#431 - Corner Energy, Non-Playable John and Tubing The Room

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BBC Sounds, music, radio, podcasts.

Hello everyone, welcome to the Ellis James and John Robbins Show.

We hope you're in fine fertile

because we are, aren't we?

Big time.

We danced.

We daved.

Oh, we did.

We danced with doors.

I couldn't be there, sadly.

Yeah.

But

I've seen awful lot of photos online.

Look like what was the capacity of the venue?

So I did a club night last Saturday at the Albert Hall in Manchester.

It was 2,000 people.

Two grand.

Yeah.

The queues around the block.

Albert Hall say they've never seen anything like it.

Which makes me think, and this is mad, Ellis, and I'll whisper it so he doesn't hear.

People actually turned up for John's problematic walk-in music.

Yes, I.

Have you finally, Dave, opened

yourself up to an ideas, man?

Have you finally got one of the best commercial brains in the UK on your side?

Yes, yes, I assume so.

I'm the dragon you want, Dave.

Yeah, you are, actually.

Ellis might be offering you what you ask for for the right percentage,

but you want me.

You're the dragon everyone's scared of.

Scared of how good he is.

But also scared of how good he is, yeah.

Do you want cues round the block for your environmentally friendly deodorant, Dave?

Yes, you do.

Yes.

Do you want cues round the block for your

dog poo bag company?

Yes, you do.

That smells of lavender.

That smells of lavender.

Actually eats itself.

Hmm.

Softer now when it's gone.

Yeah, and if you throw it in a hedge or up a tree, it shoots you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Should be lore.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Who is chucking dog mess up a tree?

Loads of people.

I know, but kind of.

It feels quite...

Is that quite a 90s?

It's quite a 90s thing, isn't it?

Is that pornography in bushes?

Am I getting that?

What are you mixed talking about, Dave?

Have you just come off a call with help?

I sexted my boss adult magazines in bushes were a thing oh yeah yeah absolutely were a thing in the 80s and 90s that you don't really see happen anymore totally railway sidings

canal topaths yeah big time whereas now it's just urls

yeah and cookies yeah um yeah we danced with dave we danced with dave yeah very bright in there which i hadn't really i hadn't really foreseen the fact that it was going to happen in a venue at 2 p.m in the afternoon that had a hell of a lot of windows

you are DJing, which is quite an unusual experience in broad daylight.

That's a problem with doing stand-up during festivals sometimes because it's very difficult to black up some windows.

Well, I mean, you're just performing daylight, which is quite weird.

And you're not used to your come-down starting at dinner, are you?

Yeah, I was crying at eight.

But I actually thought the daylight worked quite nicely.

I thought it gave it a certain vibe.

Did it not make people feel self-conscious?

Done single.

Not once I was on the decks.

Well, everybody lost their inhibitions.

That's not entirely true.

Everyone's swaying to the complex rhythms of Frank Zappa's more obscure pieces.

Out of curiosity with the problematic playlist, which we should explain to people who weren't there, is music

of the most challenging nature and variety that you wouldn't usually play in an event like this, but it's for the walk-in from when people are entering the venue.

And I must.

Which David vetoed for the main bits.

Yeah, and I must clear up some confusion from the title of the problematic walk-in playlist.

It's not politically problematic.

It's not from artists who have been cancelled.

It's not from artists with extreme views.

It's sort of musically problematic.

Yeah, yeah.

It's not your chemtrail playlist, is it?

It's not the chemtrail playlist.

No, we went viral on TikTok, John.

You went viral on TikTok.

You did.

Why do what?

Because someone put a compilation together of so Sophie Willen DJ'd it.

Sophie Willen.

Of course, nature.

Absolute torture.

Sophie Willen was seemingly taking a spin class.

She absolutely smashed it.

Like, she went hell for leather from the minute she walked on stage to the theme tune to White Lotus, which went down very well.

Nice.

All the way through to Pulp's Common People.

She did not stop dancing.

Wow.

Made herself a little bit sick.

Made herself a little bit sick.

But the video that's gone viral on TikTok is comparing.

And there's nothing wrong with your energy, John.

I will say that.

I will say that.

I'm glad you said that, Dave.

I will say that more often.

There is nothing wrong with your energy.

Can you text me that in the morning, please?

I'm the teacher who doesn't shout.

Yeah, you're not angry.

And also shouts.

But on the days I don't shout, people listen.

Yes.

And my

school career, I saw some teachers make the switch from being a shouter.

to being quiet because they realized after a few years that actually it was more powerful to just stand there in silence and wait for the pupils to go to them as opposed to going all guns blazing.

You learned that lesson a very long time ago, John.

Because when you DJ, I mean, you're like a statue.

Yeah, you've got to intimidate them.

Intimidate them into dancing

to a song that has five different time signatures.

But we had a lovely time, didn't we, Dave?

We did.

We had a lot of fun.

James A.

Castle was fantastic.

Sophie was great.

I finished it off with 50 minutes of bangers.

Guild Series chat.

How many foods has that TikTok video had, Div?

100 million.

100 million grand?

100 million grand, yeah.

100 million grand times.

£100 million quid grand.

Wow.

£50,000.

£50,000, $100 million grand.

£50,000, $100 million grand.

Yeah.

God, nobody's got a smile on his fist.

Absolutely.

And good fun.

Good fun.

It was well received.

Thank you for playing it, John, as always.

Dave, you're welcome.

I do appreciate it.

Thank you for upping my fee.

That's all right.

Thank you for meeting my demands.

Yeah.

Well, you need, I think, you know, it's important to recognise the value.

And you bought

commercial acumen.

I add value, Dave.

You do.

An energy.

That could be on my business card.

An energy.

I have value.

I add

value.

I am value.

That's good.

I add an energy.

I add an energy.

Value you can trust.

Value you can trust indeed.

Yes, well, I also added energy to another event I went to recently, actually, guys.

Funeral?

No, not a funeral.

Big eulogy?

Not a big eulogy, no.

I went to, what should we call it in this day and age?

A singles mixer.

Right.

Yeah.

A singles event.

Okay.

Is this speed dating?

That's very 90s, Dave.

Yeah, that's very 90s, Dave.

We're talking much more up to the minute 2025.

What does that mean?

More neon signs.

And you went on your phone.

And I went on my phone, Dave.

I had my phone.

Was it movers and shakers?

No, it wasn't.

Well, I guess people were moving, people were shaking.

No, but I mean, you know,

people of influence, John.

Uh, no, no, it wasn't.

As Henry Pucker put it, politicians and playwrights.

It wasn't politicians and playwrights.

Well, I've seen you do a lot of things, John.

Yes, Dave.

And I've seen you do a lot of things very well.

Thank you.

But not everything that I do well.

Well, the one thing I've never seen you do is work a room.

Were you required to work any rooms as part of the singles mixer?

Yeah, I've seen you be in the corner of a room.

Oh, he's in rooms.

Yeah.

I gave strong corner energy.

I immediately walked in and made it clear to people there's a guy who likes corners.

And he looked at the corner like in blow which projects.

That was very much my vibe.

Can you imagine being the person that goes in?

and is like straight in the middle, dancing, being big.

Can you imagine being that person?

Because I actually can't imagine it.

I was like if you were playing Doom and it had a glitch and there's just someone that's like a lemmig walking at the wall.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, a phrase that I've heard a lot recently, Izzy and Zoff can help us out.

Manism?

Main character energy.

What does that mean?

Does that just mean you are someone you walk into a room and it's look at me everyone I'm I'm the boss of this room is that main character energy

Yeah, so you what's the opposite of main character energy?

Is there a phrase

extra energy?

No

Oh, NBC.

Yes.

Non-playable character.

Non-playable character.

Because a friend of mine got called that on the bus by a teenager.

What's non-playable character?

It's like when you're playing a video game and there's like just extras.

So don't only put it on the channel.

Yeah, an extra video.

Yeah, but I'm.

The thing is, I bring main story character.

Is that what it is?

Main character energy.

Main character energy to a non-playable character.

No, do you want to ask?

So I draw the eye

by being aloof.

No, no, no.

You're a lovely, beautiful meal andre closh.

I'm one of those display ones they have in the window, which you're not sure whether it's made of plastic or not.

Yeah, yeah, you're a display to a massoo.

Yeah, and you're like, if that's real, then they must have to make a new one every day.

How long has it been out for?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Luckily, I was...

I won't name my accomplice, but I went with a friend who is also single, who's much more main character.

Total Archie.

And

so I sort of,

he played the room, and I sort of just sort of traveled along in his wake.

If he'd not been there, I would have lasted 25 seconds before going home.

But that looks crazy if you leave early.

Oh, I would have walked straight.

If you just walk in and then walk straight out, that's what I would have done.

It looks awful.

Yeah.

So, how did it go?

Did you meet anyone?

Did you meet any strangers?

Have a nice chat with anyone?

Did you broadcast?

You could have just done a podcast.

I did get into one conversation that i sort of caused an early end to by just far too many tube station facts okay

um

i sort of tried and women love that i tried to tube the room yeah and um

limited success okay uh

goes straight i mean did you i mean straight in with tube station facts well no because obviously david's the world's greatest icebreaker because what you do is you say where are you from in london someone says bang you've got five facts about their tube station

lambeth north yeah yeah yeah yeah okay yeah i mean it's not a bad tactic actually it's an awful tactic dave competitive

but um the the night ended i left quite early no way

um the night ended where me and my friend um were chatting to two people who were also friends

and um

we were sat down in the bar bit upstairs because I found downstairs too loud.

Okay,

and uh, my friend kissed a girl.

Well, I spoke to her friend about childhood trauma,

and uh, then I went home,

so it sort of played out as expected, really.

Are you gonna get her on how do you cope?

Um,

I'm gonna get him on how do you do it,

I'm gonna get him on what's the secret

um

yeah quite disconcerting to be at an event where everyone has license to talk to you

like can just come up and go hi yeah and you can't go what well i don't know if they still do that do you remember traffic light parties do you remember them yeah

oh there's a great traffic light party scene in the second series of alma's not normal oh yeah yeah it's really really funny josh wider comes up a really good routine about traffic light parties years ago but yeah that was the that's the thing because obviously you're telling people your intentions.

Well, why would you go to one in red?

Yeah, never understood unless I don't know.

Maybe they serve a kind of stout that you don't see in many pubs.

They're for the stout.

So like I am, I'm red, but you don't see Murphys in many places.

I like moccasins.

The way it used to work at uni was it was a club night that you wanted to be at.

It wasn't so much that it was a dating night.

So if you did want to say, it's basically you're always saying, I want to be at this club night.

I'm enjoying the fratellis.

oh god but i'm also not up for a snog you have a red dot i know how it worked at your university you got a free bottle of proseca if you gave someone behind a towel

that's how it worked at oxford dave

and the nightclub got shut down

maybe that's what happened i did i never was witness to that um but yeah this was very different to that okay yeah good yeah good but they're like you know

captains of industry.

Why?

What do you think this is?

I don't know.

It wasn't a meeting of the Industrial Revolution

of mill owners.

So with fob watching.

Everyone say get their top hats off at the door.

No, just single people

who exist.

Was it in a party?

Or was it in a nightclub or a restaurant or a.

No, it's like a company that run

it's like an alternative to the apps, guys.

Okay.

Because a lot of us are tired of the apps.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Big deal.

Actually.

And so it isn't in like a cocktail bar.

But it was all hired out for that purpose.

Okay, okay.

And they've got a no-ghosting rule, Dave.

Okay.

How does that work then?

I don't know.

You just have to text someone if you give them your number.

Oh, that's nice.

Or you go to jail.

Yeah, or you go to jail.

I quite like that as a rule, though.

Yeah, it's a good rule.

String people along.

Oh, goodness me, no.

So, yes, I'm one of the great.

I should probably have a column in like L magazine or something about singles events.

Yeah, about how you stand near people snogging.

Terry War would bring main character energy to the next one of these events you walk in nude?

Not quite the Freddie Mercury jacket who had the L.

Oh, there's main character energy.

That is main character energy, but they might think that I'm part of the entertainment.

They might think, oh, I didn't know there was a tribute band on.

When do they start?

When are you on?

It's not really like.

I've got main character energy, but I'm not not actually buffed at the form.

But people asking you when the UN is an icebreaker.

Yeah.

So you get to know.

Not if you are on.

No, because he says, well, I'm not actually.

A, I have main character energy.

B, I really like Freddie Mercury.

Yeah.

C, I was quite bashful at the last event, so I thought I would dress differently.

Did you know West Hampstead's got the highest difference between the platform and the train?

One, two, three, four.

That's four conversation starters.

Wallop, you're in.

Angel's got the longest escalator.

That's massive.

Classic.

That's a classic.

It's a classic dave it's a classic i ran up it a couple of weeks ago

if i could and i could and i did well done yeah yeah but it's a whopper

yeah chesha chesham's the farthest away from central london uh it's the freddie jacket keep going imagine freddie doing that at wembley or

you know that advert you did where you had to pretend to be freddie mercury and a and a like a package right

at your door uh

i can't remember what the product what was the product for But you were.

And you had the

drugs.

And you had the vest, and you had the jeans and you had the boxing boots.

Yeah, it was a big deal.

Yeah.

But go like that.

The vest.

It was something being delivered.

What are you googling out of interest, Dave?

I was for John Robins Queen advert.

Okay.

You might get quite a few different results.

Because obviously, you had the vest on and you had the tight blue jeans you had on the bottom.

No one else was in fancy dress.

People that sort of look really good.

Yeah, but

you're like a Doom character with a glitch, John, walking into the corner.

We've got to find a way.

Yeah.

People typing in lots of different codes to find out how to unlock me.

Yeah.

Also, you're in good shape now, so the vest would be flat trim, wouldn't it?

Well, do you know what?

Since my running career has taken off, I have begun to lose my fat back.

And I'd say now it's actually gone.

Yeah, pretty nice.

Brilliant.

Have you?

Because that's where I store my fat.

I go straight to my battle.

It's on the way down.

Since my 13k.

I found the advert.

Oh, good.

What's an advert for?

I'm surprised you didn't remember this, John.

I remember it.

I just don't remember the product.

Well, it's the Bohemian Rhapsody DVD trailer.

It's for Bohemian Rhapsody.

That's right.

Yes.

That's why.

Yeah, and I've still got those shoes.

They're very uncomfortable.

And

I worked with the woman who did the choreography for the film.

Oh, you can tell.

Yeah, she was great.

Yeah, you're great.

Yes, because the DVD lands on the mat and you...

And then, yeah, it's good.

Pussycat in the the advent there's lovely little pussycat yeah so there you go um yeah i'll i'll probably come back with um more tales of abandon and hell-raising yeah a year's time or something or you could go in your golf clothes because i always think you look very smart thanks i do look smart in my golf clothes i take my club

And if it's going badly, you could just go to a nearby driving range.

Yeah, or if I could clear a space, I could work on my sort of chipping.

Yeah.

But there's support to be some women there who like golf.

Well, that's the dream, of course.

It is the dream, isn't it?

Yeah.

Yeah, that's the dream.

Yeah, that's that's the yeah.

Next time, queen, time after that, go in your golf clothes.

We've not been on since the big golf win.

Was that a big moment for you when Rory McElroy won?

Oh,

it was absolutely huge.

That was insane.

Yeah.

But also, like, the process of watching it, because the way it turned out, at one point, I was thinking,

if he doesn't win this if he throws this away again i'm never ever staying up to watch him because it's just too jimmy white too stressful yeah yeah yeah

um and i i don't know that he would have been able to recover from that but it was you know incredible sport

just liquid gold sport

yeah um

but you know i think the us open against bryson i will always remember that as being one of the most disappointing sporting nights of my life.

Really?

Yeah.

And he seems like a nice guy.

Rory's a lovely bloke.

Nice guy.

And he got let down by the PGA in a big, big way.

Did he?

Yeah.

Because he didn't go to

what's the other competition called?

Liv.

Liv.

Yeah, he didn't do that, did he?

Not only that, but he sort of became the poster boy of he was like head of the committee of the players or whatever, the poster boy for the PGA.

And then when they, when they announced they were going to work with Liv, they just completely threw him under the bus because they didn't sort of tell him in advance

so you know he stuck his reputation and his sort of morality on the line and then they pulled the rug out rug out from under him this is why you should be going to these networking dating events in your golf clothes

because when you're discussing the live tour and the ethics behind it norri mcElroy john you come alive there's a twinkle in your eye there is a twinkle in my eye i mean i should just stick to fan queen fan Fan Club conventions.

And then everyone's dressed like that.

Yeah.

Surely you're the absolute boss of the Queen Fan Club convention.

I've never been to one.

Oh, come on.

No.

Do they exist?

Do they have an older one?

Do you mean it's the oldest fan club in the world?

Oh, yes.

You have said that.

Okay.

We should get you down to one.

There's another bonus podcast.

There we go.

More content.

More value.

More value.

I have value.

Clay value.

I am value.

Well, it probably probably isn't running anymore.

I just feel like it should be,

given it's one of the biggest bands.

Why don't you head down to Guinness Book of Records and find out or go to Jackie Gunn's office and look at the Guinness Book of Records?

Oldest continuous fan club, please, Dave.

I'll keep looking.

You guys carry on.

Let's do some.

Right, let's do some correspondence.

This is a great email.

Very up John's street.

Yes, Queen.

Hello, my little sweet confirm that dave queen since 1973 alice not my story but one that was told to me by the singer in my band just quickly rip to roy thomas baker who was an early producer of queen whose toilet seat i sat on at rockfield studios okay back in the 90s he was living in london on a retainer as a session guitarist and hold up at the legendary columbia hotel now given the hotel's status as a hangout for musicians they had a very strict policy that only people had a room key and their guests would be be allowed to drink in the 24-hour bar, which was manned by a very demure cockney called Geoffrey, legendary for taking absolutely no S from anyone.

One evening after a show, my friend was spending some time with the other musicians from his band at the bar, when who should walk in but Van Morrison and Bob Dylan?

Yes, please.

Whose crew were also staying at the hotel, but who naturally had a suite each at a much nicer hotel nearby.

Knowing that they are in the presence of music royalty, the room goes quiet.

Van Morrison and Bob Dylan, who at this time were very close friends, go up to the bar and Van orders them two pints.

To which Geoffrey, of course, says, Can I see a room key from all of you, gentlemen?

Affronted by this, Van Morrison says aggressively, a room key?

Don't you know who I am?

To which Geoffrey, not missing a peach, says, Yes, you're a man without a room key.

To howls of laughter from Bob.

Almost immediately, a member of Van's band steps in and says, Oh, these guys are with me, after which Geoffrey allows a very angry Van and an extremely amused Bob to drink.

Apparently, Van had that one pint and left while Bob stayed talking, joking, and telling stories until the early hours.

Kai in Berlin.

Yes, please.

I like every part of that story.

That's a big one.

I like Van Morrison.

I like Pints.

I like Bob Dylan.

I like Bob Dylan and Van Morrison.

Yeah.

I like Van being stroppy and Bob being chilled.

Yes.

It was at Columbia Hotel.

Is it still going to Columbia Hotel?

I always stayed at the Columbia Hotel, did it?

The strokes did as well.

Yeah, because it was big in that meeting bathroom because Kings of Leon were there, but they weren't allowed to drink in there.

Because they didn't have a room key.

No, because they were too young.

They like came across from America as part of Interpol's tour or whatever.

But Kings of Leon, when they you don't, you kind of forget when they started, when they got big, like their youngest member was like 14 years old, like one of the cousins or whatever.

Wow, Kings of Leon were really, really young.

They just looked old because they had the big beards and the long hair.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So then they came across to Columbia Hotel, but they weren't allowed to buy their own drinks because

all of them weren't over 18.

Wow.

Yeah.

Okay.

Good band.

Anyway.

I've had lots of stuff about this on my social media

that I should have passed on.

Regarding John's recent loss, paying full amount for headphones, even though they went on sale the next day, surely someone as savvy as John could simply buy the same pair once they've been reduced and return the older version.

If he's already opened the box, no issue, just return the new on sale headphones for the old non-sale headphones.

Hope he can still return, make back that £25 and turn a loss into new winners from Scott.

Well, Scott, here's the problem:

because I am savvy, I had the headphones in my basket on various websites waiting for the first one to drop.

When I had really

like six grand or something.

The headphones.

Yeah.

No.

$169.99.

And when they didn't drop, because I back Britain, because I believe in better,

because I

see a future of growth in UK PLC.

Sorry for that, put me in prison.

Or you arrest me or shoot me against a wall

for thinking that this country means a damn.

I bought them from John Lewis.

I give a fig.

I give a fig, Dave.

I bought them from John Lewis.

And I can't, in all good conscience.

Your patriotic side kicked in, did it?

Yeah, I can't then buy them from that place.

And well, I could have bought them from that place and returned them to John.

But I...

What am I saying?

What am I saying about me?

What am I saying about the UK?

What am I saying about common decency?

If I say, sorry,

I've already invested in you as an ethos, as a brand, as a British brand.

I believe.

Bezos has just undercut you.

So sorry, I'm switching sides.

No, not on my watch.

Well, aren't they never knowingly undersold?

I mean, it sounds like they are.

Online, Dave.

Right.

You know that doesn't apply to online offers.

You know full well.

I didn't full well know that.

And also, I'm not one of those guys who's big into returning stuff.

You know, people who like order

and half of the stuff they order, they just send straight back.

Yeah.

I'm not that guy.

My wife.

But isn't I'm not having a go at your wife,

whom I love.

Yeah.

But the carbon footprint of that approach to consumerism, which already isn't the least carbon-heavy process, must be mad.

I'd like to get a skirt or a cap or a gun or a horse

or a glue gun or glue

or a plectrum.

Or

naming everything at this stage.

Or a cushion.

There are parameters there.

Or some masonry nails.

Or printer ink.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Or a scarf.

Or a wedding dress.

Or a wedding dress.

Or a hammer.

This is next week's made-up game.

Or a

Harry Potter wand.

Or an egg cup.

Or an egg cup, Dave!

Or some goggles.

Or some goggles.

Yes, all right.

Or a copy of Wuthering Heights.

God.

You know, but to order all this stuff and to send it back,

all of the stuff,

the cardboard, the plastic, the

fuel,

the emails, which apparently, you know,

kill the world if you send an email these days.

Yeah.

So where does that leave us?

What's my point?

I forget at this stage.

I don't return stuff.

You don't return stuff.

Yeah.

And also, I can't be bothered.

So, what do you do?

Burn it

or eat it.

Straight in the garden.

I just eat my headphones.

Straight in the garden.

And I eat my headphones.

I eat my headphones.

Right.

Though I do need a new set of in-ear headphones.

So that's when I'm going to shine.

That's when I make my money back.

Okay.

Good.

Good luck with that.

We had a very funny email from Steve McNeill.

Oh, yes.

Whose identity will be revealed during this email?

Steve says, comedian and vague circuit acquaintance of days gone by, Steve McNeil here.

I was surprised upon listening to your recent show to hear mention of Dara O'Brien's Go 8-bit, not least because, even as one of its creators, audiences at my current touring show frequently seem shocked to discover it existed, despite having bought a ticket to come and see me.

So Steve is someone we know from back in the days.

Yes, yes, yes.

Back in those crazy hazy days, Dave.

Steve goes on.

This is testament indeed to the extent to which the show captured the nation's hearts and minds.

As a fan of your work, I'm somewhat familiar with John's tendency to not let things go very easily, and I'm a

custodian of my own plentiful shame well.

So I thought I'd drop you a line to reassure John that in his words, his cold response for a request from me to do it in Edinburgh in 2014 had no bearing on his booking or lack thereof for the T V incarnation.

I had so little clout once the machine swallowed up the format that I frequently got as many jokes included in the final edit of the show as John, i.e.

zero, despite being a team captain.

It was in short a show which had its challenges to work on and I hope this can, after over a decade, finally offer John peace of mind in this small but no doubt insomnia inducing matter.

He is in fact in great company, with comedians such as James A.

Castor, Rachel Parris and Romesh Ranganathan being vetoed at various points by a production team led by someone who, on first meeting, explained to me that, quote, they don't really like video games or comedians.

Oh, my.

Possibly a

factor in the struggle of my video gaming comedy show to leave the mark on the cultural landscape I had hoped.

Oh, Steve.

Thank you very much for sending me.

I was asked on, so do they not like you were on?

Yeah, I know.

Yeah, so did they not see me as a comedian?

Or nor a video gamer.

Or a video gamer.

I said, I'm certainly not a gamer.

Oh, Steve.

Disheartening, though, isn't it?

There was no correlation.

No.

It wasn't, you know, I wasn't in anyone's black book.

No.

This is on the subject of dating from Tabs.

Tabs says, hello, my trusted triad.

Like that.

Like that.

Firstly, thank you for shouting out my tattoo a few weeks ago.

It's probably obvious from the late time stamp, the fact that much of half of the email doesn't make sense, the quality of the photo, the lighting and the fuzzy slippers, and the general vibe.

I was a bit drunk when I sent it.

I've just listened to your episode with Harriet Kemsley on modern dating apps.

Credit score is a tantalizing option.

But I've long said I wish there was a dating app in which you could filter people based on the contents of their fridge and/or shopping basket.

I can see this.

Yeah, I like this a lot.

A photo of your fridge, door open, light on.

Because you've got the products.

You've got the order.

And the cleanliness.

The cleanliness.

Because a fridge is something often that's much dirtier than you think.

Yes.

As a single woman of 28, my interest would be piqued by someone buying fresh veg and the kind of proteins necessary to cook a meal.

It's a worrying but scarily necessary minimum standard to hold someone to, but the fact that someone's buying cooking ingredients means they're probably not an absolute felion, which is Cornish for absolute spanner.

I also know for a fact I'd get on with someone who likes such things as hot sauces, pickles.

Yeah, it's good, isn't it?

Because you're like, okay, they like Brunson pickle, they like hot sauces.

I'm going to have lots of time to myself while they're on the toilet.

Yeah.

As, in my opinion, they're far less likely to be boring in the bedroom.

Oh,

okay.

Dave, how's the hot sauce I gave you going down?

I've plowed through half a bottle, John.

You have, haven't you?

Yeah.

Similarly, my heart would be erasing if someone were picking things up such as burrata or fresh

aubergine on the reg.

Okay.

I've had my fair share of disappointing sleepovers, and they're invariably with someone whose fridge has in it a can of monster and sometimes an onion.

Oh my God.

If I could swipe right on someone's fridge, I would.

That's huge, isn't it?

If you open the fridge morning after and it's a can of monster and an old onion, you're like, this is not the person for me.

I just wondered if you could ask my fellow listeners for their own versions of dating apps if they were able to curate it.

That's a great idea.

I wish I could filter people based on their food shop.

What do people wish they could fish via?

Lots of love.

Tabs.

Great cue.

Well, I've already suggested that I want like

trust pilot reviews from X's.

From X's, yeah.

That could be used as a mi way of settling all scores.

Yeah, but you wouldn't improve that.

You wouldn't you would choose them yourself, but they would have to be from a verified X.

So it wouldn't be someone who like hated your guts, maybe.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But they would have to have been out with you for a minimum of, say, six months.

Is that a bit unfair for people that maybe haven't been in a relationship for six months?

Because then you've not got anyone on that CV of yours, and it is probably not looking for a bad idea.

Well, what if the ex isn't over you?

It can be quite a cruel thing to do.

For those people, you would get two friends to write it for them.

That's nice.

See, I wonder whether the friend route is just the better route in general.

But that's already a dating app, don't you?

Oh, okay.

Fine.

But those people could have friends.

Yes.

So fridges, friends, such as exes.

You could do wardrobe.

I was thinking that.

Yeah.

But then I'm not sure I would pay much attention to someone's wardrobe.

Your wardrobe is crazy.

Yeah.

Clothes bought for you by a variety of exes and your Freddie Mercury jacket and some golf stuff.

Who is this guy?

He's a guy who's quite good at golf, who's terrible at relationships and likes Freddie Mercury.

Not for the amount of money in your bank account, obviously not, but bank statements could be fun.

What's the difference?

With the amounts crossed out, but the transactions.

Oh, interesting.

He's got a lot of money going to GMCC Bill.

Yeah, that could...

That is interesting.

I like

Pete's allotted up a crust.

Yeah.

So what you could have is like on those efficiency apps that banks do, where it sort of gives you a pie chart of where your spending goes.

This is good.

This is good.

Colour palette of house.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.

It'd be good.

I recently bought two new light shades.

Did you?

Yeah, actually, yeah.

Because I'm into interior design.

Footwell.

And I'd have one of them.

Footwell.

If you have a car.

Oh, Car Footwell is

Car Footwell.

The problem is, you can sort of, you could prepare completely.

Oh, yeah.

So it has taken without your your knowledge completely random footwell photo

footwell you just get a notification to say that someone from the app is taking a photo what about this

the app is called

ffff

which it doesn't stand for anything rude but could be it's footwell fridge and friend yeah

so your your profile is your passport picture yeah then a review from a friend a picture of your fridge and a picture of your footwell yes and if you don't have a car it's just a picture of your feet yeah i look like i'm dying dying in my possible photo, though.

Do you?

Yeah.

A sort of an inventory of how you are with staff in cafes and restaurants and pubs and bars.

Because people who are rude to waiters and waitresses really go down in my estimation.

How would you collate that?

Exactly.

It's a bit stasy now, isn't it?

Because you would need.

You're drawing on CCTV.

I am, yeah.

That's not on.

You don't want human rights to be an issue in creating a dating profile.

No.

And you can work that out for yourself on the first date, I suppose.

Yeah, because there's a lot of work that's got to be done in the back end there.

Yeah.

So it's a lot of.

Oh, the good radio balance.

Well, no, it's tawdry radio balance.

It is.

The tawdry radio balance.

Let's have a little palate cleanser and talk to Adrian.

Just check in with Ellison John.

How are you two?

Very well.

How are you, Adrian?

It's good.

I could do comedy.

I've got to do it for others more than fighters, you two.

You're not boxing fans, are you?

I'm a big boxing fan.

Oh, are you?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

MacAlvani on Boxing

would be one of my Desert Island books.

You only get one.

Which one's that?

Who McAlvane's collected works on boxing for me?

Was it the USB?

So you're having that and the Bible and the complete works of Shakespeare?

It would be in my top five, absolutely.

That's not how the programme works.

What's your desert island book?

I'm not going to win on the programme.

What's your work?

Can I just ask Steve Bunch?

What's your Desert Island boxing book?

Well, I think it would be Eugh McAlveny's.

It's incredible.

It's a ridiculous book,

and I use it for just about every single fight.

I used it for this fight because I sat about four seats away from Yui for the original fight in 1990.

And then the second fight, I sat next to him in 1993.

And in fact, if it was down to one book, it would still be Eugh McAlveny, which might not go down very well with some of our more traditional listeners.

But that book is an absolute gem

that is masterpiece

about the tragic death of Johnny Owen.

Johnny Owen is an absolutely extraordinary piece of literature.

You know,

we got him to read that on Five Life.

Mike Costello and I, many years ago, we got him to read it.

It's out there somewhere.

We got Huey to sit in front of us with us two crying our eyes out whilst he read that book.

Oh, I love it.

And he

was read it like he was reading the side of a Coca-Cola tin, the content.

It was quite standing.

It's out there somewhere, I assure you.

I'll have to find that.

Can we lighten things up a bit and just to talk about something else?

I want to talk to Steve forever about boxing, Adrian.

Okay, it can be arranged.

I'm sure he'd be more than happy to

oblige.

How are you, John?

If you get left out a bit sometimes, if we're not talking about it.

Let's talk about climbing frames.

Yeah.

Oh, sorry, John.

John's.

It's an audio format, John.

Yeah, I'm

waiting for something

to engage me.

Well, Adrian.

Timing frames.

What am I supposed to do with that?

Well, Adrian said, let's lighten it up.

Surely the ball's in your court now.

You can't just go silent on the radio.

You're not Tim Key when we had him on Radio X.

What do you want to know, Adrian?

I want to know what's made you smile this week.

Hmm.

Good cue.

The

nothing?

I don't know.

Nothing.

I can't really remember.

Oh, yeah, a lot of blossom knocking around the old place.

You must have seen a cat online or something.

No, no cats online.

Oh, I saw a wonderful video on YouTube today of a 96-year-old

talking about

living with the wonder of a child in late age and seeing a tree and thinking I'm the same as that tree.

I don't think you were on last week, but I saw a great, great quote from McElroy's psychologist, Bob Rottella.

Oh, yeah.

His book talks about golf.

Fantastic.

Yeah, but he said, you know, how'd you get it?

Cutting out of your mind.

But he just said, he said,

Rottella said, we begin with the idea that golf by design is a game of mistakes.

And if you love the game of golf, you have to love that it's a game of mistakes.

And I would contend life is like that.

We want to perfect it, but we should see life as a bunch of mistakes.

Agent.

I can agree with you more.

You know,

Nick Faldo said the winners in golf are the people who just have better who's got the best mistake.

Yes.

Yes.

And also,

I would say that

life is not a problem to be solved, but an experience to be had, Adrian.

Adrian, you are not a problem.

Adrian is not a problem.

Adrian, you are not a problem.

Oh, I am.

Adrian's experience.

You want an experience to be had.

You're not a human being

seeking a spiritual experience, Adrian.

You are a spiritual being having a human experience.

I'm just going to write that down, actually.

Write it down.

Chalk it out.

Very good.

Great R ⁇ D band, the Adrian Shiles Experience.

Very loud.

Excellent.

Look, look forward to listening to you, both.

Oh, yeah, where are we on today, Dave?

What was it last time?

Horses?

Was it horses or world events?

It was world events.

It was world events.

And possibly Kevin De Bruyne retiring.

Well, do you know what?

I think it was rolling 24/7 coverage of Kevin De Bruyne.

It was sort of Kevin lost the battle for a sort of space to the Pope.

BBC has such odd priorities at times, doesn't it?

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There we are.

That was Adrian, of course, and how we love him, don't we, Dave?

I was talking about Adrian yesterday,

Dave, and

who too?

Ben Partridge.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

She's talking about what a national treasure is.

Thoroughly good book.

Thoroughly good egg.

Question.

Listen, Dave, little mini quiz for you.

Oh, yeah.

Who can tell me what UNESCO stands for?

Is it United Nations?

Two points to LS.

Dave, you've got to be quicker than that.

European.

No.

No, it wouldn't be that, would it, of course?

I don't know what it would be after.

Well, we keep going until you get it.

You'll just have to go through all the words in English.

It's going to be heritage.

UNESCO World Heritage Sites.

So, what could that be?

It's not European.

Did Dave say that?

Yeah, it's not that.

Equality.

No, Dave.

Equilibrium.

No.

Equine.

No.

Think.

Use your mind.

Eso.

It's not that

fun.

Because

it would be funny if

acronym stood for other acronyms.

What could it be, Ellis?

Can you good at this stuff?

United Nations.

He's not good at this stuff, Dave.

He's terrible at this stuff.

He's got United Nations stuff.

Tell me, I feel I'm getting frustrated.

United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organisation.

Ah, okay.

But I've not got it.

More UNESCO World Heritage Sites in Rome than any other city on Earth, I think.

Certainly in Europe.

We should think about a paperless way of doing this eventually, but it's just...

You just can't have three people looking.

Here we go.

You can't have three people looking at screens, Dave.

No, it's very true.

Yeah, and we're going to need to draw on all of unity, nationality, education, science, and cultural organization for a new drive we have here on the Ellis James and John Robbins show.

Yeah, we've had a few emails.

This is from Andy.

Andy says, Good afternoon, Todgers.

I too am obsessed with accents and love trying to pinpoint where people are from when I first meet them.

As you recently discussed, Gwynedd, specifically Bethesda.

Bethesda.

Bethesda is the absolute pinnacle.

Mr.

Griffries' voice.

Is the absolute pinnacle, in my humble opinion.

It's an accent that always brings a smile to my face.

Others to be discussed: Wigan, aka Victorian Lancashire,

Widness and St.

Helens, Barnsley, old-fashioned Cockney, and Inverness.

I'm really looking forward to hearing you discuss more.

This from Fraser.

One accent you absolutely should include as a UNESCO World Heritage accent is the Ashington accent.

Right.

You mentioned Geordie, and it is similar, but must be protected at all costs.

Ellis, you seem to have thoughts.

Well, I read this email last night.

It is categorised into pitmatic, which is a collection of accents largely originating from Coldfield communities in the northeast of England.

This includes County Durham, but it is the Ashington version specifically that I'm advocating for inclusion here.

Now, this was the bit that confused me.

It differs from Geordie's.

An O sound is typically pronounced as a as a UR.

So dog is derg.

A hob is pronounced as herb.

And a toad is pronounced as turd.

But that's

hull is what I would think of.

So I need to hear Ashing.

I don't know.

I don't know, yeah.

Maderg.

I wouldn't think Hull would go derg.

Maderg.

I need to hear Ashington now.

Other notable features include pronouncing I as an O I, so shirt is pronounced short.

Oh, yeah, and first is pronounced forced.

That's like uh Michael from um and a partridge.

Yeah, um, where would he, where's he?

Well, he's strong, Jordan.

Yeah, yeah.

But he does the, you know, short and forced.

And I don't have an Ashington accent, but I dearly hope if someone does have one, that they sent in a voice note.

If not, here are some notable examples below or the best phraser.

Okay,

so

here we go.

Where's the f

too many bits of paper, but I have just said I do want them.

So, Dave, what are we doing, mate?

So what it feels like.

It feels like about midnight on the ITB telethon.

And Aspel has lost control.

We've been working on the predictions.

We haven't got the exit poll yet.

Oh, yeah.

And we've been stringing this out for hours.

Yeah, yeah.

Sir Peter Snow is just talking about Sunderland.

What's the one where they would try and do it really fast?

Is that Chesterfield?

It's South Shields, actually.

It's the Sunderland area.

Yeah, yeah.

So we're watching people run around with ballots.

Yes.

I think that's a bit mad that they try and do that.

It feels like you're going to miss the detail if you're just trying to be the first one.

Oh, yeah.

It feels like

accuracy over space.

But I think in that area, the majority is always huge.

Yeah.

And so if you've got a majority of 29,000 people.

I just don't think it sets a good example, Alice, of the process.

I think it makes democracy look quite exciting.

It makes it look quite silly, actually.

It does look a bit silly, yeah.

It's very quaint.

The British general election, yeah.

Think about it.

It is.

So we, of course, talked about a few weeks ago what would be the UNESCO accents, what would be the accents that made it inspired by inspired by Alison, who rang in for a Cumberland connection,

who was from Schletli and had a very strong Schletli accent, which for me personally is a very, very nostalgic accent because my mother works in Schletli, and I know lots of people from Lnetli, and it is an absolute belter, it's a cracker.

Yeah, and I said that for me, Schletli would be a UNESCO World Heritage accent.

Yes, and that is when Dave's mind started whirring.

The cog started turning.

He thought to himself, there's a feature in here that we can string out for probably six to eight weeks.

And then move on.

String out, Ellis.

We're stringing it out, Dave.

We can enjoy and be invigorated by

what we thought we'd do is the UNESCO World Cup of Accents.

And some nice worldy music.

You should have used Nessendorma.

We can't use commercial music, Ellis.

It's copyright free.

Is it?

We've written hundreds of years ago.

I quite like this music.

This is good.

This works.

Told me to sing Nessendorma.

Go on then.

I can't do that.

So what we're going to do here's Ellis.

There he's off.

Go on.

It's a beautiful piece.

Yeah, yeah.

So each week we're going to bring two accents from randomly chosen bowls of ping-pong balls that I've written on.

The John Bola.

The John Bola.

The John Bola.

You haven't brought a Tombola.

You've got a wine cooler and a mixing bowl.

Yeah.

And half a bottle of water.

The water's just for us to drink.

You should have put numbers on them, not the accents on them, Dave.

No, it's the accent.

So it's just quickly and easy.

No, it'd have been like an efficient draw there.

But it can still be.

Number eight, that's Manchester United versus number 13, Lincoln City.

I thought all of this just could have been brushed under the carpet of touch because it's not going to be a visual.

I could be Chris Kamara and he could be a dignitary.

I could be head of the FA with a blazer.

Can you imagine?

So

the football would end.

It would be great.

Certain elements of the fan experience would be approved, but their accounts would be an absolute car crash.

Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So what I've done is I've split up some accents chosen by yourselves.

And why I don't want a job at the FAW, by the way, because I would mess it up.

Okay.

And it means too much.

We'll make sure they bear that in mind.

Same with the spot.

So I'm going to go and get my bowl and my tin bucket.

Have they been asking you?

No, no, God, no.

But if they have a word to ask them, me, I would have to say, I'm sorry.

I will just get it wrong.

Unless you wanted your board meetings to be full of interesting, if irrelevant, anecdotes.

Yes.

That's what I bring.

Right.

Right, so we've got two vessels here.

Dave, how's this work?

I'm going to tell you, John, thanks for asking.

I'm glad you've asked, actually, because I'd like to explain myself.

Could I be yogurt?

No.

Can I vape?

No.

You can listen because otherwise, next week, you'll go, damn, what are we doing?

Because you won't have listened to the game.

But it is part of the charm, Dave.

Half the time, I'd say.

Yes, it is.

So we've got two vessels here with balls in, with ping-pong balls in.

I've written on them the accents.

Maybe in hindsight, John, I should have written on the numbers.

It's okay, we just won't look at them.

Just don't look at them.

And we can pixelate them out on the socials.

Why pixelate them out?

Because you don't want to spoil the surprise.

If you can see liverpool in chris kamara's clear velvet bag if you can make clear velvet yeah you wouldn't it wouldn't be fun would it no no number 16 oldham athletic and we'll get some velvet bags for next week it was that was part of the plan to be fair we will get there we've just been caught out a bit this week so i'm gonna randomly pick a ball from each vessel that you have suggested accents for they'll be drawn do pixelate it but it will look like you've written body parts on that just needs to be pixelated whose bowl is which you're the glass bowl you're the metal bowl, Alice.

Because you represent sturdy industrialism, Alice.

You are.

Something that's always a liquid.

No, you're transparent.

You're transparent, actually.

Wear your heart on your sleeve, and you cannot pretend.

I can't pretend.

World's worst pretender.

Exactly.

So there's no secrets for you, Adrian, because you can see right through you.

So I'll pick out two balls, one ball each.

Those accents, or these accents, will be what are entered into the internet.

Do you do an advert, though?

John.

John do need to get through the rules.

It's getting confusing.

John was late for a meeting we had to discuss our tour in the week.

And in the 10 minutes that John was late, we had to discuss how that you can't pretend.

Yeah.

So there are certain things, you know, if we're asking you to do them on successive nights, the second night, you'll just read it like you're reading an ingredients list.

Yeah, I can't meet the mayor of the town and pretend I'm excited to see them.

No.

So if you're coming to the tour on the first night, fantastic.

God, you'll be good.

Anything after that?

Or how about we flip our perspective on this and say, what this means is every time you go, I will will be bringing new things to the table because I can't pretend.

It won't be new, but it will be honest.

It will be authentic.

Oh, God, yeah, you can't argue with that.

No, no, he is authentic.

Sorry for surfing a riff, 24-7, 365.

Sorry for pushing creativity to its limits.

Yeah.

What should we call it?

John Robbins and the reciters

on tour.

Good grief.

Unbelievable, you guys.

I mean, that is how you do your stand-up tours, though.

Right?

Living on a riff matrix 24-7, 3-66.

The exact opposite.

It's a recital of the tour you write.

How?

Is it?

Did you come to see it twice, Dave?

Oh, God, no.

Different every night.

Is it?

Yeah, it was only about alcoholism when the press were in.

Yeah, the rest was about shaggy.

Oh.

And, you know, liquid restrictions on flights and that kind of relatable stuff.

I even said to the bloody bloody easy jet guy, I'm 70% water.

You're going to put me in the blue.

John's writing a new show.

That's a good bit.

That's a good

bit.

Right.

None of this will make sense now, but we'll do it.

Yeah, it's a World Cup.

It's basically Champions League knockout of UNESCO Heritage Sites.

Old formats.

Old formats.

We start with 16 accents.

Half are Ellis's, half of mine.

They compete against each other each week.

We get voice notes from people who have those accents and we pick a winner.

Yeah.

He's nailed it.

He's done it.

He's absolutely bloody done it.

So I'm gonna pick a ball from each vessel.

Here we go.

It's exciting.

Oh, it's nice, though, isn't it?

Listen to that.

Yeah.

The theater of the mind audio.

So that's the glass one, and just

picked one out.

Because I can't make the noise with the metal bucket now.

Why?

I don't know.

This is why I've never been asked to draw the FA Cup.

Yeah.

All right, then I'll stick with the glass.

John, these are yours.

I'll do that again for a bit.

Right, I picked one.

Okay, what have we got?

We have got from John's suggested vessel.

It's a challenging one for us to source within a week, but we're in Mississippi.

Mississippi.

We must have some listeners from Mississippi.

We've got it.

We've got loads of people from Mississippi in the world, Dave.

You told your boy.

We must have a listener from Mississippi.

We must.

Well, we need one.

So, yeah, we do need the listener's help, I think, for a bit here with this.

And maybe what you could do, if you're from Mississippi and you're a listener,

maybe you could ask an elderly relative who would have that proper classic Mississippi

accent to leave a voice note?

Is that a bit like the old guy and family guy?

Is that quite old, Mississippi?

Or not?

No, Mississippi is more like

well, I went round that Dave's house.

I've got to say, he's an absolute darling.

Yeah.

He had chat pots

and he

cut some roses.

Okay.

Good.

But if we should get someone on, I think.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah, we're not late on that.

Here's the metal.

Alice's metal bucket.

Okay.

Ooh.

Foley.

Is it called Foley?

The sounds?

Mimic sounds, yeah.

Right, Ellis.

Hit me.

I can't read.

I can.

Oh, we're staying.

We're staying over the water.

Ellis has Boston for next week.

Ooh, Boston versus Mississippi.

Wow.

Boston.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I considered going like sort of old school New York, but I really like the Irish influence in Boston.

So, yeah.

So it's an all-American.

An old Bostonian,

an all-American type.

Wouldn't have expected that.

No, because a lot of them aren't American.

It should just be clear to say.

Dave.

Yes, John.

I need to double-check that I mean Mississippi.

So

can I hear

the.

If you have a Mississippi accent, send us a WhatsApp voice note to 07974-293022.

And now, I've been very clear.

We don't want people doing impressions of these accents.

No, no.

We don't want people putting them on because we're very strict on doping.

Aren't we?

Yes, yes, it's got to be genuine access.

It's got to be your genuine accent.

Sport has to have integrity.

Sport has to have integrity, Dave.

And if you are sending your WhatsApp voice note from

Boston or Mississippi or abroad, brackets general,

It's plus 44797-4293022.

It sounds better as a jingle.

Have we got one of the WhatsApp jingles?

Not with plus 4-4 on it.

I didn't get that one.

We just had 4-4 right at the beginning.

But what I would say is, I think we're going to try and get them on next week.

So a voice note is great as an example, but we're going to try and speak to these people next week.

You're going to have a personal phone call with everyone.

No.

Why don't you just pick the people with the best voice notes, Dave?

Yes, exactly.

What I'm saying is...

Thanks, John.

No, what I mean is we're not just playing voice notes as the payoff no no no we're gonna get we're wanting to read something specific but you need to pick the best one from the voice notes Dave of course you do John uh yeah I mean I don't know how many Mississippi accents uh we're gonna get for next week but we can see we might get three and then pick the best

Good, so the UNESCO World Cup of Accents is go.

Looking forward to it.

Cannot wait.

Yeah, big opening ceremony.

Diana Ross running through goalposts.

We should have made a little jingle, shouldn't we?

With me and Ellis doing lots of accents.

I think we've got a lot of jingles knocking about these days.

Yeah, the lights,

let's make some more of them.

Yeah, you're doing accents again?

Yeah, we'll do them, and it'll be like Ellis going, the UNESCO

Word Heritage

of Access.

Oh, the last one.

Well, it's just, you know, it's quick fire.

Yes, it is.

Panic left to right.

Crying out loud.

Yeah, we can do that for next week.

It's a work in progress.

We're one of these types of shows that don't always have the idea at the beginning.

We have a bad show.

Yeah.

We the the bad show, Dave.

We develop it on air.

We do.

We do.

Which is important.

Yanesko Wold

Heritage.

Yeah, good.

Of

accents.

I've done it for you.

I've done it, Dave, and just cut out the ums and R's.

You just have to cut out the ums and R's, and then you'll have to obviously tighten up snip-sip in the edit.

I mean, change all of it.

You'll change all of it.

Get someone else in.

Yeah, yeah, get a voiceover artist.

Yeah, then get AI on it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then sack me.

And then you're done.

Sack Ellis.

I'm sacked for that.

Great.

We look forward to that on next week's podcast as the first round

begins.

Good stuff.

Well, that's probably almost it.

No, it isn't almost it, Dave, because we've got a very special message, a very special shout-out that Ellis is going to read.

Yes.

Hello, Ellis, John, and Dave.

This is Kate, wife of the lovely Rodri.

And that's Ellis's lovely Robin.

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

I mention Rodri a lot

on this show.

Could you guys please give our lovely Griff,

that's their eldest son, Pamrith Hapis, a big happy birthday shout out for his 13th birthday today.

Photos are attached.

And they're of Ellis and Griff's first meeting in a house in Grangetown in Cardiff with Griff looking concerned.

He's about three days older, I think, and he does look absolutely petrified.

Is that you holding him?

That's me holding him.

The second is from mine and Rodri's wedding last year.

They got married the week before me and Izzy, and it was an absolutely fantastic day.

So Diorg, see you soon, Kate, Rodri, Griff, Jor and Katos.

Happy birthday, Griff.

13.

Happy birthday, Griff.

Good lord.

So you were born in 2012.

Yes.

Olympic year.

Yeah.

Oh my God.

Which feels like yesterday.

Yeah.

Ah, 13.

13.

Yes.

2012.

I thought 2012 was about a day ago.

Yeah.

Because if I heard a song from 2012, I would think that's a new song.

That's new music from a new band who are probably going to spit up because they're so new.

Oh, well, happy birthday, Griff.

I mean, it's for Rod, it's for

Dave and John and I to discuss the passing of time in our own.

Oh, and you will, Griff, you will understand this in 2056.

Yes.

When you are getting an email on your podcast from someone who was born in 203 at which point I will be 63 years of age.

Good lord.

Good grief.

I'll have been retired for 11 years.

Yes.

Yeah, well done.

They'll still talk of me, Dave.

Yeah.

Yeah, they will.

They'll be like, Ellis can't pay his mortgage now because John retired, so he could walk up mountains with his eyes.

The lovely Rodri, like the Lovely Robin, is a musician and he released a record a few months ago.

And if you go on my Instagram, it's one of the my links, the link is in the bio to his band camp, and it's well worth listening to.

Ratatosk, so do check that out.

But anyway, thank you very much for downloading.

The Bureau of Shonge in the Mind, of course,

will be available on Saturday only on BBC Sounds, and then we'll be back.

Only on BBC Sounds and like Pirate Bay.

And Pirate Bay and Lime White.

Basha.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then, of course, we'll be back on Tuesday.

Thank you very much, listen.

Goodbye.

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