SNL’s The Reality Show? & Megastars David Met at the Canelo–Crawford Fight

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Okay, Dana, let's start with a freaking bang.

Here we go.

I got it.

I can't believe it.

What's happening today you he ho he

what is happening literally anybody what's going on

it's raining

maybe everything

i want to say

raining that'll really get viewers um that's real clickable no uh what can i tell you just quickly about

oh we had a funny story about

A guest we had recently had a driver come to my house.

We don't always do do them in the studio here,

but this unknown guest had a driver said, Can I use your potty?

And so

we let him in

and 28 minutes later, he came out.

Wow.

Maybe he's doing fucking Sudoku.

That's,

I mean, what do you do?

Then he comes out like this.

Anyway,

That's hard.

Excuse me, but what were you doing in there?

Excuse me.

I do a Garth.

Excuse me.

I'd like to get some information about what you were doing in there.

I saw something seeping out from under the door.

I didn't know what it was.

It was just smoke, I thought.

You know, have you ever had this?

Actually, when I'm on the road, we were talking about this.

When you go to a restaurant and if people know you're there,

one of the challenges is

they follow you to the bathroom to get a picture.

And then nicely, they wait.

But if it's that one in a million, when you're in there for 45 minutes, you come out and they're asleep on the wall.

They wake up.

Oh, they get up off the carpet.

Hey, yeah, I forget.

Wait, why was I here?

Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm so blurry.

I fell asleep.

Oh, right.

You were going to run into the bathroom and I was going to take a picture.

And I'm like, oh, I'm here.

I don't get that kind of fan attention.

I mean, they follow you home.

They follow you to the bathroom.

I mean, where aren't they following you?

You're like the Beatles coming off for NCAR.

No,

I think in restaurants,

it's unusually common to follow you there and then just to be in

or pee next to you and just go, I thought it was you.

And I'm like, will you hold this while we take a selfie?

They're like, oh, you're wiener.

Okay, let me just try to hang on.

Okay, let me just grab that.

I don't know.

Some people like to

have heavy, cool, fun, informative conversations at a male urinal in a public restroom.

But a lot, for me, it's not like a, I don't see it as a social situation, like a time to make friends like you do.

Time to get to know you.

That's how I meet people.

Yeah, you hang out in the bathroom.

There are people who just hang out.

I don't know if you've ever been.

at a gym in the locker room.

Usually it was guys, older guys would just strip naked and then just walk around.

They had no one, there was nowhere to go, nothing to do.

You just did not want to bump into them.

Yeah.

I mean, I've got a guy in the gym fully naked, leg up on the bench with a blow dryer,

trying his nutsack going,

any new movies?

I do.

The one I don't like is going to a baseball game and there's the urinal trough.

I don't know.

Do you know what that is?

That feels kind of like just a primitive game.

Like

you're in some kind of club that urinates together.

There's no demarcation.

There's no splash guard.

There's no privacy.

There's no front door.

There's just 300 guys

doing their business.

Laughing.

And there's guys on the other side of the troughs here all peeing into it sometimes.

I've been in all kinds of troughs.

I used to design troughs.

And some people, some they finish peeing and then they just stand there and hang out.

And they go, what's up?

What's up?

How do you think the game's going?

This is usually at sporting events.

It's for expediency.

You can't go the individual.

Guess what?

This is kind of a fun fact.

I was in London once.

Go ahead.

Went to a play in London.

And I thought, you know, that.

And they're up there.

It's a real breeze.

Oh, I don't know about you.

I'll shoot you in the head if you say that again.

Anyway, during the intermission, go to the bathroom.

They have lined up on both sides of the wall 25 urinals on one side, 25 on the other.

What do you do?

Just go to the one that has more guys?

Well, most people drink alcohol and want to do that.

I know this is like our first biologic beginning.

It's our first five minutes.

So they only have two stalls and 40 urinals because they know, generally speaking, people have done the other thing before they can see.

People don't like to do it in public.

No one likes to do it in public.

It's just a matter of emergency.

And if you do like to do it publicly, you have an issue.

Yeah, there's a problem.

Yeah, it's a problem.

So I'm glad we got this.

I don't know how you got on this topic.

I will say,

since just in brief SNL news, our friend Ego had left.

And that was sort of, that bomb dropped right after there was a wave of people leaving.

And she sort of waited a beat, beat, probably sussed out the situation and said, You know what?

There's new people.

Maybe it's time for me to go.

She had a good run, yeah.

Good on it.

She's um

really uh

just charismatic, a star, incredibly sweet, yeah, super talented.

And you know, now that I've had a few days after our hot take on the SNL shake-up,

um, yeah, that it's okay to do seven or eight years because it's not like leaving in 89 or 90 or something.

There are so many live streamings.

There's so many do-it-yourself on YouTube.

There's films.

I mean, there's so many ways to continue your career.

And Heidi Gardner being an example of one of them.

And a lot of these cast members, it's okay.

There's a lot more going on.

I mean, when we left, it was either a TV show.

or a movie.

There wasn't much in between.

There was not much else that you could stay busy at.

Even stand-up, a touring stand-up did not make the money that people do now.

Not even close.

Not like that.

It was like to make a living, you could go on the road a lot and just not break even.

You'd make some beans.

I mean, probably the greatest example is I think Ben Stiller.

did six months or something.

I think.

Yeah, he had a quick run.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then he's Ben Stiller.

So enough said.

And, you know, Jim Carrey audition.

Nah, I don't think so.

Shane Gillis did approximately

Shane Gillis, you take your talent and get out of here.

No, that's the Lord didn't say that.

He called him.

Did you land?

You get your hotel?

Yes.

Okay.

Order some soup and then you have to go.

You have a hard hour noon.

That being said, the four people coming in in such a different circumstance in 2025, I just, I root for them.

I think.

Welcome to the jungle.

Welcome to the jungle.

You got no problem to watch.

it's like gladiator are you not entertained

i know i've always said that i mean there's three lanes of saturday night live one of the lanes is funny people doing sketches making you laugh the other lane is seeing a football player or a film star actress or actor try to do sketch comedy for hour and the third lane is seeing someone you know that's brand new to sketch comedy, brand new to Saturday Night Live, attempting to go out there and land it and be relaxed when you've got 20 cast members so it's quite a reality show um and how long will lauren stay you know i wish they would do a show where they did behind the scenes of the week and so

like

you know a reality show Heidi would come off a sketch, go in a room, do a testimonial or rehearsal.

How'd it go?

Where do you think your chances are with the sketch?

You're going to wigs.

Which wig do you pick?

How do you pick it?

And do all that.

And then you're going to catch some drama, some arguments, some tension, and all the chaos that goes behind the scenes.

Even just during the week, right before the show, there's a lot going on.

Have they ever done one show like that?

Sweating it out after read-through waiting, like everyone hanging out by the door like little bees.

Not all

figured out yet.

Can we go in there?

Most high-pressured week of your life.

You've got a behind-the-scenes camera in your face.

Make it harder, man.

But then people will start liking you based on that on top of sketches, or they like different people, the way they handle the week.

Like we would wait outside Lauren's door.

Now we do read-through.

They all walk in there.

Downey, Frank, and Smigel, host, Lauren.

They're going to pick all the sketches.

We'd be hanging out talking to Alice or Aaron, going,

so what's going on?

Like no reason to be there.

So, and then when the door cracks, you go like that because you can't see the wall with all the cards and what they're picking.

but they're like and what did you think about slam and you go

and then they'll say um

can you send uh the turners in which are writers can you send some i can you send this writer in and you go

oh they're talking about that sketch oh they're considering it that's a little nugget of information

i know well i would always go up there and um they'd say lauren's and i would just go in you know i go i'm just gonna go in never in a trillion years so then lauren and i would hang out and discuss the cast and the show, and what do you think of this person and that person?

You'd take popcorn and go like this in the back room.

And then Lauren would put up the sketch and you go, I wouldn't.

And they go, Lauren doesn't do it.

Lauren only did it in front of me.

Dana, I don't like to do this because of distraction.

But he would take three or four kernels of popcorn and juggle them and then eat them.

I'll watch Dana, and I throw it up.

And

it's the way I do it when no one's looking.

Sometimes you see.

He would take popcorn and put it in each cheek and go, I'm like Marlon Brando.

Well, that's what he would turn around and then he would stick one kernel on each tooth and he'd come back and go, Dana, I'm a scary monster.

And he just seemed to do an impression.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm a scary monster.

And he had popcorn teeth.

It was hysterical.

Man, it was so funny.

I would laugh every time.

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Oh, I also went to a fight this weekend.

I went to the Canelo.

Your life is so cool.

I didn't get the memo.

I don't know.

You could just go there.

No, I stupidly was in Vegas with Nikki Glazer about a week ago, and I got an invite to go to it.

And I go, I don't think I can go because it's my only weekend off.

And I was going to do some things.

And then I was like, oh, my God.

Cause I didn't want to come right back to Vegas.

And then I got to go right back to Chicago.

So I go, well.

And then I go, oh, this is going to be such a big fight.

And it's at a football stadium.

I go, I got to try it.

So here I am scraping and scratching my invite back, which was some tough texting.

Oh,

okay.

Cause then they, they, that you were so two days ago, and they've already filled in the seats.

Yep.

So, because I didn't see you on the movie star cam.

Nope.

I didn't see you.

Were you in the nosebleeds or halfway down the nosebleeds?

It wasn't nosebleeds.

It was, um, I didn't get an answer right when I said, hey, good news.

And I put in parentheses for you.

I can go.

And then I said, so if there's any, because Netflix was doing it.

So I said, if there's any room.

It's Sarandos, your buddy.

If there's any room, let me know.

And then about four days later, I said, listen, if my seat got taken from someone from the summer, I turned pretty, it's okay.

I understand how it works over there.

And then nothing.

And then it was so cringy.

And then.

Was it just you or you plus one?

Just me saying I was just going to go.

I didn't know it was such a big event.

I honestly thought it's like when a couple of people go to a fight and they get four seats together and they're like, hey,

so the night before, they're like, hey, are you going or you can't go?

Or what's the latest?

I go, I could.

It's tomorrow.

I was just going to go watch it.

No, no, no.

Get out here.

Let's go.

So I went out late, 5:30.

Go, go straight to the fight.

And it's like

all these well-known people there.

I mean, they really, Netflix, it was Netflix.

I didn't realize that either before that.

So there, it's 68,000 people, the most people had a fight.

I thought it was 71, but it broke the record.

No, I counted.

I counted.

I was at the top step, stop chairing.

I got sources.

You do.

Anyway, it was a huge fight because Canelo is a Mexican fighter with red hair.

He's cool.

He's an all-time great versus Crawford.

Crawford came up 14 pounds.

You didn't know.

Canelo's really gotta be.

I love you.

You didn't know.

Canelo's strong.

You didn't know.

He had a good left and a bump and an inside.

He could do the shell thing, this defense, you know, the tights.

He does combos.

You didn't know.

You didn't know.

There's so much you don't know.

You go to a sporting event.

Look at her.

She's cute.

Could I get some popcorn?

Ha ha ha.

I'm at a football game.

Oh, wait.

Why are people boxing?

Yeah.

You're not into the fight.

You don't have a scorecard.

I don't know what's going on.

You don't know.

What about Canelo only fights on Mexican holidays?

Cinco de Mayo.

And this was a holiday weekend.

And everybody came out because they would boo Crawford when they showed him in the green room.

I call it the green.

I did not know that.

I didn't know that.

And so they,

so I still had good seats, but I wasn't.

Actually, they walked me down.

And everyone I flew with out there has the great seats.

And they're like,

I'm like, oh, that's right.

I was a last-minute add-on.

So I had the end seat on a row, but who's next to me?

You'll never guess.

He has a big documentary out now.

And he's on the show in about two weeks.

Charlie Sheen.

Charlie Sheen.

Yeah.

Chuck is next to you?

Yeah.

Aw.

And the funniest part was,

you know, we're all jammed in like stardines.

And it's Charlie Sheen, Michael Irvin, to keep it weird.

He's a great football player.

What an assortment pack.

Yeah.

And then in front of me, Marsh Sean Lynch, whose head is maybe this big because I can't see.

Yeah, he, he, yeah, he was

something else.

Yeah, funny guy, though.

Uh, he's uh, you know, bigger than average.

You big, me, small, can't see fight.

Yeah, don't uh like to be punched in the face.

Maybe put dreadlocks on the topic.

No, you're a wonderful football.

No, you're a beautiful

giant digit suppressing my orifice.

Jeremy Renner, list goes on, blah, blah, blah.

David Zaslov, of all people.

You're kidding.

Power broker.

Big, big, big.

And then Ted

Chappelle, Charlie, just all the way down.

Great time, great people.

Nowhere near me.

So I am sitting with Charlie.

And the first thing I see is Michael Irvin has got his legs over talking behind himself because there's people behind us, right?

So he's talking, and Charlie's like this.

So I walk up and they go right here.

And I go, Charlie.

Oh, and he goes, hey,

all right.

Are you sitting here?

I go, yeah.

And he stands up and he goes,

this guy has no spatial awareness.

What the funny thing to say.

Right off the bat.

I go, oh, is that Michael Irvin?

He goes, yeah,

his legs are on my legs.

I'm like, well, I know.

We'll figure it out.

We're on the fight before the big fight.

Of course, I come a little late.

So here we are.

Well, you're lucky to say, hey, this guy's in my space.

Would you mind beating him up for me?

Say something.

Yeah,

you're witty.

You could put him down.

And

he goes, I like it's me and you over here.

I know Charlie in passing.

Like you'd think maybe I know him more.

I don't know him.

There was a time

that my,

I worked on Rules of Engagement.

Oh my God, a couple of people remember, I think.

And Rules of Engagement, the head writer, creator was Tom Hurts.

good guy.

He came off of Two and a Half Men to do our show.

So when Charlie's going through it, which we're both going to see the documentary by the time he comes on, but when he's going through the craziest, which we know a lot of, not all of, just from reading the paper.

Right.

So he's fighting with Les Moonbez at CBS, and it is bad.

$100 million loss, whatever it was.

Charlie was making so much money.

$2 million an episode.

Sickening.

And then he was not coming coming to work and they were and i'm like oh my god is he gonna lose this job so

i think les just says i've had it with you you're off and everyone's like wow are they gonna continue without him so i see tom hurts and he goes listen is there any way

because our show had just finished would is there a world where you would do a show with charlie and i said

well he said for cbs i go well i i said i like charlie i i i don't see Les Moonbez

loving this idea.

I think this is a dead end.

And he goes, no, I already talked to him.

I was like, wow.

Wow.

Because Les, he goes, Les knows what's going to get big ratings.

I was like,

that is crazy if Charlie came back.

So

I see Charlie maybe a week later.

And I walk by him at this hotel and I go, oh, hey, man, how you doing?

He goes, hey.

And he goes, hey, have you heard a little secret rumor about us?

And I go, I did.

And he goes, that could be fun.

And I go, yeah, I guess we're going to hear about it.

He goes, okay.

So that was it.

Three days later, some health news comes out about Charlie and it sort of

stopped it.

And it's took the wind out of everything.

Took a little wind out of the sales.

Yeah.

And I hope that being said, I think if it was HIV, I think there's way more people living with that right now than before.

So

you could treat it.

And obviously, Magic Johnson was sort of the poster child for all that.

Like,

and he's doing fine.

So I don't know, he's doing fine.

He's out there doing his life.

Oh, no, they can make the virus, it's just essentially diminished,

imperceptible.

You're not contagious.

You're not symptomatic.

So what happened, the tragedy of before this, but Michael

Magic came out.

The technology was just there in a medicinal way.

It was newer.

And here he is.

But, you know, I think it sounds scary to people.

So it's probably less.

There's probably way more going on.

Well, you don't want to get it.

No.

If they have antiviral

medications,

it's not a death sentence.

Now, if there was a medication to keep you away, that would be interesting.

Well, I'm remote right now.

I wanted to be in the studio.

You have it in your contract.

I got to have a sleep.

You can only do three a year.

At least I gotta have two days away from that guy because he won't shut up about how big the church lady was.

He will not shut his mouth.

I have to say Charlie was excited to come on and he know I'm coming on soon on your show.

And he said, I don't think I met Dana.

And I said, Dana's happy to have.

He's excited.

He was, he liked that.

Everyone's a fan of you.

So we talked to some people there.

Tyson was there, of course.

You just know those fights are jam-packed.

And there was a uh,

the guy that put the money up for the fight, the promoter, was from Saudi Arabia.

I think he's also doing this new fanatics like football.

He is throwing money around, you know.

There's doing the comedy festival.

I don't know if that's him, but they were telling me this guy, and he had ringside: like, here's us on this corner, here's this ring, and he's there with Jason Statham,

the beekeeper, the beekeeper,

I keep the bays.

Don't touch my bees.

So I'm just doing you now.

If I catch you, you're going to get stung.

Isn't that a bee, though?

Aren't you the keeper?

If I sting you, you're going to die.

Oh, that's a bee again.

And then the bee dies.

The person doesn't die.

So are you the person that dies if you're the bee in this situation?

Oh, wait a second.

What I'll say in.

Oh, let me think about it.

So

he's got a new movie out called The Working Man.

Give me him and Working Man.

Oh, I'm the working man.

And if you mess with me, I'm going to work your face into a bloody pulp.

You sound like Hans and Franz.

I don't know what I sound like.

I got too far into that one.

I couldn't get out.

All right.

You were just,

David, David, disappeared.

I'm back, by the way.

Yeah, thank you.

Scary.

Jason Sathan with Mr.

Beast.

What a random assortment.

Mr.

Beast, Jason Sathan, Dana White,

and this Saudi.

I think his name is Muhammad al-Turkey,

I think.

So he's there.

Anyway, he's wandering around saying hi to people.

I don't know, but I think he gave Canelo $100 million.

Oh, my God.

Whoa.

That's nothing for you.

For me, for a working man, for a working stiff.

You know what?

I mean, he got punched in the face pretty hard many, many times.

Is this Alvarez you're talking about?

I mean,

yeah, Canelo.

Canelo.

You know,

he's tough as nails, but yeah, Crawford really smacked him around a little bit.

Yeah, you know, our ringside wasn't the UFC ringside or regular boxing.

It's pulled back.

It was cameras.

It was some other things, but it was really like, because it's a football stadium.

We were back about 50 feet.

I was behind the front row.

But even being that close, you're still, We were laughing about this.

How many times you go up to the big screen and look?

Because it's just a little better and easier to see.

Because I'm looking through ropes, you know, it's a little different.

There is a catch-type thing where there's a certain point you're going to pretty much watch the screen, yeah, unless you have a perfect kind of view.

Yeah, we were talking about this on the way there.

Like, how far back at a concert, how far back you want, because everyone agreed if you're going to blow money,

concerts, sporting events are fun to blow, to sit closer.

Because

when you get to the point where you're only watching the screen, my eyes aren't that good from far away.

So I do that.

And I'm like, fuck, because I like, obviously everybody wants to be up close.

If you can afford it, go up close.

But I'm sure the inflationary aspect of America today and everything,

you have to get used to it.

Well, a regular ticket is Bazoodi's.

To just get in that room was probably expensive.

And

also, but it really was, I think, a big hit for Netflix because the fight turned out to be, it started a little slow.

And then I started to see Canelo looking a little beat up.

His face was red.

I'm like, wait a second, because he was the favorite, I think.

Oh, maybe early on his face was red because a little starstruck.

He got a peek of you.

He saw me.

And blushed.

I know he got hit later, but I think it was early on.

He looked over in the first round.

If I'm where, if I'm thinking where you are, where I think you are, I think he saw you.

He's a huge fan of Dickie Roberts.

Dickie Roberts.

And he blushed.

And then Canelo.

He kicked out Dickie Roberts.

I know.

I don't know why.

I should watch that movie again.

Why does it get beat up by us?

It's not going fuss.

Great little comedy.

Chris Rock's favorite spade movie, Dickie Roberts.

So he.

Oh, it's a great idea.

I love that he says that because I do like Dickie Roberts.

I think it was

not to get off my boring fight story, but

it was a good idea.

It was still funny, but just the idea is almost bigger.

You can't keep up with the idea of former child stars because I talked to a pretty big director early on that wanted to do it.

And he said I would dismantle it after the first act and make it really tragic.

And I said, I just, I don't think Paramount wants that.

I don't think that's the brand of you at the time.

Or happy mass.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That you're going to go for a tragedy.

That's a whole different movie.

I said that's a good movie, and that's a movie that really makes sense.

We're trying to spin it and make it more fun.

So, I mean,

you could mic drop in the end of the third act with some pathos or some emotion, but not dark.

You know, it's funny because we had one scene where we all sang together for some, that Smigel wrote a song, How Funny, Fred Wolf and Smigl.

And we had them all in for one day.

And it was Corey Haim and some Brady bunch.

And we really grabbed people.

A couple of people said, no, they don't want to be associated anymore.

Like, I think Gary Coleman wouldn't do it.

But we had Webster.

We had a lot of fun people.

And you get to see that

some of them have had a rough time.

So they were Dickie Roberts Pierce.

Corey Hame.

Yeah.

Remember him?

He's Corey Feldman's buddy.

And

super sweet.

Walking to lunch from the soundstage of singing and i'm in my outfit and he goes hey hey thanks for having me hey uh

so we go to lunch now we got an hour i go yeah this is roughly the conversation i said yeah

and he goes uh hey i was gonna go off campus and eat i said i think you can and he goes do you do we get a per diem for today and i go

I don't know, maybe.

And he goes, do I get that?

Can you give me that?

I go,

I don't think I'm the one that gives you your predium.

And he goes,

but I need some because I want to go get lunch.

And he goes, you got a hundred bucks or something.

I could just go get lunch.

And I fucking did it.

I felt so weird because now we're at my trailer.

And he goes, if you have anything, just,

and I had some money.

So I gave him like 50, 100 bucks and said, yeah, okay.

And

then later, I swear at the time, it didn't even hit me that he might go use or something.

And he probably didn't, but I was like, was that stupid?

Was that fucking dumb of me?

Well, in the end of the day, what are you going to do?

I mean,

the premise would be, besides a potential drug thing, is that child actors sometimes get a lot of money when they're young and then,

you know, they go broke.

Yeah.

I mean, you know, whatever.

Yeah.

The parents, a lot of the time, not all the time, a lot of times the parents are like spending the money.

Obviously, they're like, hey, you're my kid.

It's my money.

And then when they're 18, they're like, give me that, back up that banks truck and they're like the thing is

there's not a ton left and and at that point he was older but

he was still a star you know because dickie roberts was a while ago and he was a super nice kid and then you know tough ending so and that's why corey corey feldman's out there going hey he's out there going we're have we had a tough time like they they always treat corey Feldman, who we should have on sometime because he's a very interesting guy.

It's one of those ones you look back on one day and go, Maybe he had something to say that we weren't listening to,

you know, because he had a, yeah, he said it was rough.

And the child star thing.

So, anyway, long story short, Dickie Roberts could have been darker.

It had way a little piece of it, but it wasn't, obviously.

Um, one of the stories I saw this week that I thought was funny

was just the idea of Trump in England

with King Charles.

Yeah, because Trump's bedside manner are bluntless.

Blunt.

Are they used to his bluntness?

Are they used to it?

King Charles, he's a king now.

He was a prince.

Now he's a king with Camilla Pockables.

You know,

he loved her very much.

Camilla Pacabols, that's what they call her.

Now she's a princess.

She's a princess Bowles.

He said it.

He was talking to her on the phone.

He wanted to live in her pants.

She wanted to live in her pants.

You remember that?

And he's, and King Charles is there, and everyone's there.

He's giving a little

speech he's giving before dinner.

Yeah, and I saw the people I saw, they call them the black-hatted red coats.

You know, the big, tall, they're 18 inches high, those guys.

They don't talk much, they don't have much to say, quite frankly.

You look at them, they're hot, the hats don't work.

If a grenade goes toward them, it's not going to help them.

I'm telling you that.

And you look at it, and you see it, and you see the red coats, and you see the black hats and the fur.

They're made from baskets.

Canadian bears, they baskets, they put them on the head.

Whose idea was that?

But Camilla Pacca Bowles and King Charles.

You got to love London.

You love it.

And Tally Hoe.

I'm Donald Trump.

I like Entali-Ho.

That was a fucking great run.

That's so funny.

Ah, yeah.

The red coats.

People make fun of them, but they can

laugh.

You got to laugh.

Trump over there.

I just saw a picture.

And of course, I was telling you, I was hoping he was looking for McDonald's.

Because if he eats McDonald's every day, he must be like jonesing a little bit on these trips.

He has assistants.

He has massive people that, could you give me a Big Mac?

Just put it up, put it near the salad,

put a napkin on it.

I love this.

I love the fish and chips and the cheeseburger.

Don't I love the cheeseburger?

Is it a filet of fish and chips?

He's not going to eat the British food.

He's going to sneak in stuff.

What's this dog shit?

Yeah.

He doesn't want to offend him, though.

Kate, very nice.

Kate had a scare recently.

She bounced right back.

And William, they got a trouble with Harry.

The trouble with Harry.

These guys don't like Harry, but now Harry likes him.

Harry, Harry's the brother.

They call him the spare.

They call him the spare because, in case, you know, whatever, the other guy gets killed, he's the spare.

He doesn't like being a splayer.

So he moves to Montecito with Megan Marklis.

Megan Marklis and Harry, Harry Flinkstan.

You're making jellies and jams, but it's not clicking.

Hair.

I like when he goes, William, are you losing?

From where I'm standing to give this toast, you are losing a lot of your hair.

And, you know, we always wondered why that's an easy fix over in America.

You go to Turkey, get it done.

You get a lot of more troops up there, and you're right back in the game.

Never went to it.

It's a genetic thing.

It's leaving your head.

It's leaving your head slowly.

You're doing it publicly.

And quite frankly, it's not a good look.

It's not a good move.

What you got to do is grow one side really long like I do.

And you swirl it around.

You swirl it.

You tape it.

You glue it.

And there you are.

You're glowing orange on your turf.

You're glowing orange right on your turf upstairs.

And you look gorgeous.

So fucking funny.

I don't know why I'm doing that.

That's so funny because it's funny.

I love it.

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All right, let's get to some stories.

Unless you have any more stories of your life?

My life.

My life's kind of boring compared to you.

I wish I watched the fight.

The fight was how close I got.

I'm glad it worked out that I got to go.

It was very nice of them to take me.

Thank you, Netflix.

A 23-year-old woman is preparing to become the first human on Mars, and she's never coming back.

Whoa.

How's that?

Does she decide that?

I mean,

it's a one-way ticket.

What does Elon Musk say about this?

The pay is probably really good when you don't get to come back and spend it.

I mean, she must be a real trooper to say, I just want to go help Earth or something.

I mean,

that's a big ask

for me.

Well, I see the, well, look, I love science fiction.

And Elon Musk

talks like science fiction is science reality.

We have to go to malls.

Go to malls.

Go to Malls.

We have to go to Malls.

And so they can terraform it.

They can just blast oxygen.

Terraform.

Oxygen canisters, whatever, if they find ice.

But they can kind of make it into

an environment where you walk around without a spacesuit.

You know, I don't know if it'll be 75 and partly cloudy or what, but I'd rather believe they can make it hospitable to humans.

They said within one year, they'll have a Zara there and maybe a hickory farm.

Here's what they have to do.

You know what?

Go fucking go back to the moon, fellas.

It's not what's wrong with the moon.

Go back to the moon and build a Howard Johnson's on the moon.

When I was a kid, 2001, there was a Howard Johnson's hotel on the moon, and we want some of 2001 now.

It's too 2001.

Yeah, we're a little late.

Yeah, get us.

Give us a hundred.

Go to the moon.

Fucking just put some condos, put in a Banana Republic.

Just make it like every city in America.

Yeah, and just take SpaceX.

Don't take the Boeing Starliner.

Don't take the Jeff Bezos origin.

Just get on SpaceX.

That's what I would take.

Okay, next story.

Let's see.

Let's see.

Oh, this is about Vegas.

What is this?

Civil War.

Oh, hello.

Hello.

It's Vegas.

Poly See, I'm on top of the free parking garage here at the Sahara across from the Fontablue in Las Vegas.

And Polymarket has posted a wager on its site just to whether or not

a civil war in the United States.

This is from Todd Schreiber and casino.org.

Never one to shy away from offering controversial markets.

Polymarket posted a still open bet on the possibility of the U.S.

falling into another civil war by the end of the year.

What counts as a civil war?

As of this writing, $54,000

was bet on the civil war happening in the United States.

96% of the people who are wagering say that it's not going to be a lot of fun.

I love the video.

Like, what does it have to do?

I think it's just talking and showing signs.

ratty that related to Charles.

Okay, you can jump out.

The idea of a civil war, I mean, people talk about it a little heavy for our ships.

There's two kinds of civil wars.

There's a cold civil war, which we have been in as a country and Europe in many ways too,

within their countries for the last 20 years, hashing it out

mostly nonviolently.

But a really hot, hot civil war.

But what would that mean?

I mean, there's people that are fighting, or

does every state have to take a side?

It would take so much to put that together.

Do we get uniforms on and start marching around?

I know.

Do we each have, they send everyone two uniforms.

You have to pick one to put on.

Maybe I'll be this guy.

That's what you could do in the war.

You walk along with him.

Okay, got it.

I just wanted to show off my whistling.

God damn for the whole song.

Okay.

Heather's in and she's back out.

Okay.

Okay, we're almost done here.

Let's do another one.

Let's do another one.

Why is Vietnam the testing ground for the new banking order?

I need more information.

Why is Vietnam the testing ground for the new

banking order?

Well, recently, Vietnam imposed a requirement for a digital ID including a biometric scan of everyone in order to have a bank account.

And what they did to enforce this is they closed 86 million bank accounts and seized all of the assets in those accounts.

So the owners of those accounts have no ability to do banking or access their funds because they chose not to sacrifice their privacy and submit to this biometric surveillance

tracking in your best interest.

Well,

this is not something that is going to stay in Vietnam.

This is a test because if we look at, for example, what's going on with the European Central Bank and Digital ID initiative, it comes this way, as well as the Real ID and the CBDC.

A lot of letters, a lot of D, C.

A, B, C, D, E, F, G.

Yeah.

Okay.

You can jump out.

Okay.

Well, that got 3 million views.

I don't know.

Yeah, you give up, you know, everything's a trade-off.

Thomas Sowell's famous quote.

There are no solutions.

There's only trade-offs.

That's in politics.

That's in government.

There's no utopian solution.

You're always going to trade off.

So you get all that kind of security and ID identification, and then you you give up privacy or potential privacy.

So it's a trade-off, David.

What's your

already,

if your bank doesn't agree with you, they could just stop you from getting in your bank.

People can always seize your assets.

You always hear that with criminals.

So they just cut off.

I mean, that's the scary thing.

Do we even have money?

You talk about your joke about your money is like numbers on a...

thing every month and the next month the numbers change do i have it if i needed it can i get it i don't know it's it used to be cash you You know, oh, I got this money right here.

But so I know if they say one day, you know, they're doing these things where they say, if you go in a store or if you have a

you're, you get, you get emissions where you can do this much driving in a day and this much gas you use in a day.

And if you go over that,

it stops.

You know, stuff like that is probably in the future.

I don't love it, but I think that's where we're headed.

Well, you know, technology can be used for good or evil.

And even now,

when AI is ubiquitous, nefarious forces,

there's going to need more security in your bank accounts, even your digital bank accounts that are backed up and backed up and underground bunker.

So anyway,

it's a scary world.

So it'd be very strange to literally wake up and just, hey, this is a good movie idea.

Some billionaire wakes up and he's broke.

Right.

Just it was all taken away.

They can't find it.

It's all gone.

It's in crypto or it's just gone.

Yeah.

Crypto.

Start over.

Like, say you went broke.

Okay.

Could you, David Spade, pull up your pants after crying a little bit, kind of go like this

and walk out the door and go, I'm going to make it again.

Not pull up my bootstraps.

That was probably a better way to put it.

Pull yourself up by the bootstraps.

I know.

I think you're discounting how much crying I would do first.

That would be a while.

And then I would be like,

I have no skills.

I don't know what I would do.

I have no like visible skills.

So

no, we would have been almost, you know, people say, what was your biggest break?

Well, being born in America when I did, when I was, you know, what if we were, it was the ninth century

and we were just farmers in the south of France and we were, I would do impressions of the king and you would do quips about the farming.

Two gestures.

We should plant these acorns with a up your ass.

But we would just get paid in beans and

beatings.

It's a lot of off with their head back then.

I don't like that.

It's like they throw that on too loosely.

Well, we had court gestures throughout the Middle Ages with the kings and stuff, and they would get killed if they were too funny.

I'd love to see too funny.

I'd be in danger or too sarcastic.

Nope, again.

but i it's hard to feel you just have to have humility if you live in a time but you're my and your particular skill set

we were able to convert it to some money and that's a particular set of skills i have a particular set of skills i can sound kind of like donald trump yeah that's true you got that down all right one more and then dana this is gone on one more and then we'll yeah because we wait

people don't need this they don't understand it china just unveiled what?

China just unveiled a spy drone that looks like a mosquito.

And it's small.

Oh, like you couldn't hate mosquitoes yet.

Whoa.

Measuring just 0.6 centimeters.

This tiny drone is packed with micro cameras and microphones

audio, capture video, and transmit everything.

It ruins your picnic.

Developed by the National University of Defense Technology, it flaps its transparent wings.

It looks exactly like a mosquito.

I'm just a mosquito, don't mind me.

And and is nearly invisible to radar sure it can only fly for a few minutes but that's enough to sneak into rooms eavesdrop on conversations scan for threats or gather intel right now it's

just be generated

designed for covert military operations so next time you see a mosquito oh gross look at all those mosquitoes everything is getting tinier you know these it's this tiny it used to be drones there used to be like giant jets with bombs and now it's all about drones coming in and it's going to be little tiny tiny insects, and eventually it'll just look like dust in the air.

And it'll be like I saw this woman on the news yesterday, she's been robbed twice.

And in her backyard, she saw some guys down with a camera, and they had a drone checking out her backyard for what she had to steal.

And it was going to eat.

I was like, whoa,

a new version of like trouble.

I know.

Sometimes you just want to kind of find a cabin up in the woods, somewhere, you you know, no Wi-Fi and just get a lot of cool snacks and just watch Laserdisc or something.

I'm not going to move in with you right away, but it's probably on the horizon.

Dana and Davey sitting in a tree.

That's just farming is a new show.

I'm out with the chickens.

Yeah, that'll be one.

That'll be a preview, a preview of it.

Oh, no.

He's back.

Well, give me a song.

I can whistle it.

Give me any tune in the world.

I can whistle it.

Any tune.

Heather.

She goes,

well, that's not a tune.

Yeah, it is.

She wants you to wrap it up.

I want to start all over.

She's just showing his whistle.

Heather's sweet.

Can you guys go to the beginning again?

Okay, do taps.

How's that go

oh

it's not that hard

dana acts like this is the hardest thing anyone could never do no i did the wizard of oz as garth they cut it out of the movie okay go ahead what is that

right into the mic

how did that escape the movie

Here we go, the whole thing.

Oh, I thought Catherine McPhee was going to kick in.

Okay.

That notes are.

No,

there's some notes that are.

You're like,

we will.

We did good.

All right.

We did good, I think.

I mean, you know, it's episode number 6322.

We'll be back next week with a brand new Fly on the Wall without a guest.

But we could have a guest.

We might.

We might soon.

So just

give us some eccentric guests in here on this particular part of Flying the Wall.

Mix it up.

Mix it up.

Mix it up.

Squeeze it out.

All right.

Thanks, guys.

Hey, guys, if you're loving this podcast, which you are, be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app.

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Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey, an executive produced by Danny Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman, Maddie Sprung-Kaiser, and Leah Reese-Dennis of Odyssey.

Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman, and the show is produced and edited by Phil Sweet Tech.

Booking by Cultivated Entertainment.

Special thanks to Patrick Fogarty, Evan Cox, Maura Curran, Melissa Wester, Hilary Schuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gaynor, Sean Cherry, Kurt Courtney, and Lauren Vieira.

Reach out with us any questions to be asked and answered on the show.

You can email us at flyonthewall at odyssey.com.

That's A-U-D-A-C-Y.com.