Victoria Jackson

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Speaker 2 Dana, we have an old favorite who is there.

Speaker 2 Both of us, mostly yes, but also with me.

Speaker 1 the overlap to you i five years with me

Speaker 1 and victoria jackson victoria the one and only victoria jackson

Speaker 2 we had a great chat with her um she is so fun and bubbly and i think very memorable from the show because we all sort of had a crush on her she's very nice very sweet she seemed like such a down-to-earth young lady.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, I think in the early days, people might think it's a character she's playing, but she's she's exactly the same person on tv on not on tv and she does some really funny songs with a ukulele with her style and singing about different topics oh yeah and they're really really funny so i'd stay tuned for those and she's just a kick in the pants just uh yeah there's a lot about i did not know and we we really just cracked up and she's so sweet about everything i remember i did a few sketches with her you obviously did more but what a sweetheart.

Speaker 2 And also,

Speaker 2 but they should know, the audience should know that right after we did this, about a week later, she did announce she's having some health problems. And that's why we don't address it.

Speaker 2 But I think that's up to her. So, but we just had a great chat with someone we are fond of.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 2 hopefully you'll laugh along with her.

Speaker 1 Yes, and we wish her all the best.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 I just enjoyed talking to her so much i'm so glad we got her on the show so enjoy the one and only victoria jackson

Speaker 1 don't mind my scruff

Speaker 2 don't mind my age

Speaker 1 age you don't have a line

Speaker 1 face i don't know what you're i want to meet your dermatologist I have a ring light and I have a

Speaker 4 filter.

Speaker 1 And, oh, you have a filter too. Oh, you look great.
I didn't, I couldn't, that couldn't afford a filter. This is raw.

Speaker 2 I can't afford a ring light. I just lit my room on fire.

Speaker 1 This is just raw.

Speaker 2 It's got a nice glow.

Speaker 4 I love you guys' show. It makes me

Speaker 4 feel 28 again when I listen to you guys.

Speaker 1 Really? Okay. I'm trying to make my voice young.
Well, isn't that special?

Speaker 1 You, we're so happy to have you because

Speaker 1 you're, we were there, you and I, together for six freaking years.

Speaker 1 I know. Remember?

Speaker 2 Were you the whole run with Dana, Victoria?

Speaker 4 I was 86 to 92.

Speaker 1 I stayed one more year.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Embarrassing. And we always got along great.

Speaker 4 You are the nicest person in the cast to me. When David came, he was with Spade and Farley and Samer all the time.
So I didn't get to see him that much. But

Speaker 4 when he first came, he asked me to be in a picture with him for his mom.

Speaker 1 I was in that picture, I think.

Speaker 2 Oh, that magazine cover. It was very sweet.

Speaker 4 You were so sweet. How much you loved your mom.
I love to watch your show. It's so fun.

Speaker 4 I mean, listen, I don't, I only, I never see people on it, though. I just hear them.

Speaker 1 Well, we're, we all, we have a second podcast called, we called it Superfly.

Speaker 1 That comes out on Fridays on YouTube.

Speaker 4 Yes, I watch it. I saw Love It's on it.

Speaker 1 Hello. Oh,

Speaker 1 you saw Love It's. I saw Love It's.
I just try to always do Love It's right back to Love It's no matter what he says. Do you remember when we used to hang out? For a period of time.

Speaker 4 We aren't just supposed to save this for the show.

Speaker 1 No, this is the show. This is all the show.

Speaker 4 Did we start? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we're almost starting. An hour ago.
No, no,

Speaker 1 what we do is you know, is we record your intro and then we just come in and we're talking now.

Speaker 1 Good.

Speaker 1 I like wrong.

Speaker 1 There's no rules. Yeah, you did everything wrong.
Say anything, do anything. I don't know if that'll, I don't know if it'll be able to hear it.
It's a ukulele, right?

Speaker 4 It's the Dana and David show. Fly on the wall.
Boon is Boones. Swat.

Speaker 4 I made that up for you. Wait, it's it's the wrong key.

Speaker 2 Okay, try it again.

Speaker 4 It's the day that TV show fly on the wall. Buzz, buzz, swat.

Speaker 1 That's actually

Speaker 1 so silly. It's actually great.
Buzz, buzz, swat. I love it.
Buzz, buzz, swat. Buzz, buzz, swat.
But, you know, all that kind of stuff.

Speaker 1 What isn't that spash shawl?

Speaker 2 Oh, you know, Victoria, when I came on there with Spade and Farley and

Speaker 2 that we all kind of had a crush on Victoria, to be honest.

Speaker 4 Really?

Speaker 1 I didn't.

Speaker 2 I have to say, all the girls were very, very attractive and they were very talented.

Speaker 2 And so coming in new, even though they weren't really much older than us, but you're new and so they're above you because they're cast members, but it was a little intimidating around all of them.

Speaker 4 You know, I was intimidated about everyone because these were, these these were giant talents. And

Speaker 4 when Dana, I would hang out the most with Dana and Kevin and Lovis because Kevin's office was next to mine. And they would spend hours making each other laugh and trying new bits.

Speaker 4 And I was just in there laughing. I couldn't come up with one add-on.
What do you call it?

Speaker 1 What do you call it when the add-on?

Speaker 1 Tag along.

Speaker 4 I couldn't come up with one tag. And they would be convincing Hans and Franz, and I'd be like,

Speaker 4 I couldn't, I had no idea how to make up a character. And the weirdest thing is, I haven't been on the show for 30 plus years, and I'm still trying to figure out how to do a character and make one up.

Speaker 4 And I even enrolled in an improv class at my church

Speaker 1 recently. Oh, really?

Speaker 4 A month ago.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 good for you.

Speaker 4 Because he's teaching improv and he's really good at it. And the only thing I've come up with in 30 years is.
Harriet. I'm Harriet.
I'm a blue-blooded liberal from my head to my toes.

Speaker 4 Obama, I love him.

Speaker 4 Why? Cute baby pictures, herbal garden, free condoms. You're never too young or too old.

Speaker 4 I'm a good person.

Speaker 4 I got a new washer dryer. I took empty cardboard boxes down to the end of the street.
I created a neighborhood. I'm a community organizer.

Speaker 1 That's amazing. Well, you did it.
That's amazing. I'm watching you talk as Victoria all up here.

Speaker 2 You might want to go lay down.

Speaker 1 I don't know. I got kind of turned on.
I don't know. Is that a male or female kicker? It's very sultry.

Speaker 2 You don't know.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Well, that's all I've come up with in 30 years. And I actually

Speaker 4 stole it from my friend, friend fran who was making fun of her ex-husband's new wife and i said can i buy that from you because i i haven't and i gave her 50

Speaker 1 it's a funny character and a funny take that's a good fun snl though didn't you update once you kind of took off like a fake wig and then you had a brown wig and you did sort of this is the real me or whatever Yes, what that was the same low voice, but not as low as I just did.

Speaker 4 But that was because,

Speaker 4 you know, I was getting tired of being typecast as the dits, even though that's the strongest. I'm good at that, you know?

Speaker 4 And so, uh, I, and also Jen and Nora were always being mean to me. And I thought, and I kind of smooshed it all together and I, and I was like,

Speaker 4 I felt like people wanted. that they wanted to see the real me.
I was like, okay, shut up, Dennis. You know, I was like, I mean, I could be like that if you want me to be.

Speaker 4 I'm trying to be a nice person, but, you know,

Speaker 2 Christ, she turned on me like a rabbit Wolverine.

Speaker 4 Hey, that was perfect.

Speaker 1 Okay. Yeah.
Miss Vic coming on with the heavy-duty artillery tonight.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 What have we got? Some kind of high-pitched character was going to do a handstand on the desk tonight. Is that our move?

Speaker 4 Oh, I can't do them anymore. I i did my last handstand at age

Speaker 4 stuck it at age 60.

Speaker 4 stuck it you're 60 you don't look no i'm 65.

Speaker 4 i just enrolled in medicare and i had to listen to all these boring boring conversations about

Speaker 4 supplements and and and and plan a and plan b i'm like I just would rather die than listen to you one more second.

Speaker 1 Oh my God. So

Speaker 1 you, were on the first. I just want to give people a little bit of background.
I think one thing that's very quirky is that you befriended for people of our age group Johnny Crawford of Rifleman.

Speaker 1 He played the son of the rifleman who had this rifle. Everyone else was using a six-gun, so they pull it out of the holster.
It take him like 10 seconds. He would just point the rifle and kill people.

Speaker 1 But then

Speaker 1 I used to do Johnny Crawford in my stand-up act when I was in college.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 1 because he always said pa pa pa

Speaker 1 how come i sound like dinah shawl

Speaker 2 pa you ain't going to get

Speaker 1 early stand-up but explain your friendship with johnny crawford and how he helped you in your career back in the 80s i'm trying to get rid of my ring light so i look naturally gooey um naturally you look really good honestly um well great yeah you know molly shannon did all the characters that i wish i would have thought of

Speaker 4 superstar, and I'm 50 years old. I mean, man, those were fantastic,

Speaker 1 weren't they?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, she's she, yeah, yeah, she's incredible, and it would have been fun to see you two together, you know, because you could dance, you had great, well, you have great legs, and you're like dancing, and you could move and do cartwheels, you could do flips.

Speaker 1 So, I can see a there's a kindred spirit with Molly.

Speaker 4 Well, I do, I like physical uh humor, I don't think about it. It just comes out.
But you guys, man, when I, you know, David was late into our cast.

Speaker 4 Yeah. But man, I was so spoiled, you know, being laughing all day for six years in a room with Dana and Kevin and Lovitz

Speaker 4 that when I went into the real world, it was so depressing.

Speaker 4 Normal people are boring.

Speaker 1 Such a real quote.

Speaker 4 Normal people are super boring.

Speaker 1 I know.

Speaker 2 That's what Lauren says. He always has to be around funny people.

Speaker 4 Man, I missed it so much, but I watched a lot of YouTube, so I feel like I'm still with you guys.

Speaker 1 Well, we laughed our ass off. We did, and you were kind of our mascot.
We did some silly. Do you remember we'd go have the dance parties in Kevin and I's office?

Speaker 1 We would put on Don't Get Me Wrong by the Pretenders, and Dennis would come in his socks and do this funny game. Don't get me wrong.

Speaker 1 It was one of those times just to release the tension. We would just go crazy in there.

Speaker 2 Actually, Victoria, I had something happening with you quickly, Dana. This is, if you remember this, it was

Speaker 2 not gymnastics related. It was.
We were doing a Schiller vision. I think it was you.
Tell me if this, you remember this.

Speaker 2 So a Schiller vision, which Dana knows, is a little video that goes on at five years.

Speaker 1 Tom Schiller wrote and directed these little shorts, and he would kind of make little mini movies, and some of them were just quite brilliant, actually.

Speaker 2 Some were black and white, some were whatever. They were always, he did that famous one with Belushi dancing on his grave in black and white in the old days.
So, so sometimes they

Speaker 2 ship us out to do a Schiller vision. And

Speaker 2 I think Victoria and I played a couple.

Speaker 2 And the only part I remember is like the last scene was

Speaker 2 we had our whole life, and now we're fast forward to we're older and we're walking along

Speaker 2 on the upper west side with that river on that other side, whatever that is, you know, not Central Park side, but the other side.

Speaker 2 And we're walking along and then things are going well, but like a nuclear bomb drops on my head.

Speaker 1 I don't remember. And right? Like a

Speaker 4 memory of this.

Speaker 1 I don't remember this. Okay.
So Dane. I don't remember this.

Speaker 2 I have a bad neck already.

Speaker 1 And this

Speaker 1 is the gun you're telling you.

Speaker 2 They drop like a fake-looking bomb that looks like a missile. And they have a guy on a ladder about 10 feet up.
And even though it's made of plastic, it's kind of heavy. It falls square on my head.

Speaker 2 And then I fall over and die

Speaker 2 in the scene. And it hit me directly, jammed my spine down into my cucks.

Speaker 2 And it's just bad for your neck. And we kept doing take after take.
And I didn't want to be a puss and I didn't want to complain like anything when you're on a

Speaker 2 set. But I remember I kept going, this hurts so much.
It jams my neck down. Even though it's light, but I don't know.

Speaker 1 And now you have neck issues. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And I still have neck issues. And for some reason, I blame Victoria.

Speaker 4 What? I don't even remember the sketch, but

Speaker 4 I did.

Speaker 1 What? What? As far as injury,

Speaker 1 there was one time it just is in my head indelibly running behind Victoria. We're running to do another sketch.
It's all dark. There's wires around.
And Victoria did a massive Pratt fall.

Speaker 1 But I think you knew how to fall or you rolled or something and you got up.

Speaker 4 You know, I don't remember that, but I remember Dana backstage. I was doing my first impression, Roseanne, and they never let me do any.

Speaker 4 And I went to Smigel and I said, Why don't I ever get to do any impressions? And he said, Because you're nasal. And I said, Well, is there any celebrities who are nasal? And he goes, Roseanne.

Speaker 4 And I go, Yeah, can you kind of talk like that and everything? And he goes, Yeah.

Speaker 4 And so he wrote me my first, my first impression and i had a fat suit on and a wig and i said dana i'm so nervous what if i slip into vicky in the middle of it what if i slip into myself and dana goes cop an attitude cup an attitude and i was like

Speaker 4 like

Speaker 4 i still don't exactly know what that means but i It was the sweetest thing. It was like we were on a football team together and our whole lives depended on it.

Speaker 1 And he was he was like my cheerleader he was like dana was so kind to everybody yeah but you know i think it me yeah i got mean later no but no i think it's just fake it till you make it go out i got this just fake confidence and go out strutting i'm roseanne freaking bar right now yeah you know yeah just reverse the fear oh that's too and plus the best guy you're asking and he's right there helping you he's so good at it i i remember i put a poster what go ahead you nailed it though I remember you going out there.

Speaker 1 I remember you did great.

Speaker 4 Oh, thank you. And then they let me do it a couple more times.
They let me do it with Roseanne. I was with Chris Farley and Tom Arnold and Roseanne.

Speaker 4 And then I got to be Ja, Ja, darling. I vote.
I love it. I vote.

Speaker 4 And then I got to do other things. But man.
it was so exciting and scary we always thought we were getting fired but i didn't know dana was afraid because he was the star you know before

Speaker 4 And then, and then when I found out Dana was nervous too, I was like, I didn't renew he was worried about getting fired.

Speaker 1 Well, I was lucky because accidentally I got the church lady. And if I'm not mistaken, I did it on the first show.
And were you my first guest?

Speaker 4 Yes, I was Jenny, the church girl.

Speaker 1 Yes. And so you came out and you were perfect in that.
And you did this whole lament of church lady, I go to pray and I do this and this. And all of it was beautifully done, totally sincere.

Speaker 1 Now, I was incredibly nervous. This is our first show.

Speaker 1 But you said this whole setup and I pray every night to Jesus, whatever. And then I did, I just,

Speaker 1 well, isn't that special? And got a huge laugh. And that relaxed me.
But that was you. You set that up.

Speaker 4 I was a good straight man for the church lady, definitely.

Speaker 2 Well, that's a hard job, though, to do it right. You got to snail it.

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Speaker 4 There's so many tales we could tell. Where do we start?

Speaker 2 I think it's great that Smigel, when you went over Smigel, that's really hard. I used to try to talk Smigl into doing stuff, and he's so busy, and everybody wants him to write.

Speaker 2 He's very tough to get on your team. And to have you say, what about Roseanne? You do a little piece of it, and he kind of hears it.
And he goes, yeah, okay.

Speaker 2 And then you get to do it, and he probably helps with it. And then you're in there.
And that's great. Because I I remember one with Farley, were you guys on the couch?

Speaker 2 And he's like all nervous as Tom. And you guys aren't like, I can't remember what that one was, but of course, it's and then Hans and Franz.

Speaker 4 Uh, they put me in that. I got my cellulite sucked out, and I showed everyone my tattoo on my butt as Roseanne.

Speaker 1 All right, all right, that's right, yeah,

Speaker 4 Kevin Mealy. Yeah, he wrote my first sketch I was ever on, the subliminal guy.
I was the secretary. Oh, we were so nervous,

Speaker 4 And hey, we got to talk about Alec Baldwin because he was on fly on the wall and he said, my breasts look like garbage cans.

Speaker 1 Wait.

Speaker 4 Do you remember?

Speaker 1 Yeah, what did he mean by that?

Speaker 4 Yeah, that's what I want to know.

Speaker 1 I think he meant big boobs.

Speaker 1 But not garbage can.

Speaker 2 Who describes him as garbage can? The kind that you push out in the morning, the green ones?

Speaker 4 Okay, I think he's mad at me because

Speaker 4 in my book, I wrote that he, well, when we were on the set, I had to kiss him a lot

Speaker 4 when he was playing Marlon Brando and I was the 50s girl in a tight sweater on the back of it, and we had kissed. Then we had kiss in that other scene where Alec kissed everyone, even the dog member.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's green hilly.

Speaker 4 Yeah, I was the French maid. So we were doing a lot of kissing that week.
And Dana says that I had a crush on him, but I don't remember it that way.

Speaker 1 Well, what I remember you saying, because it was so specific, was that the second time he came in, you just sort of, it was a non-sequitur. I'm not going to do it.
I'm not going to do it this week.

Speaker 1 And I said, what? And he goes, I'm not. I'm not going to fall in love with him.
But you didn't mean really in love with him, but you know, he had piercing, he has piercing blue eyes.

Speaker 1 And so that by Friday, you'd rehearsed or probably rehearsed the kiss. And nope, didn't.
Sorry. I don't remember.
I didn't fell in love with it.

Speaker 2 What was with all the kisses, though? What did you not like them or something? Is that what happened?

Speaker 4 Well, I sort of liked it because my fire eater husband at the time wasn't kissing me or hugging me. And I was desperately,

Speaker 4 you know, desperate for some.

Speaker 4 I remember the fire eater.

Speaker 4 And I did enjoy all the kissing.

Speaker 2 But what do you want to stuff fire in your mouth?

Speaker 1 Are you talking about Nissan for a second? Yeah. When my headphones popped out.
Oh, yeah. So he was a fire eater.

Speaker 4 Yeah, my husband, the fire eater, and there wasn't much call for that. So he worked about once a year and he made about $100.

Speaker 1 He slowed down.

Speaker 4 I saw.

Speaker 4 Yeah, this is my little joke in my act. I go, I saw his, he made about $100 a year.
I saw his income tax return.

Speaker 4 Most of it he spent on supplies, disposable BIC lighters, fire retardant hairspray, secrets. When we got divorced, I got half of his stuff.
I got a big lighter, but I keep it as a memento.

Speaker 1 But and no, he hasn't seemed like a very good settlement of a divorce, a big lighter than two secrets.

Speaker 4 He got a he got a lot of money.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 2 I know, but you pay you in flames.

Speaker 4 I had Scarlett, and she's 38 now.

Speaker 4 Oh my gosh, she's pregnant with her third child.

Speaker 4 My grandchild.

Speaker 2 Who's the father? Hello.

Speaker 4 hello speaking of the fire eater dana was at my house for my birthday in laurel canyon one year

Speaker 1 yes

Speaker 4 i like that little house it was cool oh it was so cute and it was 150 000 in 1984 when i got it and now it's over a million

Speaker 4 it's like it's like two rooms but anyway it's on the hill and it's so charming and you have to walk 50 50 steps up to the front door and there's deer and everything. And it's so wonderful.
But

Speaker 4 so I never associate with famous people because they make me nervous, right?

Speaker 4 And I tried to be friends with an actress once. I won't say the name.
And I invited her over and stuff, but

Speaker 4 she took her shirt off in front of my husband, Nissan. What? And so I never asked her back after that.
I said, why are you taking your shirt off? She said, oh, I have it on backwards.

Speaker 4 And, you know,

Speaker 4 and so I was like, no wonder why I don't hang out with famous people. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Exactly. And you said to your husband, is that a can of wizard in your pocket? Or what's

Speaker 4 exactly?

Speaker 4 Okay.

Speaker 1 I'm just going through my head. So I can't believe Leah Thompson would do that.
Yeah. I can't believe that.

Speaker 4 I didn't say any names.

Speaker 1 Well, I'm just making that up.

Speaker 1 I'm guessing because you were in

Speaker 1 casual sex together.

Speaker 4 She does have a great body, I must say. She's great.
But anyway, she's very talented. She was in a movie once with a French accent.
I forget the name of it. She is great.
She nailed it.

Speaker 4 So anyway, what I was saying was, I was having his birthday party and I was like, Vicki, come on, invite your cast members. They're not, they're not monsters.
They're human beings, you know?

Speaker 4 And so I invited Dana and Dennis and um phil and bryn

Speaker 4 and um milt larson was there who owned the magic castle and he he gave me my big break to do stand-up at the variety arts center where i got discovered for johnny carson so he was there and

Speaker 4 um robert downey came because i had just done the pink up artist with him where i had to kiss him a lot And it was so funny. He came with a guy.
They came in the front door.

Speaker 4 They slowly walked through my whole house. I'm like, do you want to drink? Do you want to want to drink? Do you want anything to eat? And I was so proud.
I had a bathtub full of ice and drinks.

Speaker 4 I thought that was so clever because I never hosted anything. I'm like 28 or something.

Speaker 4 And Scarlett was two years old. She's 38 now.
She was two.

Speaker 2 She's in the bathtub too.

Speaker 4 And so Robert Downey slowly walks through the house, kind of like a king.

Speaker 4 Very slowly. He looks around and then walks right out the door.
Oh, no. And I was like, I've always been wondering, well, maybe there was no drugs.
Maybe there was no one. I don't know.

Speaker 4 He just woke up anyway. And I think Weird Al might have been there.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, your friends is Weird Al, right?

Speaker 4 Yeah,

Speaker 4 I still have a crush on him.

Speaker 1 Oh, look at that.

Speaker 1 I remember you and Weird Al together a lot.

Speaker 2 Here comes a song about it.

Speaker 1 I love Weird Owl.

Speaker 4 I always will

Speaker 4 after i die i love him still

Speaker 4 he should have married

Speaker 4 in 1980

Speaker 4 but but what did we know what did we know i love weirdo

Speaker 4 i always will

Speaker 4 i love after i die i love him still how do you like that you should have pardon the you should i like yourself for fire instead there's a purity to that.

Speaker 1 You know, there's a simplicity to that that kind of, it sort of has a charm.

Speaker 1 Your stuff's all charming.

Speaker 2 Well, that threw me back to weekend update.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Oh, I got to show you my handstand in Paris. My last handstand was two years ago in front of the Eiffel Tower.
I got to find it. But anyway.
Okay, so here's back to my story.

Speaker 4 Dana and Paula are at my birthday party. I'm nervous.
I'm trying to be friends with my famous co-workers who intimidate me can you imagine friends with

Speaker 4 guys are so freaking talented like right now i'm gonna have to calm down the rest of the day from like being with you

Speaker 1 well we consider you a peer yes we're all in the same world

Speaker 1 you're on saturday night live and you you

Speaker 1 know worthy

Speaker 2 I don't know. And you took the picture for my mom's magazine, which is very sweet of you.
That was up in her house house still today.

Speaker 4 I still can't believe that your mother left you in a desert with guns for eight hours while she drove away.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. Like I said, listening.

Speaker 4 I listen, man.

Speaker 4 Yeah. I'm very.

Speaker 2 You know what? It's all good and well. If no one gets shot, it's fine.
But if someone gets shot, then it's like a story.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Speaker 4 Or if you disappeared.

Speaker 4 You know, there's all that stuff now about Satanists kidnapping kids and everything.

Speaker 2 Oh, there's so much going on.

Speaker 2 I'll tell you this.

Speaker 2 You know how Dana, this is off story, but you know how they do these tricks like if they want to kidnap a woman or they tell you to watch these things around LA or wherever where they'll put like something on your car that you have to pick up or, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Something where you have to do something to stall and then they pull up in a car and grab you. So the other day I parked at a parking meter.
Heather, I didn't even tell you this.

Speaker 2 And I try to keep this stuff from you. I shield you from the real world.
So I pull up to a parking meter, but they also put fentanyl on stuff. This isn't everybody, but this happens.

Speaker 2 So I pull up at a parking meter, and I always go in my head, watch for the stuff they do. Watch for these crazy things.
They put like a fake ticket just so you'll pick it up.

Speaker 2 Then you get a little dizzy, you know. So

Speaker 2 it's a great scam. So anyway, I jam my shitty credit card into the parking meter so they can slurp all my money and it won't fit.
So I look under. There's already one in there.

Speaker 2 So somebody lost their credit card. So I took it out, I put mine in, and then I saw a parking guy.
And I said, dude, do you ever have this happen?

Speaker 2 They leave their credit card in there and do you want it?

Speaker 1 And he goes, that's your problem.

Speaker 2 And I go, all right. So

Speaker 2 I go, it's going to be Heather's problem in a minute. So I throw out my car and I, and I'll go, I'll try to get it back to the person.
And then I thought, what if that was one of those tricks?

Speaker 2 And I just fell for it. I grabbed it.
It could have been covered in fentanyl. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. What was the name on the card?

Speaker 2 Dan Garney. Is that your stage name?

Speaker 1 I was in West Hollywood and I was

Speaker 1 a year. So,

Speaker 1 you know what? That was mine. Was it a discovery card? It was a Victoria's story.
What do you want to tell us?

Speaker 4 Well, I thought it was interesting because

Speaker 4 while we were having my birthday party, a young, good-looking 17-year-old comes to the front door and he goes, is Nissan here? And I go, who are you? And he goes,

Speaker 4 can I talk to Nissan? And I go, who are you? I'm his son.

Speaker 1 And I go, what?

Speaker 4 And so I go get Nissan.

Speaker 4 And there's a blonde woman in the driveway, 50 steps down.

Speaker 4 And they talked for a while. And after the birthday party, Jane was there.
I was there. Yeah.

Speaker 4 I go, who is who? And Paula, who I adore. I adore Paula.
Paula, I adore you.

Speaker 1 She always, Paula always adored you.

Speaker 4 See, I curled my hair hair to look like Paula because hers is naturally curly. Mine isn't.

Speaker 1 It's too curly for her. So you find out that your husband has

Speaker 1 a son who's 17. You didn't know.

Speaker 4 And Paula has a perfect body and perfect hair and a perfect face. And she's the sweetest person.
Okay, so anyway, so

Speaker 4 when everyone left, I go, Nissan, is that your son? And he goes, oh, you know, that lady slept with everybody in Baltimore. She slept with with all my brothers, you know, it's not my son.

Speaker 4 So after we got divorced, the reason why they looked us up was because they thought I was on TV and I was making money. Rich.
And they're like, oh, we'll prove it that they're, you know, it's his son.

Speaker 4 So after we got divorced, Nissan took a DNA test and it was his son.

Speaker 1 Oh, boy.

Speaker 4 And the funny thing is, he looks just like Scarlett because it's Nissan's jeans and a blonde wife.

Speaker 4 And scarlet and christopher look like brother and sister christopher turned out to be a famous artist he's a really good artist his name is christopher mere m-i-r.com

Speaker 4 and and and and it's just kind of interesting how you know how life is it's like you know Nissan was 10 years older than me. And, you know, I was like a Baptist virgin when I met him.

Speaker 4 And then like, when you look back at your life, you're like,

Speaker 4 yeah. And then I remember I found letters in the closet with a baby picture.
Nissan had left the baby to go to LA to be a rock star.

Speaker 4 And there was letters saying, you were right to leave Baltimore, you know. Anyway,

Speaker 4 I'm learning new things about my husbands every day.

Speaker 2 Are you still married?

Speaker 4 I'm married to Paul, the SWAT guy helicopter police pilot.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 4 We've been married 30 years.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think I remember Paul, of course.

Speaker 4 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 4 When he came to the show for his first time

Speaker 4 to see me at SNL, because we were starting to long distance date,

Speaker 4 it happened to be the night he shot and killed the first man of his career.

Speaker 4 And I go, maybe he was anxious to see me or something.

Speaker 4 That's my little joke. Because

Speaker 1 I'm just processing that.

Speaker 4 Yeah. So picture this.
He comes to the set at 8H,

Speaker 4 and he had stayed up all night, filled out paperwork, gotten counseling because that's what happens if you kill someone.

Speaker 4 And he comes to the stage, and I'm getting out of an alien spaceship with eyeballs on my nipples because we're doing a sketch about a planet where women's eyes have mutated to their nipples because men stared at women's chests for so long.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 4 Kirsty Allen

Speaker 2 was Deion Sanders in it.

Speaker 1 no that was a different one

Speaker 4 okay go ahead sorry sorry kirsty alley was our leader and uh paul comes up you know and i i go paul this must be so surreal for you to kill someone and stay up all night see me getting out of a spaceship and he goes yes it is because that's how he talks and uh i thought man our worlds are completely opposite then i took him upstairs and i introduced him to the cast i said hey everybody this is my boyfriend the cop and mike myers goes hey, you got any war stories?

Speaker 4 COVID.

Speaker 4 COVID.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 4 I have a residual cough from COVID. So anyway, he goes, got any war stories? And Paul goes,

Speaker 4 I killed a man last night. And there was silence.

Speaker 1 Gosh.

Speaker 4 This is in my act.

Speaker 4 that because it's true and it makes everyone

Speaker 4 there was silence and i realized the comic genius minds of this century couldn't think of a comeback dana you were probably in that room do you remember yeah and it was just it just sort of hung there there was no way to come back

Speaker 4 nothing funny in any in any funny way

Speaker 1 the only one who might been able to come back maybe norm mcdonald you know there's certain comedians are you know oh yeah but i I just thought Paul was just very sincere. So I didn't want to undercut.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 4 he didn't feel bad about it because the guy was shooting at his wife because she wouldn't wife swap anymore.

Speaker 4 And the guy.

Speaker 2 The girl is old as time.

Speaker 4 So she called the SWAT team. They came.

Speaker 4 The husband pointed a gun at Paul, and he was trained: if someone points a gun at you, you shoot them. So

Speaker 4 he didn't feel bad. But

Speaker 4 we've had a very difficult marriage and it's really,

Speaker 4 really,

Speaker 4 really

Speaker 1 difficult. What is difficult about it? Yes.

Speaker 4 Oh my gosh.

Speaker 4 Well, for one thing, we disagree on the definition of adultery.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 That's a good argument. Yeah.
And I remember.

Speaker 1 What is your definition versus his?

Speaker 4 Well, I think flirting is adultery.

Speaker 4 And I think when he comes home from the gym with fake tattoos drawn on his biceps by an 18-year-old hot

Speaker 4 lifeguard, that that's inappropriate. And he thinks it's harmless workplace fun.

Speaker 4 Harmless, because he was working part-time at the gym. But anyway, we have a lot of fights about that.

Speaker 4 But

Speaker 4 I write out all my pain in songs and poems.

Speaker 4 and paintings and I just made an album of 18 songs and a lot of them are about my difficult marriage.

Speaker 1 What is the name of the album, and where can people get it?

Speaker 4 And Paul won't listen to it because you know

Speaker 2 it's called this isn't about Paul.

Speaker 1 It's called Paul listening to this podcast. I hate Paul.
Is the song

Speaker 4 actually? I did write a song called I Hate You.

Speaker 1 Here we go. Here comes the guitar.

Speaker 4 Everybody, quiet. Sometimes I fantasize we never met, we never got together, never got got reconnected and all.
So I tell my friends that this will never work

Speaker 4 and that I despise you and that you're a jerk. I would never say I hate you.

Speaker 4 All right, so there's that one.

Speaker 1 But anyway, another winner.

Speaker 1 These are better.

Speaker 4 This is called When I Get Home.

Speaker 1 What's it called?

Speaker 4 Okay. When I get home.

Speaker 4 No, when I get to Nashville.

Speaker 1 When I get to Nashville, Victoria.

Speaker 4 And see, this is my handstand in front of the.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 4 sweet. That's a famous statue in Nashville.
You know, the naked statue?

Speaker 4 And on Music Row.

Speaker 1 You got clothes on, though.

Speaker 4 Well, I do, but they don't. But like, there's songs like,

Speaker 4 How do you undo? How do you undo? I do. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 How do you undo? I do. Clever.

Speaker 4 Yes, but Chyna Phillips thought of that line.

Speaker 4 And I'm in Chyna Phillips Bible study group.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Is it online or does she live in Nashville too?

Speaker 4 No, Chyna Phillips lives in, right now she lives in the Hollywood Hills. And, you know, Billy Baldwin's her husband.
Yes. And Chyna is on fire for Jesus.
And I'm a Christian. And I was watching her.

Speaker 4 YouTube called California Preaching because her parents wrote the song California Dreamin'.

Speaker 4 Remember the mamas and the papas.

Speaker 2 Yeah, of course.

Speaker 4 Incredible. That's her parents.

Speaker 2 And like, I'm a she's a good singer, too.

Speaker 4 I'm a, oh, yeah, Wilson Phillips, China. Yeah, yeah.
And they had that hit, hold on for one more day. And

Speaker 4 China Phillips. Like, I

Speaker 4 go ahead and you can.

Speaker 1 No, no, I was faking like as if because David did, I thought it was.

Speaker 2 No, you know, when she, I asked her, say, we apologize for for when we did a songs to save the chickens with michael bolton on the show and we played we did wilson phillips and we had two extras and then farley played the oh you did i forgot that you were there you probably play i played uh dave perner from soul asylum or kurt cobain or tom petty or something but i remember that tom petty i played dylan right was that the one that was in that we're all standing and michael bolts sing instead of we are the world we were doing we are the chickens or something yeah i think i played dylan and Victoria played Roseanne Barr I was Cindy Lauper when we did the We Are of the World thing oh you Cindy Lauper yeah and

Speaker 4 they how did you they put a thing in my neck so that when I sang the big note blood would squirt out

Speaker 4 and and and it worked but you couldn't see the blood because I was wearing red plaid No.

Speaker 4 Yeah, you couldn't see blood was squirting out on your neck.

Speaker 1 That was an unforced error by the wardrobe. That usually doesn't happen.
A matching blood shirt versus comedy blood squirt.

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Speaker 2 You know, when it gets colder, I always fall in the same trap. Heavy meals, too much takeout, and suddenly I'm like, why do my jeans hate me?

Speaker 1 I know. Yeah, me too.
I mean, I'll open the fridge in December and it's like half a pizza and an orange from 1997. Not a lot of healthy options, David.
But here's the thing.

Speaker 1 Staying on track doesn't have to be impossible. Our new friends at forkfulmeals.com.
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Speaker 1 Just Just heat it, eat it, and boom, you're not calling DoorDash for the fifth time that week.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's not just about eating better. It's about time.
I'd rather spend 30 minutes working on a bit for my hilarious act than 30 minutes staring into my oven going, is this thing even on?

Speaker 1 Right?

Speaker 1 This is that one little thing that keeps you sane during the cold months. No stress, no junk, just done.

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Your future self will thank you.

Speaker 1 Yes, thank you for not feeding me the leftover lasagna for the 12th time.

Speaker 4 The wardrobe department was was so great.

Speaker 4 That one time I said, I want to be a Christmas tree and do a handstand.

Speaker 4 And Pam, she came up with this brilliant costume. I still have it.
And it was a Christmas tree. And I said, you have to balance all the ornaments because I'm balancing upside down.

Speaker 4 They're geniuses, that wardrobe.

Speaker 1 They are, really. The wardrobe, the makeup, the crew, everybody

Speaker 1 couldn't make it. But they can improvise something up really fast.

Speaker 1 We need Victoria to come out of a giant cupcake.

Speaker 1 You have 20 minutes.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Right away, sir.

Speaker 4 Yes. Yeah.
And you get spoiled. And every job after that is so much worse.
You know,

Speaker 1 it's all slow motion. Wow.

Speaker 4 You know, you know, movies.

Speaker 2 Well, go back to China Phillips. We interrupted you.
I'm sorry.

Speaker 4 Oh, well, China thought of that line.

Speaker 4 So, like, we have these, this group called California Healing, and we read the Bible and pray together. She made me one of the leaders.
I have to do it tonight, actually.

Speaker 4 And we pray and study the Bible. And Chyna is really good with

Speaker 4 funny, she's very funny. She's very charming.
And I was,

Speaker 4 I loved her YouTube channel. So I would always write stuff and she wrote back.
And then,

Speaker 4 yeah, anyway, we're in this group together. And

Speaker 4 so she said, how do you undo, I do? And I said, China, can I steal that? I thought of a song for it. And she didn't get mad.
So.

Speaker 2 No 50 bucks for her?

Speaker 4 No, she doesn't need it.

Speaker 1 I don't think.

Speaker 2 On the house.

Speaker 4 But,

Speaker 2 but. Well, it's flattering when someone tells you something and they have a comedian say.

Speaker 2 I have people go, oh my God, you can use anything I say. That would be nice.
It'd be fun for me. So I think she's flattered.

Speaker 4 Well, John Lovitz wrote me Victoria's Secrets on the show, and I still do that in my stand-up act.

Speaker 4 Oh, good. Do you remember Victoria's Secrets?

Speaker 1 How does that bit go?

Speaker 4 Well,

Speaker 4 I was always very uncomfortable doing

Speaker 4 seduction and arrogance. I've analyzed SNL my whole life since I've been gone from it.

Speaker 4 And because in the Baptist church, I was taught, don't be seductive, don't be arrogant.

Speaker 4 And jan hoax was really good at those and i was really good at well jan hoax was good at everything okay yeah she was great but i don't think she can play innocent that's my specialty that was you yeah i'm getting yeah i am getting bitter in my old age so

Speaker 4 i don't know if i'm so good at playing innocent anymore and i've been working on seductive and arrogant for 30 years so maybe i can pull it off we all have give me a little seduction

Speaker 1 What would be that attitude?

Speaker 4 Well, it's the Victoria Secrets thing. And John Lovitz wrote it for me.
Okay, I go, I have three secrets I'd like to share with you, but don't tell anyone. It'll just be our little secret.

Speaker 4 My first secret is a lot of men ask me,

Speaker 4 Are you as dumb as you appear on the show?

Speaker 4 And I say, I don't know.

Speaker 4 I never watched the show.

Speaker 4 My second secret, can you hear me? I'm talking quiet.

Speaker 2 Yes, we're giving you.

Speaker 1 We're just making sure we're looking.

Speaker 4 My second secret is a lot of men ask me, How do you like it?

Speaker 4 And I say, like, what?

Speaker 4 And they say, you know,

Speaker 4 your sex.

Speaker 4 And I say, you mean my sex, like being a woman or like having it

Speaker 4 and they say the second one

Speaker 4 and I say

Speaker 4 I forgot which one was the second one

Speaker 4 and they say Victoria stop doing that stupid character and I say I'm not doing a character and they get mad and walk away

Speaker 4 My third secret. Anyway, there's more.

Speaker 2 No, there how many other? 100?

Speaker 4 The next one. That's good.

Speaker 1 Now let's see. Arrogance.
Yeah. What do you got?

Speaker 4 Oh, arrogance. Ooh, arrogance.

Speaker 4 Oh, that's hard.

Speaker 2 Your hair looks good. It's curly.

Speaker 4 Pop an attitude. Well, I curled it for you to look like Paula.

Speaker 1 I know.

Speaker 1 Oh, Paula's going to be so happy.

Speaker 2 Paul listens to all these and she was

Speaker 2 so happy to know you were giving all these comments.

Speaker 4 I love her so much.

Speaker 1 She's, she's adorable.

Speaker 4 She is.

Speaker 2 What is that album called? Because you're going to, we want to give you a picture.

Speaker 4 Oh, it's

Speaker 4 nobody buys CDs anymore. So I just did it for me.

Speaker 4 It's on streaming on Amazon. It's called When I Get to Nashville.
And then there's some stand-up at the end. And one song is like a dog.

Speaker 4 When I get to Nashville, I'm going to knock them to death.

Speaker 4 I'm still trying to get to sing at the grand old Opry, and they're not having me. I don't know why.

Speaker 2 Well, wait till this comes out, and people start slurping that up off of Amazon.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Okay, arrogance.

Speaker 4 I am the best singer. No, I can't.

Speaker 4 Give me some lines. Give me some lines.

Speaker 2 It's funny. You're so not arrogant, which is.

Speaker 1 Well, I just stood as a character. Let me tell you something.

Speaker 1 You know, we could very easily come to your house, you know, and flick you with our little finger and you fly across the room and land in your own own baby poop.

Speaker 1 That's coy arrogance.

Speaker 2 Franz arrogance.

Speaker 1 This is Hans was almost effeminate in his elegance.

Speaker 4 Oh, I made up a poem once about an arrogant girl.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 4 It goes, my name's Lucy and I'm rough and I'm tough.

Speaker 4 No one calls me sissy names or any of that stuff. No one walks to school with me because I am too cool.
Everybody wants to though, and they really wish they could. Wait, because I am too good.

Speaker 4 Everybody wants to though, and they really wish they could, but they knew I would show them up because I,

Speaker 4 next to all my looks and charm, they feel like a fool. No one invites me to parties because they know if they did, I'd win all the prizes because I'm the most talented kid.

Speaker 4 Being smart in every subject is my philosophy. The whole world would be a much better place if this one thing could be, that everyone was exactly like me.

Speaker 4 I've had enough of stupid people, they just get in the way. I'm content to be alone, and that's the way I'll stay.
I've had enough of stupid humanity, I'll leave them on a shelf.

Speaker 4 The only thing I can't figure out how to do is enjoy kissing myself.

Speaker 1 I like it. That last line was very interesting.

Speaker 4 Heavy, can't kiss yourself.

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 unless you have a mirror.

Speaker 4 yeah.

Speaker 1 I guess you could close as you can get.

Speaker 1 So, how much stand-up do you do? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4 Well, I was doing it every week, you know. Kevin Nealon got me into stand-up because

Speaker 4 when I got on Johnny Carson, I only had like 12 minutes, I had six good minutes, and then I had four minutes of B material.

Speaker 4 And I got on Johnny Carson in 83.

Speaker 4 And then he said that he wants you back. He gave me the okay thing.
Yeah. He goes, but I go, I only have my B material.
And Jim Macaulay goes, okay, do that. And then he wants you at the panel.

Speaker 4 So I did that. And then the third time he goes, Johnny wants you back, but it has to be something really big.
And I go, I had nothing. I had nothing else.
Because I never like toured and then got SNL.

Speaker 4 I like got SNL and then I toured to milk it so I can make money so I can send my kids to a Christian school. But anyway,

Speaker 4 so

Speaker 4 so

Speaker 4 the third time I go something really big.

Speaker 4 So I'm like,

Speaker 4 so I thought I'll do my balance beam routine from when I was a gymnast and I'll sing a song. No one's ever done gymnastics while singing.
I did a handstand poetry.

Speaker 4 That was my first carson doing a poem upside down. But no one had ever mixed gymnastics on a balance beam with singing.
So I made up this song called Angry Woman.

Speaker 4 And it was based on the fact that my coach in college never told me I made small college nationals because she didn't like me.

Speaker 4 And I found out years after, why weren't you at the small college nationals? I didn't know I made it.

Speaker 4 I wrote this song. I am an angry woman.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've got a streak in my hair.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I like to air my dirty laundry.

Speaker 4 If you don't like me, honey, I don't care. I drink a cuss of smoke, I swear it's bitch.
It ain't my problem if you don't like it. I hate you, young go, pinko, jerko.

Speaker 4 I need a little love. And then I would do my balance beam routine.
Now that is on YouTube right now. Oh boy.
Because Jim McCauley knew that someday I would want this on video.

Speaker 4 It was the hardest thing I ever did. Four-inch balance beam, live TV, Johnny Carson, not fall.
Because it's funnier if I don't fall off the beam. If I act did see and I don't fall, it's way funnier.

Speaker 4 So I

Speaker 4 did it.

Speaker 4 I didn't fall. I almost fell,

Speaker 4 but I didn't fall. Did these hard tricks? I went to the gym for three months to learn some of the tricks back.
I was

Speaker 4 24, so I was way older than a peeking gymnast at 15. I remember,

Speaker 4 and you guys, I'm talking too much.

Speaker 2 No, wait, wait, what is this story? It's great. So, Johnny likes it.
How does it go?

Speaker 1 Johnny loved you. You were on there 20 times, right?

Speaker 4 Yes, he loved it.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 4 But my, what was the point of my story?

Speaker 2 My story is your third one, you're supposed to do something big. You came with some Kevin was going to help you.

Speaker 1 Oh, Kevin was standing.

Speaker 4 This is how it started.

Speaker 4 So, so then I got SML,

Speaker 4 which was you know what it was because you were there. Now, I'm and so now

Speaker 4 after SNL, and I lost all my money and divorced, and I married a cop, got no money. So, then I was trapped in the suburbs of Miami.

Speaker 4 I had no friends, no one spoke English, and I, nobody was making me laugh all day.

Speaker 4 But anyway, I love raising my kids. But Kevin Nealon calls me one day.
I just broken my wrist, I think,

Speaker 4 accidentally. And

Speaker 4 he

Speaker 4 looked like it was on purpose because it was cut right on my wrist from dishwasher.

Speaker 1 Oh, I see.

Speaker 4 I took a wine glass out of the dishwasher and it sliced my wrist. And I was in the hospital, Miami, going, I wasn't trying to commit suicide.
I do hate being a housewife. I do hate Miami.

Speaker 4 Maybe it was subconscious. I don't know.
But

Speaker 4 so anyway, Kevin Mealing calls me. He goes, it was like 97.

Speaker 4 And he goes, would you open for me in Vegas? And I go, Kevin, I don't have a stand-up act. I have like 10 minutes.
That was from a long time ago,

Speaker 4 which involves a handstand. I can't do one right now.
And he goes, no, all you need is like 20 minutes.

Speaker 4 What did you do on Carson? I go, I can't remember. So I looked up my Carson tapes.
And I'm like, oh, I told a poem and I did a handstand, then I played ukulele.

Speaker 4 And then, and he, and so anyway, I opened for Kevin for a bunch of times. And

Speaker 4 the little joke was

Speaker 4 I videoed him and Lovett's once in this limo. And I go, Kevin, why did you think of me to open for you? And he goes, because I wanted someone who wasn't that strong.

Speaker 4 You know, you don't want your opener to, you know, be

Speaker 4 strong.

Speaker 4 And and uh, I go, you know, it's because I wasn't that good,

Speaker 4 so I wouldn't show him off, you know what I mean.

Speaker 1 Well, it's also that you're just totally opposite, yeah, you're different than him, yeah, which is good.

Speaker 4 So, so I started doing it with him, and then I got to go to Vegas. And I did one or two, I did uh, Y2K with Dana and Dennis, and in Minnesota,

Speaker 4 yes, we did you, meet Dennis, and Kevin, we and everyone thought it it was the end of the world so not many people came

Speaker 4 and uh then i did a bunch of shows with piscapo i opened for him and then i so i was doing it like once or twice a month for my whole motherhood years in the 90s and then when the tea party started and uh i was in this club and i and i wrote this little song called white men are good

Speaker 4 white men are good

Speaker 4 my daddy was a white man my brother is a white man.

Speaker 4 White men invented everything. White men invented the universities.
White men invented the English language. White men invented airplanes.
White men invented cars. White men.

Speaker 1 And then. Good resume.

Speaker 4 Yeah. So I sang that song.
The audience was like,

Speaker 4 because it was the beginning of,

Speaker 4 you know,

Speaker 1 not supposed to say that.

Speaker 4 Yeah. What do you call that when you're not allowed to say things? Censorship.
Um,

Speaker 4 what was before woke? It was way before woke, it was like politically correct, yeah, it was 2010, and I thought comics were supposed to be brave and daring and break the rules. But oh, no, no,

Speaker 4 don't say white men are good.

Speaker 4 White men were getting on bad rap all the time. I'm like, people,

Speaker 4 anyway,

Speaker 4 they told my agent at APA, and and she goes, I can't send you out anymore.

Speaker 1 Oh my.

Speaker 4 And she said, all the club owners are liberals

Speaker 4 and you're becoming an outspoken conservative and

Speaker 4 I can't send you anywhere. So then I'm like, okay, I wanted to quit anyway.
I don't like traveling.

Speaker 4 But I just was so surprised that in America with freedom of speech, we can't have freedom of speech anymore. And now you know what's been happening.

Speaker 4 And now I'm so proud that i'm proud that dana is doing making fun of biden which is the unforgivable sin and i'm glad that rob schneider is saying i can say whatever i want people

Speaker 4 freedom of speech i'm very proud that people are fighting back and even seinfeld is saying hey come on freedom of speech

Speaker 2 Yeah, it is tough on comedy in general to do to be, you know, tamped down a little bit. And you just want to say what

Speaker 2 the thing that people want to say, or the thing that people aren't saying, or just try to break the rules. Like, it used to be very, like, you have to be outrageous, you know.

Speaker 2 And it's, it's definitely toned it down a little bit, I have to say.

Speaker 4 Dana, your Biden things are super funny.

Speaker 2 Isn't he funny? Thank you.

Speaker 1 I, I may, that was kind of a personal challenge just because

Speaker 1 in the beginning, there wasn't much there. You know, my father lost his job, that kind of thing.
And then as he went along, I added in, you know, I could do the bar,

Speaker 1 you know, and added in a lot of hooks. And I got it to the point where I thought it was really funny.
And so I didn't really care if anyone had a problem with it.

Speaker 1 I just thought, we got to be able to do the president of the United States. Hello.

Speaker 1 If it's a Republican or Democrat, it's our job to kind of tug on the king's.

Speaker 4 Corn pop was a bad dude.

Speaker 2 That's true. Come on.

Speaker 1 This is my one that kind of broke it. It was, there's no crisis at the border.
How do you know, sir? Because it says so in the piece of paper.

Speaker 4 Yes.

Speaker 1 And then he came out for the border a little while ago. I just thought it was funny.
I'll shut a border faster than anyone's ever shut a board. But you said before, get your facts straight, Jack.

Speaker 1 Beat the hell out of you. I kind of shut a border, border patrol, the border.
Can't believe it's not butter. So then it was so silly that he always ends with this declarative

Speaker 1 slogan. So people accept it, but now everyone's doing him, obviously.

Speaker 1 The dam is broken open.

Speaker 4 You are a trendsetter.

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Speaker 2 Victoria, before we let you go, I wanted to say, I do remember you did a lot of tunces, didn't you? Toons is the driving cat.

Speaker 4 I was so happy because I didn't have any lines. And it was a hit sketch, and I didn't have to do anything.
Me and Dana were in a lot of tunces.

Speaker 1 We were in a lot of tunces, and there was one time, you know, they got the cards. We're in the fake car.
And

Speaker 1 this happens to all of us, but it was your line. And the guy was pointing, and you were just kind of enjoying the scene.
And I started kicking you.

Speaker 1 Kind of like that. And then you go, and I know.
And then he went, oh, and then you hit your line. It's just funny.
We all do that.

Speaker 2 The lines are usually like, Toonces, you shouldn't be driving over here on the wrong side of the road.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and that was a great use of the character that you would play on the show often, the sincere, sweet

Speaker 1 character. Toon says, don't do that.

Speaker 4 You know, so jack candy is the greatest they had me and dana be brother and sister a lot or husband wife or they had us in our underwear remember when we had to wear our underwear and don't go down to the basement yeah yeah we had a lot of them yeah

Speaker 1 you were you were

Speaker 1 was that the name of the sketch yeah

Speaker 4 don't go down to the basement and i was felt so naked i don't feel naked doing gymnastics on the update desk with my butt in the air because that was my whole childhood.

Speaker 4 But I feel naked standing upright in my underwear.

Speaker 2 Well, the idea, it's a uniform versus your underpants. And even though they look the same,

Speaker 2 one seems like normal.

Speaker 4 Well, also,

Speaker 4 Dana, when you were on other fly on the walls, you were talking about the Italian restaurant where you were

Speaker 4 humping me with my legs in the air.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that was one of the biggest laughs that I've ever participated in. I wasn't really doing much.
It was just the situation and the

Speaker 1 scenario. And it's true that right before they said, maybe don't do it or do it as much or move around as much, but we just did it.
And it was a big laugh. And you were the perfect one to do it with.

Speaker 4 Well, the funny part to me is I didn't know anything. All of a sudden, people come up and they go, Siobhan.
quit this sketch. You have to do it.
I go, what sketch? Nobody told me anything.

Speaker 4 I didn't have time to say, you you get cloud. Yeah, I go, I didn't have time to say, I'm a Christian.
I don't think that would be appropriate. I didn't have any time.
He's like, go out there.

Speaker 4 I go, what am I doing? What am I doing? They go, get on the table, stick your legs in the air.

Speaker 1 I'm like,

Speaker 1 okay.

Speaker 4 And then Dana's like, you know, and I'm like,

Speaker 4 I don't even think I knew that was a sex position. I might be exaggerating, but I don't, I don't know that I knew that.
But anyway, it did seem really wrong. And it seemed x-rated.

Speaker 4 But anyway, then it was aired. And then, but Dana's my friend.

Speaker 4 And I thought, that's pretty funny.

Speaker 1 Well, because it was you and me, it was just innocent and silly in the big picture. And also

Speaker 1 that I'm still yelling about some order or something. You know, I've got your legs over my shoulders.
Hey, what do you want? Come on.

Speaker 2 I've got Puccino

Speaker 1 down there.

Speaker 1 It was pretty vaudevillian in a little body.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 funny with the sound off, like that visual within that Italian sketch based on these extraordinarily horny Italian waiters, one of the biggest laughs I've ever been a part of. Cantori.

Speaker 4 Okay,

Speaker 4 to answer your question about how much I do stand up, and then I'll quit talking and you guys can go back to your life.

Speaker 4 I did Vegas about two weeks ago. So I'm not blacklisted.
I think the country's getting their common sense back into their brains, and I'm not blacklisted. And it was a small place.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 The only problem was I was coughing, my residual COVID cough. That was kind of unnerving for the audience, but

Speaker 2 that you gave them a COVID.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think things are loosening up a little bit. I think there was so much exhaustion over you can say this, say that, that at this point, it's kind of like no one, no one has to come to your show.

Speaker 1 Just don't or watch anything they want to watch, you know, right?

Speaker 1 If you don't like a nice special, don't watch it. I mean, it's just freedom.

Speaker 1 Maybe this is controversial. What if the screen just went completely black and our podcast was canceled?

Speaker 1 I know, Victoria, we love you and we miss you. And if you come to Southern California, please reach out.
Okay.

Speaker 4 Thanks for your podcast. It's super good and entertaining.
And we appreciate David and Dana's laughs that you've given us all these years

Speaker 1 geez thank you

Speaker 2 you're still so sweet you're also very funny i mean just the way you're telling these stories it's hysterical so you still have all this stuff there is there's a funny thing that there's a funny bone there that no one else does it's it's just a very

Speaker 1 honest quirky unexpected language you're using unexpected moments of honesty i'm going to make you self-conscious about your gift so then it'll you won't be able to do it anymore okay i'm kidding you can't it's like gum on your shoe you're just funny you're just funny just funny so um all the best uh we all miss you and we want to see more of you

Speaker 1 oh you have a closing song

Speaker 2 same song closer

Speaker 1 i forgot how it went something about buzz buzz squat squat yeah buzz buzz squat all right we did it bye sweetie This has been a presentation of Odyssey.

Speaker 2 Please follow, subscribe, leave a like, a review, all the stuff, smash that button, whatever it is, wherever you get your podcasts.

Speaker 2 Fly in the Wall is executive and produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss-Berman of Odyssey, and Heather Santoro. The show's lead producer is Greg Holtzman.