Unmasking Leadership Myths: Lessons from NCIS Special Investigator | Rebecca Fitzsimmons

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Speaker 10 There's not some secret code or hack that successful people do than others. It's insight without action.
It's useless. It's knowledge is great, but it's not power.
It's potential power.

Speaker 10 I know a lot of things, but I'm not doing it. I'm not living it.
I'm not executing, moving.

Speaker 10 What good is it?

Speaker 7 The Ryan Hanley Show shares the original ideas, habits, and mindsets of world-class original thinkers you can use to produce extraordinary results in your life and business. This is the way.

Speaker 11 Hello, everyone, and welcome back to the show.

Speaker 12 Today, we have a tremendous conversation for you, a mind-blowing conversation for you with Rebecca Fitzsimmons. She's a former NCIS special agent, now turned holistic leadership coach.

Speaker 12 And what holistic means is not just approaching the technical or business aspects of our leadership, but also looking into our mind, our body, and how that plays a role in our success as leaders.

Speaker 12 I guarantee at least one of the ideas that Rebecca shares is going to get you tilting your head and jotting down notes because this one is filled with value.

Speaker 17 And I mean filled.

Speaker 12 This is one of the best leadership conversations that I've ever had on this show.

Speaker 18 So just get prepared for that.

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Speaker 15 I love you for watching this show.

Speaker 12 I love you for listening to this show. I love you for being part of this community.

Speaker 12 And my ask

Speaker 12 is that you share the show. If you enjoy this content, if Rebecca brings value, if our conversation

Speaker 12 brings any kind of joy or value to your life, please share the show. It means a tremendous amount to me.
I love you for being here.

Speaker 15 Let's get on to Rebecca Fitzsimmons.

Speaker 12 Rebecca, hi. It's great to have you on the show.

Speaker 10 Wonderful to be here, Ryan. Thank you for having me.

Speaker 16 Yeah,

Speaker 12 in researching what you're doing, I love kind of your approach. I love how you weave dogs into your work.
I think you have this unique style.

Speaker 11 But

Speaker 12 I guess, you know, and this is probably where a lot of people start, but I'm just so interested.

Speaker 12 How do you become an NCIS special agent? Like, how do you, how did that career path take shape?

Speaker 10 Yeah, So for me,

Speaker 10 it started with my degree, which is in forensic and investigative science. And as a part of that program, I had to have a mandatory completion of an internship requirement.

Speaker 10 So I was kind of looking at, you know, crime labs and traditionally where you think, you know, crime scene investigation, things of that nature.

Speaker 10 And I had a buddy who's now an FBI agent say, hey, Rebecca, have you heard of NCIS? You'd be great. And I'm like, what's NCIS? Because this was before the TV show.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 10 And I looked into it and I'm like, oh, I can weave in, you know, my crime scene investigation and forensic science and that analytical nature with all of the other amazing things, that investigation, that curiosity, and all the things that I leaned into.

Speaker 10 So that was kind of the beginning of the end, so to speak. So I applied, I got it.
I had an internship at the United States Naval Academy in Annapolis, Maryland.

Speaker 10 Absolutely loved everything about being a special agent and supporting our warfighters and the global footprint. And my spirit is very adventurous.
I want to travel. I want to see the world.

Speaker 10 I love our country. I love our military.
So that's how it kind of molded and took shape. And a couple years later, I was an NCIS agent traveling the world.
And

Speaker 10 it's been amazing. It's been awesome.

Speaker 12 They make TV shows about you.

Speaker 10 They do. They do make TV shows about us.

Speaker 10 And I try not to watch it, but you know it's it's all good yeah do you is it hard i mean have you ever have you ever watched a show like is it hard to not like pick apart reality from what is what what the show what's in the show yeah for sure i mean and i will say the show and the producers are amazing i've had the opportunity to consult with the show because they mirror our criminal investigations and other things to make it as real as possible.

Speaker 10 So I have a lot of respect for them. And I've met some of the actors and actresses.
So it's been wonderful.

Speaker 10 But I would say, yeah, it is kind of funny when you watch NCIS or any type of show that has a crime scene investigation.

Speaker 10 And I laugh because I'm like, wow, I wish I could get results back within three minutes. Or, you know, I wave my wand and everything is, you know, solved within, you know, how long are the shows?

Speaker 10 45 minutes, an hour. That would be nice.
But that's not reality. So it's lighthearted, but I do enjoy watching it every every now and then.

Speaker 12 What was it originally drew you to the investigation process, law enforcement in general, and just being in that world?

Speaker 10 Oh, great question. I haven't been asked this in a long time.

Speaker 10 My uncle and aunt were in law enforcement in my very tiny town in northeastern Ohio. And I always had so much respect for what they do.

Speaker 10 And it wasn't really until kind of as I indicated earlier when I was in college and that internship that really showcased everything that i was interested in and my skill set what i was really good at i'm a very curious person very inquisitive i like to ask questions i like to learn i like to lean in

Speaker 10 coupled with uh helping people at its you know very my cool one of my core values and things that you know my north star in life is i love impacting others i love supporting and helping them and if i can do that for victims if I can do that for our country, I would be so honored to do it.

Speaker 10 And I don't come from a military background. My parents aren't in the military, but having that ability to support

Speaker 10 specifically the Department of Navy within CIS, so our United States Marines and our sailors and the United States Navy has been so transformative in so many ways.

Speaker 16 Yeah.

Speaker 18 I was

Speaker 12 one day away from signing a contract to become a nuclear engineer for the Navy.

Speaker 21 Wow.

Speaker 12 I,

Speaker 12 back when

Speaker 12 I was in high school, we took some, like, there was some test that we took, and I don't know if it's New York-specific or whatever, because I grew up in New York.

Speaker 12 that we took some test, and however, I scored in the math and physics portion put me in some level that then I started being recruited.

Speaker 14 And

Speaker 18 I was like, I was very interested.

Speaker 12 And I went way down the path. I took a couple more tests and scored into the program.

Speaker 12 And basically the guy shows up and says, the recruiter shows up and says, look, we want you to become nuclear engineer.

Speaker 12 It's going to mean 10 years, but you come out, you know, X level officer and here and blah, blah, blah. And all that sounded great.
I mean, I was super into it.

Speaker 12 But I also wanted to play baseball in college. And this is like the decisions we make at 18.
This is why, like, when people say 18-year-olds should be making important decisions, this is like not,

Speaker 12 my life story and trajectory is a case study in this. So, I, uh,

Speaker 12 so he comes, I said, you know, I'm like, I think I'm gonna do it, like, just give me two days.

Speaker 12 And he goes, okay, I can give you two days, but like, we got to start shit, you know, I got to start locking people in, whatever. Sure, that was partially sales tactic, but

Speaker 12 long story short, in those two days, I get a full scholarship to go play baseball at the University of Rochester. And at 18, I was like, okay,

Speaker 12 six foot four in a submarine for nine months at a time for four years or play college baseball for free.

Speaker 17 And 18-year-old

Speaker 14 went that way.

Speaker 12 I'll be honest with you, I have a lot of regrets that I didn't serve because I have a lot of the same feelings towards our country and that kind of stuff.

Speaker 21 You know,

Speaker 12 outside of, you know, enjoying the work and challenging you and feeding into some of your natural tendencies around curiosity learning leaning in.

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Speaker 11 Just being part of the discipline regiment of the military, has that

Speaker 12 transitioned into your life today? Because I know for some people that I know that have been in the military, they go the opposite way, right?

Speaker 18 They're like, screw this.

Speaker 12 I'm not living that life anymore. And for others, it then becomes just embedded in who they are.
So I'm assuming I know the answer, but I'm interested.

Speaker 10 Yeah, great question.

Speaker 10 So for me, yeah, it definitely helped mold and and shape me into the human the leader the professional the everything i am today and i would say mostly and it was really uh probably a result of all the different duty assignments i've had um i was not so traditional in that i worked across all disciplines in ncis so i worked in criminal investigations i worked in counterintelligence i worked in counterterrorism and i did that around the world living in italy all over the united states and by virtue of that I had such an opportunity and privilege I'm going to call it to work with so many different teams so many talented special agents and intelligence specialists and you name it and it was it forced me to do different things and learn different things and develop different skill sets and refine the ones that I had and through all of those experiences and even post-NCIS and the private sector and certainly within my business, the same thing kept coming to the surface and that was holistic leadership and mindset.

Speaker 10 That was the undeniable truth and the trajectory to success.

Speaker 10 And so having that, and I call it a victory mindset, and this is what I train my clients on, and there's four components of that victory mindset and leaning into that and training my teams and building those resilience and grip muscles.

Speaker 10 And it always led to success, no matter the person, the industry, the level. And so that is why I am so very passionate.

Speaker 10 It is the essence and the spirit of why I've launched my business, tactical harmony, and that's why I'm here today. So my gratitude is immense.

Speaker 12 Yeah, no, that's amazing. And maybe you could break down the four factors that you talked about because

Speaker 12 to me, and this is why I love having individuals like yourself on the show who really value them to mindset.

Speaker 12 You know, when I talk to any leaders or anyone who reaches out to me, I always tell them no one, no strategy or tactic is the reason a company failed. A company failed

Speaker 12 the vast majority of the time.

Speaker 12 Really, I think it's edge cases that ever have a tactical or strategy issue.

Speaker 12 It's the leader or leadership team did not have the right mindset to build the right culture, to make the right decisions, etc. That's where this all stems from.

Speaker 12 Like, if you come back to it, it's not because you ran this ad campaign or you bought this new technology, which is where we spend all our time.

Speaker 12 So, I guess maybe before you give your four, why do you think so

Speaker 12 it seems to be coming back a little bit, but so few people actually take time out of their day to work on their mindset. They give it lip service, but they don't actually work on it.

Speaker 12 Why do you think that is when I think everybody nods when you say mindset is what matters most, yet we put so little work into it?

Speaker 19 Why do you think that is?

Speaker 10 Yeah,

Speaker 10 great question. And I completely agree and align with everything you said.
It super resonates with me. And it really is 80% mindset, 20% strategy or mechanics.
That's success.

Speaker 10 There's not some secret code or hack that successful people do than others. It's mindset and working on themselves.
But I think really it's insight without action. It's useless.

Speaker 10 It's knowledge is great, but it's not power. It's potential power.
And I think that's something that Tony Robbins has said.

Speaker 10 It is potential power because if I know a lot of things, but I'm not doing it, I'm not living it, I'm not executing, moving.

Speaker 10 What good is it?

Speaker 10 And so I feel like a lot of people, it's really aware, it's lack of awareness or maybe if they're aware they're they could be a little scared of it like ooh i have to be alone with my my demons or i have to confront something in myself that i haven't healed i don't know how that would look and that's the exact thing that limiting belief that fear that's what's holding them back and it'll manifest in such incredible ways.

Speaker 10 It could be physically, it could be mentally, it could be you feel stuck or maybe you have a short fuse, you're frustrated with your team or your loved ones.

Speaker 10 There's a million ways it can manifest, but I would argue with any one person, it always comes back to mindset and looking within and examining all parts of yourself, mind, body, and spirit.

Speaker 10 So then you are leaner, stronger, better, and faster. And then you are the better professional, the better leader, the better mom, dad, sister, brother.

Speaker 10 And so it really is that beautiful threshold of, okay, I got this. I know what I need to do.

Speaker 10 And then doing it. And that's where I come in.
I push them over that edge.

Speaker 12 Yeah, that's uh it's funny i i had a um i was talking to a guy who's been a very successful consultant for a long time he's a friend of mine

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Speaker 12 And we were just, we were just rapping about stuff one day and he looks at me and he goes, you know,

Speaker 12 people pay me to be the bad guy. And I said, what do you mean? And he said, people pay me to come in.

Speaker 12 And whether I'm working specifically with an individual leader and I'm, you know, yelling, I'm doing air quotes for those who are just listening, but you know, yelling at them to push them to where do they need to go, or I'm helping them make the tough decisions that they don't want to make inside their business.

Speaker 12 He's like, Basically, people pay me money to be a bad guy.

Speaker 12 And I was like, I don't know that I love the idea of a coach being a bad guy, although I understand where it's coming from and think it's funny.

Speaker 12 I was like, but it really is kind of if we don't have someone in our lives, right?

Speaker 12 Whether it's hiring like someone like yourself as a coach or a mentor or accountability partner, doing it on our own is very, very difficult.

Speaker 20 And I think

Speaker 12 so many people are scared to ask for help, right?

Speaker 14 Do you find that?

Speaker 12 And how do you get people over that?

Speaker 12 Like, if someone feels like they need you, but they're really struggling, you know, like, how do you help them understand that it is okay to ask other people for help?

Speaker 12 Because that's where I see a lot of people get stuck is they try to do it on their own.

Speaker 12 Nobody, nobody successful that I know does it on their own.

Speaker 10 No one, I agree completely.

Speaker 10 Yeah, you need the coaches, need coaches, the mentors need mentors, and we all need to look ahead at someone that's ahead of us to save us time and years of needless struggle or pain.

Speaker 10 And I really lean into, hey, I've been there. I'm not just saying the things and lip service, you know, I'm walking the walk, I'm talking the talk.

Speaker 10 And I can specifically, specifically remember one time where I didn't ask for help, and it was this high-profile

Speaker 10 investigation and task force that I was running. And it took me a long time to ask for help.
Was that my ego?

Speaker 10 Was that I was just, you know, doing the next thing that was in front of me and focusing on, you know, the tactics and getting the things done? Whatever it was, is that that's a failure.

Speaker 10 That is not something that I'm proud of. And the moment I asked for help, I was able to get the breath of fresh air.
I was able to do more.

Speaker 10 I wasn't risking any operational risk or anything of that nature. And so

Speaker 10 often people think they can do it themselves or they could label it. And this is where I see it.
They're labeling it as, oh, that's weak. Well, I don't need help.

Speaker 10 I don't need to read the book, hire the coach. And I would lovingly tell that person that nothing is good or bad, but thinking makes it so.

Speaker 10 And what the meaning that we give anything, that intentionality, as soon as I'm labeling something, then I'm putting it into a bucket in my brain. And our brains want to do that.

Speaker 10 They want to keep us safe and the known and the familiar. So love you, brain, for that.

Speaker 10 But having that radical awareness and keeping myself in check, I'm going to know better that, hey, if I'm labeling something in a certain way, I need to check myself.

Speaker 10 And I need to do that because I love myself and I have discipline. And I'm going to make sure that whatever is happening, whether it's...
I'm doing air quotes, good or bad, it's going to serve me.

Speaker 10 It's either a lesson or it's a blessing. It's going to build my character, right?

Speaker 10 No bad days, character-building days, or it's something like, hell yeah, I crushed that project or I crushed the whatever it is, and I'm gonna repeat that because that was a successful strategy or a successful mindset hack, whatever it is.

Speaker 10 So, you know, success really does leave little breadcrumbs or clues, and we should all lean in from it and not, you know, try to go it alone.

Speaker 12 Where do you fall on like the concept of manifesting and

Speaker 12 maybe positive affirmations, talking, you know, just being optimistic with yourself? I was not a believer for a long time. I thought it was just nonsense.

Speaker 17 And then

Speaker 12 I started journaling in a time when I was really struggling to make a decision. I just was just having a hard time making a decision.
I started journaling for whatever reason.

Speaker 12 And in the journaling came like a lot of positive. And it was almost like I was like I was tricking myself to believe something

Speaker 12 that was very positive. I mean it was a good thing but like I

Speaker 12 do you

Speaker 12 do you believe in that do you think it's a good practice like where does that fall in this this positive self-talk like almost convincing yourself that you're capable or whatever oh yeah 1000%

Speaker 10 and I think people call it different things manifestation law of attraction I mean there's a lot of different terms people can use but the short answer for me is yes so thoughts really do become things, right?

Speaker 10 Like what we think, we become, and we're looking through that lens.

Speaker 10 And if we're not paying attention to our thoughts and we are truly the creators of our reality, everything around us is a crystallization of what we created, we have to start with our thoughts.

Speaker 10 But beyond that, it's thoughts coupled with a feeling. So I can say, I'm so great.
I am a magnet for abundance. And all those things are great.

Speaker 10 And we should say that because what we're doing is we're imprinting our subconscious and subconscious mind different than our conscious mind it's always listening it has no sense of humor so it's your blueprint everything is imprinted on you so yes I think that's important but we need to couple it with that emotion and that feeling that we want so raising your frequency raising your energy is truly important for peak performance.

Speaker 10 You need to raise your energy. I do that by doing a quick workout or some push-ups or squats, which I did before this call.

Speaker 10 Anytime I have something big or important in front of me, I'm going to raise my energy and I'm going to talk to myself in a way that's empowering and that's going to get me from where I am to where I want to go.

Speaker 10 And for the listeners that may be familiar with Dr. Joe Dispenda, he really leans into this as far as your thoughts and your feelings create your state of being.

Speaker 10 And it really creates this Wi-Fi signal. So I can think things, but when I'm coupling that with an amazing high energy peak state, I'm going to collapse time and get that thing to me quicker.

Speaker 10 I'm going to have more clarity. I'm going to feel damn good when I'm doing it.
And you kind of create reality instead of waiting, instead of being reactive, you're really proactive.

Speaker 10 And another thing that you had mentioned regarding journaling, I

Speaker 10 dismissed it for so long. I'm like, I'm not going to journal.
That and gratitude practice, those were the two. I'm not going to do this thing.

Speaker 10 I don't know. But then when I started to do it, that intentionality for both gratitude and for journaling, it changed the game for me because I was rewiring my brain in a different way.

Speaker 10 Neurons that fire together wire together. I'm relearning.
I'm bringing that deliberation, that intentionality so radically different while raising my frequency and my vibration by being so.

Speaker 10 incredibly freaking grateful for everything for the for the failures I'm doing here quotes for the things that I've learned for the amazing things that have happened to me.

Speaker 10 And it really changed the game for me. So I really leaned into those in tactical harmony.

Speaker 12 Do you have a

Speaker 12 process for that? Is it random? Is it like morning pages? Is there, and I know this is kind of a hypertactical question, but I'm always interested in kind of where people's brains go.

Speaker 12 I've always been very freeform or like morning pages kind of style, just like barf. barf the thoughts out of my head that I wake up with.

Speaker 12 But I have other friends who use more guided methods or bullet point methods or whatever.

Speaker 12 So how do you, when you're kind of journaling or getting these thoughts out of your head, do you have a specific process?

Speaker 10 Yeah, I would say a little bit of A, a little bit of B.

Speaker 10 So I mostly lean into free form.

Speaker 10 I really tune into my intuition and

Speaker 10 the wisdom within. So what is feeling right in that moment might look different from day to day or even hour to hour.
So I really lean into that.

Speaker 10 But there's also, you know, a lot of questions that I could ask myself because I really believe the quality of the questions we ask ourselves determine the quality of the answers that we get.

Speaker 10 So if we're asking the wrong questions, we're not going to get the right answers. So I really lean into, you know, honest, raw look within.
So I am having a meaningful exchange with my journal.

Speaker 10 And then when I review it, it's giving me the feedback because I truly believe that all answers lie within. which really leans into the mindset.
So then, you know, my what and why are super powerful.

Speaker 10 The how is going to come. The strategy, the how, how to develop this, how to launch a business, that's going to come because I have such a fierce knowing, a fierce internal knowing.

Speaker 10 And one thing that I do before journaling is every single morning, and I normally journal in the morning as well,

Speaker 10 I raise my frequency by gratitude.

Speaker 10 So before my feet hit the ground, I and especially as I'm coming out of, you know, certain brain waves when you're sleeping, and that's when you're most susceptible and you're most programmable.

Speaker 10 Is that a word? Programmable?

Speaker 10 So I'm coming out before I hit beta, which is your analytical state. So I'm, you know, I'm coming from theta to alpha.
Immediately, I anchor into gratitude.

Speaker 10 Is it the smell of coffee brewing in the morning? Is it the love I share with my husband? Is it being an entrepreneur and all the lessons I learned?

Speaker 10 Is it I love my dogs, which I do, and I'm so grateful for them. And then you feel it, biochemistry, like you're releasing those chemicals.
I'm programming myself.

Speaker 10 And then I'm setting these powerful intentions for the day. I'm going to have a great day.
That's how it works. And so I do that before the journaling, so my energy is up, and it's more successful.

Speaker 12 How do you respond to someone who hears all that and says, that sounds amazing, but I'm too busy, too stressed. I have six kids.

Speaker 12 My job forces me to work odd hours. Insert excuse, because I had this conversation.
And here's the context of this question.

Speaker 12 I was talking to my kids the other day about

Speaker 12 specifically in the context of their baseball that they play

Speaker 12 and versus video games. And I said

Speaker 12 you can optimize your fake life or you can optimize your real life.

Speaker 12 And that's your choice, right?

Speaker 14 And

Speaker 12 I think that translates to so much else. For adults, that's more like they,

Speaker 12 you know,

Speaker 12 they fall into these, I'm not going to work out because I'm stressed. I'm going to, you know, have three drinks every night because I deserve it for how hard I worked, right?

Speaker 12 And you're taking these, and the equation is these short-term little hits versus what you are describing is the same feeling, if not better, but it's long-term.

Speaker 12 And that trade-off, and this is a time, this is a question that people have been asking for ages, so I don't expect you to have maybe the all-end all answer, but I'm interested in your take on

Speaker 12 how do we start to move away from making these short-term pleasure decisions to get to doing things like what you just described, which does take work and commitment and discipline, but gets you so much farther over the long term.

Speaker 12 How do you make people see that gap?

Speaker 10 Yeah, this is an incredible,

Speaker 19 incredible question.

Speaker 10 And yeah, I could speak to hours for this. And there's a lot of strategy.
There's a lot of things to implement.

Speaker 10 But really, it's like you don't like the price you're paying for that small hit, that small whatever it is. It's like, but then when you get the bill from regret,

Speaker 10 and I think there's a famous quote out there for that, that's a big thing, right?

Speaker 10 And I think often we don't want people to get to that point where they're drowning and they're rock bottom, and then they have to do something. So that's a lot harder.

Speaker 10 And a lot of people have to reach that point, that destination point in their journey to get to be like, okay,

Speaker 10 I need to do something different. Like something's got to give.
So there's a lot, there's a lot of strategy there and a couple of things. It's really time management.

Speaker 10 So like as you said, you even said the word, it's an excuse. It's an excuse because if you're what and why you're powerful enough, you're going to do it.
And that's where discipline comes in.

Speaker 10 And that, I define that as the ultimate expression of self-love. I love myself enough that I'm going to PT physically train every day.

Speaker 10 I love myself enough that I'm going to take the time, the five minutes to meditate or the 10 minutes to go within and make sure that I'm good to go.

Speaker 10 So I'm actually going further, faster, and sustainably, which is a key.

Speaker 10 If they knew that, hey, this is a good one is leverage. If you have enough leverage on yourself or someone you love, you're going to do it.

Speaker 10 If I were to say, Ryan, and this might be a little harsh, but sometimes you need to be very direct and bold to get someone's attention.

Speaker 10 Hey, I know you say you got all these things and you, you know, there's not enough time.

Speaker 10 And, you know, I do call BS on that because you could get up earlier and you can do these things but if i were to say like i'm going to take you know your loved one and they're i'm going to hurt them within 30 days if you don't do x y and z and you say you want these things and you're giving me every excuse not to do it you would find a way to do it you would never subject your loved one to any kind of harm or pain because that's leverage so what i do is i find what that leverage what that motivation is what that source of truth is for that person that can look different for everybody and you threaten it because people want to either move toward pleasure or away from pain.

Speaker 10 So finding that balance and you get enough leverage, they start to do the thing and they're like, oh, wow, I'm feeling better. Oh, wow.

Speaker 10 And you just got to push them over that initial ed, that threshold of where they haven't crossed before. And they're going to immediately see results.

Speaker 19 Immediately.

Speaker 10 That's how the game works. There's no secret code.
And so it's really getting them past.

Speaker 10 right up here to that point because when they start moving, they're like, oh, this wasn't so scary as the narrative that I created in myself. Oh, she was right about all these things, right?

Speaker 10 And so, that's where I lean into is the time management, the leverage, what their core values are, what's motivating them to kind of push them over the edge.

Speaker 10 Because the best time to start was yesterday, the next best time is today, and we're already thinking about it, we're too late.

Speaker 10 So, creating that sense of urgency can also be very helpful for people to support them.

Speaker 12 Now, I see the NCIS special agent tie-in.

Speaker 16 You're, you're,

Speaker 12 in order to get you to do this thing, I'm going to go kidnap your kidnap your spouse.

Speaker 19 You won't get her back until you actually take this action.

Speaker 10 You know, it works. It works.
Like, think about it. Like, if someone threatened my husband and I've been like delaying doing the thing,

Speaker 10 my ass is going to move. Like, I'm going to do it, and I'm going to do it amazingly.
And it's like, you just need that, like, you know, push over the edge. I know it sounds harsh, but

Speaker 21 you're not going to.

Speaker 12 Trust me, the people that listen to this show, you are not going to offend them. But some of the shit that comes out of my mouth.

Speaker 12 So

Speaker 18 I have this,

Speaker 12 it's actually, it's going to become a TED talk, but I have this theory that I've been working on.

Speaker 12 Because someone,

Speaker 12 I was at a conference that I was speaking at, and there was another speaker, and they were talking about fear of failure.

Speaker 11 And I thought they did a great job.

Speaker 18 Except

Speaker 12 I was never convinced that failure is what people are actually concerned about.

Speaker 12 In my mind, I think failure is a glossing, a

Speaker 12 shiny sticker on top of what the real problem is, which is a fear of status, right?

Speaker 12 The reason I don't want to get in shape is because all my buddies have beer guts and they like to drink beer on Thursdays and we crack jokes about the new beer or whatever we're drinking.

Speaker 12 And man, if I stop drinking so much and get in in shape now I'm gonna be different than all my buddies and that may sound crazy to people at face value but when you really dig into the mindset this is what holds people back my you know I my parents always wanted me to be this thing they put you know an engineer and they put these expectations on me etc but I want to create YouTube videos for a living

Speaker 12 What are they going to think of me? What are my parents?

Speaker 12 What are my siblings going to think of me if I give up this life as an engineer and become a YouTube creator because I've always been artistic, right?

Speaker 12 It's not that they're worried about not being successful as a YouTube creator. They're worried about what the people in their space will think of them when they make this move.

Speaker 12 Like, that's the thing that they're actually scared of, not the failure.

Speaker 11 Okay.

Speaker 12 And my point in saying all that is

Speaker 12 So much of this is being able to get rid of

Speaker 12 the outside voice's impact on your inside world?

Speaker 12 How do you work with clients to be more true to what's going on inside of them versus the inputs they're getting from all these other people towards their action, if that makes sense?

Speaker 12 And do you believe what I just said? Does that make sense, what I just said?

Speaker 10 Yes, a resounding yes. I actually just did a podcast on this, on my tactical harmony podcast.
So yeah, I completely align with this.

Speaker 10 And I think, and this is where being inquisitive and really digging in, you start to to peel all these layers back like an onion and you start to get to the really the core and the truth.

Speaker 10 Are people afraid of Philip? Yeah, sure, you know, maybe on the surface. But as you said, there's all these other elements to it.
And

Speaker 10 people's opinions of you, people's anything, thoughts of you, that's a projection of their reality.

Speaker 10 That's a projection of what they hold dear or what they don't like or their insecurities, which is usually the case.

Speaker 10 And so when I, when I have a lot of most of my clients, well, I'm worried about what someone thinks. And what about my husband?

Speaker 10 Or my, you know, I'm doing this thing, but my, my loved one isn't aligned. Or what would my parents think?

Speaker 10 I totally get this because my unconventional path from NCIS to the, to a tech company, I mean, I could have let other people's thoughts hold me back, but I didn't because I knew what I wanted to do and I knew how I wanted to serve.

Speaker 10 And so your create, whatever anyone believes in, God, creator, gave you your vision. It's in your heart and mind, nobody else's, right? Like, I'm not in yours, you're not in mine.

Speaker 10 And so, we're doing ourselves a disservice if we don't move in alignment with that.

Speaker 10 And if we don't move in alignment with that, we're going to feel some sort of discord or lack of harmony in our mind, body, and spirit. And that's where holistic leadership comes in.

Speaker 10 Because if I don't know myself radically and I'm not moving in alignment with what I give a damn about and what I hold dear, I'm going to feel a little stuck or frustrated or something might feel off, insert whatever feeling.

Speaker 10 And so freeing yourself, freeing yourself from other people's opinions and projections, because that's what it is, will give you that ability.

Speaker 10 It frees up that energy to then move in alignment with what is important to you.

Speaker 10 Because what I'm thinking about, when I'm focusing on, I'm giving my life force or my energy to, and that thing's going to expand. If I'm thinking about what I don't want, that shit's going to expand.

Speaker 10 That's going to become everything that I see. If I'm thinking about what I want relentlessly and I'm disciplined, right?

Speaker 10 I got my self-love that I'm going to do the thing and I'm going to do it every single day.

Speaker 10 And I'm going to move that ball down the field every single day in micro actions, then I'm going to be in alignment with my true self, my authentic self, because I'm not going to give it my energy away like that.

Speaker 10 I'm very radically aware of that. And I'm not going to let anyone live rent-free in my head because you're renting space to other people.

Speaker 10 And so when people start to reframe it, Ryan, to answer your question, the,

Speaker 10 you know, how do you get past that? Reframing how you're thinking about it, reframing, does it matter?

Speaker 10 Like when you're, I call it the rocking chair test, you're, you know, 90 some years old and you're sitting on your front porch and you're in your rocking chair and you're looking back at your life.

Speaker 10 Is that person on your journey? Is that really going to matter? Are you going to have that bill of regret? Like, oh, Why didn't I start the business I wanted? Why didn't I ask the girl?

Speaker 10 Why didn't I blah, blah, blah, blah, blah? Whatever it is. You don't want to have those feelings.

Speaker 10 So do the damn thing now and you realize how insignificant other people's thoughts and projections are of you.

Speaker 16 Yeah.

Speaker 16 I, uh,

Speaker 12 when my kids asked me about

Speaker 18 hell, because my kids go to Catholic school,

Speaker 12 and they asked me, Dad, do you think hell is really a fiery pit down below? And I was like, no, I don't actually believe that.

Speaker 12 I was like, what I believe it is, is you get a snapshot when you die of what you could have been if you lived the path that God put you on

Speaker 12 and what you are.

Speaker 12 And hell is the distance between those two things.

Speaker 14 And

Speaker 12 I just

Speaker 12 like it's so clear to me that

Speaker 12 we have so much more potential than we give ourselves credit for. And I love conversations like these because

Speaker 12 I vigorously take notes. I know I'm not supposed to as as a podcast host.
If I was a good podcast host, I wouldn't take notes. But there's so many ideas in here that to me are the there.

Speaker 12 It's like, I feel like we have a set of tumblers to unlock this version of ourselves. And everybody's set of tumblers is different.
For you, it might be your curiosity, right?

Speaker 12 That's a big tumbler for you. When you really tap into your curiosity, bam, you're closer to being that person.
For someone else, it might be discipline's a bigger tumbler, right?

Speaker 12 They're all different things. But it's figuring out what these things are for us.
And to your point, and why I love your message of action, is the only way to figure it out is to do shit.

Speaker 12 Like, fuck around and find out is an epic meme for a reason. Because it's, like, literally how we figure everything out in life.

Speaker 12 And we just, we get so hesitant and fearful.

Speaker 12 I want to spend the remainder of our time together digging into some of the core principles of this idea of holistic leadership because I also know you have a book coming out soon and want to make sure that everyone knows about that and if there's a place for them to get on a waiting list or something for that.

Speaker 12 So maybe just dig us into this.

Speaker 12 I know we've talked about a lot of the mindset pieces, but any of the pieces that you feel we haven't touched yet and maybe just a high level idea of where this came from for you.

Speaker 10 Yeah, no, thank you. I appreciate that.
And yeah, so I want to define holistic leadership because I think a lot of people may misunderstand what it means.

Speaker 10 Like you hear about holistic and you're like, oh, isn't that like doctor, naturopath?

Speaker 10 yeah that's part of it but when you pair it with leadership on those two very important words it's it's a game changer so holistic leadership the essence is a whole person approach to influence and inspire your life as well as others lives because i really truly believe it starts with you it's every it's self-leadership it's personal leadership if you can't lead yourself you can't lead others and this pertains to leadership in the traditional traditional sense of the word.

Speaker 10 I'm a business leader. I have a team.
I have direct reports, subordinates, but it's also leading your family, leading your children, leading your relationships.

Speaker 10 And I think so often, again, we put it into a bucket, but I'm here to expand your thinking of that.

Speaker 10 So if I uncover all parts of myself and I'm so radically aware socially and, you know, my self-regulation, my self-awareness, which is emotional intelligence, and I also am doing that with you, my self-my relationship management and my awareness of you.

Speaker 10 I'm going to have a more meaningful life. I'm going to have a more meaningful relationship.
I'm going to be a better leader at home and at work.

Speaker 10 And so that really does implement a no stone left unturned approach because you're uncovering all parts of yourself. You're not ignoring one thing.
And then you are able to go a lot faster. And so

Speaker 10 for part two of your question for my book,

Speaker 10 so I derive wisdom from unconventional places. I absolutely love this.
I think that goes into my curiosity. I'm a dog lover.
I absolutely love dogs.

Speaker 10 And so my book is called Unleashed, Holistic Leadership Insights Derived from Our Canine Companions and how they organically display these things in everything that they do.

Speaker 10 From expressing gratitude to mindfulness to you know, discipline and grit, adventure and curiosity, love and connection, all the good things in life, all the things that we need as humans to be more powerful and to step into that next level of who we are meant to be.

Speaker 10 Dogs are doing it naturally.

Speaker 10 And so, I weave in all of these things into my book to really awaken that leader within, but awaken you to the possibility and the things around you.

Speaker 10 So, that is the essence of Unleashed and of holistic leadership and how it can utterly transform your life professionally and personally.

Speaker 12 Yeah, I love that concept.

Speaker 12 I think we often, you know, you see leaders who maybe do a good job for a period of time in their business, but then they completely neglect personal relationships, personal health, personal energy, any type of relationship to God, etc.

Speaker 21 And

Speaker 12 that great leadership can't last. You know, you can, you know, it's in there, but something always ends up coming out if we don't take care of both sides of the equation.

Speaker 12 I think a lot of people who have, who live, we'll call them

Speaker 12 externally successful professional careers and

Speaker 16 very poor

Speaker 11 personal lives,

Speaker 12 they would say that

Speaker 12 they couldn't spend time on themselves because

Speaker 12 they have to get the business successful. So, how do you work through, I hate the word balance, so I'm going to use the word harmony that it takes to navigate both.

Speaker 10 I love that. Yes, tactical harmony.
That's why I call it harmony, which balance is a part of that, but words mean something. They also carry energy.
Everything is energy.

Speaker 10 Emotions, energy, and emotion. Everything is energy.
So when we're looking at the word balance, it would insinuate, well, it has to be balance, 50-50.

Speaker 10 And I call bullshit on that because there's going to be weeks, months, even years where I'm like. full court press on my my work,

Speaker 10 my business, whatever that could be professionally.

Speaker 10 And then there could be times and there will be where it's more on my personal life and my relationships and my loved ones and my parents or whatever it is.

Speaker 10 And so having the harmony between the two is the goal. And it is an art and it's going to look different a little bit every day.
It's going to look different between me and you.

Speaker 10 But when you start to do those things, self-leadership, one, as a leader, you're setting the tone, you're setting the example. Others are watching you, whether you realize it or not.

Speaker 10 Everyone's watching.

Speaker 10 And psychologically, or they're paying attention and they're gonna you know mimic what you do so if nothing else do it for other people which you know goes into the leverage but it's time management and I know that's a term that we all say but it really is because where I place my time and this goes into habits that's my energy that's my life force if I have a habit of working out in the morning or you know I have a habit of brushing my teeth or eating my break like I'm in this routine but if you switch it up

Speaker 10 Heads up your body's gonna throw a temper tantrum. Whoa, whoa, whoa, I haven't seen this movie before.

Speaker 10 What are you doing and then that's your job as a and your mind to make sure like a wild stallion you are taming it no i'm in control i'm going to have you sit down and meditate i'm going to have you sit down and do the damn thing because when you start doing the damn thing whatever it is that action you get feedback you can't get feedback if you don't move if you don't execute because feedback is a gift and it's like oh wow I'm going to adjust, I'm going to adapt, I'm going to pivot.

Speaker 10 But you can't get that unless you do the damn thing, right?

Speaker 10 So there's a lot of things to unpack there, but those would be my initial thoughts.

Speaker 12 Are there any like current

Speaker 12 delicate with this unless you go in the right to go in a direction, whatever it takes, wherever you want?

Speaker 12 I struggle with our current societal normalization of ideas like mediocrity and average. And the book that I'm working on that I told you about with my friend, it's called The Civilized Savage,

Speaker 12 From Mediocre to Mastery in an Age of Cultural Conformity. And our whole premise is that we have normalized a lower baseline of

Speaker 12 what is okay.

Speaker 12 And it's on all of us, and the whole context of the book is we walk through these 10 lessons that

Speaker 12 his great-grandfather talked to his grandfather who taught to his father that then his that has passed down through his this Italian lineage these ten lessons that have allowed him to live a very disciplined highly successful life and whatever, right?

Speaker 14 And like,

Speaker 12 what are some of the things that we can be looking out for maybe in today's ecosystem, marketplace, society, however you want to go, that can keep us from living this life?

Speaker 12 Like, what are some of the ideas maybe that have become normalized, et cetera?

Speaker 10 Yeah, this is a great question. You're asking such amazing questions.
I love this.

Speaker 10 I would say to people, again, and raise their awareness, is we always fall to what our self-worth is if i think i'm only good enough to do xyz that's what i'm going to do and it's your self-worth and i know people use different words and i actually don't like this term like imposter syndrome i but like who am i to start a business who am i to you know sign up for the iron man whatever it is that you might want to call in well you're going to fall to what you think you can so a tactic that I always share is you got to raise your standard.

Speaker 10 If you're good, well, good's not good enough anymore. Look around.
Look how many successful people there are, right? So then you need to raise it, you know, from good to excellent.

Speaker 10 Okay, well, there's a lot of excellent people. Raise it from excellent to outstanding.
You raise that standard because

Speaker 10 how close you are to hitting your goal. It can be just a couple millimeters.
I mean, look at, you know, surgeons.

Speaker 10 Like if they were one millimeter off, like, you know, plastic surgery or whatever you do, you know, whatever kind of surgery, like it's so precise, but you got to raise your standard.

Speaker 10 You got to do the thing because you are so close.

Speaker 10 And people, again, they create this narrative and they romanticize the outcome, but they don't do the damn work. They don't do the execution.
They get you there. So I can romanticize all day.
Great.

Speaker 10 Awesome. But if I'm not executing, I'm killing my dreams, my goals, my desires.
So raising that standard.

Speaker 10 It's and I think also another tactic here, Ryan, is people think it's got to be this big thing. Like they start at the finish line instead of starting at the start line.

Speaker 10 I'm not going to go from zero to running, you know, a marathon, we'll just say, you know, if you're doing 10 push-ups, okay, great. Tomorrow, do 11

Speaker 10 and then do that for a week. And then the next week, I want you to do 15.
Like it's those micro action, it's that small incremental step. Every single day and it's consistency.

Speaker 10 So you know, you know, I don't get a six pack by going to the gym once a week. I do that consistently.
I show up. I have the discipline.
I have that victory mindset.

Speaker 10 I love myself enough to make it happen. And then I'm going to get the results.

Speaker 10 100% I'm going to get the results. Or I'm going to get the feedback where I need to adjust my strategy, adjust my mindset, and only made possible by moving and taking that inspired action.

Speaker 12 Yeah, the statistic, the statistic, sorry, my allergies are crushing me today and I'm

Speaker 12 butchering some words.

Speaker 12 Statistic that James Clear had in atomic habits that if you get 1% better every day, you're 37x better at the end of the year. That is so incredibly powerful.

Speaker 12 And like if you only saw that stat from that book, reading the entire book is worthwhile because what it shows is exactly what you just said.

Speaker 12 Everybody can get 1% better each day. Like you said, it's one more push-up, right? That's technically 10% better than the day before.

Speaker 18 You go from 10 to 11.

Speaker 12 So, you know, these little, it's just,

Speaker 12 give me, Ed Milette wrote a book called The Power of One More.

Speaker 12 And it's a really good book, although you can, and there's tons of great stuff in it, although you can kind of get the idea just from the title.

Speaker 12 And Ed Milette's fantastic, great podcast.

Speaker 12 But this idea of like,

Speaker 12 like you said, just give yourself one more. You don't have to go to 20.
20 might be the goal, right? But what we do is we go, well, today I could only get to 11, so I'm a failure.

Speaker 18 I suck.

Speaker 12 I'm no good. I only got to 11.
I should be at 20. My buddy John's at 20.

Speaker 12 He's doing 20. I should be doing 20.
And because I'm only doing 11, it's like, yeah, but if you just think about it one more each day, in 10 days you'll be there. It's just nine, you know what I mean?

Speaker 12 It's nine more days of work. Just nine more days and you'll be right with your buddy.
What's nine days in the course of your life?

Speaker 17 It's really nothing.

Speaker 12 And that concept,

Speaker 12 to me, is the difference between the people who get to where they want to be and the people that don't. They take these little tiny bites.
They may have the big goal.

Speaker 12 They may do the press release on the big goal. They may stand on stage and talk about the big goal.
But in their life, it's this tiny little bite, tiny little bite, tiny little bite, tiny little bite.

Speaker 12 It's absolutely fantastic.

Speaker 12 What is one question that you had wished I had asked during this podcast?

Speaker 19 Oh, goodness.

Speaker 10 You asked all the questions.

Speaker 10 Let me think.

Speaker 10 Gosh, we covered such amazing ground, and I want to just express my appreciation for that.

Speaker 19 Maybe

Speaker 10 I can share the four components of victory mindset.

Speaker 18 Yes.

Speaker 10 I can do that. Would that be okay?

Speaker 12 Yeah, let's make sure, let's give them a tease and

Speaker 12 we can drive them to find out more about you.

Speaker 10 Yeah. So just real briefly, victory mindset, and I believe this is a key code to success, y'all.
So tune in.

Speaker 10 Number one is discipline, which I already talked about.

Speaker 10 You know, that ultimate expression of self-love. So really thinking about you love yourself enough to make the thing happen.

Speaker 10 number two would be number the second component of that would be integrity which we touched on a little bit is that living that authentic life that i am i know myself so well that i am living a life that matches that I'm not worrying about what other people think because we know comparison is a joy, thief joy.

Speaker 10 Like you're stealing my joy when I'm comparing myself, right? And I'm giving my power away at my energy, which we touched on.

Speaker 10 So when I'm living a life that is authentically aligned and aligned with my values, I call this soul aligned ambition.

Speaker 10 Everything that I do is a manifestation, crystallization of what, who I am and what I was put here to do on earth. I'm going to feel great.
Abundance is going to flow. And I don't just mean financial.

Speaker 10 I mean emotional, spiritual, mental abundance. Abundance in all forms is going to flow.
So having that integrity and that honesty with your life is huge. Third is taking inspired action.

Speaker 10 So not just any action, inspired.

Speaker 10 And by that very simply i mean i'm not just doing something to stay busy because i can be busy and not making progress all day but i'm doing things that are actually getting me the results i'm doing the things i'm paying attention to my inputs right usually it's like 20 of your inputs give you the 80 of your results the 80 20 rule uh the Pareto principle is I'm paying attention to that so I'm doing those things and I'm doing more of them to get me whatever I need and my results personally and professionally and the fourth component is grace.

Speaker 10 Grace with yourself, grace with your creator, with God, grace with others, because perfection is not the goal that doesn't exist. It's like the lowest standard.
It's progress. It's doing the thing.

Speaker 10 It's having like Kaizan, which is a Japanese term for continuous incremental improvements every single day, as we talked about, leaning into that consistency, but knowing that some days I'm not going to hit the mark.

Speaker 10 Okay, cool. What did I learn from it? Right.
I'm going to be selfish, and I think selfish gets a bad rap.

Speaker 10 I'm going to be selfish because I want to know what I can do to get better, stronger, leaner, faster.

Speaker 10 And then I'm not going to make that mistake again because I'm going to fail forward and I'm going to grab. I call failure.
It's my favorite F word. One of my favorite F words.

Speaker 10 So I'm going to learn from it. I'm going to grow from it.
And that's part of the journey is that sometimes we're given opportunities that could piss us off and frustrate us.

Speaker 10 But that's the thing that we need on our journey to build the muscle that we need on our trajectory. And we may not know it at the time.

Speaker 19 This isn't fair.

Speaker 10 Why is this happening? But then I build that grit, resilience, or whatever I need. And then five, ten years down the road, maybe it makes sense.
Oh, I've seen this picture before. I got this.

Speaker 10 I can figure this out. And I can be a blessing to others and have that beautiful exchange.
Because I believe it's a spiritual game.

Speaker 10 And so, victory mindset, those four components, is something that, you know, has truly transformed my life and everyone around me.

Speaker 16 Yeah.

Speaker 12 My favorite one is grace.

Speaker 19 Because I think that

Speaker 12 we just,

Speaker 12 to me, it's the difference between how like exactly the way you said, it's the difference between framing something bad as a lesson or as some scar that we have to carry around.

Speaker 20 And

Speaker 12 we just, we're not good at it in general.

Speaker 12 It doesn't seem like an intuitive quality. It seems like something we have to learn.

Speaker 12 And the more we show grace, I feel like it gets passed along.

Speaker 20 I've just seen that in different communities where

Speaker 12 you're graceful to yourself and to others, that tends to spread. That's a concept that spreads.

Speaker 12 And that's wonderful that it's part of your victory mindset.

Speaker 18 Rebecca, this has been a tremendous conversation.

Speaker 12 I appreciate the hell out of you and what you're doing.

Speaker 16 I love this work.

Speaker 12 Do everything we can here at the show to support you. We'll have links to all your stuff in the show notes.

Speaker 12 Where is the best place for the audience to connect with you deeper and get more involved with your world?

Speaker 10 Oh, great question. Yeah, I would say my website, tacticalharmony.com.
It has all the ways to reach me. It has my Instagram, Twitter, LinkedIn, all of the things.

Speaker 10 And so tacticalharmony.com has my services, every way to reach me. That's where I will be advertising my book a couple of months.
So yeah, I appreciate it.

Speaker 10 And before we end, Ryan, thank you for everything that you do. I am a huge fan of your podcast.
I love the work you're doing. It's spreading such incredible messages and helping and serving others.

Speaker 10 And I am honored to be here. I'm grateful to be your guest.

Speaker 10 So I'm very blessed. So, thank you so much from the bottom of my heart.

Speaker 12 Oh, that means so much. Thank you.

Speaker 7 Let's go.

Speaker 6 Yeah, making it, make it it, make it look easy. Hey, stand up.

Speaker 7 Thank you for listening to the Ryan Hanley show.

Speaker 7 Be sure to subscribe and leave us a comment or review wherever you listen to podcasts.

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Speaker 6 MasterCard Cybersecurity and Fraud Prevention for Enterprise uses an advanced AI-powered network to assess over 32 million cybersecurity risk events every day, protecting your business in the moment and securing your tomorrow.

Speaker 6 Because a new era of growth demands a new standard of security. Get ready for what's next at mastercard.com/slash cybersecurity.