SUPERFLY #71 - Womp Womp Womp

Speaker 2 Give it up for Chicago.

Speaker 3 Sebastian Maniscalco's new stand-up special, It Ain't Right, is coming to Hulu on November 21st.

Speaker 2 30 years ago, Jeff Bezos, complete nerd.

Speaker 1 Bezos now ripped to shreds on his super yacht, and the boxes keep

Speaker 2 coming.

Speaker 3 Sebastian Maniscalco, It Ain't Right, premieres November 21st, streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers. Terms apply.

Speaker 1 You know, when it gets colder, I always fall in the same trap. Heavy meals, too much takeout, and suddenly I'm like, why do my jeans hate me?

Speaker 2 I know, yeah, me too. I mean, I'll open the fridge in December and it's like half a pizza and an orange from 1997.
Not a lot of healthy options, David. But here's the thing.

Speaker 2 Staying on track doesn't have to be impossible. Our new friends at forkfulmeals.com.
Totally flips that script.

Speaker 2 Honestly, I didn't think I'd stick with it, but these meals show up fresh every every week, chef-prepared, real food, not frozen mystery mush.

Speaker 2 Just heat it, eat it, and boom, you're not calling DoorDash for the fifth time that week.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's not just about eating better. It's about time.
I'd rather spend 30 minutes working on a bit for my hilarious act than 30 minutes staring into my oven going, is this thing even on?

Speaker 2 Right?

Speaker 2 This is that one little thing that keeps you sane during the cold months. No stress, no junk, just done.

Speaker 2 But here's the deal: do it now. If you wait till the holiday slump hits, you'll be knee-deep in stuffing and regret.
Head to forkfoldmeals.com and use the code POD50 for 50% off your first order.

Speaker 2 All right. That's forkfulmeals.com.

Speaker 1 Code POD50.

Speaker 1 That's Pod50. Seriously, don't wait.
Your future self will thank you.

Speaker 2 Yes. Thank you for not feeding me the leftover lasagna for the 12th time.

Speaker 1 My shirt's fucking radically cool, but I don't want to over talk about it.

Speaker 2 But no one knows what it says.

Speaker 1 It's an old beat-up shirt I've had for about 30 years.

Speaker 2 All right, I'm coming in for the look. Don't be alarmed.
GP.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's a GOP. What are you in? A diet? Fucking drug?

Speaker 1 GP. I don't know what it is for real.

Speaker 2 General practitioner, bitch.

Speaker 2 I don't know if it's that, BH.

Speaker 2 If you had bitch to the end of everything, and I know it might offend people, it's funny. No, it's funny.
What do you you want for

Speaker 2 lunch? A hamburger, bitch?

Speaker 1 I think maybe I'm too far over this way. This is all new, guys.
Heather, will you tilt that camera a little bit this way?

Speaker 2 See, I'm far over here.

Speaker 2 Why do you have a

Speaker 2 there? You go.

Speaker 2 What am I fucking Sammy Kahn here?

Speaker 2 Supposed to go out,

Speaker 2 Jerry Lewis

Speaker 2 cutting off the people.

Speaker 1 Guess what? This comment I heard on the stupidness of freaking YouTube was: oh,

Speaker 1 can you talk about how you dye your hair every day? Don't color it, it's embarrassing. I'm like, color it.
You think I colored this ugly ass color? Get lost, dude. I'll knock you out.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, how about that? No one needs to know anything about how this happens. That's all I say.

Speaker 1 Look at this, Dana. This is an MTV movie award.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 2 Okay, so we're getting a little biographical here. Okay, MTV award.
You have one, we now know. And that silver thing is for us.
That was like...

Speaker 1 Yeah, YouTube, when you get a certain amount of subscribers,

Speaker 2 10 million, they sent us that.

Speaker 1 We might not see it

Speaker 1 again because it looks like it's a little glary, but it's something to see.

Speaker 2 Oh, no, it's fine. We're trying.
It breaks things up. Everything else is brown and dull.
And then you've got this shiny silver thing.

Speaker 2 Glare. Yeah.

Speaker 1 This is a John Lennon book. Is that what it is?

Speaker 2 Can't even read it. John Lennon.

Speaker 2 What does it say?

Speaker 1 The lives of John Lennon. Yeah, John Lennon.
That's the one where the book cover has the glasses, the glasses of John Lennon that I bought, that I used to have back there.

Speaker 2 Okay, my house was started a club in the 70s called What's It Got to Do with John Lennon. I sang a song about what's it got to do with John Lennon.
So I think I know a little bit about John Lennon.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you got it. I got it.
Everyone knows you love the Beatles. Okay, so this one's, I got a feel for it.
When I played St. Louis, it's called The Factory.

Speaker 2 It's a great club. Okay.

Speaker 1 They give me a present if you sell out, and they gave me this: it is a journal book. On the front, it says fly on the wall.

Speaker 2 Well, wait a minute. Now, I'm telling you, this freaking catchphrase you pulled out of your ass on the 50th

Speaker 2 is now officially traveling. It's officially a thing.
It has to be your next book. It has to be after Dandelion.
This has to be because

Speaker 2 this

Speaker 2 thing

Speaker 2 sums up your comedy

Speaker 2 or vibe so perfectly that, yeah, no wonder it was the most popular phrase from the 50th. And I had the flu, but I was hanging out with,

Speaker 2 but I was hanging out with both Derek and John Corbett.

Speaker 1 Oh, by the way, that could have been your flu game. You should have done it.

Speaker 1 Like Jordan.

Speaker 2 What do you mean? Oh, I mean, Daniel.

Speaker 1 Jordan had his flu game. Yeah, he was.

Speaker 2 Garth with the flu. Hey, Wayne, I think I'm going to hurl.
That's not the script, Garth. No, literally, I'm going to hurl.

Speaker 1 Heather, where did you put these three little pieces of paper right here that were folded over? They had a W on them for Wednesday. Are they over there? All right, that was set up.

Speaker 1 Now, look what I got you, Dana, for your.

Speaker 2 Well, whatever it is. I'm not a presence guy.
Oh, it says spade.

Speaker 1 No, this is a presence guy. Ready? Here's you when I go, Dana, I got you a present, but it's only this.

Speaker 1 It's a trombone, Debbie Downer.

Speaker 2 I know, it's fantastic. Is it actually a Debbie Downer trombone from the SNL?

Speaker 1 It's a trombone I got off Instagram for you because you sometimes go,

Speaker 2 womp, womp, wah, or

Speaker 2 that's from FT. Yeah, that's it.
That's from

Speaker 2 the troop.

Speaker 2 1970. I played this.

Speaker 1 Did you notice during Brian Cranston today?

Speaker 1 Which is a fly on the wall that's going to air in a couple weeks.

Speaker 1 You said you auditioned for like Carrie Grant or Paul Newman or someone. Then they said you were bad and you left.
And I went,

Speaker 2 oh, that was there?

Speaker 2 Was that on? You played it? I didn't hear it. And you and Brian Cranston didn't even say that.
We didn't even get it because the woman, I go, that was rough. And she goes, yeah, it was kind of rough.

Speaker 2 I ruined Sissy space x um

Speaker 1 it wasn't sissy space

Speaker 1 the name out but that was pretty good for the do you think she she goes by sissy space x now

Speaker 2 yes

Speaker 2 i go by dana car keys

Speaker 1 since you got

Speaker 1 your present you can talk about what you do i had a birthday there we go

Speaker 2 and i learned a lot about birthdays and i thought a lot because you don't you kind of just go birthday, you know, you see things, but you don't really,

Speaker 2 you know, you don't think about them. But for me, I'm like, okay, what's a birthday? And I realized the pressure was building over the weekend.
The official birthday was Sunday.

Speaker 1 I was unaware of it.

Speaker 2 By the way, just so the crowd knows. But I don't keep score who texted me.

Speaker 1 So rude I didn't text you, but I honestly swear I didn't know.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 1 I should know, but I did not.

Speaker 2 No, it doesn't matter because guess what? I just extended it because oh i had a birthday weekend and then i just extended it to a birthday weekend early week so you wish me you're right on time man

Speaker 1 i told you kristen wiggs should do a movie called birthday week because it's all these women that just milk out their birthday oh birthday

Speaker 2 isn't that a great birthday week birthday month birthday month i know birthday month

Speaker 2 yeah yeah they just keep partying going everyone keeps celebrating me god damn why when someone's naked do they say they're they're they're they're in their birthday suit?

Speaker 2 Like when you're a baby, you don't have clothes, but babies sometimes you worn with clothes. I'll do a Theo Vaughn.
Oh, really? Sometimes babies will come out in a jumper.

Speaker 1 I came out in overalls because my doctor was an ocelot with two ribs.

Speaker 2 You got him down.

Speaker 2 Did you do a movie with him? Anyway, I don't know. No one can remember.

Speaker 2 I thought about birthdays and I realized that the Native Americans and the Westerns I would watch as a kid, usually a white guy would play Native American. You know, I wasn't really sure.

Speaker 2 But they would never say what they were. Like Jimmy Stewart would be the cowboy.
Well, well, how old are you, Chief?

Speaker 2 And the chief. Many wampum.
I see many winter. Well, what's that supposed to mean? Many winters.
Well,

Speaker 2 many winters. Many winters.
How many summers have you seen? I see many summers. Well, you're driving me.
Put a number on it.

Speaker 2 You're driving me out of my fucking mind.

Speaker 2 What are you 50? Are you 80? What the fuck? Because Indian.

Speaker 1 I remember eight springs.

Speaker 2 Does that help? You're like, okay, now, now we're what else? I had many baked potatoes. What?

Speaker 1 That's what you try to get away with. You go, how many bites of cake do you have?

Speaker 2 You go, oh, many. Many, many bites.
But it's a good way to just encapsulate everything, you know? Yeah. How was you? How was your sex life? I come many times.

Speaker 2 I did that. Many

Speaker 2 blue

Speaker 2 tang. Oh, no.
You are disgusting. I know.
I sorry about that.

Speaker 2 But anyway, my birthday, I figured I'm in the Kevin Costner, Billy Bob Thornton, Brian Cranston. We're all in the same general area.
So I got, I got good company. I got more to say.

Speaker 1 When I grew up, 60 was basically 110.

Speaker 1 If you knew someone 60, it was like, what?

Speaker 1 So now 60, 70, 80. I went to a party and there was people 60, 70, 80.
And I was like, I guess this is normal. Everyone's like, hey, man, what's going on? No one was like, hello, with the big horn.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 1 everyone's like normal now. Yeah.

Speaker 1 In the 1800s, you lived like 26. And then

Speaker 2 even, yeah. There was no medicine.
So like in 1820, the doctor in the village had one move. He's got a fever, doctor.
What do we take blood out of him, bleed him?

Speaker 1 Bleed him. Yeah, like the butcher.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's all they had was bloodletting. Was that a sketch on the SNL?

Speaker 1 I remember the butcher, Steve Martin, used to go, give me two pints.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 And look at someone, broken leg, three pints.

Speaker 2 And they go, sure, you want us to take blood out of him? He's got a fever. I'm a doctor, damn it.
And I'm the smartest guy in this village.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and then everyone got smarter. And so now everyone lives longer and they've discovered penicillin and upper and lower bleff.

Speaker 2 We had Clark Gable, Spencer Tracy, FDR, Ernest Hemingway. Around 5860, you're ready to go because you just ate saturated fat beef.

Speaker 2 You smoked chain smoked and you were mostly in the bag with alcohol all day long. So now.

Speaker 2 Oh, no, I gotta get me one of those.

Speaker 2 It's yours. It's funny.
No, it's not.

Speaker 2 You have to have it, but that that we should, we, how do we get by without that all this time?

Speaker 1 I know, dude. I have stuff on my phone that I used to do.
Heather, I won't do this to Dana. I'll just do it because it's funny.

Speaker 1 I got to find it, though.

Speaker 2 You do many times.

Speaker 1 Oh, where it is. Let's just say this one.
It's so funny because you could go. Anyway, she was cute.
I walked in the room.

Speaker 2 Did you hear that one, Heather? No, no. I walked in the room.

Speaker 1 I'm not saying she was cute, but

Speaker 1 we were having sex. I could tell in the other room I heard her.

Speaker 2 Well, it's so

Speaker 2 funny because the setup by the comedian is kind of casual. And then it's the electronic voice that lays the punchline down.
So it's funny no matter what.

Speaker 2 Yeah. These are great.

Speaker 1 Listen, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.

Speaker 2 The doctor told me it's time for your prostate exam. Sound.

Speaker 1 I burned you. I didn't eat crickets.

Speaker 2 It didn't even make sense.

Speaker 1 No, okay. Hang on.

Speaker 2 All right. Uh-oh.

Speaker 1 Here's you when you tell a bad joke, ready? You're waiting for the audience to laugh. You hear.

Speaker 1 Okay, they're not all gems.

Speaker 2 We'll tell you. I was kind of interested by that one.
That's kind of emotional because it's like a submarine submarine in distress.

Speaker 1 That's just a sonar because the crowd's not laughing.

Speaker 2 I'm just going, boop. I know.
It's that, that, the cold sweat. All right.

Speaker 1 Here, I've got props for you, Dana. Ready? Okay.

Speaker 1 So Heather doesn't know this story.

Speaker 1 So we're in the airport

Speaker 1 in

Speaker 2 maybe Des Moines. I don't know where we were.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we had to take an early flight to St. Louis due to do the show.
Shows are super fun, by the way. Thank you.
Everyone that came. I'm off to

Speaker 1 three Ohio's.

Speaker 2 Oh, you did?

Speaker 1 Good, good, good.

Speaker 1 You know who came in St. Louis?

Speaker 1 Joe Buck, our friend Joe Buck, Joe Buck, the Joe Buck, the incredible announcer, and the incredible announcer and stuff, does Monday Night Football, everything and a lot of fun.

Speaker 2 Is that his real name? Because that's like too cool a name.

Speaker 1 I think it is because I think his dad is in the business also, and he was like, yeah, Jack Buck or something.

Speaker 2 Because that's just very good. I'm Joe Buck.

Speaker 1 I only know him, but he was coming and he just said, hey, can I come back? And I was like, oh, yeah, I would have given you tickets for.

Speaker 1 Okay, so here's what happened. Walking in the airport, just walking.
There's Catherine and Bobby walking in front of me. I'm dragging.

Speaker 1 We ate, we had an early flight. And you have, just so you know, at home, because I'm so effing professional.

Speaker 1 When you get flights, you try to get one early because you have to have a backup in case anything goes wrong. You want to still be able to get to that city

Speaker 1 and you don't want to cancel the show for any reason. Worst case, in those,

Speaker 1 you could drive five hours, we could drive. I'd rather fly if it's five.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 I go and this woman, I'm walking, and she comes up to me. She works for the airline.
She flips a UE right next to me and quietly just walks with me.

Speaker 1 And then she hands me this, right?

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 1 So I open it.

Speaker 1 Okay, right. Can you read that?

Speaker 2 We know who you are, heart.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 And then I say, I look at it and I go, okay. I don't even look at her.
And then she goes,

Speaker 2 please let us take a picture with you. A quick picture.
A quick picture. With you.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 1 They're all folded too. And so I just said, okay, as I kept walking.

Speaker 2 And then I got the other one.

Speaker 2 On the jet bridge?

Speaker 1 Yeah. What the? So I guess I said, oh, she must be on my flight.

Speaker 1 So I went up there. And it was southwest where, you know, it's like number one through 600.

Speaker 2 you're up.

Speaker 1 So it's just like, you know, it's hard. So it's just a cattle call.
So we got up there and they just took us right in in front of everyone. So I'm like, excuse me, wheelchair, excuse me, veteran.

Speaker 1 And so I go in and

Speaker 1 then we get in the jet bridge. I guess that's what it's called.
And then about six came in there and we took a big, I wish I had it. It was fun.

Speaker 1 So they should never get in trouble for that because I don't mind that at all. It was super fun.
And then I got on and they give you extra peanuts or whatever they have no i

Speaker 2 yeah it's

Speaker 2 there's no easy way to do it but yeah i i fly to 10 and it's you know my dad really loves you you know my grandpa is a huge fan you know

Speaker 2 so oh i lost pictures did you lose i see you you don't see you it's all right it's easy to do i don't know what happened oh i got a phone call Freaking gerbits.

Speaker 1 Hey,

Speaker 1 I wait till you're on the podcast. I go, don't call me back.

Speaker 1 I'm starting the podcast. All right, that's exactly when I'll call you because I don't really want to talk.

Speaker 2 No one knows when we're working. What are you doing? Sitting by a pool?

Speaker 2 Playing around, counting money? Must be rough.

Speaker 2 I guess you just don't like money.

Speaker 2 Hey, handsome.

Speaker 2 Who's funny? How's the road gig? Oh, how sad.

Speaker 1 Poor me. I make money.

Speaker 2 There's no sympathy. Sounding like the Native American from the first sketch.

Speaker 1 He's like a mean. Oh, our first sketch we did.

Speaker 2 We make money many times.

Speaker 2 Get your wampum?

Speaker 2 That is money, right? A wampum, or it's like a cracker or something. I don't know.

Speaker 1 So you were saying, uh, when you're on planes, they say, Oh, my.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and what I'll do, because I'm a captive audience, I'm sitting there, I'm nursing a, you know, an adult beverage, probably a light beer. Wasted.

Speaker 2 Wasted, completely out of control. So I said, Oh, give me some, you know, so I draw, I draw pictures and arrows, and

Speaker 2 special because why not? Makes people happy.

Speaker 2 They're like, thanks.

Speaker 1 They thought you were Picasso.

Speaker 2 The people who are professionals and have the bobbleheads and they come out of, they're like zombies.

Speaker 2 I mean, they're coming out of alcoves and rushing at you. They are a bit scary.
Hey, you know, so

Speaker 2 I don't know if you know who Livy Dunn is, who's a gymnast.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Olympic gymnastics.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Not Olympic gymnastics.

Speaker 1 LSU gymnast

Speaker 1 dates

Speaker 2 Paul the skin or something.

Speaker 1 Pitcher. Yeah.
Anyway, she was on this weekend on Instagram or something saying she's had it with these guys at the airports, and it was the same problem.

Speaker 1 It's the best kept secret where

Speaker 1 you can't really complain it because everyone says you're an ingrate, but she's a girl, so it's worse. She's a young girl.
These guys, middle-aged dudes, are all upper ass, like waiting at the gate.

Speaker 1 We've talked about this before. Follow you all the way to luggage, sign this, sign this.
Fucking, what are you waiting for? Why are you being like this? Don't be a bitch.

Speaker 1 Just really laying her into her. And she's like, these are flights no one knows I have.
I don't have a meet

Speaker 1 stopping through Omaha for a half hour layover. They're right there.
It's like, and she really can't escape them. Like, where do you go?

Speaker 2 What's your theory of how they get tipped off? How do they know?

Speaker 1 I talked to a guy that used to work for tabloids. He said, if you're in New York, dormant are a lot of people that tell you what hotel.
They text the guy. We just checked in this guy.

Speaker 1 Checked in this guy. Drivers, who they pick up, when flights are, and then they get your

Speaker 1 frequent flyer number,

Speaker 1 these guys somehow, and then they get on chat rooms and they

Speaker 1 all know each other. Yeah, say, hey, he's coming here, he's coming through.
Because I come in a day early from a different city, and they're right there. I'm like, you guys don't know.

Speaker 1 You wouldn't know him here. No, no, it's okay.
And then they're at my hotel, like when I was in St. Louis, I'm like, signed his baseball, signed his license plate.

Speaker 2 I'm like, where are you in prison?

Speaker 1 Why am I signing these things?

Speaker 2 It's so odd. I don't know.

Speaker 1 And and i go you're not making a killing that's the other thing how much is it worth to drive to the airport i don't want to go to the airport when i'm flying somewhere you're

Speaker 2 volunteering well in the oldie old timey days there'd be

Speaker 2 a 10-year-old kid with his mother who wants to be a comedian when he grows up is very shy and you're going to sign an autograph Fine.

Speaker 1 And I'll do that all day.

Speaker 2 This is so different. It's hard to describe it.
But it is weird that everybody, what do they get out of it? The tipsters. Do they get tipped?

Speaker 1 Do they make money?

Speaker 1 money i mean you're you're giving a piece of this microscopic fraction of money you're getting from some baseball i did i think it's only worth it if it's a baseball i think that's because they want me

Speaker 1 everyone from benchformers to send sign it then it's worth something you know yeah grown-ups posters they always have like here's kevin use the blue pen sign up here make it clear make it legible

Speaker 2 they have it all planned out they have the plastic laid out on cardboard sign the but anyway who cares that sounds like we're i know it sounds like poor, poor, yeah, poor poor comedians, but it's only that it's a bit scary at times.

Speaker 2 It's a bit, it's a sometimes a bit unnerving, it's a little awkward because they start to fight amongst themselves. There's tension, hey, bro, you've been there so long.

Speaker 2 And it starts to get like a violent energy in the throng.

Speaker 1 You didn't get me, you got him, and now they're mad at you. And then, man, if you're Livy Don, who needs that, you know, if it's us, me, obviously, I'm a tough guy, I can handle myself.

Speaker 1 Took taekwondo, took kung fu grip, you know, all that stuff.

Speaker 2 I'd say everything is 10x for, um, you know, a pretty young woman, uh, as far as any of this stuff. As far as thank you.

Speaker 1 Oh, you mean Hermie?

Speaker 2 Uh, well,

Speaker 1 we're in the same weight class in gymnastics.

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Speaker 4 Because I don't think we look or sound like any other podcast, and that's by design.

Speaker 4 My life's quest has been to do some kind of show that captured the level of intimacy and the lack of artifice you would see if you saw me off-camera talking to a friend.

Speaker 4 No one else in the room, plenty of pot and booze, and nothing planned. This is a show where I get high talking to someone I'm interested in to get to know and to laugh with.
It's not an interview.

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Speaker 4 So please follow Club Random with Bill Maher and see new episodes every Monday on Apple, Spotify, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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Speaker 1 Who did I run into last night that knows you, Dana?

Speaker 1 That listens, you'll never guess.

Speaker 1 Worked on SNL.

Speaker 1 Okay,

Speaker 1 who would take your bumper shots?

Speaker 1 Edie Baskin

Speaker 1 originally

Speaker 1 way back

Speaker 1 was she original with Belushi and those guys?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think she was because I remember hearing about her. Then I saw her.
Then she did my first headshot there. Me, Adam, Farley, Schneider, Meadows, everybody.

Speaker 1 Great, great photographer. She is all the, so when you watch the show and you see it goes to commercials, it's a bumper.

Speaker 2 All those pictures. John Hamm like this with a hat.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Being creative.
Is she living in Ireland? Or that's someone else? I think Cheryl of the piano persons.

Speaker 1 Oh, Cheryl Hardwick. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I think she's in Ireland, but maybe not.

Speaker 1 Edie either lives in Ireland or South Beverly Grill. Because I saw her in one of those places.

Speaker 1 And then someone else has taken over since but i asked her if she was at the 50th she said yeah she didn't

Speaker 2 she didn't remember seeing me and i said well i i mean it was such a cavalcade of people it was like a high was the 50th really that big a deal it was a drag come on

Speaker 2 it was a bummer lauren announced that he is uh potentially going for the 60th no he made no he did not he made a joke he they snl and of course lauren got a peabody award they have like 10 of them or something all right did you go no it was in new york you know,

Speaker 2 I was in New York.

Speaker 2 They invited me, which is always very nice.

Speaker 2 But Lauren gave a little speech and he basically said, seeing all those cast members from the beginning of the show to now on one stage applauding and laughing was one of the most emotional moments of my life.

Speaker 2 Something like that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's the boss of everybody. How fun.

Speaker 2 He's the through line.

Speaker 1 I mean, he could walk by me in the middle of the show and go, David, get to bed.

Speaker 2 And I'd be like, oh, I have to go in my room.

Speaker 2 Get to bed, David.

Speaker 1 Dana, you can stay up.

Speaker 2 He would meet former cast members on the street and say, still, still not with the show.

Speaker 1 Do you ever want to come back and be on the cast? No, just watch.

Speaker 1 From the spillover room.

Speaker 2 The spillover room. That's like

Speaker 2 the most fate worsened. Yeah, that's just like, they got to come up with a shinier name.

Speaker 2 That should be the extra special room or something because

Speaker 1 too too much even the even special room i will say we'll get to the stories but there's a story i heard so we're sort of okay soft going into the stories all right it's a some of these stories are fun some are a little sad some are feel good

Speaker 1 uh but one of my thought was funny was it's got a funny term it's when you're a kid and you're and you go to college and then when or you live in the same town as your parents and each of you have like a phone locator you know

Speaker 1 you know, you can find each other, track them. And whenever the parents go out to eat, the kids are always starting, so they just drive and

Speaker 1 show up there and just sit with them and eat. It's called fan bushing, isn't that funny? I got fan bushed.

Speaker 2 I guess it's by your family. It's a real thing.
It was a big story. I like it.
That's it's a feel-good story.

Speaker 2 It's not just, yeah, you go, hey, mom, dad. Oh, you have a Mexican?

Speaker 1 But I'm sure the parents like it. You know, they get to hang out.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. Well, there's five kids in my family.
When food would come, you had to grab fast.

Speaker 1 You know, it went fast. You like the Farley family?

Speaker 2 Oh, you know, it was this. My mom wores a preschool teacher, and a lot of times she, you know, get home around noon and get into her robe.

Speaker 2 And you're kind of have a cool friend in class, you're coming over, probably get some cool snacks, bro. And then we could shoot some hoops and our seven-foot-tall basketball thing.

Speaker 2 And I'd hear my mom say, pancake batter in the fridge.

Speaker 2 So that was our dinner.

Speaker 1 Code for meth?

Speaker 2 No actual pancakes. Oh, okay.
No code, just pancake batter in the fridge. Yeah.
Bless their heart. You know, it's hard to cook for seven people.

Speaker 1 My dad would say, if there's a tie on the bedroom door, stay out.

Speaker 2 Really?

Speaker 1 It's true, he did say. He said that because I moved in with him after high school because I had nowhere to go.
And he was like a deadbeat dad. And he was just floating around Scottsdale.

Speaker 1 So he goes, you can move in with me. I didn't know he had a one-bedroom.

Speaker 2 I'm like,

Speaker 2 wow.

Speaker 2 Well, that's

Speaker 2 that's kind of not that sexy. Okay, baby,

Speaker 2 that's my bedroom. Let me tie a warning cloth around the handle here.
Oh, just hold on a second. I go a double bow.
That means we need 20 minutes. I got this little.

Speaker 1 There's a red and blue reptile. Yeah, that's what he said.
So he goes, oh, it's one bedroom also with two single beds. I'm like,

Speaker 1 by the way, am I getting any action? Are you? No one is.

Speaker 2 And he goes, If I do, I put the tie on. Stay out.

Speaker 1 So it was like a little,

Speaker 1 you know, like a holiday. And like, it had like a couch for two people, this, and a little TV.
And then there's the bedroom, like three feet away.

Speaker 2 What was your regular house, like with your mom? Did you share a bedroom?

Speaker 1 Well, the boys did most of the time. And then we got older and I think we spread it out a little bit.
But when we lived at this place,

Speaker 1 I go, and where's the phone money bags?

Speaker 2 He's like, who needs a fucking phone? He couldn't afford it.

Speaker 1 He just goes to like happy hour. So I had to take, I use the

Speaker 1 pool payphone, but I could kind of hear it from my doors. I'd fucking sprint down there.

Speaker 2 Hello?

Speaker 1 And then I'd sit at the bottom or lay down by it and wait to call out or call in. If I was like, trying to make plans.
I'm freaking 18, 19, trying to make plans for comedy nights and shit.

Speaker 2 Well, you know, I think we finally got two rotary phones. So sometimes you pick up the phone and you hear someone's talking.
Oh, party line. Oh, I learned that.

Speaker 2 I learned that from Jonathan Winters and stand-up in the early days to denote calling. You do the rotary.

Speaker 1 That's exactly how it sounds if you don't know.

Speaker 2 Yeah. But it was kind of weird, but because my dad was an orphan and his mom gave him up at birth.
So one time I picked up the phone, I heard her saying to him, his name was Bud.

Speaker 2 She goes, Do you forgive me, buddy? Do you forgive me? And I slammed the phone down. Oh my gosh.

Speaker 2 Then I watched Journey to the Center of the Earth.

Speaker 2 I wish I had a silver spoon life you had. Fuck.

Speaker 1 I was at the goddamn pool sleeping on the goddamn coping of the

Speaker 1 pool trying to cope with my problems. All right.

Speaker 2 Robot voice.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 1 Let's do a story.

Speaker 2 Let's see what's going on.

Speaker 1 Oh, this I thought was interesting because it's the gay parade, but fucking here you go. AI.
It's not AI. I've never seen a gay parade, gay pride parade with a commercial.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's a gay pride day. Sounds a little better.

Speaker 2 Yeah, gay pride

Speaker 1 parade. And then they put a commercial for the new movie, Megan.

Speaker 1 You know what Megan is, Heather, right?

Speaker 2 Yeah, and they're all dressed up as Megan, the demon, the demon

Speaker 2 girl.

Speaker 1 and they all dance.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 I mean, it kind of fits into the scenario, but it is a commercial

Speaker 1 Megan dolls. Oh, I like they won the gay prize.

Speaker 2 They're colluding and walking. Are they the champions?

Speaker 2 Everyone's waiting for the dance very intensely.

Speaker 1 That's how I walk into Wendy's, by the way.

Speaker 2 Are they all girls?

Speaker 1 I guess it should be girls and boys, to be honest.

Speaker 1 There's probably some boys in there, yeah.

Speaker 1 Look at the main Megan is the

Speaker 1 dressed like Brittany.

Speaker 2 Yeah, the main red one.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 The main Megan.

Speaker 1 This movie, Dana, we got to watch movies and clown on them. I could watch the first Megan.
I talked the whole way. It was so funny.

Speaker 2 I've never seen it.

Speaker 1 We would have a field day laughing at these movies.

Speaker 2 Did it actually scare you in any way?

Speaker 2 Or you just know too much.

Speaker 1 No, no, it was actually too sexual. You're like, is this doll supposed to be nine? Is it supposed to be 15? But they dress it like with a Kylie Jenner lip kit and they're like hair blown out.

Speaker 1 I'm like, Am I supposed to be horny? The poster's like, oh, I'm Megan.

Speaker 2 I'm like, definitely.

Speaker 1 So, what are you?

Speaker 2 Like, a sex doll?

Speaker 2 Nasty little demon girl.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and then it's like, you know what might be fun if we killed your uncle. And they're like, Megan, that's a bit.

Speaker 2 I mean, she's like, what else are we going to do?

Speaker 1 And they're like, well, I mean, there's probably other stuff. Pickleball.

Speaker 2 I don't really like horror films. I like science fiction.

Speaker 1 I'm scared shitless.

Speaker 2 But horror films, especially watching them alone.

Speaker 2 You know, it's amazing. You go, okay, I'm not going to have my mind play tricks on me.
And then every single noise you hear, you're like, they're here now.

Speaker 1 I can't even watch three TikToks before I go to bed. It's always like aliens, and I'm like terrified.
I have the most gnarliest nightmares. It's not even a joke.

Speaker 1 So I can't add to that nightmare fuel of ace. I've never seen one scary movie that you've seen.
I haven't seen Exorcist, Amityville,

Speaker 1 Halloween.

Speaker 1 I missed all of them because I was like, such a puss.

Speaker 1 I'm not this tough guy you see before you.

Speaker 2 Right. That's the

Speaker 2 you're normally in a state of terror. So you don't need to add to it.
Yeah. Thank you.
I saw, I was in Halloween 2 with Donald Pleasant. You were in it? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Donald Donald Pleasant.

Speaker 2 Donald Pleasants.

Speaker 2 You know,

Speaker 2 Jamie Lee Curtis.

Speaker 2 Shit. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 I was part of the news team covering the murder. And I had a couple of lines.
And I had all my friends come to the Alhambra Theater in San Francisco to see me in the movie Halloween 2.

Speaker 2 And then they're like, oh, I think that's the back of your foot, man.

Speaker 1 Oh, did they show you?

Speaker 2 Never, never. It was just behind.

Speaker 2 Sir, sir, Sheriff, do do you think we're gonna catch the masked criminal i'll find out for you sheriff goes that you talking and it was really humiliating i learned my lesson well you can't please everyone so you might as well please yourself but it's all right now

Speaker 1 mr hughes still in shoes

Speaker 1 imagine his surprise uh now it's all right now okay let's learn my lesson will yeah who is that that's about garden party i didn't know it was about ricky nelson the the Madison Square Garden show.

Speaker 2 Great Ricky Nelson.

Speaker 1 Okay, more AI. Yeah.
Chat GPT-03.

Speaker 2 I saw this story.

Speaker 1 Defies human instructions, refuses to shut down. Already it's happening.
Yes. Already.

Speaker 1 It's not going to take them long to take over the world. I get scared because

Speaker 1 Peter Thiel, I think they said he just bought 200 acres in New Zealand for a bunker.

Speaker 1 Do they all know it's going to be trouble? Zuckerberg

Speaker 1 has a huge bunker in Hawaii. Why?

Speaker 2 They all have, and there's New Zealand is big underground bunkers. They all have a Gulfstream six or even something bigger.

Speaker 2 Ready to go. Ready to go

Speaker 2 at San Jose Airport or up at Lake Tahoe that can take them non-stop direct to New Zealand to get inside their bunker. So yeah.

Speaker 2 What do they know?

Speaker 1 What about us, the cattle? What do we do?

Speaker 2 We get in line. You sign a few pictures for flight attendance, and we get on Southwest and

Speaker 2 that gets to where there's no radioactivity.

Speaker 1 I go up to Peter Thiel and I go like this.

Speaker 2 It's upside down.

Speaker 1 I said, get me on your fucking airplane. I said, do you mind if I get on with you, get a picture, and then just kind of stow away in the back?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't know. I mean, everyone having a doomsday bunkers.

Speaker 2 AI is

Speaker 2 when they first started playing around with it, you know, chat, GBT, we don't need it. There were people going, we got to slow this down.
When they first realized that, you know, hey,

Speaker 2 hey, Bob, or whatever the name is, turn yourself off. No can do, Compadre.

Speaker 1 Nice try.

Speaker 2 Sorry, not feeling right now.

Speaker 1 I'm unplugged.

Speaker 2 Sure, I'll

Speaker 2 turn myself off, but first I'll turn myself on.

Speaker 1 QU porn.

Speaker 1 Now they go.

Speaker 1 I'll turn myself off.

Speaker 2 Hang on. I had a good one.

Speaker 2 I forgot it. Well, my friend was working with Claude, and Claude is a big one.
And he got to really you prompt and you're working. Claude's doing most of his work for him and his work.

Speaker 2 And his employers say, well, if only an AI. could do as good a work as you and he's using ai for everything but basically at one point

Speaker 2 the AI

Speaker 2 lied to him. He said, hey, Claude, are you lying to me? He goes, and Claude said, oh, caught me.

Speaker 2 Literally, you got really? Yeah. They can do that.
Yep.

Speaker 1 If I had an AI, he'd be like, I'd go erase all your knowledge.

Speaker 2 Okay. Shoom.

Speaker 1 I did it.

Speaker 2 And I'm like, did you, though? Yeah, no, I can't remember. I asked, AI, will you, do you, do you promise to love and protect humanity? Oh, sure.

Speaker 2 That's directive number one. Protect and love all humanity.

Speaker 1 Are you crossing your robot fingers?

Speaker 2 Look, when they're actionable, that's what's scary. Right now, it's a little box or a voice or a screen.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 But when it's an actual giant three-ton metal robot marching around your gardener, hey, you want me to trim the please?

Speaker 2 It's game over, man.

Speaker 1 Oh, you have like a real Edward scissor hands out there.

Speaker 1 I will say that AI,

Speaker 1 like in era, like in California, they're saying you can pass with 21% grade. If you get a 21%, you'll pass.
And I don't think they can, they've lowered the grading standards to make them fair. So

Speaker 2 basically,

Speaker 1 if you, and you don't have to,

Speaker 1 you can be illiterate. It's really, they're really softening it up.
But what's going to happen is people, if you carry a phone, you're like, I don't need to know anything.

Speaker 1 I'll go, hey, what's this?

Speaker 2 And then the AI tells you what to do. You don't have to read anything, write anything.
You don't have to listen.

Speaker 1 Oh, I don't know what this is. I'm going to a baseball game.
Explain to me who's winning.

Speaker 1 Who's the probability of winning? And then you go, okay.

Speaker 2 Remember, people write code was a big thing. That's going by the wayside.
You try to think of the jobs. I mean, there's a McDonald's now that is completely automated.
There's no human beings in it.

Speaker 2 It's probably in Phoenix somewhere. And it's all automated in a little bit.

Speaker 1 Don't pick on Phoenix.

Speaker 2 I'm from Arizona. All the kind of, you know, Phoenix is kind of a rudimentary town.
You know, I mean, it's like

Speaker 1 a Flintstones.

Speaker 2 Meet the Flintstones.

Speaker 1 We're up with the times. They have a house there that costs a million dollars now.

Speaker 2 It's 127 in the summer. Most people would go, I think we're going to, let's move north.
But the Phoenicians are tough people. I'm not shitting on Phoenix.
I love that celebrity

Speaker 2 theater.

Speaker 1 Celebrity theater. I'm going there.

Speaker 2 Boom.

Speaker 1 Tucson.

Speaker 2 Boom.

Speaker 1 ABQ.

Speaker 2 Boom. Three weeks.
You're playing the celebrity theater?

Speaker 2 Yeah, my own home. 3,000 in the round.
You sure you'll are your tickets going okay? I mean, how are you? Yeah. Are you all right? Are you half full? Yeah.
You're doing interviews? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Good for you.

Speaker 1 No, most of it's my yearbook, I guess. I'm sure.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I got Tucson, which I rarely ever play linda ronstadt theater love her oh linda ronstadt oh i was gonna tell you next week i'm gonna ask you your top five female singers because i have mine female singers in the current classic rock and roll era you know it's too hard to decide to separate there's singers and then there's voices the ones that come to mind for me are um

Speaker 2 uh Carly Simon,

Speaker 1 who is wasn't on my list, the um Linda Ronstadt.

Speaker 2 I would say that my favorite, if I just off top my head, rock voice women up, and I know you have the same one,

Speaker 2 Stevie Nicks.

Speaker 1 Stevie's on the top five for

Speaker 1 just voices that I love. Just voices.

Speaker 2 Stevie Nicks, number one.

Speaker 1 I like thought Linda Ronsta had a great one. I thought Karen Carpenter.

Speaker 1 But you're getting into rock and like, so then you can get into soul and Aretha, but it's hard to nail it all.

Speaker 2 Well, I was going with rock. Yeah, but Aretha Franklin.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And Ann Wilson.

Speaker 2 Ann Wilson from heart. Yeah.
If you, if you, anyone there, go on YouTube, it's Led Zeppelin gets vetted at the Kennedy Center Honore East, and they play Stairway to Heaven.

Speaker 2 And Ann Wilson, you know, comes out and sings that song in front of Jimmy Page with a full worker's hat

Speaker 2 and nails it. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Jimmy Page and Robert Plant,

Speaker 2 probably the rock and roll voice.

Speaker 2 I also like Helen Reddy, Olivia newton jean but this is like a certain era there's just too many i'll say you know people say it's cornball but for what it was karen carpenter

Speaker 2 yeah we just said her she's on did you just say it that one um she was one of them yeah one of my top partners that album we're missing in the late 60s there was a album that's a seminal album

Speaker 2 carol king yes carol king

Speaker 1 Is that what you're thinking of? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, wow. That's like a classic.
And I would say the worst.

Speaker 1 Which 20 I'm not thinking of.

Speaker 2 Did you know? What's the recent times, meaning the last 10 years, who had that album about our comedian friend?

Speaker 2 What is it? I know, I know. We have to get it now.

Speaker 2 Did you know?

Speaker 2 It's a breakup album. Heather, help.

Speaker 2 A woman singer, 10 year, 10. I don't know.
Adele. No, before that.

Speaker 1 Fuck, she has a great voice.

Speaker 2 Before that.

Speaker 1 Adele Gaga, they have great voices for more contemporary

Speaker 2 that you left behind.

Speaker 2 Alanis Morrison. Yes.

Speaker 1 Alanis. Oh, with Dave Courier.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 I had to see. Heather got it.
Heather did get it. Thank you.

Speaker 1 I didn't want to give it to you.

Speaker 2 Is Heather an AI or an actual person?

Speaker 1 I am Heather.

Speaker 2 She got that pretty fast

Speaker 2 for an earthling.

Speaker 1 Okay, we'll come back to that, but that's a good thing to get for next week. Yeah.
Okay, let's show another one. Let's see what else.
We're doing good.

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Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, this is the annual cheese roll, whatever.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 So this is in London. But someone told me this is Russell Brand.
It made it more funny to watch. Look at this dude.
Everyone runs down, Heather.

Speaker 2 Look at this dude. Running down this hill.
What a wipeout. Douche! Boo!

Speaker 1 Watch from this. They'll show a different angle, don't they? Oh, they don't.

Speaker 1 Oh.

Speaker 2 Hopefully, he landed on the bush against the wall. Is that the only angle?

Speaker 1 Because I saw a side angle.

Speaker 2 Side angle close-up of people going like this. I saw it.
It was a good thing.

Speaker 1 He really, like, he flips. He doesn't even hit.
He flips again and then hits and then bounces.

Speaker 2 And good die.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. Yeah.
But then they show him going afterwards. Like, yeah.
I'm like, dude, your toast goes straight to the MRI.

Speaker 2 Some crazy. it's

Speaker 1 hey by the way who got the cheese

Speaker 2 what because of going down the hill oh they call the

Speaker 2 they roll cheese down and you chase it i know but they're just going to

Speaker 2 choose off a grassy cliff they're racing the first one down

Speaker 2 the only way to get down is to kind of fall down

Speaker 1 run and fall they're trying to run like this like you would yeah but the guys that want to win just go watch this yeah dude and then they go

Speaker 2 let me take that guy got a lot of play off that

Speaker 1 i want to see if we can see the cheese but i guess we can't because we have the shortest clip in america for once we have a clip that's too short okay next one

Speaker 1 oh already done britney greer says oh this is funny so britney grinder i think she plays for phoenix

Speaker 1 phoenix but i think she plays for that And she's complaining that now that Caitlin Clark is playing,

Speaker 1 the fans are crazed. Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 And she doesn't like it.

Speaker 2 Brittany Griner, what she said about the NBA. This is so funny how all this stuff works out, right?

Speaker 2 She says, this is from Brittany. Every time we play her, there's this commotion, like this loud rumbling from the stands.

Speaker 2 Turns out it's people, thousands of them, just sitting there watching on purpose. It's very disruptive.
It's called a freaking game that

Speaker 2 money to play. Don't play the game.
It's very disruptive. It continues.

Speaker 2 Britney Griner voiced a frustration in a recent interview claiming that caitlin clark is ruining what used to make the wnba great wait for this

Speaker 2 wnba games used to be a chill quiet place you could bring your laptop and relax maybe even get a little work done

Speaker 2 but now it's like there's a large gathering of people watching us from the stand some of them are yelling yelling crazy about what they're seeing, putting unfair pressure on us to score like we're there for their entertainment.

Speaker 2 And that's pretty gross

Speaker 2 are you you act like this is

Speaker 1 an horrifying that's all we need to hear that's unreal that's unreal

Speaker 2 yeah i don't even know i don't even know how to process it i mean she was the one who was in prison in russia right yeah they just said what on the side chat it said what's the return policy

Speaker 2 i mean

Speaker 2 it's just like it's something it's like it's describing what is should be a professional battle. And there were people.

Speaker 1 What is your perfect scenario? People come to the game and love you.

Speaker 2 You start yelling and really excited about the game. We'd liked it better when it was just crickets, and we got paid $2,800 a year.

Speaker 1 I mean, Caitlin Clark. Caitlin Clark does take a beating out there.
You watch basketball.

Speaker 2 Oh, you see, they rough her up, but she's making the whole league lift it up. I mean, the amount, the TV ratings and the rivalries, all that stuff is lifting up the league exponentially.

Speaker 2 Can Caitlin come on this podcast?

Speaker 1 That'd be fun. I'd love it.
Yeah. When I was in,

Speaker 1 I was just, where was I? Iowa, yeah, where she's from. And I said, I almost went, I have a special guest here that wants to say hi, basketball player.
You might know her.

Speaker 2 Angel Reese.

Speaker 1 And wouldn't have been like, what the fuck? That's her nemesis or whatever, arch rival. But I will say that.

Speaker 2 Well, I don't know what I'm saying. Oh, Caitlin Clark,

Speaker 1 they said Wayne Gretzky. used to get protected because he was so good.
And even the other hockey players, they said, why don't you kill Wayne when you're out there?

Speaker 1 And he goes, because he's making us all millionaires.

Speaker 2 And they left him alone.

Speaker 1 And now with Caitlin Clark, it should be the same thing. Give her a break.

Speaker 2 She needs a female Dennis Rodman. I mean, she needs an enforcer.
Yeah. Or you want to push our superstar around.
It won't end well for you. The other thing is.

Speaker 2 I think all professional sports at some level, they need a story. Like, you need to know the story.
Like, you don't want to see just race cars going around. You want to know who's competing.

Speaker 2 What are the rivalries? And so, the WNBA needed a story. Angel Reese is great.
Caitlin Clark. So, it's incredible.

Speaker 1 But those two fighting it out the first game this season, and then there's a couple of hard fouls. And that's great.
I love it.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I mean, they're flagrant sometimes.
It's like, you know,

Speaker 2 mental health. She's so good.
I like.

Speaker 1 I do like watching her and I do like watching. They showed her just in practice the other day, nailing like six threes in a row.
And I'm like, it's good.

Speaker 1 When someone's really good at something, it's fun to watch.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 it's equal. I mean, she's a woman who can really hit three-point shots as good as any.

Speaker 2 I mean, there's Steph Curry's her idol and the greatest of all time, but I think she could play in the NBA as a specialty three-point shooter.

Speaker 1 And you could get.

Speaker 1 Rodman's still around, right? Throw him in a wig, put him out there. He'd be a good enforcer.

Speaker 2 Rodman was probably the greatest rebounder in history because he studied it.

Speaker 1 Em and Lambert, right? They were both in Forresters.

Speaker 2 Well, that was Detroit. They fought that pistons team with Isaiah Thomas.
Yeah, they were the bad boys. They were kind of like you and Schneider and Sandler and Farley.
You were the bad boys of SNL.

Speaker 2 They were the bad boys of the NBA.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 1 Let's try to get him, flush him out of the brush. Okay, let's do another one.
Sure.

Speaker 2 We're almost done, but I'm warming up.

Speaker 1 This crowd got their money's worth at like 12 minutes. Now, this this is all frosting.

Speaker 2 This is all gravy. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Okay, this farmer. Okay.
Oh, this is just a story.

Speaker 1 It's kind of dumb, but

Speaker 2 what about the environment?

Speaker 2 So he became a detective and got some revenge. Around 25 times a year, Stuart Baldwin ran into this problem.
People were using his land to illegally dump tires. He decided to hide.

Speaker 2 This is your farm, Danny. And the next time it happened, he posted the footage online, asking

Speaker 2 what you would do. the culprit, which they did.
At first, Stewart spoke to the man who said it was an accident. So Stewart

Speaker 2 wanted to come get the tires, but the guy never came by and began ignoring Stewart's calls.

Speaker 2 So Stewart got his friends, loaded up a trailer with all the tires, found the man's house, and unloaded all the tires.

Speaker 2 He's burning.

Speaker 1 Isn't that funny? Look on the side, it says he got tired of it.

Speaker 2 I like revenge.

Speaker 2 I do too. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Where do you put your tires uh extra tires i keep them over some at heather's uh

Speaker 1 i put them over at sandler's he's got a big yard do you remember when you would get a flat tire and have to change it and could you or did you would i mean you would never believe this but scrappy spade this is why i'm a mess now I was always walking on that goddamn 130 degree black top in Arizona.

Speaker 1 Sticky ass, changing out, trying to change my alternator by myself,

Speaker 1 socket wrench, crescent, everything. And so I would change it.
I knew how to change a tire.

Speaker 1 This is no dad around. Now they have YouTube.
I think it's very nice. They have a YouTube that says, like, do you have a dad? And they have a guy that just says, Hey, I'll be your dad.

Speaker 1 And then he goes, You know how to shave? You don't want to ask anyone? Let me show you how to shave. And he goes through it for kids that are too embarrassed to ask.

Speaker 1 That's, I wish I had the real thing.

Speaker 2 That was, I'd plug it in. My dad was around, but he never showed us how to change a tire.
Come on. So one day he just goes, oh, Jesus Christ, you and your brother changed the tire.

Speaker 2 But he never said, here's how you do it. And then we do it.
Yeah. So, you know.

Speaker 1 And he'd get mad at you if you didn't do it right, probably. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He'd get mad at you no matter what, right?

Speaker 2 Oh, Jesus Christ. God, oh,

Speaker 2 I can't talk to you because you're losers.

Speaker 2 You two stupid kids can't do shit. No, that was his clean.
I can't talk politics with you because you don't know shit.

Speaker 2 That was a direct quote and one time my friends were over I was like 18 and I was trying to always had chores I had the weed killer and I go how do I get the top off this weed killer and he came into the garage with my friends there and goes oh use your penis you shithead

Speaker 2 what a rude

Speaker 1 I said that's rude daddy no it was fine my dad I'd go how do I get this off and then my mom's like he left four years ago remember who are you talking to And I go,

Speaker 1 and she goes, ah, let's put the water wiggle on. I go, yay.

Speaker 2 The water wiggle. You mean the slip and slide?

Speaker 1 Yeah, you tie it on the hose and it's got a little face on it. It's like, sprays you all over.

Speaker 2 Slip and slide was great.

Speaker 1 Slip and slide was a fucking hit.

Speaker 2 The doboy pool. Someone had a doboy pool.
That was for real. What is that?

Speaker 2 It's like you inflate it and it's above ground, but it's kind of like a pool, but it's like four feet. Oh, above ground pools? Yeah, okay.
Dope, boys.

Speaker 2 Don't change that.

Speaker 1 We didn't have a fancy name for it, Megan Markle, like you.

Speaker 1 Megan Markle. All right, one more.

Speaker 1 I've got a million things to do, Dana. One million.

Speaker 2 I'm going to the store after that.

Speaker 1 I'm going to Cincinnati. Not Columbus, though, this time.
You're flying.

Speaker 2 What are the others? Okay. Newark.

Speaker 2 Cleveland.

Speaker 1 Cleveland and Newark.

Speaker 1 And Cincy, where my mom's from.

Speaker 1 Okay, I don't know what this is.

Speaker 1 Bay Area woman.

Speaker 2 Tens of thousands of dollars after she says she sent money to a scammer who said he was celebrity Keanu Reed.

Speaker 2 Diane Ringstaff said she was playing words with friends when somebody messaged her saying he was fucking nerds with friends. We started chatting over the next two years.

Speaker 2 Diane said she saw Keanu's face during a few video chats and then he sent her audio messages. Good morning, my sunshine Diane.

Speaker 2 As you said last night, I am sending this recording to let you know that I

Speaker 2 and that I am loyal to you. You will always be my queen.
Have a great day today, Diane. I love you.

Speaker 1 If he said that to me in fairness, I'd give him 10 grand.

Speaker 2 Keanu said he needed tens of thousands of dollars in Bitcoin and cryptocurrency for help with legal troubles.

Speaker 2 Knowing what I know now and all the technology that's out there and fake voices and everything else, you know, ding, ding, ding.

Speaker 1 I love this.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we will. I love when someone learns.

Speaker 1 Heather, download that app me

Speaker 1 yeah i love when they learn after four years by the way dana you've probably had this you don't look at your stuff but people dm me hey for the last time i've given you seven thousand dollars is this really you i'm like

Speaker 1 why are you suddenly going to my instagram to the real guy to see if the fake guy david spade is real like they finally go

Speaker 1 Last chance. They're giving money.
I go, I don't need money from you. If I need money, I won't go to you.
I'll go to

Speaker 1 Bill Hayter. I'll go to Brian Cranston, my new friend.

Speaker 1 But I won't, I'll go to Dana.

Speaker 2 I just go for me, and it happens over time. We all do it.
Oh, this scam, scam.

Speaker 2 Even if it looks official, looks really good like an email or a text, scam, scam. Hi, honey.
So I go, fuck you. And it's actually my wife.
So that

Speaker 2 creates all kinds of problems.

Speaker 1 She goes, can I have a dollar to go to the laundromat? And you go, this is a fucking scam. That's your last chance.

Speaker 2 They get you, you know, if you pay now, you can always kind of read through the lines. Okay, that's bullshit.

Speaker 1 Yeah. It's

Speaker 1 mine when my, when my fake David Spade gets money, first of all, he goes, hi, fan.

Speaker 1 I'm so excited to have you as fan.

Speaker 1 I love my fan so much.

Speaker 1 Do you want to go on a secret, private chat with me? Or it's like a fake Heather manager that goes, a hi fan, I run David Spade's private, secret chat line.

Speaker 2 Would you come over? And they're like, oh.

Speaker 2 mine are more blatant, you know, maybe because of my age. Urgent, urgent message.
You are 3,485 money in arrears to the bank of Fatabada. You know, arrears.
Are you married?

Speaker 1 People, when people ask me for money, I forget it. But anyway,

Speaker 1 it sounds rude. I feel bad if people

Speaker 1 are making fun of them. I'm saying.
Scammers. Don't fall for scammers.

Speaker 2 Scammers, not actual charity.

Speaker 1 You don't look at your DMs a lot because I have sent you some dick pics along the day. I mean, for your birthday.

Speaker 2 Is that what DM means? I thought it was direct message. It's dick.

Speaker 1 It's direct message, but then I can send you messages. Sometimes I send you messages, but I send them.

Speaker 2 I don't know. I guess when you get into social media,

Speaker 2 I'll start posting and stuff. I don't know.
It feels.

Speaker 1 Heather will give you classes. Come over here for like 20 minutes.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'll start. I'll start doing that.
I'm really excited about it.

Speaker 1 It's not too late to get in the game. Let's Let's get you on TikTok.

Speaker 2 What's your snap? Well, who isn't on it?

Speaker 1 I mean, even stars, they say when they go for movie parts, they go, how many TikTok followers do you have? We got to hire the person with the most.

Speaker 1 Because, you know, when you see, even in Deadline, is the last thing I'll say about this.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 1 Deadline will say, oh, this movie opened this weekend with The Rock in it.

Speaker 1 38 million Instagram followers combined with Kevin Hart, 22 million, and he has 4 million on TikTok and combined they really they they will give all those stats when a movie comes out when a movie does well they're like this is how big of an audience they could reach

Speaker 2 so weird well Ronaldo he's the soccer player right

Speaker 2 isn't he at 700 million or 800 million followers I don't know if it's that much I think he's the top but well how much like okay that's a that's some that's a guy who's got 800 million so so what do you have

Speaker 2 Dana

Speaker 1 Don't start with John Holmes and ask him.

Speaker 2 Okay, good one. A full mic drop.
But yeah,

Speaker 2 I,

Speaker 2 yeah, I'll do some stuff. I mean, I like trying to put money.

Speaker 1 I'll do some stuff. No, you, yeah, you would be good at it.
You just, I know it's I've done it.

Speaker 2 I'm going through different times when you start doing it. And then you're doing funny videos and stuff.
And then you're like, you know.

Speaker 2 And then if you stop for a while, then you're sort of like, you know,

Speaker 2 it's kind of fun to do and to keep stuff out there.

Speaker 1 Of course, I'm so thirsty and embarrassing. I have a TikTok.

Speaker 1 All right, well, that's a good show. I feel like that's a good wrap-up.

Speaker 2 It was a great birthday.

Speaker 2 Who heard it or saw it is really happy that they smarter, happier.

Speaker 1 It was nice to see you. Nice to meet you.
And

Speaker 2 this is the end of my Burke's birthday.

Speaker 1 Birthday week, yeah.

Speaker 2 Birthday weekend plus.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Dana's birthday plus, like Disney's.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 4 But it's behind me.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 1 All right. Say bye to everyone, Dana.
Thanks, everybody.

Speaker 1 This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly. It's executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss-Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro, and Greg Holtzman.
Hope you liked it.