SUPERFLY #63 - Spoiler Alert!

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We went down it. We went down it, but it did remind me of, I have not to the uh funny bone in yugoslavia but i did do the brea improv last week to get ready for the tour davidspay.com yes yeah so i do the tour so i have to warm up you've done this danny you go to clubs and but you have to mix in some new stuff so it's a a little tricky.
Especially when the special comes out. When the special comes out, I have to integrate a mix for a while.
So what do you, what's your, how many, how many minutes do you have right now that are not part of the special? Three, four. No, I got like six, six minutes.
So hard earned money. Get yourid spade tickets well it's the special and then there will be some yeah of course i mean it would just always be evolving i mean when i started my last tour to do the special it was just different by the end you know because i'm adding and subtracting yeah and so it's always in a flux of being mixed around

sometimes i'll pull old bits from the first special or i'll do this and that but brea here's my hot opener you want to hear okay brea is a 400 seat improv theater in the town of brea brea california it's inland about an hour and a half considered an improv it's part of the improv ecosystem.

I think it was 600 cedar.

It's pretty big.

It's like.

600?

Yeah.

Cha-ching.

It's a good one.

All right. california it's inland about an hour and a half considered an improv as part of the improv ecosystem i think it was 600 cedar it's pretty big it's like 600 god cha-ching good one all right let me introduce you ladies and gentlemen from you know him from shoot just shoot me and uh rules of engagement please welcome dana spudley so spudley comes out you come out um and then i say Oh my God, it's great to be here in Brea.
Did you know what your city's motto is? No one knows. And I say, it's Brea, almost bread.
Does that get us? Nothing. And then I go, you'll get the D when you get here.
I go, how would city council think of that? So you're either on a roll or you've just dug a hole. They laugh anyway because they don't know.
Even if they don't get it, they go, oh, Brea is spelled like almost bread. I got it.
Well, you're famous, man. Hanging out with you is like hanging out with Mickey Mouse at Disneyland.
I mean, I just fade into the background which i i do love but yeah you are famous riddle me this like your specials coming out and the name of it is which i love uh i gotta feel for this gotta feel for this that is so perfect for you and of course you did that in the 50th and oh no wait wait dana i just got a correction uh the tour is i gotta feel for this the special is dandelion we just announced the special finally on amazon now we can talk about it oh okay got it uh can i hear the backstory of dandelion just for a second yeah i'm just uh there's a bit in there where i talk about when i almost got in a fight at mcdonald's and i say i'm a bit of aandelion, but you wouldn't believe it from seeing how tough I am on TV and in the movies, but yeah. And so I go, I cannot.
And because the guy I'm fighting has a cinder block and I'm like, I cannot get hit by a cinder block. Not with these brittle bones folks.
Like it's just like, I'm always getting pushed around and I'm such a fucking puss. You're like sort of, what are those things when you're a kid and you blow on them and they're willow they kind of flow fly away that's a dandelion oh that is a dandelion yeah that's why it's perfect right okay that is good that's how fragile i am i i do like that now i got i i've met i've had bad names like my first one critics choice really work is kind of pre- my sister would call me and say, you got Critics' Choice again every time it was on Comedy Central.
I thought it was a new thing, perennial. So the second one I did a bit about what kind of religion would blow away a Scientologist.
And it was this long, bizarre religion where Scientologists go, wow, that religion is crazy. And the end of the ceremony in the church of this religion, they would say, squatting monkeys tell no lies.
So I remember calling our manager, Mark Irving, and saying, yeah, what are you going to call it? What are you going to call it? Best day in coffee? Get a funny title. Go ahead.
Give it to me. I'm going to call it squatting monkeys Monkeys Tell No Lies.
Must have been a 10-second pause. Oh, Elise.
Okay. Are you joking, or is that the one you're going to go with? All right.
That's a real one? Okay. That's the real one? That's it? Squatting Monkeys? And then people are going to think that's funny? They like that? They never know because they handle so many comedians.
They don't know when everyone's being serious or not. No, they don't know.
They thought it was a fake funny title. It's a funny one.
Good. Okay.
It's good. I mean, an alt to that would be lighter than air.
Mr. Mr.
Mr. Mr.
Mr. Mr.
And you got a little top hat in the poster. Mr.
Brittle. Well, the tagline when I just sent it out was, hey, Dandelion, you don't want to blow this guy.
Okay, that's pretty funny. I like a good pun.
You don't want to blow these bones. Yeah, and then fucking Amazon was like, yeah, what do you and i go it's funny they go a little more for we sell stereos over here we don't you know it's amazon does everything so this is amazon prime woo amazon i love amazon because their whole movie studio studio is just kind of a throwaway if it makes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're selling transistor radios like a million a second.
Transistor. We focus on the doomsday prepper.
Yeah. We've got paper towels going out, five million a minute.
So, you know. But Amazon's good because they have a built-in crowd of about a trillion.
Just everyone's on Amazon. So it's great because they're like, while you're here, do you want to watch this goofball special? And everyone's like, all right.
No, I think it's good. I mean, we love Ted Sarandos and Netflix.
Yes, of course. It's just, it's such a giant ecosystem.
And when you see an Amazon standup special, it pops a little bit because there's not like 9 million of them. If Ted's listening right now, I'd feel bad he's going to have to pull over and just go.
No, I have something to say. I have something to say about Ted and Netflix.
And it's a good thing. Okay, go ahead.
Because I've been trying to figure out this whole trade wars and tariffs. You know, tariffs, I, you know, what is it? What are we doing? You know, so I ran into a guy who's from Brooklyn, right? And he kind of says, you know, you got to understand, you know, first of all, you know, in China, they got like cheap labor, right? China, they got cheap labor, like pay people two cents a month to assemble iPhones, okay? Two cents a month, the boss gets a nickel a month.
So out here, we ourselves, you know, we pay our workers a living wage, you know, $5,000, $10,000, $8,000 a month. So if we made the iPhones in America, if we assembled them here instead of China, we paid $67,000 for an iPhone 6.
Oh, is that the problem? Yeah. Well, the thing is, is we don't make a lot of stuff.
So we import stuff, you know? So this guy talking to me. I go, yeah.
Yeah, I like it. I'm learning from this guy.
I understand. By the way, Trump said they're terrific.
He did? He really? The tariffs are terrific. That sounds like he might have said that.
It's not.

It's terrific. But this guy goes, you know, here's the thing.
America, we don't got a lot of stuff. So we got to get from other countries.
We get our bananas from South America. We got our avocados from Mexico.
We get transistors. China makes us solar panels.
What do we got? We got what they call services. services.
So what we're going to do is give everybody in the world a free five-year subscription to Hulu. Hulu.
That's what they're giving away. You give us our bananas.
You give us our solo panels. We use Netflix in Europe, free subscriptions.
And I'm calling out Ted Sarandos today via this guy I talked to the other day okay remember free subscription that's our big thing netflix and hulu this is what we make now yeah we don't make tires we don't make steel it's true but i you know i think ted might help you out on that one if this if you could connect him with that guy yeah i could connect with that guy he just said at just said at the end of the day, he goes, you make what you make, we what we make. Rub a chicken capisce.
I like the end of the day. That's what Gervin says.
Listen, the landscape has changed. At the end of the day.
Here's at the end of the day. You know, I think it's better to dance with the devil you know than

try to go out and get a new devil.

Yeah. Dance

with the one who brung you. There's no

shortage of devils, so if you're seeing one

just cozy up to that devil, you don't

want to get a dandy. Yeah, the devil

you know is better than devil you don't know.

Mm-hmm.

How about this one? David Spade,

afraid to fight back. Yeah.
David Spade, afraid to fight back

Yeah

David Spade, constantly angry

Because his dad left him

David Spade, a hot oven

David Spade, road rage, extraordinaire

Now I was going to ask you Dana

If you saw the big finale of White Lotus

This is a really hot topic

Not anymore

I did not see it

Thank you. I was going to ask you, Dana, if you saw the big finale of White Lotus.
This is a really hot topic. Not anymore.
I did not see it, but tell us about it. Quickly, I did see the porn version.
Of course, it's already out. White, blow your load down my throat.
But also, this one is the- You can't get that X-rated, Ryan. That that's a two blowjob jokes i know i'm sorry i'm sorry this is the cleanest that was a good one that was a good one uh you got a ha ha ha it's got patrick schwarzenegger who's friend of the show uh he uh he uh let's get patrick on this you know what i did i talked to him last week because, I just text him.
I just put filth in all caps because the show is like getting really dirty at the end. And he winds up, these are spoilers.
So if you haven't seen, I don't know why you'd still be not watching yet, but he and his family are one of the like nine storylines. It's a little hard to follow if you're simpleton like me, but he is part of a family where he does drugs out there.
There's these two pretty girls. One has buck teeth and they, they all, he tries to do a threesome or foursome, but his brother is part of it.
And it gets a little itchy because in the truth or dare, they make him kiss his brother. And it even gets a little more than that.

But so that's pure filth.

Yeah.

I know you're like, Baba, why? Why are they trying to...

White Lotus is a big franchise.

I mean, why are they intentionally trying to destroy White Lotus?

Well, it's where do you go from there?

So this one has a little incest.

Wow.

So that's my theory. But it's still...
It is a good show. You're right.
I don't know if they need to go that. It's a great show.
Everyone wants to push it. The girl we just mentioned, there's a cute girl, Amy Lou Wood.
Yeah, everyone loves her. And she has what's known on the streets as buck teeth.
But I think everyone thinks they're super cute. And even dentists have chimed in going, we should wrangle those in.
But she refuses to do it because it works for her. So, well, you know, she has a cute kind of a cute bear or puppy dog face and sort of full cheeks and thick hair.
So they don't beaver. They're not.
If she she lost a lot of weight, it'd be like, are those teeth attached to a human? It's all teeth. Most of her weight is in her teeth.
That's what people are saying. Now the guy on the left needs to button one more button.
Nope, he needs to button one more down. Wow.
Really? You want to see a navel? Why load is well walt goggins but he looks cool he's older than her what is she heather how old do you think she's 24 25 something like that yeah 30 uh he is supposed to be the older guy right that because parker posey you know parker she's like popper no right she's 31 okay parker posey is great she's in it and of course we should we should drag her on here just because i knew her in the old days we did cone heads together meet meet and uh oh yeah okay okay we've got patrick schwarzenegger we've got yeah barker posey we've got your new special called hot white hot dandelion yeah and we've got this girl who at the end leslie bibb is in it yeah that's i mean there's a ton of people in white lotus but uh this girl with that guy that guy has got an anger issue from growing up about his dad and in the finale turn your headphones down do you not know do you not know i can't even tell heather i haven't watched one episode but now i'm it's ruined for me you're gonna close your ears are you gonna watch it yeah okay i can't tell it then but i will say oh she uh unfortunately someone shoots at him and and bucky bites a bullet i'll just say that sadly she gets a strike you don't know you don't take out a cute young woman i know everyone. Everyone likes her.
That didn't happen. Now tell us what really happened.
Patrick Schwarzenegger has a crush on her in the show. And his brother, right? And he has a real thing for his brother.
I can't keep track. Dude, I can't even tell you what happens.
You're not ready, but it's not that bad, but it's bad. You know what's huge right now globally? Gunsmoke, the Western Gunsmoke.
No, is it? It's huge. Billions of minutes.
I mean, I'm watching Westerns. I'm watching housing shows.
I'm not watching this filth on- This is pure trash. I don't like weight luteus.
Hang on, Heather's yelling. What is it? They've all taken a drug and were drinking all night.
They were all really fucked up. No, they were really fucked up.
But I will say, she's saying when the guy gave Patrick a handjob, his brother, he was on drugs. No, that didn't happen.
It didn't? No. He said it did.
The guy says, the girls tell him. Why did they? No, but the girl said he did it and he goes no no no and then the guy said i just did it because i knew it makes you happy what dana just turned off the podcast dana no i'm just checking it all right nope right.
Nope. Okay.
All right.

All right.

And then,

and then Emmy Lou Wood almost gave him a BJ because she thought it was a log of wood.

She wanted to chew on it because she's a beaver.

What?

Because she's got her teeth.

Listen,

Dennis has said she looks,

everyone thinks she's hot so we can make fun of her. Most teeth, you know, Dana are vertical like this.
So hers are more horizontal, but she didn't fix them. And everyone's saying good because finally one person looks like a real person you'd see at the mall because their teeth are like that, but everyone's still in love with her.
Well, here's the thing. Let me break this down.
Yeah. Break it down for me.
What's going me what's going on it looks cute now later on your jaw alignment you're going to get tmj and lots of pain in your neck and they're cute but it's not the way it was meant to be Dane, I'm a little bit of a spendy Susie.

A boozy Susie and a spendy Susie. I'm more of a boozy Susie.
Yeah, you are a spendy spender. And a lot of our listeners are nice enough to write in and say, you look like you drank a lot and slept on your face.
But that's just constructive criticism. Well, it's very concise.
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Here's the deal. We interviewed Jack Black this week after the big movie, Minecraft.
So that'll be on Flying the Wall in a week or two. It'll be on in a little bit, a little bit.
Yeah. But it was- And he hosted SNL and he did a great job.
We talked about that. We got to talk to our friend Jack at, you know, you don't know, show business is like the stock market right now.
I mean, there's, you know, winter and summer, but anyway, he did an incredible job on SNL. It was like one of the best episodes in a long time.
A lot of energy, a lot of fun. And he kicked it in every single sketch.
And then his movie comes out to like 150 or 300 million globally. And then he comes on our podcast.
So that's a fun one, talking to that guy. He's great.
Well, he'll be on soon. Right now we have Felipe, I think.
We had Andrew Schultz last week. We're just doing crossover for our sister show, plugs for Fly on the Wall.
Right. We have, I still today run into people.
What? We have two. They don't know.
We have two podcasts, Fly on the Who super what i mean they don't it maybe wasn't the best names we ever came up with they're good why because they're too similar it's supposed to be sort of they're both that fly was super super on the wall fly on the who i know nobody knows plus dandelion daffodil what is that by the way it's not even on amazon until may i don't even know why i'm supposed to plug it yet but i don't and upcoming is dan soder who is one of the most talented people we've had on the podcast actually he's another one bubbling funny and talented and he's in that world that world of shane gillis and just that ecosystem of uh comedians in their early 40s who are playing stadiums. He's playing theaters.
He's playing chess. You're playing checkers.
Okay. What else happened to you, Dana, before we get to the stories? Because nothing happened to me.
Nothing fun. Let's see.
Last night, we were going to get at Billiards, we were going to get sort of this lean chicken with rice and stuff, but it was closed. So we got small pizzas from this other restaurant.
So pizza is kind of a treat for me. So I had margarita pizza.
I didn't see that on the news. Okay.
What do you want? I mean, I'm just, let me check the market.

I won't tell you what I'm seeing right now, but just go by my face.

Here's my neutral face.

Okay, ready, go ahead.

I've got this.

Now look at the market.

Ready?

I don't want to talk too

bad.

Inside baseball for the market,

but is it this way?

Well, you know, give it a

minute. First it went

then we're

taking a pause.

We're going to take a pause for

90 days. Then it went up

like the fastest it's ever gone up

in like 40 years.

I've never seen it go that much up.

3,000 in one day.

Not since 1936.

Have we ever seen a surge?

So then this morning you're like looking at stuff.

Hey, we're rocking it.

I didn't panic.

And now it's going.

Now this airs in two hours.

So maybe it'll go.

They call me Santa pause.

It's not bad.

I like that.

I don't know what it means,

but because he paused the Martin because he paused the Tara.

He's Santa pause.

They're terrific.

I'm trying to help your Trump stuff.

I know you got a lot of good ones today.

I like,

I like,

I like a good pun.

Yeah.

Oh,

it's great. Okay.
And I have ones today. I like, I like, I like a good pun.
Yeah. Oh, it's great.

Okay.

And I have nothing great.

I just,

uh,

I'm going to go visit my mama soon and,

uh,

she had any operation.

So we got to get her on her feet.

I got to get her up doing laps.

I got to get her to the combine.

Let's get her on the show.

Oh,

maybe she can do a live remote of how she's.

Well, that would be kind of fun. It would be cute.
She's very sweet. I know.
As long as she has her lipstick. You're a nice son.
I'm just going to say it. She loves Dana.
My God. She does? Yeah.
We took a photo for her magazine, Tempe Magazine. When I was kind of newer on SNL and I had to ask Dana, Heather, it was horrible.

I know. Yeah.
You were not David Spade yet. And this guy came up to me.
I wasn't even sure who

you were. But anyway, you said- You go, this intern asked me, can we get a picture? Literally

asked him, go, can we get just a quick picture for the cover of my mom's magazine? And you're

like, okay. And me, you, Farley maybe? Oh, I got to get this picture.
And Victoria Jackson.

No, it was just us four i think four okay whoever i could wrangle and we took a picture and she put it on we didn't have a ring light we don't ring lights back then uh and i'll try to get it so we can pop it up here for when it airs i got a magazine um cover this weekend i I was doing a gig up oh that's right you did interviews too well just you're at a meet and greet and someone came up and just said uh she had a big camera you're on the cover of monterey weekly oh i get okay by the way i did once in a while your mom and i text just don's Davey? How's my sweet Davey? Davey. When you're coming to visit her and she knows you're coming down the block, she says every time she puts on George Harrison's Here Comes the Sun, and she sings along with it.
Oh, that's nice. Here comes one of my sons.
Here comes the sun. You know, it's funny.
I'm playing a celebrity theater in Arizona, where I'm from. I'm playing Tucson in Phoenix.
I've never played Tucson. Don't play your hometown, fool.
That's what I'm saying. Last time I went, the green room had more people than the audience.
It was like my mom's going, I just have plus 300. Is that a problem? Oh, but Sheila wants to go.
And it's this thing. My dad used to say this thing and their relatives were coming over.
Oh, the Holmans are coming over. This was when I'm in my twenties and I'd say the Holmans.
And he would say, oh, Jesus Christ, you know, the Holmans. I know.
This has happened throughout. So you'll be there.
Your mom will be, these, these are the Persnickety's family's family. Who? You know them.
You don't know the persnickety's. Oh, don't be like this.
Don't be ridiculous. This is Bill Wilson.
Sorry, they're not in sag. You took wood shop from him in fourth grade.
He doesn't have a thumb. You remember.
I do have a guy now, one of my buddies, and Heather will laugh at this. And he's going to hear this.
He does the classic, hey, how do I get tickets to Spades show? She goes, you mean online? He goes, yeah. I mean, I could go online and just buy them because I definitely, I want to buy them.
But can I give you my credit card and then you can buy them? I don't understand. So then Heather will press the buttons? So just, it would be be like i think the answer is supposed to be we'll just leave you two but it's this whole rigmarole of like okay here's the three digit security code but if this one doesn't work call me and i've got an amex and then just go let's go back and forth until we figure out and i want them close i want I want to sit close.
Right. And I don't want to ask, but I've got 67 guests with me.
Can we come backstage before the show just for like 20 minutes? And then 10 minutes after. And 10 minutes.
Just to tell you it was funny. It's all right.
God bless them all. No, it's fine.
I give everyone tickets. I don't give everyone tickets i don't give a shit okay let's get to the hot stories dana we got some hot takes yeah let's see what are our take i can't see oh there it is okay oh okay this is more your world this is uh basketball mm-hmm ja morant great basketball player brilliant basketball.
Has a habit when he does something good on the court, it was starting to make his fingers go like a gun. And he had been busted a couple of times last year with possession of guns or taking pictures with guns.
Like Snapchat with guns. Yeah.
Taking pictures. The NBA wants its image to be a certain way so he got in trouble he got suspended i believe and now he's back he was doing this again and i guess they said okay they don't want to do that so i guess now he's pretending to throw a grenade well i think what he did is he got that he did the finger guns after he made something like two two two and then i think oh here's okay let's grenade, see what it looks like.
Oh, this is the grenade one. He takes it a step further.
Three-pointer. Boom.
And he throws it, and then he does goggle eyes. That wasn't that bad.
Throw the grenade, and then goggle eyes. What's the goggle eyes? Do it.
G goggle eyes is just supervision. Curry will do it sometimes.
What does that mean? I have night vision? I got supervision. I'm 40 feet away.
Oh, oh, oh, oh. God, they love themselves.
Well, not goggle eyes. What is it? Covering his ears.
Oh, I couldn't see. He was covering his ears.
Oh, okay. Oh, for the boom.
From behind, it looked like he was doing the goggle eyes. Oh, it could be the boom of the grenade blowing everyone up in the audience.
Well, the problem is- Let me say that again. I want to see if it's actually covering his ears.
Well, it's microscopic on our dog shit thing here. It's so tiny.
He's a quarter inch high in this. Okay.
Okay. You can't tell, but he is covering his ears.
So for Heather and and for everyone who doesn't know caught with a gun on like a snapchat like a real gun and they go hey whoa whoa whoa not cool you got a lot of fans look up to you does it again in trouble maybe 25 games i don't know something pretty stiff right then this year makes a shot guns everyone down or he does a And they're like, hey, come on. Remember we had this last year.

I think they gave him one warning right a game or two later guns again they go yeah we have to do something now we look stupid it's not that bad but listen come on guys so maybe they suspend him then he comes back and does a fucking or they find him. Like he's throwing a grenade.
So here's the question. Did the grenade get it? Do they want him to stop doing the grenade? Now we have a thing, the Yaha Moran celebration package.
Guns, machine guns, rifles, knives. Depending on what he does.
Yeah. If he gets a dunk, he does an AK-40s.
Yeah. I mean,'s it's probably not a great idea did the grenade get him in trouble that's my question that is the question and i'm sure there's an answer out there maybe not yet but there now he just looks like he's shoving it in their face and so now adam silver has to go what do we do here what would you do Dana? I think it's a little bit like it reminds me of Elmer Fudd or

something or Adam Silver has to go, what do we do here? What would you do, Dana? I think it's a little bit like, it reminds me of Elmer Fudd or something, or the Roadrunner cartoon, you know? I think it's a little more cartoony. Hey! You know, so this one is a little more assaulting, no pun intended.
So, I think the funny, maybe the grenade's okay. I know that our producer will-

Well, they didn't say don't do a grenade.

They didn't say don't do a grenade.

That's why it's funny, because he's like,

I'm thinking of new things to do that kill people.

Well, here's, I don't know if I can do it.

This would be me if I score a basket.

Arrow.

Yeah.

Boom.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because I've been watching Lord of the Rings again, because it's such a brilliant film. And that.
Yeah, those are cool. Nothing cooler than that.
They do it way faster than you can do it real life. There's no way.
Even Hunger Games. I was like, no way.
Jennifer Lawrence is doing it. Right.
The arrows never run out. Yeah.
Quill. That's Katy Perry's husband.
I can't believe I don't remember his name. Orlando Bloom.
Scorlando, yeah.

Scorlando Bloom, which he was incredible.

Good looking dude.

Yeah, good looking guy.

What was he incredible in?

Lord of the Rings.

Yeah, he was.

Yeah, Lord of the Rings.

I think that's true.

I was trying not to step on that.

He's a good dude.

Okay, so that, that, that.

Okay.

And then the, yeah, we'll go to the next one. I don't know what happened to John.
We'll find out. Yeah, we'll get back to you.
Okay. What's the human body? Oh, this is what's in a cup of coffee at.
Okay. I don't know.
Let's say your average coffee, iced coffee at a restaurant. All right.
What do they put in? Here we go. Here we go.
Oh, that's sugar. That's too much sugar.
Sugar again?

More sugar.

Look at that sugar, dude.

I haven't had that much sugar in my life.

Caramel like you put in a hot fudge sundae.

Look at Squirt.

Sugar, caramel.

Are they faking how much they're putting in there?

That has so much sugar in it, too.

Caramel, caramel.

Yeah, no, that's massive.

That was poison.

Is this Dunkin' Donuts?

It's crazy.

You're joking. This would be the ordering.
It's like eight ounces of sugar and caramel. Then ice.
Five cubes of ice. Almond milk.
Okay. A splash.
A splash of almond milk. Uh-huh.
AMSR. There's stirring it.
More ice and now more syrup on top. That looks like chocolate.
And a little bit of coffee. I think that's- Is that coffee? It's, yeah, it's 50% sugar and caramel.
Oh my God. Just go, go to Dairy Queen and get a freaking milkshake.
I mean, that's exactly, and people think I just have my coffee. Yeah.
That has to be 40 grams of sugar in that thing. Right.
That's the problem. You know, what happens is little, okay.
Wisdom or knowledge alert. When you wake up in the morning, your blood sugar is essentially flat because you haven't eaten anything for eight or nine hours.
Now, if you light it up with one of those milkshake coffees, you're going to spike way up, then go way down.

Then you're going to have to eat some more sugar.

And that's how you're going to be on this roller coaster all day long.

So do a tiny piece of sourdough toast with almond butter on it.

Protein.

Thank you.

You've changed, Andy Lyon.

Heather, you might want to tilt this up.

I'm going to go up.

Spades going up on the knees.

Here we go.

Watch this.

And if you're not going lion. Heather, you might want to tilt this up.
I'm going to go up spades going up on the knees. Here we go.
Watch this. And then we'll do the next one.
Okay. These golf shirts are always too long, but you know, we're not going to fix that.
It's a problem that I have with shirts as well. They get a little too long and I don't know how long it's supposed to be past your ween.
I don't know. No, there's a sweet spot where it's just long enough so it doesn't ride up, but it's not so long.
You look like you're wearing your older brother's shirt. my wiener don't know no you there's a sweet spot where it's just long enough so it doesn't ride up but it's not so long you look like you're wearing your older brother's shirt my wiener is my sweet spot all right here we go this is what's going on let's let that snow for a little minute okay what is the story exactly do those 70 go oh the 70 for a ticket andrew mcmahon agreed to share usually secret details for a show.
Here's an example of a deal memo. His team just blacked out exactly which show it was.
What do we have here? To start, the band set a ticket price of $56. There's a gross potential of a couple hundred thousand dollars being made.
But out of that $200,000 in ticket sales, half is deducted for venue-related show costs. grand stage hands.
Leaving the band with $100,000 payday. But still pretty good.
Most of that goes to the band's own expenses. Commissions and fees and payroll.
Yep. Their management takes a quarter.
What about taxes? Travel and crew costs take another quarter. Yep.
Meanwhile, that $56 ticket has had fees added, though artists don't get that money. So once you take away the venue's show costs and the band's touring expenses, something corporate's actual profit from that $70 ticket is about $10.
And then we split that five ways. Yeah.
McMahon isn't complaining. $2.
That's still $7,000 each for a night's work. We love you, Los Angeles.
Thank you for a beautiful day. But the point here is each dollar fans pay is fought over by artists, venues, ticket companies, and scalpers.
And time and again, the industry's solution to these fights has been to just charge fans a bit more. Yeah, just keep jacking it up.
What band is it? That's us. That's us on the road.
That's everybody. That's the Rolling Stones.
Well, it's a little different if you did the metrics and the one person who just needs a microphone and walks out. I mean, we don't really have like a wrecking crew, you know what I mean? Yeah.
Roadies. Unless you get bigger.
I think, you know, a lot of tour buses out there, comics are getting bigger. Sandler brought two semis.
But, you know, if you've got a band and you want to put a stage up there. Totally different.
You've got a band. It's a bigger show.
Yeah. You know.
If you're Shane, you just need an old T-shirt. It's actually great.
You know, for guys, we just get up there and set list, microphone with you maybe a guitar but you could do without it it's like that's barely anything and they usually have a guitar in the city yeah so someone just brings one and yeah do you do a sound check but i don't know if they're talking about taxes because those guys got their seven grand but then seven grand, a- Seven grand, but then they- Get hit. Yeah, at least 50% probably on that.
So they're 3,500. Basically, they just go to Arby's afterwards and get a free meal.
And it's a push. They just played to 20,000 people.
That's because California's raised their sales tax 925 to 975. And then in the outskirts to 11.25%.
That's the sale. I's every day people getting ram income tax at a certain point kicks into i think 14.4 i think it's one of the highest well state and then you got a sales tax so right california they really have to get it together because it's just going to be too hard living or forget about me i'm just saying normal people bust their ass every day it's like what do you and it just does feel weird i remember i was doing a show years ago and i

remember it was like a 300 seat theater and i found out everyone was paying a hundred dollars

and i thought you know it's just and if you're a band and someone's paying six hundred dollars

and they're not even in the front row yeah you better play your ass off you just play your

fucking shit do the hits an ass i got a parking ticket 93 bucks just for parking on

Thank you. not even in the front row.
Yeah. You better play your ass off.
Play your fucking shit. Do the hits.
Play your fucking ass off. Look at this.
I got a parking ticket, 93 bucks, just for parking. It's so crazy.
I got a, what was that ticket I ran a red light? What was that where I crashed on all those people and drove away? What was, how much was it? No, I got, I got, I did something wrong, like ran a red light. And it was, they go, you can just pay the 650 right now.
I'm like, 650? $650? Yeah. I said, can you write on there in the memo of the check? Get fucked.
Do you ever, let me just ask, I don't even think the audience should hear this. Do you ever, you know, it's sort of a thing.
My friends used to like put me up front. We're trying to get into a concert.
Once I got on TV a little bit and they called put face ticket up front. They call me face ticket, face ticket up front.
And I wasn't ever that famous. But one time I got pulled over for speeding or something and I was lucky.
The cop just came up, looked at me and said, get out of here. Because he recognized me.
Get out of here here i know you and i go i was a danger to society you should give me a ticket and yeah they let you in right yeah i've tried that weasel i've tried the wheeze move where i when i was like going to cons it's more like 10 years ago i'd i think it was a cockiness something it was a drunkiness combined with what can I get away with? And I go try to go backstage. And I did it at heart and I did it at the pretenders.
And they take you, all the guys like, oh, this guy's here. And they just don't even ask.
Hey, they just take you right in their dressing room. They're like, hello.
And I'm like, oh, so. Well, I think the Tommy boy t-shirt you used to wear was very helpful.
And my bench warmer's hat.

Bench warmer's hat, Tommy.

And then an Adam Sandler tattoo on your shoulder.

My SNL shorts.

Adam on FaceTime in case it doesn't work.

Yeah, it sometimes backfires.

I wanted to see the Go-Go's last night. I saw the Go-Go's.

I drove by the Roxy on Sunset and the Go-Go's were there last night.

I should have gone gone.

Thank you. Yeah, it sometimes backfires.
I wanted to see the Go-Go's last night. I saw the Go-Go's.
I drove by the Roxy on Sunset, and the Go-Go's were there last night. I should have gone, gone.
And you're telling me you didn't go to the Go-Go's. I went with Theo last night.
Their whole name instructs you what to do. No, actually, I went with Theo to Def Lepp.
We got dialed in. Oh, did you say hello to our friend? No, it was before that, but I think I said I saw him there because we just my buddy said hey you want to go see def leppard uh my friend ross it's serious and he said they're at the roxy i'm like a mile from my house and just sit wherever you want yeah so he dialed me in and def leppard just came out blasted some hits there's probably what 200 people in there 300 and then uh go-go's i did the same thing with but i saw him last night on the marquee and i i'm not gonna go in there alone but i would try to worm in i like the go-go sound you know i like something's just sort of cool about that upbeat nostalgic fun belinda's i had a correct belinda is a great front woman yeah okay next story here we go next story let's go killing it we're killing today we really are some amazing go ahead read that loom loom l-o-m founder feels lost in life after selling his startup for 975 million dollars so after selling his company the lo founder...
I'm rich and I have no idea what to do with my life. Life has been a haze this last year.
After selling my company, I find myself totally unrelatable position of never having to work again. Everything feels like a side quest, but not in an inspiring way.
I don't have the same base desires driving me to make money or gain status. I have infinite freedom, yet I don't know what to do with it.
And honestly, I'm not the most optimistic about life. Wow.
Don't wish too hard because it might come true. So he made the ultimate goal in life, which is to start a company and sell it.
And after tax, he still has probably a half billion. Put that in a 5% account.
So he's making like 20 million a year. Buy a couple of Fatburger franchises.
I mean, it's funny because just out of habit, the guy's totally set, but he's probably going to go invest just for something to do. Well, but most people who are driven, they don't, it's not about the money they get.
They just want, they like the game or being involved. What about if Warren Buffett had just made 500 million and just said, well, I'm going to quit.
I don't know. There's nothing I got to do anything.
I've had it. I just go to Whataburger.
And I'll tell you what, I should be taxed more. He always says that.
I wish the government would tax me more. Well, you know, you can voluntarily give money.
Yeah, go ahead. Well, that doesn't sound like so much fun.
That doesn't sound like so much fun. I'd rather be at gunpoint, I'll pay tax and I'd like to have a gun put in my head and I will pay tax.
This was a bad idea. I had a Dairy Queen last night.
He always eats it like the simplest places. Well, he's got Coca-Cola, Seize candies, and Dairy Queen.
He's worth $100, $200 billion, and he doesn't have diabetes. The guy's a freak.
And he lives in like Omaha or something, right? Yeah. Maybe he'll come to my Omaha show.
I'll leave two at the door. Here's what I got for the 975 million guy.

Yeah.

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Oh, this is so interesting. Now, this one might be fake,

but you've heard of these things that are very real, Heather.

Have you heard of these?

They're called a monolith, and they show up places.

They just show up.

Right, and that's kind of an homage to 2001 Space Odyssey, a monolith.

Someone brings these overnight,

and they don't know if it's spacecraft or if it's fake, but seems very fake. But how big are these? Well, it looks like it's 20, 30 feet tall.
The monolith in 2001 for the human being that doesn't know, is it just, it's, they discovered on the moon and they don't know how it got there. And it's just this, it's clearly not made of moon material.
material right it's someone made it man-made or alien alien made so this looks alien made so once again it could be dr stephen greer if we could just get him on yeah we should have asked him about that but i would love that it was aliens because they say there's these i mean it was a few years ago but there's about five of those popped up and no one knew how they got there. Well, here's how we'll do an experiment.
Because in those days, the chimpanzees would go up and touch it. And then the next day, they picked up a bone and knew it could beat the hell out of another chimp.
So we take rednecks from rural Mississippi and put them next to that monolith and then come back and give them a calculus test.

I don't know.

Okay, that sounds like a good plan.

Why don't you touch the monolith and then you give me that calculus test tomorrow?

By the way, I wouldn't touch it because what if it was like radioactive or something?

You never know with monoliths.

I'd let Mikey try it.

Hey, Mikey.

Let Mikey touch the monolith. next one Sure You're out there Yellowstone Hey I'm Kevin Costner in Yellowstone Cut Alright what do you think we should do next are we rolling listen listen we're not i love that show it was so it's so off of mail it's just you know you want to make something of this i just love you know they're across the fence you want a piece of me right now you can have it and then the other guy talks exactly the same Sure, I'd like a piece of you, but would you like a piece of me? I would like a piece of me right now You can have it And then the other guy talks exactly the same Sure I'd like a piece of you But would you like a piece of me I would like a six piece meal of you Would you like a piece of me Well I'm asking you at the same time Would you like a piece of me Huh Then they both pull out guns and everyone goes Hey whoa whoa guys guys Don guys guys guys guys guys hey this is our land you can't put barbed wire up on our land well how about i wrap this barbed wire around your fucking neck that gonna make you happy you want to take this to the parking lot of a raiders game let's fight you want to tailgate next sunday with raiders versus chargers and wrap bob wire around my ding-a-ling-a-wong-wong.

Whoa.

Well, I don't... You want to tailgate next Sunday with Raiders versus Chargers and wrap

cobweire around my ding-a-ling-a-wong-wong?

Well, I don't think so, Parker.

And film it for White Lotus.

I think you and I need to get more alpha in our lives.

Yeah.

You know, we got to just walk up to people, you know, with Ralph for dinner.

Hey, what are you looking at?

Huh?

Well, I wasn't looking at anything. beg to differ what call me nothing you call you call me a loser really you got that you call I got uh what are you looking at I go nothing I go you're saying I'm nothing I'm like let's just just beat me up like I'm not I don't want to let's skip this part wait a minute I have to laugh.
That's so fucking funny. Are you saying I'm nothing?

Yeah. up like i'm not i don't want to let's skip this part wait i have to laugh a little bit i'm so

fucking funny are you are you saying i'm nothing yeah it's really a trap well there's nothing i've

always told you there's nothing more dangerous on planet earth than an insecure man after midnight

with alcohol in his belly yeah hey what are you looking at nothing you're saying i'm nothing

yeah i go no i'm saying you're something you're saying i'm nothing now i'm something i'm like

I'm going? Yeah, I go. No, I'm saying you're something.
You're saying I'm nothing now I'm something? I'm like, I don't know. No, I'm serious now.
What were you looking at? You? Your wiener? Wait a second. Are you saying I'm a wiener? No.
Yeah, you got to get right back to him and scare him. What? What are you at I was looking at the dessert menu you were just in the way what were you gonna order mud pie are you saying I'm a mud pie no yeah that's what they say that's how thin it is you think I'm a mud pie well no but if you just want to fight let's just say that I was gonna get lemon meringue pie but you were in the background You saying I'm a mud pie.
Well, no, but if you just want to fight, let's just say that. I was going to get lemon meringue pie, but you were in the background.
You saying I'm lemon meringue? Well, yeah, kind of, but not the pie part. We have to save this energy for ads for an hour and a half after this.
Well, I think it's funny. The only thing I go back to, that should be a t-shirt.
What are you looking at? Nothing. Are you saying I'm nothing? It's such a good answer to start a fight.
You're like, oh, God, I really stepped in that one. I was on a beach once, and I thought there was dudes over there.
I thought one of someone I knew in high school. And the guy did go, what are you looking at? And you said, I thought I knew you? No, I was laying down on a towel.
And I looked at him, and I said at it what are you looking at and the guy was way bigger than me so then i just looked away and pretended to have sunscreen more i didn't want to get into an argument like you should don't say nothing because if i'd said you remind me of someone i knew in high school that might not have gone over Just your curves. Yeah.
You take sunscreen in that situation, you go, and the guy goes, oh. Well, I was walking down the street, and I had the earplugs, and I was listening to my iPhone music, and a guy stopped me and go, what are you listening to? And he said, nothing.
He said, are you saying I'm nothing? Well, why doesn't it make sense? You're not even in my ear. You're saying what you're listening to is nothing? No, it was the Rolling Stones.
You're saying I'm like some kind of stone that rolls? No, it's a band. A band from the 60s.
Oh. Then I said, I know a guy whose nickname is Dandelion.

I wouldn't mess with me. Yeah, don't

mess with Dandelion at the McDonald's.

Dandelion will fuck you up.

That's where I got in the fight.

Yeah. Okay, let's do one more.

One more. I guess.

We'll say one more. I got punchy enough

at that point where you say nothing.

I'll never get over. I won't get over that.
What are we even watching? A rock and a cave. Oh, is it a bee? Wait, hang on.
The bees sense fear. This is a guy bringing bees down.
And because he's not afraid, they won't sting him out of a bee. Is that honey? Yeah, honey that's like as big as.
Oh, my God. He's eating them? No.
Well, don't do that to him. By the way, if they start singing you now, there's no going back.
You might as well finish the bit. They're saying if you're not fearful, they won't sting you.
And they can sense fear. I don't know if they like being bullied like this, though.
Why are they going in his shirt? He's down his shirt. He's eating them.
He's bathing in them. Bees are like, we'll go along with this, but don't stuff us in your pockets.
I'm just, is this real? Well, I don't think it's smart because when I get stung by a bee, I usually don't know it. I just see it lands on me and stings me, and I have not even a chance to be scared.
Right, so that defeats the premise of it. He's got a couple for the road with him.
Those are big. Maybe he's built up to some kind of immunity that even they're stinging him like crazy, but he just doesn't.
Maybe they're filming Jackass. yeah i mean i i sometimes out in the garden here I'll just Get turtles or Snails and I'll just kind of put Them all over me And they don't bite No You don't have to yawn on my story No I'm going Are you saying my story's About snails? You're saying my turtle story's bullshit? I'm saying your special's not called Dandelion.
I say that, that's a, that's not going to work. Dandelion.
Yes, I love it. Are you going to go to Coachella? Are you going to wait out for Fry Fest too? Oh.
Coachella's? Coachella's this weekend and next weekend. And Fire Fest, they're saying it might be another scrimm.
Firefest is actually coming out, and that's the one that was completely made up. And the guy's doing all this.
They're going to put it in Mexico, and then when people try to log on. Or someone asked Mexico, and they're like, we know nothing about this.
We have no permits. And everyone goes, hmm.
And they've already goes and they've already moved it again and this guy in the news yesterday was trying to get tickets online and he's like one is a million dollar ticket and you get really everything all the cheese sandwiches you want and there's no lineup you cannot do this twice you cannot the same guy's doing it same guy and you can't fool me twice shame on me fool me twice gun you down that's what it should be yeah i just made a deal with bernie madoff jr yeah it's like this guy i hope it's real i'm not saying it's fake yet i'm just saying it's starting to have an aroma and he better fix it you can can't say it's at like Punta Minta. And then it's like.
All right. I just got an alert.
Okay. What's that guy's name? Billy something.
Billy some says, can you and David come down to Fyre Fest in Mexico? It's in a few weeks. I'd love to have you guys.
You be every act Because we don't have any I hear you play the guitar And David can dance Would you mind also performing As a form of the Everly Brothers? And can you guys do Eight and a half hours? I texted David's mom and she said, I'll get the sun in doodoo. I'm just getting punchy now.
We're getting punchy. It's all right.
Stay tuned for ads. Now, we'll, okay, we'll end up there.
We did a great job today. We'll see what happens.
We'll see what happens. We'll give you more on that story next week.
And remember, stay safe out there

and try to ride the wave and make sure you have fun every day.

Something like that. Thanks for watching and we'll see you next time.

See you next time, folks.

This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly. It's executive

produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade Jenna Weiss Berman of

Odyssey Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman hope you liked it