Dane Cook

This episode is brought to you by Ring Cameras and Doorbells.

A lot happens while you're away from home. That's why Ring makes it easy to check in from anywhere.
Whether you're saying hi to an unexpected guest, making sure those packages are safe, or keeping your pets company while you're out grabbing groceries, it's all a few taps away right from your phone. Be there with Ring.
Explore cameras, doorbells, alarm kits, and more right now at ring.com. Dana, it's awards season, which means we're due for some classic

red carpet combos like strapless dresses and statement necklaces or acclaimed directors and long acceptance speeches. But you know what look always pairs perfectly together? Discover and Cashback.
You see, Discover automatically matches all the cashback you've earned at the end of the first year.

Which is a look that will always serve.

It pays to slay.

It pays to Discover.

See terms at discover.com slash credit card.

We have on our show today, Dana, Dane Cook, a familiar name.

Different than my name, D-A-N-E. And I am D-A-N-A for all you fans out there.
You put the DNA in D-A-N-A. This one's interesting because his journey, he was the first person to really use social media to create a fan base with with a platform called myspace from the early not myspace i like and uh and then he he had so much to talk about because there's so many things going on he did a ton of movies he's still doing movies he's sort of gotten to the place now where he had ups and downs and he's like i'm good with everything and i just want to try to do the stuff i really really want to do and he puts his own money into stuff and he's doing he's really it was super uh interesting to talk to i didn't know a lot of what he was telling us yeah i mean he really made the leap pretty quickly to stadiums you know people are doing a lot now you know arena yeah he was giant he was the one of the first to go it was dice i remember it was big and then yeah dice earlier than him and then he he came out new and he was just like a huge and uh he goes he's a very open real person because he's had some and downs.
He had some legal issues that he'll address in terms of family members.

And it's very, very interesting interview.

He's very, he's a smart, clever person.

I'm just going to say.

It's kind of similar to the Matt Reif where good looking dude comes out, blows up in comedy and has a big career.

And so here, here, his story. Stick around, listen to this here he is dane cook hey wow the nutty professor is our guest today and he is you know dane is surrounded by incredibly he's got a storm trooper.
I'm just painting a picture, man. Mass, you are.
Are you a science fiction guy like me or fantasy? Marvel? What do you? When I see this, I look like an intern at Bad Robot. But at least they have a restaurant in Bad Robot, has a full-scale restaurant.
You've been there, right? You're just walking along. along yeah i've seen it and you know it wasn't until i looked at your benign background that i look like i'm mr magoriam's uh magical emporium over here so it's a little too busy yeah well look at dane and i is pretty blank but i'm in an undisclosed hotel i'm in a hotel out in new york city.
You guys look like you're in one of those off-the-grid doctor's office. Yeah, Dane is in an undisclosed holiday in a green ribbon.
I'm near a buffet. It's 10 feet away, but you're not going to see it.
But let's cook it up. Dane Cook is our guest.
I want to have a phrase. I just thought of it.
Let's cook it up. Let's get it cooking.
I'll ask you later, how do we blow up this podcast? I mean, we're doing really well, but I want to know, because you're the master of that, the original. We can start there if you want, or your childhood.
But the first comedian that I know of that identified social media before broadband, MySpace, and then decided instead of hanging out after the show, would go back and work social media. And then became the biggest comedian on planet Earth.
Right. You know, I i was a i was a dork basically i was a dork that loved comedy and i felt like on stage at night there was this great opportunity to kind of be whoever you wanted to be right you could create this persona you could you know have this kind of uh rambunctious facade and then i would go home and for 23 hours of the day through the entire terrible 90s of road work, I was just miserable.
I was really, really like languishing, miserable, and like, how can you make this other time of the day work? And how could my geekdom work for me somehow? I love computers. I saw the internet as kind of like, I don't know, like some kind of portal, you know, to college kids that were, you know, online late at night downloading porn or whatever they were looking for.
It's like Facebook or something. You start to go, I got to get to these guys.
But dial up, the energy of dial up in those days. Be on.
That's just my wife. Good night.
That's all I got. I don't have anything else that's it good night that's not bad that's her yelling at you no that's her just talking about dinner yes dear but anyway so that was uh you're a worker bee then you're a nerd and a and not willing you're willing to put the work in because that is which pre-broadband you got to really work it hey listen by 98 everybody made it pretty clear to me if you didn't have like a saturday night live or an hbo you know young comedian special if you didn't have one of those two things you you know you weren't gonna zeitgeist you you weren't invited to the party I, it's funny because I had an SNL moment where they wanted me to come in.
It was right after Adam had left the show. And I'm sure you guys, you know, remember right around that transition.
And they were, they were looking at me. They were coming down to see me in the village.
I was just doing gigs down there, going back and forth from Boston. And on my way to my audition at SNl i had a full on panic attack i sat on a bench outside of rockefeller plaza and i didn't go in i actually called my manager i said i'm i'm not i can't do it and he's like why they're all waiting for you they want to see you they're looking for something to fill that you know that void void yeah and i I blew it on the day because i was like too uh i also i also knew from a few friends that had been on the show that it was that it was more confrontational and i was very beta at that time and i was like i'm not going to be able to fight for skits i can barely you know get my food order out at a at a you know for a waiter at lunch i'm not going to be able to survive at snl so two men enter one man leave you see that's read through i just want for who's ever listening young men or whatever how do you go from a beta to at least your stage persona became alpha alpha you know yeah it was interesting because so my my dad was a bc graduate and an all-around athlete you know he played every sport he boxed he was just a stud and my mom was like uh you know there wasn't an alan on meeting that she didn't want to sit in you know she was just like real super sensitive very like introvert i got a lot of that I was I was kind of like an introvert but inside I was very competitive because my dad's side so it wasn't until I got on stage and started feeling like oh wait what if I what if I took this version of myself and just kind of brought that into the the the meek shell inherit the earth 23 hours of the day and see if I can in the middle.
So that's kind of where it all got built up from. Well, it wasn't getting you anywhere.
I mean, especially that SNL thing is such an interesting story that I was there. I mean, I was still, I stayed a year after Sandler.
So I would have been probably someone you would have seen there of my final year. But wow, and how, and don't your people turn their back on you a little after that your management agents or no yeah they were not they were not happy i definitely felt like i let myself down because you got to realize two years later i'm you know i'm somewhere in you know tampa at a d-level gig and i'm watching fallon who you know uh you know got this doing what you could have been you could have been doing.
And you were right there with him. You would have been maybe a castmate with him.
I don't know, man. Yeah, on in Okeechobee.
Right? I was just, I was out there going, oh, no. Oh, wow.
I think I missed that opportunity. And of course, at that point, there was nothing else.
There was just the next gig gig where at that point they didn't care that i was coming and they didn't care when i left it was those gigs just a flash in my head did you ever play the rib tickler in minneapolis that's a real club it was kind of a fun club but it's pretty grim out there when you're i mean but at that point at least in at least in your head, you're going to be a professional. We're making a living.
You're not leaving. You're just going to find a way, right? You're not one of those people who quit for a month or something.
I'm doing a lot of college gigs. Yeah.
At the time I'm out there, I'm doing a lot of gigs. I remember the kind of the gang that was out there at the time was like, do gigs with Chappelle, Tracy Morgan.
Who else was out there at that time? Just a flock of like, you know, great up and coming comedians that were killing it. But I felt like everybody else sort of had a trajectory.
And mine was already like, you know, every time I walked by that bench at Rockefeller Plaza, I was like was like ah i'm an asshole i can't believe i screwed it you're like i had mental problems before it was cool you were way ahead of the game there with add or anxiety if you were now you'd instagram that or you'd live stream it i'm right outside rockefeller center my dreams right there i can't open the door gang a full-blown panic attack that would have blown up globally that I need a personal day. I blame SNL and I'm going to come right there.
I can't open the door, gang. You're right.
A full-blown panic attack. That would have blown up globally.
That probably would have got a lot of tips. I need a personal day.
I blame SNL, and I'm going to come in there. They owe me.
You would get that day back somehow because it is tricky to do that. I mean, it's hard because I'm sorry.
I'm going to be answering all your questions for you. Please.
What it is is you do that, and now you're going to do rib ticklers and all these gigs, which've all done and you're going where am i what is my goal now because i just kind of missed one goal so it must be tough oh yeah it it definitely was i mean it was like there was i never wanted to stop you know i always was like okay i guess there's some avenue. But it wasn't till like the end of the 90s into, you know, MySpace and social media that quite literally, long story short, I was sitting in front of the computer one day.
I start posting stuff on MySpace and I just was putting up clips and talking to fans and really like just nerding out all day, like eating Fro and just responding to people full-time job that were uh you know in between classes and then finally i remember i saw it go from a few hundred people to like 2 000 followers in in like a matter of days and uh i was sitting in my office uh or i say my office but i was sitting on a futon which was also in my kitchen, which was also in a basement. We all had a futon at some point.
The dreaded futon day. Futon is your kitchen.
And then I finally looked and I was like, damn, dude, I just hit 2,000 followers. And I'm serious when I say, I'm like, I think this is it.
I was like, I think I could build a little army through this this and i just didn't let up for four years i answered everything that anybody sent me i would send them links and you name it i like i was friends with everybody for a while who wrote me and what was how big did that first wave get where did you get to in four years i mean this is early early social media a hundred 000 or it was seven it was seven million followers by the time you know myspace would say defunct but in that seven million like 2004 five yes yeah and so what was crazy that's a billion today it right it really it's almost like being like uh you know on the celtics in the 80s and realizing right those guys probably only made forty thousand dollars a year versus like yeah uh but i could click one button and sell out you know you name at that point like a a field house at a college or even a small arena back in oh three oh four i could click one click and the algorithm algorithm just did its job. You just say, tickets for sale, going on sale right now.
Done. No radio, no good morning Cincinnati, like nothing.
Just click. No zoo crew.
No zoo crew. You guys, I'm going to use the word oracle, pioneer.
I think young people listening understand the first,

maybe the first human being.

I don't know who your peers were,

but I know in the world of comedy, you started this.

So some of the toxicity of social media,

I kind of put on you.

Let's turn this around a little bit.

You're a problem.

That's extraordinary.

In the meanwhile, I'm just interested in the process of the lane of becoming great, not just good as a stand up. You know what I mean? Just that work ethic and all that.
Those reps. Yeah.
Well, if you start knowing I can click one button and get everybody's attention, I better be delivering something that's worthy. because if you have that many people walking away from your shitty thing, they're going to tell everybody.
So yeah. Sure, you have to be good.
There's no way you're doing those gigs and not having satisfied customers because it wouldn't last a minute. Of course, everything ebbs and flows, but we have a great run like that.
A great mindset is I have to kill. And so that means the weaker bits go overboard.
I have to kill. And they're all coming to see me, and they're my friends.
So I get this question. I would be in the village every night, and I would try to book six to upwards of 10 gigs in a night.
So I could work, work, work. I'd be going cellar, Boston Comedy Club, the Wah, come up to stand up in New York, come back down to Dangerfields, back over to the cellar for the midnight show.
Just do that circle, man, all night long to try to figure out what works, what's funny. Okay.
That's lesson number two for young people listening. That's just work.
What's your demographic here, Dana? When we say young people listening, we're talking 40 to- Anything, no, anything under 60. 60 to 90, yeah.
Most of the demographic is 83. I don't know why I come from the 80s.
We have a few- All you elderly residents at Mediplex Nursing Home in Lexington, listen up. Any aspiring standups who've been in it 35 years or having trouble in their mid-50s landing a pain gig you're you're getting truth to power here right now we are cooking it i like when we have paul mccartney on and be like get somebody famous i'm like he is famous i know get some get somebody from tiktok that's like we try to do both but you know what i mean we're like old school the people that actually did something you know and i think tiktok is something and all that stuff do both, but you know what I mean.
We're like old school, the people that actually did something.

And I think TikTok is something and all that stuff is something,

but we sort of are more old school about it.

But listen, we'll take whatever.

We're trying to bend a little bit on this.

So you do that.

So you're far from Burger King where you worked once,

and I fucking still miss Burger King.

I love it so much.

Did you grow up really just middle class basically?

Or were you?

Yeah, we grew up, I say in my act

because I thought we were lower middle class

and I learned in my teens, we were upper poor.

My mom was just cleaning toilets

and doing housekeeping

and just doing anything she could

to keep us in a pretty good spot. But yeah.
Were you in Southie. You're Southie.
We were in Allington, which I don't even know how we, we, uh, managed that, but you know, we were in the system, we were food stamps and Salvation Army used to come over and have to, you know, fill our furnace up with, you know, with oil. Yeah, man, it was, you were lower middle class.
I'm just saying it's where you came from where you went is always startling you know yeah we we were like a week-to-week family but it was kind of also kind of really it was really bonkers because you know we would my mom it took me a lot of years to realize like my mom just was you know full tilt committed to like even if you're desperate and you your ass out you gotta like still go for your dreams so my mom even though here we are we're in the system and we're like trying to figure out week to week she'd come home with like a used corvette and be like look what i bought and i was like how how how can we even do that mom you yeah we can't she's she's like, I know we're going to have to work harder.

She was just like,

we got to all work another job

so I can have this,

this fun car.

And it was just like,

she set a precedent,

which obviously I took into my standup,

which is like,

you just got to,

you can have what you want,

even in the lean years,

the tough years,

but you got to work triple overtime.

You got to,

you got to,

right.

Give it everything you got.

You got to pay for it.

Yeah.

We also found out,

I just looked up, she did have an Only fans she did first person in history she would have been doing like a jane fonda workout but like in a slinky outfit back i'm in my barbarella outfit tonight i don't want to go on a tangent that's funny i can't get a handle on the money and only fans this olympic athlete i think it's

a gymnast from some country and so she's got 320 000 followers you had 7 million but she's

monetizing 20 a month and she's it's not pornographic just cute stuff so it's 6.3

million a year loves her new job so anyway that's kind of fascinating but uh let's go back to you. Let's go back to our grind of comedy.
David, I don't know if you know this about me, but I've always been a fan of exploring new places, not like you kind of, you know, no, no offense. And one of my best trips, listen up, is when I stayed at an Airbnb, felt like I was living like a local with all the space comfort of home you know hotels can be a hassle room service and then the housekeeper housekeeping it's a hassle so then you go to airbnb and you can get whatever you want a little cottage this and that it's fantastic you have your own separate space So it's a great product for people who travel.
David? Yes. I have friends doing one of these right now.
If you have a home, you can Airbnb it. It's fantastic.
I mean, to monetize your home when you're not there seems like a good idea. I mean, look, I'm on the road a lot.
I could probably do it. It's something that people can do when they travel.
They have extra space. Or you're at a place not full-time.
You come in the winter. You leave in the summer.
That's something you should think about. It's a way to get some extra money.
It's a cool experience. Your home might be worth more than you'd think.
Find out how much at airbnb.com slash host. Some people follow the rules, but where's the fun in that? I'm Soraya and this is Rule Breakers.
The podcast where we celebrate the rebels, the misfits, and the ones who make their own way. Every week I sit down with the biggest rule breakers in sports, entertainment, and beyond to talk about the wildest moments, toughest lessons, and why breaking the rules might just be the key to success.
Follow and listen to Rule Breakers with Soraya, an Odyssey podcast available now for free on the Odyssey app and wherever you get your podcasts. What was the biggest, I mean, retaliation, which seemed in in 2005 was sort of a rocket a super rocket yeah yeah yeah that was my that was my second album and it was kind of funny because when i put the first album out comedy central who did my record deal they were like the comedy album is dead so they gave me this great bad deal where they were because they were like it's just a calling card and no one's even they i remember they told me in the meeting if if eight if you move 8 000 units you know pre-digital you know we'll be we'll be shocked and i was telling them you i got a lot of fans man i got colleges all over the country so i made a great deal with Comedy Central where I was like, okay, if I sell over $100,000, you'll give me like $2.50 per album.
And they were like, okay, but if you don't, we keep everything. And I was like, deal.
And then Retaliation, I think, sold like, I don't know, 102,000 copies in that first week. And that was like a big win for me and my fan because I was like, okay, now I'm putting a little bit of cashola away so i can really live this dream and they gotta listen that's crazy because that when you can play the play that like that where they don't believe in it you're like have almost a secret weapon going wait do you guys not i'm trying to let you that's a shrewd business move and that went platinum right yeah right? Yeah, yeah.
Double plat, man. Double plat.
But I did it as a double album because I knew I would go gold or maybe, you know, possibly please platinum. If you have two discs in a unit back then, that counted as two sales.
So I hit that 500,000. It was like my little cheat way in by doing a double comedy album.
I could hit that precedent, uh, you know, sooner if I was going to hit it at all. And was that, I'm sorry to interrupt.
Was that because you did premium blend, which is something I hear in a lot of intros to comics. And, uh, I don't do, I did half hour comedy hour.
And then there's, we've all done standup spotlight,

you know, evening at the improv.

So it's all that kind of stuff.

But those can help you blow up a little bit.

So did premium blend move the needle or what was really the needle mover

other than you're just doing it on the road?

Yeah, it was premium blends.

It was, you know, they had like three or four

of those kind of like, not standup, standup.

That was like early nineties, but you know, those things where they wouldify you yeah and then you would end up interstitials or whatever on on their network or shorties watching shorties and all these kinds of things but more than anything i want that i want to be on that more than anything it was it was like it didn't occur to me until you know i was maybe 26 27 i like, oh, shit, I'm growing up with a new generation of comedy fans. If I just stay here and expand with these premium blends and stuff, I'm just going to build up that, you know, initial squad of familiarity.
And I didn't know. I mean, did I know it was going to go to, you know, Madison Square Gardens and square gardens and all that no i hoped it was a dream but it was definitely like when it started happening i was like oh shit this is gonna this is gonna be uh and then never been done before business madison square garden garden is such a benchmark for comedians because it's very rare i think they said dice did it before you well it was incredibly rare when dane did Dane did it because just Dice and then you, right? And that was it.
You were the second? And you did two shows in one night or two shows back to back? Yeah, I think it was two shows. Yeah, an eight and a 10 somehow we managed.
Eight and a 10? It's 20,000? Takes five hours to load them out and in. Oh, y'all, did you do gardens i'm sure boston you would have oh yeah that was it to do dude that was vicious so like spade it was crazy because vicious circle that was the first arena anything in uh hbo when they were like all right we want to give you your moment what do you want to do and i was like i i want to see if martyner who i was a fan of and i knew had directed carlin's first special 1978 on location carlin in the round and so i went and pitched hbo could i meet with marty and could we do it in the round and we could we could do it at boston garden because that's my new england affiliate all my fans from now years, they somehow agreed to pay for that and do it.

And that was the first arena that I ever played was that vicious circle

show.

That was the first night I ever played an arena in the round like that.

Wow.

And I watched that.

I watched that when it first came out and I was like,

damn,

yeah,

this guy,

who is this guy?

I mean,

the commitment,

there's the bit, is it the one where you do breaking and entering? Yeah. Someone asked me to ask you this question.
Okay. Is that a true story where you just say to your friends, let's break and enter somewhere tonight? Or was it an embellishment of a true story? Yeah, no, no.
It was cobbled together from two or three different times where what we would do is there was always like construction sites and new homes being built around where we were. So we'd sneak through the woods and then we would be any, we'd get into these places and you know, whatever, you know, just like, you know, literally just like hang out in these abandoned or being built homes.
And years later, I remember in like junior high school in my first, you know, notebook of like possible ideas for, for, for sketches, I was like, uh, I gotta do something to do something with the B and E. And so that ended up in there.
You have something in common with David in that you don't lean on it, neither does David, but you both will use sound effects. And you did a lot in that particular bit, sneaking in, opening the door, all that stuff, which is a very effective thing to paint a picture.
Just texture. No, great i do it everyone does it's great yeah you're painting painting these verbal pictures and you're trying to use as many you know anything johnny carson once said you know you use everything as a comedian you use everything something you did when you were eight you know you use every element in stand-up and i guess you know that's what we try to do if you don't have sing i mean there's when you go on snl or stand-up there's singing there's playing instruments all help in stand-up you know what i mean if you can put that into a bit it helps some noise helps some anything also jokes also the verbal it's all combined you're like fuck this is a highly competitive business.
If I have one thing I can do to help a bit, yeah. Use it, man.
Is that right when you did SNL? Because you hosted twice. Is that in two years? I forget what someone told me.
It was like the end of one season. And I think I'm either back-to-back host because I opened the next season.
It was like I ended the season, then maybe it was one. And then it was almost like within three episodes, I hosted twice.
Shit, get more famous. My God.
I knew it. Damn.
I mean, that's rare. This year, I mean, Nate did it last year as a comedian, Nate Bregazzi.
Like, I don't know, maybe Marge. I don't know when.
But then he came back this year. So even under a year is pretty remarkable, I think this when I was there, you know, it's because you could pick anybody.
So it's very hard to get a double invite like that. Just to be able to finally do it though, after the bench incident years earlier and to finally be asked to, you know, come on there and host, man, it was like, and then to be able to even just share it with you guys, like, I don't want want to geek out too much but it's very cool because growing up watching you guys and continue to and then there i was i missed my moment but i got a second chance at like being a part of your world in in a way yeah you know that was the show in seventh grade that really for me it was a martin short moment i remember watching martin short do ed grimly and i think that night that, you know, all of you guys and all the shenanigans, I was like, I think I kind of belong around these people.
I think that's where I got to go. How'd you get past the bench? When you came and hosted, did you hit the bench? Did you tell Lorne about the bench incident? Freeze.
Did you tell anyone about it? I told him because at the time when they first were looking at me you know from what i understood they he you know he was familiar i was on the radar and so you know i reminded him and said i don't know i i probably uh kept a slot available for you guys that day because i didn't come in when you guys wanted me to but he didn't he didn't care too much about that and who was who were your uh playmates then uh was uh tina faye still there was fallon there was sort of a when you were hosting when you're hosting yeah and andy was there and bill bill hater was on the come up and kristin wigg i got to do some uh a target sketch you know with her yeah man it was it was it was fun i you know don pardo was still there for the first time i came through so i got pictures with him in the hall and got to hear him say yeah man it was it was i got to feel like i i was horrible in a couple of things i remember just coming off a couple of sketches being like whoa that was bad okay i hope the next one's better because that one i you're talking about the air show that not the practice show the air show yeah yeah the air shows i remember something oof something missed the mark and i how can we describe that that feeling in your body when you know you're missing and you just got to keep going yeah i know with stand-up you can call an audible mayday mayday and go to do crowd work or switch up your best bit well you're locked into a sketch and and everybody's been in sketches that die there everybody how about when you're how about when you're in a sketch and you know you're dying and then you lose the fake voice that you're trying to do you can't stay in character what's happened to this guy hey what am i doing here where do we go oh funny yeah terrifying it's like you know you're closing i was on the road you got like a six minute closer and you needed to get to your time you start it they're not buying it you're like i think i have to do this whole fucking bit because i have nothing left and i've got to do this. And now I'm locked in and you're scrambling for a way out.
It's just, that's a sketch. And you know, everyone else is relying on you.
Eyes are darting. You're like, oh, this is.
Oh, when you have your ender, what you think is your ender to a five minute bit and it gets nothing. So that, that, that, that, that, and just like crickets.
Dana, Dana, I remember remember times i'd be on the road the opening bit would miss so bad i'd go to my ender second oh you close your second and if that shit the bed i was like what do i do for the next 35 minutes holy fucking shit i was thinking the other day have you ever done this we always talk about that's when you're a stand-up and you're you're bombing and there's something really rewarding about you slowly get them back it happens sometimes on corporate gigs you're not really paying attention but then you slowly by the end you're getting them and it's really fun the all the thing that's worse is you're killing and you're losing them somehow and you're like what's going on i was killing and that's the sickest feeling is you're like you miss three bits in a row and you're like how i cannot lose these people yeah there's no way so weird and it happens in big room you know richard what i do famously said and be like? Where did you guys lose base? Yeah, exactly. I thought we were a bit wrong.
I sometimes go, guys, you were the ones that laughed at the dog joke. Where are you? And they're like, ah, that was funny.
This stuff sucks. But Richard Pryor said, don't reflect the energy of the audience.
If they're going down, then you just get louder. You never sort of start to get into their rhythm and you know and i don't see dane doing that but i did a gig with uh it was me bill burr patrice o'neill a few guys it was like dinner theater gig 95 and a guy you hear the utensils rattling people are eating all you hear is like you know the sea bass being chewed right glass is being filled with way too much ice you're like do you need that much ice in your water really you need arctic level ice right now and everything noisy and bill burr's on stage and you know bill whatever he's like trying to he's trying to wrangle him and a guy in the very back who wasn't having it threw a threw a buttered biscuit through the air and the buttered biscuit hit butter side up and just stuck to burr's head right here like a buttered biscuit through the air and the buttered biscuit hit butter side up

and just stuck to Burr's head

right here.

Like a buttered biscuit unicorn,

Bill Burr.

And it's stuck?

It's stuck right here.

I'm getting in with a fucking biscuit over here.

What did I got to do?

I got a biscuit, dude.

Stuck in my head, dude.

He's listening right now going, fuck you guys. Hi, Bill.
Bill never misses an episode. It is fun now to talk about the...
I've been thinking I'd like to do some kind of... Well, I guess it is podcasting, but it'd be fun to do a documentary with just like worst hell gig moment, worst...
What's the worst thing that ever happened on stage where you left and you were like why why am i doing this okay that's that was my next question for you was that it for you was there worse the most humiliating worst gig i had i had a stage collapse i used to be like i was really like huge high energy you know the first 10 years so i was like a whirling dervish i'm like i'm the tasmanian devil of comedy and i'm sweating within four minutes and it's just and i'm on a stage at the university of rhode island and it and it it was one of those makeshift ones that they kind of made for the show that you feel like it's always moving a little underneath you the legs collapsed and the whole stage went and i slid into the people in the front row like under the chairs i ended up under them and that was pretty humiliating because then i'm like how do i where do i go from there 10 minutes in after i've start dervish whirling again. You might find this funny.
Trying to fix the stage legs. Anybody have a crescent ring? I said this before, but there was a comedian, Rick Reynolds, who was, he's great.
I remember Rick Reynolds. Anyway, and Rick would, he went up one night, and sometimes the audience would razz him, so he went up, he wanted to kill, he was all fluffed and folded.
It was at the improv in San Diego or something. Yeah, for sure.

And then within two minutes, I looked out and he was wading into the audience, fighting them.

Left, right.

He wanted them to love them.

He's a big guy.

He wanted them to love him.

But within 90 seconds, he was doing roundhouses to the front row.

I thought that was one of the greatest turns in life.

He wore pants with flames on him. If you won't love me, I'll beat the shit out of you.
You didn't like that joke? How about now? There was a gig in downtown Boston where somebody projectile vomited during the show. Okay.
Into the back of the head of the person in front of them. I wasn't on stage, but I was watching the comic.
And then the person person who had thrown up it was the best because they throw up and everybody's like you just hear oh and then that drunk person who threw up just went keep going keep going like like impossible so still really nice about it never let's get the attention off me it's all It's okay. I'm sorry.
you dane i did almost pass out live on air at saturday night live though during my first appearance i i um they did a sketch where i was wearing an oversized sweater holiday sweater and it had all these i don't know how they made it but it had had all these real pieces of like you know lint the huge and uh yeah during rehearsal they were they were like floating around like you could see them in the air and what happened during rehearsal was i breathed in and one of these big lint balls went into my throat and suddenly if you ever got like a thing of cotton in your throat i couldn't fucking read i was terrified because i was like and i'm i'm trying to you know get it out then during the live see them all floating around me. And I'm so scared that I'm going to breathe one of these things in that if you watch the sketch, I'm just doing this randomly to keep.
I'm just like, let me tell you, just to keep lint balls from flying back to my gullet. Trying to do your German accent for the sketch.
That is one thing about comedy and Saturday Night Live in particular.

I was doing a club once and I just bit my tongue and I'm just bleeding.

And now Dan of Larfo, stuff like that, or you're a Charlie horse,

or you slam your shin.

Eyelash and eye.

There's so many things you feel.

And then you got to go up there in pain.

You have to take a dump right when they're introducing you.

They're like.

Giant boner. Yeah, I always have a boner.
This is a message from a sponsor, Intuit TurboTax. Taxes was dealing with piles of paperwork and frustrating forms and then waiting and wondering and worrying if you were going to get any money back.
Now Taxes has easily uploaded your forms to a TurboTax expert who's matched to your unique tax situation. An expert who's backed by the latest technology with cross-checks millions of data points for 100% accuracy.
While they work in your taxes, you get real-time updates on their progress, and you get the most back, guaranteed. All while you go about your day, no stressing, no worrying, no waiting.
Now this is taxes. Intuit TurboTax.
Get an expert now on TurboTax.com. Only available with TurboTax live full service.
Real-time updates only in iOS mobile app. See guarantee details at TurboTax.com slash guarantees.
As a small biz owner, you don't have the luxury of clocking out early. This is very true.
Your business is on your mind 24-7. So when you're hiring, you need a partner that grinds it out just as hard as you do.
That hiring partner is LinkedIn Jobs. When you clock out, LinkedIn clocks in.
LinkedIn makes it easy to post your job for free, share it with your network, and get qualified candidates that you can manage all in one place. Yeah, I think when you're trying to hire someone, there's a lot of different things you're looking for, but you want them to kind of have your aesthetic, your sensibility, if you were.
You could look up those words, David. Sure.
And that's hard to have a chemistry and match. So LinkedIn is going to try to shorten that process for you and make sure you find someone who works.
Everyone's heard of LinkedIn. I mean, that's why, because it's been around forever.
People really like it. New feature can help you write job descriptions and then quickly get your job right in front of the right people with deep candidate insights.
Either post your job for free, you can pay to bump it up and promote it. Promoted jobs get three times more qualified applicants.
At the end of the day, the most important thing to your small business is the quality, quality of candidates. With LinkedIn, you can feel confident that you're getting the best, David.
Based on LinkedIn data, 72% of SMBs using LinkedIn say that LinkedIn helps them find the high quality candidates. Share it with your network.
Let your network know you're hiring. You can even add a hashtag hiring frame to your profile.
Get two times more qualified candidates. You didn't know that trick.
Post your job for free at linkedin.com slash candidates. That's linkedin.com slash candidates to post your job for free.
Terms and conditions do apply. What about these movies? I'm going to tell me if these movies sound familiar.
Do you recognize any of these names? Employee of the Month. Good luck, Chuck.
My best friend. So you're starting starting to get a ton of movies i remember you were getting one almost probably every year they were coming out any favorites or any ones it was kind of cool because that was just it was like i came up with these directors producers that you know were just fans had probably seen me years ago and like whatever gigs but now they're you know fans and they're like on the come up so they you know how it is they kind of like go like all right i'm on the come up i want to i want to you know do something with you you're a comic that i entertain me coming up so it was really fun definitely felt like i had a great era through it was really lion's gate like eight lion's gate films i think i did in a row yeah wow yeah it was a blast man it i will tell you like when you hit that you know when you're hitting hitting your stride and you're the bell of the ball in that moment before you know haterade and the spanking machine you know has to knock at your door when you're at that that moment and you're getting the adulation and you're not in jeers in TV Guide.'re in cheers in tv guide oh right i've been in both it's it's awesome man it was a good run i had a good cheers and jeers is so fucking funny who was your favorite director or favorite co-star you had favorite jessica kate hudson oh man who's hotter kate hudson or jessica alba i got to work with all the jessicas i think that i think uh working with kevin costner on a drama i did called mr yes i saw that movie loved it in that the time of my life i got to work with stud i got to work with diane weiss john mahoney and a great gang of people on dan in real life uh steve carell led.
Saw that too. I got to do like comedy stuff that was just like my version of vacation or my version of the comedies or stripes.
And then I got to do some stuff that was ancillary, but to me just as rewarding because it was so like different. It was just stuff that was different from comedy.
So it was cool. Yeah, of course.
course who has that i mean so so just pause for a second in your existence so you're doing these films

you've got all these specials and albums and millions and you're you're you're getting really

wealthy and and really famous um did did it go to i mean how did you respond to that just

work harder were you kind of numb to it or were you sort of what are you yeah it was like all

I'm going to do is take what I earned and put it back into creativity. So I didn't have like, I was just a jeans and t-shirt guy.
I wasn't living, you know, I leased my car. I wasn't doing anything that was, you know, okay.
You know what I mean? I wasn't trying to like, uh, live this, you know, lavish lifestyle. I just really wanted to go, okay, if I can take this money and make the stuff that I want to make with my, with, with my, you know, gang coming up.
Um, but you know, unfortunately things sometimes get in the way. I'm, I've just finished a two year documentary where I can't talk too much about it, but basically I had to put my own brother in prison in 09 because pretty much the life savings that I had up until then, he had stolen him and his wife were basically like behind the scenes, taking everything that I'd earned, all those movies, all those arena shows.
And they were, they were investing it for me, um, uh, in, in terrible investments. But, and that threw off my plan a little bit because that went from me being able to self-finance and kind of sustain outside of Hollywood.
Oh, you're right. And I'm back on the road.
So you literally went back to essentially zero. I'm not saying you didn't have 10 bucks in your pocket, but basically millions and millions of dollars goes missing and you can't get it back i know you have a documentary but i mean that millions of dollars gone the doc will come out next year and basically what i'm sharing in the doc is not only like what that year of court cases was like going up against you know my brother but it was really like how can i i'm coming off of the i'm i'm i'm, I'm no longer on that trajectory.
In fact, I, for that era, it was a pretty, it was a pretty good run. So now I'm coming down the other side, things are cooling and we're just hitting Oh nine.
We're going to hit this terrible economy, housing crisis. And, and I now have a decision to make.
I could take the little bit of money that I have remaining and I can invest it in renting arenas myself because no promoter in that era wanted a front because of the economy. So I spent a year taking anything I had in renting or like I was renting arenas like they were Elks lodges.
I was calling arenas. Can I rent it on a Tuesday? How much? 60 grand.
All right. And I would set the ticket price.
and then my goal was at the end of that year I want to be able to recoup what he took so when I see him in court I'm not looking at him like feeling like I'm under his thumb still so that was a wild couple of years man because I went from rags riches rags and then I had to figure out a way to kind of have my own little Rocky 2 moment. I'm sorry.
Don't answer these questions. I know the documentary is coming up.
I'm just curious. Were they incompetent by investing it and losing it? Or were they actually embezzling it and enhancing their life? Or you're just not aware they're doing anything.
Yeah, it's like both, Dana. They were doing some things that enhanced.
They were doing some things willy-nilly that were when you see it you're gonna it let me tell you this is what i'm proudest about i will watch it the doc if we did our job right it's like it's it's gonna be slaughtered in true crime and comedy because there's a lot of funny shit but also it's it's pretty harrowing the level of you know um sociopath and megalomaniac and the guy that i grew up with that i love my best friend my older brother like when you see who this guy was in this doc you're gonna you you won't believe where this goes you it gets dark man yeah i didn't even tell you the dark part that's just the that's just what happened to me everything that kind of was it's happening already a lot well also you know when people get a little more money they get a little more fame and it's you get a tighter circle because it's very hard because everyone's grabbing at you and so you really only have a handful of people that you trust and when that happens that's mentally that's such a kick in the ass because you're like wait i can't even turn to my family yeah yeah and resentment uh it from jealousy to actual resentment david had his own issues with that but it's kind of hit hiding in plain sight and that would besides greed but resentment because now his little brother this is just biblical is a superstar and so he i don't know is well is he uh how's your relationship now is he in the documentary or um okay you'll have to wait and see on that okay that's good i mean i want you to but i'm gonna watch this it's a good teaser into it i've stayed close with my nephew his son i was always close with him he was 15 when it happened i'm still really close with my brother's son today um the the doc gets into kind of where things are at now but realistically yes like in that moment of like whole crush depth level of despair, this is the weird thing.

The gigs are still the fans show up. The gigs are outstanding, even though the economy is like people are trusting me with a couple of their last dollars right now in this time.
but like i remember even though i was i was so busted up i still just loved comedy so it, I it's, this is going to sound like so kind of hokey, but it just saved my life because I loved laughter in that time. And I knew even in that moment, I knew I was like, someday, I don't know if it's going to be in 10 or 20 years.
This story is awesome. This story, because it's, it's what happened.
It's like a downfall moment. Everybody loves downfall.
It's a comeback moment. Everybody loves to come back.
Showbiz moment. It's a how, how did I do it on my own? I'm self-made, but then this thing happens.
My brother's the devil. I like, and I remember sitting in it being like, I don't know when I'm going to talk about it, but someday this will be the best story I ever tell.

So I can't wait to talk about this next year.

We've heard stories around this idea, like Doris Day's husband died.

She was doing sitcoms.

There is no money.

It's all gone.

But nothing quite like this.

So you have two right now.

Nobody, no comedian went on MySpace and really kind of hacked the idea of social media into 7 million followers and now this is your second one uh and now i don't know if they're still doing it i saw i saw dane a week ago at the improv so yeah you're still getting to do what you like to do this is a story that happened and you have to just keep moving of course so nothing you can do but just keep moving and keep making money and doing what you like yeah um it's and did you get more popular because i was going to go to this like this idea of um like being handsome and and alpha like yes surrogate boyfriend david i'm talking to david now uh but you know what? You're Brent, where you were, and also a great stand-up and a millionaire. And so comedians are easily jealous and stuff like that.
I had a health issue in the 90s, and I got more compliments, and that guy's great. Did people people suddenly kind of you're awesome you know

because people would get these are just you know human emotions you mean when he's a little down are they finally being cool about well you might find people going this is a brilliant stand-up and you'll get more stuff because it's you know you're no longer you find out who your friends are so quick you know and then and that

well put and that everything listen i i even knew when i was on the come up because it wasn't like it was overnight it was you know it was a long kind of trajectory i i already had like my boston cronies my friends who are just regular folks away from the industry i've never felt like i'm really I'm in it but I'm not of it

you know I'm out here

because I like the clubs and but i've never quite felt that let down by it because i knew it's that's the mechanism you know they build you up knock you down and then it's up to you to figure out like what's really how do i own my own ip and how do i get to my audience, that other stuff i don't it didn't really rattle me to the core as much as stuff that happened with my you know with my brother if you can remember that you're not quite as good as they say you are at the point when you're at the zenith and then you're not as bad as they say you are you're like i've always been what i think is pretty good so if i they say i'm great i'm like i don't into all that shit. I had a friend that wasn't a yes man and he would keep telling me, I'm not some ass kisser.
I'm your friend. I'll tell you when you're bad.
And I'm always going to tell you you're bad. That's what a good friend I am.
You're never good. I go, well, you could be a sometimes maybe man or maybe a yes man.
No, no. It's always a no man.
You're not good. I good i'm like wow you're such a valuable person in my life i think it'd go the other way i feel bad about saying that i am that friend he's talking about i apologize but i i kind of relate to you in that way i'm feel i'm outside the thing i'm not in the party scene and i don't never cared.
I'm mostly possessed with doing something funny.

Truly, it sounds self-congratulatory.

I also was an introverted extrovert and also had a lane of real competitiveness,

but plain fair about it.

But yeah, just to see a guy kill,

I want to kill like that, that kind of thing.

Yeah, it's what's so, there's no playbook.

And also too, then you make it. And I think the hardest part was like, like i made it and then the group of guys that i was around at the time they they think you're different they want to make it they're not feeling so good about where they're at you know what's so funny is like you you look at like at a time when i broke through you know i remember talking to you know bilber outside the lab factory he's like ah man when's my ship gonna come in it's like look when his ship came in it came in it's like he had his moment he's still in his moment and you go like you don't know man you gotta hang in there you just gotta keep duking it out and and you hope that on the other side of it you just have great people around you that will give you shit when you have a great moment and will talk you up when like you realistically need a little bit of help well obviously it's the era of the the personal career outside of the mainstream hollywood tom segura and bill kreishner and all these guys who are nate bergatzi they they try to get him to do a sitcom he's like what's in it for me or whatever not nate but a game show or something but you just it's kind of what you've done you

know you've maintained dane cook.com or just ink you think you think you think they pitched borgatzi a game show of yahtzee like borgatzi yahtzee what do you think they brought my god right for you i have to get off the podcast and produce that i'll show you a text that was exactly I'll show you the text.

Borg Yahtzee.

I think Nate is doing a game show.

Borg Yahtzee is not a bad idea. It's funny.
I don't remember. They were pitching him something, but he already is Nate Borgiazzi, Inc.
You know, he works in it. Yeah, you know, you get to be a brand.
He's like a clean brand, which is very rare. So I think that will keep working for him.
The game show they pitched me. They pitched me, you know, they me in the game show at the time.
I think it was called Mr. Wiz, I think was going to be the name of the game show.
Mr. Wiz.
What about Dane Cooks in a cooking show? Dane Cooks? How about Gotta Take a P? The great Dane Cookings show. See? Obviously, they're circling cooking show because your names they they they pitched me a car show because car beats you know can you drop the vay and just be like can you just be dana car it'll help the show omaha omaha dana that's what peyton manning used to yell out.
Oh, yeah. Omaha steaks.
Did he yell steaks, too? I don't know. Maybe.
I don't know. Omaha steaks.
You know, David, you may not know this. Delivers the world's best steak experience.
Brings people together. More than 100 years of family-owned expertise.
Ah, just get this. America's original butcher.
Yeah, listen. Everyone's heard of Omaha steaks.
Yeah. They got their legendary filet mignons, their extra age to maximize tenderness.
I like a good tender filet. I don't, sometimes I get these and they're just rough, but these guys take pride in this.
I'm going to go out on a limb and just say, when you get a steak, you want a high quality steak. Now you could get an inexpensive bologna sandwich or something, but with a steak, you want it to be high quality.
And now during their semi-annual sale, do you know what that means? And you get... Yeah, you get 50% off site-wide at omahasteaks.com.
Plus our listeners get an extra on top of that $30 off with promo code fly at the checkout. I like that.
This sale only happens twice a year. So don't miss out on your chance to save on handcrafted steaks, beefy burgers.
I'm getting hungry. Premium chicken and so much more.
Oh yeah. They can almost say biannual.
Doesn't that mean twice? Am I crazy? Yeah. Biannual.
There's lots of ways. We'll get into that next time we talk about it.
Listen, this is heartland quality food delivered right to your door. That's the convenience.
It's winter. You might want to throw some on the grill, on the Barbie.
So, listen, exceptional handcrafted flavor, convenience, all the things you want to hear. Unrivaled quality, variety.
Every bite is backed by their 100% guarantee. And every steak is perfectly aged to maximize tenderness.
That's what I'm looking for. Hand cut by Master Butchers.
Yeah. Omaha Steaks, America's original butcher since 1917.
These people know what they're doing. Yeah.
Don't miss the semi-annual sale at Omaha Steaks. Visit omahasteaks.com for 50% off site-wide and an extra $30 off.
Use promo code FLY at checkout. That's 50% off at omahasteaks.com and an extra $30 off with promo code FLY at checkout.
Someone I know just got engaged in and it's a big one. It's a big one.
It's the next step in a relationship. And that's why they have, you know, a thing called an engagement ring.
What was the Beyonce song? You should have put a ring on it. Oh yeah.
Pay attention to that. And we know how you can get a nice ring, right? You go to blue Nile, blue Nile, your engagement ring shopping spot.
You you got the shape they got the size setting cut color it's all very confusing but you need someone to help walk you through it that's the place to go uh there's one it is confusing but they make it simple is what i'm gonna yeah you go there and they clear it up because i don't know what i'm doing like most guys don't understand So that's why going to blue Nile.com starts your engagement ring journey. They'll create a bigger, more brilliant engagement ring than you can imagine at a price.
You'll never find it a traditional jeweler since 1999. Blue Nile has been the original online jeweler and they've always been committed to ensuring the highest ethical standards.
That's right. Their diamond price guarantee means that in most cases, they'll meet, wait for it, or beat a competitor's price on a comparable diamond.
David? Your gift will stay safe because, you know, most people don't want that coming to their house where it gives it away. So the Blue Nile order is insured and arrives in packaging that won't give that away.
In most cases, it's delivered overnight.

Listen, because love can last forever, you get free service and repair for life.

This is great.

Right now, get $50 off your purchase of $500 or more with code FLY at BlueNile.com.

That's $50 off with code FLY at BlueNile.com.

BlueNile.com. dot com that's 50 off with code fly at blue nile dot com blue nile dot com i i i do think um you know just it's an interesting emotionally violent ride because i'm doing some visits on snl right now and seeing the young people with big eyes you know yeah trying to break and they're on saturday night live you crushed it that was awesome man that was and allow me to say i thought you were the best part of that whole opening i thought everybody was great but you just like it's that moment where you feel like somebody just came in and took it to another level it was awesome to see that cold opening when he came in at the end i was like this is great because they don't know he's coming yeah everywhere they turn it's another celebrity they're like that guy and they're like oh fuck here comes dana and you hit and you hit on every you know where i think i see like where you want to hit like i felt like you hit on every line that you wanted to hit uh that one felt good first one was a little nerve-wracking but then i it's become a character it's mr magoo it's tim conway it's uh it's fanciful yeah there's definitely you, hey, you're not here.
I'll come right back. Yeah, she's standing there.
It's great. I'm just coming on to it.
I did little YouTube clips on this show, but nothing now it's really fun to do. Full three-dimensional.
Yeah. And you would probably appreciate this being a host is that we go out now and we shake Lauren's hands and I'm in the Biden get up.
up that was for the second show so i do it just a giant hop skipping is whatever i can get out of my body sprint across the studio dresses biden because it gets my headspace into laughing yeah they're looking at me as hyperactive biden but anyway but that's um it's it's it's a lot of fun thank you when a comedian tells you, gives you a compliment, it really matters. Somebody who's been there knows what.
Biden training like Rocky to come back and run again, and he just gets stronger and stronger, and he's running with a log on his back. Yeah, he's just punching a guy.
And guess what? And by the way, punch. And guess what? Because you actually are very active.
You could pull all that shit off. shit off i think that what like a lot of people don't realize is that comedians in these moments that like you guys are sharing on this podcast or even just the backstage at the store or wherever like that is kind of the that's like the best part of the show is great shows like the frosting on the cake of the day but the correspondence with comedians and what what gets us off and what makes us really laugh about a set or what went wrong and nobody cares but other comics care like that minutiae i'll tell you a quick thing about like jerry lewis jerry lewis was my i became love it friends with jerry lewis in the last eight years of his life he was my mentor he was a really good guy to me he definitely in that dark moment coming out of like my brother you know the industry kind of doesn't care about me at that point I'm my moment's over I'm coming off of this you know terrible and all of a sudden I get a phone call out of the blue inviting me down to see Jerry Lewis documentary method of the madness at down at Paramount I'm miserable I'm literally in a rut, but I'm like, I grew up loving Jerry.
I never met him. I don't know Jerry Lewis.
Brilliant. Absolute genius.
Genius. He conquered the world for a decade.
It was really Martin and Lewis. Jerry Lewis is the Bieber of comedy, the Jimmy Carey, Sandler, Carey, and- Yeah, Sandler, Carey.
All in one. Nutty Professor is one of the jimmy carrey you know sandler carrey and uh yeah sandler carrey yeah one all

in one nutty professor is one of the greatest comedies ever made so i sit there and i you know

i go and uh after the presentation i didn't know jerry lewis was going to be there he gets up in

front of everybody paramount the first thing he says he i'm sitting in the fourth row with my

buddy richard we're just watching and he goes uh and he's 82 at the time and he gets up there and

He goes,

Thank you. the first thing he says he i'm sitting in the fourth row with my buddy richard we're just watching and he goes uh and he's 82 at the time and he gets up there and he goes where's dane cook first thing he says and i can't believe it i can't fathom it because i'm hearing the voice that i grew up loving saying my name yeah yeah and then he goes I want to know where Dane Cook is and I I'm like I don't even know how to stand I'm half standing and I think I said Jerry I love you that's all I could think to say I go just Jerry I love you and he goes I want to talk to you my boy after and so I go and I meet Jerry Lewis after.
He takes my phone number. He starts calling me.
Every Sunday he calls me. Hello, it's the Jew in the desert calling Dane Cook, my boy.
And I start this friendship and mentor, you know, Sundays with Jerry, basically. But I would go on the road with him because he's still touring, 85, 86, 87.
And I promise I'm getting to a point with this like no i'm loving every second of this story so so i'm and i'm and i'm seeing just everything about jerry i'm seeing him perform and every night jerry would do a thing where at the end of his performance he'd do the typewriter and he's doing I love it He's just doing this for like a fucking hour the pantomime yeah yeah yeah it's mental yeah but after that he would do a q a he'd do a q a and the q a was always 40 minutes and he'd sit in his chair uh and you could up to the mic, ask Jerry Lewis a question. And on this particular night, two things that like, this is who I think we all are as comedians in our heart.
What Jerry, what happened to and from Jerry on this night. And it gave me permission for the rest of my career to be like, I'm a madman.
I'm convoluted. I can be a lot of things all at once.
And Jerry just proved that I'll never not be those things.

Here's what happened.

So he's up there.

He finishes all the stuff.

And first, a woman comes up and she goes, she's so excited to speak to Jerry Lewis.

And he's got all these spine problems at this point.

His hands were doing the typewriter for so many years. They're just t-rex hands little t-rex hands yeah he's always kind of like you know surly and if you know anything or if you ever had the chance to share space with him there's something kind of scary king of comedy about jerry but also very like just like fucking boyish and beautiful but something kind of intimidating so he's in the chair and his tongue's going oh wow okay like he's looking for the shark off the back of a boat jacked on prednisone where uh dane is doing a very interesting very physical act out it's like the hunchback of notre dame t-reex typewriter, Jerry Lewis.
Okay, continue. So the first thing that, this is great.
So the woman comes out and she's so heartfelt. And she goes, Jerry, I just want to say that in 1972, you did a film called The Beach Cottage.
And when I watched The Beach Cottage, I was so moved. And there's a scene on the beach.
And I'm watching Jerry. And he's like, he's just going back and forth.
Rocking. I think he's going to like break the wood chair that the director's chair he's sitting on.
Because I can hear it creaking because he's going back. He's turning it into a rocking chair, even though it's a static chair.
And she finishes her statement. And Jerry goes like this.
She goes goes can you speak to anything about that experience

in this film that it moved me it it really enhanced my young life please anything you remember about the film and jerry goes i guess he goes that movie sucked and i sucked in it her crushed. Mortified.
She's literally like backs away from. Wow.
Oh, my God. So this moment happens.
And then all of a sudden the liaison, who after 40 minutes, comes out. And we're like 23 minutes in or whatever.
And says, ladies and gentlemen, one more time for Mr. Jerry Lewis.
And Jerry looks at this person, and then Jerry is taken off stage. I go backstage, and Danielle, his daughter, is there, and she's like, he is fit to be tied, and he only wants to talk to you.
And he's in the back of a room where everybody wants to meet him, and he's sitting alone at a table, but nobody's approaching Jerry. Where's where's dane cook i grew up with a you know what it is i never was intimidated i grew up with an alcoholic father and i think i always kind of liked that weird energy i was never like scared of it energy yeah i walk up to jerry and he's eight now he's 88 88 years old and i'll never forget this man he just looked at me and he grabbed me really tight by the arm and he goes i had 15 more minutes they lit me early and he was so upset that he didn't get to finish his time yeah i go i think your career is going to be fine jerry you've conquered the world you've done everything and he just wanted 15 more minutes of q a and he was robbed of it and it was like got the light early yeah is that a mistake or do they just want to i don't know i don't know but he was so livid and it was like it was a gift because i'm like when we're talking and we're in these moments and for people listening like to me it was just like oh we're all such unique creatures comedians and we all have permission to spin as much as we want as long as we get those little nuggets of comedy you know gold when we're on stage yeah yeah getting off early would be also god the other night i was this is not as good as that story of course it sucks a good one.
But I had a corporate gig. I think I told Dana, and they go, we have a countdown clock out there for you.
You do 45. And I was like, okay.
And that's kind of the typical corporate. It used to be an hour, but 45 is, believe me enough.
So it's always the end of their day. Dana and I always laugh about this.
Oh, no, they get up at six. And you could be a surprise.
They're like, they're starting to leave. And they're like, Oh, this guy.
So it's, they're usually pretty good. But anyway, so it's 45.
And these things are like, this one was 11,000 people. And they got like stopwatches, headsets backstage.
All right, they're going to get her off. You're almost on.
You have 90 seconds to get up. So they pushed me out there and I'm getting my bearings and I dart down to the clock and it goes 59 58 I'm like wait is an hour and then it's going down and I'm like I thought it was counting up and then I go am I supposed to 45 and you can't ask anyone now am I go do they want an hour because it's a different set like I have to change yeah and then I go i'm sticking to my 45 and it's not going one

to 45 so now it's at like 28 i'm like going to 15 28 is supposed to be what would it because you

know i'm glancing over between my bit about falling out a window and my hilarious i don't

want to give the whole act away but you know i love that window bit so you know you're just going

i don't want to do this math am i even close to to being, I don't know. Anyway.
Well, I'll give it my, the best thing you can hear at a corporate date, the CEO had a little too much to drink and he went over. I'm supposed to do an hour.
Could you do 35? I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
Are you okay with that? And then you fake like you're mad i don't know maybe they could sweeten the pot i'm sweeten the pot it should be a little fee on that one carrot sticks in my green room you know you don't live in an artist i'll tell you what i'll land the plane to 28 minutes how about that is that i'll go even shorter yeah fuck yeah because you've been great. Do you mind if ceo meets you for one photo i'm like i always hear a lot of comics won't do this i go who the fuck is saying no they paid you you're there like yeah oh can you take a picture of this daughter no that's not my deal i'm like yeah yeah get her back here get anyone back i don't care does it cut into your time if we did this raffle it's 10 minutes like please i'll open with the raffle like please yes let's make a raffle for hungry children and would you mind staying on stage and picking the raffle it really would help but no should we do we have to call your agent why do people do corporate dates and then just angrily fight the whole process you know whole process don't pick the ticket but once you are in there just say yes just say yes because you say yes to 100 autographs and then use or pictures sorry Yeah.
Yeah, the whole process. Don't pick the ticket, but once you are in there, just say yes.
Just say yes, because you say yes to 100 autographs and then you, or pictures, sorry, 1940s, and you say no to 101, you're an asshole. So always go to the end and say yes.
Oh, right, yeah. You get in there, you know, it's like, I'll put on the Uber Eats shirt, whatever you need.
Like, yeah. Yeah, let's go.
I'll wear an apron. Theil can get me in a headlock as church lady

one of we did a contest to see who one of our employees of the month can kick you in the nuts is that fine i'm like get her up there uh you know uh anyway dane thank you for talking to us anything else dane this guy's got a very interesting uh i just want it the tour is on Oh yeah, okay, here we go

Fresh new flavor

Fresh new flavor tour

DaneCook.com and he's you're going out for a few months and you're going all over the place yeah fresh new flavor tour the rest of the year all beautiful theaters only so we've been at the beacon we got we did the chicago theater box theater coming up beautiful theaters across the country and then gritty and Pink is my new special, and that'll be out in the spring. I like that.
Gritty and Pink. What a cool name.
David's doing a special. We'll just end with this.
Have you picked a name yet? No, I'm waiting. Dane's obviously good at names.
I love names, Spade. If you need help, you can think tank it.
I know. Let's brainstorm because I have a couple, and then I go, I'll i'll wait because you know what you don't have to name it the day you shoot it so i'm lucky because it's a week away i can wait till it's getting closer yeah but rackham is not going to do it because that david loves to say that say rackham the way you do it oh if there's a joke you do a joke when you go Hey Dana, I saw you and you were with your mom Ha ha, rack them It really puts people

Like they're in their place. They have nothing to do.
It's such a funny observation of the alpha of saying rack them after you've cleared the test. Jackie Gleason and Paul Newman.
Rack them. Minnesota Fats.
Minnesota Fats. Put that eight ball in.
Rack them. Hey, before you guys disconnect me, I got to say this sincerely because we we've always sort of traveled different circles.
And I know, David, we've been on same stages. But this really, even though I approached David, I said, I hope if at some point if you guys ever need a guest to fill in, you have a dropout.
It just meant a lot for me to be able to come on here and say, like, you guys have brought me a lot of entertainment, and you guys also have been cool to work alongside, even though we maybe didn't always end up in the same backstage. So I appreciate you guys.
Well, thank you, buddy. I was always a fan, and this podcast, Your Energy, the story is, you made our job really easy.
Very entertaining. It was great.
People are going to like it, and I just had a great fun hour. So thanks, so thanks bud.
That was awesome. I'll see you backstage.
Good luck out there. Alright buddy.
Peace out. This has been a presentation of Odyssey.
Please follow, subscribe, leave a like, a review, all this stuff, smash that button, whatever it is, wherever you get your podcasts. Fly on the Wall is executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spadeade jenna weiss verman of odyssey and heather santoro the show's lead producer is greg

holtzman