know how in

Speaker 2 Christmas Carol, there's that empty stool. Right.
So then the three ghosts of Christmas history come to decide whether the one guy lives or dies. Yeah, that's that.
That's what I mean. Look,

Speaker 2 right to my right and to your left, I consider him the pod father. I know a lot of people, I know there's a lot of names tossed around for the pod father.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 This is your this guy right here is the pod father in my eyes.

Speaker 3 Well, Mitch, you're the drop father, and I know we got a drop father.

Speaker 2 I know you wanted me to play the drop. Emma, hit him with a drop.
Fucking baby bitch.

Speaker 3 You know what? You're not going to play the fucking drop.

Speaker 3 Santa is the most famous person in the world.

Speaker 2 Santa is the most famous person in the world.

Speaker 2 Teza Sticks.

Speaker 2 Task.

Speaker 2 What is this?

Speaker 2 Tez for sticks.

Speaker 2 What about Jack Skellington?

Speaker 2 Jack Skelling was so far off from Santa, that's insane.

Speaker 3 We're just pitching.

Speaker 2 I know, but

Speaker 2 it was a bad pitch. Okay, fine.
Sometimes pitches need to be called out for being bad.

Speaker 3 Fine. I mean, I don't know if that's a productive use of the room's time.

Speaker 2 That's fine. I'm just saying Jack Skellington definitely isn't a fucking productive use of the most famous.
Why don't we?

Speaker 3 See, now we're arguing about it when we could just move on and you could pitch a different idea.

Speaker 2 Son, like we said, bug. Okay.
Dog, all those money. You're not even naming people.

Speaker 2 Hey, boys. You think the most famous person in the world is Dog?

Speaker 2 This is an old conversation. We're getting into some old stuff here.

Speaker 2 I don't even think Jack Skellington is the most famous Skellington. Skeleton.
Skeleton.

Speaker 3 You said Skellington.

Speaker 2 You said Skellington.

Speaker 3 I think he's the most famous Skellington.

Speaker 2 I agree that he is the most favorite, famous Skellington. Okay, got it.
He's not the most favorite, famous Skeleton.

Speaker 3 Do you think Skeletor is more famous?

Speaker 2 Skeletor is pretty famous, but time is passing.

Speaker 3 I think Skellington has usurped Skeletor at this point.

Speaker 2 I think that's true.

Speaker 3 Who would you say? Like maybe Sans from Undertame?

Speaker 2 I think a human skeleton.

Speaker 3 You think a human skeleton, like an anatomical skeleton? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Just a standard skeleton. I think a

Speaker 2 standard. I think a standard skeleton beats.
You know what? I think it was Jack Allison that was saying that there's not enough skeleton movies.

Speaker 2 No,

Speaker 3 I've always thought in the back of my head, like, what if I wrote this definitive skeleton movie and then I just feel good about having done this thing that I'll never do?

Speaker 2 Well, why don't you do it?

Speaker 2 You know, like when Francis Ford Coppola is saying that like they make too many Marvel movies or whatever, now he's what he's saying is somebody needs to make the definitive skeleton movie first.

Speaker 2 Then we can make more superheroes.

Speaker 3 Just call it skeletons and just have it be the ultimate skeleton movie.

Speaker 2 Wait, is it the ultimate skeleton movie or the ultimate skeletons movie? Is there a bunch of skeletons in this freaking thing?

Speaker 2 Do you think there is a head skeleton? Maybe save that for the sequel. You're right.

Speaker 3 You're right. Do the alien formula start with skeleton, the sequel is skeletons.

Speaker 2 Yeah. There you go.
Yeah. I think there is a head skeleton.

Speaker 2 And he has minions. And then I think he does.
I think he does have minions. I mean, Jack was talking about how, like, your own bones maybe come up.
That's kind of a cool idea.

Speaker 3 Your own bones turning against you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Like, the skeleton turns your own bones against you, and your bones come out of your body. Oh, that's fucking crazy.
Them dry bones? Like a zombie. The dry bones.

Speaker 2 I mean, they want to get out of the skin. Yeah.
It is like a zombie. Yeah.

Speaker 3 So I think. But just your skeleton.

Speaker 2 Yeah, the skeleton king or whatever. Which was a birthday boy sketch.

Speaker 2 As was Christmas Carol Ghostbust,

Speaker 2 Which was

Speaker 2 a skewering of a Christmas Carol. I remember it well.
Mitch who says, send that drop-in.

Speaker 3 Are we not going to do like we have to do this stuff before we can introduce our guests? You've been here so patiently. We're starting so late.

Speaker 2 Hey, boys.

Speaker 2 Well, we're starting okay. We did okay.

Speaker 3 We're starting pretty late.

Speaker 2 We're starting pretty late, but we did okay for what? We did okay for as late as we're starting.

Speaker 2 Hey, boys, love what you do. Keep on keeping on.
Thanks for all the laughs. The last 10 years.

Speaker 2 Cheers to 10 more. Wow.
Ghost hippie. Thanks, Ghost Hippie.
Thanks, Ghost Hippie. That was a great drop.

Speaker 3 Drops at birdfuck.com.

Speaker 2 That was a great drop. It was a bop.

Speaker 3 It was a bop.

Speaker 2 That's what young people say. That is what young people say.
But I don't say slap anymore. Now they say bop.

Speaker 3 Is bop the thing, or is there another thing after bop, and we just know about this?

Speaker 2 Well, the Will Smith, the slap came, and so I think that slaps will give credit.

Speaker 2 But I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 People didn't want to, people were having like, like, you know, like

Speaker 2 flashbacks to the slap, and they didn't didn't want to right right it's traumatic yeah traumatic experience what side of the slap are you on um

Speaker 3 no one better ever say some like that about my wife

Speaker 2 i would never say your wife was looks like she's in gi jack i promise you because if you did

Speaker 3 our guest host jordan jesse go in bullseye which is celebrating 25 years wow jesse thorne is back hi jesse guys i'm so happy to be here on one of my favorite podcasts i brought you these flowers oh my God.

Speaker 2 Look at that. That's so thoughtful.
Beautiful. Beautiful bouquet.

Speaker 2 I love you guys, and I love your show. And I'm so happy to be back 12 years later.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 How long has it been?

Speaker 2 It's been a minute. It's been a minute, but I'm thrilled to be back.
I believe Mr. Pizza Factory was where we went.
Mr. Pizza Pizza for Women.

Speaker 3 Yes. We went there.
It was a Korean pizza chain.

Speaker 2 Actually, now I know why you didn't come back.

Speaker 2 Mr. Pizza was

Speaker 2 pretty

Speaker 2 interesting. Yes, it was very interesting.

Speaker 3 Flavors, our palate was not used to.

Speaker 2 I'll just hold on to these like this the whole episode.

Speaker 2 With your arm outstretched? Yeah, why not? That way it looks like they're growing out of the sofa. That's kind of cool.
That's fun.

Speaker 3 Looks a little uncomfortable.

Speaker 1 What if I did this? I would say you could probably tuck them into the sofa.

Speaker 2 Oh, there you go. Don't freak out, Jemmy.

Speaker 3 Jemmy's taking it in stride.

Speaker 2 Jemmy's got her Costco hoodie on.

Speaker 3 That's right. We're matching.
Jemmy's got her Costco hoodie. I got my Costco sweatshirt.

Speaker 2 She's tired as hell. You can tell.
She's had a long day. She's a sleepy girl.
She's a sleepy girl tonight.

Speaker 3 I mean, hey, you know what? I'm pretty sleepy myself.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Well, I think we're all a little bit sleepy.

Speaker 3 It's the, it's the.

Speaker 2 I got actually a rush of energy. I'm excited to have our guest here.
I feel great. Girl to have our guests.
I think it's just you.

Speaker 3 Okay, so maybe it's just me.

Speaker 2 I'm not sleepy at all. I'm a little sleepy.
Okay. All right.
Okay. So three to two.
Three to two. We're out of here.
That's bad news.

Speaker 2 Oh, prop 50, which I did vote yes for.

Speaker 3 That's right. As of this, this episode is the last episode prior to Thanksgiving.
Thanksgiving and Doughboys holiday since it falls on a Thursday.

Speaker 3 But as of this record, we're recording on Election Day. Mitch, part of why we're starting late is that we had to go on a little side mission between episodes.

Speaker 2 Don't try to put this all on me.

Speaker 3 It's not all on you. It's also that we had, look, there's a lot going on.
Amelia, because Amelia is sick, that we had to go, you and I had to go do the food pickup ourselves, which is totally fine.

Speaker 2 We're going to be visited by the ghosts of podcast history. That's right.

Speaker 3 We're going to wait and decide who lives or dies. Is that what it is?

Speaker 2 Yeah, we'll see if we learn a lesson.

Speaker 3 Sort of see if we learn a lesson. Got it?

Speaker 2 No, and then whether she comes back or not. Whether she comes back or not.
Yes. I guess that is the lesson we learn.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 The lesson we learn is that she's lived or died.

Speaker 2 We learn her status.

Speaker 2 So the ghost of podcast past, who would that be?

Speaker 3 Ghost of podcast past would be someone who I guess is maybe no longer. I mean, I guess it would be Marin at this point.

Speaker 2 He had a great run and is retired. Marin is a ghost of podcast past.

Speaker 3 Unless there's someone else who's kind of like isn't like a founder of podcasting who's no longer active. I think it might just be Marin.

Speaker 2 Would present be Rogan?

Speaker 3 That's a great question. I mean,

Speaker 3 there's an argument. I think there's also an argument for like a Bill Simmons, but I think there's also an argument for someone who's like more contemporary than that.

Speaker 2 I think maybe it would be Rogan. You think Rogan is

Speaker 2 it could be a good opportunity to give Rogan like a little bit of attention and credit and

Speaker 2 acknowledge

Speaker 2 it.

Speaker 2 I think what would happen is that we'd we when we'd wake up after being visited by Rogan, we'd give Amelia Ivermectin and then she'd come back to life. I think there is some sort of story there.

Speaker 2 Yes, this answer.

Speaker 3 And Ghost of Podcast Future is, of course, Nepo Mitchell, who's going to take over Doughboys.

Speaker 2 Hell yeah.

Speaker 2 If you're out there and listening.

Speaker 2 If you're listening to the show, this all makes sense and is good.

Speaker 3 25 years of Bullseye. Congratulations.
How amazing.

Speaker 2 Thank you so much. Of course, I started Bullseye 25 years ago with your friend and mine, Jordan Morris, a regular on the Domino.
Love him. Love you.

Speaker 2 Congratulations. That is, I called you the pod father for a reason, but also, just quickly.
Yeah. I know I brought up Joe Rogan, but you know what? Wise, you can join me here.

Speaker 2 Suck it, Joe Rogan. You can suck it.

Speaker 3 You're doing the

Speaker 2 suck it, yeah.

Speaker 3 Well, now you're going to be fined.

Speaker 2 Wait, why? Joe L.M.B.

Speaker 3 got fined.

Speaker 2 He's just doing a blocking foul. He's saying blocking foul.

Speaker 3 No, Mitch, it's a violation of the code of conduct. That's an obscene gesture.
You're going to be fined $40,000.

Speaker 2 The National Podcast Association. The National Podcast Association.

Speaker 2 Fuck.

Speaker 2 I had no idea. Yeah.
You got to grow up. They're okay with everything else we say.

Speaker 3 Everything else is fine. It's just that chop.

Speaker 2 It's the taunting thing.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Joe Rogan can suck it. Wow.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 You agree with me?

Speaker 3 Yes, of course.

Speaker 2 Are you not trying to start a battle with Joe Rogan?

Speaker 3 No, I just always, I'm like, I don't know why you have to bring this up on the podcast.

Speaker 2 You know what? I agree with you, too. I wouldn't kick him out of bed.

Speaker 2 He can suck it. Yeah, for sure.

Speaker 2 I thought Emma was leaving.

Speaker 2 It would be justifiable. It would be pretty sad of the day.

Speaker 2 Honestly, I have always wanted to have my dick sucked by a little karate guy.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? Just once.

Speaker 2 Been with my wife a long time. Yeah, sure.
Mix it up. She'd probably be fine with it.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Scrawdy guy coming in.

Speaker 3 Here's a bullseye question for you. Thank you.
Have you ever had bullseye barbecue sauce?

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's a great question. First of all, thanks for the great question.
25 years of my national public radio program, Bullseye with Jesse Thorne. Yeah.
I have had bullseye barbecue sauce,

Speaker 2 which does have the same name as my

Speaker 2 name, yeah. I mean, you know, it's grocery store barbecue sauce.
It's fine. Yeah, it's all right.
You know, a little sweet, but that's okay.

Speaker 2 i think i like like a casey masterpiece more oh yeah how do you feel about stubbs boy i'm not really familiar with stubbs barbecue sauce it's got a nicer label okay i like stubbs when it comes to amc i'm i do like the amc

Speaker 2 member yeah

Speaker 2 yeah are you a stubborn member i'm not a stubbs member

Speaker 2 i applied and was turned down oh wow yeah

Speaker 2 you said i just didn't have it

Speaker 2 uh you're i mean you're a film lover i am a film lover so do you get to go out to the you also have a family, though, which just makes things hard.

Speaker 2 I have three neurodivergent children. So there was a period where my oldest child, who's a movie-obsessive, would watch a movie with me like every night.
And I was watching an SH ton.

Speaker 2 I don't want to get swear on.

Speaker 2 I was watching a fuck ton of movies then, but she turned against movies. This past month, as you mentioned, it's early November as we record this.

Speaker 2 This past month, she would only watch Halloween episodes of TV shows. Wow.
Hell yeah. She knows what's up.
That's cool as hell. Yeah, we watched some Roseanne's.

Speaker 2 I mean, that's great. That's a ton of Bob's burgers.
Oh, sure. You're talking Tom Arnold.

Speaker 2 Tom Arnold is very good in

Speaker 2 True Lives. Thank you.
Jesus.

Speaker 3 He is great in True Lives. I remember

Speaker 3 there was a sitcom trope that was back in the 90s where I feel like there'd be like a really ornately carved pumpkin. Like they'd carve a pumpkin of like Jill's head from Home Improvement.

Speaker 3 And it would be this

Speaker 2 Urkel.

Speaker 3 And it'd be this incredibly detailed likeness that would have to be done by some artist and you know, like whatever, like the pumpkin art director on the yeah, I guess it might be a part, a, a, it might be someone who works in the art department on the show, or it might be a designated pumpkin artist.

Speaker 3 Yeah, but like it was a sort of thing, it was just like, this is impossible. There's no fucking way this character, this is breaking the reality of the show for me as a kid.

Speaker 3 There's no fucking way that, that, you know, like the Winslow father was able to carve this pumpkin of Urkel. He doesn't have the skill to do that.

Speaker 2 Nick, I'm so glad you brought this up because this really chaps my heart.

Speaker 2 Actually, this pisses me off because

Speaker 2 you don't think Carl could have done it.

Speaker 3 Maybe he maybe could have done it. Yeah, yeah.
But like, I don't, like, the home improvement family, I don't buy it.

Speaker 2 No, they were dip shits. Yeah, they wouldn't have been able to do it.
They were a bunch of dipshits. And the nephew was

Speaker 2 getting it on with Suzanne Summers. Cody and Suzanne Summers were getting it on.
That's wild. Some old Hollywood gossip.
How about that?

Speaker 2 Let's recirculate that. Why not?

Speaker 3 So over the 25 years you've been doing Bullseye. Bullseye.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Is there like, and I'm sure this is a thing that you thought about a lot. And maybe this is a thing you get asked a lot.
And I am not the interviewer you are, obviously.

Speaker 3 So it's the worst interview we ever had.

Speaker 2 It's Dustin Diamond.

Speaker 3 Was it really?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Wow.

Speaker 2 Was it when Dustin Diamond screeched from Saved by the Bell, when Jordan was still hosting with me, we were still, I think maybe Jordan was a senior in college and I was one year out of college.

Speaker 2 We booked Dustin Diamond on the show because we used to do the show in Santa Cruz and he was coming to Santa Cruz and nobody was ever coming to Santa Cruz. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So we're like, well, is Dustin Diamond good? We weren't sure, but we were like,

Speaker 2 it would be interesting to talk to him with him.

Speaker 2 He gets on our show.

Speaker 2 Number one, we'll not talk about Saved by the Bell. Wow.
We'll not say one word about Saved by the Bell.

Speaker 2 At one point, we just said, would you be willing to say something just purely factual about Saved by the Bell? Like list the cast members by height. And he wouldn't do that.

Speaker 2 Wouldn't talk about his math rock band, wouldn't talk about his chess instructional videos. We had a lot of notes.
We were ready to go.

Speaker 2 All he would talk about was his stand-up act. Okay.
So he's like, he's like telling these jokes on the show.

Speaker 2 Like he keeps steering away from the stuff we ask him and steering towards like offensive joke book jokes, like jokes about people in wheelchairs.

Speaker 2 And the moment that I remember most vividly is us panicking because he's telling this awful joke on our public radio station about people in wheelchairs.

Speaker 2 And I remember saying to him, Well, let's talk about your act because he had said no to talking about anything else. And he goes, This is my act.
And we were like, Oh, no. Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 Anyway, later he stabbed someone.

Speaker 2 Now he's dead. All right.
He has, he has, he, you know, it's that sort of thing with

Speaker 2 you feel bad for

Speaker 2 it's just one. We talked about this recently.
Yes. He brought a lot of joy to children as Screech.
He did.

Speaker 2 He did bring a lot of joy to children as Sreech.

Speaker 2 A lot of people discover their sexualities. That's 100%.

Speaker 2 Hey, there's a lot of people that Screech is a type for sure, but

Speaker 2 I think probably fucked him up forever. Like also

Speaker 2 younger than all the other, right? Wasn't he younger than all the other cast members? It was like a, I think he's like a, he was a, he was a, he was a fucked up guy. That's tricky.

Speaker 2 He was a a fucked up guy. I mean, Urkel seems okay, right?

Speaker 2 Jaleel White? Jalil White's like, you know what? Here's, here's, here's what I was going to say. I think for both of those guys, they're like the nerds on TV.

Speaker 2 And I think that they have so much pushback against that after they're off TV that they're like trying to make up for some, like I see that with Jaleal White a lot of the time too.

Speaker 2 Like he wrote Stefan Urkel, like he wanted Stefan Urkel to be in the show. And he's like, I'm like a basketball player and I'm not like Steve Urkel at all.

Speaker 2 And it's like, Steve urkel's cool you got it all wrong steve urkel is cool if it weren't for steve urkel you never would have discovered your sexuality i mean i mean that too you know the thing about julia white is he did play a very cool character at sonic the hedgehog that's that is that's hey that's that is true but like i think that's so much of that gotten us it's like of course you you're not extreme for the years and ever everyone loved urkel of course a very cool character and a very pious character that's right

Speaker 2 he is christian he's a crazy sonic is christian

Speaker 3 according to some fan art i've seen Yeah.

Speaker 2 Really? Yeah. So if I have my community wiper, it's just gone.
I keep grabbing them and going away.

Speaker 2 Sonic's eating them up.

Speaker 3 So

Speaker 3 we had to go a little side mission.

Speaker 2 Body of Christ.

Speaker 3 We had to go on a little side mission for you to go to your polling place.

Speaker 2 And we...

Speaker 2 It worked out.

Speaker 3 It worked out fine.

Speaker 3 I just want to do the TikTok of this. So we're starting late because Amelia, the primary reason is Amelia is not here.

Speaker 2 And we are. Amelia is the one who should be reprimanded.

Speaker 2 sick.

Speaker 3 We are very reliant on Amelia, represented by the empty chair that is going to lead to the

Speaker 3 three ghosts of podcast history visiting us later to teach us some kind of lesson.

Speaker 3 Because Amelia is not here, you and I went and

Speaker 3 picked up the order from Costco. On the way, we did a little guidan for you to go cast your vote at a polling place.

Speaker 2 And can I just be honest with you for a second? To do Amelia's job made me sick. I hated doing it.

Speaker 2 I mapped out the closest place to Costco to go.

Speaker 3 I will say, I will give me credit. It was a very efficient plan giving way to trying to get both of these tasks accomplished.

Speaker 2 It was, first of all, parking error. We parked two times we pulled into the wrong place.

Speaker 2 Which probably cost us at least five minutes. Sure.

Speaker 2 And then when I got in there, moved pretty quick. My issue was that you were parked right next to the entrance.
I couldn't go out the entrance. I had to go around the

Speaker 2 still took a little long, even for no one being there when I was there. Voted no on prop 50, got out, and we went over to Costco and we were and we're all set.

Speaker 2 But yeah,

Speaker 2 I had to vote. And I knew that, also, I knew that there was a good chance that I would not be able to make the polling place before 8 p.m.
No, it's not.

Speaker 2 And that I would still think I was right would have been the case. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 It worked out. It worked.

Speaker 2 It all worked out. Yes.

Speaker 2 They mailed it to you like two months ago. This is the thing.
I told Wages this.

Speaker 2 It's been a, it's, this year has been chaotic in many ways. Yes.
And I had no idea where the fuck the mail-in ballot was.

Speaker 2 I was looking for it everywhere today, and I could not find it, because that was my plan. I was just going to put it in a Dropbox.
Could not find it. Other stuff was going on.

Speaker 2 I mean, it probably took a long time to fill out. So I could see why you put it off.
There was one

Speaker 2 bubble. Well, here's another thing.
This morning on the chain Wags was on, I asked Hayes Davenport, do you have a progressive voter who got voters got? And he said, there's one question.

Speaker 2 I didn't realize that till today.

Speaker 3 This is a special election in California for people who aren't in the state. It's just one ballot initiative.
It's yes or no on one proposition.

Speaker 2 I've been filming Wigs. Yes.
I'm shooting the

Speaker 2 cool show, right? Very great show. Very funny show.
Yeah. Good things are happening.
It's just, it's been wonky.

Speaker 3 But it worked out. I'm just saying.

Speaker 2 It's explaining what happened.

Speaker 2 You think I'm blaming you. You think you voted beforehand? That's the comments we'll get, and I'll look at them and be mad.
It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.
You know what?

Speaker 2 I'm just happy to be here. We're happy to be here.
We're happy to have you. We're happy to have you.
Although I am upset to get back in. Also, have you ever been to Carved at DeSano Gardens?

Speaker 2 The Disconso Gardens? Disconso Gardens. Desano is the pizza place.
Descanso.

Speaker 2 Disconsocia. Disconso gardens that are full of trees.

Speaker 2 Have you been to Carved at Disconso? This is like a Halloween-themed Disconso thing.

Speaker 2 No, I haven't even been to the. They do like lights for Christmas, too.
They do lights for Christmas, and that's also pretty, that's pretty fun, too. Disconso Gardens.

Speaker 2 clutch as fuck if you had kids during the pandemic. Oh, sure.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's beautiful. It's like just big enough.
This is like botanical gardens in the Southern California. Wow.
And you know what else is pretty good?

Speaker 2 I went to the

Speaker 2 little Christmas lights thing here at the Arboretum. Oh, the Arboretum.

Speaker 3 The Arboretum.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's like a plant place. Yeah.
Oh, yeah. It's a plant place.
Carved at Desconso Gardens. You have fun.

Speaker 2 You could see an Urkel pumpkin. Well, I could see it.
And you could see very detailed.

Speaker 2 You know what? Let's see if I have.

Speaker 3 Is that what carved is?

Speaker 3 I'm inferring from the name that it is all pumpkin carved.

Speaker 2 So it's all Urkels. All Urkels.
Okay. So some things are pumpkin.
Some things are other things.

Speaker 3 Some topiero.

Speaker 2 All Urkel. Some sculpture.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 That's fun. Some paintings.

Speaker 2 I just searched

Speaker 3 a tomato that looked like Urkel. I'd be impressed.

Speaker 2 I just, this is very sad.

Speaker 2 I just, I just, I just searched pumpkin in my phone,

Speaker 2 my, my iPhone for pictures. Yeah.
And there's just this picture of me carving a pumpkin from pandemic, uh, carving a ghost pumpkin. You can see it there.
It's the last time I ever did it.

Speaker 3 It has a nice memory, I'm sure.

Speaker 2 It's a nice memory. Your hair looks so long.
I know. It's very long.
Well, hey, it was pandemic times.

Speaker 2 Was the issue. But

Speaker 2 let me see if I can find something from Disconso Gardens. But I also want to bring up something here that we should be mad at this man about.
No. It's important.
Mad at Jesse? Yeah. Yeah.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Point your guns this way.

Speaker 2 We were talking about, aw, I just found a picture of me holding Wally. Cute.
Oh, cute. Oh.
Did I ever sell it?

Speaker 3 I had a

Speaker 3 back when I had back when I had a Twitter account.

Speaker 3 This was the late period of Twitter, basically almost just before I deactivated, but I got a, you know, like one of my last big tweets is I had a picture of a, I took a picture of a Pilsner or Kell,

Speaker 3 which is like a, like a, a beer varietal. I took one of those at Costco and, or it was at Trader Joe's, actually, not Costco.

Speaker 3 And I took a picture of it, and then my caption was, did I brew that?

Speaker 3 And as and Jalil White actually quote tweeted it.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 2 Oh, so all right. Then he maybe has a good consumer about it.

Speaker 2 Here is Neil Campbell next to a Travis Kelsey carved pumpkin. Very good.

Speaker 2 Pretty detailed.

Speaker 3 It's a good-looking likeness of Kelsey.

Speaker 2 I'm going to be honest, Neil Campbell looks terrifying in that picture. Does he really? Yeah, look at his hollow, sunken eyes.

Speaker 2 I think he had some sort of, I think he had something on.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 2 He's had Halloween go off. He's in Halloween mode.
Yes.

Speaker 2 Jesse. Why were we mad at Jesse? Why is this guy very funny? What's that? Why were we mad at Jesse? Because

Speaker 2 you can't say everyone has sunken eyes.

Speaker 3 No, but there was something else.

Speaker 2 Oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah, yeah, oh, yeah. No, hold on.

Speaker 2 What's your grudge that you brought up? You're going to be on board with this. Okay.

Speaker 2 We were talking about the Arclight. Yeah.
He was saying the same thing I said here.

Speaker 2 He said one of the last things you remember seeing at the Arclight.

Speaker 2 Avatar. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 And what did you say about it? The worst movie I've ever seen in a movie theater.

Speaker 3 Avatar, the worst.

Speaker 2 Worst movie.

Speaker 2 The first one or the second one? The first. Or the first one.
Wow. The worst.
Yeah. Truly the worst movie.
I'm shocked by that.

Speaker 2 It was a movie where I watched the whole thing waiting for something to change. And then when I got to the end, I thought, fuck, why didn't I just leave? I could have just left.

Speaker 3 Always an option when you're watching a bad movie. And I rarely just walk out.

Speaker 2 But I mean, America was

Speaker 2 America had avatar fever.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I mean, like, look, look, I'm a defender of the Avatar franchise. I certainly love Avatar The Way of Water, the sequel, which I assume you haven't seen.

Speaker 2 No, I missed that one.

Speaker 3 The thing I will say is that my case for Avatar, regardless of what you think about the story, which is by its nature very broad and operatic, is that I just, the movies are something you look at and listen to, and I think they're just an incredible-looking movie.

Speaker 2 I mean, they put a lot of things on screen.

Speaker 2 I'll tell you that. I never wavered.
I liked Avatar, and I saw it with some people who were like, What was that? And I always enjoyed Avatar. Mitch wants to be really clear about this.

Speaker 2 That I'm an original Avatar lover. This guy is not some guy who came around on Avatar.
That's right. I knew all along that Avatar, the worst movie I've ever seen in a movie theater, was good.

Speaker 3 What's the last movie you've had a big swing on? You've had a big change of heart on? Because I know that happens with you. It happens with me sometimes.

Speaker 2 It doesn't happen with me too often. I mean, like, I'll tell you the one that

Speaker 2 I did was

Speaker 2 Paul Thomas Anderson's movie, uh, um, Inherent Vice? Inherent Vice. Yeah.

Speaker 3 That one was, I remember, was like the first time I watched it, I was kind of like, all right.

Speaker 2 Actually, I think I only saw it the the one time I watched it the first time and I was like all right and I was with uh

Speaker 2 Jack yeah, and Jack was like mad that I didn't like it right I was like I didn't like it

Speaker 2 and then um I went home I watched it because we got the screener of it.

Speaker 2 I watched it with a group of Quincy guys and they were all laughing at it like a comedy And then when I was watching it as a comedy, I was like this is good.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I didn't uh you know, I had not I had not watched it and I hadn't I hadn't seen seen it through this perspective before maybe didn't accept it on its terms. I didn't accept it on its terms.

Speaker 2 And I did grow to like it. I did grow to like it.

Speaker 2 I should read it. Licorice Pizza, I don't love as much.
That's probably my least favorite of his, but I love

Speaker 2 Phantom Thread. That's my, that's my.
But what? I kind of didn't like Phantom Thread. Wow.
What the hell's going on here? I like, I would, look.

Speaker 3 And you're a fashionable guy.

Speaker 2 I was so excited. It's true.
I was so excited to come in here and talk about Costco because I was worried that I would come in here and it would be Taco Bell or something like that.

Speaker 2 And I would not like it. And then I would be the pretentious asswipe who came in here from NPR and

Speaker 2 shat on the good times of Nick Weiger and Mike Mitchell, the charmingest men in the world.

Speaker 2 Then I thought, oh, well, we're going to do Costco. I like Costco, so I won't come off like a smug, pretentious.
dillweed.

Speaker 2 And then Mike Mitchell brought up Avatar and said, save it for the air.

Speaker 3 I don't think you seem.

Speaker 2 NPR is national podcast registry.

Speaker 3 I don't think you seem smug and pretentious by disliking Avatar. I think that's a pretty common opinion.
I think a lot of people are kind of met on Avatar.

Speaker 2 Our listeners don't like Avatar. A lot of our listeners don't like Avatar.
And they say that all my opinions are swayed by Bugmane, which is not true. No, I know that's true.

Speaker 2 It's more Wu-Tang that influences your opinion. Wu-Tang is the man.
I mean, Wu-Tang, I don't think, sees too many movies is the only issue. But like, for instance, I love Inside Lewin Davis.

Speaker 2 Bugman does not like Inside Lewin Davis. Can I just say that on the Judge John Hodgman podcast,

Speaker 2 I, on which I am the co-host to John Hodgman, who's been a guest on this show, we had to make a rule. Our producer had to make a rule.

Speaker 2 Jesse is not allowed to just list Mike Mitchell's friends from Quincy on our show, a different show.

Speaker 2 Fair. Yeah.
I love that.

Speaker 2 We love

Speaker 2 old Hodgman. We love that.

Speaker 2 Our buddy. Yeah.
He's young and vibrant, but yeah.

Speaker 2 I didn't mean to say, I meant old, you know what I'm saying? I said like old Weiger, my old buddy.

Speaker 2 You meant he's sort of a ghost of podcast past. Hey, it would be great to have him visit us.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I did not mean old.

Speaker 2 He is young and vibrant.

Speaker 2 Hodgman, you know I didn't mean that. Here we go.

Speaker 3 What, what is, where do you stand on barbecue sauce in general?

Speaker 2 I love barbecue sauce.

Speaker 2 I'm a big meat man. Yeah.
And I love barbecue sauce. You know what I've really been enjoying lately? They got like

Speaker 2 Carolina gold barbecue sauce potato chips at Trader Joe's. Okay.
Oh, I love those. I like all barbecues.
Like, you know, how everyone in barbecue country that we don't really live in barbecue country.

Speaker 2 No, not at all. Everyone in barbecue country thinks their type of barbecue is the best barbecue, and all the other barbecues are bullshit.
It's very territory.

Speaker 2 I'm like, have you tasted these barbecues? They're all great. They're all good.
Yeah, they're so good.

Speaker 3 I'm with you on that.

Speaker 2 I like a lot of different barbecue. I mean, also, I think people will accuse us of not knowing it too well, which is true.
I don't know. No, for sure.
I'm from

Speaker 3 Southern California my entire life. I certainly don't know the cue.

Speaker 2 And where did I take you?

Speaker 2 I'm tired, too, it turns out. Where did we take you when we were in Texas?

Speaker 3 You know, just talk through that whole yawn.

Speaker 2 Gotta ride the wave, baby. Where did I take you when we were in Texas? Lockhart.
We went to Lockhart. Barbecue capital of, I don't know.
Is it? I don't, I don't fucking know.

Speaker 3 There was a good barbecue there. I enjoyed it.

Speaker 2 They did shoot Not a Mighty Wind. What do they shoot there? They shot one of what's his name, one of Christopher's.
Chris for guest movies. Yeah.
Okay.

Speaker 2 I'll look it up.

Speaker 2 Research. Thank you.
What's your standard breakfast? I like grape nuts.

Speaker 3 It's a grape nuts.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's a type of gravel that you put milk on. Yeah.
I love it.

Speaker 3 I used to have grape nuts when I was younger. I haven't had them in a long time.
And I honestly haven't thought about grape nuts in many years. It's still your go-to breakfast.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I mean, the reason you haven't thought about it in many years is it's essentially a breakfast from 1879.

Speaker 2 Like it really, do you know what grape nuts are? It's like overcooked bread. Wow.
Yeah, it's like they take bread and they just run it through one more time. And that's grape nuts, basically.

Speaker 3 That's really how

Speaker 2 they generate it. Yeah, like malty.

Speaker 2 But I love grape nuts. I'll make an overnight oat sometimes.
And once in a while, I'll eat a savory breakfast. But I don't have the strength in the morning to prepare food.

Speaker 3 Yeah, that's why I'm usually doing like oatmeal or yogurt, something like kind of quick and brainless. Sometimes I'll whip up some eggs.
But like, are you saying you will

Speaker 3 like just grape nuts and milk?

Speaker 2 Grape nuts and milk, baby. I do drink sparkling water with my breakfast.

Speaker 3 Oh, that's fun. Yeah, I know.

Speaker 2 I gotta, I gotta get those burps going right up top. I get it.

Speaker 2 Power up. Do you remember when people used to trick you with D's nuts? You know what I mean? You know, the

Speaker 2 D's nuts.

Speaker 3 D's nuts, I think, maybe like, is that the best joke? Like, overall joke? I think we talked about this before.

Speaker 2 Is D's nuts the best joke? I'm so glad that, Nick. I'm so glad that you like D's D's Nuts.
Yeah. Because I was just thinking the other day,

Speaker 2 I would love for D's Nuts to make a comeback.

Speaker 3 It's very funny.

Speaker 2 Because I really enjoy it. There is a new movie.
There's Joy D's nuts. There's a new scary movie coming out where I'm sure.
I would love if there was a D's Nuts run.

Speaker 3 There might be a D's Nuts joke in there.

Speaker 2 You remember that cool Keith song where he goes, keep it real, represent what? My nuts. That's good.
Very good. That was great.
Nuts humor went away.

Speaker 2 We got sick of it, I guess. Yeah.
everything is cyclical in comedy. We'll come back.
It'll come back.

Speaker 3 It'll resurface.

Speaker 3 They'll come back. D's nuts jokes will endure.

Speaker 2 I mean, honestly, pretty tame by, you know what I mean? Like by comparison.

Speaker 2 Not that bad. A timeless classic, though.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 What I like about D's nuts is that you can trick someone, but it's still kind of fun.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Like, it's like if you get tricked with a D's nuts, you're never like, oh, fuck.
I can't believe we got with a D's nuts.

Speaker 2 It's not a your mom is so fat.

Speaker 2 Hey, no, you're talking about my mom. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Health problems. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, of course. Yeah, you just lay off my, lay off moms.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 I like that also D's nuts because it can be that there's that. You can yes and it with the bofa as well.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's good. Yeah.
I never even thought of that. And what's a bofa?

Speaker 3 Bofa D's nuts.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 2 This is fun. Yeah, it's a lot of fun.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 I think that's maybe the number one joke. It's maybe my favorite joke.

Speaker 2 I'd like to see Mark Marin say something like that.

Speaker 2 We'll get Maron on the pod. You think so? I don't think it'll ever happen.
Mark Marin's never been on the show. Never been on the show.

Speaker 3 He was going to come on, and then I think the dates didn't work out.

Speaker 2 He's been on my show. I know.
Yeah, it was very nice. You've had, I'll say you've had a lot much better.

Speaker 2 Andre 3000. Yeah, Tom Hanks.
You've done pretty well. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Was there a guess over the course of Bullseye that you were kind of just, that you're still kind of like, I can't believe we got

Speaker 3 this individual? Absolutely.

Speaker 2 100% Bill Withers.

Speaker 3 Bill Bill Withers.

Speaker 2 I mean, like,

Speaker 2 Tom Hanks was unexpected and like unplanned for.

Speaker 2 Like, it was just like, we think we might be able to get Tom Hanks next week. Oh, we got him.

Speaker 2 And Andre 3000, probably my favorite rapper ever.

Speaker 2 You know, that was kind of at the top of the all-time list.

Speaker 2 But when I interviewed Bill Withers, who's, of course, the singer behind Lean on Me and Grandma's Hands and who is he and what is he to you, all these classic songs.

Speaker 2 had not done any press in like 20 years of any kind. Because like in the early 80s,

Speaker 2 he was having some

Speaker 2 record company problems. He made just the two of us with Grover Washington.
And then he quit the business cold turkey, never performed, never recorded thereafter. And he was.

Speaker 2 featured in this documentary called Soul Power, wonderful documentary about the concert that went with the Rumble in the Jungle. So like if people have seen

Speaker 2 When We Were Kings, it's like the same footage, but of the concert that accompanied the fight

Speaker 2 was made into this movie called Soul Power with James Brown and Celia Cruz and all these amazing people. And Bill Withers was in it.
And

Speaker 2 I got a pitch for the movie. This was when I was like still making the whole show by myself.
I got a pitch for the movie. And I thought, like, yeah, I'll interview the directors of that.

Speaker 2 That's like a lot of my favorite musicians. Sounds cool.
And they were like, we actually have one of the musicians musicians is going to be at the press day. His name is Bill Withers.

Speaker 2 I don't know if you're familiar or you'd be interested. They had no idea, I think, that he had not done press in 20 years.
Wow. I think he just like

Speaker 2 signed the release. And maybe like when he signed the release, he was like, I'll come to press day if you want because he was in a good mood or something.
Yeah, sure.

Speaker 2 And so I went out to, you know, the Four Seasons or the Beverly Hilton or one of these places. Those are the places I usually like to stay at.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 This is where they have these junkety things. Yeah, of course.

Speaker 2 And he was being interviewed by Pasadena Magazine. And I thought, if these people knew, he could be on the cover of Rolling Stone right now.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And they just sent Pasadena Magazine in there, but they sent me in there.

Speaker 2 And like one of my favorite musicians of all time.

Speaker 2 Also a guy who truly grew up in Jim Crow, only became a professional musician as like a 30-year-old because he was career in the Navy before that, and a brilliant, funny,

Speaker 2 incredibly like wise guy, but just a guy who did not suffer fools and specifically white people. And so, I could like, in this conversation with him, we should get him on the doughboard spot guys.

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 2 he's now a ghost.

Speaker 2 He's passed away. I know, I guess I'm not sure.
I know that.

Speaker 2 But he, like, it was like he was testing me. He was like poking me the the whole time.
Like,

Speaker 2 like, I remember I asked him,

Speaker 2 you know, it's one thing to not like want to go on tour and all this stuff.

Speaker 2 But what if you just called Largo in Los Angeles, he lived in LA, and just said, I'm going to bring my guitar down every other month and do a show.

Speaker 2 And whatever my friends want to come by, they'll come by. It would sell out immediately and he would get the pleasure of performing for an audience and sharing his music with people.

Speaker 2 And I remember he said to me, I'm not a monkey, and I don't have to dance. Wow.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 as he was kind of like pushing me and pushing me and pushing me, I was like, I'm going to hang in here because this is Bill Withers, and he's obviously a genius, not just of music, but of everything else.

Speaker 2 And I'm just going to hang in.

Speaker 2 And by the end, it was like he was

Speaker 2 my grandfather or favorite uncle. Like, I was almost in tears.
I was so moved by this conversation with this incredible guy. And I never like ask for an autograph or something,

Speaker 2 but I had brought a record and it was like in my bag.

Speaker 2 I was like, if this goes well and it feels safe, I might bring it out and ask him to sign it for me because he's truly one of my favorites of all time.

Speaker 2 And I was like, I'm going to, I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it.
I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it.
And I gave him the record. I said, would you mind signing?

Speaker 2 I never do this, but would you mind signing a record for me? It means a lot to me to have gotten to talk to you. And it's still on my wall and it says,

Speaker 2 Dear Jesse, thank you for your time and thank you for listening. And I thought it was such a

Speaker 2 such an extraordinary reflection of his gift for plain language.

Speaker 2 For people who know those songs, like the thing that is so special about them

Speaker 2 is

Speaker 2 their Mitch-like clarity. Sure.

Speaker 2 But also,

Speaker 2 it kind of made me think like

Speaker 2 when I'm interviewing people, like, there's always this part of me that's like,

Speaker 2 I'm wasting their time. Yeah.
We never feel that way.

Speaker 2 Like,

Speaker 2 I'm always like, what is Tom Hanks doing talking to me?

Speaker 2 And I think it's from a lifetime of, you know, when we were in Santa Cruz, every guest that was coming on the show, we basically had tricked into coming on the show. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Every Mike Nelson from Mystery Science Theater 3000 was not selling any extra riff tracks because he came on our college radio show. Right.

Speaker 2 And so I always feel like I'm like wasting people's time or like whatever.

Speaker 2 And then.

Speaker 2 Having gone through that really intense experience with Bill Withers and having him give give me that message at the end, I thought, oh, right. Like,

Speaker 2 actually,

Speaker 2 it's important for people to have the opportunity to share their story. Yeah.
Like,

Speaker 2 people

Speaker 2 like to talk to someone who gives a shit and is paying attention and is good at talking to them. Right.
I'm like, oh, I've done this a long time every week, practiced a lot.

Speaker 2 And actually, there is value to the person I'm talking to. It's not just me extracting value like oil out of a well, you know?

Speaker 2 Um, so that was a really incredible experience. And he, he did, he did some public stuff after that, which I was really,

Speaker 2 I was really grateful for because he was such a, such an incredible guy.

Speaker 3 Wow. What an amazing story.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's, that's great.

Speaker 3 We'll be right back after word from Manscaped.

Speaker 2 Mary Balls, we've got the solution.

Speaker 2 I'm so sad we never got

Speaker 2 Bill Withers on the podcast to ask him if just the two of us is about these nuts.

Speaker 2 Hello, Mr. Withers.

Speaker 2 It would have been a great.

Speaker 2 I mean, that's that rules. That's a great.

Speaker 2 We have not, you know, we haven't had that moment yet, but it's coming. You'll get Mirin eventually.
Yeah,

Speaker 2 we'd have a lot to talk about. By the way, would we? Yeah, you got to hash out your differences from when someone was accused of stealing jokes from someone.

Speaker 2 Sure, right. Yeah.
Yeah. You know, I got a little history with the guy.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Waiting for Guffman. Ah.
That was what was filmed in Lockhart.

Speaker 3 Interesting. That makes sense.

Speaker 2 Waiting for Guffman is a funny movie. Yeah, a very funny movie.
Go. In my opinion.

Speaker 2 Well, I mean, I don't know how much of it was filmed. You know, the exteriors and stuff like that.
Allow me to be the first theater dork ever to say that Waiting for Guffman is a funny movie.

Speaker 3 Do you have a favorite Thanksgiving? We're on the cusk of Thanksgiving here.

Speaker 3 Do you have a favorite Thanksgiving side or dish?

Speaker 2 I love stuffing.

Speaker 3 Stuffing's fun. I...
You say stuffing, not dressing.

Speaker 2 Sure. I don't know.
Here's the thing. All these regional language difference things, I'm from San Francisco.
We always say both.

Speaker 3 I'm just, yeah, that's what I kind of feel like that's because I was from Southern California,

Speaker 3 representing the South Part of the State. I feel like we, we also said both stuffing and dressing almost interchangeably.

Speaker 2 The Long Beach area, yeah, yeah, yeah. Who'd you go to high school with?

Speaker 3 Well, I mean, I went to high school with a lot of people, but uh, but there's some notable alum from Long Beach Poly High School, my home of scholars and champions.

Speaker 2 Great. Do you have any friends from back home, Mitch?

Speaker 3 Snoop Dogg, Warren G, and uh, Cameron Diaz all attended my high school. I was in Tony Gwynn, a major league, rest in peace, Billie Jean King,

Speaker 3 opera singer Marilyn Horn,

Speaker 3 the NFL player Deshaun Jackson.

Speaker 2 Okay, now it's

Speaker 2 famous along with Bragg. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Nick Weiger.

Speaker 3 I'm way down there on the list.

Speaker 2 Nick Weiger from...

Speaker 2 I'm right near the top of the list for mine. Are you really? Podcasting Hall of Fame.
How exciting. Sorry, Aya Cash.
Yeah, you heard me, Aya.

Speaker 2 Any famous North Quincy alums?

Speaker 2 You want to tell you? I can look up North Quincy High School. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Again, the phone is coming in handy here.

Speaker 2 Where would we be without the phone?

Speaker 2 A woman from my school won a Tony Award not that long ago for being in Hedvig and the Angry Inch. Oh, okay.
I didn't know her that well. Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's a public secondary school like. You and Drew Barrymore or whatever.

Speaker 3 Cameron Diaz.

Speaker 2 Located in the North Quincy neighborhood of Quincy, Massachusetts. Here we go.
Notable alumni. A mascot controversy.
We'll skip over that.

Speaker 3 Our mascot was a jackrabbit.

Speaker 2 John B. Allen.

Speaker 2 Lou Bell. He was there when I was a record producer, Lou Bell.
Do you know of him? No.

Speaker 2 Karen Cashman Weiges.

Speaker 2 Karen Cashman. Olympic speed skating bronze medalist.
Oh, of course. The Olympic speed skating bronze medalist.
That's right. Karen Cashman.
Joe Dudek, Denver Broncos running back.

Speaker 3 I had cash. Karen Cashman.
What's next? Someone else with cash in their name?

Speaker 2 Ralph McLeod, Major League Baseball player. Mike Mitchell, actor and comedian.

Speaker 3 Oh, you're on there. How exciting.
All right.

Speaker 2 That's kind of.

Speaker 2 Well, that one's not good.

Speaker 2 Do you want me to read it? No, it's dark. Charles Sweeney, who is the pilot for the atomic bomb.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 some dark stuff in there.

Speaker 2 So it's a, you know, it's me versus Karen Cashman and a few others. I don't know.
I'm doing all right. I'm about as good as an NFL running back.
Yeah, why not?

Speaker 2 I feel as a quarterback, different story, but running backs are kind of interchangeable. You shouldn't trade a high pick for one.

Speaker 2 There's a lot of World War II Medal of Honor

Speaker 2 people in here. I don't know if they are, the school I went to for one year, if that has any, if their academy has any more notable alumni.
But are you looking at your list?

Speaker 3 Yeah, I'm learning stuff from this. I mean,

Speaker 3 I noted some of them already. Nate Dogg, I think, I knew, but I haven't mentioned.
I didn't realize Alita Ford was a Paulo aluminium.

Speaker 3 As was Carl Weathers, R.I.P.

Speaker 2 Oh, wow.

Speaker 3 Not in Bill Weathers, but Carl Weathers, a very, very talented actor. And, And, of course, and

Speaker 3 Sean Jackson, I mentioned, yeah, I mean,

Speaker 3 the number of athletes is like kind of staggering. Peyton Watson, who's currently in the NBA, didn't realize I went to Long Beach Poly.
Milton Bradley, of course,

Speaker 3 and Chase Utley, a couple of MLB guys, in addition to Tony Gwynn. So, yeah, there's a whole bunch of Poly alums out there.

Speaker 2 The shout out to San Francisco School of the Arts first class, which featured Margaret Cho,

Speaker 2 Sam Rockwell,

Speaker 2 and Aisha Tyler. Wow.
They all went at the same time. That's wild.
10 years before I was there.

Speaker 2 Incredible.

Speaker 2 After me, Joe Talbot, who made a beautiful film called The Last Black Man in San Francisco. Wow, that's a great film.
Wonderful movie. Yeah.
How about that? That's pretty damn good.

Speaker 3 Dressing, stuffing.

Speaker 2 It's your fave. That's going to be number one for me on the Thanksgiving list.
I'm going to eat that primarily because turkey's not that great. Yeah.
I mean, I'll eat some turkey.

Speaker 2 I'm not, it's not like turkey's awful. It's just not that great.

Speaker 3 Do you put a, you got your, you got your stuffing in front of you. You put, you put gravy on that, bad boy.

Speaker 2 Yes. And it better be,

Speaker 2 what I want out of my stuffing, if I'm frank with you, I'm going to be honest, just like my friend Mike Mitchell. Yeah, please.

Speaker 2 I just want bread and meat in there, basically.

Speaker 2 I don't want a bunch of raisins or cranberries. I don't want a bunch of walnuts in there.

Speaker 3 Don't get too fancy.

Speaker 2 Just put some sausages and some bread chunks together. You know what I call it? Call it a day.
Okay. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I don't even like sausage in my stuffing. Really?

Speaker 2 Just bread.

Speaker 2 Bread, celery. Okay.

Speaker 2 Is that it? What the fuck else makes it?

Speaker 3 Yeah, I think bread and celery. I think that's all you need.

Speaker 2 I know that there's other stuff. I made stuffing for you.
I mean,

Speaker 2 you make it with some chicken stock or turkey sauce.

Speaker 2 You make it with some sage, maybe, or another herb. Yeah,

Speaker 2 there's definitely herbs in there. Yeah.
There's a lot of herbs going in there. What are the other top Thanksgiving sides?

Speaker 3 I mean, I think you have mashed potatoes. I think you got...

Speaker 2 Casserole.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I think that's some people like, I'm less into.

Speaker 2 I like the green bean casserole.

Speaker 3 I'm less into the green bean casserole, but I'm not going to send it away.

Speaker 2 It's my favorite form of green bean.

Speaker 3 More like a mac and cheese.

Speaker 2 I've realized recently that I don't think I have ever eaten a casserole. Unless you count like a macaroni and cheese or another thing like that.
I'm just.

Speaker 2 My father's from the Midwest, but he's from Kansas City.

Speaker 2 He's not from the northern west, which I feel like is the real casserole country.

Speaker 3 I feel like we did have casseroles growing up. Mitch, were you a casserole household?

Speaker 2 Casserole is a Cajun thing, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 But, but, I mean, to me, green bean casserole, look, green beans rubbery, you know, you two, they're a little rubbery. They are rubbery.

Speaker 2 And in the green bean casserole, I like when they're cooked down and that, it's like a mushroom sauce and then the onion on top. That's my favorite form of green bean.

Speaker 2 I love just like a regular sauteed green bean. It's one of my favorite vegetables.
I do really like a sauteed green bean.

Speaker 3 I do like just a straight up green bean. Yeah, just sauteed.

Speaker 2 Just like salads or onions or whatever.

Speaker 3 Yeah, you can steam it too. I'm fine with that.
But yeah, obviously you get a little more flavor. You could put that in a pan and you with some bacon.

Speaker 2 Why not? You two are out of your damn. The green bean casserole is great.
But green beans are good.

Speaker 2 Look, Nicholas,

Speaker 2 if there's macaroni and cheese on offer, all bets are off. Jesse might not eat anything but macaroni and cheese.
I love this stuff. Yeah, it's good.

Speaker 2 I love mac and cheese as well, but I kind of weirdly, I know this is, I know a lot of people are going to say I'm wrong. Yes.
I don't think think of it as a classic thanksgiving

Speaker 2 this is such a this is such a regional thing i think this is just such a i deserve the fuck you i just i never thought of it as a as as as you have to understand nick grew up in an african-american household

Speaker 2 as a soul food thanksgiving is it is it an i mean i know it is a soul i know it is soul food

Speaker 3 staple i think it is very much in the south too in general yeah but i i do always associate with thanksgiving do you really yeah for sure yeah let me ask you guys this What's your preferred Thanksgiving dessert?

Speaker 2 Do you like a pumpkin pie, a sweet potato pie, or something else?

Speaker 3 I have a lot of, I have a lot of fact. Oh, I love a pecan pie.
I mean,

Speaker 3 are you kidding? Pecan pie is delightful, but I will say.

Speaker 2 I know you're going to say pumpkin pie.

Speaker 2 I think this guy's dead serious.

Speaker 3 I have a, I have an affection for pumpkin pie because my grandma would make pumpkin pie. And so, and I, and so, like, that's.
And you liked her. I liked her, and I liked her pumpkin pie.

Speaker 3 Other pumpkin pies I've had.

Speaker 2 You know what she always likes? Listen to. What's that? These nuts.

Speaker 3 How dare you?

Speaker 2 She did. Your late grandma.

Speaker 3 She would have liked that, actually.

Speaker 3 Grandma Joe would have liked that.

Speaker 2 Yeah, she loved nuts.

Speaker 3 Got a good sense of humor.

Speaker 2 I was going to try to make some your grandmama Joe so fat, but I actually don't know any of those Joe's.

Speaker 3 She was a petite woman.

Speaker 2 Was she? Yeah. Can I tell you? 1211.
Yeah. If it's dessert time and Thanksgiving, I am sitting there praying that somebody brought an apple pie.

Speaker 3 Oh, apple pie.

Speaker 2 I don't really like pumpkin pie or sweet potato pie. Wow.
But I love apple pie. I like all of them.
Otherwise, I might just have ice cream. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Emma, you got a favorite Thanksgiving dessert?

Speaker 1 I'm not a huge pie person. Not a huge pie person?

Speaker 1 Usually, if there is like ice cream to go with pie, I'd prefer just like a big bowl of ice cream.

Speaker 2 That's kind of my fave.

Speaker 1 But my grandmother used to make this apple cake. It's really more of a breakfast food, but I loved that.
It was like a moist, wet apple cake, very fall.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's fun. Yeah, delicious.

Speaker 3 I like the movie to get the a la mode to hold the pie.

Speaker 1 Yeah, just lots of ice cream.

Speaker 2 Why not? Hey,

Speaker 2 your grandma Joe is so petite, she could bungee jump off a soda can.

Speaker 2 That's cute. That's really sweet.
It's like a Stuart Little joke. That's adorable.
I picked up some.

Speaker 2 I googled, Your Mama's So Small.

Speaker 2 This guy's making Stuart Little jokes. This guy's the E.B.
White of podcasts.

Speaker 3 That is kind of wild that he operated in both worlds. He made this worlds.
He made this incredible children's fable, and then he also wrote the definitive guide to do grammatical style.

Speaker 2 You know what? Can I tell,

Speaker 2 I'm going to get real with you guys for a second. Because now that I've talked shit about how much I hated Avatar, I've already established my bona fides as a real snooty fuck.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 If you said bona fides, it probably would have made you more of the people.

Speaker 2 If you want to read something that is funny and beautiful and also easy to read. I'm not a big like

Speaker 2 super long sentences literary reader. Sure.
E.B. White's essays for adults for the New Yorker, of which there are collections you can just buy, are some of the most beautiful, funny, incredible.

Speaker 2 There's one that he wrote about raising a pig. He lived in Maine most of the most of the year

Speaker 2 on a farm. Wow.
And he wrote about raising a pig to eat and the kind of life cycle of the pig. I mean, you can, obviously, you can see the parallel with Charlotte's Webb.
Sure.

Speaker 2 And it is one of the most beautiful pieces, maybe the most single, most beautiful piece of writing I've ever read in my life. I believe it's called The Death of a Pig.

Speaker 2 I might be getting that wrong, but

Speaker 2 it's on the internet. Like you can literally just, you don't even need to buy a Doughboys autobiography.
E.B. White, E.B.

Speaker 2 White is like one of those things where I read those books with my kids, Charlotte's Webb Webb and Jumped of the Swan.

Speaker 2 And most kids' books, when you are a grown-up, you are struck by like when I read Roald Dahl to my kids, which I loved when I was a kid, I was like, oh, this guy's a fucking asshole. Yeah, sure.

Speaker 2 Like, this guy's whole deal is hating everyone and thinking only he is good.

Speaker 2 I like the sound of that.

Speaker 2 But when I read those, and they're also not, you know, they're perfectly well written, but it's unremarkable. But when I read those E.B.

Speaker 2 White books, I just thought, if I could write one sentence like that, like, oh, my gosh, just the most beautiful prose you've ever read in your life and moving, too. Yeah.
Here's a question for you.

Speaker 2 Yeah. More famous, Jalil White or E.B.
White?

Speaker 3 I think probably in this day and age, Jalil White, but I think E.B. White's fame is maybe more likely to endure, at least the name.

Speaker 2 If you were going to sum

Speaker 2 the fame that they accrued over their lifetime,

Speaker 2 you might say E.B. White

Speaker 2 Jalil White. But I i think in 2025 you'd have to say jalil white

Speaker 3 especially because he seems like he's doing well he seems like he's doing well he seems like he's doing well i i one what an eb white sentence i i that stuck with me from uh elements of style i just like i love the sentence omit needless words which is a note i could take more often but it's just like it's it's that's a three-word sentence that's what you guys were doing earlier when you were looking at the lists on your phones

Speaker 2 can i make it this can i make it a three-way yeah betty white versus jalil white versus eb white

Speaker 2 Okay, let me try.

Speaker 2 Let me ask you this.

Speaker 3 Can I make it a three-way?

Speaker 2 Betty White, E.B. White, and Jalil White.

Speaker 2 You're just saying,

Speaker 2 can you get in that three-way? I would make it a four-way. I think it has to be between the three of them.

Speaker 2 That's a good point. Withdrawn.
E.B. White.
Unless you just want to observe.

Speaker 2 I do.

Speaker 3 Look through the slats of your closet door. Well, I do.

Speaker 2 I'd love to know what those guys are working with.

Speaker 2 I would love to know what they are. I would love to know what they're working with.
E.B.'s like, why are we doing this? Obviously,

Speaker 2 obviously, my hall pass with my wife, my beautiful wife, with whom I've been since I was 17 years old. Wow.
My hall pass with my wife, obviously, is a little karate guy. Yeah.

Speaker 2 If she was willing to expand it to an Urkel

Speaker 2 or a legendary essayist and children's novelist,

Speaker 2 maybe I could check that out.

Speaker 2 I would at least love to witness it. Betty White, huge.
Betty White, maybe

Speaker 2 wins that now.

Speaker 2 The Urkel star is fading a little bit. Who's more famous?

Speaker 3 Betty White or Jack Skellington?

Speaker 2 I'm going to say Jack Skellington.

Speaker 2 Jack Skellington, maybe. I mean, you know what's funny is that I remember being younger and Nightmare Before Christmas wasn't, it wasn't like a huge movie in his game.
It's grown.

Speaker 2 It's grown up so much. It's grown so much.
It's crazy.

Speaker 3 There's such a fandom.

Speaker 2 I remember like referencing that movie and some kids didn't know what it was. And I felt like a dumbass.

Speaker 2 I mean, I'll say this one of the greatest if not the greatest hooded sweatshirt movies of all time for sure yeah

Speaker 2 it just also just you know the fun that fun little transition from uh from from halloween over into thanksgiving and christmas it's a it's a it's a it's a nice little segue movie you know what i'm saying i i watched that movie in 40x wow it was it was because henry sellek the director of the film yes was coming on bullseye because they were re-releasing it for its 20th anniversary or 20, whatever.

Speaker 3 And of course, it's Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas. Henry Selleck has been

Speaker 3 until recently has been kind of omitted from a lot of the

Speaker 3 narrative.

Speaker 2 The remembrances of it. Yeah, a brilliant and lovely man, Henry Selleck.

Speaker 2 And I was like, okay, I'm going to go see it because I hadn't seen it since it was new. And I went to see it and I realized I had bought tickets to see it in 4DX.

Speaker 2 So I saw it like roller coaster style with spritzes of skeleton smell. Yeah, right.

Speaker 2 bone bone smell what would the scents be yeah bone smell some bone smell maybe some pumpkin you know okay sure yeah mr boogity has a little musical number i'm sure you were moving around for that maybe that they they maybe they hit you in the back with a bone or something i don't know yeah they hit me with a bone they hit you with a bone they got when it was so smart of them when they designed the 4dx system to incorporate the backbone

Speaker 2 because i must have figured at some point we're going to 4dxize

Speaker 2 nightmare before christmas we're going to need a bone back there to hit people.

Speaker 2 There are some movies where people get stabbed and then they'll hit you in the back and stuff like that. I've seen a couple of 40x movies with you, or at least Mission Impossible.

Speaker 3 We saw Mission Impossible at Fallout in 40X, right? Two Mission Impossibles ago.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Wow.
I just want to say, because I'm not... a snobby guy, I fucking love those fucking Mission Impossible.
They're so good.

Speaker 3 Did you like Dead Reckoning?

Speaker 2 Holy shit.

Speaker 2 I could watch one of those every six months that's four hours long, happily for the rest of my life.

Speaker 2 just sitting there watching watching tom cruise alternate between beautiful young tom cruise and old norm mcdonald depending on the shots

Speaker 3 ah dead reckoning is a little bloated a little over long a little too much exposition but it is a delightful movie i had a lot of fun

Speaker 2 three times in theaters is it final reckoning or final reckoning i like final reckoning oh dead reckoning is the the one before that yeah dead reckoning is the most recent on my lower the big problem that i have the main problem that i have with the movies it's not when they're they're constantly telling each other about the,

Speaker 2 what's the name of the robot that's the bad guy? Oh, the entity. The entity.

Speaker 2 It's not when they're explaining the entity to each other and still not making sense, even though they're just saying the plot of the movie to each other.

Speaker 2 It's not that. It's that I can never remember which one of them I have or haven't seen.
Like if

Speaker 2 I'm on Hulu or whatever and I'm trying to find, figure out which one I have, they're all the same, basically, except for what's different about them, but I don't remember.

Speaker 2 So it's a gift and a curse, though, because that also means I can always enjoy it.

Speaker 2 It does have an element of like sitting on your own hand and then jacking off. Yeah, sure.
Which we both know. Yeah.

Speaker 2 The entity, imagine how many D's nuts jokes you could get from the Entity.

Speaker 3 He'd generate an endless supply.

Speaker 2 He really would.

Speaker 2 I don't know why he was so obsessed with destroying the world, but, you know.

Speaker 2 That's, I guess that's, you know, it's a, it's a, it's a cautionary tale. I think there were actually two reasons.

Speaker 3 i think there were actually two reasons why he was so obsessed with uh destroying the world well yeah what was it uh these nuts

Speaker 3 wages i think he was i think it was sort of like it was a it was a machine supremacy sort of argument right it's like by extreme exterminating biological why life the machines can thrive but then i don't know how like power can i i guess he'd figure out a way to generate power on his own i think he was trying to like create like save the world by destroying it right wasn't that kind of the idea of the of the entity i guess so yeah like a new world order maybe like a, like a, like a, you know, rabid sort of radical

Speaker 3 eco-terrorist sort of argument for exterminating humanity.

Speaker 2 I'm in trouble here. What's what happened? We might need to do a bathroom breakdown.
Oh, boy.

Speaker 3 Well, Mitch, you know, we do have to get into this week's chain. So why don't you go ahead and take a bathroom breakdown and we'll come back and we'll talk about Costco.

Speaker 2 Right after this. Wow.

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Certainly have.

Speaker 3 Get some ground beef in there, some chicken breasts, some steak tips, and you can personalize it.

Speaker 2 Because, you know, I'm not eating eating pork right now, so you can make sure to exclude something like that. Why is I got some dietary preferences? I got some chicken nuggies, as you like to say.

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That's butcherbox.com/slash Doughboys.

Speaker 2 Don't forget to use our link so they know we sent you. Do it.

Speaker 3 All right, we're back, Mitch. Give us a a bathroom breakdown.

Speaker 2 Successful bathroom breakdown. All right.
I did have a successful because I took my drug today, so I didn't know if that would happen. Yeah.
I think it's because we ate so much food.

Speaker 2 We sure did from coffee. I created my own little chicken bacon there.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 I listened.

Speaker 2 You want to hear the song I listened to? Yeah. I mean, I won't play it, but I listened to Kidnap,

Speaker 2 Kidnap the Sandy Claus.

Speaker 3 Oh, so you went in there with A Nightmare Before a Christmas soundtrack.

Speaker 2 That's right. Okay.

Speaker 2 Paul Rubens, Catherine O'Hara, and

Speaker 2 Danny Elfman.

Speaker 2 Those are the three.

Speaker 2 But I forgot Paul Rubens was in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Paul Rubens and Catherine O'Hara both passed bulls, I guess. Wow.
Both wonderful bulls, I guess. Although Paul...

Speaker 2 would not let our he was in a hotel room somewhere so we were doing what they call a double ender where you record on both sides right put them together and so we sent someone with a microphone to him to record him and he was uncomfortable with them and wouldn't let them get wouldn't let them get close enough

Speaker 2 he i later i late he i later made i produced the uh pee wee herman radio hour so i worked with him over the course of 75 years that it took us to make that one hour of radio uh because he was a nightmare to work with but he was the nicest man in the world also and like my hero of all time just very particular and just could not have been there's no human possible way anyone could have been more particular got it yeah

Speaker 2 you should host this show with someone for a week

Speaker 2 you think i'm particular

Speaker 2 yeah

Speaker 2 that particular what are you talking about you're a particular person so uh

Speaker 2 yeah

Speaker 2 uh

Speaker 2 yeah

Speaker 3 how am i particular oh jesus christ never mind you're not i think you're both particular but about different things i think you're more particular i think there's a little bit bit of projection.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 You know what? I think you guys would agree with me. I think you guys are both.
Sus.

Speaker 2 Sus isn't here.

Speaker 2 You're a particular guy. What do you mean by particular? You don't think you're particular?

Speaker 3 I don't know what that means. Oh, my God.
I think you're particular.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. Fuck you.

Speaker 3 We're talking Costco, reviewed in 2020 with Griffin Newman during friendly green grocery Mitch's grocery store month. Remember that during the pandemic?

Speaker 2 What a time. This episode.
Hodgman Hodgman. Hodgman was a guest on that, wasn't he?

Speaker 3 Hodgman and David Reese, a two-hander. That's right.
That episode was also the debut of Slop Quiz, which is a pandemic innovation. First time we had

Speaker 3 the Slop Quiz segment. It is.

Speaker 2 I feel like we're getting visited by the ghost of podcast history.

Speaker 3 Jesse, we sure are. It is in the Platinum Cart Club.
And since that review, the big developments are the rise of the Costco guys, of course, and the rise of the double chocolate chunk cookie.

Speaker 2 The Costco guys have risen. They sure have.

Speaker 2 Since we last did the Rislin? They've Rizzlin. They've Rizzled.

Speaker 2 Are we imagining some sort of Costco guys communion here?

Speaker 3 I guess so.

Speaker 2 Is this a Costco guys Easter?

Speaker 2 Hurry. They roll the chicken bake from the mouth of the cave.
They pass out chocolate chunk cookies, like communion wafers.

Speaker 2 Man, that's a big-ass wafer.

Speaker 3 Costco was your pitch.

Speaker 3 Why Costco?

Speaker 2 Sonic's not going to be fast enough for me with that fucking chocolate chunk cookie. Nick, I love Costco.
Yeah. I grew up lower middle classed,

Speaker 2 sometimes like

Speaker 2 bordering on poor.

Speaker 2 And I had two very acrimoniously divorced parents. My mother was a retail worker and then a student when I was young.
And my father was

Speaker 2 like

Speaker 2 an organizer. And so there was no money.
I never went hungry, but no money. And then

Speaker 2 when I was 13,

Speaker 2 my father's aunt died

Speaker 2 and my father got his service disability certified and 100%

Speaker 2 post-traumatic stress disorder, not to brag.

Speaker 2 And the result of that was twofold. One, we got a car.
We got a used accord wagon.

Speaker 2 and cable

Speaker 2 and a color TV.

Speaker 2 I want to be clear. I'm not that old.
Yeah. Like this was in the mid-90s that we got a color TV.
We got a color TV

Speaker 2 and we got cable and we got that thing where it's like music that comes on your cable.

Speaker 2 And that just felt like a completely transformational thing in my life. And we joined Costco.
Wow.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 to me,

Speaker 2 like I often listen to the Doughboys. I love your show.
As you know, I'm probably the number one Doughboys fan in America. Wow.

Speaker 2 And certainly the number one

Speaker 2 celebrities. I think you're both quite particular.
Okay.

Speaker 2 I think you're tied.

Speaker 2 And first of all, I think you're tied. Second of all, I don't like it when mommy and daddy fight.

Speaker 2 Who's mommy and daddy?

Speaker 2 As the child of an acrimonious divorce, I'm worried that you guys are going to get divorced and then you're going to be in court until I'm 16 years old. Wow.
Starting from when I'm

Speaker 2 four. Oh, four.
Oh, shit. Okay.
12 years. Anyway.

Speaker 2 So to me, Costco

Speaker 2 is like this symbol of middle-class abundance.

Speaker 3 Yeah, sure.

Speaker 2 Like, I still have these vivid memories of like having a box of corn dogs in the freezer from Costco or having a flat of top ramen. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Or having giant bags of like my best friend, Peter Fraunfelder.

Speaker 2 Great name.

Speaker 2 It is. It was his stage name, Pete Fields of Slow Motion Cowboys, Country and Western singer.
But Pete used to,

Speaker 2 Pete used to, Pete's wife just texted me to ask if this was real and it is 100% real. He used to, he used to live at the top of Bernal Hill in San Francisco.

Speaker 2 I lived at the bottom at the edge of the mission. And he would come to my dad's house.

Speaker 2 There was a way that you could reach through the gate, open the door and reach around and press the buzzer for the gate and

Speaker 2 let yourself in.

Speaker 2 He would break into my house in this manner. And then

Speaker 2 my

Speaker 2 father or stepmother would come home and he would, Peter, would be sitting at our dining room table eating our cereal. Because as far as he was concerned, we always had the good cereal.

Speaker 2 And it was because we bought frosted mini wheats at Costco. So that he would just be housing these giant bags of frosted mini wheats at my house.

Speaker 2 So to me, Costco has always been like this symbol of the part of my life when I was in my teens that I sort of joined the middle class.

Speaker 2 I mean, I never, we never like, I mean, what we're talking about is my dad going on disability, but that was more consistent than the income of an anti-war organizer. Sure.

Speaker 2 I mean, and I have been a member of Costco with my mother. My mother and I share a Costco account.
Don't tell Costco.

Speaker 2 But my mother and I share a Costco account since I was in college.

Speaker 2 And I was recently featured in Costco Connections magazine. Were you really? Wow.

Speaker 2 Wow. What was the context? It was a cover story about podcasting.
Was it really? Wow. Yeah.
And I know what you're thinking. Jesse, you were on the cover of Costco Connection magazine?

Speaker 2 No, it was a pair of headphones.

Speaker 2 There was a picture of me on the inside of my house.

Speaker 2 But that's like showing the Mickey ears.

Speaker 2 I got more.

Speaker 2 The two pieces of press that I've gotten in my life. Look, when I married my wife,

Speaker 2 we were in the New York Times

Speaker 2 marriage column. You know what I mean? Wow.
The two pieces of press. I've been on the popular podcast.

Speaker 2 The two pieces of press that I've actually gotten a reaction from are one time they mentioned me on Howard Stern News, the news show about Howard Stern on the Howard Stern channel on Sirius XM.

Speaker 2 That's pretty good. And all my Gen Xers, all the Rob Cordreys of the world texted me like, oh shit, dude, they just talked about you on Howard News.

Speaker 2 And the other one is Costco Connection Magazine. Wow.

Speaker 2 The flood, the flood of notes from people who said their aunt read about me in Costco Connection Magazine and asked, do you know this Jesse Thorne fellow? Wow. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I get that Costco Connection Magazine. You know,

Speaker 2 I'm sure. It's like one of the largest circulation magazines in the world.

Speaker 2 That's wild.

Speaker 2 And I'm sure,

Speaker 2 are you jealous hearing this? You would like to. I mean, I feel like that's a good idea.
I would be featured in a Costco.

Speaker 2 Why is it a Cost Hoe?

Speaker 2 You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 2 I'm kind of a Cost Hoe.

Speaker 2 You know what I'm saying? I know what you're saying, yes.

Speaker 2 You get it.

Speaker 2 What's a Costco fanatic?

Speaker 3 I don't know. A Costco fan, but I get Cost Hoe is a nice court man.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I thought it was a pretty good card. It was pretty clever.
I thought Cost Hoe was good. You gave me a look.
I'm a Cost Hoe.

Speaker 3 I'm a Cost Hoe.

Speaker 2 What do you want from me? Nicholas, the audio audience can't tell. Yeah.
But you're wearing an embroidered Kirkland signature sweatshirt. That's right.
That's a crew neck.

Speaker 2 Now, Nick, I almost wore mine to this recording. We would have been hand-holding buddies.

Speaker 3 We would have been in the band handholding club with Jemmy, who's also wearing the Kirkland hoodie that we mentioned earlier.

Speaker 2 Oh, you look very dapper all dressed up. Thank you.
And you're wearing, are those, are those Kirkland signature short shorts that you're wearing? No, these are just short shorts.

Speaker 3 Oh, they're just short shorts. They're just sweat shorts that happen to.

Speaker 2 actually these are bare bottom is the band is a brand oh yeah thanks for the clarity on that yeah

Speaker 2 why they're called that yeah specificity is the soul of narrative my friend

Speaker 3 what so so you like costco i did is this like a like do you go do you go to costco as an adult you must go with regularity so family as a family man I go

Speaker 3 so infrequently as a family guy.

Speaker 2 I go so infrequently, but when I go, I just try and spend as much money as I can.

Speaker 2 So, like, the experience of being at a busy Costco is stressful for me. Right.
Like, I don't love that part of Costco. Uh,

Speaker 2 so I will go like

Speaker 2 quarterly and then I will buy like $1,100 worth of food at the Costco when I'm there. Like, I will, and it's not like because I bought a diamond ring.
I just fill my house wall to wall.

Speaker 2 Like, have you ever seen, um,

Speaker 2 have you ever ever seen little deeter needs to fly the werner herzog movie i know the movie i've never seen it okay incredible incredible movie it's about this german-american pilot who was a pow in the vietnam war and he was held in laos without food right

Speaker 2 and um like in like a jungle jail and this is a documentary right it's a documentary and they later and they later made it he later made a fictional version called rescue dawn exactly and uh in in this movie there's this scene.

Speaker 2 Well, for one thing, there's a series of scenes where Werner Herzog makes him reenact his capture. And you're like, wow, Werner Herzog is intense.

Speaker 2 But there's a scene where he's in his house in Mount Tamil Pius in Marin County, which is a really lovely, affluent place to live. And he's in his like beautiful open plan, exposed wood kitchen.

Speaker 2 And he just like lifts up the floor and expo and it and reveals that underneath the floor is like, you know, 40 bags, 40, 40, 40 pound bags of rice.

Speaker 2 And he says, if I don't have this in my house, I can't sleep at night. Wow.
And like, that's what my house is like after I go to Costco.

Speaker 2 It's just like piles of San Marzano tomatoes to the ceiling. Yeah.
I wish there was a single man's aisle at Costco. It would be nice to not have.

Speaker 2 Every time I've.

Speaker 2 I mean,

Speaker 2 actually, I would still buy the gigantic hand lotion.

Speaker 2 I just want, you know, I don't need like three times the chicken breast and all that stuff.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I mean, I will say, like, even as a

Speaker 3 couple,

Speaker 3 we, the food is less of the, I mean, we'll get look at stuff that won't spoil, but we don't have like a ton of rental. We don't have a ton of like freezer space or anything.

Speaker 3 So it's not like you're going to get a lot of food there. What I'm getting very oftentimes there is like dry goods,

Speaker 3 paper goods, you know,

Speaker 3 like beverages, things that that'll keep. But like, I don't get a ton of food at Costco, but I still get a lot of utility out of the membership.

Speaker 3 Cause also they'll have things like, there's just so many gift cards you can get at Costco that are like, like, like right now they have,

Speaker 3 and, you know, I'm not, I like, like, I'm not the biggest Uber guy, but you can't avoid it. It's like these services you can't not use.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 They have

Speaker 2 for using the name top dog. You know this.

Speaker 3 But you did, did you ever get your account restored? No. You're just not on Uber.

Speaker 2 I can't use Uber or Postmates. I have to use Lips.
That's the truth.

Speaker 3 Anyway, they have the, they have Uber.

Speaker 2 You know, fuck that. I, fuck Uber.
They're a horrible company.

Speaker 3 They are a bad company, but they do have Uber gift cards at Costco and they have DoorDash gift cards as well that are like, you know,

Speaker 3 you get like two $50 ones for like $80.

Speaker 2 God, you know what I love? Yeah. I love getting up to that counter and being like, can you give me some of them stamps where you get one free stamp?

Speaker 2 I didn't know you could do that. You can buy stamps at the counter at Costco and they charge you the book cost of the book of stamps minus one stamp.
And they're just losing the money. Yeah.

Speaker 2 They don't give a shit. They don't get a discount from the United States government.

Speaker 2 They just, they just want you there and they appreciate your membership. That's wild.
They're grateful. They're grateful that you joined them.

Speaker 2 I mean, I think, Nick, one of the things that you might like about Weiger, I know Mitch is sort of a Pinkerton. Yes.
But one of the things you might like about Costco is that

Speaker 2 one of the things you might like about Costco is

Speaker 2 they're.

Speaker 2 famous for treating their employees well, for paying well, caring for their employees well. There has been some, like the founding CEO who built Costco retired seven or eight years ago.

Speaker 2 He's still alive, still somewhat involved in the company, but there has been some talk that it has like moved more towards traditional exploitative retail

Speaker 2 practices, but still dramatically better than the alternatives, at least in the non-unionized alternatives in the grocery industry.

Speaker 3 How often are you going to a Costco food court when you're there?

Speaker 2 I probably go to the Costco food court 80% of the time I visit.

Speaker 3 Me too. I'm almost always like hitting up the food court and at least getting myself a hat.

Speaker 2 It's always so, I mean, even in whatever, the 15 years I've gone to Costco or whatever, or even more so, like the decade I've gone to Costco, more so when Doughboy started, it's the food court is even more insane than it ever has been.

Speaker 2 I'll say this. The benefit I've gotten gotten from it recently,

Speaker 2 I went to Hawaii and I booked on Costco Travel and it saved me some big bucks because I booked our hotel. I went with the Waalea Beach Resort, I booked our hotel at, and it saved us like huge money.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 I just booked a rental car from Costco. And it saves you big money.
It's wild.

Speaker 2 I had no idea about that. And then I was Googling and Redditing, and they were like, if you have Costco membership,

Speaker 2 use it for with Costco Travel.

Speaker 2 Yeah, most of the services that are associated with Costco are not great and not a great deal.

Speaker 2 Like most of the things that you're not actually, you know, the window shades and all these things that they have like displays of, but they're not selling in the store.

Speaker 3 I've read some skeptical takes on the tires as well.

Speaker 2 Yeah, the tire shop. Yes.

Speaker 2 I mean, they will like replace your tire for free without complaint, but the biggest problem I've had with the tire shop is they just don't have enough tires on hand. So it's always kind of a hassle.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Also, have you ever had this experience where you like get a hole in your tire and you go to the tire store and then they fix it and they charge you like 15 or 20 and you're like what a miracle yeah i almost like the opportunity to give them the twenty dollars to do i'm like i couldn't even begin to do whatever the fuck you just yes you just patch this tire plugging it up you plug it yeah it's 20 barely feels like a fair price for you to like go

Speaker 2 and get my car wheel into the air yeah you know what i mean the labor alone should cost more than twenty dollars Anyway, yeah, so those things are often not a great deal, but Costco travel, often a great deal.

Speaker 2 Yeah, good deal. And when I got gas from there, too, it was decent in Hawaii.
It was much cheaper than. Dude, people go ape shit in those Costco gas.

Speaker 2 I drive an electric now, but I used to buy, when I drove back and forth to Santa Cruz to

Speaker 2 do the sound of Young America in the early days of Bullseye.

Speaker 2 I was driving back and forth between San Francisco and Santa Cruz, and I would get gas at the Santa Cruz Costco.

Speaker 2 People be going ape shit in there.

Speaker 3 It's really a wild cue.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Look, today, when we were there today, the food court was pretty wild, I'd say.
Wouldn't you? It was pretty good. I would say, but I've seen it worse.
But it moves well.

Speaker 3 It moves well. And let me just say this:

Speaker 3 the food court, they know what they're doing. We go up there.
We got a big honking doughboys order. I'm immediately, we place it at the kiosk.
I'm apologizing as I'm handing the receipt.

Speaker 3 She's like, she's like, don't apologize. And she's completely got it under control.

Speaker 2 She fucking called you a noob.

Speaker 3 She's an absolute fucking.

Speaker 2 She was like, fucking relaxed. She didn't call me a dweeb.

Speaker 3 She didn't call me a dweeb or a nude.

Speaker 2 Hold on. She said, this guy's pretty particular, but he's a fucking nude.
Mitch, she called him a cuck. She did call him a cuck.

Speaker 2 She called you a cuck.

Speaker 3 I said, don't call me that.

Speaker 2 Then he was like, do call me.

Speaker 2 She was a. She was my wife.

Speaker 2 She was a pro.

Speaker 3 She was a complete pro. It just absolutely knocked everything out.
And also, Mitch, because we called ahead. So you were driving to the polling place.

Speaker 3 You called the Costco food court and put an order for a whole cheese pizza, which was overkill. But I'm glad we got the whole cheese pizza.

Speaker 3 You get the different experience than having a slice. Sure, yeah.
But you placed it over the phone. The guy was so cool about it.

Speaker 2 The guy was cool as hell. And the pizza was ready as shit when we got it.
The pizza was ready. We were like here for pizza.
And I don't even, I think they just keep slinging them out.

Speaker 2 Cause we were like, we're here for the pizza. And I don't think that like, cause I didn't even tell them that the name was Mitchell.

Speaker 3 Usually it takes a little bit of time for an ed for a pizza. Like I've seen it take like 45 minutes before.

Speaker 3 So like it's sometimes helpful to call ahead, but I think we went at a time where they just had them at, it was basically like a like a little Caesar hot and ready.

Speaker 2 They were slinging them. The word on the Costco subreddit, of which I am a member, R slash Costco.
Wow.

Speaker 2 Is that the move is to order your pizza on the way into the Costco, do your shopping, grab your pizza on the way out, bring it home.

Speaker 3 I've heard of this before. I've heard people doing that.

Speaker 2 And they also heard good things about about the new Detroit pizza that's available inside the Costco. Okay.
The Taken Bank.

Speaker 3 They used to have a red phone, like a Batman phone that you can pick up inside and then call and order a pizza from inside the store, which was a lot of fun, but they don't have that anymore.

Speaker 2 Thank God they don't have the hotline. I know.
Thank God they didn't have the black phone.

Speaker 2 Can you imagine?

Speaker 2 That's the movie, the black phone.

Speaker 2 Is this phone, is this thing good news?

Speaker 2 No, it's, I mean, I think it's very haunted, I believe.

Speaker 3 The black phone is haunted, but it's also helpful. The black phone is a source of

Speaker 2 Ethan Hawk also. Like my local Honda dealer?

Speaker 3 It's helpful in the way a local Honda dealer is.

Speaker 3 Except

Speaker 3 it's the ghost of murdered children who are giving guidance on how to escape the prison you're trapped in.

Speaker 2 Do you have a black phone in your house or no? Oh, yeah, yeah. I got to have a black phone.
It's 2025. Why'd you do this to us, Nick? Nick.

Speaker 2 I just started watching. I watched half of the black phone.
And maybe I watched the black phone too. I was was having an okay time with it.
Yeah. I liked it.
You know what? I'm shocked.

Speaker 2 I said it the other day. It welcome to Derry.
I was having a good time with it. I was shocked.
Couldn't believe that I was enjoying it. Yeah.
It's the Kingiverse. We were talking about this.

Speaker 2 It's the Stephen Kingiverse. Shawshank Redemption.
The Shawshank Prison is in It Welcome to Derry. And then

Speaker 2 I told Nick this, but they were like.

Speaker 2 They reveal a guy and it's like, it's Dick Holleran. And he's, you know, the guy from the shining.
He's in. So they're all,

Speaker 2 it's like really a king of Earth shit. And they, then they got those crazy trucks for Maximum Overdrive.
I pray that we get to see

Speaker 2 those cocaine trucks. If we see the goblin truck from Maximum Overdrive, I'll be thrilled.
Or a Langolier here or there, I'd be happy.

Speaker 3 Yeah, it's just sad. Our cat died.
We got to go bury them in the pet cemetery.

Speaker 2 Go away. Hold on.

Speaker 3 The cat was eaten by Cujo.

Speaker 2 You say that, but I'm telling you, there is going to be some sort of pet cemetery. You can feel it already.

Speaker 2 I just got hit by a real car.

Speaker 2 Reference to his actual life.

Speaker 2 But he's okay. He's doing better.
Oh, no. The cell attack.

Speaker 2 You remember how?

Speaker 2 The cell phones turned everyone to zombies. Do you remember that? The cell turned everybody into zombies.

Speaker 2 What color were those phones?

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 2 The only king book I've read, Cell. You read Cell? I read Cell.

Speaker 2 What led you to read Cell? Classic Choice. I think because it was like like Stephen King and it's a zombie book.
And then everyone's told me to read the

Speaker 2 Dark Tower. Is that Dark Tower, yeah.

Speaker 3 I just read the first book, The Gunslinger, and I really, really enjoyed it.

Speaker 2 Is it a trilogy? What is it? It's like seven books. Oh, it's seven books.
Oh, geez. Sprawling series.

Speaker 2 Yeah. That guy gets him out.

Speaker 3 He really does churn out an incredible volume of work.

Speaker 2 You know what? A maniac as well.

Speaker 2 Ultimately, not a lot of unnecessary words.

Speaker 3 Yes. Omit needless words to quote E.B.
White.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Now, all right. I got got something here.
Here's, here's something to not omit, but to add. Oh, oh,

Speaker 2 the converse. The student has become the teacher.
The antonym. Uh-huh.
Pretty good. Sure.
The antonym.

Speaker 2 You know what? I said this at Costco. Nick, I said it to you on the way out.
The thing that was slowing down that line, you're a creamsman. Ice cream was slowing everything down.

Speaker 2 And I was saying cold, a cold drinks window. There's a pizza pickup window.
A cold drinks/slash ice cream window only would be very helpful at Costco.

Speaker 2 What if they would make you freeze or a float?

Speaker 2 I think that that is it. I think that that is it.
I think that's a cold drink. That would be fun.
I think that's at the cost. I think that's at the cold window.
And here's the thing.

Speaker 3 And like the mocha freeze would be there as well, you're saying.

Speaker 2 That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 She was slinging out the hot, like the gunslinger. She was slinging out hot food left and right.
We were getting everything. She should have been slinging out cold food, like Mr.

Speaker 2 Freeze from the movie Batman and Mr. Freeze.
That's what there is no, hold on a second now.

Speaker 2 There is no Batman and Mr. Freeze.

Speaker 2 I made you a drink.

Speaker 2 Was that Arnold? It's cold.

Speaker 2 I made you a cold drink.

Speaker 2 It's me, Mr. Freeze.
I've never remembered this from his bullseye interview.

Speaker 2 I've never heard you do an impression, I don't think, ever in my life.

Speaker 2 And you're Arnold is. And who knew? I'm fucking Daryl Hammond over here.
Pretty good.

Speaker 2 I think a cold, a cold, icy window would be. I think it would be a good idea.
By the way,

Speaker 2 the trip three is me and Steve Coogan and that other guy. We're doing impressions down at the Costco Food Store.

Speaker 3 It's a little bit of a bottleneck. You're correct with the cold drink,

Speaker 3 rather the frozen items.

Speaker 3 The caramel brownie sundae, the strawberry lemonade.

Speaker 2 We did get

Speaker 2 held up by a coupled chocolate chunk, a double chocolate chunk. chocolate.

Speaker 3 That was the main thing we were waiting on, but that was just the, you know, they, they had to heat up a couple more of those, which generally is no problem at all because you're getting them hot, them double chunks straight out of the oven.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's not a problem to get cookies.

Speaker 3 But you, as you apparently do have a problem consuming chocolate because of your, they aggravate your migraines.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's a migraine trigger. But you know what? At the end of the day,

Speaker 2 I don't eat chocolate things generally. Yeah.

Speaker 2 But I'll be fucked if I'm going to fucking lose out on eating chocolate chip cookies, the greatest fruit on earth.

Speaker 2 Like, there was a period where I went on this migraine exclusion diet. We just excluded everything that's a migraine trigger for anybody.
Yeah. And then you add them in slowly.

Speaker 2 Did you ever try Culipta? They put me on that for a minute. Yeah.
That worked. How'd Culipta go for you? It was okay.
I got Amovig. Amovig.
They thought that my long COVID was

Speaker 2 migraines.

Speaker 2 But it was long COVID. Long COVID.

Speaker 2 Too long, if you ask me. I agree with you.
It's over. I just hit the two-year mark of long COVID.
Wow.

Speaker 2 That's why I pulled out my little bag of drugs that I have.

Speaker 2 This looks a little bit more like a dare bag because I haven't taken them all today. But there we go.
I got some bag of bago drugs.

Speaker 2 I would love if every Doughboys had a part where you just had one of those tables covered in drugs like the sheriffs have after a drug. Oh, yeah.
And the guests can help themselves.

Speaker 3 I love those exhibitions.

Speaker 2 I can't have chocolate because it's a migraine trigger. But luckily, when I did that diet, I did find that I could have cheese because if I decided to give up pizza, it would be totally fine.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's rough. But I'm a real creensman.
Hell yeah.

Speaker 2 And I do like to eat ice cream at Costco. Yeah.

Speaker 3 I will like I will usually get a sweet treat from Costco, but I'll usually opt for like a smoothie. And right now they have the strawberry lemonade.
And so that's kind of become my go-to.

Speaker 3 But also they have.

Speaker 2 Strawberry lemonade.

Speaker 3 They switched. Yeah, that's what we had.

Speaker 2 I thought it was a strawberry banana.

Speaker 3 Boy, it might be a. I'm pretty sure it was a strawberry banana.

Speaker 2 They have a strawberry lemonade. Yeah, I think that's what it is.
Did you order the strawberry banana?

Speaker 3 No, I'm pretty sure I ordered a strawberry lemonade.

Speaker 2 There's a strawberry, there's a

Speaker 2 berry smoothie.

Speaker 3 There's a berry. Well, no, they've discontinued the berry smoothie and replaced it with a strawberry lemonade.
Yeah, that's gone.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's gone. Fuck.

Speaker 2 Oh, so it's a. It's so stupid.

Speaker 3 No, it's fine. It's fine.

Speaker 2 It's fine. It's fine.
It's an understandable mistake. It came here.
I said it in the magazine. He made a whole big fucking thing out of it.
Looks like they were doing a sequel in the magazine.

Speaker 2 Just so excited.

Speaker 2 One of my favorite shows.

Speaker 2 It's a frozen strawberry lemon.

Speaker 3 It's a frozen strawberry lemon. It is good.

Speaker 2 I like it quite a bit. We're excited to have you here, too.
I like it. I like it too.

Speaker 2 I just want you guys to know: if you look here, if you look here in my podcast app, there it is. Wow.
Subscribe to the podcast. How about that? You subscribe to R slash Doughboys.

Speaker 2 I subscribe to R slash Dough Boys.

Speaker 2 Yeah, stay out of there.

Speaker 3 It's a sewer.

Speaker 3 What's your podcast app of choice?

Speaker 2 I like Overcast.

Speaker 3 I'm an Overcast man, too. Yeah.
I mean, you probably don't listen to podcasts. No.

Speaker 1 My podcast app of choice is Pro Tools.

Speaker 3 Classic podcast producer mode. There's no listening, no actual podcast you listen to.

Speaker 1 It's impossible to turn that part of my brain off. And if I hear like a click or a pop or a cough in another podcast, I like instinctually reach for my computer to fix it.
And I'm like, nope.

Speaker 2 Are you listening to every episode? Do you have to listen to every episode or can you just match it up with the, you know what I'm saying? With the little vocal shit.

Speaker 2 What do you mean, match it it up with the vocal? Mitch is asking, hold on.

Speaker 2 Hold on. I'm in the podcast Hall of Fame.

Speaker 2 What Mitch is asking you is when you produce the podcast, The Doughboys,

Speaker 2 do you listen to the episodes or just have a computer listen to them for you?

Speaker 1 Most people these days have the computer to do it for them, but I can't do that because I have control issues, so I listen.

Speaker 2 Oh, I thought sometimes you looked at the little vocal waves.

Speaker 2 I mean, I will. You ever look at those vocal waves? I do do a thing sometimes.
Full waves.

Speaker 1 I do do a thing sometimes with, especially this show, because I know the way you guys speak so well, I can, sometimes I'll be pre, I'll pre-mix where I like can draw my automation in without listening to it, but then I listen to it later to make sure

Speaker 1 I can pull anything out. But it's more I can't.

Speaker 2 I've listened to so many episodes of our shitty segments.

Speaker 1 I've listened to everything since I started at least twice.

Speaker 1 But the most of the time, if I do that, I can like fold my laundry while I listen and make it it more of a passive listen than I sit and like lock and listen. It's like a little different.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Man, your job sucks.

Speaker 2 Yeah, my rates are going way.

Speaker 2 Fuck, we're bankrupt. We'll talk off bod.

Speaker 3 No, it's a,

Speaker 3 you're very thorough. That's the way you're the best in the biz.
That's the way that's the way the show sounds like.

Speaker 1 I think it's that little extra sauce on top.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Actually listening to it, not having an AI do it.

Speaker 1 But I get why you don't want to listen to podcasts in your spare time yes a lot of people do do the computer thing which i can hear aggressively and it bothers me so i can't listen to it yeah

Speaker 3 so so you're like a costco regular you hit up the food court let me run down the roster of what we got and and i i'm curious what's the roster we got we got a we got it we got a number of different things

Speaker 3 uh we got hot dogs for all we got double chunk cookies for all uh we also got a cheese pizza a whole cheese pizza which i think much of is still in the kitchen uh we got a combo calzone which is a new item they have.

Speaker 3 We got a hot turkey and provolone sandwich, another fairly recent addition to the menu. We got a chicken bake, a Costco guys staple.

Speaker 3 We got a caramel brownie sundae, which is another new addition to the menu. And then the strawberry lemonade, which has just come on pretty recently.
I mean, let's start, I guess, in Italy.

Speaker 2 We each got hot dogs as well. That's the first thing I said.
Oh, or whatever.

Speaker 3 But yes, we each got hot dogs.

Speaker 2 And I ate mine there.

Speaker 3 Yeah, you ate your hot dog immediately.

Speaker 2 I ate my hot dog. Kind of a power move.
You also ate some hot dog when when you got back here.

Speaker 2 Well, I don't need my dog. That's not true.
I've eaten raw dog. I mean, I've eaten not, like, I've not, I've eaten no toppings on a dog.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I went, I went raw dog when we got back here.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I wanted a little bit of, I wanted some, some toppings on there. No, I had a still no onion.

Speaker 3 I had a, I had a Costco hot dog at the Costco food court two days ago. I did not need this other hot dog, but I got it anyway.

Speaker 3 But that, that, that Costco hot dog I had, I put, you know, yellow mustard, relish, and, and onions. You get the onions from behind the counter.

Speaker 2 Oh, I didn't get them.

Speaker 3 Yeah, but um, but yeah, you have to ask for them. I didn't want to burden this worker even further.

Speaker 2 But I, I, here, here's, here's what I'm just going to say this right off the bat. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Cheese pizza and the hot dog are the Big Mac of Costco. They're, they're, they're great.

Speaker 3 Yeah, that's what I mean, my, my go-to will be a, a slice of cheese and a hot dog. That's, that's usually like my, my Costco lunch.

Speaker 2 Double.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I'll get a hot dog and it's two entrees.

Speaker 2 Yeah, why not? Wow. Fucking piggy.
It's incredible.

Speaker 2 Oink, oink.

Speaker 2 What are you like? A pig eating out of a trough? Yeah.

Speaker 3 Death of a pig.

Speaker 2 White should fucking write about you. Can I just say some pig over here?

Speaker 2 It is something. He is some pig.

Speaker 3 I work up an appetite. I go up there

Speaker 3 and I feast.

Speaker 3 Sometimes I'll just do the hot dog. Yeah.

Speaker 3 But a hot dog is.

Speaker 2 It's a beefy boy.

Speaker 2 I am sick. I feel sick.

Speaker 2 We had a lot of stuff to try.

Speaker 3 We overindulged. If we weren't doing this podcast

Speaker 3 episode as an exercise, we would have not have gotten this. I would never have gotten the combo calzone or the

Speaker 3 turkey and provolone sandwich on my own.

Speaker 2 I would never have ordered them. I'll never get them again.

Speaker 3 They were both pretty bad. The calzone, I guess, was serviceable, but why would I get that over the pizza?

Speaker 2 The calzone is serviceable. I got to tell you, salt bomb through and through.
Yeah. That is a salty.
I'm so tired of salty pizza.

Speaker 2 No, it's just so much meat and it's too much for me. Also, goopy.
I thought the calzone was okay.

Speaker 3 No. You didn't mind it.

Speaker 2 I didn't mind it. I wouldn't order it again.
That's because I'm a hot dog guy.

Speaker 3 I hated the sandwich. I thought the sandwich was straight up bad.

Speaker 2 Yeah, the sandwich kind of sucked. It was really tomato.
The tomato, it has a strong tomato.

Speaker 3 Too much tomato.

Speaker 2 A lot of tomato. Yeah.
That's the wages would say. Emma, did you like the calzone? It was okay.

Speaker 1 I think, I think I want almost wanted it to have more dough.

Speaker 1 Like it didn't, it seemed like, I don't know, I think of a calzone as like a folded up pizza and it just felt like kind of thin.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's a really interesting way to think of it.

Speaker 1 I don't know if that's like,

Speaker 1 but like their pizza crust is like fairly thick and fluffy. So I was expecting that on the calzone and I feel like that's not quite what it was.

Speaker 3 This more felt like a hand pot pie. It was very liquidy.
Yes.

Speaker 3 I didn't much, I thought it was okay. I agree with you, but I didn't much care for it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it was a little wet.

Speaker 3 Really wet. The cheese pizza I thought was much better than the calzone.
I'd much rather just have a slice of the pizza for sure. I agree.

Speaker 2 Cheese pizza is not sure. It wasn't bad.
100%.

Speaker 3 Now, the chicken bake. Let's talk about this.
The Costco guys love the chicken bake. Do you have a take on the Costco guys?

Speaker 2 One of those guys is a little guy called The Rizzler. Yeah, the Rizzler.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 That's the chicken.

Speaker 2 Is that your take on him? Yeah.

Speaker 2 There's AJ. There's AJ.

Speaker 3 There's Big Justice and the Rizzler.

Speaker 2 I've seen this Rizzler at the baseball game rizzling up the baseball team. Wow.
Yeah. How about that? He rizzles up, I believe, the New York Mets, I believe, is who he likes to rizzle up.

Speaker 2 The Rizzler has shopping stratosphere. He also, I don't think, has hit puberty yet.
So he's, I think.

Speaker 3 He's a young guy. He's like nine years old.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 He's got a little warm.

Speaker 2 I'm not on TikTok. I haven't actually seen any of the videos of the Costco guys.
To me, they are baseball personalities. Sure.

Speaker 2 Just like the little girl that puts a hex on the Dodgers at the Giants game

Speaker 2 and also the giant bunny rabbit that was a service animal that used to go to the Giants game. May it rest in peace.
Cute. That's.

Speaker 2 Well.

Speaker 2 I don't think it's cute that the rabbit died.

Speaker 3 It's not cute that it died, but it's cute that this rabbit went to the,

Speaker 3 it's not cute that this rabbit.

Speaker 2 This rabbit was fucking huge, Nick. You wouldn't believe this rabbit.
Incredible rabbit. I like a big rabbit.

Speaker 3 Multiple plots at the pet cemetery.

Speaker 2 I held the big rabbit in a birthday boy sketch. I don't know if you remember this.
It was Mitch's secret garden. You were in a sketch comedy group called the Birthday Boy.

Speaker 2 I brought it up now.

Speaker 2 I guess I've gotten to the point now where I'm getting

Speaker 2 nostalgic for my old sketch group.

Speaker 3 How about that?

Speaker 2 As sad as it gets. You know,

Speaker 2 this has come up on the Doughboys before, but I just want to take an opportunity to say

Speaker 2 I knew Mitch long before I knew Nick. Nick, you were office mates with my co-host Jordan Moore at Midnight.
That's how I came to know you.

Speaker 2 But Mitch and I knew each other. Long before that, yeah.
Yeah, from our mutual sketch comedy days back when I was doing sketch with Jordan. Frank the Dean, am I correct? Frank the Dean, exactly.

Speaker 2 And I have to say, one of my most treasured memories of those days, even more than the time that we were playing the Seattle Sketch Comedy Festival and we were sleeping in someone's three-car, modular outdoor garage that had been converted into a theater for Burning Man,

Speaker 2 where they put on productions of Buffy the Vampire Slayer episodes, and there weren't any windows.

Speaker 2 So when Jordan woke up in the middle of the night and was kind of drunk, he ended up just having to pee in a corner.

Speaker 2 Classic Jordan Morris. Even more than that memory,

Speaker 2 one of my most fond memories is watching you guys do Gotta Get That Pie. Gotta, we gotta sketch.
There's just like, you know, you do these shows with other sketch comedy groups at festivals.

Speaker 2 This was like before the days that everybody's video, everybody had sketches on the internet. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So it was like you do these, you go to festivals, you'd meet other groups, you'd be like, some, you'd be like, oh, that's fine. And some there would be something special would happen.

Speaker 2 I saw them do that, that sketch at

Speaker 2 the New York UCB, I think.

Speaker 2 It was New York. It was the New York Sketch Fest.
This is the truth. You guys were there.
We were there. The Apple sisters.
I'm trying to think.

Speaker 2 There was other sketch groups. Maybe Whitest Kids.
I don't know. I don't know who was there.
Ten West maybe used to do a lot of those brilliant sketch duo from here in Los Angeles.

Speaker 2 There were some

Speaker 2 sketch folk there.

Speaker 2 I think all the time about, oh, we got to get their pie.

Speaker 2 That was our opener. That was our big opener.
I think it sort of loses a little bit of steam when you come out in the Moo Moo. But the, ooh, we got to get the Cal Beckers.

Speaker 2 Ooh, Cal Beck is this part of the really good initiative. Hanford's really good in it, too.
Yeah. And Mitch is the best in it.

Speaker 2 Or Mitch comes out and kind of does an an Adam Sandler character, but it's all right. The rest of it's so great.
I very much do do an Adam Sandler. You know what? It's a charmer.

Speaker 2 You know, I've never even thought of it that until this moment that that was very much an Adam Sandler character. It's all right.
It was like, oh,

Speaker 2 like, my pie. That's what I was doing.
That's right. Yeah.

Speaker 3 You're an old lady who gets badly beaten.

Speaker 2 I am an old lady who gets badly beaten by the rest of the boys. They put, see, Nick.
Yeah. They put a pie on a ladder and then they just go, oh, I got to get that.

Speaker 3 They can't reach it because they position the ladder poorly. They can't reach the pie.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I guess the ladder is like a high. I can't tell if you two are tearing the sketch apart.

Speaker 3 It's a funny sketch. It made me laugh.

Speaker 2 Mitch, I love Gotta Get That Pie. Ask Hodgran how many times I've made him listen to me talk about how much I love you.
Gotta get that pie. Well, you know what?

Speaker 2 At that time, we were a little starstruck by you backstage because we were the sound of young America, the sound of young America listeners. Really?

Speaker 2 Yeah, so we, me and Cal Packis, this is like the end of CDs, but like I would get CDs burnt of the sound of young America. Oh, that's so sweet.

Speaker 2 I just did a 25th anniversary show at LAST here in Pasadena, the NPR station here in Los Angeles. And Jason Manzoukis was a guest on the show.
Love Zeus.

Speaker 2 One of the funniest guys in the world, obviously. And one of the handsomest guys in the world, just asking his many celebrity love interests.

Speaker 2 But anyway,

Speaker 2 Jason Manzoukis came on the show. And he was telling me.

Speaker 2 You know, you got a couple of laughs.

Speaker 2 He was telling me me about listening. You didn't like that? No, I mean, wait a minute.
This is complimentary. Zeus, it is.
You look good and you're funny.

Speaker 3 Your sides are splitting, then your pants are splitting from your fucking boner. He's a good looking guy, and he's very funny.

Speaker 2 Yeah, got it all.

Speaker 2 Jason Manzukas was telling me about listening to the sound of Young America riding down on the subway in New York in those days. Wow.

Speaker 2 And it was, it was really lovely to hear that the work that I made meant so much to people who I liked and admired back then.

Speaker 2 And it was a vivid reminder that it would be nice if people still listen to my shows.

Speaker 2 They do. You have an update.
That's what that bullseye is out of control crazy.

Speaker 2 Popular. Jesus, out of control crazy.

Speaker 2 Literally NPR's least popular program. Oh,

Speaker 3 don't say that.

Speaker 2 It's true. I get the ratings, books.

Speaker 2 Hey, Doughboys listeners, listen to Bullseye. There you go.
I think at some point it was the Thistle and Sham Rock, the Celtic music program. I don't think that's an NPR show.

Speaker 3 I think you still have a lot to be proud of.

Speaker 2 I mean, look,

Speaker 2 if there was a battle arena for public radio shows, I went in one door and Dr. Zorba Pastor on your health went in the other door, I'd come out holding Zorba Pastor's head up over

Speaker 2 blood pouring from the stump.

Speaker 3 Jordan Jesse Go, one of the funnest shows to get.

Speaker 2 Of course, absolutely. You're a multiple-time Doughboys guest.
Two times.

Speaker 2 That's multiple. Yeah.

Speaker 3 What did you think of the chicken bake?

Speaker 2 Like the locusts that come around every 13 years.

Speaker 2 What did I think of the chicken bake? I have a lot of fondness for the chicken bake.

Speaker 2 I would say, like, I'm a person who, when I listen to the Doughboys, am often surprised at how much people like the things that they ate.

Speaker 2 Because I think I've always lived in a place where there was like a better thing to eat than Taco Bell.

Speaker 2 Like I just have always lived where like there's a burrito on the corner that's going to be better than

Speaker 2 a fast food restaurant. Sure.

Speaker 2 But, um, but it's different.

Speaker 3 That's also not Taco Bell.

Speaker 2 It's a little different. Yeah.
But I get what you're saying. Yeah.
Yeah. I, uh, the point here is that I'm a smug prick.
Everybody knows that.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 with the, with the chicken bake, I think that is the single most disgusting and meritless food that I like. Yeah.
Oh, that you like. Okay.

Speaker 2 It has a weird, like inside of this bread is this weird sort of flour paste that i think they make by taking raw flour and crisco and combining them with a mortar and basal

Speaker 2 like it is a truly like it is the weirdest food in the world you know what i this this trip when we were cutting open that when we were cutting slices of the chicken bake it did kind of gross me out that it was just like gristle like just chicken ground up with bacon into this mush and i there's no there's no like notable flavor like I guess it's supposed to be rant.

Speaker 3 It's supposed to be kind of Caesary, I believe.

Speaker 2 Caesary, yeah. I mean, it is of the vaguest of flavors.
Yeah. Other than salt and fat.

Speaker 1 I don't think I realized there was bacon or caesar in there at all.

Speaker 2 I think that

Speaker 2 I could see that, but I also think it's an oh, I think it's a very strong flavor of whatever it is. It's like, I think it's very bacon-y or something to me.

Speaker 2 I don't know.

Speaker 2 It's very savory. It's very savory.
Honestly, I like chicken bakes so much. I don't usually get them because they're like 1,100 calories or something.

Speaker 3 And I'm like, they're so heavy.

Speaker 2 I would rather eat a giant bowl of ice cream like Gamma.

Speaker 2 Like at the end of the day, anytime I'm looking at something that's like really calorie dense, I'm generally thinking I'd rather eat a giant bowl of ice cream. Right.
I get it. But

Speaker 2 I do really like them to the point where once in a while, I will buy the like box of frozen ones. Wow.
And the only problem is they take like a full 45 minutes or something to cook. Right.

Speaker 2 Have you guys ever been to Costco Business Center?

Speaker 3 No, tell us about it.

Speaker 2 Costco Business Center. I've never been.
This is so this is in the one in Los Angeles, is in the, I believe, the city of commerce. Okay.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 3 that makes sense.

Speaker 2 This is exactly

Speaker 2 business and commerce. Why? They're not antonyms.

Speaker 2 That would be a synonym.

Speaker 2 You got it. AB English over here.

Speaker 2 My mother was an English teacher. Ah,

Speaker 2 so you really know you're synecdoche from your metonymy. I certainly do.
Okay.

Speaker 2 So at the Costco Business Center,

Speaker 2 it's like a Costco for

Speaker 2 like theoretically, Costco is always a wholesale to the public situation, right?

Speaker 2 But the Costco Business Center is actually four stores. So if you go into like, there is like a

Speaker 2 football field-sized room that is a walk-in cooler where you can just buy a lamb.

Speaker 2 Like a whole lamb. Like a lamb fucking hanging from a rope.
Wow. You can buy, it is incredible.

Speaker 2 The only experience I love,

Speaker 2 one of my greatest joys in life is to go into

Speaker 2 someone else's secret world and feel like I'm getting over. Yeah, sure.

Speaker 2 Like Mitch and I were talking about Maximum Fun, the podcast company of which I'm a worker owner, just moved to downtown Los Angeles.

Speaker 2 And like the thing I love about downtown Los Angeles is like, you'll be walking down a block and you'll be like, oh, I'm in the bong district. Right.

Speaker 2 This is all wholesale bong sales to bong retailers.

Speaker 2 Like by our office, there is a store that sells things to make hats from, but for professional hat makers, not like to a hobbyist, not like a beautiful boutique store, but just like a store where they're like, oh, fuck, I got to make 45 hats today.

Speaker 2 I got to go get a a shit ton of ribbon. Right?

Speaker 3 Yeah. If you work at a haberdashery, you got to go to this is this is your source for materials.

Speaker 2 That's incorrect. If you work at a millinery, a millinery as opposed to a haberdashery.
Yeah, haberdashery generally sells men's clothes. Wow.
Okay, I've changed my mind.

Speaker 2 I've changed my mind. You're both particular.

Speaker 2 Anyway,

Speaker 2 what's the word? Millinary? Yeah. Oh, what a good word.
Oh, Jesus Christ. Millinary.
Have you ever seen Emma in the Bong district?

Speaker 2 Don't docks, I dance.

Speaker 2 So the Costco Business Center is that. Like one time for my wedding,

Speaker 2 I, we had like a candy table.

Speaker 3 Fun.

Speaker 2 And I got to go to like the wholesale candy store where you like get a palette and you buy candy by the case. Cause I was like, I want to buy a bunch of fucking like bubblegum cigarettes.

Speaker 2 I'm like, all this shit, right?

Speaker 2 It's that feeling. Like you feel like

Speaker 2 you know someone's secrets, right? Like feel that way. If I go to the, like, like the restaurant supply store, I feel that way.
Like, I would love to go to like a like a boat person store,

Speaker 2 not like a hobbyist store, like for real sea captains. Right.

Speaker 2 Like, that is the thrill of the Costco business.

Speaker 3 You're gonna set across, set out on a transatlantic voyage. What supplies do you need? And where do you go?

Speaker 2 They got so many kinds of seltzer at the Costco Business Center. Holy shit.
You said it's, did you say it's four stores? It's four. It's four stores and restaurants.
It's four stores.

Speaker 2 It's four stores. It's four stores.

Speaker 2 F-O-R. Oh,

Speaker 3 stores and restaurants. Other businesses shop there.

Speaker 2 Yeah. For their own stuff.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Four stores and seven carts ago. Just gargantuan first aid kits.
They got there. Abraham Costco.
So I just wanted to finish that off.

Speaker 2 So at the end of that, you said, what did you say there at the end of that?

Speaker 2 Abraham Costco, four stores and seven carts ago. Okay.
Yeah, you really finished that off.

Speaker 3 Probably got his top hat at a millinery.

Speaker 2 Millinary.

Speaker 3 Millinary.

Speaker 2 My point is that I have a chest freezer and sometimes there's chicken bakes in there. Wow.
Wow.

Speaker 2 Is that where you got the chest freezer from that store? No. Oh.

Speaker 3 I will get a chicken bake on occasion. Sorry.
I can't say I love the chick. I like the chicken bake is a thing I'm passionate about.
I do like that there are people who really love it.

Speaker 3 I like that it exists. I like that it's like a gigantic hot pocket.
I like that it's like a Chipotle burrito-sized stromboli.

Speaker 2 I think I like that it's just a weird thing that only exists at Costco.

Speaker 3 It's very weird. It's very specific.
It's like a calzone,

Speaker 3 a turkey and provolone sandwich, a hot dog, a slice of pizza. You can wrap your head around these things.
These things exist outside of the context of Costco.

Speaker 2 But chicken bake is fucking unimaginable. It's bespoke.
Yes. I like that it exists.
I don't know if I love the taste of it.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I mean,

Speaker 3 it's not my favorite, but sometimes I'm craving it.

Speaker 2 You believe in it in principle. I do.
I very much believe in it. You think in a just just world.

Speaker 2 Look, if they said the chicken bake is going away,

Speaker 2 I'd be sad. I'd shed a tear.

Speaker 2 You'd shed a tear. A single tear?

Speaker 3 Yeah, just one.

Speaker 2 Like that commercial from the 70s with the Native American and the trash in the river.

Speaker 2 That commercial was on a lot. I think for people who did not grow up.

Speaker 2 I don't think people who did not grow up in that time, it was very much a thing that you saw all the time.

Speaker 2 I feel like it's the kind of thing that I only know about because people like Hodgman or maybe Blaine Capach are constantly talking to you.

Speaker 2 You were late to having a TV that you were saying. Yeah.
That's true.

Speaker 2 It was heavy rotation. Color.

Speaker 2 We had a black and white TV. Oh, okay.
Yeah. We got it from my dad's friend Raleigh when he died.
That's,

Speaker 2 I like that. Well, I don't like that.
Talk about a ghost of.

Speaker 2 Jesus Christ. How is your hot dog? You know what? I have a theory that I'm glad that you brought this up because I have a theory I want to run by you.

Speaker 2 Do you think

Speaker 2 that the narrowest band

Speaker 2 of quality of any acceptable food

Speaker 2 is the hot dog?

Speaker 3 Hmm, interesting.

Speaker 2 So, like, I'll give you an example. So, I'll give you a parallel.

Speaker 2 This is why you host bullseye because this is the good, this is the good stuff. Hot dog.
First of all, I think Nick's doing a great job hosting this show. Oh, thank you.

Speaker 2 Um, and you've added a lot of color.

Speaker 2 You need the silly guy. You need the silly guy.

Speaker 3 You're a silly guy.

Speaker 2 you're a bit of a goose i bet you got you got you need the goose yeah i'm hearing i'm hearing some uh i'm hearing some quacking over here that's not quacking you need the goose

Speaker 2 wherever you go you're a gander is a goose there's goose i'm a gander it's what's good for you is good for me baby that's what i'm talking about there you go uh that's the secret of podcasting two different kinds of particular guys

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 I'm tall. Jordan's medium.

Speaker 2 That's true. It is true.

Speaker 3 It would be helpful. I was like, it would be helpful if I was like, if I was like a short king, if I was like a littler guy.

Speaker 2 There's more people. You're a big guy.
I mean, people for people don't really think about it. They see me and they think that I mean, I am big.
Yeah. But they don't really that.

Speaker 2 What if Mitch was like a big, tall Bluto type guy?

Speaker 3 Yeah, if Mitch was like...

Speaker 2 Wait, I am, aren't I? Mitch is moderately tall, but I'm talking about like, what if Mitch was 6'6 ⁇ ?

Speaker 3 Yeah, like I'm 6'1, you're 6'3. It would be better if like I was like 5'9 and you were like 6'7.

Speaker 2 It is crazy that as i get older i've you're like tall i've always gotten that i'm six three six three just ain't cutting it anymore oh no yeah you know what happened

Speaker 2 happened well first of all six seven

Speaker 2 people say people do say six seven

Speaker 2 seven

Speaker 3 that children still

Speaker 2 old and just six seven i went to the doctor yesterday i thought i was six three She said, I'm 6'4. I said, thank you very much.
I'll take it. Wow.
Okay. You got to upgrade it.

Speaker 2 Write it down in the notes.

Speaker 2 I'd say you got an inch on me, I would say.

Speaker 2 In height. Yeah.

Speaker 2 We both have small penises.

Speaker 2 I think that's what we share in common between Jordan, Jesse Goh, and the Doughboys is both of us have one large penis. And one small penis.

Speaker 2 That's also, that's the other podcast thing, too.

Speaker 2 So anyway.

Speaker 2 Pizza is a better food than hot dogs. Pizza's the I agree with that, but I do like hot dogs quite hot dogs quite a bit.
So, like, but like, pizza is a miracle food. Everyone on earth loves pizza.

Speaker 2 Even vegans love pizza. You know what I mean? Like, pizza is an extraordinary achievement in food.
It stands alongside the cheeseburger as the greatest foods of all time, as far as I'm concerned.

Speaker 2 You're now you're talking my language here. I like this.
Okay.

Speaker 2 However,

Speaker 2 if you brought me like some Little Caesars pizza, I might just not eat any because it's no good.

Speaker 2 Pizza, Pizza, pizza. I do like little Caesars, but like

Speaker 2 I ate a, I ate an amazing Detroit-style pizza in Santa Cruz, California the other day. And that pizza, 10, 10 food experience, right?

Speaker 2 Little Caesars pizza, three.

Speaker 2 That's a huge range for me, right? I would say more, I would put pizza at three. Look, I get your point, though.
I'm not trying to, I'm not, we're not trying to get, you know, specific here.

Speaker 2 If I go to, what's the greatest hot dog restaurant you've ever gone to here on the Doughboys? It's got to be Pinks. Derveener Schnitzel?

Speaker 3 On the podcast?

Speaker 2 Doghouse. The answer is Doghouse.
The answer is Doghouse. So I'm going to say, for me, I haven't had Doghouse, but for me, the greatest hot dog I've ever had is probably about a seven.

Speaker 2 And the worst hot dog I've ever had is about a five and a half. Wow.

Speaker 2 Like if I'm at a baseball game, I can get a hot dog because I know that no matter how terrible the hot dog is, it'll be all right you're saying hot dogs are basically six seven

Speaker 2 that's what the kids say that's a bop that's what children say that's a bop nick yeah

Speaker 2 oh god we're hurtling towards our deaths here's here's it here's the thing in my mid-40s

Speaker 2 dog

Speaker 2 44 years old i just turned 43. dog house is has a lot of sausages there's a lot of good food there so i like

Speaker 3 hot dogs I have had some tremendous hot dogs in my life. I've had some 10 out of 10 hot dogs.
Really? Yeah. I love hot dogs.
You get a really fucking good hot dog.

Speaker 3 To me, that's like, this is like a perfect bite.

Speaker 2 I don't think I've ever had a great hot dog, and that's not an insult to hot dogs, which I definitely like.

Speaker 3 I've also had some executable hot dogs.

Speaker 3 If you get like a really low-quality like Frank, and it's maybe like it's, you know, microwaved or something, you know, or it's, or it's, it's like, like that, that can be a really disappointing experience.

Speaker 2 By the way, I just want to take a moment to join my friend Mike Mitchell here in looking askance at Nick Wiger. I knew that you were going to use some word like Frank.

Speaker 2 That was such a, what a, what a Wiggerism to be like, oh, yes, the coney was. Yes, yeah.

Speaker 2 No, it's annoying shit like this. He always pulls.
He's the guy who loves a cynic.

Speaker 2 He is a man who loves a cynic.

Speaker 3 He's got to drop a frank. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's interesting.

Speaker 3 But I do get your point that like, like, okay, like maybe a bad hot dog from like a bad movie hot dog, a bad hot dog from like a 7-Eleven or something like that, still pretty good.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and like

Speaker 2 if you take a sandwich or a soup or there's so many of the cheeseburger. I mean, I've had some god-awful cheeseburgers.

Speaker 3 I've had some bad burgers.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know, oh, yeah.

Speaker 3 You ever have a vending machine cheeseburger? That's grim.

Speaker 2 Oh, wow. No.
Does that exist?

Speaker 2 I've never had something like that before.

Speaker 3 I've gotten a microwavable burger from a vending machine before. It was fucking.

Speaker 2 No, I've had really bad burgers. I've got a few times.

Speaker 2 I've had really

Speaker 2 I've had putrid turkey burgers many times. Oh yeah, you can have a real, real putrid burger.
Turkey burgers. That's because turkey burgers are bad overall.

Speaker 2 I know, but for there was, I used to get a really good turkey burger and it was at a place that also served that served like the, it was clearly like this pat this.

Speaker 2 turkey patty has been in the their fridge freezer for too long people are doing good things with black bean burgers but we're getting pretty far afield what we were talking about here is the hot dog is a narrow range and so if i'm at the costco

Speaker 2 there's a couple advantages of the of the hot dog number one of course it's going to be the price yeah have you told people about the price dollar fifty

Speaker 2 and not a penny and not a penny more yeah

Speaker 2 it's so affordable that i feel like i'm getting over even though i don't drink the soda because i can't have caffeine my grain trigger right and it's not worth eating a seven up

Speaker 2 uh

Speaker 2 yeah squirt seven up whatever yeah whatever squirts squirt's okay sprite now i guess is what they have. They have Coca-Cola products.

Speaker 3 They've switched over to Coca-Cola products.

Speaker 2 I love, love Coke, but I can't have it. Yeah.
I had a Coke Zero today. Okay.
But if you give me a hot dog, I like to put relish and mustard on it. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I feel like I've eaten something great. It's actually shockingly not that excessive of an amount of calories, a pretty reasonable amount of calories.

Speaker 2 I feel like I have the energy I need to take on that

Speaker 2 big fucking warehouse. Yeah.

Speaker 2 i think we were saying that the costco hot dog might be the healthiest thing on the menu for you it's it's it's yeah it's it's less calorically it's less than the salad i'm pretty sure especially if you put relish on there for vegetables

Speaker 2 i agree there's there's there's not there's not a lot that everything on there is the the sandwich and the caesar salad i think were like 860 calories something up there they were up there i mean like they might have been more they might have been they might have crested a thousand i i will just say like my hot dog was tremendous And, and, you know, we, we, we carried it.

Speaker 3 We took it over all, like, over from the food court. So it was about 15 minutes from when we got it to when, when I ate it, probably a little bit longer.
And still delicious. I ate it dry.

Speaker 3 Still fucking loved it. Just an absolutely delightful dog.

Speaker 2 I ate mine dry bones style, too. Yeah.
And

Speaker 2 I don't know when the last time I had a plain hot dog was, but I still enjoyed it. Yeah.
I loved it.

Speaker 3 Cheese pizza was very good.

Speaker 2 Good bun on that dog, too. Yes, cheese pizza was good.

Speaker 3 The strawberry lemonade, I like. It's a nice treat.
I used to like the, I think I maybe like the berry smoothie more, but I like that the strawberry lemonade exists. I like it.

Speaker 3 I think it's refreshing. And the caramel brownie sundae, which we got,

Speaker 3 I don't know. I don't know if I need to get it.

Speaker 2 There's a strange taste going on in there. I don't know what it is.

Speaker 3 It might be a little ungopachka.

Speaker 2 I feel like it's just too many components. It's super chocolatey.

Speaker 3 It's very chocolatey.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I only took like one bite because I can't eat a bunch of chocolate.

Speaker 2 I honestly liked it, but I'll tell you what, just give me some fucking vanilla sauceer if I'm happy.

Speaker 3 I think that would, I would have enjoyed that more.

Speaker 2 They'll just give you some vanilla sauce. All you got to do is order one and they'll sell it to you for $2 or something.

Speaker 3 This one, I think, just had like a micro tip.

Speaker 2 Maybe a little too much going on. Order ice cream and pay for it and they'll serve it to you.
I mean,

Speaker 2 the ice window is not a bad idea. A life hack.

Speaker 3 I also just didn't get much caramel from this.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.
There's nothing.

Speaker 2 It's just so chocolatey. And also, by the way, we got two cups we did not use.
I was the only one who got a soda from the hot dog deal. We brought your cup back if you want it.

Speaker 2 Oh, do you want your cup?

Speaker 2 If you want your cup, you can take it. Yeah, thank you.

Speaker 2 Overall, Wags,

Speaker 2 I'm going to expand it a little bit. Hot dog, pizza,

Speaker 2 double chunk chocolate cookie. Those three

Speaker 2 are very well done.

Speaker 3 The double chunk chocolate cookie is a fucking triumph. It is so good.
I was a little

Speaker 2 too well done today, I thought.

Speaker 3 Oh, man. it was so fucking good.

Speaker 2 I got to say,

Speaker 2 I heard you guys

Speaker 2 Franklin glazing this cookie. Oh, yeah.
Speaking of ungopacha,

Speaker 2 glazed chocolate chip cookie is a little too much. A little too much.

Speaker 2 Even if the glaze is just human semen. It's true.
And it would be. We're playing Okie Cookie.
Yeah, we're playing Oakie Cookie.

Speaker 3 In fact, that's our segment.

Speaker 3 I spoiled it.

Speaker 2 I have to say,

Speaker 2 I love a chocolate chip cookie.

Speaker 2 I fucking love it.

Speaker 3 Yeah, Mexico Pro.

Speaker 2 It's going to be a long session.

Speaker 3 We're still there tomorrow when Conover shows up.

Speaker 2 Oh, hey, what are you guys up to? Actually, the Okie Cookie actually first happened in ancient Greece. Shut the fuck up.

Speaker 2 How do you think Conover gets his hair like that? Oh, boy.

Speaker 3 My high school classmate, Cameron Diaz, could probably

Speaker 2 illuminate that. I like the guy.
Something like that.

Speaker 2 So, lovely man. I love.

Speaker 2 I love chocolate chip cookies. I love chocolate chip cookies.
They're like the only thing I love as much as ice cream. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And I thought it's good, but I did not think it was an unequivocal triumph like you guys do. Wow.
Okay. Fair enough.
They're very thick.

Speaker 2 There's a lot going on there. They're very decadent.
It's a lot. It's a lot.

Speaker 3 Emma, we got you, we asked if you had any specific requests. You did not, but we did bring you a double chunk chocolate cookie.
I know you've had it before, but what would you think of that?

Speaker 2 You had a slice, right?

Speaker 1 yeah i had a slice pizza um no i love that cookie it is it's like one of those things where i get frustrated where a certain like an entire cookie is like your entire daily caloric in pig so i have to like try to stop myself halfway through and like to be clear

Speaker 2 literally yes like that's not hyper that's not hyperbole as as mitch's mom would say

Speaker 2 that is lit is literally like 2 000 calories

Speaker 1 and i'll split it up i'll eat the other half when i get home later so i'll still eat the whole thing in one day but then i'll feel better because I split it up.

Speaker 3 I could have eaten, I could have taken this whole thing to the dome. I saved the other half, which I have right here, which is, you know, I want to eat right now, but I'm not going to.

Speaker 2 Mine looks much like the titular American pie from the movie American Pie. From the movie American Pie, if you remember the poster,

Speaker 2 my cookie looked a lot like the American Pie in that the whole was just eaten out of the cookie, basically. Got it.
That's what I that's what that's what I think. You ate the middle.

Speaker 2 I ate the middle of this. This guy loves a titular movie.

Speaker 2 The titular characterizes. So I guess it's not really the.
Yes. I mean,

Speaker 2 is the pie? I mean, it's American Pie. Is it the pie character in American Pie?

Speaker 2 I would say yes. I would argue it kind of is.
I would say yes. I would say the main character in American Pie is the city of New York itself.

Speaker 3 Wow. Okay.
I like that.

Speaker 2 There you go. I like that a lot.

Speaker 3 Hey, buddy, what if you could give a gift that brings your favorite holiday traditions and memories to life every day with an aura frame?

Speaker 3 you can. Mitch.

Speaker 2 Wow. What's your favorite holiday tradition? Wags, mine's putting up the tree, leaving out some cookies for old St.
Nick.

Speaker 3 Well, hey, maybe there's a new tradition you can start this year.

Speaker 2 You know what? Maybe I put Saint Nick in my aura frame. You.

Speaker 2 Oh, how about that?

Speaker 3 What a thing that would be to be, what a thing for your friend. With an Aura frame, your gift can arrive ready.
Add a personal message and preload photos before it ships.

Speaker 3 Plus, keep adding photos anytime from anywhere. Just download the Aura app.

Speaker 2 You know, I have an Aura frame wags, and I got one for my sister and my mom, and they both love them. Yeah.

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Speaker 3 This exclusive Black Friday Cyber Monday deal is their best of the year, so order now before it ends. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout.
Terms and conditions apply.

Speaker 2 This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

Speaker 3 Mitch, shorter days don't have to be so dismal. It's time to reach out and check in with those you care about and to remind yourselves that we're not alone.

Speaker 3 As seasons change and days grow darker sooner, it can be a tough time for many.

Speaker 2 This November, BetterHelp is encouraging everyone to reach out, check in on friends, reconnect with loved ones, and remind the people in your life that you're there.

Speaker 3 You know, Mitch, I have some old friends from my school days that I haven't connected with in a while, and I think it's maybe time time to say, like, hey, buddy, how's it going? It's old Wages.

Speaker 3 Remember, we used to be famous chums. Maybe it's time for us to go for lunch and just kind of have a conversation we haven't had in some time.

Speaker 2 Archie Jughead, it's me, Wags. The whole gang.
You know what, Wags? I think that's always a good idea.

Speaker 2 Giving a ring to an old buddy, saying hello, catching up with them, making sure everything's all right. You know, Wags, I always feel better when I talk to someone, especially a therapist.

Speaker 2 BetterHelp therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the U.S. BetterHelp does the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals.

Speaker 2 A short questionnaire helps identify your needs and preferences. Plus, if you aren't happy with your match, switch to a different therapist at any time.

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Speaker 2 And it works with an average rating of 4.9 out of 5 for a live session based on over 1.7 million client reviews. This month, don't wait to reach out.

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Speaker 3 Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash Doughboys. That's better, H-E-L-P.com slash Doughboys.

Speaker 2 Do it.

Speaker 3 We should get to our final thoughts on Costco. So, Jesse,

Speaker 2 you've done the podcast before. I was going to go see Bugonia at 9 p.m.
And now I'm worried about making it there. Yeah,

Speaker 3 we got going late. It's all right.

Speaker 3 Jesse, here's how this will work. We'll each go around.
We'll give our closing argument, if you will, and give it a score from zero to five forks.

Speaker 3 You are our guest as a Costco fan, as an advocate, as someone who requested to review this chain. Your thoughts, your fork score.

Speaker 2 Obviously, my passion for Costco is driven by much more than just the food court. Yes.
But I'm going to conscribe my judgment to the foods that we consumed today.

Speaker 2 And of course, the experiences that we've all had in that Costco food court.

Speaker 2 I think some of the food we ate sucked ass.

Speaker 2 It's food that I had not eaten before because I anticipated that looks like it'll probably suck ass for sure. Like that sandwich.

Speaker 2 Who needs to eat the fucking Costco sandwich?

Speaker 3 That sandwich should not be on the menu.

Speaker 2 The classics hit hard. Yeah.
The soft serve is great.

Speaker 2 A hot dog is great and it costs $1.50.

Speaker 2 And I still love that chicken bake.

Speaker 2 Because the sandwich is garbage, because they somehow fit that many calories into a Caesar salad.

Speaker 2 For all these reasons, I'm hesitant to give it five forks. Yeah.
But I will comfortably give it four forks. Four forks.

Speaker 3 Wow. Very good score.
Mitch.

Speaker 2 And if you add in a rotisserie chicken, it would be five all day long.

Speaker 3 You can get a rotisserie chicken from inside the store if you deign to please. I will.

Speaker 2 We're talking about the Costco Food Court.

Speaker 3 The Costco Food Court is what we're viewing.

Speaker 2 But Mitch, Dain to please, I do.

Speaker 3 I went to, like, look, here's the thing. I went to Costco.

Speaker 2 I'm just going to add it to like bagged salad mixes, and then I'll make stock from the carcass. Why not? I love it.

Speaker 3 I will oftentimes pick up a rotisserie chicken from Costco. People are just like fucking, like, especially if they're waiting for fresh ones to come out.

Speaker 3 They will just sort of like, you know, like hover there.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Have you ever wondered what it's like to get body checked by an elderly woman?

Speaker 2 Go for the good-looking chicken at the Costco. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I'm not picky.

Speaker 3 I'll take any of them.

Speaker 2 They'll all be particular.

Speaker 3 I'm not that particular. Anyway, I

Speaker 2 what is this, an elderly woman or hockey legend Ty Domey,

Speaker 2 known for his belligerence? Good pull.

Speaker 2 Hell, I was at brain, my brain stopped.

Speaker 3 I was at Costco this past weekend. I mean, I'm a regular at Costco.

Speaker 3 I went to the, yeah, I got to go there early because it's part of the, the, the, if you're the executive membership, you get to get to shop there in the early hours. Yeah, it's pretty nice.

Speaker 2 How are you? You got stairs in your house, too.

Speaker 3 So, but you know, like

Speaker 3 I'm a fan of the store and I'm a fan of its wares and I'm certainly a fan of its food court. I'm not flying under any false flags.
I'm wearing a Kirkland signature sweatshirt.

Speaker 3 It's clear where my allegiances lie. I think that the bad stuff at Costco's food court does not need to exist and should be excised from the menu.
They're always experimenting.

Speaker 3 They're always trying new things. And I think there's a reason these things never quite stick.
I think there's a reason they're always swapping in new sandwiches.

Speaker 3 It's because they probably just shouldn't be doing a sandwich.

Speaker 3 The sweet treats are hit and miss, but I think that probably just depends on your individual cravings. And I'm more likely to want

Speaker 3 a fruity treat these days, which is why I'll opt for the strawberry lemonade or the berry smoothie of your.

Speaker 3 But

Speaker 3 I think their sweet treats are done well. And I do think the double chunk chocolate cookies are so fucking good.
And I think that's something that everyone can enjoy.

Speaker 3 And I think that's just such a huge addition to the menu that that in and of itself elevates it at least a half or maybe a full fork.

Speaker 3 But it doesn't even need it because, on the strength of the pizza, on the strength of the hot dog, on the strength of that value that you get with a soda,

Speaker 3 the fact that

Speaker 3 you can spend $5 and get yourself a very filling, satisfying lunch

Speaker 3 that is also delicious, that is an absolute treat. I am going no lower than five forks for Costco.

Speaker 2 Wow. Wow.
Incredible score.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Mitch, what do you think?

Speaker 2 Five forks, wags. Look,

Speaker 2 there's some bad stuff on that menu. There is some bad stuff on the menu.
The Rizzler's here to stay. AJ and Big Justice, they're here to stay.

Speaker 3 They're here to stay.

Speaker 2 They're here to stay. These are going to be mainstays of American culture for decades to have.
Will they be more famous than Betty White someday? Possibly.

Speaker 3 It's possible. Look, they've been here since March of 2024.
They're going to stick around.

Speaker 2 Now, I hope that

Speaker 2 for

Speaker 2 Big Justice and Rizzler specifically, I hope that for both of those, they're more of a Jalil White trajectory than the Dust and Diamond trajectory.

Speaker 3 You always want the best for kids that are in the spotlight.

Speaker 2 And you also, you want as few stabbings as possible.

Speaker 2 That's also very true. And Porno's where he pretended to be in the porno.
There was a lot of dark.

Speaker 3 You bummed me out that he's not actually in the porno.

Speaker 2 You were very sad that it wasn't.

Speaker 2 I found out later.

Speaker 3 I thought he was like, oh, this guy's.

Speaker 2 I think I broke this news to you, and you cried for like a day. I think you told me about it.
Seriously, there's nothing, there's been nothing more.

Speaker 2 Nick has experienced nothing so dark as the moment he found out there really were no second acts in America.

Speaker 2 Look, when I make the Poon Man, I'm definitely going to have a hog stand in for myself, too.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 I pray for the best for them. I am slightly afraid that AJ will kill someone someday.

Speaker 2 I don't know what the deal is.

Speaker 2 We were talking about this on the way over here.

Speaker 3 AJ kind of worries me uh who knows what's going on with that guy uh yes he's certainly very enthusiastic and certainly very driven that's that is true yeah um

Speaker 2 Costco is

Speaker 2 look I've said it before I'll say it again Costco is good Costco is good the Costco travel is good the store as a single guy I don't I'm not in there as much there are some things that are bargains there's some things that very much are not bargains but if you buy the bargain stuff it's worth having the membership I don't know if it's worth it for me to have the membership but I do on the Doughboy's credit card.

Speaker 2 And so here's

Speaker 2 really, yeah, yeah, yeah. My memberships paid through the Doughboy's credit card.
Really? Can you guys pay for my members?

Speaker 1 You guys could probably share a membership.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 You just got to go in there together. So you live in the same address.

Speaker 2 When we got it, when I had to go to Costco, you said, put it on the Doughboy's credit card.

Speaker 3 I don't care. I mean, I don't actually care.
I just like it. It was news to me.

Speaker 2 But I did. Yeah.

Speaker 2 There's certain things that Nick's a little particular about. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Told you.

Speaker 2 So, as far as as the food court goes, do the bad items detract the Costco food court from being in the Golden Play Club?

Speaker 2 That's the big question. I like the strawberry lemonade.
I like that. And I've had the berry smoothie, and I like that as well.
The soft serve is good, even though that Sunday we got wasn't great.

Speaker 2 The hot dog is great. And

Speaker 2 I like

Speaker 2 a pork or a mix

Speaker 2 dog more so than a beef. But this is a great hot dog no matter what.
And it's their own hot dog.

Speaker 3 They used to be their own hot dog. It's a national, but now they have their own.

Speaker 2 It's really, really, really good. Yeah.
It's a really, really good hot dog. The pizzas for, you know, for just a random.
It's look, it's not my favorite pizza, but it is.

Speaker 2 If I want a big thick slice of pizza, it's great. Double chunk chocolate cookie, great.
Daddy likes it thick. What's that? Daddy likes it thick.
Daddy likes it thick. Daddy likes it thick.

Speaker 2 Daddy likes it thick.

Speaker 2 The daddies do like it thick. We saw a bunch of dads picking up pizzas for their fam.

Speaker 2 And I think that the hot dog deal is one of the best deals in all of fast food. Yeah.

Speaker 2 There's some bad, that turkey sandwich. I actually liked the turkey sandwich maybe more than the Calzone.
I'm maybe the only one. The Calzone, whatever.
Some of the new stuff just isn't working.

Speaker 2 But Nick, I will not let that sink it out of the Golden Plate Club. Wow.
I'm going to go four forks.

Speaker 3 Four forks.

Speaker 2 Wow. It sticks in the Golden Play, or maybe makes it to the Golden Plate.

Speaker 3 No, it was in the Platinum Cart Club. It's been demoted to the Golden Plate Club, but still a great place for Costco to resolve.

Speaker 2 I mean, these are two different clubs. They're two different clubs.
Come on. I guess.
One's on the third baseline, one's on the first baseline.

Speaker 3 Great point.

Speaker 2 And the Platinum Kart Club, you know, it's a very, I don't know if anyone will ever join the Platinum Kart Club again.

Speaker 3 Costco may be in there by themselves.

Speaker 2 I don't know what possibility members are.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 All right. Hey, that was our review of Costco.
It's time for a segment. I got a food stuff we're going to set if you should put it in your mouth.
It's Snacker Whack.

Speaker 3 And we have Doritos Collisions, Netflix, Stranger Things, Stranger Pizza, and Cool Ranch. That's right.
Two different flavors in one bag.

Speaker 3 Grab your favorite Doritos and dial into 1987 for one last strange adventure.

Speaker 2 And there's a number on here. Can I ask you guys a question? Yeah.
In the show Stranger Things. Yes.

Speaker 2 Is it a pizza show?

Speaker 3 Is it a pizza show?

Speaker 2 I have no. I watched the first season of Stranger Things.
I didn't really like it, and I've never watched it again. What they got in there, some spooky monsters?

Speaker 2 The upside down. Ooh, I could get a whiff of those once you open the bag.
There's the upside down. I think you just feel free to dig in if you're a pizza thing.

Speaker 1 maybe just like because they're kids.

Speaker 2 That might just be it. That might be it.

Speaker 2 I like the old Cool Ranch on the bag there. They got the old Cool Ranch design.

Speaker 3 The look is great, and the old Doritos logo, the vintage Doritos logo is great, too. The yellow and orange squares.

Speaker 3 Jesse's getting a big whip.

Speaker 2 He's doing a Doritos bane right now.

Speaker 1 Is pizza like, you know, people will dip their pizza in ranch. Maybe this is like pizza and ranch together.

Speaker 2 Oh, that dirt.

Speaker 1 Like, is that a thing in the show? I have no idea.

Speaker 2 I watched the first season, too.

Speaker 2 So I like cool Ranch Doritos a lot. Pizza-flavored chips, I don't usually like.
Is pizza flavor a good flavor? Yes, when it's pizza, but when it's other things, I don't know.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I don't know how I feel about pizza flavor in the abstract. I also, this is kind of just pissing me off conceptually that we have one new flavor and one classic flavor coexisting.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 It's like, why not two new flavors? Why not?

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 Or why isn't the novelty, hey, it's nacho cheese and cool ranch chips.

Speaker 2 How about spicy cool ranch? How about that Doritos? Oh, there you go.

Speaker 2 A lot of people have been asking is this a combination of half cool ranch chips and half pizza chips like it looks like on the bag right i think it's all cool ranch pizza chips wow so they're all combined that's i was wondering the same thing so i was like on the bag it looks like some chips are cool ranch and some are pizza but i guess either way it all ends up all they might have rubbed in together too much right

Speaker 3 Might have been some powder transfer.

Speaker 2 Sometimes when they rub in together, same becomes.

Speaker 3 Yeah, when you rub in together, same becomes. Such is the whey.

Speaker 2 I think you're wrong. Really? You think they're different? I think that there is pizza going on the cool ranches and you're picking it up.
But I think they are two different chips.

Speaker 2 And I think the pizza chip is bad. Wow.
And I think the cool ranch chip is good.

Speaker 1 Can you tell visually the difference between the two or do they look the same?

Speaker 2 You can tell the difference. Oh, okay.
Wow. I'm going to show you right now.

Speaker 3 I mean, she's holding up two chips.

Speaker 2 That's too tiny.

Speaker 2 I shouldn't have put it.

Speaker 3 Which has one chip. You put one chip.

Speaker 2 You can see here. Look at that.
There's different form factors.

Speaker 2 There are different form factors, but look at the colors between the two. Yeah, one's more orange.

Speaker 3 Orange versus yellow.

Speaker 2 My chip got stolen.

Speaker 2 Here we go. No, that's a pizza chip.
That's a pizza chip. You just take it.

Speaker 2 No, no, no, no, no. Give me a fucking chip.

Speaker 2 This is a cool ranch. It's a ranch, okay.

Speaker 2 It's pretty orange. Yeah.

Speaker 2 i am smelling cool ranch right now that's what i'm smelling that's what the the this is a cool ranch kind of just smells like this is a cool ranch it is a cool ranch

Speaker 2 uncle mitch never feeds you chips i don't know

Speaker 2 why's i'm gonna hand you these chips please i just don't want to end on a pizza chip so hold on okay

Speaker 2 get you a man that loves you like mitch loves picking out chips for just

Speaker 2 all right i'm gonna dig in here uh this it looks like a pizza pizza chip

Speaker 2 a lot of fake tomato sciencey tomato like pretty heavy like oregano yep no good i'm not sure if i care for it i really am only smelling the ranch thank god the the the the pizza chips i don't i i say like like the show stranger things huge whack for me That seems perverted.

Speaker 2 They're children.

Speaker 2 I don't like the show. I don't like like the chips.

Speaker 3 And also, you famously remarked, Finn Wolf Hard doesn't get me hard.

Speaker 2 So you're on the record saying that.

Speaker 2 Got that down in the notes.

Speaker 2 I agree with you completely. Cool Ranch snack, Stranger Pizza, whack.
I can't, I'm still not convinced that there's two different flavors.

Speaker 3 There absolutely are two distinct flavors. I totally get it.

Speaker 2 Emma,

Speaker 2 but the bad flavor is rubbing off on the good flavor. That's the other issue.
Okay.

Speaker 2 I have some feelings about this. Please.
I think the Cool Ranch Doritos

Speaker 2 might be

Speaker 2 the greatest

Speaker 2 American-flavored snack. Thank God.
I was so nervous what you were going to say because the Avatar thing really tossed me. No, there are a few classics that I really ride.

Speaker 2 I didn't really grow up in like a branded packaged food household much, but I'll ride for Cheez-Its all day. I'll ride for Oreo cookies all day, and I'll ride for Cool Ranch Doritos all day.

Speaker 2 That's what I'm talking about.

Speaker 3 I just posted up for a high-five, don't leave me.

Speaker 2 That's what I'm talking about.

Speaker 2 Bro,

Speaker 2 that was cool as hell.

Speaker 2 Hey, what did I do? I'm just chilling. You should have said you like Kool Ranch.

Speaker 2 I do like Cool Ranch. I like nacho cheese more, but I like Cool Ranch.

Speaker 2 Are you flipping me off too? I'm with Wags. I like Nacho Cheese more.
There we go. Don't flip off, Emma.
I'm just going to pull back back. I know.
It's scary.

Speaker 2 That's what you get. I think Cool Ranch Doritos

Speaker 2 are the greatest chip.

Speaker 2 And I don't think things should be pizza flavored that aren't just a pizza.

Speaker 2 I will say ranch dressing is a great way to make bad pizza kind of good.

Speaker 3 Absolutely a great take.

Speaker 2 Sure.

Speaker 1 But ranch chips, not making pizza chips.

Speaker 2 Like, if you, if I was somewhere where there was little Caesars pizza and there was ranch dipping sauce, I'd fucking dip that shit in.

Speaker 2 What's going on Little Caesars?

Speaker 2 Just an example of a shitty pizza.

Speaker 2 Well, the one you don't like, Pizza Hut, that sucks too. There's another, there's a little other

Speaker 2 tiny, muscly guy who's going to get mad at you. It's the little Caesar guy.
The pizza pizza guy. That guy's going to get mad at me.

Speaker 2 Well, to be clear, the other tiny muscle guy is sucking my dick. He's not mad at me.
He's loving it.

Speaker 2 That guy is bringing me to completion.

Speaker 2 Hi, Jesse Thorne from National Public Radio.

Speaker 2 I have to say, actually, Jesse Thorne's come actually, like, it helped with my COVID symptoms.

Speaker 2 That's Rogan.

Speaker 2 All right. We'll cut all this.

Speaker 2 He made me scared that we're going to get in trouble with Rogan. Oh,

Speaker 2 I don't know why. I don't really remember why I voted for Jesse Thorne's cum.

Speaker 2 It seems like some of the stuff he's doing is pretty fucked up.

Speaker 2 I would say.

Speaker 2 that while the pizza chips aren't any good,

Speaker 2 and while I would prefer to just eat Cool Ranch Doritos, overall, if there was a bowl of this at a party, I'd eat it. So I'm going to say snack.

Speaker 3 Wow. I'm going to give a whack to the combination.
I just don't like the pizza and ones enough.

Speaker 2 I mean, I love Cool Ranch Doritos, but it's big-time whack.

Speaker 3 I'd rather just have a bag of Cool Ranch. Emma, you agree?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'd rather. There's no.

Speaker 2 I don't see a bag of Cool Ranch here. I know.
Fuck those chips.

Speaker 2 Sorry, maybe I missed it. Maybe I looked past it, but I don't see a bag of Doolor Ranch.
You're right. It does not exist.

Speaker 3 We can't.

Speaker 2 The choice is not, do I want to eat Cool Ranch Doritos or this? There's only one bag of chips here. The question is: is this snack or whack?

Speaker 3 I think I would give this a whack because I would just

Speaker 3 opt not to have it because I, you know, like,

Speaker 3 it's, I don't know,

Speaker 3 every other chip is going to be a bad chip. Yeah.

Speaker 2 All right. It's pretty crunchy.

Speaker 3 It is, it does have a good crunch.

Speaker 2 They always have a good crunch. Get texture.
Fuck those chips. Fuck that show.
Fuck Netflix. Fuck them all.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Hey, just like a snack or whack, just like a restaurant via your feedback.

Speaker 2 That's what you don't want to work for anymore.

Speaker 3 Today's email is from Jess. Much like Jesse.

Speaker 2 Jess, right? It's sort of like Jesse, but a little shorter. Yeah, just a little shorter.

Speaker 3 Just miss and just drop the E. It's cleaner.
Hey, doughboys and dough girls, is there food you would only eat when it's home cooking?

Speaker 3 For example, I would never order biscuits and gravy at a restaurant and really only trust people in my family to make it properly. Do you have a dish you only trust to a home cook?

Speaker 2 Thanks for all the laughs. Here's my answer.

Speaker 2 No. Scallops.
Oh, no.

Speaker 1 I only like my dad's scallops.

Speaker 2 I like that. Yeah.
Now. Why is that?

Speaker 1 I don't know. I think I didn't like them for a long time.
And the only time I've had them and I enjoyed them as like a meal or my dad's. And every time I've tried to get them out, I'm disappointed.

Speaker 1 So I'm like, you know what? I just only eat these at home.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I think that's totally. I mean, I think that's very, I think very often it's like me and my grandma Joe's pumpkin pie.

Speaker 3 It's like you have nostalgia for the specific preparation that no one else can recreate.

Speaker 3 And I think that's maybe what's going on with Jess's biscuits and gravy, but also maybe Jess is just from a region or family is from a region where this was something they grew up with and something they wanted to make.

Speaker 3 I would not know where to begin making homemade biscuits and gravy. I do love biscuits and gravy.

Speaker 3 That's That's something I will go get at a diner, or at least I would get when I was regularly eating pork. And it's

Speaker 2 an indulgent meal. When you're in the southeast, and you just go get some biscuits and gravy at any old fucking place, it's so good.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 You go to some shitty $4 biscuits and gravy, and it's going to be good. It's going to be delightful.
If you're in Georgia. Yeah.
I've heard about your Grandma Joe. And I've heard your Grandma Joe.

Speaker 2 Would you hear about it? I heard his Grandma Joe's so small that

Speaker 2 surfs that she surfs in a bathtub you take it back you piece of shit

Speaker 2 your grandma's not that small don't get divorced

Speaker 2 don't get divorced

Speaker 2 i'll tell you what this is a little sideways from what from this question yeah

Speaker 2 to me the answer to this

Speaker 2 it's not that i wouldn't eat it in a restaurant But the thing that I would always choose to eat at home is a beautiful ribeye steak. Oh, okay.

Speaker 3 That's fun.

Speaker 2 The reason for that is that I go to a restaurant and I order a beautiful ribeye steak. It is wonderful.
Yes. But they charge me $100.

Speaker 3 They're so fucking expensive.

Speaker 2 They charge you so much fucking money. Yes.
I can go to Costco, buy myself a rib ribeye steak. I shove my probe thermometer in there.

Speaker 2 put it in my oven, give it a Kenji Lopez alt reverse sear, slap it into my cast iron, brown the shit out of it. Maybe I baste it with some butter.
Maybe I make a simple pan sauce.

Speaker 2 Maybe it's a, this is a prime ribeye. You can just eat it straight.
Yeah. Got a little salt and pepper on it.
That's all you need, really.

Speaker 2 And I've spent $20 instead of $100.

Speaker 3 No, a cast iron skillet, like ribeye steak or any sort of steak, cast iron skillet steak, it's like one of the lowest bars in terms of kitchen competence and for

Speaker 3 like quality you can receive. Like it's pretty easy to get something that, you know, get a good sear on it and finish it to the right temperature and oven, provided you have a meat thermometer.

Speaker 3 I totally agree. This is the thing we actually talked about in Jordan Jesse Go in the past, and you've been an advocate of the reverse sear, which Natalie does as well.

Speaker 3 I sometimes am just lazy enough where I'll just do the, I'll just sear it first and then finish it in the oven just because it's like a little bit less,

Speaker 3 it's just a little bit less time-intensive. Um, but you, you'll get good quality from the reverse sear.

Speaker 2 You know, a lot of people who are listening to this might not know. Yeah, I also have a beautiful wife.
Wow, how about that? And she, she, uh, passed the bar, very accomplished.

Speaker 3 That's very cool.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I have two beautiful cats.

Speaker 2 And I would like to say that, first of all, I heard another thing about your grandma Joe.

Speaker 2 Would you take it easy?

Speaker 3 You're walking up against a line here, Mitch.

Speaker 2 Well, your Grandma Joe is so small, she hang glides on Doritos.

Speaker 2 Fuck you.

Speaker 2 Fuck you. No, get back.
Get back.

Speaker 2 Can I just? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, hey.

Speaker 3 Wow, Jesse just degeneration X chopped Mitch.

Speaker 2 Fuck. Doesn't feel good.
No.

Speaker 2 I take it back to Joe Rogan. I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 My mom's baked haddock is my answer. I got to leave.
I have to leave soon. Your mom's baked haddock.
My mom's baked haddock. I've had it.
That sounds like the food that...

Speaker 2 I know that you guys have a very successful comic book, but if you had a 1920s newspaper comic strip,

Speaker 2 that's what what Mike's mom would cook for him.

Speaker 2 Baked haddock.

Speaker 2 My mom's baked haddock, which is

Speaker 2 a fantastic dish. Maybe Mitch would wear like a giant yellow hat or something.

Speaker 3 My answer is also a dish that I have that was prepared in the home that I have nostalgia for specifically. That is my dad's beef stroganoff.
I would never

Speaker 3 really want to order a stroganoff in a restaurant. I've seen no reason why I would do that.

Speaker 3 And that's maybe a dish I would make of my own.

Speaker 2 Jimmy's answer is

Speaker 2 my genes.

Speaker 3 Jimmy is licking the Dorito dust off of Mitch's knee.

Speaker 2 That's all. That's that's not today's Dorito dust, by the way.

Speaker 3 Uh, but I, but I, but again, that's the sort of thing it's like, it's good, girl.

Speaker 3 That's specific enough where I'd have no reason to, if I saw this in a restaurant menu, I also know that it would not like be like the as as satisfying, as nourishing as my memory of my dad's reparation.

Speaker 3 So, there's, there's no reason to

Speaker 3 get that out.

Speaker 2 Um, but it's a good question, or it could be something that my dad would cook since he's dead.

Speaker 2 My dad's dead as well. Yeah.
Our dads are dead. And we have to be able to wives.
So I got a lot in common with both of you.

Speaker 3 If you have a question or comment up at the World of Chain Restaurants, you can email us at feedback at birdfuck.com or leave us a voicemail at 830. Go to this.
830-4636844.

Speaker 3 Our producer is Emma Erdbrink. Our associate producer, Amelia Marino, our video editor, Mike Dorfman.
Doughboys apparel and merchandise at kinshipgoods.com slash Doughboys.

Speaker 3 And the Doboys Double, our weekly bonus episode, plus our entire pre-2018 back catalog, you can find over at patreon.com/slash Doughboys. Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart.

Speaker 3 Thank you so much for joining us. What an absolute treat.

Speaker 2 It's a joy and an honor to be back. I consider myself to be the Doughboys' number one fan.
I consider myself to be, in many ways, the voice of the fan on the Dough Boys. Wow.

Speaker 2 It's a thrill to be here with you two, my good friends, and two of my comedy heroes.

Speaker 3 Oh my God.

Speaker 2 What a thing to see. Two of my favorite guys around.
It's a real honor. And I'll see you again in 13 years.

Speaker 2 We'll have you back.

Speaker 2 I'm in the podcasting hall of fame.

Speaker 3 It's an overdue return, but we're very, very happy to have you back. Okay.
And thank you for giving us so much.

Speaker 2 You're the pod father.

Speaker 3 And congratulations to 25 years. What is that?

Speaker 2 Thank you very much. Thank you very much.
We ain't making that.

Speaker 2 You'll be dead by then. 100%.

Speaker 3 And as we wrap up this episode of Doughboys, I think I'm going to take another bite of this double chunk chocolate chip cookie.

Speaker 2 Wow, to quote Amelia, who's not here, Madonna.

Speaker 2 Bye.

Speaker 3 What's going on? It's Lamorne Morris.

Speaker 5 And Hannah Simone.

Speaker 6 And we host The Mess Around, a New Girl rewatch podcast now on Headgum.

Speaker 3 Now, here's the thing.

Speaker 6 Every single week, we chat about an episode of New Girl, and we really get into it. Like, we get up in there.
We get up in there. You know, we we reminisce about our times on set.

Speaker 6 We share behind-the-scenes tea. We react to re-watching episodes that we haven't seen in years.
We talk about how Jake Johnson is dog.

Speaker 5 That's not true. We talk about so many memories we have of working with the biggest stars on the planet.
I'm talking Prince, Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodrigo.

Speaker 6 We're just two BFFs having a good old time, okay? Sometimes we even talk to other co-stars like Zoe Deschanel, Jake Johnson, Max Greenfield, and Damon Waynes Jr.

Speaker 6 And your dad, we talk to your dad on this show as well.

Speaker 5 Make sure you subscribe to the mess around wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes drop every single Tuesday.

Speaker 1 That was a head gun podcast.