#431 - Corner Energy, Non-Playable John and Tubing The Room

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Speaker 7 BBC Sounds, music, radio, podcasts.

Speaker 9 Hello everyone, welcome to the Ellis James and John Robbins Show.

Speaker 11 We hope you're in fine fertile

Speaker 13 because we are, aren't we?

Speaker 2 Big time.

Speaker 14 We danced.

Speaker 15 We daved.

Speaker 14 Oh, we did.

Speaker 16 We danced with doors.

Speaker 18 I couldn't be there, sadly.

Speaker 19 Yeah.

Speaker 20 But

Speaker 18 I've seen awful lot of photos online. Look like what was the capacity of the venue?

Speaker 22 So I did a club night last Saturday at the Albert Hall in Manchester.

Speaker 22 It was 2,000 people.

Speaker 25 Two grand. Yeah.

Speaker 22 The queues around the block.

Speaker 22 Albert Hall say they've never seen anything like it. Which makes me think, and this is mad, Ellis, and I'll whisper it so he doesn't hear.

Speaker 22 People actually turned up for John's problematic walk-in music.

Speaker 21 Yes, I.

Speaker 26 Have you finally, Dave, opened

Speaker 27 yourself up to an ideas, man?

Speaker 27 Have you finally got one of the best commercial brains in the UK on your side?

Speaker 26 Yes, yes, I assume so.

Speaker 31 I'm the dragon you want, Dave.

Speaker 34 Yeah, you are, actually.

Speaker 35 Ellis might be offering you what you ask for for the right percentage,

Speaker 32 but you want me.

Speaker 22 You're the dragon everyone's scared of.

Speaker 34 Scared of how good he is.

Speaker 22 But also scared of how good he is, yeah.

Speaker 37 Do you want cues round the block for your environmentally friendly deodorant, Dave?

Speaker 31 Yes, you do.

Speaker 37 Yes. Do you want cues round the block for your

Speaker 14 dog poo bag company?

Speaker 39 Yes, you do.

Speaker 40 That smells of lavender.

Speaker 41 That smells of lavender.

Speaker 21 Actually eats itself.

Speaker 43 Hmm.

Speaker 40 Softer now when it's gone.

Speaker 44 Yeah, and if you throw it in a hedge or up a tree, it shoots you.

Speaker 45 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 42 Should be lore.

Speaker 45 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 18 Who is chucking dog mess up a tree? Loads of people.

Speaker 45 I know, but kind of.

Speaker 7 It feels quite...

Speaker 16 Is that quite a 90s?

Speaker 22 It's quite a 90s thing, isn't it? Is that pornography in bushes? Am I getting that?

Speaker 26 What are you mixed talking about, Dave?

Speaker 27 Have you just come off a call with help?

Speaker 22 I sexted my boss adult magazines in bushes were a thing oh yeah yeah absolutely were a thing in the 80s and 90s that you don't really see happen anymore totally railway sidings

Speaker 47 canal topaths yeah big time whereas now it's just urls

Speaker 22 yeah and cookies yeah um yeah we danced with dave we danced with dave yeah very bright in there which i hadn't really i hadn't really foreseen the fact that it was going to happen in a venue at 2 p.m in the afternoon that had a hell of a lot of windows

Speaker 22 you are DJing, which is quite an unusual experience in broad daylight.

Speaker 18 That's a problem with doing stand-up during festivals sometimes because it's very difficult to black up some windows. Well, I mean, you're just performing daylight, which is quite weird.

Speaker 9 And you're not used to your come-down starting at dinner, are you?

Speaker 22 Yeah, I was crying at eight.

Speaker 22 But I actually thought the daylight worked quite nicely. I thought it gave it a certain vibe.

Speaker 18 Did it not make people feel self-conscious?

Speaker 16 Done single.

Speaker 37 Not once I was on the decks.

Speaker 52 Well, everybody lost their inhibitions.

Speaker 26 That's not entirely true.

Speaker 27 Everyone's swaying to the complex rhythms of Frank Zappa's more obscure pieces.

Speaker 18 Out of curiosity with the problematic playlist, which we should explain to people who weren't there, is music

Speaker 18 of the most challenging nature and variety that you wouldn't usually play in an event like this, but it's for the walk-in from when people are entering the venue.

Speaker 57 And I must.

Speaker 18 Which David vetoed for the main bits.

Speaker 27 Yeah, and I must clear up some confusion from the title of the problematic walk-in playlist. It's not politically problematic.

Speaker 9 It's not from artists who have been cancelled.

Speaker 59 It's not from artists with extreme views.

Speaker 20 It's sort of musically problematic.

Speaker 60 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 18 It's not your chemtrail playlist, is it?

Speaker 16 It's not the chemtrail playlist.

Speaker 22 No, we went viral on TikTok, John. You went viral on TikTok.

Speaker 25 You did.

Speaker 16 Why do what?

Speaker 22 Because someone put a compilation together of so Sophie Willen DJ'd it.

Speaker 62 Sophie Willen.

Speaker 63 Of course, nature. Absolute torture.

Speaker 27 Sophie Willen was seemingly taking a spin class.

Speaker 22 She absolutely smashed it. Like, she went hell for leather from the minute she walked on stage to the theme tune to White Lotus, which went down very well.

Speaker 26 Nice.

Speaker 22 All the way through to Pulp's Common People. She did not stop dancing.

Speaker 55 Wow. Made herself a little bit sick.

Speaker 22 Made herself a little bit sick. But the video that's gone viral on TikTok is comparing.
And there's nothing wrong with your energy, John. I will say that.

Speaker 16 I will say that. I'm glad you said that, Dave.
I will say that more often.

Speaker 22 There is nothing wrong with your energy.

Speaker 49 Can you text me that in the morning, please?

Speaker 9 I'm the teacher who doesn't shout.

Speaker 16 Yeah, you're not angry.

Speaker 10 And also shouts.

Speaker 64 But on the days I don't shout, people listen.

Speaker 65 Yes.

Speaker 26 And my

Speaker 18 school career, I saw some teachers make the switch from being a shouter.

Speaker 18 to being quiet because they realized after a few years that actually it was more powerful to just stand there in silence and wait for the pupils to go to them as opposed to going all guns blazing.

Speaker 18 You learned that lesson a very long time ago, John. Because when you DJ, I mean, you're like a statue.

Speaker 8 Yeah, you've got to intimidate them.

Speaker 33 Intimidate them into dancing

Speaker 27 to a song that has five different time signatures.

Speaker 34 But we had a lovely time, didn't we, Dave?

Speaker 22 We did. We had a lot of fun.
James A. Castle was fantastic.
Sophie was great. I finished it off with 50 minutes of bangers.

Speaker 2 Guild Series chat.

Speaker 18 How many foods has that TikTok video had, Div?

Speaker 68 100 million.

Speaker 62 100 million grand? 100 million grand, yeah.

Speaker 24 100 million grand times.

Speaker 30 £100 million quid grand.

Speaker 69 Wow.

Speaker 22 £50,000.

Speaker 30 £50,000, $100 million grand.

Speaker 67 £50,000, $100 million grand.

Speaker 62 Yeah.

Speaker 18 God, nobody's got a smile on his fist.

Speaker 46 Absolutely.

Speaker 22 And good fun. Good fun.
It was well received. Thank you for playing it, John, as always.
Dave, you're welcome.

Speaker 26 I do appreciate it.

Speaker 27 Thank you for upping my fee.

Speaker 71 That's all right.

Speaker 54 Thank you for meeting my demands.

Speaker 30 Yeah.

Speaker 22 Well, you need, I think, you know, it's important to recognise the value.

Speaker 67 And you bought

Speaker 2 commercial acumen.

Speaker 41 I add value, Dave.

Speaker 21 You do.

Speaker 22 An energy.

Speaker 46 That could be on my business card.

Speaker 18 An energy.

Speaker 10 I have value.

Speaker 26 I add

Speaker 26 value.

Speaker 57 I am value.

Speaker 73 That's good.

Speaker 56 I add an energy.

Speaker 26 I add an energy.

Speaker 22 Value you can trust.

Speaker 36 Value you can trust indeed.

Speaker 32 Yes, well, I also added energy to another event I went to recently, actually, guys.

Speaker 3 Funeral?

Speaker 11 No, not a funeral.

Speaker 75 Big eulogy?

Speaker 11 Not a big eulogy, no.

Speaker 74 I went to, what should we call it in this day and age?

Speaker 58 A singles mixer.

Speaker 65 Right. Yeah.

Speaker 26 A singles event.

Speaker 43 Okay.

Speaker 22 Is this speed dating?

Speaker 18 That's very 90s, Dave.

Speaker 27 Yeah, that's very 90s, Dave.

Speaker 36 We're talking much more up to the minute 2025.

Speaker 70 What does that mean?

Speaker 54 More neon signs.

Speaker 17 And you went on your phone.

Speaker 49 And I went on my phone, Dave.

Speaker 14 I had my phone.

Speaker 18 Was it movers and shakers?

Speaker 62 No, it wasn't.

Speaker 35 Well, I guess people were moving, people were shaking.

Speaker 19 No, but I mean, you know,

Speaker 18 people of influence, John.

Speaker 17 Uh, no, no, it wasn't.

Speaker 18 As Henry Pucker put it, politicians and playwrights.

Speaker 44 It wasn't politicians and playwrights.

Speaker 22 Well, I've seen you do a lot of things, John. Yes, Dave.
And I've seen you do a lot of things very well. Thank you.

Speaker 55 But not everything that I do well.

Speaker 22 Well, the one thing I've never seen you do is work a room.

Speaker 38 Were you required to work any rooms as part of the singles mixer?

Speaker 17 Yeah, I've seen you be in the corner of a room.

Speaker 62 Oh, he's in rooms.

Speaker 65 Yeah.

Speaker 32 I gave strong corner energy.

Speaker 31 I immediately walked in and made it clear to people there's a guy who likes corners.

Speaker 22 And he looked at the corner like in blow which projects.

Speaker 78 That was very much my vibe.

Speaker 17 Can you imagine being the person that goes in?

Speaker 56 and is like straight in the middle, dancing, being big.

Speaker 25 Can you imagine being that person?

Speaker 18 Because I actually can't imagine it.

Speaker 46 I was like if you were playing Doom and it had a glitch and there's just someone that's like a lemmig walking at the wall.

Speaker 45 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 22 Well, a phrase that I've heard a lot recently, Izzy and Zoff can help us out.

Speaker 17 Manism?

Speaker 22 Main character energy.

Speaker 22 What does that mean? Does that just mean you are someone you walk into a room and it's look at me everyone I'm I'm the boss of this room is that main character energy

Speaker 22 Yeah, so you what's the opposite of main character energy?

Speaker 26 Is there a phrase

Speaker 26 extra energy? No

Speaker 45 Oh, NBC. Yes.
Non-playable character.

Speaker 20 Non-playable character.

Speaker 17 Because a friend of mine got called that on the bus by a teenager.

Speaker 16 What's non-playable character?

Speaker 16 It's like when you're playing a video game and there's like just extras. So don't only put it on the channel.
Yeah, an extra video.

Speaker 32 Yeah, but I'm.

Speaker 31 The thing is, I bring main story character.

Speaker 10 Is that what it is?

Speaker 22 Main character energy.

Speaker 75 Main character energy to a non-playable character.

Speaker 77 No, do you want to ask?

Speaker 14 So I draw the eye

Speaker 20 by being aloof.

Speaker 17 No, no, no.

Speaker 66 You're a lovely, beautiful meal andre closh.

Speaker 34 I'm one of those display ones they have in the window, which you're not sure whether it's made of plastic or not.

Speaker 46 Yeah, yeah, you're a display to a massoo.

Speaker 41 Yeah, and you're like, if that's real, then they must have to make a new one every day.

Speaker 2 How long has it been out for? Yeah.

Speaker 8 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 13 Luckily, I was...

Speaker 48 I won't name my accomplice, but I went with a friend who is also single, who's much more main character.

Speaker 26 Total Archie.

Speaker 30 And

Speaker 13 so I sort of,

Speaker 13 he played the room, and I sort of just sort of traveled along in his wake.

Speaker 27 If he'd not been there, I would have lasted 25 seconds before going home.

Speaker 18 But that looks crazy if you leave early.

Speaker 77 Oh, I would have walked straight.

Speaker 18 If you just walk in and then walk straight out, that's what I would have done.

Speaker 67 It looks awful.

Speaker 22 Yeah. So, how did it go?

Speaker 33 Did you meet anyone?

Speaker 47 Did you meet any strangers? Have a nice chat with anyone?

Speaker 18 Did you broadcast?

Speaker 67 You could have just done a podcast.

Speaker 30 I did get into one conversation that i sort of caused an early end to by just far too many tube station facts okay

Speaker 12 um

Speaker 14 i sort of tried and women love that i tried to tube the room yeah and um

Speaker 36 limited success okay uh

Speaker 10 goes straight i mean did you i mean straight in with tube station facts well no because obviously david's the world's greatest icebreaker because what you do is you say where are you from in london someone says bang you've got five facts about their tube station

Speaker 22 lambeth north yeah yeah yeah yeah okay yeah i mean it's not a bad tactic actually it's an awful tactic dave competitive

Speaker 33 but um the the night ended i left quite early no way

Speaker 30 um the night ended where me and my friend um were chatting to two people who were also friends

Speaker 12 and um

Speaker 10 we were sat down in the bar bit upstairs because I found downstairs too loud.

Speaker 23 Okay,

Speaker 12 and uh, my friend kissed a girl.

Speaker 30 Well, I spoke to her friend about childhood trauma,

Speaker 26 and uh, then I went home,

Speaker 21 so it sort of played out as expected, really.

Speaker 62 Are you gonna get her on how do you cope?

Speaker 6 Um,

Speaker 26 I'm gonna get him on how do you do it,

Speaker 72 I'm gonna get him on what's the secret

Speaker 3 um

Speaker 52 yeah quite disconcerting to be at an event where everyone has license to talk to you

Speaker 42 like can just come up and go hi yeah and you can't go what well i don't know if they still do that do you remember traffic light parties do you remember them yeah

Speaker 18 oh there's a great traffic light party scene in the second series of alma's not normal oh yeah yeah it's really really funny josh wider comes up a really good routine about traffic light parties years ago but yeah that was the that's the thing because obviously you're telling people your intentions.

Speaker 58 Well, why would you go to one in red?

Speaker 18 Yeah, never understood unless I don't know. Maybe they serve a kind of stout that you don't see in many pubs.

Speaker 16 They're for the stout.

Speaker 18 So like I am, I'm red, but you don't see Murphys in many places.

Speaker 65 I like moccasins.

Speaker 22 The way it used to work at uni was it was a club night that you wanted to be at. It wasn't so much that it was a dating night.

Speaker 22 So if you did want to say, it's basically you're always saying, I want to be at this club night. I'm enjoying the fratellis.

Speaker 22 oh god but i'm also not up for a snog you have a red dot i know how it worked at your university you got a free bottle of proseca if you gave someone behind a towel

Speaker 80 that's how it worked at oxford dave

Speaker 43 and the nightclub got shut down

Speaker 55 maybe that's what happened i did i never was witness to that um but yeah this was very different to that okay yeah good yeah good but they're like you know

Speaker 40 captains of industry.

Speaker 6 Why?

Speaker 6 What do you think this is? I don't know.

Speaker 78 It wasn't a meeting of the Industrial Revolution

Speaker 2 of mill owners.

Speaker 8 So with fob watching.

Speaker 60 Everyone say get their top hats off at the door.

Speaker 67 No, just single people

Speaker 64 who exist.

Speaker 18 Was it in a party? Or was it in a nightclub or a restaurant or a.

Speaker 11 No, it's like a company that run

Speaker 81 it's like an alternative to the apps, guys. Okay.

Speaker 34 Because a lot of us are tired of the apps.

Speaker 25 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 45 Big deal.

Speaker 65 Actually.

Speaker 10 And so it isn't in like a cocktail bar.

Speaker 20 But it was all hired out for that purpose.

Speaker 67 Okay, okay.

Speaker 74 And they've got a no-ghosting rule, Dave.

Speaker 69 Okay.

Speaker 49 How does that work then?

Speaker 26 I don't know.

Speaker 27 You just have to text someone if you give them your number.

Speaker 57 Oh, that's nice.

Speaker 26 Or you go to jail.

Speaker 78 Yeah, or you go to jail.

Speaker 22 I quite like that as a rule, though.

Speaker 51 Yeah, it's a good rule.

Speaker 22 String people along.

Speaker 30 Oh, goodness me, no.

Speaker 33 So, yes, I'm one of the great.

Speaker 27 I should probably have a column in like L magazine or something about singles events.

Speaker 22 Yeah, about how you stand near people snogging.

Speaker 18 Terry War would bring main character energy to the next one of these events you walk in nude? Not quite the Freddie Mercury jacket who had the L.

Speaker 22 Oh, there's main character energy.

Speaker 30 That is main character energy, but they might think that I'm part of the entertainment.

Speaker 26 They might think, oh, I didn't know there was a tribute band on.

Speaker 28 When do they start? When are you on?

Speaker 2 It's not really like.

Speaker 14 I've got main character energy, but I'm not not actually buffed at the form.

Speaker 18 But people asking you when the UN is an icebreaker.

Speaker 16 Yeah. So you get to know.

Speaker 25 Not if you are on.

Speaker 18 No, because he says, well, I'm not actually. A, I have main character energy.

Speaker 56 B, I really like Freddie Mercury. Yeah.

Speaker 18 C, I was quite bashful at the last event, so I thought I would dress differently.

Speaker 27 Did you know West Hampstead's got the highest difference between the platform and the train?

Speaker 25 One, two, three, four.

Speaker 18 That's four conversation starters.

Speaker 22 Wallop, you're in.

Speaker 34 Angel's got the longest escalator.

Speaker 22 That's massive.

Speaker 79 Classic. That's a classic.

Speaker 18 It's a classic dave it's a classic i ran up it a couple of weeks ago

Speaker 18 if i could and i could and i did well done yeah yeah but it's a whopper

Speaker 16 yeah chesha chesham's the farthest away from central london uh it's the freddie jacket keep going imagine freddie doing that at wembley or

Speaker 18 you know that advert you did where you had to pretend to be freddie mercury and a and a like a package right

Speaker 24 at your door uh

Speaker 43 i can't remember what the product what was the product for But you were.

Speaker 7 And you had the

Speaker 7 drugs.

Speaker 18 And you had the vest, and you had the jeans and you had the boxing boots.

Speaker 77 Yeah, it was a big deal.

Speaker 17 Yeah.

Speaker 43 But go like that.

Speaker 18 The vest.

Speaker 35 It was something being delivered.

Speaker 3 What are you googling out of interest, Dave?

Speaker 22 I was for John Robins Queen advert.

Speaker 60 Okay.

Speaker 55 You might get quite a few different results.

Speaker 18 Because obviously, you had the vest on and you had the tight blue jeans you had on the bottom.

Speaker 37 No one else was in fancy dress.

Speaker 21 People that sort of look really good.

Speaker 17 Yeah, but

Speaker 18 you're like a Doom character with a glitch, John, walking into the corner.

Speaker 18 We've got to find a way.

Speaker 69 Yeah.

Speaker 27 People typing in lots of different codes to find out how to unlock me.

Speaker 25 Yeah.

Speaker 18 Also, you're in good shape now, so the vest would be flat trim, wouldn't it?

Speaker 82 Well, do you know what?

Speaker 54 Since my running career has taken off, I have begun to lose my fat back.

Speaker 52 And I'd say now it's actually gone.

Speaker 67 Yeah, pretty nice. Brilliant.

Speaker 22 Have you? Because that's where I store my fat.

Speaker 49 I go straight to my battle. It's on the way down.

Speaker 36 Since my 13k.

Speaker 22 I found the advert.

Speaker 25 Oh, good.

Speaker 16 What's an advert for?

Speaker 76 I'm surprised you didn't remember this, John.

Speaker 21 I remember it.

Speaker 2 I just don't remember the product.

Speaker 22 Well, it's the Bohemian Rhapsody DVD trailer. It's for Bohemian Rhapsody.

Speaker 49 That's right. Yes.

Speaker 27 That's why. Yeah, and I've still got those shoes.

Speaker 30 They're very uncomfortable.

Speaker 16 And

Speaker 30 I worked with the woman who did the choreography for the film.

Speaker 22 Oh, you can tell.

Speaker 55 Yeah, she was great. Yeah, you're great.

Speaker 18 Yes, because the DVD lands on the mat and you...

Speaker 17 And then, yeah, it's good.

Speaker 72 Pussycat in the the advent there's lovely little pussycat yeah so there you go um yeah i'll i'll probably come back with um more tales of abandon and hell-raising yeah a year's time or something or you could go in your golf clothes because i always think you look very smart thanks i do look smart in my golf clothes i take my club

Speaker 14 And if it's going badly, you could just go to a nearby driving range.

Speaker 27 Yeah, or if I could clear a space, I could work on my sort of chipping.

Speaker 68 Yeah.

Speaker 62 But there's support to be some women there who like golf.

Speaker 65 Well, that's the dream, of course. It is the dream, isn't it?

Speaker 24 Yeah.

Speaker 23 Yeah, that's the dream.

Speaker 65 Yeah, that's that's the yeah.

Speaker 18 Next time, queen, time after that, go in your golf clothes.

Speaker 22 We've not been on since the big golf win. Was that a big moment for you when Rory McElroy won?

Speaker 67 Oh,

Speaker 36 it was absolutely huge.

Speaker 10 That was insane. Yeah.

Speaker 36 But also, like, the process of watching it, because the way it turned out, at one point, I was thinking,

Speaker 20 if he doesn't win this if he throws this away again i'm never ever staying up to watch him because it's just too jimmy white too stressful yeah yeah yeah

Speaker 22 um and i i don't know that he would have been able to recover from that but it was you know incredible sport

Speaker 52 just liquid gold sport

Speaker 12 yeah um

Speaker 30 but you know i think the us open against bryson i will always remember that as being one of the most disappointing sporting nights of my life.

Speaker 26 Really? Yeah.

Speaker 22 And he seems like a nice guy.

Speaker 26 Rory's a lovely bloke. Nice guy.

Speaker 11 And he got let down by the PGA in a big, big way.

Speaker 72 Did he?

Speaker 22 Yeah. Because he didn't go to

Speaker 25 what's the other competition called?

Speaker 62 Liv.

Speaker 13 Liv. Yeah, he didn't do that, did he? Not only that, but he sort of became the poster boy of he was like head of the committee of the players or whatever, the poster boy for the PGA.

Speaker 59 And then when they, when they announced they were going to work with Liv, they just completely threw him under the bus because they didn't sort of tell him in advance

Speaker 68 so you know he stuck his reputation and his sort of morality on the line and then they pulled the rug out rug out from under him this is why you should be going to these networking dating events in your golf clothes

Speaker 18 because when you're discussing the live tour and the ethics behind it norri mcElroy john you come alive there's a twinkle in your eye there is a twinkle in my eye i mean i should just stick to fan queen fan Fan Club conventions.

Speaker 70 And then everyone's dressed like that. Yeah.

Speaker 18 Surely you're the absolute boss of the Queen Fan Club convention.

Speaker 30 I've never been to one.

Speaker 26 Oh, come on.

Speaker 43 No.

Speaker 14 Do they exist? Do they have an older one?

Speaker 82 Do you mean it's the oldest fan club in the world?

Speaker 18 Oh, yes. You have said that.

Speaker 79 Okay.

Speaker 22 We should get you down to one.

Speaker 30 There's another bonus podcast.

Speaker 31 There we go.

Speaker 46 More content.

Speaker 25 More value.

Speaker 85 More value.

Speaker 82 I have value.

Speaker 16 Clay value.

Speaker 28 I am value.

Speaker 55 Well, it probably probably isn't running anymore.

Speaker 22 I just feel like it should be,

Speaker 22 given it's one of the biggest bands.

Speaker 73 Why don't you head down to Guinness Book of Records and find out or go to Jackie Gunn's office and look at the Guinness Book of Records?

Speaker 58 Oldest continuous fan club, please, Dave.

Speaker 22 I'll keep looking. You guys carry on.

Speaker 18 Let's do some. Right, let's do some correspondence.
This is a great email. Very up John's street.

Speaker 22 Yes, Queen.

Speaker 18 Hello, my little sweet confirm that dave queen since 1973 alice not my story but one that was told to me by the singer in my band just quickly rip to roy thomas baker who was an early producer of queen whose toilet seat i sat on at rockfield studios okay back in the 90s he was living in london on a retainer as a session guitarist and hold up at the legendary columbia hotel now given the hotel's status as a hangout for musicians they had a very strict policy that only people had a room key and their guests would be be allowed to drink in the 24-hour bar, which was manned by a very demure cockney called Geoffrey, legendary for taking absolutely no S from anyone.

Speaker 18 One evening after a show, my friend was spending some time with the other musicians from his band at the bar, when who should walk in but Van Morrison and Bob Dylan? Yes, please.

Speaker 18 Whose crew were also staying at the hotel, but who naturally had a suite each at a much nicer hotel nearby. Knowing that they are in the presence of music royalty, the room goes quiet.

Speaker 18 Van Morrison and Bob Dylan, who at this time were very close friends, go up to the bar and Van orders them two pints.

Speaker 56 To which Geoffrey, of course, says, Can I see a room key from all of you, gentlemen?

Speaker 18 Affronted by this, Van Morrison says aggressively, a room key?

Speaker 62 Don't you know who I am?

Speaker 56 To which Geoffrey, not missing a peach, says, Yes, you're a man without a room key.

Speaker 24 To howls of laughter from Bob.

Speaker 18 Almost immediately, a member of Van's band steps in and says, Oh, these guys are with me, after which Geoffrey allows a very angry Van and an extremely amused Bob to drink.

Speaker 18 Apparently, Van had that one pint and left while Bob stayed talking, joking, and telling stories until the early hours.

Speaker 73 Kai in Berlin.

Speaker 26 Yes, please.

Speaker 60 I like every part of that story.

Speaker 22 That's a big one.

Speaker 54 I like Van Morrison.

Speaker 55 I like Pints.

Speaker 68 I like Bob Dylan.

Speaker 83 I like Bob Dylan and Van Morrison.

Speaker 30 Yeah. I like Van being stroppy and Bob being chilled.

Speaker 63 Yes.

Speaker 22 It was at Columbia Hotel. Is it still going to Columbia Hotel?

Speaker 46 I always stayed at the Columbia Hotel, did it?

Speaker 18 The strokes did as well.

Speaker 22 Yeah, because it was big in that meeting bathroom because Kings of Leon were there, but they weren't allowed to drink in there. Because they didn't have a room key.

Speaker 17 No, because they were too young.

Speaker 22 They like came across from America as part of Interpol's tour or whatever.

Speaker 22 But Kings of Leon, when they you don't, you kind of forget when they started, when they got big, like their youngest member was like 14 years old, like one of the cousins or whatever.

Speaker 22 Wow, Kings of Leon were really, really young. They just looked old because they had the big beards and the long hair.

Speaker 26 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 22 So then they came across to Columbia Hotel, but they weren't allowed to buy their own drinks because

Speaker 22 all of them weren't over 18.

Speaker 79 Wow. Yeah.

Speaker 26 Okay. Good band.

Speaker 16 Anyway.

Speaker 18 I've had lots of stuff about this on my social media

Speaker 18 that I should have passed on.

Speaker 18 Regarding John's recent loss, paying full amount for headphones, even though they went on sale the next day, surely someone as savvy as John could simply buy the same pair once they've been reduced and return the older version.

Speaker 18 If he's already opened the box, no issue, just return the new on sale headphones for the old non-sale headphones.

Speaker 18 Hope he can still return, make back that £25 and turn a loss into new winners from Scott.

Speaker 52 Well, Scott, here's the problem:

Speaker 59 because I am savvy, I had the headphones in my basket on various websites waiting for the first one to drop.

Speaker 57 When I had really

Speaker 18 like six grand or something.

Speaker 20 The headphones. Yeah.
No.

Speaker 30 $169.99.

Speaker 50 And when they didn't drop, because I back Britain, because I believe in better,

Speaker 31 because I

Speaker 52 see a future of growth in UK PLC.

Speaker 53 Sorry for that, put me in prison.

Speaker 16 Or you arrest me or shoot me against a wall

Speaker 58 for thinking that this country means a damn.

Speaker 56 I bought them from John Lewis. I give a fig.

Speaker 10 I give a fig, Dave.

Speaker 46 I bought them from John Lewis.

Speaker 57 And I can't, in all good conscience.

Speaker 18 Your patriotic side kicked in, did it?

Speaker 8 Yeah, I can't then buy them from that place.

Speaker 33 And well, I could have bought them from that place and returned them to John.

Speaker 59 But I...

Speaker 82 What am I saying? What am I saying about me? What am I saying about the UK?

Speaker 37 What am I saying about common decency?

Speaker 38 If I say, sorry,

Speaker 64 I've already invested in you as an ethos, as a brand, as a British brand.

Speaker 17 I believe.

Speaker 34 Bezos has just undercut you.

Speaker 75 So sorry, I'm switching sides.

Speaker 16 No, not on my watch.

Speaker 22 Well, aren't they never knowingly undersold? I mean, it sounds like they are.

Speaker 73 Online, Dave.

Speaker 34 Right.

Speaker 59 You know that doesn't apply to online offers.

Speaker 43 You know full well.

Speaker 22 I didn't full well know that.

Speaker 74 And also, I'm not one of those guys who's big into returning stuff.

Speaker 41 You know, people who like order

Speaker 10 and half of the stuff they order, they just send straight back. Yeah.

Speaker 25 I'm not that guy.

Speaker 24 My wife.

Speaker 44 But isn't I'm not having a go at your wife,

Speaker 43 whom I love.

Speaker 26 Yeah.

Speaker 11 But the carbon footprint of that approach to consumerism, which already isn't the least carbon-heavy process, must be mad.

Speaker 43 I'd like to get a skirt or a cap or a gun or a horse

Speaker 20 or a glue gun or glue

Speaker 63 or a plectrum. Or

Speaker 25 naming everything at this stage.

Speaker 42 Or a cushion.

Speaker 16 There are parameters there.

Speaker 18 Or some masonry nails.

Speaker 25 Or printer ink.

Speaker 20 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 63 Or a scarf.

Speaker 36 Or a wedding dress.

Speaker 26 Or a wedding dress.

Speaker 16 Or a hammer.

Speaker 22 This is next week's made-up game.

Speaker 20 Or a

Speaker 17 Harry Potter wand. Or an egg cup.

Speaker 20 Or an egg cup, Dave!

Speaker 40 Or some goggles.

Speaker 42 Or some goggles. Yes, all right.

Speaker 16 Or a copy of Wuthering Heights.

Speaker 79 God.

Speaker 46 You know, but to order all this stuff and to send it back,

Speaker 82 all of the stuff,

Speaker 82 the cardboard, the plastic, the

Speaker 69 fuel,

Speaker 37 the emails, which apparently, you know,

Speaker 13 kill the world if you send an email these days.

Speaker 69 Yeah.

Speaker 16 So where does that leave us?

Speaker 25 What's my point?

Speaker 22 I forget at this stage.

Speaker 34 I don't return stuff.

Speaker 36 You don't return stuff.

Speaker 16 Yeah.

Speaker 24 And also, I can't be bothered.

Speaker 65 So, what do you do? Burn it

Speaker 16 or eat it.

Speaker 70 Straight in the garden.

Speaker 85 I just eat my headphones.

Speaker 7 Straight in the garden. And I eat my headphones.

Speaker 29 I eat my headphones.

Speaker 61 Right.

Speaker 9 Though I do need a new set of in-ear headphones.

Speaker 59 So that's when I'm going to shine.

Speaker 16 That's when I make my money back.

Speaker 36 Okay.

Speaker 46 Good. Good luck with that.

Speaker 11 We had a very funny email from Steve McNeill.

Speaker 3 Oh, yes.

Speaker 52 Whose identity will be revealed during this email? Steve says, comedian and vague circuit acquaintance of days gone by, Steve McNeil here.

Speaker 46 I was surprised upon listening to your recent show to hear mention of Dara O'Brien's Go 8-bit, not least because, even as one of its creators, audiences at my current touring show frequently seem shocked to discover it existed, despite having bought a ticket to come and see me.

Speaker 44 So Steve is someone we know from back in the days.

Speaker 21 Yes, yes, yes.

Speaker 13 Back in those crazy hazy days, Dave.

Speaker 36 Steve goes on.

Speaker 52 This is testament indeed to the extent to which the show captured the nation's hearts and minds.

Speaker 28 As a fan of your work, I'm somewhat familiar with John's tendency to not let things go very easily, and I'm a

Speaker 34 custodian of my own plentiful shame well.

Speaker 36 So I thought I'd drop you a line to reassure John that in his words, his cold response for a request from me to do it in Edinburgh in 2014 had no bearing on his booking or lack thereof for the T V incarnation.

Speaker 35 I had so little clout once the machine swallowed up the format that I frequently got as many jokes included in the final edit of the show as John, i.e.

Speaker 71 zero, despite being a team captain.

Speaker 52 It was in short a show which had its challenges to work on and I hope this can, after over a decade, finally offer John peace of mind in this small but no doubt insomnia inducing matter.

Speaker 75 He is in fact in great company, with comedians such as James A.

Speaker 18 Castor, Rachel Parris and Romesh Ranganathan being vetoed at various points by a production team led by someone who, on first meeting, explained to me that, quote, they don't really like video games or comedians.

Speaker 51 Oh, my.

Speaker 20 Possibly a

Speaker 78 factor in the struggle of my video gaming comedy show to leave the mark on the cultural landscape I had hoped.

Speaker 79 Oh, Steve.

Speaker 36 Thank you very much for sending me.

Speaker 18 I was asked on, so do they not like you were on?

Speaker 45 Yeah, I know.

Speaker 18 Yeah, so did they not see me as a comedian?

Speaker 16 Or nor a video gamer.

Speaker 18 Or a video gamer. I said, I'm certainly not a gamer.

Speaker 66 Oh, Steve.

Speaker 22 Disheartening, though, isn't it?

Speaker 30 There was no correlation.

Speaker 61 No.

Speaker 59 It wasn't, you know, I wasn't in anyone's black book.

Speaker 61 No.

Speaker 26 This is on the subject of dating from Tabs.

Speaker 10 Tabs says, hello, my trusted triad.

Speaker 67 Like that. Like that.

Speaker 35 Firstly, thank you for shouting out my tattoo a few weeks ago.

Speaker 34 It's probably obvious from the late time stamp, the fact that much of half of the email doesn't make sense, the quality of the photo, the lighting and the fuzzy slippers, and the general vibe.

Speaker 74 I was a bit drunk when I sent it.

Speaker 41 I've just listened to your episode with Harriet Kemsley on modern dating apps.

Speaker 46 Credit score is a tantalizing option.

Speaker 34 But I've long said I wish there was a dating app in which you could filter people based on the contents of their fridge and/or shopping basket.

Speaker 82 I can see this.

Speaker 18 Yeah, I like this a lot.

Speaker 46 A photo of your fridge, door open, light on.

Speaker 18 Because you've got the products.

Speaker 26 You've got the order.

Speaker 30 And the cleanliness. The cleanliness.

Speaker 59 Because a fridge is something often that's much dirtier than you think.

Speaker 65 Yes.

Speaker 34 As a single woman of 28, my interest would be piqued by someone buying fresh veg and the kind of proteins necessary to cook a meal.

Speaker 30 It's a worrying but scarily necessary minimum standard to hold someone to, but the fact that someone's buying cooking ingredients means they're probably not an absolute felion, which is Cornish for absolute spanner.

Speaker 36 I also know for a fact I'd get on with someone who likes such things as hot sauces, pickles.

Speaker 18 Yeah, it's good, isn't it? Because you're like, okay, they like Brunson pickle, they like hot sauces.

Speaker 27 I'm going to have lots of time to myself while they're on the toilet.

Speaker 20 Yeah.

Speaker 27 As, in my opinion, they're far less likely to be boring in the bedroom.

Speaker 16 Oh,

Speaker 69 okay.

Speaker 36 Dave, how's the hot sauce I gave you going down?

Speaker 22 I've plowed through half a bottle, John.

Speaker 25 You have, haven't you? Yeah.

Speaker 30 Similarly, my heart would be erasing if someone were picking things up such as burrata or fresh

Speaker 13 aubergine on the reg.

Speaker 43 Okay.

Speaker 10 I've had my fair share of disappointing sleepovers, and they're invariably with someone whose fridge has in it a can of monster and sometimes an onion.

Speaker 6 Oh my God.

Speaker 52 If I could swipe right on someone's fridge, I would.

Speaker 18 That's huge, isn't it?

Speaker 18 If you open the fridge morning after and it's a can of monster and an old onion, you're like, this is not the person for me.

Speaker 27 I just wondered if you could ask my fellow listeners for their own versions of dating apps if they were able to curate it.

Speaker 55 That's a great idea.

Speaker 34 I wish I could filter people based on their food shop.

Speaker 52 What do people wish they could fish via?

Speaker 46 Lots of love. Tabs.
Great cue.

Speaker 81 Well, I've already suggested that I want like

Speaker 34 trust pilot reviews from X's.

Speaker 55 From X's, yeah.

Speaker 18 That could be used as a mi way of settling all scores.

Speaker 78 Yeah, but you wouldn't improve that.

Speaker 81 You wouldn't you would choose them yourself, but they would have to be from a verified X.

Speaker 34 So it wouldn't be someone who like hated your guts, maybe.

Speaker 20 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 44 But they would have to have been out with you for a minimum of, say, six months.

Speaker 22 Is that a bit unfair for people that maybe haven't been in a relationship for six months? Because then you've not got anyone on that CV of yours, and it is probably not looking for a bad idea.

Speaker 18 Well, what if the ex isn't over you?

Speaker 36 It can be quite a cruel thing to do.

Speaker 15 For those people, you would get two friends to write it for them.

Speaker 26 That's nice.

Speaker 22 See, I wonder whether the friend route is just the better route in general.

Speaker 68 But that's already a dating app, don't you? Oh, okay.

Speaker 13 Fine. But those people could have friends.

Speaker 56 Yes.

Speaker 84 So fridges, friends, such as exes.

Speaker 26 You could do wardrobe.

Speaker 22 I was thinking that.

Speaker 26 Yeah.

Speaker 11 But then I'm not sure I would pay much attention to someone's wardrobe.

Speaker 18 Your wardrobe is crazy.

Speaker 69 Yeah.

Speaker 18 Clothes bought for you by a variety of exes and your Freddie Mercury jacket and some golf stuff.

Speaker 18 Who is this guy?

Speaker 20 He's a guy who's quite good at golf, who's terrible at relationships and likes Freddie Mercury.

Speaker 22 Not for the amount of money in your bank account, obviously not, but bank statements could be fun.

Speaker 7 What's the difference?

Speaker 16 With the amounts crossed out, but the transactions.

Speaker 16 Oh, interesting.

Speaker 13 He's got a lot of money going to GMCC Bill.

Speaker 17 Yeah, that could...

Speaker 8 That is interesting. I like

Speaker 66 Pete's allotted up a crust.

Speaker 41 Yeah.

Speaker 34 So what you could have is like on those efficiency apps that banks do, where it sort of gives you a pie chart of where your spending goes.

Speaker 7 This is good. This is good.

Speaker 10 Colour palette of house.

Speaker 18 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. It'd be good.

Speaker 30 I recently bought two new light shades.

Speaker 26 Did you? Yeah, actually, yeah.

Speaker 30 Because I'm into interior design.

Speaker 62 Footwell.

Speaker 79 And I'd have one of them. Footwell.

Speaker 67 If you have a car.

Speaker 42 Oh, Car Footwell is

Speaker 77 Car Footwell.

Speaker 35 The problem is, you can sort of, you could prepare completely.

Speaker 21 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 62 So it has taken without your your knowledge completely random footwell photo

Speaker 18 footwell you just get a notification to say that someone from the app is taking a photo what about this

Speaker 72 the app is called

Speaker 20 ffff

Speaker 55 which it doesn't stand for anything rude but could be it's footwell fridge and friend yeah

Speaker 31 so your your profile is your passport picture yeah then a review from a friend a picture of your fridge and a picture of your footwell yes and if you don't have a car it's just a picture of your feet yeah i look like i'm dying dying in my possible photo, though.

Speaker 20 Do you?

Speaker 43 Yeah.

Speaker 18 A sort of an inventory of how you are with staff in cafes and restaurants and pubs and bars. Because people who are rude to waiters and waitresses really go down in my estimation.

Speaker 34 How would you collate that?

Speaker 14 Exactly.

Speaker 18 It's a bit stasy now, isn't it?

Speaker 62 Because you would need.

Speaker 33 You're drawing on CCTV.

Speaker 26 I am, yeah.

Speaker 18 That's not on.

Speaker 37 You don't want human rights to be an issue in creating a dating profile.

Speaker 69 No.

Speaker 18 And you can work that out for yourself on the first date, I suppose.

Speaker 22 Yeah, because there's a lot of work that's got to be done in the back end there.

Speaker 45 Yeah.

Speaker 63 So it's a lot of.

Speaker 16 Oh, the good radio balance. Well, no, it's tawdry radio balance.
It is.

Speaker 14 The tawdry radio balance.

Speaker 44 Let's have a little palate cleanser and talk to Adrian.

Speaker 87 Just check in with Ellison John. How are you two?

Speaker 18 Very well. How are you, Adrian?

Speaker 26 It's good.

Speaker 20 I could do comedy.

Speaker 26 I've got to do it for others more than fighters, you two.

Speaker 87 You're not boxing fans, are you?

Speaker 18 I'm a big boxing fan.

Speaker 87 Oh, are you?

Speaker 45 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 18 MacAlvani on Boxing

Speaker 18 would be one of my Desert Island books.

Speaker 40 You only get one.

Speaker 87 Which one's that?

Speaker 18 Who McAlvane's collected works on boxing for me? Was it the USB?

Speaker 59 So you're having that and the Bible and the complete works of Shakespeare?

Speaker 18 It would be in my top five, absolutely.

Speaker 42 That's not how the programme works.

Speaker 16 What's your desert island book?

Speaker 43 I'm not going to win on the programme.

Speaker 16 What's your work?

Speaker 87 Can I just ask Steve Bunch? What's your Desert Island boxing book? Well, I think it would be Eugh McAlveny's.

Speaker 67 It's incredible.

Speaker 87 It's a ridiculous book,

Speaker 87 and I use it for just about every single fight. I used it for this fight because I sat about four seats away from Yui for the original fight in 1990.

Speaker 87 And then the second fight, I sat next to him in 1993.

Speaker 87 And in fact, if it was down to one book, it would still be Eugh McAlveny, which might not go down very well with some of our more traditional listeners. But that book is an absolute gem

Speaker 67 that is masterpiece

Speaker 18 about the tragic death of Johnny Owen. Johnny Owen is an absolutely extraordinary piece of literature.

Speaker 87 You know,

Speaker 87 we got him to read that on Five Life. Mike Costello and I, many years ago, we got him to read it.

Speaker 18 It's out there somewhere.

Speaker 87 We got Huey to sit in front of us with us two crying our eyes out whilst he read that book.

Speaker 67 Oh, I love it. And he

Speaker 87 was read it like he was reading the side of a Coca-Cola tin, the content. It was quite standing.
It's out there somewhere, I assure you.

Speaker 18 I'll have to find that.

Speaker 87 Can we lighten things up a bit and just to talk about something else?

Speaker 20 I want to talk to Steve forever about boxing, Adrian.

Speaker 87 Okay, it can be arranged. I'm sure he'd be more than happy to

Speaker 87 oblige.

Speaker 43 How are you, John?

Speaker 87 If you get left out a bit sometimes, if we're not talking about it.

Speaker 18 Let's talk about climbing frames.

Speaker 18 Yeah. Oh, sorry, John.
John's.

Speaker 18 It's an audio format, John.

Speaker 36 Yeah, I'm

Speaker 80 waiting for something

Speaker 77 to engage me.

Speaker 42 Well, Adrian.

Speaker 20 Timing frames.

Speaker 20 What am I supposed to do with that?

Speaker 18 Well, Adrian said, let's lighten it up.

Speaker 18 Surely the ball's in your court now. You can't just go silent on the radio.
You're not Tim Key when we had him on Radio X.

Speaker 16 What do you want to know, Adrian?

Speaker 87 I want to know what's made you smile this week.

Speaker 69 Hmm.

Speaker 20 Good cue.

Speaker 43 The

Speaker 82 nothing? I don't know. Nothing.

Speaker 60 I can't really remember.

Speaker 31 Oh, yeah, a lot of blossom knocking around the old place.

Speaker 18 You must have seen a cat online or something.

Speaker 31 No, no cats online.

Speaker 32 Oh, I saw a wonderful video on YouTube today of a 96-year-old

Speaker 58 talking about

Speaker 30 living with the wonder of a child in late age and seeing a tree and thinking I'm the same as that tree.

Speaker 87 I don't think you were on last week, but I saw a great, great quote from McElroy's psychologist, Bob Rottella.

Speaker 65 Oh, yeah. His book talks about golf.

Speaker 70 Fantastic.

Speaker 87 Yeah, but he said, you know, how'd you get it?

Speaker 67 Cutting out of your mind.

Speaker 87 But he just said, he said,

Speaker 87 Rottella said, we begin with the idea that golf by design is a game of mistakes.

Speaker 87 And if you love the game of golf, you have to love that it's a game of mistakes. And I would contend life is like that.
We want to perfect it, but we should see life as a bunch of mistakes.

Speaker 16 Agent.

Speaker 16 I can agree with you more.

Speaker 9 You know,

Speaker 10 Nick Faldo said the winners in golf are the people who just have better who's got the best mistake.

Speaker 26 Yes.

Speaker 36 Yes. And also,

Speaker 13 I would say that

Speaker 59 life is not a problem to be solved, but an experience to be had, Adrian.

Speaker 16 Adrian, you are not a problem.

Speaker 18 Adrian is not a problem.

Speaker 57 Adrian, you are not a problem.

Speaker 67 Oh, I am.

Speaker 85 Adrian's experience.

Speaker 16 You want an experience to be had.

Speaker 57 You're not a human being

Speaker 10 seeking a spiritual experience, Adrian.

Speaker 30 You are a spiritual being having a human experience.

Speaker 87 I'm just going to write that down, actually.

Speaker 3 Write it down.

Speaker 51 Chalk it out.

Speaker 16 Very good.

Speaker 18 Great R ⁇ D band, the Adrian Shiles Experience.

Speaker 18 Very loud.

Speaker 56 Excellent.

Speaker 87 Look, look forward to listening to you, both.

Speaker 82 Oh, yeah, where are we on today, Dave?

Speaker 78 What was it last time?

Speaker 16 Horses?

Speaker 42 Was it horses or world events?

Speaker 35 It was world events.

Speaker 18 It was world events.

Speaker 56 And possibly Kevin De Bruyne retiring.

Speaker 23 Well, do you know what?

Speaker 77 I think it was rolling 24/7 coverage of Kevin De Bruyne.

Speaker 20 It was sort of Kevin lost the battle for a sort of space to the Pope.

Speaker 26 BBC has such odd priorities at times, doesn't it?

Speaker 87 It is never my call, never my decision.

Speaker 89 My POV, veterans like me should join a company that has their back. That's why I joined Verizon.

Speaker 89 Here, exciting benefits like tuition assistance help me stay focused on my broad career, not stressing about the costs.

Speaker 89 Now I use my master's in global security for a role I love as an equipment engineer. That's life in the V-team life.

Speaker 89 Head to mycareer.Verizon.com to explore opportunities to join a team that supports your development.

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Speaker 86 ServePro, like it never even happened.

Speaker 50 There we are. That was Adrian, of course, and how we love him, don't we, Dave?

Speaker 46 I was talking about Adrian yesterday,

Speaker 85 Dave, and

Speaker 85 who too?

Speaker 79 Ben Partridge. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 42 She's talking about what a national treasure is.

Speaker 17 Thoroughly good book.

Speaker 78 Thoroughly good egg.

Speaker 80 Question.

Speaker 35 Listen, Dave, little mini quiz for you.

Speaker 16 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 74 Who can tell me what UNESCO stands for?

Speaker 18 Is it United Nations?

Speaker 10 Two points to LS.

Speaker 81 Dave, you've got to be quicker than that.

Speaker 22 European.

Speaker 57 No.

Speaker 30 No, it wouldn't be that, would it, of course?

Speaker 26 I don't know what it would be after.

Speaker 44 Well, we keep going until you get it.

Speaker 55 You'll just have to go through all the words in English.

Speaker 18 It's going to be heritage.

Speaker 18 UNESCO World Heritage Sites.

Speaker 24 So, what could that be?

Speaker 18 It's not European. Did Dave say that?

Speaker 68 Yeah, it's not that.

Speaker 24 Equality.

Speaker 30 No, Dave.

Speaker 18 Equilibrium. No.

Speaker 24 Equine.

Speaker 69 No.

Speaker 82 Think. Use your mind.

Speaker 22 Eso.

Speaker 6 It's not that

Speaker 6 fun.

Speaker 6 Because

Speaker 6 it would be funny if

Speaker 77 acronym stood for other acronyms.

Speaker 22 What could it be, Ellis? Can you good at this stuff?

Speaker 47 United Nations.

Speaker 59 He's not good at this stuff, Dave.

Speaker 70 He's terrible at this stuff.

Speaker 77 He's got United Nations stuff.

Speaker 18 Tell me, I feel I'm getting frustrated.

Speaker 75 United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organisation.

Speaker 26 Ah, okay.

Speaker 30 But I've not got it.

Speaker 18 More UNESCO World Heritage Sites in Rome than any other city on Earth, I think. Certainly in Europe.

Speaker 22 We should think about a paperless way of doing this eventually, but it's just...

Speaker 26 You just can't have three people looking. Here we go.

Speaker 68 You can't have three people looking at screens, Dave.

Speaker 22 No, it's very true.

Speaker 30 Yeah, and we're going to need to draw on all of unity, nationality, education, science, and cultural organization for a new drive we have here on the Ellis James and John Robbins show.

Speaker 82 Yeah, we've had a few emails.

Speaker 46 This is from Andy.

Speaker 34 Andy says, Good afternoon, Todgers.

Speaker 46 I too am obsessed with accents and love trying to pinpoint where people are from when I first meet them.

Speaker 33 As you recently discussed, Gwynedd, specifically Bethesda.

Speaker 18 Bethesda.

Speaker 28 Bethesda is the absolute pinnacle.

Speaker 18 Mr. Griffries' voice.

Speaker 30 Is the absolute pinnacle, in my humble opinion.

Speaker 36 It's an accent that always brings a smile to my face.

Speaker 59 Others to be discussed: Wigan, aka Victorian Lancashire,

Speaker 35 Widness and St.

Speaker 26 Helens, Barnsley, old-fashioned Cockney, and Inverness.

Speaker 46 I'm really looking forward to hearing you discuss more.

Speaker 52 This from Fraser.

Speaker 9 One accent you absolutely should include as a UNESCO World Heritage accent is the Ashington accent.

Speaker 36 Right.

Speaker 55 You mentioned Geordie, and it is similar, but must be protected at all costs.

Speaker 60 Ellis, you seem to have thoughts.

Speaker 18 Well, I read this email last night. It is categorised into pitmatic, which is a collection of accents largely originating from Coldfield communities in the northeast of England.

Speaker 18 This includes County Durham, but it is the Ashington version specifically that I'm advocating for inclusion here. Now, this was the bit that confused me.

Speaker 40 It differs from Geordie's.

Speaker 18 An O sound is typically pronounced as a as a UR.

Speaker 18 So dog is derg.

Speaker 18 A hob is pronounced as herb. And a toad is pronounced as turd.

Speaker 3 But that's

Speaker 18 hull is what I would think of. So I need to hear Ashing.

Speaker 16 I don't know.

Speaker 26 I don't know, yeah. Maderg.

Speaker 81 I wouldn't think Hull would go derg.

Speaker 18 Maderg. I need to hear Ashington now.
Other notable features include pronouncing I as an O I, so shirt is pronounced short. Oh, yeah, and first is pronounced forced.

Speaker 71 That's like uh Michael from um and a partridge.

Speaker 53 Yeah, um, where would he, where's he?

Speaker 26 Well, he's strong, Jordan.

Speaker 45 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 18 But he does the, you know, short and forced. And I don't have an Ashington accent, but I dearly hope if someone does have one, that they sent in a voice note.

Speaker 18 If not, here are some notable examples below or the best phraser.

Speaker 10 Okay,

Speaker 10 so

Speaker 81 here we go. Where's the f

Speaker 55 too many bits of paper, but I have just said I do want them.

Speaker 82 So, Dave, what are we doing, mate?

Speaker 67 So what it feels like.

Speaker 18 It feels like about midnight on the ITB telethon.

Speaker 40 And Aspel has lost control.

Speaker 50 We've been working on the predictions.

Speaker 14 We haven't got the exit poll yet.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 16 And we've been stringing this out for hours. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 18 Sir Peter Snow is just talking about Sunderland.

Speaker 33 What's the one where they would try and do it really fast?

Speaker 20 Is that Chesterfield?

Speaker 45 It's South Shields, actually.

Speaker 18 It's the Sunderland area. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 57 So we're watching people run around with ballots.

Speaker 22 Yes. I think that's a bit mad that they try and do that.
It feels like you're going to miss the detail if you're just trying to be the first one.

Speaker 82 Oh, yeah. It feels like

Speaker 20 accuracy over space.

Speaker 18 But I think in that area, the majority is always huge. Yeah.
And so if you've got a majority of 29,000 people.

Speaker 22 I just don't think it sets a good example, Alice, of the process.

Speaker 18 I think it makes democracy look quite exciting.

Speaker 22 It makes it look quite silly, actually.

Speaker 65 It does look a bit silly, yeah.

Speaker 20 It's very quaint.

Speaker 18 The British general election, yeah. Think about it.
It is.

Speaker 22 So we, of course, talked about a few weeks ago what would be the UNESCO accents, what would be the accents that made it inspired by inspired by Alison, who rang in for a Cumberland connection,

Speaker 18 who was from Schletli and had a very strong Schletli accent, which for me personally is a very, very nostalgic accent because my mother works in Schletli, and I know lots of people from Lnetli, and it is an absolute belter, it's a cracker.

Speaker 18 Yeah, and I said that for me, Schletli would be a UNESCO World Heritage accent. Yes, and that is when Dave's mind started whirring.
The cog started turning.

Speaker 18 He thought to himself, there's a feature in here that we can string out for probably six to eight weeks.

Speaker 17 And then move on.

Speaker 22 String out, Ellis.

Speaker 7 We're stringing it out, Dave.

Speaker 22 We can enjoy and be invigorated by

Speaker 22 what we thought we'd do is the UNESCO World Cup of Accents.

Speaker 46 And some nice worldy music.

Speaker 40 You should have used Nessendorma.

Speaker 46 We can't use commercial music, Ellis.

Speaker 16 It's copyright free.

Speaker 21 Is it? We've written hundreds of years ago.

Speaker 18 I quite like this music. This is good.

Speaker 21 This works. Told me to sing Nessendorma.

Speaker 22 Go on then.

Speaker 2 I can't do that.

Speaker 22 So what we're going to do here's Ellis.

Speaker 79 There he's off. Go on.

Speaker 62 It's a beautiful piece. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 22 So each week we're going to bring two accents from randomly chosen bowls of ping-pong balls that I've written on. The John Bola.

Speaker 25 The John Bola.

Speaker 16 The John Bola.

Speaker 14 You haven't brought a Tombola.

Speaker 32 You've got a wine cooler and a mixing bowl.

Speaker 16 Yeah. And half a bottle of water.

Speaker 22 The water's just for us to drink.

Speaker 50 You should have put numbers on them, not the accents on them, Dave.

Speaker 82 No, it's the accent.

Speaker 76 So it's just quickly and easy.

Speaker 17 No, it'd have been like an efficient draw there.

Speaker 21 But it can still be.

Speaker 40 Number eight, that's Manchester United versus number 13, Lincoln City.

Speaker 22 I thought all of this just could have been brushed under the carpet of touch because it's not going to be a visual.

Speaker 35 I could be Chris Kamara and he could be a dignitary.

Speaker 77 I could be head of the FA with a blazer.

Speaker 2 Can you imagine? So

Speaker 17 the football would end.

Speaker 82 It would be great.

Speaker 29 Certain elements of the fan experience would be approved, but their accounts would be an absolute car crash.

Speaker 24 Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 22 So what I've done is I've split up some accents chosen by yourselves.

Speaker 18 And why I don't want a job at the FAW, by the way, because I would mess it up.

Speaker 22 Okay. And it means too much.
We'll make sure they bear that in mind.

Speaker 24 Same with the spot.

Speaker 22 So I'm going to go and get my bowl and my tin bucket.

Speaker 16 Have they been asking you?

Speaker 17 No, no, God, no.

Speaker 18 But if they have a word to ask them, me, I would have to say, I'm sorry.

Speaker 39 I will just get it wrong.

Speaker 8 Unless you wanted your board meetings to be full of interesting, if irrelevant, anecdotes.

Speaker 56 Yes. That's what I bring.

Speaker 76 Right.

Speaker 7 Right, so we've got two vessels here.

Speaker 16 Dave, how's this work?

Speaker 22 I'm going to tell you, John, thanks for asking. I'm glad you've asked, actually, because I'd like to explain myself.
Could I be yogurt?

Speaker 67 No.

Speaker 43 Can I vape?

Speaker 63 No.

Speaker 22 You can listen because otherwise, next week, you'll go, damn, what are we doing? Because you won't have listened to the game.

Speaker 64 But it is part of the charm, Dave.

Speaker 22 Half the time, I'd say. Yes, it is.

Speaker 76 So we've got two vessels here with balls in, with ping-pong balls in.

Speaker 22 I've written on them the accents. Maybe in hindsight, John, I should have written on the numbers.

Speaker 36 It's okay, we just won't look at them.

Speaker 22 Just don't look at them.

Speaker 59 And we can pixelate them out on the socials.

Speaker 22 Why pixelate them out?

Speaker 16 Because you don't want to spoil the surprise.

Speaker 22 If you can see liverpool in chris kamara's clear velvet bag if you can make clear velvet yeah you wouldn't it wouldn't be fun would it no no number 16 oldham athletic and we'll get some velvet bags for next week it was that was part of the plan to be fair we will get there we've just been caught out a bit this week so i'm gonna randomly pick a ball from each vessel that you have suggested accents for they'll be drawn do pixelate it but it will look like you've written body parts on that just needs to be pixelated whose bowl is which you're the glass bowl you're the metal bowl, Alice.

Speaker 22 Because you represent sturdy industrialism, Alice. You are.

Speaker 16 Something that's always a liquid.

Speaker 76 No, you're transparent.

Speaker 22 You're transparent, actually.

Speaker 21 Wear your heart on your sleeve, and you cannot pretend.

Speaker 26 I can't pretend. World's worst pretender.

Speaker 76 Exactly.

Speaker 22 So there's no secrets for you, Adrian, because you can see right through you.

Speaker 22 So I'll pick out two balls, one ball each. Those accents, or these accents, will be what are entered into the internet.

Speaker 2 Do you do an advert, though?

Speaker 3 John.

Speaker 38 John do need to get through the rules.

Speaker 3 It's getting confusing.

Speaker 18 John was late for a meeting we had to discuss our tour in the week. And in the 10 minutes that John was late, we had to discuss how that you can't pretend.

Speaker 40 Yeah.

Speaker 18 So there are certain things, you know, if we're asking you to do them on successive nights, the second night, you'll just read it like you're reading an ingredients list.

Speaker 36 Yeah, I can't meet the mayor of the town and pretend I'm excited to see them.

Speaker 35 No.

Speaker 22 So if you're coming to the tour on the first night, fantastic. God, you'll be good.

Speaker 25 Anything after that?

Speaker 9 Or how about we flip our perspective on this and say, what this means is every time you go, I will will be bringing new things to the table because I can't pretend.

Speaker 18 It won't be new, but it will be honest. It will be authentic.

Speaker 22 Oh, God, yeah, you can't argue with that.

Speaker 18 No, no, he is authentic.

Speaker 74 Sorry for surfing a riff, 24-7, 365.

Speaker 34 Sorry for pushing creativity to its limits.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 16 What should we call it?

Speaker 9 John Robbins and the reciters

Speaker 2 on tour.

Speaker 63 Good grief.

Speaker 16 Unbelievable, you guys.

Speaker 22 I mean, that is how you do your stand-up tours, though.

Speaker 69 Right?

Speaker 32 Living on a riff matrix 24-7, 3-66.

Speaker 16 The exact opposite.

Speaker 25 It's a recital of the tour you write. How? Is it?

Speaker 52 Did you come to see it twice, Dave?

Speaker 16 Oh, God, no. Different every night.

Speaker 85 Is it?

Speaker 29 Yeah, it was only about alcoholism when the press were in.

Speaker 16 Yeah, the rest was about shaggy.

Speaker 16 Oh.

Speaker 55 And, you know, liquid restrictions on flights and that kind of relatable stuff.

Speaker 28 I even said to the bloody bloody easy jet guy, I'm 70% water.

Speaker 77 You're going to put me in the blue.

Speaker 18 John's writing a new show.

Speaker 70 That's a good bit.

Speaker 3 That's a good

Speaker 16 bit.

Speaker 22 Right. None of this will make sense now, but we'll do it.

Speaker 77 Yeah, it's a World Cup.

Speaker 9 It's basically Champions League knockout of UNESCO Heritage Sites.

Speaker 16 Old formats.

Speaker 46 Old formats.

Speaker 75 We start with 16 accents.

Speaker 84 Half are Ellis's, half of mine.

Speaker 9 They compete against each other each week.

Speaker 31 We get voice notes from people who have those accents and we pick a winner.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 46 He's nailed it. He's done it.
He's absolutely bloody done it.

Speaker 41 So I'm gonna pick a ball from each vessel. Here we go.

Speaker 2 It's exciting.

Speaker 22 Oh, it's nice, though, isn't it? Listen to that.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 18 The theater of the mind audio.

Speaker 22 So that's the glass one, and just

Speaker 71 picked one out.

Speaker 22 Because I can't make the noise with the metal bucket now.

Speaker 2 Why? I don't know.

Speaker 22 This is why I've never been asked to draw the FA Cup.

Speaker 51 Yeah.

Speaker 22 All right, then I'll stick with the glass. John, these are yours.

Speaker 22 I'll do that again for a bit.

Speaker 22 Right, I picked one.

Speaker 72 Okay, what have we got?

Speaker 22 We have got from John's suggested vessel.

Speaker 22 It's a challenging one for us to source within a week, but we're in Mississippi.

Speaker 51 Mississippi.

Speaker 18 We must have some listeners from Mississippi.

Speaker 85 We've got it.

Speaker 41 We've got loads of people from Mississippi in the world, Dave.

Speaker 2 You told your boy.

Speaker 18 We must have a listener from Mississippi. We must.

Speaker 22 Well, we need one. So, yeah, we do need the listener's help, I think, for a bit here with this.

Speaker 18 And maybe what you could do, if you're from Mississippi and you're a listener,

Speaker 18 maybe you could ask an elderly relative who would have that proper classic Mississippi

Speaker 18 accent to leave a voice note?

Speaker 22 Is that a bit like the old guy and family guy? Is that quite old, Mississippi?

Speaker 43 Or not?

Speaker 29 No, Mississippi is more like

Speaker 10 well, I went round that Dave's house. I've got to say, he's an absolute darling.

Speaker 51 Yeah.

Speaker 10 He had chat pots

Speaker 17 and he

Speaker 70 cut some roses.

Speaker 70 Okay.

Speaker 22 Good. But if we should get someone on, I think.

Speaker 20 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 Oh, yeah, we're not late on that.

Speaker 16 Here's the metal. Alice's metal bucket.

Speaker 66 Okay.

Speaker 66 Ooh.

Speaker 7 Foley. Is it called Foley?

Speaker 47 The sounds?

Speaker 30 Mimic sounds, yeah.

Speaker 22 Right, Ellis.

Speaker 81 Hit me.

Speaker 22 I can't read. I can.
Oh, we're staying. We're staying over the water.

Speaker 16 Ellis has Boston for next week.

Speaker 84 Ooh, Boston versus Mississippi.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 85 Boston.

Speaker 45 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 18 I considered going like sort of old school New York, but I really like the Irish influence in Boston.

Speaker 2 So, yeah.

Speaker 90 So it's an all-American. An old Bostonian,

Speaker 17 an all-American type.

Speaker 46 Wouldn't have expected that.

Speaker 22 No, because a lot of them aren't American. It should just be clear to say.

Speaker 68 Dave. Yes, John.

Speaker 58 I need to double-check that I mean Mississippi. So

Speaker 54 can I hear

Speaker 34 the.

Speaker 31 If you have a Mississippi accent, send us a WhatsApp voice note to 07974-293022. And now, I've been very clear.

Speaker 36 We don't want people doing impressions of these accents.

Speaker 46 No, no.

Speaker 34 We don't want people putting them on because we're very strict on doping.

Speaker 2 Aren't we? Yes, yes, it's got to be genuine access.

Speaker 37 It's got to be your genuine accent.

Speaker 40 Sport has to have integrity.

Speaker 30 Sport has to have integrity, Dave.

Speaker 37 And if you are sending your WhatsApp voice note from

Speaker 16 Boston or Mississippi or abroad, brackets general,

Speaker 34 It's plus 44797-4293022.

Speaker 22 It sounds better as a jingle.

Speaker 76 Have we got one of the WhatsApp jingles?

Speaker 60 Not with plus 4-4 on it.

Speaker 26 I didn't get that one. We just had 4-4 right at the beginning.

Speaker 22 But what I would say is, I think we're going to try and get them on next week. So a voice note is great as an example, but we're going to try and speak to these people next week.

Speaker 55 You're going to have a personal phone call with everyone.

Speaker 26 No.

Speaker 10 Why don't you just pick the people with the best voice notes, Dave?

Speaker 22 Yes, exactly. What I'm saying is...

Speaker 46 Thanks, John.

Speaker 22 No, what I mean is we're not just playing voice notes as the payoff no no no we're gonna get we're wanting to read something specific but you need to pick the best one from the voice notes Dave of course you do John uh yeah I mean I don't know how many Mississippi accents uh we're gonna get for next week but we can see we might get three and then pick the best

Speaker 22 Good, so the UNESCO World Cup of Accents is go.

Speaker 18 Looking forward to it.

Speaker 35 Cannot wait.

Speaker 22 Yeah, big opening ceremony. Diana Ross running through goalposts.

Speaker 46 We should have made a little jingle, shouldn't we?

Speaker 74 With me and Ellis doing lots of accents.

Speaker 22 I think we've got a lot of jingles knocking about these days.

Speaker 26 Yeah, the lights,

Speaker 2 let's make some more of them.

Speaker 47 Yeah, you're doing accents again?

Speaker 31 Yeah, we'll do them, and it'll be like Ellis going, the UNESCO

Speaker 39 Word Heritage

Speaker 16 of Access.

Speaker 3 Oh, the last one.

Speaker 80 Well, it's just, you know, it's quick fire.

Speaker 46 Yes, it is.

Speaker 22 Panic left to right. Crying out loud.

Speaker 26 Yeah, we can do that for next week.

Speaker 22 It's a work in progress. We're one of these types of shows that don't always have the idea at the beginning.

Speaker 14 We have a bad show.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 16 We the the bad show, Dave.

Speaker 22 We develop it on air. We do.

Speaker 74 We do.

Speaker 17 Which is important. Yanesko Wold

Speaker 24 Heritage.

Speaker 17 Yeah, good.

Speaker 25 Of

Speaker 6 accents.

Speaker 62 I've done it for you.

Speaker 27 I've done it, Dave, and just cut out the ums and R's.

Speaker 18 You just have to cut out the ums and R's, and then you'll have to obviously tighten up snip-sip in the edit.

Speaker 16 I mean, change all of it. You'll change all of it.

Speaker 46 Get someone else in.

Speaker 18 Yeah, yeah, get a voiceover artist.

Speaker 44 Yeah, then get AI on it.

Speaker 17 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then sack me.

Speaker 25 And then you're done. Sack Ellis.

Speaker 62 I'm sacked for that.

Speaker 22 Great. We look forward to that on next week's podcast as the first round

Speaker 22 begins.

Speaker 70 Good stuff.

Speaker 26 Well, that's probably almost it.

Speaker 75 No, it isn't almost it, Dave, because we've got a very special message, a very special shout-out that Ellis is going to read.

Speaker 40 Yes.

Speaker 18 Hello, Ellis, John, and Dave. This is Kate, wife of the lovely Rodri.

Speaker 44 And that's Ellis's lovely Robin.

Speaker 18 Yes, yes, yes, yes. I mention Rodri a lot

Speaker 66 on this show.

Speaker 28 Could you guys please give our lovely Griff,

Speaker 18 that's their eldest son, Pamrith Hapis, a big happy birthday shout out for his 13th birthday today. Photos are attached.

Speaker 18 And they're of Ellis and Griff's first meeting in a house in Grangetown in Cardiff with Griff looking concerned. He's about three days older, I think, and he does look absolutely petrified.

Speaker 82 Is that you holding him?

Speaker 3 That's me holding him.

Speaker 18 The second is from mine and Rodri's wedding last year. They got married the week before me and Izzy, and it was an absolutely fantastic day.
So Diorg, see you soon, Kate, Rodri, Griff, Jor and Katos.

Speaker 40 Happy birthday, Griff.

Speaker 26 13.

Speaker 20 Happy birthday, Griff.

Speaker 65 Good lord.

Speaker 36 So you were born in 2012.

Speaker 36 Yes. Olympic year.
Yeah.

Speaker 66 Oh my God.

Speaker 22 Which feels like yesterday. Yeah.

Speaker 56 Ah, 13.

Speaker 19 13. Yes.

Speaker 67 2012.

Speaker 65 I thought 2012 was about a day ago.

Speaker 36 Yeah.

Speaker 22 Because if I heard a song from 2012, I would think that's a new song.

Speaker 18 That's new music from a new band who are probably going to spit up because they're so new.

Speaker 17 Oh, well, happy birthday, Griff.

Speaker 18 I mean, it's for Rod, it's for

Speaker 18 Dave and John and I to discuss the passing of time in our own.

Speaker 37 Oh, and you will, Griff, you will understand this in 2056.

Speaker 37 Yes.

Speaker 65 When you are getting an email on your podcast from someone who was born in 203 at which point I will be 63 years of age.

Speaker 26 Good lord. Good grief.

Speaker 34 I'll have been retired for 11 years.

Speaker 85 Yes.

Speaker 26 Yeah, well done.

Speaker 52 They'll still talk of me, Dave.

Speaker 17 Yeah. Yeah, they will.

Speaker 18 They'll be like, Ellis can't pay his mortgage now because John retired, so he could walk up mountains with his eyes.

Speaker 18 The lovely Rodri, like the Lovely Robin, is a musician and he released a record a few months ago.

Speaker 18 And if you go on my Instagram, it's one of the my links, the link is in the bio to his band camp, and it's well worth listening to.

Speaker 66 Ratatosk, so do check that out.

Speaker 18 But anyway, thank you very much for downloading. The Bureau of Shonge in the Mind, of course,

Speaker 18 will be available on Saturday only on BBC Sounds, and then we'll be back.

Speaker 64 Only on BBC Sounds and like Pirate Bay.

Speaker 18 And Pirate Bay and Lime White.

Speaker 34 Basha. Yeah.

Speaker 18 Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then, of course, we'll be back on Tuesday.
Thank you very much, listen.

Speaker 79 Goodbye.

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