Pete Holmes

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Speaker 2 You know, when it gets colder, I always fall in the same trap heavy meals too much takeout and suddenly i'm like why do my jeans hate me i know yeah me too i mean i'll open the fridge in december and it's like half a pizza and an orange from 1997 not a lot of healthy options david but here's the thing staying on track doesn't have to be impossible our new friends at forkfulmeals.com totally flips that script honestly i didn't think i'd stick with it but these meals show up fresh every week chef prepared real food not frozen mystery mush just heat it eat it and boom you're not calling door dash for the fifth time that week yeah it's not just about eating better it's about time i'd rather spend 30 minutes working on a bit for my hilarious act than 30 minutes staring into my oven going is this thing even on right

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Speaker 2 Yes. Thank you for not feeding me the leftover lasagna for the 12th time.

Speaker 1 Okay, Dana, this show, we've got Pete Holmes, who's a buddy of mine that I see at Largo mostly, a very funny comedian.

Speaker 2 A funny, funny man.

Speaker 1 Very tall guy with good hair, which obviously infuriates me.

Speaker 1 Incredible hair. Incredible hair.

Speaker 2 We talked about this hair for about 30 minutes.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 I think you've worked with Pete also.

Speaker 2 I ran into Pete when I was first moved back down to LA. Remember I used to start going out to dinner with you all the time?

Speaker 2 During that period of time, I ran into him at Conan's and he seemed really affable. He is a really large person, but doesn't, but he's a gentle person.
So he doesn't, you know.

Speaker 2 But anyway, so I went on his podcast and we talked about that. And I did Largo with him and we did improv and stuff, but I hadn't seen him in a long time.

Speaker 2 He personified Judd out. He's a nice, generous person.
Yes, go ahead.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm sorry. We get into Judd.
He's tight with Judd. He did a show called Crashing on HBO.

Speaker 1 The story that he to get to that was very very interesting to me and working with different people and doing different shows and he has a podcast and he's just got a lot of he also is uh a bit religious and we we got into a slightly deep conversation all of us which we did you know we can use now and then on this show we got a little philosophical about the universe so forth and so on but someone who's uh really raised in a fundamentalist christian environment and then goes out into the crazy world of stand-up comedy And it's potentially polluted by minds like David Spade.

Speaker 1 I'm just pollution. That's all I am, is brain pollution, noise pollution, everything.
I talk too much. So we'll give it to you right now.
Here is Pete. You don't need to know anything else.

Speaker 1 Here he is.

Speaker 1 Are you on the road? I am on the road. I can tell.
I look at that hotel.

Speaker 2 I am am certain of this more than I'm certain of anything. I said, it's not great because I'm on the road.
And they said, it's the only date they had.

Speaker 2 And I know saying that to both of you, you're going to both be like, we could have done it another time. I know it.

Speaker 1 No, I just said, make it as difficult for Pete as possible.

Speaker 2 I just sent a memo eight months ago. I said, Holmes in June.
I looked at it today. Holmes in June.
So here we are. It's all set.
Yeah, I wanted because summer's starting.

Speaker 2 We wanted a happy guest, but you look fine. I mean, yeah, he looks good.
He looks good. You actually look good for a hotel room.
Yeah, I did. I got the makeup mirror here.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 I tilted a lamp and I paid for the premium internet, boys.

Speaker 1 Oh, you know what? I've done that.

Speaker 2 I don't like it, but I've done it.

Speaker 2 I paid. I was like, wait, I got fly.
I'm very excited to be on the show and to see both of you. And I paid for that premium.
That's how you know I'm not just saying that.

Speaker 1 No, I'll Venmo you.

Speaker 2 I'll Venmo. You're sincere.

Speaker 2 I think it might be time to become a Hilton Honors member and just get it

Speaker 2 where you get the immediate premium. I think I might splurge.
Yeah. And go full Hilton Honors.

Speaker 1 Look at this fucking hair. Pete has fucking hair and he's hiding in a hat.

Speaker 1 He doesn't even know what he has. God damn, you can't make it look thin.

Speaker 2 Shit.

Speaker 1 Looks like Roger Rabbit.

Speaker 2 Can't.

Speaker 2 You guys both have fabulous hair. I just don't want to get my hair.

Speaker 1 That's what we were getting at. Thank you.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Just in a forward angle like this.

Speaker 2 Look at that hair.

Speaker 1 That fucking makes me mad. Every time I talk to him, he's seven feet tall, which I hate.
Then he's got cool hair.

Speaker 2 He's six. He's 6'6.
Don't make him into a giant.

Speaker 1 Are you really 6'6?

Speaker 2 I am 6'5 and a half, but that's not funny.

Speaker 1 Over 6'2, my friendship goes down about 40% because I don't want to be around.

Speaker 2 Line him up for me. Okay, Kevin Nealon, Conan O'Brien, Pete Holmes.

Speaker 2 uh

Speaker 2 kirk fox is tall the magician uh uh pen

Speaker 2 pen's labyrinth pen

Speaker 2 i'm i'm as tall as conan's hair like conan's pompadour oh he has

Speaker 2 what a cheater yeah and we're yeah we're lined up but i'm lined up to his hair so he's probably like six three i guess and three inches of orange

Speaker 2 of orange just fuss when i go on dates

Speaker 1 i say wear ballet shoes. That's a prerequisite for girls.
And then I say, flatten your hair with oil as flat as it goes. You don't get one quarter inch higher.

Speaker 2 I like that very, very much. Yeah, they get that ahead.
Were you

Speaker 2 what?

Speaker 2 I told you, Spade, that I really liked the movie The Wrong Misty. I think Lauren Lafkis is amazing, and I really thought that movie was a lot of fun.

Speaker 2 And then that line, she accuses you of wearing a wig in the movie. Oh, she does? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, my goodness. Yeah, there's a moment where she's clearly improvising and everyone laughs.
It's like a blooper in the movie. Yeah, because I do like that.
At least I'm not wearing a wig.

Speaker 2 And I'm like, wait, I'm sorry. This character is wearing a wig.

Speaker 1 No, I'm not, Pete. This is where it is.
I'm kind of. Everyone thinks I'm wearing a wig full time.

Speaker 1 And I wouldn't make it this fucking ratty. Is it because of Tommy Boy, you think?

Speaker 2 Yeah, because of the fan and Tommy Boyd.

Speaker 2 It's Ted Danson too, fake piece in Cheers. So I think people think Ted Danson is bald.
Oh, yeah. You know, Ted Danson.

Speaker 1 We had to. Dana will love this lore.

Speaker 1 We did it and I said, I think it's funny, which I was wrong. I said, we walk by a big fan.
It blows my hair back and I'm bald. I go, I think it should be

Speaker 1 less goofy. Like it should just be a piece of it is.
bald like a little bit in the back.

Speaker 2 Oh, not the best. Whatever we did.

Speaker 1 We did it not a thousand percent. And then we flew back to LA or whatever, New York to do the show.
And they looked at it and they go, you can see from this clip. And I go, it's not that funny.

Speaker 1 They go, do you want to come back to a full bald cap and do it again? I go, yes. I don't want to.
But of course, as the three of us know, if it's something funny,

Speaker 2 it's bigger than you. You have to do it.

Speaker 1 So bald cap.

Speaker 2 I didn't know that was a reshoot. There's your clip.
We're four minutes in. You got your clip.

Speaker 2 You know about clips. I love it.
Yeah, you got to clip it. Clip it.
The The secret behind David Spade's hair piece. Huge.
That's huge. Honored to be involved.

Speaker 1 I got to put my hat on now.

Speaker 2 Tommy Boy is a trender, man. Tommy Boy

Speaker 2 always gets out there. What trends on, yeah, it got weird.
What you made it weird? What

Speaker 2 you made it weird. You know what I've noticed is we had,

Speaker 2 whenever we have a beautiful woman on, I've noticed that as much as things change, you kind of can't compete with a beautiful guest.

Speaker 2 Like, I've noticed that, like, deeply handsome people and deeply beautiful people tend to put they win across really well.

Speaker 2 Somehow, in a video medium, they're coming out ahead again. Jesus, they're coming out ahead again, again.
But I'm always surprised. There'll be something that I'm like, this is profound.

Speaker 2 This is life-changing. This is huge.

Speaker 2 And then that does.

Speaker 2 And then

Speaker 2 somebody beautiful being witty and charming is like, we can't not look at at that, we have to see it. Yeah, we know some beautiful people out there,

Speaker 2 but we don't do the like, I should have learned that. You know what I mean? Like, whoops, the biggest mistake in showbiz, and then that kind of clickbaity thing.
We're supposed to be average.

Speaker 1 I'm not including you in this because you're tall, you're good. And Dana's a good look at you.
I'm sick of being in the middle here, and Malcolm in the middle over here.

Speaker 2 Yeah, why would you look

Speaker 2 like you're in second grade? I mean, your frame is kind of like just

Speaker 2 look at just the frame. Okay,

Speaker 2 they wanted me to Wilson and home improvement.

Speaker 2 I have a fake plant.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Dana's killing it.

Speaker 2 They thought that this look would be better than what you have, so I did it.

Speaker 2 You know, when I went on your podcast, this will trend. I hadn't really kind of been on a podcast and I didn't really know what they were or what they were about.

Speaker 2 And I met you a few times in the clubs, and then you had said you're just having a bad day. You're kind of depressed.

Speaker 2 That's what you did my podcast? Yeah. You said you felt like at the dental office, you're wearing that thing.
But it was very interesting.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 And I, um,

Speaker 2 that was one of my first kind of regular podcasts. That's funny.
That's what you remember. What I remember was that you were such a big get.
Slippery spade keeps ducking me.

Speaker 2 But we got Dana and I was really excited. And I was kind of like, you know, our podcast is long.
A typical episode is two episodes, two hours.

Speaker 2 In a very small room in those days, a very small tight room with the button pusher person right there.

Speaker 2 That's exactly right. We're in a different studio now, but I was like, Dana's probably, not in a big time way, but like, just like, this is a guy.
He's got a life. He's got a career.

Speaker 2 He's got less to prove. He's probably going to want to do an hour and get out of there.
Not only did you do over two hours, you didn't want to leave. And I really respected it.

Speaker 2 Like a stand-up on stage, you wanted to end on a really big laugh. And I was like, oh my God, really just how we are.

Speaker 1 Even if it takes another hour 30.

Speaker 2 He

Speaker 2 kept looking for that needle in the haystack.

Speaker 2 You looked at me and you went,

Speaker 2 is that enough? Like, you didn't know. Because he doesn't know how it works, probably.

Speaker 2 he probably thought i don't know what i'm doing here i think it might have been tina fe or was it steve martin that just said like going on talk shows you you have to always be great you can't be mediocre even one second yeah and you still have that mindset it's kind of a lot of pressure like okay how will i be the greatest guest that pete's ever had you know yeah yeah yeah and it's uh you know

Speaker 2 but i was touched i was touched that for all your success that you still had that mentality Touched that it was generous to the audience, but also it made me feel less alone because I will do a podcast.

Speaker 2 It's one of my favorite things to do, actually, is I'll do a smaller podcast, right? Like, I think it's kind of nice. It's low pressure, but when I go on, I'm trying to be a great guest.

Speaker 2 There's no like math. Right.
Like, this doesn't matter. You're like, this is all we're doing.

Speaker 1 Everything's an audition. Someone only heard Dana in their life on your podcast.
And they're like, that's right. This is my decision on Dana Carvey if he's funny or not.
And that's the hard part.

Speaker 1 People go, oh, I thought, you know, if they're fans, they go, I know you all the way back to grown-ups.

Speaker 2 And I'm like, grown-ups?

Speaker 1 Nothing before that? They go, did you do anything before grown-ups? I go, no, it doesn't matter. Because all you have to do is get them once.

Speaker 1 Because I was thinking, people I like, if they get me in a movie, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Well, every, obviously, Chevy Chase had done some big ones a bunch, but if you're just in an old movie and I like it, I'm in for life. I'm like, I like that person.
I like that person. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 We just, we were in the car. We're in Irvine.
My family came with me. Love her.
And my daughter was watching Hotel Transylvania 2. So I heard your voice this morning, Spade.

Speaker 1 That's a cute one for kids, I think.

Speaker 2 It's very cute, but it's also, I'm not just saying this. It's really funny.
It is. You got a huge laugh from us.
You're talking about your invisible girlfriend who's from Canada.

Speaker 2 And you do this. And we all know what it's like being in a, I don't know if you did it on ensemble.
I'm guessing you didn't do it in an ensemble. So you're alone, and you had to nail this line.

Speaker 2 Like, they're like, oh, this is your invisible girlfriend. Oh, right.
Is she the one from Canada? And you say, like,

Speaker 2 quiet, guys, the wedding's about to start. You said it

Speaker 2 in a way that me, my wife, and my daughter, we all laughed. And I was like, that, I'm not just buttering your bread.
I'm like, that really is special. And then Sandler, as the vampire in that movie,

Speaker 2 is throwing the grown-ups' bones.

Speaker 2 it seems like every other line there's something that that the grown-ups get to laugh at so yeah we we we nudged her towards that movie but you were in my car this morning thank you and uh you're like oh i gotta do this thing today i forgot but irvine improv is that where you're at

Speaker 2 the irvine improv yeah it's it's great it's great it's super fun and i confused it with the brea improv i don't i don't know if you've ever walked into a club and you're you're walking through the kitchen which it always feels like real show business to me.

Speaker 2 From the back, and I'm looking for the green room, and I just couldn't, I couldn't find it. Yeah, because I thought I was, I don't know, I just turned 46.

Speaker 2 I think it's like an airlock opened, and all of these papers just flew out. And I'm more confused than I've ever been.
And then they were like, it's over here.

Speaker 2 And I went in the green room and I was like, Because I was imagining the wrong one, it was very disorienting to be like, yeah, and you're like, I don't even know where I am.

Speaker 1 You're like, oh, wait, that means the stage is behind me.

Speaker 2 Oh, wait.

Speaker 2 Where am I?

Speaker 1 That's so weird. I've done that.
It's so weird. I picture a green room and I go, wait, I've not been to this club before.
I totally pictured it. I was just on the road.

Speaker 2 I'm on the road too.

Speaker 1 And that's probably why we do these now because I come back. I don't do them on the road.
It's too hard because I have either a camera. I don't, I can't understand how to plug in a computer.

Speaker 1 So they go, we got to work.

Speaker 2 You're not a help honors member. I'm not.
You got to pay for the. I'm a red roof guy.

Speaker 1 I just did the gigs with Dana where, well, I didn't tell Dana, but it was a small town, great theater where you see like eight people that day.

Speaker 1 And there's like a Hardee's, and there's one Dairy Queen. You go, there's no way anyone's coming to this show.
I don't see one person. And then they filled it up and you go, oh, they show up.

Speaker 1 But my hotel had three strips of Kleenex for curtains. And there's like three feet in between each one.
I'm like, these are my blackout curtains from the website.

Speaker 1 And then the air conditioner conditioner under this white where the vents are about two inches wide. And they're like this.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 1 You know, and you're all, and then it, and then it goes off, then it comes on again.

Speaker 1 And you're like, oh my God, it's like a tornado in here.

Speaker 2 Do you know? You must know the life hack of the hanger, right? You know, the hanger life hack.

Speaker 1 Is that for curtains?

Speaker 2 Yeah, for the curtains. No.

Speaker 2 No, let me see if I have one. This is, this is pretty interesting.

Speaker 2 Let me see. Okay.

Speaker 1 I've heard you take a chip clip from potatoes, potato chips, and squeeze them together, Dana.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I don't travel with a chip clip because I'm not, you know. Okay, so

Speaker 2 I'm not eating so many chips that I need to keep

Speaker 2 fresh on the road. Yeah.
Bert Kreischer's act is the guy with a chip clip.

Speaker 2 And I love Bert. This is what you use.
This is in the closet of every hotel.

Speaker 2 As you're mentioning, the curtains will never close. So you clip it.
You can make a hanger. You clip it together with this.

Speaker 2 oh you clip the hangers to you clip the curtains you clip the curtains together with oh you know what if girls have a banana clip in their hair not my

Speaker 2 not all of us are traveling with supermodels and bags of cool ranch that we need to keep fresh for several days listen if you have a if you have a brick of gold

Speaker 1 you can lean it against the curtain

Speaker 2 you can also block the light from the people by stacking bricks you stack them at the hat 30 you got to take them all out of the suitcase but you i like knowing where they are are.

Speaker 2 I like knowing where they are. And I have the private jet pilot bring them in.
He stacks.

Speaker 1 He counts them.

Speaker 2 That's what flight.

Speaker 1 I go, did anybody take one? They go, we've been up here, sir. Count them.
Count them in front of me.

Speaker 2 And I'm like, they're like this again.

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Speaker 3 Hey, everybody, it's me, Bill Maher. If you're not watching or at least listening to Club Random, you're really missing something good and something unique.

Speaker 3 Because I don't think we look or sound like any other podcast, and that's by design.

Speaker 3 My life's quest has been to do some kind of show that captured the level of intimacy and the lack of artifice you would see if you saw me off camera talking to a friend.

Speaker 3 No one else in the room, plenty of pot and booze, and nothing planned. This is a show where I get high talking to someone I'm interested in to get to know and to laugh with.
It's not an interview.

Speaker 3 It's wild. And I'm having a ball and the guests are having a ball and you will too.

Speaker 3 So please follow Club Random with Bill Maher and see new episodes every Monday on Apple, Spotify, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 I know that Pete, I see it, Pete, at Largo a lot. And that's a fun place.
That's an Apatow spot in my head. And you do a lot with Apatow from crashing

Speaker 1 on. And

Speaker 1 tell us about Crashing, how it got going.

Speaker 2 Well, I mean, that was a big deal.

Speaker 2 It was a big deal. I love telling that story.
And I love Judd. I was going to say,

Speaker 2 one of the strangest things to come from Crashing is that, like, I would say Mike Berbiglia. and Judd and Neil Brennan and Andrew Santino are the four people I talk to the most.

Speaker 2 And the fact that one of those

Speaker 2 is Chud Appetow still blows me away. Like we call, we talk about feelings, what's going on in our lives.
There's no show business. We're just friends.

Speaker 2 And I'm so honored to see the side of Judd that is just the new balance, dad bod guy that's just kind of completely,

Speaker 2 you know, I mean, every once in a while he'll mention having dinner with Paul McCartney or something, and you'll remember that he's Judd Appetow.

Speaker 2 But for the most part, he really is that dorky, latchkey,

Speaker 2 raised by television kid. Loves it.
Loves showbiz. Yeah.
Loves show business. Loves comedy TV.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Loves to laugh and also like doesn't talk shit. Like if you go like, oh, I saw the new season of, he's always like, I liked it.
I thought it was fun. That's all right.

Speaker 2 I thought it was a pretty good deal. You know, Spade got a few laughs.
It's one of your things. Spade got a few laughs.

Speaker 1 It's one of my things to hear trashing.

Speaker 2 I didn't like it. I didn't like it.

Speaker 2 I thought it was funny.

Speaker 1 There's room for that show.

Speaker 2 What happened with Crashing, and I love telling the story because it's like an exercise in gratitude.

Speaker 2 So I was doing the Pete Holmes show, which was a talk show that I did with Conan, which was also, that's a whole other story. And Judd did a sketch with us.

Speaker 2 Now that I know Judd, I'm like, Judd gets pitched this sketch three times a month. It's like, I'll pitch you bad movies.

Speaker 2 That's like the first idea you have, but that's the kind of operation we were running.

Speaker 2 So we go in and I pitch him bad movies. And if you watch the sketch, it's on YouTube.
I actually, he starts improvising. And then I start improvising back, obviously.

Speaker 2 And I pitch him crashing in that sketch as a show

Speaker 2 because he keeps going, what's your real idea? What's your real idea? What's your real idea?

Speaker 2 I'm like, I remember, I'm like, oh, it's a bear who's like the sidekick in a magic act, and he learns magic from watching the magicians and he escapes. And it's called Bear Jician.

Speaker 2 that's like the joke it's like they keep pitching different animals learning magic from their captors and then he goes and he seemed dead serious but the cameras are rolling goes what what's your real idea what's your real idea what what would what would you really want to do and i go well i was raised religious i married the first girl i ever dated the first girl i ever slept with we got married six years in she had an affair and i was sort of kicked into the deep end of stand-up comedy like i sort of doubled down on my life as a comedian while I was also trying to learn how to be a functional adult, very Jed Appetow, right?

Speaker 2 Like, I'm going through my 20s and my 30s is basically the show.

Speaker 2 And he's like, in the sketch, he goes, that's too sad. That's that's too sad.
Oh, really?

Speaker 2 He's joking, but he goes, that's too sad. Nobody likes that.
That's pathetic. I don't like it.
And I'm like, okay.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 that's like six months later, the Pete Holmes show is canceled. And me and my producing partner, Oren Brimmer, we were like, you know, we're at our fighting weight.

Speaker 2 We were doing nine episodes of that show a week. We were just like tearing through jokes, jokes, jokes, sketch, sketch, sketch.
We were like really strong.

Speaker 2 So we were like, let's go with this momentum. We know the show is canceled, but the show is going to air because we had all these episodes backlogged for like two months beyond being canceled.

Speaker 2 So we know it's canceled, but the world doesn't know it's canceled. So we're like, while it's still airing and we feel like we have some

Speaker 2 wipes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 We're going to go out and we're going to try and pitch a sketch show.

Speaker 2 Because that was our favorite part of doing the Pete Home Show. Or is one of our favorite parts was the sketches.
So we go into Comedy Central and we're like, we're going to pitch them a sketch show.

Speaker 2 And in the like, you know, that courtesy 30 minutes before the meeting where you're like chatting, you know, you have a Fiji and you're talking.

Speaker 2 Kent Alterman, who is the head of Comedy Central at the time,

Speaker 2 he's wonderful. And we're friends.
He says to me, Well, one thing's for sure, we're not looking for another fucking sketch show. And everyone laughs, including us.
We're like,

Speaker 2 imagine? But we were there to pitch a sketch show. So we scramble and we go, okay, we just lied.
We said, oh, we were just here, you know, for a meeting, a general meeting.

Speaker 2 We don't have anything to pitch. And they're like, oh, that's a little weird, but okay.

Speaker 2 100% weird. That's strange that you all took an hour out of our day to just say what's up.
I'm like, okay, we'll see you later.

Speaker 2 And I remember this very, very vividly. And as I get older and even more forgetful and more papers fly out of my airlock as I, as I age, this story will get even more romantic and special.

Speaker 2 But I went down into, I had a little Volkswagen golf at the time.

Speaker 2 And I sat in my car parked on the street in front of Comedy Central and I was like, had one of those like, I guess you call it like a come to Jesus moment. I was like, what am I doing?

Speaker 2 Like, I I don't know what I'm going to do. I've had this job.
I feel like I got this break, but I don't know what's next. And that was scary.

Speaker 2 And then, just like a high school guidance counselor, I said, well, what would you do if you could do anything? Like, that it's, I find that to be a helpful exercise. Here's a blank check.

Speaker 2 You can do anything you want. What do you want to do? I was like, well, I would want to do a show.
I'm just talking to myself in my car. Like, I'd want to do a show like girls.

Speaker 2 I really like the show girls. So I would want to do a show about my life, about getting into comedy with Judd appetow on hbo that's that's what i thought

Speaker 2 but then i was like but what is the show and very very quickly obviously i just pitched it to judd pretend style six months earlier but i was like well it could be about a guy who married the first girl he was ever with who's religious she has an affair and then in that moment of like pressure in the car, I was like, oh, and every episode, he can be crashing on the couch of a different comedian because I always wanted like an interesting engine.

Speaker 2 a hook. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And you guys know from selling a show, whether or not you do the hook doesn't really matter. You need to show them that there is a hook.
You can abandon the hook, but there should be a hook.

Speaker 2 So I was like, this is great. That was a Wednesday.

Speaker 2 And I was like, you know, writing it in my phone and stuff. And I was like, I knew Judd's team from having done the Pete Holmes show.

Speaker 2 So I reached out to my manager and I was like, can we, can I get a meeting with Judd?

Speaker 2 This is also this is that sort of naive mania, it's the kind of insanity you sort of need in show business, but you can have too much of.

Speaker 2 Where I'm like, I just came up with this idea and I'm like, I'm gonna pitch it now. Like, that's that's not real

Speaker 2 the troops,

Speaker 2 exactly. But that is how I am.
I tend to light up really hot for things, and I want to go, go, go. So it was Wednesday, and they were like, Well, he's in New York and he's shooting Train Wreck.

Speaker 2 And if you want, you can go to the set of Train Wreck at like 6 a.m.

Speaker 2 He has 15 minutes for you. Again, this is Wednesday and that was Friday.
And I was like, yes, I booked the flight on Thursday.

Speaker 2 It's a classic Hollywood cliche, right?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Totally.
I got the United.

Speaker 2 You know, I'm probably in like the exit row with a United napkin writing out what the show is.

Speaker 1 It was flight 93, though. That would be a hole.

Speaker 2 I wasn't going to say that because it sort of derails the main narrative. No, no, no.
Sorry. Go ahead.

Speaker 2 That's true. No, no.
No, but that is what happened. I'm just trying to keep it to the one.
It's a good hook, though.

Speaker 2 It takes a big turn

Speaker 2 down. So I'm writing out the idea.
I get in on Thursday. Judd, by the way, does not know that I flew in because he would have said, don't fly in.
Nobody flies across the country for 15 minutes.

Speaker 2 But I was like, it was a no-brainer. I got up at like five.
I got a coffee. Which is two your time.

Speaker 2 Which is two. Thank you.
Which is to my time.

Speaker 2 Went in.

Speaker 2 Amy was there. I know Amy a little bit.
So I'm feeling kind of comfortable. Vanessa Bayer.

Speaker 1 She's in there, too.

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 2 they're shooting Trainwreck.

Speaker 1 Yeah. But she's not in this thing you're doing.

Speaker 2 No, no, no.

Speaker 2 I'm on the set of Trainwrecks. We're in like the fake magazine.
But that's.

Speaker 1 You mean they've already started their day? I thought it was before their day starts. So Amy's buzzing around.
You see everyone, then you go, I got a corner jet, focus him. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Out these people. And I don't want them to hear the idea and go, thumbs down, if you're asking me.

Speaker 2 Honestly, totally. I mean, who's more distracted than a director on set before their shooting? Like, it was kind of a bad idea.

Speaker 2 So he's sitting at this table. I sat down.

Speaker 2 And like,

Speaker 2 you know, I felt okay.

Speaker 2 I talked to him for like 12 minutes about other stuff. And then in the last three minutes, I was like, here's the show.

Speaker 2 And what happened, and to take some of the onus off me, like, I don't really deserve full credit, is he, Judd, was just getting back into stand-up in New York.

Speaker 2 And I'm pitching him a show about a guy getting into stand-up in New York. So the, the star is aligning on that.
He was in

Speaker 2 and the, the, the sort of postscript to the story is he goes, write it. He didn't say like, let's do it.
You got a deal. He was like, write it.
I'll take a look at it.

Speaker 2 And I wrote the script in two days and sent it to him. And

Speaker 2 we were off. I think we pitched it like a couple of weeks after.
It was crazy.

Speaker 1 Is he have to pitch too hard? Or is HBO saying, what do you want to do next, Judd? Like kind of an Adam at Netflix kind of thing.

Speaker 2 They did have a deal with Judd, I think. We pitched it to Amazon and they passed.

Speaker 2 And then Judd told me to stop being so philosophical, which is a funny thing because in Judd's masterclass, he uses me as the example of how not to pitch a show, which I didn't know until I was watching Judd's masterclass.

Speaker 2 And he's like, what do you want to do is don't do what Pete Hopes did. Don't do what Pete did.
He got all philosophical. Just tell him it's funny.
And I... I'm that way.

Speaker 2 I want to talk about the themes. I want to talk about the message.
I want to talk about the growth and the feelings. Judd was like, just say it's funny.
You're going to love it. Trust us.

Speaker 2 And I was like, yeah, that is how you would pitch it if you're Judd Appetal. But I've never had to pitch it that way.
But then HBO,

Speaker 2 who was it? It was Casey Bloys and it was Amy Gravitt. And

Speaker 2 I think I'm forgetting one person, but they were warm. It was warm.
But I said way less. I said way less.

Speaker 1 Oh, Judd should have taken over a little bit, huh?

Speaker 2 He could have, but he was trying to take over by like saying, I mean, it's like Johnny Cash pitching an album. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 And there's some sweaty guy next to him being like, there's going to be a G and a C and a D.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? Like, I wasn't chill.

Speaker 1 He's like, I'm talking less is kind of a hint for the feel of it. Let's just get less is more.

Speaker 2 Well, you know, those shows where someone's like, if I crumble my paper at me and shut up, like, we should have had a symbol like that.

Speaker 2 I don't know that.

Speaker 1 Dana should judge me.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. You guys are doing great.
I'm just laying back today. I just had surgery.
So did you really? Yeah. That's all right.
What?

Speaker 2 A hernia kind of thing. We know.

Speaker 2 I'm a little loopy. But

Speaker 2 I'm.

Speaker 2 See, look, I'm in Irvine. You had a hernia.
This is not our perfect day, but we're

Speaker 1 in great shape.

Speaker 2 You're doing great. We love this.
You're driving the

Speaker 2 picture. Pete is good at this.
And he's talking about this show. We get 10 minutes of gold.
Are you out of your mind?

Speaker 2 We're not pulling teeth. We get 20 minutes of gold out of this motherfucker.
There you go.

Speaker 2 Already.

Speaker 2 Well, podcasters are great. I'm not saying I'm great.
I'm saying it's always a day off when I have podcasts. Of course.

Speaker 2 That's why I said he will take our dumb show and make it better because people who do podcasts understand the form and are good guests.

Speaker 2 You know, when I went on Smartless and I saw the three of them, you know, on the thing, I said, okay, I'm just going to do shtick. I'm just going to go full bore, tell stories, and make you laugh.

Speaker 2 So I want you guys to have a day off.

Speaker 2 And they kind of got it. So that's all I did the whole time.
You know,

Speaker 2 that's what Conan said about Martin Short. He goes, he's a day off.
And I was like, yep.

Speaker 2 They're guys that come on and just.

Speaker 1 Well, they do some homework on those shows and they get out there and just

Speaker 1 it helps. It helps.

Speaker 2 It does.

Speaker 2 Hey, David, when it comes to gifting, you know, I've learned there are two types of presents. Okay.

Speaker 2 The ones that get returned and the ones that instantly become a favorite. Do you agree?

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's Jenny Bird jewelry definitely falls in the second category.

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Speaker 2 Oh, isn't that special?

Speaker 1 That makes them my secret weapon when I want to give a gift that really, you know, lands. That's why Jenny Bird makes it easy.
The packaging is beautiful.

Speaker 1 It's very thoughtful. The pieces are comfy enough to wear every day.
Yep. And they ship fast.
That's perfect if you're a last-minute shopper like me.

Speaker 2 That's right. I mean, I just want to do this when I hear that.
Way to go. Way to go.
And because the styles are so versatile, they always make an outfit feel pulled together, David.

Speaker 2 Without trying too hard, David, not talking about you.

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Speaker 2 Give it up for Chicago.

Speaker 4 Sebastian Meniscalco's new stand-up special, It Ain't Right, is coming to Hulu on November 21st.

Speaker 2 30 years ago, Jeff Bezos, complete nerd. Bezos now ripped to shreds on his super yacht and the boxes keep

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Speaker 1 I'm not going to go over the fact that you're a Hooraytheist, which is maybe the funniest word I've heard in a while.

Speaker 2 That's funny. I can tell where you're getting your research.
No, you don't. You'll never.

Speaker 2 I know where you get your research. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I think it's so funny.

Speaker 2 I wrote a book about my spiritual journey, and there's one chapter called The Hurricane, which means when I was a fundamentalist Christian and I thought everyone I talked to was going to hell, which is a huge burden.

Speaker 2 This is underreported. If you're

Speaker 2 underreported.

Speaker 2 Loving person, which a lot of people of faith are. It sucks to go around and be like, wow, David, I can't believe you're going to hell.
Seems like a great guy.

Speaker 1 I just figured it out. You said the wrong thing.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 it was,

Speaker 2 it made me sad all the time. And all of my friends were atheists because all my friends were comedians.
And I wrote this chapter about how confusing it was after my first wife obviously left left me.

Speaker 2 That was very challenging to my faith because honestly, if I'm being real, I thought God was looking out for me. Like stuff like that doesn't happen to people who don't smoke or drink or swear.

Speaker 2 I was very clean on stage and then this bad thing happened. So I'm like questioning my faith.
And all my friends are comedian atheists. And I noticed that

Speaker 2 my friends were all deeply moral, good, sweet, loving people.

Speaker 2 And that's what that chapter is about. I'm like, why? Why? Like we were in a hotel and there was like an unmanned convenience store.

Speaker 2 You know, those little convenience stores where you're supposed to charge to the room. I was like, if there's no God,

Speaker 2 why don't I just take a sprite? Like, I don't understand. Like, what is the point if it's not for some sort of afterlife insurance, you know?

Speaker 2 And I remember my friends were like, it's for us.

Speaker 2 If you steal, the guy or the woman working this shift might get in trouble. You know what I mean? Like she might be reprimanded.
She might lose her job.

Speaker 2 You don't do it because in and of itself, it's the good and right thing to do.

Speaker 2 It's wrong. And even better, it's right to not do it.
You know what I mean? So I was like,

Speaker 2 it felt so pure and good. It wasn't to be rewarded or recognized or, you know, given an eternal massage on a cloud or the harp.

Speaker 2 It was for the here and now and to take care, to remember that we belong to each other, that that person, even though we don't know them we care about them and we care about them not being in trouble so i didn't obviously i wasn't going to steal a spread it was just an example but then after i saw these beautiful atheists in my life i briefly uh as like a thought experiment i was like i'm going to be an atheist and it was such a surprise that i liked it i was like i enjoyed

Speaker 2 putting down all of these heavy ideological bags that I had been carrying. And I was just like, this is it.
Let's care about each other. Let's take care of each other.

Speaker 2 And there's nothing else going on here. And I found that to be a nice break from thinking everyone,

Speaker 2 I mean, think of all the millions and millions and millions of people throughout history that are just burning in hell. Putting that away made me go, this isn't an atheist.
This is a Haratheist.

Speaker 2 I like this. This is nice.
You die. It's over.

Speaker 2 Where were you? You said this on my podcast, Daniel. You said, where were you during the Renaissance? That's where you go when you die.
It's over.

Speaker 2 I was like, this is a relief as compared to the you know the eternal judge judy that's gonna like tear you apart so i was briefly an atheist and i called the chapter a her atheist but it really was like a month and then i took some mushrooms and then i i started thinking about those things again you know do you think do you think christians get a bad rap out there

Speaker 1 I think they're having a tough time because I read about things where people go after them more and more. I read about something in Africa.

Speaker 1 I'm like, wow, I don't know because you just don't hear about it a lot, but maybe you would.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I don't. I don't feel qualified to.

Speaker 1 Oh, I am.

Speaker 1 I'm a podcaster.

Speaker 2 I will say that,

Speaker 2 you know,

Speaker 2 I no longer identify as a Christian. It's very confusing because I love Christ, and I think

Speaker 2 that's what it is, man. I think what he was teaching is the truth.

Speaker 2 But where we fall away is I don't believe in what's called atonement theory. This is boring.

Speaker 2 Atonement theory is the idea that you both are very familiar with, which is that Jesus died because you both are wicked little children and you need to be like washed in blood or otherwise God is going to flick you into a furnace.

Speaker 2 That's where it loses me. But if you look at the words of Jesus, that's not his message.
That's sort of added on later. That was a lot of theology for 30 seconds.

Speaker 1 I read Jesus's Wikipedia because I did his awesome.

Speaker 2 But I mean, I would say that, like,

Speaker 2 I see it, I see it

Speaker 2 a lot of different ways, meaning a lot of my atheist friends come on my podcast and we start talking and realize we don't believe in the same God, if that makes sense.

Speaker 2 Like we're talking about an old man in the sky with a beard, like a lifeguard who's watching and blowing his whistle.

Speaker 2 Basically, a guy like a king with a surveillance system that's watching you do all your wicked things and can't wait to torture you. I'm like, I also don't believe in that God.

Speaker 2 And when you broaden it out to have a conversation about consciousness or awareness or being itself, the atheists, the Christians, we all can kind of like come into this middle where we all agree.

Speaker 2 And I'm very interested in that space.

Speaker 2 Hmm. Okay.

Speaker 2 Did you guys do ketamine before the talk? No, we already cut that part out.

Speaker 2 You're welcome to.

Speaker 1 I was texting everyone going, this part, we got to lose it.

Speaker 2 No, I'm kidding.

Speaker 2 I started it.

Speaker 1 No, I like hearing about it because we talk about different things, and it's very interesting to me to hear that. And also, that's such a part of you that,

Speaker 1 listen, we can go back to talking 7-Eleven and stuff, like my act, but

Speaker 2 sometimes you have to talk about real things. It's interesting.
Well, you know, what's funny is it's, it's, we're not actually talking about something that's exotic or

Speaker 2 mysterious.

Speaker 2 Every person listening, you, me,

Speaker 2 David, Dana, we're all having the experience of being aware. And that's the mystery.
Even science agrees, that's called the hard question of consciousness. We don't know.

Speaker 2 It's funny, science looks into microscopes and looks at stuff, but we don't know what is looking into the microscope. It's really kind of funny if you think about it.

Speaker 2 Like we're acquiring all this data, but that which knows the findings is itself a mystery.

Speaker 2 And that to me is why I don't walk away from metaphor and interesting spiritual texts because we're talking about something that's very difficult to talk about.

Speaker 2 But it's what's looking out all of our eyes right now.

Speaker 2 It's not in India. It's not at the top of a mountain.
It's not buried at the bottom of the sea. It's what you're experiencing right now.
It couldn't be more familiar to you.

Speaker 2 I was around a really sweet dog this past weekend. And I, you know, it doesn't have any of that higher consciousness.
So it's very pure, very eager, very happy, completely in the moment.

Speaker 2 And it was kind of of nice. And there was a real estate agent I met recently, in the last year or so, and he doesn't watch any of the news, anything.
He goes, I want to be like a dog.

Speaker 2 I want to just be in the moment, happy. But humans, our brains go crazy.
And I just feel the whole thing's a mystery. And it's so elusive.
And we'll find out one day exactly what's

Speaker 2 what happened. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what is really helpful to me and is a little less sort of high-falutin is I say yes, thank you all day long, especially when something isn't going my way.

Speaker 2 I like to use the example of a delayed flight or something, and you're having all these feelings.

Speaker 2 The dog, one of the things that makes a dog so beautiful is it's not really resisting its experience, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 It's just there for it, so it's not just present when everything's good, it's it's it's there, yeah, David. What's your riff, David?

Speaker 1 No, I agree. I think uh, no, dogs are funny.
I have a chunk.

Speaker 2 No,

Speaker 1 thanks for the setup.

Speaker 2 You do have a dog chunk in your special, right? I do. I do.

Speaker 2 I scare you. I can't believe it.
A dog chunk?

Speaker 1 Of course. I like this angle of dogs.
It's like when you see kids, there's something magical about kids that are really little because there's no way to the world.

Speaker 1 They're literally minute to minute just trying to find the fun in everything and couldn't give a shit. And then the older you get, the more it's piled on.
It feels like you know too much almost.

Speaker 1 You're like, oh, too much, too much info, too much data. Add in social media, add in the news.
And everyone kind of tilting it a little more doomsday.

Speaker 1 And some of the things don't come true that you're being warned about all the time. You're just like, fuck, it's just a heavy, heavy life.
And you try to go through going, try to be a good person.

Speaker 1 Just a couple basic things. Try to

Speaker 1 not make everyone's life harder.

Speaker 1 Try not just like when I see people out there, if I used to be a a bus boy like Dana, if you, when I'm at a restaurant, you're just trying not to make their life harder.

Speaker 1 I didn't want anyone to be kissing my ass or going overboard. Just don't make my job any harder.
Just be a normal person

Speaker 1 and go. High, high, whatever.
You don't even need to say thanks.

Speaker 1 Just, but when I'm there, I try to, in real life situations, you try to go, okay, let's not make everyone's life a fucking pain in the ass.

Speaker 2 Everyone's just barely hanging on. I agree.
I agree with that. We're barely, everybody is alone.
You know, we're not interconnected in a way that maybe we will be in some other dimension.

Speaker 2 But, you know, how do you not have empathy for people?

Speaker 2 Because,

Speaker 2 you know, some don't.

Speaker 1 And that's hard just being alive.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Just to get day to day, even if things go good, you're like, if you have problems, people think of like their five biggest problems. And then.
Someone takes money away, usually number one, money away.

Speaker 1 And they all just slide down. You go, oh, wait, that rich guy isn't that happy.
And you go, yeah, you took money away, but now the other one slid down. Now, number one is this or health.

Speaker 2 I've noticed a lot of very wealthy people start getting really anxious about recycling. And that sounds like a bit, but like, you'll never meet more ardent recyclers than the very, the uber wealthy.

Speaker 2 And it's because exactly what you're saying, I'm not worried about money anymore.

Speaker 2 I will now worry about whether or not that coffee cup is plastic coated and if it needs to go in this structure, that structure.

Speaker 1 Whatever your next problem is kicks down to number one and then you go oh so that one's you as a human you almost need something to think about or to fix or to go i need this to be better and then make my life better or make someone else you know whatever well that's what they call

Speaker 2 in the in the spiritual traditions they call that the monkey mind right and what what you're saying is actually quite profound is you'll never not have things to worry about there you're a human being yeah you find them anxiety and even when you know the three of us have been very fortunate to have some really great peak experiences in our lives and and and hopefully more to come but like we know that even those flare up and then go away it's a little bit like being a gambling addict you get the big win and sometimes I'll get an email of an offer of something that if it had come in when I was 23, I would have thrown a parade, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 And now I'm like, ah, it's in May, you know what I mean? Like something.

Speaker 2 So again, not not to, I guess one of the reasons I'm interested in spirituality is it's like, if we can get all those things to settle down,

Speaker 2 like all of those things are coming and going.

Speaker 2 You're happy, you have moments and your sad moments, your anxiety, but there's something that was consistent. Like your experience has been consistent.
There's always been a sense of being myself.

Speaker 2 And when you look at what you essentially are, meaning those things that come and go can't be essentially who you are.

Speaker 2 So what was there the whole time, you're being, and then when you look at the quality of your being, you see that it itself is peaceful and happy.

Speaker 1 That's better than what I was going to say. I was going to say

Speaker 1 that sometimes you go, if I do this thing, oh, when I host Saturday Night Live next week, that's going to be really fun. And then you start to say,

Speaker 1 when I'm driving to get gas, I go, this is actually the real life.

Speaker 1 You keep thinking of something else, but you're like, this is 99% of my day just doing normal things. So

Speaker 1 this is the part

Speaker 1 being happy in. You just go, I just want to be okay right now because this is really the life part, then the minutiae little things.
Am I content here? Because of course there's peaks.

Speaker 2 Well, yeah. Well, you know, Ramdas talked about this, right? You eat ice cream.
So you're hosting SNL next week, which is awesome. That's an ice cream cone.

Speaker 2 But the human temperament is, okay, I've had ice cream. Now I want some water, you know, and now I want a nap.
And now I'm bored and I want TV and now I'm tired and I want to sleep.

Speaker 2 And now I'm awake and I want coffee. This is your life.
So you're absolutely right. We need to like slow down and drop into our lives.

Speaker 2 And that's what yes, thank you is. It's like when David does SNL and now you're like, well, what are people going to say about it? Instead of being mad at that, you can go just like the dog.

Speaker 2 The dog is unfolding lawfully and being a dog perfectly. David, you're going to be David.
perfectly. You can allow that and even, you know, forgive that.
Be like, this is just what it is.

Speaker 2 But if we can find little moments of quiet, even as we're talking right now, if you can just kind of find a stillness behind the conversation and go, oh, that's the place where it's enough, that it doesn't matter how it goes.

Speaker 2 I'm sure it'll be fantastic.

Speaker 1 Day-to-day is just like, this is your real life. This is the part where you go, after that's done, I'm right back here.
And this is, it's not so bad.

Speaker 2 So, well, you don't want to postpone your happiness. I don't want to go, I'll be happy.

Speaker 1 That's kind of what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. If I nail this podcast, then I can feel good about myself.

Speaker 2 I'll get a certain exhilaration from doing this show with you guys, but that's it's a fool's errand to keep going, oh, and then I'll kill it at Irvine, and then I'll kill it tomorrow morning with my coffee.

Speaker 2 Like, try to just say yes to what it's. That's a big, that's a big one for me.

Speaker 1 And even that you botched this podcast, you still, you're

Speaker 2 still

Speaker 2 well, that's the trap, right? If I say I'll be happy that I did well, I have to be unhappy that I botched it. Yeah, that's that's just a dumb scale to put your worthiness on.

Speaker 2 I think helping other people is a kind of nice way to get out of your own head. Yeah.
For sure.

Speaker 2 Whether it's your wife, your child, or, you know, just or the club owner, can you do five more minutes or any little thing that you're focusing on? I need a little thing. Helping somebody.

Speaker 2 I think it's really useful. I agree.
And you want to do it anyway.

Speaker 2 Totally.

Speaker 2 The best shows I was going to say are the ones where i remember where i just take a little moment to think about everything they had to do to get there and and and like you said david the five big problems that they have these everybody here has those five slots filled

Speaker 2 and then when you see they're never empty right they're never empty yeah you're right one goes out number six drops down okay now i'm in line now i'm in the top five and then one of the great things about laughing and laughing together something you know there's something magical about releasing that tension.

Speaker 2 And there's a way you can release it with other people around you that you can't do it. You know, that's what sort of makes our phone so, in a way, awful is that you're, it's a methadone.

Speaker 2 It's like a synthetic, lonely version of something that I think is much better when we're, you know, touching elbows with strangers and

Speaker 2 letting it out.

Speaker 2 I mean, the flip side to careerism is just sort of, you know, later on, as I was going down this journey of being a stand-up or a comedian, people would come up and say to me oh i really needed that you know and i didn't quite appreciate it as much till later on that's really what we're doing here uh even right now we're just trying to make life a little eater easier a little lighter for everybody and i do think when a peer group takes one of your bits

Speaker 2 either of you and you understand that that's a touchstone for them, that they'll quote you and that's like a communication device for peer groups. Yeah, that is the most flattering thing.

Speaker 2 Me and my friends do this once a month or whatever. Those kind of compliments, you're like, Oh, that's that's really cool.
Cause that's what I had with Monty Python, you know, with friends.

Speaker 2 So fun, yeah.

Speaker 2 The first time, Data, the first time I did stand-up, I was, I think I was 20 or 21, and I rented out a little restaurant. Again, one of those things I didn't know any better.

Speaker 2 So I just was like, I've never done stand-up. I'm going to do 45 minutes of stand-up.
I'm just going to do it. First time.
And first time.

Speaker 2 And even worse, I'm going to invite everyone I know to come and watch. Like just a nightmare.
I wouldn't do that today.

Speaker 2 My parents are there, were filming it so I could give it to clubs. But the reason I mention it, it went fine, actually.

Speaker 2 It went well. They were so supportive.

Speaker 2 I know, I know. I should have bombed all my friends just not laughing, but they were so supportive.
They gave me a standing ovation, which isn't because I was so excellent.

Speaker 2 It's because they really were trying to like go help go go yeah help they were trying to help yeah and they did nice but the first time I did stand-up Dana I one of the laughs I got was I said not gonna do it I said it in my set obviously was unplanned but I was like yep that's not happening not gonna do it and it gives this big laugh and I was like whoops that's not mine

Speaker 2 anybody can have that well I know but it's not that I stole it but it didn't feel as good as writing something for myself. But you were in my very, very first stand-up set ever.
That's

Speaker 2 flattering.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is,

Speaker 2 yeah, inexplicable, you know, bits, not just for myself, for you guys, that are nonsensical. They're not really one-on-one as two.
They're sort of off kilter.

Speaker 2 Like a lot of David's throwaways and little things,

Speaker 2 they last longer in a weird way. The quirky,

Speaker 2 because you can't ever, it's like trying to catch the wind, you know?

Speaker 1 Yeah, one-on-one unscripted lines and movies are sort of little throwaways.

Speaker 2 Well, David, you were in the sketch. It's Farley's line, but my wife and I say, lay off me, I'm starving.
Maybe every day.

Speaker 2 It's the main thing we say to one another.

Speaker 2 We're just constant, we're like food people and we're just eating. And someone's like, you're really going to have all that? Just lay off me.
Lay off me.

Speaker 2 I think that is the ultimate. I'm agreeing with you guys.
That's the ultimate compliment.

Speaker 2 Is if your comedy can somehow be infused and incorporated, and it goes back to what you were saying, into daily life, not just into something you do sometimes.

Speaker 1 And you don't know what it is, and you do sketch in a room there with people, and they go, Okay, come on, go. And they push this gap real sketch out, and you're going.

Speaker 1 And years later, you're saying that a line that just was passing in a sketch is

Speaker 1 like mind-boggling.

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Speaker 2 I don't think, and I love that sketch, I could totally see you guys being like,

Speaker 2 why would this one be a sensation?

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? It was Farley, which is a trick. So if you have Farley and he's in a wig and he's drops his voice from a female

Speaker 1 and chokes me.

Speaker 2 And it's about french fries.

Speaker 1 It's just funny.

Speaker 2 And you have Sandler in a wig too, which is funny. Going, you guys.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then, but if it gets a laugh in there, you're just relieved that it worked and now they're going to weekend update and everyone's running and changing and so then you things get picked out of shows like dana knows you don't know what they like you don't know what a

Speaker 1 movie look and history remembers the winners or whatever i'm like i could sew and i mean this is a compliment that sketch could not have worked it might not have worked and we just never know like you still don't that's when you hit it wrong you hit it wrong rehearsal you get it barely right and you hit it right on air which is not always the case you do better in dress and on air you just go god can i just walk in one more time because i just didn't it didn't come off in the right energy just and you go nope that's it we're doing it then you go that was an okay sketch and you go god the one that everyone would have loved was two hours ago but you nailed it perfectly so that's just that's that's part of the fun crap shoot of snl but we know in movies and life you just throw away joe weird things that happen

Speaker 1 pluck them out of the atmosphere. Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's endless. It is great that we'll never solve comedy.
You know, it's always humbling. I thought that would kill.
It bombed. And this, this worked or whatever.
It's always full of surprises.

Speaker 2 So you're on tour. Yeah.
A mini tour.

Speaker 2 And it was going to be called the PG-13 tour. And then you switched the name out.
Yes.

Speaker 2 Which was actually, you know, that's sort of a layover, a carryover from my youth and my religious days. And this sort of tender,

Speaker 2 I don't want to say pathetic, but like it's sweet. I'm like, oh, maybe I could do a tour that my parents would like.
You know what I mean? I'm like, wouldn't it be fun? I'll do it.

Speaker 2 It's called the PG-13 tour. And the hour that I was writing was just kind of coming together less dirty than the other ones.
And it still is not filthy. But then I did it one time in Austin.

Speaker 2 And I was like, this is,

Speaker 2 it felt like doing it underwater or something. I hate the feeling.
We're talking about how precious laughter is.

Speaker 2 I hate the feeling of knowing I could put on these brass knuckles and really smack them in the face, but instead I'm going to like hold back to like stay in a box that I created.

Speaker 2 They didn't even ask me to do it. So I was like, we're not, we're not doing it.
I did it one time. And I was like, I'm never doing that again.

Speaker 2 Some people like Nate Bargatzi, who's a favorite of mine, he just is that guy.

Speaker 2 And I saw him say when he gets cut off in traffic, he's like, golly, you know, when people cut me off in traffic, I say the worst things you've ever heard in your life. And that's me.
I want to be me.

Speaker 2 I want to hit as hard as I can. I don't want to get off stage like you on my podcast, Dana.
I want to leave it all. And I'm constantly taking the temperature of the audience.

Speaker 2 Do you want it to be a little more wicked? Do you want it to be a little bit sillier? Do you want me to be louder? Do you want, I'll do it, whatever.

Speaker 2 But I can't go, well, I can't say fuck because I called this tour the

Speaker 2 stupid.

Speaker 2 Stand-up is also so hard. You can maybe do that clean set 7.30 on a Thursday, but then it's like late show Friday.
Sometimes you need to be like, come on, guys, wake the fuck up. Like you need

Speaker 2 like a teacher. Sure.
Fucking shut up. Like you need that somehow.

Speaker 1 And it's not filthy. It's just you weave it into your act where no one walks away going, that was a dirty act.
But you just kind of weave it into jokes where they don't even notice it.

Speaker 2 And it's just fine.

Speaker 2 I get that all the time. People are like, I like that you're a clean comic.
And I'm like, I'm not a clean comic. Not really.
But they think you are. And that's why I think the metric is wrong.

Speaker 2 We think clean comedy is comedy where you don't say shit. Fuck, piss, cop, whatever.
And dirty comedy is where you do.

Speaker 2 And I'm like, no, I've seen comedy that passes that test of cleanliness that is deeply flawed and ugly, like mean spirited.

Speaker 2 And the message underneath it, and I'll defend their right to say that, but it's just not for me. I'm like, wow, that is a really toxic message.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 And then I get up and I'm being a silly, floppy, dumb, golden retriever boy, just trying to delight everybody.

Speaker 2 And yes, I sometimes say swears and sometimes I talk about sex or whatever it might be, but the intent really matters to me.

Speaker 2 And I think you can feel that because I've seen some really filthy comedy that was squeaky clean, if that makes sense. Sure.

Speaker 2 And I've seen filthy comedy that I would call clean. I think the main thing is

Speaker 2 not to lean on it. You know, like you could, you don't need to be blue all the time or not blue all the time.
You know, it's just, you just weave it in. It's not one or the other.

Speaker 2 Well, it's a seasoning. Yeah, it's a seasoning.
Yeah, I'm not like abusing it.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, go see Pete Holmes on the road.

Speaker 2 This guy. At least you.

Speaker 2 This guy's one one favorite. Thanks for hanging out.

Speaker 2 What was your last statement? Sorry.

Speaker 2 I just want, it was the last thing on the cleanliness. And thank you for the plug.
Seinfeld was like,

Speaker 2 swearing is like steroids. It's like cheating.
I love Seinfeld because I think Seinfeld really is that guy. But he goes like, swearing is like steroids.
And I'm like, yeah.

Speaker 2 And I want to hit a lot of home runs. Give me the steroids.
Like, I will do anything to delight the audience until they're red in the face and forgetting those five problems.

Speaker 2 Including, I don't mean cheat other human beings, but I will cheat.

Speaker 2 I will swear, I will spit, I will cuss, I'll do whatever it takes because life is hard, life is lonely, life is painful, and we need this release, we need this art form.

Speaker 2 So, yeah, it's steroids, and I'm Barry Bonds, man.

Speaker 2 I'm glad we did that. I wouldn't want to follow you.
I don't know if I followed you once or you followed me, but yeah, it was lonely.

Speaker 2 You're very, very powerful in a very funny, funny way. I've seen him kill.

Speaker 1 I've seen him kill.

Speaker 2 You have a lot of weapons and a lot of things you're doing. That's very powerful.
I just want comedians to be who they are. That's really all it is.
That's it. Sorry, David.
You wanted to wrap it up.

Speaker 2 Go ahead. Well, we actually have a call that we have to make.
I don't know what, you know, about podcasting or something. It's just okay.

Speaker 1 And Dana is falling apart, obviously.

Speaker 2 I'm at 2%, but I feel pretty good.

Speaker 2 I enjoy this podcast. I enjoy it.

Speaker 2 It was a great chat, though, Kate.

Speaker 1 You're a cute dude. I will see you tomorrow.

Speaker 2 I hope so. Thank you both.

Speaker 1 All right, Dana, don't hang up right away.

Speaker 1 This has been a presentation of Odyssey. Please follow, subscribe, leave a like, a review, all the stuff, smash that button, whatever it is.
Wherever you get your podcasts,

Speaker 1 Fly on the Wall is executive and produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss-Berman of Odyssey, and Heather Santoro. The show's lead producer is Greg Holtzford.