SUPERFLY #62 - Johnny Carson S*x Life

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We're on Superfly. If anyone's still listening, is anyone still listening? We should just show all that beginning because that's more interesting how we both we are too loud you're too soft i can't hear you what's going on that's more interesting bts yes people no one wants our polished show and thank you i shouldn't say this for sticking to the script about the pre-planned

technical difficulties your acting was terrific if this acting is in the busboy movie oh to the moon oh fum i smell an oscar nomination Shum.

Shum.

Well, I will say, welcome to Superfly.

There's lots to go over.

This is a big show data that's lie one but no it is a good show i will say i was going through the youtube comments some people now they know we go through so they get a little spicy in there most people no they rile me up when they go like this they don't like some story some angle we took and they go stay in your lane boys i'm so i don't care what stay in your lane on the free show you're getting they go just stick to more jokes and i'll keep peeping it i go your free show isn't going the way you want are you okay how about we do it every one i know and i it does not sound like you know the real jerry seinfeld it does not i believe that someone using the name spelling it with two y's or something jerry you think that's jerry commenting i don't think it is but i see sometimes i'll see comments and it's jerry seinfeld or tim dylan or it's you know and i go these are fake outs jerry's not they're fake stay in your lane it's not gonna stay in your lane no i will say sometimes if you get crabby on the comments don't cry too hard because you get tears in your iphone you have to put it in rice sorry you have to put it in rice and then you punch somebody because you're so frustrated then you have to put that in the rice you need two bowls of rice god talk about frustrated dana i'll tell you one quick story that will bore the shit and then i've got five bits right out of my lane if you can get through this bitless story i'm just saying sometimes i go on the daily mail which is also my friend refers to as the daily nailed because they always just bust people doing stuff it is funny daily mail is you know light-hearted garbage i mean it's really nothing it's a it's a ruthless robot driven algorithm and they they will do the most the most kind of gotta click on it and then they ask for your email they have these little this little thing it says m on a thing and then you have to start getting involved with the algorithms no no let me tell you something you have to know about women sexually okay you got me boom yeah listen you just want to click on some cute little story about megan markle like tripping on a fire hydrant you're like i got some free time i'll click on that sure but they're all like this person puts on a leggy display you know right those kind of things this busty blonde display yeah cheeky display i think it's from europe whatever her purse bottom right so a bunch of okay culmination of dumb stories that's fair i'm sure they would say it the same way i think that's fair i think you're in your lane so far you're in your lane in your lane spade don't you go after daily mail i'm not i watch this garbage and believe me i take the time to click the X's because there's 500 ads on the side. They pop in your face.
They click, they block something. I'm just trying to dodge bullets so I can hear one crummy story.
So anyway, now they say every third story is like, this is Daily Mail Plus. I'm sorry, what's that? You can't read it unless you give us a buck 99 that's what i was talking about yeah better yeah you jumped ahead yeah i jumped all over your bit so what's what's the funny part there's no real bit it's just saying like i don't i don't have an extra dollar 99 to give it i like free garbage i don't want to pay look that's really here's the thing you go on that that thing.
It's what they call a guilty pleasure. I don't know who thought of that, why you'd be guilty.
The reason you look at TMZ and these sites is because once in a while, because they don't give a shit, they got a team of lawyers. Daily Mail has 10 million reporters around the world, just regular people.
Here's 500 bucks. and so once in a while they get it right and they jump regular media and that's why you look at a while once in a while they said two weeks ago i'm gonna do tariffs and crash the global economy so i clicked on it you know they predicted right i will say that it's like dumois there's ones that dumois did the smart thing where they go, hey, everyone's a personal paparazzi.
So rat out everyone you see at all times and there will be no where to hide in the world. So that worked because then people do that.
But then they run into some legalities. But, you know, overall, it's the same thing.
So Daily Mail, I'm here to protest the $1.99 get there's so many ads and so many things in there you're making a killing you're making it so hard to read and watch already and now every third story about you know prince harry uh yesterday he might have been wearing a bucket hat did he buy it or not click here and i'm like all right then it's like don't No, no, no't try to get the free story click on bucket hat will i will but i want to click on it am i fascinated by what that guy gets on that ginger cranium yes am i gonna click on let me tell you this the entire thing is written by ai robots i.e they had a meeting you can do one of the voices, I'll do one of the A voices. How much should we charge for Daily Mail Plus? 99 cents? Deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle.
199 is not as offensive. People might be able to scrape it together.
Even though just the idea of it makes me physically ill. I do i have what you call a a release bucket next to me when i'm watching daily mail in case i i uh get one on deck what did wayne's world say what would wayne say if you hurl then i'm gonna spew if you spew i'll get my puket Yeah, but I'll tell you what.
Human beings were ready for the wheel. They were ready for fire.
They were ready for the printing press. They were ready for electricity.
They were ready maybe even for nuclear power. But are they ready for robot-driven AIs brainwashing us into rage and anger? Because if it outrages it's contagious and i'm staying in my lane well i'm glad you're you're reminding yourself to stay in your lane but uh well i think that's the name of a podcast the most boring podcast we stayed in our lane hi we're staying in your lane hi what uh it was sunny today.
What is our lane? They're like, just do your dopey jokes. Well, I know that we seem as if it's entertaining enough that we have a script that we're reading from on the computer, but believe it or not, you know right now as much as we know about what we're going to say next.
We have no idea. We have no idea.
You want robots? You want comedy? Hire robots. I'm going to do- You want boring? Yeah.
Then you want boring? That's us. That's us.
Stay in our way. All right.
So I get comments on my, you know, do red, redneckies. So I wrote two 10 minutes ago.
They're not very good, but they're red, redneck, the redneck comedian. He's been gone for a while, red redneckie.
Yeah, he's still around. And these are not my best jokes, but at least I'm doing them.
Sure. He's a comedian and his jokes maybe aren't the best jokes.
Okay, here we go. Let's try one.
I'm going to see if I can get a smile out of okay david too much pressure i'm red red necky the redneck comedian my mama said red only bleach will get the skid marks out of your underpants i said do what you gotta do mom because i need my tatty whitties before the sadie hawkins dance come and get get some. Let's go to the judges, Heather.
What do you think? Does she know what Sadie Hawkins is? Oh, she does. Okay.
It just felt funny. It just makes no sense.
It sounds funny. Yeah, I like it.
My daddy said, help me change this tire, Red. I said, why? You've got four flats.
He said, Red, that power of observation of yours is going to take you far in life. Come and get some.
So he asked the girl to the dance and then he thinks his underpants will come off. We're going back one.
We're going back. Because yeah, okay.
I'll read it slowly like a professor. Okay.
Okay. Let's break it down.
My mama said, Red,

that's her nickname for her son,

only bleach will get the skid marks out of your underpants.

That's the setup.

I got that part.

I said,

do what you gotta do,

mama.

It should be mama.

But I need my tidy whities back in time for the Sadie Hawkins dance.

Come and get some.

Okay.

Tidy Whites is a funny term for a little underpants.

I said underpants first.

That's funny.

And then Tidy Whites.

Skitterbarks is funny.

Okay.

Do an assist.

I need a better payoff.

I need my Tidy Whites back for Sadie Hawkins.

It's just not doing it.

In case I get in a car crash.

I need my Tidy Whites back in case i shit my pants yeah because in a car crash they say a lot of people shit their pants or wear clean underpins mama i do not want to take a dump in my tidy whities if they they got skid marks on them i need fresh tracks she said it might be a little lengthy but yeah i'm getting a smile

no i like it i like the breakdown behind the scenes of red rednecky so daddy says help me

change the tire i said why you've got four flats and the dad well damn red it's that power of

observation is gonna help you go well first of all it's good he's talking to both parents there's a lot of communication yeah uh and so the dad is teaching him life lessons and that's good he's he notices four flats yeah and i can't beat my classics like what's for dinner daddy i said daddy what's for dinner he said shit on a shingle i said this day just keeps getting better and better come and get some they should be like one of the best ones that's one of the greatest jokes of all time the best one was the first one and it's a little outside the lane but he said rednecky the redneck comedian i made my sister only because mama turned me down come and get some i married my sister yeah I agree that one is top 10 that's top 5 I know it's exhausting I was in Sun Valley I did a couple Carson getting pulled over for drunk driving When you said last week wait last week you said you were in Ketchum and I didn't know if everyone knew that Ketchum was probably a beautiful city in Idaho it's in Idaho it's next to Sun Valley and I'd seen the name Ketchum but Sun Valley has you know it's like Valhalla it's all the celebrities and all this gorgeousness and I assume that Ketchum would be a shithole but I got to Ketchum and it's gorgeous and then I started reading up on the history of Ketchum would be a shithole. But I got to Ketchum, and it's gorgeous.
And then I started reading up on the history of Ketchum. And it was about crooks and thieves would rob the bank in Winnemucca, Nevada, go up north into Ketchum in Sun Valley to hide out.
And this one sheriff was so persnickety and so persistent, he would get a posse and chase the bad guys up into the town to catch him. But in that day, it was just Sun Valley.
And he goes, folk, they go, hey, sheriff, I don't think we're going to catch him. Let's go back to Winnemucca.
He says, we got to catch him. You kidding? We're going to catch him if it's the last thing we do in fact i'm calling this part of some valley catch them jeez is this we're stumbling back into a red red necky joke i can't go to catch them you got skid marks and catch them so that's how catch them came up these bandits were chasing have not had a bathroom break in 400 miles you can bet they got skid marks yeah thank you uh this is a running theme all right i can switch to carson because carson killed so hard in ketchum that i love it and i don't know if i've done this one on our show okay okay like the name i don't think i can top this name well first i'll do a warm-up one okay sorry officer i didn't know i was swerving i had a triple whiskey sour at banana dance okay i like banana dance dance right yeah this is the The one that won the day in ketchup.
Won the day. Sorry, officer.

Sorry, officer, I like banana dance. Banana dance, right? This is the one that won the day in ketchup.

Won the day.

Sorry, officer.

Sorry, officer.

I didn't know I was swerving.

I had a double leaky giraffe at the desperate sponge.

I'm laughing.

Heather's drifting off.

But Heather.

Oh, she can't hear that while she can't hear that.

Oh, you can't hear Dana at all. She can't hear me at all then that's would would we got to get her a mic that's tampering your jokes a little bit she laughs at all your jokes but i saw you i got a big smile at one of the great i laugh at it because uh what was the desperate sponge yeah i had a leafy giraffe you can do you can do those wrong because there's some desperate sponge is funny to me i don't think i can top desperate sponge i've got a lot of feedback on it this is for anybody who wants to leave in the comments uh we started out slippery monkeys at the hook and crook two frozen soldiers at the windy summit but now We have, you know, daiquiri vodka up with a twist at the desperate sponge desperate sponge is like damn how do you beat it first of all he's saying it like carson is 88 of it and then you just have to have a little funny puncher at the end funny name yeah because it's some way of tapping into 1970s.
Carson's pulled over that the drink places and the drinks, they send Carson to AA and he says, I had a desperate strong and I had a leaky giraffe. Do you have a drinking problem? I think you have a language problem.
There's no cocktail really involved. A lot of those places are closed now.
I haven't heard of any of them. I've never been to any of those places.
The Windy Summit is still there. Yeah, they're shutting down so many things.
But Carson went AA and he goes, I had a two slippery monkeys NA at the Desperate Sponge. I have a real question a lot of my lane, but was Carson a sex addict? Yes.
Have you heard that? I know a lot of things. I know someone who dated Johnny Carson for a year when he was 25.
When he was 55, she was 25. He said she had a slippery nipple.
Slippery nipple. He said, you know, look, I don't know if this is true.
I don't want me to get sued, but he liked poppers, amyl nitrate.

Yeah, take some of this and you'll come like a banshee. Now I got to laugh.
Yeah, you're getting into the out of your lane. I'm getting out of my lane.
I'm being blue and scatological today. Yeah.
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We can go to the headlines, but what else you got? I have one more thing. I checked in with

my good friend, the one and only Lauren Michaels and lauren and i want to talk about the good night incident with you in a second oh yeah that's right but with with lauren as you know he's become very interested in the lively baldini thing but i just wanted to talk to him about last week's show and who's he got coming up in april so lauren how are you coming so he texted back um there's i think that lively will probably settle because i think baldini's got the upper hand and i texted yeah but who's the host coming up um lively's team thinks that his baldini's claims will be debunked immediately yeah but i mean in may are you do you have any guests? It's set to go to trial in March. I think it'll get nastier until it gets less nastier.
Right, but any musical guests we should know about or any reunions? It's a classic sexual harassment. I think the evidentiary proof is there if you want to present it in court.
seems like he's not even answering what you're are you going to i know it seems like he's ignoring my text are you going to go to amaganza this summer um reynolds also has a counter suit that's going to come in and barbini will have to defend on both sides sometimes when he texts me he put i'm not believing what Rr is saying i'm like is that ryan reynolds obviously this is the kind of thing that if you like it you like it if you don't like right now a lot what percentage of people listening to us are right now ironing a shirt probably 18 to 20 some hands yeah phones are lighting. Yeah.
Yeah. Phones are lighting up.

Okay.

I have a couple more.

I have one last one.

The Japanese got an earthquake.

Oh,

because you just got served that on a plate last week because there was an earthquake.

But he,

he got his building,

got retrofitted.

He retrofitted his building.

Okay.

He was a little cockier on the phone.

Retrofit. No, red, trophy! you okay for earthquake retrofit you need both hands retrofit retrofit retrofit and steam i can't i you know what i have to do david no the problem is you have to use two hands for that bit the thing that you have you have an arm the next time you see me on this oh for this yeah i have an arm because i'm doing too many act outs and i don't have a hand it's too much i couldn't talk on the phone i have retrofit no problem i don't fit with standards like you know so or you need someone you need like heather to come there and shake the bit like shake the computer yeah heather can and be my sidekick, my puppeteer.
All right.

So the Morgan Wall and Wall. shake the bit like shake the computer yeah heather can be my my sidekick my my puppeteer all right so the morgan wall and we'll put this to bed it's big story this week biggest story we're the final word on it because between the two of us we've been to about 300 good nights yeah okay so first of all let's break down the good nights do you did you enjoy the good nights because he just walked off the good nights are the part of the show we hear the do do do do yeah like cheryl whoever it was whoever does now very meliano it means we're out of show but we've got about 45 seconds to get everyone on the stage say good night you mention the host you thank any special guests you thank the music and then you thank the cast and then they do the credits and everyone hugs or whatever they do right and depending on the length of the show the good night could be longer oh yeah people don't know that it it expands or contracts they couldn't fit in a sketch and we've got it okay we're gonna have a fucking three minute good night yeah the man keeps playing so then you there's strategies where you can die on a vine out the good nights because if it's three minutes and you don't know it well here's what he's just like see you later i don't He walks right into the fucking A camera.
Half the cast members have COVID and he just got there. But look, good nights.
If it was canceled, would you be sad? I mean, I know Lauren's a genius. You got to have it.
The audience loves it. I don't mind it.
Yeah. But, you know, the strategy of like this, if you're new, if you have a nose for the lens, your parents are watching, you want to get up front, but you don't want to look like a greedy whore.
So you hang in the back and wait for your moment. What I did when I was there in the fall doing Biden, whoops.
Go ahead. I would take a cast member or I took Alecwin or i took a cast member and i put my arm around and bring them up front and then turn them this way and that way i did it with you know heidi or ashley to show them off well so that they don't have to be hungry for the just have their mom and dad and then i'd ask them my mom and dad it.
What you want is the host to immediately turn around

and do a beeline towards you

and give you a huge hug on camera.

That's the ideal situation as a cast member.

But the host doesn't know what to do either.

They don't know how much time they have.

So they're just killing time and vamping.

And then they're kind of eyeballing the monitor going,

are we still going?

So hug, hug, hug, kiss, kiss, kiss. You were great.
More hugs kiss you were great i try to stay in the back row we've talked about this if i was light in the show i didn't deserve a lot of times i wouldn't go to the good nights because i wasn't in the show so i'm like i don't i shouldn't be up there it's so that was my personal argument with myself and yeah well i almost well i shouldn't really say this but this guy is incredibly nice guy uh brilliant song songwriter and performer shabuzi shabuzi what's it shabuzi shabuzi came up and he's such a big person that he picked me up and then he got a someone pulled him a chair he got me on my lap like i was a marionette and i yeah you're a puppet i was a puppet and he was too far ahead of me dude jacuzzi when i saw him backstage he is great i thought it was derrick henry he's the hugest coolest looking yeah stud i wanted him to i wanted to be friends with him so i could walk around with

the gentlest nicest uh personality he doesn't wear his you know he looks like an nba forward or so like his size of man is like i don't know six nine two sixty yeah and then yeah i don't even know if he knew me because i walked by and he goes what's up pussy i. Was he the music guest when you did Hunter Biden?

Yeah.

Okay.

So maybe he picked both of us up and we were both sitting on a pod.

Yeah. He put me in his hand like Stuart Little at the good nights.

Stuart Little was huge for me in the fourth grade.

Don't hit me with Stuart Little.

Is Stuart Little the mouse?

The little mouse would get in a little peapod and go down a river.

Jeez, it was so fucking amazing. he made a peapod a canoe yeah stewart little could do anything pretty inventive uh and they float i guess i should i don't want to troubleshoot the stewart little too hard probably you were probably in fourth grade in the yellow book or the red book you were were still trying to figure out how to say C-spot run, probably.

Oh, my God.

I've never been so insulted.

Were you in the blue book? You're not in your lane, dude.

Were you in the blue book?

What's blue book?

Does that mean there was a series of books where you got smarter,

you got different colors?

I felt bad because my brothers had dyslexia.

So in third grade, they were in the red books.

There's the red, the yellow, green, and then then blue and then this secret society with the purple book that the smart people super high q i went in there and they had a huge picture of you as a four-year-old i'm like black and white photo i was like what the fuck is that guy no joke me and the vietnamese kid used to walk down to fourth grade reading and math when i was second grade so i don't want to over talk about that but i will say this to try to get some action this was a panty dropper we would do our times tables and you get like you get like a sheet eight times seven fifty six nine times nine eighty one you know you just go through but i was good at times tables so you get them and they go teacher goes just do it as fast you can whenever no rush you you know it's not a contest it was a hundred percent a contest for me the only thing i could win so i would do it and you're just supposed to gently turn it over and wait for the class i would finish it and go like this and then i go what's everybody doing this weekend oh should i not talk are we not is everyone not done oh so i shouldn't talk oh oh people are still doing it oh literally every other person is still doing it okay i've just been teachers like shut the fuck up i'm like no i know i just didn't know i thought we were all equal i didn't know my intelligence level was through the roof like a skyrocket so i did it and then and then i'm like are we can we talk yet that was so embarrassing the loud turnover was really my signature move okay seven times 13 you have one second seven times third no i don't no no no dana dana listen dana 91 we we don't seven times 13 is 91 of course well we don't go over sometimes brainiacs come in bunches no our little test we did but i wasn't ready for that by the way um sometimes it was only single digit single digit but don't quiz me now i was smart fourth grade i told you i'm dumb now I always hated 12 i got one three times three nine was 144 but i always hated 12 times 13 or 12 times 11 that fucked me up the nines have a good trick because they always add up to nine you know 81 at you know so i was the smallest kid in my class in fourth third fourth grade and my best was clem smallest clit in your puss what did you say sorry it's an x-rated show clit kid clem ken was my best friend and we were both about the same height and he was a math whiz wait who was the other guy clem chen was his name my oh is he chinese i suppose so i

i don't i don't look at race i just look at i don't see color i don't see names i don't see numbers i don't see letters yeah but he was vietnamese i had a vietnamese kid named shin lawrence and i just saw shin he came to the show remember how that came backstage i was on a plane once and Clem Chen walked past past me clem chen now this sounds made up shin lawrence i israel god is my witness it was clem chen uh and he's one of my best friends third fourth grade and he he was definitely a really smart kid you know so and we were both tiny yeah i was fucking microscopic and when they did that they did the uh cast picture the class picture you know yeah it starts with the teensiest and goes up it was me first then girl girl girl girl girl girl girl now we start the guys and the girls mixing in together talk about a sadie hawkins dance in junior high and then some won't start crying someone you know crimson and clover was mine crimson and i get adrenalized panic attack and then i go up to a girl who's probably two feet taller than me minimum me too kathy davenport you know and then he's like crimson and so Dude, listen, I can't even stand it. You get on TikTok and they're like, where are my short Kings? Short King.
I don't like short King there. I said it.
You can't add a word King and think it erases the first word. I'm like, yeah, where's my fat Queens? No, no.
You're my, you're my plumpy princess. It's a compliment.
You're a plumpy princess. I'm still processing short kings.
Short kings summer day, and it's coming back. Maybe it's over.
Maybe it's pipsqueak winter. I don't know what it is right now.
We're in the springtime right now. A little early for the summer.
I um i don't like it it's offensive look an 80 80 year old woman who weighs 70 pounds with a revolver can destroy any human man in about three seconds so this whole idea like being being six eight and guarding everyone with the sword, that was a big deal.'s all about oh in the old days all about what's between the ears mofo i try to say that to people they don't buy it girls on tiktok like i went on a date last night he was he said he was six four he's only six two but hey short king summer and then he only made 400 grand which is fine but you know what everyone's not a millionaire he's fucking scratching and scraping so we went to dinner and i was like oh he picked up the menu i was like he picks it up like a girl but whatever anyway these are like girls reviewing their dates on tiktok well why is this phrase exists we haven't planned Funny is money. Tall is.
Is there a thing for tall? No, tall just rules the world. Tall, you need nothing else.
Just be tall. That's it.
Girls are like, the hunt is over. Actually, Marcella.
Marcella? Marcella. Marcello.
Marcello, our buddy from SNL. We should have actually checked in with our correspondent sarah sherman to ask about morgan wallen but um we're still talking about that but marcello had a good bit about that i saw him at the comedy store actually did a set we did a set uh about a week ago he was funny was it about being tall or short he does think he's not that tall and he uh he uh he talks about it he talks about it.
You know, it's funny, funny kid. Let me just a couple, a couple of things.
Al Pacino. Like if you watch Al Pacino.
Oh yeah. What are you going to do? Where are you going to go? You don't know.
What do you say? I like the quiet. Oh yeah.
Oh, what are you going to do? do mom what you gonna say well i'm doing a little bit of scarface but with him oh yeah oh yeah great ass i'll take a flamethrower you got me what was that one in scent of a woman i don't know where i heard it i'll take a flamethrower to this place. Flamethrower to his ass.
He took a two in the girl's ass.

I'll take a flamethrower to this place to his ass he took it to the girl's ass i'll take a flame toward your ass well you're mixing it up our greatest movie star i look at godfather wanted to and on and on and on and on and in recent things that he's done biopics and stuff but they didn't want him in for the godfather says he's i- okay that means he's probably five four so which is five go ahead and marcello has this and marcello's not he's fine he's probably you know whatever with his hair he's six one yeah no but he's a he's got personality of pacino you never think about it or talk about it same thing with dustin hoffman it's not an issue you just you just tommy cruz is 311 tom if tom cruz and i were barefoot and looking at each other guess i don't think he's as tall as you no no way no way but dana's taller than you think uh i know every time i see you i think you're i i go you're taller than i think uh tell you what posture man posture no i also think you slump anyway i slump but my point is uh tom cruise who's uh uh at this point let's face it a freak uh as far as a film he's getting there he's gonna be a bonafide movie star. One more hit.
He's in the frinky level of, of our movie star.

So anyway,

all I'm saying is whatever.

I will tell you that to wrap it all up in a tidy boat,

Morgan Wallen,

my humble opinion was hot take.

He just had to get out of there.

Like I,

again,

we're explaining the good nights. I think he says good night and they show everybody and he waves then he hugs mikey madison and says hey great time take it easy i got a boogie and he split i think to go to another road gig and he had a private jet and he but i think everyone took more offense than it was if it was a regular some of those good nights could have cut off by them.
I don't think he's trying to be rude. No, the only thing he did was, I guess, bother people.
He Instagrammed or whatever he did. Yeah, get me to God's country.
And he had a private jet there. Where's God's country again? I don't know.
It ain't in Manhattan, apparently. By the way, it was such a story that he has merch now no joke that says get me to god's country i know did you know that heather we can pull it up if you want but i think it's in the shape if i have a keen eye of the cooers logo old coo right font okay yeah uh but let's get to some let's get to some hot stories let's do it we did it we we don't know these stories we're gonna try to figure it out oh katie perry says she's gonna put the ass in astronaut in a wild interview ahead of the all okay dana i have a good question about this because i read about this you know that all these females are going to space right Right.
And there's probably six. Okay.
Okay.

So there's there's probably six okay okay so there's lauren sanchez we know katie pierre gail king and three i think astronaut maybe it's just all actual astronauts so they're going to space so i'm reading the story i've heard about the story for a couple weeks the training the whatever how many days do you think they're up there um my guess was 10 days oh no i mean this is blue origin this is this toy this is more like a toy compared to spacex uh they are up in space for maybe three to four minutes 11 minutes dana don't undercut and you should guess really high and then i give you the fucking news and then you go holy shit i know i blew it let's let's rewind three to four minutes rewind that's a space trip i'm like you could just go on the world trade center and stand bad example you could go to the statue of liberty and stand on the top.

What else is tall?

And just say, I'm almost as high as they're going to be.

So I thought they went to fucking the moon or something.

I'm honestly so stupid.

Heather, what did you think?

No idea.

No idea.

You're training.

You're going to space.

It's this big a deal.

How about this is an afterthought.

You go, oh, you guys, yesterday was fun.

We all got to go up in that thing. We kind of buzzed around.
Right. For 11 minutes and came back.
Is that what people are paying 250 grand a pop for? You go past the thin blue line of our atmosphere and you get into space and then you're weightless for a little bit and you're looking down. That's where William Shatner came off as a billy shatner poet i it's can't believe i went into space spade is shocked i will say that it's sound listen it's definitely interesting i think it was it's hyped up a little more of a big deal than it might be it's definitely cool it's yeah i'm sure i mean it's blowing people's minds if i but you have to learn how to float and learn how to do this and train underwater i thought they're doing all that stuff william shatter did it in 91 you know so i think people can do it i just think they're gonna have to account for lauren sanchez her you know the weightiness of her excuse me um continue go ahead i'm not gonna say it inching out of your lane hitting the double lines now i'm centered hmm well no it's i think it's a incredible thing it's just not spacex you know they're not going to the space that's what i thought they were doing i thought they're going around the world in spacex you know okay how about this dana what's the belt or the name i will know if you say it where they're saying you can't i've heard of ryan's belt is that the one where you can't get through without burning up and they're saying that's why maybe we didn't our constellation you know if you're looking up at the night sky and you see something that looks like a belt i'm out of my lane right now what's orion orion's belt loop then is that something else that's the belt goes through it i'm kidding but uh i'm saying that there's permanent oh i don't know all these words there's something where they're saying if the people that say we didn't go to the moon say we can't get through something because you burn up so we can only go up and come down up and come down we can't go all the way is that something they still be in the fucking comments i'll tell you well it's it's one it's probably besides the takeoff coming through the atmosphere is is a very hazardous time you have to really kind of- It gets a little hot and humid.

A little 3,000 million degrees.

You don't want to be Colonel Sanders' wet dream.

Crispy.

It's not bad.

Not bad.

I like that.

Oh, thanks.

I get lucky once in a while.

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Season one of Andor had critics calling it the best Star Wars series yet. Season two of the Emmy-nominated series is now streaming on Disney+.
Follow Cassian Andor as he embarks on a path from a rebel to a hero. Starring Diego Luna and from creator Tony Gilroy, writer of Michael Clayton and The Bourne Identity.
Season two of Andor is now streaming only on Disney+. In other news related to this, a Mr.
Lex Luthor gave a statement saying... Was he the guy in the tank? It was mine, all mine.
Yeah. A Mr.
Lex Luthor of Belgradia claimed ownership. You know, I just ran into Rachel Brosnahan, and she is doing the new Superman movie.
I hope it's not up against busboys. yeah she plays lois lane she plays marvelous she's great as lois well wait a minute you're you're not going to go up against superman because it actually i don't know if the movie's going to be good no the trailer was fantastic because he's lying down in the ice and he's really distressed he's been hurt and he does this whistle and then you see this super dog coming at you and it's super dog from the cartoon so as a baby boomer he's got a cape on and super dog is gonna drag him to safety so i was already gonna buy a ticket just to see super dog i will see that but you also get rachel and and rachel rachel i heard super dog says superman goes super dog he will poop on you it's like triumph triumph the insult the comic insult dog yeah is actually do you think he auditioned for super dog and didn't get it because they go no you're too dirty there is ice here for you to poop on superman yeah that's it he is actually the bad guy in the movie i will tell you one thing they might skip and rachel's great superman's great i like these i think i saw superman versus well i like that whoever man and they fight and i don't like when they fight and the fight scene is a half hour the truth is if you can't kill superman you have absolutely no kryptonite on you none in sight they just keep punching me smashes building he slides down flies back why do we need a half hour fight for

two people that can't die i mean it's fun but let's keep it tight i've seen it in the marvel one it's the hulk versus mothra or something neither neither entity can get hurt he all entity can or feel pain or die and recover in a tenth of a second and it goes on for 45 minutes they kind of limp away

like

you know see and recover in a tenth of a second. And it goes on for 45 minutes.
Exactly. Thank you.
Kind of limp away like... Yeah, not one Band-Aid, not one arm sling, nothing.
It's just like... No, nothing.
And they're never like, I'm still jarred from that fight I had two days ago. I'll tell you what, though.
I assume the plot of Superman and the sensibility is top secret, but they've been trying to hatch this for decades because the original Superman with Christopher Reeves is a masterpiece. Richard Donner directed it.
You had Brando since then. No suit.
Batman went into dark reality. Like Christopher Nolan made it.
See, fell down a cave. This is why he's this crazy Batman.
Superman is a goody two shoes so what where do you go with that so i'm curious if they unlock the key to make a great superman movie in 2025 there i said it i heard that this is probably not true but superman does a collab with bonnie blue and they and watches her screw a thousand guys is that true and he actually has sex with two thousand ned baby tries to beat her because she's the bad guy he says i could beat that sex record i'll tell you what they should start on krypton start on the main planet like they did and and what's her name betty blue should be bonnie blue should be and that's why they want to explode the planet because they're so outraged by her activity oh or the or the bad guys are super horny and they and they enlist bonnie blue and the other girl to go have sex with everybody to wear them out a little bit while superman can just so superman can think for a second figure out what to do and krypton the people of krypton who live in a a place called and also create kryptonite but they live on the planet krypton they also can have they have sex for sometimes a million years at a time no whoa whoa whoa well that's is that too much that's too far because these girls can do it for a day and then they're like in the er but it's worth it they get the clicks but if there are some bad guys from horndog city or something that come down and listen i don't have it all mapped out yet my head but well i'll talk to i'll just say it to the audience david and i had a casual story meeting at warner brothers and we pitched these ideas we're saying them clumsily now but um we never got a call back we never i think you know what i hate what if this plot is in superman and we're like they obviously stole it from us from that meeting well the one thing in the first superman ned beaty who was in deliver areas he played and gene hackman he played gene hackman as lexler he played kind of the dun comic, idiot character. Well, what do you want me to do, Mr.
Luther? I want you to shut up and get out of here. So that, if they could bring back that character.
And then Gene Hackman was trying to name, he was going to have an earthquake, and then California would be renamed all these cities named after Lutherville or something. Yeah, Lutherville, Lutheruther everything luther everything gene hackman was great and everything ever done and i would say greg kinnear not being funny here could play perry white extremely well greg kinnear as perry white is the boss of the daily boss now get out of here now get me that get you you know who is it jk Dobbins or JK Rawlings.
I don't know. JK.
Yeah.

JK. get out of here now get me that get you you know who is it jk dobbins or jk rawlings i don't know jk yeah jk simmons yeah oh is it yeah well he's oh matt that might be in um spider-man you got to get yours jesus we're gonna turn off the comments people are gonna just go nuts okay that's next story we really did a good one with that one that was good that was good Seriously oh this is i don't know if this is real this is underneath the pyramids that we talked about the pyramids last week what let's see if this is fake or not universe today someone has finally made their way down the shafts that were found i like the first comment collect your pearls girls because now you're telling me that as of today doctor and archaeologist ramey i don't how could you get down there i don don't want to be disrespectful to the Egyptian culture, is the first human being to make his way to the bottom of the shafts underneath the pyramid and have reported back what he found in the chamber at the bottom.
And it is mind-blowing. Now, like always, take what you will.
It looks a little fake. I have purposely not talked about this topic yet because I like to have my facts can jump out i just like talking about the uh pyramids i like that if the pyramid is just the top of the iceberg the pyramid's pretty big anyway dana have you seen them well let me ask you a question and heather can look it up do they really know for a fact how that many thousand years ago they made the pyramids is that documentable or they kind of have theories of moving you're saying the theory we all have heard our whole lives is that they built them in some crazy way where they rolled the stones or they did something 20 tons each way yeah thousands sounds yeah we can't even do it now and we've got yeah cranes and like i'm way stronger than like a normal person back then ice he said whatchaeologists and historians believe a combination of ramps.
Oh, combination of ramps. This is what historians believe.
Even AI doesn't know. But they can't prove it.
No, no, nobody knows. Not provable.
So I say it's either a supernatural leap by human beings in Egypt or... Egypt.
Alien intervention. I it's aliens i think it's alien intervention because that's way more fun let's get dr greer on here and by the way we're not that crazy we think the aliens are real i think people are finally like i think they are i mean look at the five million drones that are unexplainable you go some are explainable but something's going on out there well yeah we should get greer i saw another guy jeremy corbell i met him at the airport he's like a guy yeah he's a ufo youtuber and uh he said i said what about giza because i just heard that day i'm like so we could always have him on what about giza i'm like fucking giza dude well that's like the super bowl for these guys they find out something new they're like holy shit it's all gonna it's all gonna come out or not we we have theories and then they're provable einstein just when he was like probably seven years old you know but probably his first words he hasn't spoken yet Albert, Albert, would you like some milk? And his first words he ever said was,

Black hole, sorry. first words he hasn't spoken yet albert albert would you like some milk and his first words he ever said was black holes are real that was it and so and now we've proven that they're real einstein had theories of relativity theories about gravity gravity and space-time.
Now we can prove them with our telescopes. So are those real? Do they all, because I like the term theory.
I didn't even connect that. They were theories of relativity.
And then it was proven, the time-space. And it was proven that if you go on a spaceship, the speed of light out, going to outer space, come back to Earth, you're the same age everyone's 150 so equals m so squared we can theorize with string theory that there's more than one dimension that we're in right now i mean we have there is a fifth dimension dimension and they can sing harmony at a rate that no one has ever sorry i'm still i still can't believe freaking spacex is only going as high as the goddamn empire state building with katy perry it's really bothering me um i it's it's kind of i i got to admit i mean when you're sitting there to take off, you know it's just a rocket full of fuel.

You also know there's no pilot, there's no way out,

and you're going to go straight up.

Oh, I wouldn't do it.

Would I pay 250 grand?

No.

Could you pay me 250 grand?

Also no.

What is your price?

Because everyone has the price.

I like when people go, I don't know a price.

And they go a million?

I go, okay.

A million to shit my pants on national TV? I don't think so.

I would be so scared I'd be like let me out let me out and it'd be like five but no no let me out three two let me out I'm not joking stop it I'm gonna sue you guys but like we talked about carol leifer like you got she said even 2025, if they do three female comics, like ladies night out, you know,

with four men, they never go, guys are coming.

Yeah. But now it's like,

can you believe four, six women could be in a spaceship altogether?

But the truth is they don't have to do that much,

but also I think they can handle it.

Ladies with no gravity is coming to you soon what will they do katie perry's or they both said they're going to bring their glam squad or they want to bring some makeup up there i think they're just saying anything to be funny or like what do you what are we expected to say because we're killing time in a press junket about going 100 feet up in the air all right what yeah go ahead let's hear i'm gonna pitch this because it's about you and theo i'm gonna make a couple calls okay and i'm gonna say it's gonna be good for them off the successful buzz of buzz boys of the movie a week before it's released david spade and theo vaughn go on blue origin which is a great handy little rocket you go up in your wait list then you open up your shirts and it says bus boys you know whatever it is july 5th oh i i think back in the day when the space shuttle used to launch that there was a maybe it was sandler for water boy they were trying to get an ad on the side of it i think i'm not even joking wow that's interesting it would have been great yeah uh because they had a lot of pull back then and that was a big deal space shuttle space shuttle still go up or no i don't know no no they they bombed out and i was on a flight with buzz aldrin this is not a joke and uh we i talked to him a lot about being on the moon i said what was you know all that and uh he says you know it's just science he had ice in his veins that guy but he was a very cool astronaut but he was upset about the space shuttle he thought it was way too complicated all we needed was what he called a big dumb rocket to get stuff into space just a big dumb rocket not this you know what they have but what elon musk has done big dumb rocket goes up then comes down gets caught and can be reused that was the the revolution you know but i i'm from the 60s we were in 2001 there was a howard johnson's hotel and restaurant on the moon we're not even close when was that oh in that was 1968 and that was in that movie yeah you precious movie civilians could go to the moon and there's a moon hotel moon base and it's all cool that i would like to drag i'm not going to the moon it's not these people it's dusty you have to dust every day because just moon dust on everything well you're not outside much you're just inside unless you want to go see the monolith i would go for walks i gotta get my steps i grind even if i take one step that means i'm grinding i'm trying to get my steps each day how many steps rise and grind 6 000 nope 6 000 i love that joke oh that's good whatever you say i say nope and then i say it they have a new one that keeps track of your heart rate throughout the day with the steps and your average heart rate if it's if it's 120 not good if it's down in the 70s or something very good as an average they have an app where you can fake the amount of steps you have and if you're using this to get laid this is embarrassing you're like what's up gals just checking me apps somebody got

9 200 steps today and they're like oh and you're like it's really only 6 400 well who needs that app who does that and by the way that app is not selling well as biden would say and guess what by the way and by the way no i'm being real here bushman out in tanzania or wherever ancient men and women they walk less than we do all they do is conserve energy like lions and stuff and then when they need it they really need it but we have plenty of steps all you have to do is get into a sit a seated squat every day for an hour take your calls you know and just squat down and sit there that's the best thing you can do that's the best thing you do hip mobile i heard squat against a wall right well you or if you could do it out in the world you know you just squat like a bushman that's how people sit. I think some Asian people sit like that when they rest.
You sit down. Vietnamese because you're in the rice paddies.
And so you need to make a chair out of your lower body. But is this good for your body? It opens up your spine.
It's good for your body. Would it be good like we're doing it now? Probably not.
But if you did it throughout your life, young people understand that mobility is a huge part. There's strength and endurance, but there's also mobility and hip joint.
I'm wound so fucking tight. Yeah.
All right. On that note.
On that silly note. Anyway.
People don't like me preening and looking at my hair. I can't help it.
I see this fluff over here. Well, you guys do a podcast because anyone could do it.
And by the the way so when you're doing it in this situation you you're seeing yourself on staring yourself the whole god here i am just for the fans here i'm looking at david ha ha ha here i am checking myself out here i am looking up at you the thing is we don't look directly into the camera because i'm looking at dana but if i look in the camera i look up here which looks more realistic but yeah camera i can't talk to dana without looking at him camera david me heather katy perry on the moon greg holtzman heather rats in my infested mansion. Gail King.
You got me on that one. She's on the rocket ship.
She's on the glorified airplane. The last thing we're going to do is ask the chat room.
They have room for one more woman in American society to go on Blue Origin. Let's nominate that one more woman meryl street and we will tell them next week i'm nominating meryl street i'm nominating the lion that killed the people because he wasn't having it i like i would i would nominate lady gaga because on liftoff she'd be like oh here we go yeah yeah too too too too high james taylor ain't it good to know you're on a rocket ship give him a guitar no they'd be mad because when they're taking off he goes i've seen fire and i was like hey whoa don't sing that now that song's about a plane crash oh please do you not know that no i thought it was uh dana wake up it was an addiction fire and rain you know no just yesterday morning they it was his girlfriend got in a plane crash just yesterday morning they let me know you were gone geez louise that's such a brilliant song now i can't listen i'll be sad oh you'll bawl your head off um but i do like nominating someone i want people to get creative the plans we had put an end to that uh yeah whatever oh yeah if you listen to it now and everyone will tell me i'm lying in the comments i probably am all right uh okay dana i gotta, I got to run.
So just wait here for about 20 minutes. Yeah, I'll wrap up the show with Heather and Greg.
And you have a nice cheeseburger. All right.
Oh, yeah, I'm going on tour. Where am I going? Oh, Boston.
Where are you going? Boston. New Jersey is my next weekend.
Okay, I'll tell you more about it later. Thank you, Dana.
Perfect. For the people who waited.
Bye.

This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly.

It's executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss-Berman of Odyssey,

Heather Santoro, and Greg Holtzman.