Behind Biden/Fauci Impressions + Star Search & Oasis Frenzy

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Look at my open buttons.

Oh, you're going low now.

Kind of like Trini Lopez over here, circa 1968.

All right.

Dancing with the former stars.

Can we get some actual stars on there?

We'll throw the show off its axis.

What was the Ed McMahon show?

Star Search.

I auditioned for Star Search.

I auditioned at a mall in Arizona.

Paradise Alan Mall.

Okay.

Guess what?

Bombed.

Were you at the Buster Brown shoe store?

Where were you in the mall?

Was they set up a little thing in the atrium near

the food court?

It was pretty good once you waited in Chess King.

We'll be with you in a moment.

What's funny when a comedian is.

The holding area was Hickory Farms.

It hits the punchline and then freezes.

Okay.

So

there you were next to Dockers.

He got lean in pre-sketchers pre-sketchers i kind of find shopping malls if they're empty and they're kind of nice i find them sort of calming it's like going inside a spaceship it could take off you could just live in there the little music when they're empty very calming i go there sometimes to get my steps down ladies are you into the steps and the ladies are not standing up they're like what a guy that counts his steps what Can I tell you something about the step myth?

Yeah.

Don't ruin it for me, but go ahead.

Well, like I always say, people say,

I take a statin, I get side effects.

What's your dosage?

Maximum.

Hey, dosage matters.

Why don't you lower it?

I'll tell my doctor.

Do you have any other side, any side effects anymore?

No.

Cholesterol is still low?

Yes.

So the same things with the 10,000 feet or 10,000 steps.

It's fine.

Do it if you can, but a little bit of intensity goes a long way.

Yeah.

You know, you don't do less steps, but you find a little hill, you get out of breath.

It's all in my book.

This has been a medical moment with Dana Carvey.

You're funny.

You're really funny.

I like to educate as well and then be funny.

You are brains and funny.

I am just

now.

when I audited for Star Search at the mall,

it was back

in the day, and you did two minutes

and two minutes.

You know, it's funny is Dennis Miller had a joke, our boy Dennis Miller.

He said they used to have musical acts on Star Search.

He goes, it was always funny to watch Ed McMahon go, ladies and gentlemen, kayak.

Yeah.

Hold on a second.

I'm going to close the curtains because it's getting too bright.

Keep this for real.

Yeah, because

the sun came out, and I don't want to be so bright that, you know.

Oh, I can't see shit.

I'll tell everyone about my headache.

When it's too bright here, you always wonder why Dana's really bright and I'm not.

Too much light gives me a headache because my fucking neck.

So here I am.

I have a ring light, which I caved into

so I could look better.

And it's a fucking headache machine.

And we're back.

Oh, this idiot.

Fuck.

Okay.

There.

That was kayak.

That was kayak.

Ladies and gentlemen, toe fungus.

He has a funny bit, too, where he says,

he went on star search.

Yes.

With his fucking Unreal Act.

Yeah.

He goes,

he does one joke where he goes,

Ronald Reagan will be 77 at the end of his next term.

And he has access to the button.

You know, folks, my grandpa's 77.

We don't let him use a remote control on the TV set.

And then he goes, he gets two stars.

And then Sinbad comes out and goes, You ever have underpants so old?

It's just, you're wearing a rubber band right away.

And he goes, Oh my God, four stars.

And he lost.

I know.

He was a force in nature.

But I remember booties.

Booty so big, be dragging in the sand.

And I remember that with people you'd see with feet and tongues and the audio.

And blah.

Can't hit hands hard enough together.

But he was

Sinbad's a four.

Sinbad's funny.

He has his stage presence and everything.

He always killed.

I did a corporate with him and he blew me away.

He killed.

Everyone looked at me and goes, bring that fucking other guy back.

They were, Sinbad's going to open.

You're going to, I go, open for me?

And then I could not follow it.

No, he's a powerhouse.

I mean, you know, I had once I was playing some theater

and the stage hand, I think we've talked about this years ago.

But he says, right before I go out, you know, Sinbad got like four standing ovations.

His first 10 minutes was all about the city and the town and the park and the football team.

So I had to kind of erase all my local references.

Oh, yeah.

He gets there six weeks ahead and does all the recon.

Yeah.

Well, he was a pro, is a pro.

Let's have him on.

Wait, one more thing about

Star Search.

Here's trivia.

So I'm desperately thirsty to get Star Search.

Just get anything happening.

Oh, yeah.

It's a television show.

Out in L.A.

Now they've seen me at the improv.

Now I'm auditioning for everything.

Joan Rivers had a show.

I think I told you this.

So Joan Rivers has a show.

Can we talk?

Oh, my God.

Liz Taylor dog.

So that's Liz.

Elizabeth Taylor, she said, was a dog.

Remember when Louis C.K.

had an episode?

with Joan Rivers where suddenly his character of Louis lurched it and tried to make out with Joan Rivers.

No, because he was so turned on by our comedy.

Oh, that's great.

Let's ask him about it when he comes on.

He's coming on in a comedy.

Yeah, yeah, that was that.

That was really, really funny.

That

comedy.

I have a few jokes on

sexy.

Instagram.

Yeah, please.

Hopefully.

I have a couple of jokes when I follow Louie I want to ask him about that are great.

Also, so Star Search, I go into Gervitz's office.

Back then, we had Gervitz.

You like money?

Hey, handsome.

What are you doing in the office?

Oh, somebody's somebody's lost?

Who's funny than you?

Who's funny than you?

I have a shirt just like that, except mine's expensive.

I had a shit like that.

Then my dad got a job.

Don't open your shirt.

Your heart will fall out.

I'm out of charge.

He goes, Where were you last night?

I go, Oh, I did a charity at that company store.

Ooh, don't open your shirt.

Your heart will fall out.

He said that one of me maybe

doing a being a goat.

Yeah, being a good guy.

Do gooder?

Your heart will fall out if you'll be shit.

Yeah, don't open your shirt.

But why would the heart fall out?

Like it's bursting in.

It's so big.

I don't know.

It's like a very, it's like a manager's joke.

It's like

there's a joke in there somewhere, but it wouldn't be that.

It just sounds like a joke.

If you dissect it.

Oh, you did a charity event.

Oh, okay.

Let's see.

How many hours a day do you spend virtual signaling or something?

You come on.

You're the writer.

Oh, the other one I said, I said, oh, you know me, I have great guy syndrome.

And now he says it back to me.

I'm working on Memorial Day.

Yep, I got great guy syndrome.

I go, don't take my own joke back to me.

I want to make sure my camera's not.

Oh, boy, we got a real tech situation.

I think it's great that people understand that people like that.

We're not just walking through.

I think it was a little blurry.

I think it had some dust on it.

We're getting our hands dirty.

I don't know what happened to my hair.

I tried to copy you and it was a disaster.

Your hair's getting some dust on it.

You know, I don't color my hair and people are accusing me going, hey, let it go, dude.

I go, you think I picked this?

Let it go.

You've got some silver in there.

It looks good today, but I do have some silvery.

I call it blonde, and people go, you mean the gray part?

I go, what,

what, what,

huh?

They go, oh, you didn't know.

That's not blonde.

Hey, I'll just say this.

Anyone can do whatever they want.

Do we want Mick Jager?

to come out with white hair?

Question.

No.

It's funny.

You see a lot of these old bands on the road and they all have pitch white hair.

And I prefer they look like they did in this instance.

It's a one-time year for it.

Plastic surgery, darken your hair.

Just darkening the hair is a good trick.

It takes 20 years off.

Yeah, I mean, Jager, he stayed 120 pounds his entire life.

He works out like crazy.

I know from inside sources that is his hair.

He has a crazy head of thick hair.

And so when you're watching him, and if they don't go like this, if it's head to toe, it's Nick Jager, man.

I mean,

it's enough of.

Yeah.

He has a

character-y face, which I think people appreciate down the line.

Where

I think girls can handle a guy with a lot of character in their face, which means a lot of bumps, bruises, wrinkles.

Well, experience.

I mean, women, I read this recently, and this is not to offend women.

This was a generalization by by a woman psychotherapist.

Women are attracted to kindness,

funniness,

and access to resources.

So Mick Jagger, he's kind.

I don't know, he's smart, and he has access to resources.

He has a garden hose.

I've got a castle

in Spain.

That's a bigger resource than just, you know,

doomsday prepper closet.

Yeah, I know where I'll go in the apocalypse.

Yeah, where are you going?

To my house, where you're.

Meet me in one of my pantries.

We should have a plan.

That's 700 feet below the ground where you are right now.

Oops, I shouldn't have said that.

Actually, I'm in the basement.

It is a bunkery.

We're in the basement.

That's the place to be when the radioactive cloud starts climbing up

Laurel Canyon.

Okay.

Yeah.

The big one went off.

What am I?

Glico?

What am I skee?

Skeishy?

You know, the Finnish guy who invented slalom skein

circa 1932.

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Hi, I'm Nancy Cartwright.

You may know me better as the voice of Bart Simpson.

On Simpsons Declassified, we're diving into the mysteries that keep The Simpsons forever young.

Have you ever wondered how The Simpsons regularly predicts future events?

Who better to ask than the show's creators, performers, and writers?

The celebrity guests.

Be sure to follow and listen to Simpsons Declassified wherever you you get your podcasts.

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So I go into Gerwitz's office and I say, our manager, I auditioned last night for Joan River Show

at the improv.

And he said, because he, she was so big on Johnny Carson, for those of you who don't know, such a fabulous show.

So we're talking the 90s.

Yeah.

Yeah.

She,

I was young, comic, I was probably 23.

She

spun off and did her own talk show, which was against Johnny, and he did not like it.

Never talked to her again, right?

Well, I heard her side of the story, you know, publicly, and I said,

you know, she, it's a human story.

So she starts substituting for Johnny.

And maybe, and Johnny had a lot of time off, but she would either do Mondays, sometimes a week.

And so she was a shiny new object.

She was at the peak of her, can we talk?

And, you know, so she was great and killing.

And then Johnny would come to that.

So then she, without telling Johnny, went to Fox.

Goes to Fox, signs the contract, is going to Fox, is going to appear as a talk show up against Johnny.

Now, what good manners would have been, you know, Johnny, I'm thinking of making this move.

You know, you just, people don't want to be surprised.

I don't know if he would have said yes or no, but he kind of earthed her.

Blindside.

TV ran away.

And it's a, and it's Fox's like signature show.

Like, they're, they're newer.

They're.

Yeah, this is a big deal that they're going into late night television.

I think she was 11 to 12.

It would overlap with Johnny, Johnny Carson.

But Johnny,

Johnny, I got blacklisted.

So Johnny was, he would draw a line.

That

Sure.

So here's Joan, does her show.

It comes out all right.

You know, it's a big show because it's a little bit more.

It's so big and actually, yeah.

So she has,

she has to have guest hosts.

So she has Arsenio,

who eventually did so well.

And he's fun off.

Yeah.

So when I get Joan Roosevelt,

you got Joan River's show.

I go, oh, I did.

So I'm pumped.

And I go, oh, my God, I have to do six minutes on Joan rivers i'm so scared and he said by the way also star star search called they want you but we don't want that we want and i was like wait this is the same minute i hear and i'm like i've been chasing star search for about three years i go we don't want that no

no handsome yeah

you got i'm sorry did i stutter

joan rivers which is a bigger deal that's network tv not star search some syndicated dog shit i'm like uh, okay, he goes, just be happy about Joan Rivers.

Don't want too much.

So I said, okay.

So I say no to casually Star Search, which I really wanted.

I go to Joan Rivers, our senior is the host.

I do my set.

It does pretty well.

Two days later, they call, hey,

they want you to guest host for Joan.

I go, well,

me?

I barely do stand-up.

I'm going to ask you to do that.

I'm going to ask you a question

in this storyline.

Where

it's truthy.

Where is your Carson appearance in this?

Before, after, during, what?

Because you went on Carson.

I think it's after because.

Okay.

Because then you'd be a Joe Rivers person if you hosted, maybe get persona non grata.

It wasn't that.

I wasn't even that smart.

I was like, oh,

I couldn't imagine hosting.

I said, oh, no.

And he's like, you don't want to host?

I go, no, I barely,

I'd never been on a stage before.

So I went out and do stand-up.

And as I said with Carson, all you're doing is going, oh, my God, the floor is so shiny.

Oh, there's that little star I'm supposed to step on.

I look and see the crowd.

I've never seen it this way.

We've only seen it this way.

And I'm like, there's Arsenio.

Fuck.

Oh, wait.

I do my act now.

What is my act?

It's just too much going through your head.

And I'm like, oh, I'm supposed to sit over there, do a monologue.

I already did my good jokes.

Do this.

Didn't know I'd have writers.

Interview people.

I don't know.

I'm 23.

They just were like, shiny,

shiny new guy.

Did a good set.

Let's throw them in there.

So I say no.

And then I go to play cartoons.

I think we talked about this

in Utah.

Oh, cartoons, the comedy club?

Yeah, I'm getting 600.

We were just laughing about this with someone.

I don't know who it was.

One of our guests.

And they said, hey, Barry Diller and Garth Ann Sear want to meet you from Fox.

They were the new heads of Fox.

And I was like, why?

And they go, just go meet them.

I don't know.

So they said, we, I go in there.

I go, what's up, guys?

Blow it up.

What do we got going here?

What's this meeting about?

I don't have lots of time.

And they said,

why would you turn it down?

And I said, oh, I wasn't ready.

A meeting about you turning down a guest

hosting gig?

We can't believe you would turn that down.

They were 23.

Grooming you.

They said,

we like that you turn it down.

What do you want to do here at Fox?

We want you to be Michael J.

Fox over here.

Did you do Michael J.

Fox in your act at that point?

Hey, Sarge.

No, they just were saying literally

the, you know, ABC or whoever had family ties.

And they're like, let's find something for you over here.

So that was just a great meeting off of just me not being dumb enough to hold it.

Yeah, you got police academy meetings.

When I was 23, I was still waitering.

I put down my apron the following year, but I'd have an apron on at the holiday inn.

I'd say the buffet comes with the meal.

We had a cook who was horrible and there'd be carrots or.

you know, corn on the plate and there'd be gravy all over it.

I had to bring these disgusting plates to people and pretend it was a big thing.

My normal tip was a buck.

And you, my normal tip was a buck.

And you were having meetings, being in movies.

You're right out of high school.

I'm only saying it out of envy.

Congratulations.

I like the people like, you know, I actually worked at Fox.

You were asking where the glory hole was because you were supposed to take care of some things.

I'm like, well,

it's sort of

casting cow.

No, it was a nice meeting.

And then nothing really came of it.

But

absolutely.

Do you have a message right now for anyone, any young person listening who aspires to a career like you have or a career in show business?

What's the takeaway?

What can you tell the young person?

I think what I say is what you probably say, what anyone says when people go casually on Instagram or my friend's kid says, I want to be an actor or a comedian.

How do I do it?

Go.

Right.

Ideally in under 30 minutes.

But I think the real answer is there's no answer other than just try to do it, commit yourself.

And if you're any good, someone will find you.

I always tell people the same thing.

I say

it's a topsy-turvy.

It's an emotionally violent thing to do.

Only thing you can control in show business is trying to get better at what you do.

So I'd say go to open mics, wherever you can find them.

Record your act, sit with the notes, and correct anything that doesn't seem clear, anything that's not funny.

I've seen open micers who have an act that doesn't really work,

happen to see them two years later, not one word changed.

Yeah,

so you just have to get better and then see how good you can get, and then see what happens.

But try not to be disappointed when people are killing before you, after you.

Also, no, just pay attention to yourself.

Nobody else.

Yeah, you have to just worry about this.

Remember when I told you that?

Remember when I played the improv

and Phoenix and you were there and you

gee gee

mr carvey i was wondering

i gave you a southern accent and a stutter yeah good good good

all right so should we do my thing i guess i'm going to show a couple clips because this is sort of

people

are sometimes asking me how i come up with stuff and my thinking about how i do stuff

okay

let's not play it should i talk about

yeah Let's discuss it first.

I'll discuss it a little bit first.

Set it up.

So here we've queued up the Biden that I did.

So at the time that I did Biden, I wasn't, I felt like he was a little underserved

with the talk shows and so forth.

So I just felt that

because Trump was Mr.

Border for like years.

We got to close it.

We've got to close it like nobody's business.

And then all of a sudden, about six months before the election, the Democrats saw that this was a, they were very vulnerable on this issue.

So Biden comes out there as the border guy, you know, almost aggressively.

Out of nowhere.

And I was also breaking down some hooks.

I liked Biden as the 50s guy with the ice cream and also threatening people and his attitude.

So this was me coming on to Biden, making this point of how funny it is that suddenly he's the border guy.

I started with Biden because the border is all a rage.

Now everybody's crazy for the border.

So I did Biden three years ago, and he's at a press conference.

You know, Mr.

President, do you have any idea of how you're going to handle the crisis at the border?

And Biden's like, first of all, let's get our facts straight.

There's no crisis at the border.

Great when you go up like that.

And he goes, How do you know, sir?

He goes, Because it says so on the piece of paper.

Come on.

He says,

There's a paper right there.

And then recently, everyone wants to close the border.

Everyone's screaming.

Biden's up there.

I'll close the border harder than anyone's ever closed the border.

I know how to close borders.

Come on, Jack.

And the press is like, but last time, get your facts straight.

I'll beat you the hell out of you.

Well, your dog pastony's shoulder.

Come on, let's do some push-ups.

I'll close the border like nobody's ever closed it.

The border, the border patrol, the border can't believe it's not butter.

There's Heather back then.

That's a good ending.

Said it again.

Yeah, so I forgot about the one because Biden always would have a binder and he'd have, you know, things he was reading from.

I said, so here on the piece of paper was probably the most edgiest thing.

But I just want to to say is that my mantra is, my rule is, if I do satirize somebody, is that it's funny, first of all.

I'm just trying to see if there's anything in there, an elephant in the room, nothing's being touched.

And mostly when I look at that, it's funny.

And I've had people who were really strong Biden supporters who said, I really laughed at that.

So at the time, it was like, what's he doing?

Yeah, underserved.

And I think, and that got millions of views when you count Facebook and everything.

Whoa.

It got really

sent around.

A million views.

It did just because it

hadn't been really put.

Well, also.

And then I ended up doing it on SNL after that.

Right.

And SNL wasn't really doing Biden.

They didn't have a Biden, really.

And they, I know a lot of places focused on Trump

from talk shows to whatever.

And Trump's way easier, says funny things already.

You almost don't have to do anything, but it always gets an applause.

But in comedy, you should go the other way sometimes and say, okay, well, what is being underserved here?

Okay, Biden is the actual president.

There's got to be something funny.

Every president gets made fun of.

And I do think it was

you doing that sort of woke people to go, oh, there is a funny thing about Biden that isn't super offensive, doesn't take sides.

It's kind of playful.

You have a funny Trump and you have a funny Biden.

We had the Biden when I was not here where he just would sit off to the side and itch his nose in slow motion.

It's so funny.

And that got a lot of because it's only from observing him because he was the president.

Yeah.

You know, and then I,

when he, when he started sort of being louder, you know, that was sort of helped me because he would whisper, I know how to close the border.

Because I know how to close the borders

of any time.

And so that rhythm gave me energy for him, but it was just something that I did just because I wanted to.

So there's one more that was

probably got

attention.

Yeah.

Oh, this is Fauci, right?

Yeah, because I, this was something also I felt was a little underserved.

Community

made fun of Fauci.

And I was like, I was, look, anyone I do, I don't hate them.

I don't have any, you know, and mostly I just thought it was funny.

Fauci was the.

the face of COVID and he had to sell it in a way.

And it was changing and mutating rapidly.

So you had to get different, different uh boosters with different mRNA medicine in them yeah and so he had to be the face of that but he didn't want to discourage people from getting the the vaccine so um i actually was driving

from toho and i was talking to my sister on the phone and this whole thing came out and even the ending too came out so let's take a look

I miss COVID.

I know.

Dude, you know what I knew?

There was trouble when anyone that came to our country didn't have to get a vaccine.

And I go,

if you're telling me I can't go to work, but

everyone coming in doesn't have to get one.

I go.

Well, once we found out, when Fauci said, okay, I'm sorry, but if you've had two boosters and two vaccines, you can get and give COVID to another guy who's had five vaccines and four boosters.

What's the difference between a vaccine and a booster?

I don't know.

It's just more vaccine, but booster sounds better.

Anyway, a guy with 25 vaccines would get and give COVID to another guy with 25 vaccines.

That's why I'm introducing the daily COVID show.

Every day you get a shot.

By the time you get to your car, you got no immunity, but it's a beautiful 39 seconds.

Push-in.

A nice little push-in there.

I'm not saying I miss COVID is funny.

People are going, oh, really?

The comes are you missed COVID?

We're like, we're joking, fuckface.

Of course.

And I didn't know I was going to do the glasses coming down.

Hilarious.

Hilarious.

But anyway, that was the same thing.

It just felt like it sort of had to be said, but also, like, again, it's just funny as well.

Two guys with four boosters and three vaccines can

you see someone on TV every day for two years

because he's on TV giving reports.

And he has no one saying, no one's saying a spin on it.

No one's doing a joke.

Here's a common denominator.

We all know who this guy is.

Now it's time to make fun of him.

SNL finally did, but it was Brad Pitt doing Fauci, but he was sort of an homage.

It was like thanking America.

Yeah.

And it was not.

Now, someone to kind of go at him and do an actual, like,

funny take where it's making fun of him, I think was appropriate and it was overdue.

Well, we're supposed to kind of

have a little fun with our

authorities.

He was the authority during this time.

And

we're just asking questions in a funny way.

But I think before that, there was so much political tension and around people, vaccin anti-vax, that whole thing, that it's hard to land something like that and make it really funny.

And so,

but you helped me out a lot in that listening and laughing.

And Heather.

Yes, it was all me and Heather.

So that's good.

That's behind the clips.

Behind the clips.

Number one thing, make sure it's funny when you satirize someone.

Number two, have some sort of truth that's not really been talked about, that's a little bit elephant in the room kind of stuff.

And that was the job that Fauci had to do.

And

I don't, it wasn't an easy job.

As far as the Wuhan lab, that's a whole other thing.

Every time they asked him, do you think the virus came from the Wuhan lab?

You know,

that's highly unlikely.

I don't think so.

And then we found out that the NIH, which he's been ahead of, was a head of.

was funding

gain of function research.

Doesn't mean it came from the Wuhan lab, but it was a

little bit of a sidestep to go, I don't think so.

You know, yeah, grouchy Fauci, you get mad, a little prickly sometimes.

But COVID is back, but I guess it's weakened, a little prickly.

Listen, you can't miss it if it doesn't go away.

So, Lauren used to tell me, David, they can't miss you if you don't go away.

Oh, I said, like, COVID,

David, you should have hosted Rivers.

It was a way to break out out early.

David,

COVID needs to host.

Are you boosted?

Because you all should be boosted.

I actually did.

No joke.

I'm not getting around here.

Talked to a pretty big doctor in LA,

ears, nose, and throat guy.

And he just said that he was not anti-vax or pro-vax.

He just said people who keep getting the boosters seem to be getting COVID more.

Now, that's just one doctor's opinion, but, you know,

I don't know.

I had it.

I had the flu.

It was worse.

Yeah.

I got, you know, Christ's sakes.

I got an immune system like Fort Knox.

You know, nothing gets in or out.

Okay.

I was hosting for Kimmel and I flew to

Lake Tahoe, your precious

place from your other story.

And I was doing a show there.

But I had to take a COVID test to host Kimmel on the Monday.

So I take it on Thursday, fly to get one last vacation, and things are starting to open up a little bit.

And I land, I go to the hotel, and I get a call.

You've got COVID, turn around and get back on a flight.

Get the fuck out.

I'm like, because I couldn't do my show.

Second time I canceled.

The third time I went up there, there was a fire near the casino and the mountains canceled again.

So I didn't get to do it till probably the fourth or fifth time.

God, how many times?

Six people left.

How many times have you had COVID?

I don't know, like 50.

How many, what's normal?

40 is average.

I'll let you know when I don't have it.

I don't know if you have it.

Asymptomatic is one of the funniest things to happen with anything.

You can say, I have asymptomatic blindness.

I knew young people who got COVID, people in their 20s said they felt great.

They just tested for it.

I mean, some people got it harsher.

I think in hindsight, maybe it was younger people and older people, but who knows?

Let's get the news story.

Clearly, if you're immunocompromised, you're a senior, you're a bit overweight.

Go ahead,

get the vaccine.

This is our boy, John Kennedy, who's always a crack up.

He was talking about

radioactive shit.

One of the greatest pictures that has been put on this.

By the way, that's really him putting up this picture.

It's like he's feeding candy to the alien that came out of the guy's snow.

No, what is the story?

The story is something about they detected radioactive shrimp,

and now he takes it all the way to

now.

I'm sitting down for a shrimp bowl, and I get a bowl full of aliens.

You know, you don't know, I can't even tell you what he's saying here, yeah, but it just sounds funny that he goes all the way to bring this fucking picture to

the alien creature that burst out of the belly of the man on the spaceship in the movie Alien.

Not a big

Of expressing a visual of the radioactive shrimp.

Yeah,

preferably covered in blood and the baby, not the big giant one.

I'm not scared of that as much.

Now, I would like to make it look like I'm just kind of tickling the alien so that if I reach over, it looks like we're pals.

My words, not yours.

Maybe a frozen frozen bag of shrimps next to me so I could compare the two and differentiate

my point.

What a great performer.

We're so lucky

that he's so funny in the Senate.

His interviews with the people are so.

You said on October 9th, you tweet to Ed.

You tweaked to

your Twitter, not mine.

It's now X.

Is it X?

Okay.

I know what is Twitter.

That man never landed on the moon.

Do you still believe that?

You stand by those words?

Your words, not mine.

You ever seen something otherworldly?

What about?

He's like the new Carrot Top or Gallagher of those meetings because he brings props, got suitcase.

Well, the slow motion, we've seen it in movies, you know, John Grissom novels, the super smart southern guy who sounds like a kind of

dumb hick, you know, and he moves in slow motion.

He's always shuffling papers.

And I don't quite know where this is, you know, but he's laying a trap for the people he's interviewing.

Then he finds them and they're like,

shrimp boil.

Okay, next one, next one, next one, next one, next one.

Okay.

Oh,

oh, this is kind of a feel-good story.

Okay.

So, 36 years ago, one of boxing's biggest robberies, Roy Jones fought, I guess, Park Sihun in the Olympics.

And when you see a clip, it looks like Roy Jones lost, but the other guy won it.

So, play the clip.

Okay, he hasn't seen him.

What's up, brother?

He wants to meet Roy after all this time.

Okay,

the guy fought in the Olympic

that got his gold.

Look at how nice Roy is.

The guy beat him in the Olympic.

Wow, so the guy who got the gold is giving it.

He got something for you.

First, he takes a picture with it.

Then he explains he's giving it back to us.

And it really hits him because for 36 years he's been told he won.

He thought he won.

And so he's...

He won the gold at the time he had the gold, but he wants to give it back to you that it belongs to you.

Wow.

Oh, my God.

How heavy.

Wow.

36 years he thought he'd watched it.

Thank God for that piano to tell me how to think.

Yeah.

And it was playing live there.

Yeah, the guy was...

See, here it is.

Jones is the black guy in this.

So when Jones is winning, they keep stopping it.

I think that's what he's saying.

Oh, yeah, they would just walk in.

But Jones does look like he's winning.

I know boxing very well.

Jones in his heyday, I do know, is one of the best unresters of all time.

Pounds four-pound.

Yeah, coming out of the bottom.

Like the left, right, moving in.

Boom, boom, boom.

Yeah, it's not close.

Yeah, they don't give

a Korean the standing eight.

It's almost over.

No, I like it.

Jones was great.

Hands down, super fast.

He says Jones has a tremendous lead.

I think he said that.

It is all over.

Yeah, it's...

I think I remember this.

I was very young, Dana.

I'm still very young, so I don't...

I was probably one.

I'm the ref in white.

Oh, boy.

And he knew it was kind of fixed.

He said stolen right there.

Let's turn into a 30 on 30.

Wow.

Wow.

I mean, you know, I'm only interested in the 36 years of it all that the guy knew he'd lost.

So you're five.

No, I think I'm still you're 10.

I'm going to hang on to it.

25 years later,

I looked at a couple clips.

I'm good.

30.

don't know, honey.

I guess it was a tie.

Five.

I'm going to call someone today.

Why?

Who would you call?

I'm not going to do an Asian accent.

I do feel like

Roy Jones did not know why he was going there.

I think he said the guy wants to see you again after 36 years and just say hello.

And I don't think he could have reacted that way if he knew.

I think it really caught him off guard.

I think what is the Korean fighter finally saw it again, you know, brought it out and looked at it again, like 36 years later.

And at the time he looked at it, he was like,

and then there was a small earthquake in South Korea at the time.

So he's like, oh,

Roy Jones,

got to call Roy Jones, give him back a middle.

That's in the middle.

There's an earthquake while he's.

Well, that it's a reenactment of what I saw on

60 Minutes.

Okay, so that was nice.

Gave it to him.

That was a good, feel-good clip.

That's one of our best.

Yeah, now we'll go to a feel-bad one, probably, but let's see what this is.

Okay.

I don't know.

Oh, Japan has created a human washing machine, which

cleans and dries you

in 15 minutes.

It's also known as a shower.

Yeah, I don't know why.

Who wants to be it's a the guy's in a space capsule.

It's not for the claustrophobic.

It's like a car wash.

Do they have a video?

No.

Okay, well, I would say no one inside a pod.

No one mentioned the shower to this guy.

I think it might bump with your

bid on shark tank next week.

Yeah, okay.

Well, hello, sharks.

Have you ever been dirty at the end of the day and have no idea what to do?

Yeah, I want to get into the pod that Sigourney Weaver piled into on the first alien, okay,

and get a little wash and dry before I need

meet the next seven-ton creature on planet C.

Sorry.

I've stumbled down.

Krill gore.

Thank you, Dennis, for being.

Thank you, Dennis, for co-starring today.

Okay, one more.

Let's see.

We'll keep going.

What do we got?

We're really up on the news.

We're really.

It's fantastic.

I thought that was a tree, Dana.

That's not a tree.

That's a drift.

A Florida plumber found a snake.

Oh.

It was clogged in a toilet

and they

had to get a crane to stretch it out.

What kind of snake?

Okay.

For people listening, the snake is 40 feet long and 20 inches.

I mean,

and thick.

What kind of snake can get that big?

I guess a python.

Oh, it's a python that grows to 40 feet if left in a sewer?

sewer they had to dig around a house to find it but i've seen so many snakes and things that are so big mostly anacondas but i have a lot yeah they if they're on if they're left alone in a sewer or something they just keep growing and growing so it's very possible now ai i don't know if ai would waste its time with this stupid picture but

Well, what's the Kevin Bacon movie with the worms underground?

Oh, I like that tremors.

Tremors.

Kind of a tremors moat, Chief.

Hey, we had Kevin on this show.

We should have mom.

Oh, I did a gig with a charity gig with the Bacon Brothers.

The Bacon Bros.

They're great.

Super nice.

Very tenant.

Did you ever try Bacos as a kid?

Yeah, it wasn't my fave.

You know what it is?

That fake bacon you shake on your...

Oh, I know.

You ever do...

You know I love it.

Have you ever had on white bread, because nothing's in the house, a mayonnaise sandwich and you kind of put a little bit of pepper on it?

Mayonnaise on white bread, a little bit of pepper.

I don't think I've done that.

My mom didn't have a lot around the house, but I did have peanut butter and mayonnaise.

I felt like Elvis, but I did like it, and it was fucking sickening when I think about it.

Welcome to another edition of Who Had It Worse?

Vomitorium.

Well, there were five of us.

And if Sugar Smacks came in the house,

my brother Mark, we call him the human garbage disposal, he would take the whole thing and put it in a mixing bowl that you would do for

a quart of milk.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I had a pepper sandwich with mayonnaise on it.

Well, that's the one I just told you about.

No, you had a mayonnaise sandwich with pepper on it.

You had a pepper.

Okay.

Got it.

I flipped the script on you, Dana.

I like that.

I'm a little slow on the uptake today.

Dana,

I'm going to ask you a quick thing about

sometimes, do you ever keep a running list in your head or, you know, on your phone phone and your notes app of things you want to buy?

You're just waiting for the right time.

Absolutely.

Okay.

Who doesn't?

Yeah, I've done that.

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I love that.

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I love that with Amazon's huge selection, I can check off multiple items in one spot.

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Don't sleep on it.

Yeah, that's that's right.

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Okay, so uh, next one, let's see what else we got.

We're really reminiscing, it's really sure it's amazing.

Okay,

we were just built different.

1995 this is one we're whatever

routine after recess a spray of water in the face to cool them off before heading into a every kid goes ow my owl

condition i think most kids would like that on a hot day getting sprayed yeah big spray of cool water i like they have no air conditioning and the teacher just goes by and go

someone would complain don't you think some kid or parent would complain about that oh yeah kid's blind now what did you have in there you know now it was windex in that bottle Anyway to Sue.

Anyway to Sue.

A new shit.

Anyway to Suey Woo.

Good lord.

Life is strange.

Do you think I explained those clips properly?

Did I overexplain them?

No, it's behind the clips.

We see a clip that went kind of viral, and you explained about it.

Yeah, that's a good thing.

We should get a little theme song.

Behind the clips, you know, harmonize.

Behind the clips.

Behind, because you've got some bangers out there, some seven-figure

clips.

You know, I mean, you know, I know you like to play the guitar, Dana.

Who did I run into

two nights ago?

Heather, I didn't tell you.

Noel Gallagher.

In town doing

Oasis is doing Rose Bowl,

which

from all reports,

is a very good show.

From all reports,

it's the best they've ever sounded.

I've been following this casually, but it is interesting when their relationship, the band in the 90s for a period of time, was the biggest band in the world.

Nothing for how long?

20 years?

15 years?

Just you hear of fighting.

And they really hated each other.

I mean, really would come to blows.

Okay, let's stop the song.

Fuck you.

I mean, it was like, I don't think it's an act.

Yeah, I think they really.

No, I think they really did they're just temperamental they couldn't have known

how big the tour until you do the tour and all the tickets are bought and then they're adding dates and selling out oh reunion yeah like i'm telling you the people that are i'm medium into oasis and i love seeing this dude out in the real world but the people that are in it are

vizudies about it yeah they go crazy and everyone says it's their favorite concert so what is it wonder all or wonderful what's the big one it was Underalls.

That old Underalls.

Maybe Greg knows.

He knows Wonderwall.

And I think Noel sings

so Sally can wait.

It's catchy.

It's Beatle influence with pop.

And I guess Noel kind of writes a lot of the songs and Liam sings, but also, I don't know who does what, but

the fact that they are friends.

Now, people love that, that they're kind of friendly.

They're making jokes.

and they're grousy but they i always say i mean i've done it on movie sets and shows where you just don't get along with someone you know it's showbiz is like high school you're not going to get along with everyone and it's it's okay but you get along to get along and everyone's got a common purpose to get a good movie or a good tv show these bands If you're an observer, all you say is, hey, Van Halen, get your fucking shit together and get on that goddamn stage.

And I think they figured out, walk in separately, walk out and get in a car we don't care if you hate each other play it's our memories we want it so bands like that you're just like please do it for us and figure it out and they did and i love that and you you know it's not cynical to say now they're making a lot a lot of money they probably have a lot of money but probably maybe you don't know what they really keep from their first wave of success yeah this time but you know bands get mad because it was even in the beatles documentary you know, Paul's doing, I think, get back and then George has a solo or something like that, you know, and Paul being the de facto producer of his song, well, maybe you could go a little doo-da-doo, go, do, do, do, and then George said, I'll play whatever you want or I won't play at all, you know, and then he quit the band the next day, but then he came back and they were buddies again.

Yeah, it's all tension.

All showbiz is highly creative, highly stressful.

And so that happens.

Glad they're back.

I will see it now I thought the rose bowl was a little much I saw the rolling stones there

and it was where I was in the aisles you know and I'm in the stands and then people because I was on the edge they start coming up and kind of blocking you on the stairs and then they kind of get in your row like this oh the creep

and then people go tickets and they go don't say anything and I'm like

I can't say anything.

You're fucking standing on my toes.

Can't I just stand here?

In my chair.

We're all standing because no one will sit.

So now I'm standing and there's people standing in front of me here, and I'm not supposed to rat them out.

And then I'm like, this isn't fun.

And also, people, it gets scary because it's like a mob mentality.

If there's any trouble, if there's any fights, you're toast.

Well, this is where I think I said the other day, I don't think it's very profound, but at some point, if you have an attachment to, let's say, Oasis and some of their songs, and you know, you're in the nosebleeds, you can barely see their screens.

You just want to be able to say that you saw them live because the experience is horrible.

We used to have Day on the Green.

It'd be out on the football field and the grass and stuff.

Right.

I mean, you said you were

Central Park for Simon and Garfunkel for their big show or Diana Ross in the rain.

Like you were there.

That's all that matters.

I was at that piece of history.

One place that would get big acts if they play more than one sarda.

was Universal Amphitheater.

It was 6,000.

I loved it.

And it was amphitheater.

So I saw Neil Young there and stuff.

And so that was intimate enough to really get into the thing.

But Rosebull, is that like 80,000?

Go ahead.

Rosebull's fat.

Rosebill's for football games.

Yeah.

And they've jammed them in like fucking sardines.

I was playing when we did this last gig.

When it says amphitheater, I thought that means outside, but the Universal Amphitheater is not outside.

What does amphitheater mean?

Amphitheater, I think, is just sloped down.

It can be outside.

Traditionally, if you think about Greeks and Romans, it was an outdoor amphitheater.

And there aren't or outdoor amphitheaters, but I think that was an amphitheater only in that it was like a bowl.

It was slanting.

It goes up.

Like that.

Yeah.

I think it was.

It was like a round.

Yeah.

It was coming from Roman days and stuff where the acoustics, you wanted to be as much people as possible where you can still hear the performers.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

No, I don't.

I have one last question about,

Heather might look this up.

The comedy festival, before we go, in Rihad, is that a place?

Is that what we have?

In Saudi Arabia?

There's a comedy festival.

Hilarion.

It's funny already.

So the comics that are going are getting a little blowback because

people are saying this.

Now, there's arguments you shouldn't go there for this.

Obviously, they're overpaying everyone.

I've heard numbers.

It's fucking fat and juicy on.

Bananas.

Cartoon.

Do you go because you say, I'm not going to contribute?

Or do you hear that all these companies do business with them anyway?

So everyone's hypocritical anyway.

I don't know.

What are your thoughts?

Well, yeah, you have to, for a purity test, you have to be pretty, you have to go pretty deep because, yeah, there's so many companies involved, American companies involved with Saudi Arabia, and their commercials come on our television.

You know, it's not a cut and dried, simple thing.

Exactly.

They are.

It's a little blurry and murky, if you will.

What the, you know, one of Trump's early days of how he would was different, you know, because they talked about the Saudi king or prince who kind of had some

reporter put into a suitcase.

You couldn't really fit in the suitcase except with, you know.

One way.

And then Trump.

Oh, is that the one where he went in the

head of Saudi Arabia?

It was not the smarter, you know, Putin's much better.

You put poison on elbow, you walk like that, you go like that.

Nobody knows, you know, because Trump, like, you think we're so good?

You think we're angels?

You think we never take four people out?

You don't think, you know.

And it was very much like, what?

You can't say that.

Yeah, we never know what our own people are doing.

I don't know.

I mean, sure, I turned down

2 million for 10 minutes, but

am I a higher angel?

Can I look down on the ones?

I didn't.

They gave me, the offer was $3 million not to go.

And I said, they go, you're going to ruin it.

No, the offer, they did, I did get an offer about this.

For me, it was a couple of things, but I would say also the Southwest flight there is too much.

You have to stop.

Yeah, I don't like to fly enough to go halfway around the world.

I would just be curious, do they pay the taxes for you?

No.

I mean, is it

net?

I think in Dubai, there are no taxes, but I think.

If you work over there, does the IRS in America?

I don't know.

You maybe have to live there to get no taxes, but I know Canada, a lot of people bristle because it's you double dip.

You have to pay all these Canadian.

Because I want to go to Toronto and Vancouver, and I do.

I will.

But you're going to get hit.

So you will definitely not make.

It's more like, let's just do it.

It's fun and there's good crowds.

I love playing Canada, but the last time I played it was a long time ago because I've got threatening letters to my home.

Like, I didn't pay tax, and I have, I had accounts to pay the tax.

We have the same guy.

I had to pay tax, and I have to hire an accountant in Canada, and I have to pay province, and I have to pay the whole country.

And then it's a write-off.

I have to pay ours,

our U.S.

So really, that's it.

But anyway, love Canada too.

And I will do it.

I've done it.

I will, I, I shall return.

So, no, for you on

Chop Chop Square.

That's where they're holding this, which is even more common.

Chop chop square.

Chop chop square, which I think is just sort of weird that they would call it.

Dastardly things going on there.

Yeah.

But it is hooky.

It's a hooky name.

Right.

Yeah.

If there's one silver lining, where did you get killed?

Chop chop square.

Like, ah, that's a good name.

Should have thought of that.

Yeah, I mean, they had comedians back in the Middle Ages, hey, you're going to do the Attila the Hun thing.

You get like 4,000 horses and 200 dancing women.

I don't know.

I am.

I'm not even political.

I'm just going to go.

I mean, Attila, I guess when you meet him, he's kind of a nice guy.

Attila the Hun Comedy Fest.

All right.

Well, Dana.

Thanks for coming on.

I appreciate you having me.

I want to come on again.

Just if you ever have a fallout, let me know.

I'll come on.

No, I'm serious.

I enjoyed this podcast.

I'm not getting around here.

Come on, folks.

I'm being serious.

I'm being serious, folks.

The eyes going down is so funny.

What about it's a great 38 seconds?

That's why I'm introducing the day.

I call it now, Tony's daily shot.

Every time you get going,

every day you go to your healthcare provider and you get a shot.

By the time you get to your car, you got no immunity, but it's a beautiful 39 seconds.

There you go.

Better with sunglasses.

Let's Let's end on that.

It is funny.

All right.

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Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey, an executive produced by Danny Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman, Maddie Sprung-Kaiser, and Leah Reese Dennis of Odyssey.

Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman, and the show is produced and edited by Phil Sweet Tech.

Booking by Cultivated Entertainment.

Special thanks to Patrick Fogarty, Evan Cox, Maura Curran, Melissa Wester, Hilary Schuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gaynor, Sean Cherry, Kurt Courtney, and Lauren Vieira.

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You can email us at flyonthewall at odyssey.com.

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