Concert AFFAIR & David is Gifted a Meteorite by Dana White

Speaker 1 You know, when it gets colder, I always fall in the same trap. Heavy meals, too much takeout, and suddenly I'm like, why do my jeans hate me?

Speaker 2 I know, yeah, me too. I mean, I'll open the fridge in December, and it's like half a pizza and an orange from 1997.
Not a lot of healthy options, David.

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Totally flips that script.

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Speaker 1 Yeah, it's not just about eating better. It's about time.
I'd rather spend 30 minutes working on a bit for my hilarious act than 30 minutes staring into my oven going, is this thing even on?

Speaker 2 Right?

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Speaker 2 All right.

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Your future self will thank you.

Speaker 2 Yes. Thank you for not feeding me the leftover lasagna for the 12th time.

Speaker 1 all right cold mornings holiday plans endless to-do lists i just want my wardrobe to be simple dana i just want pieces that look sharp feel amazing makes sense and i'll use every day you know what i mean that's quince that's it the best part their pieces

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Speaker 1 That's q-u-in-ce-e.com/slash fly. Free shipping, 365-day returns.

Speaker 2 Quince.com/slash fly. Oh, we've always, we've never asked.
no sir we've always

Speaker 1 trust me yeah this is and we don't really pop we don't really shoot out of the cannon at the beginning

Speaker 1 yeah but everyone knows so i have a code on that's good that's the first order business that everyone's psyched about and then dana might have a new something in the background

Speaker 2 People ask me sometimes, you know, off when we're not on, they say,

Speaker 2 what's stuff in the spades background? What's it about? And here's my reaction.

Speaker 2 I don't care.

Speaker 1 I don't even look at him. You think I'm looking at the background?

Speaker 2 Here's a good noise.

Speaker 1 That's a good one-eye shut.

Speaker 1 Here's one.

Speaker 2 You ever been around a Karen? You know, a Karen? Yeah. Or the elbows up and the one-eyes closed.
Excuse me, okay. We were here a half hour ago, and I do not have a glass of Chardonnay.
All right.

Speaker 2 Karen's the worst term I know what is it for men who are kind of dicks dick a dick or a doug do we have a name of a guy we don't have a Karen equivalent do we I there's there probably is I haven't heard it because no one would dare call me because it would be lights out

Speaker 2 never I've said this before never do a TV show and call it lights out because then when the lights go out it's like a self-fulfilling prophecy which was my favorite talk show, by the way. Right.

Speaker 1 We should have called it lights.

Speaker 2 Never go out.

Speaker 1 Yeah, if we do it again, we'll call it lights on. And then you'll be like, and then they'll go, well, the lights out for lights on.

Speaker 2 Either that or just call it uncancelable. Welcome back to uncancelable.
If that's a word. Oh, it's a ken.
Someone says it's a ken.

Speaker 2 A can.

Speaker 2 Karen and Ken. And what are the characteristics of?

Speaker 1 I'm offended by both.

Speaker 2 You get offended easily. No,

Speaker 2 you know, not to be critical or judgmental, but you're easily, you're kind of like, you know,

Speaker 1 offended by you criticizing me being offended.

Speaker 2 I can't. Look, I've flunked algebra in high school.
I don't need these kinds of questions.

Speaker 1 Dude, everyone's been asking about my fantasy football draft.

Speaker 2 All right, let me say, I want to know because I want to see if I can possibly understand what that fi yok you're talking about.

Speaker 1 It's the one where I thought it was two minutes between rounds, but it was eight hours. Yeah.

Speaker 1 On DraftKings. And so I'm not done.
I haven't seen you in a week. I'm not done.
I'm not even close to done. I've made about 12 picks.

Speaker 1 It's so, I wouldn't say interesting, but it's more infuriating because it nags at you. You're like, wait.
And it doesn't alert you. So I just look on.
It's like, oh, you're up in 21 picks.

Speaker 2 I go, oh, better hold tight.

Speaker 1 That could be six weeks from now. So sometimes it picks up a little bit.
God, Heather's such a disaster. The whole place is falling.

Speaker 2 Is Heather doing the dishes in the background? Heather's doing the dishes.

Speaker 1 No, she's trying to stay awake during this story. She just fell out of her chair.

Speaker 2 Well, anyway, that's a story. I'll play therapist on your fantasy football.

Speaker 2 David,

Speaker 2 can you do this fantasy foot 12 picks?

Speaker 2 Answer me this.

Speaker 2 What are you getting out of this behavior?

Speaker 1 What do you think? think of that?

Speaker 1 My dad left me.

Speaker 1 God, you struck gold right away.

Speaker 2 My dad left me is like the answer to every question. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I think it's an escape.

Speaker 1 Fantasy football is a good escape from the chaos of

Speaker 1 all the stuff going on in the world.

Speaker 2 Well, that's a great answer, and I totally get it.

Speaker 2 I didn't think of this phrase, and people ask me things that I do. Brain candy.
Why'd you watch that show, Brain Candy? Why'd you play a guitar? Oh, it is, yeah.

Speaker 2 Just you got a chatter box, the world's on fire, we're all gonna die, ah, and then you go to brain candy. For you, it's like number 33 from the Chicago Biz: David Spade picks Phil Fleipnike.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and then he does badly, and it ruins my whole week.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's fake, it's drama that has

Speaker 1 actually made you mad, and that's it's like golf or something. Like, I golf, and then you can actually, I don't get quite as mad at golf as you would think

Speaker 1 when I screw up, but when I, fantasy football, you get your buddies and you guys all get in arguments. It's so ridiculous.

Speaker 2 I think that ritualizing fun things and

Speaker 2 having your brain decide that it actually matters when it really doesn't. Like my brother was so into the 49ers.

Speaker 2 When the 49ers would play, he'd build a ritual shrine.

Speaker 1 I mean, the whole room was too much.

Speaker 2 And then he got a puppet of Joe Montana. Oh, boy.
And on third and and long, he would do kind of an exorcist type thing. He'd go, the power of Joey compels you.
The power of Joey compels you.

Speaker 2 Hut one, hut two. The power.
And he would throw it at the TV. Usually it would fly over the TV.
And then if he throws the ball,

Speaker 2 the power of Joey compels you. This little Joe Montana.

Speaker 2 And then if Joe scored a touchdown, he had a 49er football helmet full of beer. It was a special thing.
And everyone had to take a drink of the beer. So I go, you know, this is like a small life.

Speaker 2 This guy's making something pretty exciting.

Speaker 1 People do make sports a big deal, and it is fun. I do like football season.

Speaker 1 I will tell you, not to change subjects, but I might have a solution to these ice raids everyone's mad about. Ready? All right, it's a horrible solution.

Speaker 2 Okay, Heather walks up, all ears, Heather can't wait.

Speaker 1 The solution to the ice raids, go because in California, it's a big deal, so they've been coming around and they take people

Speaker 1 and they put them in a van. You don't know for sure what's going on.
So,

Speaker 1 maybe if they just made one tweak,

Speaker 1 instead of immigrants, they grab homeless people and then they throw them in the van and we don't know where they took them.

Speaker 2 And then they're all gone. What?

Speaker 1 It's not.

Speaker 1 I mean, I don't know how many people would fight it.

Speaker 2 It's like, oh, your words, not mine. Now, your idea is to substitute

Speaker 2 illegal aliens for

Speaker 2 homeless people, and you never know where they went. Is that your plan? Your words, not mine.
Yeah. That's your plan.
I plead the fifth.

Speaker 2 I would say,

Speaker 2 you know, they talk about Epstein Island, just homeless island, just and have it be fantastic. Take an island out in the Pacific, make it beautiful condos,

Speaker 2 everything.

Speaker 2 We have about 70,000 in California and just say, do you want to do it? Fantasy Life Cruise, you know, go out there.

Speaker 1 I mean, the billions they're paying or throwing away or not using, it's like you have all these billions and billions is a lot of money.

Speaker 2 So say we're going to rent all the Carnival Cruise ships and we're going to say,

Speaker 1 take everyone here.

Speaker 2 And then they have.

Speaker 1 Or take them out to Burning Man and set up a whole camp.

Speaker 2 I don't know. I used to do a Trump thing.
They need ice. You got to have ice.
They say the glaciers are melting. I know how to make ice.
I can make a lot of ice.

Speaker 2 I'll take all the ice from the Trump Hotel. I'll put them on the Carnival Cruise Ship.
They're friends of mine. I know these people.
We go and we make glaciers. Sorry, I snuck the actual ice.

Speaker 2 Actual ice. You can get all the ice from the Trump hotels.
It's a lot of ice. I can tell you that.
I can promise you that. It's a tremendous amount of ice.
You put it on the carnival cruise ships.

Speaker 2 They go up to Atlantica and they make it make glaciers. Oh, they add it? Oh, they make glaciers.
That's not about it. He's got a lot of questions for my bit.

Speaker 2 Well, we were just talking about the other ice.

Speaker 2 Great. I'll put down my bit.
Number two.

Speaker 2 Jesus.

Speaker 1 Dana, we'd like to talk, cross-examine your bit.

Speaker 2 I have a quick thing for us today. This is a little dovetail.
So

Speaker 2 that the only way to solve the Epstein thing is to have everybody go in and testify. Like anybody famous, they go in and testify.
Now, Mr. Pitt,

Speaker 2 is that your real name? Yep.

Speaker 2 Have you, to your knowledge,

Speaker 2 your words, not mine, my words, your nerds, ever been on the Epstein Island?

Speaker 2 Nope.

Speaker 2 And why do you say that? Because I was never on the island. All right.
Well, Chair, I dismiss Mr. Pitt.
That's a good plan.

Speaker 1 It's Brad Pitt.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Now the next one is, Mr.
Swarscheneger, were you ever on Epstein Island? No, no, because I don't like islands. I only like land mass.

Speaker 1 No gym.

Speaker 2 I like that he says, I prefer landmass. Land mass.
I like landmass. I don't like little girly islands.
I like land mass. Well, all right.
I hear you.

Speaker 1 Is he dismissed?

Speaker 2 I guess so.

Speaker 2 I don't want to work these bits out because I know you're going to join in and they'll just be sort of funny.

Speaker 1 I know. They kind of run.
I like it. I go to an island.
I do coconut curls. You can work out wherever you go.

Speaker 2 Do you know that I

Speaker 2 like when I hear other people do Arnold? It makes me laugh.

Speaker 1 It's so bad.

Speaker 2 Mine are always.

Speaker 2 This is better than talking. I actually used to do this 20-minute bit called Predator Island.
This is pre-Epstein, where all the kind of canceled men would go and that would be hosted by Arnold.

Speaker 2 Welcome to Predator Island, where we take care of all the Predator people. Look, there's Woody Allen.
What are you doing here? Yeah, because you know, we think that you know, the charge is false.

Speaker 2 You know, run, I lay down ground fire. Run, Woody, run to the brambles.

Speaker 2 Wearing my

Speaker 1 jackets, should have brought some sweats.

Speaker 2 Yeah, look, Lucy O'Donnell is in racist liquid. Lucy O'Donnell.
Look at Jesse Smollett. He's on Hawks Mountain.
Hawks Mountain. I like that.

Speaker 2 Let me down some ground fire.

Speaker 2 So, anyway, that was my

Speaker 1 I like it. You came literally loaded.

Speaker 2 I am loaded.

Speaker 2 I had a little extra in my orange juice.

Speaker 1 My

Speaker 1 mom,

Speaker 1 I'm worried because sometimes she takes her dog's drugs. I thought it was by accident, but what?

Speaker 2 Come on.

Speaker 1 I don't know if it's concerning, but like my well, wait a minute.

Speaker 2 Sometimes she takes her dog's drugs? Is she

Speaker 1 only like Tramadol or like because I think she ran out and she hurt her leg and she goes, it's the same thing. I'm like,

Speaker 2 I don't know.

Speaker 2 She goes, Davey, Davey, relax. It's just a pooch pill, Davey.
It's just a pooch pill.

Speaker 1 We were all together on 4th of July. Oh, she's like, Davey, go say hi to that lady over there.
She said she was your biggest fan.

Speaker 2 Oh, why?

Speaker 1 You're going to keep eating lunch?

Speaker 2 I go, I'll go over there in a minute.

Speaker 1 Oh, I don't like when you get like this.

Speaker 2 These are fans. I go, I know.

Speaker 1 I literally, I'm always nice anyway. No joke, but sometimes it's funny because right now she's got me on the hook for two different things.
And she's like,

Speaker 1 you just texting me after Wazoo about it. I go, Mom, oh my god, you know, people get to her, and then they go, just tell them to do this, and she's like, Done,

Speaker 2 parents, you know,

Speaker 2 parents, parents, and so having a child, got kind of lucky in free market America, got on TV, and then they just root for you.

Speaker 2 Like, I had my career was like a roller coaster, you know, when I was on a downslope, my parents would call me, they'd be on vacation in Montana, and my mom would go, You sure got a lot of fans up here, Dana.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's very nice. My dad would go, Oh, Jesus Christ, you got a lot of fans up here.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I like it. It kind of picks you up because you think things aren't going good, and it's always like up and down, and they're always pulling for you.
Ideally, but she is for sure.

Speaker 2 Well, and the good thing, too, is when you're on SNL and you're dressed like a tomato or with a clown nose on and floppy feet, you're doing this goofy sketch, just check yourself for a second and go, Look what I'm doing.

Speaker 2 Don't take it too seriously.

Speaker 1 I get paid to dress like a bagel.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I asked Jerry Seinfeld about that. I go, should I take it seriously? No.

Speaker 2 Well, what should I take seriously? Nothing.

Speaker 2 Why are you taking it seriously?

Speaker 1 I did hear him yesterday on Instagram.

Speaker 2 I love Jerry.

Speaker 1 Going like, nothing matters. This is his latest advice.
It's just, it doesn't matter. Like, these things, these people that you think hate you, they'll be gone soon.
Everything will just be gone.

Speaker 1 You'll be gone. It'll all be gone.

Speaker 2 It's all gone. It's stoicism.
It's a way to not take this life too seriously. And really, this is a fact.
I looked it up:

Speaker 2 that

Speaker 2 in the next 150 years, 8 billion people will die, and then they'll be dead for at least a trillion years.

Speaker 2 Jesus, brought to you by bummer.

Speaker 2 God damn it.

Speaker 1 Let's go to a commercial.

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Speaker 3 Because I don't think we look or sound like any other podcast, and that's by design.

Speaker 3 My life's quest has been to do some kind of show that captured the level of intimacy and the lack of artifice you would see if you saw me off-camera talking to a friend.

Speaker 3 No one else in the room, plenty of pot and booze, and nothing planned. This is a show where I get high talking to someone I'm interested in to get to know and to laugh with.
It's not an interview.

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Speaker 3 So please follow Club Random with Bill Maher and see new episodes every Monday on Apple, Spotify, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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Speaker 1 All right, I want to show one thing that's probably on our videos. It was a Cole Play concert.

Speaker 1 It was like yesterday, but I like whenever it was. You know how they show the kiss cam in the audience?

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 So they show this guy. Fine, they're just jumping around.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Oh, look at these people.

Speaker 2 All right, come on. Ruthie, oh, what?

Speaker 2 Either they're having an affair or that is very shocking.

Speaker 1 That's Chris Martin. And they say it looks like they were having an affair and they both got puffed.

Speaker 2 Well, let me see it again. Let me see it again because I want to see their...
Okay, they're on. They see.
Shit. Yeah, that's...

Speaker 1 Immediately he disappears.

Speaker 2 He's got something to hide.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 he's a CEO of a big company, and it's not confirmed.

Speaker 2 I'm just going to say putting that camera on them and what Chris Martin said is more than that. It's a cold play, brother.
Oh, fuck yeah. See how I did that?

Speaker 2 That's where he got the name, Cold Play, because he would always embarrass people in the audience. He said, I think I'm going to name the band Cold Play.
We put cameras on you.

Speaker 2 Make fun of them.

Speaker 2 I don't do a Chris Martin.

Speaker 1 You know who else? It felt like something that Mr. Freeze would do.
Mr. Freeze, I freeze you.

Speaker 2 Mr. Freeze, I put the freeze camera on you.
Now you're diving to the headboard out of embarrassment because you're having an illicit fair

Speaker 2 run run

Speaker 2 i lay down ground fire

Speaker 2 he played mr freeze in batman and you know what he was actually that movie sucked of all the batmans but arnold was great in mr freeze great he was so committed i he

Speaker 1 did you hear the tommy lee jones jim carry story where no jim carre comes in he tommy lee jones is this serious actor he's playing two-face

Speaker 2 and jim carry's playing the the Joker, the Riddlers, something ridiculous. Yeah, he's the Riddler, I believe.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and he said

Speaker 1 on one of his days off, he went to a restaurant and he saw him. This is, it sounds true.
I don't know. I got to ask.

Speaker 2 I'll let you know.

Speaker 1 Jim sees him and goes up to him and says hi to him at his table.

Speaker 1 And he says, it's been so fun doing this, acting in this movie with you. And he goes, You sir are not an actor.
You sir are a clown.

Speaker 1 I am an actor, and I'm in a movie with a clown. We are not the same.

Speaker 2 Not awesome.

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 1 I've heard that story so many times.

Speaker 1 Let's ask Jim Carrey.

Speaker 2 I heard the same story, but I think what it was is that he was having dinner with Casey Kasim, and he said that to him. And then Casey said, Let me answer this.
You, sir, are not an actor.

Speaker 2 You are a clown. That's all you'll ever be.
I'm Casey Kasim.

Speaker 1 And checking in at number five, Prime Rib.

Speaker 1 And then Scooby on the table.

Speaker 2 Give me a right.

Speaker 2 Scooby thinks he's an actor. Scooby thinks he is an actor.
What do you think, Scoob?

Speaker 2 Crown?

Speaker 2 Ground? Clown. Oh, clown.

Speaker 1 Scooby has trouble with his L's.

Speaker 2 I think QA with Shaggy and Scooby is good.

Speaker 2 And then the audience could try to figure out what the fire yuck you're saying. Scooby, who do you think's a better actor? Al Pacino or Robert De Niro?

Speaker 1 Which one can I say better?

Speaker 2 Rariro?

Speaker 2 Rariro, Robert De Niro. Pacino.
Ask Al Pacino? I said, well, you said O at the end. He doesn't

Speaker 2 Pacino, I see.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's a good one, man.

Speaker 1 Thanks for that. God, same amount of syllables.
Scooby's fucked on that one.

Speaker 2 Scooby, Zooby, Zoo. Who do you think's a better actor, Scoob? Let's see.

Speaker 2 Let me. Don't put Scooby on the spot.

Speaker 2 Christopher Walken or Leonardo DiCaprio. Rio?

Speaker 1 It's easier to say.

Speaker 2 Rio. No, I give me a DiCaprio.
It's

Speaker 2 Scooby. No.

Speaker 1 Scooby. Scooby.
I said Rio because Leo is easier to say as Scooby.

Speaker 2 Copper rubber hole. You don't want to cop in his voice, box.

Speaker 1 Bucks.

Speaker 2 Jesus Christ. Well, I'm giving, I've cast you as Scooby and being shaggy, but you do a great shaggy, so sometimes I'll do a

Speaker 2 Okay, I'll do it.

Speaker 1 Who's a better actor?

Speaker 1 Christopher

Speaker 2 Christian Bale

Speaker 1 or Benicio Del Toro?

Speaker 2 Rhyme room!

Speaker 2 He doesn't know. I didn't know he could have an opinion.

Speaker 2 Look, look, everybody. I'm working right now.

Speaker 2 He goes,

Speaker 2 you got any sausages?

Speaker 1 He doesn't want to get a quiz. He wants a fucking sausage.

Speaker 2 Sausages. That's what dogs like.

Speaker 2 I don't know, Scoob.

Speaker 2 I don't like this whole bit. It's run into a ditch.
Let's keep that.

Speaker 2 I'm going to go some ground fire.

Speaker 2 Zoinks.

Speaker 2 That's a good one. Yeah, I should use that word.
Zoinks. Well, Scoob, I'm scared.
There's a ghost following us. What should we do?

Speaker 2 Zoinks.

Speaker 2 What does zoinks mean?

Speaker 2 It means a lot of things.

Speaker 1 No, but Casey Kaysom is the guy doing it,

Speaker 1 but Scooby is higher. You're right.

Speaker 2 And my highest compliment, I guess, were some comments like, hey, man, the dude sounds exactly like Casey Kasim. Not knowing that Casey Kaysom was shaky.

Speaker 1 But Shaggy goes a little higher octave, like Scoob,

Speaker 2 Scoob, he kind of breaks. He's always

Speaker 1 kind of a puss.

Speaker 1 Is Shaggy always on fucking drugs or something? He looks like a burnout.

Speaker 2 Well, they've made him into kind of a hippie burnout.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Let's go to the sphere. Scoob, I suddenly have double vision.
I don't think I want to ride the Matterhorn today.

Speaker 2 Scoob, did you have those mushrooms? Rutt Row.

Speaker 2 Rutt Row is the most famous.

Speaker 1 Rutt Row is the most famous.

Speaker 2 We never do it. Rutt Rowe.
Shut Row.

Speaker 1 All right, let's do more hot stories.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's that's it.

Speaker 2 Hmm.

Speaker 1 Oh, so Brittany, who we like.

Speaker 1 Brittany did an Instagram post where she said

Speaker 1 that she adopted a kid. And,

Speaker 1 but what is exactly the reaction is this.

Speaker 1 Well, first of all, we love Brittany, but at some point

Speaker 1 when she was semi-locked down, maybe

Speaker 1 it wasn't a horrible idea. Maybe they know more than we know as an outsider that maybe she needs a little guidance.

Speaker 2 Well, what I love about the byline, oops, I didn't adopt a kid or a dog, dot, dot, dot. Quote, just having fun online.
Ha ha.

Speaker 1 Well, I don't know if the team does that after or she does, or I don't know.

Speaker 2 I don't know. Yeah, I know.
The team, we were talking about the other day. It is amazing how much I hear that freaking word.

Speaker 2 Team, my team, your team, if I'm out of corporate date, wherever I am, anybody, our team will get back to you.

Speaker 1 You have a team. You have a really big team.

Speaker 2 You're looking at the beginning and end of my team. I don't have a team.
You're my team. Heather's my team.

Speaker 1 I do answer for you a lot.

Speaker 2 You know,

Speaker 2 I have residual Casey Kaysome voice. Heather's my team.
You're my team. Sometimes I

Speaker 2 dual voice and I can't get out of it.

Speaker 1 When we do, we're doing Yamava Casino down here.

Speaker 2 Yeah, let's promote that. Yamava Casino, one night only.
Dannis Flarflow and David Spudler with all their wacky shenanigans.

Speaker 1 They go, does Dana still need, we heard he needs

Speaker 1 his raisins cut in half and a bowl. And I go, yep.
I just talked to him. I'm his team.
And that's what the team says he needs before he can go on. He can't do one impression without it.

Speaker 2 Yes. What's your ritual one minute before you go out? So the fans can know.
You have one minute, Mr. Spade.

Speaker 1 Ketchup, mustard, catch-up, mustard. Actually, what I do

Speaker 1 is I usually go in the bathroom of the dressing room.

Speaker 1 If people are there and I don't want to kick them out, I just go in the bathroom and I look at my notes and I go, I got to figure out the first minute what's going on right when I visualize what's going on out there.

Speaker 1 What are you going to say? You can get spooked like a horse if you don't know what's going on and you get thrown right away. It's hard to get it back.

Speaker 1 So go out there, think of the first joke, think of something about the city, or whatever I want to do just about that before I sort of get into a groove.

Speaker 1 But if you get it, if you get, if you come out on solid footing, then you can do better. Sometimes you get thrown by something in the audience, or lights are too bright, or something.

Speaker 2 You're like, uh-oh.

Speaker 1 What's yours?

Speaker 2 I'd say that I sort of peek around the curtain and try to catch a vibe.

Speaker 1 Oh, you do?

Speaker 2 If there's a lot of hubbub, a lot of energy there.

Speaker 1 I do that earlier when they announce the show and the lights go down and the opener's on. I go look to say, oh, they're doing great.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Earlier, I'm in an ice bath in the dressing room.

Speaker 1 You're an ice bath from noon to five.

Speaker 2 Just to wake myself up. But I would say nothing defeats like.

Speaker 2 If you can have second show energy in a first show, because when you have to do a second show, which is

Speaker 2 more than twice as hard.

Speaker 1 Sickening, yeah.

Speaker 2 You just have that

Speaker 2 mode of like, I just did that. You know what I mean? You're much more of a good

Speaker 2 not

Speaker 2 judging yourself out there.

Speaker 1 I think it comes up for the first show. Listen, we've all done the road where you do two shows a night is very common on weekends.

Speaker 1 And we all did, even in the old days, the heyday of clubs, three on a Saturday. But to get your energy up, it sounds like you don't.

Speaker 1 We're very mellow, but if you do that and you can't help but come off the adrenaline goes down a little bit and then you kind of level off and you've got to bring it back up it's very weird on the body you start to sleep and then you go oh my god i got to get back up again geez i would say that what i do when i walk out there is i try to do something that makes me laugh to myself

Speaker 2 and so for a while now they ask me what do you want to go on to so for some reason i just

Speaker 2 No reason except that it makes me laugh. That my theme when I come out is Suspicious Minds by Elvis Presley.
Yeah, great song.

Speaker 2 And the song, the crowd's always really happy, and sometimes I start singing it with them. We can't go on together.

Speaker 2 And so then I'm just thinking, this is, remember how ridiculous it is what we did. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Goofy songs are good to come out. Nobody going to break my stride.
I think I came out to that once.

Speaker 2 That's funny. Nobody going to break my stride.

Speaker 1 It just puts them in a goofy mood right from the beginning.

Speaker 1 I used to have Zeppelin, and it was great, but actually, the energy of a loud Zeppelin song is almost too much energy to follow because it's too good.

Speaker 2 I would say

Speaker 2 Zeppelin's the greatest, but probably the greatest heavy metal intro to a song, and to your point, it almost overwhelms the set. I stopped using it was Inner Sandman by Metallica.

Speaker 2 And it just built, it's so fucking awesome, but then it's like it's such a thing, and then it and then it quiets, and it's just a single voice.

Speaker 2 What's up, Des Moines? hi guys

Speaker 2 hi

Speaker 1 I went to the cornfields today

Speaker 2 when I hear someone do Garth it makes me laugh harder than what I do it yeah meanwhile the crowd's going

Speaker 2 tonight

Speaker 2 yeah take

Speaker 2 my hand

Speaker 2 go gum to pump pump pump pump pump pump

Speaker 2 never never land

Speaker 2 Ever never land hi, I'm Garth. I'm happy now.

Speaker 1 Hi, I bought a snow cone at your dairy queen, didn't I?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I like to get jamocha almond fudge because it does stop with jamocha. You also have the fudge at the end.

Speaker 1 I like when you share your dairy.

Speaker 2 I know.

Speaker 2 I gave her that Barbara Walters at Baskin and Robins. And then, you know, you're trying to think of all the flavors.
Yeah. And that's.

Speaker 1 She came up with it like that.

Speaker 2 She jumped right on it like a bunch of people.

Speaker 1 Sherry, who I don't think is on yet on Fly on the Wall, but it's very soon if it's not.

Speaker 1 I think we got Sandler up right now.

Speaker 2 I can't tell if this is going to air in 2026. I'm so confused.

Speaker 2 I don't know. Hold me.

Speaker 1 Believe me, the audience just clicks and goes, I hope these assholes are funny. We don't even know what's going on.

Speaker 2 I always want to remind the audience, first of all, subscribe that, subscribe that groups button. Sorry.

Speaker 1 Smash that button. Smash it.

Speaker 2 Smash it. And always remember, you can fast forward or you could turn us off, you know, just

Speaker 2 or listen to the whole thing. You have options and it's free.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and we do the commercials too.

Speaker 2 It's really, it's,

Speaker 2 we read the commercials are so great.

Speaker 1 I like when people go, commercials are the funniest part. I go, well, that's concerning.

Speaker 2 That's concerned. It's funnier than our trying to be funny parts.
You know what the best part of the show is? Is when you guys are wrapping up and it's almost over, I love that part. You know what?

Speaker 1 I usually start with the credits and then I turn it off.

Speaker 2 You know what I do is I have it on the background while I'm cooking, and then after a while, I turn the sound off and I'll see it a little bit. Yeah, it's really good with the sound off.

Speaker 1 You know what your show is good for? When I'm cooking, I have the TV on the background and then I have the podcast on in the background for the TV.

Speaker 2 What I do sometimes when I need a break is I put on Angel Hair Pasta and I put it in and it's a two-minute and you got to really focus. You go over to it's gummy.

Speaker 2 So for that two minutes, I'm totally focused on the pasta and I don't have to listen to that stupid podcast.

Speaker 1 The good thing about your podcast is if i listen long enough you'll yell some joke that's so dumb then i go okay finally they hit something and then it flatlines for about 22 minutes yeah the great thing about your podcast is that at a given moment i can tell that you're both really phoning it in and that kind of makes me smile

Speaker 1 Someone told me on the on the credits, it looks like Spade really phoned it in this time. I go, I've been phoning it in since day one.
I've got bad news.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and what is the problem with phoning it in? It just means you're relaxed.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I go, do you have a phone? What are you from?

Speaker 2 1980?

Speaker 1 I have a cell phone.

Speaker 2 Why are we having this ongoing war?

Speaker 1 Well, actually, someone asked me what my sound machine was called.

Speaker 1 That one that makes all the noises.

Speaker 2 Okay, let's.

Speaker 1 It's called soundboard. It's hysterical, though.

Speaker 2 It's easy laughs. I want to pitch something.
First of all, I don't think anyone can totally

Speaker 2 monopolize and have a monopoly on those little sounds.

Speaker 2 So I'm saying, David and Dana's. Oh, yeah, good

Speaker 1 soundboard. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Call it something else. Soundy woundy or whatever.

Speaker 1 I go, you can have sounds like this if Sidney Sweeney walks in the room.

Speaker 2 Do you hear that? Yeah, but put it further on the mic. Give it a little louder.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Get a boner.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 When Dana does a joke.

Speaker 2 That's a boo.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we could just put some classic ones in there, like get to the chopper. You know, I could do some just one-off.
That's a good one.

Speaker 2 Why do I not have every time I think of it?

Speaker 1 It's so funny, and I have it, and you don't. When Dana does a bad joke,

Speaker 2 Kong.

Speaker 2 When Dana does a joke that he thinks is funny

Speaker 2 I hit the wrong one.

Speaker 1 Now, here's Dana.

Speaker 1 Here's Dana when he closes the Yamaba Casino.

Speaker 2 Such a gift. We got to figure out who's going to open.
I like to open, but you like to close.

Speaker 1 I don't care. I'll do whatever you want.

Speaker 2 I'm your opener, man.

Speaker 1 We're both there. You know what you said the other day that was funny? We said something that was a bit murky,

Speaker 1 and you said it's a murck fest.

Speaker 2 Did I?

Speaker 1 You're funny.

Speaker 2 Thank you for keeping track of my funny scriptures.

Speaker 1 Every couple weeks you say something funny, I scribble it down.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 1 What's going on in the next story?

Speaker 1 Top-tier AI employees at Meta, which is Zuckerberg, will earn a base salary of $100 million.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 1 With bonuses of up to $300 million a year.

Speaker 1 I can safely say we're in the wrong business. There's no way.
Wait, offering compensation penalty

Speaker 1 it's up to. So

Speaker 2 I mean, you might only get 50 million, but you might only get nothing.

Speaker 2 The base of 100 is nice, but what do you expect? Oh, is it base?

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's your salary.

Speaker 2 Hi, I'm I'm I'm Mark Zuckerberg. So what I'm going to pay you is

Speaker 2 100 million a year as a base salary, and then you can earn bonuses of up to 300 million per year. Where are you going?

Speaker 2 What did you work?

Speaker 1 What did you get at your last job? I got 32,000 a year with no bonus. Okay, we're going to up that to 100 million.

Speaker 2 And the nerds are like, okay, that sounds good. 100 billion and then maybe 300 billion bonus.
So thank you so much. I'll just be going to my car now, call my wife.

Speaker 1 It's a world where everybody feels poor because there's things like that. Then you're like, oh, should I be getting 100 million at my job?

Speaker 2 No truer words have ever been spoken by you, David.

Speaker 2 So true.

Speaker 2 The constant onslaught of people people on 500-foot-long yachts and just Sodom and Gomorrah parties and jets and money and power, you know,

Speaker 2 it just makes people feel bad about it. That should be banned.

Speaker 1 There's always people making way more, but there's always people making less.

Speaker 2 It's an illusion. It's an illusion.
Most people are struggling at some level.

Speaker 1 You know, it reminds me of Superman. There's a tear in the Earth's fiber and there's a prism of a black hole.

Speaker 2 Is that in the movie? I haven't seen it yet.

Speaker 1 That's what I got from it.

Speaker 2 Oh, you haven't seen it yet? Oh, you don't want to know? Toy boat, toy boat, toy boat. You don't want to know who wins? Okay.

Speaker 2 Lex Luther?

Speaker 2 Martin Luther Lex?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, we can't talk about it until you see it.

Speaker 2 Sometimes I will.

Speaker 2 Because I want to be transparent on this podcast. I'll wiki and get kind of like when I watched the last Mission Impossible,

Speaker 2 so much confusion that I just did look at that. Okay, there's a thing that has to connect to a thing.
So once in a while. Enigma.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Once in a while, it's okay to kind of know if it's a very confusing movie. I assume Superman's pretty straightforward, but with you, you get a little tired.

Speaker 2 Here's the impression of you watching Superman in the theater. What's going on? I don't really get it.

Speaker 2 I don't understand. Who does the dog belong to? Who are the bad guys? What's the guy with a weird head?

Speaker 1 Is that a dog why is the dog here is it lost where's the enigma is that only in the other movie

Speaker 2 yeah impossible superman should be they could make that with ai just take those two movies and make impossible superman tomorrow tom cruise in there oh i can't tell you anything about it well you could let me just tell you just one thing i said all the comic books as a kid okay i like i'll tell you one thing is this doesn't even give away anything this won't give away anything so tell me that one thing he dies dies in the first five minutes.

Speaker 1 And it gives away nothing.

Speaker 2 One thing I am interested in.

Speaker 1 No, that's not true.

Speaker 2 Because the original was like amazing. This is the original modern era coming out.
This comes like Chris Reeve.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 2 And so the director, James Gunn, said, okay, I want someone who can do a Brando and be his dad. And so he picked

Speaker 2 Bradley Cooper, who's a fantastic actor, but my head is still stuck on Brando. I wish they just kept Brando with AI or something.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, there's also

Speaker 2 nothing against

Speaker 2 Coop, as I call him. Nothing against Coop.
He's a brilliant actor.

Speaker 1 Coop is one of his dads.

Speaker 2 There's only one Brando.

Speaker 1 Hear what I said?

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 1 Bradley Cooper is one of his dads.

Speaker 2 Well, that's what I mean. Oh, you mean in real life?

Speaker 1 No, in the movie.

Speaker 2 But in real life, too?

Speaker 1 No, he's one of his dads.

Speaker 2 Mean there's more than one dads? I don't know. Is that some Krypton thing?

Speaker 2 You have two fathers, Scoob, on Planet Krypton. Ry Romo.

Speaker 2 Geez, Secret Keeper. Taylor.

Speaker 1 I don't want to tell you because you haven't seen it.

Speaker 2 When am I going to see it?

Speaker 1 His dad is the dog.

Speaker 2 And everyone goes, Okay, come on. His dad is a dog? No.

Speaker 1 He does have a dog in the movie.

Speaker 2 I saw the preview when he's in the eyes.

Speaker 1 I can tell you that.

Speaker 2 He's in the eyes, like,

Speaker 2 and then you see the dog running in.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's beaten up, which is, it's always funny when these superheroes get beat up because you go, aren't you made of steel? But he gets beat up and he's like bleeding.

Speaker 1 I didn't even know he could bleed either. And he goes, I guess,

Speaker 1 I have no life in me, but I need to whistle. And he goes,

Speaker 1 at like one million decibels for about three minutes straight. And you go, you do have some energy left.

Speaker 1 Ow, ow, ow. Don't, don't.

Speaker 1 Don't. Everyone's throwing their laptop out the window.

Speaker 2 Well, here's the thing that I've always found problematic with these Marvel superhero movies. You got the Hulk.

Speaker 2 Nothing can destroy him. He's going to have a fist fight with some giant lizard, and nothing can destroy or hurt either one of them.

Speaker 2 And they pound the shit out of each other for 10 minutes and they kind of walk away.

Speaker 1 And they go, no one can get beat up, so why do you fight for a half hour?

Speaker 2 The whole goal of Superman, haven't seen the movie, is to make you think he's actually in danger at some point. Yeah.
And that's the whole goal of the movie.

Speaker 2 Otherwise, like, I guess he's going to get out of this one.

Speaker 1 But the problem with Superman versus Batman is Batman is a person

Speaker 2 who can easily die. Is he?

Speaker 2 Batman is, isn't he? Is Batman a person?

Speaker 1 Your words, not mine?

Speaker 2 Your movie, not mine.

Speaker 2 Your superhero? No, I know. Batman was just, yeah, it's just all.

Speaker 1 So you're fighting the biggest star in the world, Superman, that's not even from here, and you're supposed to beat him.

Speaker 2 Can I just make an observation for a second?

Speaker 1 Briefly, yes.

Speaker 2 In the analog days, for all you millennials and you Heathers and you young'uns,

Speaker 2 the analog days, you might go on a vacation.

Speaker 2 And you might be in a shitty cabin near a lake, and there's a little store you go into. First of all, they got a thing,

Speaker 2 it says Coca-Cola on the outside, and you put it up, and it's all cold drinks like knee-high soda and root beer, and you take them out and you buy them.

Speaker 2 And then they have stacks of comic books, and you have no TV, no electronics, no Wi-Fi, nothing. Nothing to do.
Nothing. And so you get a Superman versus Batman comic book,

Speaker 2 and you go just hang out on a wood pile.

Speaker 1 And you also use your imagination a lot because you have to picture the fucking.

Speaker 2 That was heaven.

Speaker 2 And there was Creepy Magazine too, creepy comic books, which were kind of scary. But that was when somewhere.

Speaker 2 Even for people now, if you go somewhere and you don't have Wi-Fi

Speaker 2 and you don't have any television electronics and you look over, you see a bookcase, you go, I think I'm going to read Moby Dick.

Speaker 1 Right. It's just raw dogging.
I mean, early on, people talk about

Speaker 1 the flight, but when you're a kid, Richie Rich, I read a lot for some reason, the poor little rich kid.

Speaker 1 And I think I would dream of like,

Speaker 1 because we didn't have that much money. I'm like, look at this fucking kid.
He has like a Rolls-Royce skateboard. I'm like.

Speaker 2 yeah. You remember the days where the windows were up the entire flight and the pilot would come on?

Speaker 2 The Grand Canyon can be seen to the left.

Speaker 2 This was in the middle.

Speaker 1 And it was exciting. Yeah.
It was exciting. Now it's.
It's funny that in the day, they all put the thing down.

Speaker 2 No, you're in a black. It's pitch black too, but you're on your electronics.
One time I wasn't even paying attention. Suddenly I heard the bus land.

Speaker 1 Oh, you land. Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's very weird.

Speaker 1 I don't really like it if one person, it's always to my right side, has their window fully blasting on me so it's giving me a headache here but everyone else is down so there should be i know it's sad life i have

Speaker 2 i gotta get mine

Speaker 2 this i felt bad about you ever actually do feel bad about your behavior because you weren't paying attention yeah so i'm on a flight it's from hawaii so uh unfortunately two hurricanes have merged together and they're in our path so stay seated so everyone's got their thing down so i want to use the restroom very badly.

Speaker 2 So I'm looking. I keep opening the window and looking at the weather and closing it and opening and looking at the weather and closing it.

Speaker 2 So I must have done it too much because as we're getting our bags, this woman goes, yeah, yeah, you liked opening and closing the window a lot, didn't you?

Speaker 2 Yeah, you did it the whole time. Yeah, you did.
And then I said, intuitively, I didn't want to have an argument. I said, well,

Speaker 2 you should have told me.

Speaker 1 They're not going to tell some superstar.

Speaker 2 No one knows who I am.

Speaker 2 You know how invisible i am i mean look at look at this i have the sunglasses dana where'd you go who's this exactly with you and like i've said before you are famous

Speaker 2 fame

Speaker 2 oh you are like walking around with a disney character monkey mouse or pluto

Speaker 1 it's because i wear my grown-up shirt We go out, I go, what?

Speaker 2 Well, you've been in some blockbusters.

Speaker 1 No, listen, I...

Speaker 2 If I went around dressed as Garth, I'd get mobbed, right? But no one knows who I am.

Speaker 1 No, some people know me, some don't. It's the way it always is.
You never know.

Speaker 1 The ones that matter when you're like at the airport and you want to get into their restaurant because you have 20 minutes to eat, and they're like,

Speaker 1 that'll be a two and a half hour line. And I'm like, this.

Speaker 2 And because they're not giving you the

Speaker 2 check shit. What I do, if someone does come up and they've got

Speaker 2 this, I put them out of their misery. I always go, let's take a picture.
They go, really?

Speaker 1 Yeah, sometimes it's better to just say, let's do it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, let's do it. Come on.

Speaker 1 Because they're standing there with their phone like this going,

Speaker 2 you must.

Speaker 2 They go, you want to take a picture? Oh, yeah, okay. Yeah.
They're like,

Speaker 1 you know, and then they go, take off your songs.

Speaker 2 This is them taking it. Take off your hat.
Oh, yeah. They're all nervous.
They can't open it.

Speaker 2 They asked me, Do you know how to work it? Yeah, they go, Can we take a picture?

Speaker 1 And I go, Yeah, and they go, I don't hear, I don't know how to do it. Just they hand it to me, and I'm like,

Speaker 2 Hey, david when it comes to gifting you know i've learned there are two types of presents okay

Speaker 2 um

Speaker 2 the ones that get returned and the ones that instantly become a favorite do you agree yeah that's uh jenny bird jewelry uh definitely falls in the second category

Speaker 1 these designs as you know are very modern they're timeless always feel special oh well isn't that special that makes them my secret weapon when i want to give a gift that really you know, lands.

Speaker 1 That's why Jenny Bird makes it easy. The packaging is beautiful.

Speaker 1 It's very thoughtful. The pieces are comfy enough to wear every day.
Yep. And they ship fast.
That's perfect if you're a last-minute shopper like me.

Speaker 2 That's right. I mean, I just want to do this when I hear that.
Way to go. Way to go.
And because the styles are so versatile, they always make an outfit feel pulled together, David.

Speaker 2 Without trying too hard, David, not talking about you.

Speaker 2 Some of my wife's go-tos are the best-selling Florence earrings, which I always get compliments, and the Remy Bengal, lightweight, water-resistant, and just as good stacked as it is on its own.

Speaker 2 These are the gifts you'll actually want to keep.

Speaker 1 And you can get 20% off your first order with Jenny Bird by visiting jenny-bird.com and using code F-O-T-W at checkout.

Speaker 2 Give it up for Chicago.

Speaker 4 Sebastian Meniscalco's new stand-up special, It Ain't Right, is coming to Hulu on November 21st.

Speaker 2 30 years ago, Jeff Bezos, complete nerd. Bezos now ripped to shreds on his super yacht, and the boxes keep

Speaker 2 coming.

Speaker 4 Sebastian Maniscalco, It Ain't Right, premieres November 21st, streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers. Terms apply.

Speaker 1 Okay, let's look at another one. Let's look at another.
My hair got cut. You didn't say anything.

Speaker 2 All I know is that. You see this, Heather? looks incredible today

Speaker 1 it's hard because it's freaking gray okay i see where this is going oh yeah this is i didn't see this video but i can just say that for a present dana did send me a meteor about four years ago oh i should have it just out of the blue

Speaker 2 was that's part of joe dirt right do you want to grab it heather it is joe is it over and i'm like this is pretty badass yeah so so i bought some it was just an impulsive buy and i bought another one and I sent it to David Spade.

Speaker 2 Remember Joe Dirt? He thinks that he's got a meteorite. So I said, and Joe Dirt, now you got a real one.
Do you have a meteorite gun? I love you.

Speaker 2 When stuff goes up to auction, they'll send you an auction book of everything that's up.

Speaker 1 And there's like

Speaker 2 auction.

Speaker 1 Sean.

Speaker 1 By the way, this was like one of the nicest things in the world to think of me and send me this, which was expensive because I saw it.

Speaker 1 It had a receipt or something in it where you could tell from the auction. They're not giving these meteorites or whatever.
Is it a meteor or meteorite, Dana? Go

Speaker 2 meteor and meteorite. It was buying your

Speaker 1 Dana.

Speaker 2 Heather has a laboo-boo, and the world needs to know.

Speaker 1 No, it's

Speaker 2 his.

Speaker 1 Okay, we're going to do fan questions in a minute.

Speaker 2 I just want to make an observation, again, not being funny. Careful.

Speaker 2 Go ahead.

Speaker 2 Specific random guests.

Speaker 2 Like if you're out about in the world and you see something and it makes you think of someone, and then you just give them that gift, you may skip the next five birthdays or it's just out of the blue because that's a really good thing.

Speaker 2 That's the best way to do it. Yeah.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Instead of the day before the birthday, you get them a can of WD-40 or like at 7-11. I got to get.
But if you think of something,

Speaker 2 guess what? In the middle of the year. I don't want to give it away, but next time I see you.

Speaker 1 Is that my next birthday?

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's for you. I didn't want to give it away, but it's yours.

Speaker 1 This is Lego Joe Dirt. So I went to Lego Land.

Speaker 2 That's cool.

Speaker 1 I took Harper to Legoland, and they go, hey, we have a special thing for you. They took me into the Lego place.

Speaker 1 I don't even know where it was

Speaker 1 inside. And they made that for me.
So I got a wagon for it. And then

Speaker 1 we have

Speaker 1 Dana's meteor. It's

Speaker 2 smaller than I thought it would be.

Speaker 2 Can you see it when it's waiting? It's not Joe Dirt's meteor. What do you mean, Dana?

Speaker 1 And so I put it in Joe Dirt's meteor.

Speaker 1 And then Lego Joe Dirt carries it.

Speaker 2 Hey, man what's crappin' so it makes me want to watch Joe Dirt again I think I keep seeing these little clips and I think it's better than I remembered it can I remember it's actually a feel-good movie so ultimately it's oh you played it kind of real you were sort of a sympathetic character for once I was not like a sarcastic smart no you were I think and the writing you can see

Speaker 1 you know I'm going to do a Joe Dirt thing this weekend I think so I'll tell you next week if I do it but okay uh

Speaker 1 I thought this meteor was great. I thought it would be bigger because it said a big box with the meteor on it.

Speaker 2 And it's just a little.

Speaker 1 But it is from.

Speaker 1 It's from space.

Speaker 2 It's from space. It's from Jodir, but it's smaller because a Lego is smaller than a regular person.

Speaker 1 So great. So I didn't see his, but maybe it's like that.
But anyway, I do that kind of thing too. I look at these things and I've bought.
people things because there's like they're a Star Wars fan.

Speaker 1 Oh, we have a lightsaber from the real movie or

Speaker 1 Indiana Jones's hat. Like, those kind of things are one of a kind.
It's really, they're too expensive, though. But if you can get a cool one, they usually

Speaker 1 under on the download go up in value a lot because people love these little

Speaker 1 things from the world of movies and stars.

Speaker 2 You know,

Speaker 2 I don't know. I don't know if the words like you have Beatles stuff.
Don't you have stuff? I have some Beatles stuff. Yeah, I have, yeah, I have Beatles stuff, some production.

Speaker 1 Beatles album signed by all four Beatles is

Speaker 2 Not too many in the world.

Speaker 1 Not too many.

Speaker 2 The gift was from NBC when they were trying to get me to take over when Letterman left. So they got me a gift at Sothabees.
Yeah. And left.

Speaker 2 And I still have it. But

Speaker 1 I think. But when you did new Letterman, you gave it back, right?

Speaker 2 No,

Speaker 2 I couldn't find it. That's not how it worked.
They said, this is from this NBC.

Speaker 1 Fred Silverman.

Speaker 2 Fred Silverman called me. No, I didn't give it back.
But I do think the people who have hobbies and passionate and start collecting, seems like a lot of times they end up getting really rich from it.

Speaker 2 Like Jay Leno with the cars.

Speaker 2 He's probably made more money off his cars than all of his

Speaker 2 tonight show money and all of the rest.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 But Dana, you might have a laboo.

Speaker 1 You don't even know what they are.

Speaker 2 I remember the hooky man cards and all the rest. Okay, so we're going to do two fan questions.
We can always cut them. Yeah, let's hit a fan question.

Speaker 1 Cut them if they suck and we give a bad answer. Yeah.

Speaker 5 Hello, David, Dana, and Fly on the Wall Pod. My name is Sarah Grace, and I have a question for Shaggy News.

Speaker 5 Before I get into it, I'd just like to say that I'm such a huge fan, and I look forward to the podcast every single week. You guys are literally my emotional support comedians.

Speaker 5 You know, some people need a smoke break, but I need a David Spade and Dana Carvey break during my day because you guys just make me laugh and forget about my week-to-week stressors and we all need to laugh sometimes.

Speaker 5 David, I am such a fan and I just think you're so witty, funny, and sarcastic and I've got a little crush on you

Speaker 5 that and Dana, I have so much admiration for you as well. Anyways, enough rambling.
I'm going to get to my question now.

Speaker 5 I am going to be a junior in college and I'm moving out of my parents' house for the first time and going to a university.

Speaker 5 And my question is, what advice would you have someone that's moving to a new place for the first time? Thanks so much, guys.

Speaker 2 Bye. Go ahead, David.
Okay, David, wasn't it for you? Very sweet. What was the exact wording of the question? I think it's she's going away.
Going away to college.

Speaker 1 College. Must be a different

Speaker 1 state, I'm guessing. That is scary.

Speaker 2 And what would be, what's our advice?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Real talk, real twist.

Speaker 2 Real talk. Well, first of all, you know,

Speaker 2 stay out of the sun. You know, really wear a big hat because you have really great skin.
You almost look animated and you're 18, I assume. So wear a big hat.
Second of all,

Speaker 2 my question is, are you in a dorm?

Speaker 2 Because if you're in a dorm,

Speaker 2 you're going to meet like 300 people in one day. And that's a great way to do it.
I think it's an incredible.

Speaker 2 I was in a dorm once for a year, and it was boy girls, 15 stories high, Super Ducci Hall, San Francisco state. And so it's a huge social environment.
I think don't be fearful and just be open.

Speaker 2 And based on her being a fan of yours, means she's a high-quality person.

Speaker 1 Well, she seems pretty friendly and outgoing. And so a cute girl out there in the real world, especially like, yeah, I did that at ASU.
There's dorms there. There's fraternities.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You don't have to join that stuff. It was sort of the way into this, a social life, but I would keep the drinking within reason.

Speaker 1 It's not, I mean, no one's not going to drink, I guess. Just be realistic, but

Speaker 1 just try to focus a little bit on school and maybe get a part-time job. But it's hard to move to a different city, especially away from the parents, away from the fam.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I mean,

Speaker 2 embrace the anxiety, just trust it. Of course, everyone else who's getting in this dorm as a freshman, coming from other places,

Speaker 2 you'll think they're way more confident than you. And you'll, you know, just remember, everybody's a little nervous about this whole experience, but

Speaker 2 in in the in the context of your lifetime, just enjoy the hell out of it because you get it if you don't have to work. If you can, if you're able to, I was sweeping the

Speaker 2 stairwell and vacuuming the building. It wasn't too bad.
I met people that way. I was vacuuming a 15-story building, but just enjoy it.
Go with it.

Speaker 2 And anxiety and a little bit, all normal and easy on the booze. This madness lies that way, you know.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and you know,

Speaker 1 in closing, I'll say that sometimes

Speaker 1 you wind up having these friends for life. So, some are more in high school, some are more in college, but it can happen.
So, just see what happens and try not to stress.

Speaker 2 One last thing, and I'll say it is: Garth: if you're bored someday, what you can do is maybe put on Windsworld, Winds World 1, and then you could watch.

Speaker 1 Thank you for that question. What We got another question.
Thanks. Thanks, though.

Speaker 6 Hey, Dana and David. Huge fan.
Love the podcast. Thanks for taking my question.

Speaker 6 Dana, you make the best turtle. And David, you are the only llama I've ever liked.

Speaker 6 Out of curiosity, if you could be any animal in the world, what would you both be?

Speaker 2 That's easy for me. It is? Yeah.

Speaker 1 What sort of arachnid would you be?

Speaker 2 I would say I'd probably be,

Speaker 2 well, I would go with the breed of dog that is the most effusive and cheerful.

Speaker 2 Where I live, there's a collie, some kind of collie, looks like Lassie or something, or a golden lab. This dog is like just

Speaker 2 no upper stuff about what we're in the moment completely being joyful. So I'll just say a golden lab.

Speaker 2 David, you probably won't be a coach. I think a roach.

Speaker 1 I said cockroach, yeah, that's what I want. I think a dog like an Australian Shepherd or something, running a lot, good mood, order callie,

Speaker 1 everybody likes you. Golden Retrievers like that.

Speaker 1 I'm tired of being so smart. I'd be a dumb dog.
It's just me.

Speaker 2 There's been so many bits about dogs, but you know, it's just

Speaker 2 if you have a dog people, they see you. I've seen dogs in a car and then their owner comes back, and it's just, it's like the super cool

Speaker 2 one.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 1 there's a lot of cool animals, but that's a good one.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 All right, Danny, your answer is wrong. Mine was right.

Speaker 2 Thank you, everybody. We'll let the fans decide.
I also like to be a gorilla because they look really powerful. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I think you can only be one, but

Speaker 2 all right. Well, thanks, David.
I've really enjoyed having you on Flybridge. Thanks for having me.

Speaker 2 Thank you. And I do my traditional weekly selfie of you.
Good.

Speaker 1 Of you. It did face me, yeah.
uh that was a good picture behind superman behind you that's great and um i'll see everybody next week all right

Speaker 1 hey guys if you're loving this podcast which you are be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app give us a review five star rating and maybe even share an episode that you've loved with a friend if you're watching this episode on youtube please subscribe we're on video now

Speaker 1 fly on the wall is presented by odyssey an executive produced by Danny Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman, Maddie Sprung-Kaiser, and Leah Reese Dennis of Odyssey.

Speaker 2 Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman, and the show is produced and edited by Phil Sweet Tech.

Speaker 1 Booking by Cultivated Entertainment.

Speaker 2 Special thanks to Patrick Fogarty, Evan Cox, Maura Curran, Melissa Wester, Hilary Schuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gaynor, Sean Cherry, Kurt Courtney, and Warren Vieira.

Speaker 1 Reach out with us any questions to be asked and answered on the show. You can email us at flyonthewall at odyssey.com.
That's A-U-D-A-C-Y.com.