SUPERFLY #63 - Spoiler Alert!

Speaker 1 Hey, David, when it comes to gifting, you know, I've learned there are two types of presents. Okay.

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Cold mornings, holiday plans, endless to-do lists.

Speaker 2 I just want my wardrobe to be simple, Dana. I just want pieces that look sharp, feel amazing.

Speaker 1 Makes sense.

Speaker 2 And I'll use every day. You know what I mean? That's Quince.
That's it. The best part.
Their pieces

Speaker 2 make effortless gifts also.

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Speaker 2 Wool coats that are both stylish and built to last. Their denim fits perfectly.
It's nutty comfortable, all without the high-end price tag.

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Speaker 1 I've been living in their cashmere sweaters lately. They hold up beautifully even through holiday chaos.
And Quince isn't just clothes. They've got amazing options for home, bath, kitchen, and travel.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. I picked up a few for myself and a few to gift, and it's all stuff people actually love.

Speaker 2 Give and get get timeless holiday staples that last this season with Quince. Go to quince.com slash fly for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.
Now available in Canada, too.

Speaker 2 That's q-u-in-ce-e.com slash fly. Free shipping, 365-day returns.

Speaker 1 Quince.com/slash fly. It's called a rabbit hole, David.
We went down it.

Speaker 2 We went down it, but it did remind me of, I've not been to the

Speaker 2 funny bone in in Yugoslavia, but I did do the Brea improv last week to get ready for the tour.

Speaker 1 DavidSpay.com

Speaker 1 and yes.

Speaker 2 Yeah. So I do the tour, so I have to warm up.
You've done this, Dana. You go to clubs, but you have to mix in some new stuff.
So it's a little tricky.

Speaker 1 Especially when the special comes out.

Speaker 2 Well, when the special comes out, I have to integrate. a mix for a while.

Speaker 1 Right. So what do you, what's your, how many, how many minutes do you have right now that are not part of the special? Three, four?

Speaker 1 No, I got like six.

Speaker 1 Six minutes. So hard-earned money.

Speaker 1 Get your David Spade tickets.

Speaker 2 Well, it's the special and then there will be some. Yeah, of course.
I mean, it will just always be evolving.

Speaker 2 I mean, when I started my last tour to do the special, it was just different by the end, you know, because I'm adding and subtracting. Yeah.
And so it's always in a flux of being mixed around.

Speaker 2 Sometimes I'll pull old bits bits from the first special, or I'll do this and that. But Brea, here's my hot opener.
You want to hear it?

Speaker 1 Okay. Brea is a 400-seat improv theater in the town of Brea.

Speaker 2 Brea, California. It's inland about an hour and a half.

Speaker 1 It's considered an improv. It's part of the improv ecosystem.

Speaker 2 I think it was 600-seater. It's pretty big.
It's like

Speaker 1 600? Gosh, a cheap. Good one.
All right, let me introduce you, ladies and gentlemen, from you know him from shoot, just shoot me

Speaker 1 and rules of engagement. Please welcome Dana Spudley.

Speaker 2 So, Spudly comes out.

Speaker 1 You come out.

Speaker 2 And then I say, Oh my God, it's great to be here in Brea. Did you know what your city's motto is?

Speaker 2 No one knows. And I say, It's Brea, almost bread.

Speaker 2 Nothing. And then I go,

Speaker 2 You'll get the D when you get here.

Speaker 1 I go,

Speaker 2 how would city council think of that so you're either on a roll or you've just dug a hole they laugh anyway because they don't know it's even if they don't get it they go oh brea is spelled like almost bread i got it well you're like you're famous man hanging out with you is like hanging out with mickey mouse at disney

Speaker 1 i mean i just fade into the background which i i do love but yeah you are famous

Speaker 1 riddle me this like your special's coming out and the name of it is which i love

Speaker 2 i got a feel for this got a feel for this that is so perfect for you and of course you did that in the 50th and oh no wait wait dana i just got a correction uh

Speaker 2 the tour is i got a feel for this the special is dandelion we just announced the special finally on amazon now we can talk about it oh okay got it uh can i hear the backstory of dandelion just for a second yeah i'm just uh there's a bit in there where i talk about

Speaker 2 when i almost got in a fight at mcdonald's and i say i'm a bit of a dandelion but you wouldn't believe it from seeing how tough I am on TV and in the movies.

Speaker 1 But okay.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And so I go, I cannot.
And because the guy I'm fighting has a cinder block. And I'm like, I cannot get hit by a cinder block.
Not with these brittle bones, folks.

Speaker 2 Like, it's just like, I'm always getting pushed around, and I'm such a fucking puss.

Speaker 1 You're like, sort of, what are those things when you're a kid and you blow on them and they're willow, they kind of flow, fly away?

Speaker 2 That's a dandelion.

Speaker 1 Oh, that is a dandelion. Bing, bing, bing, bing.
That's perfect. Okay, that is good.

Speaker 2 That's how fragile I am.

Speaker 1 I do like that. Now, I got,

Speaker 1 I've had bad names. Like my first one, Critics' Choice, really worked.
It was kind of pre-Web. So my sister would call me and say, you got Critics' Choice again every time it was on Comedy Central.

Speaker 1 I thought it was a new thing. It's good.
Perennial. So the second one, I did a bit about what kind of religion would blow away a Scientologist.

Speaker 1 And it was this long, bizarre religion where Scientologists would go, wow, that religion is crazy.

Speaker 1 And the end of the ceremony in the church of this religion, they would say, squatting monkeys tell no lies.

Speaker 1 So I remember calling our manager, Mark Gerbert, and say, Yeah, what are you going to call it? What are you going to call it? Best of data coffee? No, I'm going to go.

Speaker 1 Get a funny title. Go ahead.
Give it to me. Call it squatting monkeys tell no lies.
Must have been a 10-second pause.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 2 Are you joking, or is that the one you're going to go with?

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 That's the real one? Okay. That's the real one.
That's it. Squatting monkeys.

Speaker 2 then and then people are gonna let that think that's funny, they like that

Speaker 2 they never know because they handle so many comedians, they don't know when everyone's being serious or not.

Speaker 1 No, they don't know, they thought it was a fake, funny title. You're like, it's a funny one, good, dandelions, good.
I mean, an alt to that would be lighter than air, um, Mr.

Speaker 2 Light the loafers, Mr.

Speaker 1 Brill Bones, lighter, Mr. Burrow Bones, and you got a little top hat in the poster, Mr.

Speaker 1 Biddle.

Speaker 2 Well, the tagline when I just sent it out was, hey, dandelion, you don't want to blow this guy.

Speaker 1 Okay, that's pretty funny. All right.

Speaker 1 I like a good pun. You don't want to blow these bones.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And then fucking Amazon was like this.

Speaker 1 Yeah. What do you want to say? And I go, it's funny.
We're a little more for we sell stereos over here. We don't, you know, it's Amazon.

Speaker 2 It does everything. So this is Amazon Prime.

Speaker 1 Woo. Amazon.

Speaker 1 I love amazon because their whole movie studio is just kind of a throwaway if it makes a profit fine the same with apple yeah yeah yeah we're selling transistor radios like a million a transistor we focus on the doomsday prepper yeah

Speaker 2 and we sell beef paper towels going out five million a minute so you know but amazon's good because they have a built-in crowd of about a trillion that just everyone's on amazon so it's great because they're like while you're here

Speaker 2 do you want to watch this goofballs special? And everyone's like, all right.

Speaker 1 No, I think it's good. I mean, we love Ted Sarandos and Netflix.

Speaker 1 It's just, it's such a giant ecosystem. And when you see an Amazon stand-up special, it pops a little bit because there's not like 9 million of them.

Speaker 2 If Ted's listening right now, I'd feel bad. He's going to have to pull over and just go.

Speaker 1 No, I have

Speaker 1 something to say. I have something to say about Ted and Netflix.

Speaker 1 And it's a good thing. Okay, go ahead.
Because I've been trying to figure out this whole trade wars and tariffs. You know, tariffs,

Speaker 1 what is it? What are we doing? You know, so I ran into a guy

Speaker 1 who's from Brooklyn, right? And he kind of says, you know,

Speaker 1 you got to understand, you know, first of all, you know, in China, they got like cheap labor, right? China, they got cheap labor. Like, pay people two cents a month to assemble iPhones, okay?

Speaker 1 Two cents a month, the boss gets a nickel a month. So out here, we pay ourselves, you know, we pay our workers a lot of living wage, you know, five, ten, eight thousand a month.

Speaker 1 So if we made the iPhones in America, if we assembled them here instead of China, we pay $67,000 for an iPhone 6.

Speaker 2 Oh, is that what? Is that the problem?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Well, the thing is, is we don't make a lot of stuff.
So we import stuff, you know. This was this guy talking to me.
Yeah, I like it. I'm learning from this guy.

Speaker 2 By the way, Trump said they're terrific.

Speaker 1 He did? He really? The tariffs are terrific.

Speaker 1 That sounds like he might have said that. It's terrific.

Speaker 1 It's terrific.

Speaker 1 But this guy goes, you know, here's the thing. America, we don't got a lot of stuff.
So we got to get from other countries. We get our bananas from South America.
We got our avocados from Mexico.

Speaker 1 We get transistors. China makes us solar panels.
What do we got? We got what they call services. So what we're going to do is give everybody in the world a free five-year subscription to Hulu.
Hulu?

Speaker 1 That's the giving away. You give us our bananas.
You give us our solar panels. We use Netflix in Europe, free subscriptions.

Speaker 1 And I'm calling out Ted Serroundos today via this guy I talked to the other day.

Speaker 1 And remember, free subscription. That's our big thing.
Netflix and Hulu. This is what we make.
now.

Speaker 1 We don't make tires. We don't make steel.

Speaker 2 No, it's true. But

Speaker 2 I think Ted might help you out on that one.

Speaker 2 If you could connect him with that guy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I could connect with that guy. He just said at the end of the day, he goes, you make what you make.

Speaker 1 We make rubber chicken capische.

Speaker 2 I like the end of the day. That's what Gerbit says.
Listen, the landscape has changed.

Speaker 1 At the end of the day.

Speaker 1 Here's

Speaker 1 at the end of the day. You know, I think it's better to dance with the devil you bet.
You know,

Speaker 1 than try to go out and get a new devil. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Dance with the one who brung you.

Speaker 1 There's no shortage of devils. So if you see one, just cozy up to that devil.
You don't want to get a dandy.

Speaker 2 Yeah, the devil you know is better than devil you don't know.

Speaker 1 How about this one? David Spade, afraid to fight back.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 David Spade, constantly angry

Speaker 2 because his dad left him.

Speaker 1 David Spade, a hot oven.

Speaker 2 David Spade, Road Rage, extraordinaire.

Speaker 2 No, I was going to ask you, Dana, if you've seen,

Speaker 2 if you saw the big finale of White Lotus. This is a really hot topic.

Speaker 1 Not anymore, but.

Speaker 1 I did not see it, but tell us about it.

Speaker 2 Quickly, I did see the porn version, of course. It's already out white blow your low down my throtus.
But also,

Speaker 2 this one is the.

Speaker 1 You can't get that X-rated, Ryan.

Speaker 1 That's like, that's two blowjob blow-job jokes.

Speaker 2 I know. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. This is the.

Speaker 1 That was a good one. That was a good one.

Speaker 1 You got a ha ha ha.

Speaker 2 It's got Patrick Schwarzenegger, who's a friend of the show. He

Speaker 1 let's get Patrick on this.

Speaker 2 You know what I did? I talked to him last week because I was, I just text him.

Speaker 2 I just put filth in all caps because the show is like getting really dirty at the end.

Speaker 2 And he winds up. These are spoilers.
So if you haven't seen, I don't know why you'd still be not watching it yet, but he and his family are one of the like nine storylines.

Speaker 2 It's a little hard to follow if you're a simpleton like me, but he is part of a family where he does drugs out there. There's these two pretty girls, one has buck teeth, and they all, he tries to do a

Speaker 2 threesome or foursome, but his brother is part of it.

Speaker 2 And it gets a little itchy because in the truth or dare, they make him kiss his brother. And

Speaker 2 it even gets a little more than that. but um so that's pure filth yeah i know you're like

Speaker 1 why are they trying to

Speaker 1 white lotus is a big franchise i mean why are they intentionally trying to destroy white lotus well it's it's where do you go from there so this one has a little incest

Speaker 2 so that's that's my theory but it's still it is a good show you're right i don't know if they need to go that it's a great show Everyone wants to push it.

Speaker 2 The girl we just mentioned, there's a cute girl, Amy Lou

Speaker 2 Wood.

Speaker 2 Yeah, everyone loves her. And she has what's known on the streets as buck teeth.
But I think everyone thinks they're super cute. And even dentists have chimed in going, we should wrangle those in.

Speaker 2 But she refuses to do it because it works for her.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 she has a cute, kind of a cute bear or puppy dog face and sort of full cheeks. Yeah.
And thick hair. So they don't.
Beaver. They're not, if she lost a lot of weight, it'd be like,

Speaker 1 are those teeth attached to a human?

Speaker 2 Most of her weight is in her teeth.

Speaker 1 I work hard. People are saying now the guy on the left needs to button one more button.

Speaker 2 Nope. He needs to button one more down.

Speaker 1 Wow. Really? You want to see a navel?

Speaker 2 No, that's that's Walt Goggins, but he looks cool.

Speaker 2 He's older than her.

Speaker 2 What is she, Heather? How old do you think she is? 24, 25, something like that?

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 30.

Speaker 1 Uh, he is supposed to be the older guy, right?

Speaker 2 That because Parker Posey, you know, Parker, she's like, Popper, no,

Speaker 1 right?

Speaker 1 She's 31.

Speaker 2 Oh, okay. Parker Posey is great.
She's in it, and of course, we should we should drag her on here just because I knew her in the old days. We did coneds together, meet, meet, and uh, oh, yeah,

Speaker 1 okay, she was hilarious. Patrick Schwarzenegger, we've got Parker Posey, We've got your new special called Hot White, Hot

Speaker 1 Dandelion.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And we've got this girl who at the end,

Speaker 2 Leslie Bibb is in it. Yeah, that's, I mean, there's a ton of people in White Lotus, but this girl with that guy, that guy has got an anger issue from growing up about his dad.

Speaker 2 And in the finale, turn your headphones down.

Speaker 1 Do you not know?

Speaker 1 Do you not know?

Speaker 2 I can't even tell Heather.

Speaker 1 I haven't watched one episode, but now it's ruined for me.

Speaker 2 You're going to close your ears? Are you going to watch it? Yeah. Okay, I can't tell it then.
But I will say,

Speaker 2 oh, she

Speaker 2 unfortunately, someone shoots at him.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 Bucky bites a bullet. I'll just say that.
Sadly,

Speaker 2 she gets a strike.

Speaker 1 No, you don't take out a cute young woman. I know.

Speaker 2 Everyone got mad.

Speaker 1 Everyone likes her. That didn't happen.
Now tell us what really happened.

Speaker 2 Patrick Schwarzenegger has a crush on her in the show.

Speaker 1 And his brother, right?

Speaker 2 And he has a real thing for his brother.

Speaker 1 I can't keep track.

Speaker 2 Dude, I can't even tell you what happens. You're not ready, but it's not that bad, but it's bad.

Speaker 1 You know what's huge right now globally?

Speaker 1 Gun smoke. The Western gun smoke.
No, is it? It's huge. Billions of minutes.
I mean, I'm watching Westerns. I'm watching housing shows.
I'm not watching this filth on this is pure trash.

Speaker 1 I don't like weight loaders.

Speaker 2 Hang on, Heather's yelling. What is it? They'd all taken a drug and were drinking all night.

Speaker 1 They were all really fucked up.

Speaker 2 No, they were really fucked up.

Speaker 2 But I will say,

Speaker 2 she's saying when the guy gave Patrick a hand job, his brother, he was on drugs. That didn't happen.
It didn't? No.

Speaker 2 He said it did.

Speaker 2 The guy says,

Speaker 2 the girls tell him

Speaker 2 why did they.

Speaker 2 no but the girls said he did it and he goes no no no and then the guy said i just did it because i knew it makes you happy

Speaker 1 what

Speaker 2 dana just turned off the podcast dana no i'm just checking it up

Speaker 1 all right nope okay all right all right

Speaker 2 and then and then emmy lou wood almost

Speaker 2 gave him a BJ because she thought it was a log of wood.

Speaker 2 She wanted to chew on it because she's a beaver.

Speaker 2 because she's got her

Speaker 2 teeth listen dennis said she looks i everyone thinks she's hot so we can make fun of her most teeth you know dana are vertical like this so hers are more horizontal but she didn't fix them and everyone's saying good because finally one person looks like a real person you'd see at the mall because their teeth are like that but everyone's still in love with her well Here's the thing.

Speaker 1 Let me break this down for you.

Speaker 2 Yeah, break it down for me.

Speaker 1 What's going on? It looks cute now. Later on, your jaw alignment, you're going to get TMJ and lots of pain in your neck.
And they're cute, but it's not the way it was meant to be.

Speaker 2 Give it up for Chicago.

Speaker 3 Sebastian Meniscalco's new stand-up special, It Ain't Right, is coming to Hulu on November 21st.

Speaker 1 30 years ago, Jeff Bezos, complete nerd.

Speaker 2 Bezos now ripped to shreds on his super yacht and the boxes keep

Speaker 1 coming.

Speaker 3 Sebastian Manascalco, It Ain't Right. Premieres November 21st, streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers.
Terms apply.

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Speaker 2 Masterclass.com slash fly. You know, when it gets colder, I always fall in the same trap.
Heavy meals, too much takeout. And suddenly I'm like, why do my jeans hate me?

Speaker 1 I know. Yeah, me too.
I mean, I'll open the fridge in December and it's like half a pizza and an orange from 1997. Not a lot of healthy options, David.

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Speaker 2 Yeah, it's not just about eating better. It's about time.
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Speaker 1 Yes. Thank you for not feeding me the leftover lasagna for the 12th time.

Speaker 2 Here's the deal.

Speaker 1 Here's the deal.

Speaker 2 We interviewed Jack Black this week after the big movie, Minecraft. So that'll be on Flying the Wall in a week or two.

Speaker 1 It'll be on a little bit. A little bit.

Speaker 1 Yeah. But it was.

Speaker 2 And he hosted SNL and he did a great job. We talked about that.

Speaker 1 We got to talk to our friend Jack at, you know, you don't know, show business is like the stock market right now. I mean, you have, there's, you know, winter and summer.

Speaker 1 But anyway, he did an incredible job on SNL. It was like one of the best episodes in a lot of energy.

Speaker 2 A lot of fun.

Speaker 1 And he kicked it in every single sketch. And then his movie comes out to like 150 or 300 million globally.
And then he comes on our podcast. So that's a fun one talking to that guy.

Speaker 2 He's great. Well, he'll be on soon.
Right now, we have Felipe, I think. We had Andrew Schultz last week.
We're just doing crossover for our sister show plugs for Fly on the Wall.

Speaker 1 Right. We have, I still today run into people.
What?

Speaker 1 We have two. They don't know.
We have two podcasts, Fly on the Who, Super What? I mean, they don't, it maybe wasn't the best names we ever came up with. They're good.

Speaker 2 Why? Because they're too similar.

Speaker 1 It's supposed to be sort of. of.
They're both that fly. It was super, super on the wall, fly on the hoop.
Dandelion Plus.

Speaker 1 Dandelion Plus.

Speaker 1 Dandelion, Daffodil. What is that?

Speaker 2 By the way, it's not even on Amazon until May. I don't even know why I'm supposed to plug it yet, but I don't.

Speaker 1 It's coming is Dan Soder.

Speaker 1 Soder, oh, yeah. One of the most talented people we've had on the podcast, actually.

Speaker 2 He's another one bubbling on.

Speaker 1 He's funny and talented. And he's in that world, that world of Shane Gillis and just that ecosystem of comedians in their early 40s who are playing stadiums.
He's playing theaters. Yeah.

Speaker 2 He's playing chess. You're playing checkers.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 2 What else happened to you, Dana, before we get to the stories? Because nothing happened to me.

Speaker 1 Nothing fun.

Speaker 1 Let's see.

Speaker 1 Last night we were going to get at Billiards. We were going to get sort of this

Speaker 1 lean chicken with rice and stuff, but it was closed. So we got small pizzas from this other restaurant.
So, pizza is kind of a treat for me. So, I had margarita pizza.

Speaker 2 I know that on the news. Um, okay,

Speaker 1 what do you want? I mean, I'm just let me check the market. I won't tell you what I'm seeing right now, but just go by my face.
Here's my neutral face. Okay, ready, go ahead.
I've got this now.

Speaker 2 Look at the market. Ready?

Speaker 1 Is it?

Speaker 2 I don't want to talk to

Speaker 2 inside baseball for the market, but is it this way or is it that way?

Speaker 1 Well, you know, give it a minute. First, it went.

Speaker 1 Yep. Then we're doing it.
We're taking a buzz. We're going to take a buzz for 30 days.
Then it went up like the fastest it's ever gone up in like four years.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I've never seen it go that much up.

Speaker 1 3,000. 1936.
And we haven't seen a surge.

Speaker 1 So then this morning, you're like looking at stuff. Hey, rock on it.
Yeah, I didn't panic. And now it's going

Speaker 1 now. This airs in two hours, so maybe it'll go.

Speaker 2 They call me Santa Pause.

Speaker 1 It's not bad.

Speaker 1 I like that.

Speaker 2 I don't know what it means, but because he paused the market, because he paused the terrorist.

Speaker 1 Santa Pause.

Speaker 1 Okay, I got it.

Speaker 2 He's Santa Pause. They're terrific.
I'm trying to help your Trump stuff. No, I know.

Speaker 1 We've got a lot of good ones today.

Speaker 1 I like a good pun. Oh, it's great.

Speaker 2 And I have nothing great. I just

Speaker 2 I'm going to go visit my mama soon. And she had knee operation.
So we got to get her on her feet.

Speaker 1 I got to get her up doing laps.

Speaker 2 I got to get her to the combine.

Speaker 1 Let's get her on the show.

Speaker 2 Oh, maybe she can do a live remote of how she's doing.

Speaker 1 Well, that would be kind of fun. It would be cute.

Speaker 2 She's very sweet. I know.
She has her lipstick.

Speaker 1 Get her.

Speaker 1 You're a nice son. I'm just going to say it.

Speaker 2 She loves Dana. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 She does.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we took a photo for her magazine, Tempe magazine.

Speaker 2 When I was kind of newer on SNL, and I got, I had to ask Dana, Heather. It was hard to do.

Speaker 1 I know. Yeah, you were not David Spade yet.
And this guy came up to me. I wasn't even sure who you were.

Speaker 2 But anyway, you said you go, this intern asked me, Can we get a picture? Literally, asked him, Go, can we get just a quick picture for the cover of my mom's magazine? You're like, okay.

Speaker 2 And me, you,

Speaker 1 Farley, maybe? Oh, I got to get this picture.

Speaker 2 And then Victoria Jackson.

Speaker 1 No, it was just us four, I think. Four, okay.

Speaker 2 Whoever I could wrangle. And we took a picture and she put it on.

Speaker 2 We didn't have a ring light. We didn't have ring lights back then.

Speaker 2 And I'll try to get it so we can pop it up here for when it airs.

Speaker 1 I got a magazine

Speaker 1 cover this weekend. I was doing a gig up.
Oh, that's right.

Speaker 2 You did interviews too.

Speaker 1 Well, just you're at a meet and greet, and someone came up and just said, ah,

Speaker 1 she had a big camera. You're on the cover of Monterey Weekly.
Oh.

Speaker 1 I get on.

Speaker 1 By the way, I did, once in a while, your mom and I text, just don't be alarmed. We check in.
She's, how's Davey? How's my sweet Davey? Davey.

Speaker 1 When you're coming to visit her and she knows you're coming down the block, she says every time she puts on George Harrison's Here Comes the Sun, and she sings along with him. Oh, that's

Speaker 1 here comes one of my Here Comes the Sun.

Speaker 2 You know, it's funny.

Speaker 2 I'm playing a celebrity theater uh in arizona where i'm from i'm playing tucson and phoenix i never i've never played don't play your hometown fool i mean it's all that's i'm saying is it last time i went the green room had more people than the audience it was like my mom's going i just have plus 300 is that a problem

Speaker 1 oh but Sheila wants to go. And it's this thing.
My dad used to say this thing when their relatives were coming over. Oh, the Holmans are coming over.
This was when I'm in my 20s.

Speaker 1 And I'd say, The Holmans, and he would say, Oh, Jesus Christ, you know, the Holmans.

Speaker 1 I know.

Speaker 1 This has happened throughout.

Speaker 1 So you'll be there. Your mom will be, these are the Persnicketies family.
Yeah. Who? You know, you know, the Persnickettes.

Speaker 2 Oh, don't be like this.

Speaker 1 Don't be ridiculous. This is Bill Wilson.

Speaker 2 Sorry, they're not in set.

Speaker 1 You took wood shop from him in fourth grade. He doesn't have a thumb.
You remember?

Speaker 2 I do have a guy now, one of my buddies, and Heather will laugh at this and he's gonna hear this he does the classic hey how do I get tickets to spades show she goes you mean online he goes yeah I mean I could go online just buy them because I definitely I want to buy them but can I give you my credit card and then you can buy them

Speaker 1 I don't know

Speaker 2 Heather will press the buttons or so just it would be like I think the answer is supposed to be, we'll just leave you to.

Speaker 2 But it's this whole rigmarole of like, okay, here's the three-digit security code. But if this one doesn't work, call me, I've got an Amex.

Speaker 2 And then just go, let's go back and forth until we figure out.

Speaker 1 And I want them close.

Speaker 2 I want to sit close.

Speaker 1 Right. And

Speaker 1 I don't want to ask, but

Speaker 1 I've got 67 guests with me. Could we come back stage before the show just for like 20 minutes?

Speaker 2 And then 10 minutes after.

Speaker 1 And then 10 minutes.

Speaker 2 Just to tell you it was funny.

Speaker 2 It's all right.

Speaker 1 God bless you.

Speaker 2 No, it's fine. I give everyone tickets.
I don't give a shit.

Speaker 2 Okay, let's get to the hot stories, Dana. We got some

Speaker 1 takes. Let's see.

Speaker 2 What are our takes? I can't see. Oh, there it is.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 2 Oh, okay. This is more your world.
This is basketball.

Speaker 2 John Morant, great basketball player.

Speaker 1 Brilliant basketball player. Has a habit when he does something good on the court.

Speaker 1 He was starting to make his fingers go like a gun.

Speaker 1 And he had been busted a couple times last year with possession of guns or taking pictures with

Speaker 1 guns.

Speaker 2 Snapchat with guns.

Speaker 1 Taking pictures. The NBA wants its

Speaker 1 image to be a certain way. So he got in trouble.
He got suspended, I believe. And now he's back.
He was doing this again. And I guess they said, okay, they don't want to do that.

Speaker 1 So I guess now he's pretending to throw a grenade.

Speaker 2 Well, I think what he did is he did the finger guns after he made something.

Speaker 2 And then I think, oh, here's the thing.

Speaker 1 Okay, let's see the grenade, see what it looks like.

Speaker 2 Oh, this is the grenade one. He takes it a step further.

Speaker 1 Three-pointer, boom.

Speaker 1 And he throws it, and then he does goggle-eyed.

Speaker 2 That wasn't that bad.

Speaker 1 Throw the grenade and then goggle-eyed.

Speaker 2 What's the goggle-eyed?

Speaker 1 Goggle-eyes, just supervision. Curry will do it sometimes.
A lot of bad things. What does that mean?

Speaker 2 I have night vision.

Speaker 1 I got supervision. I'm 40 feet away.

Speaker 1 Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Speaker 2 God, they love themselves.

Speaker 1 Oh, not goggle-eyed. What is it?

Speaker 1 Covering his ears. Oh, I couldn't see.
He was covering his ears. Oh, okay.
Oh, for the boom. From behind, it looked like he was doing the goggle eyes.

Speaker 2 Oh, it could be the boom of the grenade blowing everyone up in the audience.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 let's say that again, I want to see if it's actually covering his ears.

Speaker 2 Well, it's microscopic on our

Speaker 1 dog shit thing here. It's so tiny.

Speaker 2 He's a quarter inch high in this. Okay.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 You can't tell, but he is covering his ears.

Speaker 2 But it wasn't.

Speaker 2 So for Heather, and for everyone who doesn't know, caught with a gun on like a Snapchat, like a real gun.

Speaker 1 And then they go, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, not cool.

Speaker 2 You got a lot of fans. Look up to you.
Does it again in trouble, maybe 25 games? I don't know. Something pretty stiff, right?

Speaker 2 Then this year makes a shot, guns everyone down, or he does a rifle.

Speaker 2 And they're like, hey, TNT.

Speaker 1 Come on.

Speaker 2 Remember, we had this last year. I think they gave him one warning.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 2 A game or two later, guns again. They go, Yeah, we have to do something because now we look stupid.
It's not that bad, but listen, come on, guy. So maybe they suspend him.

Speaker 2 Then he comes back and does a fucking, or they fine him, maybe.

Speaker 1 Like,

Speaker 1 so here's the question: Did the grenade get, do they want him to stop doing the grenade? Now we have a thing, the

Speaker 1 Yah Moran, the celebration package, guns, machine guns, rifles, knives.

Speaker 2 Depending on what he does, if he gets a dunk, he does an AK-40s. Yeah.
I mean, it's, it's probably not a great idea.

Speaker 1 Did the grenade get him in trouble? That's my question.

Speaker 2 That is the question. And I'm sure there's an answer out there.

Speaker 2 Maybe not yet, but now he just looks like he's shoving it in their face. And so now Adam Silver has to go, what do we do here? What would you do, Dana?

Speaker 1 I think it's a little bit like it reminds me of Elmer Fudd or something or the Roadrunner cartoon, you know? I think it's a little more cartoony.

Speaker 1 Hey, you know, so this one is kind of more, a little more assaulting, no pun intended. So I think the funny, maybe the grenade's okay.
I know that our family. Well, they didn't say don't do a grenade.

Speaker 2 They didn't say don't do a grenade. That's why it's funny because he's like, I'm thinking of new things to do that kill people.

Speaker 1 Well, here's, I don't know if I can do it. This will be me if I score a basket.
Arrow.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Boom. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because I've been watching Lord of the Rings again because it's such a brilliant film.

Speaker 1 And that's nothing cooler than that.

Speaker 2 They do it way faster than you can do it in real life. There's no way, even Hunger Games, I was like, no way, Jennifer Lawrence is doing it.

Speaker 1 Right. The arrows never run out.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Quill. That's Katy Perry's husband.
I can't believe I don't remember his name. Orlando Bloom.

Speaker 2 Scorlando. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Scorelando Bloom. Which who was incredible.

Speaker 1 Good looking dude.

Speaker 2 Yeah, good looking guy.

Speaker 1 What was he incredible in? Lord of the Rings.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he was. Yeah, Lord of the Rings.
I think that's. Let's try not to step on that.
He's a good, good dude. Okay, so that, that, that.

Speaker 2 And then the, yeah, we'll go to the next one. I don't know what happened to.

Speaker 1 We'll find out. Yeah.
Yeah. We'll get back to you.
Okay.

Speaker 2 What's the human body? Oh, this is what's in a cup of coffee at

Speaker 1 this.

Speaker 2 Let's say your average coffee, iced coffee at a restaurant. What do they put?

Speaker 1 Here we go. Here we go.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's sugar. That's too much.
Sugar?

Speaker 2 Sugar again. More sugar.

Speaker 1 Look at that sugar, dude.

Speaker 1 I haven't had that much sugar. Caramel with sugar.
Caramel, like how you put it on hot food Sunday. Look at squirt.
Sugar, caramel.

Speaker 2 Faking how much they're putting in there.

Speaker 2 That has so much sugar in it, too. Caramel.

Speaker 1 I like that. Yeah, no, that's massive.

Speaker 2 That was dunking donuts. It's crazy.

Speaker 1 You're joking. This is what you're ordering.
It's like eight ounces of sugar and caramel.

Speaker 2 Then I five cubes of ice.

Speaker 1 Almond milk.

Speaker 2 okay splash a splash of almond milk uh-huh where

Speaker 1 amsr there's there's more ice and now more syrup on top that looks like chocolate coffee i think that's

Speaker 1 coffee it's it yeah it's 50 sugar and caramel oh my god just go

Speaker 1 Go to Dairy Queen and get a freaking milkshake.

Speaker 2 I mean, that's exactly. And people think I just have my coffee.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 that has to be 40 grams of sugar or nothing right that's the problem you know what happens is little okay wisdom or knowledge alert when you wake up in the morning your blood sugar is essentially flat because you haven't eaten anything for eight or nine hours now if you light it up with one of those milkshake coffees you're gonna spike way up then go way down then you're gonna have to eat some more sugar and that's how you're gonna be on this roller coaster all right day long so do a tiny piece of sourdough toast with almond butter on it protein thank you

Speaker 1 you've changed dandelion

Speaker 2 heather you might want to tilt this up i'm going to go up spade's going up on the knees here we go watch this uh and then we'll do the next one okay these golf shirts are always too long but you know we're not going to fix that it's a problem that i have with shirts as well they get a little too long and i don't know how long it's supposed to be past your wean i don't know no you there's a sweet spot where it's just long enough so it doesn't ride up, but it's not so long that you look like you're wearing your older brother's shirt.

Speaker 2 My wiener is my sweet spot. All right, here we go.

Speaker 1 This is

Speaker 1 what's going on. Let's let that

Speaker 1 for a little minute.

Speaker 2 What is this story?

Speaker 1 Exactly do those $70 go?

Speaker 2 Oh, the $70 for a ticket.

Speaker 1 Andrew McMahon agreed to share

Speaker 1 usually secret details for a show. Here's an example of a good deal memo.
His team just blacked out exactly which show it was. What do we have here? To start, the band set a ticket price of $56.

Speaker 1 There's a gross potential of a couple hundred thousand dollars being made. But out of that $200,000 in ticket sales, half is deducted for venue-related show costs.

Speaker 1 $37,000 to stage hands, leaving the band with a $100,000 payday. But most of that goes to the band's own expenses.

Speaker 2 Commissions and fees and payroll.

Speaker 1 Their management takes a quarter.

Speaker 1 Travel and crew costs take another quarter.

Speaker 1 Meanwhile, that $56 ticket has had fees added, though artists don't get that money.

Speaker 1 So once you take away the venue show costs and the band's touring expenses, something corporate's actual profit from that $70 ticket is about $10.

Speaker 1 And then we split that five ways. Yeah.
McMahon isn't completely.

Speaker 1 That's still $7,000 each for a night's work.

Speaker 1 Love you, Los Angeles.

Speaker 1 Thank you for a few businesses. But the point here is each dollar fans pay to enjoy the show is fought over by artists, venues, ticket companies, and scalpers.

Speaker 1 And time and again, the industry's solution to these fights has been to just charge fans a bit more.

Speaker 2 Yeah, just keep jacking it up.

Speaker 1 What band is it?

Speaker 2 That's us. That's us on the road.
That's everybody.

Speaker 1 That's the rolling sounds. Well, it's a little different if you did the metrics and the one person who just needs a microphone and walks out.

Speaker 1 I mean, we don't really have like a wrecking crew, you know,

Speaker 2 roadies. Unless you get bigger.

Speaker 2 I think, you know, a lot of tour buses out there starts comics are getting bigger Sandler brought two well Sandler two semis for but he's you know if you got a band and you got you want to put a stage up there totally different you got a band it's a bigger show yeah you know um if you're Shane you just need a old t-shirt it's actually great you know for guys we just get up there and set list water microphone

Speaker 2 With you, maybe a guitar, but you could do without it. It's like, that's barely anything.
And they usually have a guitar in the city. yeah.
So someone just brings one.

Speaker 1 And yeah,

Speaker 1 do you do a sound check?

Speaker 2 But I don't know if they're talking about taxes because those guys got their seven grand, but then they got seven grand, but then they get hit.

Speaker 1 Yeah, at least 50% probably on that. So they're 3,500.
Basically, they just go to Arby's afterwards and get a free meal.

Speaker 1 That's a push.

Speaker 2 It's because California's raised their sales tax 925 to 975, and then in the outskirts to 11.25 percent that's the sale i mean that's every day people getting rammed income tax at a certain point kicks into i think 14.4 i think it's one of the highest

Speaker 1 well state and then you got a sales tax so right california they really have to get it together because it's just going to be too hard live here forget about me i'm just like normal people that bust their ass every day it's like what do you how do they pay does feel weird i remember i was doing a show years ago and i remember it was like a 300 seat theater and i found out everyone was paying a hundred And I thought, you know, it's just, and if you're a band and someone's paying $600 and they're not even in the front row,

Speaker 1 you better play your ass off. You just

Speaker 1 do the hits.

Speaker 2 Look at this. I got a parking ticket, $93 just for parking.

Speaker 2 It's so crazy. I got a that.
What was that ticket I ran a red light?

Speaker 1 What was that?

Speaker 2 Where I crashed on all those people and drove away.

Speaker 1 What was how much was that?

Speaker 2 No, I got, I got, I did something wrong, like, ran a red light. And it was, they go, you can just pay the 650 right now.

Speaker 1 I'm like, $650? $650?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I said key right on there

Speaker 2 in the memo of the check. Get fucked.

Speaker 1 Do you ever, let me just ask, I don't even think the audience should hear this. Do you ever, you know,

Speaker 1 it's sort of a thing. My friends used to like put me up front.
We're trying to get into a concert. Once I got on TV a little bit, they call put face ticket up front.

Speaker 1 They'd call me face ticket, put face ticket up front.

Speaker 1 And I wasn't ever that that famous but one time i got pulled over for speeding or something and i was lucky the cop just came up looked at me and said get out of here

Speaker 1 because he recognized me like get out of here i know you and i go i was a danger to society you should give me a ticket and yeah they let you in right yeah

Speaker 2 i've tried that weasel i've tried the wease move where i when I was like going to concerts more like 10 years ago,

Speaker 2 I think it was a cockiness, something it was a drunkiness combined with what can I get away with. And I go try to go backstage.
And I did it at heart and I did it at the Pretenders.

Speaker 2 And they take you, all the guys are like, oh, this guy's here. And they just don't even have, hey, they just take you right in their dressing room.
And they're like, hello.

Speaker 1 And I'm like,

Speaker 1 well, I think the Tommy Boy t-shirt you used to wear was very helpful.

Speaker 2 And my bench warmer's hat.

Speaker 1 Benchwarmer's hat. Tommy.

Speaker 1 And then an Adam Sandler tattoo on your shoulder. My SNL shorts.

Speaker 2 Adam on FaceTime in case it doesn't work.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it sometimes backfires. I wanted to see the Go-Go's last.
I saw the Gogos. I drove by the Roxy on Sunset and the Go-Gos were there last night.
I should have gone.

Speaker 1 You didn't go to the Gogos. I went with their whole name.
The game instructs you what to do.

Speaker 2 No, actually, I went with Theo to.

Speaker 2 Deflepp.

Speaker 2 We got dialed in.

Speaker 1 Oh, did you say hello to our friend?

Speaker 2 No, it was before that, but I think I said I saw him there because we just, my buddy said, hey, you want to go see Def Leppard, my friend Ross, it's serious.

Speaker 1 And he said, they're at the Roxy.

Speaker 2 I'm like a mile from my house and just sit wherever you want. Yeah.
So he dialed me in and Def Lepp just came out, blasted some hits. There's probably, what, 200 people in there? 300.

Speaker 2 And then Go-Go's, I did the same thing with, but I saw him last night.

Speaker 1 on the marquee and I I'm not going to go in there alone, but I would try to worm in. I like the go-go sound, you know.
I like

Speaker 1 something just sort of cool about that.

Speaker 2 Upbeat, nostalgic, fun. Belinda's, I had a cry

Speaker 1 a great front woman. Yeah,

Speaker 2 okay, next story. Here we go.

Speaker 1 Next story, let's go.

Speaker 2 Killing it.

Speaker 1 We're killing it today. We really are.
So amazing. Go ahead, read that.
Loom Loom, L-O-M,

Speaker 1 founder, feels lost in life after selling his startup for $975 million.

Speaker 2 So after selling his company, the Loom founder.

Speaker 1 I'm rich and I have no idea what to do with my life. Life has been a haze this last year.
After selling my company, I find myself totally unrelatable position of never having to work again.

Speaker 1 Everything feels like a side quest,

Speaker 1 but not in an inspiring way. I don't have the same base desires driving me to make money or gain status.
I have infinite freedom, yet I don't know what to do with it.

Speaker 1 And honestly, I'm not the most optimistic about life. Wow.
What a wish.

Speaker 2 Don't wish too hard for it every because it might come true. So he made the ultimate goal in life, which is to start a company and sell it.

Speaker 1 And after tax, he still has probably a half billion. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Put that in a 5% account.

Speaker 1 So he's making like 20 million a year.

Speaker 2 Buy a couple of fat burger franchises. I mean, it's funny because just out of habit, the guy's totally set, but he's probably going to go invest

Speaker 2 for something to do.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 most people who are driven, they don't, it's not about the money they get, they just want they like the game or being involved.

Speaker 1 What about if Warren Buffett had just made 500 million and just said, Well, I'm going to quit, I don't, there's nothing I got to do anymore.

Speaker 1 I've had it, I just go to Whataburger, and I'll tell you what, I should be taxed more. He always says that.
I wish the government would tax me more. Well, you know, you can voluntarily give money.

Speaker 1 Yeah, go ahead. Well, that doesn't sound like fun.
Give it to me. I'll give it to them.
That doesn't sound like so much fun. I'd rather be at gunpoint.

Speaker 1 I'll pay tax, and I'd like to have a gun put in my head, and I will pay tax.

Speaker 2 This was a bad idea I had at Dairy Queen last night. He always eats at like the simplest places.

Speaker 1 Well, he's got

Speaker 1 Coca-Cola, seize candies, and Dairy Queen.

Speaker 1 He's worth a hundred, 200 billion, and he doesn't have diabetes. The guy's a freak.

Speaker 2 And he and he lives in like Omaha or something, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Maybe you'll come to my Omaha show.

Speaker 2 I'll leave two at the door.

Speaker 1 Here's what I got for the

Speaker 1 975 million guy.

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Speaker 2 Oh, this is so interesting. Now, this

Speaker 2 one might be fake, but you've heard of these things that are very real, Heather. Have you heard of these?

Speaker 1 They're called a monolith, and they show up places.

Speaker 2 They just show up.

Speaker 1 Right, and that's kind of an homage to 2001 Space Odyssey, a monolith.

Speaker 2 Someone brings these overnight, and they don't know if it's spacecraft or if it's fake, but seems very fake.

Speaker 1 But how big are these?

Speaker 1 Well, it looks like it's 20, 30 feet tall.

Speaker 1 The the monolith in 2001 for the human being that doesn't know is it just it's they discovered on the moon and they don't know how it got there and it's just this it's clearly not made of moon material right it's someone made it man-made or alien or alien made so this looks alien made so once again

Speaker 1 it could be dr stephen greer if we could just get him on oh yeah we should have asked him about that But I would love that it was aliens.

Speaker 2 Because they say there's these, I mean, it was a few years ago, but there's about five of those popped up and no one knew how they got there. No one.

Speaker 1 Well, here's how what we'll, we'll do experiment. Because in those days, the chimpanzees would go up and touch it.

Speaker 1 And then the next day

Speaker 1 they picked up a bone and knew it could be a

Speaker 1 beat the hell out of a weapon.

Speaker 1 So we take rednecks from rural Mississippi and put them next to that monolith and then come back and give them a calculus test. I don't know.

Speaker 1 Okay, that sounds like a good one. I would touch the monolith and then you give me that calculus test tomorrow.

Speaker 2 By the way, I wouldn't touch it because what if it was like radioactive or something? You never know with monoliths.

Speaker 1 I'd let Mikey try it.

Speaker 1 Hey, Mikey. Let Mikey touch the monolith.

Speaker 2 Okay, next one.

Speaker 1 Sure.

Speaker 2 You're out there Yellowstone in it.

Speaker 1 Hey, I'm Kevin Costner in Yellowstone. Cut.

Speaker 1 All right, what do you think we should do next?

Speaker 1 Are we rolling?

Speaker 2 Listen, listen.

Speaker 1 We're not. I love that show.
It was so, it's so off of male. It was just, you know, you want to make some of this.
I just loved, you know, their cross-defense. You want a piece of me right now?

Speaker 1 You can have it. And then the other guy talks exactly the same.

Speaker 1 I'm sure I'd like a piece of you, but would you like a piece of me? I'm asking you. I'm a six-piece meal of you.
Would you like a piece of me?

Speaker 1 Well, I'm asking you at the same time, would you like a piece of me, huh?

Speaker 1 And they both pull out guns, and everyone goes, Hey, whoa, whoa, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, don't take it too far, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys. Hey, this is our land.

Speaker 1 You can't put barbed wire up on our land. Well, how about I wrap this barbed wire around your neck? That's gonna make you happy.

Speaker 2 You want to take this to the parking lot of a Raiders game?

Speaker 1 Let's fight. You want a tailgate next Sunday with Raiders versus Chargers and wrap Bob Wire around my dingy lingy wong wall? Whoa.
Well, I don't think so, Parker.

Speaker 2 And film it for White Lotus.

Speaker 1 I think you and I needed to get more alpha in our lives. Yeah.
You know, we got to just walk up to people, you know, with Ralph for dinner. Hey, what are you looking at, huh?

Speaker 1 Well, I wasn't looking at anything. I beg to differ.
Welcome to the ball. You call me nothing.

Speaker 1 You call me nothing. That's a real one.

Speaker 1 Really, you got that? You call me nothing.

Speaker 2 I got what are you looking at?

Speaker 1 I go, nothing.

Speaker 2 They go, you're saying I'm nothing. I'm like, let's just beat me up.
Like, I'm not, I don't want to. Let's skip this part.

Speaker 1 Wait, I have to laugh.

Speaker 1 That's so fucking funny.

Speaker 1 Are you saying I'm nothing?

Speaker 2 It's really a trap.

Speaker 1 Well, there's nothing. I've always told people there's nothing more dangerous on planet Earth than an insecure man after midnight with alcohol in his belly.
Hey, what are you looking at? Nothing.

Speaker 1 You saying I'm nothing? Yeah, I go.

Speaker 1 No, I'm saying you're something.

Speaker 2 You're saying I'm nothing. Now I'm something.
I'm like,

Speaker 1 no, I'm serious now. What were you looking at? You? You're wiener?

Speaker 1 Wait a second. Are you saying I'm a wiener? Yeah, you got to get right back to him and scare him.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 What are you looking at? I was looking at the dessert menu. You were just in the way.
What were you going to order, mud pie? pie are you saying i'm a mud pie no

Speaker 2 no yeah that's what they say that's how that's how thin it is you think i'm a mud pie well no but if you just want to fight let's just say that you know i was gonna

Speaker 1 lemon meringue pie but you were in the background you saying i'm lemon meringue what well yeah kind of but not the pie part

Speaker 1 we have to save this energy for ads for an hour and a half after this well i think it's funny your thing i go back to that

Speaker 1 t-shirt What are you looking at?

Speaker 1 Nothing. Are you saying I have nothing?

Speaker 2 It's such a good answer to start a fight. You're like, oh, God, I really stepped in that one.

Speaker 1 I was on a beach once and I thought there was dudes over there. I thought one over someone I knew in high school.
And the guy did go, what are you looking at?

Speaker 2 And I thought I knew you.

Speaker 1 No, I was laying down on a towel and I looked at him. He said, what are you looking at? And the guy was way bigger than me.
So then I just looked away and pretended sunscreen more.

Speaker 1 I didn't want to get into an argument.

Speaker 2 Don't say nothing.

Speaker 1 Because if I'd said, you remind me of someone I knew in high school,

Speaker 1 that might not have gone over.

Speaker 2 Just your curves.

Speaker 2 Yeah. You take sunscreen in that situation, you go,

Speaker 1 the guy goes, oh.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 I was walking down the street and I had the earplugs in. I was listening to, you know, my iPhone music.
And a guy stopped me and go, what are you listening to? And he said, Nothing.

Speaker 1 He said, Are you saying I'm nothing? Well, why doesn't it make sense? No, you're not even in my ear.

Speaker 2 It was actually saying what you're listening to is nothing.

Speaker 1 No, it was the rolling stones. You're saying I'm like some kind of stone that rolls.
No, it's a band,

Speaker 1 a band

Speaker 1 from the 60s.

Speaker 1 Oh, then I said, I got a guy whose nickname is Dandelion. I wouldn't mess with me.

Speaker 2 Yeah, don't mess with Dandelion at the McDonald's.

Speaker 1 Dandelion,

Speaker 1 that's where i got in the fight up yeah

Speaker 1 um okay let's do one more one more i guess we'll say one more i got punched in at that point where you said nothing i'll never get over i won't get over that what are we even watching uh a rock and a cave

Speaker 1 oh is a bee wait hang on the bees sense fear this is a guy oh this is a guy bringing bees down and because he's not afraid they won't sting him out of the out of a bee is that honey Yeah, honey that's like as big as

Speaker 1 oh my god, he's eating them.

Speaker 2 No, well, don't do that to him.

Speaker 2 By the way, if you stay singing you now, there's no going back. You might as well finish the bit.

Speaker 1 So they're saying if you're not fearful, they won't sting you and they can sense fear.

Speaker 2 Don't they like being bullied like this, though?

Speaker 1 Why are they going to be down his shirt? He's eating them, he's bathing in them.

Speaker 2 Bees are like, we'll go along with this, but don't stuff us in your pockets.

Speaker 1 I'm just,

Speaker 1 is this real?

Speaker 2 Well, I don't think it's smart because when I get stung by a bee, I usually don't know it. I just see it, it lands on me and stings me, and I haven't even chance to be scared.

Speaker 1 Right, so that defeats the premise of he's got a couple for the road with him.

Speaker 1 Those are big,

Speaker 1 maybe he's built up to some kind of immunity that even they're stinging him like crazy, but he's not like

Speaker 2 maybe they're filming jackass,

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, I

Speaker 1 sometimes out in the garden here, I'll just get turtles or

Speaker 1 snails, and I'll just kind of put them all over me in your pockets. And they don't bite.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 You don't have to yawn on my story.

Speaker 1 No, I'm going. Are you saying my story's nothing? Yeah, exactly.
About snails?

Speaker 2 You saying my turtle story is bullshit?

Speaker 1 I'm saying your special is not called dandelion. I say that.

Speaker 1 That's not going to work.

Speaker 2 Dandelion.

Speaker 1 Yes, I love it.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 2 Coachella's this weekend and next weekend. And Firefest, they're saying it might be another screw.

Speaker 1 Firefest is actually coming out, and that's the one that was completely made up.

Speaker 2 And the guy's doing all this.

Speaker 2 They're going to put it in Mexico, and then when people try to log on, or someone asked Mexico, and they're like, we know nothing about this, we have no permits. And everyone goes, Hmm.

Speaker 1 And they've already

Speaker 2 moved it again.

Speaker 2 And this guy in the news yesterday was trying to get tickets online. And he's like, One is a million-dollar ticket, and you get really everything, all the cheese sandwiches you want.

Speaker 2 And there's no lineup.

Speaker 2 You cannot do this twice. You cannot.

Speaker 1 The same guys doing it.

Speaker 2 Same guy, and you can't fool me twice. Shame on me.

Speaker 2 Fool me twice, gun you down. That's what it's shit.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I just made a deal with Bernie Madoff Jr.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's

Speaker 2 this guy. I hope it's real.
I'm not saying it's fake yet, I'm just saying it's starting to have an aroma, and he better fix it.

Speaker 2 You can't say it's at like punta minta, and then it's like,

Speaker 1 I just got an alert. Okay, what's that guy's name?

Speaker 2 Billy something

Speaker 1 says, Can you and David come down to Firefest in Mexico? It's in a few weeks. I'd love to to have you guys.

Speaker 2 You can be every act.

Speaker 1 I hear you play the guitar, and David can dance. Would you mind also performing as a form of the Everly brothers?

Speaker 2 And can you guys do eight and a half hours?

Speaker 1 I texted David's mom, and she said, I'll get the sun in doot and doo-doo.

Speaker 1 I'm just getting punchy now.

Speaker 2 We're getting punchy. That's all right.
Stay tuned for ads. Now, we'll, okay, we'll end up there.
We did a great job.

Speaker 1 We'll see what happens. We'll see what happens.

Speaker 2 We'll give you more on that story next week.

Speaker 1 And remember,

Speaker 1 stay safe out there and try to ride the wave and make sure you have fun every day. Something like that.

Speaker 2 Thanks for watching, and we'll see you next time. See you next time, folks.

Speaker 2 This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly. It's executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss-Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro, and Greg Holtzman.
Hope you liked it.