SUPERFLY #70 - AGE APPROPRIATE!

Speaker 1 Hey, David, when it comes to gifting, you know, I've learned there are two types of presents. Okay.

Speaker 1 The ones that get returned and the ones that instantly become a favorite. Do you agree?

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's Jenny Bird jewelry definitely falls in the second category.

Speaker 2 These designs, as you know, are very modern. They're timeless.

Speaker 1 Always feel special. Oh, well, isn't that special?

Speaker 2 That makes them my secret weapon when I want to give a gift that really, you know, lands. That's why Jenny Bird makes it easy.
The packaging is beautiful.

Speaker 2 It's very thoughtful. The pieces are comfy enough to wear every day.
Yep. And they ship fast.
That's perfect if you're a last-minute shopper like me.

Speaker 1 That's right. I mean, I just want to do this when I hear that.
Way to go. Way to go.
And because the styles are so versatile, they always make an outfit feel pulled together, David.

Speaker 1 Without trying too hard, David, not talking about you.

Speaker 1 Some of my wife's go-to's are the best-selling Florence earrings, which I always get compliments, and the Remy Bengal, lightweight, water-resistant, and just as good stacked as it is on its own.

Speaker 1 These are the gifts you'll actually want to keep.

Speaker 2 And you can get 20% off your first order with Jenny Bird by visiting jenny-bird.com and using code F-O-T-W at checkout. All right.
Cold mornings, holiday plans, endless to-do lists.

Speaker 2 I just want my wardrobe to be simple, Dana. I just want pieces that look sharp, feel amazing.

Speaker 1 Makes sense.

Speaker 2 And I'll use every day. You know what I mean? That's Quince.
That's it. The best part.
Their pieces

Speaker 2 make effortless gifts also.

Speaker 2 This season, Quince nails it. $50 Mongolian cashmere sweaters that feel like a treat every day.

Speaker 2 Wool coats that are both stylish and built to last. Their denim fits perfectly.
It's nutty comfortable, all without the high-end price tag.

Speaker 2 By working directly with ethical factories and top artisans, Quince delivers premium quality while cutting out the middlemen. So you get luxury without the luxury markup.

Speaker 1 I've been living in their cashmere sweaters lately. They hold up beautifully even through holiday chaos.
And Quince isn't just clothes. They've got amazing options for home, bath, kitchen, and travel.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. I picked up a few for myself and a few to gift, and it's all stuff people actually love.

Speaker 2 Give and get get timeless holiday staples that last this season with Quince. Go to quince.com slash fly for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.
Now available in Canada, too.

Speaker 2 That's q-u-in-ce-e.com slash fly. Free shipping, 365-day returns.

Speaker 1 Quince.com/slash fly.

Speaker 2 People don't hate on the fade of whatever my haircut's called, but they really scalp me pretty good.

Speaker 1 Well, let me, can I ask you a question about that?

Speaker 1 This is off the cuff, completely unplanned. Like,

Speaker 1 what were you thinking?

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 what, I mean, because

Speaker 2 are you in active litigation with your barber?

Speaker 1 Well, my dad, and this is no joke, not getting around here. He'd put a bowl over your head or, you know, and then he'd shave around the sides and

Speaker 1 work, right? And, you know, it'd go real close right there. And, well, what, why? That's called the fade, all the young people.
Is that that's what you have? The fade?

Speaker 2 That's the word I've heard, but really it's, yeah, I like it a little longer about it's a little slightly molly. Yeah, Heather likes it.
It's fun. I think it's pretty good.

Speaker 2 It's just, it's all nice the first day, and now I go on the road. I'm actually doing some soft packing right now today.

Speaker 1 Don't get me wrong. It's a, it's a really cute little cut.
I mean, it's a darling, it's a darling style on you. I'll say.

Speaker 2 Listen, it's a mighty cute cut.

Speaker 1 It's a mat, you know that bit, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Did I ever do that in this 80s for you? Or do you just know it from here?

Speaker 2 I know it because me and my friend Jody do it.

Speaker 1 You can say it. Well, okay.
So, folks, this is literally goes back to one of my, this is late 70s in college. And I said that men, men, just, I do it with a setup.
Certain things.

Speaker 1 Men and women are different. Men and women are different.

Speaker 1 Like a man would never walk up to another man with a new shirt on and go, I got to say, that's a mighty cute top you got on there. Something like that, right?

Speaker 1 Yep, it's mighty cute top, might a cute top. So, even then, it was like a catchphrase.
I'm uh king of the catchphrases, but I like your wave, looks good, whatever it's called, fade wave.

Speaker 2 But you know, when you were a kid and you got that little bowl cut, you're not out trying to get some puss, you're not trying to bang beef. I mean, you're just a kid, right?

Speaker 2 So, you don't, you're not heading to the golden globes, just get the hair out of the eyes. That's all the parents

Speaker 1 beef. You mean make love to someone? You mean make sweet love love and intercourse? Yeah, I think that's what I meant.
Yeah, came out wrong. Well, we would,

Speaker 1 you know, basically we got crew cuts. And my dad would basically shave our heads and we look like billiard balls.
And my mom would come in and go, Dana, in the side pocket.

Speaker 2 It's the easiest cut to do, I guess.

Speaker 2 By the way, speaking of the award shows, I saw the AMAs.

Speaker 1 I saw clips. You're the one who saw it.

Speaker 1 That snuck up on me. I didn't know it was on until eight minutes before.

Speaker 2 and i said not gonna do it well the amas cmas triple a towing i mean are there is there any difference i don't know what they are i don't know which ones mean more mean less

Speaker 1 yeah straight a's uh double a batteries you understand the oakland a's right

Speaker 2 your turn uh double d's batteries pervert

Speaker 2 so uh anyway the a mas jlo's out there huffing and puffing and i gotta admit, bless her heart,

Speaker 2 she has her goddamn pedal to the metal. She does not let off the gas.
She is 12-minute cold opening.

Speaker 2 My goddamn. And she always looks great.

Speaker 1 She looks incredible. I don't know if this is true, but I read on, I don't know where I read it, that she will actually have her assistant chain her.

Speaker 1 to a stair master at a 10 so she won't get off of it because

Speaker 2 oh it's stair master, not even a treadmill.

Speaker 1 I'm going back to the 90s, man. Well, you know, I mean, here's the, here's the thing, and this is a kind of a news flash for people who are still listening at 426 or watching.

Speaker 1 That working out your ass is the most important thing you can do. And women in the gym and certain, well, I guess I'll just say it, gay men and women would do a lot of glute exercises.

Speaker 1 Straight men would go, I ain't working, mow no ass. And that is the most important muscle growth

Speaker 1 for your back, for everything else.

Speaker 2 Plus, girls check out booties too. So, you know, you got to try to give them everything.

Speaker 2 I will say,

Speaker 2 she did the cold opening.

Speaker 2 She hoofed it out, you know, a little tap dance, little, whatever she does. Looks great.
And then at the end, oh, she kisses a guy dancer, then kisses a girl dancer.

Speaker 2 You got to have a little clickbait, that old chestnut.

Speaker 1 And that is clicking the box. Let me write that down.
Yeah. Okay.
Yeah. All right.
Here we are. Uh-oh, here we go.
Oh,

Speaker 2 that's a good one. She got in there.

Speaker 2 Grabbing hair.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 okay.

Speaker 1 Listen, it works.

Speaker 2 Madonna did the VMAs. That was the first time I saw two girls kiss.

Speaker 1 I was like, oh.

Speaker 1 The next level of that is you kiss that, and then you go over and you kiss the cameraman.

Speaker 1 Oh, is that one? Well, mix it up. Do something.

Speaker 2 Kiss the camera, maybe. Like, right.

Speaker 1 Oh, I did that as Hans and Franz years ago. Oh.

Speaker 1 Oh, sorry. sorry.

Speaker 1 Sorry, that was a cold open, too. Well, we did a, it was as if Hans and Franz made a video with candlelight and wine and stuff and we're seducing women.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, you listen, my little dumpling. And then I was licking the lens.
I'm not proud of it. But Lauren said,

Speaker 1 it wasn't your proudest moment.

Speaker 2 Maybe this week a picnic with Hans and Franz.

Speaker 1 You're like, yep. Anything with Hans and Franz is funny.
It's funny.

Speaker 2 Give me the applesauce.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and if you think you you could do it better than me and eat applesauce with your gummy mouth, dig again. You're a flabby loser.
You think I use a spork?

Speaker 1 Well, it's like these two insecure, paranoid schizophrenics having this cable show with maybe two people watching, threatening them for not, you know, if you don't think we're properly pumped up, that was the end.

Speaker 1 I love it.

Speaker 2 I do like that.

Speaker 2 We'll tell you really quickly before I

Speaker 2 get over your weekend. I did

Speaker 2 spend most of the day and night yesterday going to see Mission Impossible.

Speaker 1 Was it as good as the sequel? Good, good, good, good. Good as the prequel.
Is it good? I heard it was good.

Speaker 2 Well, it's a little bit like it's the eighth one.

Speaker 2 So a little bit like Fast and Furious. Do we need eight?

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 2 it's sort of,

Speaker 1 how can it?

Speaker 2 I don't want to, first of all, no spoiler. I'm trying trying not to do spoilers.

Speaker 1 Don't do spoilers.

Speaker 1 I won't.

Speaker 2 When he dies at the beginning.

Speaker 1 That feels like a spoiler.

Speaker 2 No, no. You could tell.
You could tell.

Speaker 1 He was

Speaker 1 not going to die at the beginning. No.

Speaker 2 The funny thing is it's AI-centric, the plot.

Speaker 1 Like

Speaker 1 the last one was all about AI. Oh, it was?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Maybe.

Speaker 2 Oh, because they kept saying this is a standalone movie. Maybe it was supposed to be the second half of that one.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 I think anyway,

Speaker 2 the crew is back

Speaker 2 and

Speaker 2 his girlfriend is more age appropriate she's only probably 30 years younger this time that's great um anyway that's funny

Speaker 1 well tom crews uh you know i don't know what people do these days but he's got a great mop of hair he looks very good hair is very moppish like it's first of all it has to be it's windblown in every scene he's on a propeller he's on a submarine he's it's just getting blown all over.

Speaker 2 And the funny thing is, of course, I watch because in the new world, you go, Tom Cruise, he's older than me, but I go, you know, he looks good, obviously. But then I go, oh, he's a little puffy.

Speaker 2 And this, then you get in this world of like, if he looks a little old, you say he looks old. If he looks like better, you go, he's had work.

Speaker 1 This is, you can't win. These stars can't win.
The only way to win is just go halvesies. Now, he's got chestnut brown hair, full mop.
And

Speaker 1 I had a friend, Gary Prince from New York, and he would always look at someone in their 60s and he'd go, give me a sec, wait a minute, not one gray hair. Not one.

Speaker 1 But I don't judge any of it because, look, I figured this out last week, and I don't know if I told you, but you are the product. So Tom Cruise.

Speaker 1 He is the product. And we want Tom Cruise.
We don't mind him looking a little older, but we don't want Grandpa Cruz. So do the little fillers, do a few things.
Just don't turn into a freak.

Speaker 1 That's David.

Speaker 2 That's right. I think the idea, and you're right about this product thing, is you are the product.
You have to sell yourself. You're the Twinkie.
And Twinkies always stay the same.

Speaker 2 Now, if Twinkies look old and beat up, you don't want them anymore.

Speaker 1 Exactly. And Liam Neeson at 77, they put him in an overcoat now.
I don't like what you're saying. All he has to do is go like that.
And they cut.

Speaker 1 So Tom Cruise.

Speaker 2 Liam Neeson's wearing spanks, you know, but

Speaker 1 he's 6'4. Yeah, go ahead.

Speaker 2 So Tom Cruise looks good. I mean, this movie, I was comparing it, like many of us, to Bus Boys, and I was like,

Speaker 2 you could fit three bus boys. I mean, this movie is long.
It's so complicated. Busboys, we're trying to make it very simple.
I mean, our audience is going to be two to five-year-olds.

Speaker 2 So we're like, let's make it the simplest thing. We're two bus boys that want to become waiters straighten out our life.

Speaker 1 That's never called a low-budget comedy. They never call it a low-budget action adventure with tom cruise that doesn't exist dude me getting out of the car is our only stunt well being like this oh

Speaker 1 well let me ask you a question yeah we're not going to give away anything no but did you ever say did you go alone to the movie theater you know you kind of go solo or you with someone i've gone uh in my more twilight years to the movies alone if i feel like it i don't really get worried about it but i did go with someone last night yes so was there ever a stunt where he's hanging by his pinky from the Golden Gate Bridge or whatever he's doing, jumping out of a rocket ship?

Speaker 1 Did you ever say to yourself or out loud in the theater, get the fuck out of here? Yes. You did.

Speaker 2 Well, when a giant that looks like the peanut MM cartoon, but it says AI on it, he's like fighting AI, I'm like, oh, that seems a little cheap. No, actually,

Speaker 2 I'm going to go down, Heather. Here we go.
I'm switching. Watch this, everybody.
Talk about stunts.

Speaker 1 What does he do?

Speaker 1 What? Mickey Rooney just showed up. Give me some heist.

Speaker 2 So listen, Tom, Thomas Mopather Cruz

Speaker 2 comes out, and the movie's a little lengthy.

Speaker 2 There's a couple of things we don't need. I came in a half hour late and I nailed it almost perfectly.
Saw Nicole Kidman come in.

Speaker 2 She still gets a smattering for that goddamn AMC commercial where she's at the beginning.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 By the way, there's three commercials and four nine-minute long previews.

Speaker 1 Let's go.

Speaker 2 Let's go.

Speaker 1 Well, they picked Nicole Kibman because actually they announced that this week she will not be filming a live streaming show and it went global.

Speaker 1 So for Netflix, that's why she's like, enjoy the movies because she hasn't been in a movie theater in a while. Well, actually, Baby Girl, she did where she

Speaker 1 was on all fours and was licking the milk, you know, but I mean, who doesn't do that? They said it was kinky. Really?

Speaker 2 You want to see my audition for baby girl?

Speaker 2 That's me drinking the milk. Then I go, can I go pee-pee?

Speaker 2 That's what she says, right?

Speaker 1 Something like that. Well, there's a plethora.
Do you remember you went to state school? Is it kinky? There's a plethora of movies with women of a certain age, like say,

Speaker 1 late 40s to early 60s, becoming

Speaker 1 highly, highly erotic and sexualized.

Speaker 1 And Nicole Kidman is is the queen of that right now and I I commend her she's a great actress very pretty

Speaker 2 she's great just great in everything she does sar SAR in LA when she was in SNL

Speaker 2 SAR in Australia Dana

Speaker 2 oh you know

Speaker 1 you never told me about that ran into her smack dab in her hometown

Speaker 1 well golly gee miss kidman i did pick some wildflowers for you. Would you like to?

Speaker 2 No, my friend was embarrassing.

Speaker 1 What did he do?

Speaker 2 The quick story, there's no quick story. She was perfectly lovely in SNL.
I saw her at a restaurant once after SNL. She said hi to me.

Speaker 2 So at least she remembered sort of some of the cast and crew. She's cool.
Very polite. Yeah.
So I go to the Joder premiere in Australia, but we go the night before.

Speaker 2 We're invited to the Baz Luhrmann movie, you know. What is that called?

Speaker 1 Baz Luhrmann. Yeah, that guy.
Yeah. What is that called? Moulin Rouge.

Speaker 2 He did that. Moulin Rouge.

Speaker 2 How did Dana get that before you?

Speaker 1 Because I did an event.

Speaker 1 Because Dana's listening.

Speaker 1 I'm actually listening.

Speaker 2 No, no. Moulin Rouge.
So we go and they have every cinema.

Speaker 1 That's what they call it.

Speaker 2 And they have booze there. So me and my friend go in, and my friend's, you know, sort of a super plus one.
He's

Speaker 2 immediately wasted. He's baked.
You know, he got weed from the bodyguard.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 Boulon Rouge is like watching, you know, sort of a strobe light. So it's not exactly for me.
It's dancing.

Speaker 1 It's fanciful and there's lights.

Speaker 2 And she's in it. It's the premiere.
Yeah. We go in, me and my buddies say, you know, I got a feel for it.
So we go, let's go to the bar. So we go to the bar.
We're coming back.

Speaker 2 No one's in the lobby anymore.

Speaker 2 Two bodyguards, Nicole Kidman, sitting there holding her shoes.

Speaker 2 And I'm like, and he goes, that's Nicole Kidman.

Speaker 1 I go, is it?

Speaker 2 And we walk up and she's on like a little tiny love seat couch you know

Speaker 2 and uh the two bodyguards are there and she goes um

Speaker 2 she goes oh hey i go hey i go this movie's great and she goes oh why are you out here and i go

Speaker 2 popped didn't think there'd be a follow-up question so then blah blah blah and then she goes oh why don't you sit down and my buddy sits next to her before i can move my buddy Heather's not surprised, she knows him, sits down next to her.

Speaker 2 And I go, oh, and the bodyguard's like, you know, they don't know. I don't know if they know me, they don't know anything, but she's being friendly.

Speaker 2 And this is right after she broke up with Tom Cruise. So they're, they're, you know, she's like Lady Diana down there.
They loved her. Oh, yeah.
So

Speaker 2 bodyguards like this. I'm like this, waiters like this, sharks like this.
And so I say, blah, blah, blah. And then I, oh, I can't even say what I said, but it was, I was a little.

Speaker 1 What's you can say it on this podcast?

Speaker 2 I think I said something like,

Speaker 1 oh,

Speaker 1 she had a.

Speaker 2 This sounds so horrible, and she'll kill kill me because it was embarrassing to her.

Speaker 2 I said something to the apologetically effective because she had her,

Speaker 2 I think she had

Speaker 2 slightly, barely hairy legs.

Speaker 2 Well, so she's wearing a just because she's so faint, redhead, I don't know. And she said, oh, are you noticing that my legs are hairy? Is that not normal? And I said, oh, I just think,

Speaker 2 you know, I think I joking. He was like, Well, hey, the marketing campaign's back.
On you got, she goes, Oh my God, I have to shave my legs.

Speaker 2 I just shave them,

Speaker 2 I don't know, below the knee or whatever it was. And I said, Oh, yeah, I don't really know for sure all the rules.

Speaker 2 And then my buddy goes, The whole setup was not that weird, except my buddy leans over and goes, I think you have great legs. touches from the knee down to her foot.

Speaker 1 Whoa, everyone froze.

Speaker 2 The bodyguard's like, Ramjet, Ramjet, Eagle, Eagle, Bogey, Bogey.

Speaker 1 Wow. Crazy.
Crazy.

Speaker 1 Did someone put hands on your?

Speaker 2 Yeah, they go, hey, hey, sir, sir, sir.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you can't. We're all like, yeah, you can't.

Speaker 2 You don't touch the princess of.

Speaker 1 I've had two celebrity tap outs. And the celebrity tap out is

Speaker 1 like I'm happy about it. Like, I was at an event, and Julia Roberts was over the way.
And for some reason, I thought I should say hi. We were going to do a Shakespeare thing.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 2 I like celebrity tap outs. Go ahead.

Speaker 1 Just celebrity tapouts. So I started to walk over with a big shit eating grin.

Speaker 1 And then I saw her kind of look down like that because I understood she didn't want the,

Speaker 1 hey, you know, I got to say, you know, when you did this movie or that movie.

Speaker 1 So then later on, it's Tom Hankton's event. We'd go there and read Shakespeare and act goofy.
It is a theater. And she was, so we ended up having lunch around this big table.
And she was super cool.

Speaker 1 So I use my trick

Speaker 1 that never has failed. And I go to the person next to me, I can't remember what movie star it was.
And I said, have you ever had a supernatural experience besides meeting me?

Speaker 1 And then everyone goes around and has a

Speaker 1 everyone goes around with a poltergeist scary story and everyone gets excited. The only one over by himself, this is like six movie stars and me,

Speaker 1 is Keanu Reeves, seated by himself facing away. And we're like, come on over.
And that guy is the coolest.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. But I also had the same thing.
I was in, I don't travel much, but I was in Paris in a cafe in the morning with

Speaker 1 my wife. And I don't like small towns.

Speaker 1 City drop.

Speaker 1 Here's one you won't expect. Little, little Parisian cafe, late morning.

Speaker 1 Guy comes in, he turns, he sees me, and immediately turns away. So I don't know if I'm recognizable in that way, but he immediately turned away.
And then I pivoted and turned away.

Speaker 1 And that person was, guess.

Speaker 2 Gary Oldman.

Speaker 1 Joaquin Phoenix. Ooh, good one.
Who is the coolest? I know. Yep.
But I didn't want to have small talk with him. And he didn't want to have small talk with me, you know? So.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. He's cool.
I'd say Joaquin, Benicio,

Speaker 2 Keanu, all those guys are the cool guys out there.

Speaker 1 I love it. Love it.
Keanu Reeves is.

Speaker 1 Whoa.

Speaker 1 Oh, God.

Speaker 1 I don't think, I mean, he was Ted. I was Garth.
We could have been Ted. What was Bill and Ted? Was he Ted?

Speaker 2 Bill and Garth.

Speaker 1 Bill and Garth and Ted and Wayne. That would have been the matchup.
You know what?

Speaker 2 That should have been a big with Chat GBT.

Speaker 1 Look for that soon. Let's look at a clip.
Let's look at a clip.

Speaker 2 Julia Roberts, huge star, by the way.

Speaker 1 Absolutely. Okay, so absolutely and incredibly nice once she saw I wasn't going to be slobbering on her and fanning out and was regular.

Speaker 2 So, hey, football fans, register with BetMGM and keep the good times rolling all season long.

Speaker 2 This is pro football season. New customers can download the BetMGM app and sign up to receive up to $1,500 in bonus bets with code FLYFLY if they don't win their first bet.

Speaker 1 Get access to BetMGM second chance promo where you'll get your stake back in cash if your first touchdown score scores second instead.

Speaker 1 You also get access to odds boost tokens, same game parlays, BetMGM original bets, special boosts and tokens.

Speaker 2 New features are here like dark mode and live same game parlays. From kickoff to the winning field goal, there are more ways than ever to supercharge your excitement.

Speaker 2 Enjoy hard-hitting football thrills all season at BetMGM. You won't want to miss it.

Speaker 1 Follow and tag BetMGM across all socials at BetMGM. Betmgm.com.

Speaker 2 BetMGM and GameSense remind you to play responsibly. See BetMGM.com for full terms.
21 plus only.

Speaker 2 This specific promotional offer is not available in Michigan, Mississippi, New Jersey, New York, Nevada, Ontario, Pennsylvania, Puerto Rico, or West Virginia. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLBLER.

Speaker 2 Available in the U.S. For New York, 877-8 HOPE-NY.
Or text HOPENY. That's 467-369.

Speaker 1 For Arizona, 1-800-NEXT STEP. For Massachusetts, 1-800-327-5050.
For Iowa, 1-800-BETS Off. For Puerto Rico, 1-800-981-0023.
First bet offer for new customers only, subject to eligibility requirements.

Speaker 1 Rewards are non-withdrawable bonus bets that expire in seven days in partnership with Kansas Crossing Casino and Hotel.

Speaker 3 Hey, everybody, it's me, Bill Maher. If you're not watching or at least listening to Club Random, you're really missing something good and something unique.

Speaker 3 Because I don't think we look or sound like any other podcast, and that's by design.

Speaker 3 My life's quest has been to do some kind of show that captured the level of intimacy and the lack of artifice you would see if you saw me me off-camera talking to a friend.

Speaker 3 No one else in the room, plenty of pot and booze, and nothing planned. This is a show where I get high talking to someone I'm interested in to get to know and to laugh with.

Speaker 3 It's not an interview, it's wild. And I'm having a ball, and the guests are having a ball, and you will too.

Speaker 3 So please follow Club Random with Bill Maher and see new episodes every Monday on Apple, Spotify, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Speaker 2 You know, when it gets colder, I always fall in the same trap. Heavy meals, too much takeout.
And suddenly I'm like, why do my jeans hate me?

Speaker 1 I know. Yeah, me too.
I mean, I'll open the fridge in December and it's like half a pizza and an orange from 1997. Not a lot of healthy options, David.
But here's the thing.

Speaker 1 Staying on track doesn't have to be impossible. Our new friends at forkfulmeals.com.
Totally flips that script.

Speaker 1 Honestly, I didn't think I'd stick with it, but these meals show up fresh every week, chef-prepared, real food, not frozen mystery mush.

Speaker 1 Just heat it, eat it, and boom, you're not calling DoorDash for the fifth time that week.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's not just about eating better. It's about time.
I'd rather spend 30 minutes working on a bit for my hilarious act than 30 minutes staring into my oven going, is this thing even on?

Speaker 1 Right?

Speaker 1 This is that one little thing that keeps you sane during the cold months. No stress, no junk, just done.

Speaker 1 But here's the deal. Do it now.
If If you wait till the holiday slump hits, you'll be knee-deep in stuffing and regret. Head to forkfoldmeals.com and use the code POD50 for 50% off your first order.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 2 That's forkfulmeals.com. Code POD50.

Speaker 2 That's Pod50. Seriously, don't wait.
Your future self will thank you.

Speaker 1 Yes. Thank you for not feeding me the leftover lasagna for the 12th time.

Speaker 2 I'm still embarrassed, my Nicole Kidman, story that I told you that and she was part of that disaster, but she was very friendly about it. She's told the guys, it's okay, it's okay.

Speaker 2 And then we excused ourselves and slinked.

Speaker 1 Since this is a rare live podcast, I'm just checking. David Spade dishes about Nicole Kidman's hairy legs.

Speaker 1 Hairy legs. But says she.
She don't even say that.

Speaker 1 She is a great person. So there you go.

Speaker 2 You're fine. By the way, should we do a live podcast or would that be, it doesn't matter.

Speaker 1 I think it's...

Speaker 2 Go to the YouTube comments.

Speaker 1 At this point, point, we should. This is going to be released in 45 minutes, so it's almost live.

Speaker 1 This is pretty close. Greg has to do a three-week edit.

Speaker 2 I don't think anything gets edited out of our stupid show.

Speaker 1 No, our stupid show, that's the subtitle. So, by the way, on Amazon, Dandelion is still playing.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 2 And thank you for bringing it up.

Speaker 1 And if I'm sort of talking with them about a special, and the working title is Sticker Bush.

Speaker 2 That's the name of an OnlyFans I follow. Oh, yeah, that's not exactly.
You know, I saw a dandelion today and I filmed it, even though no one could give a fat fuck.

Speaker 2 But I've seen three in a row in a patch of grass. You will never believe this.
And they are all by themselves. There's not any other.
There's just those. I like the white ones.

Speaker 2 I didn't even know the yellow ones were dandelions, just to be honest. So I just like the fluffy white ones.
You You know, you blow on them.

Speaker 2 So they sit there very fragile. They sit there, and I'm like, again, I film them.
I'll put them in my stories, but and then everyone will be so excited.

Speaker 1 But let me ask you a question. Crazy, not crazy.
Does the dandelion, as a way of

Speaker 1 having kids and propagating seeds, does it like to be blown on or would it rather have the wind take its stuff?

Speaker 2 It would rather have straight sex.

Speaker 2 No, No, I think, is that what it does? The seeds go out? Do I need to?

Speaker 1 I don't know. That's usually about, you know, in the springtime, the wind comes and the flowers go all over the place.

Speaker 2 Oh, that makes more sense.

Speaker 1 College of San Mateo, I don't really. But I did want to just sing the praises of Amazon, not just because you're on Amazon, Dandelion, available right now on Amazon Prime.
Is why and the fuck,

Speaker 1 is it so easy to receive and send packages on Amazon compared to FedEx, UPS, or going to some gap site or anything?

Speaker 2 USPS.

Speaker 1 They fight you.

Speaker 1 And I figured it out that Amazon was sitting around.

Speaker 1 Okay, we're going to deliver packages. All right, Wilson, what's your idea? Well,

Speaker 1 I'm saying this and I'm only going to say it once. What is it, Wilson? We're going to leave the packages.
Are you out of your mind?

Speaker 1 Put a sticker on the mailbox or on the gate, and then they'll come drive to us and get the package. Otherwise, it'll be stolen.

Speaker 1 Some will get stolen, but we're going to make a fortune if we leave the package because they don't fight you. And when you go on Amazon Prime, I sent my brother 20 pounds of peanut brittle

Speaker 1 for a buck 99, and he got it two days later.

Speaker 2 50th birthday?

Speaker 1 I mean, it is so easy to receive and send shit on Amazon.

Speaker 2 It's addictive, but they are incredibly efficient i agree with you that they said jenkins what do you think we should do what would make a better service and he goes

Speaker 2 as fast as effing possible we get them you know you can order on amazon i think heather will vouch at noon and get it by like five that day is that possible heather yes you can get it you can get it you pay but you get it you pay 200 and get a phone cord i it works yeah during breakfast i realize i forgot my toothbrush and i order it and i get it it's basically this you go to the post office you deal with the UPS.

Speaker 1 Their whole attitude is, what the fuck do you want? Yeah, get on. With Amazon, it's like, can we help you? Want to order again? That's a really smart thing.
Order 1200 bottles of baby oil.

Speaker 1 Do you want to see a baby oil? Well,

Speaker 1 whatever you do in your spare time.

Speaker 2 I'm having practice freak offs, just one case of baby oil. Just trying to get the beats down, see how they work.

Speaker 2 But if you go to FedEx sometimes, yeah, they leave a sticker. You have to drive the middle of nowhere.

Speaker 1 60 miles away. It's just not, it's just, and when you try to order something online, it's not Amazon.
You put in your credit card info, you put everything, and then just red things come up.

Speaker 1 No, it's too long. Try again, bitch.

Speaker 2 Okay, last thing I'll tell you, if that's the last thing you're saying,

Speaker 2 is I'm worried about

Speaker 2 here's a prediction. And it's very bold, Dana.

Speaker 1 I want to hear it. Okay.

Speaker 1 I think you can can handle it.

Speaker 1 I'm a little parsed.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Take a sip.

Speaker 2 I feel like because of AI, it might be the end of

Speaker 2 Instagram pretty much in a couple of years and OnlyFans.

Speaker 2 Because there's, when you go on Instagram, what are you really looking at? You're looking at photos.

Speaker 2 They can be, you don't know for sure if they're doctored. Nope.

Speaker 2 Videos of people doctored. Sports news, they have, you know, they have like the announcers going,

Speaker 2 and this fat fuck comes up to base, he throws it out. Oh, shit, man, I would have pissed my pants in that place, you know, and it's the real guy's voice, and it's a real scene.

Speaker 2 You don't know, and they have newscasters going, well, and more bullshit news today.

Speaker 2 They tell a real story, and you're like, Did they say that?

Speaker 2 Like, and so it's getting so blurry, it makes me want to look at Instagram less because you just you'll send somebody something, they go, Fake,

Speaker 2 dude, this guy can't fall that far. This truck can't jump like that.
You go,

Speaker 2 well, so it takes a fun out of it.

Speaker 1 Well, look, here, let me set the table for you. Okay.

Speaker 1 Alphabet, i.e. Google, its parent company, just released some videos, i.e., short films, okay, this week.

Speaker 1 And they showed them alongside another AI short film from a year ago. It's

Speaker 1 extraordinary. It looks like real people acting in real movies.
There is no real people. There is no real set.
There's card families. Fearful.
It's perfection. So very soon,

Speaker 1 if Bus Boys is a hit, for the second Bus Boy movie, all you need is to get a prompter to go with AI and go, Bus Boy,

Speaker 1 the sequel. This time, Theo Vaughn loses the girl.
Press the button. Sit down.

Speaker 1 And you'll see that. Bus Boys voice two,

Speaker 2 even stupider.

Speaker 1 That's what it's called.

Speaker 1 You'll prompt it, and then you'll have the movie completely ready to go on Google or Amazon or in a movie theater, and it'll all be made up by a company.

Speaker 2 Well, people care about an AI movie.

Speaker 1 Not if they'll love it if they can't tell any difference.

Speaker 2 If we say we went and filmed it,

Speaker 1 that's a good trick. Well,

Speaker 1 here's the deal:

Speaker 1 we can make Wayne's World 3. It'll look just like Mike and I

Speaker 1 35 years ago. Oh, I see.

Speaker 2 There might be something. Maybe if it's your real voice, not AI, and Mike wrote it.
Maybe it's you guys write it. So it has some realistic realism to it.

Speaker 2 Because I don't know if everyone's going to buy just

Speaker 2 they might. That's, you know, I'm just more nervous about it because

Speaker 2 things seem fake everywhere then.

Speaker 1 Well, that, that definitely, you can't believe anything you see. And it is terrifying that, that they can make digital copies talking and doing obscene stuff.

Speaker 1 But the studios, I mean, the cost of just having the computer make the movie, but it looks just like Mystery Impossible. You don't have to get the helicopter up in the sky.

Speaker 1 I don't, I think it's kind of inevitable.

Speaker 2 Dude, Tom Cruise does his own sons. You don't even need to.
with AI. I mean, he's hanging off this.
He's on a biplane. He's in a submarine.
He does some stuff that's so crazy.

Speaker 2 I i do see some easy trims in that movie i'm no expert but if people are fidgeting they do they do go full length on those movies yeah they they you know they spend so much they want it all on screen i think that's what happens the thing is is that the director they have to tamp tom down because tom

Speaker 1 crews seems to have no fear of anything yeah and so he has suggested they had a biplane with a prop and he said put the put the prop plane on get the propeller going full speed.

Speaker 1 I'll put my head down and I'll sprint into the propeller. Through it? Yeah.
Through the propeller. And they explain to him, Tom, Tom, no, the propeller is going to chew up your head.

Speaker 1 And he goes, come on, man.

Speaker 2 It's moving quite fast.

Speaker 1 They do have to keep Tom under wraps.

Speaker 2 He says, what if I have the propeller, just trim me ball hair?

Speaker 1 Why are you like a pirate? Me ball hair.

Speaker 1 Sounds funny.

Speaker 2 And they go, Tom, is that your compromise? It's the only compromise.

Speaker 1 Have they ever suggested a stunt to Tom Cruise where he said, get the fuck out of town?

Speaker 1 No way, man. That's too dangerous.
I don't think you know what?

Speaker 2 I'm trying to think of the one they said, oh, this is the one he does. And I'm like, trying to remember it from the movie where the one is like, oh, that was crazy.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, I don't even remember where he's walking on a biplane. This has all been in the trailer.
He's

Speaker 1 a biplane. He's, you know, yada, yada, yada.

Speaker 2 There's submarine stuff, there's cold water.

Speaker 2 But I do feel like he's like, I don't know, a cartoon character like Marmaduke or something where everything bad keeps happening to him.

Speaker 2 I don't know what's a good cartoon character because he goes, I'm just going to run to this submarine real quick. And then it's like he gets, you know, he's on the biplane.

Speaker 2 He gets a splinter in his hand from the wing. It's just, then he does this.
Then they run out of gas.

Speaker 1 And they, it's like,

Speaker 2 whatever is in front of him, there's nine things that happen. Everything goes wrong.
And you go, whatever could happen. It's exhausting.
It's exhausting.

Speaker 1 And it just goes and goes and goes. But I don't know.
At this point, what can you say? I mean, we all saw him driving around James Cordon in planes and jumping out of planes. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I just want to know how to be less afraid of life, you know?

Speaker 2 Yeah, he's not afraid.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm on like a, you know,

Speaker 1 just a regular Southwest Airlines and I'm kind of sweating. He's, he's hanging by me.
So anyway,

Speaker 2 do. Overall, it was worth seeing because

Speaker 2 all that craziness, there's a lot of fun to it.

Speaker 1 What about Lilo and Stitch?

Speaker 2 Fuck them.

Speaker 2 You know what? That was harsh.

Speaker 1 That was harsh. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I don't know. I don't know who they are.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 If I saw Lilo and Stitch at the Golden Globes, I wouldn't know who they are.

Speaker 1 I would have no, no, no. I think it's Lilo and Stitch or Lilo and Stitch.
No. It's all right.
There's too much content. It's not because of our age group.

Speaker 2 It's not for me. You can't see everything.

Speaker 1 I mean, you're like an award show guy. You're never going to miss the Grammys or the MG.

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 you're glued to the tube when

Speaker 1 someone's getting an award.

Speaker 2 I'm glued to the Indies at Con to play at one in the morning with a 45-minute standing ovation.

Speaker 1 Is there any chance?

Speaker 1 Any chance you'll get nominated for Buzz Boys for an Oscar?

Speaker 2 Oscar? Probably not.

Speaker 1 What could you get? Fan favorite, probably.

Speaker 1 Razzie.

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 2 we're always in danger of being up for a Razzie.

Speaker 2 Anyone in these comedies that people just want to

Speaker 1 do that. Is that a word?

Speaker 2 All right, let's get to the hot stories. We're really wasting everyone's time.

Speaker 1 They're just doing their dishes right now.

Speaker 2 I just like this title. I don't know what this is about.
I like it already.

Speaker 4 The human body is not meant to piss every day. Toilets have made our bladder soft.

Speaker 2 The human body is not meant to piss.

Speaker 4 Should be able to piss up to 30 feet.

Speaker 1 What the fuck is this AI?

Speaker 4 In time, the faster the distance is met, the healthier

Speaker 1 your urinary tract is. Let me write that down because I'm going to type it into a post later.
The faster the distance is met, the healthier your urinary tract is.

Speaker 4 That's exactly right. It's kind of like a larynx.

Speaker 1 Expound on that.

Speaker 4 Have you ever seen a healthy larynx?

Speaker 1 I've seen scans. Sure.

Speaker 4 When you're looking at a scan of a healthy larynx, sound is coming out.

Speaker 1 You can measure sound.

Speaker 1 Right. In terms of how hard it is.
Okay, that's enough.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 2 I like the guy that writes, I'm trying to get mine to 35 feet.

Speaker 2 Dude, mine barely makes the commode.

Speaker 1 The commode?

Speaker 1 The bathroom.

Speaker 1 I don't know. Sounds like if I ever did any kind of urinary have you gone all day without peeing never

Speaker 1 um

Speaker 1 i

Speaker 1 well

Speaker 2 unhealthy unhealthy

Speaker 1 we you go you're defeated you go

Speaker 1 well we talked about that if you have surgery you come out of surgery it doesn't have to be oh that's surgery then you either have at a certain point they they say you gotta pee or i'm gonna have to calf you so oof yeah it's like a pencil they go what is bigger than where it's going a full pencil okay let's get that size

Speaker 2 and then the nurse and two guys with game of thrones ram it into my wiener yeah

Speaker 2 i never heard you scream oh heather said she has never heard me scream that loud as well in the room

Speaker 1 she was

Speaker 2 down the hall and when the nurse goes okay

Speaker 2 You woke up from your hernia. You're all good.
You made it.

Speaker 1 Now,

Speaker 2 the part I don't like to tell you about.

Speaker 2 See, this

Speaker 2 looks like a Slim Jim.

Speaker 2 We're going to ram this. I go, Why are you waiting?

Speaker 2 I was asleep for five hours. You wake me up for the worst pain of my life.
And then she does it. And I was like,

Speaker 2 Richard Belzer said he took his cat in, and the guy had to check his butt. So the doctor takes his huge finger and rams up the cat's ass.
And the cat goes, meow.

Speaker 1 okay,

Speaker 2 Heather, you okay

Speaker 2 when this fake story about a cat?

Speaker 2 Heather's mad about that.

Speaker 1 Whatever happens to me with a doctor, any kind of checkup or anything, I say, Yeah, let's do it, let's do it. Any kind of anything I do that would be embarrassing.
I always go the opposite.

Speaker 1 There's men who are too embarrassed, and I go,

Speaker 1 Let's do it, let's go for it.

Speaker 2 So, there you go, you have to whack off into this uh glass for a sample. I go, Leave the door open, where are you going?

Speaker 1 Exactly, where are you going?

Speaker 1 And they want you to give a urine sample and go, if you got a bigger cup, duck, you know. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Lord's preserves.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I used to do this bit of, this is kind of in the general area, a bit I dropped because it's kind of blue for me.

Speaker 1 You know, ears, nose, and throat. It's kind of specific.
You know, what do you do here? I do ears, I nose, and throat. Anything else? No, it's just ears, nose, and throat.

Speaker 1 And then next door is a guy with a shingle. He's a doctor.
Goes, toes, balls, and ass. That's all he does.
Toes, balls, and ass. Just three things.
David, shoulders, nips, and pubes.

Speaker 1 I was waiting for it, and that was a good one. Something.
It is funny. Ears, nose, and throat.
You know,

Speaker 1 can you, can you help me with my, my, uh, my nose? Nope. I'm just ears, nose, no, nothing about it.
Nothing with the ear. I go, ears, nose, and throat.
What about the eyes? Get the, get your eyes.

Speaker 2 Don't even know how they work.

Speaker 1 Don't have no idea. I have a pain in my, no.
no ears, nose, and throat.

Speaker 2 All right. Next story.
Next story. We got that one good.
We got that one good. Yeah.

Speaker 1 The craziest road rage I've ever seen. So she walks.

Speaker 2 Here you go, Heather.

Speaker 1 She pulls up her dress

Speaker 1 and diarrhea is all over her. What? What?

Speaker 2 Walks back. I like the term diarrhea.

Speaker 1 She just diarrhea on my car. Yeah.
How can you just diarrhea on command like that? That is a

Speaker 1 one who pops off. Wherever her destination is, she's showing up on an empty tank.
Oh, that makes you really

Speaker 1 want that video for you guys.

Speaker 1 Damn, I don't think we should be allowed to show videos that are that sexy. I don't think it's fair.

Speaker 2 Dude, is this OnlyFans? What are we watching?

Speaker 1 That's a keeper. That's a keeper.

Speaker 2 You want a girl that can diarrhea when you're mad at someone? Hey, go diarrhea on them.

Speaker 1 Well, we've covered urine and feces. I don't know what.

Speaker 2 Look at it. We work a little blue this week.
It's fine. This week's it up.

Speaker 1 It's an adult show.

Speaker 2 We're not making up. This happened out in the world, so we're just reporting the news.

Speaker 1 I'd say it's

Speaker 2 don't hate the player. Hate the game.

Speaker 1 Okay. Hey, let's go.

Speaker 2 Look at Monkey's the dog.

Speaker 2 Oh, and he paints.

Speaker 2 Looks like he's stressing.

Speaker 1 Not only for his tricks. Oh, I like that.

Speaker 2 I can jump

Speaker 2 painter. Under his

Speaker 2 way he painted that as much as fuck off, monkey. There's no way

Speaker 1 creating artwork that is true.

Speaker 2 Monkey lying piece of shit.

Speaker 1 He's spinning his head around.

Speaker 2 Maybe that one. There's not that one.

Speaker 2 There's not that one. I can't do that.

Speaker 1 No, now they got a little bit. It's funny.

Speaker 2 It's not even AI, it's fake art.

Speaker 2 It's monkey is so

Speaker 1 shit. It has captured the hearty and setting him apart as a trailblazer in the world of canine creativity.

Speaker 2 Unless you have a lot of

Speaker 1 paintings by itself. Way to go, monkey.
Way to go.

Speaker 2 It looks like your art a little bit.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 You mean like a monkey could do it or a dog?

Speaker 2 No, you have artwork.

Speaker 1 Yes, I do. Maybe I'll share it with the audience.

Speaker 2 Let's show it next week because I said I wanted one for my house a long time ago. I know.
Because I thought it was quite good.

Speaker 1 And then remember

Speaker 2 it wasn't monkey good, but it was good.

Speaker 1 I called you when you

Speaker 1 and asked you to still want some of my artwork. And I guess you just had a bag of Cheetos or something.

Speaker 1 I couldn't, so I just hung up. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 But I did want it still.

Speaker 1 You know, it doesn't. You have some great stuff in your home, but it's not valuable.
I mean, it's not valuable.

Speaker 1 Yours? No, I'm just saying, you know, no, you have nice.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, no, mine's trash.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but it's

Speaker 1 something for the walls.

Speaker 1 it comes with the house i keep it yeah photos and stuff like that okay we realize we all agree both judges agree that monkey's trying to bullshit everyone uh i thought it was a very funny well-done parody of a dog that could actually paint i think they were serious though that's the sad part really i think it was a a joke and they did put the brush in the in the dog's face and have it go like that a little bit you know but you know they go like this up close it's really good then they show him in his mouth he's like

Speaker 1 doesn't know anything monkey goes

Speaker 1 spinning his head around

Speaker 1 look i dog people always want their dogs to be human of course you know and that's just the fun of it they're like you know like didn't oprah say that's just as profound as having a kid how'd you get a puppy how'd you like to be a dog named after another animal that's embarrassing

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 it's a dog and it's called, they call it monkey. Yeah.
It is kind of cruel. It's kind of rude, actually.
I would have called it.

Speaker 1 Yes, go ahead.

Speaker 2 I would have even if you call it Jack or something, now you're like, ooh, you're like a human to me.

Speaker 2 You're like a friend.

Speaker 1 If I had a beautiful golden lab, I'd call it larvae.

Speaker 2 That's one of the top names.

Speaker 1 Larvae, larvae,

Speaker 1 larvae.

Speaker 1 I may get a dog soon, but I'll wait till I

Speaker 1 because I really do love dogs. They're uppers.
I mean, they're just like

Speaker 1 excited and stuff.

Speaker 2 My friend got a little baby beagle.

Speaker 2 Would you ever do a beagle with the big floppy ears? They're sort of cute.

Speaker 1 Beagles are actually badass. Like beagles will go on your property, look at a gopher hole and stand over it with it just and stand for hours, not moving.
Wait till a gopher comes.

Speaker 1 So they're actually really, really cool.

Speaker 2 You you can do stuff with them you know i know a girl that can come over if you have a gopher hole and then she'll squirt diarrhea

Speaker 1 is there no end to the scatological

Speaker 1 well it was one of the hot news stories i know well look i did my toes balls and ass doctor so i i can't i can't

Speaker 2 i'm not going to judge you you're a comedian no one's blaming you i'm the one that's filthy

Speaker 1 you're honest you're good um i'm not a prude about it i'm trying my what your favorite scatological joke?

Speaker 2 Now, I can't say that, but I don't know that one.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 2 I'm not that dirty. My act isn't my act is probably R-rated, but it's not really a favorite.

Speaker 1 No, it's just not, it's not blue-blue, not even close.

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 2 no, all right, next one. Let's see what we got.
Anything fun?

Speaker 2 You know, that feeling when you're doom scrolling? I do. Suddenly an hour has gone by or a day and you feel worse than before?

Speaker 2 Been there lately? I've been swapping that habit for something that's actually inspiring and good for you, Masterclass.

Speaker 2 I started making it part of my mornings, listening in audio mode on my way to work. It's a game changer.
Listen, you know Amy Polar. There's an Amy Polar improv class you can take.

Speaker 2 It helps you think on your feet and approach challenges with more confidence and creativity. It's good to just have in there.
Plans starting around $10 a month. You know this data.

Speaker 2 They bill you annually. You get unlimited access to over 200 classes across business, writing, cooking, science, and more.

Speaker 2 What are the lessons like?

Speaker 1 The lessons are bite-sized. So you can fit learning into even the busiest schedule.

Speaker 1 And you can download classes to watch offline, which is perfect for travel or squeezing in a quick session anywhere. And it's not just me.

Speaker 1 Three in four members say they feel inspired every time they watch, and 83% have applied what they've learned to their lives. Plus, every new membership comes with a 30-day money-back guarantee.

Speaker 1 So there's no risk. Right now, our listeners get an additional 15% off at annual membership at masterclass.com slash fly.
That's 15% off at masterclass.com slash fly.

Speaker 2 Masterclass.com slash fly. This time of year, cozy feels like the ultimate luxury.
And Bombas is making it easy to get there.

Speaker 2 From socks to slippers to tease, every piece is designed to make you feel instantly at home.

Speaker 2 I got to say, there's something almost magical about the fresh Bombas socks. And it doesn't stop there.
Their slippers have the perfect sink in cushioning. Their tees feel substantial and comforting.

Speaker 2 And all of it keeps that cozy feeling going day after day. I got the socks right here, actually.

Speaker 1 Gift giving, David, has never been simpler.

Speaker 1 Either running socks for the marathon or soft and snug baby socks for the tiniest toes, slippers or tees for literally anyone on your list, even your mom's new ski lodge friend.

Speaker 1 Bombus has something for every foot, every style, every occasion.

Speaker 2 And here's the part I love most. For every item you buy, Bombas donates one to someone facing homelessness.

Speaker 2 So when you treat yourself or someone else to cozy, you're spreading that warmth far beyond your own home. Head over to bombas.com slash flywall and use code flywall for 20% off your first purchase.

Speaker 2 That's

Speaker 2 slash flywall. Code Flywall at checkout.

Speaker 1 Give it up for Chicago.

Speaker 5 Sebastian Maniscalco's new stand-up special, It Ain't Right, is coming to Hulu on November 21st.

Speaker 1 30 years ago, Jeff Bezos, complete nerd. Bezos now ripped to shreds on his super yacht and the boxes keep coming

Speaker 5 Sebastian Maniscalco, It Ain't Right, premieres November 21st, streaming on Hulu Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers. Terms apply.

Speaker 1 Mm-hmm.

Speaker 1 A closer

Speaker 1 for you. Okay.
Basketball.

Speaker 2 Oh, this is how bad basketball is getting.

Speaker 2 What is this?

Speaker 2 Oh, it's like a foul or something?

Speaker 1 Oh, they're all fighting.

Speaker 1 It's a

Speaker 1 beginning of a melee. Now they're just...

Speaker 1 Who is she?

Speaker 2 Oh, a mom punches him.

Speaker 1 Oh, a mom

Speaker 1 started. She's kidding.

Speaker 1 Oh.

Speaker 2 Oh, the mom comes and tries to take out Jack Harlow, whoever that kid is.

Speaker 2 Wow, I do not want to get beat up by a mom.

Speaker 1 But which one was mom? Number 12, Weber? Was that her?

Speaker 2 What's that? What about the car that drove in?

Speaker 1 like hit a bunch of people this week in the middle oh oh and and

Speaker 2 i think it's it's a little too rough.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's bad. Well, that's a little dark.
Yeah. Yeah, a little dark.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 yeah, it's all right. I mean, listen, the news is out there.
We're trying to protect America from the real news, all our listeners.

Speaker 1 Right. We're just giving them little blibs and blabs.
Yeah, we want you to, when you click off on this, we don't want you to go,

Speaker 1 we want you to go, haha, that was fun. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Even though we do break that rule sometimes. Okay, next one.
Let's see.

Speaker 1 Let's see.

Speaker 2 oh this is me when i'm angry and old it's a cat one heather watch another cat okay

Speaker 1 that's it

Speaker 1 What was that?

Speaker 2 Was that slow motion or something?

Speaker 2 I like it.

Speaker 1 He goes, he goes,

Speaker 1 met you at a singles bar going up to a woman.

Speaker 2 I go, hey, good looking.

Speaker 1 Good looking.

Speaker 1 Cats are gnarly in that way.

Speaker 1 Okay. Same weight class, cat versus dog.
Who wins?

Speaker 1 I say cat because it's got the claws and the teeth.

Speaker 2 And the energy. They're so fast.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 They go crazy.

Speaker 2 and they're all they're all kind of pent up and mad at all times well i i had

Speaker 2 i look at heather to get a reaction she was like

Speaker 2 she's a great cat defender um

Speaker 1 yeah we had a cat named boots it was uh oh right you're stupid cat i what was the joke you said because he had fur on his well cat boots would you know when you're a kid and the cat would find its way to your bed i was on a bunk bed and get up and it would sit on my chest and its face would be looking right at me and it would be purring and kneading my chest and purring

Speaker 2 and i'm looking at the cat in the eyes and i'm like i'm going is this cat getting off on this yeah i know i think they are that was my joke you'd say that i thought you said boots because he had white on his feet or something.

Speaker 1 Oh, no, boots have, yeah, we call them boots because of that, because he had white, white, you know, but this is the one for kids. The one I want to tell you was my cousin who has dogs, loves dogs.

Speaker 1 He's a really strong guy. He's a pole vaulter.
And he always said, well, basically, don't be afraid of a dog because all it is is a mouth. That's it.
Just a mouth.

Speaker 1 So a dog, a big dog came running at him and he was going out for a run. He grabbed it

Speaker 1 and picked it up and threw it over a fence. Didn't hurt the dog.
So the dog is,

Speaker 1 the next thing it knows, it's on the other side of the fence.

Speaker 1 So remember, don't be afraid. Just pick the dog up, surprise it, pick it up, and throw it over a fence.

Speaker 2 If you're strong, yeah.

Speaker 1 If you're strong.

Speaker 2 Do you know, Dana, when I'm on a plane, I always wonder,

Speaker 2 how long am I allowed to talk to somebody's baby? You know what I mean? Before it gets weird. Like, I get about three questions.

Speaker 1 I go, Hi, it's one. And I go, What's your name?

Speaker 2 Then they tell me.

Speaker 1 And then I go, How old are you?

Speaker 2 And then after that, I go, What's your snap?

Speaker 1 Wait, wait, is that a baby?

Speaker 1 What's your snap? You're talking about a toddler then.

Speaker 2 No, I'm talking about like you just see.

Speaker 1 Let's say you see like an 18-year-old, a two-year-old.

Speaker 1 Yeah, cute. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And you're like,

Speaker 2 so cute.

Speaker 2 Aren't you cute?

Speaker 2 Then that's how far you get. You can't go, no, you're really cute.
You can't change your voice. You have to keep it like this.
So cute.

Speaker 2 You can't go, really cute.

Speaker 2 Good looking, actually.

Speaker 1 I know. They even the baby feet

Speaker 1 or the toddler seems patronized. You're like, yeah, you know, you want some candy? They just look at you like

Speaker 1 a creepy.

Speaker 2 You're like, I'm three, not two.

Speaker 2 Quit trying to talk. Look at this ding in my nose can you see that ding

Speaker 1 it's fine mostly i could fix it won't mostly won't you oh you have a little nose issue okay we're gonna talk about that next week mostly say to the parent right adorable right

Speaker 2 oh adorable really a cute kid you got to keep it light like aren't you a cutie you can't go aren't you a cutie They go, okay.

Speaker 1 Well, you know, I have this little anxiety about flying, but I am getting better. Okay.
But

Speaker 1 maybe five years ago, there's a baby behind me, and we're going down, and the baby's starting to cry, and we're about to take off, and it was kind of rough weather. So I'm feeling really anxious.

Speaker 1 So the baby's screaming was an actual soundtrack of what was inside my head. So it's like,

Speaker 1 I have sound effects too.

Speaker 2 I like that one.

Speaker 1 And I'm thinking the same thing. People go out, shut that baby up and go, I'm just not screaming, but that's what's inside my head.

Speaker 2 That's what it's like. You're not a great flyer, but you get through it.
Oh, still going.

Speaker 2 Thumbnail, thumbnail alert.

Speaker 1 Whoops.

Speaker 2 All right. Well, I think in hindsight, in summary, Dana, we did a good job.
We gave him a high-quality show.

Speaker 1 I think it was good. It's just two friends talking.

Speaker 1 maybe it wasn't our funniest it wasn't our darkest it wasn't

Speaker 1 this is episode funniest it could have been our greatest podcast we try not to judge you know it's episode 1000 and 100 million

Speaker 2 yeah don't all right so we'll see everybody next week i guess uh next week we've got a doozy and or a humdinger planned oh my god heather's already here for this all right i'm gonna jump off dana so just give me three steps okay

Speaker 2 This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly is executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss-Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro, and Greg Holtzman. Hope you liked it.