S3 Ep. 17 - Pain-o-vision

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Dungeons and Daddies is a rowdy, horny, violent podcast for grown-ups.

Content warnings can be found in the episode description.

Hey, I'm Sally from Sally's Senior Dog Sanctuary, and I'm back with our senior dog of the month, Doodles.

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Hello, Doodles, Doodles.

Down, boy.

Off doodles.

Let go.

Leave it.

Welcome to Dungeons and Daddies, not a BDSM podcast.

It's not.

No.

Who's that?

It's me, Scrippy.

What?

Scrippy.

I'm the newest member of the podcast, Scrippy.

I didn't

Guys, I think we should cut Scrippy off of the podcast.

No, we just got Scrippy.

Scrippy is Clippy's cousin who does podcasts.

It looks like y'all are trying to record the podcast.

I'm surprised Will's like, yeah, Scrippy.

Yeah, Will, what's going on?

Could you, um, could you, could you go?

Oh, you invited me here, though.

Yeah, but like, I thought it was going to be funny, but it seems like

everyone does all our acting.

Everyone's really upset with you right now, Scrippy.

Well, I don't know what their fucking problem is.

I'm just the newest member of the podcast, Scripping.

You know what?

I think there's an entire

plethora of people out there listening and thinking Scrippy would be a beautiful name for a baby boy.

I mean, Scrippy.

Scrippy interrupted Beth, which means he fits on this podcast.

Podcast.

Tumble,

Scrippy Fanheart.

To the Tumblr account, Dungeons and Daddies.

Dungeons and Daddies season three.

We're getting loose with the concept because this season, it's the Beachyville Horror, a Call of Cthulhu, actual play horror comedy podcast, about four everyday schmos.

Well, five everyday schmos.

I swear to God.

Four everyday schmos fighting the forces of darkness in suburban 1950s America.

Hey, everyone.

My name is Freddie Wong.

I play deep thinking plumber Blake Lively.

This was Blake Fact.

Prior to becoming the town plumber, Blake was a handyman of sorts.

He was the town exterminator.

He's going to have some heat coming into this insectsy stuff.

Oh, insects.

He exterminated my dogs.

Vis-a-vis moths, you say.

Yeah.

Oh, man.

Oh.

Well, he's very good to know when I was prepping the episode.

I could have really locked it on.

No, I wanted to surprise you.

Surprise, Scrippy.

Hi, everybody.

My name is Matthew Arnold.

I play Kelsey Grammar, Peachyville's happiest, snappiest school mom.

And you know what she always says?

What?

Teachings just like learning.

just in reverse so just

you can just say you didn't have a dad fast you can just admit that and we can pause you

you're reverse

in it, dude.

Which means, like, backing up in a car, you got to be a little bit more careful when you're doing it.

You got to be careful.

This is so Christopher Molan's tenant.

Thank you.

I can't get over how much this reminds me of all the backwards.

And then I'm going to have a fact.

I have three facts.

I got to do a little phrase.

That's fun.

People like that.

It's a little phrase to get people under my car.

The phrase is my favorite.

Yeah, see, and I got a fact.

And this time I got two facts because, indeed, I'm making a promise.

I know I psyched people out.

I psyched the big fans last week that love senses with that little little fake out, but now I am doing the senses.

So, Kelsey's favorite and least favorite smells.

Her favorite smell is fresh chalk.

Yep.

Just a blackboard.

We're getting ready to just calcium carbonate.

Straight into the alveoli.

And Lee's favorite smell is wet peanut butter.

This was

because it's the shittiest smell.

God.

Oh, I know.

I know.

I just want people to remember it's worse.

But it's because Milton never cleans up his dishes and is always, when he's got to take out the trash, he's always hanging around outside Kelsey's place.

And she's just, the wet peanut butter also lets her know that Milton's outside.

Where is she?

Wait, what?

Hold this.

Wait.

She's in the back house and they take the trash out of the back house.

Dirty dishes?

No, because they got to exist.

I don't know what Milton's doing with that wet peanut butter.

No, that's a good question.

That's a good question.

Kelsey's never considered, why is the smell of wet peanut butter leaving the kitchen sink and coming out towards the fucking back where the trash is?

What's Milton doing with it?

Don't like him.

Hi, I'm Anthony Birch.

I play Francis Farnsworth, a kid with a gun.

And his dad fact is he loves comics, but not the normal superhero comics and stuff that you're all used to.

He likes to read sort of under the radar, got canceled after one to two issues.

Underground comics.

A little bit underground.

Not full on like fucking.

The adventures of Scrippy.

Scrippy's adult comics.

So, I'm going to give you five comics, and one of them will be made up.

Ooh, and you have to tell me which one.

Okay, go.

Fighting Leathernecks.

No, that's real.

Wait till I'm done.

Girl Confessions.

Men.

Patsy and Hetty.

Space World.

Space World's made up.

Men is.

Tell it to the Marines.

Oh, so there's six.

Oh, is that six?

That was six.

I think Space World's made of.

I'm going to go to Space World as well.

Men is fake.

Tell it to the Marines.

Men's Real.

I don't want to live in the world.

Men's real.

Ben.

Ben.

Beth is once again the only intelligent person on this podcast.

No!

I do.

I can't accept a world where there wasn't a comic called men.

I mean, there was one called Men in Action, but Men is definitely better.

Well, dang.

Stay tuned.

I'm looking at it.

I'm looking at Wikipedia.

Daily Wire.

I've got a great comic book idea.

I'm honestly finding out there's no comic name men is kind of finding out that like store.com is available.

Like we got

guys.

We could get it.

Are you serious?

What a blind spot.

We could make this comic today.

Hi, my name is Beth Mae.

Hi, Beth May.

And I play Trudy Trout,

a robot, doting.

No, I'm not a doting wife.

Fuck that guy.

A robot.

Mother of one beautiful child.

And

all right, call in my shot right now.

Like, babe Ruth, if Trudy survives this episode, she will go on to invent the dance, the robot.

Wow.

We're going to reclaim her trauma in her story.

And then a cute little fact in case she dies or otherwise.

Like she's going to die.

She's fine.

I'm literally unconscious and about to die.

She's a Mothman.

With Mothman.

What's Trudy's favorite part of seeing a play?

The program?

Oh, god damn it.

That's a good one.

That's a good one.

That's a good one.

It's like international.

Is that something, though?

Very good.

Very good.

10 out of 10.

Hi, everyone.

I'm William Campos, and I am your official dungeon master.

My fact, my creepy fact.

Creepy fact.

They scare me.

Is that a mayor?

is a malicious entity in German and Slavic folklore that walks on people's chests when they sleep, causing sleep paralysis.

And also, fun fact, this is where the term nightmare comes from.

Is this spooky little creature that would come at night and sit on your chest and make it so you can't move, and you think your coat rack is a demon.

Wow.

I just have to say, if you Google Image Search Mare, M-A-R-E, the first one is just a horse.

This is the biggest unit of a horse I've ever seen.

This is actually the spooky Scandinavian origin of the creature known as Mare of East Town.

Oh my gosh.

And the vape.

And the vape pen.

Yes.

Wait, quickly.

Quickly.

Have you guys got sleep paralysis?

Oh, yeah.

No.

I conquered it.

You conquered it?

Yeah.

How?

The power of my mind.

I don't believe that's true.

It's like all diseases that Freddy conquers.

Yeah.

He doesn't need medicine.

He just wills it.

I only got it once, but I fucking remember that shit.

I've had it a couple of times.

That's scary as hell.

I had it once as a young kid.

Never like that, but once I was a young kid, that was terrifying.

Do you ever have those dreams where like something is attacking you and you try to punch it and you feel your arm just like swirl around as you throw the punch or something.

Oh, really?

That actually happens to me all the time.

Yeah, same.

Sounds like you need to get some punch training in.

Sounds like you just need to have a fucking stronger mind, like Freddy Mind.

The Freudian analysis would be that you need to get your punch training in.

Allegedly, it's your brain being like, Don't move while you're sleep.

Slowing you down that way.

That's what we tell your stupid brain that you're trying to get.

Your brain wishing it was in a fucking fighting Freddy

speed ramp fight scene.

All right.

Okay.

All right.

Let's do it.

All right.

Let's go on a scary adventure.

Woo!

When last we left you guys, there was a knockdown drag out fight in the house of the trouts, whereupon Tucker Trout got his face pretty well blown off by Francis and his car 98 Brunhilda.

Trudy conquered some inner demons.

The original Trudy in a harrowing sacrifice used a robot body of another Trudy.

God, that got complicated, and blew up the house to buy you all precious time to escape through a portal recently opened by one moth, Jesus, aka Mothman.

I would also like to clarify that technically Tucker died to a slit throat from Trudy.

So I don't think Francis gets the credit for that.

He does get the credit.

He gets the assist.

Trudy got the last hit.

It was sort of an alley oop maneuver.

Yeah.

Francis is really the Scotty Pippin of Call of Cthulhu.

And we have one of the three keys, correct?

You now have the green key, which is one of the three keys you need to activate the weapon that will destroy.

the mother of Zuzel and perhaps save this town.

Nay, this plane of reality as we know it.

It It was all looking really grim.

You guys were surrounded by members of the bison cult in this quaint suburban home, and then this portal opened up, and Mothman brought you all through it.

Before we dive in, let's do the health point roll call.

Oh, starting with Blake.

Blake, how much HP you got?

I'm sitting at two HP.

Two HP, Francis.

Three.

Three.

Three.

Zero.

Damn.

Dude, we got fucked up.

So yes, treaty is unconscious.

Can we check our sanity too?

Oh, yeah.

Sanity is a general roll call.

Roll call sanity as well.

Sanity.

44.

Check.

47.

Check.

85 you gotta be sang dude 72 francis your sanity is 40 my dog yeah same thing yeah

trudy's unconscious as is timmy who is carrying who uh

francis is carrying timmy who's got trudy trudy was carrying i don't think i think they were ambiguous about who is carrying mothman oh i guess yes mothman is sorry if none of you are then mothman gently scoops unconscious trudy into his arms and hops through the portal.

As you step through, you find yourself in the lair of the moth.

Wow.

Where Trudy has already been, but she cannot explain it to you.

But this is what you see.

Shag carpeting.

Nobody can be told.

You're basically in a big underground cavern.

There's a lake down here, strange lights emanating from below it.

And there's this huge cocoon-like spaceship jutting halfway out of the water.

Light is warping around its surface, kind of like an oil slick.

Mothman sort of steps out of this portal and looks at all of you.

This is literally just like in Madam Webb when she goes back to the jungle.

This is.

It's like the Madam Webb jungle holds.

Oh, it is.

The jungle hideout with the water that makes you Madam Webb.

Yes.

But the spiders were worth it, mom.

Yep.

Moth Jesus using his antenna because both of his arms are holding Trudy, jams his little speech device up to his neck and says, come with Moth Jesus quickly.

And he just starts running across the water.

And you see like these little like sort of light force fields on the water as he runs with Trudy towards this spaceship.

Team, hello.

Quick question.

You, New here.

What the fuck?

Oh, yeah, but he's saying Trudy.

We gotta follow.

You first.

I just try to run across the water too, I guess.

Okay, great.

I do?

Yeah.

It's like there's like a force field.

Like you realize as you step, there's like some sort of invisible force field leading from the space.

Kelsey runs with the same sort of joy that Elthamo runs when she's leaping across the prairie in a wizard and I she can't believe she's running on water.

Blake takes steps and says, This sort of undercuts the abilities of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Yeah.

Are you Christian?

Take a sanity roll.

Give me a sanity check.

Francis is also Christian, so he will as well.

Is this the first D ⁇ D podcast to do two Christian sanity rolls?

I hope so.

I hope so.

Francis failed.

Francis got a 63 sanity roll out of 40 sanity.

Okay, dang.

I got 100 critical failure.

Oh, no.

You're satanist now.

Okay, so you've gone temporarily insane.

What the hell?

First, we go through a portal, which again is not what should be happening.

We have transcended space, and now I learned that Jesus Christ is not really that big of a deal.

A mere insect can do what our Lord and Savior, who died for our sins, is able to do.

This is simply too much for Blake.

Okay, so for the rest of the scene, you're an atheist now.

There is no God.

Very clearly.

I have seen, as once we were able to be gods, to the Bigfoots, and also the robots.

And also, this guy called himself a moth and he's Jesus.

And there is no god no what if what if every species has their own and we just

blasphemy we must go to the simplest solution is simply that there is no god and we are all deceiving ourselves

so yeah we'll say that francis for failing your sanity role your conception of what christianity is has opened up a little bit yeah you're like you know maybe the other maybe maybe you know like maybe it's all you know it's they're labeled there's their gods we're trying to kill and then there's the real god and then there's the moth god exactly it could be anything you're saying a pantheon a pantheistic existence.

So while you two are having this heated theological thing.

I think Kelsey turns around and just goes to like reach your hands.

I was like, guys, come on, we got to follow Trudy.

And I hold her hands out of the water.

You can walk on it.

Yeah, that's what we're talking about.

That's why we're in the mirror.

We are in the middle.

Just close your eyes and follow me.

I was like, blind faith.

Yeah, just fine.

Do you still have blind faith?

Okay, fine.

I just write.

I follow Trudy.

No, absolutely not.

My eyes are finally open.

My eyes are open for the first time.

Look, Francis, behind us, one set of footprints.

That's because we all walked in single file.

Could this not be also the case with the beach and with the Jesus?

Well, yeah, that would just mean there's

multiple Jesi.

Oh, my God.

Or is there even one?

Do you follow into the spaceship?

There's a spaceship?

Yeah, I missed that part.

What?

I was saying there's a big cocoon-like spaceship.

Oh, I didn't catch that.

That was so complicated.

Yes, he runs across the water towards a big cocoon-like spaceship.

Wait, really quick, what flavor of spaceship are we talking about here?

But I'm like, is it 1950s, like blonde dart-looking spaceship?

Is it like a saucer?

Is it the one from Independence Day?

I'll tell you what it is.

It's like if David Cronenberg did a mod spaceship, you know what I mean?

It's weird,

it's bulbous.

It's kind of ooh, like those Cylon ships that are the Cylons themselves.

Yeah, kind of organic-yeah, it's kind of like a cocoon.

I remember what you're talking about.

It's like the gun from Existence.

You run into the Existenza-esque spaceship.

I'm having an Existenzial kind of moment myself.

Okay, so the inside of this thing is like, you know, there's like these high sloping walls.

It's very curvy in here.

Is it wet?

It's not wet, but the ground is like a little spongy.

You can't tell if this is like metal or it's organic.

Well, it's definitely not metal.

If it's spongy, yeah.

But it could be like a spongy metal, some sort of spongy moth metal.

You're underwater.

Oh, that's crazy.

What else am I doing?

You guys need that bird on TikTok who can tell what things are made of.

Is that a thing?

There's like this parrot on TikTok,

and like his owner just gives him things and he taps his beak on it and he's like, metal.

And I'm like, that's fucking freaky.

But like, but the owner knows.

The owner knows what the thing is.

Why would the owner need this parrot to tell him what he already knows?

Well, because it's weird because like the parrot's not just mimicking things.

It's like it understands that that's metal.

So you step into this mysterious spaceship.

It's not metal.

There's sort of like any parrot could tell you that.

What are you talking about, Lane?

Yes, it's utterly alien.

There's just kind of serenely calm in here.

You see a bunch of like old junk all over the place.

There's like there's old paperback books, there's like magazines, there's like old pottery going back seemingly centuries, just kind of scattered all over the place.

It's got a kind of like a real nest in here.

This place is kind of a dump.

You see, Mothman has already stepped into an area of the ship that looks like it must be some sort of medical chamber, is the closest you could think of to it.

And he slams Trudy, not slams, he sets Trudy down on this table.

No, he dude.

He's removing her.

He slams Trudy on this table and you all gasp for a second but then the sponginess of the metal cushions

her body and as he's looking over her he says time is of the essence she is dying i must repair her but you you are all mouth jesus can tell very harmed you are damaged yeah i mean in many ways yeah yeah how do we help trudy she's she's i mean i will tend to trudy you must heal The hour of the hole draws near.

Only you can stop.

The hour of the hole.

Wait, one more time.

One more time.

What?

The hour of the hole.

He said the hour of the hole.

That's fucking crazy.

Yeah.

Also, who

are you?

Yes.

Who the fuck is this?

You were flying.

Jesus.

You were like flying, right?

Yes.

And then, did you go into Francis's house?

Yes.

Oh, I hit you with a baseball bat.

Yes, you did.

You have met this person before, this creature.

Yeah, he broke into my house.

Yeah, you were attacking Francis.

Francis, as you know, castle doctrine allows you to attack.

I stood my ground.

You hear this impatient grumbling in Moth jesus's voice as he realizes he's gonna have to explain a lot of stuff to you that he didn't really think he was gonna have to explain to someone and he goes uh

time is of the essence you may either heal right now in this weird tube and he points to there's like six tubes in here that are like goo tubes and if you step into them he's saying you can heal

one second moth jesus can tell his tale Well, would you like to tell us while we're in the tube?

No, you can't hear and there.

Seems like a design vlog.

I mean, I have no problem going to heal i just want points for i feel like we're being pretty progressive just allowing just like

like we're not really asking a lot of questions here and we're just gonna do what he says i just want when we talk next like you know blake steps right up to moth jesus i used to kill pieces of like you what we know of you blake lively slayer of moths and also assorted other

termites and other manner of uh moth jesus cares not for termites pests wait moth jesus are you Jesus of actual moths?

No, well, are you?

Wait, yes, that's what I was going with.

He's the name that she gave me.

And he like sort of like

strokes her cheek with like,

leave her alone.

But she is dying, and I must tend to her.

Moth Jesus must save Trudy.

Trudy strong.

Trudy wise.

Wait, so you...

You promised you can save her, right?

Yes, Moth Jesus has done so once before.

She opens this cupboard and like just a bunch of like rusty parts of other Trudies

just tumble out and he starts rooting through them.

He's just trying to figure out what he's going to fix her with.

He's killed all these other Trudies.

He's going to kill all of you.

Gentlemen, gentlemen, gentlemen, we must plan.

Woman, yeah, what?

Oh, right, yes, right.

Looking at you, man.

We must plan for every eventuality.

If this insect creature is in fact evil, we must kill it.

And Antenna turns towards you and he looks at you and he just,

and then he walks over to another pile of junk and pulls out the bowling trophy that

slams it on the ground.

There's like a sort of liquid shimmering in it.

And he bites into his hand and just sort of tears at it.

And then like some blood of his drips into the liquid and it starts to shimmer.

Gaze into the liquid.

Oh, ah.

Okay.

And then he just goes back to fixing Trudy.

Okay, as long, guys, I just, we can't let Trudy die.

And can I see what he's kind of like, what is he doing?

She got bit by this monster, essentially, by the robot, and she's unconscious.

And he's like looking for parts to fix her with.

Okay.

And the liquid is like, it's just like in a bowl, I guess.

It's a mystery goo that is in the trophy.

And he just dripped his blood into it.

And it now seems to be glowing ethereally.

You guys want to take a look?

I think I want to keep an eye on him until Trudy is safe, and then I'll step into the goo healing chamber.

I will hazard a look into this other goo chamber inside the bowl.

Yeah, Monsters, do you mind if we just really care about Trudy?

And like, obviously we'll heal ourselves.

And also, like, I'm working on a little encyclopedia and doctoring is kind of next.

So, like, I could just watch what you're doing.

Okay.

I'm taking notes.

I'm watching it.

Prepare Trudy.

The section on doctoring in this encyclopedia is going to be so fucking wrong.

So, Freddie, you gaze into the liquid, though.

I will hazard a gaze.

All right.

So, as you gaze in, like, we do like a little...

God, I'm so fucking screenwriter-pilled.

All I can think of is stupid.

Like, we push in and then we push in.

What's wrong with that?

We dissolve.

What's wrong with that?

It's an auditory medium.

It's a theater of a mind.

We starwipe.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just throw some crazy.

Hey, look, we even didn't walk across water.

We didn't do anything.

Yeah, but I wasn't describing camera movements while you did that.

Do you know what I mean?

That's what I'm saying.

I'm trying to with Will.

That is one of my pet peeves.

When people are like, we reveal, we see.

And it's like, no, just say, just reveal.

That can mean anything.

As you gaze into the shimmering liquid in the trophy, your eyes glaze over and you behold a vision.

You see before you a smog,

smoky, pollution-filled alien world.

Ravaged as thousands of moths, these moth people, buzz about, millions of them.

A vision of a whole world, you behold it in your eye.

Where is the smog coming from?

It's not like car smog, but it's just the weird, hostile atmosphere of this planet.

It's thick with a haze.

Through the haze, you see these moths buzzing around.

You see their whole world, their whole civilization flooding your senses as memories of this culture and this people come to you.

And you realize, as they realize, that their son is dying.

We all have one sun.

You realize that the nearest star to them, the star, the light in the sky that they worship.

Which they're flying towards at all times.

Which they are flying towards at all times through their orbit.

Is on the verge of going supernova, and they need a new world to settle.

So they send it to the state.

There's definitely a bunch of mods who are like, no, no, no, no, this is going to be good, though.

Like, when it goes supernova, it's going to be the best time it's ever been for us.

They send emissary ships out through the universe, each with a moth in them, and blast them through space and time.

And over the course of millions of years, they travel to various worlds throughout our world.

Many go into other suns.

It's kind of fucked up.

And one of them finds the light of our world and lands millions and millions of years ago in the past.

And using the advanced technology of this ancient moth civilization, creates a progenitor race.

A progenitor race of these ape-like mammalian creatures with hyperintelligence, knowing that one day they will grow and evolve and pollute and ruin the atmosphere of this world, such that the moths can settle here once more and call it their home.

And that moth is, of course, Moth Jesus, the moth you've been following.

The steward and caretaker of the terraforming virus race that was brought here to Earth, known as the Humans.

And that's what he's been doing here this whole time.

If he made us, that means he's like real Jesus.

We don't even have to separate him into a moth pantheon.

You're right.

He made us to destroy us.

So, wait, does this vision give any insight into what happens after we become, you know, pollute the hell out of this place?

No, well, I mean, that hasn't happened like you know, forward-looking projections.

What did he say?

The moth quarterly.

I feel like, yeah, I think Blink as an adult with a critical thinking skill can figure this out,

really.

Blake can draw whatever conclusions his now atheist mind wants from this vision.

If there is no God who created the moths,

the moths created.

I'll say this.

You see a little bit more, which is you see Moth Jesus watching over our society for over thousands and thousands of years, occasionally intervening when it seems we're on the brink of.

Give me some good examples.

There's a lot of stuff he didn't stop when he didn't stop, but he watched it.

He only intervenes when it seems like humanity is truly on the brink of destroying itself entirely.

You see him.

So two world wars, not really that, not a big one there.

You know, you mean a couple of atomic bombs being

He came up with D-Day.

Yeah.

There you go.

There you go.

There you go.

You see him sinking the Lusitania.

Everyone thinks that's like, oh, yeah, yeah, he's a drink.

No, all these disasters.

No, for real, though, all these disasters that seem like disasters were just him altering the course of history.

Just him being

Sir Francis Ferdinand had to turn his car over when a moth hit his windshield.

Dude, he's sitting there at the Hindenburg being like, who me?

But now he's become aware of a new threat to humanity in the form of Project Heartland, which is why he's taken Roost here and he's been intervening, trying to stop their schemes, starting with taking this trophy that they were trying to pass off to their agents in Peachyville.

What is so special about this trophy?

Well, I mean, it's allowing you to do what you're doing now.

It allows you to like see into the past and see into other places.

Hey, that's a powerful artifact.

That's a crazy thing to win just from bowling good.

Blake, Blake.

Wait, why does it

let some of your blood go into the bowl?

Oh, yes.

Good idea.

Francis, you give me your Voy Scout penknife.

Here it is.

And I put my blood in the bowl now.

Okay.

Does it do anything?

Yeah.

And I stare into it.

You tell me.

You're looking at your own history now.

Oh.

Oh.

But it's intermingled with like every so often just different characters.

Like my mom and dad are moths.

Yeah, it's yes.

This is not my sentry.

This is a little bit mixed.

Just go ahead and tell us the entire story of Blake Lively's life.

Blake started as a cat.

Yeah.

Here's my thought: Blake Lively is somewhere in idyllic, like, you know, like sound of music.

Yeah.

Idyllic ass mountains and fields, like just frolicking.

And there's moths like everywhere, way too many moths that you would expect.

You're like, oh, weird.

And then

World War happens.

Yeah.

Moths with a little gas mask.

That'd be so cute.

And all of a sudden, it's his, oh, so let me think.

We're in 1950, so that would be.

So you're in a field.

What?

You're in a field.

Now the field.

Now, so far you were in the field and then World War I happened.

You're just in a field.

No age, no family, no contact.

Hey, this is what.

World War I happens.

This is what happens when you mix up the things.

It gets a little abbreviated and more moth flavored.

There's just a lot more bright light sources just lying around and just sort of staring at them.

Then what happens?

And then Blake goes, like a big World War II happens.

Then I guess, get this one.

So we go back into a different field.

Then World War II happens.

Get this.

Well, no, the first field now has got shells everywhere, dude.

And a sign saying no, Fairboten.

You know, you can't go here.

And Blake's like, ah, my homeland.

Which one?

We don't know.

We don't know.

We know the Germans took it over and said you can't come here.

So that narrows it down.

They ruined it.

And then, guess what, Will?

A second World War.

Didn't see that one fucking coming.

Blake fighting now.

And another field.

A lot of World War II happening in fields.

You know?

Fighting.

It's

bad.

Yeah, if you think about it.

Most of it has happened in fields.

A lot of wars.

Maybe we banished it.

We'd be able to fields.

Throughout history, some of the biggest wars and battles have taken place.

Hey, dude, that hits me right in the fields.

And then now Blake is on.

I feel like I know less about Blake.

After this flashback.

This flashback is for me.

This flashback is for me.

Now Blake is on a steamship with a little

hat.

And he's coming to America.

God himself could not sink this ship.

And he waves that at

the statue of liberty.

How are you going to call back?

The statue of liberty, baby.

Yeah, dog, because that's where he's coming in.

And then now he's...

He sees original Tony Collette diving into the water after getting shot by his parents.

Yeah, exactly.

And then he's.

He's at Ellis Island.

They're like, what's your name, love?

And you're like,

there's an old British lady at Ellis Island taking people in.

Well, shit, I rev.

Welcome to America.

Welcome to America.

Hey, hey, Trippy's game.

Hey, Anthony.

What?

That's how they say in Titanic.

I was just copying what you were doing, and you made fun of me for it.

Yeah, I did.

I'm sorry.

Also,

if Blake was,

I'm sorry.

We should definitely move on from this.

But if Blake was frolicking in the field before World War I,

how old is Blake?

I thought he was 28.

Let me do the math here.

20, 19?

No, none of them.

Who was frolicking?

It was his parents.

His parents were dancing.

They're comforting his parents fucking in a moth-filled field.

That was your concern.

Yes, yes, yes.

That's what I was.

As you're going to see, the hills were alive.

The hills were alive.

And then your dad died in World War I, and your mom raised.

No, you didn't see any of that.

You didn't see any of that.

I was just trying to paint a picture.

The moths are

our new friend here.

The moths are kind of blurring my past a little bit.

Okay.

Now.

I'm so glad we did this.

Guys, I know.

Now, now.

Remember how I said we were.

Hold on, hold on.

Important detail.

Important detail.

He's living in some real, real shithole in the city, and he gets a newspaper article that says, Come to Peachyville.

It's like a plan, right?

It's a planned community.

And Blake goes, that looks like a better place than here.

And he looks around.

The place is full of moths.

But are they real?

Or just a figment of this?

Did you even do that if he saw a picture of Peachyville and it looked like a field?

And he went, oh, I like fields.

Hey, Trudy.

And then kind of you see Trudy, and the three of us are trying to come up with a birthday party.

We're like, what themes should we do for Blake?

I don't know.

Probably just like Fields.

Like Fields, I guess?

Fields.

We'll throw a nice field-themed birthday party for Blake.

So then he settles in Peachyville and loves it here.

Ah, my whole story in the nutshell.

Beautiful.

Well, I guess in a trophy.

Regardless, you now know what Moth Jesus is doing here.

I'm assuming Blake just told us.

I tell you that Moth as he was watching it, you were hearing him speak.

Like, just, he was zoned out and just explaining everything he's doing.

I mean, you're helping us, but you're only helping us so that then we can destroy ourselves later in a different way.

Yes.

Oh.

But that will happen millions of years.

And and it's a later problem i think okay no that's fine i just want to understand so you're like and so you're like wait hold on to be clear moth jesus wishes to stop the powers that be from ruining this world because it is our world and you want and you want the moths shall reign and to be clear you're a big fan of leaded gasoline yes okay interesting their atmosphere has a high a lot of lead in it yes that's the what you got from the yeah i don't know if we can like blame moth jesus for he's still one man of sorts we can't blame him for everything that's happening on on earth.

Seems like your people put a lot of responsibility on each of you.

You're kind of a stressed-out worker, huh?

Moth Jesus' life is a lonely one.

Okay.

I sit in the shadows watching blowing up Zeppelins.

Blowing up Zeppelins.

Watching humanity grow in my way.

I have come to care for them.

Oh, great.

Well, speaking of caring for them, can you fix Trump?

Yes, that's what I'm trying to do.

That is what Moth Jesus tries to do.

But you distract Moth Jesus.

Get in the tubes.

It's a YouTube, if you will.

Step into the YouTubes.

Wait, we're going to watch you fix Trudy first.

He goes,

because Trudy, she's in the tube, too, right?

Trudy is special.

Trudy is different.

She's in a fairy.

She is made of metal.

Observe.

And he presses a button on her and her whole torso pops open

gears and shit.

And he's like, the tube is not for Trudy.

I just pointed out a random part of Trudy's inside.

I was like, what is that tube?

Don't touch that.

Touch not the GlowZorb cube.

Holy shit, she's got a GlowZorb cube.

Write that down.

That's going to be important later.

Write down the GlowZorb.

Okay, how do you spell that word?

Okay, so you probably G-L-O-Z-O-R-B-E.

GlowZorb.

All right.

Kelsey's going to get the tube as she's like sticking to the tube.

Moth Jesus must caution.

Okay.

The tube heals, but the tube also changes.

Oh, wow.

Strange things,

strange visions shall be had in the tube, but healed you shall be.

Like cup visions?

So the cup is like the tube without the healing part.

Wait, why'd you eat the cup then?

This is just a better cup.

It could be iterative design.

He started with the cup.

Guys, I think it's just like the eye piece.

The tube awakens potentials and possibilities within one's nature.

Okay.

Trudy.

You bring into the tube only what you take with you.

This guy really likes tubes, huh?

Oh, I mean, yeah, I can't help Trudy.

Okay, well, I'm hurt.

I agree with you.

I slip into the tube, but I'm doing like the eye thing.

Like, I'm watching you as I slip down into the tube.

Okay, Blake Ladley strips fully butt naked.

You do the okay.

Steps into the tube.

That's spot hidden.

It's not that hidden.

Let me tell you, that's going to be an easy roll.

Give me a bonus roll.

A bonus roll?

I got 50.

It's fine.

I don't know.

I'll spot hidden decide.

I don't know how you're spot hidden to decide this and whatever, but yeah, sure.

What's the age gap between Kelsey and Blake?

Is it like millennial age gap or Gen Z age gap?

What is that?

I'm sorry.

What's inappropriate?

That's really good.

Like, Gen Z, we got me within two years of each other.

You know, we're fucking 60.

Let's wade into this discourse.

That sounds like a kid smart time.

Francis is going to go into a goop pod as well.

Excuse me, it's a YouTube.

And then you got it.

It's also a pod for me.

It's like an iPod.

As Kelsey's going down, she's like, wait, did we have to get naked?

No.

What?

Okay.

As you step into this goo, you feel like this cold, slimy, viscous substance sort of slide all over you and you submerge into it.

Your bodies seem to merge with it.

It's almost like the way in like a chrysalis, like a butterfly dissolves when it's reformed.

That hurts, probably.

Yeah.

No, it doesn't hurt.

It's like, but it's surreal.

And you feel your consciousness set free.

This is like the one time I ate mushrooms in that field.

Oh, that's why you spent so much time in that fucking field.

You

so much field lore.

You each undergo.

Sally fields over here.

That's what I call a field trip.

Ooh, that's good.

Ooh, that's a good one.

Each of you undergo an experience.

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Who would like to experience their experience first?

Ooh, I should all experience my experience.

Excellent.

Kelsey.

You open your eyes and you are in your childhood bedroom.

It's like a peaceful, quiet Sunday morning.

Give me an intelligence roll.

I'm a child, so I fumbled that.

I've got 96.

Okay.

You are convinced that everything that just happened to you is a horrible nightmare and you're actually a child and you just woke up from the strangest nightmare you've ever been there.

Every middle-aged teacher.

And you were there and you were there.

As you sit there gathering your wits, you hear the doorbell.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, I'm going to run down and go see who's there.

You step out of your door.

It swings open.

And before you can get there, you see your parents answering the door.

The door swings open and there's a stern-looking young army officer standing at the door in his dress uniform and he's got a package with him and just from the look on his face your father breaks down sobbing because they know what this is they know what's happened they know that their son John is dead we cut to not cut to you blink nature's cut nature's cut

you're sitting there sobbing at the kitchen table your parents are trying to talk to you trying to explain what happened that your brother John was shot through the chest at a place you've never heard of called Vimy Ridge and in the back of your mind something about that seems wrong something seems strange You were like, didn't he die at Verdun?

What happened?

What's going on?

And they're showing you now his uniform and it has this clean hole straight through where his heart would be.

Yeah, this didn't happen, mom.

It's okay.

It did happen, honey.

It did happen.

And we need to accept it, but it's going to be hard.

And we're going to have to be brave together.

And I know that John would have wanted you to have this too.

And she hands you your charm bracelet.

But the bracelet, as you look at it, it's garbled.

Like it's like trying to read text in a dream.

Like it doesn't make sense.

Like there's something about it that's shifting.

It seems sharp.

Like it hurts you when you touch it.

You feel this twinge of pain as you reach out to it.

And then you open your eyes again and you're at that table now, an adult with John grabbing him, warning him that he gets shot through the heart at Vimy Ridge.

But as you're trying to say it, you're like, no, that's wrong.

It's at Verdun.

It's at Verdun.

You snap back and you're in your bedroom again, your child again.

And the loop continues.

Now his uniform is ripped through the stomach.

You're telling him that he caught shrapnel at Passchendale.

You hear that doorbell ring again.

You hear your father sob.

You see yourself warning your brother over and over, naming dozens of battlefields as you describe all manner of gruesome death to him, a grenade at Passchendale, artillery fire at the 100 days offensive, sniper fire on a risky night raid at the St.

Quentin Canal.

And you feel that bracelet, that charm bracelet, twitching, glitching, digging tighter and tighter into your wrist.

The loop gets faster and faster, a blur of images, a whirlpool of grief and pain.

You feel yourself getting sucked into something deeper and deeper and darker and faster than you could possibly comprehend.

And then you feel a strong ice-cold arm grab you from behind and you wake up.

You're in a bed again.

A big

Victorian four-post bed, like in a big gothic mansion out of pride and prejudice or something like that.

Candles are twinkling everywhere around you.

There's a fire roaring in the fireplace.

Half a teacher's salary.

You look down, you see you're wearing a billowy sleeping gown and you hear harpsichord music playing downstairs.

Oh yeah, and the glitchy charm bracelet is still sort of digging into you.

This is like a different house.

Completely different.

You're in a huge mansion.

It feels like timeless, but you know, it has the feel of like a 17th-century Gothic manor.

I will go slowly

peek around to see what's making that music.

You follow the sound to the door, and as you open the door, you see this long corridor stretching out into darkness.

There's one of those old fucking candle labras, if you want to grab it.

You like one of those?

Is it dark?

In the hallway?

Yeah.

Oh, then I'll grab the candle.

I'm just trying to paint the scene.

Yeah, and I'll grab the candle.

So as you walk down this mysterious hallway, you pass this line of portraits that seem to portray ancient warriors and, you know, powerful magicians, strange beings,

powerful magicians.

Lance Virginia.

David Copper.

Cameron.

Doug Henning.

Sign freak.

Chris Angel.

Sign?

Is Chris Angel a sign?

It's like to my number one fan.

And you see other portraits of what seem to be heroes and warriors from species strewn across the galaxy that you've never even seen before.

Okay, this is a joke.

Hello.

The music stops for a second and then continues playing.

Well, that's rude.

Hello.

I know you heard me.

Yes, I did hear you.

You hear the voice of Zuzel calling to you from below.

Come, come to me, Kelsey.

We have much to discuss.

His voice echoes down the hallway.

Did you come here?

I've been, I'm okay.

She's like, you're like a god or whatever.

Just as little, I'm a little scared a little if I find myself a little frozen in place right now.

That's fair, Kelsey.

You hear the harpsichord stop, and you hear like the piano bench, like scuffling, and then you hear footsteps coming up these stairs, and you see this shadowy, twisting form of Zuzel stepping closer and closer to you in the shadows and the light.

And then as he comes forward, again, like from the painting, you remember, he had this sort of like non-Euclidean writhing mass of muscle was what you remember.

Now that writhing mass of muscle, sort of like...

Clad in like a silk shirt, like a billowy silk shirt.

He's got pants on.

He's got like, he just looks like he's out of a gothic romance novel or something like that.

His face, his hideous face, he's covered with a golden mask.

And he steps up to you and says,

you've awoken.

Have you recovered?

I mean, no, I'm healing in the tube and now I'm

here.

What do you want with me anyways?

Can we undo?

Like, I just wanted, what are you going to do with me?

I saved you, and now I wish to explain.

Okay.

Come with me.

And he just walks off down the hallway.

All right.

You walk into the hallway and you just, you find yourself standing at the edge of a long stairwell descending into the biggest library you've ever seen.

Just rows and rows and rows of ancient tomes of all manner of knowledge that you could possibly ever want to read just around you.

Yeah, it's no big deal.

I don't keep books that I haven't read.

Do you?

I should grab the first book.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Why not?

You might read them again.

You grab one of the books?

Yeah.

That's a good.

I'm overwhelmed.

So many books.

It's the Prima Strategy Guide to Mist.

Whoa, that's how you beat it.

You don't need to worry about the blue or red pages.

This is so Taylor's oldest time coded.

Roll a D100 for me.

25.

All right, what book did I get?

Okay, Matt, I'm not shitting you.

You grab this book and it seems to be written in Greek, but for some reason you can understand it.

And the title says Necronomicon.

Oh, oh, wow.

This is a.

Is this the?

I look at it.

I look at it.

I look at it.

Is this the comma V?

So, yes, it's this horrible ancient tome of dark and lost secrets and forbidden knowledge.

And if you'd like to thumb through it, normally you'd have to spend weeks studying it, but for the price of one sanity roll, I will allow you to pick a spell.

Plumb the depths of the necros.

I still have the ability to learn a spell, right?

Because I got that.

I have a spell I can learn.

No, you were supposed to take two weeks to study the book to learn it, and you never did that.

I have spells that I want to use.

I just have a new face.

All right, fine.

You can use one of those spells.

Yes.

Oh.

All right, and now I get a second spell, you're saying.

No, you get one spell.

Oh, well, this is the same spell.

I didn't read.

You never read the other book.

No, I haven't.

There's a whole mechanic for reading books, and I put you in a whole-time dilation chamber.

So you might have had the idea to use the two weeks you were hanging around in Pigswood Land to read a book.

No, I thought you told me that I have a spell I could use.

Okay, well, so now I have a spell I could use because I've been researching spells.

Matt Arnold has been researching spells.

I will let you pick the spell you come from the forbidden dome.

So I flip through it and I go, first off, I look at Zozell.

I've learned enough to know not to say any of these words out loud.

so I think I'm going to be okay.

And then I read through it and I go, ah, that's the spell I want.

You can hold on to what spell that is.

Yeah, no, I have a few that I was thinking of saying I learned.

I just wasn't sure when I would say I used it.

Great.

This is like all knowledge in the world.

Yes.

Or more than the world?

This is my humble abode, my palace in exile.

This is where the powers that be banished me to.

Oh, why did they banish you?

The winds of winter, science edition.

Because the powers that be like want to destroy our world.

They fear me.

Oh, well, why do they?

They fear what I represent.

Which is

power.

Oh.

But the good kind.

I would use it for good.

They don't understand me.

What do you consider good?

Whatever Zuzel deems good, of course.

Okay, no, you don't be defensive.

I'm just trying to understand.

I just, a lot's going on when you've been here.

I'm sorry.

I'm not used to conversation.

It's been a while since I had anybody back here.

No, he says we met this month guy, and he's like, wants to help us, but eventually he's going to destroy us.

And they say the powers at B are going to destroy us.

So I was like, oh, well, if the powers that be like got rid of you, maybe you're on our side.

I wish you'd try to figure out what you want to do.

I wish for all life to blossom.

Oh, that's wait.

My motivations are beyond your comprehension.

Well, that's insult.

Okay.

What does an ant know of what a human wants?

Okay, well, you invited this ant over to your house.

So, what do you want from this ant

come with me?

And he leads you down to the bottom.

Okay, keep coming with me.

There's more.

What I want to show you is down there.

Oh, okay.

I thought they'd like

something better than this life.

You're like a brain person who would have it.

Okay, I'm coming.

Kelsey.

Yes.

When you traveled back in time,

you awoke to something.

You gained a glimpse at your true self.

You see, there are many worlds and many realities, much like there are these many books you see.

But there is only one you.

There is only one Kelsey.

There's only one self.

A glorious thread.

being woven through the infinity of infinities.

Wow.

And you, Kelsey, are but a strand of that thread.

Okay.

One of many woven together.

A strand of the thread.

Okay.

When you went back in time and changed your timeline.

I did?

When you spoke to your brother, you altered the course of your fate and his.

And you opened a hole in time and space.

And you pulled the thread that is Kelsey through it.

I pulled myself.

Okay.

You are but one strand of this thread.

When you warned your brother of his death, you tangled this thread and his.

The visions you have been perceiving are the many strands of your true self twisting into a loop that draws ever and ever tighter.

It's threatened to overwhelm you until I saved you and brought you here, but still it grows tighter and tighter around you and around.

And he grabs your wrist and holds up the bracelet around this.

So wait, I don't care about me.

So wait, is my brother.

So that happened?

I warned.

Did it change?

Something has changed.

I know not what.

It's not my fate.

It is yours.

It's your fate that has changed, and its change involves this.

Yes, I sense his fate woven into it as well.

He sends you a message in this bracelet, in this bauble, this trinket.

But to untangle your thread, to be free of these visions, you must decipher it.

Or forget it entirely.

I can help you in whichever path you choose.

I mean, can I open it and read it?

Only with the vision, with the insight, with the power of your full knowledge of your true self, can you decipher this message?

As but a shadow of yourself, you're unable to decipher what it says.

But I can show you your true self, Kelsey.

Okay, are you showing me like a book or like, like, what's the, well, how do I have to find a true self?

I just.

He steps up to this mirror, but the mirror is covered in a cloak.

I can show you your true self, but you will be forever changed by what you see.

Or, and he points to the flames.

There's another big fireplace, a lot of fireplaces.

Oh, there's another big fireplace.

Or you may cast the bracelet into the fire and you will forget it ever existed, but you will be free of the visions that have been haunting you.

Oh, no, I'm not going to, it's my brother's bracelet.

No, Andrew Curious, I mean, isn't it like most of your life trying to find out your true self?

I have no problem.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Let's look in the mirror.

You can kind of sense again.

He's got this mask on to keep him from freaking out, but you can see like a vibe of admiration when you say that.

The bravery of being like, fuck it, I want to see this.

He respects it.

Okay.

He says, very well.

Behold, Kelsey, as Zuzel sees her, as she truly is.

And he pulls this cloak off of the mirror.

And you're staring.

Your mind reels just taking it in.

It's you, but

smoking high.

But smoking high.

But 55.

But no.

It's like you're one side of an infinite-sided dice, essentially.

Like of an infinite-sided structure.

Your flesh weaves and writhes around.

So I love interstellar.

Like the book room and more like a D1000.

Don't you?

Weirdly what you look like,

your body shifts and twists around the way that Zuzel does.

And as you look at this and you gaze at the sort of like many manifold versions of Kelsey that all make up the one true Kelsey, the Ur Kelsey, you realize that what you've been seeing in Zuzel is just all of one consciousness, all of one entity perceived in one dimension of time.

And now you've gotten this multi-form look at your own persona, as it were, as it throws itself through time.

And you become one with it as you're looking at it.

And as you do, your gaze falls down onto that bracelet.

Finally, you can see the charm bracelet for what it is and for the symbols that are on it.

So here's what you see.

Write this down.

An eye.

Okay.

Wait, the letter or the

eyeball?

Like Like an eyeball.

An eyeball.

Okay.

An eye.

Just say it, Will.

An eyeball.

An eyeball.

One eye.

Yep.

Just a one.

Yep.

Letter.

A compass.

Compass.

A peach.

A peach.

A bison.

A bison.

Okay, so far I've feeling a theme here.

Peachyville bison.

A lock.

A lock.

An hourglass.

An hourglass.

And a skull.

Skull.

And this isn't like one of those like charms.

These are just fun little charms in a charm bracelet, but that's the theme of the over there in.

Oh, so they are.

They are like hanging little charms.

Yeah, because remember, you told your brother to fill it with charms for all the places he's been, and now these are the charms that he's given you.

Would you like me to tell you those again?

No, I wrote them down.

I got to.

You've got it.

For the audience, one more time, if they want to play along at home, those items were an eye, a compass, a peach, a bison, a lock, an hourglass, and a skull.

By the way, I was thrilled to find out that all of these symbols have emojis.

Well, it's actually one of the emojis.

Well, just to make sure I'm on the screen.

There's the emojis in the Patreon here, okay?

The post, okay?

Don't worry about it.

As all these four symbols sear into your memory, you wake up and you stumble out of the tube.

Oh, my God.

While that was happening, meanwhile, Beth, Trudy wakes up and your head is on a workbench.

You see before you your sort of like opened body on this table with wires and gears all straight.

Oh my!

And then Mothman pops up from beneath it.

He says, remain calm, Trudy.

You regained consciousness.

Good.

Where's Timmy?

Timmy?

So he turns your head towards Timmy and you see Timmy Timmy lying there.

And he says, The one known as Timmy rests.

I have yet to decipher the manner of his ailment.

What do you mean?

What's wrong with him?

He goes over to Timmy and he turns his head towards you.

And you see, like, there's like a little puncture in his head where Mothman drew something out of him.

He holds up this syringe.

He says, this fluid surrounds his brain.

It is a barrier between his brain and his body.

It protects his brain, yet it keeps him in this state you see.

So he's on Lexapro.

And he holds it up and it's this weird, like, it looks liquid, but it's kind of crystalline as well.

He says, Moth Jesus has never beheld a slime like this before, except in one place.

In your brain, Trudy.

And he sort of like reveals, like, he's got this other vial of like, when I first discovered you, I discovered this coating, your mind.

Moth Jesus believes the secret to saving your son lies within you.

It is some some part of your design, your program.

Something that protects your mind and allows it to adapt to these many metal carapaces.

And he gestures to your body.

So he needs more of the slime?

That's in me?

No, we must decipher the nature of the slime.

And to do that, Moth Jesus needs your help.

Yes, anything.

What?

I must put you in contact with your own programming.

with the architecture of your metal body.

The information lies within its code, within its structure, within its architecture.

But to visualize it, I must link your mind directly with it using something called safe mode.

Are you ready to experience safe mode, Trudy?

If it will save Timmy, then yes.

Very well.

Remain still for 10 seconds.

And then

he presses this mole on your shoulder and holds it.

It doesn't feel like anything's happening at first.

And then like after 10 seconds, you're like, wow, 10 seconds is longer than I thought.

You blink and when you open your eyes, you are in like a sterile, cold office building.

Like it's desaturated.

Let's see it's black and white in here.

Actually, it's like a sort of like monochrome.

There's a door in front of you and the door says system architecture.

I open the door.

Okay.

On the other side of the door, you see this massive, seemingly endless expanse of filing cabinets, like these skyscraper high rows just stretching off into the infinite.

You know that somewhere the information that you seek is in this expanse of this library, if you will, of all of this data.

Is Arlo here?

Oh, that's kind of fun.

Yes, if you want to talk to Arlo, you can talk to Arlo, who's like an actual dog in this world, we'll say.

Like he's an actual cocker spaniel.

He's not like rigged up to a machine.

Arlo, I'm looking for information.

I'm looking for help to save.

Hi, Trudy!

My son.

Hi, Arlo.

Yes.

It's me, Arlo.

Yeah, yes.

Do you know if there's a filing cabinet about slime or gun?

Hmm, let me think.

Oh, gee, whiz, I'm only the version of Arlo that exists in your memory, so I only know what you know.

Oh.

But maybe you could use your library skills to find your way through this library.

That's what Arlo would do.

Arlo is a very good dog and very smart, and Arlo likes to use his skills.

Yes, of course, Arlo.

Yes, and I will use my

knowledge of the Dewey Decimal system to find out

slime.

Okay, give me a library use role.

This will be an extreme difficulty.

Oh, of course.

Oh, I actually have more library use than I thought.

I passed.

What?

Holy shit.

Three out of three.

Yes.

Okay.

I was, I'm so happy.

That's great.

So, as you think and you recall the Dewey Decimal system and you bring this to your mind, you feel something inside you kind of break open.

Like as you're digging around and you're engaging this part of yourself, you feel, it's almost like now that Tucker has died, now that you're off, truly, finally well and on your own, it's like the shackles and the restraints that he was trying to put on you as well, like the sort of like little box that you had been stuck in for all these years has burst open.

Arlo reappears and he says, oh, you've unlocked administrator access.

Oh, wow.

Do you know what that means, Trudy?

Maybe it means that as a woman, I finally have agency over my own future, present, and past.

It means that.

And it means that you have complete control over your system architecture.

He runs off down the corner and he comes back with this in his mouth.

It's a user manual for an iMac.

What?

So Will brought Beth a paper that I saw what it was, but I will not say it to spoil it.

It is a Trudy Trout character sheet

with.

That's just your character sheet.

Yeah, it's just my character sheet.

So you can now, while you are inside your own system architecture, at will, redistribute any of your skill points.

What?

Go hard guns.

I know.

Francis already picked DPS, but you can pick DPS better now.

Yeah.

It's like that scene in the Matrix where she learns how to fly a helicopter.

You had that killer library use role.

So in addition to this, you can also roughly approximate the direction you need to go to the brain slime category of your system programming.

Okay.

I'm going to take the 20 points that I had put into fighting slash spanking

and put them into

psychology.

Oh, so that'll bring you up to 60 psychologists.

Yeah.

Sick.

If you want, do you have any points in Spot Hidden?

Just take all that.

We got Spot Hidden right here.

Take all those points.

You don't need no Spot Hidden.

Make some psychology.

Kelly, be your eye.

Yo, it's been Max's thing.

Describe to me what Trudy goes through internally as you are losing spanking ability and gaining psychological insight.

It's really tough.

She's going back and kind of going through.

Her programming as like a mother and like a disciplinarian kind of figure with Timmy.

Every time he talked back out of pain and she reacted in anger and every time she didn't listen to him and every time she dismissed what he was feeling because it didn't align with what she wanted or what her goals were.

And now she's just kind of opening up to his experience of everything of the last like 10 years.

Damn.

Okay.

Don't let Will talk over your min-maxing.

Get that spot hidden shit and get some.

I'm going to take 10 out of my spot hidden.

get some more shit out of your spot hidden yeah so i'm going to drop that down to 50 and put 10 more into psychology oh wow that's right all right explain that to me how are you getting slightly less good at seeing things but also 10 wiser at psychological

where we're going we don't need eyes

freddie got it got it in one okay beth give me a spot hidden roll

If I fail this, I'm going to be pissed.

Oh, yay.

Okay.

I got a 21.

Okay.

As you were walking down the hallway having these big sort of life-changing epiphanies, you noticed, but not quite as fast as you would have had you not rearranged your stats, a giant, scary computer bug dropping down from these towering heights between you and where you need to go.

And it's like a big robot beetle, and it goes

and it glares at you and like

seem to lock onto you.

I'm going to try to intimidate it.

Okay.

This is my own brain.

And if I want you to turn into a smaller bug or a butterfly or a moth, then I can make that happen.

What is your intimidate score?

And remember, you can juice it if you would like to.

45.

I will say this bug does not look easily intimidating.

So if you want to move some...

You can move these around.

You can put it right back afterwards.

You can do whatever you want.

All right.

I'm going to take my 55 out of charm and put it in Intimidate.

Are you going all in?

Yeah.

Okay.

I would have to fail pretty bad.

So you're now at a, um, you're at 100.

Intimidate.

Yep.

Okay, describe to me now this version of Trudy that is absolutely terrifying and has zero charm whatsoever that you shift into.

I think she's doing an impersonation of Tucker.

Oh,

I got to hear that.

Hey, bug, move.

Ooh, I like that.

Give me a roll.

12.

Okay, the bug, absolutely terrified, just scurries away and zips down the hallway.

You find yourself now, this super intimidating, psychologically adept, spanking, resistant version of yourself.

You find yourself at the bottom of what you know to be the right filing cabinet that stretches yawning up into the sky above you.

How do you want to get up there?

Hmm.

I'm going to take 45 from Intimidate and put it into climb.

And you shift, you turn into Alex Honold.

Yep.

How much are you taking out of Intimidate?

55 out of Intimidate.

So you're back to normal Intimidate.

Yes.

That brings you to 75 at climb.

Fuck, I failed.

I got an 81.

Oh!

I'm going to use luck.

I'm going to use use six points of luck.

Okay.

So I'm down to 34.

Oh, no.

Okay, great.

So you're climbing up this thing, scaling with seemingly like all of a sudden super innate knowledge of how to scale a large structure like this.

And, you know, like with good hand grip placement.

Now, you're a climber.

You know what you're doing.

And your foot slips because one of the filing cabinet doors breaks off and you find yourself flailing, but then your hand shoots out at the last second and you grab onto a file and you slam down and you realize you're looking right at the file that you need to access.

However, it's locked.

It's a Unix system.

I know this.

I'm going to take 20 from swim, 20 from throw, 10 from track.

All right, so zero swim, zero track, and zero throw.

And I'm going to put that in locksmith.

Okay, give me a locksmith roll.

I fail.

As you fail this role, you hear Tucker's voice saying, unauthorized user detected.

Unauthorized user detected.

And then all of a sudden you see Arlo scooting up next to you and says, hey, are you supposed to be in here, Trudy?

I think, yes, I am.

I think this is the first time I'm really, really, really supposed to be in here.

Okay, well, I just, I would recommend you do whatever you got to do pretty quick because this system gets pretty mad and something bad might happen to you if you don't get out of here.

I'm going to push my roll.

Okay.

Ooh, I like that.

I succeed.

Fuck it.

Describe to me what crazy thing you do to push this lockpicking roll.

I think that I have like, I don't know, maybe like a bobby pin in my hand and I'm trying to use it to pick this lock on this file, but I need more pressure.

And so to do that, I have to let go of my other hand holding me upright.

Ooh, okay.

And use two hands to put it into the lock.

The lock springs open and clicks open.

The file pops out.

You pull out this glittering glyph of a page of data.

It's like numbers flying across this piece of paper at blinding speed.

It's almost hurts to look at.

But as you pick it up and you look at it, it's like some part of your brain is downloading this information and it vanishes from your hands.

As you do that and you close the file, you hear these alarms growing louder and louder and louder.

And you hear the booming voice of Moth Jesus kind of speaking into your ear, but you can hear it in here.

Trudy, safe mode grows unsafe.

I must eject you from the program.

You have one minute.

Get out of there.

Trudy, I must right-click you and eject you safely.

I have pressed control.

I will soon press alt and delete.

Now I'm going to give you one minute on the clock to redo your character sheet oh my gosh just think about all the things that are good starting

now first off no spot hidden i guess this is just gonna be one minute of silence do you want to i literally can't i can't do this

matt you do it you're now hearing me from best mike she has a celsius in front of her keeping her energy high she's doing some math her hand unfortunately because she's left-handed like a lot of weird people i can't see what she's writing but appears that she is let me see her Ooh, she's getting rid of history.

Good thing.

Don't need that, especially not anymore.

No, I'm putting everything in history.

Oh, you're putting everything in history.

For archives.

Oh, okay.

She's looking at the archives.

I also see that Beth on her computer is buying presents for all of us.

No, no.

20 seconds.

You got this.

You got this.

She got rid of some of her jump ability, so hopefully she doesn't have to jump.

Okay.

10, 9.

I'm done.

Oh, she's done.

Okay, great.

You burst back to consciousness and you snap back to your body, which Mothman is now in the process of screwing back onto your torso.

What did you see?

I

saw my archives, my history.

I just need to roll and get better than a 95.

Whoa!

You got a 95 in history?

I put 95 points in history.

Holy shit.

Any other highlights?

Give us the synopsis of your respect.

I took all of my points out of firearms.

I took my five points out of ride.

I took 20 points out of drive auto, my 20 points out of jump, and then 10 points out of accounting.

And so you now have 95 points in history.

Yes.

But next year, the IRS is going to come after you.

Okay, we'll say for doing that, you also like...

There was just a bunch of weird dump data in there about like the history of Peachyville.

So you now have like full knowledge of the entire history of the town.

Well, that's great.

You can access whenever you wish.

Who would like to go next?

Blake will go.

All right.

While that is going on, while Trudy is unlocking the innermost chambers of herself and Kelsey is doing likewise, Blake lively.

Yes.

You find yourself,

you're just having the same, same boring old anxiety dream.

And it's that dream you've had so many times before.

Ah, yes.

You're deep in a sewer, staring down the barrel of a big rusty pipe.

Yes.

Know at any moment, a bunch of yucky green slime is going to come bursting through this pipe to flood the whole room.

Lucky for you, though, you've got a big bag full of pipes that you can connect to it to keep the slime flowing safely away from you and around the room.

Yes, the pipes need to go around.

But there's one problem.

All your different types of pipe are jumbled together, and you never know which one's going to come out of your bag.

Ah, yes, I hate it.

Wait a minute.

Like, you're going to need to think on your feet to survive this pipe dream.

No!

You're making me play a game?

Freddy, I'm going to send you a link right now.

Holy shit.

This is Will's Jezball revenge.

Thankfully, Pipe Dream is fucking easy.

Anthony, you're familiar with the classic LucasArts game, Pipe Dream, aren't you?

Yes, I am.

Could you explain it for our audience at home?

Yes.

Freddy, you have as long as it takes Anthony to explain the concept to familiarize yourself with level one of Pipe Dream.

All right, Pipe Dream is a single-player puzzle game that takes place on a gridded board.

On one end of the board is the pipe entry.

On another end of the board is the pipe exit.

You are given certain tiles with a randomized series of T-junctions, straight lines, quarter pieces, etc.

And your job is to connect the entry point to the exit point using, ideally, as few tiles as possible.

Sometimes there are additional obstacles, like, oh, you can't put any tiles at all in this block, or these two tiles must connect, or this tile is already set in stone, et cetera.

But it's basically just a sort of a jigsaw puzzle with a plumbing theme.

It falls in the milieu of like Windows 98 came with the computer games like 3D Space Kidd, pinball, and ski-free and jezball and that kind of thing.

They should be in the same shelf on the Smithsonian.

I am ready.

You're ready.

All right.

So you've now played level one of Pipe Dream.

We are going to be playing level 25 of Pipe Dream.

Level 25.

We can do level 21.

Why don't we do level 21?

I'll take it easy on you.

Roll a D20 for me.

14.

At the end of this, if you beat this level, you're going to get an immediate 14-point boost to your mechanical repair score, which is you overcoming your anxiety that you're a shitty plumber.

If you fail, you will have a 14-point permanent sanity loss.

Now I ask you, Freddie, would you like to re-roll your dice?

No, I'll go in.

You're going in.

Okay, great.

This is like my jezball.

Matt or Beth, would you like to do the honors of narrating?

Level 20.

Which level?

Which level?

Level 21.

Blake Lively, on your mark.

Get set.

Go.

So, Beth, there's green slime is going to come out of one of those pipes, and he's trying to build a whole maze of pipes around to keep it from erupting onto the playing field.

Oh, that's great.

Well, he's building the pipes.

How's he doing?

How are we?

Has the slime started yet?

Oh, the slime has just started.

Okay.

The slime is going to the left.

Slowly.

And now it's about to go down.

There it goes.

How does Freddy seem?

How's his mental condition?

Freddy seems pretty calm.

He's got me right in his ear.

So that would be stressful.

Oh, it seems like the slime has jumped across the map.

That's wild.

Through some sort of slime portal.

A slime portal indeed.

But Freddy seems calm and collected.

And his score is really jumping up.

He's got a score of 650.

Heck.

Uh-oh.

The slime's closing in, Freddy.

How are we doing?

The slime is getting pretty close.

Oh, I'm done.

You won.

Well, no, I didn't win, but I got the next level.

Well, I'm on the next level.

Okay, all right.

I'll give you double or nothing if you beat the next level.

I already fucked up.

He already fucked up.

I don't understand what the rules of this.

Yeah, me neither.

Oh,

hold on.

You're distracting him, Will.

Sounds like he is doing a double or nothing.

Sounds like he is.

He's locked in.

He's either going to get 28 points to his mechanical repair score right now, or he's going to lose 28 points of sanity.

Wow.

Of his precious 85 sanity.

Man, everybody got like like stat increases.

I got a riddle.

Kelsey got a cool thing that will be revealed later.

Oh, wow.

That's also known as a riddle.

How are we doing, Freddie and Beth?

How's it going over there?

I think it's going pretty well.

I like Beth as a sports announcer, just quiet as everybody's like, how's the sport going over there?

Oh, they're playing pretty well.

I think everybody's having a good time.

If I were a sports announcer, I'd be like, did you see that?

I can't do that.

I think Freddie won the level.

I think I won the level.

All right.

Wow.

Wow.

Quadruple or nothing.

All right, Blake.

As you chase this pipe around, laying...

As I lay pipe all over the screen.

You lay thick pipe.

Let me tell you, let me, hey, hold on.

A little commentary from the pro gamer here.

Here's the trick.

When you get a pipe that isn't going to fit right away, throw it over to the corner somewhere.

Just chuck pipes all over the place.

Actually, I think that that hurts your score, but

that's what I was doing.

And then as the little green liquid was coming, I'd be like, this pipe will go right over there in front of it.

Very, very grommet-pilled, you know?

When he's like,

you know, classic grommet strategy.

Well, that's been the post-game analysis with Freddy Wong.

Thanks, everyone.

Felt really good.

Thank God.

As you're doing this, you managed to successfully connect this pipe and run through time and overcome your internal anxiety about your shocking backstory fact that you've never been certified as a plumber, which I believe was what you told me next Deep Dark Seeker was.

And as you're feeling pretty good about yourself, You hear a door open behind you.

I'm working.

Oh, oh, um, uh, is Miss Grammer here?

What?

No, no, this is just, this is the toilet.

Have you turned around or are you still working?

I'm still working.

Oh, okay.

I was looking for, do you know Miss Grammer?

Yes, oh,

that's Milton.

Can you tell her that Milton's looking for her?

I turn around now after hearing.

Also, you smell the distinct smell of wet peanut butter.

I would know that smell anywhere.

It is the child Milton.

Child Milton.

Always flushing wet peanut butter down the toilet.

You have clogged your entire block with your peanut butter shenanigans.

I actually prefer child Milton to Big Bang Theory.

I just like the way it smells, Mr.

Lively.

Holy fucking shit.

I like watching the peanut butter roll down the toilet.

You listened here, you little shit.

I like watching it.

It's funny.

American porcelain is not ready for this.

Alas, I can't watch it anymore because, as you see, I don't don't have eyes anymore.

What the hell is this?

You see that, in fact, in punishment for Francis scooping out the eyes of her son, Ma Anderson has taken Milton's sight from him.

What the fuck?

But fortunately, me and my friend here, BB, have found a way to sort of access a different kind of site, and we can send people messages now and stuff through our dreams.

It's pretty cool.

And then you hear like,

you hear in the background, you hear another voice like, Did you get, did you get Kelsey?

Did you get her?

Kelsey, it's me.

It's me, Bibi.

Hey, we've been captured.

I found Milton.

Well, we've been captured.

Children, I do not know you.

That rules.

That rules.

Please, please abdicate the vicinity.

You wake up.

I feel very much like I understand the plumbing now.

You see, you should be using PVC glue to connect the joints together.

It was so obvious this whole time, but now, now I see that the glue needs to cure first.

I have learned a lot in this dream.

You sure have, and not the thing you were supposed to learn.

Oh, well.

Well, he was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Not my problem.

Francis, while all of that has been going on.

Wait, so what do I?

So my shit changes, right?

Yes, you got 14 more points to your mechanical repair score.

28.

I doubled it on that.

That's right.

All right, so your mechanical repair score is now what, Freddie?

35 plus 28 equals

63.

Excellent.

Congratulations.

Finally, a pretty good plumber.

Yes, finally.

Yeah, you're probably slightly better than average.

Real I Know Kung Fu moment over here.

Finally, I can feel good about my ad in the yellow pages.

Call, Blake, for your adequate plumbing needs.

Okay, while all that is going on, Francis, as the goo ensconces you, you feel yourself floating, and then you realize you're floating in the air, and you see twinkling lights above you, and you feel the rush of wind all around your body.

I'm flying, I guess.

You like that comic I don't read.

Do you want to fly around a little?

What do you want to do?

I'm going to look down and see exactly what I'm over.

Okay, so you are over the lights of Peachyville.

You see Peachyville beneath you, and you kind of, you have an immediate sense that this isn't a dream.

That you've kind of projected your consciousness out into space.

It's your projection, dude.

And you're soaring around, and you see the few lights that are on because it's pretty late at night.

But you also see glowing lights, like these strange glowing lights that you realize are people, and they're people that are asleep.

And the people that are awake are kind of walking around.

Terbert powers.

The people that are awake are kind of like ephemeral, shady, you know, sort of wisps of people, and you can't quite see them as well, but you're in some sort of liminal space.

Give me a spot-hidden roll.

Oh, that's a failure.

That's a 95.

Okay, well, in that case, you see nothing as you hear a voice behind you say, Oh, hey, new person up here.

I turn around.

As you turn around, you also see nothing behind you, but you hear a voice behind you again say, Oh, gotta be a little faster than that to catch sneaky pee.

Thumbtack presents Project Paralysis.

I was cornered.

Sweat gathered above my furrowed brow, and my mind was racing.

I wondered who would be left standing when the droplets fell.

Me or the clawed sink.

Drain cleaner and pipe snake clenched in my weary fist.

I stepped toward the sink and then...

Wait, why am I stressing?

I have Thumbtack.

I can easily search for a top-rated plumber in the Bay Area, read reviews, and compare prices, all on the app.

Thumbtack knows homes.

Download the app today.

Oh, oh no.

Oh, my God.

Hey, Francis, how's it going?

Oh, well, it was going pretty cool.

I didn't realize that you could project yourself out here like Sneaky Pete.

That's...

You could do that too?

Yeah, that's how I sneak around.

Oh, God.

So you know when people are sleeping?

I know when people are sleeping.

That sucks.

I know when they're awake.

I can see into their dreams.

I've seen into your dreams, young man.

Oh, and let me say, I like your style.

Oh, I don't like that.

You're an artist, kid.

I feel like there's another sneaky Pete coming into the world when I look at it.

That sucks.

I hate you so much.

Sneaky Pete, I fucking hate you so much.

Oh, I don't appreciate that, but I can...

So, wait, are you asleep?

No, I'm projecting myself here into the shade world, just like you.

The world between the waking world and the dream world.

I'm going to see if I can look around and see a light that is maybe a little bit off color or has a weird brightness that I don't recognize to see if maybe that's Sneaky sneaky peek because he's going to be the only person that's in a liminal space like that oven.

Maybe you're looking for me astral projecting, huh?

You don't know that yet!

You know, I'm trying to look in, and you're not going to see anything because technically I'm awake, just like you.

And he points down to where you are, and he sees that you are just a gray shade like everybody else lying in this tube.

It'd be hard to sneak around and spy around here if people could just see where you were.

Yeah, but there's nobody.

Like, wait, wait, are there other people that can access the astrophyte other than you and me?

You gotta be careful up here.

There's all sorts of nasty creatures out.

Not nice fellas like you and me, Francis, but real creepos out here.

Uh, describe them.

Do you know what a nightmare is, Francis?

Do you know the etymology of that word?

I do.

It's from the Scandinavian.

That's right.

Wow.

I didn't realize you were such an academic.

Yeah.

There's certain shades out here, certain people, they kind of look like those sleep paralysis demons you get sometimes.

You got to be careful because they'll get you.

Yeah, yeah.

But while you're up here, it's loads of fun.

You can...

peep into people's dreams.

You can check on people that you think are maybe up to no good.

That's why a lot of people use it to snoop on people.

That's what Sneaky Pete does before it kills him, of course.

Oh, you kill people.

Well, that's less gross than what I thought was going to happen.

It's almost a relief.

I like to give them nightmares first and scare them a little bit, and then kill him in the way that was in the nightmare.

That's fine.

As long as there's nothing sexual about the nightmares, you just know they're just spooky nightmares.

You went up a couple of notches in my estimation, Sneaky Pete.

Thank you very much.

That's not that high.

You're still very low, but okay.

Well, there's my three o'clock, and you see there's a kid like falling asleep.

He's like, I got to go scare that kid's dreams a little bit, but I'll see you later.

Have fun up here.

And then he dives down to scare this kid.

He's so doctor sleep-coated.

So I'm going to fly to my own house and check on my parents.

Okay, your parents are just hanging out watching TV.

I'm going to try to yell at them.

Hey, guys, hey, can you see me?

Can you send me in any way?

They do not react to you.

Okay, in that case, I'm going to find Shane Silva.

Okay.

As you're doing that, give me another spot hidden roll.

Okay.

That is a 40.

What is it?

My spot hidden is 25.

Okay, then never mind.

So you see, sure enough, Shane Silva sleeping in his bed.

Is it Big Shane or Little Shane?

This is Little Shane.

Did you want Big Shane or Little Shane?

I was going to go to Little Shane's house hoping that Big Shane might be there.

Okay, well, Little Shane is here and he's asleep in his bed.

Race car bed.

His race car bed.

He's got one leg.

He's got a bandage over his leg that is kind of raised up, you know, to keep the, you know, like, I don't know, just it's healing right now.

It's still a pretty gnarly wound, but he's got it all patched up.

But he is sort of tossing and turning in what seems to be a distressing dream.

Oh, okay.

I'll jump in that dream.

Okay, you dive in the dream and you see Shane Shane crucified on a cross.

Francis.

You find yourself in a long, long line of people going up to Shane.

And they all, you recognize them as like, you know, the other weirdos and bullied nerds at school.

Yeah, the kid that works at the fucking theater.

Yeah, Sticky Rick is there.

Sticky Rick.

Sticky Rick's there.

And all of them are holding like a big rock.

And one by one, they're going up to Shane and saying, like, frick off, Shane.

And then they throw the rock at him and it pelts him in his bare chest.

They're crucifying Anstonium.

He's like, thank you, thank you, thank you.

I deserve that.

Crucifying Anstonium.

That's a real hat on a hat.

Let's choose one.

As the line progresses, it's your turn now.

And in your hands, the spear of launches.

I'm going to summon my Ava.

Shane looks down at you and like his eyes swell with tears and he's like actually like kind of overjoyed to see you and he says Francis Francis, oh my God, are you really here?

Wowee!

And he jumps off of the cross and he lands on the ground next to you.

And they didn't tie that very well at all, did they?

Well, he sort of like pulls the nails out and like leaps down and he sort of hobbles over to you and gives you this big hug.

He says, I am so glad to see you, man.

I just, I am so sorry for everything I put you through.

Like, I've just been through such a harrowing ordeal lately and I'm having these nightmares.

But I think like I really, it just, it was just a wake-up call.

And it's just like, I've been such a bad guy.

And I just want you to know, I know it's not the real you.

I know it's just some version of you in my dream, but I feel so guilty about the hell I put you through, man.

And I just want to say I'm sorry.

So Francis is going to lean over and pat the stump on his leg and say, you're welcome.

What do you mean I'm welcome?

You're cured now.

You're not an asshole anymore.

Oh, okay.

Oh, okay.

I thought it made them.

Never mind.

Never mind what I thought.

I thought it made you maybe, but that's probably why no one knows.

So anyway,

this is like in Billy Madison where he's like, I'm glad I called right back.

Well, I'm so glad that you've had a, had a change of heart.

Yeah, man.

What happened to your leg anyway?

So, and then you blink and now he's like one-legged pushing a boulder up a a hill in hell as you're kind of sitting on the boulder and he's talking to you.

Well, let's help you with that.

Oh, thanks very much.

It's just, well, you know, I don't know.

I think it said, I mean,

a lot of crazy stuff was happening in that boxing match.

I mean, you were there.

Gosh, I hope you got out.

You know, we don't know.

They still haven't found some of the bodies, you know.

Oh, no.

So they don't know what happened to you.

They don't know what happened to Kelsey or that feller, Mr.

Colette.

God, he's not a very nice guy.

I'll tell you that much.

I hope you're not.

You don't have to worry about what the hell.

He tried to get me to bleed on him so he could slide down this pit, this vent he was stuck in.

I rented you a car.

This is the vision.

This is the vision in his head.

In his head, guilt manifesting itself.

Yeah, Tony Glad's also in hell.

That's right.

You belong down here.

Hey, I rented you.

You're a person.

I don't particularly care to be nice to anyone.

You're like Boulder, like running along it as it rolls.

Well, you listen here, kid.

I rented you a car.

Hey, shut up.

You're dead.

Or am I?

I am in his mind.

I live on forever.

You know, they say you die twice.

Once when you...

Tony Glad, that's the last time I'm ever going to say it.

I live on as you remember me.

So Shane looks at you and now he is tied to a big rock and you're like a little bird eating his liver.

And he says, there's just, oh, geez, Francis, I feel like this weight's been lifted off of me, but there's just one thing that really still stresses me out.

Yeah.

It's just my dad, you know?

Like he can barely look me in the eye now.

And he's just so shaken by what's happened.

And he's just become so obsessed with figuring out what happened to me down there.

You know, I just told him it was probably, who knows?

But he really, really, really needs an answer.

And he's just been locked away at the office all night.

He's just been staked out just trying to figure it out.

It's like he's getting obsessed.

And he keeps talking about like he's getting closer to the truth, but I don't know what he's talking about.

You're a smart kid.

I remember stealing your homework and you having some pretty insightful things to say.

What do you, what do you think?

You know, when I wake up, I just want to call my dad and find a way to talk to him, to connect with him.

What would you suggest I say to him?

Well, I think.

What your dad is doing is he's probably trying to process the trauma of you losing your leg and or future as a sports star.

Yeah.

And he's trying to throw himself into his work so he can feel like he has some control over you the universe even though the universe is inherently chaotic and so i feel like the actual move for him to do is not focus so much on solving the case and more focus on being there for his son who needs him wow francis that's great yeah i would say so again priority one drop the case second priority spend time with your son Wow, okay, yeah,

I'll give that some thought.

You know, once he comes home tonight from the police station, I'll just, I'll see if I can have a heart-to-heart with him.

You're a good kid, Francis.

And I just, sorry again.

And he gives you a hug and then he wakes up and you are booted out of his dream.

And you become aware of a new glowing light at the police station.

He goes, check on Big Shane.

As you fly over to the police station, you see Big Shane Silva slumped over on his desk.

He's been burning the candle at both ends.

Clearly, for days, he's got stubble all over his face, empty coffee cups, a go-go out here.

Huh?

How do you do that?

Do what?

Bernie, do you hold a candle in the middle?

Yeah, and it's got like the wick at both ends, and I guess.

I don't know.

That's a good question.

I mean, I assume that's how it goes.

Dude, it's a spinning candle like Darth Maul's light standard.

Darth Maul, just breaking Victorian Darth Maul with a big candelabra between it both ways, and he lights a candle on one end and then dramatically on the other.

Careful, careful, Obi-Wan.

That darcell is working far more than he should be.

I want you to have this, your father's candle.

Master, be careful.

It would burn twice as hard, but but not as long.

Why don't they sell Ray's candle in stores?

Okay, so

you

pretty good, right?

Pretty good.

Pretty good, huh?

Pretty good.

Just generic voice.

Just generic voice.

What do you mean, just generic voice?

So you see Train slumped over at his desk.

He's got a big, you know, stack of folders he's been working through.

You can see on his walls photos, reports, and stuff like that.

And he seems to be also like his son sort of fitfully tossing and turning in a dream.

Can I I check to see what he's working on?

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

So you see, he's got a whole tableau reconstructing what he thinks happened the night of the fire at the old weird bunker on the edge of town.

And so he's got the path of the fire.

He's tacked photos of the victims where they found them.

They all seem to be matched to dental records.

But then he's also got like this big wall of unidentified victims.

And front and center are four people he knows were there based on reports and based on the movements that were going around town that have yet to be found and yet to be discovered.

And they are Kelsey Grammer, Trudy Trout, Tony Collette, and Francis Farnsworth.

And he seems very preoccupied on them because, of course, they were the ones he ran into the day before.

They seem to be popping up all over the place.

Isn't Trudy still at home?

Like robot Trudy?

Oh, that's a good point.

Like, does it?

He probably wouldn't talk about it.

Don't the public think that she is.

Yes, no, you're right.

Yes, Trudy is not there.

Trudy is not there.

But he's suspicious of her.

There's a question mark around Trudy because she was seen in the vicinity, but also seen at home at the same time.

So something doesn't add off.

Francis, this is your chance to frame Tony Colette.

This is your chance to frame Tony Colette for your crime.

You know what?

Never mind.

Tony Colette, that's a great name.

You're not dead.

That rules.

So yes, you see that.

And he's also clearly digging into like the activities of the bison cult itself.

He's got a map of Peachyville up.

He's got Tucker's house circled.

And there's a...

Oh, he's not working for him.

He's also got the zoo and the library circled as well.

And he seems to be working out something.

He's trying to figure out how you guys and whatever is going on in the town are connected because clearly they are.

All right, now I jump into his head.

You jump into his head and you're in like a fucking jazzy twin peaks ass fucking mind palace nightclub.

It's like an art exhibit of his mind and the things that are preoccupying it.

The pieces of champagne.

The pieces of evidence that are still puzzling him about that night.

Alcoholic.

Yes, he's sipping a scotch as he broods and he hasn't seen you yet, but he's walking around and like exhibit one.

The bullet, the shell recovered from the scene of his son's shooting.

And he's like, it's a car 98, a German Nazi rifle.

What could that possibly be doing here?

Next to the shell is a model of a car 98 gun also standing there.

He's got more of the photos.

He's got more of the evidence.

He's got blood spatter analysis.

The walls around him in the room are all painted with the splatter of the blood that hit the wall when you shot Shane.

But front and center, like the main thing in the room is this big painting, but the frame is empty.

And above it are the words written, who shot my son?

And he's kind of staring at it, just racked with thighs, sweating, trying to figure this out.

So, presumably, because it's all the evidence and everything, they're also like photos of all the suspects and stuff somewhere on these walls and stuff like that.

Yeah, okay, cool.

So, I'm gonna walk up to Big Shane and go, That gum you like is coming back in style.

What

sometimes my arms go back.

I'm the answer.

That you're the Francis?

You're the answer?

No, not that in that way.

I'm like,

I'm giving you the answer.

Oh my, you are giving me the answer.

It all makes sense.

No, no, no, you know, it's all starting to make sense.

You know, it makes sense.

Car 98.

Car

98.

Car

zz.

Cars, cars, cars.

Tony Collette pretended to be in World War II.

He probably got his hands on a German rifle to try to justify that story.

The rifle must belong to him.

And if he's the one who has the rifle, He's a man, so he could go into the boys' bathroom, which is where he got shot, where Shane got shot, and he must have done that.

And he's missing, so he's clearly run away from the crime scene.

Maybe he's one of those bisons.

Maybe because young Shane Silva is such a strong, athletic chap, maybe the bisons thought he was a threat.

And they sent their best man, Tony Collette,

into a bathroom with a car 98.

But, but, but, but my son, he said he saw Mr.

Colette.

He said he saw Tony Collette in the air vent afterwards.

That doesn't make any sense.

Why would he be in the air?

Unless, no.

Give me a persuade roll.

He used the air vent to get into the bathroom to shoot.

Yeah, that's the same air vent.

Give me a persuade roll.

Okay.

I got an 83

out of

10.

So, you know,

he seems almost convinced for a second.

He's like, yeah, I guess it could.

Wait.

Wait, no, no, no.

My brain wouldn't send.

Why would it send you here to tell me?

Why would it send Francis?

Unless Francis is trying to trick me.

Unless Francis, it's all been, oh my God, it all makes sense.

It was you.

It was him.

It was the last thing you see right before he wakes up with a start is your face holding that car 98 sort of like fade into that who killed my son.

I grab a picture of Tony Colette.

I try to like paste it over.

Paste it over your own face.

Over my face.

Oh, oh, oh.

And he wakes up with a start.

And you're now back in his office and you see him frantically like grabbing like the nearest piece of paper he can to start furiously scribbling stuff.

Francis did it.

I guess I got to kill one more Sylvie.

Give me one more spot hidden roll.

If only Kelsey were here.

Dang, sorry.

82.

No.

Okay, so in that case, you don't see anything until you turn around and you see two shadows.

First, it just seems like, oh, weird.

I guess that's just like the shadow from a coat rack or something like that, but like the lighting doesn't make sense.

And you realize there's no coat rack there.

There's just two like sort of dark silhouettes

just standing in the room, and their eyes are somehow even darker than the pitch black shadow that they are just staring at you.

What's up?

They just look at you for a second and you hear one of them say, don't be afraid.

I mean, I'm not, I'm not here quarterback.

Boom, they're like two inches in front of you.

Okay, now I'm afraid.

Jesus Christ.

Don't be afraid.

You need to work on your delivery.

You're doing a good job of making me not afraid.

They grab you by the hand and you feel this searing hot pain in your hand.

Wow.

You feel your flesh burning, something being burned into you like a brand.

And these demons lock eyes with you and you hear them say, we will

find

you,

Francis.

And right as the pain gets incredibly intense, you snap awake and you stumble out of the tube.

And as you sort of come to and the slime drips off of your body, you look down at your hand where they grabbed you and there's a spiral burned into your flesh.

Guys, we got to fight DEP.

And I think he's going to kill a bunch of kids.

Francis,

what was your personalized YouTube algorithm like?

I got a lot of gameplay videos.

I saw a guy like restore sight to 100 people, but he was

religious stuff.

Yeah, it was weird.

I didn't meet Zuzel.

Okay, well, I...

It turns out that two things.

One, now I and Sneaky Pete can astral project.

So that's something to be worried about.

And two.

You can just like

now like or was it part of the tube thing i don't know if i can do it at will now i hope i can do it cool what

oh yeah yeah um

i don't know but sneaky feet can definitely do as much as he wants so like you know how'd you get inside your wife's situation but um

the bigger thing is that shane seems to be convinced that i shot his son big shame i mean you did let's not point fingers here

and let's not stop looking towards the past i'm looking towards the future and right now big shane thinks i did it So that's something we're going to have to deal with sooner or later.

Also, I got this.

But what if you wrote a book that says if I did it?

I think maybe when this is all done,

it'll be a good thing to take responsibility for what you did.

And, you know, right?

Did you take responsibility for all those people you beat the shit out of when you were a boxer?

And, like, you know,

licensed to sports.

Yeah, they kind of tell you.

They kind of, yeah.

Did you tell anybody?

No.

Are you sure?

Francis.

Are you sure?

Francis, I hope your parents tell you the difference between punching people and boxing and shooting unarmed children in the bathroom.

Are you sure you haven't killed anybody in the ring accidentally?

Not that I know of.

Oh, well.

You're right.

Well, if I did, I will take responsibility for it, Francis.

We'll both go to the police station together then.

Okay, we'll both go to the police station.

I will tell them.

I will tell the police I've boxed and somebody might have died since I boxed them.

And you tell them

in the lake.

Okay, well, you put it that way.

I don't think that's actually a good idea.

No, she's going to kill me.

Oh, well,

I will not let that happen.

That's not.

You're not going to have to say, I'm going to get into prison and then I'm going to somehow accidentally hang myself with my fucking bed sheets.

No, well, okay.

The door slides open and Moth Jesus enters with Trudy.

Kelsey runs to Trudy to give her hug.

You're alive.

Kelsey.

How are you?

Are you?

Do you feel the same?

No.

I feel different.

I feel very different.

How different?

So different.

And

I need to fix Timmy.

Not fix him.

I need to help him.

Oh, is he okay?

Is he alive?

I mean, he's alive, but where is he?

Where is he?

He's back in the room that you were in.

He's back in the room I was in.

Do you want to tell us how he is or should we go look at how he is?

I'm going to go look at how he is.

Moth Jesus has sort of like hooked Timmy up to some basic like life support gizmos to keep him stable, but he's still basically in a coma.

Like he's just lying there and machines are more or less keeping him alive right now.

Moth Jesus says, it is urgent that you find a means to help young Demi.

Yet it is also urgent that you defeat the bison cult so that the moth people may inhabit this world thousands of years and you may save your home.

I thought I did find the means of helping him.

I thought I found the thing.

Alas, there is a complication.

Moth Jesus slams his hands under these two glowing orbs that are like on a little sort of like computer array in front of him.

This image appears before you and it's like a 3D model twisting in space of a chemical protein, incredibly complex, like this labyrinthine structure.

And he's looking at it and he says, this is the protein that coats your brain, that coats your son's brain, the one that is slowly killing him.

This is not in Britannica.

Chemical section.

I'm going to write this down.

It is beyond Moth Jesus's knowledge to understand.

Moth Jesus hoped to be able to create an anti-protein to save your son.

Yet it is beyond my knowledge.

However, there is a clue.

And he likes to zoom into part of the data, and you see almost like an alien language scrawled onto the side of this thing.

He says, This protein seems to have been created by one known as the doll maker.

Find the doll maker, and you shall save your son.

Doll maker.

I hope that's not sneaky pee.

Mach Jesus, dude, know where the doll like where is he?

Do we just go look for doll makers?

Is there a place?

Ah, look in the yellow pages.

I do not know the location location of this dollmaker.

However, you may find such knowledge where the cult archives its information.

That's bullshit, Marth.

Jesus, I'm tired.

I'm tired of having to jump through hoops and find all these secret passages.

And I just want to help my son.

I thought that I would be able to know what to do.

They always say mother knows best, but I don't know what to do.

You do know what to do.

Then tell me.

The doll maker created the protein that coats this boy's brain.

Therefore, the doll maker must be associated with the cult that his father works for.

Now, you remember when I told you I saw that tunnel that those guys in masks were going into?

Yeah.

That's probably a way to their cult headquarters.

It's in the forest.

I could take us back there.

Okay.

First things first, though, Moth Jesus, I have a gift from humankind.

A car 98.

Wield it.

Wield it in good faith.

Moth Jesus takes the card 98 and nods sagely to you and says, if you need this weapon on your journey, Moth Jesus shall keep it safe for you.

Just hold on to it.

Just stash it somewhere.

You keep touching it.

She asks if this is yours.

It's a little dirty.

Let me clean it really quick.

And like, wipe all the fingerprints off.

I go, okay, cool.

So this is yours now, technically.

Moth Jesus, thanks you for this gift.

Oh, you're welcome.

Now, where would you like to go next?

And Moth Jesus jesus swipes the image of the protein aside on his big sort of glowy screen and he brings up this map of peachyville and you see it's very much like the map that you saw big shane pouring over francis and you see three locations marked on this map it's like the one you saw in the bunker you see tucker's house uh which now has a big cross through it and it says research underneath and then you see two more.

You see one at the local zoo that says containment, and you see one at the library that says archives.

And he's watching archives.

Archives.

Your quest for the keys is not yet done.

Two more you seek to stop the great mother.

Yeah, but the archives, does that sound like where we could get the information on the dollar?

Fucking you tell me, I guess.

I don't know.

Okay, well, yeah, we gotta go get the doll maker.

That's pretty straightforward.

It's gotta be that, right?

Yeah, we should go there.

Perhaps they contain the information inside containment.

You know what?

It makes sense too, because I bet you.

I bet you.

I bet Brian's a doll.

I just know the dollmaker sucks, right?

the doll maker's a real bad guy moth jesus does not have this information that's got brian the librarian trudy don't look at me like that you know him well i'm just don't act like he's a dead library

brian in case you do something arbitrarily violent what what what what got my eye on you

very well we fly and then he presses a button and the whole ship begins to rumble what and it literally

it's like seeing it fall fascinating we got an airship and it blasts through the cave into the sky and he says time is of the essence.

We must alight to the archives and to the dark secrets within Beachyville Public Library.

Mother, mother, fear me.

I am the broken sky.

All I ever wanted was to feel so ordinary

in a world that lies twisted in my mind.

And now I'm gone.

All that I can see is a hole in the stars.

Swallowing my dreams and making them scars.

Too far, too far away.

But I'll stay

today.

We hope you've enjoyed listening to this thrilling installment of our show.

You can support our antics directly, by the way, at patreon.com/slash dungeonsandads.

We're putting the finishing touches on what's looking like a multi-part tour doc of our European tour.

That's going to be uploaded soon and available to all of our patrons.

Quite a few video bonuses on our Patreon, including tour documentaries of our first two U.S.

tours.

If you support us on Patreon, you'll also get ad-free episodes and a bonus after show and a whole lot more for just five bucks a month at patreon.com slash dungeonsandads.

Dungeons and Daddies is Matt Arnold as Kelsey Grammer.

Anthony Birch as Francis Farnsworth.

Will Campos as RDM, Beth May as Trudy Trout, and myself, Freddie Wong as Blake Lively.

Our theme song is a whole in the stars by Max and Waller.

Brian Fernandez is our content producer.

Ashen Nicolette is our community manager.

Courtney Terry is our community coordinator, Cindy Denton is our merchandise manager, Esther Ellis is our lead editor, and Travis Reeves provides additional editing.

This show is supported by a Patreon, and some of them have the names of Zekrax, Wesley Dinsmore, Libby, Lawrence Nelson, Samantha Mann, Farsight121, Alex B., Kyle Swajkos, Matthew, Odette Alcantar, Rihanna Keeves, Yoa Vazaria, Ariz Gangli, Chloe Pemb, Sam Turley Wilder, Pete Fontaine, Cody Stewart, David Reed, Gabriel Beherano, and Christopher Howley.

And the last time Matt and I said we're going to have some more info about our movie, We're All Gonna Die, that's gonna be March 7th.

That's the date we're targeting.

You can help us with that, patreon.com/slash rocket jump for more information there.

You can support this show directly on Patreon at patreon.com slash dungeonsands.

Merch and more at our website, dungeonsandads.com.

And our next episode is coming at you February 11th.

We will see you then.

far, too far away.

But I stay

today.

All that I can see is a hole in the stars.

Swallowing my dreams and making them scars.

Too far, too far away,

but I'll stay

today

No fair, Anthony gets to play Call of Duty.

What?

Anthony gets to play that one cyber game where you try and shoot Jason?

You find yourself in Chernobyl with your good friend Price.