#486 - Panicdoting, CMs for the DB and The Birthday Boy’s Low

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Speaker 2 Hello, listeners. You're listening to Ellison John, Dave, John, Zoff, as much as I love the theme for this show, as written by The Lovely Robin, of course.
Zoff, I demand that you stop it right now.

Speaker 2 Yeah, because for my intro this week, I'm going to lay down some beats, actually.

Speaker 2 Thank you.

Speaker 2 I would have asked John to beatbox, but he is

Speaker 2 a beatbox sceptic and too tired. He's too tired.

Speaker 2 I'm retired. And he's retired from beatboxing.

Speaker 2 Yeah, so I have sourced a bucking track which will appeal to the youth demographic and is covered by the BBC's blanket arrangement with a production music company. Yeah, it's true.

Speaker 2 Because that's the drugs. No.

Speaker 2 That's a sort of thing you need to be aware of. When you've been named the number one podcast on BBC Sounds for the under 35.
Correct.

Speaker 2 We are the youngest podcast.

Speaker 2 on the radio on BBC Sounds. Anyway, now I'm going to explain further.

Speaker 2 In the only way a young person knows how, that's right in the form of a rat. I'm going to be sick.

Speaker 2 Okay. I feel like the preamble's been quite lengthy already.
The BBC has a podcast slate, downloadable content. You know, it's great.
Shows like Uncanny, that one's fine.

Speaker 2 Or the one Lily Allen does when she has time. She's not on that anymore.

Speaker 2 But so easy.

Speaker 2 Why are we happy? What are the grounds? The listening status for BBC Sounds. There's a production by the BBC, which is without doubt, top of the tree.
Oh. Tree, tree, tree.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 2 Still going.

Speaker 2 How have we done it? You tell me, but three ups a week was probably key. Some fought once, some intelligent, but this podcast is young and relevant.
That's nice. I'm still going.
Yeah, I know.

Speaker 2 The youth demographic is who we're for, although youth includes people who are 34. What about 34? 32?

Speaker 2 I'm calling you young, says Tim Davy. And even if you're 32, your class is youthful and in our crew.

Speaker 2 So good. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Andy 30. If I under 35, what show you got on? Statistically, it's Alice and John.
John, John.

Speaker 2 We've got the most listened to podcast.

Speaker 2 It's like eight miles, isn't it?

Speaker 2 It was a bit like, yeah. Sorry, it's just he was laughing as he put me off.
So I didn't end when I wanted to end.

Speaker 2 Can't be put off by the crowd, Alice. You've got to be your own performer, and I have been.

Speaker 2 It would be nice to hear it in full, Dave, without any interruption. So can you hit it again, please?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'd listen to it again, actually. All right, then I'll do it again.
Right, everyone be quiet. Yeah.
Take it seriously. Well, I would like a funeral rap, please.
And

Speaker 2 I can listen without a look of pain on my face this time.

Speaker 2 That would really help, actually.

Speaker 2 Because you look like... Well, no, you don't have to smile like...
You you don't have to do your luckist grin that's fake, just look completely neutral like you're reading a book.

Speaker 2 Don't look concerned.

Speaker 2 Just think about something else. Yeah, no, um,

Speaker 2 like you're reading a menu, okay,

Speaker 2 yeah, yeah, that's perfect.

Speaker 2 A long menu.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 The BBC has a podcast slate. Downloadable content, you know it's great.
Shows like a canny, that one's fine, or the one Lilianne does when she has time.

Speaker 2 You're looking at the puddings now.

Speaker 2 Why are we happy? What are the grounds? The listening stats for BBC sounds. There's a production by the BBC, which is without doubt, top of the tree.
How have we done it?

Speaker 2 You tell me, but three eps a week was probably key. Look at the starters.

Speaker 2 Try and get the waiters' attention.

Speaker 2 Some pods are fun, some are intelligent. But this podcast is young and relevant.
Youth demographic is who we're for, although youth includes people who are 34.

Speaker 2 All good, all good.

Speaker 2 But what about if you're 33? I'm calling you young, says Tim Davey. And even if you're 32, you're classed as youthful and in our crew.

Speaker 2 Look at the puddings again.

Speaker 2 There we go.

Speaker 2 Look at the prices. You're intricate yourself now.
I like it.

Speaker 2 Under 35, what show you got on? Statistically, it's Ellison John.

Speaker 2 Wow, we. Whoa.
Wow.

Speaker 2 We're young.

Speaker 2 I'm going to say that's the most unlikely thing I've ever seen you do. I really enjoyed it.
I enjoyed it. No,

Speaker 2 I've done it. You do a fair bit of rapping.
No, I went through a massive Grandmaster Flash and Run DMC phase. And what happened to that influence? Because

Speaker 2 we couldn't clear any of the music. Right.
Yeah. So, you know, it's very, very difficult to clear white lines.
So the track that we've got from the BBC's library is called Rap. It's good.

Speaker 2 It's very young. Yeah, no, but the track's called Rap.
It's very 1982. Yeah.

Speaker 2 But yeah.

Speaker 2 When did you have the idea for that?

Speaker 2 In about 1983. No,

Speaker 2 three or four days ago. Why? Which just that I cannot believe you did that.

Speaker 2 But I enjoyed it. But it's very unellist.

Speaker 2 You think I'm going to rap. Well, the press release came out last week.
I got it when we got the press release, and I thought, oh, it's my turn to write the intro next week.

Speaker 2 That's why I thought, how can I talk about how pleased I am that we're listened to by young people? In a young way. In a young way.
And I thought, I'm going to take...

Speaker 2 A musical style that's been around for 46

Speaker 2 years and I'm going to do one of of those. I would say it's the first rap to use the word demographic.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And that's to

Speaker 2 your side. It's my eternal credit.
Yes, absolutely. Yeah, it's new ground has been broken.
Yeah, I don't know. Well, Public Enemy might have used the word demographic.
Doubt it.

Speaker 2 I saw Public Enemy live in Bristol. It's the best gigs I've ever been to in my life in 2002.
And then what happened to that influence?

Speaker 2 It's a bit aggressive for

Speaker 2 the starter

Speaker 2 show. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. got tim davey in there that was nice he'll be pleased with that all right stop looking at me like that was a compliment thank you

Speaker 2 i've got loads of those it's unusual i like the outside of the box thinking actually yeah well ellis has got a little bit little point of difference a little texture absolutely press release has come out we need to reflect this because it's great news for brand EJJ great for the contract renegs absolutely

Speaker 2 and then you thought I'll do a wrap yeah it's always a good sign when we have to stop the theme. Something special is happening.

Speaker 2 Well, I just thought to myself, you know, rap's been big now since 1979, 80.

Speaker 2 And it's changing. Always.

Speaker 2 So I thought, I'm going to go back to source.

Speaker 2 How is it changing? Well, drill music, grinding. Drill music.
Oh, you need, you would, oh, you're a bit of drill, John.

Speaker 2 You love a bit of drill.

Speaker 2 I think it's a bit aggressive for... It's a bit aggressive for me.
I think it's quite...

Speaker 2 listen. Speaking of rapping,

Speaker 2 oh, yeah, it's someone's birthday, isn't it? It was yesterday. Today, but not yesterday.
Well, no, in four days' time.

Speaker 2 In a linear sense.

Speaker 2 If you're listening to this,

Speaker 2 thank you. And it was yesterday.
It was November the 3rd. But if you're a very special day.

Speaker 2 If you're spying on us and have somehow secreted yourself in the studio, it's in a few days' time. Yes.
Yes.

Speaker 2 Sundays de Limeron and Lulu. Because Andy and Wright.
People who heard that rap might be thinking, How old's this guy? 18, 19? Yeah. 20? Yeah.
At a push.

Speaker 2 Maybe first year at uni, but he wouldn't be going to uni with that kind of like urban vibe. No, Zach have got a record deal.
Yeah, he's got a record deal. Yeah, he flunks out of school when he was 14.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 And he's doing a lot of mixing in his mates' bedrooms. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And smoking a lot of weed. Yes.
And doing a lot of laughing gas. Yes.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 doing a a gmvq which they still exist

Speaker 2 uh i'm assuming so yeah um yeah i'm passing the time with the gmvq but sensible amazingly he's 45

Speaker 2 and it's presence time oh john's got a presence

Speaker 2 good john's so good with presence john is the most thought second most thoughtful giver it's like when my cubbins said my best man's speech was the in the top three i was listening to that thinking come on, mate, you can't.

Speaker 2 That was a masterpiece. It was a masterpiece.
No, but Izzy, but Izzy's sisters is tremendous at buying gifts. But John's up there.
Fair enough. He's part of the conversation.
Oh, and he's rapped it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, of course.

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 2 because of rapping. Yeah.
I could have got you something from the Family Forest Getaway. Probably quite relevant.
Never mind.

Speaker 2 She's put my age in it and his age. What does it say? It says to Ellis.
Happy 45th birthday from your friend John Brackett 43.

Speaker 2 I love this wrapping paper. It's good, isn't it?

Speaker 2 I tell you what, it tells you how many friends I've got. I've had that wrapping paper for three years.

Speaker 2 Still only halfway through the role. It's lovely.
It's a bit fresh print. It was a bit saved by the bell.
Well, it's a little bit that round. Yeah, it is.

Speaker 2 I'm going to take a picture of it.

Speaker 2 Put on the camera.

Speaker 2 Oh, the collected writings of Gavin Hills. Bliss to be alive.

Speaker 2 Forward by Miranda Sawyer. I'm a big fan of, actually.
Well, Miranda Sawyer, friend of the show, and I saw her posting about it.

Speaker 2 And sadly, Gavin Hills passed away far too young, but he was a journalist in the 90s. And if you read the first few sentences off the back cover, read them out loud.

Speaker 2 To come across Gavin in person or in anecdote was always a pleasure. He was an inspiration and a true journalist from James Brown.
An inspirational catalyst.

Speaker 2 Hills' writing lights up the page, Robert Newman. No, read the read.
Oh, sorry, sorry. Gavin Hills wrote about football and nightclubs, computer games, and drugs.

Speaker 2 He reported on wars and famine, child soldiers in Africa, guerrillas in South America, and his own struggles with mental health at home, and about football casuals, parties at Euro Disney, and the Berlin Love Parade.

Speaker 2 Okay, I'm going to read this. I'm not going to do the show.

Speaker 2 And I apologise, because I think, contractually, I'm not allowed to pull out the show at this stage because I'm not unwell, but I have done and I'm doing it. Because I don't.
Why?

Speaker 2 From what Miranda was saying about the book

Speaker 2 when she plugged it on Instagram, I just thought there's nothing more in Ellis's wheelhouse. Oh, this looks very good.

Speaker 2 It's

Speaker 2 football, drugs, and world events.

Speaker 2 Well, you have to hang around.

Speaker 2 No, no, you need to.

Speaker 2 He's the right for the face.

Speaker 2 Oh, he's written about rave culture. I don't want to read this now.

Speaker 2 I don't want to be here. I don't want to be here.

Speaker 2 I don't want to be here. That's a sign of a good present when someone just leaves with it.
Yeah. But Ellis, there are other treats on the horizon.
So if you leave now,

Speaker 2 you will care about the other treats.

Speaker 2 This is mice. You will regret it.

Speaker 2 Hysteria and the subsequent police crackdown means few clubs can survive.

Speaker 2 I want to go up with the book.

Speaker 2 I don't want to look at you, Dave.

Speaker 2 Sorry.

Speaker 2 I want to read this. Yeah, you're going to have to put that down.

Speaker 2 You do need to. The problem is when people buy me a good book,

Speaker 2 then I can't concentrate until I can read it. Yeah.
It's a sort of illness. It's a bit of a sense.
It's a bit of John Robbins, actually. It's actually my brain disease.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 But that's good, isn't it? To love reading so much.

Speaker 2 Good present, John.

Speaker 2 I've been reading the same book for eight months. I've just finished mine about sociopaths.
Have you died? Yes, because it's really interesting.

Speaker 2 I think I'm a sociopath in how much I want to read this book, Dave. That's not what sociopath means.
No, I know. I've put the book down.
Yeah, definitely. yeah

Speaker 2 i'm now worried about

Speaker 2 dalice is just getting lower and lower and getting under the table with this book putting it down

Speaker 2 use a fantastic glass to read compadre defending alice yes is it down yep is it closed because i know you can read from a far distance yes it's closed Good.

Speaker 2 There is another present here from a listener, which is birthday related. Oh, okay.
And you're going to have to show

Speaker 2 that's going to be for you. Stop Stop looking at it.
Yes. Have they got me a little cross? Of course they have, yes, because they're getting jealous.

Speaker 2 So from listener Sharon, Ellis, John, and Dave, you are three truly precious people and I've been enjoying everything you do for over a digital decade.

Speaker 2 But today is about just one special little boy. Pembladhapis.
Sorry, how'd you pronounce that? Pembluth Hapis. Pembluth Hapis.
Ellis from a retro one, a live vibe taster, an all-round cheerleader.

Speaker 2 Killing Thatcher, she says, also became one of her favourite reads of the year. So Thank you for that recommendation.
Everyone likes that book. I read that book and I love that book.
Astonishing.

Speaker 2 Astonishing. Yeah, it's good stuff.

Speaker 2 It's one of those where I didn't feel enough went in. I need to go again.
What? Enough went into my head. That's what he was saying, like to the author.
None of it went into this.

Speaker 2 I could have done this. No, almost too much.
It's the details.

Speaker 2 I feel like, yeah, I might read it again. Anyway, from Sharon, I love cycling, not so much these days, but in the pre-COVID,

Speaker 2 but in the decade pre-COVID, I wrote heaps in Europe, Kenya, Ghana. That's nice.
So I know the rush of those endorphins. I also love politics, history, the past.

Speaker 2 So I picked you a book that packs it all in. Geronimo is a sports fan, recreating the experience

Speaker 2 ones. Yes.
Yes. I read French Revolutions by Tim Moore.
It's of the toughest ever. Giro d'Italia.
Giro d'Italia. Giro d'Italia.
Giro d'It'alia. The Italian Tour de France.
Oh, is it?

Speaker 2 And it's second in drunkenings of importance.

Speaker 2 Combining. Social history, cycling, and comedy.
And the chocolate is for John. Well, and who's this from? Because we don't want any tears.
It says, just a little bit. Is that what it says? Sharon.

Speaker 2 Oh, thank you. You've listened for a long time.

Speaker 2 I really enjoyed French Revolutions. I'm not going to read that now.
No, don't eat that now.

Speaker 2 Okay, well, it's very happy birthdays. Many happy returns.
What are you doing for your birthday, Alice?

Speaker 2 What did you do for your birthday? What did you do for your birthday, Alice?

Speaker 2 What I did for my birthday

Speaker 2 was

Speaker 2 and being

Speaker 2 used to, but now

Speaker 2 not very much on the day. Although he made me cockles and lava bread.

Speaker 2 Really? And bacon and eggs. Oh, that's nice.
That's good. So I had a Welsh breakfast because you can't get it in London.
You've got to go to South Wales.

Speaker 2 Even though there's a Scottish restaurant in London, but there's no Welsh restaurant serving Welsh. So that was what I did.
But then I'm going to go to watch Josie Long with John on.

Speaker 2 Yes, I'm taking him to to watch Josie Long on her tour. Now is the Time of Monsters, which I have heard is absolutely superb.

Speaker 2 I've heard it's superb. And she's on tour and this dates left, I think.
Yes, go and see Josie. She must go and see Josie Long.
Yes, absolutely. Absolutely.
Good.

Speaker 2 Yeah, a little treat coming up a little bit later on as well, Ellis, for your big four five. Very kind, the big four five.
Yes, a little treat, a little special ace up the sleeve.

Speaker 2 But I think it's time after a great deal of discussion, actually, a great deal deal of statistical analysis, uh, to see if Ellis can make a connection to a fellow Welsh person in just 60 seconds.

Speaker 2 It's time, of course, for the birthday Cymru connection.

Speaker 2 Ellis thinks his tactics are sheer perfection.

Speaker 2 But his questions have one direction:

Speaker 2 Where did you go to school?

Speaker 2 Do you know Daffy Levant's? No,

Speaker 2 come on, mate. You must do no, we've never met

Speaker 2 at all.

Speaker 2 Okay, a confusing email in already the confusing landscape of Cymry Connecting. This is from Deb.
Deb says, I hate to be that guy, but when listening to Ellis

Speaker 2 complete his fabled quint connect,

Speaker 2 was it a quad connect or a quint? No, we got a quint.

Speaker 2 Something occurred to me that I've barely been able to shake. Oh, okay.
Allow me to paint a word picture.

Speaker 2 Imagine a scenario where the caller was not Gareth Gwynne's brother, Andrew. I know what's coming here.

Speaker 2 He was just a man who happened to be the voice twin of Gareth Gwynne. Right.
Say in this scenario that Ellis had said, Do you know my friend Gareth Gwynne's brother Andrew?

Speaker 2 And the caller had said, Yes. I can only imagine one scenario, limbs.

Speaker 2 No doubt a quint celebration that would have ensued, and Ellis would have begun the preparations for the

Speaker 2 open top bus tour around Swansea. However, later in the conversation with the real Andrew Gwynne, so we're not in the word picture now.

Speaker 2 Are we still in the middle of the morning? I definitely talked to Andrew Gwyn.

Speaker 2 Yes, later in the conversation.

Speaker 2 That's

Speaker 2 not a word picture.

Speaker 2 That's a fact record. Yeah.
Put that in Hansard. Later in the conversation with the real Andrew Gwynne, we came to the knowledge that Ellis and Andrew have never actually met.

Speaker 2 Both Ellis and Andrew confirmed this as a fact, but Ellis had just offered up Andrew as a connection to someone he thought was not Andrew. Yeah, so at the beginning,

Speaker 2 Ellis didn't know he was chatting to Andrew Gwynne. Yeah.
And he said, do you know Andrew Gwynne?

Speaker 2 TV editor Andrew Gwynne.

Speaker 2 Obviously Andrew then went, uh well it's a little bit and then you move on.

Speaker 2 And then we move on and we eventually get the connection through other means.

Speaker 2 But then later in in that conversation, they had a chat. And then it might have been revealed that

Speaker 2 you two hadn't met each other. So why was that offered up as a connection from Ellis? It's called probing.
Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 2 I'm asking for connections. I know people he knows.
Yes, but... I'm building a psychological profile.
So you weren't going...

Speaker 2 Under 60 seconds. So you weren't going for Andrew as in that would be the connection because you hadn't met Andrew.
But also it's irrelevant because Andrew wasn't the connection.

Speaker 2 Gareth Gwynne was the connection. No, but Alice did say, do you know Andrew? Before he knew it was Andrew, he said, do you know Andrew Gwynne?

Speaker 2 And in usual terms, the only reason Alice would ask that is because

Speaker 2 that's who Alice thinks is going to be a potential connection to who's on the line. Andrew Gwynne is from Patalbot.
But have you ever met Andrew Gwynne? No, but I am using him.

Speaker 2 He's trying to build a picture. He's trying to build a network.
This is it. And I think that this is why

Speaker 2 the comedian is from Batalbot. Rob Brayden is from Batalbert.
Debs continues. In this moment, my world shattered.
What was happening?

Speaker 2 How could Ellis have proffered him as a connection if they'd never met?

Speaker 2 Obviously, Ellis went on to connect to Andrew Gwynne via someone else, so I'm not calling the quint connecting to Disruptions.

Speaker 2 But if Ellis is offering up connections with people he's not actually met, how can we possibly trust him in any of the previous 60 or so connections? I think there's only one. There's only one

Speaker 2 possible solution to this. We have to wipe the slate clean and start again.

Speaker 2 Deb needs to have a cold bath. Listen, guy, we've all been there.
We've all got friends, brothers.

Speaker 2 I just don't think the sport of Cum Reconnecting can deal with another scandal after

Speaker 2 the Sun Lounger statute for Argo. We have to hold up the higher-ups to account.
Ellis, what do you have to say to yourself? I love the phrase, we've all got friends, brothers.

Speaker 2 There is.

Speaker 2 I think Deb needs to.

Speaker 2 She doesn't understand what's going on under the sea. You're like a mountaineer

Speaker 2 who has has awoken in,

Speaker 2 they've got a compass and a map and they have awoken in a strange landscape. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And you're going, okay,

Speaker 2 that mountain is this on the map. Yes.
I'm not going there. I don't live there.
But I can work out where I am. I can begin to work out what way round I am.
Yeah, so let's play out that scenario.

Speaker 2 And I think this puts it to bed. No, as long as the response here is what we all hope it will be.
As you ask that question, do you know Andrew Gwynne TV editor?

Speaker 2 If that caught, if that's stranger at the time, because you weren't aware that was Andrew. I was on the court,

Speaker 2 you weren't aware that was Andrew on the line. If that caller, wasn't Andrew, said, Yes, I do, what's your next what's your call?

Speaker 2 Well, I know his brother. And then I know his brother Gareth.
And then I would have been trying to work out who Gareth was. Fine.
In which case, fine.

Speaker 2 There is nothing untoward here. I think what they're suggesting is if that had been a yes, you'd have gone, yes, we found it.

Speaker 2 Whereas actually, I think, like you say, you'll have been very honest with it, you'll have gone, okay, well, I've never met Andrew, but let's see where that takes us. Well, yeah, because he's

Speaker 2 we he would have said, Well, I know his brother, Gareth. He might have looked to us to go, Does that count?

Speaker 2 We would probably have said, No, no, well, it wouldn't have counted, and then the process begins again, but yeah, more putalbert-centric. Yes, I think it's a strange hypothetical.

Speaker 2 I'm bringing my friend Richard Williams into the equation who's a little bit older, it's a strange hypothetical concern, honestly. But anyway, as well, thank you.

Speaker 2 Yes. Thank you.
What is Stebb's problem?

Speaker 2 No, I get the query because usually when you're throwing names into the mix in the 60 seconds, it's usually because that's who you're about to try and connect via. We have to be fair.

Speaker 2 Photos taken when we were at the Apollo. We did a photo shoot.
We did.

Speaker 2 And I looked through the photos last night and at the Hammersmith Apollo show.

Speaker 2 I got there in the end on the Sun Lounger. We both knew Phil Stead, the Welsh football writer, who was a big Cara City fan.
But I didn't get to Phil in the 60 seconds.

Speaker 2 Edward Moore, the photographer, has taken a photo. Have you seen it? Of me when the times run out.

Speaker 2 Absolutely devastating.

Speaker 2 It is such a funny photo. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Right. Last week, Ellis failed to connect with Caller Phil.
It ended a run of five connections in a row, something that will go down in history.

Speaker 2 Despite the loss, Ellis did manage to find a connection via the batting coach, Mike Powell.

Speaker 2 gave you

Speaker 2 some self-respect was retained on the Sun Lounge app. Yeah, sell that to Roland, who wrote an email into the connection.

Speaker 2 But just tell him.

Speaker 2 He's living rent-free in Ellis Chambers.

Speaker 2 Now, Roland

Speaker 2 is.

Speaker 2 He'll be doing the washing up in the kitchen, and they'll have been silent for 10 seconds, and he'll just say to us, hey, and another thing about Roland, actually, and it'll pop up.

Speaker 2 I'd like to take Roland for a walk and to have a word with him.

Speaker 2 You want to put him in the death bin, don't you? Yes, I do.

Speaker 2 I would love to put Ronald Roland into a plastic pack and then in the death bin, which is where I put the dead mice that my cats bring in. Oh, this bit's going to be played out in court now in future.

Speaker 2 Please,

Speaker 2 I'll do the time dip. Let's see how he gets on today.
Can he start another famous run? We have a caller on the line from Wales. Hello.
Hello. Hello.
There are 60 seconds on the clock.

Speaker 2 Let's play the Cymru connection. Your time starts now.
Asian school?

Speaker 5 40. Askol Plasma or Cardiff.

Speaker 2 Ask the Plasma or Cardiff.

Speaker 2 Do you know

Speaker 2 Nia Francis,

Speaker 2 who teaches Rian

Speaker 2 Harding?

Speaker 2 No. Oh, my God.
Plasma.

Speaker 2 Plasma, and you're 14. You don't know these people.
That's fine. What do you do for Living?

Speaker 5 I work as a travel agent.

Speaker 2 Okay, if you you went to university, did you go? Where was it?

Speaker 5 I did not go. I worked in Cardiff for eight years.

Speaker 2 Cardiff, where do you live now?

Speaker 5 Bristol.

Speaker 2 Okay, do you know Il did Francis?

Speaker 5 No.

Speaker 2 Who works in Bristol? That's fine. Plus part, plus party, plus part.
40 years of age.

Speaker 2 40 years of age, 40 years of age. Do you know Ben Cabango?

Speaker 5 No.

Speaker 2 Okay, that's fine. Do you know his brother?

Speaker 2 No. Okay, that's fine.

Speaker 2 What part of Cardiff do you grow up in?

Speaker 5 Radda.

Speaker 2 Rada, do you know Ben Partridge?

Speaker 5 No.

Speaker 2 John looks absolutely disgusting. I'm just.
I'm starting to

Speaker 2 feel

Speaker 2 like the board needs to.

Speaker 2 He's not got anything around him. He made lists of questions.
He's just sat there choking out names. On instinct.
Yeah, well, your instinct's crap.

Speaker 2 You just at least have four questions.

Speaker 2 What are your hobbies? I was writing a rap all week about how young we are.

Speaker 2 I thought it took about eight seconds to write that. Hey, hey, hey, I have four questions.

Speaker 2 What are your hobbies? Do you like sport?

Speaker 2 That's never going to change. He's not going to change, John.
Don't talk about me not changing like you've had to do it behind my back, Dave.

Speaker 2 Like you've talked about sacking me to your superiors.

Speaker 2 Right, every sunlight. Pretend you're on a date.

Speaker 2 Pretend you're on a date

Speaker 2 and you want to find out about someone and their life. What makes them tick?

Speaker 2 Yes! Speed dating. What makes you tick?

Speaker 2 Call her. Call her.

Speaker 5 What makes me tick?

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 5 who knows? Music? Geography.

Speaker 2 Did you go to gigs in Cardiff when you were growing up there? Very much. How many interests are there in the world? What music do you like?

Speaker 5 I like some disco, some indie.

Speaker 2 What sort of venues did you go to in Cardiff? When you were in the middle of the day? Clubivor. Yeah.
Club Ivor Bach.

Speaker 2 Around what time? See, I can't do this in 60 seconds. Come on.
Come on the line, yeah. That's right.
I know, but I'm just trying to justify myself.

Speaker 2 If you hadn't asked her if she knew the brother of someone she didn't know, clearly that was going no way. He went to that school.

Speaker 2 And they're roughly that age.

Speaker 2 I don't know a person. Yeah.
And you say, do you know their brother?

Speaker 2 Because he is a famous rugby player. You didn't say that.
You didn't even give his name. Yes, I did.
You said you're not. Ben Kabunko's brother.
Everyone knows him. Not if you don't know him.

Speaker 2 Now continue. Pretend it's a date where your friend isn't shouting at you.
It's a very stressful date. So Club Evolba.
This is one of your main connecting zones. Okay.
Okay.

Speaker 5 20 years ago, let's say.

Speaker 2 20 years ago, let's say. That's fine.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Do you know?

Speaker 2 Do you know what? My head's gone, actually, John.

Speaker 2 You would have played there. You would have played there.

Speaker 2 I was not there 20 years ago. So there you go.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Are you

Speaker 2 aware of any connections out of curiosity?

Speaker 5 Yes.

Speaker 2 Yeah, his head's gone, isn't it? Yeah, my head has gone. That's all right.
Because you're mean and evil.

Speaker 2 Mean and evil. I just want you to do better.
It doesn't sound like it.

Speaker 2 We've told you 60 times. Have four questions written down.
I've been writing.

Speaker 2 Don't you dare say you've been writing that rap again.

Speaker 2 What's your point?

Speaker 2 He has been dealing with a lot of mice. To be

Speaker 2 a rap and four mice in 24 hours. And I went to a nature as if it doesn't exist.
I'm not having it.

Speaker 2 Everyone's got time to write. Sorry, I'm suddenly.
I am actually backing up John here just for a second. And it's a shame it's been happening on your birthday episode.

Speaker 2 It's a shame it's happening today. It is a shame.
Because it was your birthday yesterday in the future. But don't say you've got other stuff on.

Speaker 2 You've had seven days to write four questions down on a piece of paper, man.

Speaker 2 Sorry, Caller.

Speaker 2 You should do this afterwards. Okay.
So there are. When your friend calls around halfway through an argument, there's a knock on the door.
But just a real atmosphere in the kitchen.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 What kind of area is the connection without giving it away, just to have a bit of fun with it? Call that?

Speaker 5 It could be like Radio Wales, BBC connections.

Speaker 2 Do you know Bethanyl Vinohu Stevens?

Speaker 5 Yes. Yes.

Speaker 2 There we go. Yes.
What's your name, by the way?

Speaker 5 Alice.

Speaker 2 I really fear, Alice, that you've walked in at an inopportune time and you've had to see me and John work through some stuff. So I'm very sad if this is upset to you.

Speaker 2 Do you know any connections through Clubby Vorbat?

Speaker 5 Ian Cottrell?

Speaker 2 Oh, yes, of course.

Speaker 2 How do you know Ian?

Speaker 5 Old friend, old friend.

Speaker 5 Do you suppose DJ?

Speaker 2 Did you pop with him? Yeah. Okay, yeah.
Oh, yes, yes, yes. Alice, you've got a lovely voice.
Oh,

Speaker 2 voice.

Speaker 5 No, I don't, but I might consider it now.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's very clear and very warm.

Speaker 2 I think there are a lot of brands who would be keen to get you on board. Okay, and if you want to pass more, you're by you can speak Welsh as well, so you could be a bilingual voiceover artist.

Speaker 5 Okay, yeah, well, yeah, I can speak Welsh, so let's let's go for it.

Speaker 2 It's premium, it's it is premium, actually.

Speaker 2 It's taste the difference, yes, yes, yes, yeah, it's Tesco Finest.

Speaker 2 Yes. I dare say it's M ⁇ S.

Speaker 5 Can I be M ⁇ S? I'd love to be M ⁇ S. Waitstreas.

Speaker 2 I think you could be Waitrose M ⁇ S

Speaker 2 and the luxury brands. Or if there's a welcome video at Champney's.
Don't know what that is.

Speaker 2 A luxury resort.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 that tells you sort of what the Wi-Fi login is.

Speaker 2 This could be easy manipulate, Alice.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 2 John and I will send it to you to sort of our voiceover agent. Yeah,

Speaker 2 for you. Thank you.

Speaker 2 And we'll take, what, 5% of... Each, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So roughly 10% on top of Suteri's commission.
Yeah. If that's okay.
If that's okay. Is that all right? As a finder's fee.

Speaker 2 As a finder's fee. For the first 12 months, and then it'll go down to 5% each.
But Suteri takes 90%.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 you're not going to see a penny. She doesn't take much.
She takes 15% industry standard. But, Alice, this could be big.
You know Ian Cottrell. That's good, and I'm glad.
Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 2 I need to write down some questions because I think John's going to leave me.

Speaker 2 We're not a couple.

Speaker 2 Thank you, Alice. Thank you, Alice.

Speaker 2 Enjoy your voice.

Speaker 2 Enjoy it, because a lot of people don't have a voice like that.

Speaker 2 That's true. They go through their whole life without being able to give premium.
Or being told that their voice is nice. Lovely voice.
Lovely voice. So there we go.
Another

Speaker 2 opportunity goes slipping through his hands. Can I write them now? Now that I'm in the mood.
Well, you've done this before. Can I have a

Speaker 2 leave them in the studio? That'll go in the recycling bin with all the other. Well, it won't this time.
I know.

Speaker 2 I'll write my questions in the front cover of Tim Moore's Geronimo, writing the very terrible 1914 tour of Italy. There we go.
And the book will stay in the studio. Okay?

Speaker 2 No, right on the back of that piece of paper. I'll keep the piece.
And then it will end up in the recycling bin. No, we won't.
We'll save it. Here's a pen.

Speaker 2 Thank you, Michael. What are you going to write?

Speaker 2 I can't believe we're doing this over a year into the future, by the way. This is crazy.
Did you have a bad holiday?

Speaker 2 What happened at Centre Park? Well, I'm not going to say it. Centre Park, Centre Parks, Centre Park, Centre Parks, Centre Parks.

Speaker 2 Or Champneys. Or Champneys.
Champneys.

Speaker 2 Is it a northern thing? No, I think it's kind of like your Soho House of Staying at somewhere. It's kind of like a big...
yeah, it's like your Soho House of Staying at Somewhere.

Speaker 2 That's not a very good tagline, is it? Yeah, welcome to the Soho House of Staying at Somewhere. The Soho House is a very, very media reference.
Dave,

Speaker 2 well, the vast majority of listeners are not going to know what that is. There's a private members' club that has in London, but they've got a Berlin and LA.
All right, London as well.

Speaker 2 It's a spa resort, isn't it? Right. All right.

Speaker 2 What are your interests?

Speaker 2 And crucially, what were your interests when you were living in Wales? If they no longer live in Wales,

Speaker 2 hobbies and interests. Yeah, by all means.
By all means, do the rest of the show. I'm going to read

Speaker 2 this gift anyway.

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Speaker 2 Okay, well, while Ellis writes down his questions, we are going to play a made-up game. And lots of love for last week's made-up game, wasn't there, Dave? Loads of love.

Speaker 2 And do please, for goodness gracious Mary and Joseph, check out BBC 5 Live's social media output that contains clips and carousels, revolving content, and reels,

Speaker 2 including excerpts from last week's made-up game, which people have been very positive about. Absolutely, yeah.

Speaker 2 And that just furthers engagement with the youth demographic, doesn't it, Dave? Which makes us so young, which is why Ellis is writing raps in his middle age. Absolutely, yeah.

Speaker 2 I am middle-aged now, 45. Yeah, it is.
You're in. If I make it to 90, I'll be delighted.

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 2 absolutely mind-blown if I got to 90. I would just sit there all day going, this is incredible.
You've won the lottery of life.

Speaker 2 Maybe.

Speaker 2 Or I'd probably be moaning about stuff as per. I wonder, or maybe you'll lighten up.

Speaker 2 Become a jolly old sort of bachelor. Yeah.
Doing his guttering, even though he shouldn't be on a bloody ladder. Not at his age, Dave.

Speaker 2 And then they'll

Speaker 2 dedicate a bench to him in the local park. Oh, yeah, you're getting a bench.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Made-up games. Yes, sorry.
Made-up games. All right.
Well, we're going to stick with last week's jingle, which is a banger. Here we go.

Speaker 2 I've been seized by a question. Oh, what if the life

Speaker 2 that we're living in is just another

Speaker 2 made-up games?

Speaker 2 It's made up tones

Speaker 2 that we're speaking. I made up love

Speaker 2 That we're seeing and I make up podcasts. That we're listening to.

Speaker 2 Oh, come on, then.

Speaker 2 If it's all made up, then I wanna play another

Speaker 2 made of game.

Speaker 2 It would be on top of the pops. Oh, goodness, yeah.
If that was released as a single, is it a bit black-keesy, Michael, would you say?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 A bit blackesy, John, I'm saying. It's like a sort of more upbeat divine comedy as well, elements of that to it.
Yeah. Do you like the Duckworth-Lewis method?

Speaker 2 What, the tactic of working out runs needed in

Speaker 2 wet weather? Yes, but the band named after that, which is Neil Hannan. They've got lots of songs about cricket.
I have yet to forgive Neil Hannan, as you know.

Speaker 2 Well, this might help that process. Really? Because he's got...
Did he come on the show once? He did. He did, yeah, and you kept referring to him as Hannon.

Speaker 2 He was his first name. Did we make up? Did I forgive him? Yeah, absolutely.
Oh, okay. So I have forgiven him.
Yeah, he's a lovely, lovely man. He's a lovely bloke.

Speaker 2 You'd really like the Duck with Lewis method band.

Speaker 4 So is that his other band?

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 I've got John Erie sent me a ref um one of their songs. Is that the one that's got TMS commentators in it? it? Yes, they've got a song with TMS commentators in it.
That's absolutely beautiful.

Speaker 2 So you should get into the Duckworth Lewis method band, not the method of working out runs needed in wet weather. Okay.
I don't know what your thoughts are on that.

Speaker 2 You know, it's the best of a bad bunch. Yeah, like democracy.
Absolutely. Yeah, and capitalism.

Speaker 2 Should we play a makeup game? Yes.

Speaker 2 All right, here we go. So I've been at a Family Forest getaway.
You have, haven't you, Dave, at Centre Parks? At a getaway. Dave, you haven't said it's good.
You're not promoting it.

Speaker 2 It might have been rubbish. I might have been everywhere.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's just a fact. That's where I went.
Yes.

Speaker 2 Ellis is still writing. What are you writing now, Alice? I'm writing memes.

Speaker 2 No, that's the mistake, I think.

Speaker 2 For Cymric Connection. He's not happy.
Sorry. I'll leave you to it.
I don't throw the pen.

Speaker 2 He's throwing... Well, he's trying to throw a pen across.

Speaker 2 He threw a pen about a meter.

Speaker 2 Because I got worried I was going to hit Zoff and Michael. And then I did.
And then you'd been sacked. Then I'd have been sacked.
Like Gordon Brown, one of his big outbursts.

Speaker 2 The worst throw I've ever seen in my life. Suddenly thought, if I hit Zoff, it's not.
It's like when Tim Henman hit the ball in anger and it hit the ball boy or the ball girl. It's a bit like that.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he was split. I'm going to throw some nouga.
I got Gibbon. No, you're going to eat that nougat because it's your birthday.
I'll throw a bottle of water.

Speaker 2 Don't throw away. Don't throw some bottle of water.
Oh my god, he's gone mad.

Speaker 2 He's gone mad. I've got a sexted studio.
They're going to be livid. We love Jordan.
God.

Speaker 2 Now I don't always commit a bottle of short notes. I throw them up.

Speaker 2 Bro, you don't need to know anything and you don't need to write anything down for this made-up game for today. In the past, we heard.
Well, you used your mouths last week, actually.

Speaker 2 That's my favourite made-up gimmick. We're not used our mouths.
It's an audio medium.

Speaker 2 I mean, yeah, good point. What do you mean? All he needs to have is his mind and his mouth, and we know his mind is his decision-making area.

Speaker 2 And that's what he needs to draw on. Yes, and I've got a text message on my phone to say the New York Times have written a piece on Jeffrey Epstein's.
So it's all go.

Speaker 2 It's all girl. This is why we don't need tech on our watches, John.
That sort of update midway through a comedy podcast. I thought he was going to say he's having a heart attack.
No. No.
No.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's just told me to stand up actually.

Speaker 2 I hate that. I hate the need to stand up.
Okay, well, you're not. We're playing a made-up game.
In the past, with that paper land. I know.
Landed on the camera tripod.

Speaker 2 So well, this has thrown a few things around the room.

Speaker 2 I was at a getaway. You were, weren't you, Dave? Yes.
And

Speaker 2 we'll never know where it was. No.
Because it's one of many that do this sort of thing. And whilst we were over there, the kids...
You could have taken your family to an abandoned bus station.

Speaker 2 Exactly. And we're not comparing the two.
No. And whilst we were out there, we were...
We could have taken them to a hovel

Speaker 2 or a sewer. Yeah.
We could have done. We could have done.

Speaker 2 Or a canal to pass. Or a canal top.
Alright.

Speaker 2 But whilst we're over there, we went on cycles. Lila and I went on a run.
And you are in woodland. So you're getting a lot of noises from a lot of animals.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Which made me think we can return to a version of a game we've done in the past where you two have to recreate the sounds that you hear played in. Yes.
Simple game.

Speaker 2 You just need your mouth. Do you get it? Yes.
And our decision-making areas, which is our mind. Well, you've decided to play the game.
That's kind of where that is. And do we have to name the animals?

Speaker 2 No, I think that's tricky. So, what we'll do is there's a little bit of audio to be played that we did out.
Can we also name the animals as a bonus, just as a bit of fun?

Speaker 2 No, because we name the animals

Speaker 2 going into the rounds.

Speaker 2 There's enough fun with the colour that we're going to get from the on-location recordings, okay?

Speaker 2 Okay, let's

Speaker 2 throw today at the the family what am I calling it woodland holiday the woodland holiday the way you can cycle but it could be a canal towpath yeah

Speaker 2 on an old mattress that's covered in blood Dave here's with round one

Speaker 2 another master clan holiday another made-up game uh following on swiftly from density propensity which of course has now gone down in folklore we find ourselves in a family-friendly forest getaway UK based as we play a game that Lila is calling Guess What Animal.

Speaker 2 Guess what Animal? Does what it says on the tin. Here we have to help with the games.
Lila Masterman. Hello.
Beck Masterman. Hello, Knucklehead.
I knew you can't say that. Thank you.

Speaker 2 Hello, Knuckleheads.

Speaker 2 And Alba Masterman. Hello, lovely, beautiful people, Rank.

Speaker 2 Welcome to Be Back.

Speaker 2 Welcome to be back, Alba.

Speaker 2 We are enjoying the fourth of five nights here as the sun goes down on another evening here in central Bedfordshire. Okay, let's...
I thought you were going to say it then.

Speaker 2 The first animal for Ellis James and John Robbins to faithfully copy. Lila, we were out running the other day.
We did 3.6k around the central roads of the compound.

Speaker 2 Which animal did we see? A monkjack deer.

Speaker 2 A monkjack deer. How many did we see? Five or maybe more or less.
Five or maybe more or less, covering all her bases there. We're after a deer.
Here's what a deer sounds like.

Speaker 2 The barking deer. Strong stuff.
Ellis and John, give it your best shot. Back here in the studio.

Speaker 2 Thanks, Dave. Thanks, Alba, Lila, and Beck.
We're after a muntjack deer. We have isolated the sound.
If you want to hear it one more time.

Speaker 2 Okay. It's crazy.
They do it when you get close. I am very familiar with the muntjack.
Now am I, actually. We saw many close up.

Speaker 2 Ellis, please.

Speaker 2 Join it one more time? Yes, please. One more time.

Speaker 2 Tonally. Not bad, actually.
Stop laughing at me. Stop laughing at me again.

Speaker 2 She's actually

Speaker 2 up her eyes and is laughing. He's got nothing left to throw apart from his yogurt.
Oh, my glass, which would be terrible. And I want to eat the yogurt.
John, join it one more time? No.

Speaker 2 Of course he doesn't. Come on.

Speaker 2 Is it written?

Speaker 2 It's John.

Speaker 2 It is John.

Speaker 2 Although I think, actually, in terms of where it landed tone, like kind of pitch, Ellis was going to be closer, but you were too far off from what it should actually sound like, and that's where John came into his head.

Speaker 2 That is called damning with faint praise. All right, round two, back to the lodge.
Okay, next round.

Speaker 2 What else have we seen here? Beck,

Speaker 2 what else have we seen? We saw a badger. Yes, Beck, we did see a badger.
So, round two for Ellison John's copy is indeed a badger. Let's hear one.

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 2 interesting.

Speaker 2 Mimicking the sound of a badger.

Speaker 2 That's horrible. Back to you in the studio.

Speaker 2 Bit of enthusiasm. Back to you in the studio.
Back to you in the studio. I just lost interest at that point.
Wow. I think we should just hear them once.
Okay. All right, then.
So just zone in.

Speaker 2 John, we'll be coming to you first. Let's see.
Do you want to hear it one more time? Yes, we are. Yes.

Speaker 2 wow, chilling. Yeah.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Sounds like his love life.

Speaker 2 Doesn't sound anything like my love life, Dave. I'd love my love life to sound like that.

Speaker 2 Sorry, it was an open goal.

Speaker 2 God out.

Speaker 2 That sounds like I'm done.

Speaker 2 Can I start again?

Speaker 2 Can I start again? We'll get, yes,

Speaker 2 more like laughing than a bunch. I want you to get through it.

Speaker 2 I can't do it with that.

Speaker 2 And that's here. It's off's gone.
Let's hear it's off.

Speaker 2 That's scary.

Speaker 2 I think it's too nil to jump. I've only ever seen a dead badger.

Speaker 2 Like, I've never seen one in the wild alive.

Speaker 2 No, I've only ever seen them on the side of the road. They move in quite a strange way.
Yeah. I've seen Matelli, obviously.
He's got a spring watch and things, but I've never seen one in the wild.

Speaker 2 I find them quite unsettling, actually, Budgers. Do you? Yeah.
They're pretty full on. Yeah.
Well, you can hear. Yeah.
You can tell. Bec calls everyone knucklehead at the minute, by the way.

Speaker 2 That's very cool. It is very cool, actually.

Speaker 2 Round three. Dave, back to you.
Thanks, Ellis. Thanks, John.
Thanks, Producer, Dave. We come to the next featured animal of our stay that we have seen across the last four days.
And Alba.

Speaker 2 We've seen some lovely red-headed winged animals, haven't we? What are they called? A pheasant. a pheasant

Speaker 2 interesting uh lovely animals lovely birds we've seen many of them along the lakeside uh of the central area of the family forest getaway let's hear what a pheasant sounds like

Speaker 2 all the distinct sounds of one of bedfordshire's finest his finest birds well that was an interesting sound wasn't it alba

Speaker 2 Yes, Daddy. Ellis and John, give it your best shot.
I see a pheasant every day of my life. Do you? Oh, lovely,

Speaker 2 beautiful birds, aren't they? Gorgeous. Stunners.
Mad noise.

Speaker 2 Well, yeah.

Speaker 2 Zoff. Let's hear it one more time.

Speaker 2 I didn't mind that. I didn't mind that.

Speaker 2 Stop looking at us off.

Speaker 2 Tricky one, that. It's one of those ones where you're listening to it and you're sort of imagining how your throat is made up.

Speaker 2 You can make your throat to go into the sky. So I might have to just try and riff my way into it.
Riff your way in, John. Okay.

Speaker 2 It's like he's been chased.

Speaker 2 It's like he's been chased, but he's 115.

Speaker 2 But he's also quite enjoying it. Yeah.
It's a sexy chase at the home. It is.
It's 2-1. Ellis gets the point.
I think that's fair. That is fair, I think.

Speaker 2 Yours did very human.

Speaker 2 Oh, I didn't think about the scoring. Who's on advantage at the minute, Michael? Do we know? John, I think John wins the game if he's.
Oh, so it's 2-1.

Speaker 2 To get us back to Ducelle, you need to be getting... John sounded very human then.
But that's fine.

Speaker 2 I needed something more in that range. You've got to be a bit more frantic.
It's quite tricky.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Maybe.
That's fine. I don't know.

Speaker 2 I'd need an hour to myself. All right.
Well, we've got a couple more birds on the way here. So, Dave, round four.
Thanks, Dave. Thanks, Ella.
Thanks, John. You're doing a fantastic job.

Speaker 2 The next animal that we've seen.

Speaker 2 Another winged one, isn't it, Beck?

Speaker 2 um what other birds have we seen out and about on our travels as we've been enjoying a lovely autumnal break magpie magpie what colours are magpie black and white black and white and is it your favourite of all the birds Beck yes uh magpie oh hold on news just in from Hannah who's just popped her head out of the uh lodge Hannah what's what's the latest goss on a magpie's

Speaker 2 when you see a magpie you have to say

Speaker 2 hello mr magpie how's your wife and children and why do you have to do that?

Speaker 2 It's good luck. It's good luck.
It's good luck. If you ever see a magpie, you've got to say hello, Mr.
Magpie. How's your wife and children? Here's what a magpie sounds like.

Speaker 2 Oh, honey.

Speaker 2 Back to you in the studio, Dave. You're looking great.

Speaker 2 We'll play it one more time.

Speaker 2 John.

Speaker 2 Hmm. Given an hour to myself, I could get a little more.

Speaker 2 As in the sound, not

Speaker 2 get hold of one.

Speaker 2 You've gone, you've found yourself down Duffy Duck Alley there.

Speaker 2 Well, I don't know what part of my throat or mouth or tongue to use. That's the beauty.
Well, L, to get to all here,

Speaker 2 you ain't got to do much.

Speaker 2 That was a laugh, that one. I didn't intend that one.
Could I hear it again? I'm not allowed to hear it again. You can't really, mate.

Speaker 2 You sound like a crone in a studio Ghibli film.

Speaker 2 Who's turned? Yeah.

Speaker 2 I actually think your first version was better than John's because John lost his voice halfway through. So neither.
There is a tricky one. It was a tricky one.
Yeah, Magplay's a heart.

Speaker 2 But it's two all into the fifth and final round, Dave. Thanks, guys.
Fifth and final round. What was the game called again, Lila? Guess the animal.
Guess the animal.

Speaker 2 Alba, what's the final animal that we've seen that we've enjoyed? In fact, we've not seen, but that we've heard in the trees as we were having a barbecue a couple of nights ago. What's the animal?

Speaker 2 Tawny owl. A tawny owl.
What's your favourite thing about owls, Alba? That they fly. That they fly.
It isn't a bad answer at all. Stick to the facts at the very least.

Speaker 2 Oh, Beck, what's your favourite thing about an owl?

Speaker 2 they twoot. They twoot? They do twoot.
And Lila, what's your favourite thing about an owl? That they're very fluffy. They're very fluffy.
Three fantastic facts. Let's hear.

Speaker 2 Let's hear what a tawny owl sounds like.

Speaker 2 As the marshmallows kick in, that is a tawny owl, Ellis and John. Please replicate.
We're allowed to hear it one more time, of course.

Speaker 2 Not bad. You're in the running,

Speaker 2 John.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Woo!

Speaker 2 I get to start one again.

Speaker 2 I get to start one again. Yeah, of course you do.
Yeah, yeah, by all means. Yeah.

Speaker 2 That was it. It's just woken up.
That's his good sake.

Speaker 2 He's a little bit sad.

Speaker 2 The horny owl.

Speaker 2 Hang on.

Speaker 2 I'm trying to do something I've never done before.

Speaker 2 No, right.

Speaker 2 Now I'm not.

Speaker 2 You're not Nick Dundee.

Speaker 2 We're being generous here, John. Okay.

Speaker 2 Let me get it out. Whoa.

Speaker 2 Woo.

Speaker 2 That sounds like wheels being shit. Tires being shined on a Formula One car.
I don't know, because he got there eventually. I did think I got there.
He got there. He did get.
He got there eventually.

Speaker 2 I would say...

Speaker 2 Fair few techniques tried along the way.

Speaker 2 Three different techniques. Three different techniques.

Speaker 2 I'm giving it to Ellis. What? Are you mad?

Speaker 2 You got there a very you gave him one that he hadn't lost.

Speaker 2 But he was at least trying.

Speaker 2 Listen to that. Let's hear it one more time.

Speaker 2 I'm giving it to Alice.

Speaker 2 It's a fix.

Speaker 2 He wants it back to juice for the advertising revenue.

Speaker 2 Yours sounds a bit like a kazoo. I think, Alice, honestly, I think Ellis's was closer

Speaker 2 in terms of once you heard it one more time, yours is actually a couple of tones down. I can't get that high.
Sorry. I don't have the range of a tawny arm.
That's fine.

Speaker 2 Alice does. It's 3-2.
We're back to juice. Back to Jeuce.

Speaker 2 That feels good.

Speaker 2 Oh, there's a little outro. Sorry, of course.

Speaker 2 And as we wrap up yet another on-location made-up game in what is now the pitch black of our Forest Family Getaway, what is everyone's favorite streaming platform of choice? BBC!

Speaker 2 Sounds! Sounds! Sounds!

Speaker 2 Sounds!

Speaker 2 Sounds!

Speaker 2 It's BBC Sounds, we're crying out loud. BBC Sounds.
Sounds!

Speaker 2 BBC Sounds!

Speaker 2 Yeah, got it carried away. Thank you to the kids.
Thank you, Beck, Albert, and Lila, for a wonderful made-up game, which we all enjoyed. Yeah.
Did they try to make the sounds, Dave?

Speaker 2 They tried a little bit. It's tricky.
It's very hard. There's a few animals I'm great at.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 But go on.

Speaker 2 Well, famously, a cow.

Speaker 4 Oh, yeah. Go on.
Give us your cow.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 it's good. It is good.
It's not funny, but it is.

Speaker 2 It's

Speaker 2 the birthday boy's low.

Speaker 2 It is. Lowing away on his birthday.
Well, seeing as it's his birthday, we've got a very special treat for a very special boy. We do.

Speaker 2 Okay, now, birthday boy.

Speaker 2 44?

Speaker 2 45. Wow.
It creeps up, doesn't it? It does creep up. And it's extraordinary because I'm 43.

Speaker 2 So that's two years older than me. But we're pre-recording this, so I'm actually 44.
But then that's a year older than me. Yeah.
So now you've just, you're even,

Speaker 2 you're getting older than me quickly, aren't you? Yeah, that's what it is.

Speaker 2 I'm aging faster than you. I think we both agree on that.
But I'm keen, because obviously. I saw a photo of you from 2018 on my phone phone the other day and you look positively angelic.

Speaker 2 Oh, thank you. What went wrong? When was that? 2018.

Speaker 2 Where was that from? It was when we did the Apollo on the Holy Bible talk. Oh, yes.

Speaker 2 What went wrong? Well,

Speaker 2 booze and cheese. And wisdom ages, yeah.
Booze, cheese, wisdom, time.

Speaker 2 But obviously, Ellis, you are rattling on towards death. So we want to get as many happy memories in.

Speaker 2 Core memories. Core memes.
Core mems for the deathbed.

Speaker 2 For the deathbed. So we've got a little treat for you.
Can you pop your

Speaker 2 CMs for the DB? CMs for the DB. Pop your eye covers on.
We've got

Speaker 2 the now famous BBC Sounds eye covers that we use for various surprises on them. These are used throughout the BBC and they're never washed, do they? No, never washed.
Absolutely not.

Speaker 2 245, this could be it for me. Yeah, these.
Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 2 Get your core memory eye mask on.

Speaker 2 as everyone knows ellis you love to connect with welsh people right however your dream is for a sort of a more relaxed vibe okay yeah and we know that time pressure often takes away some of the fun for you of course because when you're abroad at the breakfast buffet for example in transit at the airport in the terminals yes oh you've seen me at it yeah you love a five to ten minute chat um yeah other welsh people

Speaker 2 uh whether it's welsh people you know Welsh people you don't know, Welsh people you admire. So we thought for your birthday, we would arrange a special sun lounger just vibe session, really,

Speaker 2 when you can get to know someone in your own time without a clock ticking, without any stats,

Speaker 2 without anyone taking notes or judging you. This isn't counting either way.
There's nothing, there's nothing, all that counts here is that you create some core mems for the old DB.

Speaker 2 People were connection. Yeah.
Right, okay.

Speaker 2 So if you would now remove your eye covers, we've got someone for you to connect with.

Speaker 2 It's a gee whiz from Ellis James.

Speaker 2 How are you doing? As he stares into the face of you at the end.

Speaker 2 I've just become very emotional. Yeah.
Because I'm on holiday with one of my great heroes. So do you want to explain who we've got on the screen in front of us? We've got Guerin Thomas,

Speaker 2 who, for my money, is the greatest Welsh sports person of all time.

Speaker 2 Okay, and that's including Mark Hughes. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's including all of them.

Speaker 2 Gerind,

Speaker 2 I don't know if I've ever said this to you before.

Speaker 2 No, I don't know if anyone's ever told you this. I once had to do a selfie in the butcher's arms in Canton, in Cardiff, as you were the very drunk woman

Speaker 2 who thought that I had won the tour de France.

Speaker 4 Oh, yeah, nobody's ever said that to me before.

Speaker 2 No, because

Speaker 2 you do. There's a similarity to your looks.
I mean, Gerind is probably twice as handsome. He's twice as handsome.
He's much taller. But your faces are in the same sort of, you know, genus of face.

Speaker 2 What it is, is that if I'm sweaty or if it's raining, my hair goes curly.

Speaker 2 And so then it's, and I had done both. I'd been to watch Wales play, and I was in the butcher's arms.
And a woman came up to me. I was drinking Pat McGuinness, and she went, oh my God, it's you.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 I had been on tenny enough to think,

Speaker 2 here we go.

Speaker 2 So I said, yes, it is. So this woman thought that Ellis was a Tour de France winner, two times Olympic gold medalist, three times world champion gold medalist, and a Commonwealth Games gold medalist.

Speaker 2 Yes, which is why she was so staggered that I was sitting there eating crisps and drinking a pint of Guineas. Yeah.
And she went, oh my God, it's you. And I went, yes.

Speaker 2 And she said, I can't believe I'm new. And I went, well, you know, it's one of those things.
So, in the past, Ellis, on previous birthdays, we have surprised you with Ian Rush before. Yes.

Speaker 2 But in terms of where this is ranked. This is right up there.
It's got to be, isn't it? It's right up there. And she said, I can't believe you're in Cardiff.
Ellis, you're panic anecdoting.

Speaker 2 Sorry, I am.

Speaker 2 I've always been strengthy for Geraint Thomas. Why not look at Gerind and engage with him? I'm sorry, I've always

Speaker 2 been the panic dot.

Speaker 2 So has no one ever said that you look like me?

Speaker 2 No. No, I know.

Speaker 4 But, you know, I can see something.

Speaker 2 Thank you, Geraint. Do you?

Speaker 2 We actually can connect with Geraint. I can connect with you.

Speaker 2 This was the hope. Well,

Speaker 2 you know, Stefan Greyro, obviously? Yes. Yes.
So that's my first inn. Yeah.
Where's your dad from, Geraint?

Speaker 4 He's from West Wales, like St. Clair's way.
I can't remember the...

Speaker 2 That's huge because St Clair's is 10 miles from where I grew up. I used to go to the Little Chef there.

Speaker 2 How old

Speaker 2 did your dad ever eat in the St Clair's Little Chef?

Speaker 4 Oh,

Speaker 4 I'm sure he did at some point.

Speaker 2 He missed it. What school did your dad go to? I don't know.
Okay. I don't know.
Garant, just to bring you in, this is a different form of panic.

Speaker 2 We say this quite a lot. So we've gone from panic dote to panic connect.
To panic connect.

Speaker 2 I also, I think my friend's wife taught your wife.

Speaker 2 Okay. What school did Sarah go to?

Speaker 4 She went to

Speaker 4 Plasmau.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 2 I mean, yes, I think she got taught maths. Are you talking about?

Speaker 4 Who is your friend?

Speaker 2 My friend Guion, I think my friend Rianne... His wife Rian taught Sarah maths, I think.

Speaker 4 You know, Gary Sowen was also a supply. He was a supply teacher there.

Speaker 2 Was he?

Speaker 4 Yeah, so it was

Speaker 4 a Welsh

Speaker 4 spotty thing back in the day, 2010, 2011. Yeah, yeah.
And we're on the thing was in Celtic Manor, and we had to get a little bus to wherever it was.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 4 Sat next to him, and Sar was with me, obviously, and one of her friends. And they were like, oh, it's Mr.

Speaker 4 Rhys Owen or whatever they

Speaker 2 were called there or whatever.

Speaker 4 And he was dead. They're like, oh, yeah, but I'm a, you know.
BBC journalist now, source journalist, whatever.

Speaker 2 I didn't know you had a secret past as a supply teacher. Yeah.
This is this is good stuff. So Giraind,

Speaker 2 sometimes when people say that I look like someone, when I see the person I'm meant to look like, I feel absolutely horrified. Are you getting that now?

Speaker 2 Okay, you're looking at the screen, you're like, Oh my god, this guy, this is absolutely disgusting, or do you sort of see it?

Speaker 4 Um, well, it's your birthdays would be nice, but I think,

Speaker 4 yeah, okay, no,

Speaker 4 I can see it, especially that picture in the background, like

Speaker 2 the other side, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, yes, yes, this big screen is good stuff.
Is there anything, Alice? Because you are a keen cyclist. Big time.
And you've cycled here today.

Speaker 2 You've cycled here today. You've cycled to Brighton? Loads of times.
I've told you. Carrie.
I've been from Swansea to Newport.

Speaker 2 Only once. But yeah, yeah, love it.

Speaker 2 Because surely there's been points where you've been on those bigger bike rides where you've where questions must have arisen for someone who is as proficient at cycling as Geray.

Speaker 2 Well, my great concern is, having read your book.

Speaker 2 And you talk about how you're so tired after training,

Speaker 2 you actually can't lift your legs out of the bed.

Speaker 2 Whenever I do those, I've done London to Brighton quite a few times, I've done Swansea to New, but whenever I do the big bike rides, within about a minute of coming off the bike, I feel absolutely fine.

Speaker 2 Yeah, so I'm beginning to worry that I'm Wales's greatest ever undiscovered cycling talent

Speaker 2 because I just like the next day I won't feel it. Where am I going wrong or right?

Speaker 2 Uh,

Speaker 4 yeah, maybe you just gotta, yeah, maybe just not fulfilling your potential. Like

Speaker 4 45, still young, mate. You never know.

Speaker 2 Do you reckon I could is there like a veterans tour de France or something? Like a veteran's Euro maybe. I got away.

Speaker 2 There must be something.

Speaker 2 This is.

Speaker 2 I am extremely humbled. I'm very grateful that you've done this.
But Girang, you've just retired. So what are your plans? What are you doing at the moment?

Speaker 4 So at the moment, well, I'm off to Safari this afternoon, actually. We're going to Botswana.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 4 Yeah, taking Max, a six-year-old.

Speaker 4 And obviously me and my wife. So that's going to be, yeah, a hell of a trip.

Speaker 4 Then I'm staying with the team. so

Speaker 4 November from November. I'll be uh working a bit more with the team and stuff.

Speaker 2 So what coaching?

Speaker 4 Uh kind of like management, kind of floating in between management and the riders, like because I've obviously got a good bond with them.

Speaker 4 It's about you know using my knowledge, experience over all the years, like helping them basically achieve their goals. It's a new role, so it's kind of figuring out exactly where it where it goes.

Speaker 4 But um, yeah, I'm super excited about that.

Speaker 2 It keeps me you're gonna be the gaffer in a way, yeah, yeah, which is pretty cool.

Speaker 4 But it's a lot of observing. Like, obviously, Dave Breilsford's back in the team.
So it's kind of listening to him and

Speaker 4 senior management group and just learning that whole side of things. Because obviously, as a rider, you just worry about yourself and, you know,

Speaker 4 trying to win the tour or whatever. So it's a bit different when you're looking after the whole thing.

Speaker 2 Are you going to try and stay fit? Or are you just going to completely physically let yourself go?

Speaker 2 Because I know I need to physically let myself go.

Speaker 4 Even now, it's maybe six weeks after my last race that finished in Cardiff.

Speaker 4 And I was, I'm itching to just do do something again now so after this holiday I'm going to get back on the bike and I've started running a bit so I want to do some triathlons um we should go for a bike ride when I'm back and when we're moving back to Cardiff next year so yes that would be really nice

Speaker 2 oh my god I can prove to Geraint that I'm I'm Wales's greatest ever undiscovered cycling talent yeah that you're not fulfilling your potential I'm not fulfilling my potential which I think has been clear for a very long time are there any mantras at Gerind that you've had in difficult times or to inspire you on the road that would apply to an amateur cyclist that Ellis can maybe keep in his back pocket for when

Speaker 2 you know the sort of the the Brixton to Farringdon

Speaker 2 ride

Speaker 4 the eight mile loop becomes difficult for me it was always about having like a goal that you're working towards and you're always it's just being committed and consistent to that like motivation no never really run off that because this motivation is up and down innit yeah if you're committed you get out and you do it and it's it's getting that plan, believing in that plan, and just going after it with no distractions, really, or anything that comes.

Speaker 4 You just gotta be so single-minded and selfish, really.

Speaker 4 I don't know if you tick those boxes already, but yeah, big time.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he's very selfish.

Speaker 2 So, when you completed the tour with the broken pelvis,

Speaker 2 and I read an interview with you with your dad, I think, and he said that you told him in week one it was agony, in week two, it was extremely painful, And then just in week three, it was painful.

Speaker 2 How can you cycle at that level in that much pain without just saying, actually, I've had enough and I want to stop?

Speaker 4 It was all the mental game, to be honest.

Speaker 4 So the previous year, I missed the tour. And that's when Brad, Bradley Wiggins, won the tour.
I missed it because I was concentrating on the track. So, you know, completely different disciplines.

Speaker 4 One's four minutes, the other's, you know, three weeks. So I missed it that year.
And then in 2013, I was riding for Chris Froom. He had a great chance of winning.

Speaker 4 And it was the first stage crash, go to hospital. They say, yeah, you fractured your pal.
It's like the top part, though, by your, like, almost like your back, you know what I mean?

Speaker 4 The top of your bum.

Speaker 4 And they're like, look, by riding, it's not going to get any worse, but it's just if you can put up with the pain. So then it was kind of a bit of a challenge almost really.

Speaker 4 And, you know, seeing the physio every morning, afternoon, after the stage. And it did feel incremental like

Speaker 4 improvements every day.

Speaker 4 And I was there and I was just like, I don't want to, I just can't quit.

Speaker 4 If I'm outside the time limit and I have to go home, then I'll go home. But every time I'm here, I'm going to start and I'm going to try and get to the finish.

Speaker 4 And by the, I don't know, midway through the race, I was able to contribute to the team as well. Then I wasn't just a passenger.
So that was good as well for the morale. And so, yeah,

Speaker 4 this is the mental side, really. It's just, yeah, it's big.

Speaker 2 Did no one just put their arm around your shoulder and say, okay, right, leave it, go home, mate.

Speaker 2 You've broken your pelvis. You're mad.
You're a maniac.

Speaker 4 Yeah, my mum was desperate to say that, but she never really did.

Speaker 4 And the team were just,

Speaker 4 well, just trying to help me as best they could, really. But nobody actually said it.
But I wouldn't have gone anyway.

Speaker 4 I was there. I had to just try, you know.

Speaker 2 That's amazing. That is incredible.
Well, we have a copy of your book, Gerrit for Ellis.

Speaker 2 At present. Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's called, I've sort of put it in a secret hiding place. Is this the new autobiography? Yes, According to G.
Gerit Thomas. Incredible photo on the front.

Speaker 2 That is impactful. Actually, that's a really good design.
Who designed your front cover?

Speaker 2 That is

Speaker 2 me.

Speaker 2 Was it?

Speaker 2 Jacket and author photograph. The photograph is Russ Ellis.
The design is Andrew Smith. Andrew Smith, take the day off.
That's very good. That is fantastic.
Well, Girait, this is...

Speaker 2 I'm very, very pleased that you've got Girait on. It's really nice to meet you.
Will you come on the social distance sports bar as well?

Speaker 4 Yeah, well, we did line up once, didn't we? And then something happened and it didn't work out.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 yeah, for sure I can come on at some point. Steph, that would be great.
That would be absolutely fantastic. Well, Gierain, really, really nice to meet you.
And thank you so much for coming on.

Speaker 2 Because you deserve it. And enjoy your podcast.
What's occurring? Oh, yes. Brilliant.
Yeah. Very good.

Speaker 4 Yeah. Pleasure.
Cheers, guys.

Speaker 2 Nice to say.

Speaker 2 That was absolutely fantastic. That was great.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. I am.

Speaker 2 I apologise to everyone for being so overwhelmed. That's all right.
By Gueran Thomas, who is my great hero. I cannot believe that I've now sort of met him.

Speaker 2 Not sure if I have met him according to the Novelli Protocol. No, but I think there's a couple of promises in there about maybe jumping on a bike next year at some point.

Speaker 2 Imagine you and Gerain just cycling about.

Speaker 2 This is Cow again.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 He would smoke you on the uphills. Oh, yes, of course.
It would be so good to watch those thighs.

Speaker 2 You'd have to measure his thighs and his bum if you get to meet him it would be a murder you would want to be behind him though but yeah just to see those cards

Speaker 2 i'd have to be a lunatic to be like yeah i'm probably about as good as him who won the tour de france 2018. it's like that daft statistic about um

Speaker 2 the amount of american men who think that they could win a point against serena williams oh yeah yeah would be destroyed by

Speaker 2 unless she double faulted i suppose yes but i don't think that's part of the question it's it's it's the old if i gave you a racket could you Oh, yeah, probably, yeah.

Speaker 2 No. No, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 It would be impossible. Just before we wrap up, a nice little

Speaker 2 award nomination for Ellis James and John Roberts, but this time for the production team, which I think's nice. Oh, dear.

Speaker 2 Over the live.

Speaker 2 John's living.

Speaker 2 What a lot of people don't understand is I do a lot of work in the background

Speaker 2 on this show that isn't actually often celebrated, but that's fine. Well, no, it is celebrated.

Speaker 2 You've just got to accept that it's the production team that get all the accolades. You won an award literally three weeks ago

Speaker 2 for the presenters and for the wider show, but this is for the audio production awards.

Speaker 2 Bertie, Michael, and myself, the production team, have been nominated in Best Comedy. Well done.
Congratulations. Thank you, Alice.
You deserve it. I hope you win.
I'm sure you will win.

Speaker 2 We'll try our Billy Best. And I will let you keep the trophy.
Yes, you will. Yes, I will.

Speaker 2 In the studio

Speaker 2 So I can see it. Magnuminous.

Speaker 2 But not only are they editing, they're dealing with sounds such as a tawny owl, a cow, a badger. Pens being thrown in anger.
Pens being thrown in anger.

Speaker 2 And various videotech.

Speaker 2 Oh, it's not for all videotech, is it? It's for audio. No, but you know, it's in the write-up somewhere, I imagine.
Yes. Anyway, best of luck to you.
Yes, all the best. When are the awards?

Speaker 2 27th of November, I think.

Speaker 2 Getting our Gladrags on, heading down to the BFI. Oh, really? You're going to get absolutely lashed? No, I don't think so.
We'll just enjoy the BFI. It's nice.
It's a great venue. Yeah, good spot.

Speaker 2 Anyway, thank you very much for listening. We'll be back with you on Friday.
Goodbye. Bye-bye.

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