[BONUS] Stewpot One Shot!

Speaker 1 Hey friends, it's Nikayla from the podcast Side Hustle Pro. I'm always looking for ways to keep my kids entertained without screens, and the Yoto Mini has been a total lifesaver.
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Speaker 2 Dungeons and Daz is brought to you this week by eBay. On eBay, every find has a story.

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Speaker 2 But then your ex started wearing it, which was cute, until they dumped you. They took it with them, which was not so cute.

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Speaker 2 eBay, things people love.

Speaker 2 Dungeons and Dice is brought to you this week by Alienware. So I got a question for all the gamers out there.
Are you seriously going to miss out on Alienware's biggest gaming sale of the year?

Speaker 2 I mean, these are Black Friday prices we're talking about, so it's not just another sale. I took a look, and this is a pretty big thing for your buck.

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Speaker 2 Welcome, fine folks. Come into this cozy tavern and take a seat as you listen to this foin podcast on a cozy autumn day.
I'm Will Campos, and this is Stewpot.

Speaker 2 Hi, everyone. No, I missed the old voice.
Hi, everyone. Hey, where'd that other guy go? Bring him back here.

Speaker 3 I like that you say fine like an emo boy. Foin.

Speaker 2 I'm foin. I'm foin.

Speaker 2 I'm Fallout Boy, and this is Stewpot, a cozy RPG about life after adventuring. That's why we couldn't have Anthony here.
He's still adventuring. He's out there adventuring.

Speaker 3 He's out there being uncomfy.

Speaker 2 Uncomfy.

Speaker 3 Something I, this is out of the story and out of the podcast entirely, but something I've been really enjoying recently is talking about things under the banner of like big blank.

Speaker 3 So it's like, so when I'm getting tired, I say, uh-oh, I'm falling for the propaganda of big sleep.

Speaker 2 Sounds like you're under the banner of big, big blank. Yes, that's true.

Speaker 3 So I would encourage anybody that if you're looking to have a good time in your day-to-day life, that using big is a great, is a great thing.

Speaker 2 I just

Speaker 2 fun way of looking at the world, Beth.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I mean, just now I was under the thumb of big lunch.

Speaker 2 I feel like you can chart out the course of this entire podcast by like whatever like Beth idiom was like the idiom of the moment there was there was a like back when Lizzo hope lizzo was on that was doing everything was a DNA test yeah do you remember that yeah yeah so this game is Stew Pot Tales from a Fantasy Tavern by Takuma Okada and it is just a lovely little hangout game to clarify Anthony's on vacation like it's not like we were like yeah we makes

Speaker 2 so love you all you may be wondering why you're hearing an extra little bonus piece of podcast content in your feed and why it happens to be running a restaurant themed well just as it so happens, we got two members of the podcast who are making a movie right now that's about some boys running a restaurant.

Speaker 2 And we were like, you know what, it would be some great Corpo brand synergy. Isn't we? It's some Corpo brand synergy strategies.
Yes, we're all about synergy here at Dungeons and Daddies.

Speaker 2 And we're like, let's do a fun bonus podcast thing, but we can also plug the fucking, because there's a crowdfunding campaign going on. So, Freddie Matt, take it away.
Chill. Welcome.

Speaker 2 There's a crowdfunding campaign gone on. As I've said in some of these videos, if you may have been seeing it, we've been back on YouTube for like the last month.

Speaker 2 We've been making videos giving a little peek into what's cooking in the Matt and Freddie world.

Speaker 3 Giving a little peek.

Speaker 2 A little peek.

Speaker 2 We're doing a movie called Nail House. This is a script idea that Matt and Will.
I was about to say, Will throw it over to us, baby.

Speaker 2 This is Will. It starts with Will.
And we've been trying to make this thing for God almost 10 years. Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's an action comedy about two sweet boy brothers who are defending their mom's dumpling restaurant from an evil company that's trying to bulldoze and take it over and build their corporate campus.

Speaker 2 There's fights, there's feels, there's the fucking so authentic, you can smell the dumplings off the

Speaker 2 dump gags of which we have become world famous for so anyway. There's a fucking, there's a there's a crowdfunding campaign going on right now.

Speaker 2 And the crowdfund is where you can get exclusive Blu-rays, physical copies, merch, dumpling dice. There's a dumpling dice.
Dumpling dice.

Speaker 2 We're not here to beg. You can watch our movie for free later on Pirate Bay or any other place you want to go.
But when you come to one of our crowdfunds, we like to give you the real shit.

Speaker 2 And just for you folks who like the tabletop RPGs, we made a fancy pair of dice. That's right.
Cute inclusion style dice with dumplings inside of them.

Speaker 2 And they come in in one of those little dumpling steamer trays. It's amazing.
And it is cheapest if you get it during the crowdfund. Now, I'm telling you.

Speaker 2 You're going to get these dice someday. When you see them, you're getting them.
But if you get them now, they're cheaper.

Speaker 3 They're not here to beg, but the thing is, like, unless you support, they're not going to be able to make the movie.

Speaker 2 We're not here to beg, but.

Speaker 2 But for real, check it out. There's a lot of cool stuff.
I'm very proud of the movie we wrote. I'm very proud of the movie we're going to make.

Speaker 2 The whole team of people is coming together to make this thing. And if you have any interest in it, check it out.
And see what

Speaker 2 you want to buy. I just want to say, just saying, I just wanted to speak to our track record.
I just... Sold September 22nd, VGHS 3, Video Game High School, Final Season 3, Blu-ray, autographed.

Speaker 2 No certificate of authenticity. Sold for $599.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 3 I've been selling fake autographs from you guys. Damn.

Speaker 2 Dang. Dang it.
That's you. It's you this whole time.
All right. Nailhouse.backer kit.
What's that fucking URL? We have links to the campaign, obviously, in this episode's description. Nailhouse.film.

Speaker 2 And if that doesn't work for you, go to Backer Kit. Just search Nailhouse.
It's on the front page. It's someone's face.
It is. It is, by the way, the most funded film of all time on Backer Kit.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 2 Asterix on Backer Backer Day. And that's the end of that.
You didn't come here to get fucking. Chilling eggs now.
You came here to watch, to listen to us playing. No more chilling.
Only chilling.

Speaker 2 Only chilling. Let's do it.
All right, let's get cozy, y'all. Okay, so again,

Speaker 2 I need to say one more time. I cannot stress how much that the vibes of this game, this is a cozy game.
I've read through a lot of the scenarios we're going to be playing.

Speaker 2 We're going to be playing Four Adventurers.

Speaker 2 This is how cozy it is. There's not really a DM.

Speaker 2 There's just like four friends,

Speaker 2 which is also why Anthony's not here.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. Well, I'm already like, I'm half asleep.

Speaker 2 Okay, great.

Speaker 3 I'm so asleep.

Speaker 2 Perfect energy.

Speaker 2 So, yeah, you know, there will be little scenarios, but these scenarios aren't like an ogre comes out and attacks you. What do you do?

Speaker 2 This is the sort of scenario where you're like, you see something and it makes you think of something. Oh,

Speaker 2 what do you think of? Okay. It's like, hey, you were feeling a little sad and your friend came and helped you out.
What did they say? Like that kind of thing. All right.

Speaker 2 First things first, we as a group need to do a little world building.

Speaker 2 So we are going to figure out right now where our tavern is located philadelphia so like philadelphia in the middle of the apocalypse on a volcano and there's millions of bad guys philadelphia is that what we're going with wait is that a fantasy world it is a fantasy world philadelphia called philadelphia

Speaker 2 i like that all right so we're in the world of philadelphia philadelphia

Speaker 2 phil

Speaker 2 Delphia

Speaker 2 Phil of Delphia where in the kingdom of Philadelphia are we no no it's the town of Phil of Delphia's town. So it's the kingdom is Delphia, and we're in Philstown.
Yes. We're in, we're, okay.

Speaker 2 Philston. Delphia.
We're in Philston. We're Philston.
Of Delphia, human. Delphia.
Phil left because his religion was not respected and he wanted to make the coziest town possible.

Speaker 2 And he made it and he died here at a ripe old age of 95, surrounded by his friends. Wow.
Just cozy. Okay, so, all right, now, okay, so they didn't even know he was dead for four days.

Speaker 2 he was just so cozy he was this is the beanbag chair capital of delphia bean bag chair capital of delphia

Speaker 2 chair capital all right now tell me

Speaker 2 a little dark underbelly to this is that since then because it's such a cozy place

Speaker 2 nobody has died here but also nobody's died here

Speaker 2 It's like nobody

Speaker 2 has died. This is all good.
All right.

Speaker 2 Now, I want to like, just like, just visually, like, what kind of town is philadelphia it what what kind of is filston is filston like a gilmore girl stars hollow is it uh like is it just a little forest community it's not philston it's philadelphia

Speaker 2 no it's filston in delphia oh okay i was wrong i'm sorry filston in no one's wrong it looks like

Speaker 2 degrees of cozy it looks like the channelwood age from the video game mist there's trees and we live in trees and then there's cool cyberpunk steam-based levers that i can pull that then take take me up elevators of trees.

Speaker 3 Oh, yeah, we live in trees, but that's even spookier that nobody's died because nobody's even fallen off or anything.

Speaker 2 They look like big trees that you can live in, right? Like kind of avatar trees, and you think they're apples, but they're actually beanbag chairs hanging out. Oh my gosh.
That's where they navigate.

Speaker 2 Beanbag chairs look so whimsical. I'm going to fucking die.
Yeah, you plug it. That's our main export.
These beanbag chair trees. Beanbag trees.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 It is. It is.
No, no, we don't give away the trees because that would give away our competitive advantage. Tired of the trees.
We sell

Speaker 2 our fucking economy. Depends on.

Speaker 2 That's the only crime is any sort of if there's any evidence that you steal a beanbag seed

Speaker 2 if you so much as look at one packaging peanut out of one of the beanbag seeds and you're not a member a chartered member of the town that's execute on sight but otherwise it's super cozy otherwise

Speaker 2 no one's ever died because no one's ever broken the rules yeah so big trees beanbag trees dude there we're under the thumb of big tree here

Speaker 2 like the worst thing that could happen is like you get knocked on the head but it was just just with a bean bang. Yeah, yeah, you know,

Speaker 2 there's a little quirky sign that's like, beware falling beanbacks. Beanbacks is great.
All right. So then, okay, so that's the town.
That's the town of Philston.

Speaker 2 It's in the trees, and it's the town bottom of beanback.

Speaker 2 It's in the trees. It's in the trees.
Something in the trees, Philston. Something in the trees.
I like that. So then the next question is: what does our tavern look like?

Speaker 2 Where is the tavern in this tree tower? Root level.

Speaker 3 Ooh. Wow, underground.

Speaker 2 Root level. Root level.
So it's at the base. Base of a tree, dude.
Okay, so is it like the the base of a big oak, like one of these big trees? It's straight up.

Speaker 2 They found the fattest tree they could get. The root of all coziness.
The root of all coziness. Root level.
So it's like carved into the tree. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 It was excavated with incredible care and detail over the course of hundreds of years when Philson was under the rule of a despotic dictator.

Speaker 2 Who was the dictator? So this started out as you're saying this. This was almost like a speakeasy background.
Not every place that's every... I'll put it this way.
No, Philson's always been cozy.

Speaker 2 Always been cozy? Philson came.

Speaker 2 He's already established in the world.

Speaker 2 As we already established our allure, just the basic establishment that we've had is that Delphia is a normal kingdom. So there's corruption and all this other stuff.

Speaker 2 Phil,

Speaker 2 Titular Phil

Speaker 2 came here to create a cozy town. And he did.
Yes, but maybe an underbelly because we don't know why people don't die yet.

Speaker 2 I was saying, as far as we all know, it's been cozy this whole time. I was also going to say, but Matt, we also like, maybe there are, the trees are older than Philston itself.

Speaker 2 And who knows what ancient civilizations fucking hewed structures out of these trees. Are you saying there's like ruins of a past

Speaker 2 civilization? Past beanbag-related civilizations or something like that.

Speaker 2 But we'll explore that as the game goes on, right?

Speaker 2 Right now, we'll say that it's exquisitely carved, and no one knows who carved the bar at the bottom of the tree. But there it is, and it's been a bar for quite a while.
What's our name?

Speaker 2 What's our bar's name? Oh, we got a nice name. Oh, yes, that's the next thing.
What's the bar's name?

Speaker 3 Big Cozy.

Speaker 2 Big Cozy.

Speaker 2 Big

Speaker 2 Cozy. All right.
Let's meet some of the denizens of Big Cozy that will be taking us on this cozy adventure. Who would like to start? Who's feeling good? I'll go.
Okay.

Speaker 3 I'm the barkeep.

Speaker 2 Okay. And my car move.
Yep.

Speaker 2 If we all were the barkeep.

Speaker 3 No, I'd said I was going to be the barkeep.

Speaker 2 We competed for tips, Beth. What if we gave a very competitive game about tips?

Speaker 3 You can be my bus boy.

Speaker 2 Okay. Continue.

Speaker 3 Okay. And my name is Tom Stahl.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 what else do you need to know about me?

Speaker 2 Well, it says here that, like, what's your look? What's Tom Stahl's look? I'm getting a sense he might look like Vigo Mortensen from the movie A History of Violence. Yeah, that's exactly his look.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 2 And then it says, What have you put down for your weapon, your armor, and your cord?

Speaker 3 So for weapon, I put knife.

Speaker 2 For armor, I put bulletproof vest.

Speaker 3 Interesting. And then for court,

Speaker 3 I meant to put loves his wife,

Speaker 3 but I accidentally wrote loves wives.

Speaker 2 I like that.

Speaker 2 He is great.

Speaker 2 Love's wives. That's so good.

Speaker 3 A big friend of wives.

Speaker 2 Don't bring your wives around the big cozy because Tom, Tom's always looking.

Speaker 3 We all have like that one friend of our parents that's like a nice enough guy, and you just don't see like there's like he seems like a decent, nice guy.

Speaker 3 But they're like, yeah, he's on his fifth marriage. Wow.

Speaker 2 Everybody has a marriage.

Speaker 2 That's one thing we always say about someone who's had five marriages. The dude just loves wives.

Speaker 2 All right, so that's Tom Stahl. Matt, who are you?

Speaker 2 Tom Stahl was so nice to me back in the day and gave me a- Do you knew Tom Stahl?

Speaker 2 Yeah, we work in the same, but he gave me a little corner of the big cozy so I can serve my non-alcoholic drinks, my coffee. I'm a little barista.
Your mommy mocktails. Oh, my mommy mocktails.

Speaker 2 I also, yes, because Tom asked me, I do also have a little section for mommy mocktails. Whatever Tom wants, I make.
My name is Jay Hoffman.

Speaker 2 I look exactly like James Hoffman, the coffee connoisseur on YouTube.

Speaker 2 My weapon is, well, I used to be a wizard, but I've lost all my magical powers. And I have a big stick.
It used to be my wizard staff, but now it's just a stick.

Speaker 2 And my armor is just my barista outfit. And my quirk was originally, you never know what he's going to do, but I changed it to, he just finds beanbag chairs uncomfortable.
Oh!

Speaker 2 You don't know that. Wow.
So he's the one not cozy person in Big Town. No, he loves this town.

Speaker 2 This town is so good that despite the fact that he just wishes there was just a comfortable chair anywhere here, but it's fine. Freddie, do you want to go?

Speaker 2 I am the swashbuckling adventurer known as Makita Drill Press.

Speaker 2 I did you guys have, did you guys, anybody surprised a big swashbuckler?

Speaker 2 Makita Drill Press.

Speaker 2 That's a grebble. Yeah.
The weapon. Grass Knuckles.
Ooh,

Speaker 2 Grass Knuckles. They will trigger your allergies most

Speaker 2 vociferously. I like like that.
He wears a squirtleneck. Okay.
It's a garment that ties into his cork, which is that his cork is... He's a squirter.
No, he's wet and nasty. Okay.

Speaker 2 What's that mean? He's wet and nasty. What's his first name again? Very good.
Makita, which you would know if you knew anything about power tools. We have our barkeep and our barista.

Speaker 2 What is your job at the tavern? Apothecary. Ooh, excellent.
Ideal drugs. So we've got drugs, coffee, and beer.
This is like a reality.

Speaker 3 What's your character's name again? It's Jay.

Speaker 2 Jay.

Speaker 3 Beth, who are you? I'm a fighter, and my name is Tom Stahl.

Speaker 2 Okay, Jay, Tom, and Michael. AKA Joey Cusack.

Speaker 2 Do you have a drug? Yeah, you have a little drug corner. Yeah, so we've got a puppy.
This is a real

Speaker 2 Amsterdam coffee shop kind of thing.

Speaker 2 Okay. Because it's a good idea.

Speaker 3 All right, Will, tell us about your explosive.

Speaker 2 I will be playing Bongar the Thongard. Bungar.
Bongar the Thong Gar. His look is big, beefy, sword boy in fur shorts.
My weapon is my dead dad's big sword.

Speaker 2 My armor is the fur shorts of my forefathers. And my quirk is that I faint at the sight of blood.

Speaker 2 I am a fighter by trade, but now that I.

Speaker 3 I'm a fighter. Can we both be fighters?

Speaker 3 We can't fight about it.

Speaker 2 No, I'm too cozy. Neither do I, because I am the town poet.
Oh my gosh.

Speaker 2 You could just say unemployed.

Speaker 2 So now that we've established our characters, we open our scene on Big Cozy at the bottom of the huge mysterious tree in the town of Philston in the realm of Delphi. No one ever dies.

Speaker 2 No one ever dies.

Speaker 2 And the ruins of ancient civilizations lurk in the deep. And we're going to play our first mini-game.
The first, let me, I got to scroll down. Favorite part of JRPGs is minigames.
Yeah, dude.

Speaker 2 Fucking waiting for it. It's basically a JRPG in terms of mini-games.
So the first mini-game, which we are going to play right now, is called The First Step.

Speaker 2 What were you doing before you decided to stay in this town? What is the first thing you learned about life after adventuring? Setup. Everyone plays.

Speaker 2 Every character gains one town experience at the end of this. We're going to take turns describing a short scene that led to us coming to the town.
Every character gains one town experience.

Speaker 2 Take turns describing a short scene that led to that experience. Other characters can be in your scene, but they won't gain the same experience.

Speaker 2 So this is basically like the like, what was your deal before you decided to stay in this town?

Speaker 2 I'm like, what's like the first first hard lesson you've learned about, or the first thing you've learned about life in town? So, I can start. Yeah, go ahead.

Speaker 2 So, Bongar the Thongar. First, we find Bongar the Thongar out in the wastes.
Oh, my God. And the last.
I've heard of the wastes. Go way across the wastes to find this town.
Yes,

Speaker 2 it's way away. It's a way of the wastes a ways away is what they're called.

Speaker 2 And so, in the wastes, a ways away, Bongar the Thongar stared down at the dying eyes of his final enemy, the last of the tribe that killed his whole tribe.

Speaker 2 He was forsworn to slay them all, and now he has accomplished that task. And there's but one thing left for a Thongar to do after having completed his life work, and that is to compose his death poem.

Speaker 2 Sick. But Bongar the Thongar knows not of such things, of words.
I have only had time for steel and blood and battle. So it's gonna fucking.

Speaker 2 babe. And so it's going to fucking take me a while.
So I feel like Bongar the Thongar wanders the realm for a while, just trying to think of what a poem even is and what fucking words mean.

Speaker 2 And then he winds up, he's like, I need, I yearn for soup. And he winds up at Big Cozy and sits down to work on his poem.

Speaker 2 Like he's got a little leaf he's going to write his poem on, but she's fucking.

Speaker 3 And everybody's like, sir, you're going to need to purchase something to work here.

Speaker 2 Bongar the Thongar has no money.

Speaker 2 Perhaps Bongar the Thongar, while learning about the world and life, I have been so preoccupied with death that I need to learn about life before I can compose my death poem.

Speaker 2 But maybe in the meantime, there are things Bongar can do here at Big Cozy to earn my soup as I write my words.

Speaker 2 Could you perform your poems? Ah,

Speaker 2 sure.

Speaker 2 What does that mean?

Speaker 2 I haven't written the poem yet.

Speaker 3 Have you ever beaten anybody to death?

Speaker 2 I have.

Speaker 3 And you're a beat poet.

Speaker 2 A beat poet. Yes.
Poetry could be the solution to the perfect.

Speaker 2 If you could say your poetry in my corner where I serve the coffee, maybe that will make the coffee taste like it did once. The coffee tastes like it did once.
Yes. Who are you and what is coffee?

Speaker 2 Oh, what is coffee? Come here. Come here.

Speaker 2 Bongar steps forward. Take a sip of this suspiciously.
Take a sip of this.

Speaker 2 It's called a flat white.

Speaker 2 And Bongar's eyes go wide. And he says, I know what my first poem shall be.
Coffee is good by Bongar. And he just punches the wall and he says, Coffee good, coffee good, coffee good.

Speaker 2 Every Sunday at 1 p.m. to 3 p.m., Bungar performs live poetry at the Cozy Corner's coffee corner.
Coffee poetry where he beats something up while saying something.

Speaker 2 Yeah, at the cozy.

Speaker 2 What's the your bar called it? Big Cozy Coffee.

Speaker 2 Write it down. The Big Cozy's Coffee Corner is where Bungar performs.
All right. So Big Cozy is very much like a community co-op.
Everyone's just kind of running their own thing.

Speaker 2 So I will say that I have sacrificed for the first time.

Speaker 2 I have put down my legendary weapon, the big sword that my dead dad had, and I've traded it for my fists with which I shall punch the wall and say my poetry. Nice.

Speaker 2 And then for my experience, maybe we'll say that that's hold on, I got to pull up the poet experience. We'll just say that fucking, hold on.

Speaker 3 The first time you ever received snaps for your words.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 2 from this encounter, I have gained the skill a friend in need.

Speaker 2 Because I was at my wit's end and I found my two friends, Mr. Stahl and what was your name?

Speaker 2 Jay. And Coffee Man.
Jay.

Speaker 2 Coffee Man and Bier Man. I hope I can learn.

Speaker 2 Okay, who would like to go next? Let me tell you the sordid tale of Makita Drill Press. Makita Drill Press stood over the body.
Of the man he was sworn. No, no, no.

Speaker 2 He was standing over the body of the man who

Speaker 2 sold him the lease on his boat

Speaker 2 oh man okay he says and he's like you want you're gonna take my boat away from me and the guy who's just small and likes to lay down

Speaker 2 that's so fucking dumb he goes yes you you've you haven't hit your payments and my key that goes but you know swashbuckling and stealing treasures like it's hard not a lot out there like well i'm taking the boat okay give me the keys i I must have left them in the galley.

Speaker 2 You promise? All right. Okay.

Speaker 2 We're trusting you. You better not steal this boat, Mr.
Swashbuckler. Key drop off, maybe somewhere.
I could after hours key drop off. There is.
It's just put it over there in that bucket.

Speaker 2 And I'm going to go look this way. And then Makita walks over and he holds the keys up.
He had them the whole time. He goes, Goodbye, dear friend.
Bye, boat.

Speaker 2 And then he drops the keys in, puts his hands lovingly on the keys. So you're expecting me to steal this boat.
No, for his days of swashbuckling are behind him. Wow.

Speaker 2 He's buckled his last swash and he wishes to find new horizons to conquer. Then he walks 10 minutes down the road

Speaker 2 to this new place.

Speaker 2 Nice. Ah, you see, but he walks very fast.

Speaker 2 I just always

Speaker 2 turn it. Oh, my.

Speaker 2 And he rolls in and he goes, looking for work.

Speaker 2 Hello.

Speaker 3 You're hired.

Speaker 2 You say you're hired.

Speaker 3 Yeah, because as every boomer knows, if you go and

Speaker 3 knock on an establishment.

Speaker 2 Just walk up and give them your resume.

Speaker 2 I walk up and I give the proprietress my resume.

Speaker 3 You're hired.

Speaker 2 But I have nothing on my resume.

Speaker 3 It's just

Speaker 3 the initiative.

Speaker 2 That's all it takes in this crazy world. And then I get a little corner of the shop, and I'm like, what can I sell? Ah, yes.

Speaker 2 This pipe leaf.

Speaker 2 So deep in his pouches of his swashbuckling gear, he has a bunch of dried pipe leaf. Bongar comes up to you and is like, what manner of leaf is this?

Speaker 2 This is not the type of leaf I'm writing my poem on. What do you do with this? This is a new kind of leaf.
A leaf you breathe. Breathable leaf.
Yes, but first, you must apply a little bit of heat.

Speaker 2 Anybody have a lighter? Anybody have a spark? Rat here. Ah, yes, thank you.
And

Speaker 2 I light up the leaf. Oh, there's no ventilation in here.
Oh, no. Bongar takes a fucking huge rip off of this leaf and is like, I know what my second poem shall be about.

Speaker 2 Bongar, you and me are going to be fucking

Speaker 2 cool as hell, dude. All right, I'll go next.

Speaker 3 Okay, so

Speaker 3 out in the grasslands of a forgotten place in Delphia, Tom Stahl, then known as Joey Cusack, looks down at the solemn countenance of a man on the ground who's bleeding out.

Speaker 2 So many men on the ground.

Speaker 3 And the guy on the ground takes off his helmet

Speaker 3 and says, Brother, please, I'm your brother.

Speaker 2 You wouldn't kill your brother, would you?

Speaker 3 And then

Speaker 3 Joey Q,

Speaker 3 I keep wanting to say Joey Chestnut.

Speaker 2 Joey Chestnut.

Speaker 2 Why not?

Speaker 3 Okay, Joey Chestnut is like, I've got to kill you, brother,

Speaker 3 or else I'll end up just like my father.

Speaker 3 And so he gouges.

Speaker 2 Is his father like a non-murderer?

Speaker 3 You're right. Wait.

Speaker 3 I got to kill you, brother, because I want to be just like Pops.

Speaker 3 Pops scarred me when he killed his second wife. I knew I never wanted to hurt a wife ever.

Speaker 3 And so then he stabs his brother to death, but it hurts him so much inside. And so with a mighty roar, he kicks the helmet.

Speaker 2 And what people

Speaker 3 and so, in desperate need of a place to to sit down because of the broken toe,

Speaker 3 he finds a place called Philston, which is actually the beanbag chair capital of Delphia. And he's like, well, there will be plenty of places to sit down here.
And he sees the big cozy.

Speaker 3 And yeah, there's a seat in there. But he notices that there's no barkeep.
And so he's like, I'll do that.

Speaker 2 Sick. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Great. So Jay wishes he could tell you more about his life.
Oh, no.

Speaker 2 Flashes of the past 4,000 years of his life

Speaker 2 are coming back to him as he first stumbled into Philston. It's just a bunch of images of he knows he was a wizard, a mighty, powerful wizard, and he was in some sort of deadly game, tete tete.

Speaker 2 Essentially, he was

Speaker 2 Odysseus, and there was his Calypso, but then also he was the Calypso.

Speaker 2 It's an erotically charged rivalry with a fellow. These two wizards, this Jay

Speaker 2 and his lover enemy, they switched so many times.

Speaker 2 They didn't even know whose island it was at this point. They just knew, they don't even know who was trying to leave.

Speaker 2 But every couple decades, one would entrap the other, and it just kept going on and on and on.

Speaker 2 It was like essentially, you know, how they talk about Gandalf and the Balrog, like they were on that mountain for a long time. It was like that but

Speaker 2 it was like that for like

Speaker 2 4,000 years. Say that again.
Yeah, it's like that but she just unlocked a new romantic genre.

Speaker 2 But she finally got one up on him because she made him the most perfect cup of coffee he's ever had in his life. And it seduced him.
And he was promised.

Speaker 2 She promised him the recipe if he gave up all of his powers. And he did.
He gave up all of his powers to learn how to make this perfect cup of coffee.

Speaker 2 And now it hots him because he can't taste a cup of coffee that tastes this good. And he's got no powers left.
And she casts him into the ocean for dead. And he washed up.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he washed up on shore. Maybe he was because he was already in the borders of Philston.
He was on Filston's shore. That's right.
Philston's on the shore.

Speaker 2 And we all know one thing about Philston: that nobody dies at Philston. Yeah.
So he climbed out of the beach and he wandered. He wandered desperate.
And then he smelt something.

Speaker 2 And it was a cup, not perfect, not perfect, but a little cup of joe and walked into this place called the Big Cozy. Is somebody making coffee?

Speaker 3 Yeah, who's doing that?

Speaker 2 If nobody's doing that for you, I could do it for you. Fuck it out.

Speaker 3 I was making an espresso martini.

Speaker 2 That's what you smell. Espresso does not need to be put into anything as treacherous as alcohol.
Let me show you. Let me show you what

Speaker 2 it is. Let me show you alcohol.
Let me show you what coffee can really do.

Speaker 3 Yes, please show me.

Speaker 2 And then I made you a pretty good flat white.

Speaker 3 Okay, and I was like, damn.

Speaker 2 It's pretty good.

Speaker 2 And I was like, do you mind if I just... live here and just pursue my goal for the perfect cup of coffee?

Speaker 3 Please make yourself at home and get cozy.

Speaker 2 And then two minutes later, Bongar the Thongar came in and sat down to start working on his poem and said, What manner of bean is this?

Speaker 2 My God, she would whisper delicate words into my ears as she served me coffee. Poetry must be the key.
Please.

Speaker 2 Speak while I serve the coffee to my customers. Very good.
Bean, good. Boem, good.
Bongar hit. All right.

Speaker 3 Oh, should we pick what we were like giving up?

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 2 Yes, choose the one thing you sacrifice from your adventuring group. This one's easy.
I sacrificed my boat.

Speaker 2 i sacrificed the last remaining magic from my wizard staff i turned it into

Speaker 2 that flat white no no i turned it i turned it into it it's a fire that fuels the the espresso machine and keeps my coffee exactly at 195 fahrenheit at all times okay i can also change up to 205 depending on the bean i'm checking like i gotta keep checking but yeah i got it it's my espresso machine can get the water exactly the temperature it needs to but now i got no wizard staff and that's the last of its magic i'm sacrificing my endurance, and because there's no barkeep like character thing, can I just make up one or do I have to go spend it?

Speaker 2 Just make one up, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 I'm gonna pick up the power to make anybody confess anything over

Speaker 3 a flagon of beer.

Speaker 2 Oh, so I'm a very good listener.

Speaker 3 I'll say, I've become a good listener.

Speaker 2 Because through your toe breaking, when you kick that helmet for real, you've gained empathy. Yes.
I see.

Speaker 2 My town experience is just what you need, which is I just know exactly what sort of drink a customer needs. There you go.
That's why I don't even have a menu. Just off the door.

Speaker 2 Well, they come up to me and they say, oh, what about before they even finish? I go, I got you.

Speaker 3 Can you imagine if you went to like Coffee Bean and they did that?

Speaker 2 I mean, it would be a high risk, high reward. Like if they gave you the perfect cup, I'd be like, damn, I'm always coming back here.

Speaker 3 I went to Coffee Bean last night and I got the honey oat latte. And then I said, can you make that with oat milk? And they're like, it comes with oat milk.
And I felt like a fool.

Speaker 2 Oh, no.

Speaker 3 Like, such such an idiot

Speaker 2 like ma'am get out of this coffee bean and tea leaf yeah

Speaker 2 okay so you should all have a pdf called mini games mini games mini games so we've done our first

Speaker 2 we're done playing with big games we're done playing oh i forgot to add that uh uh as we play our tavern levels up as well right now we're at a level one for cuisine atmosphere and service so just a things cuisine a cramped kitchen plenty of staples but nothing fancy atmosphere comfortable enough but a little boring things feel slightly off service a former we have a

Speaker 2 stop for a second stop for a second the first one was what cuisine and it is mid okay it's a cramped kitchen with plenty of staples but nothing fancy okay but the second one you said atmosphere comfortable enough but a little boring let me ask you this where is a place in our world that has that like uh i don't know chipotle

Speaker 2 literally chipotle was on my mind i was like chipotle really kind of fits the bill cramped

Speaker 2 imagine any fret restaurant from the 90s that used to have fun decor, what they are now. Like a McDonald's, right? Like a new McDonald's without the whimsy of an old McDonald's.

Speaker 3 You're talking about a red lobster.

Speaker 2 Yeah, there you go. Yeah, we're red lobsters.
We're in our red lobster era. Oh, it says we, so for service, we have like, and this is just an example.

Speaker 2 It says a former farm man and an injured local guard work here. So those will be our two guys.
Farmer Chris. Why are they both guys? Are they hot? Are they hot? Farmer Chris.
That's true.

Speaker 2 They don't have to both be guys. And then our injured local guard get this

Speaker 2 a guy.

Speaker 2 Injured local guard will be a gal and she'll be sergeant.

Speaker 3 Just because she's a woman, she has to be injured. I see how that is.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Well, it doesn't think women can be farmers.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 No, wait a minute, people. Sergeant Chris.
Anyway, peruse the mini-games. If any of them look fun, keep them in mind.
If they don't, what?

Speaker 2 Then you can make up your own mini game, big shot. So I'm going to pick the mini-game.
Wait, it's just a list of them yes so each

Speaker 2 so wait we're now each gonna now everybody gets to pick a mini game and we do them in order

Speaker 2 so we'll start with who wants to start does someone want to go start i can't say like off the clock romancing a stranger etc yes exactly yes

Speaker 2 so you pick one that looks good to you

Speaker 2 so the only romancing okay you do that one no i don't i'll do funeral okay who wants to start who wants to kick this off because then i will read the longer description of what the thing is i can i can go if you want is that easier if i just get us rolling

Speaker 2 Oh, sure. You do one.
All right. We are going to do.

Speaker 2 Do you know which ones are good? No, I haven't played the game yet, Matt. We're going to do Homegrown.
Wait, really quick. There's these little.
Ah, okay. So, yes, there's symbols.

Speaker 2 So the bean is good games that are in drow picks after the first step. Then there's ones with fun mechanics, ones that are for freeform role-playing games that let you upgrade the tavern.

Speaker 2 Yes, I've been looking for one that upgrades the tavern. Just one of my maximums.
Yeah, games that let you upgrade the tavern. Okay, cool.
There's only one. No, there's a bunch.

Speaker 2 Dude, there's not as many as you think.

Speaker 2 One, two, three four out of like 20 games nobody can choose one that's not upgrading the tavern we upgrade the tavern we only got four movies well also every three games we get a chance to upgrade the tavern okay okay so i am gonna pick a homegrown which is also a tavern upgrade game There's something special about using locally grown ingredients.

Speaker 2 You might have laughed at that before, but you can really notice a difference when you're cooking the same dishes. We also all cook, I guess.
Same dishes over and over again.

Speaker 2 You got some rooms for room for plants and animals with plenty of magic and food scraps to spare. Why not not try it out? So, here's the setup.
Anyone can play.

Speaker 2 As a group, we decide where to place our farm, where we grow our ingredients. It can be inside the tavern.
It could also be somewhere relatively close.

Speaker 2 We also need to decide if we're doing what we're growing or keeping. Are we doing a little bit of both? And then what should we start with so we can harvest something soon? So we'll start there.

Speaker 2 So, all right, guys, we got to fucking like, I think three days into this venture, we all realize that we have whatever coffee beans you brought with you. It's not enough.
And there's not enough.

Speaker 2 People keep coming in.

Speaker 2 Mr. Stahl,

Speaker 2 coffee man. Yeah.
Drug man.

Speaker 2 People keep coming in asking for food.

Speaker 2 But this is what we have to do. Yeah, I'm thinking I'm food.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 I am thinking I am food. Should I cut off my arm and feed it to these people? No.
No. No.
No, we will grow food. Grow food? What manner of thing is this? You grow food? From where?

Speaker 2 From whence does food grow?

Speaker 3 Have we ever thought about cutting open the beanbag chairs that are growing on these trees?

Speaker 2 The town guard will hear you.

Speaker 3 What are they going to do? Kill me? I can't die.

Speaker 2 I open a door and I say, come, come to the basement. We can open it.
Nobody will know. Okay.
I walk into the basement.

Speaker 2 I close the door. I lock it behind us.

Speaker 2 Below, you have... just dozens of beanbag chairs that I've just been trying to find one that's comfortable

Speaker 2 down there.

Speaker 2 And I go, okay,

Speaker 2 so

Speaker 2 we can open and see if there's food in here. You speak of oats.
Very well. And Brongar the Throngar is going to, with all of his mighty strength, just rip one of these bean bags open.

Speaker 2 What do we find inside?

Speaker 2 Peanuts.

Speaker 2 There's no DM, so we can say. We can say whatever we want.

Speaker 2 Roast pork?

Speaker 2 Sucking pork.

Speaker 2 This is where food comes from. Oh, because they grow from trees.
It could be

Speaker 2 some sort of bean. Peanuts.
Yeah. I mean, back chair.
It's some sort of bean.

Speaker 2 I hold up the bean. Who dares eat the bean? It's like a bean.
We'll just say it's like a strange bean no one's seen before. But we know not how to prepare this bean.
I'll smoke it. You brew it.

Speaker 2 I'll brew it. I'll boil it.
Boil it. Smoke it.
Push him in the stew.

Speaker 2 And I shall eat it raw. I'll pop the bean in my mouth.
What happens? We watch you with bated breath. Okay, and now.

Speaker 2 Now that we've all gone off to ostensibly unlock the secrets of the bean, we'll go to the next part of this game. Growing.
Farming is messy, gross, and a far cry from the heroics.

Speaker 2 I love that none of us chose to like plant the bean. Well, first, we got to check if it's worth planting.
Yeah, it still won't be planted. Let's just.

Speaker 2 Farming is messy, gross, and a far cry from the heroics of your adventuring days. As you work, there are quite a few unflattering incidents that occur.

Speaker 2 But at the end of the day, they're all something you can laugh about together. Take turns sharing embarrassing stories that happened to your character using any of those prompts below.

Speaker 2 But, like, what's something embarrassing that happened to you guys while you were doing beans?

Speaker 3 I shit myself.

Speaker 2 Tom, you shit yourself? I didn't make it shit. Oh, no.
Tom, how? Tom, what happened? How did you shit yourself? Make it related to the bean.

Speaker 3 I thought I was going to sit down on a bag, but I thought I was sitting down

Speaker 3 on a toilet, but I was sitting down on a beanbag chair, and I was like, oh, no, confused.

Speaker 2 The beanbag chair for a toilet. So it wasn't from the beanball.
It's not the bean. No.

Speaker 2 Okay. See, I had a similar experience, but mine was definitely because it was from the bean.
You shit yourself. I shit myself too.

Speaker 2 So I did what you folks asked. I ground up the bean.
I put it in my machine. I was going to put water

Speaker 2 in my bean machine because I got it in my bean machine. But this time it wasn't coffee beans.
It was these beans. And I put water through it.
I did 195. I just figured I'd start with what you know.

Speaker 2 Start with what you know. With what you know.
The water came out. It looked a little bit like coffee.
Did not smell like coffee. But I thought now's the time to take a sip.

Speaker 2 Right then, a bunch of customers came and I said, one second, I'm trying out this new coffee. I took a sip.
The moment the liquid touched my lips, a liquid left my butt.

Speaker 2 And yeah, so I don't think we can boil it or brew it. I would not advise it.
I mean, Plungar the Thongar staggers into the room, deathly pale, and says, something strange has happened to me.

Speaker 2 I swallowed the bean and now I fear. And he hoists up his stomach and he like sees like a big soul and belly.

Speaker 2 oh my god i fear i am with bean oh no bean grows in me i didn't know this was imprag fic no i think this is i think i watch you you don't drink enough water i think you're just really backed up here no i don't think coffee is a natural laxative take a sip i take a sip of the coffee and then you see like um little like feet kick in oh my gosh oh my god the bean has feet and the coffee seems to be stimulating it wait you ate it raw and it gave you a baby well i didn't chew it up i swallowed it um

Speaker 2 if you swap the beans, Grant, like

Speaker 2 Bungar is going to become. He's going to become a tree.
You know what your mom tells you, which my mom told me 4,000 years ago?

Speaker 2 That if you eat the watermelon seeds as a joke, like you'll grow a watermelon. Watermelon.
Maybe these beans, that's why. Oh, but so that whatever grows in me stirs.
Nobody dies.

Speaker 2 They turn into trees here.

Speaker 2 Eventually, everyone gets curious and eats a bean. And then they...

Speaker 2 What is happening to me? What happens to Bungar? Oh, focus.

Speaker 2 I must channel this into my death poem. i now know what my death poem is going to be about whatever horror for horrific transformation awaits me i see and then bongarina and it was fine

Speaker 2 but did he feel less full afterwards no we're back where we started we don't have any food

Speaker 2 i can't serve coffee to a place with no food

Speaker 2 perhaps the trick was perhaps the trick was i've heard tales from distant lands sometimes you gotta cook it twice i've heard tales of different of distant lands where where sometimes um the tavern doesn't have any food but there are food trucks outside that you can bring that in is a great idea we should see there's got to be somebody in the town that has food yes is there a doctor in the town that can help me with my with whatever is going on in my stomach so we search the town and i feel like we find we find a small group of orc entrepreneurs running food trucks and they're going to give us our food now are they farmers too no we give them a nice, we give, no, we set up a nice little quid pro quo back and forth with them where they get to use space for free outside of our, of, of your, sorry, Tom, your, your fine establishment.

Speaker 2 And, you know, our customers get discount to their truck. Their truck customers get a discount to us, and everybody wins.
It's great. And they have those stupid little fucking beeper things.

Speaker 2 And then you go into the bar and you've got the beeper from the truck and you're like, does it get signaled in here? I don't know. It's my brain.
Goes, hey, where'd you get that?

Speaker 2 And it's a food truck. So everything kind of takes a little longer to get.
And you're like, this took a little longer than I thought it was going to be.

Speaker 2 Food trucks take longer because they'd like to do it. They're little bugs.
They're little bugs.

Speaker 2 I should work this into my poem as well.

Speaker 2 Harvest.

Speaker 2 Your hard work pays off.

Speaker 2 The next time you play Wear and Tear, that's the third game we play, or actually after the third game, your cuisine rating goes up by one in addition to the upgrade you pick for Wear and Tear.

Speaker 2 What kind of dishes can you now make that you weren't able to make before? Well, I guess whatever the orcs are surfing.

Speaker 2 Straight up, they got like Michelin Michelin star ceviches.

Speaker 2 They got

Speaker 2 really expensive lobster rolls.

Speaker 3 I'm tired of these farming games. Will's falling for the propaganda of big pharma.

Speaker 2 I think we get, they, at least for my little coffee corner, one of the food trucks has given me a select arrangement of little bites to have with me.

Speaker 3 Like an edible arrangement.

Speaker 2 Like an edible arrangement of small pastries and one that isn't edible. Yes.
Yeah, my, mine. Yeah, we can do a

Speaker 2 little duo, too. Yeah, we can do edibles.
We can do edible arrangements. I love it.
It's like it's just edibles and like

Speaker 2 weed out. We sell weed edibles.
And little pastry bites. And pastry bites.

Speaker 3 We're a dispensary now.

Speaker 2 And then the other food is outside. The other food outside.

Speaker 3 Great. There are so many dispensaries in LA that are really missing out on edible arrangements.
That's pretty good.

Speaker 2 This is pretty good. You've all had a chance to review the mini quest.
Who would like to choose our next mini quest? We'll go counterclockwise.

Speaker 2 So fucking i don't know which way that is for me freddie is your turn pick one i have decided it's time for a distinguished guest oh i like that okay someone in portent is in town and they're almost here the tavern has to be the best for this guest after all they might leave a big old tip nice have you heard okay here we go have you heard set up anyone can play as a group figure oh we for oh everybody what was your fucking what what experience did you i think i gave up my endurance because I'm pregnant with a bean monster now.

Speaker 2 And I will say that I gained the poet experience because

Speaker 2 I've learned the skill parable, which is I've in the parable in this case, it was just a lesson for every situation. And now I know to not just eat random shit without cooking it first.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Very good. Will, I've let go of my C legs for my years of being a swashbuckler because I've been on Terra Firma for so long.

Speaker 2 And what I've gained is a little bit of experience that I like to call no longer prejudiced.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 I used to be full of prejudice.

Speaker 2 Wow. And now

Speaker 2 you've met three other guys. And then I was like, maybe not everyone is bad.
Wow, okay. Now I am free of prejudice.
Free of prejudice. Canonically, I am totally cool and based.

Speaker 2 Since you all found my secret hideout, I've lost my ability of invisibility. So I can't be a little pervert like I was before.

Speaker 2 Now I can't see everything.

Speaker 2 And I gained

Speaker 2 pastry. So

Speaker 2 we only get three town experiences, right? But we play more. You get four town experiences.

Speaker 2 But you're a barista. So yeah, we'll say I gained

Speaker 2 pairings. Huh? Pairings.
Like pairing drinks and coffees. Just what you got.

Speaker 2 I think I gained power.

Speaker 2 The power of compromise because I am the one who came up with the deal between the two

Speaker 2 coupon exchange.

Speaker 2 The power of deal making. I mean, the power of deal making.
The art of deal.

Speaker 2 No deal.

Speaker 2 Oh, no. I know who he's turning into.
No, no.

Speaker 2 Jay's a good man.

Speaker 2 Or he was. He's not sure.
4,000 years is a blur. Maybe she was a good one.
All right.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Well, I mean, because we're all playing mini-games, is it okay to not learn anything in one?

Speaker 2 Sure, yeah, if you don't want, yeah, if you don't want to.

Speaker 3 I just feel like

Speaker 3 I just didn't do good enough to learn something.

Speaker 2 You'll do better tomorrow. Maybe.
You'll learn something tomorrow.

Speaker 3 Maybe. I just miss my wives.

Speaker 2 Maybe you gain one point towards that. Question.
Were you ever married? No.

Speaker 2 A distinguished guest. Set up.
Anyone can play. As a group, figure out a few details about the important guest.
Where do they come from? How important are they? Have you heard of them before?

Speaker 2 I'm gonna float your brother's wife oh my god just like in frankenstein yep just like in guillamo deltaro's one player plays the guest i'll play the wife i suppose of the murdered brother and the other players take it hot when you do it huh I just want to make sure that we are doing this.

Speaker 2 You want this to be hot, right? Yeah. All right, then I'm not doing it.
Someone else do it.

Speaker 2 I'll play this hot wife.

Speaker 2 I didn't say she had to be hot. I said it.
The whole scenario has to be hot. Oh, the whole scenario itself has to be hot.
So, yes, you're playing the wife of John Stahl's murdered brother.

Speaker 2 One player plays the guest, the other players take on the challenges. Each challenge tests one of your tavern ratings.
Okay.

Speaker 2 So for Freddie Payne, it's the scene of this wife.

Speaker 2 Give me a little more context here. What's going on? I think you can also take over at any moment.

Speaker 3 I think we challenge the atmosphere to the bar by fucking on it.

Speaker 3 All of us all of us no i so i think that tom's brother's wife and she has a name

Speaker 3 and her name and she's distinguished and important yes and her name is jenga jenga

Speaker 3 staring at the box jenga barfucker

Speaker 2 jenga jenga stall is such a star wars name jenga stall

Speaker 3 And I think that she always, she and Tom always had a bit of a thing for each other, just an innocent flirtation

Speaker 3 precisely because they couldn't get married.

Speaker 2 Tom, there's no such thing. You know that.

Speaker 3 I think that Tom's brother's name is

Speaker 2 Otto. She's got a hat that's a little bit of auto stall and Jenga Stahl.
Yes.

Speaker 2 Why is Jenga Stahl famous?

Speaker 3 Jenga Stahl is famous because she is a stunt woman who can fall down in any way and she can even like sever her body from itself a little bit, like different pieces.

Speaker 2 A little bit. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Just a little bit.

Speaker 2 Sever her body from herself a little bit.

Speaker 3 Like a Jenga Tower.

Speaker 2 So she can remove parts of her body. Yeah.
And that makes her fall a little bit. Like the puppet girl in I remember before Christmas.
Yes. Okay.
So she's a sort of carnival freak.

Speaker 3 But she's beautiful.

Speaker 2 Beautiful stunt woman. Yes.

Speaker 2 All right, Fred, you have all the information you need. We heard, so actually, no, because here's what happens.
First of all, we hear. Her body's not in all the right places.

Speaker 2 We hear, I think maybe there's like a fucking troop of performers comes through town. Yeah.
And they're like, ooh, like we hear, because they've got the word on the grapevine.

Speaker 2 And they are like, oh, we're just glad we're getting to town before Jenga Stahl shows up and does her horrifying one-woman show.

Speaker 3 Oh, wait, but can I play Jenga Stahl briefly?

Speaker 2 Yes, go ahead. Yes.
Do you want to play them both? I'd like to understudy Jenga. Oh, yeah, you can play both.
Yeah. All right, give us a little taste of Jenga.

Speaker 3 I think Jenga comes up to the bar and is like, when you killed my brother, you took my heart away from my body. And normally, that's a repairable action.

Speaker 3 But this time, it never came back. You're going to pay for that, big boy.

Speaker 3 And Tom's like.

Speaker 2 Let's keep going. This is all you.
Let's keep going. God, riveted.
Next, keep it going.

Speaker 2 Let's keep going, please. So then they fuck on the stairs like it is in my heart, right?

Speaker 3 And then Tom's like, I never meant to take your heart. I just meant

Speaker 3 to take your hand in marriage. That night when you and my brother got married and I saw you dancing your first dance, the spike of jealousy erupted through my butt

Speaker 3 and into my heart. And I thought, if only I could clasp those gentle little hands of yours.

Speaker 3 Oh, you could

Speaker 3 clasp them, but you would just take them off, wouldn't you? You would just take them off like I'm just some disposable child's toy.

Speaker 2 Jay, should we be here for this?

Speaker 2 Let him go, let him go, let him go.

Speaker 2 Will other be here for our friend to support him? When this goes borly or to celebrate. All right, well, here's what I think about.

Speaker 3 Listen, I know that you're a woman of high esteem and that we should be treating you really nicely because you're somebody who came here for a reason.

Speaker 3 But there's only one way I know how to treat a lady nicely, and that's how to make her my wife.

Speaker 3 And so I guess what I'm asking is, will you make me the happiest barkeep in the world?

Speaker 2 Okay, before we answer, I think we should do these challenges, and these will be the things we were doing because we knew that Django was coming to town.

Speaker 2 And of course, she was going to come by the bar to put up a flyer for her one woman show. Of course.

Speaker 2 and it's very clear to all his friends that tom was going to instantly ask for her hand in marriage so we really want to make this work so we're like so it's like guys i'm not gonna ask her to marry

Speaker 2 we don't hear you talk

Speaker 2 but we just it just seems to come up a lot we know you're not we know you're not but things happen that we don't prepare for so just in case you do

Speaker 2 we're gonna be prepared for it okay tom okay here's what we're gonna do i feel like each one of us does one of these okay the rest of us well tom's primping uh so there's the cuisine challenge.

Speaker 2 Describe your, so we're going to make a special.

Speaker 2 We must food. I refer to my night, and this has been a passage of time.
My ninth poem, Food is Beautiful. I shall prepare a special meal for this woman who is also beautiful.

Speaker 2 Describe your preparations for the special meal. You'll need several courses and something that highlights local products.
So, Bangar the Thongard goes out to all the orcs at the taco trucks.

Speaker 2 It's like, I need ceviche, lobster, and a really greasy grilled cheese sandwich. Oh, you need like a like, you know, a little tasty bite, like a pastry, like

Speaker 2 a little pull away, a pull away cinnamon bun. A pull away cinnamon bun.

Speaker 2 It's like her.

Speaker 2 She pulls off her letters. Very good.
Very good. Or like cinnamon.

Speaker 2 Make the bread. Let's see.
You get. So here's what I'm going to do.
Pass this challenge. We're going to flip a coin.

Speaker 2 You get a number of attempts equal to your cuisine rating, which is actually we got a bump to our cuisine rating because of the last one we just did. So we have two.
So we get two coin flips.

Speaker 2 Plus, if any challenger has an experience that they they used in the scene, you get an additional attempt. Is this all of us or this is just you're doing this? If anyone's that wants to help out.

Speaker 2 I mean, I got just what you need. I know what she wants food-wise.
Oh, that's true. Okay, so you use that experience.
That's good. I have bravado, which allows me to use, to show her a good time.

Speaker 2 Like,

Speaker 2 what do you mean by that? Yeah, like a Benny Hana chef. Oh.
Okay.

Speaker 2 So you're going to Beni Hanna chef a pull apart cinnamon roll. Yeah, I love that.
In front of her. Okay, great.
All right.

Speaker 2 He's got a coin. As you pull it apart, it starts turning into different shapes.

Speaker 3 It's like, I don't have a coin.

Speaker 2 You can use anything that's flat.

Speaker 2 That's true. Any flat thing, as long as one half looks different.
Or I can go to like coin flipper.com. Let's do that.
Coin flip.

Speaker 2 It really flips the coin. It really flips the llama's coin.
All right, here we go. So we're going to.
Heads we win, tails we lose. Okay, ready? So we have three flips.
One.

Speaker 2 That's a tails.

Speaker 2 This seems familiar. I know.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's a heads. Yay.

Speaker 2 I caught the egg. Two heads and a tails.
So, hold on, let me.

Speaker 2 Damn, she's all

Speaker 2 right. Oh, so heads, you passed the guest.
Okay, so then the guest describes what she most enjoyed about the meal.

Speaker 3 What I most enjoyed about the meal was how it tasted good on my tongue, even when my tongue was outside of my mouth.

Speaker 2 What a strange and bewitching woman.

Speaker 2 I see a lot of people.

Speaker 2 Do all women have removable tongues and holes in their chest? She didn't even mention

Speaker 2 my onion volcano.

Speaker 3 But, of course, the most bewitching part of the night. What's the onion volcano? The onion volcano.

Speaker 2 Oh, yes.

Speaker 3 And that chef, he threw the shrimp right into my gullet.

Speaker 2 Like a seal. Yes.
So here's what we're going to do. Now we're going to do one more round of coin flips to see if she marries fucking

Speaker 2 Tom. But we'll do that after we do the next two challenges.
Next one. We just got the chemistry of the four of us.
We can have a fifth cast member in here already. Atmosphere challenge.
Who are you?

Speaker 2 Describe what we do to make the tavern look and feel welcoming. So yes, she's going.

Speaker 2 Tom, what manner of decor does your beautiful Jenga appreciate?

Speaker 3 String lights.

Speaker 2 She's got to be strong.

Speaker 2 Yeah. You think I run a coffee shop without string lights? I got string lights.

Speaker 2 It's not just how it looks. The smell, the aroma is important.
So

Speaker 2 I got the finest coffee beans just scattered all around this place. And all on fire on street lights.

Speaker 3 I went to the IKEA kingdom and I found this print of a bicycle in black and white.

Speaker 2 And I was thinking we could hang that up. I love that.
What about my picture of two ladies kissing?

Speaker 2 That one goes back into my secret layer.

Speaker 2 Describe to me. The two ladies kissing.
The two ladies kissing. Describe to me the color of Jenga's hair.

Speaker 3 Jenga's hair is like a fiery orange.

Speaker 2 Lord, I'm emotional because the thing in my stomach swells. I have been crying more lately.
Oh, oh, wow.

Speaker 3 Do you need to deal with that?

Speaker 2 No, I'm fine. Brongar is going to go use his friend in need skill to go find the local, one of the many beanbag chair pickers to find a beanbag chair the exact color of her hair so that she can sit on

Speaker 2 MG. She shall sit on a chair as beautiful as she is.

Speaker 3 She won't know where the chair ends if her hair starts.

Speaker 2 All right, now we roll. It's one for that, and then I use my Thailsy.
Flip one. Can you have her?

Speaker 2 Can Beth play her sitting down in this chair and spelling the coffee and seeing the string lights?

Speaker 2 Yes, paint the picture.

Speaker 3 Well, thank you for holding the door open for me, mister.

Speaker 3 I think I'm going to. Oh, what is that smell?

Speaker 3 It smells like

Speaker 3 coffee.

Speaker 2 She got it.

Speaker 3 Oh, my goodness. These string lights are so beautiful in taste.

Speaker 2 They are orange, the color of your hair, and this shall be the color of your butt when you sit on it. And I throw the bean bag at your feet.

Speaker 3 Oh, wow. Well, well, I shall sit sometimes, and I think this is a normal thing to do when I mean to sit on the toilet.
I find myself sitting on a bean bag, but that's not happening tonight.

Speaker 3 I know that I'm sitting on a beanbag tonight, so that's fine. And it's such a lovely color.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I think you should tell her about how you like to sit on beanbag chairs instead of toilets.

Speaker 3 Hey, Jenga, did I ever tell you about the time that I thought I was sitting on a toilet, but I was actually sitting on a beanbag? No, that sounds like an absolutely intoxicating song.

Speaker 2 All right. Our final challenge is, so I flipped the coins.
We won't go ahead. So we want to.

Speaker 2 I think it's if it's a clean sweep, she says yes. Ah.
Okay. Service challenge.
Describe how you organize the NPC so everything goes smoothly. Who is in charge of what?

Speaker 3 Well, there's got to be somebody to open the door.

Speaker 2 Open the door.

Speaker 2 We have those two other people, right? Yeah, we've got Sergeant Chris, who's

Speaker 2 suspicious about where the beanbag chairs have been going. Oh.
Sergeant Chris is starting to sniff around. I killed Sergeant Chris.
You can't kill him. We can't die.

Speaker 2 So I locked him up. I tried killing Baskinatiano.

Speaker 2 Basketball,

Speaker 2 him. So I locked him up in the back.
Sergeant Chris is now locked in the basement with the beat bags. No, this is supposed to be cozy.
Oh, God. I'm already burning this down.
Let me out. Let me out.

Speaker 2 Okay. Hey,

Speaker 2 there's Farmer Chris who saw it. Who saw it all? Wait, this was Farmer Chris saw it all too? I saw it all.
Oh, well, Kayer, come in with me. I'll be right back.

Speaker 2 Then I lock him up. Well, now we don't have any help.
Oh, no. And this is against what are we doing? All We're down one dice.

Speaker 2 Right now we're at zero dice and we're going to fail because you because we won't be because we go because we locked everybody up in the basement. It's okay.

Speaker 2 This is a disaster. No, no, it's not a disaster yet.
Tom's usually the one responsible for the title.

Speaker 2 I shall be the first person in my tribe to die before writing my death poem because I'm going to kill myself. No, you will not write it.

Speaker 2 You will not.

Speaker 3 Let me just put, let me just change this help-wanted sign into a help-needed sign.

Speaker 2 Perfect.

Speaker 2 Okay, who walks in the door to help us?

Speaker 3 The most beautiful.

Speaker 2 I was going to say like a fun goat man. Okay.

Speaker 2 I'm fun goat man. Fun coach man.
Yes. We need you to be front of house while we get everything ready.

Speaker 3 What are your qualifications?

Speaker 2 One, a goat. Two, unlike most goats, this one, me, is fun.

Speaker 2 You're hired. Thank you.
Hired. Fun goat man.
Yes. You should be front of house.
Guide the lady Jenga to her seat. Oh my god.
He starts climbing the walls like you're impressed.

Speaker 2 You're like, man, like, wow, these goat ledge cliffs. There's no ledge there.

Speaker 2 You know what? You don't have to, you don't have. You, here's the best part about me.
You don't have to pay me and you don't have to take out a trash anymore. Just let me eat it.

Speaker 2 I don't think this is going to help the vibe. It's great.
There'll be no trash here. What do you mean?

Speaker 3 Matt's goatman is so Betelgeuse created.

Speaker 2 If you ever need me, just call. All right.
I think we have to flip with disadvantage on this one. Oh,

Speaker 2 because we killed our, we barely, we Monte out of our help and we hired Goatman.

Speaker 3 Okay, love will prevail.

Speaker 2 We're going to need two heads to pass this one. We've gotten one heads.
Okay.

Speaker 2 I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 Our best efforts are not enough. Paint us a picture of Jenga rejecting Tom on the grounds that his restaurant is bad.

Speaker 3 Well, he's down on one knee. He's taking off his cowboy hat to propose to her.
And she said,

Speaker 3 Listen, it's not you,

Speaker 3 it's the goat

Speaker 3 and everything else. Nothing can replace the hole in my heart that's been taken out.
Sometimes

Speaker 3 it just takes one piece of a woman to tear her apart, and then she falls down

Speaker 2 like

Speaker 3 a like a tower of Babel.

Speaker 3 Jenga Tower. Jenga Tower.

Speaker 2 You had it, man.

Speaker 2 It was right there for you.

Speaker 3 And so, yes, I will have to say no, big boy. And then he screams and he kicks that cowboy hat and then he breaks his other toe.

Speaker 2 Or you say, man, I believe Goatman was about to turn a wheel.

Speaker 2 You want to go hang out with a fun goat? Actually,

Speaker 3 you seem like a bad boy.

Speaker 2 the tom watches as she jumps onto goat man and goat man rides away there as a well there goes our help

Speaker 2 there goes our help and they climb a cliff it's crazy how they do that wow

Speaker 2 they crave that mineral our goat just goes straight to a vertical wall and we just watch as they ascend to the heavens

Speaker 2 all right i'm gonna say that brongar the thongar gained the experience of

Speaker 2 chronicler because i'm gonna tell everybody what happened like did you see when that goat came This is the first good story I've ever heard. Nice.
Tom, I'm sorry I hired Goatman.

Speaker 2 That's my fault. I took your girl.

Speaker 3 I don't know what I'm going to do now that Goatman stole my girl.

Speaker 2 There's more wives out there.

Speaker 2 There's a lot of wives out there.

Speaker 3 And you know how much I love wives.

Speaker 2 I know you love wives.

Speaker 3 Well, I think I'm going to lose my intimidation

Speaker 3 and I'm going to

Speaker 3 gain the power

Speaker 3 of healing because my heart too now has a hole in it but unlike jangling dope it's not you know i don't there's like once it's gone it's gone so yeah i'm gonna lose the power of arcana

Speaker 2 because i had it and i will gain the power of good ideas because you used the last of your arcane knowledge to make those string lines yes because now that i had a bad idea i know what a bad idea is like so a good idea is just the opposite of that there you go so i have the power of good ideas now I lose my bravado after doing one stint as a Benny Hanna's chef

Speaker 2 in this place. And I gain, like all Benny Hanna's chefs, an addiction to pipe leaves.

Speaker 2 Now I gotta have the stuff. I'm a line cook.
Now, speaking of good ideas, I got one for you, Tom. What's that? Well, you know, most bars, including yours, you have singles nights.
But get this.

Speaker 2 Wives nights, no husbands allowed.

Speaker 2 Only wives are allowed to come, but without their husbands. All right.

Speaker 3 Oh, and we can call it wives imbibe.

Speaker 2 Wives and what? Imbibe.

Speaker 2 Oh, alcohol. That's great.
I thought you were against alcohol. Well,

Speaker 2 I'm here. This is Tom's idea.
This is Tom's idea. Humans are complicated and flawed.
I shall write that into my poems as well. Man, Screen.

Speaker 3 Could you share any of your WIPs?

Speaker 2 Oh, it is 1 p.m. You're supposed to be performing that, right?

Speaker 2 Very well. I shall do a poem.

Speaker 2 My newest poem about my three friends.

Speaker 2 If you could throw a quick ad read for Wives Night, that'd be great, too.

Speaker 2 Let everyone know that Wives Night.

Speaker 2 My poem is called The House of Nails. Okay.
Slay. Slay.
There was a house made of nails.

Speaker 2 In it were two brothers. Both were males.

Speaker 2 They fought

Speaker 2 against a mighty evil.

Speaker 3 Speak, poet.

Speaker 2 It was much trouble,

Speaker 2 and they would

Speaker 2 be full of dumplings, tasty food their mother made.

Speaker 2 Donate to nailhouse.film. Do it today.

Speaker 2 He's gotten better. My friends are good.
Punch, punch, punch, punch, punch. He's gotten better.
Yeah. He's really improved.
Everybody gave it up.

Speaker 2 You have to pitch the wives' nights. Also, it is wives' night in our next mini-game, Romancing a Stranger.

Speaker 2 We're doing Wives' Night. It's Wives' Night.
That's because it's Wives' Night.

Speaker 2 And the feelings, right? Go into the Wives Night.

Speaker 2 Romancing.

Speaker 2 Gonna have a bar fight.

Speaker 2 Someone in the tavern makes eye contact with you when their gaze lingers a little longer than you would expect.

Speaker 2 Your co-workers urge you on and use you and make every excuse to send you over to talk to the lovely stranger. I like the idea that this person has eight eyes and then it's makes eye contact with all

Speaker 2 so set up one pair plays one of the players the romancer and the other player is the stranger. So I guess

Speaker 2 we're trying to live, laugh, love our good friend Tom Stahl because he got his heart broken, right? Yes. So Tom Stahl will be the romancer, I guess.
Sure.

Speaker 2 Describe a detail about the stranger that drew you to them. What's special about this wife? About this wife.
All the wives came out for wives.

Speaker 2 You got the fucking pick of the litter for wives.

Speaker 2 Yep.

Speaker 3 This wife has huge tears streaming down her face.

Speaker 2 Oh, wow. Describe the first thing you notice about the romancer.
Oh,

Speaker 2 am I the tear? Yes. That's such a nice hat.
He's got. I hope he never takes it off.
It works for him.

Speaker 2 Even through my tears, the hat looks amazing. I always ask my husband to wear a hat,

Speaker 2 but he just won't.

Speaker 2 I don't know why.

Speaker 2 It's not even about the hat anymore. It's just, doesn't he listen to me?

Speaker 2 Take turns getting to know each other. Take turns asking questions.
Each player should ask two or three.

Speaker 2 I have some examples of it.

Speaker 2 Hi, sir.

Speaker 2 Where did you get that hat?

Speaker 3 This hat belonged to a man I killed.

Speaker 3 It was a hard hat to come by because he was having some hair loss issues, but wasn't ready to shave it yet. And that's valid.

Speaker 2 You didn't happen to kill my husband, did you? Oh.

Speaker 3 Well, miss,

Speaker 3 what did your husband look like?

Speaker 2 Oh, we don't need to talk about him anymore.

Speaker 2 He's at home. He's at home.

Speaker 3 Unless I killed him.

Speaker 2 My wife. But

Speaker 3 I have the feeling nobody ever dies here. Do you ever think about that?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I know that. Believe me, I know that.

Speaker 3 My question for you is,

Speaker 3 why are you crying?

Speaker 2 Well, I'm a little embarrassed to say, especially considering my first question. No,

Speaker 2 I feel you'll get too much from me. You'll know too much too soon.
We're just strangers. Oh, are we strangers? This is already the most I've talked to a man that's not my husband.

Speaker 3 This is the most I've ever talked to anybody who I haven't killed.

Speaker 2 It's working. Hey, it's working.
It's good. Really good.
I think we need to feed the people in the basement. I'm going to go give them some soup.
Oh, yes.

Speaker 2 If you must know, I'm crying because my husband wouldn't wear the new hat I bought.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's awful. It's awful.

Speaker 3 I would never not wear a hat that you unless it said something problematic or offensive.

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 2 you actually answered my next question.

Speaker 3 My next question is: Go ahead. What's the prettiest thing you ever seen?

Speaker 2 Well, I didn't have an answer to that till now.

Speaker 2 Wow. Okay.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Closing time. The tavern is almost empty.

Speaker 2 Don't anybody else in. Tom.
You both get up from the table where you've been talking and wonder where the time is gone. We've been talking, talking, yeah.

Speaker 2 Romancer, do you say something before the stranger leaves for the night? Do you go with them? Who is the first person you tell about this?

Speaker 3 I call up my friend Betsy.

Speaker 2 I'm like, you're never going to guess what just happened.

Speaker 2 I always said I wanted a crying wife.

Speaker 2 You wouldn't believe it. You're the way to ball, man.

Speaker 3 I think as she's walking out, I call behind her, you'll know where to go go when you want to stop being a wife and start being a wives.

Speaker 2 Being a wives?

Speaker 3 Being one of my wives.

Speaker 2 She walks over and

Speaker 2 she goes, never take that hat off.

Speaker 2 And then she walks off. Giving a little something on the way out, you know? Okay.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And you hear fucking gunshots.

Speaker 2 And she comes running in bloody.

Speaker 2 You meant it, right? I meant what.

Speaker 2 You want to come with me? Yeah, of course. We got to go now.
Okay.

Speaker 3 And he takes one look back at the cozy tavern, the cozy bean bag.

Speaker 3 And he gets married.

Speaker 2 Oh, no, guys, we lost Tom.

Speaker 2 Okay, so

Speaker 2 Tom won. Tom fucking beat the game.
Wow. Tom beat the game.

Speaker 3 And you find a letter on the bar that says, just because I got married doesn't mean you can't call me from time to time.

Speaker 2 The next day, the next day,

Speaker 2 that woman, no, that woman's husband comes in because nobody dies here. Yeah, right.
And it's like,

Speaker 2 my wife left me. I need a place to work.
You're covered in blood. Yeah.
That was probably too hard to see with my husband. That's for you, Beth.
Oh, that's for you. Do you need a place to work?

Speaker 2 No, you need a place to work.

Speaker 2 Your wife tried to kill you, ran off with our boss.

Speaker 3 Wait, who who am I playing?

Speaker 2 The jilted husband. That's too weird.

Speaker 2 So now that the owner of the bar has flown the coop, maybe it's time to maybe it's time to all look back on this crazy journey we've been on together. And we're going to play one last game.
Okay.

Speaker 2 One last game. One last game called...

Speaker 2 Guys, while we play this last game, let's imagine what Tom would be like if he played it with us.

Speaker 2 I thought Tom was our boy.

Speaker 2 How's it going, Tom?

Speaker 3 It went so well. I never took my hat off once.

Speaker 2 Her husband came in here looking for you.

Speaker 3 Oh, really?

Speaker 2 Yeah. We put him in the basement.
There's a farmer.

Speaker 2 He's in the basement with Farmer Chris and Sergeant Chris. They're very hungry.
They say they're suffering in extreme agony because they're hungry and cannot die. Oh.

Speaker 2 Where's your wife?

Speaker 2 That's a long story.

Speaker 2 Ending the game. When every player has exchanged all of their Adventurer tokens, which we'll say we did, for town experiences.

Speaker 2 Play the in the rhythm of things minigame to conclude the story of your tavern. In the rhythm of things.

Speaker 2 After the hard work of getting your tavern up and running, your adventures could probably use some rest.

Speaker 2 All games come to an end, and hopefully you can walk away from Stupot knowing your adventures have settled down comfortably with their three men trapped forever in the basement.

Speaker 3 So do we like exchange one last thing?

Speaker 2 Yeah, what do we do? Oh, yes, yeah, yeah. Everybody sacrifice one more thing.
So I'm going to say that I... I don't have anything more to give.
You only asked us to write three things.

Speaker 2 I have nothing more to give.

Speaker 2 Congratulations, you're in Tom now.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I'm going to sacrifice Master of Arms for Roadhead.

Speaker 2 That'd be pretty cool.

Speaker 3 And now I'm a real townsperson.

Speaker 2 Tom's really obnoxious ever since he came back from his house. All he does is talk about Roadhead.
He's got a Roadhead all the time.

Speaker 2 Bongar the Thongar is going to relinquish the thing that's been holding him up this entire time, his brute strength.

Speaker 2 And he's going to, we'll say that he spent the last of his strength holding the door to the basement closed to keep Farmer Chris and his wife's husband and other Chris from escaping.

Speaker 2 And he says, man is, man truly only does things to keep other men in basement. Who is the man in my basement? And then he stares off and he's like, my God, that's it.

Speaker 2 The subject of my death poem, The Man in the Basement. Wow.

Speaker 2 Jay, touched by the selfless and heroic act that

Speaker 2 Bungar would do for his friends, decides to give up the experience of having his crimes hidden, and he releases the three of them. And he gains the town experience of accepting

Speaker 2 justice, accepting the law. Oh, because, yeah, that's right.
Our bean crimes come to light. Well, I take them all on.
They're my bean crimes.

Speaker 2 I lost sight of why people, I was too obsessed with making the perfect cup. I forgot why people drink coffee in the first place.
It's just to get through their day.

Speaker 2 It's what have I, what have I become? Okay. Calypso was right.
Makita Power Drill. is the bad one.
Makita Drill Press loses the ability to do back flips.

Speaker 2 And what do you gain? What do you gain for that? To do front flips.

Speaker 2 No, no, something more powerful. My two feet on the ground.
Wow. All right.
In the rhythm of things. Time passes.
Rough edges are sanded down.

Speaker 2 Before you know it, life in town has become like breathing. You gather in your favorite part of the tavern and wonder about where the time has gone.
Setup. This is the last game.
Everyone plays.

Speaker 2 Everyone takes turns describing a habit their character has picked up while living here. Then proceed to the ending questions.
So the ending questions, everyone takes turn asking each other questions.

Speaker 2 The game is over when everyone has asked two questions or answered two questions.

Speaker 2 Makita Drillpress has taken to looking in the cavern in which we buried and hid these people and reading their scrawled incantations on the wall. Wow.

Speaker 2 What knowledge have you gleaned from these incantations scrawled on the wall? They were not happy down there.

Speaker 2 That's Mike Way. Anyone else got a question for Makita Drillpress? He's got to answer one more before we can finish the game.

Speaker 3 That's a good question.

Speaker 2 Who's coming over for dinner tomorrow?

Speaker 2 Farmer Chris. He and I became hermies after I put him in.

Speaker 2 Edgar Allan Poe never talks about the sequel to Casco and Mazeado, which he lets them out and they become homies. So you let Farmer Chris out.
Yeah, I let them out and now you're friends. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 They hate you. Yeah, they hate me.
I went to friends.

Speaker 2 I was like, I tried to stop him. Matt, what is the habit that you have? Well, I am in a prison cell, and of course, I I only have beanbag chairs to sleep on and sit on.
Oh, my God. Yep.

Speaker 2 And my habit is I'm just working out. That's all I can do with the joint.
So I'm fucking ripped. But how do you feel about beanbag chairs now? Yeah, that's true.
It feels, it feels awful.

Speaker 2 It's not like it changed my comfort level.

Speaker 2 You know what? You do the crime,

Speaker 2 you do the crime, you do the time.

Speaker 2 Sure.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I'm not the poet Bungar. I'm sorry.
You're the one with words. You would find a way way to poet.
Bungar visits you every day in prison along with his bean child, who he gave birth to.

Speaker 2 So the hideous spawn of me and a bean, my habit is letting the bean child suckle at my teeth and drain me of my life force slowly but surely.

Speaker 2 And I realize that truly my death poem will be the poem that this child sings in song after I pass away. Wow.
My death poem was boring. This child will come up with it.

Speaker 2 What was my favorite dish I remember eating here? Burgers.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, dude. We cooked up a mean burger.
And then, if I got sick, who would come care for me? The bean child is slowly poisoning me by suckling the life force out of me. I wish not to be cared for.

Speaker 2 I wish to give my life to the bean child. Very phantom thread.
And then finally, our lovelorn brother-murdering wife lover who just got back from his honeymoon. Yes.

Speaker 2 Did you come back alone from your honeymoon?

Speaker 3 I did.

Speaker 3 It was because my wife was building our tree house that we were going to move into together.

Speaker 2 And he gets roadhead and a tree house

Speaker 3 and a million dollars.

Speaker 3 And,

Speaker 3 well, Tom has learned that maybe sometimes it's not about the number of wives you have, but the quality of wives

Speaker 2 have.

Speaker 3 And so he's happy with one for now. But a habit he's come up with over the

Speaker 3 years is singing to his wife.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 And as Tom serenades his wife in her tree house, in their tree house, and Jay gets yoked in being prison. You know what happens to Jay?

Speaker 2 Jay starts hearing, he hears the waves, even though he's in prison. Again, whoa.
And again, he doesn't know what's happening. Why does he hear the waves? What could this possibly be?

Speaker 2 He closes his eyes, he opens them, and he's on a beach.

Speaker 2 The beach

Speaker 2 of this town. No.
No, I never left the island.

Speaker 2 This was Calypso's nectar. She got me in useful.
I look up as she stands there in all of her glory. She goes, you think you'll ever leave?

Speaker 2 It was all a dream. I pick up my wizard staff, still flowing with power.

Speaker 2 That's a money. Let us do for another millennia, foul Calypso.

Speaker 2 You invested me this round, but I have a thousand years of spell to enchant you with.

Speaker 2 And then we zoom out of the island and

Speaker 2 power from three friends.

Speaker 2 Things that you know not them.

Speaker 2 This has been Stew Pot, Colon, Calypso's Nectar. Wait, what happens to Bungar? He whispers a secret poem in your ear that only you shall know and you shall fear.
And it's an epic poem.

Speaker 2 It's an epic poem about your duel with Calypso that you're about to have right now. That was way more exciting towards the end.
Wow, what a twist. What a cozy little race.

Speaker 2 It's really, it's just like a classic fucking Star Trek episode, The Inner Light, except it was the fucking. Oh, you know what it is?

Speaker 2 It's that you realize that, like, this, these beanbags are so hard, and you realize it's you've been writhing on this hot, sandy beach.

Speaker 2 That's why the bean bags are never comfortable for you. They're not real.

Speaker 2 That was, thank you so much for joining us for Stupot, a cozy wizard betrayal game. Yeah, that's the show.
That's what we do. Thank you so much for joining us.
Thanks for supporting us on Patreon.

Speaker 2 Patreon people got this early. Ooh, they did.

Speaker 2 Merry Christmas. Merry, well, you know.

Speaker 2 I don't, hey, hey, happy holidays. Happy holidays.

Speaker 2 Happy holidays. Happy holidays.

Speaker 3 And Toyota Thon.

Speaker 2 And check out the links in the description or nailhouse.film to see where we're seeing the crowd fun. And every little bit goes right back into the production to help us make a cool movie.

Speaker 2 So, nailhouse.film, thanks so much for supporting us. Just like this, the movie.
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Speaker 2 Atkins came in, what? My Mediterranean bros? You know what?

Speaker 2 Dude, just the fucking phrase Mediterranean diet sounds like a fun vacation. You're like, ah, yes.
I'm in Mykonos eating olives.

Speaker 2 I'll join you from the shores of Monaco. I'm in a crowded beach in Athens, and all the fucking chairs are out, and I didn't pay 50 euros to get a chair.

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Speaker 2 I think they do. Let me check.
Factor Meals, Keto, Keto. Keto Griff.
They do. Plan for beginners.
I didn't know there was advanced keto. More choices, the better nutrition.

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Speaker 2 97%?

Speaker 2 That's a good like. Dude, that's 3% must be pretty healthy already.
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Speaker 2 Dungeons and Daddies is brought to you this week by Aura Frames. What if there was a gift?

Speaker 2 A gift that brings

Speaker 2 holiday traditions in the family. Aura frames?

Speaker 2 No, Beth.

Speaker 3 Aura. I love Aura Frames.
I have one at home and I had company over recently and she was like, oh my God, I love that picture of us. I'm like, yeah, it's there.

Speaker 2 And then it transitioned to another picture.

Speaker 3 And then it went to another picture.

Speaker 2 Wait a minute. That's not us.
There's two pictures in there.

Speaker 3 And I'm like, yeah, there's thousands in there.

Speaker 2 Here's my aura problem is that like, cause I'll just fucking, I'm clicking photos.

Speaker 2 i'm not looking where my thumb is going when i'm clicking and then it'll be like so it'll be like all these funny pictures of like enough like a screenshot yeah there's like a screenshot of a stupid tweet or whatever like it shows up on my aura frame oh my god that exact thing happens to me so when we went on tour i had to learn how to put in the ear monitors the right way and so i took a screenshot of like the how to do that and how it would come up on my aura frame on this that's so crazy because you guys have the opposite problem which is i only have screenshots of funny tweets on my aura frames and then i occasionally i get a nice

Speaker 2 whole frame in your house dedicated to drills finest tweets yeah imagine absolutely listen aura frames we all have them and we all use them and we share our pictures of both each other our favorite tweets our family our pets here's what they got going with this frame unlimited free photos and video through the aura app you connect it to wi-fi you preload the photos before it ships this is key if you're doing it as a gamer i just realized what this is gonna be the only photo on my aura frame from now on is i downloaded a loot guide for arc raiders to let me know what i can safely recycle

Speaker 2 You use it as a gamer reference for you. There you go.
That's like, dude, you can do a whole premium strategy guide on your aura frame. And it also comes with a gift box.

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