SUPERFLY #72 - Kings and Queens

All right, Dana, you know, I'm always dragging around, and uh, I always got a five-hour energy on me.

I know that about you, yeah, they're either in my sock, in the car, they're somewhere.

You keep them everywhere, I give them a little slurp.

I don't really shoot the whole thing like some people do on an empty stomach.

I think I eat a little bit, a couple sips, just like coffee.

Just keep just keep something going there.

Chug it.

I don't.

I'm actually, yeah,

I don't want that much energy at once.

It's five hours, so I kind of, you know, that's what most people do.

But I sip it overall.

There's a lot of different flavors.

Yeah, there's one called Confetti Craze that tastes like a good birthday cake, which they're all pretty good.

But this tastes raw and buttery flavor here to let you be unapologetically extra and unstoppably energized, actually.

Big birthday energy, wherever you go.

The shots are reasonable.

You don't have to chug a full bottle or anything.

You just run around with that big birthday energy.

Yeah.

And

you can plan your confetti party at www.5hourenergy.com or Amazon.

That's available now.

You know what I mean?

So

you can get on 5Hour Energy.

That's the number 5hourenergy.com or Amazon.

At least your big birthday party energy.

As much caffeine as 12 ounces of your fancy coffee, but zero sugar and zero sugar crash.

So yeah, and I'm not like a coffee guy, so this is kind of better for me.

You're a five-hour energy confetti craze guy.

Five-hour energy confetti craze flavor is available online.

Head to www.5houenergy.com or Amazon to order yours today.

We are supported by Ring.

With Ring, you can be there from anywhere with doorbells and cameras that help you see more to exciting features that help you know more to the app that lets you connect more see more at the front door up high and down low with battery doorbells head-to-toe video capture it all all day and all night with 24-7 recording and get smarter alerts that know the difference between a person and a package right in the ring app i've often been mistaken for a small package and i've also been called a snack but ring knows the difference difference.

With Ring, you can check in and be there from anywhere.

Some features require a subscription and are available only on select Ring devices.

Exclusions apply.

Learn more at ring.com.

Let's slide.

Okay, so I went on the road, Dana, and this is where everyone's riveted and glued to their podcast.

Like, oh.

Weekend 4000 of Spade telling some dumb road story.

Yes, it is.

Yes, what if it is?

I love you on the road.

I don't know if you love you on the road, but when I hear that you're on the road, it just lives my day.

I don't know why.

It's fun to hear from your chariot and your throne and your ranch, but when I'm out there grinding.

So I go out there.

I did a whole Ohio run.

So it was three cities in Ohio.

One I do not know of.

It's called Newark.

At a hot little theater.

Nice airplane.

It's kind of a, you know what?

It's a small town.

It's not, no, not Newark where all the planes crash.

This is Newark, Ohio.

Newark, Ohio.

Oh, excuse me.

I was just playing Cleveland, Montana.

So

exactly.

That's what happened.

I go, even people in Newark are going, Are we in New Jersey or are we in Ohio?

I don't understand what's going on.

I don't trust anything they say.

Yeah.

Then I went to Dallas, Arizona.

Joe keeps going.

I like Cleveland, Montana better.

Cleveland, Montana.

Probably real.

You can't beat that one.

So,

by the way, I love this.

When did this plant grow back behind you?

What?

I'm a horticulturalist.

I like nature.

I'm a cornicocalist.

I'm a corchococcalist.

Look, apparently having knickknacks and plants behind you when you do a podcast exponentially pleases the audience.

It blows up the audience.

I had no knickknacks.

Now I've got that little special.

Plus, I want everyone to guess what is in that fly on the wall thing email.

And I won't move what I put in there.

And next week, if you, if you win, you

guess what is in that?

I'll reveal it on the next super fly.

Oh, shit.

So email us

or comment on us and guess.

Yeah, I don't even know if there's any way to get a hold of us, but do it.

And oh, and YouTube, maybe they can do it.

Yeah.

Also, the people, people, what they say is they watch the whole podcast and they don't mention one joke.

They go,

Dana's drawer has weird handles.

And you go, that's all you got from this whole motherfucking thing.

Hey, man, this is our core audience.

These are people who love us.

They see the details.

The drawer handles are the biggest thing.

Look, I don't understand what this new art form is, but I'll tell you one thing.

This morning I saw more short films done by chat GBT or whatever.

And it's getting weird.

We really, you really can make a film on your laptop now.

Why are they, do they need us for anything?

Are we sort of obsolete?

We've got a full week left, I'm sure.

Well,

the skill set is learning how to talk to the robot.

You prompt it.

David Spade and Theo Vaughn are running away from an army of 10,000 people.

And then you'll see it.

You don't have to get the 10,000.

I mean, that's kind of fun to see that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's kind of fun to have the power to go, Spade chased by Godzilla in Scottsdale.

Spade journeys to the center of the earth in a spaceship or center of the universe in a spaceship.

So anyway, it's just coming.

I'm just saying.

Look out.

They go, Spade goes to do a show in Ohio and doesn't bomb.

And Chat BT goes, I can't come up with that.

I can't do that.

Or something.

I actually tried it this morning.

Spade gets five standing ovations, and I waited 10 minutes for seeing you get the standing ovation.

And then it just came up, skull and crossbones.

I don't know what that meant, but the chat GPT couldn't pull it off.

They go.

It's GPT about you once.

Oh, Heather jumped in.

She asked ChatGPT if Dana was in a gang because he's wearing a...

Oh, they gave me comments.

She asked, what does David Spade do?

Or what did you say?

What's his comedy about?

What's his comedy about?

Oh, he crunches leaves and walks in circles.

That's good stuff.

Positive stuff.

I put it in.

I said, is David Spade funny?

And it just gave me an emoji.

Like.

It gave you this guy?

I don't know.

I mean, some people say so.

I don't get it.

Some people say GBT.

We don't get it in the robot.

Here's what you have to learn if you're in chat GPT.

You got to learn how to say down robot, down robot, because they can get out of hand.

I saw a girl look like a robot.

I told Heather, she had so much Botox.

Her forearm is a little round, and then she had paint on eyebrows.

I go,

looks like something from iRobot.

You know, we're starting to look all the same.

It's all bad.

We're trying to say robot.

Our goal is to say robot 100 times this episode.

And we're halfway there.

I'll take a win.

Hang on.

We haven't done this yet, Dana.

One of my shows in Cleveland was right next to a clinic.

Dana, guess what?

I ordered you something else online.

Where is it?

The things I do for Dana, I don't have it yet, but Heather and I are ordering it because I go, I saw some other doohickey.

I go, oh, yeah, we got to have it for Dana.

Wait a minute.

I am a minimalist, as you know.

I don't have or want anything, but I really want that fucking thing because

whoever invented that sound, was it the 20s or the 30s?

You know, it worked still.

It's so perfect.

And after you make lubba with someone, you put that on.

And

they go,

you said your wiener was going to go straight up.

I go, yeah, I've said it before, but take a look.

Camera pans down.

No wonder Debbie Downer was a hit.

So she goes like this.

She had a funny.

Now, Dana, I would get to how I stayed next to the Cleveland Clinic, and it was tubulated into my hotel with another hospital.

So you could walk because it's cold, you know?

Right.

And

what happened was it was like an ant farm, and all these sick people were just coming into my hotel

because I was in between.

So I'm like the nice hotel

hospital bed, basically.

So the hotel on both sides and a tube takes it by through your hotel.

So a clinic, which is very well known, and then like a hospital or a university.

Yeah, yeah, Cleveland Clinic.

Yeah, yeah.

Right.

Very nice.

And then they have tubes because it's so cold out, they're smart.

Like the second floor or third floor, you walk around the city.

You can sort of connect, which is such a great idea.

We should do it in Arizona because it's so hot, but it's cold there.

So you do that.

So when I get on the third floor every day, I'm like, I don't know if this is a normal hotel.

Everyone's pushing an IV.

So I go, what's going on?

They go, ah, we got some spillage from the spillover.

Yeah.

So,

yeah, because, you know, it's just by the way germ and no offense but germs obviously everywhere and then doctor's on there and everyone and the doctor goes i go i know you third floor he goes no i'm going to eight uh actually i have a patient here

that's the last one no no there's two reasons it's funny one is it's funny it's a funny sound the second reason is how much joy you get by doing it so there's two lanes so joyous so the fact how happy you are, I don't ever want you to stop until you're not happy making that sound.

I know.

And it makes you sort of happy adjacent to watch me try to milk bits out of this thing.

Right.

Well, that's, you know, I mean, that's the last thing you want after you come out of surgery is that sound.

Now hit it.

How to go, doc.

How to go, doctor.

They go like this.

Here's the last thing you see.

You go, Dana, you're about to go under.

You're going to count to 10.

And then you say, okay, I'm a little nervous.

They go, you shouldn't be.

We've done sex change surgeries before.

Wait, I'm going under.

Oh.

Dana, by the way,

you look a little loopy today, and you want to say why to our viewers?

Yeah, I had a little minimally invasive surgery for hernia.

Yeah.

And they went through your head?

Look at this hat.

He's got a.

I haven't been able to.

Oh, yeah, you can't.

For three days.

And I had a really cool Pendleton cowboy hat that got lost.

I was going to wear that.

Oh, that would have been great.

I'd look like Christian Bale in 310 to Yuma.

Look it up.

So then at the last second, this was on top of the dryer.

This.

So, yeah, I had a pain.

And these glasses.

So I had a pain pill, whatever that is.

So I'm a little loopy.

Oh, yeah.

Mm-hmm.

But

I don't cancel.

It's only been 36 hours since I was.

But yeah, they stitch you up.

They go down the neck.

And, you know, everyone's like, oh, I had it.

I felt nothing.

Well, guess what?

I felt something.

Yeah.

I think I was the only one that was brave enough to say it is.

Mine was a double, which whatever that means is just a little more tricky.

We have the same doctor, which is funny.

But

mine was bad, Dana, because when I did it, the doctor said, oh, you know, it's outpatient or whatever.

And I woke up and I go, I'm not going anywhere.

My brother had my brother come out and he carried me, put me in a wheelchair.

I was like, because, you know, your like muscles are cut.

So I was like, oh fuck.

He carried me like a baby, like the bodyguard.

And at insult to injury, my dip shit neighbor.

dug in his front yard and caught out all the power lines.

So I got home and I couldn't get in the gate.

This sounds like Rich problem is a gate.

And then so my brother had to bump the gate open his back, carry me all the way into the house, which was pitch black.

No electricity.

So he terrifyingly puts me in the bed.

And I'm just like, I can't get up if there's a fire, if there's a problem.

I'm like, this is so scary.

And I'm on my pain pills, which I don't like taking for any real reason.

I just want to take them for funk.

And so I'm laying there.

And then I've got a catheter jammed up the wazoo.

It's up to my ribs.

I I think they went into.

I was like, I'm going to go down the catheter.

I said, I'm fine.

Oh, Dana.

Yeah, it's optional.

You could have just said,

no, because I didn't want to get up and pee.

I couldn't stand up.

My brother the next day had to pick me up and just swing me around just for fun.

I don't know why I asked that.

How big is your brother?

This is a cyclops.

What a job.

He's like, I came out here to take care of you.

I don't want to do literally everything.

And then I'm like, can you check my catheter?

It feels a little loose.

He's like, I'm sorry, what?

We have the same surgeon who's great.

He's world-renowned.

But, you know, I get in there and they were kind of like, well, he's got a special case right now.

So he had an extra large person.

And it took like three to four hours.

So I waited.

And then when he came in, I said, Are you all right, dude?

Do you need a snack or something?

Because he

looks wiped out.

Your stomach hurts when you laugh.

Yes.

God dang it.

Not my stomach.

It's the groin area.

Groinium.

I'll be fine.

The guy did a great job.

Brilliant surgeon.

Super nice guy.

And,

you know, what are you going to do?

I just think you should manage your expectations.

He asked me before I went, are you nervous?

I go, surprisingly, no.

And he goes, you should be a little nervous.

Jesus, he goes, I'm nervous as shit.

Yeah.

But he said, I just did this huge, I don't want to say fat guy, but like monstrously humorous fat guy.

And

he goes, I'm wiped out.

But I say we just get this one, knock it out, then we can all go to lunch.

And you're like, yeah, let's just buzz through this one quickly.

Well, you know, they always say it's a chip shot in golf, like meaning that it's easy, but chip shots are not very easy.

So they are

coming from.

But he did a great job.

And I just will be glad when I don't feel pain getting up and moving around.

But I'm fine as long as don't make me laugh or I'll be in pain.

So now you have a challenge.

I won't do it.

Believe me, you're in no danger.

When I was in there, they go, it's the third day.

We think we're going to get your catheter up.

I didn't want to look.

It's so crazy that that even happens because it goes into your wiener.

You know what that is medically?

So it's like a number two pencil.

It's way too big to be in there.

So it goes in there and then she goes like this.

They just pull it out, right?

And what what happens is the way it stays in, just to sicken everyone you might want to pull over, is at the end, it's got a little like a balloon, like

so it stays in, doesn't slide out.

So, one time they go, one time they forgot to deflate that part and started yanking it.

I go,

I can't hear it.

I can't hear it.

Well, that see, you're making me laugh again.

That is hilarious.

It's hilariously horrifying.

That is so funny.

But other than that, I think I'm glad you're okay.

You're very tough.

This is the loopiest I've been on the podcast, even more than when I had dental work right before I came over and did the podcast.

And also, you're being tough because you look a bit of a gangbanger today, which is kind of cool.

Tough guy with plan.

I'll just announce it.

I mean, this is my new look.

I mean, there's no reason.

There's no logical reason for me to look anything other than what I look like now because I can see it.

If you can look this cool and this badass, why would you look wimpy?

I mean, I'm picturing it like it's just black hair and it looks funnier.

Like, that's just your black hair growing in.

I'm doing an edge.

I'm doing edge with Bono and Edge.

Yeah.

Oh, this is the Edge.

That's right.

It looks like hair.

Okay.

It looks like hair.

I picture it looking like hair and it's funnier to me.

Right.

That's good.

I'm happy for you.

One thing.

Do you have more road stories besides the hospital one?

No, there's no real.

That's not even a real story.

Yes, that's it for the road.

What else you got?

All right, baseball fans.

Here with Dana.

Register with Bet MGM, an official sports betting partner of Major League Baseball.

Yeah.

Let me just explain this, Dana, quickly.

Well,

I'm going to calm down.

I'm a little excited, so go ahead.

Oh, yeah, it's fun.

This MLB season, new customers can download the BetMGM app and sign up to receive up to $1,500 in bonus bets with code FLY, F-L-Y, if they don't win their first bet.

If they don't, that's good.

Get access to odds, boost tokens, same gay parlays.

BetMGM original bets, special boosts and tokens, and so much more.

Yeah.

What I hear from the first pitch to the game-winning fireworks, there are more ways than ever to supercharge your excitement, David.

Of course.

Enjoy hard-hitting baseball thrills all season long at BetMGM.

You won't want to miss it.

Bet MGM, make it legendary.

Follow and tag Bet MGM across all socials.

That's obviously at Bet MGM.

Also, listeners can go to BetMGM.com.

Major League Baseball trademarks used with permission.

BetMGM and GameSense remind you to play responsibly.

See BetMGM.com for terms, 21 plus only.

This specific promotional offer is not available in Michigan, Mississippi, New Jersey, New York, Nevada, Ontario, Pennsylvania, Puerto Rico, or West Virginia.

Gambling problem.

Call 1-800-GAMBLER available in the U.S.

for New York, 877-8-HOPE-NY, or text HOPENY-467-369.

For Arizona, where I'm from, 1-800-NEXT STEP.

For Massachusetts, 1-800-327-5050.

For Iowa, 1-800, bets off.

For Puerto Rico, 1-800-981-0023.

First bet offers for new customers only, subject to eligibility requirements.

Rewards are non-withdrawable bonus bets that expire in seven days in partnership with Kansas Crossing Casino and Hotel.

Hello, it's Lena Dunham.

I host a podcast called The Sea Word with my dearest friend and historian of bad behavior, Alyssa Bennett.

What is up?

It's a chat show about women whose society is called crazy.

We're going to be rediscovering the stories of women society dismissed by calling them mad, sad, or just plain bad.

Listen to and follow the C-Word with Lena Dunham and Alyssa Bennett.

Available now, wherever you get your podcasts.

AutoTrader is powered by Auto Intelligence.

Put simply, their tools and data sync to your exact budget and preferences to tailor car buying to you.

Want a pink mid-size SUV with the 22-inch rims and a V8?

How about a two-door convertible with a premium sound system and heated cup holders?

Nothing's too specific.

AutoTrader, powered by auto intelligence, helps you find your dream car at the right price in no time because they do all the hard work for you.

Imagine going from no clue to new car in no time.

Learning that fully loaded fits the budget.

Finding the car that gives you the feels as much as the deals.

Want your car delivered the same way as your lunch order?

Yep, that's a thing.

With AutoTrader, powered by auto intelligence, you're in control from your first search to the moment you sign on the dotted line.

It's the totally you way to buy a car.

Visit autotrader.com to find your perfect ride.

The thing that made me, I don't know, it's sort of weird that, you know, you see these little, there's driverless cars, Waymos, right?

And they're all over LA.

And then eventually, and then you see the little cars, see the Waymos, and they're kind of cute.

And you do extrapolate into rooting for the Waymo.

There's no driver, but you know it's an AI, but you sort of watch it.

Oh, I hope it makes the right turn.

So during the local festivities in downtown LA, people who were protesting decided to call the little robot Waymo

to come pick them up.

And then they would explode it or burn it up.

So the Waymo.

Actually, they've installed a little AI voice like, yes, sir, right away, downtown LA.

See you in 19 minutes.

Oh, there you are i'll pick you up what the

you're gonna explode me oh my

god oh my that's horrible so i oh is that a is that a bottle of booze oh it's gas inside why is there a rag on

what did i do to you please don't explode me i don't want to be exploded so anyway i just felt like that was kind of a nasty thing to do but i don't know if the riots were anti-waymo i don't know what was was going on.

I don't know what they would, please don't deport me, but then they had Mexican flags that were waving.

You'd think like, where do you want to go?

I know.

I think the message is a little confusing.

I get the message of if people have jobs and they're doing and they're contributing.

I didn't think that's what this was all about.

But

that is the message, I think.

And it's getting blurry when it gets more riotous.

And there's professional rioters that definitely come into this and they are here to shake shit up and cause trouble and when it gets like that it gets away from the original intent and then it just turns into chaos and then it's looting and it's all these problems and then no one even knows what's going on and they bring the national guard to ideally just make people go hey just stop we got to just stop what we're doing and just figure this out instead of it's getting worse you know you don't want to get worse And back in 2020, you don't, we can't burn down the city again.

It's just too much.

It's too much.

Hurts too many business hurts hurts everyone and they got the olympics coming and they got world cup and so

you know i feel like it first of all i saw it i thought it was a rerun second of all i was like i've got a great solution then and you're gonna love this all right here we go

we send in bonnie blue

do you know bonnie blue

cather likes this idea she's the one that had sex with a thousand people she could try to have sex with all the people

at the protest.

And then it turns into a fun thing.

Right.

And it still can get its message across.

Yeah.

It gets a little watered down with Bonnie Blue, but she brings joy because her next thing she's doing is she's, I don't know if Heather heard this one.

This is, this isn't putting women.

It's not.

projecting them forward.

It might be inching them back because she is going to go in a glass cage and let 24 hours, whoever wants to come in, do whatever they want to.

This was already done in experiments.

Oh.

I do remember one girl just stood there and said, Do what you want to me.

They started very minimal.

And then they slapped her and they punched her.

There was blood at the end and strangulation and everything.

This, I think she's just going pure, have sex with me.

I mean, she's it's sort of whatever you want, but I don't think she's there to play cricket.

Yeah, yeah, it might be a little different.

Woman had all sorts of tools laid out.

She might not be having

to either have sexual interaction or to hurt her.

Or her physical, they can do whatever.

That was like an art piece.

This one's a little less arty in my mind.

Yeah.

A little lower on the art scale and more on the horn dog border scale.

That's a bit of a stretch.

Human beings, whatever they can think of, eventually they'll do.

So

someone thought of that.

Hey, how about I do 10 men?

And then an hour later, all right, I got you.

I'm going for a thousand.

By the way, I have to say,

living in California and over the years, having people from south of the border, from different countries working for us and with us,

very hardworking, patriotic people.

So I don't want those people bothered at all.

So just wanted to go on record.

You know, they pay taxes.

Of course.

I think the idea is

part of the people think that everyone comes over to the border is horrible and part think that everyone is great.

I think there's a huge percentage that come over to have a better life and then there's some that play our system because we clowned it up and just opened it.

And so if you open it, other countries say, hey, if I'm a bad guy, this is our chance to get in and get settled.

And now I can cause trouble if that's my, if that's what I want to do.

But there's a ton of great people here.

you know it's a messy thing but yeah you you want you want the criminals to kind of not hang out well i don't yeah we want to get rid of people, and then you don't know why they're down.

Like, if they're going into get someone that, like, if you told me someone I knew was also a trafficker, I wouldn't know that, but they might know more than we do, so they might have a reason.

But I don't know.

I don't like that they're just grabbing regular people, of course, because people here working for 10 years and they're trying to do it right, and it's getting muddied by the people that do it wrong.

And it's just a big mess.

This Bonnie Blue thing might not fix it.

And then, if not, I'm out of ideas.

Well, hold that thought.

I mean, I'm not, I'm not going to

shit on the Bonnie Blue concept.

I'm not gonna

throw it away.

I'm not gonna punt if you're a football on that.

You know, it's that's our best option right now, but we, and if there's a better one, I'll take it.

But right now, right.

That's the placeholder.

I live in a sanctuary county.

Most, I think LA is a sanctuary city.

It's a sanctuary state, basically.

So, but anyway, it's messy.

I don't want anyone to get hurt.

And I just want us all to live in peace and harmony.

I'm from the 60s.

I'm an old hippie, basically.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean,

I just don't want the looting, the fires, the burning.

It just doesn't help anyone.

And it's a lot of nice people down there that have little businesses.

Like, just let them be.

They don't want to be a part of this.

No one does.

No.

And again, just in the macro, you know, if you think of the United States government and the California government, the local government, you know, you want them to take care of the national parks, make sure they tax and help people and do all that.

But I have two things things I want from the government.

The first thing is to protect me from enemies outside of the U.S.

And the other thing is to protect me from criminals in my neighborhood.

So those are the two number one and number two things I want.

So law and order downtown just creates more jobs, more businesses.

And I am running, I'm running against Karen Bass.

I should announce that.

Once I get off these pain pills, I'll start the campaign.

They asked Joe Exotic what he thought of her, and he goes, Karen Bass, you bitch.

Sounds like,

that's the whole thing.

Karen Baskin, it sounds like.

And the reaction to that.

No, you, you were going to play him and now you do the best impression of him.

Now I just do an impression of them.

That's like the only one I got left.

Okay, other than that, yeah, the World Cup.

But what they will do is I don't like the skim job of when Gavin Newsom had,

you know, the leader of China come to San Francisco.

He cleaned up all the homelessness and everything and all the drug people for one week till the guy came and then they let it go to shit.

It's like,

why don't you just fix it for people in San Francisco?

Don't fix it for someone.

So when the Olympics come, he's just making more of a problem.

They're going to have to clean up downtown and graffiti.

They want it to look pristine, right?

Well, they want to.

Or move the Olympics.

The Olympics are funny because every city that hosts the Olympics tries to go all out, paint everything perfect, get rid of the weirdos, you know, and just make it a you know it's a big poop in the river pr stunt but

they tried to in france they tried to hide the poop in the river remember they all threw it in the river oh they threw it in the river and thought it would flow through and no one would notice and the swimmers went and went what the

yeah exactly i know okay go ahead what were you saying They should do the Olympics in the San Francisco Bay Area because it's too fucking hot in LA in August.

And the Bay Area has a much more temperate climate.

It has all the facilities.

I'm just saying there's Stanford University for the track and field, you know, swimming.

Yeah, it's got redwood trees.

It's a much better climate.

But LA, I don't know.

I wish them all the best.

But I, you know, they got to clean it up.

Well, let's get to the stories.

That was a big story in LA this week because everyone's talking about it.

But

everyone's waiting to hear what's our take.

It's kind of ongoing.

I mean, the latest thing, which I thought was kind of a funny title, was

Anti-King or Not a King.

We don't want a King.

Oh, yeah.

Like Trump.

It's Saturday.

Yeah, I thought it was just sort of funny.

The way Trump is, he'll dress up as a king with a crown and come out.

Oh, yeah.

I was thinking, did he do something like that?

Or they're just saying in general, he feels because he's bringing tanks out.

Whatever they think he's doing, they think it's too much.

So I think those are going to be in every city, though.

So look out Saturday.

Look out Saturday.

Don't go to Burger King.

You might want to stay in.

Okay, let's play a story of one of our stupid stories and we'll comment on it.

Which we all find out at the end of the show, we're all AI or something.

Let's see.

I'm strict every time.

I'm going to be honest this time with my response.

I'm not going to be joking.

All right.

I'll let you know.

All right.

Go.

Okay.

Okay.

Ready?

Whenever we're ready.

by the way, you like this color on me, Dana.

It's called maroon, I think.

It matches perfectly with everything in there, but that one sign behind you is pretty bright, the silver one.

This one, the YouTube.

Yeah.

I can't, I would never do the weather.

Yeah, that one we're going to switch out.

Dana, what does a confident smile say to you?

And maybe more importantly, what does it say about you?

With smile generation, it says you're taking care of more than just your teeth because confidence doesn't start and stop at a bright smile.

It's about your whole body wellness.

Smile generation reimagines oral health as the gateway to long-term confidence.

Why?

Because oral health issues have been linked to heart disease, diabetes, and even cognitive conditions.

When you care for your smile, you're investing in your future.

And that confidence, it starts with feeling supported.

With Smile Generation trusted providers, you're not just another patient, you're a partner.

They prioritize personal, patient-focused care that truly listens to you.

Plus, with education and preventive care at the core, Smile Generation empowers you to understand the connection between your mouth and overall health so you can stop issues before they start.

Here's your chance to take the first step.

Smile Generation is offering a $59 new patient special.

That's a comprehensive exam, cleaning, and x-rays, a $290 value.

New patients only.

Offer not valid for TRICARE or Medicare Advantage.

May be covered by insurance, subject to plan restrictions.

Book by December 31st, 2025.

Visit smilegeneration.com/slash five for full terms and to book now.

Listen, you know, you're always talking about Quincy, the old show you watch, but there's also Quince.

I love the reference.

And you're always talking about

the

grouchy mortician or whatever, Quincy.

Well, you always, when you hear it, you always think it's Quint and you think of the guy in John.

John Jaws, that's right.

Yeah.

But that is not what we're here to talk about.

I want to talk about Quince with a C at the end.

Why drop a fortune on basics when you don't have to?

Quince is high quality, great

clothing.

Oh, yeah.

Quince has good stuff, high-quality fabrics, classic fits, lightweight layers for warm weather, all at prices that make sense.

Everything I've ordered from Quince has been nothing but solid.

Quince has closet staples you want to reach for over and over, like cozy cashmere and cotton sweaters from Get This David, just $50.

Breathable, flow-knit polos and comfortable lightweight pants that somehow work for both weekend hangs and dressed up diners.

Weekend hangs and dressed up dinners.

That's right.

The best part, everything with Quince Quince is half the cost of similar brands.

I mean, look at that.

50 bucks, you're getting a cashmere.

That's very rare.

Yes.

By working directly with top artisans and cutting out the middlemen, Quince gives you luxury pieces without the markup.

And Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical, and responsible manufacturing practices and premium fabrics and finishes, David.

Yeah, I like the cashmere.

I like some stuff just for around the house for right now.

It's great.

You know what I mean?

Because you forget that you need those basics and this is the place for them.

You know, throw it in your cart.

You can do stuff for your home too.

They have bedding, they have towels, they have cookware, they have luggage, they have bags.

Listen, keep it classic and cool with long-lasting staples from Quince.

Go to quince.com slash fly for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.

Whoa, that's q-u-i-n-ce-e.

dot com/slash fly to get free shipping and 365-day returns.

Quince.com slash fly.

You don't need a fly on the wall to get the story on next level protection for your dogs.

In fact, the only thing you need for that is NextGuard Plus, a foxaloner, moxydectin, and pyrantal chewable tablets.

From birthday parties to costumes, social media accounts to puppy vacations, next level pet owners will do anything for their dogs.

And when it comes to their health, that means giving them next level protection too.

That's why there's NextGuard Plus Choose, your one and done solution for monthly monthly protection that kills fleas and ticks, prevents heartworm disease, and treats and controls roundworms and hookworms, all in one tasty, beef-flavored soft chew.

My dog Junebug loves getting her monthly Nexguard Plus, making it simple for me to protect her with a delicious chew she always enjoys.

NextGuard Plus packs a whole lot of powerful protection into one tasty chew, making monthly dosing easy and enjoyable for both of you.

Used with caution in dogs with a history of seizures or neurological disorders.

Dogs should be tested for existing heartworm infections prior to starting a preventive.

So the next time you're at the vet, ask about NextGuard plus choose.

Well, if Diddy's off, what do you think of Diddy as a host?

I think, can Diddy get off?

He might, right?

If Diddy gets off, they're really circling this trafficking because they're saying, if you flew a girl to Vegas and gave her $1,000 spending money and then had sex with her, that could be sex trafficking because you brought someone over state lines, gave them money to have sex.

So that's a small version of it, which has been done every day since the beginning of time.

But the actual stuff he's doing is basically, it's going to be one of those lawyer things, Dana, where he goes, listen, do I want to go bowling with Diddy?

No.

Is he a gross fig?

Yes.

Does he do all these horrible things?

Not a great guy.

Is he on travel for being a great guy?

No, because he'd lose.

But is he a sex trafficker?

Ladies and gentlemen, the jury, we're missing.

This is what we're judging on.

Not all this.

This is all noise.

It's gross noise.

It's pretty rough and tumble over there in the old Diddy household.

I know.

I'll bet that guy already has his closing statement.

He's just going to go, P.

Diddy, a shitty guy,

but nothing, didn't do anything illegal.

Boom.

Yeah.

He goes like this.

In closing, I like to say, peace shitty over here i i call him that you should too he's a fucking asshole this guy's gross what he's doing makes me cringe is he a sex

this guy is crude he's rude he's obnoxious he's lewd he's lewd he's he's a sex fiend he does he has too much money no one really knows what he does but is he a sex trafficker no

We got to let him walk out.

He's got a table tonight at a club.

He'll go out.

If he gets off, he's going to be the, he's going to be the king of the world.

He'll be like,

everyone will be like,

there's definitely people that will treat him like a hero.

Of course, like, oh man, you beat him.

He won't miss a step.

Yeah.

And the guy who's going to give the closing statement is.

I like you.

You still talk like the lawyer.

You go, yeah.

Yeah.

Who is the guy giving the closing statement?

Mr.

Bill Cosby.

You see,

the ladies like the baby oil all the time.

P.

Diddy just did the baby oil dismissed.

I haven't done Cosby in two years, so I'm a lot.

I know.

That's a pretty good one.

Cosby was the mentor.

Is he a jerk?

Is he this?

Is he that?

Is he a criminal?

Nope.

Dismissed.

Not a great guy.

David, give us a topic and

I'll riff on it and then you tag me.

This is not planned.

Okay.

There is a.

What?

Oh, we're not going to do this one.

It's too controversial.

There's a how to train your dragon sequel.

Watch it.

It's live action.

It's not.

God, I had a good one, though.

I'm looking at Yahoo News.

Yahoo.

Okay, I'll set you up with this one.

No.

Oh, Brad Pitt asked if he'd work with Tom Cruise again, and he gave one stipulation.

I can't click on it, though.

God dang it.

What do you think it is?

They'd have to do the vampire movie again?

Oh, I know what we can talk about.

Heather's precious Sidney Sweeney's soap.

No, it's bathwater.

Sidney Sweeney.

Is she selling beauty products?

She's selling some some of her bath water that they're going to put in soap that guys can whack off to or something.

It's soap with a hole in it, I heard.

That part is the best hook of all.

So Tana's like, this is the crumbling of America.

So, and I don't want to think that Sweeney is selling male sex toys,

basically.

Yeah, yeah, you know what?

Now that you position it like that, yes.

Is she publicly traded?

Can I buy her as a stock?

Because that thing's going to go fucking ballistic.

Yeah.

Her ex, no, during the movie with Glenn Powell, you know, they did that fake romance.

I don't know if you remember this.

Might be a little out of your orbit, but I know about that.

The girlfriend just finally said that she was very miffed by the whole situation, which she should be.

I have to take her side that she was flying out to Australia and he said, you know what?

She said, like, Kamala, don't come.

Don't come.

He goes, she goes, he says, this is where he got a little, I thought a little rude.

The producers and I talked, we don't think you should fly out here because it would hurt the fake romance there that he's cheating.

And she was like, that's when I decided I should go.

By the way, if you're telling a female, oh, me and my producers decided, why would they have anything to do with?

You know, I don't know.

I haven't had that experience, but it must be odd if your significant other, your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife,

and is just doing basically softcore porn on a movie set all day.

It just must be odd.

I mean, you'd like to go there and look, right?

And off-camera.

Yeah, she wanted to come check in on those because she heard rumors.

And she buzzed out.

She was going to buzz out there and they said, don't buzz.

And so,

but, you know, I met Glenn Powell recently.

I thought he was a super cool guy.

I'm a guy.

I'm from a different world.

Like, I'm not in this thing with her.

So, but she did make sense to me.

Like, that's, I would get the offensiveness of, you should tell me this is all fake.

And you should tell me that you wouldn't cheat.

And she goes, he wouldn't say that.

I know.

But if it, if you do that too much, it seems like the opposite is true.

Honest, baby, I'm telling you, man, nothing's going on.

I think she's ugly, you know, kind of thing.

Yeah.

You go, Sydney Sweeney, that gross.

Are you joking?

Is this

on some kind of can camera show?

Is this a joke?

Is this a prank show?

The idea that I would be attracted to Sidney

turned on, yeah, or somehow because we're naked under sheets for hours filming, that it would mean anything.

Are you out of your mind, darling?

That's good.

It's always

gaslight.

What's going on?

oh something happened on my computer

so that's sidney sweeney and uh i get why the girlfriend gigi got a little sideways you know it's not my business that's never kept me out of anything it's not my business i think it's only human and and natural for her to kind of go whoa you know yeah i mean unfortunately sidney sweeney's a monstrous star and glenn powell's a huge star it just you know all any relationship it's it's a tough ride when people are blowing up when yeah they're they're yeah, he's a male leading man, she's a leading woman, you know, and they're they do a lot of sex scenes in their films.

It's really and she's gorgeous, it's like three good-looking people, so I'm sure they'll all land on their feet.

Okay, here's the here's the next story, and then we're gonna wrap it up.

We're gonna wrap it up, I'm gonna,

yeah, but I got one that'll affect you

because someone sent me this and I did see this story.

Uh,

Mike Myers involved in the Diddy trial.

Did you hear that?

They said.

I've heard, yeah, a lot of these things.

What is it?

Is the idea that his parents, because I think their parents were British, Mike's parents?

From Liverpool.

Okay, right.

Like,

like the Beatles.

They might be.

What is the thing?

Is that his parents had jobs in something over there?

So they're trying to find a link?

You know what?

I just, I should text him and find out.

We should find out.

It clears it up.

I didn't even want to bring it up.

I thought it it was one of those silly things the initial thing that i saw

was a picture of him as uh austin powers

and he's looking at himself as dr evil has his pants down you see his butt and on dr evil's butt is a tattoo of p diddy

is that true is that in the movie

I only, you know, this is, I.

It could be fake.

It could be fake.

I guess it's a joke.

But

I don't think there's anything nefarious going on.

And then there were rumors that Mike took a tour of the CIA facilities.

I just assume everything's fake until I hear otherwise.

Or there's also a reason.

I mean, curiosity.

It could be anything.

You don't know.

But we should ask him.

We can clear it up for him.

Or he can come on.

He's a friend of the show.

Friend of the show.

It's Wayne.

My Garth.

He's Wayne.

I've always got his back.

Yeah.

That's fucking Garth and Wayne.

Garth always

vouches for his friend.

By the way, I just didn't want people to go without seeing my movie poster.

Tell me, is it too...

The Godzilla.

Oh, you tilt it down.

You're smart.

I think it's cool.

It may just

get a little more in evidence.

So maybe on that door or maybe right behind the plant or something.

Yeah, up on the wall instead of, I like it.

Do you?

Do you?

Do you really?

Just trying to do something colorful because, you know, I had the white wall, and apparently, people.

Is he from a low, you know,

low crime facility or something?

Is he chained to a radiator?

I mean, I move around too.

So, you know, double tree in.

Yeah.

Well, I think you gave it 120% today, Dan.

And everyone's applauding you.

You got a million birthday messages on YouTube last week.

They were very nice.

I like that.

That's nice.

Yeah.

I don't really.

Hmm.

I should have checked them, but

I don't know.

I like to have a little fun at one point every day, even if it's watching the basketball game with an ice cold beer or whatever.

You're going to watch tonight,

Friday, the Pacers.

I don't have to wink on that one.

The Pacers are playing tonight.

I saw the game

the other night.

Right.

The other night.

Yeah.

That was

it's turning into a really, really exciting series.

It's a bit of a battle royale.

I think it's what everybody wanted.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No one's walking over anybody else.

So yeah.

What about the shot?

Who was on the side of the court to prove that you saw it?

Caitlin Clark was sitting with who?

Go.

Caitlin Clark was sitting with other WNBA people.

Yep.

Angel Reese.

I don't know.

She was a a celebrity.

I think it was two other players.

Um,

I thought you knew.

I think one well, well, one was uh, Reggie

Reggie Miller was in the stands when they were playing in Indianapolis, right?

Yeah, she was with two other gals from the WNBA, but I don't know who they were, and you didn't even know who she was sitting with.

That you asked me, I asked you

the trick, so you'd answer.

You didn't know the answer, but I got it right.

Two other uh, WNBA stars, yeah, maybe Sabrine.

I don't know.

Um,

It's not really that riveting, but I just was curious.

And it was fun to see them out at a regular NBA game.

Yeah, I mean, it's, I think it's great.

The WNBA and whoever you want to give credit to is on the map.

Its ratings are

going up exponentially.

So that's great.

I'd love to see Caitlin Clark.

She's great.

Is she playing again?

That's the last question.

Then I'll let everyone go.

I think she had a little injury or something, but yeah,

she started out.

I mean, yeah, she's setting records all the time

meanwhile look at you hernia back here busting your ass on this podcast

i'll come i'll come back better and stronger

you know it just happens but i had such strong abs yes that the guy did it a different way said on he didn't break a scalpel did he No, no, but you can do a mesh, like put a little mesh on it, or you can just go with the actual tissue if it's really strong.

Yeah.

With me, they said, you know, because it's so dainty down there.

And I go,

what does that mean?

He goes, no, it's just because you're so gushy and smooshy.

Well, I shouldn't even be saying this, but he knows we're friends and everything.

And

he said, he said, look, I shouldn't have done this, but it's organic.

It probably was absorbed.

But when I did David's surgery, I put a little dandelion in there.

Oh, he did?

Yeah.

I go, you put a dandelion in there?

He goes, yeah.

That's funny.

Dandelion.

And I said, he named his special that you can see it on amazon prime and he goes really in amazon prime right now it's playing yes dandelion david spade and then he said dana i'm going to give you a hint for your next special you might want to call it sponge

because he left one in you

and scalpel he left a scalpel in there he goes i'm forgetful

Yes, he left an inflatable raft when I had a minor two-foot thing.

There's probably a kink with some doctor where he like leaves something small.

That's a sickening thing, but I guarantee you it's real.

I guarantee you.

Yeah, definitely.

Or writing things on different organs and stuff.

Yeah, I hate it.

Okay, well, thanks for.

I appreciate that I'm puking everyone out in the last five seconds.

Well, I didn't know what to do with my hands.

Normally I'm holding it and I finally got a thing like this.

I know you got a mic stand.

I was going like this.

I was going like this.

I went like this.

I mean, I should really be at a comedic stance of some kind.

Yeah, it's weird because if no one notices, I have a mic stand and Dane always holds it like a comedian.

But at a certain point, he decided to grow up.

Well, now I had one of these things attached to the table and it broke.

And I'm kind of scattered.

I didn't fix it.

So I just held it for two years.

Yeah, you're like, Pa, Ma, Little House in the Prairie.

All right, Dane, if that wasn't the end, I think people realize this is the end.

We want to do that.

This is like the movie credits.

Yeah, this is like the doors.

This is the end.

You're still here.

You're still watching.

You're still watching.

You're still listening.

You're still driving.

I want to thank you once again

for the next super fly.

I'm going to do something that I've never done before.

But in the comment section on YouTube, try to guess what I've placed in that little

leather thing.

And if you guess it,

we're going to get some kind of something good's going to happen to you.

I'm like, that's it.

Do you want to announce a prize?

Well, could you send it to them or is it too words too much?

Send whatever's in there?

Yeah.

Is that like a hint or a clue?

No, we could send it to them as a winner.

We could say, you win it.

Oh, I see.

Is it possible?

I mean, we could send them the bag, but then I wouldn't.

No, no, we send them what was in it.

What's in it?

It is possible they could send it.

Okay, so maybe we'll do that, of course.

But how do we know if they're going to want it?

They won't want it.

They might.

Okay, we'll figure it out.

Well, this is we're going to figure it out.

We're trying to create mystery on the show.

Yeah, it's so much mystery.

People are fucking freaking out.

Okay, I'm going to go.

And Dana, it was nice meeting you, and we're going to have a great time.

So take care of yourself.

I'll check on you later.

Yes, sir.

This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly is executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss-Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro, and Greg Holtzman.

Hope you liked it.