SUPERFLY #42 - Courtside at the LAKERS

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Speaker 1 I know. Yeah, me too.
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Speaker 1 Yes. Thank you for not feeding me the leftover lasagna for the 12th time.

Speaker 2 When you get those courtside seats, it's too too close for the players. I feel bad.
Five balls came to us. You know what I mean? Like,

Speaker 2 and it's so awkward.

Speaker 2 Or I give them, I throw it back like I'm kind of good. Like, what do you want? A chest pass?

Speaker 2 There you go. I know those.
I got a bounce pass.

Speaker 1 You're handling the ball more than Bronny. I mean, what's going on? Yeah, Bronny's over there.
Hey, come on, man.

Speaker 2 And then

Speaker 2 also, when they're standing there to take the ball out one foot in front of you, this is what they don't like when I go like that. That guy's open.

Speaker 1 That guy, nope, too late.

Speaker 2 That guy's open. So we're over that guy.

Speaker 2 We got to get right to it. We can't dilly deli.
People told me, don't talk about your hair on the podcast. That's on YouTube.
And they also say I look like I slept on my face.

Speaker 2 And today is not a good example of me not. So fuck them.

Speaker 2 You look like you slept on your face. There, how about that?

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 to catch you up, and the only thing I'll say on this whole podcast that will interest you.

Speaker 1 Right. I want to say

Speaker 2 I went to a basketball game last night.

Speaker 1 Professional college.

Speaker 2 The Lakes.

Speaker 1 The Lakes against, who were they playing? I watched some of it.

Speaker 2 Grizzlies.

Speaker 1 Did they win? I fell asleep.

Speaker 2 I mean, should we have checked if John Morant was playing?

Speaker 2 Yes, we should have.

Speaker 1 He was not playing.

Speaker 2 He's not playing. No, no, no.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 2 I mean, it's a new age where you have to check first to see if the basketball players are playing in the game.

Speaker 1 Well, I mean, the injuries are so extreme, right? That's what took him out.

Speaker 2 Well, I think he's an injury, but there's also a lot of sitting out or whatever they call it, resting and rotating. And, you know, I think Embiid, was it?

Speaker 2 Got in a little hot water for saying I'll be playing every other game this year.

Speaker 1 Oh, really?

Speaker 2 I'll be doing every other podcast.

Speaker 1 I like the close-up emphasis. Listen, listen.

Speaker 1 Like you always like to say when we read ads. Listen, now listen.

Speaker 1 You're 7-4, you're 280.

Speaker 2 Don't start defending.

Speaker 1 When they started this 82-game season,

Speaker 1 the biggest guy in the league was 6-4, 170.

Speaker 1 So now they've got guys, I don't know what they're doing.

Speaker 2 Bob Koozi.

Speaker 1 Yeah, good one. Bob Kuzzy.
And Rick Berry from the snack bar.

Speaker 2 Pistol Pete was 5'3.

Speaker 1 He was 19.

Speaker 1 He was probably 130. I'll give you that.
His socks weighed more than him, ladies and gentlemen. Okay.

Speaker 1 So anyway, I see

Speaker 1 what they mean by, you know, resting, but it's a monetary thing, right?

Speaker 2 They also, they did rest Bronnie, which I thought was good.

Speaker 1 Keep the paper. Caper towel or the athlete.

Speaker 2 Good night. Bronnie is related to LeBron James.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 2 he's got

Speaker 2 there's the bench, and then there's a lazy boy chair that he gets to sit in. People give him

Speaker 2 a hassle because they say he's pampered.

Speaker 2 It's a tough road for Bronny because you don't pick your dad.

Speaker 1 First of all, I'm here to defend Bronny all day long. I mean, I will defend him.
I'm here.

Speaker 2 Counterpoint.

Speaker 1 I will defend him in the hotel room.

Speaker 1 I'll defend them on Fly and the Wall, and I will defend him here on Superfly.

Speaker 1 That was JFK doing

Speaker 1 Churchill. Anyway, look,

Speaker 1 Nepo Kit, he did not ask

Speaker 1 when he came from the stars to be born that, could I have the greatest basketball ever to play the game as my dad? And then I'm going to be a basketball player, too.

Speaker 1 So I have a lot of respect for that kid. Well, look, he's in the clubs.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Don't talk to me about my career. Don't talk to me about my staffs and my Larry Birds and, you you know, Jordan, of course.
But

Speaker 1 so I have so much respect for that kid.

Speaker 2 I just saw on the news yesterday morning that they go, oh, because I knew I was going to the game. And I said, oh,

Speaker 2 and they said, Anthony Davis will play. And I said, great, because I think he got poked in the eye the night four.
And he was maybe going to be out. So he played and LeBron.
So good enough.

Speaker 2 Even no Jamaron. It's good enough.

Speaker 2 And they said, Bronnie is doing the G-League, but he's saying he's not going to do the away games. He doesn't want to be that far away.

Speaker 2 So I said, at some point, you have to say, now it's your decision.

Speaker 2 You have to say, hey, I should rough it, you know, instead of going, hey, I heard you suck us went to Sacramento last night because he was at the game and he was sitting on the bench.

Speaker 2 I'm like, Chris, why are these guys? Why is he here? I thought he was.

Speaker 1 Okay, let's unpack. Yeah, we may have to.
Let's unpack that.

Speaker 1 We may have to go longer.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 being in the flow, getting reps, like our friends on Saturday Night Live,

Speaker 1 so if they had a G League for SNL, they would go to the sketches. Yeah, sketches, and they would get to

Speaker 1 the ground length more and more and more.

Speaker 1 So if Bronnie is coming out, because it's a pretty deep bench, he's got a lot of great players, and he's playing three or four minutes, he can go to the G League, they call it the G League.

Speaker 1 and play 40 minutes and get into his flow, into his rhythm. So that's why they send him down there.
It's not a motion. It's just.

Speaker 2 No, they do it in major leagues. You go down and you work on your swing or you hurt your shoulder.
You go get back and you come back.

Speaker 1 I'm not.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'm just saying.

Speaker 1 I don't know. You're so close.
This isn't trending right now. You're hot.
It's not a basketball show. No, I'm not.
You're hot too.

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 2 I will say it's funny when, well, Chris Rock is the one who

Speaker 2 we went together.

Speaker 2 And so it's funny when like the basketball players come down, sometimes they say hi, you know, and then at a certain point, the game's so long that when they come down, it's like seeing someone at a party over and over.

Speaker 2 And you're like, hey,

Speaker 1 because

Speaker 2 they keep seeing you because you're right there. And

Speaker 2 it's so embarrassing because you look away like, I don't want to act like I'm going trying to connect eyes.

Speaker 1 Repetitively acknowledging you, you know? Yeah, it's so gross. It's okay, Cuico.
You did it early in the first quarter. I don't need a fourth quarter.

Speaker 2 Exactly. How many times can you go, hey, what's up?

Speaker 1 Hey, what's up? But

Speaker 2 a ref came over to say hi. That was nice.
Really? I wish I gave him a few notes too.

Speaker 1 I had the concessioneer, the popcorn guy kept repeatedly

Speaker 1 wanting me to sign his popcorn harness.

Speaker 2 Do you know my old joke about Chard where I say

Speaker 2 Chard, she comes to our country with no rules for any, like how to say words and letters? Like she spells it S-A-D-E, pronounce it Shard A. I spell my name S-P-A-D-E, but I don't pronounce it Ned.

Speaker 2 You know, I go by the rules. So behind me, I hear, hey, fucking Ned, Ned.
And I'm like, oh, my God, it's Dennis.

Speaker 2 Turn around. It's Jimmy Miller.

Speaker 1 Oh, it's Jimmy Miller, which is Dennis.

Speaker 1 Just the brother. Yeah, exactly Dennis, just the brother.

Speaker 2 Famous manager. He's with Tom Segura, who lost a lot of weight and shaved his beard.
And I swear to you, I did not know it was Tom Segura for a second.

Speaker 2 I go, I turn around, I go, hey, oh, Jimmy, I thought it was Dennis. Then they go.

Speaker 1 Tom Segura, wait a minute, shaved and lost a lot of weight. He wasn't that heavy.
I mean, what is he down?

Speaker 2 He wasn't heavy. He's just, I think there's some movies doing and

Speaker 2 or whatever. He just, he looks good, but I just.

Speaker 1 Took me a second. What happened underneath there when he shaved? I mean, you know, somebody says,

Speaker 1 I knew a guy

Speaker 1 had had a big, big broom mustache. Yeah.
You know, and he's like 45, 50. And he used to kind of make fun of my tousled hair.
And I go, what's going under that there?

Speaker 1 You know, does he have one of those weird upper lips where his handsome crochet drops? Cars with a mustache. He's like this.

Speaker 1 I want the fans to tell us, should we do, I know we're a little long in the tooth, but should Mike and I do Wayne's World a sketch at the 50th? I just want them to

Speaker 1 answer in the comments below.

Speaker 2 On the comments on YouTube, yeah. That's a good idea.
And

Speaker 2 also, should I shave my beard? Because

Speaker 2 that'll be less comments. But I got, the whole story is I grew this beard because it sort of can shape your face a little more, you know? Totally.
It's a good trick.

Speaker 2 And then, but it got gray overnight, so I didn't like that. But

Speaker 2 I got one compliment. That was what I always used to say.
I got zero without it, and I got one with it. So I said, the ones win and I will keep it.
And so it's here for now. Oh, and a side story.

Speaker 2 I went back at halftime.

Speaker 2 Who's there? Sebastian. What? We just interviewed him.
We just interviewed him.

Speaker 1 Oh, I love that guy. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You're coming backstage to hang out with the plagiarists over there. He was really laughing.
We were doing our

Speaker 1 bad impression. Should I go get some scallop potatoes? There's a guy on the bench, he's a bench sitter, clipping his toenail.

Speaker 1 Everyone's clipping their toenail, and it really, the character is pretty funny, yeah, because he's his character, you know, immediately like he's completely upset that someone has band-aids on everything's annoying him, everything is annoying him.

Speaker 2 I get an Uber, I walk out in the street. Hey, are you Gagak?

Speaker 1 Speaking of gagak?

Speaker 1 I went to the pharmacy and I was buying some adult liquid refreshments beer. And anyway, sure.
So the woman has an accent. I don't have any, I love immigrants.
I am one.

Speaker 1 And she's wearing a mask. And so this is not a routine.
It's literally what I heard.

Speaker 2 You know, I mean, oh, she's got a mask on.

Speaker 1 A mask and an accent.

Speaker 1 And I'm trying to interpret interpret it. You mean you need an ID for the beer?

Speaker 2 That's what I've heard. You know what's funny?

Speaker 2 I'm not even offended by your accent because I don't know which one you're doing to be offended yet.

Speaker 1 No, I don't know what it is. Yeah, exactly.
But I do this for myself, and it did not upset her. I started giving her the same sound back.

Speaker 1 So she would go,

Speaker 1 and I'm just standing there. There's a line behind me, and I just go,

Speaker 1 And she understood me.

Speaker 1 She was asking if I wanted a receipt. I want to meet the human beings that go buy some potato chips and a beer and want to get the receipt.

Speaker 2 What are they? Give me that receipt.

Speaker 1 Are they writing it off? I mean, what do they want? I mean,

Speaker 2 hey, then you drive to Warren Grant's office and go, here's my $2.99 ruffles.

Speaker 1 I bought some Cheetos at a 7-Eleven last night. Can we get some kind of double deduction on that?

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Also, then you look at TikTok and the most filthiest thing in the world other than toilet seats is receipts. Something about them is like poison and filthy.

Speaker 1 That's funny.

Speaker 2 Also, that's funny. But back to the game, the last thing I'll tell you is

Speaker 2 A, when you get those courtside seats gifted upon you, because I don't, I didn't buy them, but someone let us use them from Brillstein. And then you're, A, you're too close.

Speaker 2 It's too close for the players. I feel bad.
Five balls came to us. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Like, no.

Speaker 2 And it's so awkward.

Speaker 2 Or I give them a, I throw it back like I'm kind of good. Like, what do you want? A chest pass?

Speaker 2 There you go. I know those.
I got a bounce pass.

Speaker 1 You're handling the ball more than Bronnie. I mean, what's going on?

Speaker 2 Yeah, Bronny's over there. Hey, come on, man.
And then

Speaker 2 also when they're standing there to take the ball out, one foot in front of you. This is what they don't like when I go like that.
That guy's open.

Speaker 1 That guy. Nope, too late.

Speaker 2 that guy's open so we're over that guy and uh they love that and then uh also rock reminded me

Speaker 2 that i didn't know when michael jordan hosted that we all went to mcdonald's at lunch because we used to go under 30 rock and he goes i miss the days when we go to mcdonald's with mj and i go

Speaker 2 tell me we win and i don't remember he goes we all win

Speaker 2 You could have gone. I don't know.
He said, no, I don't know. Whoever was in the last sketch of the, before lunch, we always go to McDonald's, me and Rock, because we're eating poison all day.

Speaker 2 And so we went down and I think he just said, I'll go with you guys. And we're like, oh, my God.

Speaker 1 But did he had to get it? Did he get recognized?

Speaker 2 I mean,

Speaker 2 I was like, yes.

Speaker 1 Yes, it's him.

Speaker 2 I was in the video store sketch. Yes, it's me.
Anyway, that was exciting.

Speaker 1 I'll tell you my quick MJ story. MJ, that's how close we were.
Love that guy. You know, he's the most

Speaker 1 competitive athlete in history. So he just, you you know, and he has kind of an intense, you know, he's 6'7 or whatever.
He just looks down at me and he goes, do you golf? And I go,

Speaker 1 oh, you know, a little bit. You know, what do you shoot? Well,

Speaker 1 I don't know. I mean, really, without taking a mulligan, I'd be lucky to break 100.
He paused and said, well, you're not very good, are you?

Speaker 2 He sensed your weakness.

Speaker 1 I know, and he sounded like John Hamm in that moment.

Speaker 1 You're not very good, are you?

Speaker 2 But anyway, that's- You know what? He wants to play you and beat you.

Speaker 1 I know, and I go.

Speaker 1 I had no ego about my golf game. You know, I'm better at croquet, okay?

Speaker 2 How about a quick game of cribbage?

Speaker 1 Yeah, why don't we, you know, play Stratego instead?

Speaker 1 I was good.

Speaker 1 I knew. Yeah, I bet you would be with your photograph.

Speaker 2 What a fucking nerd I was. Oh, yeah.

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Okay, quickly, there's also a

Speaker 2 Jake Paul fight tonight.

Speaker 1 Isn't it tomorrow night or is it tonight? Oh, it's, oh, excuse me. Fuck me.
It's tonight.

Speaker 1 Edit it.

Speaker 2 Edit it. Doesn't get show business.
Doesn't

Speaker 2 like it better. You don't understand it.
You know, I will say this.

Speaker 1 Let's talk about this fight because we'll be able to

Speaker 1 predict.

Speaker 2 We can stop saying Jake Paul's a youtuber he's fighting a youtuber this guy's 6'3 chiseled 240 with

Speaker 2 you know round the clock trainers for the last five years that's not now fight mr beast okay

Speaker 2 that's fighting a youtuber a little out of shape a little squishy whoa uh isn't training all day he's had six eight fights something like that

Speaker 1 he's fought he fought um

Speaker 1 some mma guys right he fought yeah i can't remember which boxing isn't their number one thing? And then he's fighting guys in his 40s. Now he's moving up to late 50s.

Speaker 1 But yeah, I don't look at him like, look,

Speaker 1 if it's not Tyson, I go in tomorrow night.

Speaker 1 What do I do? I'm fast. I'm quick.
I duck.

Speaker 1 Could he make contact? Could he make meaningful contact with me? I don't know.

Speaker 2 Meaningful.

Speaker 1 Would my punches land and hurt him? I don't know.

Speaker 1 No, anyone who goes in a ring and with Mike Tyson, because he could have old man's strength you know old man strength is different than young man's strength and so you are risking really getting hurt so i have a lot of respect for uh my dad

Speaker 2 used to get mad we'd wrestle or something and he'd throw me down i'm like that's old man's strength like i'm like oh he's way stronger than i thought like you don't think about it Yeah, why is it old man's strength?

Speaker 1 And then eventually you're too old. And they go, no, no, that's that's not old man's strength.
Old man's strength might last till 60. And

Speaker 2 Yeah, I think Biden

Speaker 2 isn't going to give those two guys a good fight.

Speaker 1 I think that Trump and he just were staring at each other, shaking hands, and neither would let go. And they were squeezing.
Come on, man. I'm being serious here.
I'm not getting around.

Speaker 1 Trump's like, got to squeeze it, never going to let go, got to squeeze it. That was not reported.

Speaker 2 No, you know what Trump does? He goes over. He does that one.
I know. It's a power move.
You go over.

Speaker 2 I don't know why. I didn't know that, but that's.

Speaker 1 He did a lot of things.

Speaker 1 he he was sat further in the chair he put his left side over for his stomach maybe coming in so he's leaning in with a lot of leverage with his elbow here and biden had to go way over oh weak weak arm and he's like here bringing him in so yeah trump knows all the moves so does putin and that's why they They either love each other or hate each other.

Speaker 1 I don't know, but something's going on.

Speaker 2 I saw a video of Trump walking in the old days when he was president the first time, walking behind like some guy in Saudi Arabia.

Speaker 2 It's a king at the bottom says, you are not allowed to touch the royal king. And everyone walks around like this, and Trump goes, Hey, there's my guy, and hits him on the shoulder as he walks by.

Speaker 1 I know, everyone's like,

Speaker 1 It's just

Speaker 1 a rule breaker. I know later on, like, hey, this guy, he got the king of Saudi Arabia and got him in a headlock.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 I love everything you're doing here. You got a lot of sand.
Look at it, it's a lot of sand.

Speaker 1 Um, but uh, anyway,

Speaker 1 who's gonna wait?

Speaker 2 Who's gonna? I just I don't want to predict. I just want to see a fake fight.

Speaker 1 It's two it's two minute rounds instead of three.

Speaker 1 It's it's eight rounds instead of 10 or 15. The gloves, I think, are 14 or 16 bigger than regular.

Speaker 2 Like this, big candle.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 So they're,

Speaker 1 you know what? Like, let's say you and I were going to fight for charity

Speaker 1 and they're going to pay us. How much would you pay to take punishment from carvey no it'd be too much i couldn't take those no you you would destroy me no you're scraping

Speaker 2 the thing is i'm angry that's the only thing i got going for me uh and quick i go i go my dad left me then it all comes out on you um instead of my dad there's only one there's only one thing worse in the world than the dad leaving the house and that's the dad staying oh yeah we both we'll coin toss this because we both didn't really love it uh but like i I think, yeah, okay.

Speaker 2 I think, here's another problem, Dana. You know boxing.
You're pretty, you're an official.

Speaker 2 I like it. So

Speaker 2 what I don't like about this, A, it's not a sanctioned fight, Heather. This isn't like a real fight.
This is

Speaker 2 an entertainment fight. Something called it a promotional exhibition.

Speaker 2 Exhibition fight.

Speaker 1 Shorter rounds.

Speaker 2 Shorter rounds. And you know what? Tyson gets paid per round.
This is my problem. This is why people go, he's better in the first round.
He's going to knock him out. No, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 He, Jake Paul made it staggered. This is what I've heard, allegedly.
So he gets more the longer the fight goes on. And what's happening, he's going to get tireder as long as Jake Paul's no puss.

Speaker 2 He's a huge dude. So

Speaker 2 he could knock, you know, so I don't know.

Speaker 1 No, I know. If Jake Paul survives it and 57 comes to bite

Speaker 1 sweet Mike Tyson, who I'm a huge fan of,

Speaker 1 in the ass, and that means once you get gassed, you know, that's the word is gassed. Like once, once you get gassed and you can't really get your arms up, then you're really vulnerable, you know?

Speaker 1 So, yeah.

Speaker 2 I could see Tyson getting knocked out. Yeah.
Because

Speaker 2 I just think if he's not going to give it all, he fought Roy Jones

Speaker 1 four years ago.

Speaker 2 And it was just, it was more than a push fight, but they were obviously discussing like, Let's give him a little fun, fun, fun. It was what Apollo Creed and Drago Drago was supposed to be:

Speaker 2 an exhibition. You know what I mean? Okay, goof around.

Speaker 1 You know, hey, okay, let me do Drago just for a second.

Speaker 1 I must

Speaker 1 break you. I must break you.
One of the great lines in, I love Stallone Boxing.

Speaker 2 Drago was a great idea.

Speaker 1 Oh, that was a great idea. Oh, yeah.
And he's chopping wood in the forest, and that guy's on a, he's all wired up on a treadmill sign.

Speaker 2 He's with Elon Musk coaching him, you know,

Speaker 2 cinching the SpaceX.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I would say split decision then in eight rounds, you know. Okay.

Speaker 2 And what if that is? We'll go next week. We'll say what happened.

Speaker 1 Tyson will be very, very magnanimous after the fight, you know.

Speaker 1 Listen.

Speaker 2 Listen. I don't have any hate to Jake Paul.
I don't hate him.

Speaker 1 You know, he came to fight. You know, I was there.
I was scared. I was scared.
I hadn't been fighting in a while, but I just, you know, I got my boxing gloves on. I just went full beast mode.

Speaker 1 But I think it was a good fight. In the end, nobody got hurt.
We got paid a lot of money.

Speaker 2 A lot of money.

Speaker 1 It's on Netflix. Good.

Speaker 1 I'm going to watch. Yeah, Netflix has got money.
I hope they got it. Netflix.

Speaker 2 Everything's just pay-per-view. So I think they're going to get paid

Speaker 2 by the stream. Let's talk to Ted.

Speaker 1 I would say they got upfront guarantees for Netflix. Upfront guarantees.
They're not going to take a percentage of the gate.

Speaker 2 We should have had Ted on to promote it today.

Speaker 1 Damn damn it dumb dumb i i'm um i'm ted sorrendos hello

Speaker 1 if you say the name of who you're doing you're halfway there hello hello i'm ted i'm ted sorrendos

Speaker 2 are you doing elon musk this week on the show or no you

Speaker 1 know i never know last week they said on thursday night like at midnight would you like to do elon you know and so i said i'll give it a shot so anyway right you're a hired hand that you work they tell you what to do and you do it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's just, you just try to do it.

Speaker 1 You take the source material and you try to extrapolate it into a character and make it kind of fun. What are you going to do? I don't know.

Speaker 2 Oh, before we get to the headlines, did you?

Speaker 2 I did my SNL photo shoot. We talked about last time.
I was going there. Did you do yours and how was it?

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 It was

Speaker 1 nostalgic. You know, I got

Speaker 1 Molly Shannon walked in and then the director, David LaChapelle, saw us together and goes, Okay, you guys have chemistry. I'm gonna put you two together.
So then

Speaker 1 Molly got a sequin red dress on, she looked great. And then there, he's up there and he goes, Put your arms around her waist and get your get close up with Molly.
And I'm like, Is this okay?

Speaker 1 And then he goes, Yeah, put your hand on her mids, and then put your hand up like I'm saying around her neck, Steve McQueen or something. But she was adorable.

Speaker 2 She doesn't care less. Yeah, she doesn't.

Speaker 1 Kate McGinnon was there.

Speaker 2 Was Kate there? McKinnon? Was she?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Oh, McKinnon, yes.
Kate, I just call it, I just call it Kate.

Speaker 1 She was all the people that were there. And what happened was Walkin was there, as in Christopher.
And he was.

Speaker 2 Why was Walking there? How great?

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 no one's paying attention to him. He's reading a book on a couch backward, big, big room.
So I just kind of sat next to him.

Speaker 1 Of course. Started talking to him.
Hello. He goes, he goes,

Speaker 1 after a while, he goes, I'm a huge fan of

Speaker 1 chopping broccoli.

Speaker 2 Did he say that?

Speaker 1 I said, really? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's a good one. How do you chop it broccoli? But anyway, he was so interesting and fun to talk to.
He was fascinated by my iPhone. He doesn't have one.

Speaker 1 He kept saying, I got to get me one of those, you know, because I was showing him pictures. First one.

Speaker 2 It lights up.

Speaker 1 So this is the fun part. Like, I had done this sketch with him when he was hosting.

Speaker 1 Jack Handy wrote it that we're like aliens on this spaceship and we come down to earth in peace, but our door that lets us get down the ladder always kills a farmer or something.

Speaker 1 So we come out and they're all mad at us, you know? Oh, right.

Speaker 2 I remember that.

Speaker 1 Remember that one? So we just accidentally kill someone. We come in peace, but they're all angry.
And then before we run back into the spaceship, his character always has to say, let's...

Speaker 1 Get out of here.

Speaker 1 And then we'd run up in the spaceship and his head was laughing laughing his ass off so after the whole photo shoot the whole thing he's leaving he's like 20 feet away he turns to me and says it with full walk and he goes no he doesn't let's get out of here and then he just oh my gosh

Speaker 1 i know how can we tell him how how big he is man to us he does he know that everyone just is like mesmerized by whatever he does He's just has no, no, he doesn't wear any ego.

Speaker 1 He's just fascinated by people and things, though.

Speaker 1 But he's, you know, you go back to Deer Hunter and just, and then you think about

Speaker 1 the

Speaker 1 Wayne's World 2. He was in that, you know.
Oh, shit, yeah. But I enjoyed talking to him and others.

Speaker 2 For our viewers at home,

Speaker 2 the photo shoot is a photo shoot for a magazine coming out for the, for the 50th, right? So they want the 50th anniversary, get some, it's not all cast.

Speaker 2 I thought mine would have 100 people because they say you're on the west coast. They're going to do New York also.

Speaker 2 But they might have done one or two days in each place.

Speaker 2 Ours was the same situation. It was a white box.
Is that what you and Molly got?

Speaker 1 Go into a white box, and then that's when you do your kind of single shots. But up in the big, then they build this massive set and they take these big, wide shots.
And by the way, and guess what?

Speaker 1 The magazine is a regular size magazine, New York magazine, but it's going to fold out to, I think, five or six panels. So to see all 60 people, you have to fold it all.
Oh, is it 60?

Speaker 1 That's what I was told. 60.
Oh, I don't know.

Speaker 2 Cause I kept going, what are we doing here? Because mine only had about 10 or 12 of us.

Speaker 1 Yeah, ours seemed the thing I was.

Speaker 2 Well, you had a host. You had walking in it.
We didn't have hosts. We had like 20.

Speaker 1 We're walking because, you know, he said I was in Singapore. You know, I ordered some food.
And the waiter comes back and says, it be so much better with more cowbell.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, he still loves it.

Speaker 1 He gets hammered with cow. Yeah,

Speaker 2 that's number one. One time he said,

Speaker 2 he said, I ran in him somewhere and he goes, the movie Joe Dirt, you know,

Speaker 2 a lot of people you wouldn't think saw it and come up to me and talk about it. Too many people.

Speaker 2 Too many.

Speaker 2 So he said, I said we might do another one. He goes, count me in.

Speaker 2 And then he actually did do it.

Speaker 2 The stud that he is.

Speaker 2 And I don't even know. I swear the first one, I can't even tell you he read it first because

Speaker 2 he just showed up and we sort of talked about it. But he's going to do whatever he's going to do anyway.

Speaker 2 But he sort of thought of it as a kind of a fun situation because it wasn't like a heavy movie, like probably like Waynesboro.

Speaker 1 like yeah anyway he's a perfect go-to guy if he will go to because he's very hard to even get a hold of kind of like that Bill Murray he doesn't have a telephone he doesn't have a TV he doesn't I go what do you do at night and he says magazines I read magazines.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. So Sky Mall, all the new ones.

Speaker 1 He's so eccentric, but he's a charming, funny person to hang out with. And it's fun seeing everybody there, there, you know, just lots of lots of people.

Speaker 2 We didn't have any hosts. We had a

Speaker 2 love seeing Mulaney,

Speaker 2 Mulaney, Bill Hayter, the guys that just like Martin Short, we just crack up no matter what, what's going on. That was fun.
You know, we got in that, we did our box photo.

Speaker 2 They had me go in there and do the thing where you do your own shots. We all laugh because you couldn't look stupider.
Like at a certain point, he's going, maybe one with your hands in the air.

Speaker 2 Grab your ear. Put your own dick in your mouth.
I'm like, okay, let's just get this done. Like you walk in there going, I just want one like this.
Cool. And by the end, you're like, yeah,

Speaker 2 I'm John Bonet running around with like a bowler hat. I know.
So then we go to the structured shot, like you had where they go,

Speaker 2 but it's all like thought out. Like they have a blueprint.
Okay, we're going to put Amy Poehler is up here.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 You're down there and there's 80. So we

Speaker 2 did that. And then, of course, that's the funny part because everyone's just yelling back because he's yelling.
They're all yelling for us. There's probably 20 people watching.

Speaker 2 and then we're all yelling to be funny. And then that was funny because, of course, everyone's saying something good.
And then it wasn't that bad. It was about two hours, three hours.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, I was in the box getting the picture.

Speaker 1 And so, when you get in the box, and he's there, and there's people all around him, and he's got the camera, and yeah, he's doing all the and yes, and up and down, and squeeze, and look, and left.

Speaker 1 And he's not looking at me, he's just looking off camera and just pressing the button

Speaker 2 at the monitor.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and I didn't realize it was the monitor, so then I go, Oh, oh, okay, yeah, I ruined that. So, yeah, that was, but he goes, like, he goes, Can you jump?

Speaker 2 Can you jump? That's what he told me.

Speaker 1 And I go, not really.

Speaker 2 He's like, okay, because I'm trying to save myself. And then while we're up there,

Speaker 2 I'm just laughing the whole time because everyone there is funny and everyone's yelling something funny. And you can't stop anybody.
And so it was just audience member laughing at everybody.

Speaker 2 Other than that, okay, now I guess we can get to some serious news. What's going on in the news?

Speaker 1 Give it up for Chicago.

Speaker 4 Sebastian Maniscalco's new stand-up special, It Ain't Right, is coming to Hulu on November 21st.

Speaker 1 30 years ago, Jeff Bezos, complete nerd.

Speaker 5 Bezos now ripped to shreds on his super yacht, and the boxes keep

Speaker 1 coming.

Speaker 4 Sebastian Manascalco, It Ain't Right. Premieres November 21st, streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers.
Terms apply.

Speaker 2 All right. Cold mornings, holiday plans, endless to-do lists.

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Speaker 1 Makes sense.

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Speaker 1 Man rushed to hospital after stuffing 15 hard-boiled eggs up his palm.

Speaker 1 It's a good one to start.

Speaker 2 I like you reading it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I know why we started. That was a cold read.

Speaker 2 This is the most important. I literally said, put them in order of importance of like what's sort of news this week, what's just stupid.
This is number one. This is it, I guess.

Speaker 2 That was a good cold read. Man rushed.
This is for people who only listen to this show. There's a guy holding his rectum area.
Can I say that?

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 a photo of a dozen eggs, and I guess they're up his behind. Dutchman,

Speaker 2 it says hospitalized, but I feel like it would be more rushed to the hospital after

Speaker 2 inserting 15 hard-boiled eggs in his beehind while under the influence of drugs.

Speaker 2 This caused abdominal pain, no shit, prompting emergency omelet.

Speaker 2 Shells or no shells.

Speaker 1 Shells or no shells, Heather wants to know.

Speaker 2 Can we get this guy on the phone?

Speaker 2 Despite the unusual nature of the situation, doctors weren't baffled.

Speaker 2 They were able to treat him successfully. Patient made a full recovery and even ate the omelet.

Speaker 1 Okay, this is an obscure impression. This is Bobby Kennedy to Jack Kennedy in 1962 when the Cuban missile crisis was going on and they were going to blow up the world.

Speaker 1 He says, what do we do when the world asks why?

Speaker 1 And so that's what I do. The world asks why.
I don't care what drugs are. Why so many eggs?

Speaker 1 There's no drug called. Oh, this is ass eggs.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, let me try ass eggs. And

Speaker 2 after about 12, I know in my own experience, I just, that's where I put a cap on it. I barely ever get to 12.
And then there's three extra ones.

Speaker 2 And someone's like, listen, while we're here, there's three more. Why don't we just go for the record?

Speaker 1 I don't know, man.

Speaker 1 Can I insert something here that there's that I needed to mention before we go to the next thing? So, on the show, there's people who kind of take care of you.

Speaker 1 So, you know, there's Jodi's designing all the wigs. This is

Speaker 1 a commercial. Oh, we're back to SNL.
Sorry. No.

Speaker 1 Go ahead. On SNL.
And I keep forgetting to mention her, but she has a very cool name. Her name is Inga Thrasher.

Speaker 1 That's a pretty cool name. And she

Speaker 1 gets my wig together and does all the stuff and the pinning and the glue and everything.

Speaker 1 And Morgan's my wardrobe person, and Jodi, and of course, Louie is the prosthetics guy who made me as we always say, best of the best over there. I just wanted to put that in.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they're all great under pressure because they're just used to it.

Speaker 2 That's all there is is pressure in the show.

Speaker 1 Welcome to Pressure Cooker. I'm your host.

Speaker 1 Welcome to okay.

Speaker 2 Next one, let's see.

Speaker 2 I would watch Pressure Cooker that show.

Speaker 2 Okay,

Speaker 2 I'll read this one. 84-year-old doctor.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 Another one? Ram's colonoscopy scope.

Speaker 1 Why are we starting with these

Speaker 2 scope up the rectum of unmedicated patient and couldn't hear ma'am screaming because he didn't have his hearing aid in? So the doctor didn't have his hearing aid?

Speaker 1 Routine procedure turned into a frightening ordeal for a patient.

Speaker 1 The patient woke up screaming during a colonoscopy, and the doctor didn't realize what was going on because the reports say that he didn't have his hearing aids in the screen.

Speaker 1 Your surgical team couldn't communicate with Prasad either.

Speaker 1 And finally, the doctor is accused of allowing an unlicensed surgical tech to perform all the procedures, including inserting the colonoscopy scope.

Speaker 1 There we go.

Speaker 1 Dana, this is the news.

Speaker 2 This is the only thing that happened this week. This is too long.

Speaker 1 What's going on?

Speaker 1 I want to follow up.

Speaker 1 I want to know what happens with this gentleman. I want to follow up on this in the ensuing week.

Speaker 2 So you're getting your colonoscopy.

Speaker 2 I guess, so now you're in pain. They can't watch you scream.
Like, you don't really even need to hear it. You're going, ah, and he's so involved and no one in the room.

Speaker 2 It must have been a real ragtag operation because no one else is there to tap him on the shoulder and say, this guy's screaming. I can hear.

Speaker 2 And he screamed, but then the other guy was unlicensed, so he doesn't give a shit. So it all sounds a bit sketch.

Speaker 1 What did he go to? A community hospital inside Disneyland? I mean, what's the thing?

Speaker 1 I mean, you know, they have anesthesia. They go count backwards,

Speaker 1 and then you wake up in the bed all cozy. So I don't know.

Speaker 2 You're in a real place. That's what a real place is.
I was at a Laker game once. We're going back to that.
And one of the guys fell on us.

Speaker 2 And the guy next to to me took the worst of it. And they took him to the Laker Game Hospital underneath.

Speaker 2 There's like a medical center. So maybe it was done there.

Speaker 1 And you could shoot hoops while you're in the bed, stuff.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you just go in there and then just sneak by the weight room and grab some Viking out of a bowl. Okay, next one.
Anything other than a colonoscopy, we will take. Anything.

Speaker 1 Anything without related to the music.

Speaker 1 Okay, this girl.

Speaker 2 I saw this happen the other day and I couldn't film it. This is not me filming it, but I had this exact same thing happen.
This is someone getting on the freeway, and there's a woman on a

Speaker 2 freeway. Bird scooter

Speaker 2 in heels.

Speaker 1 You see her little like cell phone.

Speaker 2 This is Heather on the way to work.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that looked

Speaker 1 like Heather, yeah.

Speaker 2 So she is riding, if you can't see it,

Speaker 2 no helmet,

Speaker 2 regular woman, just on her way to work, heels, dressed up,

Speaker 1 carrying a purse, I think, and going to

Speaker 1 taking the freeway.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, she had her phone dangling on her arm, another distraction. And

Speaker 2 I saw a guy on the freeway doing this.

Speaker 2 And I thought, what are you doing? Like, you can't even, just in a car, you're unsafe. And then all it takes is just brushing against this poor woman.

Speaker 1 No, I don't. In New York, they have these lanes now.
So you cross the street and you have people coming like 40 miles an hour. They're basically motorcycles.
They don't have helmets.

Speaker 1 They're like electric bicycles.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Citibank and other vehicles are just whishing by. And then in L.A., they don't have a helmet.
They're in traffic. So I don't understand how this became a thing, but

Speaker 1 I think you have to really.

Speaker 2 I'll tell you what I want.

Speaker 2 Here's what I want from a motorcycle type thing. I don't want too much noise, like in Malibu, where they're so loud, they scare the shit out of me and I almost crash.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 2 But I also don't want dead silence like electric because I need to know what's going on. You need to hear someone because when motorcycles come up between traffic,

Speaker 2 it scares a driver. And also, you're kind of drifting around, or you might change lanes.

Speaker 2 It's all scary, Dan. It's scary out there.
Go ahead, next one.

Speaker 1 They're called Oregon Donors.

Speaker 2 That's a good ending. That's true.
Okay, this is.

Speaker 2 Heather, pay attention. This is for tattoo.
Heather has a few tattoos, right?

Speaker 2 Okay, this is what some people are doing if they're more extreme in that world.

Speaker 1 Okay. I haven't heard of this.
Hole is then made in the skin using a dermal punch.

Speaker 2 Dermal punch

Speaker 1 space for the anchor to be inserted under the skin.

Speaker 2 This base has small holes that allow tissue sickening even in a cartoon.

Speaker 1 Once set and stabilized, the stud is attached on

Speaker 1 the other side. The skin heals around the implant,

Speaker 1 creating a decorative

Speaker 1 piece body art that's it a small hole oh that's okay

Speaker 2 you can get anything a part a star someone's initial yeah you can put anything like i put a d was that what it was a d i think it was a letter

Speaker 2 a letter that okay is raised like braille in your hand go ahead you have a question it was my hand and i it was you and i reveal it no

Speaker 2 what if it was it was a d for dana or davey your partner

Speaker 1 i don't know it could should have been d and d we should promote that But

Speaker 1 yeah, so it's all that tissue growing and stuff. And then you have a tattoo or, you know, you have a little

Speaker 1 Egyptian Sphinx on the top of your hand. Yeah.
I don't love it. That's not my intentional.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Heather, have you heard of this before?

Speaker 2 It's been around for quite a while. Oh, it's been around?

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 2 Look at how out of it I am. Do you have a tattoo? Well, I just saw that video and I'm like, I have two tattoos, but

Speaker 2 I'm not into

Speaker 2 that. You know, like people that do their eyes black, that's really might be the worst one that I've seen.
I'm considered more a piercing minute. It's a piercing minute.
Oh, piercing, yeah.

Speaker 2 Okay, you're right, you're right.

Speaker 1 You see people who go up and up and up, and then they kind of have a neck, just a neck tattoo all around. It looks like they have a permanent, a neck brace to me.

Speaker 1 It looks uncomfortable, even though it's

Speaker 1 and then they start to creep up on the face and under the eye and around the hairline.

Speaker 1 I'm like, okay, either you're going to be in the show business or you're going to be on the unemployment line with a face-to-face.

Speaker 2 The only job you can have is working at Arby's or something. Yeah.
It's really limiting because I saw on even, you know,

Speaker 2 sometimes you have a job where they say you have to cover your tattoos. So you have to wear long sleeves at work.

Speaker 2 I saw just even a sports show, I was shocked that the guy had the neck tattoos with a suit on because

Speaker 2 it made me realize, oh, I guess they're not hiring those guys or they're covering it because a lot of people have some stuff, but I rarely see those tattoos on those shows.

Speaker 2 There's still some sort of corporate edict where

Speaker 2 they don't really want tattoos.

Speaker 1 They don't really want them. When I was a kid, you'd see a World War II guy, probably in his 60s by that point, and he would just have an anchor.
on his shoulder. And that was an anchor.

Speaker 1 And that was it, you know, and it was like he was in the Navy and he had an anchor. So I think

Speaker 1 I would just have a microphone tattoo or something or a stand-up stage, you know, kind of like the improv stage.

Speaker 2 Stand-up stage.

Speaker 1 Because I'm obsessed with show business.

Speaker 2 Or the name of all your specials down your arm.

Speaker 2 Even the new one, Heather, said your new name. I told him already.

Speaker 1 You did it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Come and get some. Come and get some.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's a good name for a special.

Speaker 1 Now, was that expression around before I started doing it? Come and get some?

Speaker 2 As a figure of speech?

Speaker 2 I mean, maybe it's like a fight. Come and get some.

Speaker 1 Or it's like the mom-paw kettle ringing the bell at five o'clock. Come and get some.

Speaker 2 That's more complicated.

Speaker 2 But also, Rackham has been around, but I like Rackham.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 2 And then what's the next one? Let's see.

Speaker 2 Hang on. Let me see what this is.
Oh, I thought this is interesting. This is a 3D printed neighborhood.
This would affect construction. Let's play.

Speaker 1 This is a 3D

Speaker 1 But the craziest part, they're actually affordable. By using 3D automation, Icon can make these houses faster and cheaper than anyone else.
They can print the core structure of a home in 24 hours.

Speaker 1 And although 3D printing tech has

Speaker 1 slower than we thought, it's finally starting to happen because Icon also made the first 3D printed hotel. And another suburban community in Texas is on the way.

Speaker 1 There's so much more here, but by 3D printing homes, they could actually solve the housing crisis. Think about it.
Prices have skyrocketed because of a supply shortage.

Speaker 1 So by rapidly increasing home production for a fraction of the cost, young people may actually be able to afford a home. And these houses are beautiful.
It's a no-brainer.

Speaker 1 So fire up the 3D printers and

Speaker 1 you know, if they can, listen, all I got from that,

Speaker 2 if they can make it fast,

Speaker 2 make it cheaper, and people can buy houses, that would be great. That's that's the positive.
I mean, the negative is it takes away from someone who does those jobs. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 I just want a house in a redwood grove that has some history to it. That was the baby boomers, and now you're just

Speaker 2 give me a square cubic.

Speaker 1 It's like a dollhouse that's a little larger, basically.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you used to go, I like this because it's Spanish. I like this because it has history now, or in New York, it's built in 1912.
But now it's like, give me a uh shelter literally just because

Speaker 1 maybe they look cool i don't know and maybe they could be they looked good they looked like real houses i would probably

Speaker 1 30 grand or something i mean i don't really

Speaker 1 wherever you go there you are and i've always said to people you don't you you live here in your brain and your body you know you occupy a house it's not where you live good night Little wisdom.

Speaker 1 No, it's true.

Speaker 2 Sometimes when I used to get mad or sad, and then I go, I'm going to go to Hawaii. And I'm like, wait, I'm still going to be there.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 2 you're trying to, you're like getting away from your problems, but the truth is you're just thinking all the same stuff in a new location.

Speaker 1 Right. And everything you own owns you back in some way.
You have to maintain it, ensure it, use it. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 1 I got a lot more wisdom. I'll do it on this episode.

Speaker 2 You just, maybe just scribble it down and email it to me. I got it.

Speaker 1 Okay. Okay.

Speaker 2 Oh, this was a funny one. Because, you know, this is late, but a Halloween, people do different, you know, Wayne's World costumes or bench warmers.

Speaker 2 This one's a pretty good one for a scene in grown-ups. So, not only do they dress up like us, but they did a scene.

Speaker 1 They put work into it. That's interesting.

Speaker 2 This is a scene from the movie you've never seen, I'm sure, Dana. Shot by Shadow.
Hey, that's Spade when I had red shorts. That's me running away.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's Bush Shemmy with the

Speaker 2 cast on. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Kevin James pulls a hamstring. They don't have a lot to work with.

Speaker 2 It's a small backyard, but it's working.

Speaker 2 Spade face down in poop.

Speaker 2 Chris Rock

Speaker 2 runs like that in the movie. It's pretty accurate so far.
Sandler.

Speaker 2 Oh. Sandler picks up the dog.

Speaker 1 Yeah. That's heavy.
That's a heavy dog. It's a big dog.

Speaker 1 Frame by frame.

Speaker 2 Oh, still going. Oh, yeah.
The arrow is in the air, and there's Schneider.

Speaker 2 He's excited because he's going to win.

Speaker 2 That's pretty good. An arrow land in his foot.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 Isn't that good? That was amazing.

Speaker 1 Let's get him a deal with Happy Madison.

Speaker 1 To do a movie we've already done. No, do another movie.

Speaker 2 But that was good for using a small backyard, a lot of cuts, pretty accurate, low budge. But,

Speaker 2 you know, plus, the half of the scene,

Speaker 2 that was an ACDC song in the real movie. But Grown Ups has piña colada in that, in the movie, which is also could be the hookiest,

Speaker 2 greatest song. I love the songs.
It's got a great story that no one even listens to. I've told you this.

Speaker 1 I know. I totally understand.

Speaker 2 Oh, we're going to have to cut the music.

Speaker 1 Oh.

Speaker 2 We just got word because it's the piña colada song, but we can't afford jack shit on this show. Damn.
We'd have to pay.

Speaker 2 Oh, it's good. They did a good job.
So just picture. If you like

Speaker 2 coladas, you know what kind.

Speaker 1 I'm not going to say it. I don't want to get in trouble.
Don't pull us down.

Speaker 2 Can we just humble it? That song

Speaker 2 because it's a guy lives with a girl and he sees a personal ad about someone that likes all these things. They used to have personal ads instead of Tinder.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 2 And then he reads it next to his girlfriend. He goes, it sounds mean, but I was sort of bored in this situation.
And I said, oh, you like all these things? So do I. Let's go meet.

Speaker 2 So he sneaks out the next day to meet her and he walks in and it's his girlfriend.

Speaker 1 Two things I love about it. One is that it's just so silly and so ridiculous.
And two is it's just all these friends are doing it with you. Chris Rock comes in, Sean Greeno.
It's just funny.

Speaker 1 Nick Schwartz or whoever was in it. I don't know.

Speaker 1 Yeah. It's very charming.
It's a charming, funny movie.

Speaker 2 Movie's charming. Pina Colada's song is charming.
And let's keep going.

Speaker 1 Available on live streaming wherever you get your live streamings.

Speaker 2 Kim Kardashian visits Fashion Archive. Oh, this is where they're keeping, not her closet, but where she keeps more of her stuff.

Speaker 1 I just want to see kind of where I've been and where I want to go.

Speaker 2 This is everybody in their closet. 30,000 pieces of clothes.

Speaker 2 God dang.

Speaker 1 I've never seen photos organized. This is so fun to see your style evolution.

Speaker 2 Fun, I would throw up.

Speaker 1 It's terrifying. Sort of style-wise, go back to the stuff that you used to wear?

Speaker 1 I don't know. Oh, that's like my biggest insecurity is fun.

Speaker 2 I like that she's shopping at her own store of her own closet.

Speaker 1 It's so easy that I have my closet. And it's just, I have my Balenciaga room, and I'm like, okay.
Right. And you don't have to think about it.
Yeah. But I've been in Valenciaga room.

Speaker 1 I've been for a long time.

Speaker 2 I'm tired of thinking about it.

Speaker 1 I've been so dependent on Kanye and the team.

Speaker 1 When it comes to my style, I mean, I've always had Kanye there as like this crutch to teach me so much about fashion and having that not be there as my crutch to like guide me

Speaker 1 has really forced me to figure it out on my own. Do you remember when Kanye cleaned out your closet? I love how they're unabashed.

Speaker 1 Did you keep those guys?

Speaker 2 Unabashed.

Speaker 1 Unabashed in my relationship. They own it.

Speaker 2 Okay, that's enough.

Speaker 2 I mean,

Speaker 1 I'd say,

Speaker 1 well, do you need advice from Kanye? If you say to some kind of designer of clothes, can I have 30,000 clothes, pieces of clothing in here? You're going to have a few.

Speaker 2 And something's going to work.

Speaker 1 Something's going to work. And then once again, weight management.
You don't want to go too thin or too heavy. And then you have 30,000 things that you can't fit into.
So she has to be very careful.

Speaker 2 Or she probably fits into all of them. It just.

Speaker 2 Where do you start? I'd be so overwhelmed I couldn't even see straight because I have a storage unit, literally use nothing from it, cannot get rid of it. Warren Grant talks about this all the time.

Speaker 2 Everyone does this. And then one month they lapse and they sell everything, which happened to Kanye.
They happened to Paris Hilton.

Speaker 2 So you have to, it's more stress because you have to pay every month or they just pull it and then they can sell it. And I don't know what's in there, but I don't want to throw it away.

Speaker 2 But nobody wants it. And I don't want it, but I'm scared of it.
It's all sentimental.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I mean, I just can't stand buying clothes in a clothing store.
I just, I, so I'm terrible. I just have black t-shirts.
And then, you know, where I got this?

Speaker 2 New jeuja, this fucking photo shoot, don't you say it?

Speaker 1 Photo shoot.

Speaker 2 Shut up. And you walked with it?

Speaker 1 Well, a guy said, I'll see if you can take it. And I kept walking.
And

Speaker 1 it was 98. Let's get out of here.
Let's get out of here. And then Walken waited for me near his car.
We were all leaving. He goes, you're taking the the jacket without permission.
Badass.

Speaker 2 Shoplifter.

Speaker 1 But I don't know. I went into the gap and I walked around and I don't know.
And then you go in the dressing room. I just couldn't find anything.

Speaker 2 As long as they tell you, hey, you need anything?

Speaker 2 And what about now? You're in a different aisle. Now?

Speaker 1 Yeah, they knock. They knock.

Speaker 1 How's that?

Speaker 1 How's that pant?

Speaker 1 How's that pant

Speaker 1 going?

Speaker 2 How's your pant feeling? How's your wiener in there?

Speaker 1 you okay? How do you answer to that?

Speaker 1 How's that pant? It's always singular. It's a horror show, man.
I don't know if I'm supposed to put my leg in the hole or where.

Speaker 1 I need help.

Speaker 1 I don't like an overzealous salesperson. Yeah.

Speaker 2 How about when you're eating and they go, how those first couple bites going?

Speaker 1 Yeah. How's that taste? How that's tasting for you.

Speaker 2 Did you chew it and then how was the chewing?

Speaker 2 You like our forks? Forks good so far?

Speaker 2 Forks holding all the food on the fork?

Speaker 1 Well, wait a minute. Now, let me get this straight.
You're opening your mouth and using a metal device to shove it into your orifice. Yes.
Guilty is.

Speaker 2 And is that going good? So you like the restaurant. That's what you're saying.

Speaker 1 Uh-huh. And then sometimes you get that sort of almost sexual aggression.
You liking it? Huh? How you like that calamari, huh? You want to have more of it? Want some more?

Speaker 1 I'll get you some. What are you doing with it? I'll get you some more calamari.

Speaker 1 If that's your thing, get you some.

Speaker 2 You like jamming it in there?

Speaker 1 I don't.

Speaker 2 Can I have your leftovers?

Speaker 2 What does that mean?

Speaker 2 Taking it with you? By the way,

Speaker 2 I like when you act rich because you feel like an asshole. I don't eat everything.

Speaker 2 You want me to put that in a box, right? I go,

Speaker 2 I want to forget I was here.

Speaker 1 They're like.

Speaker 1 Where are you, by the way, in your fantasy story? What restaurants?

Speaker 2 I had a restaurant with a bunch of of food around me, like this?

Speaker 1 The Beverly Hills Hotel.

Speaker 2 All scalloped potatoes and everything. And I eat three bites and I go, that's good.
And they go, you want to take this to go? And then I feel guilty and I go, yes.

Speaker 2 And then I leave it on the hostess stand and I walk out.

Speaker 1 Well, when I go on one of those Asian fusion restaurants with you, I know I don't really have to order.

Speaker 1 I don't have to order because you're going to order like nine things. And I do order a lot.
A little bit. But that's great because I don't have to order because it's just like.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And then I go,

Speaker 2 you're saying everything but the word koi. I know know what you're doing.

Speaker 1 Because I hate ordering, and so it's just so cool. I just don't order.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Okay, so

Speaker 2 we'll do one more. We got time for one more.
Pick a really good one.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I don't know if this is good.

Speaker 1 What is this? Whatever the best one is. Okay, here it is.

Speaker 2 I don't know. I don't know what this is at all.
Let me see.

Speaker 1 Turn cussing out bosses into a viral business. And honestly, it's genius.

Speaker 1 If you've ever wanted to tell your boss or co-worker how you really feel, but you don't really want to lose your job, this guy does it for you.

Speaker 1 You submit an anonymous complaint, and he will show up to your work, he yells at them and rip them a new one while also seeing your complaints verbatim.

Speaker 1 He comes into work every day with the same gray plaid button up with gray undershirts.

Speaker 2 Heather's scribbling out what she's going to have this guy right now.

Speaker 1 He has some help, but if they're not in your area, they can also make phone calls to your boss and do the same thing. He has turned cussing out bosses.

Speaker 2 Interesting. So you hire him.

Speaker 1 You hire someone as a surrogate for you to go in and cuss out your boss.

Speaker 2 But first of all, this is so asking because

Speaker 2 I could see, obviously, you'll probably get fired. So I could see this service for breaking up with someone.

Speaker 2 You hire someone to go tell them, hey, it's not working out in a nice middleman way. Maybe.

Speaker 2 Is that possible? That's possible, right, Heather? What do you think?

Speaker 1 I'd be hiring Hitman.

Speaker 2 You'd be hiring him. That's absolutely horrible.
If the person cannot look at you in the eye, they can do other things with you in your body, but not look at you in the eye.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. Oh, the guy? Oh, it would be horrible.
No, I could say only women can hire him to break up with guys.

Speaker 2 That's better.

Speaker 2 I think it's not what they can do. No, of course it's horrible.
I'm saying,

Speaker 1 would people do it?

Speaker 2 It's the only thing worse than a text breakup.

Speaker 1 I would hire someone to go to the IRS and break the news that it's just not happening this year with Dana Garnet.

Speaker 1 Look, I can't make it. I'll get you in a couple of years.
I would hire a guy to do that.

Speaker 2 That's just not working with you paying?

Speaker 1 It's just, yeah, it's just not, it's not happening this year. Whatever you think you're getting from me, think again.
This is my surrogate. And the guy I'm thinking of is right there on the screen.

Speaker 1 I will say, I say David Spade.

Speaker 2 I work with David Spade. He's saying he's seen what you're doing with the money that he's putting in.
He doesn't like it. And now he's cutting you guys off.
He's tapping out.

Speaker 1 I'm here representing him.

Speaker 2 He's, yeah, he's stepped out. He doesn't like what's going on.
No hard feelings. He's just not paying anymore.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I had an accountant once that he had a little room in his office with no windows, and they would put the heat up to like 100 degrees. And they would have the IRS guys go in there.

Speaker 1 They'd be like, okay, sure, that's the deduction. What the fuck? Oh, just to get rid of them.
Oh, that's great. They're drenched in sweat.
They're cramping up. It's okay, man.
You know what?

Speaker 1 Cramping up. Write it all off.
Just send us 5%.

Speaker 2 Not a bad idea. Make it uncomfortable.
I heard when you go into Burger King,

Speaker 2 there's those little plastic seats in all these fast food restaurants because they don't want you to stay, it's uncomfortable.

Speaker 2 You just get through your lunch and you're like, I'm not relying on, let's get out of here.

Speaker 1 Okay, let's do some comedy writing. I'll do some comedy writing with you.
Okay, there's Burger King,

Speaker 1 there's Dairy Queen.

Speaker 1 What's next?

Speaker 2 Jack in the box, Jack.

Speaker 1 I guess that's could be

Speaker 1 King, queen, and Jack.

Speaker 1 all right well we wrote something yeah okay

Speaker 1 jesus can't figure out who to go to you know either the dairy queen the burger king or the jack off in the box that was the joke i did in high school for my friends and that that's a good one killed them when they were stones killed

Speaker 2 trying to meet girls i saw and i didn't want to tell heather this

Speaker 2 it looks like they're closing my favorite windy's on sunset i don't know if they're closing it but they put the green fence then you don't want a green fence around.

Speaker 2 That means reconstruction or teardown. And when I'm on my street and there's a green fence, I'm like, well, two years starting now

Speaker 2 of trucks, beep, beep, bulldozers, cement trucks, blocking, stop, alto, go around.

Speaker 2 They're making a skims. near me and uh which is cardasian's company

Speaker 1 hallelujah used to be called Spandex, right? Now it's, now she called it Skim.

Speaker 2 It used to be called uh granny panties, and then like we have the sexiest, highest-waisted beige underpants. I'm like,

Speaker 2 obviously selling to women, not men. Uh, so it's not, it is what it is, but anyway, they're building it, ripping it down.
There's a crane that was 300 feet tall the other day. I go,

Speaker 2 everyone's stopping me, go around, you can't drive.

Speaker 1 Damn, and you're, you're saying they're, they're throwing out your precious

Speaker 1 Wendy's and putting in Wendy's. Can I ask you a question? Because I haven't been to Wendy's in a long, long time.

Speaker 1 60s. What

Speaker 1 do you buy at Wendy's that's so good? I mean, what's their why,

Speaker 1 why Wendy's?

Speaker 1 Dana, speak to that.

Speaker 2 You're like, you have the floor.

Speaker 2 You know, it's tough. I love the problem is there's a Burger King across from it, which is really, you know, you're in a fatso area because

Speaker 2 like on the freeway, they have Wendy's, McDonald's, Burger King, like all in a row, Dairy Queen. So obviously people are like picking, choose your poison.

Speaker 2 So I think if I had to put them in order, I go to, I go to McDonald's the most, but at Wendy's, I would get a single cheese, mustard only. And

Speaker 2 the fries are not bad. They're not my favorite, but they're good.

Speaker 2 Diet Coke, that's it.

Speaker 1 Well, if Bobby Sandy has his way, I mean, it's going to, there's going to be a lot of stuff about fast food.

Speaker 2 He's going to.

Speaker 1 What if he's the guy there with a hard hat going, we're starting right here? Oh, yeah. I'll have a double, I'll have a double Wendy's with cheese and a milkshake.

Speaker 2 No, no, it's me now.

Speaker 1 You're not getting shit. What is Robot Bobby Kennedy Jr.?

Speaker 2 I like a single cheese and a and a booster shot.

Speaker 1 You're not getting any of that.

Speaker 1 But how big would his program be if he's individually in one Wendy's just trying to stop a few people? So it's probably not going to be that bad, you know, unless he creates robots with AI.

Speaker 1 I don't think you should be having this food. I think, quite frankly, it's poison and you shouldn't be eating it.
So I'm here by shutting down Wendy's and get the fuck out of here, David.

Speaker 2 Sunset and La Brea.

Speaker 1 I loved you and Joe Dirt, but the podcast just isn't working.

Speaker 1 It's not working.

Speaker 2 We should have him come on and teach us about nutrition because you need some nutritioning up, Dana. We all do.

Speaker 1 Absolutely. I think it's probably

Speaker 1 he'll do good, I assume.

Speaker 2 You know, I'm always in a home. I'm like, is it bad that I'm eating Captain Crunch still every morning?

Speaker 1 Oh my God, that's the worst shit

Speaker 1 available. Here is the Faustian deal because there are no solutions, only trade-offs and policy.

Speaker 1 So what's worse? People going to fast food places places and dying of diseases and being obese, or you go to a McDonald's and there's a government guy there with a hat on.

Speaker 1 I'd like you to step on this scale, sir, first. Okay.

Speaker 1 All right. And here's what you can order, a lettuce burger.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 You should be able to pick.

Speaker 1 I don't know. You can pick shitty stuff.

Speaker 1 Yeah. But, but

Speaker 1 I would think people, it should be a treat, not like your staple, ideally, because it's expensive.

Speaker 1 You can get a, this is educational alert, a sweet potato and some spinach and maybe a little can of albacore tuna for like a buck fifty at a, you know, at a kind of a Ralph's. 7-Eleven.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So you can eat, eat well is cheap. Eating and fast food like you do, you go out every day and you drop like 20 bucks on a burger.

Speaker 1 You get in that car and you go.

Speaker 2 I love everything like you do.

Speaker 1 Like you know, you know how you

Speaker 1 do and your people. You know how you are.

Speaker 2 Yeah. All right.
I think that's a good bang ending. I think that's good.
Also, I wanted to say, Sui Potatos.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Scarface.

Speaker 1 I know.

Speaker 1 What are you going to do, man? You like it? You like it? You like to live in Cuba, man? They tell you what to do. They tell you what to think, man.
They treat you like an animal. I'm here.

Speaker 1 I want my fucking human rights.

Speaker 1 I want some

Speaker 1 for the fans. Anyone who's listening to this late at night,

Speaker 1 there was

Speaker 1 when Scarface is getting interrogated, the chief interrogator, I could tell his voice is being overdubbed because I got an ear, you know. And I believe the voice that was used was Mr.

Speaker 1 Charles Derning, which was an actor from that era. Oh, I love it.

Speaker 2 So that's Derning. I was thinking of Bruce Dern, but Charles Derning?

Speaker 1 I believe that was his name, and he overdubbed that man's, that whatever his, he was in the beginning, the interrogation scene, the beginning of Scarface, when he first lands in America.

Speaker 2 Trivia.

Speaker 1 Trivia for the people in the comments.

Speaker 2 Okay, and I will have an announcement on the show next week.

Speaker 1 That's a cliffhanger.

Speaker 1 Tyson and five.

Speaker 2 Okay, I say

Speaker 2 decision,

Speaker 2 Tyson. I can't bet against Tyson.
I just can't. I can't do it.
So Tyson.

Speaker 2 Decision.

Speaker 2 Because they're going to make him go all the way, I think, for more money. I think, according to my fake calculations.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 All right, we'll see. See you next week.

Speaker 1 See you next week, everybody.

Speaker 2 This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly is executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss-Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro, and Greg Holtzman. Hope you liked it.