SNL’s The Reality Show? & Megastars David Met at the Canelo–Crawford Fight

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Okay, Dana, let's start with a freaking bang. Here we go.
I got

what's happening today.

You he ho he.

What is happening? Literally anything. What's going on?

It's raining.

Maybe everything.

I want to say it's raining. That'll really get viewers.

That's real clickable. No,

what can I tell you just quickly about?

Oh, we had a funny story about

a guest we had recently had a driver come to my house. We don't always do them in the studio here,

but this unknown guest had a driver said, Can I use your potty?

And so

we let him in

and 28 minutes later, he came out.

Wow,

maybe he's doing fucking Sudoku.

That's,

I mean, what do you do?

Then he comes out like this.

I was hard.

Excuse me, but what were you doing in there?

Excuse me.

I do a Garth. Excuse me.
I'd like to get some information about what you were doing in there. I saw something seeping out from under the door.
I didn't know what it was. It was just smoke, I thought.

You know, have you ever had this? Actually, when I'm on the road, we were talking about this.

When you go to a restaurant and if people know you're there,

one of the challenges is

they follow you to the bathroom to get a picture.

And then nicely, they wait. But if it's that one in a million, when you're in there for 45 minutes, you come out and they're asleep on the wall.
They wake up. Oh, they get up off the carpet.

Hey, yeah, I forgot. Wait, why was I here? Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm so blurry. I fell asleep.

Oh, right. You were going to run into the bathroom and I was going to take a picture.
And I'm like, oh, I'm here. I don't get that kind of fan attention.
I mean, they follow you home.

They follow you to the bathroom. Where aren't they following you?

You're like the Beatles coming off for education. No,

I think in restaurants,

it's unusually common to follow you there and then just to be in the bathroom. Wait outside.
Or pee next to you and just go, I thought it was you.

And I'm like, will you hold this while we take a selfie? They're like, oh, you're wiener? Okay. Let me just try to, hang on.

Okay, let me just grab that. I don't know.
Some people like to

have heavy, cool, fun, informative conversations at a male urinal in a public restroom.

But a lot for me, it's not like a, I don't see it as a social situation, like a time to make friends like you do. A time to get to know.
That's how I meet people. Yeah, you hang out in the bathroom.

There are people who just hang out. I don't know if you've ever been at a gym in the locker room.

Usually it was guys, older guys, would just strip naked and then just walk around. They had no one, there was nowhere to go, nothing to do.
You just did not want to bump into them.

Yeah, I mean, I've got a guy in the gym fully naked, leg up on the bench with a blow dryer,

drying his nutsack, going,

any new movies?

I do. The one I don't like is going to a baseball game, and there's the urinal trough.

I don't know what that is. That feels kind of like just a primitive game.
Like

you're in some kind of club that urinates together. There's no demarcation.
There's no splash guard. There's no privacy.
There's no private door. There's just 300 guys

doing their business. Laughing.
And there's guys on the other side of the troughs here all peeing into it sometimes. I've been in all kinds of troughs.
I used to design troughs.

And some people, some, they finish peeing and then they just stand there and hang out. And they go, what's up? What's up? How do you think the game's going? This is usually at sporting events.

It's for expediency. You can't go the individual.
Guess what? This is kind of a fun fact. I was in London once.
Go ahead.

went to a play in London.

And I thought, you know, that, that, and they're up there. It's a real breeze.

Oh, I don't know about you.

I'll shoot you in the head if you say that again. Anyway, during the intermission, go to the bathroom.
They have lined up on both sides of the wall 25 urinals on one side, 25 on the other.

What do you do? Just go to the one that has more guys? Well, most people drink alcohol and want to do that. I know this is like our first biologic beginning.
It's our first five minutes.

So they only have two stalls and 40 urinals because they know, generally speaking, people have done the other thing before they can.

People don't like to do it in public. No one likes to do it in public.
It's just a matter of emergency. And if you do like to do it publicly, you have an issue.
Yeah, there's a problem.

Yeah, it's a problem. So I'm glad we got this.
I don't know how you got on this topic.

I will say, since just in brief SNL news, our friend Ego had left, and that was sort of, that bomb dropped right after there was a wave of people leaving, and she sort of waited a beat, probably sussed out the situation, and said, You know what?

There's new people, maybe it's time for me to go. She had a good run, yeah.
Very good on it,

she's um

really uh

just charismatic, a star, incredibly sweet, yeah, super talented.

And you know, now that I've had a few days after our hot take on the SNL shake-up, um, yeah, that It's okay to do seven or eight years because it's not like leaving in 89 or 90 or something.

There are so many live streamings. There's so many do-it-yourself on YouTube.
There's films. I mean, there's so many ways to continue your career.
And Heidi Gardner would be an example of one of them.

And a lot of these cast members, it's okay.

There's a lot more going on. I mean, when we left, it was either a TV show or a movie.
There wasn't much in between. There was not much else that you could stay stay busy at.

Even stand-up, a touring stand-up did not make the money that people do now. Not even close.
Not like that.

It was like to make a living, you could go on the road a lot and just not break even. You'd make some beans, but I mean, probably the greatest example is I think Ben Stiller

did six months or something. I think.
Yeah, he had a quick run. Yeah.
Yeah. And then he's Ben Stiller.
So enough said. And, you know, Jim Carrey audition, nah, I don't think so.

Shane Gillis did approximately zero. Shane Gillis, you take your talent and get out of here.
No, that Lord didn't say that. He called him, did you land? You get your hotel? Yes.

Okay, order some soup, and then you have to go. You have a hard hour at noon.

That being said, the four people coming in in such a different circumstance in 2025, I just, I root for them. And

I can't. Welcome to the jungle.

Welcome to the jungle. You got no pono wine.
It's like Gladiator. Are you not entertained?

I know. I've always said that.
I mean, there's three lanes of Saturday Night Live. One of the lanes is funny people doing sketches making you laugh.

The other lane is seeing a football player or a film star, actress, or actor try to do sketch comedy for hour.

And the third lane is seeing someone you know that's brand new to sketch comedy, brand new to Saturday Live, attempting to go out there and land it and be relaxed when you've got 20 cast members.

So it's quite a reality show.

And how long will Lauren stay?

I wish they would do a show where they did behind the scenes of the week. And so like,

you know, a reality show, Heidi would come off a sketch, go in a room, do a testimonial or rehearsal. How'd it go? Where do you think your chances are with the sketch? You're going to wigs.

Which wig do you pick? How do you pick it? And do all that. And then you're going to catch some

drama, some arguments, some tension, and all the chaos that goes behind the scenes. Even just during the week, right before the show, there's a lot going on.
Have they ever done one show like that?

Sweating it out after read-through waiting, like everyone hanging out by the door like little bees going, not all.

Figured out yet? Can we go in there? The most high-pressured week of your life. You've got a behind-the-scenes camera in your face.

Make it harder, man. But then people will start liking you based on that on top of sketches, or they like different people the way they handle the week.
Like we would wait outside Lauren's door.

Now we do read-through. They all walk in there.
Downey, Frank, and Smeigel, host, Lauren. They're going to pick all the sketches.
We'd be hanging out talking to Alice or Aaron, going,

So what's going on? Like no reason to be there. So, and then when the door cracks, you go like that because you can't see the wall with all the cards and what they're picking.

But they're like, and what did you think about Slam? And you go,

and then they'll say,

can you send the Turners in, which are writers? Can you send Smith? Can you send this writer in? And you go,

oh, they're talking about that sketch. Oh, they're considering it.
That's a little nugget of information.

I know. Well, I would always go up there and they'd say, Lawrence, and I would just go in.
You know, I go, I'm just going to go in. Never in a trillion years.

So then Lauren and I would hang out and discuss the cast and the show. And what do you think of this person and that person? You'd take popcorn and go like this in the back room.

And then Lauren would put up the sketch and you go, I wouldn't.

And they go, Lauren doesn't do it.

Lauren only did it in front of me. Dana, I don't like to do this because a distraction.
But he would take three or four kernels of popcorn and juggle them and then eat them. I'll watch Dana.

And I throw it up. And

it's the way I do it when no one's looking. Sometimes you

would take popcorn and put it in each cheek and go, I'm like Marlon Brando.

Well, that's what he would turn around and then he would stick one kernel on each tooth and he'd come back and go, Dano, I'm a scary monster.

Yeah, I'm a scary monster. And he had popcorn teeth.
It was hysterical.

Man, it's so funny. I would laugh every time.

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I'm so glad you just heard that. Like you heard me.

You felt my.

I hear what you're saying. Yeah, exactly.
You listen. That's my crime.
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Okay, listen.

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Yeah, and then you take that, and then

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Yeah, they come in, they come gift-wrapped, USDA certified, tender, I like that, steaks, juicy burgers, cozy and convenient comfort meals, and a lot more than that, David.

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Oh, I also went to a fight this weekend. I went to the Canelo.

Your life is so cool. I didn't get the memo.
I don't know. You could just go there.

No, I stupidly was in Vegas with Nikki Glazer about a week ago, and I got an invite to go to it. And I go, I don't think I can go because it's my only weekend off.
And I was going to do some things.

And then I was like, oh, my God. Because I didn't want to come right back to Vegas.
And then I got to go right back to Chicago. So I go, well, and then I go, oh, this is going to be such a big fight.

and it's at a football stadium i go i got to try it so here i am scraping and scratching my invite back which was some tough texting oh

okay because then they they you were so two days ago and they've already filled in the seats yep so because i didn't see you on the movie star cam nope i didn't see you were you in the nosebleeds or halfway down the nosebleeds it wasn't nosebleeds it was um I didn't get an answer right when I said, hey, good news.

And I put in parentheses for you. I can go.
And then I said, so if there's any, because Netflix was doing it. So I said, if there's any room.
And Sarandos, your buddy.

If there's any room, let me know. And then about four days later, I said, listen, if my seat got taken from someone from the summer, I turned pretty, it's okay.
I understand how it works over there.

And then nothing. And then it was so cringy.
And then

just you or you plus one? Just me saying I was just going to go.

I didn't know it was such a big event i honestly thought it's like when a couple people go to a fight and they get four seats together and they go hey

um so the night before they're like hey are you going or you can't go or what's the latest i go i could it's tomorrow i was just gonna go watch it

no no no get out here let's go so i went out late 5 30 go go straight to the fight and it's like

all these well-known people there. I mean, they really, Netflix, it was Netflix.
I didn't realize that either before that.

So there, it's 68,000 people. The most people had a fight.

I thought it was 71, but it broke the record. No, I counted.

I counted. I was at the top step, stop chairing.

I got sources.

You do. Anyway, it was a huge fight because Canelo is a Mexican fighter with red hair.
He's cool.

He's an all-time great versus Crawford. Crawford came up 14 pounds.
You didn't know. Canelo's really got

no.

Canelo's strong. You didn't know.

He had a good left and a bump and an inside. He could do the shell thing, this defense, you know, the tights.
He does combos. You didn't know.
You didn't know. There's so much you don't know.

You go to a sporting event. Look at her.
She's cute. Could I get some popcorn? Ha ha ha.

I'm at a football game. Oh, wait.
Why are people boxing? Yeah.

You're not into the fight. You don't have a scorecard.
I don't know what's going on. You don't know.

What about Canelo only fights on Mexican holidays? Cinco de Mayo.

And this was a holiday weekend. And everybody came out because they would boo Crawford when they showed him in the green.

I call it the green.

I did not know that. I didn't know that.
And so they,

so I still had good seats, but I wasn't. Actually, they walked me down and everyone I flew with out there has the great seats, and they're like,

I'm like, oh, that's right. I was a last-minute add-on.
So I had the end seat on a row. But who's next to me? He'll never guess.

He has a big documentary out now, and he's on the show in about two weeks. Charlie Sheen.
Charlie Sheen, yeah. Chuck is next to you? Yeah.

And the funniest part was,

you know, we're all jammed in like stardines. And it's Charlie Sheen, Michael Irvin, to keep it weird.
He's a great football player. What an assortment pack.
Yeah.

And then in front of me, Mars Sean Lynch, whose head is maybe

this big because I can't see. Yeah.
He, he, yeah, he was

something else. Yeah.
Funny guy, though.

He's, you know, bigger than average.

You big, me, small, can't see fight. Yeah, don't like to be punched in the face.

Maybe put dreadlocks on the topic. No, you're a wonderful footballer.
No, you're a beautiful

giant digit suppressing my orifice jeremy renner list goes on

david zaslov of all people you're kidding power power broker big big big and then ted

chappelle charlie starting just all the way down great time great people nowhere near me so i am sitting with charlie and the first thing i see is michael urban has got his legs over talking behind himself because there's people behind us right so he's talking and charlie's like this So I walk up and they go right here and I go, Charlie.

Oh, and he goes, hey,

all right. Are you sitting here? I go, yeah.
And he stands up and he goes,

this guy has no spatial awareness.

What the funny thing to say right off the bat. I go, oh, is that Michael Irvin? He goes, yeah,

his legs are on my legs. I'm like, well, I know.
We'll figure it out.

We're on the fight before the big fight. Of course, I come a little late.
So

here we go. Well, you're lucky to say, hey, this guy's in my space.
Would you mind beating him up for me?

Say something. Yeah, you're witty.
You could put him down. Then he goes, he goes, I like it's me and you over here.
I know Charlie in passing. Like you'd think maybe I know him more.
I don't know him.

There was a time.

that my

I worked on rules of engagement. Oh my God, a couple people remember thing

and rules of engagement the head writer creator was tom hurts good guy he came off of two and a half men to do our show so when charlie's going through it which you're we're both going to see the documentary by the time he comes on but when he's going through the craziest which we know a lot of not all of just from reading the paper right

so he's fighting with les moonbez at cbs and it is bad 100 million dollar loss whatever it was he was charlie was making making so much money. $2 million an episode.
Sickening.

And then he was not coming to work.

And I'm like, oh my God, is he going to lose this job? So I think Les just says, I've had it with you. You're off.
And everyone's like, wow, are they going to continue without him?

So I see Tom Hurts and he goes, listen, is there any way?

Because our show had just finished.

Is there a world where you would do a show with Charlie? And I said, well, he said for CBS. I go, well,

I said, I like Charlie.

I don't see Les Moonbez

loving this idea. I think this is a dead end.
And he goes, no, I already talked to him. I was like, wow.

Wow. Because Les, he goes, Les knows what's going to get big ratings.
I was like,

that is crazy if Charlie came back.

So.

I see Charlie maybe a week later. And I walk by him at this hotel and I go, oh, hey, man, how are you doing? He goes, hey, and he goes, hey, have you heard a little secret rumor about us?

And I go, I did. And he goes,

that could be fun. And I go, yeah, I guess we're going to hear about it.
He goes, okay, so that was it. Three days later, some health news comes out about Charlie and it sort of

stopped it. And it's took the wind out of everything.
Took a little wind out of the city.

And I hope that being said, I think if it was HIV, I think there's way more people living with that right now than before. So

you could treat it. And obviously, Magic Johnson was sort of the poster child for all that.
Like, yeah. And he's doing fine.
So I don't know. He's doing fine.
He's out there doing his life.

Oh, no, they can make the virus just essentially

diminished.

Imperceptible. You're not contagious.
You're not symptomatic. So what happened, the tragedy of before this, but Michael

Magic came out.

The technology was just there in a medicinal way. He was newer.
And here he is.

But, you know, I think it sounds scary to people. So, it's probably less, there's probably way more going on.
Well, you don't want to get it. No, they have antiviral, you know, medications that

it's not a death sentence. Now, if there was a medication to keep you away, that would be interesting.

Well, I'm remote right now. I wanted to be in the studio.
You have it in your contract. I got to.

You can only do three a year. At least I got to have two days away from that guy because he won't shut up about how big the church lady was.
He will not shut his mouth.

I have to say, Charlie was excited to come on and he know, I'm coming on soon on your show. And he said, I don't think I met Dana.
And I said, Dana's happy to have. He's excited.

He liked that. Everyone's a fan of you.

So we talked to some people there. Tyson was there, of course.

You just know those fights are jam-packed. And there was a

the guy that put the money up for the fight, the promoter was from Saudi Arabia. I think he's also doing this new fanatics like football.

He is throwing money around. You know, there's doing the comedy festival.
I don't know if that's him, but they were telling me this guy, and he had ringside. Like, here's us on this corner.

Here's this ring. And he's there with Jason Statham,

the beekeeper, The beekeeper.

I keep the bays.

Don't touch my bees. So I'm just doing you know.
If I catch you, you're going to get stung. Oh, isn't that a bee, though? Aren't you the keeper? If I sting you, you're going to die.

Oh, that's a bee again. And then the bee dies.
The person doesn't die. So are you the person that dies if you're the bee in this situation?

Oh, wait a second. Wait, I'll send.

Only think about

so

he's got a new movie out called The Working Man. Give me him and Working Man.

Oh, I'm the working man.

And if you mess with me, I'm going to work your face into a bloody pump.

You sound like Hans and Franz. I don't know what I sound like.
I got too far into that one. I couldn't get out.
All right. You were, you were just, you, David, David, disappeared.

I'm back, by the way. Yeah, thank you.
Scary.

Jason Sathan with Mr. Beast.

What a random assortment. Mr.
Beast, Jason Sathan, Dana White,

and this Saudi. I think his name is Muhammad Al-Turkey.

I think. So he's there.
Anyway, he's wandering around saying hi to people.

I don't know, but I think he gave Canelo 100 million.

Oh, my God.

Whoa.

That's nothing for you. For me, for a working man, for a working stiff.

You You know what? I mean, he got punched in the face pretty hard many, many times. Is this Alvarez you're talking about? I mean, yeah, Canelo.
Canelo. You know,

he's tough as nails, but yeah, Crawford really smacked him around a little bit. Yeah, you know, our ringside wasn't the UFC ringside or regular boxing.
It's pulled back.

It was cameras, it was some other things, but it was really like, it's the football stadium. We were back about 50 feet.
I was behind the front row. But even being that close, you're still,

we were laughing about this. How many times do you go up to the big screen and look? Because it's just a little better and easier to see.
Because I'm looking through ropes.

You know, it's a little different.

There is a catch-type thing where there's a certain point you're going to pretty much watch the screen. Yeah.
Unless you have a perfect kind of view. Yeah, we were talking about this on the way there.

Like, how far back at a concert, how far back you want, because everyone agreed, if you're going to blow money,

concerts, sporting events are fun to blow, to sit closer. Because when you get to the point where you're only watching the screen, my eyes aren't that good from far away.
So I do that.

And I'm like, fuck, because I like, obviously, everybody wants to be up close.

If you can afford it, go up close. But I'm sure the inflationary aspect of America today and everything,

you have to get used to it. Well, a regular ticket is Bazoodi's.

To just get in that room was probably expensive. And

also, but it really was, I think, a big hit for Netflix because the fight turned out to be, it started a little slow.

And then I started to see Canelo looking a little beat up. His face was red.
I'm like, wait a second, because he was the

favorite, I think. Oh, maybe early on his face was red because a little starstruck.
He got a peek of you. He saw me and blushed.
I know he got hit later, but I think it was early on.

He looked over in the first round. If I'm where I'm thinking where you are, where I think you are, I think he saw you.
He's a huge fan of

Dickie Roberts. Dickie Roberts.

And he blushed.

And then Canelo kicked out Dickie Roberts. I know.
I don't know why. That's probably.
I should watch that movie again. Why does it get beat up by us? It's

great. Little comedy.
Chris Rock's favorite spade movie, Dickie Roberts.

So oh it's a great idea i love that he says that because i do like dickie roberts i i think it was uh not to get off my boring fight story but uh no it's it's it was a good idea it was still funny but just the idea is almost bigger you can't keep up with the idea of former child stars because i talked to a pretty big director early on that wanted to do it and he said I would dismantle it after the first act and make it really tragic.

And I said, I just, I don't think Paramount wants that. I don't think that's the brand of you at the time.
Or happy mass. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That you're going to go for a tragedy.

That's a whole different movie. I said, that's a good movie, and that's, that's a movie that really makes sense.
We're trying to spin it and make it more fun.

So I mean, you could like, you could mic drop in the end of the third act with some pathos or some emotion, but not dark.

You know, it's funny because we had one scene where we all sang together for some, that Smigl wrote a song, How Funny. Fred Wolf of Smigl.
And we had them all in for one day.

And it was Corey Haim and some Brady bunch. And we really grabbed people.
A couple of people said, no, they don't want to be associated anymore. Like, I think Gary Coleman wouldn't do it.

But we had Webster. We had a lot of fun people.
And you get to see that

some of them have had a rough time. So they were Dickie Roberts Pierce.
Corey Haim.

Yeah.

Remember him? He's Corey Feldman's buddy, and uh, yeah, super sweet, walking to lunch from the soundstage of singing. And I'm in my outfit, and he goes, Hey, hey, thanks for having me.
Hey, uh,

so we go to lunch now, we got an hour. I go, Yeah, this is roughly the conversation.
I said, Yeah,

and he goes, Uh, hey, I was gonna go off campus and eat. I said, I think you can.
And he goes, Do you do we get a per diem for today? And I go,

I I don't know, maybe. And he goes, do I get that? Can you give me that? I go, I don't think I'm the one that gives you your per diem.
And he goes, but I need some because I want to go get lunch.

And he goes, you got 100 bucks or something. I could just go get lunch.
And I fucking did it. I felt so weird because now we're at my trailer.
And he goes, if you have anything, just,

and I had some money. So I gave him like, 50, 100 bucks and said, yeah, okay.
And

and then later, I swear at the time, it didn't even hit me that he might go use or something. And he probably didn't, but I was like, was that stupid? Was that fucking dumb of me?

Well, in the end of the day, what are you going to do? I mean,

the premise would be, besides a potential drug thing, is that child actors sometimes get a lot of money when they're young and then,

you know, they go broke. Yeah.

I mean, you know, whatever. Yeah.
The parents, a lot of the time, not all the time, a lot of times the parents are like spending the money. Obviously, they're like, hey, you're my kid.
It's my money.

And then when they're 18, they're like, give me that, back up that banks truck. And they're like, the thing is, there's not a ton left.
And, and at that point, he was older,

but

he was still a star, you know, because Dickie Roberts was a while ago.

And he was a super nice kid. And then, you know, tough ending.
So, and that's why Corey, Corey Feldman's out there going, hey.

He's out there going, we're have, we had a tough time. Like, they always treat Corey Feldman, who we should have on sometime because he's a very interesting guy.

It's one of those ones you look back on one day and go, maybe he had something to say that we weren't listening to.

You know, because he had a, yeah, he said it was rough. And the child star thing.
So, anyway, long story short, Dickie Roberts could have been darker.

It had way a little piece of it, but it wasn't, obviously.

One of the stories I saw this week that I thought was funny

was just the idea of Trump in England with King Charles. Yeah, because Trump's bedside manner are bluntless.

Blunt, are they used to his bluntness?

Aren't they used to it? King Charles, he's a king now. He was a prince, now he's a king with Camilla Pacabols.
You know, he loved her very much. Camilla Pacabols, that's what they call her.

Now she's a princess. She's a princess bowls.
You know, he said it. He was talking to her on the phone.
He wanted to live in her pants. She wanted to live in her pants.
You remember that?

And he's, and King Charles is there, and everyone's there. He's giving a little toast.
This is a speech he's giving before dinner. Yeah, yeah.

And I saw the people I saw, they call them the black-hatted red coats. You know, the big, tall, they're 18 inches high, those guys.
They don't talk much, they don't have much to say, quite frankly.

You look at them, they're hot, the hats don't work. If a grenade goes toward them, it's not going to help them.
I'm telling you that.

And you look at it and you see it, and you see the red coats, and you see the black hats and the fur. They're They're made from baskets, Canadian bears, they baskets, they put them on the head.

Whose idea was that? But Camilla Parker Bowles and King Charles, you got to love London. You love it.
Intelli Ho, I'm Donald Trump.

I like Intelli Ho.

That was a fucking great run.

That's so funny. Ah, yeah.

The red coats, people make fun of them, but they can

laugh. You got to laugh.
Trump over there. I just saw a picture, and of course, I was telling you, I was hoping he was looking for McDonald's.

Because if he eats McDonald's every day, he must be like jonesing a little bit on these trips. He has assistants.
He has massive people that could you give me a Big Mac.

Just put it up, put it near the salad,

put a napkin on it.

I love this. I love the fish and chips and the cheeseburger.
Don't I love the cheeseburger? Is it a filet of fish and chips?

He's not going to eat the British food. He's going to sneak in stuff.
What's this dog shit? Yeah. He doesn't want to offend him, though.

Kate, very nice. Kate had a scare recently.
She bounced right back. And William, they got a trouble with Harry.
The trouble with Harry, these guys don't like Harry, but now Harry likes him.

Harry, Harry's the brother. They call him the spare.
They call him the spare because, in case, you know, whatever, the other guy gets killed, he's the spare. He doesn't like being a splayer.

So he moves to Montecito with Megan Mocklis. Megan Marklis and Harry, Harry Flinkstan.

You're making jellies and jams, but it's not clicking.

I like where he goes, William. Are you losing? From where I'm standing to give this toast, you are losing a lot of your hair.
And, you know, we always wondered why that's an easy fix over in America.

You go to go to Turkey, get it done.

You get a lot of more troops up there, and you're right back in the game.

Never went.

Gene, it's a genetic thing. It's leaving your head.
It's leaving your head slowly. You're doing it publicly.
And quite frankly, it's not a good look. It's not a good move.

What you got to do is grow one side really long like I roll the other side

and you swirl it around. You swirl it.
You tape it. You glue it.
And there you are. You're glowing orange on your turf.

You're glowing orange right on your turf upstairs. And you look gorgeous.
So fucking funny. I don't know why I'm doing that.
That's so funny. Because it's funny.
I love it.

You know this last year, Dana, after

my big dinner,

slipped into the old food company.

Oh, my goodness.

I basically fused in with the couch. I'm talking stuffing, pie, all the fix

in a gingerbread house I tore into.

I don't remember eating it. Sorry with the roof.
I said just the roof.

Oh, one of those. Yeah, I did a lot of pumpkin pie.

Anyway, now I come.

What do you do now? I've got Chavez, my holiday reset. I keep a couple of savings in my carry-on, stash some at home.
My friends and family show up. The snacking gets a little too nutty.

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You know, some mornings feel impossible, Dana, like today.

Freezing cold, holiday to-dos piling up.

And you just want something from your wardrobe. You just want it to make your life easy and just perform.
Yeah, you want your, yeah, something to perform. You want a wardrobe to perform.

Yeah, you want a wardrobe to bring something to the table. That's why I'm turning to Quince,

their Mongolian cashmere sweaters, Dana. Mongolian cashmere sweaters.
Awesome. Insanely soft.
50 bucks for a cashmere sweater. And looks way more expensive than they are.

Italian wool coats, structured, polished, perfect fit for these chilly months. Honestly, the down jacket, I got to get that from Quince because that's a go-to.
It keeps you warm, looks sharp,

holds up through the whole season. Yes, Quince really nails the essentials.
They got denim and chinos that actually fit, David.

Outerwear that lasts from leather jackets to wool top coats, all made from premium materials by trusted factories. And

because they cut out the middleman, you get luxury quality without the crazy price tag. You were in a high school band called Denim and Chinos, if I recall.

Yes, and BBQ was the lead singer, actually.

Students starting grabbing a few gifts for home, bath and kitchen.

I don't stop at home. I go bath, kitchen.
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All right, let's get to some stories. Unless you have any more stories of your life, my life.
My life's kind of boring compared to you. I wish I watched the fight.
The fight was so close.

I'm glad it worked out that I got to go. It was very nice of them to take me.
Thank you, Netflix.

A 23-year-old woman is preparing to become the first human on Mars. And she's never coming back.
Whoa.

How's that? Does she decide that? I mean,

it's a one-way ticket. What does Elon Musk say about this? The pay is probably really good, but you don't get to come back and spend it.
I mean, she must be a real trooper to say,

I just want to go help Earth or something. I mean,

that's a big ask

for me.

Well, I see the, well, look, I love science fiction and

Elon Musk

talks like science fiction is science reality.

We have to go to malls.

Go to malls, go to malls. We have to go to malls.

And so they can terraform it. They can just blast oxygen.
Terraform.

Blast oxygen canisters, whatever, if they find ice. But they can kind of make it into

an environment where you walk around without a spacesuit. You know, I don't know if it'll be 75 and partly cloudy or what, but they believe they can make it hospitable to humans.

They said within one year, they'll have a Zara there and maybe a hickory farm.

Here's what they have to do. You know what? Go fucking go back to the moon, fellas.
It's not. God, what's wrong with the moon? Go back to the moon and build a Howard Johnson's on the moon.

When I was a kid, 2001, there was a Howard Johnson's hotel on the moon, and we want some of 2001 now. It's too 2001.
Yeah, we're a little late.

Yeah, get us, give away. Go to the moon, fucking just put some condos, put in a Banana Republic, just make it like every city in America.
Yeah, and just take SpaceX. Don't take the Boeing Starliner.

Don't take the Jeff Bezos origin. Just get on SpaceX.

That's what I would take.

Okay, next story.

Let's see, let's see.

Oh, this is about Vegas. What is this?

Civil War. Oh, hello.
Hello. It's Vegas Poly.
See, I'm on top of the free parking garage here at the Sahara across from the Fontablue in Las Vegas.

And Polymarket has posted a wager on its site as to whether or not there will be a civil war in the United States. This is from Todd Schreiber and casino.org.

Never one to shy away from offering controversial markets. Polymarket posted a still open bet on the possibility of the U.S.
falling into another civil war by the end of the year.

What counts as a civil war? As of this writing, $54,000

was bet on the civil war happening in the United States. 96% of the people who are wagering say that it's not going to be a problem.
I love the video.

What does it have to do? It's just talking and showing somebody that related to Trump. Okay, you can jump out.

The idea of a civil war, I mean, people talk about it a little heavy for our shit. There's two kinds of civil wars.

There's a cold civil war, which we have been in as a country and Europe in many ways, too,

within their countries for the last 20 years, hashing it out

mostly non-violently, but a really hot, hot civil war. Um,

but what would that mean? I mean, there's people that are fighting, or or does every state have to take a side? It would take so much to put that together.

Like, do we get uniforms on and start marching around like

part of one team? Do we each have they send everyone two uniforms? You have to pick one to put on.

Maybe I'll be this guy. That's what you could do in the war.
You walk along with him.

Okay, got it. I just want to show up my whistling.
God damn

for the whole song.

Okay. Heather's in and she's back out.

Okay.

Okay. We're almost done here.
Okay. Let's do another one.
Let's do another one. Why is Vietnam the testing ground for the new banking order?

See what this guy is. I need more information.
Why is Vietnam the testing ground for the new banking order?

Well, recently, Vietnam imposed a requirement for a digital ID, including a biometric scan of everyone, in order to have a bank account.

And what they did to enforce this is they closed 86 million bank accounts and seized all of the assets in those accounts.

So the owners of those accounts have no ability to do banking or access their funds because they chose not to sacrifice their privacy and submit to this biometric surveillance

tracking in your best interest. Well,

this is not something that is going to stay in Vietnam. This is a test because if we look at, for example, what's going on with the European Central Bank and Digital ID initiative,

as well as the Real ID and the CBT and C. A lot of letters.
There's a lot of Ds, C's. ABCD EFG.
Yeah.

Okay, you can jump out. Okay, well.
That got 3 million views. I don't know.

Yeah, you give up, you know, everything's a trade-off. Thomas Sowell's famous quote.
There are no solutions. There's only trade-offs.
That's in politics. That's in government.

There's no utopian solution. You're always going to trade off.
So you get all that kind of security and ID identification, and then you give up privacy or potential privacy.

So it's a trade-off, David. What's your I mean,

already

if your bank doesn't agree with you, they could just stop you from getting in your bank. People can always seize your assets.
You always hear that with criminals. So they just cut off.

I mean, that's the scary thing. Do we even have money?

You talk about your joke about you, your money is like numbers on a thing every month. And the next month, the numbers change.
Do I have it? If I needed it, can I get it? I don't know.

It used to be cash. You know, I got this money right here.
But so

if they say one day, you know, they're doing these things where they say, if you go in a store or if you have a,

you're, you get, you get emissions where you can do this much driving in a day and this much gas you use in a day. And if you go over that,

it stops. You know, stuff like that is probably in the future.
I don't love it, but I think that's where we're headed. Well, you know, technology can be used for good or evil.
And even now,

when AI is ubiquitous, nefarious forces,

there's going to need more security in your bank accounts, even your digital bank accounts that are backed up and backed up and underground bunker.

So anyway, it's a scary world.

So it'd be very strange to literally wake up and just this hey this is a good movie idea some billionaire wakes up and he's broke right just it was all taken away they can't find it it's all gone it's in crypto or it's just gone yeah crypto start over like say you went broke okay could you david spade pull up your pants after crying a little bit kind of go like this

and walk out the door and go, I'm going to make it again. Not pull up my bootstraps.
That was probably a better way to put it.

Pull yourself up by the bootstraps. I know.
I think you're, I think you're discounting how much crying I would do first.

That would be a while. And then I would be like,

I have no skills. I don't know what I would do.
I have no like visible skills. So,

no, we would have been almost, you know, people say, what was your biggest break? Well, being born in America when I did, when I was, you know, what if we were, it was the ninth century

and we were just farmers in the south of france and yeah we were i would do impressions of the king and and you would do quips about the farming you know two gestures uh we should plant these acorns with a up your ass

but we would just get paid in beans and and with a beatings it's a lot of off with their head back then i don't like that that's it's like they throw that on too loosely Well, we had court gestures throughout the Middle Ages and with the kings and stuff, and they would get killed if they were too funny.

I'd love to see too funny.

I'd be in danger. Or too sarcastic.

Nope, again. But

it's hard to feel, you just have to have humility if you live in a time, but you're my and your particular skill set,

we were able to convert it to some money.

Participants. I have a particular set of skills.
I can sound kind of like Donald Trump. Yeah, that's true.
You got that down. All right, one more.
And then, Dana, this is gone on.

One more, and then we

yeah, because we wait.

People don't need this shit, they don't understand it.

China just unveiled what?

China just unveiled a spy drone that looks like a mosquito. And it's small.
Oh, like you couldn't hate mosquitoes more. It's a fully functional surveillance system.
Whoa.

Measuring just 0.6 centimeters. This tiny drone is packed with micro cameras and microphones.
And it bites you.

It ruins your picnic. Developed by the National

It flaps its transparent wings. It looks exactly like a mosquito.
I'm just a mosquito, don't mind me. And is nearly invisible to radar.

Sure, it can only fly for a few minutes, but that should have to sneak into rooms, eavesdrop on conversations, scan for threats, or gather intel. Right now, it's

just be generally

designed for covert military operations. So, next time you're seeing a mosquito, oh, gross, look at all those mosquitoes.
Everything is getting tinier.

You know, these it's these tiny, it used to be drones. There used to be like giant jets with bombs, and now it's all about drones coming in.
And it's going to be little tiny insects.

And eventually it'll just look like dust in the air.

I saw this woman on the news yesterday. She's been robbed twice.

And in her backyard, she saw some guys down with a camera and they had a drone checking out her backyard for what she had to steal. And it was going to eat you.
I was like, whoa,

a new version of like like trouble. I know.

Sometimes you just want to kind of find a cabin up in the woods somewhere, you know, no Wi-Fi and just get a lot of cool snacks and just watch Laserdisc or something.

I'm not going to move in with you right away, but it's probably on the horizon.

Dana and Davey sitting in a tree. That's just farming is a new show.

I'm out with the chickens.

Yeah, that'll be one. That'll be a preview, a preview of it.
Oh, no. He's back.
Well, give me a song. I can whistle it.
Give me any tune in the world. I can whistle it.

Any tune. Heather.

She goes,

well, that's not a tune. Yeah, it is.
She wants you to wrap it up.

I want to start all over. She's just showing his whistle.
whistle.

Heather's sweet. Can't you guys go to the beginning again?

Okay, do taps.

Well, how's that going?

Oh,

it's not that hard.

Dana acts like this is the hardest thing anyone could never do. No, I did the Wizard of Oz as Garth.
They cut it out of the movie. Okay, go ahead.
What is that?

Right into the mic.

How did that escape the movie?

Here we go. The whole thing.

Oh, I thought Catherine McPhee was going to kick in.

Okay.

That note's hard.

No, there's some notes that are hard.

You're like,

we

did good.

We did good, I think. I mean, you know, it's episode number 6322.
We'll be back next week with a brand new Fly on the Wall without a guest. But we could have a guest.
We might. We might soon.
So just

give some eccentric guests in here on this particular part of Flying the Wall. Mix it up.
Mix it up. Mix it up.
Squeeze it out. All right.
Thanks, guys.

Hey, guys, if you're loving this podcast, which you are, be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app, give us a review, five-star rating, and maybe even share an episode that you've loved with a friend.

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Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey, an executive produced by Danny Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman, Maddie Sprung-Kaiser, and Leah Reese Dennis of Odyssey.

Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman, and the show is produced and edited by Phil Sweet Tech. Booking by Cultivated Entertainment.

Special thanks to Patrick Fogarty, Evan Cox, Maura Curran, Melissa Wester, Hillary Schuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gaynor, Sean Cherry, Kurt Courtney, and Lauren Vieira.

Reach out with us any questions to be asked and answered on the show. You can email us at flyonthewall at odyssey.com.
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