Dennis Miller Energy; Big Peacocks; F Spade Money

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I think we're starting.

Hello, and welcome to Fly on the Wall

without a guess is what we call it.

Our segment called Standing or Sitting.

So

we talk about news and what's going on, and we don't really know anything.

And everyone loves to point that out.

We're two idiots talking.

Who cares?

Good for us.

We have strong opinions.

We're passionate alpha males, and

we want to express ourselves, but we're not saying we're correct, but right.

By the way, I saw, I'm watching right now another rough cut of Buzz Boys.

It's getting closer to being shown to people.

Show it to people.

We have no bosses.

People don't know this.

We paid for ourselves.

We're just going to show it, see if anybody wants to put out anywhere, or we'll just put it out and say, press here, buy, watch.

So

I've only heard about Buzz Boys for quite some time.

Yes.

And I'm

maybe too long.

No, but I haven't seen a frame.

Not nothing.

Just hearing about like what do you guys look like together?

Where are you going?

How's it shot?

I'm very, very curious.

Yeah.

I'll show you one quick one minute thing we have about it.

Like a not a real trailer, but something Theo shows on the road.

Well, I'm excited.

It's a silly comedy.

Yeah.

So basically, as long as a basic story tracks, but no one's going to leave it going, that story track so well, but just enough.

And then you need,

I'd say in an 80-minute movie, you probably need three

banger scenes.

I'm serious, and then other little laughs, but or at least two big scenes.

That's all you really need.

You just need some memorable ones.

Remember, Deuce Bigelow, Schneider, the movie that did great, was really sold off the trailer with

him in gravity inversion boats swinging and hitting an aquarium and ripping it down and a full stunt crash, fish and water everywhere.

And it was like, I'm going to that.

I think that, um,

yeah, there would you could, you know, a lot sometimes with comedies, I think Rob cued into that.

If the sound broke, like you, you didn't have any sound, you still would be laughing a lot of the time, you know, funny with the sound off.

Um,

I remember in the beginning,

Schneider had some guy go use the restroom, and he was peeing for like two minutes, and it was like a fire hose.

And it was just Rob's reactions.

So that's funny.

It was just

some stuff, so we'll see.

And we'll catch you more on that later.

In the news, there's a big mention of this Epstein vials thing.

Any thoughts on that?

It's kind of the news of the week.

I would set the table with this idea

that it's not like an overriding obsession with me,

But the secondary premise is:

is anyone anywhere in the world, someone of power or government or politician or important person, quote unquote,

hiding something?

Is there?

Because the circumstances of how he died.

He attempted suicide a few days before and he doesn't make it.

Then he goes back.

He has a cellmate

that's a murderer.

Apparently the cameras either malfunction.

There was a technical issue.

The two guys to watch him fell asleep or got confused.

I mean, it's so much stuff where you're not even injured.

You go, well, what, what?

Like too many things happen at once.

If this is Colombo, I'm going back to the 70s, or if this is law and order, excuse me, is this your dog?

Excuse me.

I don't want to bother you, but I just have this wondering about why he would hang himself.

paging Kevin Pollock to do that impression.

Yeah, but so you're not, is the guy, is someone lying?

And just what the fuck happened?

Just tell us.

Well,

also, you can see lists like they take a picture on Instagram of it's a list of 100 celebrities.

Everyone's like, this is the real.

But I've seen ones at Drew Barrymore.

I've seen one.

Like, there's people that you go, this isn't anything.

Well, it's also smart obfuscation.

If you want to just exaggerate, add people.

And who knows if there was a list?

Someone told me and i'm not a conspiratorialist that conspiratorious i had a couple pops before the show

and they said there's this guy named jeffrey epstein he's he's incredibly rich no one knows how he got the money he has a secret island or an island he flies bill clinton down there 13 times and other celebrities to the island right he has young girls that are, you know, 15, 16, 17-year-old girls that have sex with these famous, powerful men and they're secretly recorded and then that is used as blackmail and political leverage forever and I just go well that sounds like a conspiracy a total fantasy but then I found out there is a guy named Jeff Repstein he does have an island Bill Clinton did go on the island there's certain things we know so then you're like well what what else is going on I'm not gonna let you talk because I want the spade well

I think

a there could be a list like this famous list let's say they get the real list and the flight logs.

But if it's Bill Clinton or Bill Gates, I would rather see a video of them doing something wrong because who cares?

I mean, we just watched in the Puffy trial.

It doesn't mean anything.

It's all circumstantial.

Like, so there is a list.

So there's an island.

So they knew him.

Now, did they go there?

Did they do anything?

Is there proof they did anything?

That's what people really, really want.

They don't just want to say, oh, I heard this or this, because they've heard that for years.

And also, what could be happening is

now they say he hung himself.

No controversy, no list, no nothing, which also sounds weird, right?

Well, why, why was there a $290 million payout from Morgan Stanley?

It was Jeffrey Epstein's bank toward the victims.

Why is his right-hand woman, if anyone had a list, and it wouldn't be a little black book, it might be digital or in code or whatever.

Why is she in jail for sex trafficking?

So, and then why, what are the odds?

Why don't they with 2020 do the odds of him

the guards falling asleep and the cameras breaking

right when he's hanging himself?

I mean,

but then they just did a video where they sent it.

This is him in jail when he hung himself.

And you go, I thought they broke.

I didn't think the video when I was the last I saw it was just him walking through the prison.

There was none of him in the, in the, in the,

well, I think I saw that.

But who knows?

this is a story going on this week so clip of a door of a jail they're like this is his whatever i think one possibility which sounds pretty far-fetched

let's say that stuff is good for blackmail with some people so in lieu of just telling everyone this guy did this the people that have it now go to them and say now we'll blackmail you so we need you to do this or we're going to let it out who benefited from jeffrey epstein not being on the planet i mean this is like crime drama series we see all the time.

And then here's the other part of it: is that Pam Bionde, this press secretary, as of this taping, what is her last name?

Bondi, I think.

Bondi, yeah.

Bondi, yes.

Um, had come out a few weeks ago.

Bondi, yeah, Pam Bondi, that we've got all the files, we got the stuff, we're going to be giving you a lot of information.

And then all of a sudden, like that, it was

no hung himself.

We don't have any evidence of any sex trafficking.

There's no list.

There's nothing, just goodbye.

And even the first time they brought it up to Trump, he goes, why are we even talking about Jeffrey Epstein?

Why would we talk about that?

Why are we,

it just makes you go, but yeah, but answer,

we're being told, at least as of this taping, don't ask any questions.

Just shut up.

Again, yeah.

I mean,

it's sort of, yes, it's an old story, but it's one that you even Trump has to realize it's a curiosity factor for people.

So you just want to put it out for good.

What's the answer?

And when that answer comes out, everyone kind of goes, I don't know if that's the answer.

Well,

do a show and tell press conference.

Have all the stuff.

Be humble about it.

Have Pam go up there and go,

okay, this is what we thought.

This is the video of me saying I've got all this stuff.

But then we checked it again and cross-checked it.

This is exactly why the cameras didn't work.

This is exactly why they didn't work while he was hanging himself.

You know, because it's just piques your interest and it's just good for

the public psyche to not feel like they're being lied to.

By the way, were you, I mean, this doesn't even seem fair, but

were you in New York when he

went when I went down with Epstein?

Were you near that jail cell?

Well, you think I did it?

Well, I just, I wouldn't know how.

I'm not saying,

look, I was there visiting someone that day in prison, but I did nothing wrong, right?

Which I knew about.

You text me.

I'm at the prison where Jeffrey, you know, I do good things.

I go there and visit people and bring them lunch, right?

And also, you did a pithy kind of selfie where you took a sheet and wrapped it like this and went, remember that a little video while you're in the prison?

What's that?

This is where I'm faking making well.

You're you, you took the you had a sheet and you rolled it in a real tight thing, like and it had a noose, and you went like, hey

you know and i'm not making you culpable i'm just saying there's stories that need to be explained no i'm just doing a funny selfie with that and it's not at the at the prison nothing to do with it yeah yeah no two things do not those don't add up uh

but we'll get into other stories now but that was a story this week and then there was a diddy trial which I don't think is over yet as of this press time.

It's just he hasn't been sentenced, right?

It seems like, yeah, they're going to let him out after he's sentenced.

You know, the judge did express worry that he would revert back and go after some of the

sex trafficking or the

racketeering.

Like, so they're saying he didn't do it for the money.

Do the two biggest things got dismissed.

And then it was transporting

prostitution.

And I don't, that could carry 10 years, but I don't know.

But basically,

basically, he got off.

Basically, I feel like he's

in better place than he was.

Like he probably will get reduced sentence.

Has he been in jail this whole time?

Maybe they'll give him time to jump.

Yeah, he's been in there like nine months.

Now, let me ask you a question.

Is there a chance

that he's headlining Vegas in six months or he's just back?

Does it have to be?

If he's out and they just say, okay, we're on probation.

I definitely think he's back in biz.

I think he has fans that will fully back him, fully go see him.

I don't know if he's really even a singer or rapper.

I don't even know really what he does.

No one really knows what he does exactly.

Robert Smeiger did a cartoon on SNL, and the entire notion of the cartoon, I might have mentioned this before, was what does P.

Diddy do?

I guess he's a producer, you know?

Yeah, which means whatever.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, producer.

I like that.

But anyway, Piggy backed on Biggie.

I mean, I don't know anything.

I can't talk.

I don't know anything.

But, you know, as just

an objective viewer or listener, I really know even less.

All right, let's get into the hard news.

This is very hard.

I'll just say that one last piece did he drop.

It's unsavory.

It's an unsavory story.

Yeah, it's a little rough.

Yeah, it's a rough.

Okay, now

you were asking me earlier what pigeons look like when they puff out their chest to impress females, and I finally found some video.

Okay.

That impresses girls.

I don't want to fall in love.

I just want to kick it.

Stupid song.

Song helps it.

That's a pigeon.

I've never seen pigeons do that to impress me.

I've seen a lot of pigeons in the park in New York and whatever.

I've never seen anything close to that.

I mean, are they all married or why?

No one's trying to impress another girl pigeon.

Like, why do they, they're walking through it.

Is there a chance that's AI?

I don't.

Well, there's a chance everything is, yeah.

Doesn't it make you kind of make that feel sorry when you watch these nature shows and the male component of a sea bug or whatever blows up into some freaky thing or changes its feathers to dark purple or whatever?

It's just sort of like these poor horny freaks of nature

blowing up and looking like alien, double, triple aliens.

Those birds are like they puff their chest and go,

yeah, the female bird goes, I've seen this a million times, or they go, yada da da da da da.

They're doing like little wouldn't a bird catch like, you know, 50 worms, put them in their mouth, and spit them out like a machine gun.

Let's go, I can get

a worm,

Joey Chestnut, and it said, how many worms can you eat?

And the other birds would get up.

That would be kind of interesting.

What if a frog to impress another frog?

Because we had a bullfrog up here in the middle of the night on the pond.

But it's like, what if a frog in a bioevolutionary way to impress would jump up a thousand feet in the air and then kind of fly down?

What do you think of that?

Do you have a frog voice?

She goes, Oh my god, I was uh on my phone.

Go ahead.

He's like, I'm not doing that again.

I just jumped 1,000 feet and then flew down.

They make themselves kind of fat like that.

They go.

I mean, the classic is the peacock.

It's like

what's up?

What?

You have a peacock?

That's pretty good.

Not really.

They kind of go,

they put that shit out there.

I think of his Johnny Carson was actually,

he was golfing.

He saw a peacock.

And that's before NBC started.

It was like 1952.

It goes,

I'm going to create a network and I'm going to have the NBC, the BB Peacock.

network.

Someone had to say that.

It might have been him.

Someone had to do that, but it is kind of weird.

And I do think even now,

it's kind of unfortunate that nbc's live streaming is peacock because it ends with the word cock it doesn't sound inviting peacock it's right now streaming on peacock don't you find it's not a great name yeah because also you know it's a comedy word because you know the the k sound people say is good in comedy like i'm over here washing my peacock yeah exactly that's a dentist kind of thing Okay, let's see what we have here in the peacock

reverence territory.

Spade made a million bucks, ran out and bought himself a peacock.

And that's what I need more of in my life, okay?

Swordfish with a little

teriyaki sauce and a live peacock and some sort of corral on my ranch.

Got a fucking peacock under glass.

What was the question?

I don't even know.

All right, Dana, you know, I'm always dragging around and I always got a a five-hour energy on me.

I know that it goes.

Yeah, they're either in my sock, in the car, they're somewhere.

You keep them everywhere.

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I don't really shoot the whole thing like some people do on an empty stomach.

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Just keep something going there.

Chug it.

I don't.

I'm actually.

Yeah.

I don't want that much energy at once.

It's five hours, so I kind of, you know, that's what most people do.

But I sip it overall.

There's a lot of different flavors.

Yeah, there's one called Confetti Craze that tastes like a good birthday cake, which they're all pretty good.

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Okay, we'll go to the next one.

Next one.

This is so interesting.

Crowd is on the edge of their seat.

Yes.

The most dangerous person in tech is an E-liner.

Altman.

Oh, is that Sam Altman?

Elon.

It's 28-year-old.

Oh, he built a training system for Open AI.

And Zucker gave him, Zuckerberg gave him 15 billion for it.

Yeah.

I mean, I think the only question question people have is: is he right or left?

Because if

he gets to steer how people think,

very powerful position.

You're right.

Is it just science or it can be used for good or evil?

We've seen it in science fiction films.

And now we're kind of living it.

The idea that a 28-year-old gets handed 15 billion to make AI that'll take us over.

15 billion?

That's 18 zeros, babe.

Back to Dennis.

15 billion for about six days of work okay that's a toddling character there

it's not gonna have to be a chest thumper with the ladies all right

you know how many peacocks you could get okay he said all he did was hire sweatshop workers to procure data sets on the internet i don't know if that's all he did i mean he said that about himself no this is a comment on the

people who kind of know comments are always funny

because although oh he's brilliant but he lacks wisdom Heavy comment.

Heavy ass.

Well, again, if you want to be in the room with, it's Zuckerberg hired him or who paid him?

Yeah, Zuckerberg hired it.

So the guy, we got a guy who's really good.

He's 15 billion.

All right.

Okay, I got a guy.

A guy who's really, really good as well.

He'll do it for 10 billion.

I got three guys.

They'll do it for $2 billion each.

So how do they arrive at 15 billion?

They tell me you couldn't for 14 billion supplant him.

He's that value.

No, it's not just a guy.

He's bringing his shit with him.

Oh, his whole giant.

How about he goes, no, I still own it, but I'll come up with new shit for you.

And they're like, no, no, no.

We want this thing.

Oh, he owns it.

Okay.

Yeah, he owns it.

Forget everything I just said.

Trademarker.

He owns the guts of it.

So

I guess, listen, I remember when they bought, the first time I was hearing billion, people are too young.

Everything was millions.

Government, we gave 10 million to this place.

We gave 100 million, which was like highest.

When it hit a billion, I think during the last four or five years, it turns into a billion.

Then I heard 20 billion.

Then we're getting 100 billion.

I'm like, you can't compute these numbers at all.

Everyone, it's just nothing.

It's so high.

It's unbelievable.

So everyone overpays.

Instagram, I think they were

bought it for a billion.

And I thought, that's insane for this stupid shit.

And then it's obviously worth a lot.

And then Snapchat, I think the guy wouldn't take two or three billion from Google.

And I was like, whoa, dude.

Is anyone going to get mad that you took $3 billion?

You got ripped off?

Let's say it goes to $100 billion.

You still have $3 billion.

You're not going through it all.

I mean, goddamn, get the stress off.

Sell it.

It's one of, it's, it's a heartbreaking thing when startups get lucky and they have this, they don't make much money, but they're valued so much higher and someone wants to buy them.

And it's, if it works out when you say no, but if you were, if if it doesn't work out, you're like, how in the fire

did I say, take your $3 billion,

take your fucking $3 billion and shove it up your ass.

Yeah.

It's like teams that overpay for a player and they bomb and they have like a nine-year deal with them.

They're like, oh, my God.

Oh, I love the NBA.

What's his stats?

He gets six points a game, two rebounds, and one steal.

What's his yearly income?

$71 million.

You know, oh, yeah.

I want the talent to get paid.

I want the talent to to get paid.

Your boy Kevin Love gave me a shout out yesterday.

Really?

Do you know who that is?

Of course.

Great, great forward

who famously came out about just mental health issues, kind of helped a lot of people in the league.

He just got traded, I guess, yesterday.

Where's he going?

To a different team.

To a different team.

All right.

All right.

Well, you know, you know, Miami, Heather, look it up.

Kevin Love.

Heather just shrugs her shoulders.

I go, no, look it up.

She goes, I don't fucking know.

I go, I know, but.

Heather can look things up.

I mean, she can look it up and she's going to say, I think it's the Miami Heat going to somewhere.

Utah Jazz acquired Kevin Love and Kylie Anderson in three-term team training.

Utah Jazz took them.

So I don't think he was expecting it because he posted a Joe Dirt clip saying what's it like to get traded.

And it was Kid Rock going,

nobody wants you here.

You crying, boy?

Nobody wants you here at all.

Get out of here.

Hilarious.

Oh, trading's heartbreaking.

I mean, there was just recently a seven-team deal where I'll take this, you take this guy, you take this guy.

The Warriors were in it, Houston, and he'll go over here.

Yeah, seven teams.

So complicated.

I know.

I can't keep track of it.

I don't understand all their deals like,

you know, free agent, restricted free.

I don't really understand how it all works.

Do I care?

Sort of.

I don't have to look into it.

It's fun for you.

you're more into b-ball that you go they should get this guy if they lose this guy but this guy's good you know they finally make money and then they get too expensive for someone

yeah it's it's a real it's a guts move to turn down things and how you navigate your career you you ideally want to get fu money initially and then you can take more chances with that you know I mean, there are players in any professional sports who just saved every penny when they were playing.

Dana wants FS money.

Fuck Spade.

Let's take all his money.

Dana's got lots of money.

No one's worried about Dana.

Okay, let me just make this comment.

That's not true, but

if you are someone who's living in a nice small house, really humble, have a humble car, whatever, and you have enough money coming in

where you do what you want to do when you want to do it.

If you want to work full-time or you don't want, you are by lifestyle.

Lifestyle is a millionaire lifestyle when you don't have to think about money.

And a lot of that's just the expense.

Yeah.

I like to give wisdom.

What was the question?

It was, was Jeffrey Epstein, did he hang himself?

No, that was so 11 minutes ago.

Puffy's hosting this week.

I'm really enjoying the podcast.

I thought the 11 minutes on the peacock was was a really seminal moment.

I thought Epstein into Peacock was brilliant.

We have Puffy.

He's also the musical guest.

That will mean he's fully back.

I'm P.

Diddy.

I ain't going anywhere.

I'm back in the city.

I got the baby oil.

I know how to toil.

I one time worked the soil.

Everybody find some oil.

I BF'd olive oil.

Well, Pope I was watching.

My name's not Gilthy.

I know people think I'm filthy, but I want to tell you the whole story ify.

I passed a wall to Bippy.

God damn.

I know.

I ran out of steam.

This is our third podcast today.

Nine years ago.

Yeah.

Okay, we'll go to the next story.

We really are racking them up.

Rack them.

I love this this podcast so far.

Okay, this might be real, might not.

A lot of girls have podcasts, a lot of women, and a lot of them, I'm figuring out, mostly OnlyFans girls.

It seems like if you see something like this, it might be a fake podcast because no one actually looks at the real one.

So

it's a good way to get clips on.

You really just filmed a bathing suit on a couch.

So if she's talking to the girl, but there's no real podcast, but it looks like one, they're just doing clips anyway.

Oh, I see just clips as if you're in the middle of the day.

They're filming clips.

There's no real...

See it.

They're there.

How much did you pay in taxes this year?

I didn't pay taxes.

I've never paid taxes in my life.

You never paid taxes?

No.

Okay, well, so I haven't either.

I really don't know even what taxes means.

Me either.

And I just like have money and

I really don't know.

What do you even do?

How do you go file for them?

Like, how do you pay?

You need an extension.

Is it like taxes.com?

did she say extension that's smart that's one i don't know and it's different for every state like why do some states have to pay more taxes than other states i i don't understand they'll never will that's why we're women okay yeah i'm a woman it's fine someone explains the girl

okay a deep conversation um

i do think there's

i think maybe in that world

A lot either forget or aren't advised to pay taxes.

These people you hear making so much money in that OnlyFans world.

I don't know.

I mean, if you don't, you're going to get a rude awakening.

Maybe I don't want to pay taxes anymore with Wesley Snipes, right?

I mean, they gave him bad advice and he went to prison.

Right.

That's what's supposed to happen.

I think what's happening more is no one wants to pay taxes because

when you realize

they're missing $20 billion in California, you go, why?

Is that my money I'm paying?

And then it goes away and you go, sorry, we lost 20 bid, but we need more.

So we're going to up the tax.

I'm like, I don't want to pay anymore.

How about just figure out a new way?

Because just keep telling us to give you money that you lose.

You lose it?

Why is there not online

a very clear, easy third grader could do it of listing of where California?

Let's just say California, tax dollars.

Specifically, where is it going to this education system, to this

charity?

And follow it.

Make sure someone's using it for the right, not just kicking it to their cousins and uncles.

I don't know.

It's so fucking complicated.

I know.

And even you, even if you talk to tax experts, you can say to them, I don't know, is that a write-off?

And they go, I don't know.

Nobody really knows.

It could be.

Maybe we'll write off part of it.

I think the frustrating thing for me is if I don't pay tax or something, they're on my ass within days.

Like, you didn't pay.

You didn't pay exactly perfectly, you owe more, you're fined, you're late.

But when they take your money and they blow it down the fucking shitter, they just shrug their shoulders and go, Yeah, I don't know, give us more, and you better do it fast.

I'm like, get fucked, it's getting annoying, dude.

It's getting bad.

Give me one non-bumpy streak that doesn't rip up my oil pan.

I'll be all right.

My neck and my oil pan.

That's all I'm looking for.

Yeah,

let's have some pre-burns.

Let's have some fire.

Let's add some fire management.

Let's have our gas prices where people, poor people can afford it.

Let's have really, I know these are hot takes.

Let's have really safe neighborhoods.

Let's have just all over the state.

Let's put some people in jail again.

If you're a criminal and do something wrong, maybe there's a punishment.

I mean, don't make it.

That's going too far.

You're telling me.

That is going too far.

I swear it's a new world where,

you know, the criminal is the victim.

And that's just a tough new world I'm not quite wrapping my head around yet.

It's hard for me to comprehend it, but you know what?

I think in California, a lot of people, once it's in your, up in your face, then they're sort of like, you know,

what?

You know,

this, we should not make it the new normal.

When you're in a safe neighborhood and you feel safe at night, it shouldn't be like, whoa, this actually feels good.

You know,

you shouldn't have to be like,

I know someone who was out in a town,

sort of outside in the valley

toward Palm Springs.

And then at six o'clock, they were at this party and they just said, you guys got to get out of here.

They go, why?

Well, the gangs will start to filter.

You've got to, it's six o'clock.

You got to drive out of here now.

Don't wait.

So I'm at a store right where I go to the bottom of my street, walk out front of some dudes chewing on a fucking extension cord.

He's got a black jacket in his hand.

What am I Glico?

You know, it's just nerve-wracking.

There's a lot of nerve-wracking stuff anywhere.

I mean, there's almost no neighborhoods where you go, this is totally fine.

I met a 76er down in Hollywood trying to get some petrol.

Okay, first of all, it's $19 a gallon.

All of a sudden, I see Skippy, the homeless guy.

He's got his pants around his ankle, his unit in his hand.

He's chugging a half pint of whinsky and goes, have you got a dollar?

Okay.

And that was the best part of the day day down there.

All right.

I remember the one time when a guy came out of CVS, he goes, David Spade.

I go, hey, man.

He goes, David Spit.

He followed me for three blocks and he goes, give me some money.

And it turns into like a casual robbery because I go, all right.

And I go, there's 10 bucks.

He goes, I know you got more than that.

I was like, and then he goes, I open my wallet and he goes, give me that hundred.

And I go, well, 100 feels like a little.

And he goes, pluck.

And I go,

all right, can I leave the crime now?

Am I?

Then he says, That's a pretty watch.

You give him a watch.

Yeah, give me that watch.

Yeah.

Then give me that jacket.

Where does this end?

And he goes, You always wear blue on that podcast.

And I go, Oh,

you have a laptop?

He's like,

You and Dana kind of complain about stuff maybe too much.

I go, All right, well, that's not what we're here to talk about.

I just really don't know why

Tom Segur would hassle you like that.

He could be a perfect homeless guy.

I'm just shocked at Tom Kreiser, too.

Yeah, Chryser.

Okay, let's go to the next.

What's this?

Oh, this is funny.

Models doing dumb things just never gets hold of me.

Okay.

The new, you know, they always do a modeling thing and they don't know where to put it.

This, this one, they're

I don't know if you can see it.

They're in water.

Okay, models in water.

Models looking stupid in water.

Dirt.

Okay, we can drop the opera.

That guy's hair looks like shit.

Look at that, Marilyn Manson.

You know,

it looks ridiculous, but we're looking at it.

That's all I have to say.

A little night of the living dead for me.

Look at this outfit right here.

High collar.

That guy's got some quads.

High collar.

Leather.

You're not supposed to get it wet, I heard.

This is the episode of Dennis.

Yeah, Christ's sakes.

I know.

It is funny.

That's what I need when I'm looking for a Vente jacket is some kind of zombie water motif coming at me.

All right.

I don't want to

buy a Versace jacket for 22 grand.

I find a largemouth lunker bass in the pocket.

That was a good one.

Yeah.

Okay.

What's next?

They get sucked down the drain and you do a raffle to see which one's still alive.

I mean, again, goldfish in my chonies.

All right, that's funny enough.

We got to do something where we're just sitting in ice baths or something during the podcast.

It's kind of weird.

Oh, these are big prom entrances.

I got to have to ask Harper about this one.

Is this a good one, Heather?

What do you think?

Queen song.

Outhouse.

Great queen song, by the way.

Look at a lot.

What the heck did I just watch?

A lot of hits.

I don't like this long wind up to what we all know is about to happen.

I don't know what's going to happen.

Oh.

Okay.

Here's my little princess.

So she sat in there for like 40 minutes.

Yeah, she took a dump.

Okay.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, this isn't even queen.

Wax.

Who is it?

No one's impressed.

It says no one's impressed.

No, I think just all the faces they have.

Oh, yeah, everyone just staring off like this going, She's like, Sorry, it was Taco Tuesday.

Is that the dad's idea?

You think it's not a great idea,

Daddy?

I love, I just want my prom because I get so nervous.

Could you have an outhouse?

And I would make nearby nearby so I could go in it and then come out.

And on Bridget and Susie could take pictures of me coming out of the outhouse.

Daddy, Daddy, you ready in there?

Yep.

Sometimes you see people,

they put a little English on at the end.

They go,

put a little English on.

It has to come to this.

It has.

It has come to this.

We're not out of material.

This is quality.

I'm not saying this is the bottom.

This is good.

I'm not apologizing.

I don't apologize.

Not for this.

Not for this.

No, we don't go.

Don't put a little spin on it.

Very much.

So funny.

Okay, next one.

What people are like, don't be political and don't be dirty and don't be scatological.

I'm like, what else?

That's you farting and changing yours.

I was trying to top yours.

Here is race car farting.

Let me see what this is.

Oh, this guy.

There's a man in New York.

This is the New York TikTok or something.

Man in New York, known as the human carpet.

He wants girls to walk, step on him.

Okay.

Is he an artist?

I don't know what's going on.

Oh, I see.

Performance art.

Look at that.

Sort of thing.

He's rolled up in a carpet on the sidewalk.

I would do this for fun, but I don't like it.

So I'm glad I captured that for everyone.

Here comes some more.

He's got a few more folks walking on.

Should we walk on his wiener?

And then I'm going to go

for you all so you could see.

I would get the boxer Butterbean.

Look him up.

I'd get Butterbean.

Oh, she went for it.

Yeah.

Okay, kind of reflecting on what I just did, it seems like I might have indirectly pleasured someone from my walking.

It sounds like I'm doing God's work, but that was also a huge hazard and borderline illegal.

So do not cut it.

Get rid of them.

That was a little off-putting.

It was wrapping a guy wrapping up.

Dan, I think I gave pleasure to a guy with my foot.

We don't need him.

We need

the guy wrapped in the carpet, wanting to get stepped on.

I say, good for him, man.

It's kind of funny that if that's your thing, he sort of goes, I'm just not going to be ashamed.

Do you want to hear a real story?

Yeah, sure.

And I don't know if I told you this one, but it'll seem too fantastical.

It relates to this on some level.

I hope it's you wrapped in carpet.

My brother, Mark Carvey, was living in New York in the 70s.

He was an artist and a painter.

He's still around, but he had a career and whatever.

So he's in New York and he's going to an exhibit.

And, you know, art got a little funny in the 70s.

It's still very exotic.

So he goes in

and they tell him that the artist has built a false floor under the floor.

So when you go in to look at the artist's paintings, he wants you to know that he will be under the floor that he's built and he will be masturbating.

Now, this is directly God's honest truth.

So, there's no jokes, but it's not Picasso.

I'm guessing,

okay, going for the old false floor Jackoff thing

under the Van Gogh.

Okay,

so that's you know, that's like performance art, the guy in the carpet.

You know, probably they film it and they put it in a museum, and then it's probably clear, so you can you go, hey, is that Van Blow down there?

I knew you'd come up with this,

Yeah, let's see.

Is that Leonardo Dijakov?

Okay.

Is that Peter Beard jerking the gherkin?

Another Edward hop around down there on your Johnson, okay?

This is Jackson Pollack wrestling the bald-headed champ.

Jackson Peacock down there, bro.

Oh, yeah, peacocks are also wood.

But anyway, that's art is a, art got

funny.

No rules in art.

I will give you that.

No.

My brother, Andy's into into art.

He's got all these cool things, but it always makes me laugh.

He's got very interesting things.

But

it's good because you can really think out of the box.

If you like it, you like it.

But sometimes I will go in and I love going to art museums, love art.

But I saw one once and it was 40 feet wide and 20 feet high.

It was all white, covered the whole wall, and it just had one red dot in the middle of the painting.

And I'm like, heavy, man, heavy.

It's kind of like, if you think you could do it, then you lose respect, you know.

Yeah,

and if you see a Van Gogh, by the way, you go, Holy shit, you know, yeah, the good ones are good.

I don't agree with all of them.

I told you this

wrinkles.

Uh, let's see one more, and then we'll get out of here.

We get we've really spoiled everyone.

Oh, no, this is funny.

I had a deadbeat dad growing up.

Uh, oh, oh, okay, these people hire this guy,

okay

bomb here we go

deadby dad gets tackled

oh

these moms tell this guy and they email him and he just

Who's taking the video?

Does he think his partner

committing a crime?

Put that guy in the garbage.

Uh-oh, this guy's gonna fall hard.

That's that Norbit.

Whoa, that was a big guy getting a big guy.

And this guy's like later.

Whoa.

I don't promote violence, but you know.

So their dad are not only absentee, but

they don't send it.

They're funny in Zile.

All right, that's good.

Don't do it in front of the kid, though.

They don't.

Dead beat dad, the qualification is you're absentee and you don't send money.

That's completely okay.

Yeah.

So the moms get frustrated.

There's no money.

They see them out clicking their heels.

They have no repercussion.

They have no recourse.

And they hire this guy.

Chase does it for free.

Just

be kind of harm them, though.

I mean, just go tackle them and say, pretty tough tackle.

Go take.

Go

get back on your responsibilities, kind of.

Well, I knew a mom

finally i missed that

i didn't know where to use it i've been sitting here with my hand on the trigger

um

i know a mom that's so happy about her husband that she hires beautiful models to go find their husband and just make out with him so that's the flip side of what we do oh to get oh to get a reward oh i thought it was to catch him cheating no no some girls will send in a decoy to say see if my husband will cheat try to dm him you know that kind of thing

um

yeah well

deadbeat dads it's a good it's a good phrase do they have a dad for a phrase for a non-deadbeat dad just dad just

just divorce dad no my dad didn't pay the whole run since I was four.

So we were four, six, and eight.

Not a penny, not an alimony, not a child support.

And he lived about a mile away, and he'd be clicking his heels.

So I see the frustration.

Yeah, it's just, you know, and then the, and then the

son

becomes very successful, has a couple shekels in his pocket, and then, and then suddenly daddy's around.

Yeah, 100%.

Okay, well, we'll land on that.

And

now we'll send.

Oh, anyway, so my dad never paid.

But then I got on sign live.

Why do I keep forgetting to buy some of those?

You got to buy something, Stuart.

I have to do them as soon as we end this podcast or else I'll forget and I want to shock you.

No, maybe I'll buy one for you and we'll send it to you.

And you just open it and start using it.

I'll open it on camera and then I'll

delight it.

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We got two written question guys, but you can do audio questions too.

You can send it to flyonthell at odyssey.com.

And you also can do it in audio.

You can do it with a little video or you can write the question.

So we got a couple right now.

Yeah, okay.

Let's say we're going to try it.

Ready?

Here we go.

Is it written?

I think it's written.

This is the first one from Molly.

This is Molly from Cincinnati.

Quick story.

I watched David's David's most recent Netflix special on a flight to Texas.

I was giggling the whole time.

At the end of the flight, my seatmate on the plane said, I have to ask, what were you watching?

That was so funny.

Question: What goes into each of your hair routines?

They look highly stylized and elaborate.

That's the question from the special.

The special was good.

Yeah, I had a good little lumberjack shirt on.

I switched it to my shirt.

No, the hair is saying,

it's really

my hair story.

Is that you call your routine?

No, we call it something else.

When I get up and do my hair, the first three and a half hours of my day, it's going like this.

Hey.

So what it is, is they blow dry it straight because my hair gets very wavy.

That's really the part I hate.

So, and I hate getting it.

worked on or touched.

So I keep it for a couple of days.

But they did it that night in the special because you have to.

And then I didn't know what I was going to wear.

I had a coat or a shirt.

And five minutes before, they go, you got to pick one.

And I said, I'll put the coat over the shirt.

I changed it.

And the rest is history.

But I appreciate people watching.

Why does that happen to us?

Why do we wait to what we're going to wear in a special?

It's crazy because it's, because you don't want anything.

You want to look sort of different.

Like Lauren, you say, let them know you're a star.

That's what he'd always tell me.

Dress like a star.

And separate yourself, people.

But when you do a show, Eddie Murphy in the red leather was like, oh, this is what you do.

Really dress up.

But I kind of am not like that.

It's not my vibe.

So I want to wear something a little more normal.

Didn't want to go total t-shirt.

I think as a new

thing of authenticity, I think Shane, Dylas, come out in a t-shirt or like

people coming on like they're just something they just picked up off the floor.

You know, and that's kind of cool, too.

You know, you were just sort of casual.

It looked like something you would wear.

A flannel shirt, a coat, and I liked it.

It was fine, but I appreciate them watching, and I'm glad they giggled.

Yeah.

Okay.

Thanks.

One more question.

One more.

Until next time.

All right.

This is from Hayden.

I'm an actress

a year and a half out of college looking for theater work.

I've been turned down at every audition I've gone to so far.

Can you give me any audition advice for someone just starting out in the industry?

I wonder if she got turned down or she didn't get a callback or something.

She never even auditioned.

What does that sound like, Dana?

Well, it sounds like she auditioned and got turned down.

Oh, I see.

Okay.

I mean,

without seeing it.

I mean, it's the easiest business to get discouraged in.

So she's not crazy.

It does take a while to get things going and know it well.

And there's a book called Audition that might help.

They gave me that when I was.

It's really, it's almost a different muscle auditioning than being in something.

So you have to sort of study that.

And they can tell if you're new, the way you hold your papers, the way you walk in, the way you start talking.

Some people come in and just go, we going?

Let's go.

And you go, oh, they've done this before.

But, you know, Dana, me and you go in, we go, hello, my baby.

We try to bullshit around.

Well, it's like trying, it's.

Try not to try.

You know, first of all, okay, three things.

It's an emotionally violent career.

So get used to losing and embrace it.

Like I probably went 0 for 100 for auditions in the 80s before SNL, maybe even more.

And so you just collect them.

First of all, it's never personal.

It's usually a little bit of luck.

The things that I got, I got right away because they just thought I was the right type.

So never take it personal.

I used to think that Marlon Brando had just read before me.

I was so intimidated, you know, don't take it too seriously.

Collect defeats.

And the only thing you control in your entire career is just try to get better, whether it's an acting workshop or whatever.

The rest is just, there's a lot of timing and luck to it.

And that's just the way it is.

I'm Sam Boat.

I missed, I got a commercial agent.

You're perfect for commercials, quote,

two solid years, at least two a week, one in the valley in a suit, one down Manhattan Beach an hour away with shorts.

And never got one.

Two straight years.

So it's almost impossible with those odds, but I didn't get anything.

And then for Police Academy, someone saw you doing stand-up.

You look like the character they

looked, I could play under 18 or whatever, under 18, and I could skateboard.

Skateboard.

So I got, you know, I had a small deal at NBC

and the head of the network, they were doing the Mickey Rooney show, and they needed someone to be his grandson.

And I looked kind of like him, but I was 40 years younger.

And the head of the network, Fred Silverman, goes, that's Mickey Rooney's grandson.

He saw two seconds of a video of me.

Right.

I didn't even audition.

And then other times I audition and I didn't get it.

So it's very normal.

Just know that it just try to work on getting better and your time will come.

And hang in there.

If you really like it, you're going to do it forever.

So just hang in there.

You'll get work if you if you stick to it.

Yeah.

Thanks, guys.

Thanks for the questions.

Any final words for everybody?

The only thing is on next Supervive, I want you to guess.

This big mystery.

Okay.

What's in there?

It's going to be something sort of, sort of positive.

The last time it was a rovostatin pill.

That not that wasn't exciting.

It could be

a rotting tooth.

It could be anything.

We don't know.

Yeah, that's the thing.

It's the mystery.

It's the mystery bag.

Everyone's freaking out.

Okay, we'll see in the comments on YouTube, see if people got this far.

So I can't wait to read comments.

Cannot fucking work.

I'm going to sit down for a big evening of comments.

I get a cigar and some dinty more beef stew.

Dinty more.

That was a good pull right there.

Got it in my doomsday shelter.

Jesus.

All right.

We did Dennis Miller.

We did just kind of an homage to our friend Dennis Miller today.

He just, for some reason, the comedy, all improvised, no script.

I know it seems amazing.

Dennis

was a very expressive vessel for what we were doing today.

All right.

Thanks for coming on my show, Dan.

I appreciate it.

Thank you for having me, Dan.

Hey guys, if you're loving this podcast, which you are, be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app, give us a review, five-star rating, and maybe even share an episode that you've loved with a friend.

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We're on video now.

Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey, an executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman, Maddie Sprung-Kaiser, and Leah Reese-Dennis of Odyssey.

Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman, and the show is produced and edited by Phil Sweet Tech.

Booking by Cultivated Entertainment.

Special thanks to Patrick Fogarty, Evan Cox, Maura Curran, Melissa Wester, Hilary Schuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gaynor, Sean Cherry, Kurt Courtney, and Lauren Vieira.

Reach out with us any questions to be asked and answered on the show.

You can email us at flyonthewall at odyssey.com.

That's audacy.com.