SUPERFLY #40 - Judd Apatow JOINS!

Speaker 1 You know, when it gets colder, I always fall in the same trap. Heavy meals, too much takeout, and suddenly I'm like, why do my jeans hate me? I know, yeah, me too.

Speaker 1 I mean, I'll open the fridge in December and it's like half a pizza and an orange from 1997. Not a lot of healthy options, David.
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Thank you for not feeding me the leftover lasagna for the 12th time.

Speaker 1 Give it up for Chicago.

Speaker 2 Sebastian Maniscalco's new stand-up special, It Ain't Right, is coming to Hulu on November 21st.

Speaker 1 30 years ago, Jeff Bezos, complete nerd, Bezos now, ripped to shreds on his super yacht, and the boxes keep coming.

Speaker 2 Sebastian Maniscalco, It Ain't Right, premieres November 21st, streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers. Terms apply.

Speaker 1 I can't do the third shift of hot dogs. I used to have like a couple at the beginning, a couple five innings later.
Now I can't do it. You're an eating clock.
What? You eat four hot dogs in a game?

Speaker 1 You fat ass. Jesus.
God, your dogs are two feet long. The game means nothing.
It's all about the relish and the moisture.

Speaker 1 It's settling in and eating. That's the beauty.
And you probably have a waitress. That's the best place to have a hot dog is a baseball game.

Speaker 1 Hey, Dana. What's up? Welcome to Superfly.

Speaker 1 I'm getting a haircut later today.

Speaker 1 Oh, you are. Lots of

Speaker 1 scary the lead. It's just a little shaggy.

Speaker 1 It's just a little bit much. I need more face, less hair.
You know, if the hair's too bufonte, then, you know, so anyway, I know it's exciting for the people listening.

Speaker 1 No, listen, I suffer a little bufonte-ism now and then, but right now, mine's sort of scraped back. My room is a hair darker than yours, so save it, YouTube.
We don't want to hear that.

Speaker 1 And also, I did, I do take sips of water sometime, and I actually hate it myself to see it. So, I'm sorry, people watching, but sorry, I'm just trying to live.
No, I think that's a good thing.

Speaker 1 No, I just,

Speaker 1 so I went to the dentist.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 And usually at some point when I go to the dentist or the doctor, the dentist or the doctor will say, wow.

Speaker 1 At some point when they're checking me out or doing diagnostics, they say, wow. Something's wrong or something.
It's here.

Speaker 1 Something's blowing their mind. So I went to this guy before and he did a diagnostics on my teeth.
And then I went in to get a crown, which, you know, is kind of.

Speaker 1 you're like the king for a day. Sure.
And, you know, I said you're going to say, wow, at some point today. And he goes, oh, come on.
Don't be silly. So they numb you and then

Speaker 1 I swear to God, the drill was doing Beethoven's fifth.

Speaker 1 Or it was sounding like it was crying.

Speaker 1 Like I've stopped the drill. So anyway, then under his breath, at one point, after he got down, got all that stuff out, he goes, wow.

Speaker 1 So then he announces to me, you got two nerve endings down there. I can't put a crown on it.
It's all 3D. You can see the tooth.

Speaker 1 it looks all shiny and red i can see them hanging out of your mouth right now it's all look like ropes right back here and so

Speaker 1 so he says there's two uh nerve endings full of bacteria that are about to explode so you

Speaker 1 you need a root canal stat

Speaker 1 so today after this

Speaker 1 I'm going to get a root canal. I don't quite know what they do, but I know they numb it up pretty good.
So that's exciting. Fucking sucks, whatever it is.

Speaker 1 I don't think I've had one. Oh, you've had one.

Speaker 1 I don't think I've had shit. I've had, I mean, my teeth aren't great, but they're kind of

Speaker 1 at least they're working right now,

Speaker 1 but I don't have tons. I used to have those silver fillings, more boring stories, but they found out those are bad for you, whatever.
So they jacked them out. It's another scam.

Speaker 1 The dentists go, let's say they're good for you. And then let's say they've got to take them out.
They get paid both ways. They got coming and going.
Christy. And then.
Yeah, no, you just look good.

Speaker 1 But smile. big i'm not really about my teeth well i kind of have buck tooth

Speaker 1 well here to to my why my stuff's not so great so i was had buck teeth i was going to be called bucky and so they said you got to get braces parents at first couldn't afford the bottom so the guy literally said to me i'm sure i've said this on the podcast can you just push on your get a habit of pushing on this tooth to push it back because we can't afford the bottom finally my parents you know five kids teacher salary, scraped together, got the braces.

Speaker 1 But first, they said, but first,

Speaker 1 let's pull four of your teeth, two up here and two here. So that's why I have a small mouth and a little like this.
Otherwise, it'd be like fantastic. And then I got shitty braces.

Speaker 1 By the time I never brushed or flossed, I don't know how you floss with braces. I had headgear.
When they came off, I had like seven cavities. And from then on, I've had to take care of my teeth.

Speaker 1 But luckily for you. They find full candy corns in it.
They aren't even shoe jam.

Speaker 1 No, but how do you, how do you brush?

Speaker 1 I had braces. It's horrible.
I had the kind you hit on with a little hammer. You probably had that too, like a rubber hammer.
Deesh, disheart. No wonder my neck's fucked up.
And then

Speaker 1 they never take them off. And then I had the rubber bands, which are horrible.
Yeah, those and the head, the head thing. The head with the headgear, which was hard.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I had a key in there on a retainer during SNL to open the upper palate. Oh, you had it later in life.

Speaker 1 I had them early and then they like, we bought you because my mom got it like out of the yellow pages. It was like get braces and a free balloon.
It was probably $100.

Speaker 1 So we had no money. So I get these shitty braces.

Speaker 1 My teeth are like this. And then they go, we got to get four wisdom teeth out.
They took them out and this will make you fucking puke. I did get them out.
But when I

Speaker 1 come home like this, way too much everything, you know, as a kid, you've never had even aspirin. I haven't had anything.
Yeah. And so I come home like, hello, doctor.

Speaker 1 And then they go, go to sleep. And I had four impacted.
So they're all smashed with gauze. They go, change your gauze.
So in the middle of the night, I get up in the middle of the night.

Speaker 1 I go, I throw it in the sink. I put new ones in.
And the next day I'm bleeding so much, I'm sick. She runs me down.
There they go, he almost died.

Speaker 1 He pulled all of his stitches out in the middle of the night.

Speaker 1 You did?

Speaker 1 I ripped everything out. I had to go do it again.
Because you were. I just went in my mouth and went

Speaker 1 sick. Sickening.
Sickening. cucable.

Speaker 1 So I would have gotten hooked on Viking and that. I didn't have time though.
But

Speaker 1 I did get aspirin and then I didn't, whatever.

Speaker 1 And I didn't have any pain pills. Yeah.
Adville now. I take a lot.
I don't like, I just, I don't like general anesthesia. I said, just numb me up.
And they go, do you do gas? No, I just do the shots.

Speaker 1 And they go, you're, and it's like, this is a joke I used to do on stage. You go, a dentist having sex.
All right. You're going to feel a little prick.

Speaker 1 sorry that's all i got and then maybe some little balls

Speaker 1 you know when you're starting out kids you know you're just anything that gets a laugh you're not thinking what your peers think but no i don't i will tell you i had an adventure plus i hope you're okay today because we need this thing to keep going oh it's gonna be fine it's modern dentistry much if you need a ride let me know

Speaker 1 all right

Speaker 1 oh you do i'll hit you up yeah and i want to sit in the back because I get car sick after dental works.

Speaker 1 I want to look like you're my chauffeur driving me through West Hollywood and just having people honk and go, look, I guess Dana hires David Spey to be his driver. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Things have really swept. You go like, here's you, I'm driving, and then I'll just film you like this, and then I'll ask you questions and watch you go

Speaker 1 like they do on TikTok. Modern dentistry is no big deal.
Don't worry about it. I did get a cavity once where I didn't do the numbing, and I wouldn't do that again.
That was hard.

Speaker 1 Fuck, that wouldn't even cross my mind. Idiots.
All right, so here I am this weekend. I went down, finally get to golf because I did six or seven weekends on the road straight.
Jeez.

Speaker 1 It is a bit of a grind.

Speaker 1 What do you do with all that money? Okay, go ahead. I have Atlantic City coming up in a week.
I have Reno and I have Sacramento. Okay.
So, but those are fun.

Speaker 1 Those are just like fun ones and maybe a corporate. But so here I am.
I get to golf. It's finally decent weather.
So I'm in Newport.

Speaker 1 I'm out there.

Speaker 1 Anyway, there's helicopters, which aren't always on the golf course. The golf course is kind of by the water.
So that's the nice proximity of it all. So anyway, they're so hot.

Speaker 1 They're so close that you're like, okay, move. I don't know what's going on.
And we're getting mad because it's so loud, you know,

Speaker 1 whatever, over, over, over for maybe 10 minutes, 15 minutes. And that's not usually a core.
The idea of the golf course is to keep it quiet. Quiet.

Speaker 1 So then I leave and I see a couple of cops when I'm checking out and I drive by them and I go, hey, what was going on with those helicopters?

Speaker 1 They go, oh, we had a boatload of migrants come on the beach and they all ran and they ran on the golf course.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 they're all chasing and it's a whole thing going on around us. And I was like, who is our caddy?

Speaker 1 No, I'm kidding. But someone threw on overalls and jumped in.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 you see them running? You see them? No, they were on the course next to us. They were running all over.
And that was all the stuff.

Speaker 1 It was

Speaker 1 yeah.

Speaker 1 But they, by the way, I would have grabbed a cop and said, give me that free phone and give me that stuff and let me get out of your way. Because why are you running?

Speaker 1 So they just come right on the beach and they go, this happens sometimes. And I go, where'd they go? And they go, I don't know.
Well, that blows open the whole idea of we got to close the border.

Speaker 1 Now we should close the beaches first.

Speaker 1 You have to close multiple

Speaker 1 walls. Point Magoo or something.

Speaker 1 They're storming. Point Magoo.
They're storming Point Magoo.

Speaker 1 And Blabby

Speaker 1 isn't safe.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Listen, it was just sort of

Speaker 1 funny to me because I thought

Speaker 1 these Keystone cops are spinning around and everyone's running around. But we don't know anything.
I wish we would have known at the time. Would I be scared?

Speaker 1 I don't know if I'd be scared, but I just thought it it would be, I would help. I think they're probably just desperate to meld into the population.
If it's like the Great Escape with Steve McQueen or

Speaker 1 you know, it's like they just want to get past everything and meld into

Speaker 1 the guy runs up to me, Nita Fourth. We're like, oh, sure.
I'm going to play through. And he grabs a gun.
He shoots a 62, you know. And he's really good.
And then it's a movie because he's so good.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's just a natural.

Speaker 1 I can't do the accent, but whatever accent it would be. By the way, only only 25% of people of Mexican heritage are coming across the border.
75% is from other countries.

Speaker 1 Just a fun fact for our listeners. That's a longer hike, though.
Yeah, I would think Mexico because it's right there. Right.

Speaker 1 I don't know. It's not Canadian, is it? We're going to take them out.
We're going to depot

Speaker 1 300 million people.

Speaker 1 Excuse me, sir. You're going too.
You're going to get caught up in the net. Just grab you accidentally.
I just,

Speaker 1 the rhythm I love of Trump, and I've been doing it, but when I see him do it, it, when he goes to the gruff thing, it's such a funny thing.

Speaker 1 He's just talking like this, and a lot of people said, we'll do it. And then he sees the energies going down a little bit in the stadium.
We're going to do it. We're going to do it.

Speaker 1 He does that so often.

Speaker 1 And you kind of lean in when he does that.

Speaker 1 But, you know,

Speaker 1 Biden's my guy right now. He's my guy.
So.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Also, okay, so in the news, I saw that Tom brady uh you know his ex-wife is giselle i don't know did you know this giselle she's a supermodel they call them supermodels now and she has supermodels better than a regular model um so so she she gets she's pregnant with the um karate instructor or martial arts instructor his whole life is just you're the karate guy yeah so uh they they go off and they i like that they keep saying she's gonna raise the baby in her $11.5 million home.

Speaker 1 They don't just say

Speaker 1 nice house. $11.5 million.
Well, why wouldn't they round it up to $1,200? They should do something because

Speaker 1 it's actually just fun. It's homework for my brain.
I don't need to.

Speaker 1 It's so much millions.

Speaker 1 Okay, so for people who just came in from Mars, Tom Brady

Speaker 1 was married to Giselle Bunchen, who's a supermodel for. decades.
She's still gorgeous, in great shape.

Speaker 1 Everyone's gorgeous involved in this photo

Speaker 1 in this marriage. And you know what the two dots over the you and her name are called? Do you know, Dana?

Speaker 1 They're called a thing, like a semicolon or something. They're called an oopsilon, I think.
Okay, so cut to YouTube comments.

Speaker 1 Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong.

Speaker 1 Okay, but then Tom Brady posts this Instagram the next day. Can the child within my heart rise above?

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Well, I get that.

Speaker 1 Go ahead.

Speaker 1 Well, because just human male, female, forget this trio of dandies, these butts. Just think of the human thing of being

Speaker 1 instinctually even proprietary over an ex in some ways. There's left vestigial feelings about that.
So vestigial. Vestigial, leftover feelings.

Speaker 1 Scottsdale Community College gets dominated by College San Mateo. So the point would be,

Speaker 1 Tom, Tom Brady

Speaker 1 is asking himself,

Speaker 1 can he just be magnanimous, be happy for them, be a good stepdad or whatever to the child?

Speaker 1 Or he can be petty,

Speaker 1 reflexively jealous,

Speaker 1 not wishing them well. These are like just human things that he's trying to rise above.
Your take. That's my hot take.
Jesus, you got a lot for me.

Speaker 1 To people who are driving around. Can the child within my heart rise above? Question mark.
Three hearts. There's three people involved.

Speaker 1 The chop chop guy. Oh, I didn't notice that.
Giselle and Tom.

Speaker 1 Well, is it those three, or what about the karate guy? Is that four? Well, I put, I put chop chop guy. Okay, we'll call him.
No.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 He's a jiu-jitsu champion.

Speaker 1 Haya guy.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Hiya.

Speaker 1 Do people still say hi-ya? Okay. So it's that.
And it's also,

Speaker 1 but now he has a, he has a

Speaker 1 kid with Bridget Monaghan, correct?

Speaker 1 And then two with Giselle. I, I, I'm ashamed to

Speaker 1 report that I'm ashamed.

Speaker 1 No, I'm ashamed that I know. What am I?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Should be reading history books.
Yes.

Speaker 1 So that, and then so there's another kid, and this is from Landslide,

Speaker 1 the song. Mm-hmm.
Right? Yeah. Can you put your best foot on

Speaker 1 How does it go?

Speaker 1 And if I see

Speaker 1 my

Speaker 1 what if the next Instagram is, and if I see my reflection in Snow Covered Hill. See my reflection.

Speaker 1 I'm doing Bruce Springsteen as Stevie Nicks. Yeah, Stevie Springsteen.

Speaker 1 And I see my reflection.

Speaker 1 I'm Bruce Springsteen. And I'm not a billionaire.
He announced this week that he's not a billionaire.

Speaker 1 He did. I spent too much money to be a billionaire.
I am officially not a billionaire.

Speaker 1 I don't know what, those same Levi's he's worn for? No, he sold his catalog good for him for a half billion. But there's talents.
He's fine. He's fine.
He's fine. I'm not worried about him.

Speaker 1 There's a guy playing him now from the bear.

Speaker 1 And I know. Does he look enough like him?

Speaker 1 I guess it's sort of just, it's not supposed to be. A lot of these biopics, you don't.
They say, I just want the essence of the guy i don't want well if he's playing young springsteen with

Speaker 1 springsteen really got built himself up you know with a tank top but really put on a lot oh yeah that guy's jacked and he jeremy allen why is that his name yeah he's pretty built up but yeah who can i mean timothy chalamay is playing bob dylan i saw the trailer and i think he'll be good at that

Speaker 1 listen as long as they're good-looking people everyone's gonna go that's all that matters really to me well Timothy is a little bit closer to Bob Dylan in a sense of sort of, I don't know, kind of baby face or whatever.

Speaker 1 Just shaped the colours. Kind of lean.
Yeah, lean and...

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Speaker 3 Hey, everybody, it's me, Bill Maher. If you're not watching or at at least listening to Club Random, you're really missing something good and something unique.

Speaker 3 Because I don't think we look or sound like any other podcast. And that's by design.

Speaker 3 My life's quest has been to do some kind of show that captured the level of intimacy and the lack of artifice you would see if you saw me off camera talking to a friend.

Speaker 3 No one else in the room, plenty of pot and booze, and nothing planned. This is a show where I get high talking to someone I'm interested in to get to know and to laugh with.
It's not an interview.

Speaker 3 It's wild. And I'm having a ball and the guests are having a ball and you will too.

Speaker 3 So please follow Club Random with Bill Maher and see new episodes every Monday on Apple, Spotify, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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Speaker 1 The Menendez brothers, and I will safely say I haven't followed the whole,

Speaker 1 all I've heard is they might be out by Thanksgiving. So when are they hosting?

Speaker 1 The show after Thanksgiving? Yes. And when will, how long after they step outside the prison will they be on church chat on Saturday Night Live? Oh, yeah, that's a good one.

Speaker 1 Well, well, well, we did a naughty thing. Jesus doesn't like what we did with our parents.
Now we're out.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it writes itself. Oh, yeah.
I'm

Speaker 1 getting them on church chat. Yeah, if they don't host somehow, if they're somehow not hosting, will they,

Speaker 1 it will be played by who?

Speaker 1 You know what? Look at the guy on the right because Mikey Day is pretty lean and

Speaker 1 he could definitely play

Speaker 1 Menendez brother. Because this is way too much offensive to Mikey, but I could see it.
I think I could see it. Yeah, they're kind of lean fit.

Speaker 1 I do think off the top of my head that the guy on the left, Eric, would be played by

Speaker 1 Colin Jost. I don't know.

Speaker 1 Well, you might have to put the host in there. Who's the host? Well, the eric and lyle are not the hosts they're just guests now they're guests if they turn it down

Speaker 1 they probably could pop up would it be a controversy if they come on no i mean they serve their time they're for whatever reason they're being the let out and they promised not to um

Speaker 1 kill anyone

Speaker 1 they're yeah they're they're they said what we did before we're not going to do again judge and he said case discipline we realize everyone got mad about it so yeah in our yeah but would people get mad if they came on snl and you understand it would be a great thing for snl be fun but would people at home which hey it's controversy did okay pop quiz did oj ever come on sl of course he was never convicted right so he could have come on He was convicted for the wrong thing that I would have gotten mad about.

Speaker 1 Someone stole his stuff and then he wanted it back. But that's, he did a real no-no.
Both, you know, combined some of the parts. Ted Bundy ever, did Ted Bundy ever do a guest spot on Hee-Haw?

Speaker 1 He-Haw. He-Haw is fucking big, or people don't know.

Speaker 1 Yeah, a Western Saturday Live or a Western Laugh-In, basically. Yeah, Western sketches.
I remember Bernie Berlstein going, because he produced it, didn't he? Yeah.

Speaker 1 And he goes, they take Hee-Haw money just as they take any other kind of money in London. You know, money's money.

Speaker 1 It doesn't matter, you know, because people look down their noses at hee-haw

Speaker 1 compared to, you know, whatever shows. Bernie did Alf also, right? A puppet makes money.
Rule number two. No, we love Bernie, but Bernie was old-time show business to us.

Speaker 1 Muppets, puppets, any sort of Uppets.

Speaker 1 Actually, we have a show called The Uppets. They can be a Muppet or a Puppet.
And it covers as all bases. It's all funny.
Okay, let's do more headlines because we've got a guest today.

Speaker 1 So we got a couple. We got to get to our guests.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Are we what?

Speaker 1 Oh, who wants to know that? I'm just giving you a bridge. Oh.

Speaker 1 Oh, we're talking about trick-or-treating. Well, unfortunately, we taped this the second before Halloween happened.
So this is

Speaker 1 costumes that I thought were funny. I saw.

Speaker 1 This is a person dressed as a foot. A foot in a, in a, in a,

Speaker 1 foot. So in a for those of you at home, there's a

Speaker 1 foot in a thong. Is that what are those called? Those shoes? A thong shoe.
A thong shoe now

Speaker 1 is not the undergarment. Yes.
Yes. And that shit, they have a big red toe, and it's a little crooked.
Is a G-string different than a thong, Heather?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 But those are beach thongs, they're called thongs as well as under

Speaker 1 these are they used to be called something else that we can't say anymore, but they're called flip-flops, let's say. Oh, they're called flops, so it's a flip-flops now.

Speaker 1 It's a guy dressed in a flip-flop, standing up in a flip-flop, painting his. It's too hard to describe.
It's funny, though. I think it's funny, horrible costume to walk around in.
Horrible.

Speaker 1 I'll announce the best costume. My brother, my older brother in New York, went to a costume party like this.

Speaker 1 And so, what he did was he just put all these with rope or whatever, he put mirrors all over his whole body and all around him. And people would say, who are you going as?

Speaker 1 And he says, I'm going as you

Speaker 1 because they would see their reflection.

Speaker 1 I can see my reflection in the

Speaker 1 other guy's costume. Okay.
Okay. Here's one.
This is the Olympic pole vaulter.

Speaker 1 And that's the costume. You got it.

Speaker 1 I think the hard part about this is, A, you can't get a rod because the pole will fall but also the pole he made it just long enough where it's a hassle but it's not totally debilitating to bump into people right it might be funnier if it was 10 foot across yeah you know like the real pole vaulter um i would just go i would be the pole vaulter in the pit and just have wheels on top of the pit and just roll around as pole vaulter when they land in the pit

Speaker 1 you just want to be the pit well look i mean there is no more Like, well, look, look. There's no more sexual sport.
In high school, guess who got the girls? The pole vaulters.

Speaker 1 They're going down the runway. They're very fast, very muscular.
They've got this long phallic pole. They plant it.

Speaker 1 Then they climax over the bar and land in a bed. I mean, it's really, it shouldn't be allowed.

Speaker 1 It should not be allowed.

Speaker 1 It's so perverted. It's so sexual.

Speaker 1 You should have the church lady talk about how bad they land on

Speaker 1 We like to take our pole. We grip it.
What are you for Halloween this year? Skeletons in the closet. Wait.
Oh, skeletons in the closet is bad. Did it take you to make this?

Speaker 1 One month. You're telling me you made this whole costume from scratch.

Speaker 1 Okay, that's good. Skeletons in the closet is good.
I mean, that's a month of prep to go to a friend's party at a dorm in an apartment complex.

Speaker 1 That's a lot of work. I thought she was going to Heidi Clum's party.

Speaker 1 You know, basically,

Speaker 1 you're not impressed. Halloween, really, what it's all about, David, just for a second here.
Let me

Speaker 1 six-year-old kids who are jumping out of their seats. They're so excited to ring the doorbell.
They have their costume. They say trick-or-treat, and they're adorable.

Speaker 1 And then as the night goes on, that's 6.30 or 6. And then it's by 9.30, you got like a 15-year-old kid, you know, he just got a pillowcase.
He's just ransacking. And he's gone.

Speaker 1 He just puts sunglasses on. I'm a guy at the beach, you know, and he's just grabbing and grabbing.
And then eventually there's a guy with an Uzi that opens fire. Yeah, I'm robbing you.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Did I too? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 You know, it's funny because there's schools now I read that are they're banning Halloween parties because Halloween is bad. I don't know how it's bad, but it's bad.

Speaker 1 So I think they should just say, okay,

Speaker 1 let's just say it's a costume party at school and you get free candy because that's all it is really to 99% of the people.

Speaker 1 I don't really know what the bad part is, but it's something that is against someone. So if it is fine.

Speaker 1 Eighth graders like to do mayhem and I've done that, you know, throw eggs. They want to have shaving cream.
They want to get people wet and crazed out.

Speaker 1 You know, I was traumatized by Halloween because my parents moved October 31st. So my first day of kindergarten was Halloween.
And so I'm being, I'm, I'm late.

Speaker 1 I'm introduced to the class and they all have crazy masks on. And they seem like scary.
And I had no costume. We have to march around the playground.
So they just gave me a plastic fireman's hat.

Speaker 1 And that was my costume.

Speaker 1 Never forgotten, man. Trauma.
That was your first like SML sketch you're like i'm a fireman you should have come as wayne or or garth or the church lady or something

Speaker 1 um i don't know you blew it you blew it are you gonna man the door this year and pass out candy

Speaker 1 dude

Speaker 1 no one's that strong unless carrie underwood comes up with her list dressed as the tommy boy guy yeah that's what i am i do i did post a lot of people when they i like when they post um costumes of something I did.

Speaker 1 There's Emperor's New Groove. Joe Dirt.

Speaker 1 Joe Dirt's, actually,

Speaker 1 I take it. It's very flattering, but a lot of them are too easy.
Oh, I did have one. I'll play it next week of a kid dragging a meteor around town.
That was funny. He'd really.
Oh, really?

Speaker 1 That's funny. That's funny.
Yeah, yeah. Around a whole town, and he's doing lines from the movie.
That is.

Speaker 1 But Joe Dirt is like. flannel shirt, mullet, you know, it's too easy.

Speaker 1 So there's bench warmers. That's kind of funny because one has a bike helmet on and one is a vest on.

Speaker 1 And then there's grown-ups, which all you really need, it's really easy and lazy, but you just need one guy with a Kentucky fried chicken bucket over his head. And then that's that sells it.

Speaker 1 And then you're good. The rest of it is spade and photo shorts.
Well, you've got Wayne and Garth. Thank you, Joe.

Speaker 1 Any woman, it's all here.

Speaker 1 Oh, there we go. Oh, look at this kid.
Okay. Oh, cute.
That's the age.

Speaker 1 Oh, but just for laughs, let's see how much you're worth.

Speaker 1 Well, it ain't a meteor. Yeah, it is.

Speaker 1 He walks slow like I do.

Speaker 1 What is that, a tire? But it ain't no meteor. It's a

Speaker 1 frozen chunk of shit. What?

Speaker 1 This kid's milk.

Speaker 1 They dump the toilets 36,000 feet, and the stuff freezes and falls to earth. We call them Boeing bombs.

Speaker 1 No, that can't be. That's not what it is.
That's a space peanut.

Speaker 1 You see the peanut?

Speaker 1 Dead giveaway. Yeah,

Speaker 1 that's a space peanut. All right, that's enough.

Speaker 1 yeah i don't want to give away the whole movie uh it makes me like that movie because it's so ridiculous movies are fun you know just so ridiculous i like that kid he gets in when you got the acdc shirt there's people at comic-con that one guy has a really good one with a full full overalls full real meteor i think it's a real meteor dancer i gotta say i'm just gonna insert this as a it's kind of one of the most flattering things you could do as a comedian and doing characters in movies that are on Saturday Night Live.

Speaker 1 And decades later, people and young people are dressing up

Speaker 1 as them. It's very flattering.
It's like it. I do love it.
It lasted.

Speaker 1 I think that comedy, when I was coming through my formative years, Monty Python and stuff, bonding over comedy, really even more than drama, catchphrases and stuff. For sure.

Speaker 1 Oh, when we were in high school, just all we cared about was comedy movies. Yeah.
Totally. So fun.

Speaker 1 All right. Next one.
What else? What else? Running out of time. We're getting close to the end.
We're getting close to the end, folks.

Speaker 1 We have a guest. Go about your...

Speaker 1 Oh, is another costume? This is so weird. I don't know how they do it.
Hi, guys. Good morning.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 Even better, he does that.

Speaker 1 Okay. No, don't get to figure it out.
No, no, I just did that that last second. I just figured it out.
You did?

Speaker 1 Well, his real theater talent.

Speaker 1 Is it a magic trick? I didn't get it. Optical illusion, or is it a visual effect? It's a very good effect.
Can we see it one more time? Yeah. For people who are just listening.

Speaker 1 I like that he goes from that to standing up. That feels like a better trick.
That's pretty good.

Speaker 1 I'm not sure. I totally figured it out.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I like that you're like, oh, that old chestnut.
And then you thought. Well, I thought his left arm would be fake, but it didn't look fake.
You know, like half his body would. So

Speaker 1 it's an optical illusion or it's a deep fake, or it's AI

Speaker 1 or something.

Speaker 1 AI can really, when I look at Instagram, any news report about something can be an AI. They fake the voice now.
Any photos of people can be AI. Anything they say.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 it's getting scarier to say, this is real. This is, this scares me.
This doesn't. This is, you just don't know 100% anymore.
Nope.

Speaker 1 The only good news is like within three or five years, Mike Myers and I could just be hanging out. What's up, man? Hey, let's go to the ai and just say the ai wayne's world three

Speaker 1 uh and just some silly plot click the button and within one second we'll have a 90 minute feature film will be digital copies of ourselves from 30 years ago and the movie will be a hit take i want to do hologram stand-up where we go on the road you don't go on the road you just do the they they get in there in their own house or they get with people and you appear on the stage and do your act.

Speaker 1 They kind of think that's going to happen. That's happened, I think.

Speaker 1 Todd Rundgren did i already did a tour yeah it happened you can do it from one place and it beams into all the libermas but yeah holy

Speaker 1 beam me up dana

Speaker 1 you fight technology you're more fearful

Speaker 1 i go no quick impression of you fighting technology 2024.

Speaker 1 i don't understand it i can't believe it it's too much for me i don't like it it's not my best devil you're the devil take it away you could do a quick impression of me too if you want

Speaker 1 Okay, here's Dana.

Speaker 1 That's you getting your root canal.

Speaker 1 Give me another liquid Viking.

Speaker 1 You got a Viking and drip there like a gerbil.

Speaker 1 Here's you watching me get the root canal with closed circuit. You found out where it was.

Speaker 1 You're watching me on a little TV screen in your mansion. And then I press a button.
More pain.

Speaker 1 Less go deeper. Less Novocaine.
Fake Novocaine.

Speaker 1 I don't think this is accurate of you, but it's crazy.

Speaker 1 Here's how fake your dentist is

Speaker 1 because you got the cheapest guy. So at the end, he's running out.
So he just melts down Advils and puts them in an iron. Then he goes like this.

Speaker 1 And then you get the steam of the steam at Advil. Here's you with a closed circuit camera out in the parking lot, watching me in pain, swollen up, going to my car.

Speaker 1 Heather, Heather, look.

Speaker 1 Heather, help me look. It's not my best impression, but it's just an impression.
It doesn't have to be accurate. That you know, that one stung because it was so accurate.

Speaker 1 Here's an impression of you watching me kill at the comedy store.

Speaker 1 No, here's me.

Speaker 1 Here's you watching me do a bit at the comedy store and deciding that you might use it for your own act.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Here's me. Switch that word.
Switch that word.

Speaker 1 You'll never know. Get laughs.

Speaker 1 I don't know if I can get generate those kind of laughs.

Speaker 1 By the way, last night I went to the comedy store to say hi to Bobby Lee and Santino. They were doing that

Speaker 1 together. And then, of course, I went up stage hog.
So I went up and it was pretty fun. Oh, you know what I did do, though, Dana? We have all this new material that hasn't been exposed yet.

Speaker 1 I got my drink, my water, because I do between

Speaker 1 jokes. I don't know if to explain that.
I go like this.

Speaker 1 Live fly buzzing in it, in the water, live going in my mouth. On stop it.
Stopped it.

Speaker 2 Stopped it.

Speaker 1 Freaked out. Couldn't remember my act.
I'm like,

Speaker 1 what do do I do? Did you

Speaker 1 tell the audience what just happened? You could do 10 minutes. I did not.
Isn't that funny? I did not. You hid it from the audience?

Speaker 1 I don't want to give away all my tricks. I just was like, I was, I thought they'd be so grossed out because it was like this.
It bumped my mouth.

Speaker 1 Sick.

Speaker 1 Dude, I couldn't even focus. I barely killed and barely got a standing ovation.

Speaker 1 Did you just one standing ovation? Because that's not, that's a low bar.

Speaker 1 Ladies and gentlemen, David Spade is on the way to his car. Wait a minute, he's coming back out again.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 When I did my special, they, they do, I think they did do a standing ovation, Heather, but I think

Speaker 1 if I, I might have earned it, but it went well, but I think they feel like they should.

Speaker 1 Oh, they stood up when I came out. That's good.
Who doesn't? No, it's hard. I mean, well,

Speaker 1 yeah, they're, yeah, now you're like, they're thanking you for the

Speaker 1 years of fun

Speaker 1 3 000 you know the one before it was in minnesota which i loved the the theater great crowds there yeah but it was about three years ago and uh i couldn't hear my opener bobby killing and he usually does really well and i'm like oh no they're a tough crowd i told you this so i go on and they're like this and then i'm not doing as well and have you ever had a show that's important and you're like this is going to be a tough set and we're not just at a comedy club it's like a tough set when we're filming it.

Speaker 1 And so I'm working, working.

Speaker 1 And then I realized they're all in masks, but I didn't know. And so the laughs would be like, ha ha, but now they're like this.

Speaker 1 You didn't know the audience was masked? No, they, they, I said, oh, I don't want them. I said, they go, I think that one, you know, because of COVID, I go, no, no, I don't want that.

Speaker 1 But then they never said, oh, you don't have any say in it. And

Speaker 1 I'm like, oh, is that why they weren't? And I was worried about so many other things. I go, I don't know if it was worth it.
I did love. I did like the special.
That's not the problem.

Speaker 1 It's just special. And they were a good crowd, but you can't hear it as much.
And so there's more pausing because you're like,

Speaker 1 but this one. Oh, that, that's

Speaker 1 just was not what comedy was built for is a massed crowd. Yeah.
Mass are for

Speaker 1 robbers or maybe magicians,

Speaker 1 but they're not for a comedy crowd. Yeah, Nate did one during COVID and he had everyone sit 10 feet away from each other.

Speaker 1 oh rather than i know if they had masks on but they were all back and it was just it was still funny but that's just one like now i get my special like nate was like this will be great and then it wound up being funny but that's not the ideal situation you just want a regular comedy and this this one was a regular theater denver two shows a lot of fun so that's not even out won't be out for a while um you must it must have been a blast having all that energy come at you i did one where um

Speaker 1 you know uh

Speaker 1 it was a sort of near a college and a lot of the kids had free dental care. But in any way, a lot of them apparently had dental work the day that I was going to shoot my special.

Speaker 1 So, a good amount of the audience had cotton in their mouth and

Speaker 1 I couldn't really hear them. But I shot the special.
But you ever have a set like that where you come out and they're just not laughing that hard.

Speaker 1 And halfway through, you go, they had dental work today. It's free at the college, and all their mouths are full of cotton.
And I go, Why am I shooting this special in this situation? But I just held,

Speaker 1 did the best I could. I shot a special and they all, I realized that they all had a pillow over their face.
I knew you were going somewhere.

Speaker 1 We go from mask to cotton. Okay.
So why though, David, let's just follow this scenario. Why would they all have a pillow over their face?

Speaker 1 Well, that's a great question because that day was a pillow fight they had on the campus and then they were so tired they fell asleep face down in their pillows. But it was still a pretty good show.

Speaker 1 I did a special in a sort of sketchy sketchy area of the country, and everyone in the audience had a hood over there

Speaker 1 over them.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 let's look at a clip. I think we have a lot of clips to that.

Speaker 1 They're actually, the worst special is when the tickets just didn't sell and the whole theater was empty.

Speaker 1 But it's not full. You got to shoot it anyway.
You got to shoot it anyway. There was just, it was just one person out there, and his name name was David Spade.
And I thank you for that.

Speaker 1 All right. We will go.
Should we talk about,

Speaker 1 no, no, we'll go. I'll talk about it next time.
Okay. It's nice meeting you, Dana.
And this is a really fun one. Oh, let's bring on our guests right now.
Yeah. We have a great guest today.

Speaker 1 He's been on our podcast for

Speaker 1 the waiting room for a half hour. Ladies and gentlemen, we present you the one and only comedy legend because he's had his fingerprints all over comedy for at least two decades.

Speaker 1 From 40-year-old virgin to super bad, yeah, to

Speaker 1 other movies and specials.

Speaker 1 Anyway, what can't this fella do? And he's going to tell us about his new charitable events coming up. It's just very cool of him.
We're going to talk about stand-up and everything funny.

Speaker 1 This person's thing. Judd Appatel.
Yeah, there you go.

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Speaker 1 these designs as you know are very modern they're timeless always feel special. Oh, well, isn't that special?

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Speaker 1 Apato, Apatow. Apatau, Apato.

Speaker 1 I still don't know.

Speaker 1 today? I'm going to call you a legend.

Speaker 1 Yes. You like that? I'm going to call you Apatudio.
You like that?

Speaker 1 Just for the amount of time you've been part of the American comedy scene. We've been around a long time.

Speaker 1 That's how you get

Speaker 1 a quick question. Enough about your credits.
There are plenty. It looks like a CVS receipt.
Now, Dane had a question about... the baseball game.
This will be on Friday.

Speaker 1 It may be over, but I just wanted to make the comment and you can answer the question.

Speaker 1 Baseball, as a sport,

Speaker 1 if you're going to, the guy who makes, I'm not going to pick on Aaron Judge, anybody who's on a cold streak,

Speaker 1 you know, 19 strikeouts in a row, could you take a Judd, a David, or me, put us in the same position.

Speaker 1 And then the team would be the same. Nothing would change.

Speaker 1 We wouldn't get a hit either. There's no other sport, baseball, basketball, you'd be killed.
But or sorry, baseball, basketball, football.

Speaker 1 But in baseball, I thought to myself, I can do as good as Aaron Judge is doing most of the time. It's

Speaker 1 people think when they get the yips, you know, when like someone gets the yips and they can't pitch or and I.

Speaker 1 What is it? Do you know baseball that well? I mean, you go to the games. Someone said they saw you.
Is that true?

Speaker 1 I went to a couple of dodging games games and i went and the the person who brought me said these are great tickets you're right you know behind the plate and i'm like oh no does that mean like i'm on camera the whole time

Speaker 1 no it's just you're at the corner it's pretty rare i'm literally in the center the entire game for three hours me staring, not wanting to do what I normally do, which is like eat hot dogs and burgers and not pay attention.

Speaker 1 So I just sat there like frozen for three hours. How far was John Hamm from you?

Speaker 1 Where was the Rogues Gallery of Goximedy?

Speaker 1 I didn't see him. I saw Mary Hart.
There was definitely some heart happening there. God, how did she score that directly? She's in like the shot when they show the batter up close.

Speaker 1 She's like right next to the bat, you know, she's in the tight shot. There's a fold-up chair.
If the ump is brawny enough, there's a fold-up chair right behind him.

Speaker 1 And I thought I saw Lauren Michaels sneaking a peek over the shoulder. Just one quick insert here.
They know that, so sunflower seeds are big. I understand that.

Speaker 1 They know they're going to be seeing 50, 60 shots of the coach of the Yankees spitting out sunflower seeds. So they know it's coming.
They're going to spit them out. It's just not a good look.
I mean,

Speaker 1 what do you think about the sun? Because this is all over the web. I mean, this is blowing up.
Well, I

Speaker 1 mean, that's what I was like on camera. My whole thing was don't eat.

Speaker 1 Don't eat. No, that's hard to tell Judd that.
I don't understand how much you eat because now that they have the pitching clock, the game's faster. So they rush the pitchers to pitch.

Speaker 1 So the game is like 40 minutes shorter, which means I can't do the third shift of hot dogs. I used to have like a couple at the beginning, a couple five innings later.
Now I can't do that.

Speaker 1 You eat an eating clock? What?

Speaker 1 You eat four hot dogs in a game? You fat ass. Jesus.
Judge, your dogs are two feet long. The game means nothing.
It's all about the relish and the voice.

Speaker 1 It's settling in and eating. That's the beauty.
And you probably have a waitress. Well, that's the best place to have a hot dog is a baseball game.
There's hard liquor.

Speaker 1 You get a seat that's closed. Suddenly,

Speaker 1 it's full on hard liquor. The thing, Dana, when you go to these games, if everything goes wrong and you're totally bored, you can watch the game.
But there's so much other things going on.

Speaker 1 That's why Judd wants to not just sit there and stare at the game. He's like, oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 I have another question. I'm a super fan, by the way, during the regular season.
It's the 150th game, the team's in last place, is still riveted by the game.

Speaker 1 But every sport, and especially baseball, for me, when it comes to the World Series, I'm riveted by every single second. But in the middle of the season,

Speaker 1 I'm not... I'm not going there.
Dips. Dips a little bit.
I love the World Series. I think it's incredible.
Judd, comment.

Speaker 1 Well, I think it was shocking to see the Mets play so well. well.
And

Speaker 1 get that pussy cat out of there.

Speaker 1 It's a preview for Cat NATO.

Speaker 1 I prefer the Mets when they're terrible. Like when they start winning, I almost start drifting as a fan because when I was a kid, they were always so bad.
I love to be the only fan at the stadium.

Speaker 1 So I have trouble when they're great, but it was fun to see the Mets play well. Yep.
Wait, I have a big, this is a controversial question. This is just at press time, which is way before this airs.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 then the and the

Speaker 1 this chubby, sort of portly fat guy that that tried to take the ball out of the glove.

Speaker 1 I don't know if he was that heavy. We want to disparage his look.

Speaker 1 He was husky. Husky is the most benign word of dad bod.
He had a dad bod. Oh, yeah.
He had a dad bod. Farley always said, I'm a husky.

Speaker 1 That's a size he wears.

Speaker 1 Okay, so husky guy and his buddy who get, I mean, I get all the hijinks and hey, it's your team.

Speaker 1 But when you are snapping Mookie bets as a clavicle while you're bending his hand back and giving him carpal tunnel and stealing the ball, fine. And they get kicked out fine.
But they're back.

Speaker 1 They're allowed to come back the next game. I don't think they should be allowed.
I don't know. That was shocking.
If there is a next game in New York, whoops. We don't know.

Speaker 1 This comes out two weeks from now.

Speaker 1 There is for sure a game after that game. I don't know if there's a game after after that game.
Well, it's sudden death for the Yankees every game.

Speaker 1 They have to.

Speaker 1 You don't care that they're coming back. You don't care.

Speaker 1 I'm intrigued by both teams. I just think that you can't be that good and not explode like they did last night for 10 runs.
And you, is it, can you use the word, are they choking the yips?

Speaker 1 I mean, in the first three games, or just a little bit of luck on the Dodgers side with throwing people out? And, you know

Speaker 1 what's the answer judge one might say i'm not a big expert on this but it might

Speaker 1 the dodgers

Speaker 1 are playing really well i mean uh as a meds fan it's hard that's a hot take that's a crazy go out on a limb

Speaker 1 i think the meds dodgers the yankees they're scoring

Speaker 1 not even rooting for anybody i'm kind of like the I root for players.

Speaker 1 I want Aaron Judge to go crazy. You know, I root for the players because

Speaker 1 my heart goes out to anybody who's on that stage, who's that brilliant since he's 10 years old, and

Speaker 1 watching him struggle like that. So I root for players.

Speaker 1 Listen,

Speaker 1 listen.

Speaker 1 By the way, this just in the Yankees allowed the players to come back, but the MLB overruled it and banned them. Wow.
Wow, there you go.

Speaker 1 I thought

Speaker 1 Trevor. Chud, we don't have a ticker tape here.
We just have a couple.

Speaker 1 We're going to see similar-looking men at the Dodger Stadium, you know, with fake mustaches and noses on, seated in the exact same place. So I think there's more to this story than what we're hearing.

Speaker 1 What have they got the facial recognition technology like it mounts? Oh, that's right. AI.
AI finally comes to the rescue. All right.
What about Aaron Judge? His life is all green lights.

Speaker 1 If he's got a little bit of trouble, he'll be fine. Because he's like 6'8.
Is that possible? 6'8? Is that even a number that's possible? Oh, yeah, it is because it's on every girl's Instagram.

Speaker 1 The guy's got to be minimum 6'8. Yeah, it is kind of weird when you're really good-looking and gigantic, and then a superstar athlete and worth hundreds of millions of dollars.

Speaker 1 You're kind of like, is there anything that's bugging me right now in life? Yeah, I know. Dane is like crying for the guy.

Speaker 1 They say that, like, a lot of the reason why people are the quarterback is because they were good-looking in junior, high, and high school, and they just kind of keep getting opportunities

Speaker 1 into each of their sexiness and handsomeness to play really sexy privilege goofy ugly guy who might have become great not talking about by myself but maybe never gets a shot there

Speaker 1 he never got in there and the handsome guys get the shots and next thing you know every quarterback looks like tom brady it's it's uh even backups are good looking exactly that's what i love about comedy you can it doesn't matter what your mug is you can have any any kind of lookup if you're funny

Speaker 1 people, because I was sort of a cutesy guy for a long time until I reached this age.

Speaker 1 I was still Spaden and I were like, you know, well,

Speaker 1 you don't look funny. I was told that by some manager, you know, you don't look funny, kid.
You're not funny enough.

Speaker 1 You don't look funny. You don't look funny.

Speaker 1 I have a question for Judd about the state of Showbiz because Judd's got his

Speaker 1 pulse or whatever.

Speaker 1 I just read, because we were sort of bitching about how in la there's not a lot of shooting um because uh

Speaker 1 or at least the wrong kind you mean so we talk there's film production there's um there's no there's not enough tax credits everyone goes to georgia we all know this judd knows this better than anyone one of the first things judd when you get a budget of a movie is like where do you shoot it right isn't that an early that's right it's not it's not always la unless unless the movie takes place in la right well they always want you to make the budget lower i think in the old days you could kind of convince them it would be better in LA.

Speaker 1 Now I think they go, just go to Prague. It looks like LA.
Go to Prague.

Speaker 1 I remember we did a movie in

Speaker 1 Shreveport, Louisiana with Harold Ramos. And so we did it to get the tax break.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 we kept hearing screaming like,

Speaker 1 and it was ruining all the takes. And we're like, what are we next door to? And they said, it's a monkey sanctuary.
where

Speaker 1 monkeys that's where they live out their day

Speaker 1 to make a movie not la which has all the good uh equipment do you switch it out and make your film a tarzan movie even if it's a romantic comedy i mean you know you write fast i mean come on we just make it a on the fly junk clothes too dana that's just in so

Speaker 1 They're changing, Gavin News is changing the tax credit in LA because of our podcast. They only had 350 million million a year credit.
They just bumped it to 700 million.

Speaker 1 And that's not going to go into effect till next summer, so a year. But

Speaker 1 I think it's okay. It's not enough when everything is in billions now.
Everything you hear about is a billion win here, 2 billion, 20 million, 100 billion.

Speaker 1 So when you still have an M in front of it, it doesn't sound like it's a huge help,

Speaker 1 but it will help. So I appreciate the effort.
But we got a lot of crew. We got a lot of people here that want to work and they're in the Tinseltown Hollywood.
And we got to make it a little easier.

Speaker 1 We have studios all over the place. Don't want them to go down.

Speaker 1 We need a tax break, which is more than Jessica Alba has in the bank.

Speaker 1 Yeah. At any given time.

Speaker 1 I personally

Speaker 1 have the businessman, artist thing. I'm envious, but when I see people leveraging whatever their career is and then becoming a gazillionaire with different products, it's like, you know.

Speaker 1 How come you've ever bought like a sell service? Yeah, dang. I was, I thought I, you know, in the 90s, you couldn't even do a commercial.
In the 80s, Hans and Franz were offered just do it.

Speaker 1 The first Nike campaign, just do it. Couldn't do it.
Weren't allowed to do it.

Speaker 1 Just forces at play. It's not what we do.
And then everybody, it flipped. And now you see even cast members that are out of SNL doing massive campaigns for commercials.

Speaker 1 They leave the show to do a commercial and come back i turned down a lot of commercials and i i would have gone i don't i'm fine but i would have gone back and done them leno was right leno did doritos and people do doritos i remember i had a friend who left snl and they did they did a commercial for the phone company and got paid more money than they got paid for like eight years on snl yes well you know

Speaker 1 dana i did one for a mci no i did one for um

Speaker 1 what's in your wallet weren't you one 1800 collect. I don't, oh, yeah, I did that too.
But when I 100 collect where I go, hey, call, and I was on a payphone going, hey, call 100 collect.

Speaker 1 Beep, boop, pop, boop, beep, buppy. You know, I did that.
Anyway, hilarious.

Speaker 1 So when I did a Playboy interview, which is like kind of a big interview, not just a Playboy, but it's just a big interview. And so Gervitz called me and he goes, I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 I'm reading this interview. I'm sorry.
I just got a call from MCI. You didn't happen to say in the interview, you do commercials for 1800 collect, but you don't really use that for collect calls.

Speaker 1 You use sprint did you say that i'm sorry all the people that are going to have to give back their millions of dollars take one step forward that's you spade

Speaker 1 is that what happened are you yeah they called and said we want our money back and you and i said no i was just saying that kidding there's literally no defense i was like

Speaker 1 I was just being honest. I would just say that it's opposite.
In those days, it was like, oh, you do a commercial, you're selling out.

Speaker 1 No, if you do a shitty movie with a shitty director and that's your face on the face of a shitty movie, that's selling out.

Speaker 1 Everyone knows when we see our heroes doing a commercial, they're getting paid a lot of money, but this is not their creative area. This is not their

Speaker 1 hopefully be decent. So, well, that's the ones that aren't quite there, but they're never going to be a 10 out of 10, usually.
So, Judd, would you like a commercial?

Speaker 1 Judd Appetow for you direct a Super Bowl one and

Speaker 1 I never.

Speaker 1 Well, here's the thing: I got offered a

Speaker 1 Super Bowl commercial, and some company wanted to do some sort of variation of Seth and Paul doing you know how I know you're gay as a Super Bowl.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and I was like, Gay, would it be? What would it be? I don't think that'll work.

Speaker 1 I don't either. And they hadn't asked them yet, so I just said, No, like, I don't see how you can adjust that go to make it work.
Right.

Speaker 1 Then I watched a Super Bowl, they're both in it, they made millions, and it was funny. Like,

Speaker 1 You cut yourself out of the equation.

Speaker 1 Hilarious. I didn't believe it ourselves.

Speaker 1 Did you turn the TV off and storm out of the room when you saw that?

Speaker 1 I was upset. Yeah.

Speaker 1 The one thing I wanted to ask you, just because I'm curious, because we briefly talked about it a little while back, is just the culture of Hollywood in terms of what they'll green light.

Speaker 1 And I know now it's...

Speaker 1 You just said something interesting that, and it wasn't negative or whiny.

Speaker 1 It was just sort of like observing that when you pitch things, if it's subtle and kind of quiet, like something like the office or whatever, they want something that can trend or make noise or be noisy as a concept.

Speaker 1 You know,

Speaker 1 chimpanzees go on a spaceship and then come back to Earth and, you know,

Speaker 1 Earth a kid is alive and is president of the United States. You got it.
So how are you navigating that? I know we're going to talk about your stand-up in a second, but as a filmmaker.

Speaker 1 Well, I have a new theory, theory, which is I feel like

Speaker 1 everything is like in the newspaper business. If it bleeds, it leads.
Like everything is doom scrolling because they don't want you to shut anything off.

Speaker 1 So they're obsessed with it being really intense. That's why almost everything on the streamers is either about the biggest star in the world or a serial killer.

Speaker 1 Like everything is a thriller. Everything is like intense.

Speaker 1 Hyper sexual. Yeah.
You know, some actor, you know, like Nicole Kidman, which I love her shows because they're just sexy thrillers. Because she's in everyone.
And she's, she's in a lot for her.

Speaker 1 It's all like completion rate. Like, we must have them completed.

Speaker 1 We cannot put on a film if anyone shuts it off. And so there's an intensity to everything, whether it's sexy or exciting or terrifying.

Speaker 1 And I think it changes it so you don't have quieter, subtler, whatever funny human things because I think they're afraid people are going to shut off or not go. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And you lose a lot of good stuff when everything is so wired.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Every TikTok starts with, I just got shot.
And then you go, really? And they go, let me back up a minute. So I was born in Michigan.
And everyone's like, oh, my God.

Speaker 1 And then it never gets to, you know, it takes, and I hate when it says wait for it on it. Wait for it so I can make money when it hits a minute.
Wait for it. Yeah.
So you wait for it.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, wasn't worth it.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I think if you have to tell you,

Speaker 1 it's everywhere.

Speaker 1 Judd, I think when Nicole Kidman comes out at the beginning of AMC, she should tell you, in this movie,

Speaker 1 we want you to watch the whole thing.

Speaker 1 It's like saying, wait for it. It's like, ideally, stay till the end.
Well,

Speaker 1 I have to say the movie going experience now is bigger and better for me than it's ever been because.

Speaker 1 Only in church or in a movie theater are you pretty much required to turn off your phone or basically on takeoff on a plane.

Speaker 1 So you go into a dark theater, so you turn it off and you're trapped in the movie where you might click away if you had a thousand choices, but you hang with it.

Speaker 1 And then a lot of times, oh, that was a great movie.

Speaker 1 And it's so peaceful. I pay to go to a matinee just because I'm in a dark room looking at a screen with things.
It's fun. It's still fun.
Well, you shut the world off. Judd, comment?

Speaker 1 I think there's nothing better than laughing in a movie theater with a lot of people.

Speaker 1 And we need more. Let's do more.
You know, I miss Jed preview screenings when it's when it goes well, it's so fun. Oh, when you're doing it, see the movie for the first time.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 You've been working on it for years and you show it to people for the first time.

Speaker 1 I remember when we showed Super Bad for the first time, I convinced Cameron Crowe to come to just give us notes if we screwed anything up. And it just killed so hard.

Speaker 1 It was like winning the Super Bowl. It was just so

Speaker 1 great. It was so funny.
It was like carving on SNL doing bio. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Come on.

Speaker 1 And guess what? And by the way, way, come on, folks. Let's get real.

Speaker 1 In real time, I got to do it.

Speaker 1 You know, that was a hot, that was a little nerve-wracking. I thought for the first one, and I think I overdid his walk a little bit when I came out, but

Speaker 1 the uh, because

Speaker 1 did he get shot? You know, you don't see it. You know, you, you're, I had never seen myself do Biden, so I made adjustments, but I was waiting for someone to maybe heckle me.

Speaker 1 And I was, I had it locked and loaded. Get your facts straight, Jack.
I was ready for that.

Speaker 1 But so far, the New York Times co-signed it. So I'm happy.
I remember when I heard it the first time and I said to you, I go, look at Dana.

Speaker 1 Everyone's struggling to figure out their Biden, and you have it just nailed quietly in your own little world. And

Speaker 1 it was the dream that they would have you do it on the show. I'm glad that all worked out.

Speaker 1 Bizarrely was invited to do it before Biden was

Speaker 1 before the debate problem.

Speaker 1 And and then afterwards, Lorne Michael's still, you'll come in, you know, you'll, you'll, you know, he just wanted me to be there.

Speaker 1 But anyway, yeah, it's fun to be able to do a character that's kind of ironically new and then is leaving the stage very soon. So it's like a little,

Speaker 1 you know. You know what I like about it? It's like you alpha dog the whole show.
You're like, oh, by the way, yeah, I'm still the best one who ever did it. Boom.

Speaker 1 This is my favorite Superfly episode so far.

Speaker 1 I think they didn't know know they needed a good Biden until they saw it. Then they were like, oh, good, this is a great addition.

Speaker 1 Who would be the other character that you have loaded that you're like second half?

Speaker 1 I would love to do James Carvell currently on those Zooms leaning over. Yeah,

Speaker 1 you know, and I like the Southerners. I do like both.
We both love Senator John Kennedy.

Speaker 1 Now, you tweeted on October 4th, your words, not mine,

Speaker 1 that you would believe. So anyway, that's those two.
If they were invited,

Speaker 1 I would try to do a deep, deep thing on them. No one does RFK.
Is it offensive to try to do RFK? I did it here, only explaining what dystonia is.

Speaker 1 I have a brother with dystonia, and it's just, it's not lethal, but his vocal cords are just.

Speaker 1 constricting and so that's his voice it doesn't stop him but it is all stuck back there and you have to get used to listening to it. If you're just hard to listen to, that's I get used to it.

Speaker 1 I listen to him on Joe Rogan. And the ladies like it, so it's not hurting them.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, look, he's a Kennedy. They go, Oh, did he have anything going on? Well, look at his uncle and dad.
Oh, come on. I mean, born with a boner.
But is a Republican Kennedy a Kennedy?

Speaker 1 How does he hit on the ladies setting up data?

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 Let me hear him hit on

Speaker 1 a Republican Bobby Kennedy Jr.

Speaker 1 I do Jack Kennedy and Bobby Kennedy from heaven talking about

Speaker 1 your son.

Speaker 1 Your son is certainly a colorful character.

Speaker 1 Has very

Speaker 1 extraordinary positions on different issues. I know,

Speaker 1 I agree, Jack. He dances to his own tune.
It's just the same accent, but slightly more Bugs Bunny.

Speaker 1 I like so compassionate about him. They're not mad.
Well, they would be, you know, how Jack Kennedy, if you ever want to just be happy,

Speaker 1 watch a John F. Kennedy press conference in 1961 or two.
The charm and just, it's off the charts, the way he was, I see or a question. And then he would do some self-effacing joke.

Speaker 1 I mean, what a master of that.

Speaker 1 So anyway, I don't know how we got here, but where should we go next?

Speaker 1 But yeah, I'm happy to do other things on the show, but it's been fun to do Biden. And I do try to George Bush seniorize it in that I take liberty.
He never said, I can't believe it's not butter.

Speaker 1 You know, I make it a character. And I'm, when I'm doing the character, I like the character I'm doing.
Like I like doing, I like the character of Joe Biden that I do.

Speaker 1 So anyway, that's all I got to say. He's a nice man.
Yeah, I mean, it's a human thing. Neil Young used to say that about Paula.
It's a human thing, man.

Speaker 1 Because when I told him I was going to the White House, we were after SNL, we were sitting, I go into the White House to George Bush Sr., he goes, it's it's a human thing, man.

Speaker 1 So, in the end of the day, all the politics, it's a human thing. And so, I would love President Biden to come on and just be fun to do a little thing with him.

Speaker 1 Judd went to Coachella with Biden, I think.

Speaker 1 Judd hangs all the celebs. So, enough about that.
Now,

Speaker 1 what about your comedy?

Speaker 1 What are you doing with this comedy thing right now? I'm at the New York Comedy Festival. I'm at the Beacon Theater on November

Speaker 1 9.

Speaker 1 You're headlining the beacon by yourself?

Speaker 1 I have some friends. It's surprise guests.
Last time I did it, Sandler came and Mike Brubiglia. So this time it's, you know, it's always a secret, but there will be people there that

Speaker 1 you'll be happier that they're there, that I'm there. You're kind of really just hoping I tricked people into joining me, and that's the reason to go.

Speaker 1 And I can say right now, there are people way better than me on the bill, secret people you'll be excited about. So, but are you going last? are you head um

Speaker 1 well

Speaker 1 that's always the question isn't it because when we do largo sometimes it's judd's night yeah and i'll go on and go with go over to see judd and hang out but sometimes judd you do beginning and then middle and then end right sometimes i do like 20 here 20 there yeah yeah you know depending on how it's going But I'm also in Atlanta at the Variety Playhouse this Sunday.

Speaker 1 These are all benefits for hurricane relief. Like David Spade, I've made all my shows benefits for the Red Cross for hurricane relief, right, David?

Speaker 1 Nice, yeah.

Speaker 1 I gave fat ones to the Red Cross about 10 years ago. Remember, I think you remember because I put on a press release.

Speaker 1 They haven't spent it all, they can't spend it all. So you can watch juddappetow.com/slash events.

Speaker 1 And the one in Atlanta, the money goes to Georgia, and the one in New York, the money goes to North Carolina. That's funny.
What's the date of the beacon one? What's the date?

Speaker 1 It's the 9th of November, and it's the third in Atlanta. And what day of the week is the ninth?

Speaker 1 It's Saturday. And it's just a few days after the election.
So it could be any kind of night, depending on where you sit.

Speaker 1 Because I was going to, if it was a night, I could be there because I will be in New York, but if it's Saturday night, it might be tricky.

Speaker 1 I was just going to be in the audience and raise my hand and then, yeah, oh, well, and then come up and do Biden.

Speaker 1 Do you have a show that night?

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 Probably. But I happen to be there.
And then, okay, so that's the ninth at the beacon

Speaker 1 for the hurricane relief. And then the second one is on what night of the week? On the third in Atlanta at the Variety.
On the Saturday, right? Got it.

Speaker 1 You know, it's funny when you give money to Red Cross or something and you do a nice gesture immediately after someone like Taylor Swift gives. a million dollars.

Speaker 1 Everyone goes, wait, what did you give again? I go, well, listen,

Speaker 1 it all is thrown into the pot. A million became the kind of bar of like, yeah, it has to be at least a million.
What would you give? Be like, I'm going to give $75,000. And it's like,

Speaker 1 and someone else

Speaker 1 10 million.

Speaker 1 I know.

Speaker 1 That's the problem is that when you do these things, you say, like, you're going to do an event, you'll make some money. And then the money just goes there.
We don't need to know how much.

Speaker 1 It's all positive vibes. It's all going to get thing.

Speaker 1 And so

Speaker 1 do people give privately anymore? Is that not in fashion? You're not allowed to not brag about it.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Well, I could do someone do anything.

Speaker 1 So I was not posting on it.

Speaker 1 It's like you try to give money to a politician and then Elon Musk gives them $150 million.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's right.

Speaker 1 It's like when you see someone go, oh, we saw George Clooney leaving this restaurant and TMZ caught him giving a bum $100.

Speaker 1 I mean, a homeless guy. I mean, a not-home guy, whatever it's called.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 then they go, oh, well, when there's 18 paparazzi there, I'll give 200. How about that?

Speaker 1 It's $1,000 for $1,000. Let's talk about trending.
Bang for your buck. You go to a diner with friends or whatever, and you leave $1,000 cash tip.

Speaker 1 So you're for people that were blessed by America in our lives, we can do that. And that'll trend big,

Speaker 1 you know? But if you give 500,000 instead of a million for hurricane relief, people are like, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Sandra Bullock gave more.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
Sandy. Yeah, but when you give a big tip at a restaurant like that, like then the next time you come back, when you bring it back down to 22%,

Speaker 1 then you're dip.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. They always heard, you know, it's true.
Bill Murray said he always, I think he said he had to carry 20s during SNL. Now it's 50s, now it's 100s.

Speaker 1 Cause if anyone gets a little less, they go, a little tough out there in the career.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 you're only getting

Speaker 1 100 every time. Look, when they take my bag down to the car, it used to be the Bellman, then he's gone.
Then there's another guy with the trunk open, Mr. Spade.
It's all good.

Speaker 1 I'm like, Oh, that guy gave it to that guy. I have to dust my bag for Prince to see who I give money to.
I usually

Speaker 1 grazed it.

Speaker 1 If you go to the hardware store, on the screen, it asks you what your tip is.

Speaker 1 What's your move? For buying nails.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 I just

Speaker 1 came up and brought it here. So I

Speaker 1 just tip half. I just tip half.
And when I go to a four seasons or that kind of hotel, I pack my jacket with 20s.

Speaker 1 Yeah, if it's a half at a restaurant, I pack my jacket with 20s like a magician. 50%.

Speaker 1 And then any guy leaping valet or whatever, it takes me usually, which I'm fine doing this. I know it's not what's going to break me.
It takes me about $200 to get to my room.

Speaker 1 But then I go, well, why not? I mean, I mean,

Speaker 1 i worked on tips did you ever you were ever a waiter or a bus boy i was i was a bus boy i was a bus boy at the eastside comedy club on long island because i wanted to watch comedians when i was in high school

Speaker 1 first i was a dishwasher

Speaker 1 i had the same trajectory

Speaker 1 yeah dishwasher

Speaker 1 but i couldn't see the show because i was in the kitchen and i was like this is a miscalculation i can't see it was like literally like rosy o'donald was it the hobart 3000 where you'd run it through a thing?

Speaker 1 The Hobart? The Hobart 3000 was my dishwasher, and the dishes would pile up. You'd get no break, and I would eat off the plates that were left open.

Speaker 1 Would you eat off his? I had a friend who was a waiter, and he ate like a half a hamburger off of someone's plate, and then both his arms got hives. So we all realized not to do that.

Speaker 1 I ate everything when I was hives from a hamburger. I can't connect those dots.
Well, who knows what saliva from the that's what he told his girlfriend.

Speaker 1 yeah he goes she goes how'd you get these bumps he's like babe you know i'm a bus boy

Speaker 1 i ate the wrong hamburger i loved being a dishwasher i love just having my hands and everyone's melting wet buns and breads and and it was like a video game because they would dump the dishes and you had to clean them fast so the area where the dishes got dumped didn't get too loaded up right and it was like a human video game yeah and then you'd stack them and they'd be hot you stack the you know the bread roll plates, and you'd, and then you'd have to mop the entire kitchen for the night shift or day shift and clean up for hours afterwards.

Speaker 1 When I, when I smell, when I was doing those, you know, you put them all in the racks, Jud, and you push them into the steamy machine.

Speaker 1 And that smell, if I cut through the kitchen and you smell it, I just go, oh my God, I'm so glad I'm not doing that anymore. It's so hard.
Oh, I was, I get the opposite.

Speaker 1 I'm just like, oh my God, that was so fun. I used to put on Foreigner 4 and listen to Jukebox Nero while I mopped the floor at 1:30 in the morning.
Okay, that's cool.

Speaker 1 It was a Monday.

Speaker 1 All right. Well, I think that's enough for Judd.
He did a great job. We had a lot of fun with Judd.
Very

Speaker 1 curtains almost closed. He did everything right.
Let me just ask

Speaker 1 one quick question: Where are you in your stand-up right now? Are you in shape? Do you have a new thing? Are you

Speaker 1 in your stand-up or? I do have

Speaker 1 a new hour,

Speaker 1 and I think it's kind of interesting. I tell a very long story about taking ayahuasca that leads to a lot of other kind of stories about mutual trauma that

Speaker 1 is kind of interesting. I usually don't tell like a really long story, but this is such a crazy one.

Speaker 1 Some people talk about ayahuasca on this podcast and our other sister podcasts, ayahuasca, MDMA, you know, whatever. Neil Brennan.
Have you done ayahuasca?

Speaker 1 I have not. I did mushrooms in my 20s, and I thought, I'm good.
David? No, David's not. He's not going to do that.
He's not risky like that.

Speaker 1 I did read that you were shopping with Leslie and you were sitting over on the side or something. There's a lot of reports on you sometimes on the sites.

Speaker 1 And a photo. And a photo.
Although one thing, David, you'll relate to is when I took ayahuasca, my back was out. And I thought, what if I'm tripping and just start like leaping, but with a back.

Speaker 1 And that's why you can't do it because, you know, your back, your neck is back. My neck, yeah.
Would it fix it, or it would fix it, and it would because it's, I'm sure a lot of it's men.

Speaker 1 Were you kind of without being pithy, were you uh fixed a little bit, or I guess it's in your stand-up?

Speaker 1 Was I what a bit fixed Neil Brennan just said it between ayahuasca and MDMA, and this is all public knowledge or whatever. He kind of got out of his depression.

Speaker 1 Not, I mean, it really helped him at least last time we talked. It uh, well,

Speaker 1 it was uh,

Speaker 1 well, I'm Catholic now.

Speaker 1 That's the only big change.

Speaker 1 That's a fix. Me too.
I'm Lutheran. I'm Lutheran.

Speaker 1 I'm Lutheran, too. I was raised Lutheran.
There you go. Yeah.
So, yeah. Okay.
Well, interesting. Thank you, Judd.
Well,

Speaker 1 have a nice time in New York.

Speaker 1 If I'm not in the show, I'll drop by.

Speaker 1 You have to dress.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I could just squeeze opener. All right, Judd.
Bless you. Bless you, see.
Judd Standup is funny. Go see it.
I've seen it.

Speaker 1 This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly as executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss-Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro, and Greg Holtzman. Hope you liked it.