SNL’s The Reality Show? & Megastars David Met at the Canelo–Crawford Fight

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You know, this last year, Dana, after

my big dinner,

slipped into the old food company. Oh, my goodness.
No one says that. I basically fused in with the couch.

I'm talking stuffing, pie, all the fix

in a cheesebread house I tore into.

I don't remember eating it.

I said just the roof.

Oh, one of those. Oh, yeah.
I did a lot of pumpkin pie.

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What do you do now? Chavez, my holiday reset. I keep a couple of coverings in my carry-on, stash some at home.
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Off.

Okay, Dana, let's start with a freaking bang. Here we go.
I got

what's happening today.

You hee ho he.

What is happening? Literally anybody. What's going on?

It's raining.

Maybe everything.

I want to say

raining. That'll really get viewers.

That's real clickable. No,

what can I tell you just quickly about?

Oh, we had a funny story about

a guest we had recently had a driver come to my house. We don't always do them in the studio here.

But this unknown guest had a driver said, Can I use your potty?

And so

we let him in.

and 28 minutes later he came out

wow

maybe he's doing fucking Sudoku

that's

I mean what do you do then he comes out like this

way

I was that's hard excuse me but what were you doing in there

excuse me

I do a I do a Garth excuse me I'd like to get some information about what you were doing in there I saw something seeping out from under the door. I didn't know what it was.

It was just smoke, I thought.

You know,

have you ever had this? Actually, when I'm on the road, we were talking about this.

When you go to a restaurant and if people know you're there, one of the challenges is

they follow you to the bathroom to get a picture.

And then nicely, they wait. But if it's that one in a million, when you're in there for 45 minutes, you come out and they're asleep on the wall.
They wake up. Oh, they get up off the carpet.

Hey, yeah, I forget. Wait, why was I here? Oh, um, I'm sorry, I'm so blurry.
I fell asleep. Um, oh, right, you were going to run into the bathroom, and I was going to take a picture.

I'm like, oh, I don't get that kind of fan attention. I mean, they follow you home, they follow you to the bathroom.
Where aren't they following you?

You're like the Beatles coming off forever. No, I think in the back, I think in restaurants, it's

unusually common to follow you there and then just to be in

or pee next to you and just go, I thought it was you.

And I'm like, will you hold this while we take a selfie? They're like, oh, you're wiener? Okay, let me just try to hang on.

Okay, let me just grab that. I don't know.
Some people like to have a, have heavy, cool, fun, informative conversations at a male urinal in a public restroom.

But a lot for me, it's not like a, I don't see it as a social situation, like a time to make friends like you do, a time to get to know. That's how I meet people.
Yeah, you hang out in the bathroom.

There are people who just hang out. I don't know if you've ever been at a gym in the locker room.

Usually it was guys, older guys would just strip naked and then just walk around. They had no one, there was nowhere to go, nothing to do.
You just did not want to bump into them. Yeah.

I mean, I've got a guy in the gym fully naked, leg up on the bench with a blow dryer drying up trying his nutsack going

any new movies

i do the one i don't like is going to a baseball game and there's the urinal trough

i do you know what that is that feels kind of like just a primitive game like you're in you're in some kind of club that urinates together there's no demarcation. There's no splash guard.

There's no privacy. No private door.
There's just 300 guys

doing their business. Laughing.
And there's guys on the other side of the troughs here, all peeing into it. Sometimes

I've been in all kinds of troughs. I used to design troughs.
And some people, some they finish peeing and then they just stand there and hang out. And they go, what's up? What's up?

How do you think the game's going? This is usually at sporting events. It's for expediency you can't go the individual guess what this is kind of a fun fact i was in london once go ahead

went to a play in london oh and i thought you know that that and they're up there it's a real breeze

oh i don't know about you

i'll shoot you in the head if you say that again anyway during the intermission go to the bathroom They have lined up on both sides of the wall 25 urinals on one one side, 25 on the other.

What do you do? Just go to the one that has more guys? Well, most people drink alcohol and want to do that. I know this is like our first biologic beginning.
It's our first five minutes.

So they only have two stalls and 40 urinals because they know, generally speaking, people have done the other thing before they can.

People don't like to do it in public. No one likes to do it in public.
It's just a matter of emergency. And if you do like to do it publicly, you have an issue.
Yeah, there's a problem.

Yeah, it's a problem. So I'm glad we got this.
I don't know how you got on this topic.

I will say,

since just in brief, SNL news, our friend Ego had left, and that was sort of that bomb dropped right after there was a wave of people leaving.

And she sort of waited a beat, probably sussed out the situation and said, you know what? There's new people. Maybe it's time for me to go.
She had a good run. She's good on it.
She's

really

just charismatic, a star, incredibly sweet,

super talented. And, you know, now that I've had a few days after our hot take on the SNL shakeup,

it's okay to do seven or eight years because it's not like leaving in 89 or 90 or something. There are so many live streamings.
There's so many do-it-yourself on YouTube. There's films.

I mean, there's so many ways to continue your career. And Heidi Gardner would be an example of one of them.
And a lot of these cast members, it's okay.

There's a lot more going on. I mean, when we left, it was either a TV show or a movie.
There wasn't much in between. There was not much else that you could stay busy at.

Even stand-up, a touring stand-up did not make the money. that people do now.
Not even close. Not like that.

It was like to make a living, you could go on the road a lot and just not break even. You'd make some beans, but.
I mean, probably the greatest example is: I think Ben Stiller

did six months or something. I think, yeah, he had a quick run, yeah.
Yeah, and then he's Ben Stiller, so enough said. I, and, you know, Jim Carrey audition, nah, I don't think so.

You know, Shane Gillis did approximately zero. Shane Gillis, you take your talent and get out of here.
No, that's the Lord didn't say that. He called him, did you land? You get your hotel? Yes.
Okay.

Order some soup and then you have to go. You have a hard hour noon.

That being said, the four people coming in in such a different circumstance in 2025, I just root for them. And

I

welcome to the jungle.

Welcome to the jungle. You got no bono one.
It's like Gladiator. Are you not entertained?

I know. I've always said that.
I mean, there's three lanes of Saturday Night Live. One of the lanes is funny people doing sketches making you laugh.

The other lane is seeing a football player or a film star, actress, or actor try to do sketch comedy for an hour.

And the third lane is seeing someone you know that's brand new to sketch comedy, brand new to Saturday Night Live,

attempting to go out there and land it and be relaxed when you've got 20 cast members. So it's quite a reality show.

And how long will Lauren stay?

I wish they would do a show where they did behind the scenes of the week. And so like,

you know, a reality show, Heidi would come off a sketch, go in a room, do a testimonial or rehearsal. How'd it go? Where do you think your chances are with the sketch? You're going to Wigs.

Which wig do you pick? How do you pick it? And do all that. And then you're going to catch some drama, some arguments, some tension.
And all the chaos that goes behind the scenes.

Even just during the week, right before the show, there's a lot going on. Have they ever done one show like that?

Sweating it out after read-through waiting, like everyone hanging out by the door like little bees going, not like that figured out yet. Can we go in there?

It's the most high-pressured week of your life. You've got a behind-the-scenes camera in your face.
Oh,

make it harder, man. But then people will start liking you based on that.

on top of sketches or they like different people the way they handle the week. Like we would wait outside Lauren's door.
Now we do read-through. They all walk in there.

Downey, Frank, and Smigel, host, Lauren. They're going to pick all the sketches.
We'd be hanging out talking to Alice or Aaron, going,

so what's going on? Like no reason to be there. So, and then when the door cracks, you go like that because you can't see the wall with all the cards and what they're picking.

But they're like, and what did you think about Slam? And you go,

and then they'll say, um,

Can you send the Turners in, which are writers? Can you send Smith? Can you send this writer in? And you go,

Oh, they're talking about that sketch. Oh, they're considering it.
That's a little nugget of information.

I know. Well, I would always go up there, and they'd say, Laurence, and I would just go in.
You know, I go, I'm just going to go in. Never in a trillion years.

So then Lauren and I would hang out and discuss the cast and the show. And what do you think of this person and that person? You'd take popcorn and go like this in the back room.

And then Lauren would put up this sketch and you go, I wouldn't.

And they go, Lauren doesn't do it.

Lauren only did it in front of me. Dana, I don't like to do this because of distraction.
But he would take three or four kernels of popcorn and juggle them and then eat them.

I'll watch Dana and I throw it up. And it's the way I do it when no one's looking.

He would take popcorn and put it in each cheek and go, I'm like Marlon Brando.

Well, that's what he would turn around and then he would stick one kernel on each tooth and he'd come back and go, Dana, I'm a scary monster.

You just didn't you an impression. Yeah.
Yeah, I'm a scary monster. And he had popcorn teeth.
It was hysterical.

Man, it was so funny. I would laugh every time.

You know, David, last year,

I gifted Masterclass to my sister for her birthday, and she couldn't stop talking about it.

See, see how that works? She integrated it into her mornings as a little personal growth. ritual inspired me to do the same.
Okay. Now it's part of my routine too.

Just a few minutes minutes a day and I feel sharper, calmer, more creative. We needed to get you like honed down into that zone.

I'm so glad you just heard that. Like you heard me.

You felt my

exactly. You listen.
That's my crime. I'm a listener.
You hear, but you don't listen. You look, but you don't see.

One of the favorite classes that I've heard about is Amy Poehler.

You know what I mean? Amy Poehler does an

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Oh, I also went to a fight this weekend. I went to the Canelo.

Your life is so cool. I didn't get the memo.
I don't know. You could just go there.

No, I stupidly

was in Vegas with Nikki Glazer about a week ago, and I got an invite to go to it. And I go, I don't think I can can go because it's my only weekend off.
And I was going to do some things.

And then I was like, oh my God, because I didn't want to come right back to Vegas. And then I got to go right back to Chicago.
So I go, well,

and then I go, oh, this is going to be such a big fight. And it's at a football stadium.
I go, I got to try it. So here I am scraping and scratching my invite back, which was some tough texting.

Okay, because then they you were so two days ago and they've already filled in the seats. Yep.
So because because I didn't see you on the movie star, Cam. Nope, I didn't see you.

Were you in the nosebleeds or halfway down the nosebleeds? It wasn't nosebleeds. It was, um, I didn't get an answer right when I said, Hey, good news, and I put in parentheses for you.
I can go.

And then I said, So if there's any, because Netflix was doing it, so I said, If there's any room, Sarandos, your buddy, if there's any room, let me know.

And then about four days later, I said, listen, if my seat got taken from someone from the summer, I turned turned pretty, it's okay. I understand how it works over there.
And then nothing.

And then it was so cringy. And then

just you or you plus one? Just me saying I was just going to go. I didn't know it was such a big event.

I honestly thought it's like when a couple of people go to a fight and they get four seats together and they're like, hey,

so the night before, they're like, hey, are you going or you can't go or what's the latest? I go, I could. It's tomorrow.
I was just going to go watch it.

No, no, no. Get out here.
Let's go. So I went out late, 5:30,

go straight to the fight. And it's like

all these well-known people there. I mean, they really, Netflix, it was Netflix.
I didn't realize that either before that.

So there, it's 68,000 people. The most people had a fight.

I thought it was 71, but it broke the record. No, I counted.

I counted. I was at the top step, stop chairing.

I got sources.

You do. Anyway, it was a huge fight because Canelo is a Mexican fighter with red hair.
He's cool.

He's an all-time great versus Crawford. Crawford came up 14 pounds.
You didn't know. Canelo's really gotta be.
I love you. You didn't know.

Canelo's strong. You didn't know.

He had a good left and a bump and an inside. He could do the shell thing, the defense, you know, the tights.
He does combos. You didn't know.
You didn't know. There's so much you don't know.

You go to a sporting event. Look at her.
She's cute. Could I get some popcorn? Ha ha ha ha.
I'm at a football game. Oh, wait.
Why are people boxing? Yeah.

You're not into the fight. You don't have a scorecard.
I don't know what's going on. You don't know.

What about Canelo only fights on Mexican holidays? Cinco de Mayo.

And this was a holiday weekend. And everybody came out because they would boo Crawford when they showed him in the green room.

I call it the green room.

I did not know that. I didn't know that.
And so they

so I still had good seats, but I wasn't actually, they walked me down and everyone I flew with out there has the great seats and they're like,

I'm like, oh, that's right. I was a last-minute add-on.
So I had the end seat on a row. But who's next to me? You'll never guess.
He has a big documentary out now.

And he's on the show in about two weeks. Charlie Sheen.
Charlie Sheen, yeah. Chuck is next to you? Yeah.
Aww. And the funniest part was,

you know, we're all jammed in like stardines. And it's Charlie Sheen, Michael Irvin, to keep it weird.
He's a great football player. What an assortment pack.
Yeah.

And then in front of me, Marsh Sean Lynch, whose head is maybe

this big, because I can't see. Yeah.

Yeah. He was something else.
Funny guy, though.

He's, you know, bigger than average.

You big, me, small, can't see see fight. Yeah, don't like to be punched in the face.

Maybe put dreadlocks on the topic. No, you're a wonderful football.
No, you're a beautiful

giant digit suppressing my orifice. Jeremy Renner, list goes on, blah, blah, blah.
David Zaslov, of all people. You're kidding.

Power broker. Big, big, big.
And then Ted

Chappelle, Charlie. Just all the way down.
Great time, great people. Nowhere near me.

So I am sitting with Charlie, and the first thing I see is Michael Irvin has got his legs over talking behind himself because there's people behind us, right? So he's talking, and Charlie's like this.

So I walk up and they go right here. And I go, Charlie.
Oh, and he goes, hey,

all right. Are you sitting here? I go, yeah.
And he stands up and he goes.

This guy has no spatial awareness.

What the funny thing to say.

Right off the bat i go oh is that michael irvin he goes yeah he's his legs are on my legs i'm like well i know he'll we'll figure it out this fight hasn't even we're on the fight before the big fight of course i come a little late so

here we are you're lucky say hey this guy's in my space would you mind beating him up for me

say something Yeah,

you're witty. You could put him down.
Then he goes,

he goes, I like it's me and you over here. I know Charlie in passing.
Like you'd think maybe I know him more. I don't know him.
There was a time

that my, I worked on Rules of Engagement. Oh my God, a couple of people remember, I think.

And Rules of Engagement, the head writer, creator was Tom Hurts. Good guy.
He came off of Two and a Half Men to do our show.

So when Charlie's going through it, which we're both going to see the documentary by the time he comes on, But when he's going through the craziest, which we know a lot of, not all of, just from reading the paper.

Right.

So he's fighting with Les Moonbez at CBS, and it is bad. $100 million loss, whatever it was.

Charlie was making so much money. $2 million an episode.
Sickening. And then he was not coming to work.
And I'm like, oh my God, is he going to lose this job? So

I think Les just says, I've had it with you. You're off.
And everyone's like, wow, are they going to continue without him? So I see Tom Hurts and he goes,

listen, is there any way?

Because our show had just finished. Would you, is there a world where you would do a show with Charlie? And I said,

well, he said for CBS. I go, well, I, I said, I like Charlie.
I, I, I don't see Les Moonbez

loving this idea. I think this is a

dead end. And he goes, no, I already talked to him.
I was like, wow.

Wow. Because Les, he goes, Les knows what's going to get big ratings.
I was like,

that is crazy if Charlie came back. So

I see Charlie maybe a week later. And I walk by him at this hotel.
And I go, oh, hey, man, how you doing? He goes, hey. And he goes, hey, have you heard a little secret rumor about us?

And I go, I did. And he goes.

That could be fun. And I go, yeah, I guess we're going to hear about it.
He goes, okay, so that was it. Three days later, some health news comes out about Charlie.
And it sort of

stopped it. And it's took the wind out of everything.
Took a little wind out of the sales. Yeah.

And I hope that being said, I think if it was HIV, I think there's way more people living with that right now than before. So

you could treat it. And obviously, Magic Johnson was sort of the poster child for all that.
Yeah. And he's doing fine.
So I don't know. He's doing fine.

He's out there doing his life and oh no they they can make the virus it's just essentially diminished

imperceptible you're not contagious you're not symptomatic so what happened the tragedy of before this but michael

magic came out um the technology it was just there in a medicinal way

and here he is but you know i think it's it sounds scary to people so it's it's probably less there's probably way more going on well you don't want to get it no they have antiviral you know medications that sure it's not a death sentence now if there was a medication to keep you away that would be interesting um well i'm from i'm remote right now i wanted to be in the studio and you have it in your contract i gotta

you can only do three a year at least i gotta have two days away from that guy because he won't shut up about how big the church lady was yeah will not shut his mouth i have to say charlie was excited to come on and he knew, I'm coming on soon on your show.

And he said, I don't think I met Dana. And I said, Dana's happy to have you.
He's excited. He was, he liked that.
Everyone's a fan of you.

So we talked to people there. Tyson was there, of course.

You just know those fights are jam-packed. And there was

the guy that put the money up for the fight, the promoter was from. Saudi Arabia.
I think he's also doing this new Fanatics

football.

He is throwing money around. You know, there's doing the comedy festival.
I don't know if that's him, but they were telling me this guy, and he had ringside, like, here's us on this corner.

Here's this ring. And he's there with Jason Statham.

The beekeeper. The beekeeper.

I keep the bees.

Don't catch my bees. So I'm just doing you know.
If I catch you, you're going to get stung. Oh, isn't that a bee, though? Aren't you the keeper? If I sting you, you're going to die.

Oh, that's a bee again. And then the bee dies.
The person doesn't die. So are you the person that dies if you're the bee in this situation?

Oh, wait a second. Wait, I'll say in.

Oh, let me think about it.

So

he's got a new movie out called The Working Man. Give me him and Working Man.

Oh, I'm the working man.

And if you mess with me, I'm going to work your face into a bloody pulp. You sound like Hans and Franz.
I don't know what I sound like. I got too far into that one.
I couldn't get out. All right.

You were just,

David, David disappeared.

I'm back, by the way. Yeah, thank you.
Scary.

Jason Sathan with Mr. Beast.

What a random assortment. Mr.
Beast, Jason Sathan, Dana White,

and this Saudi. I think his name is Muhammad al-Turkey,

I think. So he's there.
Anyway, he's wandering around saying hi to people.

I don't know, but I think he gave Canelo 100 million.

Oh my God.

Whoa.

That's nothing for you. For me, for a working man, for a working stiff.

So you know what? I mean, he got punched in the face pretty hard many, many times. Is this Alvarez you're talking about? I mean,

yeah, Canelo. Canelo.
You know,

he's tough as nails, but yeah, Crawford really smacked him around a little bit. Yeah, you know, our ringside wasn't the UFC ringside or regular boxing.
It's pulled back.

It was cameras. It was some other things, but it was really like, because it's a football stadium, we were back about 50 feet.
I was behind the front row.

But even being that close, you're still,

we were laughing about this. How many times you go up to the big screen and look because it's just a little better and easier to see.
Because I'm looking through ropes.

You know, it's a little different.

There is a catch type thing where there's a certain point you're going to pretty much watch the screen. Yeah.
Unless you have a perfect kind of view. Yeah, we were talking about this on the way there.

Like how far back at a concert, how far back you want, because everyone agreed if you're going to blow money,

concerts, sporting events are fun to blow to sit closer. Because

when you get to the point where you're only watching the screen, my eyes aren't that good from far away. So I do that.
And I'm like, fuck, because I like, obviously, everybody wants to be up close.

If you can afford it, go up close. But I'm sure the inflationary aspect of America today and everything,

you have to get used to it. Well, a regular ticket is Bazoodi's.

To just get in that room was probably expensive. And

also, but it really was, I think, a big hit for Netflix because the fight turned out to be, it started a little slow. And then I started to see Canelo looking a little beat up.
His face was red.

I'm like, wait a second, because he was the favorite, I think. Oh, maybe early on, his face was red because a little starstruck.
He got a peek of you. He saw me and blushed.

I know he got hit later, but I think it was early on. He looked over in the first round.
If I'm where, if I'm thinking where you are, where I think you are, I think he saw you. He's a huge fan of

Dickie Roberts. Dickie Roberts.

And he blushed.

And then then Canelo kicked out Dickie Roberts.

I know. I don't know why.

I should watch that movie again. Why does it get beat up by us? It's knocking futs.

Great little comedy. Chris Rock's favorite spade movie, Dickie Roberts.
So he's a great idea. I love that he says that because I do like Dickie Roberts.

I think it was

not to get off my boring fight story, but...

No,

it was a good idea. It was still funny, but just the idea is almost bigger.

You can't keep up with the idea of former child stars because I talked to a pretty big director early on that wanted to do it.

And he said, I would dismantle it after the first act and make it really tragic. And I said, I just, I don't think Paramount wants that.
I don't think that's the brand of you at the time.

Or happy maths. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That you're going to go for a tragedy. That's a whole different movie.
I said, that's a good movie. And that's a movie that really makes sense.

We're trying to spin it and make it more fun.

I mean, like you could mic drop in the end of the third act with some pathos or some emotion, but not dark.

You know, it's funny because we had one scene where we all sang together for some that Smigel wrote a song, How Funny, Fred Wolf and Smigl. And we had them all in for one day,

and it was Corey Haim and some Brady bunch. And we really grabbed people.
A couple people said, No, they don't want to be associated anymore.

Like, I think Gary Coleman wouldn't do it, but we had Webster, we had a lot of fun people, and you get to see that

some of them have had a rough time. So they were Dickie Roberts Pierce.
Corey Hame.

Yeah.

Remember him? He's Corey Feldman's buddy. And

super sweet. Walking to lunch from the soundstage of singing.
And I'm in my outfit. And he goes, hey, hey, thanks for having me.
Hey.

So we go to lunch now. We got an hour.
I go, yeah. This is roughly the conversation.
I said, yeah.

And he goes, hey, I was going to go off campus and eat. I said, I think you can.
And he goes,

do we get a per diem for today? And I go,

I don't know, maybe. And he goes, do I get that? Can you give me that? I go,

I don't think I'm the one that gives you your per diem. And he goes,

but I need some because I want to go get lunch. And he goes, you got a hundred bucks or something.
I could just go get lunch. And I fucking did it.
I felt so weird because now we're at my trailer.

And he goes, if you have anything, just

and I had some money. So I gave him like 50, 100 bucks and said, yeah, okay.
And

then later, I swear at the time, it didn't even hit me that he might go use or something. And he probably didn't.
But I was like, was that stupid? Was that fucking dumb of me?

Well, in the end of the day, what are you going to do? I mean,

it. The premise would be, besides a potential drug thing, is that child actors sometimes get a lot of money when they're young and then,

you know, they go broke. Yeah.

I mean, you know, whatever.

Yeah. The parents, a lot of the time, not all the time, a lot of times the parents are like spending the money.
Obviously, they're like, hey, you're my kid. It's my money.

And then when they're 18, they're like, give me that, back up that banks truck. And they're like, the thing is,

there's not a ton left. And at that point, he was older.

But

he was still a star, you know, because Dickie Roberts was a while ago.

And he was a super nice kid. And then, you know, tough ending.
So, and that's why Corey, Corey Feldman's out there going, hey, he's out there going, we're have, we had a tough time.

Like, they, they always treat Corey Feldman, who we should have on sometime because he's a very interesting guy.

It's one of those ones you look back on one day and go, maybe he had something to say that we weren't listening to.

You know, because he had a, he said it was rough. And the child star thing.
So anyway, long story short, Dickie Roberts could have been darker it had way a little piece of but it wasn't obviously

um one of the stories i saw this week that i thought was funny um was just the idea of trump in england with with king charles yeah because trump's bedside manner are bluntless blunt are they used to his bluntness are they used to it king charles he's a king now he was a prince now he's a king with camilla Pockerbowles.

You know,

he loved her very much. Camilla Pacabols, that's what they call her.
Now she's a princess. She's a princess Bowles.
You know, he said it. He was talking to her on the phone.

He wanted to live in her pants. She wanted to live in her pants.
You remember that? And he's, and King Charles is there, and everyone's there. He's giving her a toast.

That's the speech he's giving before dinner. Yeah, and I saw the people I saw, they call them the black-hatted red coats, you know, the big, tall, they're 18 inches high, those guys.

They don't talk much. They don't have much to say, quite frankly.
You look at them, they're hot. The hats don't work.
If a grenade goes toward them, it's not going to help them. I'm telling you that.

And you look at it and you see it, and you see the red coats and you see the black hats and the fur. They're made from baskets.
Canadian bears, they baskets, they put them on the head.

Whose idea was that? But Camilla Pacabols and King Charles, you got to love London. You love it.
And Tally Ho, I'm Donald Trump.

I like I'ntalio.

That was a fucking great run.

That's so funny. Ah, yeah.

The red coats, people make fun of them, but they can

laugh. You know, you got to laugh.

Trump over there. I just saw a picture.
And of course, I was telling you I was hoping he was looking for McDonald's.

Because if he eats McDonald's every day, he must be like jonesing a little bit on these trips. He has assistants.
He has massive people that, could you give me a Big Mac?

Just put it up, put it near the salad,

put a napkin on it.

I love this. I love the fish and chips and the cheeseburger.
Don't I love the cheeseburger? Is it a filet of fish and chips?

He's not going to eat the British food. He's going to sneak in stuff.
What's this dog shit? Yeah. He doesn't want to offend him, though.

Kate, very nice. Kate had a had a scare recently.

She bounced right back. And William, they got a trouble with Harry.
The trouble with Harry, these guys don't like Harry, but now Harry likes him. Harry, Harry's the brother.
They call him the spare.

They call him the spare because in case, you know, whatever, the other guy gets killed, he's the spare. He doesn't like being a splayer.
So he moves to Montecito with Megan Marklis.

Megan Markless and Harry, Harry Flinkstan.

You're making jellies and jams, but it's not clicking.

Harry, I like when he goes, William, are you losing? From where I'm standing to give this toast, you are losing a lot of your hair.

And, you know, we always wondered why that's an easy fix over in America. You go to go to Turkey, get it done.

You get a lot of more troops up there, and you're right back in the game.

Never went to it. Gene, it's a genetic thing.
It's leaving your head. It's leaving your head slowly.
You're doing it publicly. And quite frankly, it's not a good look.
It's not a good move.

What you got to do is grow one side really long like I do.

And you swirl it around. You swirl it.
You tape it. You glue it.
And there you are. you're glowing orange on your turf.

You're glowing orange right on your turf upstairs, and you look gorgeous. So fucking funny.
I don't know why I'm doing it. That's so funny because it's funny.
I love it.

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You know, when it gets colder, I always fall in the same trap. Heavy meals, too much takeout.

And suddenly I'm like, why do my jeans hate me? I know. Yeah, me too.
I mean, I'll open the fridge in December and it's like half a pizza and an orange from 1997. Not a lot of healthy options, David.

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is this thing even on? Right?

This is that one little thing that keeps you sane during the cold months. No stress, no junk, just done.

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That's Pod50. Seriously, don't wait.
Your future self will thank you. Yes.
Thank you for not feeding me the leftover lasagna for the 12th time.

You know some mornings feel impossible, Dana, like today.

freezing cold, holiday to-dos piling up.

And you just want something from your wardrobe. You just want it to make your life easy and just perform.
Yeah, you want your, yeah, something to perform. You want a wardrobe to perform.

Yeah, you want a wardrobe to bring something to the table. That's why I'm turning to Quince,

their Mongolian cashmere sweaters, Dana. Mongolian cashmere sweaters? Awesome.
Insanely soft. 50 bucks for a cashmere sweater.
And looks way more expensive than they are.

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It keeps you warm, looks sharp,

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They got denim and chinos that actually fit, David.

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You were in a high school band called Denim and She Knows, if I recall.

Yes, and BBQ was the lead singer, actually.

Students starting grabbing a few gifts for home, bath and kitchen.

I don't stop at home. I go bath, kitchen.
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What is it, Dana? That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com slash fly.

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All right, let's get to some stories. Unless you have any more stories of your life.
My life? My life's kind of boring compared to you. I wish I watched the fight.
The fight with how close I got.

I'm glad it worked out that I got to go. It was very nice of them to take me.
Thank you, Netflix. A 23-year-old woman is preparing to become the first human on Mars, and she's never coming back.
Whoa,

how's that? Does she decide that? I mean, what

it's a one-way ticket. What does Elon Musk say about this? The pay is probably really good, but you don't get to come back and spend it.
I mean, she must be a real trooper to say,

I just want to go help Earth or something. I mean,

that's a big ask

for me.

Well, I see the, well, look, I love science fiction. And

Elon Musk, you know, talks like science fiction is science reality.

We have to go to malls.

Go to malls, go to balls. We have to go to malls.
And so they can terraform it. They can just blast oxygen.
Terraform.

Blast

oxygen canisters whatever if they find ice but they can kind of make it into a an environment where you walk around without without a spacesuit you know i don't know if it'll be 75 and partly cloudy or what but i'd rather believe they can make it hospitable to humans they said within one year they'll have a zara there and maybe a hickory farms

Here's what they have to do. You know what? Go fucking go back to the moon, fellas.
It's not. Oh, God, what's wrong with the moon? Go back to the moon and build a Howard Johnson's on the moon.

When I was a kid, 2001, there was a Howard Johnson's hotel on the moon, and we want some of 2001 now. It's too 2001.
Yeah, we're a little late.

Yeah, get us, give away. Go to the moon, fucking just put some condos, put in a Banana Republic.
Just make it like every city in America. Yeah, and just take SpaceX.
Don't take the Boeing Starliner.

Don't take the Jeff Bezos origin. Just get on SpaceX.

That's what I would take.

Okay, next story.

Let's see. Let's see.

Oh, this is about Vegas. What is this?

Civil War. Oh, hello.
Hello. It's Vegas Paul.
You see, I'm on top of the free parking garage here at the Sahara across the Fontablue in Las Vegas. And Polymarket has posted a wager on its site.

That's whether or not

a civil war in the United States. This is from Todd Schreiber.
and casino.org. Never one to shy away from offering controversial markets.

Polymarket posted a still open bet on the possibility of the U.S. falling into another civil war by the end of the year.
What counts as a civil war?

As of this writing, $24,000 was bet on the civil war happening in the United States. 96% of the people who are wagering say that it's not going to happen.
I love the video.

What does it have to do? It's just talking and showing some wagers

that related to that.

Okay, you can jump out.

The idea of a civil war, I mean, people talk about it a little heavy for our. There's two kinds of civil wars.

There's a cold civil war, which we have been in as a country and Europe in many ways too,

within their countries for the last 20 years, hashing it out

mostly nonviolently.

But a really hot, hot civil war.

But what would that mean? I mean, there's people that are fighting, or or does every state have to take a side? It would take so much to put that together.

Like, do we get uniforms on and start marching around? I know, part of one team. Do we each have, they send everyone two uniforms.
You have to pick one to put on.

Maybe I'll be this guy. That's what you could do in the war.
You walk along with him.

Okay, got it. I just wanted to show off my whistling.
God damn

for the whole song.

Okay. Heather's in and she's back out.

Okay.

Okay. We're almost done here.
Okay. Let's do another one.
All right. Let's do another one.
Why is Vietnam the testing ground for the new banking order?

See what this guy is. I need more information.
Why is Vietnam the testing ground for the new banking order?

Well, recently, Vietnam imposed a requirement for a digital ID including a biometric scan of everyone in order to have a bank account.

And what they did to enforce this is they closed 86 million bank accounts and seized all of the assets in those accounts.

So the owners of those accounts have no ability to do banking or access their funds because they chose not to sacrifice their privacy and submit to this biometric surveillance

tracking in your best interest. Well,

this is not something that is going to stay in Vietnam. This is a test because if we look at, for example, what's going on with the European Central Bank and Digital ID initiative,

as well as the Real ID and the CBT,

a lot of D, C. A, B, C, D, E, F, G.
Yeah.

Okay, you can jump out. Okay, well.
That got 3 million views. I don't know.

Yeah, you give up, you know, everything's a trade-off. Thomas Sowell's famous quote.
There are no solutions. There's only trade-offs.
That's in politics. That's in government.

There's no utopian solution. You're always going to trade off.
So you get all that kind of security and ID identification, and then you give up privacy or potential privacy.

So it's a trade-off, David. What's your I mean,

already,

if your bank doesn't agree with you, they could just stop you from getting in your bank. People can always seize your assets.
You always hear that with criminals. So they just cut off.

I mean, that's the scary thing. Do we even have money?

You talk about your joke about your money is like numbers on a thing every month. And the next month, the numbers change.
Do I have it? If I needed it, can I get it? I don't know. It used to be cash.

You know, I got this money right here. But so

if they say one day, you know, they're doing these things where they say, if you go in a store or if you have a

you're you get you get emissions where you can do this much driving in a day and this much gas you use in a day. And if you go over that,

it stops. You know, stuff like that is probably in the future.
I don't love it, but I think that's where we're headed. Well, you know, technology can be used for good or evil.
And even now,

when AI is ubiquitous, nefarious forces,

there's going to need more security in your bank accounts, even your digital bank accounts

that are backed up and backed up and underground bunker.

So anyway, it's a scary world. So it'd be very strange to literally wake up and just, hey, this is a good movie idea.
Some billionaire wakes up. and he's broke.
Right. Just it was all taken away.

They can't find it. It's all gone.
It's in crypto or it's just gone. Yeah.
Crypto.

Start over. Like, say you went broke.
Okay. Could you, David Spade, pull up your pants after crying a little bit, kind of go like this

and walk out the door and go, I'm going to make it again. Not pull up my bootstraps.
That was probably a better way to put it.

Pull yourself up by the bootstraps. I don't.

I think you're discounting how much crying I would do first.

That would be a while. And then I would be like,

I have no skills. I don't know what I would do.
I have no like visible skills. So,

no, we would have been almost, you know, people say, what was your biggest break? Well, being born in America when I did, when I was, you know, what if we were, it was the ninth century

and we were just farmers in south of France. And we were, I would do impressions of the king and you would do quips about the farming.
You know, two jesters.

We should plant these acorns with a up your ass.

But we would just get paid in beans and

beatings. It's a lot of off with their head back then.
I don't like that. That's it's like they throw that on too loosely.

Well, we had court gestures throughout the Middle Ages and with the kings and stuff, and they would get killed if they were too funny. I'd love to see too funny.

I'd be in danger. Or too sarcastic.

Nope, again. But

it's hard to feel, you just have to have humility if you live in a time, but you're my and your particular skill set,

we were able to convert it to some money. And that's a particular set of skills.
I have a particular set of skills. I can sound kind of like Donald Trump.
Yeah, that's true. You got that down.

All right, one more. And then Dana, this is going on.
One more. And then,

yeah, because we wait too much. People don't need this shit.
They don't understand it.

China just unveiled what?

China just unveiled a spy drone that looks like a mosquito. And it's small.
Oh, like you couldn't hate mosquitoes more.

Whoa. Measuring just 0.6 centimeters.
This tiny drone is packed with micro cameras and microphones and it bites you.

It ruins your picnic. Developed by the National University of Defense Technology, it flaps its transparent wings.
It looks exactly like a mosquito. I'm just a mosquito, don't mind me.

And is nearly invisible to radar. Sure, it can only fly for a few minutes but that's enough to sneak into rooms eavesdrop on conversations scan for threats or gather intel right now it's

just be generally annoying designed for covert military operations so next time you see a mosquito oh gross look at all those mosquitoes everything is getting tinier you know these it's this tiny it used to be drones there used to be like giant jets with bombs and now it's all about drones coming in and it's going to be little tiny insects and eventually it'll just look like dust in the air.

I saw this woman on the news yesterday. She's been robbed twice.

And in her backyard, she saw some guys down with a camera, and they had a drone checking out her backyard for what she had to steal. And it was going to eat.
I was like, whoa,

a new version of like trouble. I know.

Sometimes you just want to kind of find a cabin up in the woods somewhere, you know, no Wi-Fi and just get a lot of cool snacks and just watch uh laser disc or something i'm not i'm not gonna move in with you right away but it's probably on the horizon

dana and davey sitting in a tree that's just farming is a new show i'm out with the chickens

yeah that'll be one that'll be a preview a preview of it oh no he's back Well, give me a song. I can whistle it.
Give me any tune in the world. I can whistle it.

Any tune. Heather.

She goes,

well, that's not a tune. Yeah, it is.
She wants you to wrap it up.

I want to start all over. She's just showing his whistle.

Heather's sweet. Can't you guys go to the beginning again?

Okay, do taps.

Well, how's that going?

Oh.

It's not that hard.

Dana acts like this is the hardest thing anyone could never do. No, I did the Wizard of Oz's Garth.
They cut it out of the movie. Okay, go ahead.
What is that?

Right into the mic.

How did that escape the movie?

Here we we go. The whole thing.

Oh, I thought Catherine McPhee was going to kick in.

Okay.

That note's hard.

No, there's some notes that are hard.

You're like,

we did. We did good.
All right. We did good, I think.
I mean, you know, it's episode number 6322. We'll be back next week with a brand new Fly on the Wall Without a Guest.
Well, we could have a guest.

We might. We might soon.
So just look at

some eccentric guests in here on this particular part of Fly on the Wall. Mix it up.
Mix it up. Mix it up.
Squeeze it out. All right.
Thanks, guys.

Hey, guys, if you're loving this podcast, which you are, be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app.

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Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey, an executive produced by Danny Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman, Maddie Sprung-Kaiser, and Leah Reese Dennis of Odyssey.

Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman, and the show is produced and edited by Phil Sweet Tech. Booking by Cultivated Entertainment.

Special thanks to Patrick Fogarty, Evan Cox, Maura Curran, Melissa Wester, Hilary Schuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gaynor, Sean Cherry, Kurt Courtney, and Lauren Vieira. Reach out with us.

Any questions to be asked and answered on the show. You can email us at flyonthewall at odyssey.com.
That's A-U-D-A-C-Y.com.