Julie Bowen IN STUDIO !!!

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All right, Dana, you know, I'm always dragging around and

I always got a five-hour energy on me.

I know that about you.

Yeah, they're either in my sock, in the car, they're somewhere.

You keep them everywhere.

I give them a little slurp.

i don't really shoot the whole thing like some people do on an empty stomach i think i eat a little bit a couple sips just like coffee just keep just keep something going there because you chug it

i don't i'm actually yeah i don't want that much energy at once it's five hours so i kind of you know that's what most people do but i sip it overall um there's a lot of different flavors yeah there's one called uh confetti craze that tastes like a good birthday cake which they're all pretty good, but this tastes hot and buttery flavor here to let you be unapologetically extra and unstoppably energized.

Actually, big birthday energy, wherever you go.

Uh,

there's shot the shots are reasonable, you don't have to chug a full bottle or anything, you just run around with that big birthday energy, yeah,

and uh

you can plan your confetti party at www.5hourenergy.com or Amazon.

That's available now.

You know what I mean?

So

you can get on Five Hour Energy.

That's the number five, hourenergy.com or Amazon.

At least your big birthday party energy.

As much caffeine as 12 ounces of your fancy coffee, but zero sugar and zero sugar crash.

So, yeah, and I'm not like a coffee guy, so this is kind of better for me.

You're a five-hour energy confetti craze guy.

Five-hour energy confetti confetti craze flavor is available online.

Head to www.5hourenergy.com or Amazon to order yours today.

Eventually she'll have kids and she's going to have to tuck her into her socks.

And that is just true.

David loves marriage.

Yeah.

And he has a long history.

Go to a break.

I need five minutes.

Who did I have call you on your birthday?

Do you remember that?

Are you kidding me?

Okay.

Stevie Nix.

He had Stevie Nix call me and see him landslide into my

answering machine in New York.

He dumped me on the same answering machine.

Okay.

Hey, David.

Can I ask you a question?

Yeah.

Weekend, what happened?

Yeah,

I went on the road.

This is the new sort of format thing.

So here we are.

We're doing this, and it looks very similar.

We look the same.

My hair's

kind of similar.

Got the helmet.

Yeah.

But

the weekend for me, just right off the bat while we settle in here i went right three tour dates two in arizona so by the way one was 113

tucson 113.

the b o is such a different level people don't talk about it enough when you get in the elevator with someone who's that sweaty yeah after 110 the b o it reformulates and it's sickening it's off the charts that's one thing uh arizona when i went to phoenix that was a blast My mom came.

Some friends came.

Had such a good time.

And

also, I forgot everyone in Scottsdale.

Someone's got a truck.

So it's like, Raptor.

You know, you pull up next to someone and they're this high and they're like, good, good, good, good, good, good.

They were big.

Stepladder, lift kit.

So it was a game show.

Yeah.

Everyone, every guy is trying to be cool, but girls don't like Hummers.

So they go right back to Raptor.

Can I tell you what my, what I thought about when a guy has no muffler and he has a truck and he starts the car?

What the car is really saying is, all right, I'll see you later.

I'm a man.

I'm a man.

I'm a man.

That's kind of how it is.

They got lifted up trucks, big tires.

Hey, honey, I think I've got B.O.

Do you know where my tank top is?

Because I like to go out in a tank top when I'm fully loaded.

Yeah, dude, it was 117 in Scottsland.

It's so sickening.

Anyway,

the trip was fun.

Turns out I didn't need to wear a sweater.

I wore a sweater on stage.

I just brought it.

I got on stage.

I was like, because you know, when you're in Arizona, if it's 117 out, they put the air conditioner on stun.

So when you walk into a store or a mall, it's 41 and you need a defibrillator.

It's like, desh.

You know what I mean?

It's so cold.

You're like, this isn't good for the human body.

Too light.

The store that we have is like, there's a beer source.

There's no going in there.

I mean, it's a grocery store, but you open up and it's a freezer full of beer.

You walk into it.

Oh, just a freezer?

Just yeah, just like 33 degrees, and you're in there.

I mean, I must be a little bit above freezing.

I'm going to ask you if this happens to you because it's kind of funny to me.

So you go to a grocery store for a while and you're at Delhi and you go on the road, you're not there for a while.

Do you get this a lot?

Hey, where you been?

We haven't seen you around.

Well, kind of traveling and working and doing, yeah, but we hadn't seen you here for a while.

What's going on?

Where you been?

Where you been?

Huh?

You ever ever get that where you been i get it uh hey i haven't seen oh you oh here's i get the opposite you used to come into my bar all the time i've been there once or twice same thing you were always here every second yeah god damn don't you tell people i was never here and you would drink and drink and drink you were so bold you were always

up yeah and you got the floor mopped with you by a couple guys one night i think they were in always pushing your pants

You always shit your pants and wore an adult diaper and were registered independent.

Always.

You remember that?

Yeah.

That's the thing.

This happens any once.

Not because we've been on TV occasionally, where you meet some of your high school days and they can photographically tell you what you said in the 70s.

I said to you, I like a Buick.

And you said, I'll never forget it.

You like Ford.

I've told this story for 30 years.

You're like, this isn't even true.

So you have to agree that's what you said.

Yeah.

You saw a bird and said, well, per snickety doodle.

Remember that?

They go,

you used to watch golf carts at the Phoenician, which I did.

And they go, you were always cracking jokes.

I go, no, I wasn't.

I didn't know any jokes.

Has the audience noticed that I'm using this voice for every comedy bit today.

I don't know why.

It kind of works.

It's just kind of funny.

Where you been?

Where you been?

VNAC going today?

You look like you're going to sing in a choir.

No, because it was a new memory.

It's a new setup.

It's a new day.

And so I said,

I got to dress up like at least the beginning and then I'll go back to looking like shit.

But

I know what I'm going.

Your hair looks incredible, by the way.

For the new show, it's new hair.

You know what I'm going to get you for your birthday?

Please.

It's going to go with this.

You can wear it underneath.

Yeah.

A dicky.

Do they know what a dicky?

Dickie is a mock turtleneck for the people out in TV wonder podcast.

I bet even this shirt, like if it only came down to here, but as long as you put it on and then you see this part, it's all you really need.

So someone invented a little

do you pull the turtleneck on and then it's just like a half circle?

Yeah, it's a little half thing.

So if you didn't have anything else,

you just wear the dickie and then you're all bare.

I mean, this is what you do to make this cool, and we could do it after the show.

Yeah.

I get your sweater, I take a scissor, I just cut it short sleeve both sides.

It's kind of ragged, and that is the look of two days.

Yeah.

When girls, I used to wear them, they go, is that a dickie?

Yeah, I go, no this is

and then you go okay sir usually say wiener now dickie may be your new dickie may be the way you refer to your penis it used to be wiener for four years now wiener i get a little wiener heavy some of these shows i say it too much but it is funny to me and it's very pg uh it's very second third grade yeah it's goofy so it's not so offensive uh no it's very it's very banal good for corporate gigs uh well let's bring her out we got julie bowen here today julie bowen Excited to talk to her.

We've had her on, and she was such a hit with good feedback that we're having her on our first show.

Ladies and gentlemen,

David Spade.

Uh-oh, I'm so sorry.

Did we keep you waiting?

They're hugging.

They're hugging.

Deep hug.

What?

Because it's a little bit of like a,

what do you call that?

A rascal?

No, it's like a, what do you call that?

Like the high photo hop thing?

I think it's a mullet.

Yeah, it's kind of like a mullet, but it's hipper.

Julius, what the bike looks like?

Which is not.

Yeah, Julie.

That's really not my job.

David, first of all.

I think that, but I never say it out loud.

This is for you.

God damn.

Two years ago, you got mad at me.

You get mad at me every year for forgetting your birthday.

So I got you birthday presents two years ago that I haven't given to you.

These aren't books, are they?

Because you don't read.

No, no.

I do have a book he gave me a long time ago, though.

He reads one tweet at a time, right?

I like how books look.

Yeah, well, you know what?

Then you'll like these.

Am I opening them?

No, you don't have to open them.

You don't have to open them.

Is this for his birthday?

It was for,

I always forget his birthday because it's like sometimes it's...

You keep it real on the down low.

You forget it because you're married.

I'm not married.

I am divorced.

Oh, you were, but then you can forget it.

We were divorced last time you were here.

I'm still divorced.

You just keep getting divorced over and over again.

Did you get married again and divorced?

No, no, I did not.

Who got more?

Him or her?

More divorced?

Who got the money?

Him or her?

How you doing, Dana?

Yeah.

How you doing, Dana?

I'm going to announce that you're going to.

You don't have to answer any of my questions.

How is

one of you are on Modern Family at the time?

One of us was.

Okay.

This is true.

There's your answer.

All right.

There you go.

Go ahead.

Ask Dana a question.

I was going to ask Dana what it was like being the most relevant person ever in the the last year on SNL.

That was fun, right?

I like that word relevant.

Well, you were so good.

It was interesting.

It was interesting.

It was interesting.

What's your shortest answer?

Relevant was part of that.

No, I'm gathering intellectually.

Let's see.

It was surreal.

It was bizarre.

It was

at times a lot of fun.

Do you now, now that you know that Biden is like severely diminished, do you feel any guilt or

insight into your portrayal?

Jesus.

Well,

this is really good.

And we're going to reframe this podcast, the Julie Bowen podcast.

Now, she's good.

Jesus, we can flip it.

No, those are great questions.

She's better at it than we are.

I knew that he was compromised mentally.

I mean, it was obvious.

But it was a delicate thing in the comedy world.

There were a lot of people did not want to do anything that would kind of ding him in like an awkward way.

But it's comedy.

That's it.

That's the key.

If I can do Biden, that's the idea, but if I can make Biden funny to everybody, then I am where I want to be.

And then to make it funny, it had to be recognizable.

And so there's certain things I did not include in my package.

Sorry, you would do a sexual pun on that.

Package?

Package means wiener.

Okay.

So I'm trying to set him up.

It's a little early.

Wiener?

The biggest one was this.

I'm not getting kidding around here.

I'm being serious.

So that was the biggest one for me.

But it was fantastic.

I like it.

I think it's easier

to make fun of him if he's a president if it's just a 90, whatever-year-old man.

Just go, look at this asshole.

So once he's president, then he's more fair game to say.

But no one made fun of him forever.

No.

Well, he's sort of neutral.

There wasn't a whole lot to until he started doing like, no, for real.

Well,

but no one did.

Yeah.

And guess what?

And by the way, the fact of the matter is,

I'm not kidding around here.

Come on, folks.

This isn't rocket science.

And then the whole, I wrote the bill.

Because I know how to write bills.

You write a bill faster than he's ever written a bill.

Wild bill, hiccock, hickey, Alfred Hitchcock, three times the biological charm.

Ladies and gentlemen, the leader of the free world.

That is.

I'm sorry.

Having watched SNL since I was a wee child, and yes, David, you know, I love you.

But that it is so crazy when you do that.

I love it.

It's so fun.

I fell in love with it.

It took me two years to kind of get it and get all the different toys, I call them, on the carpet and pick them up one at a time.

Two years.

Well, because he kept stacking.

But for, look, the first six months, it was just sweet Joe.

Yeah.

You know?

Yeah.

Just

my dad lost his job right in this junk.

Not getting around.

It's number one, the one part.

Number two, what the guy said.

Number three, you know the drill.

Come on, folks.

So it was just that.

I thought, well, it doesn't have the pop or energy of Trump or even Obama or W.

And then I heard him whisper and yell.

And I thought, oh, here we go.

And then the defiant 50s guy.

There's no Christ at the border.

Yeah, but you said, yeah, I'll get your facts right, Jack.

I'll beat the hell out of you.

You want to do some push-ups?

You're a dog-faced pony soldier.

You know, the 50s guy.

So Biden eventually was my favorite because he had like 10 hooks.

Did he acknowledge it?

His staff came to one of the parties, middle of the night.

Hey, we just got to say, I think I still have the cards.

We love your Biden.

Why don't you, Joe probably love it too?

Why don't you come down to the White House and have lunch?

It never happened, but, you know, because he said, what's lunch?

Is that the thing you do before dinner?

Watch him eat a paper bag and you got to go.

No one says anything.

No one says it got to you.

So anyway, I loved it.

It was entering and exiting, but it was.

a real challenge to make it acceptable.

And I read comments, hey, man, I hate Trump, but whatever, but this is really fucking funny.

It was funny.

So that's amazing.

It was funny.

It was funny.

Let's start the podcast.

So let's go.

I have other stuff.

Let's start more by you, David.

Yes.

Now, when I first got an SNL, the church lady wasn't really for.

Do you have a clock?

Do, do, do.

No.

Don't dirt.

They'll never take that away from me.

Julie, I have a lot of really hard-hitting questions.

Enough of this.

You need to literally pull out cards.

We have to.

I do.

It's a very hard.

We have to treat you like your real guy.

Get some cliff notes.

Help.

Help.

Help.

It says help.

How will AI be stopped?

How will sexualized women in their 50s?

Why are all these movies with women in their 50s being incredibly horny?

Julie Bowen-Sidney Sweeney.

What the?

Your son.

Your son thought Sidney Sweeney

was going to play the ex-wife.

Yeah.

It was like, no, no, it was going to be

Happy Gilmore's new hookup.

And he said, I heard Sidney Sweeney's the cart girl.

Can I come to Siddharth?

Cart girl is a good idea.

Cart girl.

So then you knew you were.

Is she the cart girl or not?

I didn't know.

I didn't know anything about the movie.

Are you still allowed to read the script yet?

There's so many things on that piece of paper, it's terrifying.

I know you're not supposed to read it.

We want to get to Happy Gilmore.

No, you don't.

Let's start with stupid Happy Gilmore.

Did you?

I'm kidding.

That should have been a good time.

He's not here.

Did he call you up and be that very whispery, gentle Adam?

Ah, Julie, I thought I'm here.

Oh, I thought he was.

So he's my badger director.

Oh, you are dude.

And he, and he, and he was calling me.

Actually, he texted me, and I thought it was the second AD from some project I just said because it just comes up as Adam.

And I was like, Hey, fuckface.

And I was like, Yeah.

He's like,

What's going on?

I was like, Do you have something you need to say?

And he was like, Whoa, rude.

And I picked up the phone and called him.

I was like, I thought you were the second AD from some project.

I was hitting you up three years later.

Oh, you know,

we're doing it buddy and uh and we want you to be part and I said Adam I don't care if I'm part of it or not because like I felt like he was calling to tell me that I wasn't in it when did you realize during the phone call holy shit I'm in happy Gilmore too uh

30 seconds

yeah

did you negotiate at all I mean what would I approximately get negotiated you didn't even hint at what it would be possibly no okay no I just I mean you've both worked with that.

I'm like, we know him like a little, he's my little brother from another mother.

Do you text your list of demands after when you think about it a little bit?

I did not have a list of demands.

That was the craziest, most elaborate production, though, I've ever seen.

You know, when you have a village, um, like uh, like the video village, not video village, like the like the circus, you know, where they put all the trailers and stuff.

Yeah, it was like a literal, like, now you go to K Street.

It reminded me of your bit about trying to get out of the

MGM Grand.

And you're like, you go to the second wheel and then you go around twice with the sunrise.

The town.

It was messy.

Adam Town.

Did they have any cameos in the film?

Did they?

I think there's a lot of...

We don't get Yahoo news.

We don't know.

I don't really look at news much.

I'm reading more in peace right now.

I don't read about it.

But yeah, it's an extravaganza.

135 people, I think, are in this movie.

Shut the fuck up.

That's a good idea.

They lead Eminem.

I don't know.

They did get Eminem.

Is that true?

Eminem is in the, because I did my homework.

How do you know?

Post Malone, Eminem, and Bad Bunny are doing cameos in the movie.

Does Post Malone play your son?

My son.

His son plays basketball.

It's called Postal Man.

Wait,

are you and Adam married?

Did you get married in the first one at the end?

We ended the movie just together.

Right.

And so now.

I think I'm only allowed to say what's in the trailer.

Yeah.

I mean, we're married.

We have kids.

Okay.

We're married with kids.

Nice.

It's like all I'm all about.

The kids better be famous people.

Now, do you have a makeout sesh, as David would say, with your husband, Adam?

First day of shooting, we had a little

kissy-kissy.

Was it on camera or off-camera?

It was definitely on camera.

It was definitely on camera.

I'm not trying to stir the pot.

No, I mean, except for that you totally are.

He said, if I didn't make out with him, he was going to replace me with Sidney Sweeney.

Yeah.

Well, you said Sidney Sweeney is in it.

Sidney Sweeney is in it as cart girl.

Is she?

Yeah.

She is.

She is in it.

So your kid was in.

So my kid was right.

Your kid was right.

Because that is a good idea.

Cart girls are always supposed to be some cute girl.

They never, they had like the whole cast list was coded.

And like, even in the hair makeup trailer, they'd be like, I mean, it was like, oh, Caddy.

Oh, the catty's in.

And that was all it was

on the call sheet and everything.

And then the cart girl works today.

What?

Big boob cart girl.

I heard that Julie,

Sweeney, Sweeney, what is her name?

Sweeney,

she had one golf cart for her breast and one for her body.

It was

so large.

And this, and on the piece of paper, was women being sexualized.

Now, what was that?

No, no, women.

I mean, Nicole's queen of

women in their 50s that are still incredibly horny.

It's a genre.

She was great in Baby Girl.

Do you think she is, though?

Is she incredibly horny or is she just playing horny?

That is one of the best

questions that has ever been asked on this podcast.

Literally, that is so exciting.

I knew the next next half hour is going to unpack.

I have never met Nicole Kinner.

I have known nothing about her.

She's a great actress, but I like to imagine that she goes home and she's like, yeah, don't touch me.

You know, she just like sleeps and lays out her house.

She's so sexualized.

She's so beautiful and so perfect in porcelain.

What about Keith Hebbin?

Doesn't he have a right to get some

sexual activity?

I'm doing JFK as Keith Herbin.

Sorry.

My Australian home.

Is he Aussie too?

He's Aussie too.

I don't know.

He He calls him Nick.

Hey, Nick.

How is it today?

I got beat up in a shower and fist fucked a guy.

That's Baby Girl.

Did you see Baby Girl?

Sorry.

We might have to.

I've seen it.

I guess.

That's for the crew.

Is that not?

That is probably not YouTube approved.

We have editing capability.

You can go as blue as you want.

Greg's already cutting it right now.

I do think that,

first of all, if I look like Sidney Sweeney, I would be naked 24-7.

Sure.

And because eventually she'll have kids and she's going to have to to tuck her tits into her socks.

And that is just true because it's really

tits into her socks.

That's great.

But that's only after she has kids.

So while she's young and gorgeous and she is and a really good actress,

I don't know why everybody gives her heat because she's got the greatest boobs that were ever made and she doesn't mind.

She's good.

I just saw Euphoria.

I didn't even watch Euphoria, but it was on when I was on the road.

And

Stephen wants to talk about his tour.

No,

we'll plug it on the commercial.

He'll be in Telephone.

You have to do it.

You have to do a testimonial for Morongo.

We're going to Yamava.

Good job, Julie.

Yeah.

Are you going to Yamava?

Yeah.

We'll see if we can get you in.

Yamava, what is this?

I don't know if I got any comps.

Is this Jewish?

Yamava?

I don't know what Yamava is.

Yamava is at casino out sitting in your Palm Desert.

Further than playing that?

Yeah, that's how you say.

Oh, we're playing a casino.

The two of you?

Yeah.

Together.

Together.

How does that go?

Well, he tries to follow me.

That is true.

No, no.

I don't want to follow him.

That wasn't pretty.

We've done it.

We followed you in Indianapolis.

I did too already.

I said to the sound guy, look, I know it's he's going a little over.

Could we just like slowly bring the mic down?

We were doing an extra.

He got him off before he did his porn chunk on an airplane.

What?

it works.

I don't know the porn chunk on an airplane.

He's got a very funny.

I actually got a little dirty when I was at a, I just played Judy was in the crowd, my mom.

And when I was in an airplane, sweet Judy doesn't want to hear

me.

Judy's the sweetest woman that ever lived.

Yeah, she, she, I said, mom, if you're there, I, I, I will take some stuff out, but I got to fill an hour and I just did a special.

I got to do some new stuff.

Oh, I don't care.

I don't know if you need it, though.

And then afterwards, she goes, it was great.

I should have just walked out for the last 20.

Huh?

Well, because of the porn thing?

Of our 30-minute set.

And she's like, that last 20 was just

Davey.

There's a couple that you go, oh.

You know who's funny?

Nate.

She likes Nate Bergatzi.

Nate is funny.

He is funny and he's clean.

It's a very

great, not because it rhymes.

Nate is Nate is really great.

That's another one for me.

Spade's got it made, not because it rhymes.

Spade's got it.

Julia Mommy is going off.

Foolie, you.

No, not because it rhymes.

Wait, I just said that.

I'm kind of punchy if you haven't noticed.

So I don't know who is in this movie.

It's a short answer.

Because you never know.

I'm not sure.

I'm not sure if Travis Kelsey.

Right.

They're not in all of it.

You would see the people when you.

Did you ever get on Travis Kelsey's shoulders?

Why would I get on his shoulder?

Because he's a man that you could get on his shoulders.

You could get on his shoulders.

No.

And he wouldn't notice.

He wouldn't notice.

I could just climb right up his back.

You weigh 88.

Yeah.

And he is, I could tuck myself in his shirt.

He wouldn't have noticed.

He's like a refrigerator with a head attached.

He's a very large one.

You just weigh in real fast.

I want to change the topic.

Nothing.

Are they getting married?

Tay Tay and Cas

Trav Trav.

I don't know.

Are they getting married?

You have five seconds.

No.

Are they?

Oh, you pushed her.

I know.

Are they

secretly married?

No.

Okay.

No way.

Why would they do anything in secret?

Why?

No, no, no.

I mean, like, you know, David loves marriage.

Yeah.

And he has a long history.

Go to a break.

I need five minutes.

minutes.

Can we cut tape?

David loves commitment and he's very serious about his faith.

Julie Louise Bowen.

And he would like to stand in front of God and his family and make a lifelong commitment to one woman.

And that's why he's so fascinated with this issue with Taytay and

Tayte and Trav.

But I've been married.

I get along great with my ex-husband.

We're totally solid.

Marriage is raw, it's hard.

Without being hard.

It's not personal.

Just generally.

What was the cause of the breakup?

Or what causes marriages to break up?

Not yours.

You don't want to be personal.

Well, I have some ideas.

Some of us are not as good at being married.

And I'm one of those people.

My husband was great.

And I was just like,

I was difficult and I was working all the time.

And I was suffered the like underappreciation syndrome.

And I'm doing all this, and you know, and then you start going in different directions, and yeah, the only thing a marriage can't survive is contempt.

Is that true?

Well, I just

heard that of some analysis on the radio.

You heard that contempt, you heard that in your couple's therapy.

No, this is what I heard.

I heard about women.

Let me see if you think this is true.

Let's hear it.

No, men want to be admired,

and women want to be loved by a man they admire.

You have five seconds.

What the fuck?

That's like, it takes me five seconds to even.

I don't even get that.

You men want to be admired.

Women want to be loved by the man they admire.

Okay.

Yeah.

Did you admire yourself?

That's quite groundbreaking.

I mean, admire.

I don't really.

I loved him.

Okay.

Yeah.

I loved.

I don't know.

Admire.

That sounds weird.

Like,

I mean, not everyone can be admired the way you two are admired.

You admire them.

Well, I admire David, and he admires me.

I admired your ability to bring other people along on our dates.

Julie, this isn't why you're here.

Wait a minute.

What is

it

that you want to bring a bunch of people?

We would always bring somebody and then and then we'd be in the middle of a conversation and he'd go, yeah, save it, save it, save it for next time.

No, he was always worried we'd run out of things to talk about.

I was like, I've never had anything so true.

He does do that.

He does.

Save it.

Save it.

Save it.

Save it for when we have dinner.

Save it for when?

Save it.

I don't know.

You're always worried we're not going to have anything to talk about.

Guess what?

We ran out.

We did not.

We never ran out of shit to talk about.

See, it was good.

We haven't talked for a year because now we have all this stuff.

See, we saved it.

Give me this.

Save it.

Save it.

Save it.

If you can understand it, it's yours.

Save it for our next dinner at Nibbler's.

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And Nibblers?

Nibblers.

Is that right next to Pirates of Caribbean?

Nibblers was down on

Nibblers was on, had an early bird special.

I don't remember if we ever, I think we had a bunch of people.

Do we ever go to Residuals?

That's a real thing.

Do they have a 5 p.m.?

Do you know Residuals?

Yes.

Okay.

It's It's a bar that people should know about in L.A.

and the Valley where if you bring your residual check, if it's under a dollar, you get a free drink.

I thought he had

tons of

tons.

And they put it on the wall.

Yeah.

But since all of mine are under a dollar now, I could really clean up.

Yeah, I got one.

There are no more residuals.

Oh, really?

I feel like the strike worked.

It seemed like the whole business went.

Yeah.

No,

I don't feel that it worked.

Is it a hot take?

I feel like

it's just proven how to work.

Well, they were like, it was, I mean, it's so inside baseball, and probably your viewers, listeners,

COVID strike, yeah, all that stuff did not.

Sometimes you lose for winning, you know?

It was, it was, I guess we made strides in AI,

but I don't know.

I don't know.

The AI is

the genie and the ball.

I think there was no way to stuff it back.

But you know, they did, they did, they managed to take every single, like,

uh, show, like every network show ever that now goes to streaming.

There's a very complicated math formula that adds up to one cent

so if they took all of it it's all gone if they took a show like just shoot me let's just say i'm not gonna say modern family show

where you were nominated

a classic for golden globe two emmys okay i let you i eat it did you win uh you know i don't even know I don't remember because it's all about being nominated.

Let's talk about this soon.

Save it for next month.

Don't use her ammo against me.

I thought it was a good one.

It's

a good option.

Well, the promise, everything she can say is going to be funny about it.

So I, and I stay quiet.

That's when we met.

We met at the Golden Gloves.

Oh, we did meet at the Golden Gloves.

Yeah, she has a photographic memory when it comes to you.

Well, I remember meeting him because he was like, hey, I know you.

Oh, boy.

I love everything has to be a disaster.

And I think I kicked you in the butt and I said, what's up, Loser?

No, you asked me.

You're like, why do I, I know you.

And I said, no, you don't.

Yeah, from your Neutrogena commercial.

No.

No, you you were on Ed I was on Ed I didn't even know what I was on at the time it was a long time ago you're actually also very pretty so you didn't really have to be on I told you I was a dog walker

oh and you believed me and then you went away he's like

faded quickly

that was a true side gig while until you

get rid of me he was like trying to go like uh you know the thing where people are like how do I know you and you're like that's not on me to tell you so I was like I don't know maybe I've walked your dog because I don't have a dog.

And I said, well, I'm a dog walker.

Then she walked away.

Oh, okay.

I'm a dog.

I'm a dog walker.

It's a little seductive.

She's a dog.

I can make a doggie go roll around.

No, I can make a doggie sit up and bang.

I mean, there's a lot there to.

I didn't go for it.

I was super nice.

And then I tracked you down somehow.

Right?

So you're publicist.

Well, we didn't have, how else?

Any other way.

You live in New York.

I lived in L.A.

Oh.

Okay.

I remember the night you met her You said, I met this really

cool chick.

And her name is Jan Beaman.

Where did you meet me?

I go, Jan Beeman.

You guys probably met at Lynn.

I know where I met you.

And guess why I shouldn't even give it away?

No, we don't have to give the address away.

Eric Idol is now renting that house in Beachwood Canyon where I met David.

Well, who was living there?

Where were the time?

Kevin Nealon was living there.

I was living there.

David lived there after I got SNL.

Kevin got SNL.

And then David got SNL.

No, I rented

this house while they were on SNL.

It had, I lived in the garage to save money with my wife.

We had a hot plate and no kitchen.

In the garage, actually.

No, on the top of the garage.

Okay, okay, okay.

300 square feet.

But in this house, for some reason, I got lucky enough to get SNL.

They said they needed, they wanted a tall guy.

I said, you know, Kevin Neal, he's like 6'5.

So Kevin got on.

David said, they wanted a tall guy?

It was a throwaway, but I don't think that's exactly why Kevin got it.

I mean, exactly.

They had me.

You can kill yourself when you don't get it.

You're like,

they were just trying to round the cast out with tall guys.

Well, I think Lauren is at his core, it is kind of like a sitcom.

Like he didn't, you don't, even Jim Carrey's a genius, but you don't want five Jim Carreys.

Right.

You want this balance of stuff.

That's the way he does it.

So it filled in nicely.

But then David got saturnized.

No, I rented Kevin's room.

He saw me in the improv in the hallway, and I go, oh, I'm getting kicked out of John Mulroney's house.

He goes, okay.

Oh, you know what?

I'm going to SNL.

Do you want to rent a room with his two other comedians?

And I said, yeah.

So I rented it when he came home with Dana.

They would tell me about SNL and Kevin was sleeping on the couch.

And that's how I met Dana.

And then, but it didn't cross my mind ever to go on SNL.

Ever.

And let's back up to you.

We're living at John

Mulrooney's.

Oh, Mulrooney.

He's a comedian.

You don't want to know.

I thought you said Mulvaney.

Was Bob Dubex there?

Was Paula still over the garage when you were there?

Yeah.

Oh, so my wife lived over the garage.

Yeah.

Because I was in New York for a while.

Like three Dana's because your wife has blonde hair.

We all were very, very blonde.

And they were all named Dana.

You could have named Dana.

I could have.

So I stayed there and then they came back and then eventually

Dennis Miller helped recommend me.

They helped and then just I was using stand-up.

So then when I got on, that's why it took me a while to get going because I just knew how to kind of write, but not write sketches.

He wrote, yeah, he used to be my writer.

Yeah, and they go write for Dana.

And I'm like, yeah.

It was kind of weird, though.

You wrote for him?

Well, they would ask him to write for me, but Lauren also said to me, if anything happens to you, David's always there.

Like he was the

was another version of you yes and he would sit behind me and read through and sometimes he'd pull back on my chair a little bit cut out man when are you leaving but also we toured i he was my opener we did stand-up and he would give me some jokes and stuff he's a great writer that funny we go out beep beep beep wait you got i cannot imagine i did not know you were that like

he was literally waiting for you to like take a sick day yeah or yeah he was just sort of being groomed

yeah yeah i mean i i had caught and church was my character and then i left it at that place in Beachwood Canyon.

When I went back to SL when I came back, I couldn't find it.

I looked through the window where David was staying, and he was sitting there looking in the mirror, dressed as a church lady.

Not in the shower, but just at a chair.

You were dressed as church lady?

Just vacuuming.

And I go, oh, Dana, you're homogeneous.

Oh, Saint.

Do you have early days?

I was curious about two things.

I'm going to unpack it.

One is just you as a little girl, and then you ending up being a huge TV star and a movie star and whatever star.

You became a star.

You're famous and you were just a little girl.

What started?

And so what did Julie see?

What did you watch?

What toy did you have?

Did you have a doll?

Who were you?

Who were you?

Because it's so freaky to become famous

in acting or comedy.

It is, it is, it is, the odds are vastly stacked against you, especially when I didn't watch TV as a child.

Oh, what?

Were you in Baltimore?

I was in Baltimore when we didn't have cable or anything.

I mean, it was like, and we, we weren't really allowed to watch TV except for specials.

Do you guys remember that?

Like it was like, it was a special and then it would spin around the sea and it was this sort of disco

kind of font.

And if it was a special, we could watch it and then we could record it.

And so I had three movies recorded, probably on Betamax that we watched

endlessly.

I knew every word too.

It was sound of music.

Oh, God, I want to talk about that.

Go ahead.

Gone with the Wind.

Never saw it.

Never saw.

Bugsy Malone.

Bugsy Malone?

Bugsy Malone was my formative, like I was obsessed with Bugsy Malone.

Jodi Foster.

Jody Foster is as a child.

She was a gangster.

But like a prostitute-y kind of.

She was Tallulah, and it was so inappropriate.

Oh, I was like, there's everything that's wrong with this, and I know every word to them.

And how old were you when you were watching?

Oh, my God.

Probably like

between

nine and 12.

So how big a family?

How many kids?

There's three girls.

And so during the week, you just did your homework.

You weren't watching like Little House in the Prairie or Batman.

I mean, I would watch MASH in the kitchen TV when my mom, if my mom was out, because she would be going to pick up my other sisters from somewhere.

And I would be like, I would watch MASH, but I'd turn it off really fast because we weren't supposed to watch TV on school.

Yeah, you're so disciplined.

Did you ever give any guff to your parents?

Like, no, I was shut up, dad.

You're really, really like the perfect child.

This is bad because then you get that makes you crazy later.

Here, you be my, my, my mom asks me, what are you going to do today?

And I'll be me.

Okay.

What are you doing today, David?

Whatever I want.

She's still Napoleon Dynamite.

You did not do that.

I was trying to do Napoleon Dynamite.

I'll be.

Hey, Napoleon, what are you doing today?

Whatever I want.

God.

Get away from me.

Get away from me.

Oh.

no, I did.

I like so.

You were just a goodie child.

My chores, then my homework.

I did.

And then you became a backseat patty when you got to Hollywood.

What's a backseat patty?

Is that like a

promiscuous woman?

I heard this figure of speech based on some other famous person.

I always thought it was so funny.

Oh, she was a backseat patty.

I don't know what that is.

That sounds a little slutty.

I don't know.

No, I was not.

I was told when I got out to LA and I had friends out here who were starting to, to, they were backseat pattying.

Okay.

And someone said, don't do that.

You can always sleep your way to the middle.

And I was like, okay.

You pull your Penelope Prude act on LA, right?

Yeah, that's right.

Penelope Prude, backseat patty.

Backseat patty, Penelope Prude.

Yeah, I would, I, I just,

the thing that we would do, you asked me like what we were doing instead of watching TV.

Yeah, yeah.

We did plays.

We put on plays in the backyard and we did plays and plays.

The three of you with neighborhood kids or just neighborhood kids, everybody we did

a little stage yeah did no one get the bug as hard as you who did you get the bug for acting but they didn't as much no no molly my older sister you know molly you call her trolley which i don't know molly the trolley but molly molly's actually much better actress than i am always has been but she didn't have the ability to like hear like no and go on auditions and have and people would be like

no thank you and i was i i was tougher in that regard

brutal game yeah that's the thing that people miss because they, I mean, it's not anyone's fault.

But they'll see on TV being loose and funny or on a talk show, and they don't realize the percentage of just suffering that goes on.

I mean, maybe there's exceptions, Bob Dylan or the Beatles, but for most of us, it's a slog of disappointment.

The Beatles played in a strip club for years.

You mean in Hamburg?

We sat for a plunk, Julie.

You know, we sat for a plunk, and Joan, look at me, I look at him.

It's like looking at a mirror.

I can't not do it.

I'm not

sure my cold reading when I'm behind Okie Dog dog giving a bj behind a glory haul gone did i get it yeah exactly but there's because there's no joy david there's no joy only relief like you're like they're like well we're gonna have to get you you're gonna have to audition and then well we want you to audition again then we're gonna do chemistry reads and by the time you actually get a job you're like really you're still so beaten down yeah you are beaten down what was your low point did you like okay i'm gonna try to go i'm going to hollywood everybody and try to make it and you maybe have some little something

where you're like, maybe this isn't going to happen.

Well,

horrible audition.

You are.

I had, I put, I was super pregnant when I auditioned for Modern Family with twins.

And I'd been working, but I knew this was going to be a good show.

And they just kept calling me and looking at my stomach going like,

and I was like, what?

They can't, I guess by law, they weren't allowed to ask me like,

what are you due?

And they kept sort of looking at me.

I was like, I'm never getting this job.

They keep bringing everybody in the entire world has auditioned for this.

And there was another project going at the same time, same network that, and the character was pregnant.

And they were like, they wanted me to test for that.

And they wanted me to test for Modern Families.

But I had to pick, you've got to pick which one's going to be in first position.

So I picked the other show

because it wasn't the better show, but I needed a job.

Better chance.

And I wanted, I wanted a job not to like, I don't know.

You got mouths to feed.

Yeah, I, I, and I was making two more at the time.

and uh god bless steve levitan found out and actually emailed me and was like what are you doing what are you doing we we really want you and i was like you just stand around and look at my stomach all day they go he goes when when is that baby due i said oh no there's two of them there's a lot longer to go

that's what they were trying to figure out

so you are pregnant fat so we just shot it the way i we shot it and i hid behind things and then then you had a break to have them while they picked it up or something i had him the day we got picked up.

Oh,

Steve Levitain called me May 7th because I was in labor and I was hanging out.

Being in labor, it sounds like it's really intense, but it's kind of boring.

And I was like, you know, hanging out, and my phone rings, and I answered it.

And he's like, the show got picked up and they're going to show the whole pilot.

And I was like, that's awesome.

He's like, any chance you can make it to upfronts in New York?

I was like, I don't think so.

Go, go.

And he's like, what are you doing?

And I'm like,

shoot me up.

I'm having a baby.

yeah and he was like or two and he was like i'm in the o now so yeah did you ever ask him that one that it got around like someone else really wants julie there's nothing more powerful than that in life than she's actually got a thing over here they want you know i don't know if they would have picked you anyway but that was double your you know it probably it probably i'm sure it helped yeah and but it was i went i went home and i sobbed because then i tried to get put modern family in first position

and they wouldn't let me.

They're like, can't be done.

Just can't be done.

I'm like, it's the same network.

You just, if,

what do you mean it can't be?

Can't they just hire you without?

Is this a rumor that your two boys are named Ed O'Neill?

Yeah, that is definitely.

No, I have a quick story about Jennifer Annis.

I just want to clarify.

Jennifer's mom lived in my condos and then I met Jennifer when she was kind of newer, but auditioning.

So she had audition for friends and then she got another thing.

I think it was called muddling through or something.

It was with Paul Rudd.

Okay, it was with Paul Rudd.

Okay, and then

she goes, I hope now she hoped it, the friends one went, but I think one got what happened to it get picked up, and then it got paid.

I don't remember, I just remember that they were like, oh, my, and then friends got picked up, and she was like, oh shit, what am I going to do?

And then

it turned out to be the right thing, obviously.

It was a big hit.

Did you ever turn down something that was a hit or miss it barely?

I didn't.

I didn't audition for some stuff that I didn't on the page.

I wasn't

no.

I didn't audition for 40-year-old virgin, but it was Liz Banks anyhow.

So, you know, whatever it's, if it's going to be Liz Banks, it's going to be Liz Banks.

She is great.

But I didn't, I had

little kids and I was really busy and I was tired and I was reading it.

I was just like, I don't, I'm not sure I'm getting it.

And then you see it and you go, fuck, you're an 80.

So fucking

the

fucking movie.

And then drove and had to blog.

that what was that is that what her part was i don't remember yeah

she asked if she hits on steve girl she she blows the butterflies to start the car and then she starts hitting all the cars yeah was that leslie no that was leslie that was in that was in um

that was in knocked up knocked up it was leslie leslie man

go that's great too yeah um yeah elizabeth banks is a non-security just so we can cut it out she called me once uh the 90s or something she she had an idea of of a script where she didn't know who her dad was and it was me.

And you were like, wait, what?

What about that?

I could do the church late for you.

What about that Brian Cranston idea where

they were like trying to kill Dana Carr?

The whole thing was.

Oh, yeah.

No, that was

someone writing a,

no, season two of the Are The Australian Guy We Just Had on.

Oh, who?

Oh, Jim Jeffries.

Jim Jeffries had a sitcom on.

And then the third season was going to be, I was going to be his dad, or I was going to kill or something.

He was going to kidnap you for the whole season.

But did you ever really struggle?

Did you eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and like struggle to get an agent?

You know, that phase.

Yeah.

No, I lived in New York

after college, and I waited a lot of tables.

Okay.

A lot of tables.

You did.

And I, yes.

And I, I,

I did every random job you could.

I was a reader at HBO.

Um, I labeled teacups some random woman.

I'd do anything I got hired for.

Teacup label other than backseat patty.

Backseat patty, backseat patty.

We got the name of the episode.

Not backseat patty.

No, no, no, no, no.

But yeah, no, I definitely.

And did you ever get discouraged?

Like, sort of go, fuck, this isn't going to happen for me.

That's what I was trying to get to.

Did you have doubts?

Yes.

Okay.

Oh, a thousand.

Yeah.

All right.

Yeah.

Especially when I was auditioning in New York and I was just getting commercials and TV shows.

I know, sorry, I was getting commercials and like episodic.

And all I wanted to be was a theater actor.

I wanted like serious theater and never, was never hired.

Not even.

Is sound of music, your favorite movie?

I mean, it's a tight musical.

It's a tight three-way race.

What's the other two?

For musicals.

Oh, for musicals.

I can't see.

Wicked.

I've never seen it.

I've never seen it.

Wicked.

Is that bad?

I mean, we're going to have to go with Bucks.

I never saw Sound of Music.

Obviously.

It's Wicked Smart.

And you can sing.

I don't think

I can sing as Neil Young.

That's the only way I can sing.

You can sing as Neil Young.

Yeah.

Can you sing as anybody else?

I think that's probably my best way to sing.

As Dana.

I don't have a voice.

I don't have a face.

I don't have a personality.

You got to stick a nose on me or give me some voice.

I mean, I'm a completely neutral and visible person.

But you know who I all struck by was Ariana Grande on SNL 50 doing that.

Fucking had she every single singer ever.

Yeah, she's amazing.

And I don't think she's had, like, she looks like a waif.

She's like a tiny little, little waif.

And my Lord, she says.

Wait, was it the sketch where she comes in and sings everybody?

She sang everyone.

She does impressions.

She's so funny as she is amazing.

She does.

I did Jennifer Coolidge with her on that show.

That's right.

That was great.

Oh, my God.

That was so good.

Come on.

That was great.

There were three Jennifer Coolidge.

Yeah.

Yeah, because it was Chloe.

Oh, what am I doing?

But she's kind of shy.

and then by the time we rehearsed it, yeah, standoffish.

And then by the time we did it on, she.

You're going to have to cut that out.

No, I mean,

then once she knows.

She's like, 11-year-olds is going to murder her.

No, she's been.

She was a little shy.

And then when she gets out there, it's like, power.

She's incredible.

But she's not on every second, but adorable person.

We want to have her on the podcast after Wicked 2.

Come on up.

After Wicked 2 shit.

After Wicked 2.

So the first time you got something where you said, holy shit, I may have a career.

Is it Modern Family?

Was it that?

No, no, Happy Gilmore.

You did in 95.

Happy Gilmore was my first movie.

Oh, okay.

That was 95.

And it's a classic.

But I didn't think at the time it was like,

I mean, it was made for barely any money up in Canada.

We had black, it was so fun, but I didn't ever think anybody was going to see it.

I didn't.

I thought it was just like a little.

I thought it was like a fun, weird little movie.

You never know.

You never know.

And then you, yeah, you really never know.

You never know.

It was Sandler's second one, I think.

Yeah.

It was a little bit more.

What was the Tim Ellen movie you did?

Oh,

when you came here for the family.

Joe Somebody is the name of it?

Joe Somebody.

Why did you just bring that up?

Because I was thinking of movies.

I was like, you can't even.

I have not been in very many movies.

I'm not like people don't, they like me in the kitchen next to the refrigerator, waving my fingers.

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Listen, you know, you're always talking about Quincy, the old show you watch, but there's also Quince.

I love the reference.

You're always talking about

the

grouchy mortician or whatever Quincy was.

Well, you always, when you hear it, you always think it's Quint and you think of the guy in John.

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Would you ever do a highly sexualized woman?

I mean, that's the question with a younger man.

Like,

you think you would.

You want to.

I want to, but then you go, oh, people get, they can't, they don't want Claire Dumphy doing that, you know?

Oh, yeah, you do have that.

I know.

But I'm trying to figure out how you shake that without being disrespectful.

Would you be embarrassed shooting like the super horny girl getting a ramrod?

It just, I watched Nicole Kidd and I was like, God dang.

Nicole Kidd.

You saw it too.

You actually don't don't watch it.

Is she horny or pretending to be horny?

Huh?

Did you watch it with Pillows?

No, no one's there.

They can see my rod.

Oh, you know, like boys, when they watch Pillow.

I don't find it sexy.

You mean baby girl?

Baby Girl.

I didn't find it sexy.

I thought she's just a great actress.

She's a phenomenal actress.

But yeah, I imagine she goes home.

It's like, you know, you guys know comedians were, you probably both go home.

You're like, shut the fuck up.

Like, you're like, you know, I don't want to watch comedy.

I don't want to watch a sitcom.

I want to watch drama or Hitler trying to take over Europe or something.

I don't want, you know.

You watch the Hitler channel.

I'm fascinated with World War II.

Yes.

I'm guilty.

Don't we know everything there is to know now?

Like, is there really more?

I have a friend.

I like the John Bonet case ago.

He's a new guy.

You can read five books just on D-Day.

You can write 10 books on the Battle of Britain.

You can read 12.

Coming from all different angles because it was the last time we had really analog secrecy in a war.

You know, I have fake dummy parachuters and cardboard tanks and even shang de la non siscata.

You know, yeah, yes, what that was

and then and and and code breakers.

Yeah, that the movie with uh Ben Bender Dick Cumberbatch.

Bender Dick.

Wind Talkers.

Bender Dick Cumberbatch.

Bender Nick is his porn name.

Bender Nick cocksucker.

You know it.

Okay, wait, we got that's a mic drop right there.

Bender Dick is his porn name.

Bender Dick.

Bender Dick.

No, he's he's TikTok, I don't think, during World War II.

In World War II, they had tac toe.

They did not.

Yeah, that's true.

The only good thing about wars is when they show it, like this new one, when they show

on the map, the only positive thing is then I find out where that country is.

I go, oh, shit, it's right there.

Oh, really?

I mean, this coverage, every second, Trump may be going in.

He's thinking every second we're hearing about it, we didn't hear anything during World War II.

Dwight D.

Eisenhower, for the second day, looked at the sky and said, no, he'll decide in seven minutes.

You know, everything was secret and now and i call bullshit on i call bullshit i call bullshit on the breaking news

yesterday right breaking news five hours ago

you've got to stop the breaking news

it's too you can't breaking news or trump uh made a decision 12 hours ago that everyone's talked about for 12 hours yeah we need news that's enough this just in yeah two weeks ago this recently in

i'm i'm not this is fairly true news before we go uh oh wow so much dan i thought i mean julia i thought what

did you say you fell down you look exactly perfect no don't look i didn't fall down i was trimming my trees and

i i got all beat up you look great okay i'm gonna ask you

when is the premiere

The

actual premiere is the 21st, but when does it premiere?

On Netflix.

On the 24th, right?

24th of what?

I thought it was 44th.

We're so uninformed.

It's July.

It's one of the other.

Maybe it's 24th.

We should all know this.

We should all know this.

We should know this.

But you know what's crazy that I found out?

This is how what a baller

move this is.

Netflix got the rights to Happy Gilmore one,

and it's airing it for the whole month ahead of time.

Oh.

Like right now, probably right now.

So they're going to air two and then one?

They're going to air one.

Oh, air one is on now, not the groceries.

Air one.

Air one.

Air one.

They're going to happy Gilmore, OG, happy Gilmore.

They're airing.

Okay.

I know.

Even though they...

Yeah, because the countries, they didn't see one in Thailand and stuff.

That's right.

I won't do that.

I think they're buying grown-ups too.

Or grown-ups also.

I think they can...

It expires or something.

I hear it's number one in India.

Oh, my goodness, Net Adam Sandler.

He is picking the pants.

Wait, I'm asking about the premiere because I want to go.

When is it?

It's the 21st.

Molly was just asking, is David going?

I go, that's her first question.

She said, are you going to the premiere?

And I said, I'm trying to.

Where is she?

She's in New York.

New York?

It's in New York.

What theater?

Fucking right.

Lincoln Center.

Lincoln Center?

It was originally going to be at Madison Gardeners.

I mean, cuckoo, but now it's at Lincoln Center.

Really?

That would be a plus.

Yeah.

That's a lot of confidence.

Welcome.

That's amazing.

I mean, people love that.

People are excited for this.

God, if you ever want to laugh, Johnny,

go look at the 90s.

I was such a premier whore.

I was at so many premieres.

It was so embarrassing.

Well,

you still like a party.

No, Julie.

I'll still walk into it occasionally when I leave my house, which is very unusual because I'm not much of a party girl.

And there's spade just sort of.

Not true.

I haven't.

I don't go out past nine anymore.

That's not true.

You don't know.

When he's not doing stand-ups, I do know.

I've got a Google alert.

Yeah, he's pretty.

I have an air tag on my bumper.

We're locked stink.

We're locked stink.

No, we're locked step.

When we eat

to eat, it's like 5:30 or 6.

Six.

We're done by 8:30, and I don't know.

Yeah, but then he gets his little, like, gotta wander.

No.

The rat's gotta wander.

And then you step from.

You're the rat, too.

Isn't Theo the rat?

Yeah, Theo's the rat.

Theo's the rat.

He knows he calls himself the rat.

You don't know Theo?

It's Yavon.

You've heard of Joe Rogan?

Single.

My son listens to Theovon, Theovon, all day long.

As a matter of of fact, he sleeps to it.

We should have had you in our movie.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Did I forget to give you a job?

Did I forget to give you a

job for no money where you would have to pay us a little bit?

Why?

Because it's super low budget.

What is this movie?

Go on and plug your movie.

How old's your kid?

That one's 18.

That'd be good for it.

How old are the twins?

They just turned 16.

It's an R-rated comedy.

Yeah, it's right up there, Alley.

R-rated comedy.

Yeah.

But actually, he said, no, he didn't want big stars in it.

Not even joking.

But he let you in it.

I let me in it.

Oh.

You're the producer.

We wrote it.

Yeah.

Did you pay for it?

Yeah.

But we didn't try to get it made.

We just said, let's.

I don't want any movie star cameo.

We almost made him to do it, but we spared him.

That would have been negative.

So who's in your movie?

Most people you wouldn't know.

Beautiful and talented.

Tim Dylan.

Tim Dylan.

I knew it.

marshall dylan why ask your kid

my kids yeah they will know they'll know they will know they will know they'll know theo and tim dylan and maybe uh

nate diaz from ufc oh mike there's they definitely know nate diaz there's a lot of ufc in my house well maybe i'll go to that premiere but there's a problem i know right now when you say it out loud what that i have a conflict what you're playing a gig

the the no i'm go i'm going out uh for a uh golf trip.

With who?

You shut up, Julie.

I know don't you get like this.

Don't

Arizona rats?

Stop tape.

No, I'm trading all those guys for celebrities.

Is this going to be Tiger again?

Again, exactly.

Last time

you played what happened.

You played.

He crashed.

He crashed his car.

I did.

Like 10 minutes ago.

It's my fault when we left.

I said, are you going to go have dinner after this?

He goes, no, I'm going to crash.

well i mean that's not funny it's a funny joke he crashed we it was getting dark he finished and then didn't even have the ball he was asking for his number i never asked a guy for their number so he went home and i was like that was super fun slid into his dms immediately i did not she did the next day i saw the car upside down i was like oh and i go i didn't think there's any way he could survive that and when you see a picture of the car yeah i didn't know and i go oh and i was like dming like are you okay just say hi just let me know because just because i was with you i'm just worried.

I am trauma adjacent and it's really important.

Then they'll go.

He'll never golf or walk again.

And then three days later, he's already better than David Spade again.

I'm like, God damn, he's already better than David.

That's what the quote was.

Yeah, he was.

Well, wait a minute.

Did you say the quote on one of our podcasts?

I was jealous of it.

It was so awesome.

You and Tiger are golfing.

Yeah.

And he's talking to you about your shot.

Yeah.

You do your swing.

Yeah.

And Tiger says,

we have two drones, 80 people behind us.

I think Peter Berg might have been directing a little show.

Yeah.

Peter Berg.

About giving me lessons.

The Friday Night Lights guy?

That guy.

I think it was him.

Okay.

Okay.

And then

so it's so much pressure.

And he goes, well, let's try you out.

Let's just go to the practice range.

Let's, why don't you try to chip one 150 out there to that flag?

And I'm like, this 80?

And then you just stand there.

And I go, chip, and it hits about five feet away.

And he goes, oh, shit, are you good?

Isn't that great?

That should be on a t-shirt.

Tiger Woods about

are you good?

And I've heard, which I guess we talked about on Supervly, which is now defined.

That Lovett's told me that David's actually a really good golfer.

I didn't know.

He never told me.

No, I'm a little bit on Lovett's, but Lovett's started this

two years ago.

Julie,

I know your limo is waiting.

No, my limo's not waiting.

Tell me, but would love, are you going to the golf tournament?

No, Lovett's is in the movie.

He's going to be at the premiere.

Hello.

He is.

I see.

Hello, Julie.

Where's the menu?

Taji last month.

Where do you run into him?

It was a Clipper game.

Oh, yeah.

He goes to Clipper games a lot.

Well, he goes with

Gervey.

Yeah.

But according to Lovett, he doesn't actually know what's going on.

He just goes to the next one.

He doesn't or Gervets doesn't?

I think Lovitz doesn't.

Doesn't care.

Are you a basketball kind of?

Love.

Obsessed.

Did we win a game?

We did.

You took me.

And by the way, nicest thing you ever did.

Thank you.

Nice.

It was a Knicks playoff game.

It was good seats.

It was Nick's.

It was a playoff game.

Yeah, it was a playoff game.

It was not front row.

It was court row side.

No.

You don't want to be on the court.

Can't see his wife.

Yes, it was.

No.

And it was way down at the end where it was sort of with the cameraman, like it was sort of buried.

But Julie, you say it yes, and then we'll figure it out later.

Okay.

No, it wasn't.

You, we got free tickets once to go.

I probably sat at courtside because it was like an agent thing or something.

But you actually, you actually went into your tiny arms, went into the very deep pockets.

Oh, I bought some.

The short arms went into the deep pockets and you bought, and there were great seats, but you were like,

I remember you sitting there going, fuck, they were expensive.

I thought we'd be closer.

I was like, this is close.

This is amazing.

They were $5,000 each.

I remember that.

They were incredible.

I was like, where are we?

Anyway, now, what about who did I have call you on your birthday?

Do you remember this?

Are you kidding me?

Okay.

Stevie Nicks.

Okay.

He had Stevie Nicks call me and sing landslide into my

answering machine in New York.

Dumped me on the same answering machine.

Okay, okay.

Well, let's talk about it.

Hawaii.

So, you know, potato potatoes, we had a great answering machine.

That's pretty good.

Julie Bowen.

I hung out with her from modern family.

She held my hand.

She's from Joe somebody.

She did.

Yeah.

Just casually, like this.

I would, it was, it was crazy.

It was, that was a, that was a baller move.

Okay, that was

that was better than our ninth row seats.

Great female rock voices in history.

Yeah, we went over this.

Stevie Nicks.

She's up there.

There was one that I didn't get that I think was also

Ann and Nancy Wilson.

Janice Joplin.

I see that.

Janice Joplin was more hard rock.

Yeah.

But we never had a voice.

And that was going to be, it was going to be a short-lived.

It was.

But we do have, we haven't recorded

what she was.

Yeah.

But Stevie Nix is kind of the voice.

She's the greatest

and still can sing.

She can still fucking sing.

It's amazing.

It's not like when you feel bad, sometimes they trot people out and everybody's clapping.

You're like, oh my God, why are you doing it?

Now here you go again.

You watch your freedom.

Sing it right now.

No way.

As TV did.

No, I can't.

I cannot sing.

I just in case.

David,

I am

singing.

Cheeto was my hero.

I remember seeing her in behind the music.

Remember those horrible behind the music?

Oh, yeah.

She talked about how much blow she did and how she had to get crew members just to blow it up her butt.

And I was just like, that is coming.

So she

won't even give me a Diet Coke.

No, her doctor said if you do any more blow, you're going to go, it's going to like the membrane between your nose and your brain or something will bust.

And so she's like, all right, it's up the pooper.

And I thought,

wow, I always just thought she was sort of an airy ferry.

She's kind of clever in a way.

This is off limits.

Where else can I put it?

I thought when I didn't know

that it would go up her butt, I go, How far does it have to get to get to her nose?

Oh my god, damn it.

That's so long.

But if it gets there, it's worth it.

But fuck your curiosity.

Because that is like, well, yeah.

Those are called booty bumps, aren't they?

They were when I did them.

All right, let's go.

We got to go.

All right, fine.

All right.

Thank you, though, Julie.

Dane has got his whole paper and everything else.

No,

I'm going to have to check on again because that's the trick.

We'll talk.

We didn't.

I can't.

No, we didn't even talk to save stuff.

We could never run out of stuff to talk about.

No, we saved stuff.

Save it.

Save it.

David should have a talk show called Save It.

Don't record record this, but what about you with a little daytime talk show?

Yeah, you should do it.

Why'd you take over Kelly?

Kelly Clarkson.

Take over Kelly Clarkson.

You could do it.

No, and then who would.

Because you wanted to do it.

You might have to come on yours.

You know what?

I hosted for Kimmel once and I had dinner with you after.

I've never been so like.

I was shaking.

It is terrifying.

And you were like, yeah, yeah, I'm doing two next week.

And I did two last week.

And I was like, I did one and I was.

No, it's terrifying.

I had to lie down in the resting room floor and there's hair and makeup and people and I just I lay on the ground someone took a picture people just walking over me they're like lever I was like I can't go out there I can't do it

because now you can do it it's easier because you did one but they throw so much shit it's like hosting us now they throw so much at you once you do it once you go okay now I know when to be nervous and when to get I got to pace it out because this Pace out my nervousness it was a nightmare because the first night I did it I didn't really practice before Quentin Tarantino was coming out the guests that I wanted and they got them I had to do like 10 minutes of coming attractions.

And it's

Bing Flico will be playing.

Oh, no, you got one thing wrong.

You do it over again.

So it's over and over.

The person who was coaching me had headphones and took them off.

The audience just get very

like hosting.

Tarantino's in the wings, and it's just unraveling.

You go like this: hey, Bob and Ginger in Portland.

We're going to wait for you.

Don't they do those after?

Steering Bowen.

No, they do them during.

But if you miss one pronunciation, then you got to do the whole thing over there.

I was not very good at my job hosting.

I did drop to my knees, scooted across, and kissed Jacob Lordy in the middle of an interview.

He told me he had a crush on me.

Well, that's good.

Oh, he did.

It was his first talk show.

That guy's a sick.

And I was

fucking hot.

And

the only thing I got right, they were like, you're done.

And no retakes.

And I was like, that means I was boring.

No.

Yeah, it does.

No.

I did everything of the whole show?

Of the whole show.

Most talk shows, it's hard to be just hysterical on the show.

I got every show.

He fucking stiffed me.

What do you mean?

He just went like, yeah.

He looked at you.

I go, so you're

this new movie.

And then, well, it was sort of my fault.

But he, like, on purpose did it.

And afterwards, he goes, that's funny, right?

What happened?

Like, he didn't want to answer anything.

Oh, he played that thing.

He's doing it as a bit.

He really laid into the whole bit.

Yeah, he's like, I don't know.

You're from England.

We're in England.

now i went over there once are you and he's like yeah that whole area they look away and i'm like and then i go like this the audience i go i go hey why don't you ask me something because i was getting nowhere and then kimmel later said that's about as hard as it's ever been if i had him i would not know what to do oh my god wait kimmel watches the ones that we

yeah they showed him this disaster tape oh no I said, was I supposed to make out with Guillermo before the show?

And they go, no, that's just like a hazing thing.

I love Guillermo.

Guillermo's my comfort animal down there.

I swear to to god he's um all right you can open your presents davy i don't know now it's over okay i feel like this podcast

in nevada we can we can stay on for this one okay we're still recording or are we off open the big one kettlebells yeah okay you you're soft and neat hey those have been wrapped for two that's all you man years

it's breaking my quads

so so dumb is it an x-rated gift like a

no it's like an actual gift oh it's got to be a picture, Frank.

A picture.

I went a picture.

It's a picture.

It's a picture.

I'm from Montana.

Oh.

All right.

So we just walked Julie out.

She was always,

always funny, always very articulate.

You were right.

I think she should have a talk show.

I did think she's like made out of a factory.

You know, I wonder if she's.

That's in her future.

She seems perfect in that demographic,

photogenic, funny, can be very smart.

Were you shocked?

I mean, I'll just ask the audience, was it a little shocking at times?

We just let it go where it went.

Yeah.

And, but

she had a great laugh.

Well, I couldn't help my presents.

I'm the worst present getter, too.

I'm like this.

I just throw one down at a time.

There's no thank yous in the middle.

It's just like, claim.

And I'm like, all right.

Thanks.

And the stuff that you don't see is there was a lot more chatter and all kinds of stuff going on upstairs.

Oh, yeah.

We just shoved her off.

she i thought she loves talking that's a reason she's a good guest i'm glad we started with her a lot of fun and uh

i think everyone liked it i learned a lot i learned a lot too and i also forgot a lot of stuff

i got dumber

that's kind of sad uh oh and i'm excited about happy gilmore so happy gilmore too comes out july 25th july 25th if you guys have ever ever heard of netflix that's where you get it yeah so we'll see you next time.

And if you want to email us a question,

you can do it.

Anything in the world, because we are Blabber Mouse from F

is

odyssey.com.

Fly on the wall at Odyssey.com.

Fly on the wall.

Fly on the wall at odyssey.com.

Fly on the wall at odyssey.com.

Fly on the wall, one word lowercase.

Yep.

Fly on the wall, one word lowercase.

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Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey, an executive produced by Danny Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman, Maddie Sprung-Kaiser, and Leah Reese-Dennis of Odyssey.

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Special thanks to Patrick Fogarty, Evan Cox, Maura Curran, Melissa Wester, Hillary Schuff, Schuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gaynor, Sean Cherry, Kurt Courtney, and Lauren Vieira.

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