#494 - Classic 6 7, The Best Brazil and Will Punk Tomorrow

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Welcome to Ennis and John, thank you for listening. And if you detect a shakiness in my voice, it's because I have been chastened.

We had one of our biannual show meetings yesterday to discuss potential new features and whether the show budget stretches to me going to Egrosuru in Pembrokeshire for a week-long intensive Cummins Connection training session.

Dave looks sheepish, and John looks stern.

After some frosty pleasantries were exchanged, John passed an envelope to me. He told me to open it.
His gaze remained steely as I read the note. You are moribund, it said in block capitals.

Dave looked sheepish. John said, I'm making changes and I'm tired of hearing your apologies.
We are changing the title to the John Robins show plus Regionality from Ellis.

It's actually a country with its own language and culture, not a region I split at. Oh, be real, said John.

If you're going to remain on the John Robbins show with Regional City from Ellis, you need to come up with three show ideas now. Oh, okay, I splitted.

My career and mortgage on the line.

What if you're in the pub and you've bought four different pints and unbranded glasses and you need a way of telling which one's which without sipping them because you've forgotten what the barman said?

John stared. That's an idea for an app, not a show feature, you complete piece of ballast.
Keep thinking. Okay, I said.

What's the best Brazil? The country nuttle wax. That's better.
That's better. Oh, I'm done.
I done. I cried.

John allowed me to hug his waist for a bit before giving me an old tissue from Cafe Nero to wipe my nose. Consider this your probation.

Thanks, Dad. I mean, John, I said.
Today, listeners, is the first day of my new life. I'm under a lot of pressure, Dave.
Wow. Today, I've got to be good.
So I've got my Cymru connection notes

with my little map.

I'm prepared. I've got anecdotes.
I just need John to believe in me. What have you got to say to that, John? Pending.
Pending. Pending.
Pending performance, pending results, pending effort.

Also, Alan Brazil.

I'm feeling pretty snubbed right now. Yeah, I was thinking.

What's Brazil wax? The Brazilian. Oh, right.
But that's not a type of Brazil, is it?

It is.

No, you wouldn't say it's Brazil. No, but it's a Brazilian.
It's adjacent. Yeah, no, but then that would be what's the best Brazilian.

This is the kind of foggy thinking that means your features don't make it to show.

Alan Brazil, the Brazil nut of the country. Yeah.
That's feature idea number one. Yeah, your favorite Brazilian is Pele.

Wax. The wax.

Or Carnival, period.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely.
Sorry, sorry, sorry. Foggy thinking again.
Sorry. I've had my oils confirmed, by the way.

Huge, if true okay well regular listeners will know that last week on the episode i challenged ellis and dave uh to name the oils in their kitchen and they couldn't because they are neander tals

i could name every item in my kitchen you could i imagine you actually probably could yeah i i imagine i could dave have you done it before no but i think i could I mean, I won't do it live, but I could write down, if you gave me half an hour, I could write down every single item in my kitchen.

Okay, we should do it.

And then I could go home and test it. Yeah, we should do this.
We should do that. Yeah.

But don't let me, because don't let me revise.

Because I would go home today and revise. Yeah, we just don't, don't then.
Yeah, I'd say there's probably 300 items in my kitchen. No way.
I could get all 300. I reckon I could get within 10%.
Easy.

This is reminiscent of when he named all the countries during lockdown. That's an easier thing to learn, though, I think.

I don't know. Yeah, because you can just Google it.
What are the countries on earth? And you've got a list, then you've got to then just learn it.

He's going to have to take everything from out of his own. No, because I know in my head what is in my kitchen.
Yeah, but who's testing you? Well, I am.

I bet you couldn't do all the

spices. I give you a hundred billion grand I could.
So who's the independent adjudicator? Well, I would write down under in laboratory conditions here, right, everything in my kitchen.

Yeah, we should get the Guinness Book of World Records. Yes,

what would the record be? Yeah, kitchen records. It's probably not been done.
Most kitchen items remembered. Yeah.
In laboratory conditions.

I would then go home and I would go through every item in my kitchen and tick them off the list. Yeah.
So including all the food in the cupboards. But someone in the fridge.
And the fridge.

Someone would have to be in your house with you. Well, I would film it.
Or a crew would film it.

Get Child round. He quite likes it.
Who would be one of the great directors? Is your freezer? Okay. Catherine Bigelow.
Is your freezer in your

freezer items as well? Big time. I'll tell you what's in my freezer now.

Five Aunt Bessie's Yorkshire puddings, half a loaf of Hovis wholemeal sourdough. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Some sage leaves, some chilies. Okay.

Two ice packs,

two ice trays.

That's it. And that's it.
That's it, yeah. Wow.
I recently defrosted it. Our freezer's full to the prim.
Why are your chilies in the freezer?

Because they were about to go bad, so I freeze them, them, so then I can just chop them up and put them in a stir-fry.

Sunflower, vegetable, olive, rapeseed, coconut.

But they were the ones that you said to be there. Oh, thank God for that.
That feels like vindication in a way.

I ought to go home, film it, and give it a bit of visual flourishes, but no.

Me filming myself looking at my oils in my kitchen.

Well, pushing the listeners to their limits. Speaking of filming, on the way into the studio today,

the street outside where we record is closed for filming of some kind of mega production. Oh, yes, it was a police car.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Loads of people in high-vis.

And I don't know about you guys, but whenever I walk past a film crew, I get a very odd feeling

because part of me wants to watch

to see if I see a superstar. But part of me doesn't want them to think I'm watching like a member of the public.

Because you're in the bits. Well, exactly.
So you want them to know that you know

I sort of want to go.

I, guys, I work in an adjacent industry, so

I kind of know what's going on here. I've been on the

front of the camera myself, actually, a couple of times. I once did a short video for the last leg 10 years ago.
Yeah, so

a lot of the people watching are members of the public. I'm not one of them.
I am not one of them. So is there an area that I could watch from that perhaps, sure, I'm maybe not with the cast and crew,

but I'm with industry adjacent. But I breathe the rarefied air of someone who does podcasts for a living.
It's not VIP, it's guest list. Exactly.
Is the area where you want to sit?

So, but also I get a thing in my head going, huh, all these people gawping at a film set like it's something different or new. I see these like once every 18 months.

I mean, he's been on Mott the Week. Yeah.
You should do 2017. 2017.
Catch the director's eye. This is what I'm trying to do.
Give him an eye roll. Yeah, I kind of thought

you must be ready for your break. And so what I did was I walked past, and there's a big old boom camera in the middle of the street that would shut down the whole street.

See, he knows all the technical jargon. Yeah, yeah, but he knows the lingo.
He does. And I walked.
I walked about fifty yards past and thought, I'm just going into the studio.

I don't care about the plumbing filming crew. I don't wanna be in a film anyway, I don't wanna be in Hollywood.

And then I turned round and walked back and watched for about 30 seconds. And then I was like, no, I don't care about that.

But I did sort of want a little badge, maybe, to go industry adjacent. Yes.

Familiar with film sets. I'm one of you.
I'm watching in a different way. Yeah, yeah.

I'm trying to spot the DOP. I'm trying to spot the grip.
What's the DOP? Detective photography day. Oh, good, okay.
Oh, my God, Dave. Don't you know anything?

No, I just be one of the normies, which is fine. What did you do when you walked past the film set?

I was cycling past them, and I was moving my head really quickly because I was trying to see all the celebs. But I didn't see it.

I saw lots of people in Hyveers telling people that they'd be able to cross the road in a bit. And in the main,

the normies, Dave, were very, very patient. Ellis was looking out for blunders.
Yeah, of course, he always is.

He was looking for a Victorian man using a keepy cup. Do you know what? He was going to sell it at five-stars movie blunders.

Sadly, I think the blunder, I think, I think the bottom's fallen out of the blunder game. An old 1860s peeler using a taser.
Yeah.

Sherlock Holmes is using a vape. Yeah.

Why is the bottom falling out of the blunder game?

I haven't been asked to present a blunder program for probably seven years now, dude. That doesn't necessarily mean the bottom's fallen out of the blunder game.
Well,

have you seen any lately? I don't really. I'm not really looking for them, to be honest.

What about, Ellis? Your career might be about to go through the roof with AI's greatest greatest slop.

Like all the mistakes AI makes

hallucinated an Egyptian in a play about the Second World War,

as in an ancient Shadow Five Stars, TV's greatest AI slop with Ellis James.

If you're listening, it's a yes from me. It's a yes from him.
Definitely a Sarah MC Satchi Merlin. Because I'm involved.

I've got time to kill. I could do on Christmas D.

Part of me was thinking if I lingered enough,

I might get it.

Oh, is that John Robbins?

We need a new lead star. Yeah.
Do you could you just jump in quick?

Sorry, I've just seen the script. I should have noticed this last night, but I didn't when I was going through it.
We need a beautiful man.

We need a radiant, beautiful man. Yeah, we're making soft James Bond.

Anyway, how have you guys been?

It's been quite full on. When I was in Liechtenstein, which I discussed last week, we got bedbugs.

And that was a problem.

That's a phrase I never want to say about my life. No.
I'd happily go to Liechtenstein. Oh, yeah.
Not happily get bedbugs. I was, as I discussed last week, I was asleep at 6 p.m.

on the Friday in Liechtenstein. In the reception of St.
Gallen, in the the reception of a hotel, having had a good time.

The barmaid had allowed us to take over the stereo system.

We were playing Welsh tunes and introduced a man who claimed to be in the French Foreign Legion to the Manic Street Preachers, and he was loving it. And yes, there are some great videos, Dave.

I was playing darts against him. We were playing 501, I think.
And I kept saying to who was keeping score, what do I need next? And he kept saying, just try and hit the border.

Hit the board for 10 minutes, you hammered. Anyway, I got a text at about 5 p.m.
saying, we've got bed bugs, call me. And I replied, I haven't, so sorry.
I haven't, so sorry.

I wouldn't be surprised if that's actually what it said. I haven't so sorry.
Drunk. We'll punk tomorrow.
Kiss.

And the reply I got was, have a good time, full stops.

Kiss. I thought

I was dealt with.

Anyway, I rang her in the morning I rang easy in the morning the thing with bed bugs if you've got them don't google it because you will end up on reddit forums with people who've are like I've got PTSD I've had to burn my entire house down I can't get rid of them they've been with us for six months but also do google it to find an expert yeah so it's a tricky it's like you have to close one eye while you're googling yeah that's exactly the thing i've got you've got to do the way they multiply is horrendous Well, this is why the yellow pages were so good.

Yes. Because you could find an expert without reading a Reddit thread about how it ruined someone's marriage.
Yes. And then kiss a girl taller than you.
Yes. Yes.
Yes.

So

I talked to my friend Andy, who'd had to get rid of his bed and rip up every carpet in his house and all that kind of stuff. So as he said,

I found someone who can come around on Wednesday.

Or I found someone who can come around

today at midday, but they use a different method. I was was like, I don't really care about the method.
We just need to get it done straight away.

Well, you care about the method if one of them is, say, fumigating your house and the other one is trying to charm them with a penny whiskey

and lead them to Gloucester.

You don't want a psychic bed bug test. In that scenario,

I care about the method.

My daughter wants to go to the secondary school and they do a banding test to make sure that they take kids from all spectrum of the abilities.

so she kind of had to sit this test but they don't do a bed bug test no it's not like at the start of um shawshank redemption when they line them up and throw louse powder all over no but the bed bug man was coming at midday and the test was at midday and she only rang him at half past ten so she had to empty basically the entire upstairs floor of our house uh and put it in one room in like an hour And it's like someone's moved house on my behalf in an hour and I wasn't there.

So I don't know where anything is.

So my life is extremely chaotic no one's been bitten for two weeks fingers crossed touch wood we seem to be getting away with it that's huge it is huge can I make you feel better yeah

so at the same time Alice got bed bugs we feared we got bed bugs this I don't want to be anywhere near you two I've never had any kind of infestation of anything anywhere near me so Beck one of the twins woke up with bites on his kind of back and on his arm.

And he's, by the way, absolutely fine. Does not care.
Loves it. Kind of, yeah, quite enjoyed it.
He's just happy-go-lucky.

So I got two bed bug bombs. Now, these are little fuses that you light.
And

the room fills with smoke. It's a BBY.
B-I-Y bed bug fusion.

Acme Hanna-Barbera cartoon. Yeah, Wiley Coyote about to run into a big mountain.
Yeah. Yeah.

So Hannah left it with me. Of course.

It was a busy day. You said I haven't drunk.
So sorry. Punk you tomorrow.
Punk you tomorrow, kiss.

It was a busy day. I had stuff on in the evening.
The bed bug bombs arrive. We had cleared Beck's room apart from

there's like a fold-out chair on the floor and there's a mattress on the top. Everything else has been pretty much cleared out.

Don't you need the stuff in there to be bedbug bombs? Yeah, there was a bit in there, but we like toys and stuff we're going to just wash separately.

So anything that we could wash separately, we got out. But a lot of stuff was still in there.
Having to wash every one of your possessions is such a pain.

Well, wait, wait, wait for this because this has been this has been, I would say, close to marriage-ending type. Because our house, you're not allowed to,

the guy sprayed our house, and we're still not allowed to hoover or mop. Really? So, we took it into our own hands.

Shambles, right? Just bought it off Amazon. It wasn't very expensive, but I thought I'd do the job.
Put two

bombs in the room, one on the mattress, one on the one on the chair. Bombs.
Now,

there was something in the blummin' guidelines that said maybe put on a fireproof surface. Oh my god.
No, I just thought what that meant.

I just thought. I should have started.
This makes me look so thick. I am a thicko, so I'll start with that.

How are you involving yourself with anything that has bomb in the title in your own home where your wife sleeps, where your children play with their toys, to quote the godfather, and not reading the instructions?

instructions well i did read it so but i just thought what that meant was it's if because you like the fuse at the top i just thought

i just thought it meant if it topples over better make sure it's on something that's not going to burn the house down right okay and then it even went to the length of saying don't put it on plates and stuff because it might contaminate the plate so i thought all right well it's a telling not to put it on plates can't be that bad plunked one on the mattress plunked one on the little um very uh fire

what's the opposite to fire resistant flammable flammable

on the very flammable fold out or inflammable confusingly, yeah. Matt, yeah, left it closed the door, yep, lit the two fuses, got out of there.
Um, went and carried on doing a bit of work downstairs.

Oh my gosh, um, we didn't open the door that night, left the door closed. If I just pop my head around, it was absolutely full of smoke, which is good.
That's the whole point.

It was only on the way down to London the next day that Hannah took a picture

and said, I think you've maybe got this a little bit wrong. And there's two burn holes, one in the mattress,

one in the one in the one in the chair. Imagine, well, two things, John.
We've just had it carpeted upstairs. What if I just put them both on the carpet?

But what if I burnt the blumming house down? Problem being, this happened a week ago. The irony being at no point did your alarm go off.

Considering that we had a whole episode within your alarm couldn't be turned off. Well,

we closed it instantly. Let's see the picture, Dave.
It's going on the camera, whether you like it or not. No, it can't go on the Cara.
Of course it can.

If Ellis is sleeping, the reception can go on. Every fucking handsome in the Alps can go on.

It's not the same. I look like a big thicko.

To try and create a positive.

Have you still got bed bugs? No bed bugs. But we still

ceiling. But no, but

the biggest fallout from all of this, it's not the fact that, yes,

mattresses aren't cheap. That's not ideal.

They are not cheap. It's burnt plastic.

That stinks, is it? Well, it's dangerous. Yeah.
And the room still stinks of plastic. So I've been washing the carpet every other day.

I was wiping the walls down with white vinegar, which is just near my oils.

I was wiping down all the walls and stuff and the bed and everything. This room smells like a chippy.

to try and get rid of the smell of the plastic. We've now bought an air measurer, which again isn't bloody cheap for a decent one, to see whether the air in there is alright.

Because if you do kind of go down rabbit holes of burnt plastic in walls, asthma, cancer, all the stuff that comes with purple.

Also, I'm guessing Hannah, who won't eat tomato puree after the sell-by date,

is not the sort of person who tolerates burnt plastic residue on her walls. Yeah, she's not chilled about it.
No. And understandably so.
Absolutely. Let's see this little picky.
So there's the...

Oh, David. So that's the burn market.

So basically, what happens with these bombs is it burns all the way through and whatever it's whatever it's is at the bottom of these bombs that it's sitting on it'll just burn into it what does it recommend you put it on oh this is the thing nothing so i what it doesn't say it says hard from the fireproof world

But that could have gone on a unit or a windowsill. It doesn't tell you not to put it on stuff.
It just tells you to put it on a flame-proof surface. I should say the base will burn.

Absolutely, exactly. Put it on a paving slab.
So I was a bit stupid, but

put it on some lovely asbestos.

So I think it could have, I think I could have thought on, but at the same time, it was not clear.

That mattress is still usable, though. We're not using that mattress.
Why not? Because it's got a massive burnhole in it. Yeah, but you should put a sheet over the top.
Yeah, but it's burnt plastic.

That's all right. It's not going to

be poisonous forever. It won't wash with Hannah.
Really? But flip the mattress. That will not wash with Hannah.
Oh, my good. And God bless Hannah.

Come on, you've got to be able to flip the mattress and put a mattress

on it. Flip the mattress.

Oh, yeah. If you if you flip my mattress back to the side, it was meant to be on, you'd find all sorts of stuff.

Dave, I'm going to write the name of a mattress on this piece of paper. Yeah.
I'm going to hand it to you. Oh, I've already bought another mattress, but go on.

No, well, no, because you could have treated Hannah as the best mattress on earth. Oh, really? Yeah.
Okay. Well, buy it.
Did you buy this

brand?

No.

That mattress is the only apology you ever need to make to your wife.

No, the mattress is on the way.

We've got the air measurer now. Beck's had to sleep in with Alba's twin for the past week, which is just the most chilled out loud.
What does the air measurer say?

Does it say like everything? It measures everything. It is pretty cool.
The levels are still toxic. Well, it's arriving today.
Oh, right. So I don't know, but

it's everything. It measures it.
It's fine.

Of course it was fine. And then it'll send you a text saying just flip the mattress and eat tomato puree.
But 10 years. For peace of mind, and I agree with Hannah on this.

I don't want to be worried that we've put our little lad, who's five years old, very delicate lungs, back into a room that's got plastic in the air. I agree with you, Danny.

Microfibers of plastic in the air. That is not good.
Yeah. So we've done everything we need to, but

it's caused absolute carnage just because

we've just not had we've had a room out of action and I've had to be cleaning a room for a week. What was Hannah's tone?

I was on the way for a big London.

Worst is, I wasn't there to rectify, and I wasn't there for the following 24 hours.

So Hannah's, should we read the Hannah's? Because you're so handsome. People just melt

even when you've made a mistake. Well, I got quite defensive at one point.

You are not the. You are in no position to be defensive.
You can't park the bus, Dave. Because they

had two holes and polluted your house.

What did she say? Because she just kept telling me the room stank, and I was getting annoyed. I mean, it did smell.

Burnt plastic's a horrible smell as well. Found why the room smells of plastic.

I swear at that point.

I swear quite a lot.

I then apologise and say I was going to put them on plates, but I didn't.

Great apology, Dave. I'm going to argue.
She says, I have had enough of apologies at that point.

The smell is coming from his burnt mattress. It stinks.
I'm thinking about chucking the mattress because the smell is so bad. It stinks.
The chair

smells so bad that I put... Oh, does it smell bad? Sarcastic.
David, Master Man,

you are going to prison.

Oh, my lord. You're going to go to love jail.
Because he's told me five times at this point. Dave, in this situation, you are Gordon Brown finding out his mic was still on.

You apologize, apologise, apologize. Do you know what? Because Hannah's lovely.
My glasses are steaming up now because I'm embarrassed. Hannah's, this is why I love Hannah.

She just eventually, quite quickly, actually, in

the red mist, I would imagine, and rightly so. She's put, never mind, his mattress was too thick for his bed anyway, thumbs up.

So just immediately kind of looking at the positive and then went back to say it does smell really bad. It's burnt.
The burnt smell is bad. It smells like burnt plastic.

We've given a lot of clothes away to the charity shop, and we needed to do have a bit of a clear-out anyway. So

I'm trying to look at positive. Ellis has got a thousand kagouls, Dave.
Yeah. And he got home to find them.
They were out of order. I bet they're flammable as well.
Yes.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, I hope you both remain bed bug-free because I know someone who had them at uni and it's one of the nightmares, I think of mine it turns out we actually think it was fleas

which the same process would have taken place probably because we would have tried to skip corners to get it sorted so the bombs would have still been in play

but i'm still bombing that i'm still bombing it but it would have been for the fleas rather than the bed bugs also you'd have had to chuck the mattress anyway if it was bed bugs

Yeah, that's a good point. I need to, I'll say that to Anna later.
Another thing in the locker, Dave. Keep that.
You might need that in a couple of months.

And I've also just thought, Hannah, we would have chucked the mattress anyway. Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

Now then,

what are we up to next? Well, we didn't do a Cymru connection last week because we're busy with John winning and Anya Magliano. We were.
It was a bumper pack show last week.

We thank Maggers

for her contribution. We hope you go and see her show.
But it is time for Ellis to do what he does

fine

slash best. Above average.
Above average, the Cymru connection.

It's another Cymru connection. Ellis thinks his tactics are sheer perfection.

But his questions have one direction.

Where did you go to school?

Do you know Daffy Devon's no?

Come on, mate, you must do no. We've never met

at all.

Can Ellis piggyback off Wales' thumping of North Macedonia and restore some pride, which he missed because of the bed bugs, didn't you? Yes, I had a ticket. Did you? I couldn't go.

It was the house was so chaotic. Yeah, well done.
I just thought I could go to Cardiff to watch us score seven goals for the first time since 1978.

Can he find a connection with a random caller from Wales? It's time to find out. Ellis has followed up on his historic five in a row with an equally historic four failures in a row.
Oh, gosh.

Only once before has his poor form been worse. If he fails to connect today, he equals his record of five failures in a row.
That word again. Okay.

But with the introduction of a shoddily and hastily drawn map of Wales, I'd like to distance myself from that tone because I support it. I support the map.
That's a two-day test.

First time since 1921. Could this be the turning of the tides? His connection rate has slipped further down to 45.31%.
His lowest ever connection rate was 42.22%.

I'm guessing that was quite early doors.

It must have been. It must have been.
Yeah. So he's got some breathing room before things start to get really bad.

We have a caller on the line from Wales. Hello.
Pronoun Da.

Pranhounda. Caller, you'll have 60 seconds to connect with Ellis James.
His head is in his hands, but he's got his sheet. He's got his big map.
Your time starts now.

38. Askomaiskarmon mold.

Oh, um, my friend

Griff, TV editor, lives in Cardiff. Curly hair.
No.

Okay, uh, Rianne Davis Di Davis' daughter lives in Langarin. No.
Okay, what do you do for Living?

Ask my Scarman. Do you know Sean Gibson?

No. No, I don't.
What do you do for Living? Uh, pharmaceutical rep.

Okay, if you went to university, where did you go? Abroastwith. Abrustwith, 38, 38.

What did you study?

Sports science.

38. Okay.

Where do you live now? The metropolis of Nantgeredig. Nantgeredig.
Do you know my friend Robert Harris? Yes, I do. Yay! We go!

What? From behind the halfway line. Oh.

Shoot! Oh, okay.

Let's... Do you drink in the Crisseli arms?

Well, every now and again, yeah, but it's just been flooded again. So

it happens quite a lot.

Let's find out about this connection, Ellis.

Rob's dad was a connection a couple of months ago. Yeah, because you're like,

yeah, from Carmarthen, there's a guy on, wasn't there? And you

know,

yeah, lovely man.

Okay, okay, okay. So, you, how long have you been in Nantgared? Who is the person you're? Rob Harris is my

friend of mine from school. What does he do? He's a journalist.
He works for Wales Online. And how do you know him, Caller?

He drinks down the rugby club and the railway, as do I. In the railway, in the railway, in the railway.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Yeah.

Okay.

Why not Goredig?

Oh, it's a lovely place.

It is a lovely place. It's a really chilled place.
Yeah. Full of retired people, so it's really nice and chill.

Yes, and we've just had a new cycle path built from Clark.

Yeah,

to the family.

What do you think of the Ponter Gothy scene?

Oh,

I'm loyal to the Nant guys, I see. I just love the village.
Yeah, I don't really travel.

My friend Owen Evans has got a parents have a farm. Well, they did have a farm in Lund Gregg.

But he's been in Australia for years, so I don't think you'd know Owen. But Robert Harris,

I knew.

I knew I'd get you with Rob. Yeah, there was a confidence in that.
There was a confidence there. Yeah.

Well, when you'd said when you said it a couple of weeks ago, I was praying that you'd say it again so we could get your life back on track. Because I know you mentioned

are there any other connections you know of, Corla? Well, I think, do you know um Julian Lewis Jones, you know, the actor that was in Victor, Stu?

Do you know? I know he is, I've never met him, actually. Yeah, I was thinking he's another possible connection,

but um, but now that now that I feel we've connected, I feel comfortable to say I'm not great with names, but I'm great with faces, but we've connected, so it's okay.

Yeah, I would, I would, there's, there must be more in the Maisgarmon area. Yeah.
This caller's accent sounds a bit Gwyn-like. I thought that.

Is Gwynne from this region? No, because Maisgarmon's in Mould with Grigg in North East Wales and Nant Greddigs and Carmarthen. Where's Gwyn from?

Goth Gwyn sort of grew up in Brecken, went to school in Batalbert. Huh.

So, um,

yeah, I.

Do you know Tommy Couse?

Tommy Cause?

No.

Okay. Do you support? Which football team do you support?

Well, I grew up in North East Wales, so I support Everton. But my family are Cardiff City fan, so I kind of follow their results as well.

Okay. That was a really good performance from you.
Yeah, well done. Because we looked at each other, didn't we, Dave? We shook our heads because he was just firing out names.

And then you went away from what you should have been doing, and you were firing out more names, and then I thought you'd run out of ideas.

And then

you went back to basics, Ellis, and asked him, where does he live?

Which goes to Greece. Should have been maybe a bit close to the top, but we got there.
Well, thank you very much, Corla. What's your name? Reese.
Nice to meet you, Reese. Thank you, Rhys.

Thank you for connecting. Nice to share.
Nice to meet you, Rhys.

For saving Ellis from a fate worse than death. Yeah.
Five failures in a row. Do you know Beth Jones, a stand-up comic? She's from North East Wales.

No, I don't. No.

I don't think she's my Scarman. That's fine.
I need to work on my my Scarman. I've what are you adding to it on your map? Yeah, where does it go? It's mould, which is roughly there.

Yeah, it's under sort of the Tommy Couse region.

Okay, good, good, good. Reese, you've made me feel positive.
Best of luck with both the flooding recovery and the cycle path. Yeah.

Huge for the area, but obviously sad that you're battling flooding in your local. Thank you, guys.
Thanks, Rhys. Bye-bye.
Keep up the good work. Thank you, guys.
Thank you, Miss. Bye-bye.

Okay, well, we're going to take a moment just to mop Ellis's brow. What do you know what Ellis should do? This would be a bit of fun.
Go for an ice bath. Yeah.

Have you seen the United fan that won't cut his hair until United win five games in a row? Yes. It's actually very hard to win five games in a row.
Absolutely. He is absolutely.

He seems to hire a target. He's set himself up.
Maybe this should be something similar for Cymru Connection. I don't want to criticize.
I'm not going to criticise him. No.

I will make the observation that his hair has an interesting texture and thickness. Yeah.

Because it's big hair. Because I think, did they get to four a couple of months ago and then they lost the fifth one? Or they definitely got to three and then lost a fourth one.

He's got the same problem I have, whereas my hair grows outwards. Yes.

So, and also his hair seems to go thick, then thin, then thick within the process of its height. He's had complete goons of a go at him at games.
Yes, yes. yes, he's been treated horrendously.

Because I think so, but he's very brave of him. But people say, oh, are you making fun of the club? And blah, blah, blah.

People are saying that.

Good question. Good question.
I don't know. I think I've got to go.
You could stop asking that question of people. I think it's just a frustrated United fan.
Yeah.

But he seemed quite chipper and I saw an interview with him. Yeah.

It is. Oh, yes, he is.
He's giving his hair to the little princess's trust. Oh, brilliant.
Yes. Brilliant.
He goes to make wigs for people with undergoing cancer treatment.

If you're from any kind of hair loss, do eventually win five games on the bunce.

He's going to leave old Trafford.

He's going to be an absolute hero.

Yes, Little Princess Trusts. Oh, fair play to him.
I didn't know that. Look at it, though.
It's going out. That's what my hair would

look like if it grew that long.

It's very long. He's still smiling.
Could you not like gel it down or something?

No, I don't think you can. You've got to let that just run free.
Great. Well, another Cymru reconnection next week, but now a made-up game.

Hello, it's Ray Winstone. I'm here to tell you about my podcast on BBC Radio 4, History's Toughest Heroes.
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Do you you want to play a made-up game? Yes, but last week's made-up game I listened back to in the bath with my vape flannel. And I still love it, and I do want to play it again.
Belanias game.

Yeah, and I was. Oh, yeah, yeah, it's a great game.
Yeah.

It was for the purposes of the game to make sure you two

had skin in the game, we had to go London-centric. But it doesn't have to be.

Obviously, your starting point, anyway. You can take that game outside of the London media elite bubble.
Yeah, of course you can. You can take that game and put it in your own backyard.

Yeah, in Vanessa. You've got to get from the Kresselians in Nantgeredig

to Johannesburg. Yeah, well, no.
No, you can't. All right, okay, not Johannesburg.
You need to be able to walk there. Oh, yeah, I've forgot about that.
Reading. Yeah, Reading.

No, it's ours.

All right, then.

Come on, town centre. There we go, 40 minutes.
No,

you need to walk from the place in Karedig

for four and a half hours. Where are you going? Oh yeah, I've missed back.

You're going to, I don't know, Pehwelli. Potheli, yeah.
Pikeli. Yeah.
Pele. Yeah.

Right. This week's made-up game comes.
You said Karedig, which is a Welsh word for kindness. Oh, nantgredig actually means not kind stream.
Does it?

I've got a cryptic crossword clue that I need your help with.

So sorry, Dave. That's all right.

Problem I had raised in renting vehicles in Welsh Region once. It's an old word for a Welsh region.
13 letters begins with C.

Keradigyon. I couldn't get to fit.
I don't think it's Carmarthenshire.

Welsh region once. Definitely beginning with C.
Definitely beginning with a C because 10 across. I've got.

I think it is

Carnarvonshire.

C-A. That would probably be C-A-E-R-N-A-R-V-O-N-S-H-I-R-E.
No, that's too long.

What are the other ways of spelling Keradigion?

Or Carmarthenshire?

Cardiganshire. Is that too long?

It's Cardiganshire. Oh, is it? Yeah.
Woo!

Well done.

Yes.

It's so satisfying when the letters there, isn't it? It's going in because problem I've been called Cardiganshire for years.

Raised. Problem I had.

Snag ID

raised.

Renting vehicles.

Cars hire.

Ah, yeah. And

snag I'd rate. It's yes, it's Cardiganshire.
Thank you. It hasn't been called Cardigans.
Is that an old book? Because it hasn't been Cardiganshire for well, that's what the clue is. Welsh region Once.

Oh, okay. So it means it was once called that.
Okay. That's a hard connection.

Thanks for your help, Ellis. That was good.
No problem. Well done.
I feel good again now. Good.
What a roller coaster. You should feel good because you also got your cumury connection.
Yeah.

We have a new jingle. Woo!

John. Oh, Dave.

I've not heard it, but I'm as excited as you will be when you hear what it is about. Sorry, Dave.
What is it about? Well, wait, wait, because Josh, who is the jingle maker, has form.

Hi, all. I'm emailing again as I've made another jingle for made-up games.
It was a pleasure to hear John's assessment and approval of my Van Morrison jingle from a few months ago.

Let's have a little clip of the Van the Man jingle.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, I love it.

I was inspired to make another jingle when I heard you all raving about Geese and Cameron Winter. Now, Dave, a couple of points there.
Funny, you should mention Cameron Winter. Yeah.

I don't know if you've heard of him and me, but I'm going to see him yesterday. Yes!

Well, because of the linear way we're publishing. We are recording this on Friday.

The person you mentioned there, Cameron Winter,

I'm going to see him live on Monday yesterday. Yeah.
I might go and see him on Sunday two days ago. And I might go go to that with you as well.
I haven't decided yet.

And then that band, what's the name of that band again?

Goose.

Geese. Yeah, that's right.
I'm going to see them twice next year.

And I'm going to get there when the doors open to buy all the merch because all their merch is sold out worldwide. Is it? Yes.
Okay. Wow.

So that's interesting that that's the made-up game jingle because that's what I'm doing on Monday.

I saw a video of a very aggressive mosh pit at a geese gig, which I'd love to see John involved in when he goes. Did you ever, were you ever a a mosh pit guy?

I went to see,

I went to Reading Festival to see, I think it was Atari Teenage Riot. Oh, yeah.
And they got, they split the crowd at Reading Festival. Oh, my lord

and made them run into each other. Crazy.
And

I was there.

Were you involved? I was absolutely terrified. Yeah, yeah.

I used to love the physicality of it when I was a teenager. System of a down, I think I was adjacent to the mosh pits.
The Prodigy were big in mosh pits.

I was in a couple of Prodigy mosh pits as a youngster.

youngster yeah um i wouldn't do it now mainly because i've got quite nice shoes and i don't want people to stand on my shoes the shoe thing and i nearly broke my leg in the prodigy mosh pit and i think my bones are probably a little bit more brittle now so it probably would break and i don't want a broken leg uh josh has sent in a jingle uh

he's heard us all raving about geese and cameron winter who i'm going to see on yesterday

Another artist who recently has brought me a lot of joy and who I very much agree appears to be a generational talent. I will not argue with that.

I decided to knock together a little tribute to the great man in made-up games jingle form, and I hope you all enjoy big risk. This is a huge, he's shooting for the moon.
Yeah, great album.

It's by Kevin Ayres. Is it? That's a great record.

Let's hear,

and the stakes are high, Josh. Let's hear your Cameron Winter Made Up Games Jingle.

Made up game

I ain't all the rules

for myself

I love

Made of game

Definitely some journal out of play

the game

Now playing

and scoring

trying

to

making up games, playing them live.

Try to score points on both sides.

Making up points and arguing things.

They will decide who wins.

Brand new games,

making them up

every week till they give up.

They give games, telling the things.

Made up games,

John, over to you.

Okay,

it's an impossible task.

Yes.

And

that's based quite closely to Love Take Smiles. Yes, which is my favourite salute hammer.

I think trying to replicate how he uses his voice is very difficult. It's almost a cover, isn't it? Yeah.

And It's difficult, I think, using the instruments you might have at your disposal on like some kind of software to replicate live musicians. That said, I thought it was a very valiant effort.

I thought it was lovely. And the lyrics were good.
Yeah. I thought he did well with the lyrics.
The thing with Cameron Winter that I've been trying to articulate

is

every

whatever comes next is both surprisingly surprising and completely inevitable.

So the song,

you never quite are able to sing along to it

because it's always going in a direction that you don't expect and yet there's no other direction it could go in. Interesting.
So it's sort of always sounding

new.

You should write a piece about Cameron Winter for a magazine. You should actually.
I really enjoyed that. That's a very interesting way of putting it.

I was emailing someone about the new Nico Case album and about Cameron Winter.

And I saw this interview with a guy talking about Beethoven, and he said, and this surprised me as someone who doesn't really understand much classical music, but he said, the thing about Beethoven is he's actually quite bad at melody.

His phrasing is all over the place. His timing's not great.
However, the one skill he has more than any other musician is that every note is completely inevitable.

And I thought, I don't really understand what that means. That sounds quite cool.
And I think probably the same is true of the Beatles. There was the John Peel

quote about the four: Always different, always the same. Yes.
And I love that.

The lovely Robins said that there's a bit about

John Lennon in Might Be Revolution in the Head, where he says, no matter how strange the songs are, they ring true. Yes, yes, yes.
And I think there's something of that in Geese and Cameron Winter.

So, yeah, an almost impossible task, very well attempted, I think. I thought it was a very good attempt.
That was great.

Also, if you'd

played that and not told what it was, I think it would be your first guess. It'd be his ada made-up game shingle as better than my geese or camera boots.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Scores on the doors. After John's win in Anya Magliano's Walk This Way game last week, you're at an advantage, John.
It's an advantage, Robin. How long have we been on this juice? I don't know.

It feels. It's the longest tennis match in history.
Yeah.

Yes.

John is leading two love in the second set.

Ellis.

Do I want this to go back to deuce? I'm not sure. You think it's for me? I want to be at deuce forever.
There is something quite. It kind of goes in waves.
One week it feels utterly tiresome.

Another weeks it's quite funny that we're still here. Like actual tennis.

This week's game comes in from Jeff. Hi there, the great comedy trifecta.
I have a made-up game suggestion for you.

It essentially is a pub quiz style round, but with greater latitude for point scoring than the standard question and answer.

It's one I use at my monthly hosting of our local pub quiz at the Crowford Arms in Maidenhead. Love a game from a quiz setter.
Yes, absolutely. Because it's been tested rigorously.

They know game theory. They know formats.

I've also updated it to overlap with a modern trend that Ellis and Dave know all too well. 6'7.
The game is called.

6'7.

That's Lila saying 6-7. Is it? Yeah, got it.
And that's how you say that. Lila went on to say that they are starting to get into trouble from the teachers now.
Yeah.

And they're getting sent to the headman.

Did you see Keir Starmer started a game of 6-7 and got told off by the teacher because it's banned in their school? Oh, really?

Yeah.

I was in his ear about that. I was like, Keir, you've got to connect with the youth.
You've got to be 6'7-

So the game is 6-7. The aim of the game, it's a good game.
The aim of the game is to name the sixth or seventh thing from a given category

in ranking order.

Ter rest. So,

if you name either of these, you will receive zero points. The aim of the game is to get as lower points as possible.
With the aim being to keep your score as low as possible.

Just said that, said it again. If you name things that are one to five within that category, you will receive points.

One point for the fifth thing. Yes.
So the closest one to six, sixth, seven. Okay, yeah.
Two points for fourth thing. It's great.
Two points for fourth, all the way to five points for one.

The guy understands game theory. He does.
Now, wait.

If you name a thing that is eighth or above,

it's ten points. Oh, my God.
A full ten for eight or above.

There's no middle ground there. You're going straight to ten.
Dave, I want to feel like I feel now for the rest of my life.

So, do you go for the sixth or seventh item but risk pushing your luck and getting maximum points? Or do you play it safe to get points on the board? It's up to you. Who sent this in? This is Jeff.

Jeff, I'm going to send you a kiss in the post.

There's an example. I don't think we need an example.
I think we should get it. Good to go.
I'm hot to trot. Five rounds.
Least points at the end of the game wins.

You need to scribble your answers and not let the other person see them.

Round one

is

UK stadium and arena capacity.

All sports. All sports.
And when you say arena capacity. I wouldn't necessarily worry about the arenas, but yeah, what do you mean? Go on.

Well, so let's say, for example, a football stadium is 80,000. Yeah.
But if you do a gig there, it's 100,000 because you can stand on the pitch. It's the seated capacity.
It's the seat.

Yeah, absolutely. Arenas.
Now, I'm not...

I'm not sure. And I've not played this in my head properly, so I'm just going to say it out loud.
I don't think arenas necessarily need to come into it. We're just talking football grounds, okay?

You think you pretty much are. I think, without giving too much away, I think that's probably what you're talking.
Well,

maybe not, or other sporting grounds, yeah, okay,

because there's enough biggies, six, seven, six, seven,

six, seven. If either of you land on the sixth or seventh, you will hear the immortal words from Lila Masterman yet again.

Uh, so scribble away.

Oh, Dave, this is so tricky.

This This is hugely tricky.

I'm going to take an enormous risk. Are you? I think I am.

Fine. No.
No.

Oh, God, Dave.

Come on. Oh, God.
Come on. I feel so stressed right now.

I'm about to maybe make a huge mistake.

Sick, it's six. This is classic six, seven.
this is what it does to you

okay i think i've

i think i've got my answer okay

how are you doing john i'm in heaven and hell yeah

okay

ellis we'll come to you first the emirates arsenals stadium arsenal emirates john and field and field john

i think that might be a huge mistake that was the risk.

You've both chalked up 10 points. Have we? Wow.

Number 10. I could keep your mind as Wembley.
Yeah. Twickenham.
Yeah. Old Trafford.
Yeah. Principality Stadium.
Yeah. Tottenham.
Sixth is down. I'm going to know what's after Principality.

Murrayfield. Murrayfield.
You absolute piece of S.

So sixth is what? Now that you know Murrayfield is fifth. Spurs.
Spurs, absolutely. That's the one that I said.
Seven is... At the Emirates? No.
What? London Stadium, West Ham.

That's exactly what I've written, but I didn't have Murrayfield. Yeah, oh, fair play.
The working out is there.

How big is West Ham's ground? So 62,500. It's Anfield 59.
Something like that. Anfield is 61,000.

61,000 is Anfield. Anfield is eighth.
So who said Anfield? You? You were one out. What's Emmirits seventh? Emmirates is ninth.
Is it? Yeah. At 60,700.

Hang on, I did better than Ellis at Stadiums. No, you both got 10 points.
Yeah, interesting.

You both lost. They've redeveloped on the field.
You were figuring it wrong. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm stuck in the past. I'm the 20th century thinker.

You're the old cop.

Yeah.

So 10 points on the board for both.

Interesting. I can't believe I forgot Murrayfield.
Who do I think I am? 67,000 Murrayfield, roughly? Hey, say that again. Murrayfield's about 67,000.
67,000. And only

one of them enjoying it. I don't know.
That's for Scottish rugby. Are they good?

And that person's the

one who's there supporting the other team.

Yeah.

Shall I get into Scottish rugby memes?

I tell you one thing: if they ever bring back, they think it's all over. You'll be all

me and toughers. Yeah.

I'm annoyed at myself. That's foggy thinking.
That is foggy thinking. Because when it comes to Anfield, I'm stuck in the 20s.

You both shot for the moon. Yeah.

You could have played it. I should should have gone West Hamlet pick.
What were the rights? Do you know what it is?

I've not been to the New Ground because this one's got relegate from the Premier League, so I'm in an Upton Park state of mind, which I went to a few times. We've got five of these rounds.
What else?

Keep going.

Keep going. No.

What was 6 and 7?

6-7 is Tottenham Hotspur Stadium, 62,850. London Stadium, 62,500.
Crossed it out. Crossed it out.

Round two, a couple of caveats for this one. Best-selling musical artists of all time.

Worldwide. Worldwide, according to chartmasters.org, which updates its list daily.
Worldwide is tricky. They work on a commensurate

commensurate. What does that mean?

They work on a commensurate sales to popularity concept, which balances all different formats, studio albums, other LPs, digital single streams, together with an appropriate weighting for each.

The industry norm for streaming is 150 audio streams equal to one single, 10 singles equal to one album, thus 1500 streams equal to one album.

John, do you want a little direction here or not? Well, what direction can you give? I think the words I would take into account here are of all time. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
As in,

you know what I mean? Yeah.

If people have been releasing music for longer, there's a chance they're gonna lose.

Oh, this is hard. America confuses things

because they like weird stuff.

Massively. Massively.

I'd have a much...

I'd be on safer ground if this is a British list. But America confuses things.
Okay. I'm ready.

I would suggest playing safe. Dave, stop.
You're giving us... I'm not.
I'm not.

You're saying it's old things play itself. No! We've got to come up with our own strategies.
All right. Fine.
Are you both...

Are you both in?

This is a guess. It doesn't have to be a guess.
Well, it's all a guess.

No, but I mean, I... It's an educated guessing.
I felt with the MNS that I was making more educated guesses. That's fair enough.
John, what have you gone for? Michael Jackson.

Michael Jackson, Ellis. Fleetwood Mac.
Fleetwood Mac.

I think Ellis has dropped the ball there. John.
Yeah. You score four points.
Thank you. Michael Jackson is second.
I'll take that. You played it safe.
You've got to take it safe.

Fleetwood Mac, we'll have to find the answer. Can I change it to Led Zeppelin, which is my first first guess? Yes, you can.
Led Zeppelin. No, we'll have to find the answer.

Beatles, would have got you five points. Michael Jackson gets John four points.
Elvis Presley, three. Queen, two.

This is my top four so far. Taylor Swift, five.
Okay. Madonna is a six.

Okay, what's seven? The Rolling Stones. I was going to say Garth Brooks, but I accidentally wrote it down as Garth Crooks.

I only realised.

I realized before it's too late. Rolling Stones was one of my guesses as well.
Rolling Stones would have got you the zero point seven. Yeah.
Garth Brooks or Garth Crooks would have got you 10 points.

Yeah, don't worry.

So Ellis has got 10 points. Pink Floyd were eighth.
Pink Floyd are in my top 10 as well. Well, eighth would have been 10 points anyway.
Frank Sinatra, nine, would have got you 10 points.

Eminem sneaks in at 10 would have almost got you 10 points.

So,

yeah, Ellis, 23rd on the list was Fleetwood Mac. Well Well down.
They only got like

two really big albums. That's what you got to think.

The volume that they're going to be. They're not releasing throughout the 90s, the 2000s, the 2000s.
What was your guess again? Jacko. Jacko.

I knew he'd be in the top 10. Of course.

He played it safe. Smart thinking from John.
Overall points on the board. I'm talking about Michael Jackson.

Yeah. Yes.
John, 14 points. Ellis, 20 points.
You're still in it. Well,

it's just nice to play a game where Jeff understands game theory. It is so true.
And I'm being pushed and pulled into

positions I feel uncomfortable in, but I like it. Countries by largest land mass.
Love it. Okay.

Question. John.
Are we counting Greenland as a country?

I'll give you this.

No. Okay.

Okay, I'm good.

Alice, how are you feeling? Um, because we will be coming to you first. Australia.

Australia, John. I've also gone Australia.
Let's see where Australia comes. Six, seven.
Whoa,

we hear the six seven.

I got to Australia late. Did you? I'm guessing it's seven? No, six.
Because I've put above it Brazil, India, Canada, Russia, China, America. Russia, Canada, US, China, India, Australia was my.

Right, so I'm just going to go through it.

It was landmass, obviously, wasn't it? Russia, Canada, China, United States, Brazil. That's your five.
Brazil. That's pretty big, isn't it? Six, seven, Australia, India.
Okay.

And then, what do you reckon? The eighth. Any guesses just outside? I know Kazakhstan's in at nine.
Yeah, well done, Kazakhstan, isn't it? Kazakhstan is massive.

Yeah, that's huge. I'm going to say either Mongolia or Sudan, but I think Sudan might have changed since I think it's now in two bits.
Argentina is eighth. Huh.
Kazakhstan ninth. Algeria eighth.

Okay, okay.

Kazakhstan is huge. Yeah.
My friend got there on the bus.

Oh, yeah.

John is still leading you by six points at the minute, L. Okay.
You're on 14, John. Elise, you're on 20.
As we move to,

it gets a bit trickier, I think, here.

Spielberg films by box office performance worldwide. David.

I can only think of about three.

What do you mean by box office as in

financially? Yes.

Does that account for inflation?

Good question. Good question.
Because I've got

a few ideas that if you accounted for inflation would be one and two.

Yeah, I don't think so. But there's got to be some tricky ones in there.
That's the you can't you can't even necessarily know all the answers. We've been very spoilt with the first three rounds.

We've been very spoilt with Steven Spielberg's output, Dave

and Jeff's gameplay. Yeah.

Okay, that is interesting.

You happy? Yep.

Ellis, I'm really.

Have you made a decision? Yes, but it's the Royal. I can't think of anything he's made after 1995.
Have you written it down? Yes. Okay.

Ellis E.T.

John. Saving Private Ryan.
That's one of his.

But I think E.T. is

way more. Well, it was the biggest gross film of all time when it came out in 1982.

So I'm hoping that all of his other successes have been much worse.

Ellis, four points. What's that mean? Second highest in the list.

Oh, okay. Yeah, so you're right.

He's alright.

John's shooting for the moon. Six, seven.

Zero points for saving PR.

Could I have the total list? Yeah, of course you can. I'm more than happy to offer this at this stage.
Jurassic Park, one. E.T., two.
Three, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Yeah.

Which is 2008. So this is not adjusting for information then.

And there's another, yeah, there's another one that comes up. Actually, you'd never have got number seven.
Anyway, number four is the Lost World, 97, Jurassic Park. War of the Worlds in at five.

Six is saving Private Ryan. Seven, Ready player one.

Wow.

Is the gaming one? Oh, no interest. Yeah.
Indiana Jones, Last Crusade is eighth. Jaws is ninth.
Raiders of the Lost Ark is tenth. Yeah.

Ah, I mean, the game is over.

I'm afraid. It's a great game, but you want to play the fifth round? Yeah, yeah, why not? Yeah.
Because it's quite a fun one. The game isn't over.
The game is.

You could draw. 18.

You could draw. It's 24 for 20.
It's 14 to 24. Okay.
So you could draw actually. He'll win the game.
Hey, he'll win the game. He will win the game.

A lot riding on this. Well, John's got to really throw this out, and I don't think he will because it is best-selling car brands in the UK in 2024.

New car sales in 2024, according to the website bestsellingcars.com, which takes its data from the Society of Motor Manufacturers and Traders.

This

is is huge. Yeah.

This is what I do.

This is me.

Yeah. This is the BBC.

You're listening to the BBC, and this is who I am. This is who you are.
It's part of who you are. I think you do want to make sure there is more to you than this.

There's nothing, Dave. There is.
You've written a great book. Ask successive girlfriends if there's anything more to him than this.
And they'll say no, as it turns out.

Well, Wordle, there is no, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, let's race through this one because you have one, John.
So, well, or have I, Dave? Oh, yeah, good point.

Sorry, no, we do need to take this seriously because you don't want to be a real kickups around the side of the pitch.

If six sevens it if LS6 sevens it, but you try and go for zero here. Really show us what we, what you,

what you do.

Show us what you do, John. I don't know.
Go on, show us what you do.

I'm going for it. Are you?

6-7. Of course I'm not going to go.

He's going through. Seven.

I've gone. I mean, that would mean a tie break.
Yeah, I'll think of that. I don't really know what this is.

This isn't. Well, this round.
This isn't LS. No.
Stadia. No, so I think you can score a 10 and probably assume Ellis won't get 6.

We just don't know. John, what have you gone for?

Kia.

Kia.

Okay. Okay.
Go on, Al. Renault.
Renault.

Kia gets you two points because it's number four. Is it? Yeah.

Fair play. Renault, I don't know.
Because it only goes tops to ten at the minute. We'll find out.
We'll get you an answer. But Renault is not in the top ten, so you're getting ten points.

Is Volkswagen in the six, seven? Volkswagen, you got your five points. That still wouldn't have been enough.

It goes Volkswagen. It goes BMW.
Audi, Kia, Ford. There's your five.
Audi is the third top selling game. Yeah, they're everywhere in the UK, aren't they? Yeah.

Six Mercedes-Benz. I would have thought that was too Pusha.

Well, seven.

What do you reckon? Well, I obviously don't know, Div, so tell me. Vauxhall, Dave.
Toyota. Ah.

Which, yeah. And then Nissan, Hyundai.
Oh, I nearly went Nissan.

I nearly went Hyundai. Well, that would bring you 10 points.
Amazed that Merck is in at number six. Yeah.

MG comes in at 10. A lot of Uber.

What? A lot of Ubers are MGs. But how has MG owned? I don't know where Volvo is.
Well, MG own other brands.

That's crucial to Ford.

Oh, Ford was fifth.

Great game.

Sick. Don't.
It's just a fun game, isn't it?

And it does mean John wins the game 16 points to 34, which has crucial bearings on the scoring system because it's three love to John as Ellis scrunchles up his piece of paper and throws it past the cameras.

So, 3-0.

I want to know how long that juice lasts. We will find out.
We'll get Statman Ross on it or us. Please.

And that's today's made-up game. What a game.
What's a huge game? I love that game. Do you know why I love that game? My favourite book when I was a kid was the top 10 of everything.

Yeah, do you know why I love it? Why? Because we've tapped into the zeitgeist again with six, seven. Six, sevening, yeah.

The kids are loving that game because it speaks to them as much as it speaks to

the adults. We could have done tallest buildings in the world, could have done

longest rivers in the world. Yeah, we thought about rivers.
We did think about rivers. Could have done biggest islands in the world.
Yeah, it's quite simple. Landmass could have done planets by size.

That's good.

That would be quite easy. Yeah.
Oh, would it?

Would it, sir? Happy Venus, Earth, Mars, Saturn, Jupiter. By size.

Oh, not furthest from the sun. No.
Okay.

Give me 10 minutes.

I've got a feeling people are going to be playing that all around the country.

It's good.

Ellis has got his head on the table.

That took a lot out of us, I feel. It did.
Oh, it's nap time now. Oh, it was attritional towards the end there.
There'll be tears. There'll be tears before bedtime.

I feel like I snuck myself down there. No.
I thought you did really well. I think John's very good at that.

You should have nicked stadiums. Nice.
That would be a lot of ODs around. And I always assume that's because I'm in London and because

people with disposable income.

Because they are pricey cars. They are pricey cars.
But we live in a car leasing economy. We do.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm such a 20th century thinker.

Do you want to do a quick Ask Us Anything? There was one guy with a Mercedes in Commander when I was growing up, and everyone knew who he was. And he owned Camartha.
Yeah.

He was a businessman, as my mother would say.

Let's do an Ask Us Anything. Let me anything, Dave, as long as it's how do you feel right now.
And I will say a billion dollars.

Let's play the dance house remix of Ask Us Anything and do a couple of AQAs.

Ask us anything. Anything you wanna know.

Is it sunny, is it rainy, or is it gonna snow?

Send your questions in, answers you will surely get.

What's your shoe size? What's the name of your very first pet?

Ask us anything indeed. If you've got a Q, we've got an A.

Dave.

Yeah.

And have they got a Q? Yeah, oh, there's loads. I'm just trying to think of the best one.
If Ellis, John, and Dave had to describe the colour of each other's auras,

what colour would they be?

I'm not big on auras. No, John, black.

It's actually, if you look close, very, very, very, very, very dark blue. Yeah.

Graphite grey. I'd say Ellis is navy

with maybe a sort of red and white stripe, like an action flash. Oh, okay.
Oh, nice. Captain America.
No, like a very smart cyclist. Oh, thank you.
What are you, Dave?

I would like to be... Electric pink.
Nice sky blue, isn't it?

It's quite tempting just to go for football colours. Yeah, well, just colours that represent what you're into.

How do you prove what your aura colour is anyway? You have to get your aura red. Who buy?

Loot. I couldn't ask Lou.
Yeah.

I mean, that's as I don't really know much about that. I think you're an autumnal colour, aura.

Yeah.

Mauve.

Is it mauve? It could be mauve. It's a dark orange.

Next question. I was wondering, oh, that was from Shelby.
Thank you, Shelby. Rosie, I was wondering what you three did for work experience and how you summarised it in your NRA.

I did do work experience. I did it twice.
We did it in year 10 and then we did it in year 12. Yeah.
Mum was a careers officer. So she was actually a very good person to ask.

So for some insane reason, when I was 10,

when I was in year 10, I wanted to be a solicitor, which I would be so bad at. Did you?

Mum said, well, I send a lot of kids on work experience to various solicitors and they just end up sitting there and photocopying.

So she knew someone at the Crown Prosecution Service.

So she said, you'll find out more about what it's like to be a solicitor if you you go there. So I spent a week with the Crown Prosecution Service and I went to Swansea Crown Court

and I watched a trial take place.

That's quite cool. It was, yeah.
And I realised at the end of it that I wasn't cut out to be a solicitor. Can you imagine him as a solicitor? The worst in history.

18 months into the job, the judge saying, Mr. James, I...
I do encourage you, and I've said this before, to write down some notes.

like David Davis from Brexit.

John, then I did the, then I thought, actually, I want to be a writer, and I did work experience at the Schlettley Star, and I actually wrote some stories that made the paper

incredible. Yeah, that's good.
So, I did, we spent a day at Straddy Park because the thing with Schletley is quite a small town, but with a very successful rugby team.

So, the sports writer, the sports, I can't remember his name. But so we went there and watched a place train.
And then

when I one of the pieces I wrote was

Letly Woman on Dole has £10 note eaten by mouse that was living in a crisp packet.

Yeah. Wow.
There's a picture of her with a nibbled £10 note. I wonder if you could still use it.
You can still use that, can't you? I think. Yeah, that's fine.
John, what did you get up to?

No idea. Do you know?

You can't remember it. I vividly remember my work experience.

I had a, even at 15, 16, I knew media interested me and music, and I got lined up to be doing my work experience at Virgin Megastores. Oh, okay.
I thought that was really cool.

And then the day before I was meant to be there, they rang me and said, we've double booked. You can't actually do work experience at Virgin Megastores.

I wonder if something went wrong with it and I didn't do it because I have zero memory. Maybe not every school did it.
No, our school definitely did it, but yeah, I don't know.

It was a big deal because you had to apply to the place

because I tried to get into ITV, Channel 4, and all those, and I couldn't get in. The CPS, it did occur to me to have like a cool job.
I just assumed I'd work in an office or something.

So then, when I went to Letty Star, because I wanted to be a music writer, I wanted to work for the NME or something. I thought, well, this would get me writing.
Yeah.

And we were just, there was the photographer called Jeff,

and we were just driving around taking snaps for various stories. It was actually, it was a really good week.
The CPS was full on because

they were working on this massive case, and I was sort of.

and there was a complete piece

who, you know, how

young people get bullied in sort of workplaces sometimes, but with like sort of sad old jokes. Yeah, like he would, he would say to me,

Ellis, can you go into the stockroom to get me a box of holes?

I'd go, okay.

Tartan paint. A tartan paint was another one.
So then I went into stockroom and I was like, Angela,

Jeff's asking for a box of holes.

And she'd say, Yes, he's like that. Just give him some post-it notes and tell him you didn't understand.
So then I would give him post-it notes, and he'd go,

Box of holes actually exist. And I'd be like, Cool.

Great. Rosie does go on and say, and I was also wondering what you would like to do for work experience if you were a 16-year-old now.

Forestry Commission. Really? Yeah.
Why? Woodland maintenance. Yeah.

I've got a cabin in the middle of of an enormous woodland area

with a battery-powered kettle

and a little fire.

And I am in charge of walking around the wood and suggesting which branches need to be cut to a bigger boy with a chainsaw.

And I finish my rounds and I've got a little clipboard and I maybe make a little mark on the branches. He comes around tomorrow or she chops them off with their

chainsaw. And that is how I want to see out my days.
But that's. Then I die.
Well, as I'm dying, I dig a hole in the ground, a shallow grave. I get into it.
And then I just merge into the wood.

These kids are about to do their GCSEs.

Here's a 16-year-old working experience.

Big job for a 16-year-old. Big job.
Social media team at Swansea City or the FAW. Making videos with the players.
Yeah.

You in charge of a TikTok account. Big time.
I am 16 and it's eight videos going out at 6 p.m on a friday

some of which have links yeah near them

you put a link on your story on instagram yesterday that didn't work

it was just the image of link and you tapped on it and it just moved to the next well that's because i

can't be in charge of a social media channel

i know i'm being well i just got asked to share it, so I did. Oh, right.
So, it's a shared story.

That's or that's forgivable because that does happen. If you've not got the, I mean, you need to

understand how it works.

We've all done it. Yeah.
But it is funny when you hit the lid,

that is a shared story. Will you share this? And I was like, Yeah, sure.
So, I shared it.

If you're going to the correct lengths, what you should do is, if you're going to share it, put a link over the link as a sticker. I can't.
That's not bad.

Imagine saying that to Swansea City.

Why did we get 10 videos released at midnight on a Friday? Because it can't be asked, sir.

As a 16-year-old, I'm interviewing the new manager. I'm asking him about his playing philosophy.

And, or, you know, I'm interviewing Jess Fishlock about her retirement for the FAW social media channels. Yeah.
Or I'm doing branded content with MNS. Yeah, nice.
This is what I'm doing.

I'm not lying down and waiting for death. Yeah, they are different, different,

very different jobs. I'd want to be a fairground person.
Would you? Yeah. On the dodging,

the one that spins around like that. The man's matching.
Just being the guy that just goes around because you're the cool kid then as well.

If you're the 16-year-old work experience at a fairground, like you'll sit there, hey Jay, have you seen him? Yeah, he works here. Yeah, he's great.
He's the dodging maintenance man.

It's pretty cool. Leather pouch full of

full of tokens. How many tokens you got? All the girls' eyes snog.

If you're the fairground guy,

you are cool.

And then, you know,

when they're saying, so where's this going? You're like, sorry, we're off to Chichester today. Exactly.
You pack up your bag and you're off.

Another girl in another town. Dave Masterman.
Breaking a heart, Dave. Breaking a heart.
Snogging for tokens, the Dave Masterman story.

Great cues.

Yeah, good cues. Thank you for that,

Rosie. And you can ask us anything, ellisonjohnbbc.co.uk.

And is that all? That's all. We do have an alternative Christmas playlist available on the Ellison John feed, or if you search Christmas music on BBC Sounds.

Now, apologies if I'm not on the show anymore because Cameron Winter asks me to be in his band or to be his personal assistant or his sort of thought leader.

Because he might say we could just really use a guy like you on the tour bus, in the studio,

living near to us

so i'll i mean i'll send dispatches yeah send some voice notes yeah or maybe i'm just uh working for partisan records in charge of their coolest clients

uh so i'm like

cameron winter needs um a

new pair of shoes he's going to be in tokyo on friday You need to buy them, fly out first class, deliver him his shoes, stay in a nice hotel, hang out with the band for a couple of weeks, sure.

Yeah, yeah. Then we'll see you back in two weeks' time.
So that could be my job. In fact, that might be apart from the one...

Forget the one where I die in the wood. Maybe that's what I do as my work experience.
But that's not a job, what you've just described.

What concierge for Cameron Winter and other cool clients at the record label? Yeah, okay. I don't think you're flying out with a pair of shoes to Tokyo first class.

He's very particular about his brogues, Dave. Okay.
okay.

So, if you never hear from me again, that's what's happened. Give us three rings.

Lovely.

Do you want to say bye? Whoa, why?

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