S3 Ep. 39 - Gutteral Scream (Finale Pt. 2)

Okay,

only 10 more presents to wrap. You're almost at the finish line.
But first...

There, the last one.

Enjoy a Coca-Cola for a pause that

refreshes.

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Dungeons and Daddies is a rowdy, horny, violent podcast for grown-ups. Content warnings can be found in the description.

Welcome, one and all, to part two of the season three finale of the Peachyville Horror, which is the podcast that you're listening to.

I'm Will Campos, and this is brought to you in Dolby Atmos Sound for the first time ever.

We'd also like to extend a quick thank you to our stubs members.

When we last left our erstwhile heroes, Francis Farnsworth, Blake Lively, Trudy Trout, and Kid Matt's character,

they were storming the

Kelsey Grammar. They were storming the capital of Peachyville, the town center.
They had infiltrated infiltrated the bison ritual to sacrifice the seed-bearer to mother to bring Zuzel into the world.

The seed bearer, Sven Anderson. Fuck that guy.
Of Ma Anderson and her gang. He who had his eyes gouged out by Francis Farnsworth.

He was about to be sacrificed when his brother Tor Anderson and his boys, his gat-slinging gangster boys, tried to ambush the proceedings, putting our heroes in a pickle where they were like, shit.

Guy get wanting to do that, but we need that to happen so that we can fucking bring Zuzel and then we can sacrifice Zuzel and fucking save the world.

In the middle of of all that, there was a melee, there was a fruckus, and in the resulting brawl, one Francis Farnsworth displayed his bravery and valor and had his bison mask knocked off his face, revealing himself to mother, who has decided that she no longer wants Sven Anderson to be her seed bearer.

She cried, dude. Because snap, he cried and tried to run away.
Who wants that? Mother don't love no beta. She only wants that alpha.
She wants that alpha.

She wants that high dog. She's a breeder and she's ready.
Mother wants an Alpha is like a name of those vertical AIs.

Mother has decided that she wants her sea bearer to be the boy. Francis Rondsworth.
And far be it from me to disappoint a lady.

There is a part of Francis, like a really small part that's like, oh, me. We now jump into the action.
Francis has been unmasked.

Kelsey, still in her bison mask, has Francis slung over her shoulders as she just told everyone that she wants to collect his ears as trophies.

And I believe Trudy and Blake are still both in bison masks as as well. I'm in disguise.
Oh, that's Reno guest. Blake is disguised as Dr.
Mann, one of the bison leaders.

And Trudy is in disguise at the back of the crowd somewhere. She just planted a bomb under the pulpit that Brian strikes Mitchell.
Other people. The only one who's not disguises me.
Yes.

With that, we are ready. Ready for the big ride, baby.
Here begins the finale of the Peachyville horror.

Should we close close the door? Are you afraid?

Because there's a cockroach. We also have to explain there is a cockroach.

This is an extra spooky episode because, besides, that's the finale of the Peachyville horror, the spookiest season we've ever done, is that there was a giant cockroach in the office, and Freddie failed to get it.

I failed to get it. It ran behind the shelf that is currently behind Beth.
So there's a ticking bump. We know there's a cockroach like four feet behind Beth's office.

And it's like, it's not a shelf we can move because it's covered in board games. It's really big and it's covered in everything.
In board games and maple syrup.

So if Beth feels distracted, this is because she's constantly looking behind her. And if you hear a scream, then you'll know.
You'll know our little friend has worked around.

Easily the fastest roach I've ever seen in my entire life.

A likely story. Amble Crossing fans know what it was like.
It was like.

So Francis is going to turn and whisper into Kelsey's ear, if you've ever trusted me, this is the moment to trust me. I know exactly what to do.

I'm saying, could this be a moment where you can't do that? Oh, you do want this to be the first moment to trust me. Please trust me.
I know exactly what to do.

As you guys are whispering to each other, there's a tither of controversial murmuring amidst the bisons as this swap is being proposed by the speaker, the emaciated military corpse that mother is marionetting to speak to all of you.

And Brian strikes Mitchell as deferentially as he can, says, oh, great and wise and powerful mother, I just truly worry that such an offering as this would be insufficient. You're silence!

I have spoken! Mother has spoken! Do you deny her wish?

And with that, his eyes go wide, and he just sort of trembles, and everyone's looking at each other. And you hear another groan in the sky as you realize that time is of an essence here.

If Zuzel is going to be born to save the world, it needs to happen. Lickety split.

Brian strikes Mitchell, stands up, and he looks to everybody, and he just kind of gives a little shrug and he says, Bring forth the boy.

Francis is going to jump off of Kelsey and try to make a break for it. Away? Just randomly.
Doesn't matter. Oh, okay.
So you kick off of Kelsey. To keep my disguise, I go, oh, my ears.
Those are mine.

Oh, yeah. Beautiful.
Beautiful. Where are you trying to run? You got to pick a direction.
Back of the room.

We'll say it's three dexterity rolls of increasing difficulty to try to get all the way through to the back of the room. Great.
My dexterity is a 60, and I rolled a 74.

So you are immediately seized by another group of bisons who grab you and sort of hold you still. No, no, I don't want to die.
I don't want to die. And I look at Kelsey and I, oh, ink.

Wait, does that mean he wants to die? Oh, no. Brian Strikes Mitchell says, bring forth the boy.
So these guys start muscling you towards the front of the room.

I walk along with him as if I'm part of the group pushing them up. Yeah, I think Trudy's going to like slither through as sneakily as possible to get just closer to where this is happening.

Okay, great. Where are you, Freddie? I'm at the front holding holding this giant.

We're bringing Francis to you. Now I'm sitting there being like, whoa, no.

Oh, no.

Could I use fast talk?

Yes, you can. Brian, Brian, Brian, tell me more about yourself.
What's it like being Brian Strode Smitchell? Tell me everything about your life.

For example, have you had a great victory, suffered a great loss, and carried a great burden? Hypothetically.

If I had, boy, I would be there instead of you, and it would be the greatest honor of my life. Now, silence! He slaps you hard across the face.
Wow. I said out before you said he slaps you.

I just knew it was coming. Wow.
How close am I to the jizjar at this point? The chug jug, if you will.

All right, Anthony, picture a church. You've just gotten to the front of the pews, but you haven't gone up the little steps to the altar to do communion yet.

And at the top of the altar, you've got Brian Strikes Mitchell at the dais where you'd be giving the sermon or the eulogy in your case. And then on the other side is where Dr.

Man is holding this jar of alien pseudosperm that you're going to have to be down in just a second. So Freddy's holding the sperm.
I am, yeah. Brian Mitchell looks at you, Freddie.

He's like, present the bearer. Bring forth the potion.
Come on, hurry up. Francis, What are you doing? Stumble forward into Dr.

Man and like squeezes his leg for a second to be like, It's cool, give it to me. Francis is just gonna die.

I promise I'm not gonna die. I'm trusting you.
I'm trusting you. I'm trusting you.
Because last time, your plan was to kill yourself, also.

I'm trusting you. Are you a dynamic character or a static one? We'll find out.

Okay. I'm gonna take as Dr.
Man, a couple steps forward, cast her out, see if there's any other moves.

I lock eyes with Blake and I like kind of give him like the look that says, he told me to trust him this one time and I'm choosing to trust him.

Perhaps you should look up to your heart and trust him too. And I give you that look.

Trudy looks at Francis and is in the bison mask and makes the sort of like cut throat gesture, which I hope to like the fellow bison will look like, yeah, kill that guy.

But to Francis, we'll be like, don't do this. Francis winks and then he downs the chug jug.
Oh no.

You pour this liquid down your throat. You feel strange energies swirling inside you.
It has this bitter taste that nearly makes you wretch, but you're able to stomach it and swallow it down.

You feel lightheaded and you feel ready for something. And you feel like it's almost like you're destiny to be here.

There's almost a mild euphoria that you begin to feel as this thing swirls inside you and you see these runes on your body begin to glow as whatever is in this is responding to you and who you are and the trials and travails that have made you Francis Farnsworth, it all seems to be coming sliding straight into focus.

And it feels like your life has purpose. It feels like there's a meaning to what you're doing right now.

As you are feeling all of this and you begin to glow, you hear that, again, like a sort of murmuring excitement from the crowd behind you.

And Brian Mitchell drops to his knees and motions for you to do the same, Dr. Man.
Drops to his knees like in reverent prayer or like drops to his knees in awe? In reverent prayer. Okay, okay.

A mix of both. Okay, okay.
He's like, you're not awe enough. I'm like, okay, okay.

I dropped on my knees. I too.
I too. Yes, all of the

bisons kneel. Brian Mitchell raises the epidermicon aloft and says, great mother, we present to you the seed.
Bring forth our champion. Bring forth the godslayer in our hour of need.

Oh, mother, we beseech you.

And he prostrates himself, his arms outstretched. And from her pulsing, pillowy flesh, tentacles slither out and wrap themselves around you, Francis, and drag you across the floor.

And now you're looking up at this cluster of eyes that seem to be tearing up as she looks down at you and this like wide cavernous slit flapping and shaking as you slide across the floor.

And you can hear her in your mind talking to you, saying, be not afraid. You'll become something greater than yourself.
Embrace it. Embrace it, my child.
Be not afraid.

So Francis is going to, to whatever extent he can, kind of look around the room and try to take one last glance at his friends. One last.
One last.

One last. What the fuck? No, no, no.
I know what I'm doing.

He's going to look at his friends and he's going to see all these people arrayed beneath him looking up at him. And to some extent, this is kind of what he's always wanted.
He's respected.

He matters now. He's popular.
He's cool. And he's going to get to fuck.
And

as he approaches the opening, he says, hello, boys, I'm back. No, he doesn't do that.
He doesn't do that.

Trudy is like watching this, like fully sobbing and like very glad that she's wearing the mask because like just absolutely breaking.

Yeah, I think I think I put a hand on Trudy's shoulder and my other hand is holding a Derringer and like is pointing it at the bomb that's underneath. Who has the dagger? I do.

It's in my medical bag and my left hand

goes in and clenches around the hang.

Yeah, pointing at the bomb that's underneath Brian. I'm just going to shout it then like, follow the plan.
Guttero screams forever. Oh, shit.

And with that, Francis, you disappear into the fleshy folds of Mother.

And as you do... You nut.
You come, first of all. No.

I feel like I would.

As you do, you realize that Mother being of being from beyond space and time, already you get a sense of the sounds of the world outside slowing down slower and slower and slower until there's like a near static hum.

It's almost like being at the center of a black hole in here. But you're within the world, but you're in a deeper sort of transdimensional pocket within it.

As the tentacles bring you in, you realize that this process, whatever happens in here, out there, it might take moments, but here it could take who knows how long.

As you pull into this space, it's lit by a sort of soft interior glow, like from some heat source emanating deep within Mother. It's a kind of a TARDIS-y, bigger on the inside kind of situation.

And as you're sort of pressed into these folds and into this upside-down world of flesh, you bump into something and you look up and it is the

withered, emaciated, semi-dissolved corpse of Tony Collette.

And you realize that he must have spent God knows how long in here before he died.

He's been with his bony, emaciated fingers, scarring into the flesh tally marks for presumably each day he was in here. And you realize that you're going to be in here for quite a while.

We should do a side story. That's just a collection of itself.

I appear to still be all right. Day what?

Day two! Time appears to be moving slower. I'm not hungry.
I'm quite bored, in fact.

Day three, I've gone completely insane.

I've lost my mind entirely. 72 hours without the creature comforts of America has driven me mad.
Dude, it's just like count of Monte Cristo.

Day four, a noise. Someone has tried to tunnel in.

Day five, just my imagination.

Turns out I was crazy.

Day six, a priest has visited me and he will tell me of treasures. But first, I have to get good at sword fighting with him.

Day seven, the priest died.

Before he could tell me the secrets, but he did show me where a map was.

Day eight, I have smuggled myself into the priest's bag, then they've thrown him off of Chateaudif. Chateau Diff.

You know a lot of counting monocles.

I just watched it, actually. Okay, so Francis, that's the situation.
You're trapped outside of time, inside mother's fleshy folds with the rotting corpse of Tony Colette for God knows how long.

It's your move. What do you want to do? I spend all my magic points and use my spell to swap bodies with my dad.

okay slay holy first thing all right

you cast the spell mind exchange the casting time is one hour which you have plenty of time in here allows the caster to trade minds with another individual so first things first you're going to lose one d3 sanity points do you switch places or you switch bodies we switch minds so i'm going to be a little meat plat forever and he's going to be in the womb but he's a war hero so he's done the burden the great wound and the yes.

As we remember, if you'll recall from Ed Farnsworth, one of the first things we learned about him was that he was shot in the leg in the war, which ruined his dancing career.

He fought a great battle in the war and won when he killed the Nazi sniper that was wielding Bird Hilda. And he now has the strange burden of being a weird, fucked-up skin fighter.

He is a universal donor.

No, he's

like his son, he's type B. He's genetically.
If you're universal, you're also type B, basically. So I took three points of sanity damage, so I'm down to 28 sanity.
Still feeling pretty sane.

Normally, mind exchange costs a little bit more, but since I gave you the spell, we're going to say you burn all of your magic points.

And as you do so, your mind blasts out into the astral plane once more.

And you find yourself rising up out of mother, out into the sky above Peachy Bill. The astral plane itself seems disturbed by all the strange machinations going on.

But as you do so, you realize that your father is a lot closer than you thought.

You look down and you see, crouched just outside the circus tent in the bushes, your father's stretched out, shriveled, loose skin bag, its eyes bulging out of its sockets, draped over the body of your mother, which it is sort of infused with and is now

operating in a sort of pseudo-mechanical way as it cowers in the bushes. You took over the body of your dad while it's all over.

And it looks up and it sees you. And your father beams into the astral realm as well.
And you see your father as he once was looking at Jesus. Francis, Francis, what are you doing?

You had a really specific plan for me. You wanted a very specific life for me.
Yes, and it's about to happen. It's about to happen, my boy.
For you, bitch. And I'm going to switch places with him.

No, no, suck my dick.

Give me a power roll. I love this because this is like when you trade Pokémon and the two Pokémon fly past each other

in the nether realm or whatever. This is like punishing a stage parent.
Yeah, exactly.

My pal is 40. I rolled a 34.
Oh, wow. Okay.
His pal is 45 and he rolled a 29.

So the two of you walk as you grab him and try to pull him. He resists with everything he has.
He says, Son, I can't let this happen to you. You could be a part of something glorious.

You want to be in that? That thing that I became? Look at everything our mother and your mother and I sacrificed for you. Look at it.
I bear that for you. Please, you have to go back.

I want to fast talk him. Okay.
I'm going to go, Dad,

I get it. You went to war with a plan to be a great dancer, and then you got hurt, and that dream was taken away from you.

And like a lot of parents, you thought, oh, I'll just make a dream for my kid, and that'll sort of be my dream.

But that's not actually an okay thing to do, I've realized, since getting to know you and getting to know my friends and getting to know myself, actually.

So I think actually the most fair thing for you to do, not even fair, I think the thing that would finally give you some peace, that would finally give you some rest, is if you got to be the hero today.

If you got to save the world from the powers that be.

And I think that would make me really proud of you as a dad.

Give me a psychology roll.

My psychology is 80. I rolled a 77.

That's why you have

stealth and psychology. Stealth psychology fast talk.

He looks at you and he says, I, Francis, I carry the pain and the suffering because what I want is for you to be safe in a world like this that can hurt you, that can kill you.

I want you to have power, but you don't understand any of that, do you?

If this is what it takes for you to see, if this whole world is going to go to hell because you couldn't do this, because you weren't brave enough to do this. I'm not as brave as you.
I'm weak.

Okay.

And I'll do it. I'm so sorry, Francis.
I'm so sorry it ended like this. I'm not sorry at all.
He gives you a hug, an astral hug, and kisses you on the forehead. You.

And says, goodbye, my boy.

And he lets go.

And like Pokemon passing in the night, he flies into your body. Seth by dick.

You wake up in this horrifying nightmare of a form you now find yourself in. Don't live this, don't live this, don't live this.
They start screaming. Give me a sanity roll.

Bro, but you have no mouth, dude.

You said he was close. Yeah, he was in the bushes outside.

So I failed my sanity roll. Oh, no.
Okay, so go ahead and give me

a 2d10 sanity roll. It's the lowest possible two.
Oh, wow. Nice.
Impressive. It's been a fucked up day, but it hasn't been that fucked up.
Okay.

Normally, this would break someone's psyche into, but having mentally prepared yourself for this, having chosen to do this to yourself, you knew what you were getting into.

And you now find yourself in this shambling, monstrous half-mom, half-dad body outside in the bushes. Do I still have like my sneak ability?

No.

You don't think I'd be more sneaky than you? I don't think you would be more stealthy in this form. We'll figure out your character sheet in this easy.

Like a comfort blank in our side, twin bed bushes behind us. Yes.
Like 50 yards. You could probably climb under the tent.

Also, just like if you scream or whatever I'm just trying to get a sense of where you are.

Okay, so yeah, he's the size of the way I kind of figured it is that like his dad's dad's head has more or less replaced his mother's head, and then the rest of his skin is draped like a poncho, like kind of over her body and it's melted with it.

That's cool as hell.

That's fucking rule. Cool.
Some SCP shit. So yes, and he did say that he screams.
Everybody give me a listen roll. This will be a hard roll because she's pretty crazy.

I think it listens whether or not we hear it, right? Yes. Okay.
Not that you're going to have any fucking idea what it is. Oh, I got 16 and my listen is only 25.
Oh, wow. Okay.
My listen is 29.

I got an eight. Super success.
I also passed. I got 26.
Okay. You will know.
Will. Will, as a fellow father, you know this.

Amongst the entire crowd in a playground, you can hear your kid through all the noise. You go, man, you go, that's my kid's fault.
I mean, you all hear a scream.

Yeah, because now that I roll no, whether or not I can feel that's Francis, even if it sounds like his dad, the tenor, what the scream is, is Francis' scream. It's a guttural screen.

Everybody, all right. If one of you, it's a guttural scream.
It is, you actually quite literally hear a guttural scream.

Everybody, give me, this will be an extreme no roll.

If you get an extreme success, one of you will get a new one. That's super duper.
That's a super duper. But it sounds scarier when I say extreme.

93.

Oh, it is loud. I just got a regular success.
Okay. Because I feel like, what are the odds? You know?

Something crazy is happening right now and somebody breaks it up. You do know I'm going to do something clever.

Dude, this is just like the song Lightning Crashes, where the baby cries right as the old woman dies. Do you know what I mean? Yeah.

What, Matt? I twinkle in your eye. Well, I have 12 luck still.
Oh, wow. If I spend 10, I get the super success the no is 14 i rolled it at 24.

okay if i spend 10 luck i will get a super duper success and then i'll have two luck and you'll have two luck it's up to you matt you will know that francis is okay i will know it's francis you will know that francis is alive whatever comes out of that thing when whoever plunges the dagger into its head you will know that that is not francis that who you who you are killing but a lot of finale to go matt and you're the only one with luck left i know but knowing francis is alive would you gladly do right also wait one sec i did a pdf so i had to change my no and then it's not like auto-calculated.

One sec, I might not be able to even do this. Oh, I have to use 12 luck.
What, really?

Because I actually have less. No.
Okay, I'll use all my luck. Wait, if you go to zero, do you die or something? No, no, no, no.

It's just that you will go down to one luck, and then you'll have the same stupid rule as everybody else, which is if you guess the number one. Well, I'll go down to zero because I have 12 luck.

I have to use 12.

You go to zero,

this is the game we play. A teacher knows the voices of all their students.
Francis is essentially a student at this point so yes i could tell

clearly a student of yours that's true

through the wind you remember that this was the exact same cry that francis did like when shane gave him an atomic yg one day i think it's a crystal here no it's a crystal here

there's a moment when francis finally broke down about admitting that he shot shane and he cried in kelsey's arms and he sobbed it's that same sort of sob and then he comes out does kelsey have her mask on which is oh fuck

Kelsey does have her mask on. Yeah, I played it perfect.
They think I'm just like a crazy earwatting bison.

So, yes, okay, so I know it's Francis. So, you know, it's Francis.
She's relieved but terrified that hearing Francis. You all see Mother begin to quiver and groan and shake.

The very foundations of the ground around you seem to crack and rumble. And the bisons are absolutely agog with excitement.
They're all sort of rhapsodizing and praying, saying, Zuzel be praised.

Zuzel, come forth. Zuzel Zuzel be praised! Zuzel come forth!

And sure enough, after what seems like forever, but could only have been a matter of seconds, you see mother swell in size as something is being grown inside her.

You see like the Cthulhu version of a baby kicking at the sides of her womb, like these fists pushing and pulling. And you see that slit in front of you begin to stretch and dilate and open.

And on the other side of it, you see these two hands, massive hands grabbing the sides and pulling them as Zuzel is birthing himself into this world yo they didn't need a doctor here baby does baby does it itself baby does itself spank it on the butt when it comes out you just basically see it start to crown you see the top of the head i'm to spank the baby

start to push its way through that's zell that's zuzel i think that's my cue dude

do i recognize it kelsey's had a lot of experience with zuzel oh it's true oh yeah that's the top of zuzel's head tall

top of that head anyway. That little dome, that shiny dome.
The last time you saw that, it was.

I don't know what the two of you got up to that you were looking at the top of his head.

There's a limited number of things it could be. I mean, he could have just bent down and pick up something.
That's one of them. You could have been higher on the staircase.
My legs.

It's in Eastern Promises style, right?

You could have been on a ladder. As this is happening, this tremendous psychic force begins to blast out from mother, and you feel, it's almost like a wind being pushed against you.

And even from where you're standing, Freddie, you realize you're not going to be able to just sprint over to her instantly.

You're going to have to pass a strength check twice to get to her is what I'm going to say. Okay.

Trudy, I put my arm kind of on your shoulder and I want to lead you backwards because I'm going to shoot the bomb. Okay.
And then I also whisper, I go, I don't know how, but Francis is alive, Trudy.

No, that's him. I mean, he's not in it.
I don't, just trust me. Trust me.

He's not in there. He's not in there.
No, he's not in there. But I'm about to pull this fucking police off

because i think blake is going to make a run for it and then i want to step back i'm trying to move back from the where the bomb is going to go off yeah yeah okay

is blake safe from where the bomb is going to go off blake is not safe from blake is not safe no okay then he's in the blast radius of this thing for sure oh okay well if he's not safe because he's close to it he would be walking away from it to get to the zoo blasted forward exactly rocket jump exactly based off what you said the only geography that makes sense to me is that he's walking away away from the podium to get to the mother, right?

So basically, okay, so he says two turns on. We're going Catholic Church rules, right? So

Catholic Church geography. Everything's fair game.

Why did I open this door?

You guys are in the pews, so to speak.

There is the altar.

Behind the altar is where mother is.

Forward and to either side are where Brian Strikes Mitchell is, like on the left, and Blake was on the right. So So he's going to be coming, I assume, at a diagonal towards mother.
But

he was a candlebear lighting the book during the homily. Sure.
So, yeah, so then he would be walking away from the podium to go towards mother. Exactly.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Although I don't know that a blast would really send him further towards her. Do you know what I mean? Okay.
Until he had gotten farther enough back. Listen, I think you guys might need to push me.

If I pull this place up, I'd be, I'm just going to start shooting.

I think you're going to have to help Blake. Then Trudy will try to sneak her way closer to Blake.
Okay. I want to aim.
What are you aiming at? Before we do anything.

I'm aiming at Brian Strokes Mitchell's head as if I can shoot the bomb. So before we get into combat,

just to be clear, you can shoot the bomb. Yeah, yeah, but it will blow up Blake.
Blake's got the sword. I can also just shoot him in the head and start shooting.
Yes, that's true. Yes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, yes.
Blake, what are you doing?

I'm going to have my medical bag in front of me, and then I'm going to struggle against the current and heroically, one step at a time, make my way towards the crowning head.

From outside, I feel like Francis would hear this like eldritch creature coming into existence. Yes, you know what's happening for sure.
Do I have control over my mom's corpse? Yes, you do.

Yeah, you have it's the complete package.

It's yours. Hey, it's not your mom's corpse anymore, buddy.
Take me for a spin now.

It's your corpse now. Very corpse now, baby.
Take this thing for a spin if you want.

So I feel like if it's a circus tent, that means that the sides of it are just cloth, which means I could just grab one of the sides and pull it up, and then I would have entrance into the tent, yes?

Exactly, yes. And no one seems to be watching.
Classic circus tent stealth maneuver.

They couldn't keep people away from the circus on the inside because of how shoddy the defenses were on the outside, if you think about it. That's why they had to come up with the rings.
Yep.

So I am going to crawl inside the tent

and sort of see where I am in relationship to everyone else. Give me a stealth roll to do that.
And we are going to say that your new stealth skill is 45.

It's a 92.

You successfully get under the flap, but as you do, you bump into somebody, like one of the bisons, sort of at the back of the room, and he turns towards you, and we are going to give him a sanity wall.

That's fucked up what he just saw. Okay.
He just looks at you and recoils back. He manages to keep his wits about him.
And he says, Hey, it's me, Mr. Farnsworth.

And he goes,

Calm down. It's me, Mr.
Farnsworth. Right, this is good.
So then at the back of the room.

At the back of the room, a guy makes a big old commotion. There's a commotion, and yes, like a lot of the bisons start to turn and look at what's going on.

And then, like, all eyes seem to fall on this shambling corpse and no one quite knows what to make of it. Did my son go into the womb? Is that my son? Is that my grandchild over there?

Trudy would like to take advantage of this to get up right behind Blake. Okay, great.
Trudy, give me a stealth roll. With advantage, because yes, there's a lot going on right now.

With advantage, I got 36 and my stealth is 39. Okay, so yes, you're able to get up there and nudge him without anyone really thinking about it.
I'm putting my hand against his back. Okay, great.

And so I'm about ready to push him. Awesome.
And now, Blake, you're going to make your move? Yes, I'm going to rage against this unholy current and put one foot in front of the other.

And I got a 26 out of 75, which is a super success. So

as you approach, you've crossed beyond sort of the altar area. You're almost up against the face of this thing, and its head begins to burn even more.
And you see Zuzel's horrible eyes glowing.

You see his nose beginning to sort of peek out.

And you realize that if his mouth gets out, he's going to be able to unleash that scream that will render all of Peachyville insane and eventually kill them.

I'm going to give Brian Strikes Mitchell a spot hidden. Great.
And then after he does his move with spot hidden, I'm going to shoot him. Brian Strikes Mitchell, in fact, does look up.

He's looking at the back of the room and then he glances back up when he hears, frankly, the dilation continuing to stretch and he hears

more skin pushing forward. And he looks up and he sees you approaching the altar.
He says, Dr. Man, what are you doing? And then I go, Hey, Brian.

And he looks. And I go, shh.

I'm going to shoot with my aimed shot. Okay.
One of my Derringers. With your Derringer.
Which I believe is a bonus die for aim, right? Yes, it's a bonus die to your aim.

I don't even need that advantage. That's fucking crazy.
I said, either a 91 or an 11. So I'll do the 11.
And that 11 is a super success. Roll 1d6 for me, please.

Five. Five.
Okay. Wow.
All right. Great.
NPCs take fucking major wounds and shit, right? If that's more than half or half, right? Is he 10? What's his HP? Matt's of all of them. I think it's like 10.

Pretty sure I killed him. I'm pretty sure.

I'm pretty sure he's not that a human. That's more than 10.

It's a kill. It's a death.
Pretty sure a human. He's a fucking bullet.
He's a little librarian, too. He's fucking small.
Don't fucking pretend like he's more than 5'10.

He might put 6 on his fucking profile, but there's no fucking way he's just six foot tall. That guy's got fucking 9 HP.
How much HP did it got? All right, you know know what, Matt?

We are going to roll his HP to see if you fucking did enough here to knock him out. Generally, humans have like 10 to 15 somewhere in there.
And he's a shrimp here guy.

We're going to say a D4 and a D8. Okay.
It's going to give us his health. That sounds a bad max of 12.
Yeah. Pretty good.
He has six health. Oh,

yeah. Damn.
So yes, this is a nasty boy shot on Brian Stross Mitchell. We are now going to

his constitution score. If I get up to him, I'm just going to shush him again.
You're not going to tell him to eat? Nah, he thinks I'm going to do something clever. I'm just going to go, shh,

he has a 60 constitution, which he just barely passed. Aw, damn.
So, yes, you get a big old fucking chunk of him. I think, like, the pop of his skull flaps up.

Like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, yeah, yeah, he's just straight. No, no, no, that's exactly what it is.
He straight up has a bullet in his head now.

Yeah, like it's just in his skull. Yeah.
And he's just reeling. And then he says, They're here.

That is hyper venom like that.

Literally, do you want to switch seats? No, I didn't.

Unfortunately, I googled cockroaches.

Big cockroach pictures.

Big scary cockroach pictures.

Search my image. Full screen, full quality, full quality, high quality.
Big cockroach pictures. Close-up macro lens.
What did you?

How often are cockroaches being still?

It makes you feel better.

But wait, cockroaches are not often still.

They can stand motionless for periods of time as they use their antennae and other sensors to detect threats, but they are constantly active and seeking food.

Here, I'm moving my laptop down so I can have a constant view in your direction. So if the cockroach comes out, I'll get scared first.

And it makes you feel like cockroaches don't like light, which is why they scurry away and we turn the lights on. So it's going to move around, but in the dark over there.
Yes.

This is already the spookiest episode. So now we are going to start combat combat again.
Francis, I'm going to roll your dexterity. Okay.
Actually, you roll your dexterity for me in your new body.

Well,

you have. It's an 89.
God damn it.

The one time I wanted to roll high, I rolled high. So we're at the top of the turn order.
Francis, it is your turn. Okay, so what can I do in this cool new body I've got? Cool new body.
Let's see.

That'd be awesome to say, just like out and about. Yeah.
What can I do in this cool new body? Cool new body I've got. Here's what I'll say.

here's what we'll do your mom's body is just a corpse now when she died she reverted back to her normal physical form your father is imbued with a sort of strange magic power which you have now inherited because you were in his body which means that if you want you can use your mom's body to throw your dad like a pizza dough and have him glom onto somebody else and attempt to take over their body oh my god he like yeah because he kind of like described it as like one of those like yes he almost ate blake remember like he tried to absorb blake

poncho. Well, I'm definitely going to do that.
You are, in fact, right now face to face with another bison.

So, if you want, I would say that, yeah, you can either brawl him or you can do a fighting maneuver. You would just be trying to slap yourself onto him, basically.
Does

he know that I am

not on his side? I guess not. If you wanted to fast talk him, you could try doing that.
I feel like, yeah, you do look like a person with another person's skin off.

Yeah, but I'm a person they've seen before. Presumably, my mom would have been like, Yeah, I turned my husband into a flesh poncho.
Oh, yeah, too. Fair enough.
Flesh poncho's here. Hey, flesh poncho.

We were just talking about you. Oh, we totally meant to invite you to this.
They all started getting really awkward.

Since fast talk and psychology of the mind, and I still have my mind. Yes, yes, you do still have your fast talk skill.
Tell me what you say before you tell me what you roll.

So I say, Oh, I'm so proud. I do feel weak, though.
The loss of my son has taken some spirit away from me somewhat. Could I borrow a bit of your strength?

Well, it genuinely will not hurt you that much at all, pretty much. But it's all for Zuzel.
We know it's all for Zuzel. We love Zuzel.
And I rolled a 67 out of 90.

This is going to be a disadvantaged fast talk for fucking sure.

It doesn't matter. Wait, do you have 95? Yeah, I have a 95.

All right.

Okay, sure.

He wouldn't want to fight me neither. You have convinced him that you are genuinely Ed Farnsworth.
He has no idea what's wrong with you, but he manages to keep his sort of disgust down.

And he says, later, okay, later. We're all going to die anyway.
It's going to be fine, Ed. It's going to be fine.
And then he turns around. Let's say that.

He trusts that you're on their side, so he lowers his guard to you, which we will say now gives you the opportunity to do a surprise attack on him.

Surprise attack, you don't need to roll for. Okay, great.
What are you gonna do? You're gonna fucking just like

if the pizza just sleeps on me, it's gonna like invert and go the other direction and just cover him. Oh, that's so gross.
I love that. Venom.
Like very venom-esque. Yes.
So

your body pops off of your mother's corpse and it just crumples to the ground inert as you now launch onto this guy's body.

He sees Ed Farnsworth's like fleshy, boneless face sort of slap up against his. Hey, man.

As your skin now begins to fuse with his. We're going to do an opposed power roll or something on your next turn.
And if that wins, you are going to melt his head and take over his body. Very cool.

Cool. This is way better than being a teen.
Blake, it is your turn. You know, I'm just going to give up.
I'm just going to run the other way.

Mike, I'm kidding, man. We have fun here, Dungeons and Daddy's HQ.
We have fun here. I'm going to keep going, dude.
Okay, yes.

You can use your full turn to walk to it, and then at the top of your next turn, you'll be able to attack it if you make this roll. And so, again, this is strength with advantage.

And that's actually Zuzel coming out. This is maybe one aspect of Zuzel.

42 out of 75, regular success. Yes, you push forward towards him even more.

You haven't drawn the dagger yet, have you? No, I'm just holding it inside the

medical bag. She locks eyes with you, and then the speaker, this person that's sort of wired to her, turns to you and says, stay back!

Stay back!

And yes, of course, you're seeing Zuzel continue to be birthed out of her. His top lip is out.

It is now Brian strikes Mitchell's turn, and Kelsey, his eyes narrow. He looks a little dazed and pretty pissed off.
Well, no, I'm not actually looking at him. You're not? Not anymore.
Okay.

After I shot, I'm like, uh-huh. I'm looking around.

Who shot that? Who shot that girl? Who shot that?

Because you tell got masks and everything. You did call his attention specifically to you when you shot him.

And then his head went back. And when you look back, there's 30 bison.
I'm just saying what I'm doing.

You decide what's realistic. I'm saying that the moment I shot, I try to play.

I like that, Matt. Normally, I would say this would be an advantaged role.
We'll call it a spot hidden to be like, which one of these fuckers shot me?

Given that you are in a disguise and it is extremely chaotic and he just got shot in the head, we're going to give him a disadvantaged spot-hidden role to spot you with his one HP and

he failed. Yeah, so yes, he's like someone she's here.
Where is she? She's here, Kelsey. Where are you?

Brian, realizing that you're here. And if you're here, the rest of them must be here.
And given that they're all about to die anyway, he raises his hand in the air and makes a series of gestures.

A red symbol glows in the air as his fingers sort of describe it. And it's just this malevolent alien word of power.
Everybody, give me a no roll.

We want to fail this one.

I did not. 28, 74, I fail.
A super success. Three.
I also have a super success I got in 19. Okay, great.

Then all of you remember from the reading of the book of Ibon that you had back on the boat, you remember this being described as the red sign of Should Mel. Should Mel do what? Should Ma'el.

Women shouldn't have to do Mel. Should Ma'el fucking kill you all right now? That's basically what this spell does.

An awful spell that causes one or several victims to die horribly. There's basically two ways to do this.

He can either put his hand up, and then in one round, it does like a small amount of damage to everybody around him, or there's like a bomb version where he does it all at once.

He creates this glowing symbol in the air, and you see him wheeling his life force into it. I'm going to roll a dice.
One, two, four.

And in one round,

you know from remembering the spell from your no roll, the sign is going to explode in a blaze of red light, causing 2d8 damage to everything within 50 yards, including the caster. Wow.

Now, do I also know that if the caster dies before the spell is done, does it still continue? No, he's charging it up right now. One HP, baby.
It is now Kelsey's turn.

So he's sitting there charging up? He is charging up. I gave myself a little smirk because fucking idiot couldn't see who shot

him. So I'm going to pull out.
I am tracking, so let me just get my little. But you're not aiming this time.
I know, but you have to be a normal shot. I learned that.

oh the gun taught us yes so while we are not in a hallway i will imagine myself in a hallway and i'm running straight towards him i mean the pews are kind of uh you know yes the pews the church

but i believe i just got advantage on those i believe freddy because we did this in his dungeon said that for the purposes of firing two guns yeah while running down a hallway you double your firearm skill.

How does that work if I got two guns? Maybe it's one roll and then it's just double damage. We'll make it one roll and we will do two damage rolls.
Because yes, your mind and body and the gun are one.

It's an extended damage. If I could do two rolls, I would almost guarantee you hit them.
And everybody's standing in a statistically predictable space. Fuck yeah, they are.
They are.

More so than usual because it's a church.

Is it 10 on a 10 dice? One or zero? Zero. That is a nine then.

Oh, baby. I mean, there's no way I can do less than one damage.
So yes, you're

ball. Just Paint the picture for me.
As he's looking around, he starts charging up. Trudy is still running towards

Blake.

Yeah, so I'm going to run through the crowd of the bisons to my left and right, and their bodies, in my mind, are not but a hallway, like with many hallways that were pictured in the mighty book that I read before.

And in this flow state, I actually totally forget even what I'm doing because it's all just statistics now. It's all just

memorizing. It's just numbers and angles to his motions.

And without even seeing it, without even thinking about it, my two guns are already pointing at his head.

But then a flicker of humanity comes back right before I pull a trigger and I just give him a side eye and I just look. I don't think anything of it.
And I just fucking pull a trigger. And I owe it.

I'm looking away. I don't even see the bloodness.
I just, I'm already moving towards my friend. Statistical inevitability.

I'm so certain it happened. I don't even need to double-check.
I'm fucking shot that three-pointer. I'm walking away.

And then I'm running to somebody. Jordan, take some notes.
Then I'm trying to run towards Trudy and Blake. Okay.
So I'm like one turn behind them, essentially.

The one thing I will say is that I think for the purposes of doing the gun katas and doing this move, your mask falls off. Yeah, yeah.

So I've read, I mean, my mask fell off when I pulled out two guns and shot Brian in the head point.

So yes, my actual mask falls off too. If my mask falls off, can I say I did it on purpose then? Sure.
Well, yeah, with a gun kata to even work, you would need an unencumbered line of sight.

Brian looks and he sees two pistols pointing at him with a bison behind it and his eyes go wide and then the mask just fucking flips off. But I'm not looking at him.
That's how little I care.

He just sees my side of my face

and then his world ends. That's the last thing he sees.
The last thing he sees before it goes black. This is the side of my face.

Not fucking caring. Your Derringers bark out and sing their deadly song.
And two more bullets find purchase in each of his eyes. Pennies for the boatman now who shall take him across the river sticks.

Hard dude. And Brian strikes Mitchell as no more.
And the epidermicon, this big spell book that he had been reading from, like, sort of flaps frantically in the wind.

And as he topples over, it knocks onto the ground. I should shoot the shit out of that book.
Oh, yeah. Fuck that book up, dude.

Sorry. I'm shooting that book up just in case.
It looks like that thing's too alive.

That thing's too alive. You are now at the point where you will have to make strength checks to keep going forward if you want to.
It is now the bison's turn.

I believe we said that there are 24 of them left standing last time. And this fight occurs in real time.
Yeah. And this fight occurs in real time.
They're all just numbers to Kelsey.

She sees the blowout. She's just gone to

vectors, dude.

She's going to teach vector geometry.

She can tell you what angle L24 of them are from her right now. Dude, trigonometry, dude.
Brian, you mean 13 degrees to the left? Is that who you mean?

I'm going to treat them in sort of groups of three. That's how Kelsey treats them too.
It's the fastest way.

The fastest way to break off a large group of enemies is break them off into groups of three mental. Sorry, I mean groups of eight.
So there's three groups of eight. So the first gang of eight by six.

They are the ones closest towards the back, so they are going to respond to Francis's head fucking glomming onto their friend's body. That's cool.
I said this was part of it. It's all good.

They pass their sanity roll to watch their friend's head get devoured. So we'll say that there's seven of them who are currently up.

I don't know what the fuck they're going to do because it's like his head on his body, right? Yeah, it's his head on his body. And I told him, like, this is cool.

I don't know that that's going to count for anything. I'm sorry.
I don't think you can fast talk your way out of that one anything. They don't know what's happening down there.
It could be anything.

They want to pry you off of his body. I'm going to give them an advantage group strength roll for them.
That's about as many as can actually rush up, like one on each corner.

This guy are going to rush up and grab you, Francis, and try to pry you off of your quarry here. That's fair.
That's fair. So you're just meet Francis right now.
Yes. Meet Francis.

He's a normal 16-year-old kid. But you know what? We will say that you've sort of latched latched on at this point.
Oh.

So you've glommed on. I fall in love quick.
This is such a weird thing to try. If I was trying to pull pizza dough off of somebody's face and the pizza dough was fighting back, oh boy.
You know what?

We'll give you a snake. As a bow constrictor, you have 100 strength.
So I'm incredibly strong. Yeah.

So I literally can't fail. You still have to roll.
All right. Ah! 98.
That's awesome.

My hubris. So it's still fumble.
So it's a fumble. They rolled an 85 and a 91.

So they just somehow barely beat your disastrous roll. I think you're still getting used to your new body.
So here's what we are going to say: is that they successfully pry you off of this guy.

But what they did not realize was that you had already attached to his face.

So

he's going to take 2d10 damage. So 14 damage.
So do you mean he's going to take his face?

They're just collecting faces at this point, baby. They rip you off of him, and now you have four guys holding you.

But as they do so, there's just this sickening crunching sound as they basically love this guy's head.

And they get the jump scare of a lifetime when they pull you off, and they just see a stripped, eyeless, gaping, bleeding maw of their friend with patchy flesh stuck to his skull.

And the guy just drops first to his knees because he's not quite dead, just clutching at the mangled wreck of his face in horror.

And then he collapses on the ground, coughing up blood, his jaw twitching, and his hands just groping in the bloody mess of his face. Hell yeah.

And they are all going to have to do another hard sanity roll to not freak out and drop you. They fail.
So you now go splat on the ground. Awesome.

The bisons in the middle are going to charge towards you, Kelsey. No.

They can't get to you this turn, but they basically charge up the steps. They'll be towards you guys next turn.

The furthest eight bisons to the front are all going to run up towards you, and we're going to give them an advantaged maneuver to do like a sort of comedy movie.

Everybody dogpiles the person kind of thing. So they are going to.

They saw my moves and they realized the only way to fight against a gunkata is to be a single object that is impossible to kill with one bullet. So they become one.
Yes, they become one.

They're going to one large object. We'll call this a fighting maneuver.
So we're going to give them a fighting brawl roll. And what do you want to roll against that? Are you going to try to dodge?

Are you going to try to fight back? What are you doing? Can I fight back eight guys? Sure. Dude, it's going to be at a disadvantage, but you can try.

The gunkata is pretty much designed for the scenario that you're about to. Yeah, like you're literally running into the fucking guncotta tracking.
Oh, yeah. Do I fight back with the guns?

You in fact cannot fight back with a gun and call a Cthulhu. That's you could do that on your turn, but you can't do it on this turn.

And you will not be running through a hallway, and therefore your gun kata skills would be useless here. Damn, Will, you thought of everything.

And Will, you're being a little aggressive towards the ancient martial art known as the gun kata. I'm not being aggressive towards that.

All I'm pointing out is that he merely learned one chapter of the gun. He learned one move, and we already had a pretty loose interpretation of what counts as a hallway.

We will stand firm on running through it. But gunkata is also about dodging bullets.
So I will. That's true.
But that's not the chapter that you read. You didn't read the dodging bullets.

I'm just going to do a classic dodge. 24.
Okay. And my dodge is 32.
That's great because they failed. So it's the classic.
They all pile onto the ground and then someone crawls. Well, not even that.

It's like an oh, boys. And then you've managed to dodge it entirely.
And so you now have eight guys prone on the ground in front of you.

The two derangers I just used, I dropped them by one, dropped them in a way that they think I did accidentally.

I just want to see one that will pick it up, be like, hey, and shoot, and not realize that there are no bullets in there. Okay, great.
That's sure. Yeah.

Yeah. I know that's coming back.

Trudy, it's your turn. How are they on the ground? Like, what is their

big pile? Yeah. They did a dog pile, but that dog's on the pile.
They have not gotten up yet, so I would give you a free shot on them if you wanted to shoot at them.

Yeah, I'm thinking I'm going to shoot at them. Okay.

And how I'm going to do that, I'm going to keep one hand on Blake's back and spin my tripod around so the leg is pointing behind me towards the pile and i'm going to fire my bren gun a bren gun

lee mulligan a bren gun

that's really good if you want to re-roll your attack you'll need a bren gun lee mulligan on that how many bolts do you have i have seven left how many bolts do you want to fire you could potentially like fire all of them but then that's awesome i'm gonna fire three this is actually the perfect scenario to do this in nice so you have this huge target on the ground and actually, you're just doing one volley.

They're not moving because it's not their turn, and they're all on the ground. I'm gonna say you don't need to roll for this.
Okay, so give me 2d6 plus four.

Roll that for me three times. We're gonna do bulk damage, and then I'm gonna kill a certain number of the guys based on what that does because you're just kind of spraying it into the group.

So that would be um 6d6, and then we're gonna add 12 to it

28

plus 12. Plus 12.
So that's 40 damage. So you open fire with this thing with three bullets.
You kill three of them. So there are now five guys left in this pile with three dead bodies on top of them.

Nice. And I'm going to retcon something a little bit and say that before Trudy fires, she shakes off her mask as well and is like, this too shall pass.
Whoa. All right.
I love it. Boom, boom, boom.

Their heads explode and the other ones are fucking going crazy. It is now

mother's turn. Mommy.
Mother is mothering. Mother is a mothering.
Mother has realized realized that this whole situation is going pretty topside. Pretty, what is that? Bad.
Pretty bad.

Pretty sideways. Pretty sideways starring Paul Giamatti.
Yeah, I love it. So she is going to get into the fray here.
While giving birth, she's badass. Yeah, dude.

Women can do anything. Women can be women, dude.
So mother gets four attacks per round. What? What? What the fuck? How much is that boy, dude?

You're fucking bad boy.

If she would have seen you opening fire,

first, she is going to try to grab Blake.

So, this is a fighting maneuver called Entwine. Normally, she can swallow you, but I think her mouth is full at the moment.
But she can still

come out of her mouth? She's only got the one hole.

She's up

on the one hole, mother. She's one of those mono holes.

She's going to be able to crush you on the next round. What? Oh, shit.
This is going to be a fighting maneuver. I surge forward like a true soldier of Christ.

That's a new angle.

Oh, Blake. No, Blake takes a look and sees

he knows where he is. He knows what he's doing.
He knows where Steve is butter. He looks up and he sees who else, the Son of God,

staring down upon him who's died for the sins. And Blake is like, I too now understand.

Just remember that the church was a description. We're in a circus tent.

We're not in a church, everybody. I forgot about that.
I forgot. What are you going to do to get out of her way?

Dodge. Dodge.

I'm going to fight it back against the Eldritch Horror. Okay, then, yeah, fucking roll the bones, dude.
No, 19, dude, out of 37. I've made it.
I've made it. 19 out of 37.

It sounded like a sad noise. What kind of success is that? Not 19, so it's a regular success.
It's a regular success. What is it when you get a 10 in the 10s place? Oh, no.
Is it a one or a zero?

It's a zero. If you're rolling for damage, it's a 10.
If you're rolling to hit, it's a zero. Then she got a seven.
Oh, no, no, no.

no no

so uh super duper success she plucks you up these cilia wrap up around you and hoists you into the air and she looks at you with her piercing cluster of eyes and says what is this what manner of man so that's one of the things she can do she got three more things to do i don't like that i don't like the multiple she's gonna do the same thing to freddy three more times and he dies yeah um well no she hasn't hurt him yet yeah but she has three more things to do she does have three things just eat him just kill him boy the matt matt don't give him ideas oh that's just one move of this she'll kill me and then trudy and then it's all to francis

no to be fair to be fair freddy's not done anything yet yeah so she's still curious about what he is and you see her cilia groping around and then they find your bag that you've got the blade hidden in yeah but they have not opened that's a second move right

actually yes we will say her second move is she searches freddy so yes give me a sanity roll freddy as the fucking little guy you wriggle all over

I like it. You get a critical success.
You like it, unfortunately. No, pretend you like it, so it creeps her out.
74 out of 52, a failure. Give me a

1d8 sanity loss. Four loss puts me down to 48.
So much sanity. Blake's got a good head on his shoulders.
We're going to give her a spot-hidden role.

So she roots around and finds your bag and pries it open and sees this dagger inside. You sense a quiver of fear in her.

And it's almost like she recoils for a second, but she seems very concerned about what this thing is. And you see that red eye just sort of get an even deeper, darker red.
So that was action two.

Now she's gonna do action three, which is she's gonna fucking hit you in the face. She's gonna implode me.
Now that she's seen the fucking thing, she does not want to fuck around with that.

Basically, because she's already got you entwined, Freddy. She's gonna get a free shot on you.

She's gonna roll 2d6 damage. You take seven damage.
What? What?

How much health do you have? 13.

Give me a constitution roll 13 that's a super duper success okay so you pass in which case you do not drop the dagger and with uh her final action she's gonna cast about and she realizes that you are not her only problem although you are a big fucking problem she wants to clear the deck here so she's gonna take a swing at kelsey

okay she's gonna make a fighting braw roll i'm gonna do a dodge oh 19 from 32 very good roll but it's just normal success 16 she got a 17.

she got a seven again because it's a fucking zero and a seven. Okay, so yes.
She's going to go ahead and give you a little love tap, Kelsey. Okay.
She hits you for eight. God.

So give me a constitution saving roll. A 12.

A super duper success. I get my health back, right? That's

a super duper extreme success on constitutional savings. She gets held back.
No, that's not how that works. That'd be awesome.
I leveled up. You get...

In the same way you level up, do you get health back? This isn't the first hard knock you've taken as a champion boxer. So you take a big old slash.

You manage to fucking keep it together. And that is going to be her turn.
Okay. Okay.

I don't wish to alarm you, but I don't think you have to worry about the cockroach being behind the fucking bookshelf anymore. It's gone.

It just, it literally did a laugh around your feet and then scurried off to the left. Where? Where? Wait, Torch.

It's over that side. We need to deal with this.
I don't know how. It's gone.
It's over here now. Oh my God.
That's near my snuggie. Oh,

it's probably in your sleeping bag. No, that's not my sleeping bag.
Look, it's not hurting us. We don't need to hurt it.
I'm thinking we need to hurt it.

I'm not putting my feet down. It's gone.
It's gone. It's gone.
It's gone. It's gone.
It's in the wind. Do you want a little thing for an ottoman?

Yeah, I'm going to get that chair and put my feet on it. I'll push it.

Oh, my God. There it is.

Oh, my God. Holy shit.
Right under the couch.

Oh, my God.

If it were for whatever this thing is, I just say we should lift the couch. Oh, my God.

It's under the pet bed under the couch.

Okay, well, now we need to. Oh, my God.
get on this side. Just lift it, lift it here, like this.
Like this. Don't drop the couch on Freddy's head, please.

I'm not going to drop the couch, but if this thing runs back towards the couch, you're going to drop the couch. I'm going to be so brave.
I don't know what's going to happen.

You captured it?

Hold on. What does that mean? What does that mean? You think? Confirm.
No, don't lift it up because then you're going to lift it up. Dude, if you fucking lose this thing.

Can you feel it? Put a thing under your head and go outside with it.

All right. I'm sleeping.

Okay.

I'm going to take it outside. Don't fuck this part up.
It's going to be got a good screen on camera.

Perfect for a spooky episode.

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All right.

Okay. All right.
Okay. Okay.
Okay. Crisis running.
Crisis is around.

If you're just joining us and you know, there is a lot lot of commotion going on off mic just now, the cockroach has passed away

from

being

under a bowl. Oh, no, it died.
Did you just let it out or something? I threw it out and it kind of fell onto its back and its legs are up. So it's either actually dead or just like

I am very uncomfortable right now and I'm going to wait until I feel safe to pretend that I'm alive again. I'm still going to put my feet up.
Yeah.

We're back at the top of the turnover. It is Francis' turn.
Now, Francis, you want to scoot and scurry like a little bug, right?

Like the snake whose stats I have. I don't think they have a stealth stat for the snake.
Let's see.

If only there were an animal that encompassed stealth more so than any other, to the point where they have five separate video games. Damn it.
Why did I open my big goddamn

number? It has a 90 stat skill.

Little snake.

Little snake has a 90% stealth skill. A hind D?

Girl.

What's a Hein D doing in this circus tent? They've got 556ers and pineapples.

So yeah, give me a stealth roll.

Doon do.

44. Dude, you fucking scoot and slither, dude.
You've made your way up to the front of the pews. Oh, yeah.
So yeah, you're right towards the action, but you're still in your little wiggly body.

And we're not going to give you like snake bite attacks and stuff like that. I didn't expect it.

But what do you want to do? So what do I see ahead of me? So you're around some guys that have not noticed you. So you could try your old story of my life.

If only they saw the real me. Okay, so what you see is the feet of a bunch of fucking guys.

Dude, Anthony's applying deodorant. You know, this move's going to be

shit. I have ascended.

I am defeating perspiration and I am ready to defeat Zuzel. This is the difference between me and Anthony is that Anthony recorded the season one finale like shirtless in a bathrope.

And if I did that, I'd be kicked off the podcast by the end of the day. You can do whatever you want.
No.

You just do have the confidence to pull it up. Which I don't.
So everyone would be unnerved. You don't even need to be kicked off.
I would just be so embarrassed. I'd never talk to you.

You could do a panelist. You could do it with your whole thing.

The only thing stopping you from doing that is you. I know.
All right. Fair enough.
Fair enough. True.
Show us what you're working with.

I think that's number seven on the list of times Matt tries to seduce everybody else on the podcast. So yes, you are amidst the feet of a bunch of the bisons.

There's basically a throng of them rushing up to get onto where the altar and where mother are to try to stop y'all. And you are sort of like at the front of them.
Okay.

Ryan strikes Mitchell, lies dead on the ground above you and to the left. And deep in front of you, you see the five remaining dog-piled guys with the dead bodies on top of them.

Blake is being held aloft by the wriggling tentacles of Mother, who seems to be rearing back for another slap.

And presumably he's held off the ground, so it's not like I can leap up and do anything about that. Yeah.

kelsey just got wanged in the head pretty hard and uh trudy's gun is sort of smoking from having fired on these guys right i did want to remind you guys that one bomb was planted under uh brian strikes mitchell's podium but you guys had five oh yeah yeah but who has them

you never do you have all of them i don't know i had one of them on my body so one could argue that Zuzel's fetus still has it somewhere

to smoke a sieve i just kind of figured the very least each one of you had one on you i think that's fair i like that idea that's good yeah we did that we did we all have one you're welcome i would also like to make a proposition yes which is that brian strikes mitchell so recently deceased knew a lot of magic

would it be possible to take over and puppeteer his body and get some of those fleeting memories before they're lost to the ether oh

interesting well we've already seen that you can commandeer a corpse yes i like that that's interesting that's interesting to me that's the deodorant doing the work for me. Nice.

If you get onto him and you pass your power roll, we'll roll a 1d4,

and then you will know that many spells that Brian Strikes Mitchell knew. And I'm using my OG pal? Yes, you'll use your OG pow because that's a sort of mental suggestion kind of thing.

Otherwise, you will commandeer his body per usual, but you will not have access to his spell library. All right, my pal is 40.
That's an 81. Okay.
So, no, his mind is unreadable to you as

it got shot out of the body.

Sorry. As you scamper onto his body.
That's fine. I can get him onto his feet and try to use him as a defensive barrier in case anybody wants to charge at my throws.

You climb onto him, and there's still something interesting when you might be able to do with him next turn. But yeah, you'll be able to stand up next turn.
Okay. Blake, it's your turn.

You find yourself swaying in the air. You said she was afraid of this knife that I had.
Yes. I think she recognizes the significance of what it can do.
Now, like, can I also stab her with it?

I mean, you're restrained right now. Well, then, what the fuck can I do then? If you pass an extreme dexterity or strength track, you're straight up free.
So 15. I have seven luck.
I rolled a 22.

You do the math.

I can get out immediately by blowing all my luck right now and getting an extreme success on the strength roll. How much luck do we have between the entire group right now? That'd be all the luck.

That's going to be all the luck. Because if we're doing the one in a million shot thing, luck seems really important.
So if we do this, may want to consider the strategy. Let's put it about this way.

Regardless, we have seven luck then. Yeah, that's true.
That's fair. That's no difference.
that you need to fucking kill the guy and charge up the dagger in order to even do the shot. Yeah.

I will say I should include one key extra piece of detail, which is that Zuzel's head has fully pushed out. Oh, nice.
His mouth is clear. And at the end of this turn, Zuzel will let out his scream.

I'm blowing my luck, dude. Okay.
I'm blowing my luck. I get a super extreme, awesome, massive success.
I love it.

Fulk out. Yeah, describe what you do.
Blake is summoning all of his strength. Oh, my God.

He's also summoning sort of the spirit of Tony Collette in the vent. Yeah.

You remember Colossus from the X-Men arcade game?

Yep. That.
I'm going to expand my arms outwards, take a mighty breath, and explode outwards with all of my Nordic strength.

You know what we're going to say is that the luck is that you still left a little bit of horse in there.

Do you know what I mean? In all the right places.

You're Dr. Man from the head up, but you still got a little bit of horsepower.
A little horsepower down below. Horsepower.
If you know what I mean. But you guys are all now down to one luck.

You hulk out, and her tentacles burst out just enough for you to be able to drop to the ground and land in a pose similar to the matter of Wellesley Snipes and the movie Blade, if one would so wish.

So can he stab now? You are right there. I stab.
All right. You plunge the dagger.
We win.

Into Zoozel. And I go, in this country, we vaccinate.

What? What? It's like a kid coming out and stabbing a kid. What do you want? What do you want? What do you want? What do you want? I'm trying to come up with something on the fly.

Raider Zuzel's lips are about.

Ro wins. Ro wins.
Hey, Freddie, you've had a lot of wins today. It's all right.
It's all right. It wasn't on you.
I did the entire episode. It's all good.
Yeah.

The dagger plunges into Zuzel's forehead. His mouth opens, but instead of a shriek, it's just a sort of gasp and a confusion in his eyes.
Does he, like, look like a a baby?

No, he looks like a grown baby. He looks like Zuzo.
He looks like, yes, it's his horrible twisting face that is every version of himself collapsed into one.

You guys would be more mesmerized by it if you hadn't seen the freaky painting of it already. Yeah, no, if we weren't going to kill him, I was going to distract him.
Even the torque on him.

Your sexy wife is here. Yeah, your sexy wife is here.
Remember? He had relationships with cousins all through. All the different dimensions he had all.

I've seen all the possible timelines and we've boned down and all of them.

At the very least, like maybe buying us one turn where he doesn't scream right away because he's just so shocked to see his babe there. Anyways, we don't need to do that.
You killed him, bro.

So, yes, the knife plunges into him, and almost immediately it begins to glow and thrum with power.

You hear this enraged squeal from mother as before her very eyes, her child is murdered right as he's clawing out of her. It's a surreal sight, but it's like he's being absorbed into the blade.

Like, it's his head starts to shrink and cave in as it crunches and gets smaller, as the blade blade begins to shake more and more violently in your hand and it's almost like it's

it's sucking him up like a sponge almost just like in the movie cool world i love a cool world reference and the dagger practically vibrates in your hand as Zuzel's whole form is getting vacuumed into this thing and ripped out of his mother's womb at the same time you see his hideous umbilical cord snap in half as his whole form is sucked into this thing like a fucking straw

for one moment there's complete silence as everyone is in absolute astonishment at what just happened as the dagger in your hand seems to glow with like an ethereal black light.

And then mother lets out an enraged, deafening, blood-curdling scream. Everybody give me a, um, what would it be to keep yourself standing? Constitution roll.
Standity roll. A standity roll?

So fucking good.

Let's do a constitution roll. I'm already on the ground.

Yeah. Pass 44 out of 75.

Pass, 18 out of 50. You both managed to stand your ground.
Kelsey, you dropped to the floor clutching your head in agony at this scream. Dang.

We'll say that as she's screaming, you can move around and do stuff, but you're clutching your head and you're going to have a disadvantage on your roles.

Well, here's the thing, character, I guess, everybody. Are we going for the one in a million shot or are we going into, I guess, Blake becoming demigod? Those are the two options, right?

I mean, when we voted before we went in,

you all voted for one in a million and I voted for demigod. Yeah.
Yeah. And look where that guy.
Why shouldn't? But why shouldn't I?

I got the fucking ball right on the edge of the goal line. End zone.
End zone. The ball is at fucking one yard because of me.

Now, I will remind you, your plan was that Trudy needs to stand at the exact center of town and aim in the exact right direction.

So just to clarify, the spot should be where Blake literally has the dagger right now. There's a vector, right? There's an angle and a velocity.
Yes, her angle is already set. Correct.

You can be anywhere within the size of the radius, the overall

of the dick, because, right, like you shooting it from one corner still hits that corner on that side. You have some you have a little bit of give.

Basically, I have a mechanic for this once you get in position. Okay, okay.
Trudy already has her two of her arms lined position ready, so we have to point her, but you can point yourself.

You have the compass on you. So there's really nothing I can do.
So I'm just going to hold my turn to see if there's something I can do if that becomes a problem. All right.

So I'll hold my disadvantage turn. And we will say that this scream, her scream is shifted.
It's no longer that you need to make a strength roll to move towards her.

It's you have to make a constitution check at the beginning of each of your turns. You're going to have to break through it in order to be able to move without being a disadvantage.

It is now the bison's turn. So I went ahead and rolled constitution rolls for all of them.
The two in front failed and the guys in the back succeeded.

So two-thirds of the bisons drop screaming, clutching their ears, while their brethren, who may be less affected because they're a little farther away, start pushing their way way towards the front to try to get to you.

It is now Trudy's turn. I'm going to try to get to my firing position.
Okay, great. So you're in position now, and now you can aim as an action, but that's the only thing you can do this turn.

Yeah, I'm going to do that. Okay, so you are aiming because it's a chaotic situation.
It's a little imprecise. It's a little fiddly.

It feels like it would take a little time to lock into the right position to shoot this. So my thought was every turn that you spend aiming, you will add an advantage dice to your shot.
Okay.

Your shot starts at a 50 skill. Okay.
If you just go on this turn the second you got into position. And then every turn that you guys spend aiming after this will add an advantage to your roll.

So it's a coin flip that will get better every time. Exactly.
Right now it's 50-50. And the next one would be like you would have to lose two coin flips or you'd have to lose three coin flips.

Those are how the odds essentially stack up. If she gets knocked out of position, you have to start all over again.
Yeah, so we got to protect her, essentially. Good thing I waited.

I will throw my bomb towards the bison.

bison sick so give me a throw roll with disadvantage what do you have like five in throw or something like that you're close i just drop it next to me what did you throw what did you i got 56 because it was disadvantage my throw is 20.

so i don't think that that means you literally don't throw it and if you had fumbled it i would say it drops at your feet you can again it's similar to like how you blew up kimono is you press a button on it and then throw it and it will explode in a couple seconds yeah i'll do that okay i press it and i just chuck it as far as i can i'm actually going to say that a success would be you land it smack dab in the middle, in the middle of them.

A fumble would be it lands

in the first third where you and Francis are, but also hit some of them. Regular failure, it goes way to the back of the room.
Okay.

Only the back eight guys are going to be affected by it, but we will go ahead and roll damage.

The motherfuckers that succeeded. Yes.
If you were going to hit any one group of people, we'll say that that would be the good one to do.

I think this is definitely the most suspenseful final battle we have yet done.

I would say that pretty easily bro i'm on the edge of my seat my seat's all edge so there's no way for you to not be on the edge of your seat exactly dude this means nothing no it's more in the center of it away means that my lower back is killing me oh man

okay so matt yes you fucking chuck the thing yes arcs and it lands way at the back of the room roll me a four d10

four different d10s all right so here's how we're gonna do this instead of me doing eight rolls there are to do eight rolls i got you.

I taught you, dog. First guy, 26.
Fuck. Second guy, 17.
Third guy, 26.

Fourth guy, 20. Fifth guy, I've already been five.
25. Wow.
Six guy.

18.

Seventh guy, 17.

Eighth guy, 32. Jeez.
All right, they're all dead.

They're all very dead. Everyone who passed their constitution rolls go, hey, we're feeling pretty.
What's that? And then they explode.

So there's a shower of gore and a deafening boom at the back of the room. And you guys now have four sticks of dynamite.

You are out, though. So you don't have anymore.
I'm out of the game.

I think you only have one. Trudy dropped one over there.
Maybe Trudy has one more. There's also one underneath the podium that's tough.
Franz has lost one. Unless it's still in the corpse of Zuzel.

Unless it's in Zuzel somewhere. But the Zuzel just got eaten up by the.
Yeah, I believe Blake maybe has one. Matt.
What the fuck is Matt doing?

Matt's just lifted his desk

fully. And now he's...
Are you standing now, Matt?

I feel powerful.

Nice. You're down there and I'm up here.
Yeah. You're down there.

And we're up here. What the hell is wrong with you, man?

So it's now Mother's turn. No.
Does she have four turns again? Yes, she does. She gets that every turn.
But she's so sad. The first thing Mother is going to do is to try to kill Blake.

Blake, you see all of her eyes glowing the deepest red you've ever seen, just locked directly on you. And she raises her tendrils high into the air and is going to slam four of them down on you.
Wow.

So we'll go ahead and do a fighting brawl for each one of them, and then we're going to roll damage. Are you going to dodge these? Is that the idea? Four times? I mean, I have no choice.
Yes.

No, I'm just going to eat them, Will. What are you talking about?

I don't know. Yeah, you can't fight because fighting back, you still take the hits.
Yeah, yeah. How much HP you got?

Six HP, dude. Okay, Kelsey wants to watch this.

Oh my gosh.

Wow.

Don't worry. She's going to respond when it happens.
I mean, she's just witnessing this.

Thank you for being a friend.

I don't know what to do. I'm like, I'm going to die.
I'm sorry. I'm not going to.
I'm not good at it. Well, now, hold on.
I have this red hot dagger, right? Oh, yeah. Yes, you do.

Worst case scenario, I could stick it into my worst case scenario. You can stick it into yourself.

The worst case scenario is you explode right now by four attacks. I could bluff this, can't I? I could like put the knife up to my own chest and be like, stop, or I will destroy you.

It's her turn, and she's already attacking. On your turn, you go to the back.
I want dodging four times then. I dodge.
I go jump left, jump to the right. All right.
One foot this time.

What's your first dodge? 74 out of deck, 75, a pass. A pass.
Okay, good. Your second dodge.

93. A fatal.

Give me your third dodge. 51.

Okay, that's a pass. That's a pass.
And a 65, so it was one fail out of four. Okay, she rolled four successes.

Those are all fails because your dodge is half of whatever number you think it is right now. Well, why? Because dodge is half of decks.

Yeah, I did four failures now that I'm shit. Are you serious? Yeah.
What's your dex?

Oh, you were just doing your strength. It could never be higher than 50.

No, it was 37, was all I was trying to be. So I did four failures in a row.

Oh, my God.

Never let it be said that that is never on the DM side.

I just killed Fred.

I've dodged so many times. I was like, wait a second, how's your dodge? 60 or something? That's crazy.

Okay.

Okay.

So she's going to go ahead and roll for damage. Oh, my God.

I'm dead. Yeah, but you did it.
I'm dead. I did.
That was exactly what I was doing. What's your maximum thing? 14.

It's not even statistically possible to survive this. You killed Suzo, though, Frank.
I don't know. I want to stab it into myself.
I think you should. It's too late.

That's what we voted not to do that.

We probably should have done it. Anthony was right.
I was right. General Anthony's right.
I mean, all we got to do is get to his corpse. Stab it into my corpse.
No, stab it.

I mean, any of us can stab ourselves. Yes.
If we stab Blake when he's dead, does that work? Oh, yeah. Could he come back to life maybe? Probably not.
I wouldn't want to take that risk. That's fair.

Frank, you have a lot of time to think of final words. Think of something better than that last thing he said.

It's 2d6 per hit.

So, yeah, with four powerful blows, she rains a total of 31 damage down on you. You get liquefied on her.
So, yes,

the last thing

Blake Lively sees is four thundering tendrils slamming down on him.

Give me his last look at the moment. Let's go inside the mine.
Let's go.

One moment.

Blake put everything into this stab, and this man is a soldier. He's seen war.
He's seen the worst that humanity has had to offer. So he has faced down death so many times on the battlefield.

This feeling right here is like greeting an old, familiar friend.

The darkness to which he is so acquainted and has been patiently waiting for his whole life.

And in this moment, as he stares death death in the form of four fleshy tentacles in the face, he says, Took you long enough.

That's pretty cool. Pretty good.
That's pretty cool. And Amberster's waiting for him.

And then I look inside. Then there's a golden door, and Amberster's sitting there, doing the pose that Christian Bale does after he kills everyone.

He puts the two guns close to each other, which for no reason.

And with Amberster,

warm my guns up for me. Amberster opens the golden door.
I'm coming coming home, my good man.

You see pure blackness on the other side. Oh, what the fuck?

Virtually as established, death sucks ass in this world. Amberster reaches his hand out towards you and says, Arm and arm, shall we go together, my boy? Hey, Worth, Worth.
Am I right, Amberster?

Worth. Yes, worth.

And then together, you link arms with your old friend, Amberster, and you step into the eternal black knight. Amberster, I never even used your guns.

oh man and the door closes behind them meanwhile back in meat space meanwhile back in meat space blake is standing there one moment and then four tendrils slam down

and then you see nothing but a red smear on the ground actually we see nothing but a red smear and two golden guns

and then you're tired of shining kelsey and a dagger clattering on the ground

the dagger gets pasted onto the ground as well i just want to say that for Blake, this was always the goal, man.

He always wanted to save Peachyville no matter what, because it was his home and this was where his expensive property was.

All right. So, Blake for the last time will solemnly be removed from an issue of order.
Four actions? Yes, that was all four. She emptied the clip on him.
Holy shit.

Enraged. Also, like.
So he bought you that much. Yeah.
Because she could have done a lot worse that turn. Yes.
But he took the full.

I'm glad I watched that.

Like, I said I would. Blake!

Blake!

Why is everybody yelling Blake? What's going on? Francis! Francis! Oh, my God!

Francis, it is now your turn. You passed your Constitution roll, right? That's the new turns now.
So new. Oh, yeah.
And what is my Constitution? That's up to you, buddy. Oh, do you want to?

All right, here's what I'll give you. You can have the Snakes Constitution.
Oh, nice. Or I will give you an Advantaged D100 role.
I will take the Advantaged D100 role. Okay, Rolling Bones.

Let's see what your con is.

My con is 78. Oh, wow.
All right, now I got to see what a snakes is. You died twice before any of us.
Don't you improve your

snakes is 65, so you made the right choice, my man. All right.
So, yes, go ahead and give me a constitution saving throw. 74, so it's barely being.
Okay, wow. All right.
You alight yourself.

You stand up on the body of Brian Strikes Mitchell.

And as you do so, the epidermicon flutters in front of you and seems to, in its sort of intuitive sense, like respond to you and it opens itself to you. Just so you know.

What would you like to do? How many turns would it take for me to get to the dagger? It'll take you a full turn to get there, but you won't be able to do anything yet.

How far away is everybody else from the dagger? They're all going to get there at the same time, basically. And mother's still going to be able to do four attacks.

You guys have a full turn until mother goes again.

Okay, so if I can sprint all the way and then not do anything that means i could grab the epidermonomicon and sprint halfway and then next turn i could sprint the rest of the way and do something correct yes that's what i'm going to do i'm going to grab the epiderminomicon run halfway there and i guess look at the epiderminomicon see if there's anything i can do with it okay so basically the epiderminomicon is this massive spell book with spells from you know throughout the cosmos essentially it allows you to learn a spell instantaneously it's almost like a magic scroll so like you can read something off of the text and cast a spell.

So I will go ahead and give you, I'm going to flip to the spell page. I remember when you did this for us back in the day.
I was much lazier.

I gave you the whole book and said, I don't know, pick something. That's literally what I'm going to do.
Okay.

I'm going to give you the whole spell book because I'm like, these are the spells that are available to you. So we will say you have until the start of your next turn to pick a spell.

Mother's not a deity, correct?

She is a deity. Oh, okay.
I know exactly what spell you she is.

The one you guys used at the end of the call. That would be be funny if we ended both campaigns the same way.
It is now Kelsey's turn. So Blake just died.

That just happened. Give me a constitutional rule.

I pass. My constitution is 60.
I got 54. Okay, great.
You got mother behind you. You have roughly

13 bisons. The five bisons that are left from the ones that Trudy shot are starting to stagger to their feet, and they will be getting up next turn.
Yeah, I can't. If they pass their constitution.

Kelsey is feeling like maybe she should just stab herself. I'm running running towards Trudy because either way, I'm either going to put my back to her and fend off anybody from hitting her.
Yes.

Or I'm just going to grab the dagger and stab myself. Okay.
Actually, I guess I don't need to look. I can be like, Trudy, I think I should have stabbed myself.
You can't do it this turn, right?

Did you advance last time? What did you do?

Running down the hallway. I'll give you the same that you had that Francis had.
A full sprint will get you to the dagger. So I couldn't pick it up and whatever.

No, no, no, actually, wait, no, because you're there. You're literally there at his feet.

right yes no you're right she's there and i was behind i was like with her yeah you were with her okay so yes sorry I know this maybe fucks with you, Anthony, but you're actually a turn behind them.

So you will get to them. Yeah.
But you can also tell me what you're. I was just, I guess, we still don't know you exist.
I know you're alive. You just saw a big weird monster thing.

And I know you're alive somewhere. You're probably not psyched about seeing me.
I'm going to grab the dagger then.

I'm going to hold it, and I can either put it into your arms to aim, or I can stab myself. Okay, so yes, you run up and find the dagger and you grab it.
Yes. Does this only happen when I grab it? No.

I don't know.

I can do this.

You have to live i can do i can do this whatever you decide i trust you i just i don't know what to do either it's just me at the end of the day the the only sacrifice we'll be making is just me to make sure we save everything that's still an awful lot to sacrifice oh that's nice trudy i said i put it into your arms then you give me the gun yeah i slide i slide the because you you have your hands set to like aim perfectly yeah yeah i'm going to slide it in for the perfect shot or whatever like the power's not discharged from the knife until trudy to fire until trudy fires it yeah yeah yeah okay

we're all like oh you're gonna stab yourself i genuinely do not know yet can flash francis see that trudy is considering stabbing herself with it give me a psychology room uh that's a 31 so a super success beth dm anthony when you make up your mind about what you're gonna do okay so then i yes i place it so it's in the correct trajectory it's aimed out yes and she is aimed in the position so i guess she is aimed in the position so you shoot you could shoot it's a 50 50 shot right right now if you shoot yes

if you want to do one more thing i won't let you do a combat action but if you want to do something to try to either draw mother's attention or draw the bison's attention i will let you do that hmm it's a tough one because we i don't know where francis is my iron sticks is that we were gonna vote

i should just

i should just stab myself well you already gave her the knife so that's out of the question no i could just lean onto it now

it's like you're doing it trudy

holy because mother's behind though it's like that's this problem it's like it'd be one thing if we're like distracting the bison or whatever but like mother can just i mean we could just take the shot at 50 50 that's better than nothing has mother done her turn though before it's you and then it's the bisons yeah and then it's trudy and then it's mother okay so then yes oh here's what i'll say beth You spent your last turn aiming, right?

Yes. So I will say that you've got one advantage, right now.
Okay. That feels fair fair to me that like you got there, you spent your turn locking in.

So we'll call that aiming as opposed to just firing from the hip. It's up to you, Trudy.
And I guess wherever Francis is, I run, I grab the dagger, and I go, take the shot, Trudy.

And I put it in your arms. And then I bend down into the fucking viscera that was once Blake.
And I pulled two once

once golden guns. Dripping once golden guns out, crimson red.
And I say, I don't say anything because I just

eat. And I fucking just, I run towards the bison with the guns.
Okay, so you're readying to charge at the bisons. Okay, great.
So does that mean that Trudy is now closest to mother? Yes.

Yeah, but she goes before mother. So she can shoot before.
Oh, God, please don't take the chance. All right, whatever.
You guys do what you want. We got one advantage, too.
Give.

I know, but it's still like, have you ever tried to flip three heads in a row? It's really like. Sometimes

I think I may have misunderstood the chances of doing this. No, no, no.
Initially, it's a 50-50. Yeah.
And then since you spend a whole term aiming instead of fire.

My goes at getting heads, essentially. So, yes, basically, the odds are if you were like trying to hit heads and you flip twice and didn't get a head.
Yeah, which is very possible.

I think it's extremely possible.

I think it's very possible that mother kills us all before we can do anything. And it's also pretty fucking funny if we just lose.

You know?

You just think, you got to take the shot. I mean, I have a thing I can do that will guarantee if everybody survives and the knife isn't destroyed by the time it gets to me, I can save the world.

And you're right after mother? I am right after mother. But does that involve the dagger? Because you could just do it after we fail the shot then.
If you fail the shot, then the juice is gone. Yeah.

Regardless, the bisons need to go. So the bisons are going to go now.
So they are going to do their constitution saving throws again. Okay, and they both passed.

So you got the ones in the middle and the ones in the front. And they see me bloody with two pistols around.
Yes, and you are charging at them.

So yes, I'm going to say that for the moment, they're going to focus their rage on you, Kelsey, because they don't really understand what's going on with Trudy.

And they're like, what is this robot thing? This is fucking weird.

these two groups so it's five in one and eight in the other I'm going to make them one group of 13 now are going to fucking descend on you and they're going to try to tackle you down to the ground again

we're doing another fucking dive tackle so we're going to give them an advantage to dive tackle roll what are you going to unit dodge i guess that's pretty much what you have to do yeah or you could fight back or yeah but again just to clarify the rules of fight back is that you take the punches i'll give you if you want to do a fighting maneuver against them it would be to like you're like a running back when he's got like six guys on them you could basically try to gut it out and stay standing if you want.

I'll do that because just thematically, because you know, I know there's no fight back for guns, but I have guns. Yes.
So they're coming at me. They try to tackle me.

Kelsey tries to pull the triggers, but the guns are so wet with blood. They're just jamming them down.
He goes,

and then she just, yeah, I mean, she's a boxer, so she just tries to fight her way out of it. Give me a fighting brawl roll to be your opposed for the luckily my fighting brawl is much better.

Just normal pass, 51 out of 64. 51 out of 64.

They failed.

So, yes, these guys all are basically dogpiling you, but it's like at the end of the one with Jet Lee, where like all the other Jet Lee's are trying to beat ass on Jet Lee, and he just fucking won't go down.

You know, nobody's a bitch, and nobody's a bitch. So, you're just like, you're still standing in this pile of these guys at the end of this thing.
Next turn, it will be time to eat.

Beth, the table is set. It's Trudy's turn.

Just take this shot. I don't know if it's

Anthony DM me as well. Anthony did DM me.
It is a good idea, but because it involves sacrifice that Trudy would not accept, I think that Trudy is just going to take the shot. And I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, Anthony. I just don't see us surviving another mother attack.

And I get that Anthony's better at games than I am, so I'm probably making a bad decision. This was the plan, and we voted on it.
You guys voted on it. I was outvoted.

This will just be more proof that democracy doesn't work. It's fine.

okay also who says this plan would 100 work my plan would 100 work i don't think it would because i well i don't think you would survive it so and i don't care about that yeah i know that's because you're anthony we're talking there's a chance i would be

if you miss timmy dies

oh my god but if he misses timmy dies too i'm not gonna miss because what if you have a significant there's no being a little scam for me being a little scam i will point out one thing which is that nobody knows what uh francis is doing we don't know what francis' plan was but if Trudy dies here, yeah, even if Mother empties the clip on Trudy, the dagger is still there.

That's why it'll be fine. That is the other thing I would say.
Even if Mother kills you, it doesn't mean that the game is over.

Okay, no, if Mother kills her, we should have, I should just stab myself because this is that we never took the shot, so it's just three people died trying to,

yeah, Blake should have just stabbed himself. We are where we are.
Well, yeah, we got a more than 50. It's up to you, it's up to you.
Oh,

sorry, this is like Dang, Beth, we always putting it on you, huh? Can Francis shout something? Sure. Timmy needs your mother.

Yeah, Timmy needs his mother.

And you need your team.

And I need my team.

I'm going to take the shot. All right.
Oh, my God.

Give me a D100 with advantage. Before

that,

you know... Trudy has aimed for the last like round or whatever.
Yes.

I think she takes like a beat to close her eyes actually really just take it all in to take it all in savor the moment to savor the moment and

I'm gonna put you on the spot really quick Will

back early in the season we did the episode where Trudy leaves Tucker and Tucker said that Timmy wrote her a letter Do you remember that? I do Do you know what the letter said? Wow.

He would have been like a little kid at the time. And do you think she read the letter? Oh, yeah.
Oh, that's right. Because she's, I think she was reading it when you got got, if I remember correctly.

I think it just said, like, dear mommy, I miss you so much.

Please come home. Okay.

And now I'm going to roll.

And so I'm trying to beat essentially a 60. 50.
A 50. A 50.
But I get two tries to, yeah, okay. As below or above, so we know.
Below. Okay.
Yeah, you're trying to get below a 50. Okay.

Roll number one

is a 92. Fucking hell.

Fucking hell again, dude. Oh, no.

God, not Beth and Colin Cthulhu clutching us again. I'm so mad at myself if I haven't.
Does it have to be the right decision?

No, it's the thematically right decision. Did the real bad?

Yes. We did all this not to get out of the way.
The real dad. That child sacrificed himself in an uncertain world.
We are doing our best as a team. We did this together, Beth.
It's not on you.

Whatever happens, we did it together. Come on, Francis, you get a little bitch over there.
We did this.

It is magic. It is bullshit, Beth.
It's you. It's you.
The future's on Fred.

All right. All right.
I'm re-rolling the tens digit. This merits real dice.
Here we go. Wait, wait, Beth, you get to pick your dice.
You got to pick a good one. So you rolled a what the first time?

92. So you have to go to the next one.
She has to roll four.

A zero through a four.

A 10, a one, a two, a three, or a four. Or a zero.

What is that? It's a seven.

The world ends.

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As this vortex of energy launches out of the blade, the first thing it does is just absolutely blasts her mother herself.

Like this beam of light, even just at a glancing blow, just shears half of her body off and she just dissolves into a heap of bloody

damn On its way out, it takes the tent with it, and you find yourself in the night in Peachyville once more. The bisons are absolutely astonished.
A quiet falls over you.

You watch it disappear over the horizon and you wait. And you remember from the calculations that von Neumann made for you that he said it would take about 30 seconds.

It's the longest 30 seconds of your life, but the next 30 seconds are even longer as the horrible sinking feeling falls over you and you realize that you failed. And

with one last shuddering groan in the sky that could only be the release of this horrible thing, you know that because of what's happened tonight, every single living thing on the earth is going to die.

Of course, you guys aren't the only ones to realize this. You slowly become aware of the bisons standing behind you, the last ones left.

At first, despair plays on their faces as they realize that all of their plans, all of their striving and scheming was for naught. They stare at you with empty horror in their eyes.

Then, a look of grim resolve comes over them. They glance to each other.
Then, as one, they draw their daggers,

raise them,

and slit their own throats.

You hate to see it.

And you watch as one one by one these bodies crumple to the ground and a pool of blood soaks your feet as you stand in the night with a starry sky above you and a doomed world beneath you.

However, all things take time. And as we all know, a human pregnancy takes about nine months.
Turns out an outer God's pregnancy, birthing inside a world, takes a little bit longer, nine, ten months.

And the world has that much time to come to grips with what's about to happen to it, what's starting to happen to it.

A strange lingering aura hangs over the planet as there's denial, there's grief, there's despair, as civilization starts to break down.

People turn to religion, people turn to sex, people turn to drugs, and some people just try to stick it out and keep on living and hope that it will never happen, that the world is not going to one day, very, very soon, be consumed, and that all life on it will be absorbed into something new and strange and horrifying.

Among the people who refuse to give up are BB and Milton, who become like their own little plucky, molder and scully duo.

They decide they're going to dig in and they're going to find a way to stop this no matter what it takes, because at the very least, if they can go out knowing that they tried everything they could, they're never going to give up.

You hear tile of them from time to time as they're still out there plumbing the depths of strange crypts and solving supernatural mysteries up till the very end.

That's what they've decided to focus their time doing: just looking for something, anything, to help them find a way that even if the planet is doomed, that some part of humanity can live on.

Maybe there's some spell in some book that can teleport people to some other world. Maybe there's some way to go back in time.

And they spend the next nine months in an obsessive, frantic way, looking for that one small miracle. Francis, what do you do?

The first thing Francis does is probably go tell Shane everything that happened that Francis did and that happened to Shane's dad.

Weirdly, under better circumstances, that would probably make Shane want to seek some kind of vengeance on you. But here at the end of the world, it hardly seems to matter.

And if anything, he kind of respects you for copping to it. And he knows that because of your past with him, that the things were what they were.

He can even find it in his heart heart to forgive Kelsey, or he thinks he can if he works at it. And you finally made friends with a boy your age.
So you,

after you tell him everything that you did, he's kind of inspired to open up to you as well and tells you about his plans for the end of the world, which he's like, I don't know if you want to come with me, Francis, but I heard about this monastery where a bunch of guys are going to go live in the woods and like contemplate God until the end comes, you know, and just kind of like be in the forest and be with nature.

So that's what I'm planning to do. If you want to come along, like, you know, it's going to be an arduous journey to get there.
You sure you don't want to like spend it with your mom? Oh, damn.

Fuck, dude.

Damn, dude. Yeah.
Well, you have a mom, you know? Yeah, man. I, um, we haven't really talked in a while.
We both lost a lot, but, um,

yeah, I'll, uh,

yeah, maybe you're right. You're, uh, you're a good dude, Francis.
And he, like, he gives you a thumbs up. Are you walking back to town? Because I'm walking that way.
If you want to walk with me.

No, I'm just going to stay here for a while. All right.
Well, hey, um, if I don't see you, then I'll see you. Yeah.

He likes goes to hug you, but then decides not to because he feels like you don't want to hug, and then he turns and walks away. And this is how men show each other affection.

Just two guys

not really saying what they think.

This is how men get close to one another.

Knowing glances.

Just two guys.

They went through a lot.

Could be homies or maybe not.

Shit is cooking.

Francis then goes to Timmy and tosses a sword at his feet.

Okay, I guess that will transition us to Trudy and Timmy. How do Trudy and Timmy spend the next nine months? I think Trudy's first inclination is, frankly, to run away.

You know, she's just condemned the world

to death. And I think that would be a pretty heavy burden to carry.

But in knowing that this is her last chance, I think this time she's not going to run away. And I think she's going to spend the next nine months making up for lost time.

Timmy, for what it's worth, knows that you did your best and he's proud of you. Timmy knows that you didn't throw your life away, that you tried to save the world and everybody in it.

Even when it came down to just four people, just your friends, he knows that took a lot. He's like, that took a lot of guts, mom.
That took a lot of balls. So, you know, hell yeah.

And I think she wants to teach Timmy how to bowl. Oh, I like that.
There's abandoned bowling alleys of plenty. You're our team anymore.
Or Tony.

We need a fourth.

We need a fourth for your team. That's true.
That's right. And just like you all forgot about the heroism of one Blake Lively.
Whoa, no. Yeah, he died to save the no-one.

So, too,

did the whole town neglect to attend the funeral. What? No.
I feel like we would be there. I asked this to the group.
In the middle of the world falling apart, what did you guys do to grieve Blake?

And then did Blake have anything like in his will about how he should be buried that they would have found? Oh, that's good. You know where I think Blake is?

Blake is at the tomb of the Forgotten Soldier in Washington, D.C. Yeah, we got rid of the existing Forgotten Soldier.
Put you in there. We forgot about him.
That was it.

Blake's will was remove the forgotten soldier and put me in there. I want to clarify that it's the unknown soldier.
There's no tomb to the forgotten soldier. That's true.

That's true.

Now there is. But now you know who it is, and it's Blake Lively.
I mean, I think we held one. You can decide.

Here's what I think it was. Everyone forgot.

It was BB, my true friend BB, who said, wait a minute, everyone, we're not properly mourning the death of the one hero of this whole adventure, Blake Lively.

I feel like what I'll say is this, is that BB was the executor of your estate, so she would have had your will and would have been able to arrange the funeral to your specifications.

So what was the funeral you had in mind? It was a somber affair. A ceremony befitting both a war hero and a hero hero.
That's right. There are two different kinds of heroes in this world.

It was in the center of town. There's the park in the center of town.
And you could smell the McDonald's as Blake always wanted.

And I think it was a sparsely attended affair because, again, everyone's got their own thing going on. So maybe just the motley crew of everyone here at it.

And I requested very specifically a 21-gun salute. No, a 22-gun salute.
So that way, everybody can have two guns. Yes, 22 guns.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's a 22-gun salute. A 22-gun Kata salute.
I leave it to BB to try and figure out the logistics of finding 22 guns to shoot. Well, we have a lot of unused Derringers.

I think Trudy went a step further and redid the gutters at the bowling alley and dedicated them to Blake because Blake dealt in gutters all the time. Wow.

I think Kelsey, after she was part of the 22 gun salute, she took hambursters guns and

when nobody was looking, I think. You have an open casket, right?

You have a puddle.

He's a puddle, too. We're like, Beebe, Bibi.
Open casket was a wild choice.

He's all dry. It's just dustiness.

It's like a tub full of soup. He looks just like he's sleeping.
I dropped the two guns into that tub full of soup. And I say,

I say, I hope you have some fun shooting those in the big gun range in the sky, buddy. And then one of the guns floats up because there was a little air and it kind of like spins around.

It looks like it's giving you a thumbs up as it slowly bubbles into this Campbell suit

of what remains. Well, how about Francis? You were like his best friend, kind of, right?

You two were like both guys.

I couldn't have put it better myself, Matthew. Is Francis doing one of those like cloaked mystery man at the edge of the funeral kind of moves?

I mean, I was literally about to say, like, he's sort of leaning up against slash behind a tree in the distance to the point where you think Francis didn't show up, but then as you leave, you sort of catch sight of him.

And he's going for mysterious, but it just kind of comes off this creepy, like he's going to do something to the corpse after you leave.

And then, and by the way, Francis, Francis, next to him stands another guy in a cloak and a thing. It's like, oh, you hear that guy? Sorry, no, I'm not with that guy.

Uh, BB hired me to be the guy standing. Are you doing it pro bono? Fuck off.
Oh, okay, okay. There were two mysterious guys.
Well, think about that. Think about that.
That doesn't happen.

Think about that. Chew on that.

Okay, this is good, actually. So behind the second guy at an even farther off tree, looking over everything,

Unbeknownst to any of you, is a little cat named Marbles.

Marbles looks down at the somber scene. A tear in his heterochromatic green and red eyes.
Probably not a tear. He stares and he blinks and he's gone.
He disappears.

Oh no, what happened to Marbles? All the cats are magical. He must have had such a time.
Anyway, so back in the bowling alley, y'all are getting ready to roll up a frame.

You guys have jury-rigged an abandoned bowling alley to learn how to practice when a familiar face slithers through the door. Oh, my God.

I feel like I would be like on a dude.

You're still disgusting. A, I think I would be on a dude.
B, I think at this point, Francis would have gotten a cloak so people didn't have to look at him. Oh, oh, that's cool.

Like a cloaked wanderer kind of thing. All right.
Sick. All right.
A cloaked wanderer comes to the door. So you throw a sword at Timmy's feet.
He's like, Francis, is that you, man?

I told you you got your shot.

I'm good, dude. Just bring it in.
And he goes for a hug. Francis just doesn't hug him back, but he also doesn't move or move away from him.
Okay, so he hugs you and then he knees you in the balls.

Nice. He says, All right, now we're even.
Now you're gonna fucking roll a frame with me.

Come roll a frame, Francis.

You just need a dead guy's balls. Yeah, we don't know if he was dead when Francis absorbed him.
Francis pretends that it hurts, even though he was the balls of another guy.

Francis goes, oh, no.

Wow, that's the most sensitive part.

Wow, you really got me, kid. kid.
And then Francis goes and writes his name onto the bowling card as a new player and sits down and joins the rotation.

Kelsey, tell us about the nine months in Kelsey World. Yeah, I think similarly, she's given herself some grace and feels the weight of perhaps failing this saving the world.

But also, I think she spends her nights and the times that she can, hopefully watching murder, murder, murder with Trudeau. Yes, of course.

Are they still making new episodes?

Some reruns. Oh, yeah.
They're also good the second, third, fourth time around.

Especially when you know who did it.

They're literally written to be watched three times. It's like this tiny time in the murder, murder.

And then since Brian's dead, there's an opening in the library and she keeps the library open. The world may be ending, but you should learn until the last of your days.

And she doesn't know when exactly when the last of these days are, but it doesn't mean there's no reason to learn. You learn for the sake of learning because it's something that makes you whole.

How far into the encyclopedia does she get? Oh, she stopped trying to write her own encyclopedia. In fact, now she spends the time reading the books that she's been wanting to read.

But more importantly, she keeps the library open. She, you know, teaches classes for whatever people are interested in.
I know a lot of people are going crazy.

A lot of people are running away, but there's still some, anybody who's willing and wants to learn, she's willing to teach. And Trudy's catching up on all of the books that Timmy likes so much.

I've been reading that shamu fella. Camus, mom, guy.
Oh, yes. I keep telling you over and over again, and you keep forgetting how to pronounce it.

It's a sort of Sisyphian task that I have, but you know what? Timmy, you know, Thursday night. I'm happy.
Thursday night's open for like a reading session. Do you like to teach a class on your shamu?

What was it? Oh, Timmy, would you like to be a teacher?

I don't know that the world needs more existentialism right now, guys. What is existentialism? Oh, well, what is existentialism? Boy, oh, boy, Ms.
Grammar, let me tell you.

Life passes on in this way over the next couple of months. And then one day, all of you wake up with a moth on your nose.
And as the moth

senses that you're awake, Kelsey, if you're in your apartment, you see it flutter to the door.

Trudy, likewise, you see it, once it realizes you're awake, it picks itself up and glides to the nearest door. Francis, I don't know where you're hanging out these days, but the same goes.

Definitely not in my empty house with my mom and dad, Dad.

I would like to think that you came and lived with Trudy. I think if you invited Francis, he would probably do that.
Yeah. Oh, did you? Of course.
Right away. I'm sorry.

I condemned the world to death. Please come live with us.
These moths fly to the door of your house and then it lingers there, waiting almost as if it was waiting for you to follow it. I do.

So all of you link up and this moth sort of sits on the dash of your car as it leads you towards the east coast of the United States through a sort of like dead and dying world.

The sky is getting redder. Strange mutations are starting to happen to the vegetation all around you.

Whatever is happening, whatever is going to happen to this world, it's going to happen any day now. Some areas are more affected than others.

Like you drive fast through some parts because you see, like, trees are merging into each other. You swear you see a face melted into the side of a building and watching you.

Just the landscape's getting more and more brutal and surreal. I think Trudy is talking to the moth, telling the moth the story of her late lover, Mothman, and how much he did for her and the world.

You drive in this fashion all the way to you get to a beach on a ragged coast to the Atlantic Ocean, and you see a boat waiting there. And next to the boat, you see Bibi and Milton.

They brought their bikes. How do you get to the boat? They've just been kind of like camped out, like, you know, like dozing on the beach.

And when they look up, their faces light up and Milton like hits Beebe. He's like, see, I told you they'd come.
I told you they'd come. And Bibie kind of eyes you guys a little cautiously.

Beebe, as it turns out, has been after finding out, Kelsey, that you murdered Big Shane and that you shot Shane in the leg. Frances, she's just her view of you has become more complicated.

Do you know what I mean? She grew up when she heard about that. She grew up a little.

After finding out about some of the stuff that you guys had done and also just being heartbroken at the fact that you failed, that she looked up to you guys as infallible adults and that you're in this ruined world.

It's not that she would turn her back on you, but she regards you a little more coldly than she used to. You approach this boat and you see that, again, they followed their own moth here.

And then the moths sort of fly onto the boat and invite you to get on. Okay.

Let's get on. Yeah, I'll get up.
I do. BB, Milton, what's up with the moths? So Milton talks to you.
He says, I don't know, Kelsey.

I woke up at home and BB was, you know, fell asleep at the office again at the supernatural PI office that we run. It's pretty cool.
You should come by sometime. Yeah.

Does it have cockroaches? Some offices have cockroaches. Yeah, it's got a couple, and they're, you know, they're pretty weird now, as everybody knows.

The cockroaches were the first ones to get pretty weird. They talk.
They talk. They talk.
We've got a secretary who's a cockroach.

I'm really proud of you having your own business and everything you've been doing. Yeah, I mean, it's too bad, like, in a couple of days we're all going to die, though, right?

So that, hey, that's a good name. Say that again.
Say that again. But yeah, we just woke up and each of us, there was a moth waiting for us.

And we just, you know, moths being mods, we decided to follow them. And here we are.

So the moths lead you onto this boat and you sail deep into the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, just day after day out on the open sea until they all of a sudden come to a stop in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean.

And you wait for a moment. The moths seem to circle around a singular point.
You're in the middle of fucking nowhere. It's just empty sea for miles around, cold gray sea.
Point Nemo?

Kind of a Point Nemo situation. Underneath you, you hear first like a faint pinging noise, like a sort of like strange pulsing sound.

And you look down and you see a glow deep down in the bottom of the ocean pulsing as well. And you realize that this is the spot where Mothman's ship sank.
Oh.

And something down there, something deep, deep below, seems to be reacting to your presence here, reacting to the mods, and it's making a pulse. For hours, nothing seems to happen.

But then one by one, you notice that more and more mods seem to be drawn to this spot, and they seem to be converging. It's almost like every moth on Earth is being drawn to this strange light.

Soon they're swarming the sky in a vortex. It's almost like the sky itself gets blotted out.
And then you see a ship above you descending.

And it's the same kind of bulbous, sinuous, semi-living form as the ship that Mothman had that you flew on originally, but it's much, much bigger.

And it descends, and all these moths fly up into the sky towards it, and it comes lower and lower towards you. And then a hatch on the side of it opens.

And inside, you see like 20 moth creatures like Mothman, his people.

20 hotties, you mean? Women, men, moth teens, moth children, and all of these moths flood into the ship like they're being welcomed home.

You see their big glowing eyes stare at you and sort of regard you for a second. And then one of them steps forward and offers his hand.
What should we do? I mean,

should we, should we just, should we just. It's the whole universe out there.
Well, mom, is this, is this what I think it is? Are they telling us to go with them? I don't know.

Well, whatever you want to do, I'll do it, okay? Like, I know it's scary out here, but obviously things are not going great down here, but it's up to you, mom. I trust you.

So Francis is going to say, I know

I at least am tempted to blame myself for what happened and think that therefore we should be punished and that would somehow even the scales.

But spending the last nine months with you and thinking over things and considering, you know, ending things early and then not doing it because, you know, I got to go bowling with you guys.

I think maybe the most important thing now is that you keep going if you can.

And

it looks like we can.

And that doesn't mean we're forgiven for what we did, and it doesn't make us you know cowards. I don't think I think it just means Timmy needs a mom, Kelsey needs people to teach.
I'm also there,

Francis. You just graduated my class.
Yeah, that's why I've been teaching you this the whole time. So, you intentionally

threw the shot so I would learn this.

I think it was great. I think the only thing better

than

spending the last nine months of my life with

my family would be to spend more time with my family. Yeah, it's, I mean, this world's doomed, but like you said, if we have a chance, we should take it.

And I don't know what's going to happen next, but I can't imagine going without you guys. So you guys all step onto the ship? I guess, yeah.

So as you walk onto the ship, you notice that two people are not going with you. Milton and Bibi.
I'm going to grab them forcefully and drive them.

Bibi shoves you away as hard as she possibly can. Says, don't you fucking touch me, Francis.
I'll fight her if I have to. Milton pushes against you, says, hey, man, look, you want to go?

That's your thing. But we're not giving up on the earth, okay? And you don't have the right.
You don't have the right to tell her what she can or can't do. So you got a problem with her?

You got a problem with me, mister. And he puts his fists up and he's not aiming anywhere near you, but he realized that he is dead serious about what he's saying.

Francis looks back at the others for guidance. Kelsey is going to walk forward and she's going to kneel down in front of Milton and Bibi, who are how old? They were 12.

We'll say that since the world was doomed, Milton has had one of the saddest birthdays of all time and is now 13. Ooh, that's a tough one.
That's tough. Tough on moral.

Kelsey is going to look at Bibi and Milton. Bibi, Milton, I think that's really brave.
And I get why you're doing it, but I just want you to think for a second. It's not about giving up on the earth.

We sacrificed everything to try to save it, and it's gone. We're not giving up.

We're not giving up. I'm going to go back there and I'm going to keep fucking looking.
You don't know that there's not a way. You don't know that there's not a way, Kelsey.
You don't know anything.

No, you're right. I don't know everything, but I do know some things.

And I know that we failed nine months ago.

And there's no way to stop it. And that's, that's true.
You don't know that. You don't know that there isn't a way.
So look, you don't know what's out there. You want to go do whatever.

You want to run away again. You want to turn your back on everyone again, knock yourself out.
But me, I'm staying. I understand.

And I'm not telling you what to do. I respect and I think it's really brave that you want to keep looking.
I'm just telling you what I think and what I know.

And just know that there's people that love you here. It's not cowardly to want to come with us.
But if you want to go,

you know, I respect that too. Just

I've lived a long time and I'm just letting you know that I would love it if you could join us. You've spent the last nine months with the weight of the world on your shoulders.

Yeah, well, who put it there, huh? Who put it there, Trudy? I did.

And

wouldn't it be nice nice to just

take that weight off for a little while? BB just sort of looks at all of you and like one by one, she goes up and shakes each of your hands.

She says, I hope you find what you're looking for out there. And she says, Come on, Milton.

And

she turns to kind of sit back down and fire up the engine of the boat. And it starts, it rumbles to life.
I hold my arms out for Milton because, you know, I look at it. I was like, hey,

just because don't do whatever she says, it's your decision to five of my hands out. and I go for a hug for Milton.
Milton hugs you tighter than he's ever hugged anyone in his life.

And he holds on really, really tight. And I say, so you're going to keep searching.
Yeah, that's what we're going to do. We're going to keep looking.
Okay.

And then I'm going to hold their two hands and I'm going to turn around to Francis and Trudy. And I say, you guys have a great trip, but these kids still need a teacher and there's still people here.

So Kelsey is going to walk back with them. Not let them go alone.
Okay, so Kelsey, you step into the boat then, and BB looks at you kind of astonished. And Milton just cries and hugs you.

He says, thank you. Thank you.
No, of course. I will look at Francis and I don't know what to say.
I go, I'm sorry, Francis, just this is where I belong. And you still have so much more to do.

You're looking into the dark void of a cloak.

But you see the figure inside of it just silently nods. I have to take care of Timmy.
You're going to be a great mom. And there's so much more for you to do, too.
I know.

And I, um,

and I want Timmy to have a great life, and I just want the best for him, and I need to keep him alive.

So I'm going to go with the moths. Can you promise me one thing? What?

When you go to Moth Planet or whatever,

if they have schools,

let a teacher teach Timmy.

Francis throws his arms out, like, really?

Really, right now.

I mean, be a great bum. Only for you, Kelsey.
Only for you. I hug Trudy.
I hug Kelsey. And when I'm hugging her with my tripod robot arm body.
I forgot you were.

We could say you got a normal robot body by this point if you want.

Okay, yes, you're a great one. Because Kelsey loves her like five-hand hugs that she gets.

Yes, you do notice it's five hands instead of four because Trudy hands you one of the arms that has the sigil carved into it. Oh, yes.
So, yes, this was when you were plummeting through the air.

It was the last time you were at this exact spot in the ocean. Yeah.
And after pressing one of your many muscles. I gained a secret spell.
Oh, yes, that's right. We never found out what the spell is.

We never found it out. And that's why I brought it up right now.
Yes. You got a secret spell and you carved a mysterious rune

into your. Oh, this is just like the rabbit's foot mission impossible.

Dude, who knows knows what that fucking spell does you carved it into this arm and uh since then it hasn't really done anything no

I thought that I um I could you know once we had like shot the big dick in the sky I thought it could prevent the dick from coming back or you know close the earth off from the rest of the world or the universe or whatever but I

I didn't really get a chance to use it It's the sigil for the elder sign spell, and I had thought that once we, you know,

killed the big dick in the sky, that it could shut off the gate to other things and keep the world safe. Yeah.
Oh, my God. There's got to be something with this, right?

I mean, Milton, Bibi, look at it. You guys are, I don't know what you guys have been researching, but is this anything?

Bibi just snatches it from you and like goes to stare at it. And she's like looking.
She's like, older sign. We read about this in that book.
You know, which one? Oh, yeah.

The book of sudden and strange things. It had a book of sudden and strange things.
It had a sign like this. But wait, if we, oh, if we go back, all right, we got to go back to the library.

We can look at this, and then, you know, maybe there's some way to sort of use this rune and sort of reinterpret it in a different medium.

Francis, we visit Kelsey to see if Kelsey thinks this is actually no, Kelsey, hearing Milton and BB, you know, excited and trying to figure it out, like has a smile, but looks at Trudy with a knowing nod.

Two things. One, with

I'm not going to see you again, and we know this is not going to work, but also with the gratitude that only a teacher can feel when you've given them an activity that will keep two kids busy for a five-day trip.

So, thank you. And yeah,

I'm sure this is going to help, she says to Francis and Trudy, but yes, her face is very much, it's a goodbye. It's not going to help.

No one can see it, but Francis opens his mouth and he doesn't say, good luck. And he doesn't say, I love you.
And he doesn't say, I'm secretly always going to hate us and you for doing the earth.

But he does say, go get that butter, Kelsey. Yeah.

And with that, the door to the ship slides shut. The three of you feel the

wind blast off of this thing as it silently shoots up into the sky at an alarmingly fast rate.

And you watch it as the ship becomes smaller and smaller until it's a little black dot and it vanishes from sight. And from your perspective, Trudy and Francis is the exact opposite.

You're on the earth one second looking in Kelsey's eyes and then this door shuts and

out the portal of the ship, you watch as the earth gets smaller and smaller, turning into that pale blue dot and then vanishing from sight as you head off into parts unknown.

And back on the earth, as the end of days approaches and strange colors swirl in the sky, and the sea churns and roils, two kid detectives and their teacher head out on the ocean water, bobbing up and down, ready to face whatever comes.

Mother, mother, fear me.

I am the broken sky.

All I ever wanted was to fear.

So more than every

in the world that lies twisted in my mind, and now I'm gone.

All

I can see is a hole in the stars,

following my dreams

and making them into stars.

Brother, won't you hold me?

Show me who to be.

All I ever needed was a chance.

If I get to heaven,

will they have my friend?

Please don't hate the only man of God.

Oh,

all I can see

is the home in the stars.

So I'll leave away the dreams and match in them in discards.

The years that took off with those dreams of

tomorrow

are strangers

My name is Matthew Arnold and I played Kelsey Grammar. My name's Anthony Birch and I played Francis Farnsworth.
My name's Beth May and I played Trudy Trout.

My name is Freddie Wong and I played Tony Collette and Blake Lively. My name is Will Campos and I was the game master.

My name's Maxton Waller and I wrote the theme song All in the Stars as well as Big Shane Silva. My name is Anissa Omran and I was the producer.

My name is Ashley Micolette and I was the community manager. I'm Courtney Terry.
I'm the community coordinator. I'm Cindy Denton and I'm the merch manager.

My name is Esther Ellis and I've been the lead editor. My name is Travis Frees.
I am an editor and sang on the intros of episodes 35 and 37. I'm Omar Romolino and I provided additional editing.

My name's Brian Fernandez. I was a producer and provided additional editing.
Thanks so much for listening to season three of Dungeons and Daddies.

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We'll see you in two weeks.

All

I can see

is a hole

in

the stars.

All I can see

is a hole

in the stars.

my name's Anthony Birch, and I played Francis Farnsworth and one of Tony's dads. My name's Matthew Arnold, and I played Kelsey Grammar and Matthew Arnold, and one of Tony's dads.